Never Leave Your Heart Alone
by RainandFlames
Summary: Meredith Grey has come to Seattle hoping to start over. Not realizing she's leaving her former life unfinished. Life hasn't gone smoothly in a long time, and it's not going to start anytime soon. Touches on Mer's relationships. Will have MerDer end.
1. Chapter 1

Meredith laid her head back as the plane took off. It's destination: Seattle, Washington. She was going home. Going home to start over, start fresh. She wasn't sure what she was going to do. She was starting her surgical internship at Seattle Grace Hospital in a month. She has a month to get her head straight. She needed to be focused, driven. Just as she was raised to be. She looked over the woman sitting next to her. She didn't look friendly. Thank God. I don't want to talk either, she thought. Life shouldn't be this hard. Things are supposed to just fall into place, right?

She fell asleep for several hours. Usually she couldn't sleep on a plane, in public. The exhaustion had taken over. Dreams didn't come anymore. They used to, but know when she closed her eyes, she slept. She slowly opened her eyes, glancing across the aisle, catching the brown eyes of a stranger.

He's checking me out. Who the hell does he think he is checking me out? I hate men. They are only good for one thing. And boy, some of them are damn good at it, too. I like sex as much as the next person. Actually, I like it a little more. Too much. Sex to me is like, I don't know. Some people like to eat at buffets, some like a fine meal at a nice restaurant, and others like a home-cooked meal. Well me, I like them all. So anyway, that jerk is checking me out, and if he knew the hatred I have for men at this moment, he would be staring at his seat, hoping I don't come from behind and strangle him. I need music, I need something to focus on. She lays her head back, sticking in the ear-buds of her ipod, and closes her eyes.

Meredith opened her eyes to see that they had a movie on the screen. Flying across the ocean took too long. You know it is long when you have time to watch several movies. Sleepless in Seattle, how appropriate. Like that ever happens. Happiness is overrated.

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Meredith walked out of the plane, and into the airport. No one was there for her. No familiar face to greet her. Look at all of these people, hugging, smiling, joking, just like a freaking Hallmark card. No one was coming for her. They didn't know she was coming, and even if they did, they wouldn't show. Her relationship with her mother was a mess. They hadn't spoken in ten years. She grabbed her luggage and headed outside. She had to get a cab. The rain. Everywhere I go, it freaking rains. It's like this damn black cloud follows me everywhere.

"Taxi" She yelled, without enthusiasm.

"Where to?" The cab driver asked.

"Home." She muttered. "At least I hope."

The house looked the same as it always did. It looked empty from the outside, but the yard was kept up. The grass was freshly mowed. The grass stains from the fresh, wet grass were still present on the driveway. Just like someone knew she was coming. No one knew. No one had any warning of her departure, or arrival.

"Thanks." She muttered as she handed the cab driver a few crumpled up bills from her pocket.

She reached into her purse and grabbed her keys. There it was. The key. It had arrived in an envelope from her best friend, Meg. Megan had forwarded it to Meredith after she moved. Her mom gave it to her. Well, she probably didn't give it to her. Meredith shuddered at the thought. The thought that her Mom had given her something, what's worse is now, she had accepted. Ten years later, and she accepted. She was lucky, lucky that the house was still standing. She took a huge chance flying across the ocean to a house that she wasn't even sure was still there, or wasn't occupied by some happy family.

She shakily placed the key in the lock, and turned it. The door opened, revealing a dusty house, full of boxes. It was in fact, empty. She reached over an flipped the switch, there was electricity too. Imagine that, my mother just may be a human being. She really might have some feeling in her black heart. She walked around the house, thinking of the memories of her past. The life with her mother and father, before Ellis had pushed Thatcher out of their lives. But he didn't fight.

He should have fought for us. I was seven. I never imagined he would leave forever. You don't think when you see your Dad walk to his car, it will be the last time you will see his face. Dad shouldn't have left, he should have fought. Just because my mom thought she wanted Richard Webber. Maybe she was happy being sloppy seconds to a married man. Maybe she liked screwing around on her husband.

She pushed it out of her head. When she looked in the garage, she was surprised to see her old Jeep sitting there. Now she even had a vehicle. With expired plates, and low tires. Not to mention, it's blue paint covered in dust. But she had a house, and a vehicle. Maybe life would be better in Seattle. She walked into the master bedroom. There were boxes full of stuff. She found a set of sheets. They smelled fresh. Good enough. She throw them on the bed and collapsed. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow she would restart, renew her tired pathetic life.

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Meredith got her paperwork in order. The Jeep Cherokee had a full tank of gas, new license plates and a fresh coat of wax. Unpacking, that was not looking appealing to her at all. She did some boxes. She dusted and cleaned the whole house. She had a while to wait until her things arrived from England. She managed to get all of the clothes that she brought into the dresser, now that was an accomplishment. She looked down at the bed. I wonder if my mom screwed Richard on this bed. Okay, now I'm sick. This mattress has to go. She swiftly ripped the mattress off of it's frame, struggling to get it down the hall, to swap it for another from the guest room. That's better. She put on the freshly washed sheets that she had gotten out of the dryer and collapsed on the bed, thinking about the last time she was in this house.

_"Mother, everyone is going." She moaned._

_"Meredith, you need to focus, study. You need to start thinking about college. Life isn't a picnic. You are gifted. You are special. You are going to be an exceptional surgeon." She retorted to her daughter, who is purposefully rolling her eyes._

_"Okay, so I can't go to Las Vegas with my friends?" She questioned with attitude in her voice. "You do realize that I am eighteen, right?"_

_"You turned eighteen two weeks ago. That hardly makes you an adult. Technically, yes, but actually, no. It's really up to you. But this is disappointing, Meredith." Ellis answered. "To say the very least."_

_"It's Las Vegas, for one week. All of my friends are going. For once in my life, I would like to have some fun. All I do is work! Chase the grade. I made it, Mom. I am done. I graduated. Early! Early, and you can't even give me credit for that." She argued._

_"Yes, you did. So now, you need to get serious about college." Ellis retorted._

_"Life isn't work and school. There is more. I want more. I want a break." Meredith yelled._

_"Your life has been a vacation, Meredith." Ellis screamed._

_"Vacation, is that what you call it? I have worked my ass off. Besides, I thought you'd be happy I was leaving. Now you won't have to sneak Richard Webber in the house like a two dollar whore." She seethed._

_"You have no right!" Ellis screamed and slammed her hand down._

_"You are the joke, here. He's married mom. He doesn't even love you enough to leave his wife. And you have the moral fiber of an ant. That poor woman." She sighed as she finished her sentence._

_"That poor woman? She torments him. She is needy, pushy and bitchy." She defended._

_"Or so he says. You should really stop and ask yourself, Mom, why are you his mistress? If he loved you, wouldn't he leave his wife? I would never settle for that. I never will! I'm going to Las Vegas, whether you like it or not!" She walked out of her mother's room, hearing the door slam behind her. Las Vegas was not her idea of a spring break. She wanted to go some where warm, tropical. That was where her friends were going. Her best friend Megan was going with her boyfriend. Besides it was going to get her out of reality, which she desperately needed._

Going to Las Vegas---Big Mistake!

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**Okay, first Chapter. I hope it's okay. I will get more into what's going on in Chapter 2. Please Review!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**If I owned Grey's Anatomy, Meredith and Derek would be getting for action than the people on Bones. So, I do not.**

The bright sunlight beamed through the window, burning Meredith's eyes and jerking her awake. I definitely need to unpack some window treatments. She glanced over at the red numbers on her alarm clock. It was seven a.m. Too early to get up. Especially when my internship will be starting soon, and four a.m. will beckon. She turned over, covering her head with the heavy blanket. Now she had to pee. Damn it. Sleep was not coming. If I can get there with my eyes closed, I can do it. I can come back here and sleep. She climbed off the side of the bed and began her blind walk to the bathroom. Little did she know that one of her unpacked boxes was in her path, causing her to catapult through the air, and onto the floor. Shit! She opened her eyes. It was a failed attempt, she was definitely awake now.

After getting out of the shower, she had no idea what to do. Her life had always been busy. First it was grade school, high school, then college. It never ended. Now she had a month to do what she wanted, and she had no idea what to do with it. What the hell do normal people do? Ah ha. She was going to the coffee shop. That's what she'd do. Start her day with a good cup of coffee, sit and read a book. Watch the people of Seattle. Yep, I'm gonna be a people watcher. She grabbed a book and jumped in her car.

The coffee shop was busy, but most of the people were grabbing and going. She was staying. She ordered her usually mocha latte and sat at a table in the corner. She picked up "To Kill a Mockingbird", and started to read. She hadn't read the book since Junior High. She found it in a box, it was the only book she had on hand. She looked over at the line of people waiting for their coffee. She notices a dark-blonde haired man. He looked interesting. Very clean, polite. She found herself staring. No Men! Absolutely no men, Meredith! The stranger caught her stare. Shit, now he probably thinks I'm some kind of freak. A stalker. She looked down at her book. No Men. She stopped looking, and starting reading. She didn't even notice that the good looking stranger was now sitting a few tables over, watching her intently.

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Meredith jumped in her car. It was another coffee shop morning. She grabbed her usual, sat down at her table. This time she wasn't watching the people. People suck. Especially men. She quickly ate her scone, and sipped her coffee. She didn't even notice the man walk up to her table.

"Hi, I'm Chase." Said the good-looking stranger from the day before.

"Um, Hi." Meredith answered, not knowing what to say.

"Do you come here often?" He asked, flashing a big smile. She notices his perfect teeth.

"This is my second time." Meredith answered, pretending that she wasn't interested. She looked down at the pages of her book. She wasn't reading, she was trying to tell him telepathically to go the hell away.

"I knew that. See, I come here everyday." He joked. "You're ignoring me."

"Uh, yeah. I guess I am." She chuckled, not looking up from the page of her book.

"You shouldn't. I'm a a catch. A great guy. Smart, good-looking, successful..." He boasted.

"Self absorbed, arrogant..." She retorted, as she looked up.

"Ahh, I got your attention, and a smile." He joked, her smile quickly fades._ "_And it's gone in a flash."

"I'm reading," She simply stated.

"Yes, you are. So, did you notice that your book is upside down?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Actually, I did. I like reading upside down." She quickly stated.

"Oh. Hmm. So, I was wondering if you'd like to go out for coffee sometime. Oh, I guess this is well- Dinner, would you like to go to dinner?_" _He asked, hopeful.

"No." She quickly snapped.

"Just like that." He stated.

"Just like that." She stands up and walks out of the coffee shop. "Now that was close." She muttered to herself.

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Today. Today I am smarter. Today I am going to that damn coffee shop fifteen minutes late. Then maybe I will miss him. He's so damn persistent. I can't help but look at him. I just can't help it. He's a man, a hot man. Luckily he hasn't noticed. I am not having anything to do with that man. No men! Her face quickly dropped. There he was, sitting at the table. My table. He took my table. This is not happening. That is my table! She gets her coffee, a muffin and storms over to her table, sitting down.

"This is my table" She ranted. "My table."

"I don't remember seeing your name on it. But then again, I don't know your name." Chase answered with a sly smile. "So dinner."

"No." Meredith stated simply.

"Come on. What do you have to lose? One dinner. A free dinner. You have to eat. If it is horrible, you will never see or hear from me again." Chase said convincingly.

"One dinner?" She asked.

"One dinner."

"I will never see you again? You won't ever come to this coffee shop again?" She debated.

"Never. It will be renamed 'Coffee shop of Girl who had one crappy date with Chase Carter and will never have another.'" He joked.

"One date. You and I. Friday night. At eight. We meet at the restaurant." She stated, as she handed him her number, written on a napkin.

"I can't wait." He answered. "Oh, what is your name?" He chuckled.

"Meredith." She answered.

"Ah, Meredith." He walked out with a extra bounce in his step. She had to giggle at the sight.

"Crap, now what have I done?" She quietly asked herself.

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Meredith was nervous. She rarely got nervous. It was a date. A date that was going to go horribly, only if it went well. She didn't want it to go well. No more men. One hundred percent focused on her career, on her life. This was putting a wrench in her plans. She pulled out her dark blue dress. It fit her perfectly, hugging her every curve. She should have warn the dress that her mom bought her for prom. The prom that she refused to go to. It was absolutely hideous. He would have run out of the restaurant. She ran her fingers through her hair, letting it lay softly on her shoulders. She could do this.

When she arrived at the restaurant, he was already seated. She noticed his sparkling smile from across the room. What the hell am I doing? This is so ridiculous. I could have just found another coffee shop. Screw coffee. I hate coffee. Okay, I could run out, right now. I could turn around. Shit. I'm here.

"You look, amazing." She stated, wide eyed. "You clean up pretty nice."

"Thanks, I guess." Meredith said, nervously twisting her hands together. Finally she sits down.

"So, tell me about yourself." Said Chase.

"Not much to tell. I was born and raised in Seattle. I went to college, now I'm back." She said simply. None of it was simple. "Now you."

"Interesting. You are really open, you really like to talk, don't you? I grew up in Michigan. I have one sister. I went to Stanford, graduated at the top of my class. I am a Cardio-Thoracic surgeon-" He told her, his eyes never leaving her green ones.

"Where? What hospital?" She asked him.

"Seattle Presbyterian. What do you do?"

"I um, well. I start my surgical internship in a month." She nervously answered.

"Really? So you're a doctor." He asked, without blinking.

"Well, I will be, I guess."

"Where at?" He said.

"Seattle Grace." She answered, taking a sip of her wine.

"Impressive. Do you have any siblings?" He pried.

"No. Look, I agreed to a date. One date, in fact. We don't have to do this. Talk about each other's hopes and dreams or whatever." She snapped.

"I, um- Okay." She drew back, taking a sip of his wine. "So what do we do?"

"I only know how to do one thing, and well- Never mind. Fine. I have no siblings."

"Alright. I'm a nice guy, Meredith. You should give me a chance." Chase pleaded, taking a bite of his appetizer. "Someone really hurt you, didn't they?" She looked down, and then took a bite of her food.

"So, top of your class at Stanford, huh?" She asked.

"Yes. Where did you go."

"Oxford." She answered.

"As in Great Britain, like England? That Oxford?" He asked with wide eyes.

"That would be the one." She smiled.

"What made you go there?" He asked with a smile.

"That is a very long story. But I was happy to go there. I don't regret it. I moved there when I was eighteen." Meredith explained.

"You, Meredith are very interesting. Full of surprises." He chuckled.

They ate their dinner. Meredith had opened up to him just a little. She really like him. She hated to admit it, but it was true. He told her about how he had always dreamed of being a cardio-thoracic surgeon. How his Dad worked extra hours to help him pay for medical school. Meredith told him about her father not being around. That was not something she shared with people. The date ended with him kissing her on the cheek. He was good looking, and she wanted to take him home. He was a gentleman, and didn't make her feel like she had to take him home. She climbed in her car, smiling.

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Meredith hated to admit it, but she was impressed by Chase. He was a genuine guy. If she were looking for someone, she would definitely be interested in him. But she wasn't. One date, that was it. No men. She took a quick shower, then laid down in her bed, tossing and turning all night. Maybe she should give him a chance. No. She was not doing it. Her heart had been broken too many times.

_"So how was your date?" Ian, Meredith's husband asked._

_"It wasn't a date. It was a drink, at the bar. I'm married, remember." She answered "It's against the rules. Just sex, that's what you said, right? He didn't show, anyhow." She was sad. He was never late. She had a sinking feeling in her gut._

_"So he stood you up." He suggested._

_"No. He probably had something to do." She snapped. She liked Nate. Nate was a nice guy. Ian was just her husband. Their marriage was a complete joke. It wasn't a marriage, it was sham. She heard Ian chuckle. He knew something. Little did she know that she would never see Nate again. And the thought of that, it crushed her. It hit her like a ton of bricks, she was in love with Nate, and now he was gone._

No, she was never falling in love again. She did, and the man that she loved. He just vanished, walked away. She saw something about him winning an award, in the newspaper. That made it worse. She had always wondered what happened to him. She cried many nights thinking he had gotten hurt, or was dead. But the truth, that he had just left her. Dumped her off like a bag of trash, not even giving an explanation, it hurt more than if he had died. Nope, she was never falling in love again.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, I would know what is going to happen in the season finale.**

She fell. She allowed herself to let go. She threw all rationale out of the window. She went on another date with Chase. And then another, and another. She knew she shouldn't have. She had been listening to the radio, some self-help woman started talking about love. Talking about how you should never give up. It was better to try and enjoy life. She thought about it. She went to the coffee shop, and low and behold, there he was. Thus, the dating began. They had been dating three weeks. It was moving fast, really fast. But it felt right. He stayed over at her house most of the time.

"Wow." Chase said and he rolled over panting.

"That was good." She looked over at him. He smiled at her.

"Yeah, to say the least." He replied, as he rolled over, kissing her on the chest. "You are just full of secrets, aren't you?"

"You haven't seen anything yet!" She rolls over on top of him, kissing his lips deeply.

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Chase liked to go on dates. He liked going out out. Meredith liked to hang out at home, but she couldn't really cook too well. Chase never had time to cook, so they spent a lot of time eating at restaurants. They had been to nearly every restaurant in Seattle, and yet she hadn't seen anyone from her past. It was like they had been sucked off the face of the earth. Chase and Meredith were in the middle of dinner when he got paged. The life of a doctor. She knew how it went. Soon enough, she would be doing the same thing. He quickly excused himself, and came back to table, letting her her know that he had to go. It was fine, she told him. She finished her meal, feeling somewhat self-conscious, eating alone. She looked across the street. The Emerald City Bar. She could use a shot of tequila. She made her way across the street and walked in, the bell on the door dinging. The bar looked friendly. People were playing darts, talking. There will still no one she knew. She made her way to the bar, sitting down. The bartender walked up.

"What will it be?" He asked.

"Tequila." She stated.

"You will regret it in the morning." Joe warned, looking at her tiny frame, thinking she wouldn't be able to handle her alcohol.

"I always do." Meredith chuckled.

"I'm Joe." He smiled.

"Meredith." She answered.

"Here ya go." He sat the shot in front of her. She poured the liquid in her mouth, feeling it burn as it slid down her throat.

"Keep them coming." She told him. A man sits down next to her, keeping her in his peripheral vision.

"Double scotch, single malt, Joe" He asked. Finally her turns to her. "I've never seen you in here before."

"It's my first time." She said, slamming her shot.

"I'm Derek Shepherd." He said, with a smile.

"Hmm." She turned forward, staring at the various bottles of liquor.

"You're ignoring me." She said boldly.

"I'm trying to." She said plainly, glancing sideways at Derek. Damn, Seattle was one good looking city. The man-candy was endless.

"You shouldn't." He answered. Looking into her eyes, which drew him in like a magnet.

"No?"

"No." He told her, not taking his eyes off of her. "So tequila, a little hardcore. So, are you trying to drown something out?"

"I am hardcore." She said boldly. "And no. I just had a date. A good one, but he had to leave in the middle, so I'm here. Otherwise, I would be laying on my back, staring at the ceiling right about...now." She said, hoping to turn him off.

"Oh." He turned, staring at the bottles in front of him for a few minutes, before turning to her again. "Did you say that just to get me to leave you alone? If you did, it's not working."

"Why? Why do you insist on talking to someone who doesn't want to talk to you?" She demanded, slamming another shot.

"Why do you keep talking if you don't want to talk to me?" He said, smiling at her. She couldn't help but look at him. She cracked a small smile. Damn men. Damn Chase. If she hadn't found Chase, this man just may have been going home with her. She could definitely see him in her bed.

"You are taken. And yet, you are flirting." She smiled, glancing off into the distance.

"How do you know that?" He asked.

"Because your whatever, has just walked in, and gave me the look of death" She said as a tall brunette walked towards them.

She was perfect, not a hair out of place. She had on a pencil skirt, and a nice top. She could hear her Jimmy Choos clicking on the floor as she came near them. She looked out of place. So did Meredith in her black dress, but this woman didn't fit in. She would never fit in. She was too perfect. She wasn't the type of girl to be in a bar with peanut shells on the floor. She smiled as she walked up. It wasn't a nice smile. It was a who-the-hell-are-you smile. She was pissed, she was coming to pee on her territory.

"Derek. I hope you haven't been waiting long." She said in a high pitched voice, and she pulled him close and kissed him. "Hello, I'm Holly. And you are?" She said, extending her hand.

"Just leaving." Meredith responded as she swiftly got up from the bar and headed towards the door. She realized he didn't pay for her drinks. Shit! She turned around, walked back to the bar, and threw money down. "Nice to meet you, Derek." She said, flashing him a smile, then walking away. Holly was taken aback. Meredith knew it would piss her off, that's why she did it.

"She was friendly." Holly said sarcastically.

"Yeah, she was." Derek said happily. There was something about her, the nameless woman. He would see her again, he just knew it. He couldn't wait.

Meredith walked outside, realizing she couldn't drive. She opened her phone, getting ready to dial the cab company. The phone rang, it was Chase.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." She answered.

"Are you drunk?" He asked, with a smile.

"A little." She chuckled. "I stopped at the bar. I was just getting ready to call a cab."

"Well, I'm done. I'll come get you." He stated, hoping she would agree.

"Okay. I'm at the Emerald City Bar." She told him.

"I'll be there in a few minutes. How much have you had to drink?" He asked, with concern in his voice.

"Enough to let you take advantage of me." She answered with a flirtatious laugh.

"And I just might want to. See you in a few minutes." She shut her phone. She heard the now familiar ding of the bell as the door opened behind her. She turned to see Derek standing there.

"I wondered if you were driving." He said. He looked at her, taking her in, looking at her curves.

"Why do you care?" She snapped.

"I have friends and family who could be in your drunken path." He said plainly, no emotion attached.

"I don't drink and drive. I'm waiting for my ride." She answered.

"Well, I can wait with you. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be standing her by herself. Especially when she's drunk." Derek said, staring into her eyes, which, once again, sucked her in.

"I am not drunk. I am fine. I can take care of myself." She retorted. She tapped her foot. "Oh, here's my ride. Thanks or whatever." She said as she climbed into Chase's Astin Martin.

"Or whatever?" Derek said to himself. His eyes followed the car as it drove away. He was hoping her would see her again. There was just something about her. He walked back into the bar.

"Where did you go, Derek?" Holly asked him with a questioning glare.

"I was getting some air. Alone. All by myself." He answered quickly. Why did he lie? What did it matter?

"Oh." She answered skeptically. "Well, are you ready to go home? You have had enough to drink."

"Yeah. I'm ready." He answered dully. "But I think I know how much I can drink."

"It's not good for you. Tomorrow you aren't coming here. What did you have for dinner? I hope you didn't have red meat! You need to eat healthy, Derek." Holly scolded.

"I had chicken." He answered with a low voice.

"Good." She answered.

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Meredith had planned on going to the mixer. She put on a nice black gown, and black strappy shoes. She had all intentions. Chase was working. She wasn't going to take him with her anyhow. At this point she didn't need anyone from her future job to know that she was dating the Head of Cardio at Seattle Presbyterian. She wanted to make it fairly, and she didn't want anyone to think she she hadn't. She slowly walked into the room. Everyone was talking, and laughing. She didn't fit in. She slinked along the wall. Finally she saw him, Richard Webber. He was slightly older, but it was him. She turned on her heel. She couldn't do it right now. She knew he was Chief of Surgery. But she would deal with it when she arrived at work tomorrow. Right now, she needed a drink. She nearly plowed over a brown haired man and she quickly walked towards the exit. Joe's looked like a beacon. She couldn't wait to feel the burn of the tequila. She quickly walked across the busy road. As she crossed the road, she heard something fall. She looked down just to see her cellphone as she kicked it. It slid right into the storm drain. "Shit!" She yelled out. She bent down. It was gone forever.

The bar was busier then the night before. She noticed Derek at a table in the corner with the brunette from the night before. Holly, she actually remembered her name. Isn't Holly poisonous? That was horrible. You don't even know her. Why do you care if she's with a man who you don't know. Especially when you are kind of with someone? She quickly made her way to a stool, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Joe walked right over.

"So, did you regret it?" He asked with a smile.

"Regret what?" She asked, distractedly.

"The next morning. The tequila." He said.

"Oh...no. It was great." She said with a smile, remembering the amazing sex she had with Chase after her tequila adventure. That's what she calls them, her 'Tequila Adventures'.

"Seriously? I'm impressed. You don't look like you could handle it." He said surprisingly.

"I am an old pro. So, give me a shot, and keep 'em coming. Oh, and call me a cab at ten." She ordered.

"Okay. Coming right up." He answered.

"Imagine seeing you here." Derek said as he walked up, ordering drinks. He ordered a cosmopolitan for Holly. Meredith had to laugh at the drink. "What?"

"Nothing." Holly came up as Derek started to talk.

"I'm Holly. I introduced myself yesterday, but you-" Holly stated before being interrupted.

"I'm Meredith. Now if you excuse me, I am here to get drunk." She turned on her stool.

"Meredith..." Derek whispered to himself.

"So Derek, you need to stop sleeping on your stomach. It's bad for you neck! And if I see you eating french fries again, you are in so much trouble. Oh, and that red shirt, it has to go!" She nagged, he just sat. Meredith listened to her nag at him for twenty minutes before Holly's cellphone rang, and she left. Derek glanced over at Meredith who was beginning to laugh.

"What?" He laughed.

"Oh, I was just thinking. It's probably safe to take your balls out of your back pocket now." She said dryly. His face looked of shock.

"Wow." He answered, taking a drink.

"Just looking at you, I would have never guessed that you would be such a--well, a pussy. God." She stated, the shots making her a little bolder than usual.

"I am not!" Derek answered.

"Are too." She teased, gazing into his eyes.

"Well, you are nervy." He retorted with a huff.

"I can't help that she has you by the balls." She laughed, slamming her shot.

"I am a man!" He smiled at her. She looks down.

"I can see that!" She smiled, his face turning red. "Very much so."

"You are taking away my innocence here." He said, flirting with her.

"I bet you aren't _that_ innocent!" She returned.

"I have a feeling you aren't yourself. So, I have finally learned your name. That's a step." She said, taking a sip of his drink.

"A step towards what?" She said peeling a peanut shell.

"That, we will see." He raised his eyebrows, smiling.

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**Okay, I hope it is going along alright. My fics seem to start out kind of boring. Questions will be answered soon. Ian was Meredith's husband. Nate was her boyfriend. You will learn more about this soon enough. Chase Carter, it does sound kind of suit-y. I didn't realize that! This will be the only update of the day, because I am going to see Snow Patrol tonight!!**


	4. Land Mines

**If I owned Grey's Anatomy, it would be quite a porny little show. Alas, I do not. Own it, that is.**

Meredith moaned at the alarm clock that was blaring in her ear. Maybe internship wasn't such a good idea. Maybe I should have been a dog walker, they get to sleep in, I bet. She rolled out of bed, feeling better then she had been. She didn't have Chase over last night to keep her up. She took a quick shower, grabbed an piece of pizza from a few days ago and got in her car. I should get some roommates. I don't need that big house to myself. Besides, maybe the other person could cook. That would be a plus. She pulled into a parking spot next to another old beat up car. Her jeep wasn't beat up, it was just older. Compared to the other doctor's cars, it did look out of place. She reached down to put her phone on vibrate. Shit! It wasn't there. She remembered dropping it down the storm drain. Crap. I'm going to need to do something about that.

She looked around the hospital. It seemed smaller than she remembered, but it was the same. She knew this place like the back of her hand. Her mom never wanted her there. She wanted her to be great, but she didn't want to be bothered by her. Ellis Grey was a busy woman. Meredith entered the elevator. She looked at the person to her left. She was blonde. She seemed bubbly, happy. She was the model. She had heard it through the grapevine that there was a model in the program. Yep, it's definitely her. Meredith walked directly to the locker room, sizing up her competition.

"Hi, I'm George O'Malley. I saw you last night, at the mixer. You had on the black dress, slit up the side, strappy sandals, your hair was down." He rambled on nervously. It was cute, she thought.

"Yeah, that was me. I'm Meredith." She responded, pulling off her jeans.

"I'm Izzie. I have the Nazi. I heard she was horrible." Izzie said happily, as she put her hair up.

"Nazis usually are horrible. Hence 'Nazi'." Cristina snapped, and turned away.

"You must be the one that went to Stanford. Yang, is it? I'm Alex Karev." Alex said.

"Yes, I am the one from Stanford. I am not here to be friendly. You are the competition." She said with a sour look on her face. She shoved her stuff in her locker and slammed the door.

"Who else has the Nazi?" Asked George.

"I do." Replied Meredith, Alex and Cristina.

"Yay." Responded George. They all walked out to the nurses station to the woman everyone said was the Nazi.

"She doesn't look like a Nazi." Meredith stated.

"Looks can be deceiving." Cristina said and she glanced at her. Everyone just stood in front of Dr. Bailey, staring at her. Finally Cristina started to introduce herself.

"No. I don't care who you are. Don't even bother introducing yourselves. I don't like interns. You're stupid, you make mistakes, you are pains in the ass. We're going to do rounds, then I will assign. Do not embarrass me!" Dr. Bailey warned them.

She walked up quickly to the first room. They took turns presenting the cases. George seems nervous. He's soft and scared. Meredith thought. Cristina is hard and cold. Izzie is happy. She looks like she would be dumb as a box of freaking rocks, but she's not. And Alex is an ass. Arrogant, and he doesn't even have a reason to be. They were heading down the hall to another patient's room when Dr. Bailey stopped in her tracks. The interns nearly knocked each other down with a domino effect. Meredith looked up, and the blood quickly drained out of her face.

"I would like you all to meet our new Chief of Surgery, Chase Carter." Miranda introduced them. They all shook his hand. He looked at Meredith. She looked back at him with panic. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! This is bad. This is like the worst freaking thing ever. I may as well lay now in the parking lot and let people take turns running me over. She shook his hand, she could hardly look in his eyes. Why the hell didn't he tell me? This is crap. He looked at her. She could read it. He was sorry. He looked a little scared himself. She didn't want to deal with this, but she had to know.

"So what happened to Dr. Webber?" She asked innocently. She was hoping the others didn't pick up on the situation. She felt like she had a neon sign over her that was flashing 'I'm Sleeping with the Chief!'

"Dr. Webber retired early. It was a family matter. I didn't know that I would be stepping in until last night." He explained. Miranda gave him a look. Why did he say it that way? She picked up on something, she just wasn't sure what.

"Well, we have to move on. Let's go!" She yelled. Meredith looked back at Chase. He looked into her eyes, not knowing what she was thinking. The came to the next patient. "Here is our next patient." Miranda shoved the chart at Meredith, who seemed distracted. She didn't realize the connection between the two. "Dr. Grey you present" Meredith looked down at the chart, and started reading.

"Dr. Grey?" Derek muttered to himself. "Meredith Grey. As in Ellis Grey's daughter?"

"Dr. Webber." She glanced up. Her heart went into her throat. "Um, Dr. Webber."

"Grey!" Bailey shouted.

"Dr. Webber is in to remove a Sphenoid meningioma, which was discovered on an MRI after she complained of numbness in her face."

"Good. Tell me about Sphenoid meningiomas." Dr. Bailey told her. Meredith looked up, realizing there was another doctor in the room. It was Derek. Derek Shepherd. He's a freaking doctor? A neurosurgeon? Shit. This day has completely gone to shit.

"Sphenoid Meningiomas lie behind the eyes. These tumors can cause visual problems, loss of sensation in the face, or facial numbness. Tumors in this location can sometimes involve the blood sources of the brain, like the cavernous sinus, or carotid arteries, making them difficult or impossible to completely remove." Meredith stated boldly. I am hardcore. I am here to become world-class. This is business. She married him? She married Richard Webber?

"Very impressive, Dr. Grey. This is why we will not remove it all. It is benign. We leave a small piece behind, and go back in when it enlarges. We have been doing this for a few years, now." Derek stated. He gave her his signature smile. She absorbed it like the sun, but she had so much on her mind.

"So you finally came crawling back." Ellis said to her daughter. "You made it, I knew you would. I never worried about that."

"Um, Dr. Webber, Dr. Grey is your-" Bailey stammered

"Daughter. Yes." Ellis stated without any emotional attachment.

"Well, I'm sure we have rounds to get to." Meredith walked out of the room. Everyone stared at her in shock; partly because she was walking away from her sick mother, and partly because she was Ellis Grey-now Webber's daughter.

"My daughter is driven, focused. You watch her, she is your toughest competition." She warned the interns, who were just staring.

"Let's go people." Dr. Bailey yelled, meeting Meredith out in the hallway.

"I told you, Derek. She is tough. She is cold. She wasn't even fazed by me. She is going to be one of the best. Better than you or I." Ellis said.

"How long has it been. Since you've seen her?" He asked, purposely fishing for information on this intriguing intern.

"She left when she was eighteen. She went to Las Vegas with her friends, and that was it. She left me a message saying she wouldn't be home. I didn't worry. I never worry about her." She told him.

"Well, I have to go check on my other patients, your surgery is scheduled for one." Derek said, his mind on Meredith, not even knowing why.

---------------

Meredith sat down at the table. She didn't see the other interns. She didn't care. She knew that she had been the topic of discussion among them for the day. She had scrubbed in on a procedure with Addison Montgomery. She had been the first to do any surgeries. Technically. She was in the operating room a full hour before George O'Malley. She heard that he had scrubbed in on an appendectomy. Shit. What am I going to do? I have been screwing the Chief. Well, at least not while he was Chief. Which is why it has to stop. Today. My freaking mother is here, which is hell on earth. Shit.

"You look like you are slightly distracted." Addison said as she sat down at the table with her.

"Are you supposed to sit here. I mean you are my attending. Is it okay? Meredith asked nervously. She knew it was okay, she wasn't even sure why she said that.

"It is if you say it is. There are no rules." She responded, taking a sip of her coffee.

"My mother always ate in her office. I didn't think attendings and residents wanted to be seen with interns." She answered honestly.

"Well, I hear you are a very important intern. Everyone is talking about it. About how you didn't talk to her. Do you want to talk about it. With me?" Addison asked kindly. She liked Meredith.

"Not really. I don't hate her. Our relationship has always been formal. Business even. We don't hug and kiss. We just--it's what we do." Meredith explained, wrenching her hands nervously.

"I understand, I guess. I've worked with her. I can see how she would be with her child. She is not--" Addison started to say.

"Caring, maternal, friendly." She finished.

"Yeah." Addison's pager goes off. "I have to go. It was nice talking to you, Meredith."

"You too." Meredith said, sitting back in her chair. She opened her eyes to see the interns coming toward her. Shit.

"They are not calling you 007, George." Izzie snapped.

"Yeah we are." Cristina retorted, as she took a huge bite of her sandwich.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked, hoping that George was the new unfortunate victim, instead of herself.

"Bambi screwed up the appendectomy. He almost killed the guy." Alex laughed.

"I did not. I paused momentarily." He defended, taking a drink of his soda.

"Bambi?" Meredith asked.

"He's all innocent. Not realizing the hunter is going to kill his mom." Cristina explained.

"Oh." Meredith said, staring off into space.

"So it's you. You're Ellis Grey's daughter." Cristina asked.

"Yeah. Our relationship is different." Meredith explained. "It's like business."

"No kidding." Alex replied sarcastically. "I would have never guessed."

"So, did anyone get any good procedures?" Meredith asked, throwing the focus off of herself. She didn't listen to their answers. All she could think about was her own problems.

---------------------

Meredith was exhausted. She had been on her feet and awake for twenty-four hours. She was in the pit for quite a while, and then she scrubbed in on an emergency surgery with Dr. Bailey. She saw Chase a few times in the hallway. Each time she wheeled around and avoided him. She wasn't ready for it. If she buried her head deep enough, it would go away all on it's own. Right?

She took Dr. Bailey's advice from earlier and found the nearest on-call room. She could swear it has a white light around it. A beacon. It was a salvation. She slid her shoes off and quickly laid down. She closed her eyes immediately and sighed. She was just falling asleep when she heard the door open. The top bunk was empty, so she didn't even open her eyes. That is, until the door locked. He eyes shot open.

"Meredith." Chase said, letting it roll off of his tongue. "We need to talk. I tried calling you all night.."

"I dropped my phone. I have to get a new one. Yes, we do. Have to talk..." She answered, sitting up. He sits down next to her. "It's over."

"What?" He said in a state of shock.

"It has to be. You can't risk your job. I can't risk my internship. Everything I ever did will be questioned if anyone finds out. Everyone would assume I got special treatment. And you can not have relations with an intern." She stated her case. She didn't want it to be over. She really did like him.

"But-" He pleaded.

"No. This is hard enough as it is. This is good. We can end it before we are too emotionally involved." She looks over at him, then lays down and rolls over.

"Okay." He says as he slowly walks to the door, sulking. He opens the door and walks out. "But I am already emotionally involved." He says to himself.

---------------

**Okay, I wrote this on 4 hours sleep, which for me is not even close to enough for adequate brain function. So, bear with me! Snow Patrol was FREAKING AWESOME, hence the 4 hours sleep! So a lot happened. Meredith finds out that Chase is Chief, her Mom is having surgery, and Ellis married Richard, all on one day. The poor girl is working, so she can't even go to Joe's! Anyway, Rome was not built in a day, and neither is a good Mer/Der relationship, so bear with me!**


	5. Three Steps Back

**If I owned Grey's Anatomy, Patrick Dempsey would be getting sent to my office right now. He isn't here, so I guess I don't own it.**

Meredith laid there for quite a while, trying to fall asleep. She rolled, she laid on her back, her side. She was exhausted. It didn't seem to matter. She ended it with Chase. That was a good thing. She saved them both. Did I really? He is a nice guy. But, I am done with men. This is a sign. I am not going to be hurt again. Never again. She she turned again, laying on her back, willing sleep to come. The door opened. She looked up, expecting it to be Chase. It wasn't.

"Oh, Dr. Grey." Derek said as he locked the door and took of his shoes. "Do you mind if I take the top bunk?

"No." She said quietly.

"You should be exhausted." Derek said, looking over at her.

"Should be." She moaned. She closed her eyes her eyes, not feeling his gaze.

"Are you okay?" He asked, noticing the stressed look on her face. He climbed up to the top bunk.

"I'm fine." She stated simply, covering her face with the pillow.

"Your Mom, she will be okay." She answered, hoping to make her feel better.

"First of all, I know that, and B I don't care. I do care, but-- She will be fine, I know that. I don't know you, and I don't want to talk about my mother." She snapped, immediately regretting it. She expecting him to get mad, her face grimaced.

"I do know you. We've talked in a bar. Twice." He chuckled, she did too.

"I'm fine. I just need some sleep. In order for me to do that, you need to shut up!" She joked. "Seriously."

"Okay, I am shutting up. But I don't think you are cold like your mother says." He added. She didn't answer him. What is it about her? He thought. Something draws me in. She's refreshing. Just looking at her makes me feel better.

Meredith fell right asleep after talking to Derek. He somehow comforted her. It was his voice, it was soothing. His scent, was just perfect. But she had no interest in him, right? No men. Meredith woke up and hour later to her pager. She threw her shoes on, and looked up at Derek. His eyes opened, her green eyed met his deep blue ones. She froze for a moment. For a moment, everything was right, she didn't worry. In his eyes, in that moment, life was perfect. She didn't say a word. She ran down to the pit. Immediately Dr. Bailey was ordering her to get tests for a surgical patient that just came in. She was breaking all records. It was her first day, and already she was in on three surgeries. The both go into the OR.

"Not that I care. Believe me, I do not. But, are you okay?" She asked, pretending like she didn't care.

"I am fine. It will not change my focus. I can still work." She answered immediately, while retracting.

"I can see that. She also insists that you will be fine. I am not going to even try to understand your messed up family." She snapped, and looked up at Meredith.

"It's not worth the try. Believe me." She answered.

------------------

Meredith was happy to be home, in her own bed. The minute she laid down, she was out. She had the next day off, and she was going to take full advantage of it. She woke up in the middle of the night, half expecting to see Chase laying there. When she didn't see him, she was slightly disappointed. She woke up in the late morning. Her house was still full of boxes, but she wasn't in the mood to unpack. She had to get a new cellphone today. She took a shower, ate a quick breakfast and then headed out. She drove by the coffee shop that she met Chase at. Surprisingly, she felt a little sad. She felt like something had been taken away. She went on to the cellphone store, and picked out a new phone. When she got to the car, she dialed her voicemail. There were several from Chase saying that he had something very important to tell her. The last one said that he missed her, and he really wanted to talk to her. She shut the phone and drove home.

She got several calls about the poster she had put up at the hospital for roommates. Now she wasn't sure. It was stupid to keep the big house half empty. She needed room mates. She recognized three of the callers. She had to laugh. It was Alex, Izzie and George. She could have them move in, couldn't she? I see them everyday. I can not imagine seeing them at home too. But then again, I know they won't pull any shit. I will see them everyday. Maybe it could work. Maybe I should let them move in. She went ahead and called Izzie and George back. They both scheduled a time to come over and look at the house.

By the end of the day, it was decided. George and Izzie were moving in. She was desperately hoping she wouldn't regret her decision. The would start moving in on their next day off. This meant Meredith was going to have to start unpacking her own stuff. All of her things still hadn't arrived from England yet. She looked around the house. Yep, I'm getting roommates.

---------------

"So we're moving in tomorrow, right? Izzie asked for the thousandth time.

"Yes, Iz. I told you, I won't change my mind." Meredith said rolling her eyes. George walked up.

"We can move in tomorrow, right?" George asked innocently. He had a huge smile on his face.

"Yes!" She almost shouted, they are both taken aback. "Sorry. I have a lot going on. I didn't mean to shout." She apologized.

"You aren't going to do that, are you? Yell." Izzie said, with a worried look on her face.

"No, I'm fine. It will be good. Tomorrow. You. Both of you. Moving in. Okay." She walked off, breathing out slowly. "It will be okay." She muttered to herself.

Meredith walked down the hallway. She had to find Dr. Bailey for a new assignment. Dr. Richard Webber passed by her. She sucked in air. She made it. He passed her.

"Meredith." She heard behind her. She wanted to hide behind the wall.

"Yes, Dr. Webber?" She answered as she turned around slowly.

"I need to speak with you. If you have a moment, of course." He said, looking into her eyes, unable to read them.

"Um, okay. I think I can talk." She answered. She was praying that her pager would go off. She nervously wiggled her toes. He pulled her around the corner.

"You need to talk to your mother." He stated, with his arms crossed.

"My mother is fine." She stated coldly.

"She just had surgery two days ago, and you haven't even checked on her." She goes to speak, he puts his hand up. "No. You broke her. I know your mother can be cold, but she does care. You left, without a word. All you said was that you weren't coming home. She worried a lot. It hurt her that you just left her the way you did. Why do you think she sent you the key? She made sure the house was taken care of, so if you did come back, it was ready. I told her to give up years ago, but she didn't. She said she would never give up. So, you need to talk to her. She would at least like to know where you have been, and so would I." He said boldly.

"First of all, I respect you professionally. But this isn't professional, it's personal. Secondly, I don't want to talk to my mother. It is none of your business where I have been. As for the house, I will move out!" She said loudly.

"No! Neither of us want that. The house is yours. We have been worried, for all we knew, you were dead." He said quietly, staring off down the hallway.

"Well, I am not dead. I am here. You are not my father. Just because you and my mom slept together behind your spouse's backs, doesn't make you my father. She was a fool to let you do that to her." She said.

"I am not your father, I know that! I love you mother. I'll have you know, a month after you left, I separated from Adele. She asked me to, and I did. I love her, Meredith. Why can't you just respect that?" She said, looking for hope that she was going to crack.

"I have to go." She said coldly and stormed off. What the hell? Why do people insist on trying to run my life? My father left because of him. My life would have been different if Richard Webber had never stepped into it! She continued walking quickly down the hallway. She didn't even notice that Addison was talking to her.

"Meredith!" She said loudly.

"Oh, Addison. Sorry, I didn't see you." She said quickly.

"Are you okay? No wait, I know the answer to that. Did you take lunch yet?" She asked, seeing the stress in her expression.

"No, I didn't." She said, looking down the hall. Richard Webber was talking to Dr. Bailey.

"Let's go." Addison grabbed her shoulder. "I am hungry." They walked down to the cafeteria. They each grabbed a salad, and sat down.

"So..." Addison started.

"Life sucks. I am beginning to hate Seattle. My mom is a bitch. I can't talk to her. I am really close to freaking out. Richard Webber screwed around with my mom for years while she was married, which is shitty. I should know. I have sort of been there. And I am not really sure if I want roommates!" She rambled quickly. She started violently forking her salad.

"Wow! This is good. You needed that!" She stated, while putting lettuce in her mouth. "So, Richard cheated on Adele. I never saw that coming. Really?" She said. Meredith shook her head yes. "It takes two, Meredith. I should know. I did it."

"You cheated?" Meredith said in shock. Her full attention was now on Addison.

"On Derek, yes I did. With his best friend." She said, looking down for a moment.

"Wait! You and Derek? Married? No way!" She said in utter shock.

"Yeah. We were married for three years, right out of college. I cheated on him with Mark, his best friend. Derek was never around. We weren't made for each other. I loved him, but not the way I should have. Luckily, we were all able to forgive and forget. Mark is still in New York. I got remarried to Stan, he is great. He's an accountant. And Derek, he's with Holly, which is a joke." She laughed, taking a drink of her water.

"Why is it a joke? He and Holly." She asked, not even knowing why she was.

"Holly is wrong for Derek. I was wrong for Derek. He needs someone like. Well, like you." Addison said, like she was stating the obvious. Meredith spit out her salad.

"Me?" Meredith said, laughing. "I don't think so. Derek Shepherd is an arrogant ass. Besides, I am done with men. I can't deal with men. I am not dating." She stated quickly.

"Why? You should never give up on love, Meredith. You are too young. Besides, don't you want to get married?"

"Yeah, I have been there, it's not all it's cracked up to be." Meredith said smoothly, taking another bite of her food.

"You're divorced?" Addison said in shock. Meredith nodded her head yes. "What happened?"

"It was a huge mistake. I was young. Ian never grew up. I am just glad it's over." Meredith said. Addison's pager goes off.

"Sorry..." Addison said.

"It's the job." Meredith responded, shoving more salad in her mouth.

"This is not done! I want to hear the rest of this story." Addison said as she walked away. Cristina walks up.

"What the hell were you thinking? Letting those two move in?" Cristina snapped.

"I screwed up, right. They are so fucking happy all of the time. Just wait, they don't know what it's like to get run over, to get screwed. They will get it, and their smiles will be gone forever!" She said angrily.

"I think I like you!" Cristina said with a small smile.

"Yeah, I think I like you too." Meredith responded.

------------------

"Grey." Dr. Bailey yelled as Meredith headed towards the locker room with the other interns.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey?" She answered, praying that she didn't want her do anything else. She just wanted to go home.

"I almost forgot, the Chief needs to see you." She yelled across the hall.

"Do you know why?" Meredith asked. Hoping that it really was work related.

"No, I do not." She answered and walked away.

"The Chief. What the hell did you do?" Cristina asked.

"Nothing." Meredith answered.

She walked to his office quickly. She was worried. Any intern would be worried about getting called to the 'principal's office'. She wouldn't be worried, but she knew. She had that feeling, this was personal. The blinds were all closed. She walked up and knocked on the door. She heard him shout to come in.

"Meredith." He said smoothly.

"I was told you wanted to see me." She said, trying to be professional.

"Yes. I do. I--" He started to say.

"Please don't." She moaned. He walked around his desk and walked up to her.

"I can't do it. I thought I could, but I can't. I can not walk around here and not look at you. I can't lay in my bed alone every night. This thing with us, it's not done. I don't want it to be done. It's worth it to me. I want to be around you. I want to see you. I need you." He said. She started to protest, and he covered her mouth with his. She didn't fight it.

I like him. He is a good guy. He is kind. He wouldn't hurt me. I really don't think he would. Wait, you can't do this. No men! Oh shit.

"Chase." Meredith said, pulling away from him.

"No, I don't want the hear it, Meredith. You are special. Please, give me a chance. Just one. We can do this, no one will find out."

"Chase." He covered his mouth with hers, she kissed him back. What the hell, my life is a mess anyhow. She was sad, and vulnerable.

"I'll be over after I get off." He said, she shook her head yes, and walked out.

"What have have I done?" She said to herself. SHIT!

----------------

**Okay, she is back with Chase. Don't worry, It's not forever. I probably won't have time to update tomorrow. We shall see... Thanks for reading, and please review!**


	6. Those Three Words

"Thank you." Chase whispered into Meredith's ear.

"This is really stupid, Chase. Really, unbelievably stupid! We are both going to be thrown out of Seattle Grace on our asses!" She said, staring up at the ceiling in her room. She realizes it really needs to be painted.

"It will be fine. Don't worry." He leaned over and kissed her neck, she turned her head, kissing him on the lips.

"My roommates are moving in tomorrow." She said, pulling away.

"Roommates? You don't need roommates!" He stated. He didn't want anyone to move in. He wanted her to be all his, and he felt selfish thinking it.

"Izzie and George. I thought you and I were over. Which, we should be. But anyway. I thought we were over, so I decided to get roommates. Besides they will help keep the house clean, and Izzie can bake and cook." She stated, hoping to win him over. She flashed him a smile.

"So now we'll really have to sneak..." He said, grouping her under the sheet.

"Yes, I guess we will." She squealed.

-----------------------

"Get up." She shouted at Chase. It was four a.m. and time for him to get up for work.

"I can't work, you tired me out." He moaned. "I'm jealous, you get to stay home."

"Hey, I have been working my ass off!" She shot her head over at him.

"I know you have. I just want to stay here in bed with you all day." He replied slyly.

"Go."

"Fine." He had been defeated. She rolled over and closed her eyes, listening to him start the shower.

Meredith fell back asleep for a few hours. She awoke abruptly to her cellphone ringing. It will go to voicemail. I just want to sleep! The phone quit ringing. A few minutes later, it rang again. Son-of-a-bitch! I am freaking tired!

"Hello?" She said rudely, not opening her eyes.

"Hey, Meredith. It's Izzie. George and I were wondering if we could come over. Start moving in." She said happily. Meredith could hear her chewing something.

"Now?" She said in shock.

"Well, yeah." Izzie responded.

"Fine. Whatever. Don't you sleep?" Meredith whined.

"Of course. Okay, well, we're on our way."

"Okay." Meredith said. She flipped her phone shut and covered her head with her pillow. She laid there for forty-five minutes. She was tired, Chase kept her up all night, but if you ask him, it was her. She heard a knock at the front door. She knew it was her new roommates, she went to climb out if bed and realized she wasn't dressed. She grabbed the first thing she saw. She ran down the stairs in Chase's sleep pants and Stanford tee shirt.

"Hey guys." Meredith said as she opened the door.

"Oh, were you sleeping?" George asked.

"Yeah, I was. It's fine. But don't let it happen again." She joked. She started to follow them out to get some boxes.

"We've got it."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. You go take a shower, or get dressed. Or whatever you want to do." Izzie said politely, as she carried in a box.

"If you're sure..." Meredith said. They nodded. She ran upstairs and climbed in the shower.

Meredith was shocked when she came downstairs and there were tons of boxes everywhere. She was hoping all of their stuff was going to fit in their rooms. They were roommates. They each got a room. She had the house the way she wanted. Even if it was a t.v. on a table and a sofa. The rest was still packed up. The pod that contained her belongings from England was going to be delivered some time this week. Meredith went right in and started carrying boxes to their rooms. They both had their names and the contents written on the boxes. They were much more organized than she was.

By the end of the day, Izzie and George had their rooms completely set up. Izzie offered to cook dinner. Meredith was supposed to go out with Chase, buts she called and he was still working. He said he would come over after work. She was praying that he could, without being caught. They had both agreed that he had to park down the street. Meredith sat down at the table, where Izzie had a whole meal prepared. She was impressed.

"So, thanks for everything." Said George.

"No problem. Thanks, Iz, for the food. It's great. I don't cook." Meredith said, sticking a bite of breaded chicken into her mouth. "So, we could ride together to work tomorrow. It would save on gas."

"That would be great." Said Izzie. "Are you planning on unpacking? I could help you." She said, hoping Meredith would agree.

"No, not yet. I have more stuff coming. I can do. I will soon, I promise." Meredith said, making excuses.

"Okay." Izzie said

The interns all sat around, watching t.v. The whole time, Meredith was worried about Chase. How the hell are we going to do this? It's crazy. Stupid! Around ten o'clock, Izzie said she was going to bed. One down, one to go. George followed about ten minutes after her. She immediately called Chase, who was just getting ready to leave the hospital. She sat on the sofa, watching out the window. After fifteen minutes, she saw him walk up. They quickly made their way up to her room. Meredith locked the door.

"This is really stupid." Meredith said.

"It will be fine." He said, hoping to reassure her. He started peeling his clothes off. He got into bed with his boxer briefs on. Meredith threw on a large t-shirt.

"I have to say, that t-shirt has never looked sexier!" He said, rolling over to kiss her.

"They are here, down the hall." She said quietly.

"They are not your parents. They know you have sex. They don't know it's me." He whispered, kissing her neck.

"We have to be quiet."

"We can do quiet." He said reassuring her. He pulls up her shirt, and begins kissing her neck. She moans and he pulls down her panties and enters her.

"Meredith..." He moaned.

----------------

"You guys look shitty." Cristina said, as George and Izzie walked up to their lockers.

"Yeah, moving in with Meredith...bad idea!" Said Izzie, rolling her eyes.

"Why?" Mocked Cristina.

"Banging headboard all night." George said quickly.

"Nice..." Said Alex, shutting his locker.

"One minute we were all talking about going to sleep. Next thing I know there was moaning and banging. I don't know where the guy came from. There was no one there." Izzie said, yawning.

"So Grey did all that herself?" Alex said with a suggestive look.

"I did not." Meredith said as she walked in.

"So who is the guy?" They all said.

"No one you know."

"Okay you lazy interns, get to work!" Bailey said. She spat out assignments and they all scurried off. Cristina and Meredith ran down to the pit.

"So who is it?" Cristina said.

"No one!"

"Come on, I'm your person." Cristina said, and she opened the door.

"My person?" Meredith asked as she walked through.

"I could be."

"Only because you want gossip." Meredith retorted.

"I am not a gossip. But whatever or who ever this is, it has to be good!" Cristina laughed.

"Believe me, it is." Meredith joked.

"That is so not fair." Cristina moaned.

----------------

Meredith got pulled into surgery with Derek Shepherd. He had a craniotomy, scheduled. Cristina was pissed because she was stuck in the pit all day. Meredith prepped the patient, and went into the scrub room.

"Good day, Dr. Grey." Derek stated, looking over at her.

"Yes, it is Dr. Shepherd." Meredith said scrubbing her fingernails with the brush.

"So, will this be your first, craniotomy?" He asked.

"Yes." She answered, with a smile.

"So, you are going to lose your virginity with me?" He said, raising his eyebrows.

"I guess, in a sense." She chuckled.

"I'm glad. I'm good, you know." He laughed.

"I hope you are still talking about brain surgery here." They both chuckle, as they walk into the OR.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives, let's have some fun." Derek said, looking around at his surgical team, his eyes resting on Meredith. He spent a lot of time asking her questions, all of which she got right. He was impressed. She knew what she was doing.

"So, have you talked to your mother yet?" He whispered.

"No. I did not." She answered. "So, you and Addison, huh?"

"What?" He said, looking up at her.

"Look, you said it. We talked twice, in a bar. Now it will be twice in a bar and twice in the hospital." She laughed.

"Yes, I believe that constitutes us as friends." He said, smiling.

"Really?" Meredith said, raising her eyebrows.

"I think so. So, yes, Addison and I. Yes. A long time ago." He said.

"So you are with Holly." She said in a squeaky voice, imitating Holly. She laughed.

"That wasn't very nice." He said, with a chuckle.

"So you and Addison, you weren't the same. You were both different. She wasn't your type. That's what she said..." Meredith explained.

"She was right..." Derek responded, catching Meredith's eyes.

"So now you are with Holly. She is the same as Addison, but worse. I love Addison, she's great. But--" Meredith paused. "Holly is like Addison to the extreme. She is so..."

"Thanks, for bashing my girlfriend..." He said, slightly perturbed.

"I didn't mean--" Meredith started to say.

"Focus on the surgery, Grey." Derek said.

Shit. Now I've pissed him off. Whatever. If he doesn't want to hear the truth, screw him. I am not talking to him. Why do you even care if he cares. He is your boss. He is nothing. This is business. Who cares if he wants to be with that airhead, Holly. Why are you calling her that? God.

Derek didn't talk to Meredith during the surgery. Derek closed up the patient and headed to the scrub room. Meredith went in a few minutes later. She didn't look or talk to him.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't--" Derek started to say. His voice was much softer.

"This is business. You are my boss. That was unprofessional, and it won't happen again, because this is business, and we will only talk about business." She grabbed a paper towel and walked out.

"Meredith--" Derek said, as she walked out. He let out a sigh, and ran his fingers through his hair.

Meredith went right down to the cafeteria. She got in line and grabbed a sandwich and water. She scanned the tables and saw Cristina sitting in the corner. She liked Cristina. Cristina was like her. Izzie and George are just so happy all of the time. She walked over the the table, and plopped herself down on the seat.

"So you got to scrub in on a craniotomy with McDreamy?" Cristina said, looking up at Meredith.

"McDreamy?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, Shepherd. He's all McDreamy, he has great hair, and stars in his eyes." Cristina explained.

"More like McAss!" Meredith spat, taking a large bite of her sandwich.

"Having a lovers quarrel?" Cristina chuckled.

"We are not lovers. What are you talking about? He is an arrogant ass." Meredith raised her voice, as she glared at Cristina.

"Oh, come on. Everyone knows it is him." Cristina stated confidently.

"It's not him. It's someone else." Meredith said smoothly, taking a drink of her water. "I have no interest in Derek Shepherd."

"He has plenty of interest in you." Cristina said.

"No he doesn't. He has Holly. He is happy with Holly." Meredith said, hating saying Holly's name.

"He may have her, but he wants you." Cristina said, like she was stating the obvious. Izzie, George and Alex walk up.

"Seriously. Who is it?" Izzie said to Meredith.

"A guy." Meredith said quickly. "I can't say. I don't want to say!"

"It's Shepherd." Alex said, food falling out of his mouth.

"It's not. I asked. It really isn't him." Cristina said convincingly.

"Really?" Izzie asked. Cristina nodded her head. "Hmm."

"Does he work here?" Asked George.

"Not saying." Meredith said.

"You are no fun!" Izzie responded.

"I have to get back to work." Meredith said, as she got and walked away.

"I wonder who it is..." Izzie said, fading off.

"Whoever it is, it's good." Alex responded.

"Yeah."

----------------

Meredith avoided Derek all day. She had this yearning to be around him. She wasn't sure why, but she felt drawn to him. He was an ass. She was wrong to ask personal questions, especially at work. But he is still an ass. The day was over, and she was heading back to the locker room. She glanced over and saw her mom in her room. Ellis caught Meredith's eye. Meredith was angry. She went to the locker room and changed her clothes. She sat on the bench, not talking to anyone. She finally got up and stormed out. She found herself in Ellis' room.

"It is your fault!" She shouted.

"What is my fault?" Ellis snapped at her daughter.

"It is your fault that I grew up without a father! If I had a dad, everything would have been different. I would have been okay!" She yelled, not caring who heard.

"Meredith. I had an affair. It was a mistake. I love Richard. I am not sorry about it. I do not regret one bit of it!" Ellis raised her voice, and glared at her daughter.

"You should have tried harder with dad. You screwed up. You made him leave. You made him alienate me!" Meredith continued to yell, her eyes welling up.

"Meredith come here." Meredith walks over to Ellis' bed. "I am sorry. I did the best I could. I know it wasn't good enough, but I did try." Ellis said sympathetically. "Did you ever-- Never mind." Ellis began to say, and stopped.

"What? Just say it!" Meredith cried out.

"Did you ever wonder why he didn't come back. I did tell him to go. I did tell him to never come back. But he had rights. He had moral right. Legal rights. He could have come back, he chose not to. He walked away. I love you more than anything, Meredith. I'm sorry. I wish I could change it. But, I am here for you now." Ellis said kindly, grabbing Meredith's hand.

"I guess in my heart I always knew." Meredith shrugged. She turned to walk out.

"Meredith?" Ellis said quietly. "Please come by tomorrow."

"I'll try." Meredith answered, walking out. She didn't know if she would try. She didn't know what to think.

Meredith slowly walked to the elevator. She didn't feel better, she didn't feel worse. She didn't feel anything but numb. She needed work things out with her mom, but they would never get along. And her dad. He wasn't there when she needed him. Her mom was right, he could have found her. She was in their childhood home until she was eighteen. He just walked away. Just like all the men in her life. She was happy to see an empty elevator. She sighed as she laid her head back. An arm flew in the door and they opened. She closed her eyes.

"Hey." Chase said.

"Hey." Meredith responded with no emotion.

"So, I thought you come to my apartment tonight. I can cook for you..." Chase said happily.

"Yeah, okay. What time are you leaving here?" Meredith asked.

"In an hour." He said.

"Well, I'm heading over to Joe's. I'll come over after. I need a drink." She said as she moaned.

"Okay. But do you really need to drink? Maybe you should cut back." He said, in a caring voice.

"I know what I need." Meredith said simply and walked out.

-----------------

She made her way up to the bar, sitting in her favorite stool.

"A shot of tequila. Just one. Don't give me more, even if I beg!" Meredith said to Joe.

"Coming right up..." Joe said. He sat the shot in front of her. She sat there and stared at it. She was not feeling anything, and it was scaring her.

"Meredith..." She heard. She knew who it was. She wasn't going to acknowledge him. "Oh, so now you are ignoring me. Okay." He took a drink of his scotch, and sat there for a few minutes. "Not okay! Look at me. Meredith. Okay. I was an ass. An arrogant ass. That's what you're calling me, right? I'm sorry. One minute, I'm saying we're friends, then I am an ass. I was wrong." He said quietly, looking at her unchanged expression. "Are you okay?"

"No." She said quickly, staring at her shot.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I don't have a dad." She said, letting it really sink in for the first time.

"Neither do I." He answered sadly.

"You don't?" She asked.

"No. It's not okay. I'm here, to talk, if you need me." He said softly.

"Thanks." She turned and smiled at him. He put his hand on her shoulder. "I talked to my mom."

"Is that good or bad?" He asked.

"I don't know. It feels the same. It's like all of my emotions have been sucked away. I feel nothing." She stated in a sad realization.

"You just need the right person to bring them back." He said with a McDreamy smile. Neither knew they were being watched.

--------------

"So, you didn't drink." Chase said happily.

"No, I guess I didn't." Meredith said smoothly. Knowing it wasn't Chase, even though he thought it was, who made her stay sober. "Dinner was good. I didn't know you could cook."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me." He said with a smile. "Do you want to go to bed? You look tired."

"No sex?" She asked with a funny face. She was really surprised.

"No. Our relationship isn't just about sex." He stated as he dried the last dish.

"Sure. Bed is good." She grabbed his hand and the walked in the bedroom. She threw on one of his shirts. The both laid down, he wrapped his arms around her. She closed her eyes.

"Meredith, I love you." Chase said softly. Meredith went rigid. She panicked. She didn't respond. He knew she was awake. He sighed at her lack of response, not knowing what to do. He finally closed his eyes.

Crap. Did he really just say that? I love you? He loves me? I didn't say anything. Do I love him? I don't know. I don't know anything. Crap. Now what?

--------------------

**I Know you guys hate Chase. He will leave. Do not worry! Mer is getting closer to Derek, but they aren't even close to having a relationship yet. More surprises to come!**


	7. All for the Kissing

"So, you didn't come home last night." George said with a bit of sadness in his voice.

"Yeah." Meredith responded. "I stayed over."

"Oh." George said quietly, tucking his shirt into his scrubs.

"So where is Iz?" Meredith asked.

"She had something to do this morning. She will be in later." George told her.

Bailey came in and gave assignments. Meredith headed off to meet with Dr. Burke. She hadn't worked with him yet. She searched and finally found him in a patient's room.

"Dr. Grey. Nice of you to join us. This is Mrs. Jackson. She is in for a triple bypass. I need you to prep her for surgery and meet me in the operating room." Burke ordered.

"Right away, Sir." Meredith answered. He walked out of the room. Meredith prepped the patient, and made her way into the operating room.

Meredith watched as Dr. Burke performed the surgery. He was precise, he was perfect. Every move he made, was thought-out and purposeful. She could see why he was top-notch. She had heard a resident gossiping about how Dr. Burke and Dr. Carter couldn't stand each other. Rumor has it that they were very competitive. Both were great cardio-thoracic surgeons. Dr. Burke was professional, he didn't stammer. Not until now.

"So I'm surprised you didn't have Cristina Yang scrub in." Meredith said simply.

"Um, Cristina, uh. All interns should try out all fields." He finally said, after stammering his way through the first part of his sentence.

"I just meant, because she is so talented with cardio. It is her chosen specialty." Meredith said, trying to set things right.

"I know what you meant, Grey. She needs to try everything out. You should never be set on a field until you have tried everything, several times." He explained. It was then. She knew it. Cristina was sleeping with Burke. That little whore!

--------------------

Meredith was walking a straight path. She was on a mission. She was going to call her person out. She was walking up the back stairway, when an arm grabbed her. Chase pulled her into his office.

"Meredith." He said. "I've been looking for you."

"Oh, you have?" She said with a giggle

"I have." Chase pushes her against the wall and kissed her.

"You are bad!" She said.

"I know." He pulls up her scrub shirt. "I didn't get any last night. I think I may be addicted to you..." Her pager goes off.

"It's Bailey." She said with disappointment in her voice.

"Go." He said sadly. She starts to walk out. "Hey, Mer?"

"Yeah?" She said, turning around.

"I do, you know." He said. She knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I know you do." He loved her, and she couldn't return the favor. Not yet. "See you later."

Meredith ran to find Dr. Bailey. She and Cristina were both standing at the nurses station. Meredith walked up.

"I think we have a surgical case from the pit. I'm going to need you both to scrub in." Dr. Bailey ordered. "You two go run an MRI, and a CT. Page me when you're done." Cristina walked away with Meredith.

"He said 'I Love you'. My guy, he said it. I couldn't say it back. He knew I heard it. We were just going to bed, and he slipped it out. What do I do?" Meredith said nervously.

"I can't help you until I know who it is." Cristina said sarcastically.

"I can't. You don't understand. This is bad." Meredith responded quickly.

"It's a resident, isn't it?" Cristina laughed.

"No! It is much worse than that." Meredith said, as she bit her lip and looked down.

"It's an attending." Cristina answered with raised eyebrows.

"Worse." Meredith said with impending doom.

"What can be worse?" Cristina retorted sarcastically. "Holy shit! It's the Chief, isn't it?" Meredith nodded her head yes. "You are so screwed. Oh my God."

"Oh, like you aren't sleeping with your boss!" Meredith snapped.

"What? I'm not." Cristina defended herself.

"I know about you and Burke. Don't even try to deny it." Meredith told her.

"What I am doing is bad. But you? He's your boss', boss' boss!" He is the boss. The big one." Cristina said loudly.

"Shh! I know. He wasn't. I dated him before he was Chief. He was still at Seattle Presbyterian." Meredith quietly explained. "I tried to break up with him. He wouldn't."

"Well, now we know why it's a big secret. So he told you he loved you? And you didn't say anything? Crap. Not good, to leave the big boss hanging." She said laughing, approaching the patient's room.

"This is bad." Meredith moaned.

"Do you? Love him?" Cristina asked innocently.

"I don't know. I could, I guess. He's a great guy. Maybe, sometime, I could. I think..." Meredith said, unsure of herself.

"So how is he? In bed? Is he good, he looks like he would be good." Cristina said.

"He's okay. He's good. He's a seven, I guess. He gets the job done." Meredith explained.

"I have to say, I'm disappointed..." Answered Cristina.

--------------------

"Okay, so our house is a flower shop." Izzie said to George and Meredith.

"What?" George asked.

"Meredith, I don't know who this guy is, but we have hundreds of dollars worth of flowers in our house right now. He must really like you." Izzie said with a smile.

"Flowers, really?" Meredith asked. Cristina laughed.

"I didn't see him as the flower type!" Cristina said with a chuckle. "Yeah, maybe."

"Rewind." Alex said. "You know?"

"No. I'm screwing with you. Why would she tell me?" Cristina says, they all laugh.

"Seriously. I have never seen so many roses in my life." Izzie said, shoveling food into her mouth.

"Roses?" Meredith wrinkles her nose.

"Roses are beautiful. They are the flower of love." Izzie said sweetly.

"They are so, cliche." Meredith responded.

"Flowers suck." Cristina said loudly.

"You aren't normal, Yang." Alex said quickly.

"He's right." Said George.

"I know." Cristina responded happily. "Hey maybe he works at a flower shop!"

"Maybe..." Meredith answered.

---------------------

"So, Mer. Will your mystery man be coming by tonight?" Izzie said, jokingly.

"Iz. Just make our damn dinner." Meredith said, sitting on the stool.

"So you went to Stanford?" Izzie asked, as she chopped vegetables.

"No, why?" Meredith said, wrinkling her brow.

"Oh. They day we moved in, you were wearing a Stanford shirt. I just assumed." Izzie said innocently as she threw the vegetables into the pan. "Oh. That was the mystery man's shirt."

"I went to Oxford. Where did you go?" Meredith asked as she took a drink.

"Washington State. I grew up in a trailer. I modeled to pay for med school." Izzie explained.

"So, you did good. You pulled yourself out, you made something of yourself." Meredith said proudly.

"Yeah. I guess I did." Izzie stated. "So, do you not trust me? Is that why you can't tell me who the guy is?"

"No, Iz. It's just that-- No one can know. It's complicated. Eventually, eventually everyone will know." Meredith said.

"It's okay. I understand. I guess" She put their food on their plates. "You want to watch a surgery?"

"Sure." They both grab their food and head out to the sofa.

"Too bad George is on-call. He's going to hate that he missed this!" Izzie exclaimed.

Yeah, he is." Meredith agreed.

-------------------

"Chase. What time do you have to be in?" Meredith asked as she shook him.

"Uh, I'm not going in until eight." He moaned and covered his head with a pillow.

"Okay. Well I'm going to take a bath, you can leave after we do." She said, climbing out of bed.

"Okay." He said, closing his eyes.

Meredith climbed in the bathtub. She was tired. She could sleep another four hours. She slowly submerged herself under the water. It was peaceful there, quiet. She waited until the last moment. The moment before panic. The moment before it was too late. Then she came up for air. She didn't want to get out. She grabbed her towel, and wrapped it around her. She grabbed another and started drying her hair. She walked into her room to grab her clothes. Her bedroom door flung open.

"Meredith!" Izzie shouted. Izzie immediately looked over at Chase, who jerked at the noise. He was laying on her bed, his head was covered, but his bare ass was showing. Meredith threw her towel on him.

"Izzie! What is it?" Meredith said, grabbing her and walking into the hallway.

"Is that him? That's the guy. Hmm." Izzie pondered. "So close, yet so far..."

"Iz! What is it?" Meredith asked.

"Oh, the pipe broke in the kitchen." She said with a funny look. "It's leaking. Maybe your guy could fix it?" Izzie suggested.

"No, he can't. We can do this, we're capable." Meredith said, marching down the stairs in her towel. "Shit! Get me a wrench. We need to turn the water off!" Izzie comes back. Meredith shuts it off. "We need a new pipe. I will get one after work."

"Wow. I didn't think you were so capable!" Izzie stated.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Iz!" Meredith joked. She heard the doorbell ring. Of course, it was more flowers. She smiled.

"More? He's here. And he sent you flowers? Wow!" Izzie smiled. "Why can't I find a guy like that?"

---------------

Meredith avoided Chase all day. She didn't want Izzie to catch on. This morning was close. Way too freaking close. It was almost time to eat lunch. Meredith was starving, she didn't have time to eat breakfast after the pipe incident this morning. She was leaning on the nurses desk, writing post-op notes when Derek walked up.

"Well, hello there, Dr. Grey." He said happily, as he leaned next to her, silently breathing in her lavender scent.

"Dr. Shepherd." She said softly, not looking up. "Dr. Shepherd which pipe is better, plastic or metal?" Meredith asked.

"What? Pipes? Are you trying to suggest something?" He said, chuckling.

"No! My pipe broke under the sink in the kitchen. I need to replace it. I was going to stop and get the stuff after work. I was just wondering what your opinion was." She explained, looking up at him.

"You plan on doing this yourself?" He said in disbelief.

"Well, yeah. I am not paying to have a plumber come in and do something I can." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. "Besides, I don't want to see the crack. Plumber's crack."

"Would you like to see my crack?" He raised his eyebrows. "I will come fix it for you."

"You don't have to..." She said, surprised that he offered.

"I would love to." He said tilting his head to the side. " I can pick up the stuff and come over."

"Okay." She wrote her address down, and slid it over to him. "I can't wait to see your crack." She laughed as he walked away. Dr. Bailey walked up.

"You done with those yet?" She asked.

"Just finishing. Here you go." She hands her the files.

"Oh, the Chief wants to see you." Miranda said, looking up.

"The Chief. What did I do?" Meredith said, pretending to be nervous.

"I guess you will find out." She said with a huff. "Go!"

Damn him. He has got to stop doing this. If he need to see me, he needs to find me. Bailey is not stupid, she will figure this out. I am going to kill him. And Cristina, I swear, if she says anything... She won't I have Burke over her head. Plus, I am screwing the Chief, who happens to hate Burke. I am covered there... She walked into his office and shut the door.

"Yes, Chief..." Meredith said seductively.

"Unfortunately, this is business." Chase responded. She could see that he wasn't happy.

"Is everything okay? What did I do?" Meredith sat down, fidgeting nervously.

"There has been a complaint." Chase responded dryly.

"A complaint. What kind of complaint?" Meredith snapped. "I Have done nothing wrong!"

"Someone on the staff seems to think you are having sexual and personal relations with Dr. Shepherd." He said coldly.

"What?" She said loudly. "What the fuck? I barely know Der--I mean Dr. Shepherd!"

"This person is sure." Chase said. She could tell he was mad.

"Well, it's bullshit." Meredith responded boldly. Then it dawned on her. Holly. It was Holly. She knew it. "This person, should I say snitch? She wouldn't happen to be Seattle Grace's dietician, Holly Davison, would it?" Meredith chuckled. Chase looked surprised that she knew.

"You know I can't divulge that information." Chase said quietly.

"Wow. This is insane. She is full of shit. She thinks I am after Derek. I do not want him. God, I've talked to him at Joe's a few times. There is absolutely nothing going on. And you!" She yelled, staring into his eyes. "You believe her. You would have just written this off. You actually believe her! She is a liar. And you- you are an ass!" Meredith shouted and started to walk out. "I have to go. I think I have a meeting with Dr. Shepherd in an on-call room." She yelled, slamming his door.

What the fuck? That bitch. Next time I see her, she is so dead. She has screwed with the wrong person! She stormed down the hallway like she was on fire. She passed Izzie and George who looked at her like she was insane. She finally passed a nurse, and asked her if she has seen Dr. Shepherd. She said he was in his office. Meredith rushed right in the door. Derek looked at her in shock. She shut the door.

"Dr. Grey..." He said with a surprised voice. He walked around the desk, and stood in front of her, he could see the anger in her eyes. "What's wrong?" She walked over and shoved him against his desk, kissing him deeply. "What- what?" He stopped trying to talk and kissed her back. It was intense. She pulled away. "What was that?" He said breathlessly.

"I figured if we were going to be accused, we may as well do it. May as well have some fun, make it worthwhile." Meredith spat angrily. He tipped his head. "Your girlfriend is a fucking bitch."

"Why?" Derek said in shock.

"She went to the Chief, and said we are sleeping together." Meredith yelled.

"What? She wouldn't do that." He said in disbelief, and started pacing back and forth.

"She did. I asked him if it was her. He said he couldn't say, but there was a nod. I'm sure you will be called in next." She said, pacing with him.

"What's the big deal? It's not true. That's all that matters." He said quietly.

"She went to the Chief. This is my job. This is my-- Never mind. I have to go." She didn't wait for him to answer. She rushed out as quickly as she came. Derek looked down at the pager, it was the Chief. Derek made his way to Chase's office.

"You rang?" Derek said cheerfully.

"Please, shut the door. Sit down." Chase said, as he motioned to the chair.

"Is there a problem?" Derek said, hoping that Chase didn't know that Meredith had warned him.

"There has been a complaint by someone on the staff." Chase said boldly, looking up at Derek.

"A complaint? What kind of complaint?" Derek said smoothly.

"A member of our staff has claimed that you are having sexual relations with an intern. She has also claimed that you meet this intern at the bar across the street. As you know, this behavior is strictly prohibited." Chase said loudly, with purpose. He never took his eyes away from Derek.

"And who is this intern that I am allegedly sleeping with?" Derek asked, knowing the answer.

"Meredith Grey." Chase answered. He hated to say it.

"I can assure you, there is absolutely nothing going on between Dr. Grey and I. I have seen Dr. Grey at Joe's a few times. We have made friendly conversation. I have never bought her a drink, and I have never taken her home. Do you mind if I ask, was it Holly Davison who claimed this?" Derek asked, staring Chase down.

"I really can't say." Chase answered confidently. Derek wasn't sure if it really was her. "I know you realize that you can not have relations with interns."

"I do realize that, but I speak to Alex Karev almost every night at Joe's. Is that prohibited? And Drs. Stevens, Yang, O'Malley and Jones. Is that against the rules? I know I am not the only one!" Derek spat angrily.

"I think you know the difference between talking and crossing the line." Chase answered.

"Why Meredith Grey? Why are you so protective over her?" Derek asked innocently.

"Dr. Grey is our finest surgical intern. I want to keep it that way." Chase retorted.

"I think that you have taken a personal interest in Dr. Grey. I think you want me to stay away from her. This has nothing to do with rules."

"I think we have come to an understanding." Chase said, pulling paperwork out, reading it. "You can see your way out."

Derek stormed out. What the hell? He has a thing for Meredith. He has a thing for her, and he's afraid that I want her. He's afraid I will get to her first. It is not his freaking decision. Guess what, Mr. Chase? I am going over to Meredith Grey's house tonight, and I am going to fix her pipes!

-----------------

Meredith grabbed her food and sat down with a huff. She was mad. She wasn't in the mood to talk to her friends. They didn't say anything to her. At this point, they knew better. She took a huge bite of her sandwich, and started chewing. If her mouth was full. She didn't have to talk.

"Oh, here comes Chief Hottie." Izzie chuckled.

"Gag me." Alex choked.

"You mean Super McAsshole." Meredith spat. She took another bite of her sandwich.

"What is that about?" George asked innocently, getting a glare from Izzie.

"So, how are my prized surgical interns today?" Chase asked as he sat down. Everyone answered. Meredith rolled her eyes and kept eating. "You all are doing a great job." He said.

"Yeah." Meredith said sarcastically.

"You know, jealously is a bad thing." He looks over at Meredith. "It can ruin careers, and relationships. I was jealous once. It was bad. Totally foolish. I was jealous for no good reason, and I am sorry about it now." He notices Meredith's glance. "I was afraid that someone was trying to take something that was mine, but now I know I don't own it, no one can. I was just afraid I was losing it. So anyway, Jealousy is bad, and keep that in mind, as you move through the program." Chase got up, and gave Meredith a wink, going unnoticed by everyone else.

"That was odd." George said.

"That was so not for us." Cristina answered with a chuckle.

"What do you mean?" Izzie said.

"Nothing." Cristina answered, looking over at Meredith.

------------------

Meredith sat on the sofa, in her sleep pants and tee shirt, eating a big bowl of ice cream. Strawberry and expresso chip mixed. That was the way she liked it. Izzie was on call, and George was on a date with Olivia. She had forgiven Chase after his brave speech at lunch. She wasn't sure if he was coming over tonight or not. She looked out the the window and noticed Derek's car pull in the driveway. She stood up and met him at the door.

"You really didn't have to do this." She said, taking him in. He is good looking.

"It's no problem, really." He said, standing at the door.

"Well, come in, it's in here." He followed behind her, she knew he was checking her out.

"In your pajamas already?" He asked with a smile.

"Yeah. I like to be comfortable." Meredith responded with a smile.

"I think Holly sleeps with her heels and make-up on." He laughed. Meredith didn't, she cringed at her name. Derek got to work under the sink. It only took him a few minutes.

"Would you like a beer?" She asked, grabbing one for herself.

"Sure." He answered as her turned on the water and checked for leaks. She started finishing her ice cream. "That looks appetizing." He said with a scrunched face.

"It is. Espresso Chip and Strawberry. Here, try it." She shoved her spoon in his mouth. He swallowed it and laughed. She was the polar opposite of Holly, and he liked it.

"Not bad." He shook his head, and opened his beer. She threw her dish in the sink. "So, I met with the Chief."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised." She said quickly, taking a swig from her beer.

"He seems very concerned. I set his mind at ease." He answered, taking a sip, and looking at her.

"I gathered that." She answered quickly.

"You need to watch him. He has a real interest in your well being." Derek said protectively.

"It's because of my mother." She lied, and he knew better, but immediately dropped it.

"So the kiss..." He laughed.

"Yeah, sorry about that." She chuckled

"I'm not." He said simply. "I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing, more kissing I say."

"You have a girlfriend. Who happens to be on my shit-list, and I have a guy." She answered quickly. What did he mean? Is he interested?

"Yeah, well, I'm not sure it was her." He said quickly.

"Yeah, well I am. Besides, who else would spew that shit?" She said loudly at first, then quieted down.

"I try not to persecute someone until I have Proof." He said honestly.

"Well, I have my proof." She said, emptying her beer bottle. He took his last drink. "Well, thanks for coming over." She said. She wanted him to leave, she was close to yelling, and she didn't want to yell at him.

"Kicking me out already?" He chuckled.

"Honestly, yes. Because, I am ready to yell at you. You are a blind moron, who can't see that your girlfriend has horns. She crawled up from hell. But if you are into having your menu planned, working out and wearing what she wants you to, have at it!" Meredith raised her voice and looked at him.

"I am a man. I make my own decisions!" He said loudly.

"You keep telling yourself that." She laughed at him.

"I will. Good night, Meredith." He smiled and opened the door. He was impulsive, he turned and pulled her into a deep kiss. She raised her hands. He turned and walked out. What the hell was that?

--------------

**Okay, long chapter. But ya know what? I hate splitting it. Splitting it is stupid. You either want to read it or not. Right? So soon you will find out more about Mer's past. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!!**


	8. All in Fun and Games

**I wished I owned Grey's Anatomy, if I did, it would be on 7 days a week, and Derek would be Meredith's love slave...So, I do not!**

Meredith rolled over and opened her eyes. Chase was already gone. She wasn't surprised, he worked seven days a week. She was emotionally and physically exhausted from everything that had been going on. She stopped by and talked to her mom a few times this week. They didn't yell, which was a step forward. The visits lasted no more than ten minutes. Her mom would be going home soon, who knows what would happen then. Addison was coming over today to help Meredith unpack some of her belongings. She was coming over at eleven. Meredith looked at the clock. She was shocked when it said ten-thirty. How the hell did I sleep so late? She jumped out of Chase's bed. She had to take a shower. She didn't bring any clothes, so she would be wearing the same thing as yesterday. Chase had clothes at her house, but she hadn't taken that step yet. She hurried around Chase's lavish apartment, cleaning things up and making the bed. She left him a short note and and went straight to her car. Meredith moaned when she pulled in her driveway, seeing Addison's car already there. Crap! She hurried in the house, Addison was in the kitchen, drinking coffee with Izzie. Meredith walked in.

"How nice of you to join us, Meredith." Addison said sarcastically, taking a bite of Izzie's homemade muffin.

"Oh, and the same clothes as yesterday..." Izzie said, pointing at Meredith.

"So you stayed over." Addison noted.

"Yes, I did." Meredith smiled, and grabbed a cup of coffee. "Now, I really don't feel like unpacking!" She said. "Nice jeans, Addison. I would have never dreamed that you owned a pair!"

"Oh, come one. I can hang out, do things. Be casual." Addison defended herself.

"You have to unpack, this is horrible, look at all these boxes!" Izzie reminded her. Meredith looked around, she was right.

"A little more caffeine. Okay?" Meredith asked, leaning back in her chair.

"Late night?" Addison asked.

"You could say that." Meredith said with a smile, remembering her night with Chase.

"So who is the guy?" Addison asked, drinking her coffee.

"She won't say. I think he must be a murderer. She's afraid I will recognize him. Or maybe the janitor at the hospital, the creepy one." Izzie stated with a laugh.

"Maybe." Meredith agreed, she jumped up. "Let's get this done!"

Meredith started opening boxes that were already in the house from her mother. Everything had a place. Everything had been picked out and chosen to be in the house. She remembered it like it was yesterday. The pictures she wasn't putting up. She didn't like family photos. There weren't very many of them, Ellis was never around. The past wasn't her friend. The artwork and paintings all went nicely with the decor. Addison and Izzie seemed to be having a good time. They were girls. Meredith, she was more like Cristina, they weren't nesters. They didn't care about this stuff. She looked at the clock, praying that Cristina would come over soon.

"Wow. This is actually looking like a house. I was beginning to think I lived in a storage shed." Izzie said with a laugh. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"It does look pretty good!" Addison said as she started unwrapping crystal. Her cell phone rang. She picked it up and began talking. Izzie and Meredith both went in the kitchen. A few minutes later Addison walked in. "I'm sorry."

"Do you have to go?" Meredith said, somewhat disappointed.

"No, it's way worse than that. I hope you won't be mad." She said with a sigh. "I forgot that I had a lunch date with Holly." They both moan at her name. "I know, she's not really my friend. She was, I have been trying to get away from her for a long time. But anyway, I kind of invited her over, to help." She hunched her shoulders and closed her eyes as Meredith started to beat her with a towel.

"Not cool, Addison. Not cool!" Meredith yelled.

"I know she's not your favorite person..." Addison started to defend.

"Not my favorite person? That bitch went to the Chief and said I was sleeping with Derek." Meredith spat out in anger.

"She what?" They both gasp.

"This is worse than I thought!" Addison said, closing her eyes. "Why would she even want to come then?"

"Because she hates me." Meredith cried out.

"We will torture her." Addison said, shaking her head yes. "This will be fun!"

"Right now, I hate you." Meredith said, looking at Addison.

"I hate me too." Addison sighed. "You know, I am the reason they met. She and Derek. She was a horrible tag-along, and I pawned her off on him. I told him they were meant for each other. Just to save my own ass. I regret it now..."

"That was wrong." Meredith said sympathetically.

"I know." Addison replied.

"Well, I am going to open the pod up. I need to see what's in there." Meredith said, needing to get away. She went outside and opened the lock with the key. She was sad when she opened it up. Everything from England. Everything from the place she called home for almost ten years. She wanted to cry. She slide the door shut, and leaned against the wall. She slide down the wall and let the tears fall.

"Where the hell is she?" Addison asked Izzie.

"I don't know, she has been out there for a long time." Izzie responded, looking worried

"Maybe we should go check on her." Addison told Izzie, as she began walking to the door. They both walked outside, not seeing Meredith anywhere.

"Where is she?" Asked Izzie.

"I don't know. Oh, I hope she didn't lock herself in!" Responded Addison as she lifted the door. "Oh, Meredith." She said sympathetically, as she looked down at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't know Holly would upset you so badly."

"It's not just Holly. It's everything. I'm okay." She said, standing up. "Let's get this done." She didn't show her emotions to people. She put on her mask, pretending everything was okay. They heard a car pull up. Holly came walking up soon after. She was dressed in a skirt and heels. Who wears a a skirt and heel to clean?

"Hi, everyone!" Holly said pleasantly, in her high pitched voice. Meredith's stomach turned.

"Hey." They all moaned.

"So what are we doing?" She asked.

"Moving things in." Meredith snapped.

"Oh. Well, what do you need me to do?" She asked, like nothing had ever happened between them.

"Go away." Izzie coughed. Addison gave her the look of death.

"Why don't you clean vases?" Addison suggested.

"Okay." Said Holly, following Addison into the house.

Meredith started sorting things out. She had taken a lot of stuff. All of the dishes, the silver wear, a lot of paintings, her bed, the sofa, chairs. She had taken a lot, and it was jam packed into the pod. She let out an overwhelming sigh. She wondered what Ian thought when he got home that night. The night when he came home to a nearly empty house. After awhile, Alex and George showed up. They helped move the heavy stuff into the house. Everyone moaned when they saw Holly. No one wanted to be around her. When they were about halfway done, Meredith asked if anyone was hungry.

"How about pizza?" She suggested.

"That would be great." Everyone answered. Everyone that is, except Holly.

"I'll just have a salad. Pizza is so unhealthy!" She squealed. Everyone rolled their eyes. Meredith asked everyone what they wanted, and she put the order in. She looked out as saw Cristina's motorcycle pull up. She quickly came to the door.

"I hope you're hungry, slacker." Meredith shouted from the kitchen.

"Oh, go to hell. I was in surgery." Cristina mocked with a laugh.

"I hate you. You are such a bitch!" Meredith retorted. She wished she was at the hospital.

"Yeah, I know." Cristina answered. Holly was shocked at their interaction.

"Do you guys always speak to each other like that?" Holly asked.

"Well, yeah. Mer's my person." Cristina said, like she was stating the obvious.

"Anyone want a beer?" Meredith asked. Everyone said yes. Holly just wanted her expensive bottled water.

"You do realize that is the same shit that comes out of my faucet, right?" Meredith said sarcastically, taking a swig from her beer.

"It is not!" Holly whined.

"Whatever." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. Meredith ran to the door to get the pizza. "Pizza is here." She yelled. She carried the pizza into the kitchen. Everyone started grabbing slices like starved animals.

"Eww, who eats this?" Addison asked.

"Oh, that's mine. Feta cheese, Chicken, bacon and pineapple. Yum." Meredith responded, taking a slice and eating it.

"You ordered yourself a large?" Izzie asked in shock.

"Yes, I am hungry." Meredith told her.

"You should really think about eating healthier. It would come out in you hair, and skin." Holly chipped in.

"And you should really think about minding your own business, instead of whining to the Chief." Meredith answered nastily. Holly was shocked at her boldness and said nothing.

"Ouch." Alex shouted, shoving pizza in his mouth.

"You should be nice, Meredith." George answered, getting a glare from everyone.

"More alcohol, anyone?" Meredith asked, everyone agreed. She grabbed some beers, and handed them out. She went back out to the pod, and started sorting, leaving everyone inside.

"So, any guesses on who the guy is?" Asked Izzie with a mischievous smile.

"I don't have to guess, I know." Said Cristina, mocking them.

"You do not!" Alex shouted. "Grey wouldn't tell you."

"I do. But I am not saying." Cristina laughed again.

"Whatever, you do not." Izzie said, rolling her eyes.

"What do you mean? Secret guy?" Holly asked sweetly.

"Meredith has a secret boyfriend, she won't let anyone know who he is." George added to the conversation.

"That's who all the flowers are from?" Holly asked.

"Oh, yes." Izzie responded. "This guys sends them every single day."

"How romantic." Holly said with a ping of jealously. Derek had never sent her flowers.

"I bet it is someone who works at the hospital. Why else would she car?" Addison added quietly. She didn't want to get into the middle.

"I still say it's Shepherd." Alex chipped in loudly. Everyone looks at him. "What? Everyone knows he wants her. Have you not seen the looks he gives her, like she is in heat." They glare, he looks over at Holly. "Sorry. She_ is _hot." He defends, shrugging his shoulders. Holly's head dropped. She was upset.

"Hey, I know!" Izzie said, as a light bulb went of in her head. She jumps up and grabs Meredith's cellphone on the table.

"You can't do that!" George said, trying to grab it from her.

"Oh, I can." Izzie laughed, moving from his reach.

"I don't want any part of this." Addison added, looking away.

"Alex, nope it's not him, George, nope." She rattled off names, everyone shook their head. Cristina sighed when she realized Meredith didn't have Chase's number in there, at least not under his name. "Ian! I bet it's him. That just sounds like him. His ass looked like an Ian"

"What?" Said Addison.

"Oh, yesterday I walked in on him in her bed. I only got a look at his ass. It was hot. If his face is any bit as nice, she had it made!" Everyone was in shock.

"Why didn't you look at his face?" Alex asked.

"Mer came out of the bathroom. She covered him up. She made me leave." Izzie pouted. She pushes send button, calling Ian, and puts in on speakerphone. Everyone gathers around.

"Hello?" They hear Ian's deep british voice.

"Ian, hey." Izzie said.

"Who is this?" He asked, skeptically. He sounded tired.

"It's Meredith." She said, trying to sound like Meredith.

"No, I don't think so." He responded, with his accent.

"Yes, it is. It's Mer." Izzie said.

"I think I know my wife's voice. She laid in bed next to me for almost ten years." He said with a chuckle. Everyone gasped quietly. Meredith walked in the front door.

"What are we doing?" Meredith asked happily. She looked around, he face dropping.

"Meredith?" Ian said in shock. "Meredith. Is that you? Mer, I miss you. It's time to come home." He said sadly. Meredith felt like she had been punched in the stomach. All the air was sucked out of her lungs. She runs over and snaps her phone shut. She looks around the room. She wants to yell. But she doesn't even have the power, or the air in her lungs. She turns around and walks in the kitchen. She grabs the bottle of tequila and a glass, and sets it on the counter. She looks at the glass. Screw it! Now it's time to drink out of the bottle! She takes a swig and lays her head back, closing her eyes. She had been hoping she would never hear that voice again.

"Meredith. I'm-" Izzie started to say, with sadness in her eyes. Meredith turns around.

"Don't!" She screamed. "Just don't say anything! I don't want to talk!" Derek walks in the front door, and hears her scream. He had called Holly earlier and she let him know where she was.

"What's going on?" He whispered to Alex.

"Izzie was trying to find out who the mystery boyfriend was. She called Meredith's husband on accident." Alex said, as if he has just given up the biggest dirt in history.

"Husband?" Derek said in utter shock. He thought he was going to be sick.

"Let's just drop it." Meredith said quietly, taking another big swig of tequila.

"But you are married!" George said innocently.

"I am _NOT_ married. I am divorced. You dumb asses called my ex-husband. Let's just get this shit done." She said quietly. She goes to walk out of the room. "Derek. Hey. There is pizza in there if you are hungry." She offered. Her cellphone starts to ring. She looks down at the number. "Shit." She muttered. She ignored it. She walks out to the pod with her bottle of tequila. Derek goes in the kitchen.

"Who had the feta cheese pizza, it's great!" Derek said.

"Derek! You know you aren't supposed to eat that!" Holly whined.

"That is Meredith's. No one else would eat that!" Izzie whispered. Everyone sat in the living room in shock.

"Why do you think she never said anything?" Izzie asked.

"Izzie, I don't generally walk up to someone and say, 'I'm Addison. I'm divorced." Addison told her.

"She's right." George added.

"Why did she still have his number in her phone?" Izzie asked.

"Who knows." Said Alex, sitting back in his chair.

"I wonder what happened between them. The look on her face. He sounded sad." Izzie stated. "And why would he call her his wife if they are still divorced? Ten years is a long time."

"Yes, it is." Derek said quietly before walking out to the pod unnoticed. Derek walked up to the pod and knocked. "Can I come in?" Derek asked.

"I guess." Meredith responded. Derek slide the door open. She was sitting on a box. He slide the door shut. It went black. He could sense her, he knew exactly where she was, he sat on the floor next to her.

"Are you okay?" He asked sympathetically. She wished he could look in her eyes.

"I'm fine. Why would you ask?" She said quickly.

"Maybe because you are hiding in a pod, with the door shut." He responded softly. "With a bottle of tequila." He added. "So, I think you are probably not okay." If he could see her face, he would see the tears that were now burning her cheeks.

"I shouldn't care. It was a joke. Our marriage was a joke." Meredith said with a laugh.

"You shouldn't say that. Marriage is-" Derek started to say in a kind, soft voice.

"No Derek, It was literally a joke." She started to laugh, then cry, he could hear her. He could feel her body shaking. He pulled her onto the floor with him and embraced her. "I'm okay." She said, climbing off of the floor.

"You're okay." He said, joining her.

Meredith and Derek carried boxes in. Everyone started helping Meredith move things in. They just wanted to leave. The tension was thick. Everyone knew she was mad. They all felt stupid. They knew it was wrong. After an hour, they got it done. They all sat down on the sofa and moaned.

"Thanks everyone." Meredith said, taking another drink of tequila. Everyone just stared. She was getting drunk fast. "If that phone vibrates one more time..." It was making her mad. She was already on edge. She didn't want him to get a hold of her. She stood up, and reached the the phone in two strides. She sat down and looked the the screen. She let out a huff and launched the phone into the fireplace where it smashed into pieces. "That takes care of that!" She said quickly.

"I think We'll be going." Pretty much everyone said, as they scattered like mice. Every one left the house except Addison. Addison sat down next to her on the sofa.

"Okay. So, I'm ready. For the rest of the story. The dirt, the gossip. You said you would tell me. I'm ready..." Addison said as she threw her arm around Meredith's shoulder.

---------

**The next chapter will be a flashback, you will find out about Meredith and Ian's marriage. So, you really should review. It would be nice and kind and whatever... On the 4/19 episode it says Meredith and Derek start to question their relationship... OH NO! **


	9. Ask Me How I Am

**I sure wish I owned Grey's Anatomy. There wouldn't be any upset Mer/Der fans. So, I do not own this fine show!**

**A/N: The text in italics is the flashback.**

"I really didn't want to go to Las Vegas for spring break. I wanted to go to Cancun, or someplace tropical. I wanted to lay on the beach, sipping tropical mixed drinks. My friend, Megan insisted we go. Her boyfriend, Chris wanted to go there to meet some of his friends. I obviously wasn't going anywhere by myself, so I agreed. My mom, she was mad. She wanted me to stay home. I needed to be responsible, get ready for college. I had graduated from high school one semester early. I had just turned eighteen. I had freedom, and I wanted to fly. We got in a fight, and I told her I was going. A few days later, I was on a plane headed to Las Vegas." Meredith began her story, as Addison listened intently.

-------------

_"Can you please just stop talking?" Meredith said, laying her head back against the seat._

_"I can't help it! I am excited. We are going to Las Vegas! Clubs, casinos, how awesome is that?" Meg said happily._

_"Really awesome if you are eighty and retired." Meredith responded dryly._

_"Oh, come on, Mer. You will have a good time!" Chris, Megan's boyfriend shouted over to her._

_"Yeah, okay. I am going to be a third wheel." Meredith whined as she closed her eyes._

_"No, you aren't, there are going to be tons of hot college guys." Megan piped in. "Are you just upset about Jake?" Megan asked sympathetically._

_"Oh yeah, she's upset." Chris rolled his eyes. "A chick doesn't dump her boyfriend two days before she leaves for Las Vegas for nothing. It was because Jake couldn't go, and she wanted have a good time with or without him. She's not upset." He laughed. Meredith ignored his comment, even if it was slightly true._

_"Spring break is supposed to be tropical. Bathing suits, hot sun, sandy beaches..." Meredith whined._

_"It will be fun, I promise." Megan said. Chris leaned over and kissed her. Meredith rolled her eyes and turned away. "Oh, here." Megan hands Meredith an i.d._

_"What's this?" Meredith asked, grabbing it._

_"It's a fake i.d., dummy, If you want to go clubbing and drink, you are going to need it!" Megan laughed._

_"Oh, yeah. Duh." Meredith said, looking at the i.d. "Thanks." She had a feeling that she was going to get into way too much trouble in Las Vegas._

_---------------_

_Meredith grabbed her bags and headed up to the hotel room with Megan and Chris. Megan and Meredith were sharing a room, Chris was sharing a room with his friends. The room was fairly nice, and looked clean. Meredith put her bags down and collapsed on the bed. It felt great to be free, to do what she wanted. Her mom didn't keep a tight leash on her, but she did put a lot of pressure on her to succeed._

_"Come on!" Megan chirped, as she smacked Meredith in the arm._

_"What?" Meredith said with a moan. She didn't feel like doing anything._

_"Let's go do something." Megan said, smiling._

_"You go, I'll rest!" Meredith suggested._

_"No." Megan stated loudly._

_"Besides, Las Vegas doesn't come to life until dark. I want to be at the top of my game. You and Chris can go hang out." Meredith said, laying her head on her pillow._

_"Fine. You are definitely coming out tonight though." Megan whined, and she walked out the door and into the hallway._

_"Okay." Meredith said. She closed her eyes and took a nap._

_--------------------_

_"Come on, Mer!" Megan yelled through the door. "We said we would meet them fifteen minutes ago!"_

_"I'm almost done." Meredith said, finishing up her makeup. She never wore makeup at home. Las Vegas was different. She was going to come to life. She opened the door, revealing herself. She was wearing a black skirt and a red halter top._

_"You look hot!" Megan shouted, they both started laughing. "You are the lucky one here. You came unattached! I was stupid..."_

_"I'm sure it won't be that great." She giggled. They made their way to the elevator. She laughed when she noticed a middle aged man checking her out._

_"She's hot, right?" Megan asked the man, who blushed. "It's okay, we all know it."_

_"So how many of Chris' friends are going to be here?" Meredith asked, raising her eyebrows._

_"Oh, I think five. Yeah, five, that's what he said. I am jealous. Five hot guys..." Megan moaned. "Oh, there they are." She pointed across the street. They were standing outside the club._

_"Hey guys." Megan said as they approached the crowd. "This is my best friend in the whole world, Meredith." She giggled. "And totally available." She motioned at her._

_"Quit trying to pimp me out!" Meredith said with a smirk._

_"This is Ian, Allan, Chuck, Kyle and David." Chris said._

_"Hey." Meredith smiled. Ian was the hottest one, and definitely the most confident. She could tell that he thought he could have anything he wanted, Allan was quiet, and reserved. Chuck was quirky, he was definitely and acquired taste. Kyle was a classic jock, and David was the smart one. David was safe, he was the one she would have the most in common with. "We are going to be waiting forever."_

_"No. Ian will get us in right away. He comes here a lot." David said with a smile._

_"Is that so?" Meredith asked, turning towards Ian._

_"It is." He said. She found his british accent incredibly sexy. She looked into his bright green eyes. "Just one minute."_

_"So, what college do you go to?" Kyle asked, leaning towards Meredith._

_"None, yet. I am still deciding." She returned to him._

_"Ahh, I see." He said, talking loudly over the music that was playing inside the club._

_"Come on!" Ian yelled. They all followed._

_"I.d." The bouncer said as Meredith approached the door. She handed it over. "Okay." She made it, they let her in._

_"Can I get you a drink?" Kyle asked Meredith._

_"Sure." Meredith smiled. _

_"What'll it be?" _

_"Uh, just a beer, I guess." She answered. She had only drank beer and tequila at home._

_"That's no fun!" He said. He came back and handed her a mixed drink. "It's a cosmo." He said._

_"Oh, thanks!" She said, taking a drink. Meredith glanced across the club and saw Ian working the scene. He was overly confident. Girls were falling over him left and right, she turned away._

_"Do you want to dance?" He asked her._

_"Sure." They made their way onto the floor. He was hot, and a good dancer . She was impressed._

_"So you're from Seattle?" He asked her._

_"Yeah, and you?" She yelled over the music._

_"Massachusetts." He shouted back. When the song ended he headed over to the bar, Meredith started watching people._

_"So how is it going?" Ian asked Kyle as he grabbed their drinks._

_"Good." He smiled. "She's hot." He said motioning to Meredith._

_"Yeah, well she's mine." Ian responded with a cocky smile._

_"I don't think so." Kyle said, not backing down._

_"Oh, yes." Ian said, grabbing Meredith's drink out if his hand. He walked over and handed it to her._

_"Hey." He hands her the drink._

_"What's this?" She asked with a crooked look on her face._

_"A drink." He stated simply with his deep voice._

_"Oh. No thanks. Kyle was actually getting me a drink." She responded, as man bumped into her._

_"Well, now I am." He said with a smile._

_"No, you aren't." She returned. She wanted him to realize he didn't get everything he wanted. She turned and walked away. Shut down._

_"Hey." Meredith said to Kyle. "You left me hanging."_

_"No." He handed her a drink. "I didn't." He glared at Ian across the room "Let's dance."_

_Meredith and Kyle hung out together most of the night. He walked her back to her hotel room but he didn't come in. She was too trashed, and he didn't want to take advantage of her. She opened up the room, revealing Megan and Chris in bed. Their head shot up when she walked by._

_"Just pretend I'm not here." She said, as she laid down, passing out._

_----------------_

_Everyone met for breakfast except Meredith. She drank a lot. The guys were used to it. Megan, barely drank anything last night. Meredith, however, had many drinks. She opened her eyes and immediately felt the pounding headache. She looked down, she was still in the same clothes. She was a mess. Once she stood up, she immediately ran to the bathroom to vomit. So this is freedom? _

_"Hey. We missed you at breakfast." Megan said as she walked in. Meredith was laying in bed._

_"Shh!" Meredith hissed._

_"Geez. How much did you drink last night?" Megan asked. "Kyle said you drank a lot."_

_"I did." Meredith said, covering her head with the pillow. "And now, I want to die!"_

_"I'm sure you do! Rest up, you have another long night ahead of you..."_

_------------------_

_"So, can I buy you a drink?" Ian asked Meredith as he walked up from behind, putting his hand on the small of her back. She was leaning against the bar. He did the down-up look. She was looking hotter tonight than the night before._

_"No." Meredith responded dryly, and turned around._

_"Ah, so you are ignoring me now?" Meredith listened to his smooth voice. She wanted to turn around so bad. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction._

_"Yeah, I think I am, actually." She said, turning her head._

_"I am charming, smart, good looking, and rich. Turn around." He said smoothly._

_"You are so stuck on yourself!" She said as she walked away. "No attractive!" She walked straight to Kyle, who was talking to some friends._

_"Hey, Kyle. Want to dance?" She asked, glancing over at a fuming Ian._

_"Sure." He responded. The both went out on the dance floor. Ian was watching like a hawk. He was insanely jealous. The dancing got more intense, sexier. How could she ignore him? No one has ever been able to resist him, ever, He purposely made his way over by Meredith and cut in between the two of them._

_"Hey." Ian said._

_"Why do you insist on bothering me?" She stopped dancing and walked away from him._

_"You are an ass!" Kyle said to his friend. "I finally find a chick I'm into, and you try to steal her away. Not everything is about you."_

_"She doesn't want me. She is the first one ever. She doesn't want me." Ian stated in shock._

_"No shit!" Kyle rushed over to Meredith who was downing a shot. _

_"So, do you want to continue this in my room?" She asked seductively._

_"Really?" She shook her head. "Okay." He lead her out of the club. Ian angrily slammed a shot and grabbed a redheaded girl who was walking by._

_-------------_

_Meredith opened her eyes to see Kyle laying on the bed next to her. She looked down, thanking God that they were both still fully clothed. She laid their for a minute with her eyes closed. She heard Kyle yawn, and she opened her eyes._

_"Hey." He said with a smile._

_"Hey. So we didn't-" She started to say, looking at him._

_"No." He said quickly, looking over at her._

_"Why?" She asked. She was truly surprised. She had all intentions of sleeping with him last night. She was here to have fun._

_"You were pretty lit. I didn't want to take advantage." He said quietly. He was being honest, he wasn't like that._

_"Oh." She said smoothly. "Well, this trip is supposed to be fun."_

_"So sex with no strings is fun for you?" He asked._

_"It can be." She smiled. _

_"I'll have to remember that." Kyle said quietly. "Look, you are a nice girl and all..." He started out. He was looking guilty._

_"But--" Meredith said._

_"I have a girlfriend. She's great, and I--" He trailed off, his face looked full of guilt._

_"A Girlfriend?" She said loudly. "Seriously?" She climbed out of bed. "I give you credit, for not sleeping with someone who wanted it. But, you made it sound like you could. I dumped my boyfriend before I came here, because I wanted to have fun! You are an ass. Just go. Do me a favor, do not buy me a drink again!" He dropped his head and walked out. Megan walked out of the bathroom._

_"What's going on?" Megan's said as she walked up to her._

_"He has a girlfriend. I was going to screw him last night. He failed to mention that he is in love with someone. God! Why does this shit happen. Now I feel like my mother, the other woman." Meredith moaned._

_"It's not like you knew. No sweat, it's his problem. I can personally guarantee the other guys don't have girlfriends. Besides, Ian is really into you!" Megan said happily._

_"Ian is an ass!" Meredith shouted, showing her disdain for him._

_"Well, there is David. He is quiet. He's wanted to talk to you the whole time." Megan said, shrugging her shoulders._

_"David is nice..." Meredith said, remembering the guy that she thought she would have the most in common with. "I just need some sex. Some good, hot, sex!" Meredith huffed._

_"You are such a whore!" Megan said, with a laugh. Meredith was much more promiscuous that she._

_"I know." Meredith giggled. "So, did I miss breakfast?"_

_"Not if you hurry!" Megan said, throwing on her shoes. Meredith quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a top. They met the others at the restaurant._

_"Hey." Ian said to Meredith as she sat down at the table. She ignored him, and sat down next to Megan. Chris, Megan's boyfriend, David and Ian were the only ones there. "Where is Kyle?" Ian asked with a laugh._

_"Probably calling his girlfriend." Megan said smartly. _

_"Ouch." Ian said, looking over at Meredith. "You know, I don't have a girlfriend..."_

_"No, but you will take anything you can get." She retorted. "Not an appealing quality."_

_"That is not true. I am just looking for the right girl..." Ian said smartly. His voice almost made her swoon._

_"By getting in their pants, one by one...Great strategy." She said, rolling her eyes. She turns to Megan. "I am so not looking forward to going back to reality."_

_"You have a lot to do. Have you applied yet?" She asked._

_"Hell no. My mom is being all crazy about it." Meredith answered, taking a bite of her eggs._

_"Meredith is done with school. She graduated a semester early. Now her mom is getting her ready to be a world-class surgeon." Megan beamed with pride. Meredith laughed._

_"A surgeon?" David asked. "I'm starting Med school in a month." He said._

_"Really? What are you going for?" Meredith asked._

_"Plastics." He beamed. "What about you?" He asked, studying her intently._

_"Neurosurgery. That is, if I make it. That is a long way off." She said, smiling._

_"I'm going to be a brain surgeon!" Ian said loudly, he didn't realize that that is what a neurosurgeon was._

_"Yeah, that would be a neurosurgeon." Said David with a chuckle._

_"You aren't smart enough, sorry." Meredith giggle. "Besides, I think you would do better in gynie!" They all laugh. _

_"I am highly intelligent." Ian stated boldly. _

_"Sure, you are..." Said Meredith, unconvinced. "So where is it that are you going to college?"_

_"I'm not." He said happily._

_"Ian is living off of his parents money." Chris pipped in. "He's a rich playboy."_

_"Oh..." Said Meredith, unimpressed._

_--------------------_

_"So, it's our last night!" Megan said. "So we have to go absolutely crazy!"_

_"Yeah." Said Meredith happily._

_"Although, you have been doing that all week..." Megan said, laughing as she put her makeup on._

_"Have not!" Meredith said, loudly. Pulling her skirt on._

_"Yeah..." Megan said with doubt. "Last night, you danced topless on a table! Oh, and you have had sex with David The last few nights. Hot sex, I might mention. Luckily, he and Chris were sharing a room, or I would have gotten no sleep! Oh, and you flashed your boobs to get in the club. And then you let all those guys do belly shots off of you. Not to mention the dancing..." Megan went on, Meredith cut her off._

_"Okay, okay! But it has totally rocked!" Meredith said happily._

_"So, you are glad you came?" Megan asked._

_"Yeah, I really am." Meredith answered. "Especially because I have my best friend with me!"_

_"So, Ian is going to get us into the hottest club in Vegas." Megan smiled and pulled her shoes on. "It is going to be crazy!"_

_-------------------_

_Has nobody asked you how you are?_

_You look like you might not last the day_

_I wouldn't have made it very far_

_So we'd make a good team right away_

_"Where is David?" Meredith asked Chris, with disappointment in her voice._

_"He is back in the room. He's sick as hell." Chris said, sympathetically._

_"Oh well." She shrugged. "There are tons of guys here, and I am cruising."_

_"I like your attitude!" Chris joked, and walked away. A guy came up and asked her to dance. She danced with several guys for over an hour. She went up to the bar, and leaned against it._

_"From the guy at the end of the bar." The bartender slid her a drink. She looked down to see Ian. She slide it back. _

_"No thanks." She responded. "I will have a shot of tequila." She told him._

_"Coming right up." He responded. Ian looked over at her, she pretended she didn't see him. He walks over._

_"Why won't you let me buy you a drink?" Ian asked smoothly and he rubbed up against her._

_"Because you want to too badly." She answered simply. "Besides, you are after every girl here. You aren't exactly making me feel special."_

_"Ahh, but you are." He smiled. She stared into his green eyes. "Have you not noticed that last three days, I have dedicated my time strictly to get you to notice me?" He said confidently._

_"Oh, three days." She rolled her eyes. "Feel so privileged!"_

_"The lady will have another shot." He yelled at the bartender. He slid the shot over to her._

_"What the hell..." She shrugged. "It's your money, it doesn't mean you are getting anywhere." She slammed the shot._

_"Fine with me." He smiled. "You are definitely the hottest girl in this club."_

_"Now you just want to get in my pants." She laughed and slammed another shot._

_"Oh, I want to get in your pants. Believe me. But you really are the hottest girl in the club." She smiled. He was winning her over. Megan walked up. Ian was in the bathroom._

_"So Ian has only had eyes on you all night!" Megan said._

_"Oh yeah, he has." Meredith responded skeptically._

_"No, really." Megan said happily. "Besides, you are the one that said you wanted to have a good time. You will have a good time with Ian. I guarantee it!" Megan said, walking away._

_"Do you want to dance?" Ian said smoothly as he slid his hand down her back. She looked at him. What the hell? I am here to have fun._

_"Sure." Said said with a smile. They made their way out. The dancing was hot. Megan looked over and shook her head. Meredith was definitely having a good time now. Ian had his hands all over her, and she didn't seem to care. The many shots of tequila in her system were probably helping with that. They danced for a long time. They found Chris and Megan at a table and they sat down._

_"I'm going to get some shots!" Ian said loudly, and walked away._

_"So you seem to be having a good time!" Megan yelled over the music._

_"I am." Meredith responded._

_"I think you are a little tanked." Chris said innocently. He was getting a little concerned._

_"I am fine!" Meredith yelled. Ian came back to the table. She grabbed a shot, looked at Megan and Chris, and slammed it down._

_"Now you, are a champ!" Ian said, sitting down. "I am impressed." He slide his hand up her thigh._

_"You have seen nothing yet." Meredith responded seductively. "Let's go." She grabbed his hand and pulled him up._

_"I like how this girl thinks!" Ian said to Chris and Megan, who both glared at him. "Well, goodnight. I think it will be a very good night!" He said, walking off with Meredith._

_"Oh, shit." Chris said._

_"This is bad." Megan said with a worried look on her face._

_Meredith and Ian made it to his hotel. As the elevator doors shut, as she shoved him against the wall, and began kissing him. He was shocked, but very willing to go along. She wrapped her legs around him, and he spun her around and slammed against the wall._

_"You are so hot." He said, between kisses. "I am going to show you things you have never seen!"_

_"And I have a few tricks of my own!" She said as he led her to his lavish room. He poured them more shots. They slammed them, and then fell onto the bed._

_----------------_

_I've not made amends for yesterday_

_My lip won't get me out of it_

_Waking up dreading hearing tales_

_Of all my nightmares being true_

_Meredith felt the pounding in her head. She couldn't open her eyes. Once she did, she was going to wish she were dead. What the hell did I do last night? She remembered the dancing with Ian. It was hot, she had been all over him. She knew the sun was shining in the window, and it was going to kill her when it hit her eyes. She laid in the bed, using her senses. She was pretty sure she was naked. Yep, definitely naked. She could smell the alcohol. She smelled like she fell in a vat of it. Her body ached, she felt like she had done triathlon. Then she heard it. It was the breathing of someone else. Faint, but there. She slowly opened her eyes. She saw a sleeping Ian. Even asleep, he was hot. She looked at his very naked body, and raised his eyebrows, very impressive. He had bite and claw marks all over him. She knew it was her doing. There was an empty bottle of tequila by her head. Shit! She tried to pull the sheet, but he was on top of it. Screw it! She Threw her legs over the side of the bed, grabbing her head. The room was now spinning. Shit didn't even cover it. This was an 'Oh fuck' moment. She wasn't even sure if she would be able to walk. Her feet hit the floor. She rubbed her head. There was something on her finger. She looked down, to see a huge diamond on her hand. What the hell is this? She took if off and laid it on the table, along side a cheap, Vegas wedding chapel veil. She shook her head. She looked around. She saw used condoms. What the hell did I do? At least we were smart enough to use protection. She was walking wobbly, trying to pick up her clothes. Crap. She bent down to pick up her skirt._

_"What are you doing, my love?" Ian said sweetly in his british accent. Meredith's head shot up. "I have to say, you look much better without clothes." She covers herself._

_"I had panties, black ones." He pulled them from behind him._

_"Ah, these. I thought I could keep these!" He said. "A souvenir."_

_"Give them to me!" She shouted. He does, she pulls them on. "And a bra..." He grabs it off the lamp, and throws it to her. _

_"This black lacy one?" He said with a smirk. She raised her arm to catch it. She was sore. She did not even want to know what she did last night. _

_"You did have some tricks. I am impressed." He smiled._

_"I don't even want to know..." She moaned._

_"Oh I will have fond memories of this forever. You are quite flexible. You bend in ways I have never seen." Ian laughed. She was now fully clothed. "So, why don't you come back to bed? We were great together. Believe me, you want to remember. I could help you refresh your memory."_

_"Never again! It was a mistake." Meredith said angrily. She was more angry at herself than him. "I didn't mean to do it."_

_"All five times? You are a very, very dirty girl. The things you can do with your mouth..." He chuckled. She rolled her eyes and walked to the door. "Where do you think you are going, my beautiful bride?" Meredith turned around._

_"Ha ha, very funny." She said, walking closer to the door._

_"Ah, funny, but very true. Where is your ring, by the way? You picked out the biggest one. Here." He held out a piece of paper. She walked over and grabbed it. She looked down and gasped. She was indeed, really married. She didn't know what to do. She sat down and stared at the wall._

_"What do we do?" She said sadly._

_"We go home." He said as if it was obvious._

_"Go home? No, I mean an annulment, or whatever." She said quietly._

_"I don't want an annulment." Ian said smoothly, looking at her shocked face._

_"What?" Meredith said in shock._

_"I have never met a girl that could keep up with me. I do this all of the time." He told her._

_"What, marry unknowing girls..." She spat at him._

_"No, drink. I wasn't that drunk, I knew what we were doing." Ian explained. "You picked out the ring, you picked the chapel."_

_"Why? Why did I agree?" Meredith asked sadly._

_"We wanted to piss of our parents. My mum has been trying to set me up with her friend's daughters. Who, I might add, are absolute cheeky cows. You are not what my mum wants me to bring home, especially as a wife." He said, looking at her saddened face._

_"Thanks." Meredith felt like she was going to cry. She rubbed her temples._

_"No. It's not like that. I like you. She wants a refined, tea drinking, rich robot. Someone with class from a notable family. She wouldn't want me married to such a bold, sexy, confident woman. You said you hated your mum and this would be the worst revenge ever. You also said something about your mum being an adulterous, commanding whore, who pushed you too hard." Ian told her. Meredith started to cry lightly. He rubbed her back, at his touch she sobbed. "Meredith, come home with me. I can take care of you. I can give you anything you want. Besides, you don't want to go home, do you?" He said, sympathetically._

_"No." She said. It was the truth. She didn't want to go home to her demanding mother. She was an adult! She made her own decisions. He grabs her ring off the table, and hands it to her. She slid it on. _

_"You are a woman who knows what she wants. Get out from under your mum's cloud. Make your own life." He is an ass, an ass's ass. But it's my mistake. I need to own it. Besides, I could really start over in England. "So, where is home?" She asked._

_"England." He said, she sighed. Maybe she could be happy, maybe she could love him. Maybe this was fate. Just maybe. Or, just maybe I have lost my mind?_

_I take a breath and grab the phone_

_Secretly hoping you're not home_

_I'd leave a message - I was out_

_Out of my mind on drink and drugs_

_-------------------_

"Wow." Addison said in a state of shock. "So you married a guy in a drunken haze?"

"Pretty much. I don't even know how they could do it, I was so drunk. But it happened. It was legal. He held a dual citizenship. I called my mom, told her I wouldn't be home. I left all of my stuff. We left from Las Vegas, and headed straight to England. I got on a plane with a man I barely knew, who just happened to be my husband." Meredith said, she was shocked herself.

"So what happened, why did you get a divorce?" Addison asked. She heard the familiar beep of Addison's pager. "Sorry, I have to go..." Addison trailed off.

"That's okay. I'm going to bed. Thanks, Addie, for listening." Meredith said, standing up.

"You still have more to tell me. This is better than a soap opera..." She said, standing up.

"Yeah, and it's my life. How pathetic." Addison gave her a hug, then walked out. Meredith made her way upstairs and laid in her bed. She put her head on the pillow and cried. She cried for hours. Ten years, gone forever. She didn't even hear Chase come in. He laid next to her, holding her. He had no idea why she was crying. He just held her.

"I love you, Meredith." He whispered.

I'm beginning to wonder? What is love?

_--------------_

**The song was 'Ask Me How I Am' By Snow Patrol. Fitting for waking up next to your unknown husband. Okay, so I hope you now have a bigger idea as to what's going on. Ian didn't take advantage of Mer, she wanted it. Except the wedding, which she has absolutely no memory of. And before you ask, it really was legal. And as for her going with him, at the time she was pissed at the world, and thought what the hell. Later you will find out what happened over there... Please REVIEW! And thanks for reading!**


	10. Playing Dirty

**Grey's Anatomy I do not own. If I did, we may be in trouble!**

Chase held Meredith all night long after she had told Addison about Ian. He didn't know what was wrong, but he could tell she was upset. She didn't want to tell him yet. It wasn't a big deal. There are a lot of people that are divorced. It's not as if it is some taboo subject. She knew, that he knew. she was upset, and if she told him about Ian at that point, he would think she still cared about him. She didn't want him to feel threatened by a man that wasn't around, and wouldn't be anytime soon. So they dropped it, nothing was said. She didn't offer, and he didn't ask.

No one said anything about Ian. All of her friends kept their mouthes shut. Cristina spent a week pouting because Meredith hadn't told her about him. She got over it when she realized Meredith wasn't going to bite the bait she was holding. Meredith wanted to pretend that it had never happened. She wanted to act as if her friends never called her ex-husband behind her back, and in a sense betrayed her. So she avoided. She avoided the subject completely.

Miranda Bailey dragged her interns through rounds. She was in an especially grouchy mood. They were all nearly silent, as they walked. They didn't want to risk pissing her off anymore than she already was.

"Grey, you present." She shoved the chart into her hands, almost pushing Meredith back a few steps.

"Uh, okay. Gina Adler is in for Posterior Cervical Fusion. She still needs and MRI. She is scheduled for surgery at ten." Meredith said. She continued to explain what the surgery would entail.

"It's your case." Dr. Bailey said, and then she walked out of the room.

"Dr. Grey, you need to get an MRI done, and get the results to me asap." Derek said with a smile.

"Right away, Sir." She said happily. He began whistling as he walked out of the room.

Meredith took the patient to MRI. She passed Chase on the way. He gave her a smile. She could tell that he was getting impatient with her. She was still unable to tell him that she loved him. She liked him a lot, and she really cared about him. She liked having him around, and she definitely had a connection with him. He was a generous, intelligent, compassionate guy who could love her unconditionally. He would never hurt her. She knew that, but she still couldn't say those three words. She wasn't even sure what true love was anymore.

Meredith found Derek in the stairwell. He was just walking through the door.

"I was just coming to look for you." She said quickly.

"Were you really?" He asked with a bright smile. They walk up to the nurses station.

"Here is the MRI." She hands the envelope to him, he opens it and looks at the films.

"There it is, he points to the MRI. See the dislocation?" He asks her, glancing into his green eyes.

"Yeah, right there." She points to the film.

"Yep, that's it. I need you to prep her." He said. "So how is your pipe?" He asked her.

"My pipe? Oh, that pipe. Yeah, it's good. I was actually thinking about breaking some more. That's how I get guys to my house." She started laughing, he joined her.

"Is it now?" He said. Neither of them noticed Doctor Chase Carter watching them. He was jealous. She was laughing with him. She seemed open, happy. Chase immediately walked over to the OR board and erased his surgery. After talking to Meredith, Derek walked over to the board.

"What the hell?" He shouted. "What happened to my surgery at ten?" He asked a nurse.

"I don't know. You should ask the Chief, he erased it." She answered meekly. Derek stormed to Chase's office, and knocked on the door.

"Come in." Chase shouted. He looked up from his paperwork. "Ah, Dr. Shepherd. How can I help you?" Chase asked.

"You could tell me why my surgery was erased from the board." He said loudly.

"I will be doing a valve replacement." Chase returned, looking down at the papers. Derek sensed that Chase didn't really care that Derek was mad, he was acting like it was no big deal.

"Is this valve replacement an emergency? Why is Dr. Burke not doing this?" Derek raised his voice even louder.

"I think I have the knowledge to know what is an emergency and what is not. Yours is not. My judgment is what runs this hospital. Dr. Burke is on a case. Your surgery was bumped. End of discussion, Dr. Shepherd." Chase said simply, no anger in his voice. He had a way of keeping his voice level, even when anger was building up.

"It's because I was talking to Dr. Grey, right?" Derek said sharply, Chase's head then rose.

"No, it isn't. It's because my patient needs a valve replacement. I am confident that you are abiding by the rules and were talking to Dr. Grey about medicine." Chase retorted, looking Derek in the face.

"So, you are saying that it is against the rules to say "How are you today, Dr. Grey?" or "How are you feeling?" that's against the rules?" Derek said loudly, anger rising in him.

"I don't think I need to remind you of the rules. I was sure that we understood each other." Chase answered.

"She isn't your type." Derek said simply and flatly.

"Excuse me?" Chase asked, getting angry. He was with Meredith. Ha! I am her type.

"She isn't the kind of girl to go with you. She is more of--" Derek said, Chase interrupted before he could finish.

"Your type? Is that what you were going to say? I have to tell you, it won't happen." Chase mocked. Derek turned around and started to walk out. "Oh, let Dr. Grey know that she will be with me today." Derek left. He walked straight to Meredith, who was prepping the patient.

"Carter bumped our surgery." Derek said simply, with a slight bit of anger in his voice.

"What? He can't do that!" She raised her voice.

"He did. And you are on his service today." Derek said, looking at her.

"Okay. Well, when is your surgery going to be on the board?" She asked innocently.

"Who knows. Carter has it out for me." Derek retorted, with a bit of sarcasm.

"Oh, he does not!" Meredith laughed and walked away.

"If you only knew." Derek muttered to himself.

---------------

Meredith joined Chase in surgery. He was already beginning when she walked in. During the surgery, he kept looking at her. She was watching his precise movements. She was impressed. She had never seen him work before. He was very talented. She didn't notice the looks that he was giving her across the table. He had fallen for her. And he had fallen for her hard. She had no idea. Derek was up in the gallery. He saw the looks. He clenched his fists. How dare he go after her. Why did he care? She was just an intern, he told himself. He sat down in a chair. He didn't even notice Holly walk in.

"Interesting surgery?" She asked, sitting next to him.

"Just a valve replacement." He said quietly, watching the pair.

"You seem enthralled." She said, watching his intense gaze. "I thought you had surgery." She said innocently.

"Chief Asshole bumped it." He said, immediately regretting it. He didn't regret saying it. He regretting saying it to her.

"God Derek. What is your problem?" She said, looking down, then looking at the surgical team. She saw the look, the look Chase gave to Meredith. "Oh my God. He wants her, and you are jealous! It's true, isn't it? What everyone says..." She said in a saddened shock. "You want her."

"No, I do not want her. What the hell is wrong with you people?" He yelled. She stood up and ran out. Normally he would follow her. He didn't want to, he didn't care how she felt at this moment.

-------------------

"So, why did you bump the surgery?" Meredith asked, as she scrubbed her hands. Chase was doing the same.

"This valve replacement needed to be done." He said simply as he began to dry his hands.

"It wasn't an emergency." She answered quietly.

"It was more emergent than Dr. Shepherd's case." He answered matter-of-factly.

"It could have waited. Are you picking on him?" She giggled.

"Now why would I do that?" He asked as he slid his hand down the small of her back, resting it on her bottom. Meredith jumped when the door came open. She saw Derek and immediately got a nervous look on her face. Derek looked down at Chase's hand, and looked up at him.

"So, is my surgery going to get done today, or should I just go home?" Derek asked nastily.

"I can try to get it on the board later." Chase said dryly.

"Fine." Derek replied, walking out.

"Now where were we?" Chase asked as he turned her around.

"Well, you were leaving, and I am checking on our patient." Meredith said quickly. She felt slightly unnerved being caught by Derek.

"See you tonight?" He asked.

"I don't know. I'm tired. I should go home alone at least once and awhile." Meredith said with as smile as she walked out, leaving him dumfounded.

---------------

Meredith checked on her patient. The patient was going through recovery well. She headed towards an on-call room. She was tired, she wasn't ready to go home. She opened the door, to see Derek laying there with his arms behind his head. She shut the door and locked it. There was only one bunk bed, and she didn't want anyone to come in and wake her.

"Hey. Whatcha doing?" She asked him. He looked like he had a lot on his mind.

"I don't know anymore." He answered sadly. She looked at his face and laid down in the bed next to him. Her feet were by his head. He threw a pillow down to her. "God, your feet stink!" He joked.

"They do not!" She said feeling offended.

"Oh yes they do." He laughed.

"Oh yeah? How about now?" She said, shoving them in his face. He swatted them down. She shoved them back in his face, and he bit her toe. "Ouch!" She shouted.

"You do realize that you are extremely immature." He stated with a smile.

"Well, I think I am playing with a five year old here." She joked back.

"Maybe." He said. His smile quickly faded.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked him, her mood turning serious.

"No. Yes. I don't know." He said indecisively. They both laid there for a few minutes. "You don't have to take it. Just because he is the Chief..." Derek trailed off.

"Take what?" Meredith asked in shock.

"Sexual harassment." He said quietly.

"What are you talking about?" She asked in shock. "He wasn't. It was a joke..." She said, laughing it off.

"It was?" He asked, she nodded. "I think he is after you. You should watch yourself. It could ruin your career." He warned.

"Don't worry about me. By the look on your face, you have your own problems." She said back to him, adjusting her pillow.

"Yeah. I just. I'm not sure." He said, and trailed off. They laid there for a while.

"Do you love her? Holly, I mean." Meredith asked softly, knowing she was on thin ice. Derek looked at her and sighed.

"I don't know." He rubbed his face. "She is a nice person. I know you don't like her." He looked over at Meredith, she didn't have to say anything, he knew he was right. "But she is kind, and she's a good girl, ya know? She is--I don't know. It's sad, but I--I don't think so. But she's safe, and she means well." He said quietly, almost feeling guilty. "I don't love her the way I should."

"How do you know, if you love someone?" Meredith asked innocently.

"Seriously?" He looked at her like she was joking. He realized she wasn't.

"I don't know. I used to know, but now I am not sure anymore." She said.

"If you love someone, you just know. You just know it. It is a feeling you get." He said.

"Oh..." She sighed and dropped her head to the side. "Well can you learn to love someone?"

"Yeah, I think so. But it won't last, you will never have a real relationship." He explained. "Why?"

"I don't know. This guy, he's great. He is safe, and he will never hurt me. But I can't say it, and I don't know if it is because it's how I feel, or because I'm scared. I don't know anything anymore." She said quietly, a single tear running down her cheek. "So what are you going to do? About Holly. Are you going to hope that it comes along, love I mean."

"I don't know. I don't want to hurt her. She doesn't deserve it." He said, looking at Meredith. Something about her soothed him.

"I need a drink. Do you want to go to Joe's?" She asked happily.

"Sure, why not. I'm sure my surgery will not be getting done today..." He trailed off.

-------------

"Joe, I'll just have a beer tonight" Meredith said, sitting down with Derek.

"Me too." Derek said with a smile. "Do you play darts?" He said as he looked over at her.

"Not very well. Ian tried to teach me. He ended up getting speared in the side of the head. He vowed to never do it again!" She laughed at the memory.

"Well, I could teach you." He said with a smile.

"So I am guessing you don't value your eyes." She laughed.

"It can't be that bad." He said as he walked over to the dart board. "Okay, let's see what you've got." He hands he a dart. She throws it, it bounces of the wall and lands in a man's drink. "Uh, you may want to give the lady some room." Derek said with a laugh. "Try again."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked. He nodded her head. She threw this one harder and it really went flying. Neither of them noticed that Holly was sitting with a few friends from work at a table in the corner. Alex was also at the bar.

"Okay. You need help." He busted out laughing, she frowned. "With your technique, I mean." He pulled her body close, and took her hand in his. They both stood that way for a moment. He breathed in her scent. They fit together perfectly. She felt so safe, so comfortable against he body. She didn't want to throw the dart, she wanted to stay in his arms. He guided her arm and she released the dart, it hit the board. "That was better!" He said. "Now try it on your own." She did, but she made sure it didn't go anywhere near the board. She longed for his touch.

"That was not so good." She laughed. He once again took her into his grasp. She felt him against her. It was definitely there. She could feel his erection against her. She smiled, but immediately felt guilty. Her body went limp. The couldn't deny that there was something between them. She felt a wave of warmth cover her body. She smelled his cologne. It went with him perfectly. It was intoxicating. He raised her hand and she threw the dart, making a bulls-eye. A bulls-eye, how fitting.

"Are you just going to let this happen?" Kelly, Holly's friend stated to her.

"Uh-" Holly said in shock. She was not the type to start a fight. She felt stupid. Her boyfriend was obviously flirting with someone else in the same room as herself.

"You are going to let that bitch stay all over your boyfriend?" Kelly said loudly.

"He doesn't look so innocent himself." Stated Jan, her other friend.

"I'd be kicking her ass!" Kelly said. "Do you want me to?"

"No." Said Holly. "I have my own plans..." She said as she lifted her camera phone and took a picture. She keyed in the Chief's e-mail address. "By tomorrow, Meredith Grey will be living in hell..." Holly seethed.

"This should be good. But what about Derek." Jan asked innocently.

"The Chief will punish him. But once Meredith is out of the picture, he will be all mine." Holly laughed.

----------------

Meredith walked down the hallway and up to her room. She wiggled the handle, it was locked. He was here. Chase was here. She knocked lightly on the door, and whispered, "It's me." The door unlocked.

"Where have you been?" He said rudely.

"Um, at Joe's." Meredith responded. She wasn't going to lie. She went into the bathroom and changed, and came and laid down. Chase was sitting up in bed. He leaned over to kiss her. The kiss was full of anger, and she knew it.

"You should take a shower." He spat dryly.

"Why?" She asked, pulling away.

"You smell like stale beer, and _him._" Chase seethed.

"What?" Meredith said, sitting up straight.

"Derek Shepherd. His scent is all over you, and it's disgusting." He clenched his jaw. "Here." He handed her a folded up piece of paper. She opened it. Her eyes grew wide. "Where did you get this? Are you having someone watch me?" She said angrily. She folded up the picture of she and Derek playing darts. It looked every bit as intense as it was.

"No. An interested party sent that to me." He stated. "Why him? Why?"

"Chase, there is nothing going on." She said, already giving up the fight.

"It sure as hell doesn't look like it, Meredith. Look at you two." He stated sadly. "I love you, and this is what you do..." He drops his head, his voice cracks. He starts to get up from the bed. She pulls him down.

"Chase." She says softly, cradling his face. "Look at me." He looks in her eyes. "There is absolutely nothing going on. I would not do that to you. I wish you could just trust me. That hurts me. That you don't trust me." She said, his eyes well up.

"I have never felt this way about someone, Meredith. Quite frankly, it scares the shit out of me. You are all I think about. Before, I was the guy that didn't call. I left girls hanging, and now, I am the girl. Waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting to hear your voice. I can't lose you." He said, choking up.

"There is nothing going on between Derek Shepherd and I." She said softly. He laid down next to her and pulled her close. He believed her. She was wondering if she believed it herself.

-------------

**"Ask Me How I Am" was on a C.D. single of the same name. So Meredith is starting to feel something between she and Derek. I am trying to move things along, but if I rush too much I feel like you guys are getting cheated. So please let me know if it is okay. I try to get as much Mer/Der as possible, but Mer is in a semi-broken state, and she needs Chase to push her one way or the other, which will happen. He will be gone, so please stick with it. Please Review, even if it is "I read your crap..." No, please don't say that, it might hurt my feelings:)**


	11. Say it Ain't So

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I sure wish I did.**

Meredith rolled over in bed. She had actually slept pretty good. The bathroom door was shut, and she could hear the water running. She glanced over at the clock. She still had five more minutes to lay there. She stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the night before. She could still smell him. It was intoxicating, and his touch, she longed for it. Derek had a way of making her feel safe. She didn't really know him, but she did know that when she was around him, the rest of the world disappeared. Stop thinking about this. You are both unavailable! He has Holly, even if he doesn't love her. The alarm went off, Meredith rolled over to his side of the bed, and leaned over turning it off. Something caught her eye. There lying next to his briefcase was a single sheet of paper. She leaned down and grabbed it. She gasped when she read the first line. She got right out of bed and opened the bathroom door. Chase was standing there, flossing his teeth. He looked in the mirror at her.

"What is this?" She demanded, holding the piece of paper up.

"Uh, that would be my resignation." He said, stating the obvious.

"I know what it is! Why did you write it?" She asked, placing her hands on her hips. He led her over to the bed, and sat her down, he knelt in front of her.

"Meredith. You mean a lot to me. I don't want to live like this, you sneaking over, me sneaking over. The kisses in the scrub room, sex in my office. I want to show you off. I want to tell everyone about you. So, I am resigning." He said sweetly, looking into her eyes. She smiled, then her face dropped.

"No! No, absolutely not! I will not let this happen. Being Chief of Surgery is a big honor. Surgeons dream of that. You enjoy it. I will not have you throw that away for me." She said loudly.

"Meredith." He tried to speak.

"No!" She said, ripping the paper in half. "I will not have you resent me. I will not let you give this up. We will make it work. Please, if you care about me, don't do this. I won't be able to forgive myself. Please?" She said sympathetically. She wasn't sure why, but she was hell bent on him not resigning. Was it Derek? Was she afraid that if he did it, and they ended the relationship, that he would regret his decision.

"Meredith." He said, staring into her eyes.

"Please." She said softly.

"Okay. Okay, but I am only doing it because of you." He said, shaking his head.

"You better go..." Meredith suggested, knowing they were getting closer and closer to getting caught by George and Izzie.

"See you later. How about dinner? At Angelo's?" He asked.

"Sounds good." She smiled and kissed him softly. "Bye." Chase snuck out the door and down the hall. Meredith went in the bathroom to get ready. When she emerged she sat down on the bed. She held her head in her hands. Chase was willing to give up a lot for her, and she couldn't even say 'I love you.' She laid her head back and caught sight of the picture. Holly wasn't getting away with this, not this time. She folded it up, and shoved it in her pocket, heading downstairs.

----------------

"You are on Shepherd's case, since it got bumped yesterday. Go find him." Miranda Bailey barked at Meredith. She ran off and immediately found Derek talking to Holly. Meredith shot Holly a nasty glare. Holly was wondering if the Chief had talked to her yet.

"Oh, Meredith how are you today, Hon?" Holly said happily, but she had nasty undertones.

"I am wonderful, how are you, Dear?" Meredith shot back. Derek just looked back and forth between the women. He felt like a rose between two thorns.

"I am great. Derek, I have to go." She said, pulling him into a kiss that made Meredith turn away and gag. Holly walked away seductively. Holly hadn't realized that Derek wasn't even watching her.

"So, you have your surgery today..." She smiled. "I have been assigned to you." Meredith said nervously. She was a little nervous, but she was giving it to him. She was just waiting for the right time.

"Good. Well, the tests have been run. Maybe this time we will make it into the Operating Room." He laughed, she ran off to prep their patient.

--------------

The surgery had gone well. It was textbook. Derek asked her a lot of questions about the procedure. All of which she got right. She was extremely talented. Meredith looked up to see Chase in the Gallery. He flashed her a smile, which she returned. He knew it was there, even if it was under her surgical mask. They were just finishing up the surgery. Meredith walked into the scrub room, Derek right behind her.

"I had a great time last night." Derek said. Meredith looked over, and Derek flashed her a smile.

"I did too, but--" Her face dropped, and he looked worried.

"What?" He said, waiting for the bad news that he knew was coming.

"It's not going to happen again." She said, looking at the floor. She didn't want to look into his eyes.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" He said, wondering if he had crossed some invisible line.

"Derek. Um. Okay, fine." She raised her voice. "You need to put a lease on the bitch of a girlfriend of yours. I am not going to lose my internship because of her. If she goes to Chase--The Chief one more time, I swear. I am not going to lie here and let her walk over me, Derek."

"What do you mean?" He said, looking at her like she was crazy. "Calm down!" He raised his voice.

"Here." She shoved the folded up picture of them into his hands. He unfolds it and looks.

"Where did this--" He started to say.

"It was hand delivered to me by the Chief this morning. Thanks to your girlfriend." She shouted.

"What? How do you know it was her?" He said, getting irritated by her insinuation.

"Get a fucking clue Derek! I'm sure it was taken by a cellphone. Her cellphone!" She ranted. "This is a waste of time. I don't think we can talk anymore. Obviously she isn't secure enough to let you have any human contact. I need to check on our patient." She flung the door open and walked out. Derek stood there looking at the photo. It was a very hot picture. He looked at Meredith in the photo. She was beautiful. He looked at the trash can. He went to throw it out, but something stopped him. He needed it, he wanted to look at it again. He folded it up, and placed it in his pocket.

--------------

"You look happy. In an angry, hateful way." Cristina said loudly as Meredith walked to the table full of interns.

"I hate Holly. She is a bitch." Meredith ranted, and sat down heavily in her chair.

"What now?" Izzie asked. She pretty much kept her mouth shut after the Ian incident.

"She sent a picture of Derek and I at the bar, to the Chief." Meredith furrowed her brow, as she took a bite of her salad.

"Ouch." Cristina said, laughing. "So this picture, what were you doing exactly?"

"Playing darts. I mean come on..." Meredith said trying to convince them.

"Oh that..." Alex said like he knew more than everyone else.

"What does that mean?" Cristina asked, looking at Alex, then Meredith.

"Oh, she and McDreamy were pretty chummy last night. Playing darts, no. Getting ready to mount, oh yes." Alex started boldly, and shoved food in his mouth.

"What?" Said Izzie, almost spitting out her drink.

"I don't think so. He was teaching me to play darts." She said innocently. "Nothing happened."

"I'm sure it didn't. Only because you were surrounded by a bar full of people." Alex mentioned.

"Oh, whatever." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"So, how soon? Before you and McDreamy do the nasty nasty?" Cristina said with a laugh.

"Never. I am happy with--" Meredith started to say, everyone leaned in. "You thought I would say it!" She laughed, everyone moaned.

"By the way, did you guys have a fight? It sounded like you had a fight last night." George chipped in.

"There was no fighting." Meredith said with a smile.

"I think he is really Spiderman. I have no idea how he gets in our house." Izzie pondered. "It's actually kind of creepy."

"Why can't you just trust us?" George asked innocently.

"Funny." Meredith said as she glanced around the table of gossipers. "Someday...at his funeral." She laughs. "I'm kidding. You have to wait for the right time!"

--------------

Derek found his way to Holly's office during his lunch hour. She wasn't there. He could wait. He had to wait. The office was perfect, everything was in it's place. He saw a picture of the two of them on the shelf. It was taken the night they had gone out to dinner with his Mom. His Mom never liked Holly. She said she had a stick up her ass. Which actually described her perfectly.

"Oh, Derek." She said with a smile. "What's going on?"

"Did you send a picture of Meredith and I to the Chief of Surgery?" He asked sharply, anger in his eyes.

"What? What picture? You and Meredith? Why were you and Meredith together?" She asked, pretending to be oblivious to what was going on.

"Someone sent a picture of Meredith and I playing darts to the Chief." Derek stated flatly. He didn't want her to think that there was something going on.

"When were you and Meredith playing darts?" She asked softly, looking at the floor.

"So you did send it?" He asked, ignoring her question?" He looked at her, she didn't look him in the eyes, which made him have a small bit of doubt in the back of his mind.

"No." She said, staring out into the hallway.

"Well, okay then. See you tonight." He answered, walking out into the hallway, and not looking back at her.

------------------

Derek parked his car in front of Holly's house. He pulled the picture out of his pocket for the umpteenth time. He couldn't help it. He studied the picture. He ran his finger down the curve of Meredith's body. They fit together perfectly. Holly was so uptight. Meredith was free spirited. Holly was perfect in every way. Meredith was messy, and distracted. He looked at the picture one more time before folding it and placing it back in his pocket. He walked up to the door of the house. He didn't want to go in. He didn't want to walk into fantasy land. It couldn't be her. She was uptight, she was perfect. She didn't send pictures to the Chief. She didn't sabotage people. He stuck his key in the lock. Maybe he would be lucky and it wouldn't work. No such luck. He opened the door. The house was perfect. Gag you perfect. Everything had a place, if it was moved, Holly would lose it. It set her over the edge. He pulled his shoes off and looked around. He didn't see her. The bathroom door was shut. He knocked, and heard a faint "Come in."

"Hey." She said as he walked in. She was laying in the bathtub. He just looked at her indifferently. He didn't find it sexy or repulsive. He leaned in and gave her a kiss. Not out of love. He felt that he had to. It was out of necessity for her.

"Hey. You almost done?" He asked, not knowing what else to say. He wanted to scream, 'Did you send it?' He wasn't sure what to think anymore.

"Yeah, I am, actually." She said, climbing out of the bathtub. He hands her a towel. For a moment, a quick moment, he wished it was Meredith standing there before him. She grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. He followed like a lost puppy. She unbuttoned his shirt and began peeling his clothes off. He was like a robot. He wasn't turned on. He closed his eyes as he laid back on the bed. She kissed his chest. He felt her climb onto him. She let out a slight moan as she began to rock. It was dull. Making love to her had always been dull. She let out another quiet moan.

"Oh, Meredith." He moaned.

"WHAT?" Holly screamed as she jumped off of him.

"What?" Derek said quietly. "What's the matter?" His eyes opened quickly.

"You just said "Oh, Meredith"!" She said loudly, throwing clothes on.

"No, I didn't." He pleaded, knowing full well that he did say it. It was an accident. She had entwined herself in all of his thoughts.

"I knew it. I just knew it. Are you screwing her? Please tell me you are not screwing her!" She cried out.

"No. I would never do that to you. I do not have feelings for Meredith Grey!" He yelled. He jumped off the bed and pulled a pair of flannel pants on. He started to talk, try to explain.

"Don't!" She yelled.

She laid down on the bed next to him. The both faced opposite directions not saying a word. Derek didn't feel bad about saying it. He laid there for an hour. She had been awake, he could tell by the way she was breathing. He had screwed up, and he knew it. After a while, her breathing became shallow, she was asleep. Now he felt like he could think without her knowing. He knew she couldn't read his thoughts, but he felt better about it now. He thought about Meredith. He didn't know why he was so obsessed with her. She was not the kind of girl that he would go for in the past. Then the picture flashed in his mind. They even looked good together, perfect actually. It was on the table. The cellphone. It held the truth and he knew it. That is, unless she had deleted it. That little cellphone knew it all. He couldn't, could he? It would be wrong, right? He had to. He softly climbed out of the bed, and went to her bedside table, unhooking the phone from the charger. He went to the corner and sat in the chair. As he flipped the phone open, it shed an eerie glow on his face. He started going through the menus. He went to her pictures. He held his breath as he started scrolling through them. He sighed relief, it wasn't there. Then, he saw it. It was the last one. At first he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. It was the exact picture. Meredith was right. She was right the whole time. Holly sat up in bed.

"Derek, what are you doing?" She said in a fearful voice.

"You lied to me." He said loudly and stern. His face was angry.

"What?" She said, then realized what he was doing. "I can explain..."

"Explain what? How you played me. How you are so insecure you won't let me around anyone else. Or how you tried to sabotage an innocent intern." He yelled loudly, standing up. "I was just a pawn in your game."

"Wait!" She yelled, climbing out of bed.

"No. I'm done." Derek said as he put his shoes on and walked out. He felt like a harlequin in a pantomime.

He got in his car and drove to his trailer. He wanted to go to Meredith's right then and apologize, but he didn't. He wanted to run up to her room and hold her, but he didn't. Instead he walked into his lonely trailer. He didn't care if it was lonely, at least it was free of lies and deceit. He laid down in the bed he had been away from for so long. He thought sleep would come, but it didn't. It wasn't even Holly on his mind. It was Meredith. It wasn't her laugh or her smile. He couldn't figure out why this had bothered her so much. She obviously wasn't in trouble with the Chief. She had been scrubbing in on surgeries left and right. The Chief hadn't taken any real stock in Holly's claims or Derek and Meredith would have been punished. So why did she care? It was almost as if it were personal. He thought back at the conversations that he had with Chase Carter. Chase was obviously not happy that Derek was around Meredith. He thought about Chase grabbing Meredith in the scrub room. The first time at the bar, Meredith said she had been on a date, and he had to leave in the middle, like a doctor on-call. And then there fact that Meredith wouldn't tell anyone who her boyfriend was. And then he remembered something else. The Astin Martin that picked her up from the bar that night. It was the same Astin Martin that pulled up next to him on Thursday morning. "Holy shit! Chase Carter is Meredith's secret!" He said out loud, willing it to be untrue.

----------

**So Derek has a big light bulb over his head now. Now I have to find a way to punish super bitch. Any ideas? She should probably stick around awhile and be a thorn in everyone's side right? Oh, and since you all love Chase so much, I think he and Meredith should get married and have seven kids named Chase. Just kidding, he is still going. There is so much happening in this story right now. I am trying to get Ellis in here too.**


	12. It's a Twister

**I don't and will never own Grey's Anatomy. Man, that sucks!**

Derek Shepherd didn't sleep last night. The night had been stolen away by thoughts of what had happened, and what could. If things had been different. If the circumstances were changed. If he had been single that night. No, that wouldn't have made a difference, she had already met him. Derek Shepherd was the kind of guy that didn't have to fight for a woman. They fell at his feet. Not her. She was different. Woman had always flaunted themselves around him. They acted fake, they tried to impress. Not her, she was relaxed. She didn't care what anyone thought. She is perfect. She is Meredith Grey. Chase Carter was smart, successful and a truly nice guy. He wasn't the kind of guy that a girl just walks away from. This was the thought that kept him up all night.

-----------------

Meredith stretched out on the gurney in the basement. It was quiet down there. She had spent most of the day in the pit doing stitches. She was happy to get away for awhile. She and Chase had a nice dinner last night. They had to go an hour away so they wouldn't be noticed, but it was still nice. They went back to his apartment afterwards. She finally got the nerve to leave a few articles of clothing there. And her spare toothbrush. Yep, she is taking the big leap. She laid her head back. Her hands felt cramped up. She was tired. She heard footsteps down the hall. They moved closer and closer. She didn't look up. They stopped next to the gurney. She didn't open her eyes. If it had been Dr. Bailey, she would have heard yelling by now. Cristina would have hit her. Izzie would be talking. George would have made noises until she looked at him. And Alex would have said something lewd by now. Then it hit her. It was the scent. It was Derek.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd?" She said, not opening her eyes.

"How did you know it was me?" He smiled. He saw a smile creep up on her face.

"I know everything." She laughed. She opened her eyes. He was standing over her. She unknowingly stopped breathing for a few seconds, then took a huge breath. His eyes pulled her in, as they always do.

"I'm sorry." He said sympathetically. She turned her body and sat up, leaning against the wall. He sat down next to her.

"For what?" She asked with a look of surprise.

"You were right. It was Holly." He said with a sense of sadness in his voice. "She did everything."

"I know." She said, matter-of-factly.

"Why do you do that? Why do you have to be right?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I just do." She laughed.

"Meredith..." He said slowly, drawing it out. Now he wasn't sure if he should say anything. Her face softened at the sound of his voice saying her name. She looked at him.

"I _know_." He stated simply. He almost wished he didn't know.

"Know what?" She knew what he was talking about, but she was not prepared to admit it.

"About you and Chase. I know he is the guy. Your mystery guy." He sighed. It made him sad. She was now unavailable, and he knew his competition. "You are playing with fire. I just don't want you to get hurt." He said smoothly. Her face remained unchanged. "I won't say anything. I wouldn't do that to you." He said.

"I don't know what you are talking about." She insisted, not moving or looking at him.

"Fine. We'll just pretend I don't know. I know, that you know, that I know, but you won't admit that I know." He laughed.

"What?" She laughed. "Okay." She sighed.

"I can't believe it was her. I really can't." He said. "She had way too much control over me." He stated.

"I told you." He chuckled. "She had you by the balls. If you are going to let someone take you by the balls, at least make sure they are going to take care of them." They both busted out in laughter.

"You are deranged." He said with a laugh.

"Maybe. But I am a top-notch ball keeper." She laughed.

"I am leaving now..." He said, walking off.

"I was going to help you out..." She trailed off. "Okay then, suit yourself." She yelled.

"Goodbye, Dr. Grey!" He yelled back, shaking his head.

------------------

"Ah..." Chase said as he buttoned up his shirt, "I have to say, these afternoon pick-me-ups are great.

"Definitely." She said, tying her scrub pants. "So, now I need to get something to eat." She said.

"I didn't feed your hunger?" He asked, with a smile.

"I supposed you did. But I need to feed the other hunger." She rolled her eyes. "I'm on-call tonight, so, see you tomorrow, I guess." She said, turning the handle on the door.

"Okay." He returned, straightening his tie.

Meredith walked down the hallway. She thought she saw Addison at the end. She was talking to Derek. Meredith walked towards them

"Hey, you're back!" Meredith said, smiling at Addison. "So how was the conference?"

"It was good." She said, looking at them both. "Derek was telling me everything I missed." She laughed.

"Well, not everything." Derek laughed. Meredith knew that he had kept her secret.

"So, we will have to meet for lunch." Addison said, looking at Meredith. "I was dreaming up ends to that soap opera that you were telling me about. So, you need to tell me the end."

"Of course. Maybe this weekend." Meredith answered. "Well, it's good to have you back. I need to go get something to eat... See you guys later." Meredith walked off down the hallway.

"So you and Holly..." Addison trailed off.

"Yeah." He shakes his head. "The sad thing is, I'm not even sure if I loved her."

"You didn't." Addison said quickly.

"What?" Derek was in shock at her candor.

"I knew you two were not meant to be together." She looked down at her feet. "I pawned her off on you. I couldn't stand her. You were lonely, she was a pest, so--"

"I know." He looks down. "She was around, and it worked at the time. I knew were weren't meant to be. But she didn't have to be that way to Meredith." He said quietly.

"Meredith. Yep that's the one." Addison said frankly.

"What?" Derek returned, looking at her,

"Meredith is the girl for you. You two would be perfect together." Addison smiled.

"There is only one problem..." He said quickly.

"What's that?" She asked.

"She is very taken." He said slowly and quietly.

"Only because she doesn't know you're interested." Addison said with a smile.

-----------------

"So should I tell him?" Meredith asked Cristina, who was eating a candy bar.

"Tell who what?" Cristina asked.

"Chase. Should I tell him I love him?" Meredith asked quietly. "Even if I'm not sure yet?" Meredith asked. Cristina just stared at her. "You are my person. Come on!"

"Okay, okay." She sighed. "No, don't tell him. You need to mean it. He's smart, he will know if you don't mean it." Cristina said as if she was telling her the finest bit of knowledge in the world.

"Really? I shouldn't just suck it up?" Meredith asked, unsure of herself.

"No, definitely not." Cristina said, taking a drink of her water. "He will wait."

"How do you know?" Meredith asked.

"You are such and idiot sometimes." Cristina said loudly. "Too many men, too little time!"

"Whatever." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. Izzie and Alex walked up carrying their trays.

"What's going on?" Izzie asked, sitting down.

"Nothing." Meredith said dully.

"You stole my case, Crack-whore!" Alex shouted at Cristina.

"Uh, maybe if you knew the answer to Burke's question, you would have gotten the surgery." Cristina said nastily.

"Well, maybe if you weren't sleeping with Burke--" Alex started to say.

"Oh, you know what? That is shit. I was top of my class at Stanford. I don't need to sleep with my boss. That's just a pleasure." She laughed.

"Oh, God. Now I'm sick!" Alex said, pretending to gag.

"Meredith? Meredith Grey?" A woman walking with a child said, walking over. Meredith turned around, then jumped up.

"Meg! Oh my God!" Meredith said. Megan threw her arms around her.

"Megan, these are my friends Izzie, Alex, and Cristina. This is Megan, my best friend since we were seven." They all said their hellos.

"What are you doing here? You're back in Seattle?" Megan asked excitedly.

"I came back to start my internship." Meredith said with a smile.

"You look so good. You haven't changed at all!" Megan said with a huge smile.

"So do you." It was a slight lie. She had gained some weight and did look ten years older.

"So where is 'Fish-n-Chips'?" She asked Meredith. That was her nickname for Ian.

"Oh, uh." Meredith stammered. "That's over."

"Oh, I'm sorry. How long did it last?" She asked innocently. Not expecting it to have lasted long.

"Almost ten years..." Meredith answered.

"Ten years! You actually stayed with him ten years? Wow! I give you credit. The rich. playboy was high maintenance!" She laughed. Meredith's face dropped. The small child tugged on his mom's shirt. Meredith looked down.

"Oh my God. He looks just like his dad. He looks just like Jake!" Meredith said in shock.

"Yeah, um-- I-- Um--" Megan nervously said, looking down.

"Meg-- I don't care." Meredith said simply, meaning it.

"Really? I thought it would be weird." She said happily.

"Not at all. I'm just pissed that you didn't invite me to the wedding!" Meredith said loudly.

"Oh, and you invited me to yours..." Megan laughed.

"That was different. I don't even remember it!" Meredith joked.

"We should get together sometime. Are you seeing anyone?" Megan asked.

"Yeah, I am. He's great." Meredith said with a smile.

"Hey, we should all go to dinner or something." Megan suggested. Meredith wrote her number down for her.

"Give me a call." Meredith said, handing her the paper.

"I will." Megan said, hugging her again. "I missed you. See ya." She said, walking away.

"Wow, that was weird." Meredith said, sitting down. "I haven't seen her in ten years."

"What did you mean about not remembering your wedding?" Izzie asked.

"That is a very long story." Said Meredith, laughing.

"What about the kid? Who is Jake?" Alex said, stirring the pot.

"Well, apparently she has married my ex-boyfriend." Meredith said, in shock.

"Now that sucks!" Cristina pipped up.

"No, not really. I don't care." Meredith said happily.

"Seriously? I would be seriously angry, you just don't do that!" Izzie said loudly. "Seriously!"

"Did he break up with you?" Alex asked.

"No, I broke up with him. Right before I went to Las Vegas." Meredith said nonchalantly.

"Now that is harsh." Alex laughed.

"Besides, he was only a 2.5. Maybe a 3.25 at his best..." Meredith said. "On a scale of one to ten of course."

"What?" Izzie stated in shock. "You rate your guys?"

"Well, yeah." Meredith smiled. "He was not very good. I could have never stayed with him."

"Just when I think you are dull, you rise up!" Cristina said loudly.

"So what is the highest you've had?" Izzie asked with a chuckle.

"Oh, a ten with a bronze star." Meredith stated simply.

"A bronze star?" Asked Alex, taking a swig of his soda. "A bronze star?"

"Well, once you get to ten, it goes ten plus a bronze, silver or gold star." Meredith explained.

"You are not right..." Cristina stated.

"I would be a ten with a gold star." Alex boasted.

"No. You wouldn't." Meredith laughed.

"Wanna see?" He asked with a cheesy smile. He gets a sharp smack from Izzie.

----------------

Meredith and Chase were going to a cookout at Jake and Megan's house. Meredith was a little nervous. She didn't want it to be weird. She picked out a nice top and pair of jeans and slide them on. She thought she heard a car door, but ignored it. She grabbed a comfortable pair of shoes and slide them on. She heard the doorbell ring.

"Meredith, it's for you." Izzie yelled up the stairway. Meredith wondered who the hell it was. She was meeting Chase at his apartment.

"Coming." Meredith yelled. She looked at herself one more time in the mirror, she looked good. She shut her door and ran down the stairs. "Mom! What are you doing here?" She said, in shock.

"Well, it seems that I have to track my daughter down to get her to talk to me." Ellis said sternly

"I was actually just on my way out." Meredith said, looking her mother in the eye. That was something people rarely did to Ellis Grey.

"Of course you were." She huffed. "Ten minutes." She said, not asking, but telling.

"Fine." Meredith said, crossing her arm. "Talk."

"We need to make this work." Ellis said forcefully.

"It is working. We're fine." Meredith whined and she looked out at the street.

"So that is why I haven't heard from you in how long... Not to mention, the ten year lapse, where I didn't hear from you at all." Ellis said loudly.

"I was fine." Meredith said.

"Obviously you were." She turns Meredith towards her. "Look, I want to know you. I want to have a relationship."

"No, you want to bully me. You want me to be your protege. If I quit the program tomorrow, you would never talk to me again." She said, staring her mother down.

"Meredith--" She started.

"Oh, look. The ten minutes is up." She walked to the door. "Bye, mom." Ellis just watched her walk away.

"She'll come around." Izzie said with a hopeful voice.

"You don't know my daughter." Ellis stated.

--------------

"You look nervous." Chase said, as they drove to Jake and Megan's.

"I'm not. It just been a long time." Meredith said, not looking at him.

"It will be fine. It's like riding a bike." He said, placing his hand over hers. "She was your best friend. This is good. You should connect with your past." Meredith frowned.

"There is something you need to know." She said quietly.

"Okay..." He said with a little bit of concern in his voice.

"I am divorced." She said flatly.

"Oh." He said, not knowing what to say. "When?"

"Uh, well I left my husband right before I met you." She said with hesitation.

"Am I your rebound guy?" He asked with concern.

"No! My marriage was crazy. You are definitely not my rebound guy." She said with certainty.

"Oh, my God. Why are you telling me this? Is your friend-- Are we going to your ex-husband's house?" He rambled. Chase never rambled.

"No. Of course not. Just my ex-boyfriend's house." She laughed. "My ex from high school."

"Well, I guess that's a little better." He said with a smile. They pulled into the driveway of a nice suburban home. "It looks like were here." They both climbed out of Chase's car and walked up to the door. She was nervous about seeing Jake.

"Oh! Meredith. I'm so glad you made it!" Megan squealed.

"Yeah." Meredith responded. "Megan, this is Chase. Chase, this is Megan." They shook hands.

"Nice to meet you." Chase said. They walk into the house. It was clean and nice. Meredith looked at the family photos on the walls. A tiniest part of her was jealous. She didn't have that. Not when she was growing up, and not now.

"Jake is in the backyard." They followed her out to the patio. "They're here." Megan said loudly. Jake looked up and locked eyes with Meredith. She took his breath away.

"Hey. It's been a long time!" Jake said as he walked over and hugged Meredith.

"Yeah, It has. Jake, I'd like you to meet Chase." They shake hands.

"Nice you meet you." Jake said, Chase returned the comment. "So, I hope you are hungry."

"I am." Meredith chipped in.

"You always are!" Jake returned, with a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess you are right." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"What would you like to drink?" Megan asked.

"I'll have a beer." Meredith said, Chase agreed.

"So, I hope you brought your bathing suit." Megan said with a smile.

"I did." Meredith said. "So do you need any help?"

"Sure. You can help make the salad. I'm sure you still can't cook, right?" Megan laughed as they walked into the kitchen, leaving the men outside.

"You've got that right!" Meredith responded.

"So, he seems nice, Chase" Megan said with a smile.

"Yeah, he really is..." Meredith said with a smile.

------------------

"So, I never thought I'd seem Meredith Grey again!" Jake said to Chase, who was sitting there drinking his beer.

"No?" Chase asked.

"I thought she would stay away from Seattle forever." Jake explained. "She and her mother did not get along."

"Oh." Chase answered. They had never talked about her relationship with her mother.

"I still can't believe she just left for England. No warning..." Jake trailed off sadly. Chase just sat there, having no idea what was going on.

"So how long have you two been together?" Jake asked with a smile.

"Oh, a few months." Chase answered. "Three good months. She's great. I really care about her." He said proudly.

"That's exactly what she needs." Jake added. The girls come out.

"What who needs?" Meredith said nosily.

"You. You need someone who cares about you..." Jake said, looking up.

"Oh." Meredith wished she hadn't asked.

"So how do you guys want your steaks?" Jake asked, they answered. They all started eating salad.

"So what is it that you do?" Chase asked Megan and Jake.

"I work at an advertising firm. Megan is a stay at home mom." Jake explained. "What about you?"

"Well, as you know, Meredith is a surgical intern. I am a surgeon. Cardio-Thoracic" He said. He didn't mention that he is the Chief of Surgery.

"Wow. Two doctors." Megan boasted. "You will have smart kids." Beer flew out of Meredith's mouth. They all look at her in shock.

"Sorry." She said simply, wiping it up. The thought of kids scared the shit out of her.

"This girl was so wild when she was younger!" Megan laughed.

"Meg!" Meredith yelled as a warning.

"She was fun. We had fun. I miss that." Megan said sadly.

"Oh, she is still fun..." Chase said with a laugh. "You have no idea..."

"Oh?" Jake said, raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing!" Meredith said, cutting them off.

They all ate their meals and made small talk. Meredith didn't really want to go swimming, but Megan convinced her. She was going to leave her swim suit at home, but she brought it. Chase agreed to swim, so they all changed. Chase was in shock when Meredith came out in her black bikini. She looked really good. He was beaming. Jake also took notice to how good she looked. Megan felt a little self conscious after seeing her. They all swam for and hour. Chase was having a good time following Meredith around and throwing her in the air. They all changed back into their clothes and sat around the table. Chase offered to help Megan do the dishes. That was the kind of guy he was. They left Jake and Meredith sitting outside.

"So. You look unbelievable." Jake said in awe.

"Is that a compliment?" She said with a smile.

"Yeah." He said, smiling back. She at back. "Why did you do it? Why did you run off with a stranger?" He asked sadly.

"I don't know. Things were-- I don't know. I didn't want to come home to my mom. I wanted to do it on my own." She tried to explain.

"Oh." He sighed. "Was he at least good to you?" Jake asked.

"As good as he could be." She answered.

"Do you ever think about what would have happened if I we had stayed together?" He asked quietly.

"No, I really don't." She said frankly.

"I do. All of the time." He said with regret. "I missed you."

"Jake..." Meredith said, hoping he would stop talking about it. She willed Megan and Chase to come back.

"I waited. When you left, for Las Vegas, I planned how I would get you back. How I would convince you to give me another chance." She started to talk. "Wait! I went to the airport to meet you. I had flowers. Everyone got off the plane. Megan and Chris walked by with sad looks on their faces. Finally the stewardess told me the plane was empty. I just stood there like an idiot. Megan came back and told me you weren't coming back. It crushed me, Meredith" He said, choking up.

"Jake, I'm--" Meredith started to say.

"You were my first real girlfriend." He said.

"I thought you were Mr. Popularity..." She laughed.

"Yes, you did. I ran track because my Dad wanted me to. You went to Westbridge, you didn't know me. I was a dork. I was shy. But you changed me. You gave me confidence. Everything was better when I was with you. You were my first..." He said, looking in her eyes.

"First?" She looks at him, he raises his eyebrows. "Oh, First! Well, that explains the lack of coordination." She laughs, he gives her a look. "You got better..." She said, thinking about the fact that he was her 2.5.

"If I wasn't married, I show you how much better I am now!" They laugh. His face grows cold. "Seriously, Meredith. You changed the course of our lives. Megan made it because of you. You knew her mom and dad were drunks. You held her together. You held me together. You just abandoned us..." He said.

"Jake. I never knew. I am so sorry." She apologized, feeling her eyes mist up.

"She fell apart. We were sad. We were there for each other, but barely. She started to drink and sleep around..." He explained. "But we made it." He said, deciding it was getting too intense and Meredith would never come back.

"You had each other." She smiled. "I never realized how what I did had so much affect on you guys. I'm sorry." She said.

"I know you are." He said, patting her on the back. Chase and Megan come walking out.

"Mer, we need to get going. You have work at 4:30am." Chase said, Meredith moaned.

"These one-hundred hour work weeks are killing me!" Meredith said.

"I can't imagine that!" Megan said with a laugh. They said their goodbyes and Chase and Meredith got into his car.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Chase asked with a smile.

"I am a bad person." She stated, staring out into space.

"Why would you say that?" He asked, rubbing her back.

"I have ruined so many lives." She said. "You should run. You should run fast, and not look back." She choked up and started to cry.

"I am not going anywhere." He said confidently.

She wept quietly while looking out the window. She had hurt Jake badly. She was his first love, and she crushed him. She dumped him so that she could have a good time in Las Vegas. She left him broken-hearted. And Megan fell apart when she left. She had always held Megan together, and she knew that. She felt like a tornado ripping apart everything in it's path. She has sabotaged everything good that has ever happened to her. How long before she would throw Chase into the wind?

------------

**Okay, whiners. I promise Chase will be gone within the next few Chapters. It is so funny how some people love him and some hate him. I never promised a Mer/Der story. I promised a Mer/Der ending. They will be together, but It will be awhile yet. That is not to say that there won't be Mer/Der interactions almost everyday. It has to build up. This fic won't end the minute they connect. Mer will have to travel a dark path for awhile. You will soon see. I'm not trying to be nasty, but- If that doesn't make you happy, quit reading. It is impossible to make everyone happy, but I am trying. Thank you for reading!**


	13. 212 F

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, Jillian would be calling me wanted to know if I am ever going to let her husband come home. Alas, no calls, no Patrick. I guess I don't own it.**

Meredith didn't talk on the way home. She continued to stare out the window. They passed a car with a family in in. They looked happy. She was jealous. Why did they get to be happy? Why couldn't it be her. She had never realized how she had affected the people in her life. Everyone she had ever been around either hurt her or she hurt them. It was all connected. The common thread? The common denominator? Her.

Chase and Meredith both went to her house. Izzie was staying over at Alex's apartment and George was on-call. It was one of the rare times that they were able to roam freely around the house. Meredith unlocked the door and immediately went upstairs to her bathroom. Chase softly closed the front door and made his way upstairs. He was worried about her. He wasn't sure what had happened. He did know that whatever happened, happened when she talked to Jake. He had no idea what he said to her. He walked in her room and saw that the bathroom door was closed. He heard the running water. He walked up and knocked on the door. No answer. He wiggled the handle. It was locked. He started to worry.

"Mer. Meredith. Are you okay?" He said softly. There was no answer. "Meredith!" He shouted.

"I'm okay." She said softly. "I'll be out in awhile."

"Okay." He answered. "I'm going to go take a shower and get this chlorine off of me." He told her.

"All right." She answered. She laid back against the bathtub. She heard her bedroom door shut and she let it all go. She cried hard. She cried until her tears would no longer come out. Why can't everything just be simple. Why can't I just tell Chase I love him. She laid in the bathtub for an hour. The water had long since cooled off. She couldn't pull herself out. She didn't have the will to do it. Finally she crawled out. She really had to try to do it. She wrapped a towel around herself and walked into her room. Chase was sitting on the bed, his back leaned against the headboard. Her eyes met his. He was worried, she could tell. She dropped her towel and began putting her flannel pajamas on. Generally, this would turn Chase on. Not tonight. Tonight was painful, tonight was detrimental. She didn't say anything. She laid down on the bed facing the wall.

"Meredith. If you tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help." He said sympathetically. She didn't say anything. He sat there for a few minutes, and then switched the light off. He couldn't just sit here, and let her stay in pain. He pulled her up close. She let him. She felt like a rag doll. He laid her head on his chest. "You can say what you are thinking. I won't judge you. You can't keep it inside. It will just eat away at you." He said softly. She didn't answer. "I know that your life hasn't been perfect. I know that you have made mistakes. But you are a good person. You are a great person. You have a big heart and you are special. You can't tear yourself apart over something that has already happened. You can't change it. All you can do is move on, live in the moment. You have to cherish what you have. I cherish you, Meredith. You are the most important thing to me. So please, don't do this to yourself." He said sadly.

"Just stay with me." She said softly.

"I will." He replied.

Meredith laid there for a long time. Her head moving with his breathing as his chest rose and fell. He was there. He was right about what he said. She had to live in the moment. She had to cherish what she had. She had to make it right. She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. He loved her. That should be enough. It had to work. She didn't have anyone else. She had to pick herself up and try again.

"Chase?" She said as softly as she could. She wasn't sure if she was going to regret what she was about to say. "I love you." He didn't say anything, he pulled her close and kissed her head. He had been waiting so long for her to say it. He sighed a relieved breath.

"I love you too." She said with a smile on his face. Meredith fell asleep on his chest, knowing that tomorrow would be a better day.

------------------

"So you actually said it?" Cristina said loudly. "You said 'I Love You'."

"Yeah, I did." Meredith said, laying back on the locker room bench.

"Did you mean it?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah. I did. I really think I love him. What's not to love. He is kind, and smart, and caring. He is a great guy." Meredith said with a smile. Izzie walked in.

"What's going on?" Izzie chirped happily.

"Meredith told her guy that she loves him." Cristina said quickly. Meredith smacks her in the arm.

"Cristina!"

"That's great, Mer. I'm really happy for you." Izzie said with a smile.

"You got laid." Meredith said with a smile.

"Yeah, I did." Izzie said, sitting her tray down on the table.

"So, what was it? What was the rating?" Meredith asked with a laugh.

"I don't do that..." Izzie replied, rolling her eyes.

"You are no fun!" Cristina and Meredith both said. Bailey walked in.

"Okay, let's see... Cristina, you are with Dr. Burke, Grey you are with Montgomery, and Stevens you are with Shepherd. Go, work, have fun." She said happily.

"Well, Iz, it looks like you weren't the only one that got laid." Meredith said, they all laughed.

--------------

"Dr. Grey, how lucky am I to have you today?" Addison said with a laugh. "We have Evelyn here, she is pregnant with twins." Addison said. "So, we are waiting."

"Waiting?" Meredith said.

"Waiting. She is dilated to 5 centimeters." Addison responded.

"Why aren't we doing a cesarian?" Meredith asked.

"Evelyn wants a natural birth, and as long as it's safe, that's what she will get." Addison said quickly. They both walk into the hall. "You look happy."

"I am. I said it. I told him I loved him." Meredith said happily.

"Oh." Said Addison unhappily. She was hoping that Meredith and Derek would have a chance now that Holly was out of the picture.

"What?" Meredith asked, sensing Addison's disappointment.

"Nothing. That's great, Meredith." Addison said with a fake smile. "So, when are you going to tell me the rest of this story?"

-----------------

"Derek! Please!" Begged Holly, as Derek walked down the stairs and away from her.

"No. We are done, Holly." He said coldly. "You lied."

"People lie all of the time. It wasn't a big deal. No one got hurt!" She said, building her crappy defense.

"Meredith could have gotten hurt." He said simply, while marching down the stairwell.

"Who cares!" Holly laughed. Now she was mad, who gave a crap what happened to Meredith.

"I care!" Derek said as he turned and glared at her.

"You and Meredith. Never going to happen. She doesn't want you. She thinks you are a joke. A boy. A toy. She is just playing with your mind, Derek." Holly mocked, as she turned and walked away. "You are a fool!" Izzie comes walking up.

"I'm with you today, Dr. Shepherd." Izzie said.

"Good, we have a crainiatomy on the board." Derek said with a smile. "Why don't you go run the tests?" She shook her yes.

-----------------

"Addison!" Holly yelled as she closed in on her from behind. "Addison!" Addison turns around slowly.

"Yes, Holly?" Addison asked with a little bit of sarcasm in her voice. Now that she wasn't with Derek, she didn't have to pretend that she liked her.

"Oh, Addison. You have to talk to him." She said, tearing up. "I don't want to lose him..."

"I think you already have." Addison said matter-of-factly, looking over her glasses.

"What? No! We can fix it. I need your help..." Holly said quickly. Addison starts to walk down the hallway.

"No." Addison said boldly.

"No?" Holly repeated. "What do you mean, no?" Holly said with confusion in her voice.

"No. Listen, you and I, we aren't the same." Addison stated to a confused Holly. "Now that you and Derek aren't together, I am not obligated to be your friend."

"Seriously?" Holly said in shock, putting her hands on her hips.

"And, I really don't think you are the girl for Derek anyhow." Addison stated coldly, while reading a patient file. "I should know, I am his ex-wife!"

"Oh and who is?" Holly yelled. "Meredith Grey, right!"

"Actually, yes." Addison quickly.

"I am not letting that slut take my boyfriend!" She shouted loudly, catching everyone's attention.

"Holly, keep it down. You are being---" Addison started.

"Go to Hell." Holly yelled as she turned on her heel and walked away.

"What's wrong with her?" Meredith asked as she walked up.

"She is on a war path." Addison said quietly. "Can you run these tests to the lab for me?" Addison asked.

"Of course." Meredith answered. She quickly walked down the hallway and to the elevator. There stood Derek Shepherd as the door opened. She slid in right before they closed. "Hey." She said with a smile, and then started to giggle.

"What?" He said with a McDreamy smile.

"Oh nothing." She laughed. "Okay. I think I should probably be in fear for my life." She started laughing even harder.

"Why is that?" He asked, closing the space between them. He looked into her eyes. He wanted to kiss her. He envisioned pushing her against the wall and shoving his tongue into her mouth. Her eyes were sparkling. She looked perfect.

"Oh, your girlfriend is after me..." She trailed off. "And I am scared as hell." She said, laughing once again.

"Ex. She is my ex girlfriend!" He said quickly.

"Oh, sorry. Ex." Meredith said. "Apparently she thinks it is my fault. She thinks you are after me." Meredith giggled. "Oh, and I want you too. How crazy is that?" She asked.

"Not crazy at all." He said, staring deeply into her eyes.

"What?" Meredith said with a serious look on her face. It scared her. Derek took notice. He knew she wasn't ready yet.

"I'm kidding!" He laughed. He looked at her face soften.

"Really?" Meredith laughed.

"Yeah. You and I... How funny would that be?" He asked. He was sad, he had to lie.

"That would be hilarious." She said, walking out as the doors opened.

"I lied." He muttered when she was out of earshot. He dropped his head, not even noticing that he had missed his floor.

----------------

"Hey, Iz." Meredith said. Izzie was leaned up against the wall waiting for lab results.

"Hey." She responded.

"I need these ASAP." Meredith said, as she handed the tech the specimen.

"Yeah, yeah. Everyone does." He said, looking at her.

"Please?" She said with a smile.

"Oh, okay. But only for you!" He flirted back.

"Why do you do that?" Izzie asked.

"What?" Meredith said, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Flirt." Izzie said with a laugh.

"I am not flirtatious!" Meredith defended as she peeled open her candy bar.

"No...not you!" Izzie laughed.

"So, Holly is after me." Meredith said with a laugh.

"Oh, I'd be scared if I were you." Izzie laughed. "You messed with the wrong girl's boyfriend.

"I didn't do anything to Derek." Meredith said quickly.

"Oh, but he wants to do things to you!" Izzie said with a laugh.

"No he does not." Meredith said quickly, shoving candy bar into her mouth. "I just saw him in the elevator. We are friends at the most."

"Sure..." Izzie responded. "Are you going to Joe's tonight?"

"I think I might grab a quick beer." Meredith told her. She walked over and threw her wrapper away.

"Me too. We can go together." Izzie offered.

"Sounds good!"

"Dr. Grey, here are you results." Adam, the lab tech said.

"Thanks, Adam." She said with a smile and walked away. "Bye, Iz."

"What the hell? I was here first..." Izzie yelled.

"Yes, you were." He returned and walked away.

----------------

Meredith, Cristina and Izzie walked over to Joe's in the rain. They were all talking about their surgeries of the day. Meredith opened the door. The familiar bell dinged loudly. It was busy. Meredith looked around, she saw Chase in the corner. She flashed him a secret smile and marched up to the bar with her friends.

"I'll have a beer, Joe." Meredith said.

"No tequila?" He offered with a smile.

"Not tonight. Just a beer, thanks." She said, he handed her a beer. She took a drink. Izzie and Cristina were over at a table. She glanced over at Chase, once again. He was undressing her with his eyes. She walked over to the table and sat down. She looked over at George, who was playing darts with Callie Torres.

"He looks like he is having a good time!" Meredith said.

"Yeah he does." Izzie agreed. "Oh look, there is the Chief." Izzie pointed. "I heard that he is dating a skinny blonde."

"Oh really?" Cristina said, glancing over at Meredith. Meredith looked away.

"Yep. I guess someone saw him out to dinner with her, or something." Izzie pondered. "I wonder who it is?"

"It could be anyone..." Meredith offered. They all made small talk. Meredith was on her sixth beer, and feeling pretty good. "Hey, does anyone want to play darts?"

"I will." Said Cristina. "But you know I will kick your ass!"

"Yeah, I don't think so." She laughed. "Derek taught me well!"

The both make their way to the dart board. Meredith was doing pretty badly. She did managed to hit the board a few times. Cristina just laughed. Meredith was getting ready to throw another dart, when she felt someone behind her. She could smell the liquor on their breath. She could feel the hot steam on her neck.

"Maybe you need my boyfriend." Holly offered loudly. "He really seemed to help you out! In more way than one." Meredith turned around quickly.

"What did you say?" Meredith said quickly and nastily.

"You heard me, bitch. You stole my boyfriend." She yelled. "Whore!"

"I think you better shut you mouth." Cristina yelled.

"I can handle this." Meredith offered to Cristina. She turned back to Holly. "You need to shut your mouth before I shut it for you!" Meredith shouted. Now everyone's attention was on them.

"Excuse me?" Holly yelled. "Is that a threat?"

"Take it how you want." Meredith shrugged.

"I will kill you, Meredith." Holly laughed. Holly was bigger, not by a lot. She was just a little bigger than Izzie. "I will snap you like a twig..."

"Oh really?" Meredith said, laughing. "You aren't worth the time." Meredith offered, as she turned around to throw her dart. She put her arm back. She felt Holly grab a handful of her hair. She ripped Meredith backwards. Meredith went off balance and fell backward.

"Oh, that was the wrong fucking move!" Meredith said, jumping up. Holly immediately attacked, grabbing Meredith's hair and pulling. "Let go of my hair, you crazy bitch!"

"You are so dead. I told you not to screw my boyfriend!" Holly yelled.

"I didn't. But I could swear I heard somewhere that he dumped your stupid ass!" Meredith yelled. Holly started pulling Meredith around by her hair. Everyone was now yelling and gathering around. Two of Holly's friends came up to help her, but her cut off by Izzie and Cristina. Holly wouldn't let go of Meredith's hair. Meredith punched her in the stomach, she immediately let go. Meredith took a step back.

"Oh..." Holly yelled at Meredith. "Bad move." She ran up and smacked Meredith in the face. Meredith shoved her as hard as she could, sending her flying. She fell on her ass and climbed up. She ran at Meredith as scratched her face. Meredith pulled back and punched Holly hard in the lip. Blood went everywhere. Meredith felt someone pull her back. She elbowed the person. Holly touched her lip and saw the blood. This infuriated her and lunged at Meredith once again. This time Meredith punched her right in the eye, sending her to the ground. Holly immediately started bawling. Meredith just stood there. Everyone looked at her in shock. They were surprised she had so much power in her. Meredith walked up to the bar and asked for a beer. Everyone started cheering. Holly's friends walked her out. She was going to need stitches.

"Holy crap, Mer!" Cristina said, slapping her on the back. "I never thought you had it in you."

"You would have fit in well in my trailer park." Laughed Izzie. People crowded around, slapping her on the back. Meredith had given Holly many chances to back down, but she had kept on. Meredith looked over to see Derek standing there.

"What the hell was that?" Derek said with confusion. He had come in when the fight was halfway through.

"Holly attacked Mer. Mer totally kicked her ass!" Izzie pipped up.

"Yeah, mine too. You elbowed me!" He shot at Meredith.

"Sorry about that." She said, sympathetically. Joe walked up.

"I can't promote violence in my bar...But, way to go, Champ!" Joe said, everyone cheered. Meredith saw a shocked Chase standing outside the crowd. He gave her a nod that he was leaving. She chugged another beer and slammed the bottle on the bar.

"I have to go..." She said, walking out.

"Do you want me to call you a cab?" Joe asked.

"No, I have a ride." She said simply and walked out. Everyone started yelling and talking about what had happened. She was now The Emerald City Bar's latest celebrity. She made her way out, and discreetly climbed into Chase's car.

"Wow, Mer." He said in shock.

"Yeah." She returned. "Let's get the hell out of here."

"That was...hot!" He said with a chuckle. "My place or yours?"

"Yours." She answered. They drove to his apartment. He couldn't wait to get his champion home...

---------------

**For some reason, I haven't been able to upload in days...So here it is...Finally.**

**had to have Meredith beat Holly up. I don't promote violence. Na, I really do. I can't lie! Especially against her. So Meredith feels guilty. Everything bad keeps happening. And Nate, he hurt her, you will find out more about him later. He broke her. She didn't want to love anyone again, and now she has fallen for Chase. So Meredith told Chase she loved him. And yes, she does love him. What's not to love? Ducks from the flying rocks and sticks being thrown Do not fear, something is going to happen... As for Mer/Der sex, it will be coming. I didn't know if you guys liked it when I put the sex scenes in. Some people do not. I do think we need them. For God's sake, on the show, when they consider Der rolling over on Mer giving us sex...that is pathetic!**


	14. Hand in the Cookie Jar

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I own this fic, that's better then nothing I suppose!**

Meredith awoke tangled in the bed sheets. She and Chase were in each other's arms. She didn't want to move. She was comfortable right where she was. They both had to get up in an hour. She laid there and watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful, so at ease. She was making him happy, and that made her feel good. She laid there for the whole hour just watching. Finally the alarm went off, causing him to stir. He reached over and shut it off and looked at her.

"So, how long have you been watching me sleep?" He asked, with a smile.

"Oh, about and hour." She said with a smile. He pulling her close.

"Well, I am glad that I am such a source of entertainment for you." He chuckled. She just looked at him. "What's the matter?" he asked, sensing her uneasiness.

"Something just doesn't feel right." She said slowly. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." She closed her eyes. "Do you want the shower first?" She asked.

"No, you go ahead." He said, smiling. She wrapped a sheet around herself and walked into the bathroom.

"You do realize I have seen every bit of you, right?" He said, laughing. She just rolled her eyes. She quickly took her shower, knowing that Chase was waiting. When she walked out, Chase was grabbing his clothes.

"We could have taken a shower together..." Chase trailed off.

"You are a funny man..." She said laughing.

"What?" He said innocently.

"I shower alone." She stated. "I'll make the coffee."

He dropped his head and went to the shower. She went out to the kitchen and made the coffee. His apartment was so perfect and clean. He was anal about everything. Everything was stainless steel. She stood there willing the coffee to brew faster.

"A watched pot never boils." Chase said as he walked in. She smiled, he was in his nice pants and was wearing a tie. He was a good Chief of Surgery.

"I know. If you hadn't kept me up all night, I wouldn't be needing this caffeine." She giggled. He came over and kissed her neck.

"What can I say? You are very talented!" He laughed. "And I have to say, I have never been so turned on by a cat fight."

"I would hardly call that a cat fight!" She said quickly.

"Yeah, I guess it was more of a brawl. I would hate to see what her face is looking like today. You got away with just a couple of scratches." He said, touching them softly.

"I think she pulled out a chunk of my scalp..." Meredith said, rubbing her head.

"You do realize she will be in my office today." Chase said, cringing at the thought.

"Yeah. I'm sure she is going to want me suspended." Meredith said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Well, there is nothing I can do besides keep you two apart. I didn't see it happen." He winked. "And it didn't happen in the hospital. She's out of luck. So, how am I going to sneak you to work?" He asked.

"I'm sure we'll figure that out when we get there..." She said. He pushes her against the counter and kisses her.

-----------------

Chase dropped Meredith off around the back of the hospital. They didn't see anyone around, so they were sure they had been successful. She walked up the stairs, she didn't feel like waiting for the elevator. As she got up to her floor, the door opened. The nurse gave her a dirty look. She was a friend of Holly's. Meredith rolled her eyes and kept going. When she walking in the locker room, cheers erupted from everyone. It was the surgeons against everyone else. They were all on her side. Several came up and patted her on the shoulder. Finally they left her alone and she changed into her scrubs.

"I still can't believe it!" Alex said, disappointed. "I can not believe I missed it!"

"See what happens when you are on-call?" George added.

"It was good. Mer tore her up!" Izzie said happily.

"Yeah." Cristina said. "Has anyone seen her?"

"No." Izzie said, pulling her scrub top down. "But I heard an x-ray tech talking to someone and they said is she is a mess. She needed seven stitches. Four above her eye and three in her lip."

"Yeah, she did. I did the stitches." Alex pipped up. "She said something about a fight with you." Alex looks at Meredith. "So I made sure I did a shitty job on her stitches." He laughed.

"No way!" Cristina laughed while tying her scrub pants.

"Was I too harsh?" Meredith asked, thinking back.

"No!" Cristina yelled. "She deserved it!" Dr. Bailey flung the door open.

"Okay, people, pre-rounds!" Miranda yelled. Meredith walked past. "So, I hear you aren't a door mat anymore!" She said proudly. Meredith smiled and kept walking.

Meredith ended up being assigned to Dr. Burke for the day. Cardio would be good for a change. She was actually avoiding Derek. She didn't want him to be mad at her for fighting Holly. Last night he made her feel like she was being immature. Meredith ran the necessary tests and found herself scrubbed in on a Coronary Bypass Graph.

"So, I hear you did a good job on Holly Davison!" Burke said with a chuckle. "From what Cristina says, I missed a pretty good fight!"

"Oh no, not you too!" Meredith moaned.

"Oh, you need to get your glory where you can, Grey!" He laughed.

"So I hear." Meredith replied.

---------------

Meredith joined her friends at their regular lunch table. She was starving. The surgery had taken a long time, and she hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. She sat down, not saying anything. She was tired of talking about last night's events. Everywhere she went in the hospital, she heard the whispers. She took a huge bite of her hamburger and chewed. Her friends just stared at her.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"That bite was--" Izzie began to say.

"Huge." George finished.

"I'm hungry." Meredith shrugged. She heard her pager go off. "Shit!" She looks down and sees that it's Chase. She drops her burger on the plate. "Or not..."

"What is it?" Izzie asks. "Is it your patient?"

"I have to go..." Meredith answered, dodging the question. She ran off.

"That was weird..." Izzie said.

"Yeah it was..." Cristina added.

Meredith slowed walked as soon as she got away from her friends. She knew it wasn't an emergency. She knew why Chase had paged her. She quickly snuck up the back stairway. When she reached the floor, she didn't see anyone around. She walked a straight line to Chase's office and shut the door as soon as she walked in. She looked up at Chase who had a dirty smile on his face. She smiled back, turning off the light and locking the door. They always turned off the light so everyone thought he was out.

"Hey. That was fast..." He smiled.

"I am always fast." She said, returning his smile. "Besides, I was anxious for what was to come." She said raising her eyebrows. He walked across the room in three strides.

"Oh God, Mer." He said, his mouth crashing with hers. He pulled her scrub top and undershirt up over her head. His lips moving down to her neck. She unbuckled his belt and undid his pants, letting them slide to the ground. She wrapped her legs around him and he carried her to his desk, sitting her down and swiping everything off of it. He moved down and began kissing her chest. She laid back and he untied her scrub pants, sliding them down and pulling them off. He kissed her abdomen, and moved down, pulling her panties off and throwing them across the room. "You are so beautiful." He whispered softly. "God, I love you." She just smiled. She scooted forward on the desk and he entered her slowly. She let out a soft moan. "God, Mer." He moaned. He began thrusting faster and harder, causing her to moan loudly. She began to whimper as he drove her closer to the edge. He felt her begin to tighten around him. They both began to moan louder and louder as the neared their climaxes. Neither of them realizing someone had slid a key into the door lock. The door handle turned slowly. "Oh my God, Meredith. Oh God." Chase said loudly as he climaxed. "Oh, Chase." She said as she reached the edge, her body shuddering.

"Ah hum" They heard, as someone cleared their throat. They both shot their heads up.

"Oh, shit." Chase said. "Um."

"I will step outside while you two to get dressed." Dylan Jackson, The Chief of Staff and Chase's boss said. He glared at Chase and Meredith as he walked out.

"Shit!" Chase said to Meredith. They both began to rush around, getting dressed. Meredith couldn't find her panties, so she just pulled her scrub pants on.

"Oh my God." Meredith said in shock. "Oh my God. I am so sorry. I'm going to-- I will be-- And you." She started to tear up.

"No. Calm down. This will be fine!" Chase said, trying to calm her down. He rubbed her back. He was more worried about her then himself. She looked like she was going to hyperventilate. She turned pale as the blood drained from her face. He walked over to the door and opened it. Dylan walked in quickly.

"Mr. Jackson..." Chase trailed off.

"This is unbelievable!" Dylan said loudly. "The level of unprofessionalism is off the charts here. I have my Chief of Surgery sleeping with an intern. As if that's not bad enough, I find them in the act. While on the clock!" He yelled, stating the obvious.

"Sir, I know that there is no excuse--" Chase started. Meredith stood there in shock.

"You are damn right! There are rules for a reason!" He yelled. "And you!" He pointed at Meredith. "You are supposed to be working, learning--" He continued. "Your mother would die!" He yelled at her, shaking his head. "This will not go unpunished! I have to figure out-- There is protocol. I have to think about this. I need to figure out what we must do. Dr. Grey, I want you out of the hospital right now. Go home. I will call you tonight. There will be a meeting tomorrow. If I hear of any contact between the two of you-- Unbelievable!" He said, frazzled.

"Um, do I need to talk to Dr. Bailey?" She asked, scared for her life.

"I will speak to your resident. I do not want this getting out. Neither of you will speak to anyone about this! Now go..." He bends down and picks something up. "Dr. Grey?"

"Yes, Sir?" She asked sheepishly.

"I believe these are yours." He said, handing her a pair of lacy panties. She grabbed them, shoved them in her pocket, and walked out, looking down. She shut the door, not even noticing the nurse scurrying away from the door quickly.

Oh my God. I knew this would happen. I'm going to lose my job. I am screwed and it's no one's fault but my own. What the hell was I thinking. And it wasn't even on the sofa, it was on his desk. And it was dirty, and oh my God. I will be lucky if I can get a job anywhere. And Chase. All that he has worked for will be out the window. What am I going to do?

Meredith walked quickly down the hall. She didn't look at anyone she was passing. She almost felt as if anyone would be able to read it in her eyes. All of her secrets could be seen. She bumped into a cart of supplies. Boxes of gloves, gauze and bandages went flying everywhere. She was shaking so badly, she could barely pick them up. Izzie, George and Cristina all watched from the nurses station. Finally Cristina took pity on her and walked over and helped.

"God you are a klutz!" Cristina laughed. She looked at Meredith. Meredith was pale, she had tears rimming her eyes. "Are you okay?" Cristina said with a worried tone. Meredith didn't answer, she just kept throwing boxes on the shelf quickly. He whole body started to tremble. "Meredith!" Cristina shouted. Meredith jumped and looked up. "Are you okay?"

"No." She said with a voice full of dread. "I am not."

"What's wrong?" Cristina asked. She knew it was serious.

"I can't say. I have to go." Meredith said as she threw the last box on the shelf and took off at a quick walk.

"No, I am your person!" Cristina said, following her. They passed Dr. Bailey.

"Grey, I need you in the pit." Dr. Bailey said. Meredith kept walking. "Grey!" She yelled. "What the hell is wrong with that damn fool?" She pondered. She then yelled at George to get to the pit. Meredith flew open the locker room door and shoved everything from the locker into her bag. and threw it over her shoulder. She didn't even bother changing out of her scrubs. Cristina stood in front of her and held her shoulders.

"What the hell is going on?" She shouted. Meredith started to shake.

"I screwed up. We were caught." She said, walking towards the door. "I am going to lose my job."

"Caught? Doing what?" Cristina asked. "Damn-it Meredith! Just tell me."

"Fine." She stopped in her tracks and started talking as quickly as she could. "I met Chase at his office for sex. Hot sex. We were on his desk. It was dirty. Dirty sex. Chase was in the middle of-- you know, and the Chief of Staff walked in and caught us. In the act. Right at the wrong time. The door was locked... He had a key, he caught us. He's pissed. There is going to be a meeting tomorrow. I am going to lose my job. I am screwed. Not to mention Mr. Jackson had to hand me my panties. So, anyway, it was nice knowing you. I'm sure you will be a great surgeon." She walked out the door, not even waiting for Cristina's response.

Meredith walked out of the locker room like she was on fire. She couldn't take the elevator. She couldn't be trapped with anyone right now. She felt like a caged wild animal. She felt like everything was out of control. She felt like she couldn't stop the turmoil. She quickly opened the door to the stairwell and began running down the stairs as fast she she could. She got to the second floor and the door opened. It was Derek.

"Shit!" She said as she kept going.

"Shit? What do you mean, shit?" He said feeling offended. He was now following her. "Meredith." She kept going. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. I have to--" She stammered. "I have to go..." She said quickly. She opened the door to the stairwell and walked out. Derek watched her as she darted to her car. What the hell is wrong? He asked himself.

---------------

"What the hell is wrong with her?" Izzie asked Cristina as they both watched Meredith run out the front entrance.

"Nothing. She's fine." Cristina said quickly.

"She doesn't look fine!" Izzie said with a worried look on her face.

"Izzie, don't worry about it, okay?" Cristina said harshly. The both leaned over the railing not speaking. Derek walked up next to them.

"Is Dr. Grey okay?" He asked, with a concerned look on his face. He looked Izzie in the eyes, she didn't know anything. He then looked Cristina in the eyes. She knew. She knew exactly what was going on.

"I don't know." Said Izzie. "She was completely freaked out!"

"She is fine." Cristina said, sounding more confident then she felt. "She will be fine."

"Will be?" Derek and Izzie asked in unison.

"Is. She is. I have to go." Cristina said nervously as she walked away.

"What the hell is going on?" Derek asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine!" Izzie answered. They both just stared at Cristina as she walked away.

-------------------

Meredith walked in the front door. She had no idea what to do. She had to figure it out. She had no idea what Mr. Jackson was going to tell Dr. Bailey or the others. What was she going to tell them? What would she tell her friends? She was so screwed. She jumped right into the shark filled water. She knew she was playing with fire. Derek warned her. She tried. She told Chase it was over. She caved. She caved and now she was screwed. She began pacing back and forth by the front door. She couldn't take it. She couldn't take the stress. She was in a trance, she wasn't even there anymore, her mind was somewhere else. She kept playing it over and over in her head. She paced for hours. She didn't even notice Izzie and George walk in. They stopped and stared at their friend.

"Mer." Izzie said in shock. "Meredith!" She yelled. Meredith stopped pacing and looked at them. "Mer, are you okay?" Izzie said with concern.

"You guys need to stay in the house. When I'm gone, you need to stay. My mother will let you. You just need to make sure you pay all of the bills. You deserve to be here, even when I'm gone..." She trailed off.

"What's going on?" George asked with a worried face.

"Oh my God! Are you dying?" Izzie said, tearing up.

"No!" Meredith snapped. "No. I am not dying. I am fine. I am fine!" She said more for her own sanity. She started thinking about what had happened. A wave of nausea washed over her. She took off running to the bathroom. She immediately vomited into the toilet. She couldn't stop. She sat down and leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes and moaned.

"Meredith. Are you okay?" George asked with worry.

"Please, George. Just let me be." She said with a voice sounding as if she had given up. She heard him walk away. She closed her eyes. She sat there for hours. Finally her phone rang, It was Chase.

"Chase..." She said. She was worried about what was going to happen to him.

"Meredith. I talked to Mr. Jackson. I think it will be okay. I think he is going to let it slide." He said, sounding relieved.

"Really?" She said with a soft voice.

"I think so." He replied. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

"No, It's my fault too." She said, trying to make him feel better.

"I pushed you. I pursued you." He said.

"I let you." She replied with a slight smile.

"I think I need to stay home tonight." He told her, sound regretful.

"I think that is a good idea." She sighed, as she climbed to her feet.

"Meredith." He started. "I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight." She said quietly.

"Goodnight." He returned, and hung the phone up.

Meredith quickly went up the stairs and shut the door. She sighed. She made it there without being questioned by her friends. She went in her bathroom and started a bath. She quickly undressed and laid herself down it the hot water. She laid her head back and closed her eyes. She was just starting to relax when her cellphone rang. She reached over and grabbed it. She dreaded this call.

"Hello?" She said softly.

"Dr. Grey, this is Dylan Jackson." He said sternly.

"Yes?" She answered. This man held her fate in his hands.

"I expect you to report to work at your scheduled time. I will have you in my office by nine a.m. for a meeting. Your resident was told that you had received some bad news and had to leave early. It is up to you what you tell her. I will see you in the morning Dr. Grey." He said. The line went dead. What did this mean? She laid her head back and closed her eyes.

-----------------

**Meredith has gotten herself into quite a jam here. Not good!**


	15. Puddle of Tears

**I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I sure wish I did.**

Meredith heard the alarm go off. She had been awake for hours. She couldn't quit thinking about what was going to happen. Chase had made her feel better, but who knows. Anything could happen. Things can change at a moments notice. She rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes. Now she had to go down and face her friends. She didn't want to. She didn't want to tell them what was going on, and she didn't want to lie either. She slowly made her way down the stairs and walked in the kitchen. George and Izzie both looked at her. She walked over and filled her cup with coffee.

"We better go before we're late." Meredith said nonchalantly, as she walked towards the door. She opened the door and walked out into the cold rain. Izzie and George climbed into the Jeep.

"Seriously. What happened yesterday?" Izzie said, looking over at Meredith.

"Yeah, you totally freaked out!" George said happily. He took a big bite of one of Izzie's homemade muffins.

"I'm fine. It was just a thing. Sorry I freaked out." She said simply.

"Oh...okay..." Izzie said, looking over at her. "Maybe we'll get in on an awesome surgery!"

"Oh." Meredith said, realizing that she couldn't. She had a meeting to go to. She stared at the car in front of them. No one talked for ten minutes.

"So, McDreamy was worried about you yesterday." Izzie said, looking at Meredith.

"Well, there was nothing to worry about." Meredith said sharply. They pulled into the parking lot and Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn't wait to get out of the car. She grabbed her bag full of stuff from her locker and walked directly to the elevator. When the doors opened, it revealed Chase and a very rough looking Holly. Meredith squeezed in. Izzie and George ran up and joined her. She looked at Chase, who looked at ease. Holly looked at Meredith in fear. Meredith didn't say anything. She didn't want to.

"So, your face looks better." Izzie stated, driving the stake into Holly's chest just a little farther. Holly just glared at her.

"I expect both you and Dr. Grey will stay away from each other." Chase said out of necessity. They both nodded. The doors opened and the interns all rushed out and toward the locker room. Cristina looked over at Meredith. She gave her a nod, meaning it was okay. Meredith looked in her now empty locker and shoved her bag in. She pulled off her jeans and slid on her scrub pants. She heard the talking on the other side of the locker room. It immediately caught her attention.

"Yeah, she heard it. I guess she was right outside his door. Whoever it was is so screwed. They are going to boot her out of this hospital so fast." Said one intern to another. Meredith immediately felt sick to her stomach.

"So who is it?" The intern said.

"I guess it's an intern. She didn't see who it was. The Chief of Staff literally caught them in the act. How stupid is that?" The intern laughed. Cristina heard them talking. She walked around the corner.

"Are you guys brewing lies again?" Cristina said nastily to the interns.

"Hey, we can't help what's happening around here..." The intern said. "Why? Is it you, Yang?"

"Oh yeah, it's me." Cristina said, rolling her eyes.

"No, it's not her. They said it was a super skinny blonde." Said the other intern.

"Don't believe everything you hear..." Cristina snapped.

"Come on people!" Bailey yelled. Cristina ran back over to the other side of the room. "Grey, have you settled whatever catastrophe you had yesterday?" Meredith nodded. "Good. Okay, Yang-Montgomery, Karev-Burke, O'Malley and Stevens-Sloan, and Grey you are with Shepherd. Go!" She yelled.

Meredith scurried out of the locker room. Now she was with Derek. Just who she didn't want to be with. He was going to be all nice and worried. He was going to ask her questions. She did not want to explain anything. What was she going to do when he asked her to scrub in? She saw him at the end of the hallway. He was leaning against the wall, reading a chart. She had to smile. There was something about him that made her smile. She walked up to him. He glanced up and took a double take.

"Dr. Grey, are you my intern?" He asked as if he didn't know. He did know, he had requested her.

"Yes, I am." She said with a smile. Her insides were twisting and turning. She looked at her watch, in four hours her fate would be known. The thought caused her to be nauseous. She grabbed her stomach.

"Are you okay?" He said with concern. She looked in his eyes. She almost felt like he was reading her. She looked away. Another wave of nausea rushed over her. She ran to the nearest trash can. She vomited in the can. He walked right over to her an touched her back. She straightened up.

"I'm fine." She said with a smile. "So, what are we doing today?" She asked.

"Well, I have a carpal tunnel surgery scheduled." He said with a slight smile. He knew she was keeping something to herself.

"I have a meeting, at ten." She said quickly. "So, I don't know if you want another intern..." She trailed off.

"A meeting...are you in trouble?" He joked. Her face didn't change. "Are you in trouble?" He asked again, but this time seriously.

"I have a meeting..." She said slowly.

"Well, um- okay then." He stammered. "You can scrub in, and if we aren't done, you can leave when you need to." He said. She sighed a sigh of relief.

"Okay." She replied, grabbing her neck and rubbing it.

"I need you to run some tests for me." He told her. She nodded and he handed her the chart, sending her off.

----------------

Chase Carter never got nervous. He was one of the most confident people in the world. He was not concerned about this meeting. He knew it would all be panned out and things would go back to the way they were. He would be with Meredith, it would be somewhat known about their relationship and everything would be fine. He walked up to the Chief of Staff's office. Dylan Jackson's assistant let him know he was there. Chase was immediately sent in. Dylan stood up, Chase walked over and shook his hand.

"Dr. Carter. Thank you for coming. Please, sit down." He motioned to the chair before him. Chase sat. "I had time to sit and think about this situation last night. I spoke to the rest of the board, and they have left this in my lap. I had made my decision before I even came in this morning." He said in a monotone voice. Chase nodded his head. "First off, let me say that we are very happy with what you have done with our surgical program. We are pleased with your work. We do not regret our decision of hiring you." He sighed. "It is one thing to have a relationship with an intern, on you own time. But for you to be caught having sex on your desk is... This morning I was prepared to forgive and forget. I was going to give you both a slap on the wrist... But." He paused.

"But?" Chase asked with surprise.

"That was until I got in the elevator. Because when I got in the elevator this morning, I walked into five people on our staff talking about the fact that my Chief of Surgery is sleeping with an intern!" He yelled.

"My relationship with Dr. Grey started when I was still employed at Seattle Presbyterian." Chase defended. "She did not know that I was going to be her Chief."

"Did you know?" Dylan asked.

"Yes, I did." Chase informed him.

"Well, I have no way of knowing that is fact. If you had said something from the beginning, this would have been different." He said sternly. "We run a teaching hospital here. We teach. So how do you think it looks when my Chief of Surgery is sleeping with, in essence, a student? What about the other interns who are trying. Dr. Grey is very talented. I hear she is one of our top interns. Her mother is legendary. I understand that she is exceptional. No matter how exceptional she is, everyone is always going to wonder if she made it because she was sleeping with her boss. I know interns have relationships with their residents, and occasionally their attendings, but Chief, that is not even an option. So, I have decided that one of you must go..." He stopped and looked at a very shocked Chase.

"What are you saying?" Chase asked, looking him in the eye.

"I am saying that you can either resign, or she can be asked to leave the program. I will not have anyone make a mockery of my hospital. So, it now lies in your hands..." Dylan explained. His face didn't soften, his anger was apparent.

"Well, I will resign and return to my job at Seattle Presbyterian." Chase stated simply. He wanted to be Chief. He had always wanted it, but Meredith was more important to him.

"That is not an option." Mr. Jackson snapped.

"Why?" Chase said angrily and boldly.

"Do you honestly think that I would allow my Chief of Surgery to resign and return to his former employer. Not to mention it is in the same city? That would not make Seattle Grace look very good." Dylan stated matter-of-factly.

"What if I quit, and go back anyway?" Chase asked.

"I don't think that Seattle Presbyterian would hire someone back with a bad recommendation..." Dylan Jackson threatened.

"So--" Chase trailed off in disbelief.

"Essentially it is either you or Dr. Grey. Of course, you are more than welcome to stay here and remain in your current position. We would like you to stay. But, if I must, I will recommend you for the Chief of Surgery position at Boston General. The Chief is retiring, and he is an old friend. This way you could say you needed to relocate. The decision is entirely up to you..." Dylan said with a smile.

"What about Dr. Grey?" Chase asked with concern on his face.

"I haven't spoken to her yet. This is your decision. I will be talking to her after you leave. If you decide to stay, she will be asked to leave. So what will it be?" He asked.

"Now?" He said in shock. "You need to know now?"

"Yes. Now." He said, leaning back in his chair. "So what will it be?"

---------------------

Meredith didn't speak to Derek about her meeting. They talked about things related to surgery and medicine. She wanted to crawl under the operating table and hide. Now everyone would know. The only thing that spreads faster than disease in a hospital is gossip. They didn't know it was her, but they would probably find out. There weren't many "super skinny" blonde interns floating around Seattle Grace. She had to think about how confident Chase was. Maybe everything would be okay. Her hands were getting sweaty in her surgical gloves. It was stress. She watched the clock. Derek began closing the patient up. She watched intently. Finally, they walked into the scrub room. She peeled off her gloves, which were soaked.

"That was a good surgery." Derek said with a smile.

"Yeah." She said distractedly.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked, looking over at her. She didn't answer. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I'm fine." She said simply, drying her hands.

"It's the meeting, isn't it?" He asked. "Who is this meeting with?"

"That's none of your business." She snapped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

"Yes you did." He said with a big smile. "I shouldn't have asked. I'm sure whatever it is, it will be fine." He said, trying to reassure her.

"Well, I hope so, because that is where I'm heading." She said quickly, and walked out. She was scared to death. If her friends knew where she was headed... No one ever got called to the Chief of Staff's office. The assistant buzzed Mr. Jackson, and Meredith found her way into his office.

"Ah, Dr. Grey, thank you for coming." He said politely. "Please, sit down." Meredith sat. The truth is, if she hadn't sat, she would have been on the floor in a matter of seconds. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it was going to beat out of her chest. "I have made my decision..." He said smoothly. Meredith tried to read him, she couldn't. "You will remain on staff here at Seattle Grace."

"Oh, thank you." Meredith said with a sigh of relief.

"I would also like to say that I have never been so disappointed in a person in my life. Your mother is one of the finest surgeons in the world. I expect that you will follow very nicely in her footsteps. I have to say I expected better of you. You do not need to sleep your way to the top." He said bluntly.

"I did not sleep my way to the top!" Meredith retorted sternly. "I am in a relationship with Dr. Carter."

"Well, nonetheless, the decision has been made. You will take a week long leave of absence for personal reasons." Dylan said quickly, looking down at a paper.

"A week?" Meredith said, looking at him.

"You are lucky that a week away from this hospital is your only punishment." He said, looking up at her. "I do not want to see you in this hospital at all. I don't even want you in the parking lot, during this transitional phase. Your resident will be informed of your leave. Do you understand?" He said looking at her.

"Yes, I do." She nodded.

"You may go." He said, looking back at the paperwork. She gets up and walks to the door. A light bulb flips on her head, and she turns around.

"Sir, what did you mean by "transitional phase"?" She asked.

"That is none of your concern. Have a good day." He smiled, and she walked out.

Meredith was somewhat relieved. She wasn't getting fired. She still had a job. They could have fired her. They could have sent her packing with a bad recommendation. She could have lost everything that she had ever worked for. But she didn't. She was coming back in a week. She didn't know what she was going to tell everyone as to why she would be gone. She walked through the hallways and to the locker room where she grabbed her things and headed home.

Meredith spent the day cleaning the house. Izzie had been keeping it pretty clean, but Meredith knew she had to pull her own weight. She threw a load of laundry into the washer and started mopping floors. What Mr. Jackson said kept looming in her head. What did he mean by transitional phase? She shrugged it off and continued working. She wanted to call Chase, but she knew that they were both on thin ice. A few hours went by and Izzie came home. Meredith emerged downstairs and walked into the kitchen.

"So why are you on leave?" Izzie asked nosily.

"I have things I need to get done." She said simply, leaving it up in the air. "Are you making dinner?"

"I can. How about chicken?" She asked. Meredith nodded her head yes. "George is on-call. Do you care if Alex eats with us? He is coming over in a while." She said as she pulled the package of chicken out of the refrigerator.

"Iz, it is as much your house as mine. Alex can come over whenever you want him to..." Meredith trailed off. "I think I am going to go take a bath."

"Okay. I will yell when it's done." Izzie said happily as she began chopping vegetables. "Oh, by the way, the house looks great!" Meredith just smiled.

Izzie continued cooking the food. Meredith took a long bath and changed into Chase's Stanford tee shirt and sleep pants. She liked wearing them. They were comfortable. She laid down on her bed for a minute. Everything had been going wrong, and now, they seemed to be looking up. She grabbed her phone. She hadn't missed any calls. She was surprised that she hadn't heard from Chase. She closed her eyes enjoying the silence.

Izzie was stirring food in the frying pan when she heard a key in the door. Alex didn't have a key, and he had called and said that he wouldn't be there for a few hours. He was lucky enough to get pulled into an emergency surgery. George was on call. She knew it wasn't him. Unless for some reason he was sent home. She heard the door open. She turned the heat down on the stove and walked to the doorway. She was shocked at who she saw.

"Um, Chief Carter, um can I--" She stammered nervously. She had no idea why and how he was in their home.

"Is Meredith here?" He asked softly. Izzie furrowed her brow. He looked sad. He looked as if everything he had, had just been ripped out from under him.

"Yeah, um." She said quickly. "Mer, um, there is someone here for you!" She yelled up the stairway. Chase just stood there with his arms to his sides. Izzie had no idea what to say. They heard Meredith walk down the stairs. She looked into his eyes. At that moment she knew something was wrong. Chase looked at her. She looked perfect in his clothes. She looked like how he imagined she would. He had imagined they would spend the rest of their lives together.

"Chase..." She trailed off. She walked up to him and stopped. She looked into his sad eyes. She could swear they were a little red. He pulled her into a deep kiss. Izzie stood there in shock.

"I um, I will be in the kitchen." Izzie said, pointing to the kitchen. She walked away with a wide-eyed look on her face. It came to her. Meredith was _the_ intern. Chase pulled back from Meredith. Izzie watched from the kitchen.

"Chase, what's wrong?" Meredith choked out.

"Meredith. I love you. You know that, right?" He said sadly.

"Of course. What's going on?" She pressed.

"I'm leaving. I have to go." He said, his voice crackling.

"Leaving?" Her face dropped. "What do you mean, leaving?"

"You are talented. You are special. The minute I saw you in the coffee shop, I knew that there was something amazing about you. You took my breath away. I pursued you. I was the one that insisted on our relationship. You were innocent. I knew better. I pushed it to the limits, and I am sorry. I am sorry that I put you in such a horrible position." He said, she tried to speak. "Wait! They gave me the option, either you or me. I could stay on as Chief and you would be asked to leave. Or I could leave and you could stay. There were no other options on the table. You have had so many bad things happen to you. You have persevered. You have succeeded. You worked hard. I would not let that be thrown away. I would not be the reason you lost your job. So...I am leaving." He said, his throat dry, his voice weak.

"No. You can't leave." She pleaded, grabbing his arm.

"It's the only way, Mer." He explained.

"I said I love you. I don't say that. I don't risk being hurt. I love you, Chase! Don't leave me!" She cried out.

"I love you too. That is why I'm doing it. I love you more than anything!" He said, trying to push his words out.

"I will quit, and you can stay. I will quit the program!" She said loudly, pleading to him.

"No, Meredith. You were meant to be a surgeon. You will be world-class. I don't want to be the reason you don't make it. I don't want to crush your dream. Didn't you say that to me once? Meredith, I love you so much. This is tearing me up inside." He placed his hand on her cheek. "Please, try to be happy. I know you can. Just know that everything between us was real. It was genuine. Just know that I really do love you." He ran his hand from the top of her head and down her face. "I do--" He started to tear up. "I do love you. Goodbye, Meredith." He leaned in and gave her one last soft kiss before walking to the door. He opened it.

"No, Chase! I love you. Please don't leave, please!" She cried out, tears streaming down her face. He couldn't look back. He couldn't look at her one last time. He was crushed. He felt like someone was running him over with a steamroller. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he walked away from the only woman he had truly loved. Meredith watched as he walked out the door and disappeared off of the porch. Her knees gave out, and she collapsed on the floor in a puddle of her own tears.

--------------

**Wow. Mer is now broken. I did it. I broke her. I think the next chapter will talk about Nate... Who also broke Mer. Poor Meredith Grey...**


	16. Without a Moment's Notice

**If I owned Grey's Anatomy, it would be 70 Mer/Der, and 30 everyone else!**

Meredith finally fell asleep. Izzie came in and checked on her before she went to bed. Meredith was moving around, and whimpering "Nate" in her sleep. Izzie didn't know what to do with for friend. She sat a glass of water down on the table next to Meredith's bed and quietly walked out. Meredith tossed and turned. Her sleep wasn't peaceful. It was full of haunting memories of a man she once loved.

----------------

_"So, are you almost ready?" Ian asked, as he tied his shoes._

_"For what?" Meredith asked as she took one last look in the mirror and ran her fingers through her hair._

_"To go out." He said. "It's Saturday. It's our night to go out."_

_"Every night is your night to go out!" She said, rolling her eyes. "Besides, I have a thing." _

_"I know you do. You have two very nice things!" Ian said walking up from behind. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his hands on her breasts._

_"Hands off." She snapped as she smacked his hands away._

_"Ow. So what is this thing?" He asked, looking at himself in the mirror. "And can I come?"_

_"No, you cannot." She laughed. "It's just a thing. No big deal. Go ahead and leave. Maybe you'll get lucky!" She said. She thought to herself how abnormal that was. To tell your husband that maybe he would get lucky._

_"Maybe I will!" He said with a chuckle. "Well, have fun at your thing..." He said as he walked out the door._

_Meredith sighed a big sigh of relief when she looked out the window and saw him climb into a cab. She didn't want him to know she was going on a date. That was against the rules. Ian said he wanted to have fun. He didn't want to date or be in a relationship with anyone else. So meaningless sex, that was okay. Going on a date, having feelings that was a big no no. She smiled at herself in the mirror. She was going on a date. She heard a car pull up. She looked out the window to see Nate. She went outside and met him at the car._

_"You look amazing!" He said, as he looked at her in her dark green dress. Her hair was laying softly on her shoulders._

_"You don't look so bad yourself!" She said as she looked at him._

_"Shall we go?" He asked, opening the car door for her._

_"We shall..." She climbed into the vehicle._

_They drove the shot distance to the nice restaurant. Nate kept looking over at her. She fascinated him. He didn't know what it was, but he couldn't stop looking at her, When they arrived at the restaurant, he opened her door. She laughed, no man had ever done that for her. The restaurant was busy, luckily he had made reservations. The sat at a quiet table in the back. He looked at the candlelight dancing on her face,_

_"So, I want to know everything about you, Meredith. Intrigue me." He said with a smile. The waiter came and he ordered a bottle of wine._

_"Well. You already know I was born and raised in Seattle. I grew up lonely, I was an only child. My mother divorced my father when I was seven. My mom was always busy. She is a surgeon. She never had time for me. I was raised by a nanny until I was thirteen. By then my mom said I was a teenager and I could take care of myself. So I did. She sent me to private school. I worked my ass off to please her, and I graduated early. When I was eighteen I got the hell out of her house. And now I am here..." She explained as she buttered a piece of bread._

_"Interesting. Sad, but interesting. I can't imagine growing up like that. I have three brothers and two sisters. I grew up in a big family. Family is so important to my mom and dad. We didn't have a lot. My dad worked two jobs to support us all, but we were happy. I got a full ride scholarship, and here I am..." Nate told her, as he sipped his wine._

_"I always wonder what it would be like to have a family..." Meredith trailed off sadly. "But, I'm okay. I can take care of myself." _

_"I have no doubt in my mind that you can." He said with a smile. She took a bite of her bread. "But maybe you need someone to take care of you for awhile. Lighten the load." The waiter walked up and they put in their orders._

_"So, biochemistry..." She said, trying to change the subject. _

_"Yeah, I know. It's kind of dorky, but it's what I've always wanted to so." He said quickly._

_"So, you want to be a surgeon." He replied. "Like your mother?"_

_"No! Not like my mother." She retorted. "Like me. I want to be my own person. I will not stay in my mother's shadow. I have a feeling it would be very cold there. Shit, you get like ten feet from her and you need to put your coat on!" She laughed, he joined her._

_"She's your mother!" He said, defending Ellis._

_"You do not know her. We don't speak." Meredith said with a sigh._

_"That's sad." He said quietly. "Family is everything."_

_They ate their dinner and made small talk. He couldn't keep the smile off of his face. She was so frank, so fresh. She said whatever she wanted, and she didn't care what anyone thought. She was herself, and she wasn't interested in changing for anyone. They both decided it was time to go. They walked out to the car quietly. He opened her door, and she sat. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. She hadn't been on a date in a very long time._

_"Dinner was great." Meredith said as he sat in the driver seat._

_"Yes, it was." He answered._

_"So, do you want to go back to your place?" She said, quietly. She was so used to having sex, she didn't know how to do anything else. He knew this is what was on her mind._

_"Meredith..." He started. "You don't have to have sex with me. This was a date. I want to get to know you. You are amazing. I just want to know the real you..." _

_"Um." She said. She was embarrassed. Now she was not feeling like a common everyday whore, She was feeling like a cheap whore. She was feeling like she was trying to promote herself to him. "I didn't mean for that--" She said, which was a lie._

_"Oh, God! I'm so sorry. I just--" He stopped talking. "God, now I feel like a complete ass!" He said, not looking over at her._

_"Look. I am a whore. But not a prostitute. I like sex. I don't expect anything for it. I just expect a good fuck. An intense, body shaking, all consuming orgasm..." She said bluntly. "So my point it, I don't do it for money. I don't do it as a payment. I do it because I like it..."_

_"I didn't mean--" He started. Now he had no idea what to say. "I want to get to know you. I don't want sex. I want long talks by the fire. I want to know you." He said, satisfied with his answer._

_"Are you gay?" She laughed._

_"No, I am definitely not gay!" He laughed._

_"Okay. This has gotten weird..." He said quickly._

_"Yeah, it has. Why don't you just take me home?" She said quietly._

_"So, I screwed it up?" He said sadly._

_"Sex, yes." She laughed._

_"Good, I didn't want sex." He replied. "I want another date. Tuesday?"_

_"Yeah. Tuesday would be great." She said as he pulled up to her house. "I really did have a good time..."_

_"I did too." He said with a smile._

_"Thanks for dinner. Goodnight." She said as she climbed out of the car._

_"Goodnight." He said with a smile. _

_Meredith walked up to the house and unlocked the door. That was the first time in a long time that she didn't go home with a guy. It felt good. It felt empowering. Not even a kiss goodnight. She took a shower and laid down in her cold bed. She knew Ian wouldn't be home for hours._

_----------------_

_Meredith and Nate had had several successful dates. They had been going out for over two months. She was having a harder and harder time sneaking around behind Ian's back. Not that she cared. He didn't love her, so what was the difference. She really liked Nate. He was a nice guy. He was kind and genuine. He was the kind of guy you could trust with your life. She found herself caring more about what she did when she was around him. He made her want to be a better person. She grabbed her books and headed to the university. He day went slowly and boring, but that all changed when she saw Nate on the grass with a picnic basket and a blanket._

_"Hey. What's this?" She asked with a smile_

_"This, is all for you my dear." He said, motioning for her to sit down. She sat. "So, I hope you like peanut butter and jelly?" He asked._

_"Of course." She laughed._

_"And apple juice?" He asked again with a smile._

_"It's all I had in my house. Sorry!" He apologized._

_"No. It's perfect!" Meredith replied. It was perfect. It was sweet. He finished his sandwich and laid down on his back, leaning against a tree. She finished hers and laid her head on he lap. _

_"So, are you ever going to invite me to your house?" He said with a chuckle. "I'm beginning to think it's a front. Is it cardboard? Do you walk in the front door and into an alley?" He laughed, she did too. _

_"No." She sat up and looked in his eyes. Their faces drew closer, she leaned in and their lips met. His tongue delved deeply into her mouth. Kissing him felt perfect. It felt right. After a few minutes she pulled away. "This is--" She said out of breath._

_"Too fast?" He said with concern._

_"No, no. Not at all." She started. She was getting nervous. "I really like you. I mean really like you. You are great. Amazing and I-- I um--"_

_"Yeah?" He said, his body stiffening up._

_"I really need to tell you something, and I am not going to lie. I am scared to death." She said, breathing in deeply._

_"Meredith. You can tell me anything. Really." He convinced her. She believed him. She had never had such a strong connection to anyone in her life. _

_"You have changed me. You make me want to be a better person. The last few months have been the best months of my life and--" She exhaled quickly, and sucked more air in. "I'm-- I'm-- I'm married." She spat out. She waited for the storm. The yelling. It had to come. She was scared of the yelling. But what would be worse than that, would be the disappointment._

_"Okay." He said slowly and unsure of what she was saying. He was processing it._

_"Yell. Hate me. Do something." She said quickly. The silence was killing her._

_"I um. Will your husband kill me? Should I be scared?" He said seriously. She laughed. "What?"_

_"That's funny." She laughed._

_"I just want to know why? Why would you have an affair?" He asked._

_"Do you remember the night at the bar? The first night?" She asked. "I was there, you said you were watching me. I came in with a guy..."_

_"Yeah. I know who you're talking about. The guy dancing with all the girls. I figured he was your brother. Which now I realize was stupid because you are an only child..." He trailed off._

_"That's my husband." She said sadly._

_"But he--" Nate started saying._

_"We got married in Las Vegas. We were drunk off our asses. I was sad, I hated my mom. So I came back with him. It was never really a marriage. We just stayed together and it works. He sleeps with other girls. I sleep with other guys. It works. I have a home to go to every night. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous. I've never really had anyone..."_

_"I think I get it. I mean it is dysfunctional as hell, but I get it." Nate said with a laugh._

_"We've always agreed that we wouldn't date other people, but you. I really like you Nate. I didn't want to wonder if we had a shot." She said looking at him._

_"No wonder you were so sad." He said nonchalantly._

_"What do you mean, sad?" She asked._

_"When I met you, you looked like you had given up. I just don't want you to give up, Meredith." He said, kissing her on the head,_

_"I don't want to give up." She said, leaning over and kissing him._

_------------------_

_Life was going well for Meredith Grey. She was happy. Truly happy. She had never felt this way. Nate made her feel like she mattered. They have been together for six months. She was still with Ian. Ian was growing more and more suspicious of her. She didn't pay any attention to him, and that was asking him jealous. Nate had met her a a few clubs. The one time Ian was there. All Meredith could think was how stupid he was._

_"What the hell is going on with you?" Ian asked angrily._

_"What do you mean?" Meredith said walking into the kitchen._

_"You haven't been coming home at night..." He pointed out._

_"I have been staying over. After all the fucking, I've been too tired to come home." She laughed. It made her sick. Who is okay with that? If Nate did that to her, if he had other girls, she would die._

_"Oh." He said. She sat down on the sofa. He sat next to her. She turned the t.v. on and started watching. He leaned over, placed his hand high on her thigh and kissed her. _

_"What the hell are you doing?" She said as she pulled away. It made her sick._

_"I am kissing you." He said obviously._

_"No." She said coldly._

_"No? What do you mean, no?" He said loudly. "Look. I know something is wrong. I haven't fucked my wife in a very long time."_

_"Nothing is wrong." She said flatly._

_"Oh yeah, it is. Is there a guy?' He asked questioningly._

_"Well, of course. There are many..." A lie. There was only one. And he was the only one that mattered. _

_"No, this is-- No." He shook his head. "There is a guy. I have never seen you like this" He said, jealously seeping out of him._

_"There is no guy!" She yelled._

_"There is. I won't have it!" _

_"There isn't. And you know what? If there was, and there is not, what is the difference? You don't give a shit about me!"_

_"I-- I. I just want to fuck my wife." He said quickly. He pushed her down on the sofa. He did care. He wasn't admitting it to her, anyone, or himself. She couldn't control herself around him. She hadn't had sex with Nate yet. He insisted that they wait. She was beginning to wonder if he even had a penis. She hadn't had sex in six months, six long months. Ian laid on top of her and kissed her neck. She could feel his erection pressing up against her. That was when she lost all control. She ripped his shirt off, buttons flying everywhere. He unbuttoned her pants and pulled them down. Everything was rushed. He needed her. He thrust into violently. She cried out. It was a mix of pleasure and guilt, and she couldn't take it. _

_-------------------_

_Meredith laid in the bed with Nate. He was studying for a test. She laid her head on his chest. It was something the always did. She wasn't a cuddler. He turned her into one. She couldn't stop thinking about it. The sex. The hot, dirty sex. Ian had a hold over her, a hold she could not control It loomed over her. The guilt was sickening._

_"I had sex with Ian." She blurted out loudly. She cringed. She had no idea why she said it._

_"What the hell?" He said loudly. He never yelled. He wasn't yelling, he raised his voice. She didn't move. "We are sitting here, and all of the sudden you say that."_

_"I- I can't take the guilt. I had to tell you." She said tearing up. "I didn't want to. I told you I was a whore." She began to sob. "I'm a whore...now you are going to leave."_

_"Meredith, calm down. You are not a whore. He is your husband. I don't have a right to say anything..." Nate said sadly. "There are no rules. What we're doing, it can't have rules, because it is breaking any rules that there are..."_

_"There are rules. There are rules because I-" She gasped._

_"What?" He asked, looking into her eyes._

_"I love you. I am in love with you, and I can't breathe." She said softly. "I am afraid that I will screw it up, and it will kill me because I am so in love with you it is pathetic!" She cried._

_"You love me?" He asked with a smile._

_"I do." She said as she looked up into his eyes._

_"I love you too. I didn't want to say it. I was afraid I would scare you away. But I love you, Meredith Grey. I have loved you for a long time." He leaned over and kissed her. He rolled over on top of her, kissing her more deeply. She rolled him over and pulled her shirt over her head. He just looked at her. He was amazed. She pulled his shirt over his head. He was buff, and was shocked at how good he looked. He unclasped her bra and began kissing her. She pulled his pants down and took off her own. She straddled him, placing him inside her. They both let out gasps. Sex with Nate, it wasn't dirty. It wasn't like any other sex. He wasn't the best lover in the world, but he made her feel loved. And that was exactly what she needed._

_-------------------_

_"So, this is the first time you have been home in a week." Ian stated loudly._

_"Yeah, I- Well-" Meredith stammered. She could barely go along with the lie anymore._

_"You have a boyfriend." Ian stated angrily._

_"No!" She shouted. "No, I do not have boyfriend." She said, slamming the cabinet door._

_"Dan saw you will him. He said you two looked pretty close." He said matter-of-factly. "Do you know how it feels to have your friend tell you that your wife is dating another man?"_

_"Oh come off your high horse! You fuck anything that walks." She said yelling at him. "He is just a friend."_

_"Yes, I do. But I don't care about them. I don't love them." He stated simply as he sat down on the sofa heavily._

_"Oh, and you love me..." She rolled her eyes and walked into their bedroom. She threw some clothes in a bag. She hadn't been keeping anything besides a toothbrush at Nate's._

_"So you are going to him?" He said as he walked into their room._

_"No, I am not. I am staying a friend's." She said not even looking up at him._

_"This isn't acceptable. This is against the rules. No relationships..." He said smoothly as he grabbed her hand to stop her from packing._

_"I am getting too old, Ian." She said as she pulled her hand away._

_"How long? How long have you been "friends" with this guy?" Ian asked coldly, looking into her eyes._

_"A year." She replied, almost cracking a smile._

_"A year!" He shouted in shock. "A fucking year!"_

_"If you cared. If you were around. You would have noticed." She said sadly. "Goodbye Ian." She said as she walked out the door._

_It was late when she pulled up to Nate's apartment. She could see his bedroom light on through the window. She grabbed her bags and walked up the stairs to the second floor. She slid her key into the door lock and turned the handle, juggling the bags in her arms. The apartment was quiet. She slide off her shoes and walked into the bedroom. When she walked in, he looked up from his book and smiled._

_"Hey." He said with a smile. "So you brought some stuff." _

_"Yeah. I did." She said softly. _

_"I made you a bath." He said quietly._

_"You did?" She asked happily. She really needed it._

_"I did." He said with a smile. _

_"Oh, thank you. I need it." She said with relief. She walked into the bathroom. There was a hot bath full of bubbles waiting for her. He had lit candles all over the bathroom. She had never met anyone like him. He was kind. He never yelled. He loved her unconditionally. She thought long and hard as she soaked in the bathtub. She made her decision. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She heard the door open._

_"You look like you need this." He said as he handed her a glass of wine._

_"Oh God yes." She replied. She took a sip. _

_"Are you okay?" He asked, with concern._

_"I will be." She said with a weak smile. He leaned over, kissed her and walked out. She soaked for a long time. When the water got cold, she climbed out. She dressed in a tee shirt and walked over to his bed and leaned against his chest. She breathed in his scent._

_"I'm going to ask Ian for a divorce." She whispered softly._

_"You are?" He said with a mixture of surprise and happiness._

_"I love you. I want to be with you. You aren't second best and you don't deserve to be. So, I am leaving him for good. I want to be with you." She said quietly. He leaned down a kissed her deeply._

_"You are the only woman I ever want. It doesn't matter what happens, as long as I'm with you. I will follow you anywhere." He said happily. He wrapped his arms around her. She quickly fell asleep. He just watched for hours. She was everything he had ever wanted._

_--------------------_

_Meredith went back home the next day. Nate's apartment had a flood, so he decided to go home and visit his parents for a few days. He offered to take her with him. She had already met his parents on several occasions. She absolutely loved them. She stayed home. She needed to tie things up. She knew that she couldn't just tell Ian she wanted a divorce. It had to be done just the right way. She didn't want anything from him. She didn't want his money. Ian was in a better mood now that she was back. He knew Nate wasn't just a friend. He wanted to keep her in his grasp. Meredith went to school and did everything she normally did. She did not want Ian to know what she was up to. _

_Nate called on the phone and let her know that he was back. She was laying on the couch. She didn't know that Ian could hear her from in the bedroom. She told him how much she missed him, and how much she loved him. They decided to meet at the club that night. He told her he couldn't wait to see her. He had missed her so much. Meredith picked out her nicest outfit. She was so excited to see him. She couldn't wait. She took a shower, and started to get ready. She was just drying her hair, and finished getting ready. She took one last look in the mirror._

_She got in her car and drove to the club. She had never missed someone so much in her life. She felt like she wasn't complete without him. She had butterflies in her stomach. She parked her car and went up to the door. She had been coming there for years. They wouldn't let her in. She argued with the bouncer, and finally a half an hour later, she was in. She looked all around for Nate. He was no where to be found. She walked up to the familiar bartender and asked him if he had seen him. He hadn't. Finally she tried calling him It went straight to voicemail. I never did. No matter what, he took her calls. She waited for hours and hours. He never showed. First she was angry, then she started to worry. When the club was ready to close, she made her way to her car, she made sure to drive by his apartment. There was no lights on, and his car wasn't there. She drove home. She slowly walked through the front door and threw her purse down._

_"So how was your date?" Ian asked._

_"It wasn't a date. It was a drink, at the bar. I'm married, remember." She answered "It's against the rules. Just sex, that's what you said, right? He didn't show, anyhow." She said angrily. She was sad. He was never late. She had a sinking feeling in her gut. Something was not right. He was always around. He was never unavailable for her._

_"So he stood you up." He suggested._

_"No. He probably had something to do." She snapped. She liked Nate. Nate was a nice guy. Ian was just her husband. Their marriage was a complete joke. It wasn't a marriage, it was sham. She heard Ian chuckle. He knew something. Little did she know that she would never see Nate again. And the thought of that, it crushed her. It hit her like a ton of bricks, she was completely in love with Nate, and now he was gone._

_The next day, Meredith went to Nate's apartment. Everything was gone. The apartment was completely empty, as if no one had ever lived there. In the middle of the room sat her two bags that she had brought over not even a week before. She sat in the middle of the apartment and cried for hours. The only man she had ever loved walked away. He never said anything, he just disappeared. She looked everywhere for him. He had withdrawn from Oxford. There was nothing about him in the paper. She had always wondered if he was hurt, or even worse, dead. A year later Meredith was in the park, sitting on a bench with her friend Gina. She looked over at the fountain and her heart leapt out of her chest. It was him. It was Nate. She jumped up and ran over towards him. By the time she reached where he was, he was lost in the crowd. She walked around for hours, but never found him. She felt like she had lost him all over again. Before she thought maybe he had a reason to be gone. But seeing him in the park that day, she could only come to one conclusion: He had just walked away from her._

_--------------_

"Meredith Grey!" Ellis screamed, causing Meredith to jerk awake. Her head was pounding and her pillow was soaked with tears. She heard the bedroom door open. She didn't acknowledge it. Ellis walked to the side of the bed. "Get your stupid ass up!" Meredith slowly sat up in the bed. "How could you be so stupid? I am so humiliated. My daughter. My daughter is the intern dumb enough to sleep with her Chief of Surgery! In his office. I pave the road to success in gold for you. I am the reason you have made it so far. And what do you do? You sleep your way to the top. What the hell were you thinking? You don't have to sleep with the Chief! I always knew you would take the easy road. Why work when you can play and still succeed? I can't even look at your face, you disgust me! I have to go..." Ellis screamed as she stormed out of the bedroom and out of the house.

"You're right Mom. You are completely right..." Meredith whispered. She had given up.

--------------

**This is what Meredith knows and remembers about Nate. There is another piece of the puzzle that will come in later. She and Nate were both totally in love with each other, and he just walked away. And now Chase has done the same thing. So now, Mer has given up. What will happen next?**


	17. Author's Note

**The site is fixed YAY! I am working on Chapter 17 right now. I will have it up this evening. So, I encourage you to go back and read them over now that they are fixed. Thanks for hanging in there!**


	18. A Bitter Pill

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, it would be an hour of Meredith and Derek joy, love and sex!**

Izzie walked in and checked on Meredith in the morning. She was sound asleep. Izzie was just hoping that she was at least happy in her dreams. She quietly shut the door and found her way to her car. Izzie didn't know what she was going to say to everyone. She didn't know whether she should tell her friends about what had happened. She was sure it would spread around the hospital like wildfire. She pulled into a parking spot and made her way to the locker room.

"So what the hell is wrong with Meredith?" Cristina said with an annoyed voice.

"Wha-- What do you mean?" Izzie said nervously.

"I mean she hasn't called me back. I called her a dozen times." Cristina retorted, pulling her scrub pants on.

"She's got..." Izzie started. "It's nothing..." Bailey stormed in. Izzie rushed to put her clothes on.

"Okay people. We are going to be working extra hard with Grey being off for a week. You all can thank her when she comes back! Rounds, now!" She yelled, they all marched with her like little soldiers. They walked into a patient room. "Yang, you present."

"Carolyn Jeffries is in for an aortic repair. Her condition was stable last night..." Cristina continued.

"It's your case." She handed her the file and they walked out and into the next room. "Stevens, you present this case."

"Mr. Travis is in for a Cervical Laminectomy." Izzie started.

"And what is that?" Bailey asked her.

"It is where a portion of the bony lamina is removed to provide more room for the nerve and spinal cord that is compressed." Izzie explained.

"Good." Bailey said. "Shepherd, she is all yours." Bailey and the remainder of the interns walked out.

"Okay Stevens..." Derek said, walking out into the hallway. "I need you to to get and x-ray and an MRI." She started to walk away. "Izzie, how is she?"

"Excuse me, sir?" She said, surprised that he had called her by her first name.

"How is Meredith?" He said with concern. He noticed her increasing nervousness.

"Um. She is great...why do you ask?" Izzie said quietly.

"I _know_." He said simply

"Know what?" She said innocently.

"Cut the crap Stevens." He said getting irritated. He was worried about Meredith and he wanted to know how she was. "I know that she was in a relationship with Dr. Carter. I have known for a while. Now you and I both know what has happened. She almost lost her job and Dr. Carter is gone. How is she?" Derek spat out. Izzie was shocked at his frankness. He had intimidated her.

"Um. She is okay. I mean, she was when I left. She was sleeping." Izzie explained.

"Well, that's good. She needs to rest." Derek said quickly. "Go do those tests."

"Right away, Sir." Izzie said as she jetted off.

----------------

The surgery went well. Derek was right on the mark, and everything was successful. The whole time he thought about Meredith. He had a feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew she pretended she was tough, but it was a front. He knew how devastated she had to be. Earlier he had met up with Richard Webber in the elevator. He was coming back. Richard was returning at Seattle Grace as Chief. He was tight lipped about the situation, but he did say that Chase had gotten the Chief of Surgery position is Boston. Derek closed the patient up and walked into the scrub room.

"That was a great surgery, Dr. Shepherd." Izzie said gratefully.

"Have you decided what your specialty is going to be?" Derek asked her, glancing over.

"I'm thinking about Obstetrics." Izzie said happily. "I am happy to scrub in with you, though. Meredith is the one who wants to do Neuro."

"Speaking of her. Are you planning on checking on her this afternoon?" Derek asked.

"Uh, no. I don't think I will have time. I'm sure she is fine." Izzie said convincingly.

"What if she's not!" Derek said loudly, causing Izzie to look at him. "I mean, she could be--" Derek stopped. "Please follow our patient through post-op." He said, not even waiting for her to answer. He quickly walked out of the scrub room.

-----------------

Meredith thought about what her mother said. Maybe she was right. Maybe she has screwed everything up. Maybe she has dug herself into such a deep hole that she will never get out of. Maybe it was time to fill the hole back on. Only this time, with her in it. She climbed out of bed and went down to the liquor cabinet. No tequila. There was a bottle of bourbon and a bottle of vodka. She grabbed both. Next she went up to her bathroom and got in the medicine cabinet. She sat indian style on her bed and stared at it all. She thought about Nate. She had loved him so much that it had taken her over. And he just left. No note, no phone call. He just left her stuff in the middle of his empty apartment. And Chase. He left too. He loved her and he left. At least he told her. But it didn't make it much better. It still hurt. She didn't feel like she could do it anymore. It was over it was ending. She was circling the drain and she didn't even know if she cared. She opened the bourbon and took a swig, then the vodka. She grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills and took off the cap. So quickly it could all be done. It would be over. She poured out a pill into her hand. She looked at it and threw it into her mouth. She took a drink of bourbon and a drink of vodka. She closed her eyes and laid her head back. She repeated the step again, and again. Thoughts of Nate passed through her mind. This is the end, she thought as she looked around her room. She poured the bottle into her hand and threw them all into her mouth.

---------------

Derek didn't know why he felt the need to go to her house. They were friends. Barely friends. Of course he was wildly attracted to her. But that wasn't it. He just had a feeling. He didn't have anything else scheduled until one, and it was only ten-thirty. He walked briskly to his Land Rover and climbed in. The traffic was unusually heavy and he was finding himself yelling at the the other drivers. He was feeling like he couldn't get there quick enough. Soon he pulled up in front of her house. He car was in the driveway, she was there. He walked up and knocked on the front door. No answer. He knocked again. No one came. Finally he turned the handle. The door opened. He called out for her, she didn't answer. He began searching the house. He was somewhat familiar with the house from helping her move in. He walked up at the stairs towards her room. Her door was open. He gasped. He rushed right over.

"Meredith!" He stuck his fingers in her mouth and began fishing out pills. "What the hell are you doing?" He shouted at her. He fished until he got all of the pills out. "How many did you take?" He yelled. "How many!" She didn't answer. She just stared at him. He grabbed the bottle and saw that there were supposed to be thirty. He frantically started counting out the pills. There were five missing. She would be okay if she took five. "How many, Meredith?" He said sternly, grabbing her shoulders. He was getting increasingly upset. He squeezed her shoulders gently, but firmly.

"Three." She said softly, not looking at his face. She couldn't look into his eyes. If she did, she would crumble. This would all become reality, rather than some warped dream.

"Why?" He asked quietly, putting his hand under her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Why?" He said louder. She looked down. She laid back on the bed and closed her eyes. Derek sat in the chair next to her bed. After an hour, she was snoring loudly. Derek had no idea what to do. How could she even think about doing that to herself? He knew she was upset, but this was drastic. She was ready to end her life. Did she not know that people care about her? Her friends, her family, him. He cared and she probably didn't even realize it. He knew she would be out for awhile between the sleeping pills and liquor. He stepped out into the hallway and dialed his phone.

"Hi Richard, it's Derek Shepherd." He started out. His voice was weak. "I'm going to need some time off."

"Is everything okay?" Richard asked with concern. He could hear something in Derek's voice.

"I think so. I need a few days." Derek said quickly, he watched Meredith as she slept.

"Starting when?" Richard asked.

"Now, right now. I have a craniotomy scheduled at one. I can't do it." Derek said flatly. Richard could tell there was no arguing it.

"Okay. I guess I can call in Dr. Figy." Richard said slowly.

"That would be great Richard." Derek replied. "Thanks."

Derek sat back down in the chair next to Meredith. He slid his shoes off and leaned back. He couldn't understand it. What had gone so wrong? What the hell could have happened? He was worried. Not that she would die. He knew she would be fine. He was worried she would try it again. He was worried that she had given up. He laid his head back and sighed.

---------------------

"So Grey slept with the Chief." Alex spat out, as he sat down with his fellow interns.

"You are such an ass!" Izzie shouted. "I told you not to say anything!" She now had anger seeping out of her.

"What?" Alex said, defending himself. "Everyone is talking."

"Meredith slept with the Chief?" George said with shock in his voice.

"She didn't sleep with him. They had a relationship. It wasn't just sex. Hell, she was with him way before she started her internship. He was still at Seattle Presb." Cristina said matter-of-factly. They all look at her in shock. "What? I told you all that I knew a long time ago. I wasn't kidding."

"Seriously?" Izzie asked. Cristina nodded her head.

"So what happened?" Cristina asked Izzie.

"Dr. Carter came over and told her he was leaving. You should have seen her. She was crushed, she just laid on the floor. Alex had to carry her to bed." Izzie said quietly so no one else could hear.

"Oh poor Mer!" George said with concern.

"Why the hell didn't you call me? I am her person!" Cristina said defensively.

"I didn't know that you knew!" Izzie said quickly. "So now we need to fix this. No one knows why she is out for the week, so they are all guessing and making up lies."

"Not good..." George added.

"What can we tell them?" Izzie asked.

"It has to be important..." Cristina added.

"Death in the family." Alex suggested.

"Yeah, we could say that..." Izzie returned. "Her former in-laws. She had to go to the U.K."

"That might work!" Cristina agreed. Now they were all going to go about undoing the gossip. "I am coming over after work to see her."

"That's probably a good idea." Izzie added. They all joined together to protect their friend.

-----------------

Derek fell asleep. Between the long hours he had been working at the hospital, and the new emotional stress, he was exhausted. He dreamt that she had gone through with it. She was dead. It was devastating. He never even got to tell her how he felt about her. He jerked awake at the sound of a door shutting. He felt the tears on his cheeks. He had been crying in his sleep. The room was dark, the sun had long since gone down. She hadn't woken up, but she was okay. He looked up when her bedroom door opened.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd!" Izzie said in shock. Derek quickly jumped up, crossed the room in a few strides and went into the hallway. Cristina and Izzie just started at him. "What are you doing here?" Izzie asked. Cristina shook her head.

"What am I doing here? What am I doing here?" He asked angrily. "Well, I came here because you didn't. You guys call yourselves her friends, and yet you can't even come to check on her during your lunch break. God forbid you miss out on the lunchroom gossip!" Derek spat out angrily at them.

"She was okay this morning..." Izzie trailed off, trying to support her weak defense.

"You are lucky I came, she almost--" Derek stopped himself. He didn't want them to know. He didn't want people to question her.

"Almost what?" Cristina said in a sharp tone.

"Nothing." She said quickly.

"I want to know, she is my person!" Cristina said walking toward him. Izzie put her arm out in front of her.

"I would think as her person, you would have been here. Not me." Derek said. "What the hell happened to her? She was a mess." Izzie saw the look of concern in Derek's face. She softened her tone and explained how Chase left. Derek instantly felt horrible for Meredith. "Well, she is asleep. She needs someone to stay with her."

"We are here." Cristina stated boldly. "We can stay."

"Of you don't mind, I would like to." Derek said, taking a less defensive stance. His face looked tired and worried.

"Okay." Izzie said in defeat.

"Whatever." Cristina retorted. "If it's that damn important to you." Derek went over and sat back in the chair. The both walked downstairs to join Alex and George.

"How is she? Asked George.

"Dr. Shepherd is up there." Izzie informed them.

"Shepherd?" Alex asked with a chuckle. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The dude likes her."

"No he doesn't." Said George.

"He's McDreamy." Cristina said. "He has stars in his eyes."

"It's true. I guess we should just be happy that someone is here for her." Izzie added. "She wouldn't hurt herself would she?"

"No. Not Meredith." Cristina said as if she was stating the obvious.

------------------

Meredith started to stir around one a.m. Derek woke up when he heard the bed move. He just sat there in the dark, staring at her. She opened her eyes and looked at him. Derek could see the tear stains on her face, in the moonlight.

"What are you doing here?" She asked rudely.

"Making sure you are okay." Derek stated softly.

"You can leave. I don't need you. I don't need anyone!" She said, throwing her blankets off.

"I think you do. You tried to hurt yourself!" He said sadly. "You could have died..."

"I am fine." She stated as she began to climb out of bed.

"Where are you going?" He asked, standing up.

"I am going to the bathroom, _Dr. Shepherd. _Maybe you should hold my hand. Maybe listen outside the door. If you hear running water, I may be trying to drown myself. Better hide the razor blades. Oh, the belt on my robe. I could hang myself with that!" She spat out as she slammed the door. She came back out a few minutes later and laid in the bed.

"Do you do this for all you interns?" She snapped angrily. "Do you just break into their houses and stick your fingers down their throats?"

"Meredith..." He trailed. His voice was sad and weak.

"Why did you come?" She asked, realizing that he seemed more sad and worried than she did.

"Your friends didn't. I had a--" He paused. "I had a feeling. I was worried."

"A _feeling_? You came because you had a _feeling_?" She chuckled. "I wasn't going to do it, Derek. I wouldn't have gone through with it."

"So you knew I was coming, right? You knew I would save you..." He said boldly, unconvinced.

"I don't want to kill myself." She said flatly.

"Why did you do it?" He asked simply.

"You can leave now." She said, closing her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere." He stated loudly.

"You will have to leave eventually..." She smiled. He was happy to see her smile.

"Ah, my dear. I have taken a personal leave." He smiled. "So, you are stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere."

----------

**So Mer is hurting and Derek was her Knight in Shining...Whatever. This will get better. There will have to be a little more self destruction. When Meredith's life is sucking, she gets drunk and sleeps with inappropriate men, right? That's our girl! I am so glad that the site is fixed...**


	19. Old Habits Die Hard

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, I would be on the set right now, drooling over PD. Not writing fan fics.**

Derek was trying to sleep in the uncomfortable chair. His back was aching and his ass had long since fallen asleep. The Seattle rain was pounding on the windows. The rain was so fitting at this point, he thought. Derek had fallen asleep, only to be awoken. His eyes opened and he heard her saying "Nate". He had no idea who Nate was. She was quiet after a few minutes. He sat there for awhile before falling back asleep.

Meredith woke up at nine a.m. She opened her eyes and looked over at Derek. He was asleep. Maybe I can sneak out and lock him in here. Then he would leave me alone. She flipped her blankets over and got right out of bed. She was still in Chase's Stanford shirt and pants. Derek's eyes shot open. He looked at her pajamas, he knew that those were his clothes, and it stung.

"Hey." He said as she stood up.

"Hey." She said grumpily. "You're still here..."

"I'm still here." He chuckled. She walked into the bathroom. He heard the toilet flush and the water run. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked horrible. She should be embarrassed to let Derek see her this way. At this point, she didn't care. She opened the door and came back out.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"No." She said flatly.

"You need to eat. When was the last time you ate?" He asked her.

"I'm not hungry." She answered, rolling her eyes.

"So now you are going to starve yourself to death." He said bluntly. "So when did you eat last?"

"I don't know. What is today?" She asked.

"Seriously?" He asked, she nodded. "It's Wednesday."

"Wednesday?" She sighed. "Okay. Two days ago. Are you happy?" She said quickly.

"No. You have to eat. Let's go." He said, pointing to the doorway. She walked out of her room. He followed right behind her.

"You know, if I stop fast, they will have to surgically remove you from my ass." She said bluntly. "I fuck the chief and get caught, and now my attending will have to be removed from my ass. That will be hard to explain."

"It's a nice ass to be removed from." He laughed. She didn't respond. She walked over to the refrigerator, grabbed a piece of pizza, and took a bite. He walked over to her and grabbed it away.

"That is just wrong!" He said quickly. "I am making you breakfast..." He started rummaging through the cabinets. "I hope you like pancakes." She nodded. He poured her a glass of orange juice and sat it in front of her. "You need the vitamin c."

"Thanks." She said dully, as she took a drink. He started mixing the pancakes.

"So. Do you wan to talk about it?" He asked.

"Not really." She said flatly. She stared at the wall in a daze. "My mother was here yesterday." She blurted out. She immediately wished she hadn't.

"What?" Derek said in shock. He had been here most of the day. It had to have been before he got there. "What happened?" He asked.

"Oh, you know... She told me that she was disappointed, humiliated. She said I was sleeping my way to the top. I was a waste...whatever." Meredith said as if she didn't care. She really did care. In fact it crushed her, that her mother was so disgusted by her.

"That's not true. You are not a waste." He said, looking into her sad, dark eyes. "Why would she say that?" Derek asked, more to himself.

"That's how she is. It's no big deal." She said, shrugging her shoulders. He knew that Ellis was the one who had pushed her over the edge. "I don't blame her. I got caught having sex with the Chief."

"Meredith, it was a mistake. You were dating him. It's not like she is saying. It's not like you were doing it to get ahead, and you know it." Derek said, handing her a plate full of pancakes.

"Thanks." She muttered. She slowly speared a few pieces and put them in her mouth. "They're good." Derek felt like he was making headway. They were communicating. It was just what she needed.

"Do you know where he went?" She asked, staring at the pool of syrup on her plate.

"To Boston." Derek answered. He knew just who she was talking about.

"That's good. He'll do good there." She said sadly. "He will be fine..." She trailed off quietly. "So who is going to be Chief?"

"Actually, Richard is stepping back in..." Derek said with a smile.

"_Great_..." Meredith spat as she dropped her face. Derek looked at her in shock. He didn't answer her. The room went silent for several minutes.

"So who is Nate?" Derek said with a curious smile. Her face hardened. She wasn't sure that she had heard him correctly.

"What did you say?" Meredith asked with a harsh tone.

"Nate. Who is he?" Derek asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that name again!" She seethed. She dropped her fork and walked upstairs heavily. Derek just stood there in shock. She hadn't even come close to eating all of her food. He cleaned up the dishes and headed upstairs.

"Meredith, I'm sorry. I didn't know." He said sympathetically.

She didn't even acknowledge him. He could see her body start to tremble. She was crying. He realized that whatever was bothering her had to do with Nate, not Chase. Who is Nate? Was she cheating on Chase with him, or the opposite. He stared at the dreaded chair, he had begun to hate that damn thing. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't want to overstep the boundaries. He walked around the bed and looked at her face. Her eyes were closed, but the tears were apparent. He knelt down next to the bed and rubbed her shoulder.

"Please don't." She whispered sadly. He stopped and she immediately regretted saying it. "No matter what I do, I can't get ahead. Bad things just keep happening. I just want to be happy, Derek..." She said, as she opened her eyes. They were red and rimmed with tears. They didn't have to speak to communicate.

"It will get better, Meredith." He said quietly.

"See, Derek, that is the problem. It will get better. And I will be happy. And then it will come crashing down on me like a tidal wave." She said with dismay. "So, that's it. I am not doing it again. I am done forever."

"You can't do that. You can't cut yourself out from the world. You can't give up, Meredith." He told her.

"It's too late, Derek. I already have..." She said softly and she closed her eyes, letting one last tear escape.

------------------

Meredith opened her eyes. The room was dark. She looked around as her eyes adjusted. The clock's red numbers read ten o'clock. She slowly climbed out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. She couldn't do it anymore. She was done. She took a quick shower and got out, drying her hair. She threw on a lacy pair of panties and a bra. Didn't want to wake Derek up, so she crept out slowly and opened her dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans. The light snapped on. She stood there in her bra and panties with a deer in the headlights look on her face. She looked into his eyes and then began pulling her low rise jeans on and a black low-cut sweater.

"Where are you going?" He said in shock. He couldn't help but look at her curves.

"Out." She said as she slipped her boots on.

"Out?" He said with a puzzled look on his face. "What happened to being depressed?"

"Well, you said I shouldn't do that to myself, so I'm done." She said happily, and began to walk down the hallway. He followed her. "Where are you going?" She asked, stopping to turn around and look at him.

"With you." Derek said with a smirk.

"Oh no you're not!" She said loudly. Izzie peaked her head out into the hallway and listened. "I'm going alone!"

"Okay." He said.

"Okay?" She asked as she turned and faced him.

"Okay..." Derek trailed off.

"Okay, then" She said as she grabbed her bag, her keys, and walked out the front door. He followed behind her. She unlocked the doors to her Jeep and climbed in. Derek climbed into the passenger seat.

"What do you think you're doing?" She asked, looking over at him.

"Coming with you." He said. "I told you that you were stuck with me!"

"Whatever." She said as she pulled out of the driveway. Meredith didn't say anything for awhile. She slammed her fist down on the dashboard.

"What are you doing?" Derek said in shock. "Now you beat your car for no reason?"

"No! The speedometer sticks." She told him matter-of-factly.

"Maybe you should think about getting a new car..." Derek stated.

"I'm not getting rid of Billie!" She shouted.

"Billie?" Derek asked with a confused look on his face.

"Billie Blue Jeep." She said seriously.

"Your car has a name?" He laughed. "Billie Blue Jeep..." He busted a stitch. She started to laugh with him.

"My friends and I named him. We were just cruising around one day and it came to us..." She said, thinking back.

"How old is this thing?" He asked.

"Um, well. I think he just had his twelfth birthday..." She said with a chuckle.

"Yep, you need a new car..." Derek added.

"Billie suits me fine." She said as she pulled into a parking spot at Joe's. She climbed out of the Jeep and walked through the door, hearing a familiar ding. She took a seat at the bar. Derek walked up and joined her.

"Joe, I'll have a shot of tequila." She said loudly.

"Coming right up..." Joe yelled back. "The usual, Doc?" He asked Derek.

"No, I'll just have a beer." Derek answered. He wanted to be able to take care of Meredith. Joe sat a shot of Tequila down in front of her. She slammed it down.

"Another, Joe." Meredith yelled. She drank the shot, the liquor burning all the way down her throat. "Which one?" She asked Derek.

"Which what?" Derek asked her.

"Which guy?" Meredith said, looking around. "One of them is going home with me tonight..."

"What?" Derek said in shock. It was like someone had punched him in the stomach. "You can't do that. You're in it the right frame of mind..." He explained, sipping his beer.

"Not in the right frame of mind to have hot sex?" She said with a chuckle. "I am always in the right frame of mind for that."

"It won't fix your problems." Derek said, looking at her. She didn't turn her head.

"Whatever." She said, slamming a shot. A guy sat on the stool next to her.

"I'm Ted." He said with a smile. "Can I buy you a drink?" He asked smoothly.

"Why yes, you can." She said with a seductive smile.

"A round for the lady." Ted yelled to Joe.

"Thanks." Meredith said as she slammed a shot down.

"So, what is a gorgeous girl like you doing here?" He asked, putting his hand on her thigh.

"Just looking for a good time." She laughed. "And it looks like I've found it."

"I think you have..." Ted answered, ordering her another shot.

"I'll be right back..." Meredith said as she got up, making her way to the bathroom.

"This one is going to be easy..." Ted said, looking over to Derek.

"I think you need to leave her alone..." Derek warned with a glare.

"I think she wants it. And I am just the man to give it to her, if you know what I mean." He said with a laugh. Meredith walked back up and sat down.

"So where were we?" She asked Ted.

"I think I was going to order you another shot..." He added. She was getting pretty lit.

"I think that is a fine idea!" She added. Derek sat next to her seething. He wanted to beat the man to a pulp. He rolled his eyes as they made conversation. He knew what the man wanted, and we wasn't going to let it happen.

"So, you ready to come back to my place?" Ted asked, sliding his hand down her back and resting it on her ass.

"Sure." She said, getting up.

"Oh I don't think so!" Derek said loudly. He had had more than enough.

"What?" Ted said with a laugh. "I think the lady has made her decision..." They got up and walked out the door and onto the sidewalk.

"I thought I told you to leave her alone." Derek said, walking behind.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Ted asked.

"This..." Derek said as he punched him right in the face, knocking him down. "Come on, Meredith." He said, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her to the car. "Get in."

"No. I want to stay." She pushed him and yelled as she stumbled around. He grabbed the keys from her purse.

"Meredith, you are drunk, get in." He pushed her into the car and shut the door. He went around and got in. He started the engine and pulled out quickly.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She yelled.

"That guy only wanted you fro sex." He returned.

"No shit!" She yelled. "What do you think I wanted, to go back to his place and share our deep dark secrets by the fire?" She yelled. "You screwed it up."

"What?" He asked with surprise. "You want to go home with strange men?"

"Yeah." She slurred. "I am a whore, Derek. I like sex. I want sex. I just want some meaningless sex. That's all you boys are good for!"

"You are asking to be hurt..." He stated.

"Yeah, that only happens when you care." She snapped. They pulled into the driveway. She slammed the door and walked into the house. He followed her. She walked into her room. He walked in. She shut the door.

"Why the hell do you keep following me? Don't you have a fucking life?" She yelled. "Why?"

"Because I care. About you." He said. "I care about you..." He said softly. She shook her head. He was standing in front of the bed. She walked over and shoved him down.

"Wha--" He started to say.

"Shut up." She said. She straddled him and covering his mouth with hers. She forced her tongue inside. Their tongues meshed together perfectly. He could taste the tequila. She was so soft, so perfect. He had been dreaming about this for awhile. She rocked onto of him. She felt his erection through their clothes. She moved down and undid his belt and pants. She pulled them down.

"Meredith..." He said softy, she began to pull his boxers down. "Meredith!" He shouted. She came back up to his mouth and kissed him.

"Yeah?" She asked, kissing him again.

"We can't-- I can't do this. It's not right. You're drunk." He said, regretting that he had to say it. As much as he wanted to, he didn't feel right about it.

"What?" She said loudly, in shock.

"I don't want it to be this way..." He said.

"I'm drunk, and I'm saying yes. How much better does it get?" She shouted.

"I want to. I just don't want it like this." He said, climbing off of the bed.

"You have to be fucking kidding me! You punch the guy that was going to lay me, and now you won't do the job yourself!" She said angrily.

"I--" Derek stammered.

"Whatever." She said, laying back on the bed. "I just want some sex." He sat in the chair and sighed. They sat in silence for a long time.

"Get your ass up." She shouted.

"Why?" He asked quickly. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. That's the problem." She said, rolling her eyes. "If you aren't going to get the hell out of here, you can sleep in my bed. That chair is not comfortable." She said plainly.

"You're sharing your bed?" He asked in shock.

"Yes, hurry up. It's a limited time offer." She said quickly. He walked over and laid on the other side of the bed. "No touching me." She said.

"Hey, I just refused sex. Do you think that will be a problem?" He chuckled

"Seriously." She huffed. "You are the first to refuse. I think I am losing my touch." She sighed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He said with a smile. She laid there for a long time then rolled over facing him. His eyes were closed. She just stared at him. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes. They just stared at each other.

"When was the last time you were happy?" She finally spoke.

"I'm happy right now." He said with a small grin. "When was the last time you were happy?"

"May 20th, 2005." She said slowly. The last day that she was with Nate.

"What was on May twentieth?" He asked.

"It was the last time I was happy." She said avoiding the question.

"Well, we are going to have to do something about that." He said with a big smile. "So, do you want to talk about Nate?" He said softly, praying it didn't set her off.

"No. I can't. I can't talk about it. It hurts too bad. Okay?" She said quietly.

"Okay." He answered.

"How did you grow up?" Meredith asked.

"I grew up in a middle-class family. My dad died when I was fourteen, but my mom was always there for us. I have three sisters, all doctors. They all have kids. Lots of kids. My mom is big on family." He explained.

"That's nice. I never had that. My dad left when I was seven. Well, my mom drove him away." She said sadly.

"I'm sorry." He returned, looking into her eyes.

"Me too." She whispered, closing her eyes.

-----------------

Derek's pager went off loudly. Meredith and Derek opened their eyes almost simultaneously. They were in each other's arms. They were holding on for life. Meredith jerked back. She wanted to stay in his arms forever. He made her feel safe. But she knew this couldn't happen. He grabbed his pager.

"Crap. I am off today." He said with an irritated voice.

"It's okay, go." She said stretching her arms.

"No. I said I would stay. You need me to stay." He argued.

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Do you promise you won't hurt yourself?" He asked with a serious look on his face.

"I was never going to..." She trailed off. "Fine. I promise. Now go!" She told him.

"I will come back." He told her as he gathered his things.

"It's fine Derek. You have a life." She argued.

"I'll be back." He said, walking out of her room and down the hallway.

Meredith laid there for a long time. She had no idea what she was going to do. She had four more days off. She knew one thing for sure. She was not going to any coffee shops. Her head was aching from last night's fun. She remembered Derek punching the guy, which made her laugh. He was such a dork. Mister Protector. Now that he was gone, she kind of missed him. She made her bed and took a look around the house, it was immaculate. Izzie must have felt sorry for her, and went on a cleaning spree. There was nothing to do. She went upstairs and cleaned her room up. She was moving things in her closet when a box came down on her head. Pictures of she and Nate flew all over the room. She ran downstairs, grabbed her purse, keys and climbed into her Jeep.

-----------------

"Hey, Joe." Meredith muttered.

"Hey. A little early for you. Are you here for lunch?" Joe asked. Her face dropped. "I'll take that as a no."

"I need tequila." She said grumpily.

"Meredith..." He said.

"What?" She spat. "Just give me tequila."

"Fine." He said, sitting down in front of her.

"Keep them coming." She said quickly.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked.

"No." She returned. "I want to drink." Meredith slammed down several shots. She sighed as she began to feel the effects. She had eaten in a very long time, and it was working quickly. "Another."

"I think you've had enough." He said boldly.

"I think I know when I've had enough." She shouted, causing the other two people in the bar to look in her direction.

"Meredith. You are obviously hurting. I consider you a friends and I won't help you tear yourself into pieces." He said strongly.

"So, are you refusing me?" She asked. He nodded. "Fine, I will just go to the bar down the street!" She said, throwing down money and walking out. She walked down the road to the bar on the corner. She had never been there. It wasn't like Joe's. It was dark and depressing. Just how she felt.

"I'll have a shot of tequila." She told the bartender. He was an older man. He slid the shot over to her and opened his mouth. "I don't want to talk. I am here to drink. Keep them coming." After an hour, she was feeling very lit. A man sat down next to her. She looked over and smiled.

"So, you're in a bar at eleven in the morning." She grinned. "You're either A, depressed, or B, a drunk."

"Uh, well, probably A, but becoming B a little more each day." She smiled.

"I'm Drew." He put out his hand.

"Meredith" She said, shaking it.

"Do you come here often?" He asked.

"No, it's my first time." She mumbled.

"Me either. I'm just in town for a few days." He said, taking a drink of his martini.

"That stuff will kill you." Drew said, pointing to the tequila.

"The sooner the better." She joked. "Tequila and I have a close relationship."

"I haven't drank the stuff since college." Drew told her.

"It's never to late to try it again." She laughed.

"Bartender, I'll have a shot of tequila." He said, looking over at her.

Meredith and Drew did shots for a long time. She was tanked and he was pretty lit himself. They had shared more then a bottle of tequila.

"Do you want to come back to my place and have a little fun?" Meredith asked.

"Don't mind if I do." Drew answered. "Bartender, call us a cab." Drew yelled.

Meredith and Drew stumbled into her house. They left a trail of clothing going up the stairs. This is what she was good at. She was in her element. She was no stranger taking strange men home. They crashed onto her bed. It was rough, it was dirty. Several hours went by. Finally around midnight Meredith couldn't take it anymore. He was snoring. He was a stranger. She didn't want him in her bed.

"Get up!" She yelled.

"Wha- What?" He said groggily.

"I brought you here to fuck me. You did your job, now you can go." She said bluntly.

"Are you kidding me?" He said loudly.

"No! If I wanted to listen to a man snore in my bed, I would get a boyfriend. So, go!" She said, shoving him off the side of the bed.

"Shit!" He yelled climbing up from the floor. "It's midnight. Where am I supposed to go?" He huffed.

"I don't care. A park bench, a hotel an alley. Just out of here." She told him, he turned the door-handle and walked out. "See ya..." She yelled as he walked out. Meredith sighed as she closed her eyes. She missed Derek. She wished he was in her bed. She closed her eyes and opened them when she head her cell phone rang.

"Hello." Meredith stated.

"Hey." Derek said. "I got pulled into another surgery. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm still alive." She told him with a chuckle.

"Have you been drinking?" He asked her, he noticed her slurring.

"Maybe." She said with a smile.

"Oh, Meredith... You're sure you're okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Sh told him.

"I'm going to stay at the hospital tonight." He said quietly, regretting saying it.

"You aren't my keeper. You can stay where you want." She answered. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Meredith." He hung up the phone and sighed.

----------------

**So Meredith went home with a stranger. I hate to break it to you, but he won't be such a stranger...The Mer/Der is so close I can feel the sparks... **


	20. Wash, Rinse, Repeat

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, we would all know what was going to happen tomorrow, because I can't keep a secret!**

Meredith woke up early in the morning. Her head was pounding. It was no wonder. She hadn't really eaten in days, and the only thing she had drank was tequila. She definitely couldn't drink today. Her body would be screaming at her if she did. She looked over at the other side of her bed. She had kicked the boy out of her bed. She laughed to herself. It was just cruel. It had been pouring rain, too. Oh well. She went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. She ate some breakfast, drank some coffee. She wasn't great, but she was better. She grabbed her clothes and threw them in the washer. She was way behind on laundry. By noon she couldn't take it anymore. She climbed in her Jeep and drove off. She had to go there, she had to go there right now.

---------------

"Hey stranger!" Drew said as he walked up to Derek. Derek was looking over a patient file.

"If it isn't New York's _other_ plastic surgeon." Drew walked up and gave him a pat on the back.

"Other? Oh come on, we both know I am way better than piss-ant Mark." Drew said, they both laughed. "We're in practice together now."

"I heard something about that. So how are New York's biggest man-whores?" Derek laughed.

"He's a good. I'm good. We're working our way through the ladies one at a time." Drew said, eyeing a nurse.

"I bet you are. What the hell happened to your eye?" Derek said with a chuckle. Drew held up his arm. "And your arm..."

"You will never believe it... " Drew started. "So I went to the bar yesterday after I got in town. There was this drunk chick sitting there. She was smoking hot. Anyway, she took me home. I had the best sex I've had in a long time, then she kicked me out!" He said, astonished.

"Drew got Drew-d?" Derek said laughing. Addison walked up.

"Hey you!" She hugged him. "Someone Drew-d you?" She laughed. "She played your own trick on you?"

"Yeah. We were having a good time. We went back to her house around one in the afternoon, and by midnight she yells at me to get out. She said if she wanted to hear snoring, she'd get a boyfriend. She shoved me right out of the bed and onto the floor. I landed on my shoe. Hence bruise number one. So I go out into the pouring rain. I walked like two miles and I got freaking mugged. He didn't get away with anything, but he got me in the face. Which, by the way I need an x-ray." Drew said, feeling sorry for himself.

"God, I'd love to meet this girl!" Addison said with a laugh.

"Yeah well, I'll get her, don't worry!" Drew retorted with a sneaky grin.

"How do you plan on that?" Derek asked.

"Oh, she was pretty depressed. I'm sure she's at the bar right now." Drew said slyly. "I need to tame that one..."

"Where did you pick this girl up at?" Derek said, slightly worried that it was Meredith.

"Oh some bar on the corner." Drew answered.

"Not Joe's?" Derek asked. "Emerald City..." He clarified.

"No, no. Not that one..." Drew said quickly. "So, I'm going to go get an x-ray. Is my favorite cousin going to at least have a cup of coffee with me?"

"Of course. I'll meet you in the cafeteria in an hour." Derek said, shaking his head. That was just like his cousin, to get into trouble.

"So, what is he doing here?" Addison asked.

"Who knows. This is Drew we're talking about..." Derek laughed. "Have you talked to Meredith?" Derek said, his face getting serious.

"Not in awhile. She's on leave, right?" Addison said, walking to grab a chart.

"Um, yeah." Derek answered, not wanting to give too much away.

"What's going on? And why were you on leave for three days? Richard said you had a situation..." Addison questioned him, looking over the top of her glasses.

"It was... I was with Meredith. She's kind of a mess right now." Derek explained.

"What's going on? Is she okay? What can I do?" Addison said with worry. "It was her. She was the intern." Derek just looked at her. "I knew it. I had a feeling before. Poor girl. If I had known I would have been there for her." Addison said, feeling sorry for her. "And he left..."

"I _think_ she's okay." Derek said quietly to avoid anyone hearing.

"So now explain why you were with Meredith." Addison said with a big grin on her face.

"Wipe that grin off your face. There's nothing going on. She made that clear." Derek said sternly, remembering the past few days.

"That will change..." Addison said.

"I'm not so sure about that. She is really broken." Derek trailed off, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't think I can fix her. I'm worried about what she might do."

"Meredith would never hurt herself. I mean, I don't know her that well, but I can tell she's not the type." Addison said wholeheartedly.

"Yes, it didn't appear that way. Not until I went there on Tuesday, and I had to shove my fingers in her mouth to pull out sleeping pills." Derek spat, immediately regretting saying it.

"What?" Addison said in shock. "Oh my God. Is she okay. I mean I-- Wow. It wasn't that bad, was it?"

"There is more going on here. I don't know. I stayed with her because I was worried she would try again. I really don't think she will. Besides, she promised me." He said, looking down the hallway.

"We need to watch her. I'll see if she wants to come over for dinner or something. You could come too." Addison said with a smile.

"That may be good." Derek said with a smile, "Addison--"

"I know Derek, don't say anything. I won't. I'll call her and let you know what time." Addison said, walking away. Derek walked into the stairwell, deep in thought. He heard someone call his name.

"Derek!" Holly said. He turned around, and she forced her lips on his. He immediately pulled away.

"What the hell are you doing?" He shouted at her.

"I'm so sorry." He turned away from her. "I screwed up. But, we had a great thing going on. I don't know what happened. I am not going to sit here and blame her. But before she came we were happy. I was thinking about white gowns and what color flowers I wanted. I want you back Derek. Please." His face softened.

"I have to go." Derek said quietly, walking away.

--------------

Meredith pulled into a parking spot. She knew she shouldn't be there. She knew she wasn't welcome. She didn't care. She made her way through the parking lot. She spotted her friends. They were sitting at a table outside. She smiled as she made her way over there and sat down.

"Hey you!" Izzie said with a big smile on her face.

"I couldn't stay in that house anymore." Meredith whined. "And some friend you are..." She pointed to Cristina.

"Me?" Cristina said, offended.

"Where the hell were you? I thought you were my person..." Meredith pouted.

"Well if Mc Dreamy hadn't been at your door like a guard dog." Cristina pointed out, grabbing fries off of George's plate.

"Hey!" George shouted. "Those are mine."

"Shut up, Bambi." Cristina said. "So what's up with you and McDreamy?"

"Nothing. He's just a friend." Meredith replied, taking some of George's fries.

"Oh that's right. Take the food right out of George's mouth. He doesn't matter." George shouted. Everyone laughed.

"He's some friend. He stayed for days. And I think I saw him in your bed two days ago..." Izzie giggled.

"Just friends! I don't think I can afford to have anything more. Besides, I'm done with men. Relationships no. I am still up for sex. Meaningless sex." Meredith said with a smile. "And I had some of that last night..."

"You are such a dude." Alex noted. Derek came walking up to the table.

"Ah, Dr. Grey. What are you doing here?" Derek asked with a smile.

"I couldn't stay away." Meredith returned.

"Cut the crap, Dr. Shepherd. We all know you stayed over." Cristina said. "I think you can call her by her first name."

"So, am I missing any good surgeries?" Meredith asked, taking the pressure off of Derek.

"I scrubbed in on a Homograft valve replacement with Burke." Cristina said with an annoying smile.

"Bitch!" Meredith spat.

"I know!" Cristina laughed.

"I had a hysterectomy with Montgomery." Izzie added.

"I had a splenectomy with Bailey." George offered with a smile.

"I am with the plastic guy. He's in for a consult. Dr. Monahan." Alex smiled.

"Have you seen him? I am supposed to meet him for coffee." Derek added.

"Nope." They all said.

"Shit!" Meredith squealed. "I wasn't here." She took off and ran away towards the parking lot.

"What's her problem?" Alex asked. Mr. Jackson, the Chief of Staff walked up.

"Ah, how are my surgical interns?" Dylan Jackson asked, looking them all over.

"Good, good." Everyone answered.

"Has anyone seen Dr. Grey? I heard she was here." He said suggestively.

"Nope." Alex said.

"She's definitely not here." Izzie added.

"If she were, this is where she'd be." George told her.

"I think she's at home." Cristina suggested.

"Well, I have to go. Since you all are busy and we're down an intern maybe I can find a resident to scrub in. Thank you for your time. Mr. Jackson" Derek said nodding. They all looked at him funny. He got up and walked away.

"So, if you see Dr. Grey, let me know." Dylan told them.

"Of course, Sir." Izzie said. He walked away.

"That was bizarre." George told him.

"He's like the freaking gestapo." Cristina said laughing.

"Where Meredith is, trouble follows." Alex said, they all laughed. It was true, but they still loved her.

-------------------

Meredith walked into Joe's. She thought her friends would be there, but none of them were. She begrudgingly made her way up to the bar. She was still mad at Joe. She knew why he did it, but she was still mad. She sat down on the stool heavily. Joe looked over at her and smiled. She smiled back weakly and glanced around the bar.

"Hey, there." Joe said as he walked up.

"Hey Joe." Meredith responded.

"What can I get you?" Joe asked with a smirk.

"I'm still mad at you." Meredith grumbled. "I'll have a beer."

"I know you are." He said as he handed her a bottle.

"I know why you did it." Meredith told him

"Did you go home?" Joe asked, assuming she did.

"No! I went to that shit-hole down the street, got tanked, took home a stranger and had hot monkey sex." Meredith said, laughing.

"Funny..." Joe said, laughing.

"No, really." Meredith's face relaxed.

"Seriously?" Joe asked.

"Yeah." Meredith said taking a sip of her beer. She wasn't there to get drunk. She was going home after her beer. She slowly sipped her beer. She saw one of the nurses from the hospital come in, one of Holly's friends. Meredith didn't want to deal with that. She finished her beer, threw down the cash and walked out. She was almost to the car when she heard someone call her name. She quickly turned around to see a handsome man with dark brown hair and light brown eyes. It was Drew.

"Hey. I was down at the other bar looking for you." Drew said with a smile.

"Looking for me?" Meredith asked with a puzzled face.

"I thought maybe you'd like a rematch." He said, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm not drunk..." Meredith stated. "I try to only do that when I'm drunk. That way, I have an excuse."

"Well, I have to say it was good. Maybe you should try it sober. It will be worth remembering." Drew said as he walked closer.

"I don't think so." Meredith said as she turned and walked away.

"Okay. Break my heart." Drew said sadly, dropping his head.

"It's what I do best." She said with a chuckle, opening her car door.

"This is your last chance. I am leaving tomorrow." He said slowly. "One last chance for unbelievable sex." He trailed off. Meredith got in her car and began to drive out of the parking lot. She stopped the car next to him. He climbed in.

"I know, I am hard to resist." She rolled her eyes. She pulled up by the liquor store. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"I told you I only do this drunk. Tequila. Go." She said, pushing him out. He climbed back in with a bottle of tequila. She drove a while and pulled up to a spot overlooking the ferry boats.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked. "I'm not a real fan of sex in cars, especially one this small." He chuckled.

"I have a thing for ferry boats. I am going to down part of this bottle, and you are going to drive me back to my house." She stated.

"We are going to my hotel." Drew told her. There he was going to throw her out. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

"I don't go to guy's houses. I don't want to get locked in the basement. So ferry boats, and my house, or you can get out and walk." She snapped.

"Fine. Ferry boats are stupid. My cousin has a thing for ferry boats. I don't get it." Drew explained.

"Your cousin is very smart..." Meredith said with a smile. "Okay, we can go." She climbed out and he switched her seats.

"You are a very strange girl." He laughed.

"I know." She responded, taking a drink. "So how did you get the black eye?"

"After you kicked me out, I was mugged." He said angrily. She began laughing. "It only happened because I was walking in the middle of the night. Because you kicked me out!"

"I won't kick you out this time. I wouldn't want your pretty little face getting damaged again." She laughed.

--------------

Meredith and Drew crashed through the front door. Izzie, George and Alex were all sitting on the couch watching t.v. The all just looked up in shock as Drew and Meredith peeled their clothes off, while heading up the stairway. A few minutes later they heard the tell-tale sound of the headboard slamming against the wall. They heard Drew yelling her name.

"Someone is having a good time!" Izzie said, turning the t.v. up.

"What is she thinking? This is not good." George told them, looking up the stairs.

"She is thinking that she wants to have an orgasm, or several." Izzie laughed.

"When her life is sucking, she sleeps with inappropriate men. I find it charming." Alex said with a shrug.

"You would." George said. "Hopefully we'll be able to get some sleep."

----------------

Meredith woke up in the morning. Drew was snoring loudly, and she wanted to shove him off the bed, but she didn't. She laid there and stared at the wall. She wasn't ready to get up. She rolled over and he opened her eyes.

"Last night, now that was good." Drew said with a smile.

"Yeah, it was." She returned. He climbed out of bed. She looked at his bare ass, and smiled.

"I need to find my clothes." He said with a chuckle.

"They are probably out in the hallway." She smiled. "No one is here." He walked out and came back in fully dressed.

"So, I have to go. My flight leaves in a few hours." He said, grabbing his wallet.

"Okay. Well, thanks for the good time." She said, closing her eyes. She heard a pen writing on the table.

"Here. This is my number, if you're ever in New York, _please _give me a call!" He said with a big grin. "Actually just give me a call anytime."

"I'm not looking for a boyfriend." She said with her eyes closed.

"I'n not looking for a girlfriend." He smiled. "Thanks again." He said, walking out of her bedroom. She heard the front door open and shut. She sighed and closed her eyes. She laid there for a long time. She heard the front door open, and someone walk into her room.

"Back again?" She said with a chuckle.

"What?" Derek said, confused. Her eyes shot open.

"Just what I said, back again..." She stammered, trying to cover it up.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked, his voice full of concern.

"I'm fine." She said quickly.

"You're always fine." Derek said, shaking his head. "Get up, we're going to breakfast. I did my rounds, I have nothing scheduled." She groaned. "Come on..."

"Fine." She said. "I have to take a quick shower." She climbed out of the bed with the sheet wrapped around her. He raised his eyebrows.

"You brought someone home last night." Derek said, laughing. Inside he wanted to scream.

"I'll be out in a minute, Dr. Shepherd." She laughed.

----------------

Meredith and Derek took a small table in the corner of the cafe. She sat down and leaned her head back, yawning. The waiter brought a carafe of coffee, she immediately poured a cup. Derek just watched her pour in a ton of creamer and some sugar.

"So, late night?" Derek asked, taking a drink of his coffee.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Meredith said, with a laugh.

"Actually, no." Derek said quickly, his face dropping.

"We're friends..." Meredith suggested.

"Friends yes, girlfriends, no!" Derek told her sternly.

"Oh, okay then." She said. The waiter came up. "I'll have strawberry waffle, bacon, two eggs over medium and hash browns. Hold the toast." Meredith smiled.

"Ya think?" Derek joked about the toast comment. "I'll just have a bowl of plain oatmeal." He said. The waiter left. "You will never eat all of that!" He laughed.

"Wanna bet? And what the hell? Plain oatmeal. Man up! Bacon, or steak and eggs. That's a man's meal." Meredith told him with a grin.

"Oh, I am a man!" Derek laughed.

"I wouldn't know." Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"You remember that?" Derek replied, thinking about the night.

"Remember a man refusing to have sex with me?" Meredith returned sadly. "Yeah."

"So did Addison call you?" Derek asked, taking another drink of coffee.

"Yep. Dinner on Saturday." Meredith answered. "Seven o'clock. And you're coming?"

"Of course. We're all friends." Derek said to her.

"What about her husband? Isn't that weird?" Meredith asked.

"Not at all." Derek answered. The waiter brought their food out. He set two large plates in front of Meredith and a small bowl in front of Derek. Meredith began eating her food. Derek just watched in shock. Meredith made her way through everything.

"You are a pig!" Derek noted.

"I know!" She rolled her eyes. "I was hungry."

"You have something on your face." Derek said, wiping it off with his finger. "It's whipped cream." She grabbed his finger and stuck it in her mouth, licking it off. Derek got wide-eyed.

"Whipped cream can be fun." She said, raising her eyebrows.

"I think there's more..." Derek said softly as he leaned in. His tongue delved deeply into her mouth. Both searching each other's mouthes. The kiss was deep. Meredith didn't want him to stop. She put her hand behind his head and kissed him deeper. Finally, they both pulled away breathless. "I think I got it." Derek said with a smile.

"I think you did." Meredith said with a smile.

---------------

**So Meredith slept with him again. Neither she or Derek know who he is to each other. The kissing is a good thing...Right? Please review, and thanks for reading.**


	21. Dinner and Dessert

**Happy Grey's Day! I don't own Grey's Anatomy, if I did it wouldn't be like a holiday, because I would have it on everyday. The actors would call me the Nazi because they would be working seven days a week for our entertainment!**

**This chapter is dedicated to you, DakotaLady! You'll see why!**

Meredith took one last look in the mirror. She was wearing a knee-length deep red gown. She had her hair in a soft up do. She put on a little lip gloss. She slid on her shoes and walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Izzie was baking a cake.

"You look good." Izzie noted, while smearing the frosting on the cake.

"Thanks." Meredith said with a smile. "Are you alone tonight?" She asked.

"Yeah. Alex is on-call. And George is staying at Callie's." Izzie whined.

"Well, I won't be long." Meredith said with a smile.

"_Sure_." Izzie joked. "So, you've been having some hot sex lately."

"Yeah, well-" Meredith started. "It's my thing" Izzie laughed.

"So who was that guy two nights ago? You were half naked before you even made it upstairs." She asked.

"Just a guy I met in the corner bar." Meredith told her, licking the frosting off of the knife. "Joe refused to serve me in the morning, so I went down there. I brought him home. Two nights in a row!" Meredith boasted. "It was pretty good."

"So who was the guy last night?" Izzie asked.

"Some guy from Joe's. Lots of piercings. It was actually pretty damn hot!" Meredith laughed. "He was trying to talk me into going with him and getting my nipples pierced. I don't even know him..." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. "I don't know, maybe I should?" She laughed.

"I heard that it hurts like hell." Izzie said with a smile. The front door opened.

"What hurts like hell?" Derek said as he walked up.

"Getting your nipples pierced. Mer's think about it." Izzie said, received a sharp glance from Meredith.

"Really?" Derek said raising his eyebrows.

"You never know..." Meredith said suggestively. "Are you ready?"

"Of course. I'm _always_ ready." He said with a smile.

"I seem to remember a time when you weren't." She giggled. Izzie gave them both a funny look. "Let's go. I'm starved."

"Aren't you always?" Derek said. He felt a punch in his arm.

"You guys have fun." Izzie said as they walked out.

"Oh yeah. I think I am going out with the dullest people in the world." Meredith giggled.

"I'm not dull!" Derek said, dragging her out to the car. He opened the door for her. It made her smile. She sat down and watched him walk around to the other side.

"So how are you feeling?" He asked, glancing over at her.

"What are you, my freaking psychiatrist?" Meredith snapped.

"If I have to be..." Derek retorted with a cheesy grin.

"I am fine, Derek. I am okay." She said quietly.

"Good." The shared an awkward silence. "So about the kissing..." Derek said with a smile. He saw her roll her eyes in his peripheral vision.

"Kissing? What kissing?" Meredith said flippantly.

"Oh, the kissing where you had your tongue halfway down my throat." Derek replied.

"Oh, that kissing. It was nothing." Meredith said quickly. "We're friends."

"Friends who kiss?" He questioned.

"Yeah, whatever." Meredith said distractedly. She had her mind on the restaurant they passed. The last time she was there, she was seven. She remembered it vividly. She was wearing a yellow dress, and her hair was up. It was right before her dad left. She and her father waited over an hour before Ellis showed up. There was a big fight, ultimately ending in Thatcher backing down. That's how it always went.

"Are you listening to me?" Derek said loudly, looking over at her.

"Uh, what" She said quickly. "Oh sorry. My mind was somewhere else. So what were you saying?" She asked.

"It was nothing." Derek responded. They pulled into the parking lot. Meredith kept wondering if her Dad ever thought about her. "Are you ready?" She didn't respond. "Meredith?"

"What? Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm ready." Meredith responded. He got out and opened the door for her. He grabbed her arm and they walked in. They immediately spotted Addison and her husband in the corner. Addison and Stan stood up. Meredith eyed Stan. He wasn't who he pictured Addison with. He was a plain looking, brown haired, slightly balding man.

"Stanley, this is Meredith" Addison said, introducing them. "Meredith, this is my wonderful husband Stan."

"It's very nice to meet you." She said, shaking his hand.

"You too. I've heard a lot about you." He said, they all sit down.

"Really?" Meredith said, raising her eyebrows.

"So, how was your day?" Addison asked.

"Oh, you know. Sitting around the house, and more sitting around the house. I can not wait to get to the hospital. You have no idea how good an aneurysm sounds right now." Meredith said happily. They all laughed. The waiter brought a bottle of wine to the table. "So what is it that you do, Stan?"

"I'm an accountant for a large corporation." He said with a smile.

"A number pusher." Meredith said, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes. Not as interesting as being a surgeon, but I like it." He told her, taking a sip of his wine.

"That's all that matters." Meredith said.

"A lot of people didn't think that it would work out between Addie and I because I'm not into medicine." Stan explained. Addison and Derek just listened.

"I don't agree with that. I had a relationship with a biochemist. I think is is better to have someone who doesn't know. Who isn't always there at the hospital." Meredith told him. Derek's face dropped. "Derek assures me that this isn't weird for you guys."

"It's really not. I am completely in love with Stan. Derek was just not the guy. Sorry, Derek." Addison explained.

"I totally agree." Derek responded.

"So you two seem to fit together pretty well." Stan said, pointing at Meredith and Derek.

"No, no. Derek and I-- We-- We're not together." Meredith stammered. "Just friends."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know." Stan said quickly. Addison and Derek just stared at each other. The waiter brought out their salads. They began eating them. Meredith forked Derek's slice of cucumber and stuck it in her mouth.

"Hey!" Derek shouted. "That's my cucumber!"

"I've always had a thing for cucumbers." She said with a giggle.

"Do you now?" Derek said with a smile.

"I do." Meredith returned. Addison and Stan just looked at each other wide-eyed. They quietly ate their salads. When they finished their salad, Meredith excused herself to go to the bathroom.

"So, she's cute." Stan said. Addison looked at him. "No like that! She seems sweet and innocent." Derek and Addison spit out their wine and started laughing. "Am I missing something?" Stan said. They both shook their head no with a smile. "She seems like your type, Derek."

"I have been telling him that." Addison argued.

"She's not ready and I-- I don't know." Derek said, shaking his head.

"There's chemistry. I can see it." Stan said, Addison shook her head in agreement.

"Do you like her?" Addison asked.

"Oh, come on Addie. Now you sound like a high school gossiper. Yes, I like her. What's not to like? Does that mean we should be in a relationship. Not necessarily." Derek stated. "Besides, I talked to Holly today."

"What?" Addison said loudly, causing the other patrons to look. "Why?"

"I saw her in the stairway. She kissed me. Maybe I should give her another chance." Derek suggested, taking a sip of wine.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Addison retorted. Stan just stared at the two.

"Holly she isn't ideal, but she cares. Meredith has no interest in me. Isn't that obvious?" Derek said sadly.

"No, what's obvious is the fact that Holly lied about talking to Chase. And she has it out for Meredith from the beginning. Holly is a prude, and she isn't the one for you. And the sparks between you and Meredith are going to ignite, you just need to give it time. You are being a fool Derek. Meredith likes you, a lot." Addison spat. Meredith walked back up.

"What's going on? Everyone looks so serious." Meredith said, looking worried.

"It's nothing, just hospital stuff. So, are you hungry, Meredith?" Stan said, breaking the ice.

"Oh yeah. I'm glad I ordered a twelve ounce steak." She said with a smile. Derek shook his head and smiled. The waiter brought their food. Meredith immediately began eating. You could cut the tension between Addison and Derek with a knife. Meredith didn't say anything. She couldn't help but think that whatever it was must be pretty big. They ate their meal in almost silence. There was a little light conversation here and there, but nothing major. By the end of the meal, she was ready to get the hell out of there. They said their goodbyes and Derek and Meredith got into his Land Rover.

"Can you stop somewhere for me?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Sure." He said, wondering where it was she wanted to got. She began giving him directions. They ended up in her favorite spot, overlooking the bay. The lights from the ferry boats were reflecting off of the water.

"I have a thing for ferry boats." Meredith said sweetly, looking out at the water.

"You have thing for ferry boats?" Derek looked over at her in shock.

"Yeah, why?" Meredith asked.

"I have a thing for ferry boats. It's one of the things that helped me make my decision to come here." Derek pointed out.

"Wow. How crazy is that?" Meredith said, looking into his eyes. They pulled her in. She couldn't look away. He felt the same way.

"That is amazing." Derek said, not blinking.

"So what happened between you and Addison?" Meredith asked.

"It was nothing." Derek cut her off sharply. The mood was perfect, he didn't want to ruin it. "It was stupid."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Meredith asked.

"No, I just want to look at you." He said with a smile.

Meredith looked at his features. She put her head and the back of his head and pulled him in. Their lips crashed like a tidal wave. It felt perfect. He pushed his tongue deeply into her mouth. They meshed like they were meant to. Derek moaned as he touched her head. Her hair fell out of the bun it was in, he ran his fingers through it's soft goldenness. She moaned as he began to kiss her neck. It sent shivers down her spine. Meredith climbed over the center consule, she pulled her dress up and straddled him. He moaned as she lowered herself onto him. She pulled his suit jacket off and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Meredith..." Derek moaned.

"I swear Derek, if you turn me down..." Meredith warned, breathlessly.

Derek began kissing her chest. It felt right, and he had no intention of stopping. She could feel his erection pressing through his jeans. She could feel the warmth overtaking her. Derek's kisses proceeded down between her breasts. She leaned back, causing the horn to blow.

"Maybe we should take this back there." Derek said, pointing to the folded down back seat.

They clumsily made their way to the back of the Land Rover. Meredith straddled Derek and continued to unbutton his shirt. She slid it off, and looked at his chest and smiled. He gave her a grin and rolled her over. She leaned up and he unzipped her dress, sliding it off. He paused for a moment and stared at her in her deep red bra and panties. He unclasped her bra, sliding it off her shoulders. He placed his mouth over her breast, sucking and nipping gently. She moaned and arched her back. Derek began placing soft kisses on her abdomen moving down. He hooked her thong with his fingers, pulling it off and down her legs. He threw it somewhere in the front seat. He spread her legs and kissed her thighs. She arched her back and moaned as his tongue entered her. She could feel her body respond. He flicked her clit with is tongue. "Derek, oh, Derek!" She could feel herself teetering towards the edge. She moaned loudly and Derek came up, his lips crashing into hers. Meredith rolled him over and grinned as she unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down. The growing bulge was making itself visible through his boxers. She pulled them off and placed her mouth on his shaft. She flicked it's head with her tongue, causing him to moan. "Oh, God Meredith!" She placed her hand around him, moving quickly. He placed his hand on the back of her head and cried out as he was near to exploding. She crawled up, and placed her lips on his. She looked into his eyes and straddled him. She rocked slowly at first. She increased in speed and intensity. "Meredith..." He moaned. He rolled her over on her back. She dug her fingernails into his back as he lifted her knees and pumped into her harder and harder, causing her to scream. "Derek! Oh God, Oh God!" She felt herself at the edge. He body tightened around him. "Oh Meredith!" He shouted as she tightened up. He felt her warm cum rush around him. She moaned loudly. He felt himself burst, releasing warm fluid inside her. "Oh my God Mer. Oh God!" He shouted. They both rolled onto their backs, panting.

"Wow. That was fantastic." Derek said breathlessly. "You are amazing."

"You aren't so bad yourself!" She panted, looking over at him.

They both had beads of sweat all over them. The windows of his Land Rover were heavily steamed up. Meredith laid her head back and sighed. Derek looked over at her. She didn't say anything as she was coming down from her high. After a few minutes she sat up and started putting her clothes on.

"What does this mean?" Derek asked her, as he grabbed his boxers.

"Izzie is waiting for me." She said as she clasped her bra.

"Meredith, what does this mean?" He asked again, louder.

"My panties. Oh, there they are." She said, climbing to the front of the car.

"Meredith!" He said loudly. She looked over at him. "What does this mean."

"Uh." She said, pulling her panties on. "I really have to get home." She replied, pulling her dress on. She took her place in the front seat. He finished getting dressed and climbed into the drivers seat. He turned the car on and looked over at her.

"We're friends." Meredith said sharply.

"I know." Derek replied.

"I haven't had a lot of good luck lately..." Meredith trailed off.

"What?" He asked with a puzzled look.

"I can't give you what you want, Derek." She said sadly. "I don't think I ever could..."

"Meredith." Derek said. "This wasn't a mistake."

"I need to get home." She said quickly. Derek pulled out of the spot and onto the road. He stole several glances at her. She seemed deep in thought.

"I felt something..." Derek said softly.

"Yeah, It's called an erection." Meredith said with a chuckle. It was true, she felt something too. She had had sex many times before, but this was different. This time she felt something that she had never felt before, and it scared the hell out of her.

"No, that's not what I meant." He said quietly.

They didn't talk for the rest of the ride. When Derek pulled into the driveway, he turned off the car, and Meredith jumped out. She walked quickly up to the house and unlocked the door. He was right behind her. She rushed up the stairs, not even noticing Cristina and Izzie watching a surgical procedure on the t.v. Derek stood there dumbfounded.

"So I'll talk to you later?" He said up the stairs. No answer. He dropped his head and quickly walked out.

Meredith rushed upstairs. She was scared. She couldn't do this. She couldn't fall in love with him. Am I some kind of freak that falls in love with whoever walks by? She wanted to cry. And she just left him standing down there. She threw on her Oxford shirt and a pair of flannel pants. She laid down in the bed and sighed. She heard footsteps up the stairs. What was she going to tell him?

"Mer?" Izzie said outside the door.

"You don't ask. We just go in!" Cristina snapped as threw the door open. They both looked at Meredith. "What the hell was that?"

"What was what?" Meredith asked innocently.

"You and Dr. Shepherd. There was an awkwardness." Izzie pointed out, laying in bed next to Meredith.

"What did you do?" Cristina said scornfully. Meredith covered her head with the pillow.

"Oh, God!" Izzie laughed. "It must be bad."

"Come on, spill!" Cristina shouted.

"I had sex with Derek..." Meredith said quietly. She cringed waiting for the storm.

"What!" Izzie yelled.

"I'm not surprised. So you gave the man what he wanted." Cristina laughed. Meredith and Izzie both gave Cristina a 'What the hell are you talking about' look. "Oh come on. He's been undressing you with his eyes for a long time."

"Whatever." Meredith said, unbelieving.

"I can't believe you had sex with our boss." Izzie noted. "I guess I should. You did have sex with our boss' boss' boss."

"Izzie!" Meredith retorted.

"Sorry." Izzie mused.

"So was he good?" Cristina said seriously. "He looks like he would be good!" A smile crept up on Meredith's face.

"Um..." She said, starting to giggle.

"Come on!" Izzie pleaded.

"He is a thousand times better than he looks." Meredith said happily. Her heart beat faster just thinking about it.

"Wow." Cristina stated.

"You have no idea." Meredith said with a smile.

"So what are you going to do?" Izzie asked happily. They all laid there staring at the ceiling.

"I don't know..." Meredith responded with worry in her voice.

----------

**So, what does this mean? I hope you enjoyed the sex. I wasn't sure if it was the right time, but then I thought, Mer/Der sex...It's always the right time!! I know I am getting pissed at this site. Still no alerts. I am half thinking about posting this at fanficga too, but I'm afraid it couldn't play with the big dogs... Thanks for reading.**


	22. Dead Weight

I**I don't own Grey's I wish I did!**

Meredith smiled when her alarm went off at four-thirty. She was happy. She was returning to her favorite place. She was sure she was going to scrub in on a kick ass surgery. The only thing on her list of what not to do: Run into Derek. She threw on a clean top and jeans and jogged down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives, people." She said to Izzie and George. That is what Derek always says.

"So, are you happy, or what?" George grumbled.

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, George?" Meredith giggled.

"Yeah, only because he was in it by himself!" Izzie laughed.

"Shut up!" George shouted. Meredith rolled her eyes and poured some coffee in her cup.

"Aren't you going to eat, Mer?" Izzie asked as she took a bite of her english muffin.

"Nope. I'm good." She said. "Is it time to go yet?" Meredith asked happily.

"Not yet." George said loudly, rolling his eyes.

"Now?" Meredith asked, her eyes lit up. "Wait! I'm driving." She said, walking towards the door. "I can go now."

"But you're our ride!" George yelled as he heard the door open.

"Then you better hurry your ass up!" She said, walking to her car. They didn't follow. She turned the key and started the car. She started to pull out of the driveway when both Izzie and George came running out of the house. George had one shoe on and one in his hand.

"You weren't kidding!" Izzie laughed as she jumped in the Jeep.

"Now I have dirt on my socks." George whined, putting his shoes on.

"Oh, waa." Meredith joked.

"You say that, but just watch, I'll have to take my shoes off today and everyone will see my dirty socks." George pointed out.

"No one cares about your socks, George." Meredith pointed out.

They didn't talk much on the ride there. Meredith was wrapped up in how she would avoid Derek. It wasn't just the sex. She was worried that he would see it in her eyes. She didn't want him to think that there was a chance. She did have feeling towards him, but she was never going to let them show, and she was never going to act on them. Meredith pulled into the hospital parking lot and saw Derek getting out of his car.

"Crap!" Meredith said, pulling into a spot in the very back corner, farthest away from him.

"Why crap?" George asked dumbly, as he began to pull the door handle.

"It's nothing." Izzie said nonchalantly.

"Duck!" Meredith said. They all leaned down.

"Why are we ducking?" George asked, looking up at her.

"Um, no reason." Meredith said with a smile. "Stay down." She said, shoving George down. Meredith heard someone knock on the window. "Shit!" She looked up to see Cristina and sighed.

"Hiding from someone?" Cristina joked. "McDreamy, maybe?"

"Why would she be hiding from Dr. Shepherd?" George asked, climbing out of the Jeep.

"Maybe because she had crazy-hot sex with him, and now she's avoiding him!" Cristina spat. Meredith smacked her.

"You had sex with Shepherd?" George asked.

"We're going to be late." Meredith said, purposely rushing to the hospital entrance. Izzie nodded yes to George, whose eyes nearly popped out of his head. They all walked into the locker room. Some of the interns pointed and whispered, but Meredith wasn't going to let it get to her. She quickly changed into her scrubs and sat on the bench waiting for Dr. Bailey. She flung the door open and burst in.

"Welcome back, Grey. I'm sure the other interns are happy to have you back. Okay, rounds. Lets go!" She shouted as she marched out the door.

They walked into the first patient room. Meredith smiled. She was so happy to be back in the game. Preston Burke smiled and nodded when he saw Meredith. The hospital had been somewhat different without her. Maybe is was just less drama without her.

"Grey, you present." She said, shoving the chart towards her. Meredith grabbed it.

"Lydia Johnson is in for removal of the fatty buildup of plaque from the carotid artery. The main reason a carotid endarterectomy is performed is to reduce the risk of stroke. It's most beneficial for patients whose carotid arteries are narrowed nearly three-quarters of the way or more." Meredith said with a smile.

"Good, Grey. You're on the case." Dr. Burke said with a smile. Dr. Bailey and the rest of the interns walked out of the room. "It's good to have you back. Run these tests and book an OR." He said, as he walked out.

"Right away. Sir." She yelled out. "So how are you today, Mrs. Johnson?" Meredith asked.

"I'm good. I just hate being in the hospital." She laughed. Meredith saw Derek at the nurses station. He was just getting ready to turn around, he had heard her voice. Meredith dropped to the floor behind the bed. "Um, Dr. Grey, are you okay?" She asked. Meredith put her finger up to her lips. "Oh, man troubles, I see... He's gone." Meredith slowly rose.

"I'm sorry. That was completely unprofessional of me." Meredith apologized.

"No, no. I understand. I've been there." She chuckled as Meredith wheeled her out of the room.

----------------

"Have you talked to Meredith?" Derek said as he walked up to Addison.

"No, why?" Addison said, looking over her glasses.

"Um, no reason." Derek said as he looked down and started to walk away.

"No, no, no! Where are you going? I was married to you. I know when you are lying." She said, peering at him. "What's up?"

"I-- Well-- We had sex, Addison." He said quickly. "Sex."

"That's great!" Addison said happily. She looked at his face, that was like stone. "So, what's wrong with that?"

"She's avoiding me." Derek answered. "I don't know what to do. I mean, I thought we were getting somewhere. We were getting somewhere. And then I had to screw it all up by having sex with her. Now she is acting like I am the plague." Derek pouted as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Just give her time, Derek." Addison said confidently. "She will come around."

"Addison, she isn't a normal girl. She's different. She puts on these fronts and- Shit!" He said with a frustrated tone. "That's it. I can't do this." He shook his head. "I am not the girl here. I am not going to wait for her to call!" Derek said as he walked away.

"Derek--" Addison started. He just ignored her and kept walking.

-----------------

The surgery with Burke went well. He allowed Meredith to assist quite a bit. Meredith just happened to glance up at the gallery. She dropped her gaze immediately when she saw Derek. Now he knows where she is. He'll know when the surgery is over. She is so screwed. She begrudgingly walked into the scrub room and waited for the door to open. Of course, as she was drying her hands with Dr. Burke, he walked in. She looked up and held her breath. She began to walk out and he started to follow her. Luckily, Preston stopped Derek to ask him a question. Meredith took it as her chance to get the hell out of there. She managed to get away, but not for long. She heard footsteps behind her. They got closer and closer. She felt him grab her arm and pull her into the storage closet.

_Don't you love her madly, Don't you need her badly_

_Don't you love her ways, Tell me what you say_

_Don't you love her madly, Wanna be her daddy_

_Don't you love her face_

_Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door_

_Like she did one thousand times before_

"Meredith..." She listened as it rolled off her tongue. She would be perfectly content hearing him say it everyday fro the rest of her life. She would never admit it though.

"Derek-- I--" She started and dropped her head.

"You're avoiding me." He said with a cheesy grin. "You shouldn't avoid me."

"So what does this mean?" She asked him, even though she knew.

"It wasn't just sex." He said quietly as he looked into her eyes. She wanted to kiss him. She could still feel his lips on hers.

"No, it was great sex." She pointed out with a smile

"It meant something..." He started. "To me, it meant something. You are great, and kind, and beautiful. I like you. I care about you. I care about you in a big way. There is something about you that makes me feel happy. I can be in the crappiest mood in the world, and I see your face, and everything is perfect."

"Derek. I can't. I'm broken. All of the glue in the world can not glue me back together. The last time I fell, I didn't break into pieces, I turned into dust." She said, almost tearing up.

"Dust is good. It's like plaster. Just add water, or me, and we have a new Meredith a fixed Meredith." He said brightly. He saw the skepticism in her face.

"No, Derek. No. I'm sorry. I felt it the other night too. I won't lie. But that doesn't matter. None of it matters. You should be happy. Don't even bother with me, there isn't enough time in the world." She said, sadly. "Friends, that all I can do." She looked into his eyes. Looking into his eyes made it all the harder.

_All your love_

_All your love_

_All your love_

_All your love_

_All your love is gone,_

_So sing a lonely song_

_Of a deep blue dream,_

_Seven horses seem to be on the mark_

"Why can't you just tell me what happened?" He asked, putting his hand under her chin.

"Derek, I can't say it. I can't say it out loud. I can't do it again. Just walk away. You dodged a bullet." She said as she turned on her heel and walked out. She wanted to cry. He just watched her walk away.

_Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door_

_Like she did one thousand times before_

_Don't you love her ways, Tell me what you say_

_Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door_

_----------------_

Meredith plopped down in the chair next to her friends. She grabbed half of Alex's sandwich, George's pudding and Izzie's candy bar. They all gave her dirty looks, but she ignored them.

"Are you okay?" Izzie asked.

"Yes. I think so." She stated, staring off into space. "I think I'm okay."

"It's McDreamy, right?" Cristina asked. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I told him I couldn't do it. I can't. I am never doing this again. I hate men!" She shouted. "If I didn't want the penis, I would never touch a man again!"

"There are ways around that..." Izzie suggested with a grin.

"It's not the same. I want the real thing. Forget margarine, I want butter! The butter was good. God, was it good." Meredith mused looking off into space.

"Can we not talk about Shepherd like that? I have to work with the dude." Alex spat out.

"Talk about him like what? Talk about how Shepherd is a wild sex crazed man?" Cristina teased. "How her had his--"

"Oh God!" George gagged. "Make the lambs stop screaming!" Meredith's phone rang. She looked at the caller i.d.

"I wonder who the hell this is?" She said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "Hello?"

"Hey there." Drew said. She wasn't sure who it was, but she was pretty sure the voice sounded familiar.

"Who is this?" Meredith said with a puzzled look.

"You don't remember the man who gave you the best sex you have ever had?" Drew said. She could sense his grin through the phone.

"Oh, I would hardly say that. I had that two nights ago. It was pretty impressive, I must say." She said with a giggle. "How the hell did you get my number?"

"Off of your phone when you were sleeping." He chuckled. "Smart, huh?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah. Brilliant." She joked, taking a bite of her sandwich. The interns just looked at her.

"So you're cheating on me?" Drew said quickly.

"Oh yes. I am cheating on you, my lover. I slept with you twice, you don't own me." Meredith said with sarcasm. "You are the anti-relationship."

"Oh really? So who would you like to to do it again?" He asked slyly.

"What?" She asked.

"How would you like to fly across the country to have hot sex with me?" He begged. "I'll pay for your flight."

"So now I am a prostitute." She laughed. Cristina gave her a puzzled look.

"I would hardly call you a prostitute. Although you are quite talented." He chuckled. "Seriously. Come out to New York for the weekend." He said happily.

"Uhhh. I don't know..." She said undecidedly.

"Please?" He said with a charming voice.

"Can I call you back?" She said softly. "I have see what I'm doing."

"Fine." He said with disappointment in his voice. "You better call."

"I will." She chuckled. "Goodbye." She flipped her phone shut and took a bite of her sandwich. The interns looked at her. She glanced up. "What?"

"What? Seriously!" Izzie said with disbelief.

"You cannot have a conversation like that and just leave us hanging!" Cristina said quickly.

"And what the hell is an Anti-Relationship?" Alex asked as he took a sip of his soda.

"That was the guy. Drew. He wanted me to fly to New York for a LDL." Meredith said nonchalantly, as she spooned her pudding. "We have an understanding. It's not a relationship...It's the anti-relationship."

"An LDL?" George asked.

"Long distance lay." Cristina snapped. "Seriously?" She asked Meredith.

"Yeah." Meredith laughed.

"So are you going to do it?" Izzie asked. "It seems kind of dangerous. What if he is a killer or something?"

"I don't know what I'm doing. I never know what I'm doing..." Meredith said quietly more to herself then her friends.

----------------

Meredith, George, Izzie and Cristina walked over to Joe's. Meredith just wanted a beer. She wasn't going there to get drunk. Her life was idle at the moment. She wanted Derek, he wanted her, but she wasn't taking the risk. The interns were talking on the way over, but she was lost in thought. She had no idea what she was going to do with the rest of her life and it bothered her. She knew she would be a surgeon. That should be enough, right? Izzie pushed the door open and the bell dinged. They spotted an empty high top and grabbed a seat.

"I'll get the drinks. What do you guys want?" George asked, looking at his friends.

"I'll have a beer." Meredith said with a grin. She received suspecting grins from her friends. "What? I can drink just a beer!" Meredith responded.

"Sure..." Izzie said, jokingly. Meredith giggled.

Meredith rolled her head back and stretched. She was stiff from holding the same position during the long surgery. She almost vomited when she got a clear view of the corner table. Her stomach immediately knotted up. Her heart jumped into her throat. Derek was sitting in the corner with Holly. She had her hand on his thigh, and he was listening intently to whatever she was saying. George walked up and handed her a beer.

"Ya know what? You guys were right. I can't just drink beer. I think I'm going to need some tequila." Meredith said with a smile. A fake smile, for a fake emotion.

"I told you." Cristina said quickly, taking a drink of her beer. George went up to the bar and came back.

"So, Shepherd doesn't waste anytime." George said innocently.

"What do you mean?" Izzie asked. George pointed. "No shit!" She spat.

"What a McAss." Cristina said nastily.

"What? I told him I didn't want him. It's his decision." Meredith explained, slamming her shot. "He doesn't mean anything to me." She lied to herself.

"No wonder you're drinking tequila." Izzie stated. Meredith pulled out her phone. She had a call to make. The phone rang four times and then he answered.

"Hello?" Drew said. He sounded out of breath and busy.

"Hey, It's Meredith. You're getting laid, aren't you?" She chuckled. "I'll call you tomorrow." She started to hang up.

"No, no!" He said quickly. "I have to take this call." He whispered to whoever was with him.

"Hey, I'm glad you called." He said to Meredith.

"So you are cheating on me?" Meredith joked.

"Yeah, but between you and me...she isn't very good." He laughed.

"Good! So, I'll come. I'm flying to New York." She said. All of her friends looked at her in shock.

"Seriously?" Drew said. "I'll get you the ticket..."

"No. I'll get it. I'm coming because I want to. Besides, then you would have to know my last name or I would know yours. No person information." She said flatly.

"No personal information?" He asked.

"Yes. No. I mean yes, no personal information. I don't want to know what you do for a living. I don't want know how many brothers you have or what your favorite color is. I want to know that you can give me the best fuck I've ever had. That is all I want from you!" She said loudly.

"Sounds like fun!" He said.

"I will book a flight and give you the details." Meredith said. "I have to go."

"Can't wait!" Drew said as he hung up the phone. Meredith flipped her phone shut.

"You are so bad!" Izzie laughed.

"I know..." Meredith stated.

Meredith did several shots. Izzie and Cristina were joining in. They were having a good time. George wasn't really drinking. He was their designated driver. He knew they were definitely going to need one. They were all feeling the effects of the alcohol. Cristina looked over at the table that occupied Holly and Derek. Holly was giggling, and Derek was smiling. Neither of them had noticed the group who was trash talking them.

"What is he thinking?" Cristina shouted loudly. "She is a prude. A prude!"

"A frigid bitch." Meredith snapped, causing everyone in the bar to look at her. Meredith just giggled. Derek's head shot up at the sound of her voice. He looked over at her. She didn't see him. She wasn't looking. Every time she did it made her sick.

"A whore." Izzie laughed.

"Oh my God." George stated, covering his face. "You guys are embarrassing me!"

"Oh shut up, dirty sock boy!" Cristina laughed.

"You told her I was wearing dirty socks?" George said to Meredith, who nodded.

"Dirty underwear too, I bet!" Izzie shouted. Everyone was listening to the crazy drunken interns.

"At least he's wearing underwear. Unlike you, Meredith!" Cristina said loudly with a big laugh. Meredith gasped.

"I'm not the one who lost my underwear in the on-call room last week!" Meredith yelled back.

"You're right. I lost mine, but I still have some left. You ran out of panties because you pass them out like souvenirs!" Cristina laughed loudly.

"I do not!" Meredith retorted as she slammed a shot.

Derek was sitting there with Holly, but his mind was at the other table. He had come for a single drink, and then he was going home. Just his luck, Holly showed up. He humored her and let her talk to him. She was like the Holly he had first met. She was funny and kind. He wanted to leave when she showed up, but he didn't he sat there with her. He had nothing and no one to go home to.

"Oh my God." She said politely. "Those people are absolutely hideous!"

"They are just having a good time." He said with a chuckle. He laughed to himself, he figured that the frigid comment was about Holly.

"A good time?" She giggled. "Those people have no class. They are losers..."

"I would hardly call them losers." Derek said with a laugh.

"Anyway..." She said looking into his eyes. "Where were we?" Holly leaned in and kissed him.

"Oh..." The table of interns shouted in disgust. They immediately started making gagging noises. They all started laughing. Izzie and Cristina quit drinking. They were smart enough to realize it was going to be a rough day tomorrow if they didn't.

"Hey, that guy is checking you out." Izzie said, pointing at him and giggling.

"He's a little old." Meredith said, scrunching her nose. He looked like he was in his late forties early fifties. He had brown hair peppered with grey. He was a good looking man older man.

"It just means he's had a lot of practice..." Cristina added.

"Seriously!" Meredith laughed.

"It will piss McDreamy off." Izzie stated. "If he even notices..."

"Come on, work it..." Cristina laughed. "Go up and get a shot of tequila. Unless you are chicken." They all start squawking.

"What are you, ten?" Meredith said with a laugh. She unbuttoned the top two buttons on her shirt and let her hair down. She walked up and leaned on the bar next to the man.

"Hey there..." He said with a suggestive grin. "I'm Harvey."

"Hey." She said back. "Meredith." She grabbed her shot and slammed it. They made small talk for a while. He cracked some jokes and she laughed. Derek was watching intently. Meredith didn't even realize that her friends had taken off.

"So, how would you like to get out of here?" Harvey asked.

"I'd love to." She smiled. He put his hand on the small of her back and led her out.

Derek clenched his fists. He had stopped listening to Holly a long time ago. He didn't say anything as he stood up from the table. He threw down some cash and walked out, leaving her sitting there. He marched right outside, and looked up and down the street. He saw a cab pulling away. He was too late. He got in his car and went home. There was no way he was going back inside with Holly.

-----------------

"Harvey?" Meredith said. "Harvey!" She shouted. He was on top of her and he wasn't moving. "Harvey!" She screamed.

She tried to push him off. He was too heavy. She wiggled, and she couldn't get free. She kept yelling at him. She put her fingers on his neck. There was no pulse. She screamed.

"Izzie!" She yelled as loudly as she could. "Izzie! Oh my God! George!" No one answered. She kept trying to free herself. Her eyes started to tear up. She kept screaming. Finally it dawned on her. She reached over for her cellphone. Her fingers nudged it. She stretched. Almost. Then she pushed it. It fell to the floor. She grabbed a hardback book and threw it at the wall. They would never wake up to that. They were used to the banging sounds coming from her bedroom. Finally she let out one last scream as loud as she could. No one came. She began to weep. Only she would kill a man with sex. Then it opened. The door opened quickly.

"Are you okay?" George asked sleepily. His eyes got wide when he realized she was crying.

"George help." She said quickly. She couldn't breathe. She was near panic. George snapped the light on.

"Oh God!" George shouted. Izzie ran in.

"What's going on?" She looked at Harvey and got wide-eyed.

"I-- I-- I think he's dead. I think I killed him." She wept. "I can't get him off of me." Izzie called 911 and George pulled Harvey off and immediately began CPR.

"It will be okay, Mer. They are on their way!" Izzie said. Meredith ran to the bathroom in a sheet and began to get dressed. She came out quickly and took over the CPR for George.

"Should we dress him?" Izzie asked, looking at his naked body.

"No. That's would not be a good idea!" George said. They covered him with a sheet.

"I think the paramedics are here." Izzie said, running down the stairs. She came back up with the team. They immediately went to work on him. One of the medics pulled the interns aside.

"So what happened?" The paramedic asked.

"We were--and he-- Oh my God!" Meredith started to panic.

"They were in the middle of having sex." Izzie blurted out. Meredith took a deep breath.

"He was just-- He was just finishing. You know." She nodded her head. "He quit moving. He quit making sounds. I checked a pulse, there was none." She answered.

"So, how long did you wait before you started CPR?" He asked.

"It was a while. I couldn't get him off of me. I yelled for my friends. They came in and helped." She answered quickly. They grabbed Harvey and took him to the ambulance.

"Should I go?" Meredith asked.

"Um--" Izzie started.

"If I don't go, I'm a bad person, right?" Meredith asked. She ran down the stairs and got into into the back of the ambulance. They took right off. Harvey still didn't have a pulse. The medic started explaining what was going on.

"I know. I'm a surgical intern." Meredith said quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't--"

"It's fine. I'm sure your father will be okay..." He answered.

"He's not my father." She told him.

"Oh. Uncle?" She shook her head. "Brother, boyfriend?" He asked.

"He was my one night stand." Meredith spat out. They pulled up to Seattle Grace. Miranda rushed right up. Of course, she was there. It couldn't have been any other resident. The doors opened and the Paramedics spat out what was going on.

"Oh God. What the hell did you do, Grey?" Miranda asked. Meredith shook her head. They wheeled him in to a trauma room. Meredith stood outside. They worked on him for a long time before Miranda walked out.

"He's gone." Miranda said quickly.

"What?" Meredith said in shock.

"Was he family?" Miranda asked.

"He was-- It doesn't matter." Meredith smiled.

"Well you can't drive home." Bailey told her. "You smell like you fell in a vat of tequila. Go find an on-call room."

Meredith made her way into an on-call room. She took off her shoes and laid back. She couldn't believe what had happened. It completely freaked her out. She felt sick. She grabbed the trash can from the bathroom and sat it next to her. She vomited over and over. She essentially killed a man, and it made her sick. Her stomach finally settle and she laid her head back and closed her eyes. After a couple of hours she heard the door open. The light from the hallway shown through the door. The door closed. The person walked in the bathroom then came back out. The bathroom light lit up her face.

"Meredith, what are you doing here?" Derek asked in shock.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I had an emergency surgery." He said quickly. "So why are you here? I thought you went home with the man who was old enough to be your father." He snapped.

"Oh you noticed? I thought you were too busy kissing Holly." Meredith's eyes started to glisten with tears.

"She kissed me. I didn't want her to kiss me." He explained seeing that she was starting to cry.

"Oh." Meredith said.

"Are you okay?" Derek said with concern. "Did he hurt you?"

"No." She began to weep. "I killed him."

"You what?" Derek said in shock, thinking that he misheard.

"I killed him." She spat, he looked puzzled. "With sex. I killed him with sex."

"I can see that happening..." Derek chuckled, her face was still. "You are really serious?"

"Yeah. He's dead." She said with disbelief.

"Oh my God, Meredith. I'm so sorry." He said. She laid her head down on the pillow.

"Meredith..." She shook her head. He laid down next to her and held her close. She just sighed.

----------------

**Sorry it took so long... My computer is being a piece of shit. It won't let me save documents. Please read and review.**


	23. New York, New York

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, Derek wouldn't be laying in his trailer right now. He would be in Meredith's bed.**

Meredith opened her eyes. Derek had his arms around her. He had been watching her sleep. Even after all that had happened last night, she had slept. She had slept better than she had in a long time. Something about Derek comforted her. She just stared into his blue eyes.

"Hey..." Meredith said quietly, with a yawn.

"Good morning." He said softly. He didn't let go of her. He never wanted to let go of her.

"Hmm, what time is it?" She asked sleepily.

"Um." He looked at his watch. "Six."

"Six? Six!" She squealed. "I'm late. I have to go!" She said as she jumped out of the bed. He just looked at her.

"Maybe you should take the day off..." Derek said as she began to open the door.

"Can't." She said simply, as she walked out. The door shut and quickly re-opened. She stuck her head in. "Thanks, Derek!" She said with a smile. He smiled as the door shut. She ran down the hallway and into the locker room. The other interns just looked at her. The minute she turned around, Dr. Bailey opened the door.

"Grey, you're here. I thought you'd take a day off..." Bailey said with a surprised tone.

"I am fine." Meredith said with a quick smile.

"Sure you are..." Bailey said unconvinced. "SCUT." Meredith went to talk. "Huh uh. A man died last night. I don't know the details, and I don't want to. But you arrived with him." Bailey explained.

"I didn't know him." Meredith spat, looking at Miranda's face.

"Don't care. SCUT." Meredith left the locker room with a huff.

Meredith spent the day running lab work and doing charts. She hated SCUT. She didn't understand why Dr. Bailey had her doing it. Miranda had no idea what went on last night. She was leaning up against the nurses station pretending to be working. She saw Dr. Burke look over at her. He made his way over to her slowly. She looked back down at a chart, pretending to read it.

"Ah, Dr. Grey..." Burke said slowly. She looked up at him.

"Do you need something Dr. Burke?" She asked.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about Harvey Peterson." Burke said quietly, so as not to attract attention.

"Harvey? Oh, yeah, Harvey." She said quickly, while looking down.

"He was my patient. Cristina told me what happened. I just wanted to assure you that is wasn't your fault. Harvey knew the risks. He was an old horn-dog. Harvey was diagnosed with congestive heart failure some time ago. It appears that he suffered sudden cardiac arrest during his _activities _last night. It was not your fault. Thank you, I'm glad to hear he died with a smile on his face." Burke chuckled kindly, and walked away. Meredith's face turned turned bright red. She was so embarrassed, she wanted to hide under the nurses desk.

-------------------

Meredith went down to the basement for lunch. She didn't want to be with the other interns. She didn't know who knew about what had happened last night. She didn't want to be teased. She felt bad enough as it was. She wanted to pretend it never happened. She unwrapped her sub from the cafeteria and sat back against the wall. She heard footsteps, she didn't look up. Part of her wanted to run and hide, but she decided to stay. She looked up to see Derek walking towards her.

"Hiding out?" Derek asked with a smile. He sat down on the gurney, leaning up against the wall with her.

"Trying to." She stated, looking down at her sandwich.

"So how are you doing?" He asked, as he grabbed her sandwich, and took a bite.

"Hey, I'm hungry!" She snapped.

"So am I. That would be why I am eating." He chuckled and handed it back to her. "So how are you?"

"Oh, I'm great. I mean I only accidently killed a man last night. Oh, and to top it off, Burke was his doctor. He said he was glad he died with a smile on his face." Meredith frowned. Derek busted out with laughter. She looked at him. She had to join in.

"Did he?" Derek chuckled. "Did he die with a smile on his face?" Meredith glared at him, and then began laughing.

"Yes. Yes, he did." She muttered.

"That's good. I hope I go out that way." Derek stated. Meredith shook her head. "So are you done taking strangers home?"

"Nah. I think I just need them to produce a clean health certificate beforehand." She laughed.

"Why did you do it?" Derek asked, his face turning to stone. "Why did you take him home?"

"I thought I explained to you that I am a whore." She said quickly. "I sleep around."

"Yeah... I don't buy it." Derek answered, shaking his head.

"Honestly?" She asked him. He shook his head yes. "I was pissed. I saw her with you, and I was jealous. He was looking at me, and I thought 'What the hell!'" She said sadly.

"You were jealous?" He asked.

"Yeah." She spat. He chuckled, she smacked him in the arm.

"I just stopped to get one drink. I sat at the bar, and she showed up." He explained.

"Oh." She said flatly.

"There is nothing going on." He told her, pulling a candy bar out of his pocket. She quickly grabbed it from his hand.

"Oh. The kiss?" Meredith asked.

"She kissed me. I didn't kiss her back." He told her, as he grabbed the candy bar out of her mouth and took a bite. "That ship has sailed. Actually I think it sunk in the middle of the bay. Besides, she didn't like ferry boats. I can't be with someone who doesn't like ferry boats." Derek said with a smile.

"Is that so?" She said, grabbing the last part of the candy and shoving it in her mouth even though it was too big. She didn't want to share.

"So you were jealous..." He smiled. "Go on a date with me..." He told her. She tried to answer but had too much chocolate in her mouth. She began shaking her head no. "So I'll take that as a yes." He told her with a big smile. She grabbed the empty wrapper and spit the chocolate into it.

"No." She said quickly. "I told you I couldn't do that." She said biting his head off. His eyes got wide.

"Well, as friends?" He said, cocking his head. "Come on...Just look at me. Do you know how many girls would love to go on just one date with me?" He said a little too confidently.

"Maybe you should find one of those girls, and take them on a date." Meredith said, rolling her eyes at him.

"Fine. One drink at Joe's?" He asked. She looked off down the hallway. "You go with your friends all of the time. I am your friend..." She turned and looked at him.

"I can't. I have a thing. I am going to be gone this weekend." She said quietly. "Sorry."

"Are you trying brush me off?" He asked. "You can just tell me no..."

"I tried that. You didn't listen." She giggled.

"Sure. You are blowing me off." He got a sly grin. "I like the blowing. I'm all for the blowing. More blowing I say!"

"You are dirty, and bad. And dirty!" She shoved him. "No. I'm serious. I am flying to New York. Maybe next weekend?" She said, biting her bottom lip.

"Next weekend..." He smiled. "Hey!" He said loudly. She turned her head to look at him. He leaded in, grabbed the back of her head and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She didn't pull away. She felt his tongue slide into her mouth. She kissed him deeply, running her fingers through his hair.

"What the hell?" Cristina shouted. They both pulled away, breathlessly. "You blew me off to make out with McDreamy?"

"I, uh. I have to go. See you later." Derek said as he quickly walked away.

"What was that?" She shouted out to him.

"You looked like you needed it!" He yelled back. Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Seriously?" Cristina said as she sat down next to Meredith. Meredith rolled her eyes. "So you screwed a man to death."

"I really don't want to talk about it." Meredith answered.

"Oh come on. That doesn't happen that often. I have to hear the dirt." Cristina joked. "So was he good?"

"I can't answer that. It's just wrong." Meredith said, staring at the wall.

"Did you know. I mean did he say anything?" She asked.

"No. He was just there. Then he wasn't." Meredith answered. "Oh, and thanks for telling Burke. That was _awesome_."

"Yeah. It was too good to resist." Cristina told her. "So, you and McDreamy?"

"Nothing. I told you, I am done with men." Meredith said quickly. "He doesn't just want sex. He wants more."

"You and I think alike." Cristina laughed.

"Yeah, except you are falling for Burke." Meredith responded.

"Am not!" Cristina shouted. Meredith rolled her eyes. "So what about Mr. LDL?"

"Luckily George is switching me shifts so I can go to New York." Meredith answered.

"You're still going?" Cristina asked in shock.

"Yeah. I told him I would. Besides, he's in good shape. I don't think he'll drop dead." Meredith mused.

"You are crazy, you know that?" Cristina laughed.

"Yeah. I know." Meredith answered.

----------------

Meredith took her seat on the plane. What the hell am I doing? She couldn't believe she was going to New York to meet an almost stranger. She looked around the plane. It was pretty empty. No one took the seat next to her. She was relieved. She didn't want to have to talk to anyone. They took off, and they turned off the seat belt sign. She laid her head back, closed her eyes and listened to her ipod.

The flight went rather quickly. She grabbed her small carry-on bag and walked out of the plane and into the busy airport. She immediately spotted Drew standing off to the side. He was holding a big sign that said her name and he had a cheesy grin on his face. She walked over with a smile on her face. He grabbed her hand and they began walking towards the baggage claim.

"I don't need to go to baggage. This is all I brought." She held out the small bag she was carrying.

"Seriously?" He said with a laugh. "I'm thinking you aren't a really woman. Maybe I really was plastered. Did I miss something?"

"Uh, I don't think." Meredith said quickly. "I'm pretty sure I am really a woman." They walked outside. It was sunny. It hadn't been sunny in Seattle for a long time. They walked across the huge parking lot and stopped at a Porsche Boxster.

"I'm glad I didn't bring a lot of luggage." She said, looking at the small car.

"Me too! Especially since this is my only car." He said with a smile. She threw her small bad in, and climbed into the passenger seat.

"So, you are taking me to a hotel, right?" She asked. "I said no details. I don't want to know anything about you."

"Yeah. I booked a hotel room." He said with a smile. "You don't seem to like to get personal, do you?"

"Um. No, not really." Meredith answered.

"Someone burned you, didn't they?" He asked pulling out of the parking lot quickly.

"Yeah. I've been burned. Several times, actually." She said with an angry undertone. "But I don't want to talk about it. That's not why I'm here."

"Okay. Are you hungry?" Drew asked with a smile.

"Yeah, a little bit." She answered quickly. She felt comfortable with him. He just seemed like a nice guy.

"Okay. I know this nice little diner on the way. We'll stop there." Drew said. They drove awhile in silence. Meredith looked out the window. It was so busy. Seattle was busy, but not like this. They pulled into the parking lot and walked in.

"They have the best pie. You should definitely get a piece of pie." He mentioned.

"I'll keep that in mind." She answered. The waitress came around. Meredith ordered a burger, fries, a salad and a piece of peach pie.

"So you really are hungry." Drew laughed. "You look like you never eat."

"Oh, I eat!" She said quickly. The waitress brought her salad, and she immediately began eating it.

"So, I don't really know what to talk about." Drew said randomly. "You said nothing personal. That doesn't leave us with much."

"Well, you can talk about some stuff. I just don't want to get emotionally involved." Meredith explained.

"I have to say you are the only woman who has flown across the country for me." He laughed.

"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" Meredith asked with a chuckle.

"I _think_ it's a good thing." Drew said with a grin.

------------------

Meredith and Drew spent the night in the hotel room. The hotel was nice. Meredith began to wonder just what it was that Drew does for a living. She felt indifferent over the whole situation. She didn't regret coming. But she wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do, either. It was good sex. She liked good sex. So she embraced it. She lived in the moment. She didn't think of Derek, Nate, Chase or her friends. She thought of herself. The night was long. Really long. She woke up to the bright sun shining in her eyes. She had a dull headache from the tequila the night before. She looked over at Drew, who was still sleeping. She climbed out of bed and got into the shower. When she came out, there was breakfast on the table. She smiled and sat down at the table.

"You woke up early." Drew said lightly.

"Yeah. I'm used to waking up early." Meredith explained.

"For your job?" He asked. She grabbed bacon and eggs.

"Yes, for my job. The one I won't tell you about." She laughed.

"Ah. I see. You're sharp. I can't pull one over on you." He stated. "Are you okay? You seem different than you were the last time I saw you..."

"Um. No, I think I'm okay." Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"No. No. Something is off. You seen like you feel guilty." He pondered. "There's a guy, isn't there?" He said with a chuckle.

"What! No!" She snapped quickly. "Nope. No guy. Absolutely not."

"Uh huh." She said, unconvinced.

"What?" She said defensively.

"Now I see it..." He started. "You really are a woman. And there really _is _ a guy." He said.

"Oh yes, there is a guy. I am totally in love. That's why I am here." Meredith laughed. "Having meaningless sex with you."

"So, we have plans tonight." Drew said quietly.

"Um, well, I kind of figured that." Meredith said, raising her eyebrows.

"No. Dinner. I completely forgot. I got the call while I was waiting for you at the airport." He said, taking a bite of his fruit.

"Call? Dinner?" She asked nervously.

"Well." He paused. "I go to dinner with my aunt Evelyn twice a month. It's a ritual. I promised I would go tonight." He said. Meredith groaned. "You don't tell aunt Eve no. Luckily, she isn't cooking. I convinced here to go out to eat. That way it would be less personal. For you."

"For me? Oh no. I'll stay here. I'll be waiting here when you get home." Meredith said quickly.

"No, no. I told her you were coming." Drew smiled.

"What! What did you say? Oh my long distance lay will be coming with me." She spat. "Nope. This is against the rules."

"Come on. It will be fun. Like a challenge..." He grinned. "Please?"

"Fine. But I won't forget this!" She said angrily. "Not to mention I didn't bring a dress."

"I'll buy you one. Whatever you want." He said, hoping to win her over.

"Okay, I want if five-thousand dollar gown!" She laughed.

"Okay." He said nonchalantly.

"Well, you must be successful. You drive Porsche. You can buy expensive gowns. We're staying in an expensive hotel and draining the mini-bar." She giggled.

"Are you asking me what I do for a living?" Drew said with a chuckle.

"Uh, no." She shook her head.

"I'm a nurse." He said quickly.

"A nurse?" She said as she began to laugh.

"Well, not really a nurse. I couldn't hack that. I'm a nurse's aid, actually." He said smoothly.

"A nurse's aid. Uh huh, okay..." She said unconvinced.

"Really. My parents died when I was young. They left me everything they had. I was foolish with some of the money. I managed to save some of it and I bought the Porsche. I only spend money on girls like you..." He said, raising his eyebrows. She laughed.

"Sure..." She said quickly.

"So what do you do?" He asked. "I told you. You tell me."

"You lied..." She answered.

"No. I didn't." He said sternly.

"Oh. You weren't kidding..." She felt stupid. "Well, I am a sanitary engineer." She said with a straight face.

"Like a garbage man?" He laughed.

"I prefer, garbage woman. But yes." She said smoothly.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" He laughed.

"No. I'n not. Please don't laugh, it hurts my feelings." She said bluntly.

"Oh. Sorry. You're just so...clean." He told her.

"What do you think? We jump in the back of the truck and roll around?" She asked. "Besides, I drive the truck. Joe and Bob do the pick-up. That is why I wake up so early." She explained. She kept her face still.

"So. I don't think I have ever slept with a _sanitary engineer_ before." He mused.

"There is a first time for everything." She said with a laugh.

-------------------

Meredith came out of the bathroom. She looked absolutely radiant. She had her hair down and softly curled. She was wearing a black gown, with a slit up the side. She had on just a touch of make-up. Drew's jaw hit the floor. He was in a nice, tailored Armani suit. He looked clean-cut and handsome. They walked out of the hotel and drove to the restaurant. Meredith was mad at him for putting her in this position. When they got to the restaurant Eve was already seated at the table. Meredith nervously walked up to the table. She didn't know why she was nervous. She would never see this woman again. They walked up to an older woman with dark brown hair. She looked familiar. Meredith couldn't place her.

"Aunt Eve. This is Meredith. Meredith, this is my aunt Evelyn." Drew introduced them.

"It's nice to meet you." Meredith said with a smile.

"It's nice you meet you too." Eve said with a warm smile. They all sat down. "So, Drew, how was work?"

"It was good. Same old thing." Drew responded. He was hoping this didn't get too personal. "So what have you been doing lately?"

"Oh, you know. The usual. Kathleen was in town for a few days." Eve started.

"And she didn't even come see me?" Drew said with a pouty face.

"You know she is busy." Eve said, taking a sip of wine.

"Yeah, fixing people's heads." Drew said. "She's a psychiatrist." He explained, Meredith nodded. They ate some of there meal and talked for a long time. They had managed to keep it as general as possible.

"I have to use the restroom. If you'll excuse me..." He said with a smile. Meredith gave him the look of death as he walked away.

"So. How long have you been dating my nephew?" Eve asked politely.

"Um. We're not really dating. We're really more friends than anything." Meredith tried to explain.

"He is quite a catch. Very successful..." She started. Meredith cut her off.

"I know he is. He is a very nice guy." Meredith said quickly.

"You aren't his type." She said, shaking her head.

"I don't want to be. I have had some pretty rough relationships in the past. I am not looking for commitment. I am just looking for a good time." Meredith said. She didn't care, she was never going to see him again.

"So, It's just sex?" Eve asked frankly. She didn't seem surprised.

"Pretty much. We have an agreement." Meredith said, praying that Drew would come back.

"Drew's parents died in a car accident when he was seventeen. He moved in with me. He always was a man-whore." Meredith busted out laughing. "Well, he likes to get around. I'm not saying that you are--" Eve started to explain.

"A whore?" Meredith cut in.

"No, no honey. I like you. You seem so real, so genuine. So many people are going through life pretending they are something they aren't. You aren't like that. It's refreshing." Evelyn explained with a smile on her face. "Actually, you are just what my son needs. He is also successful. I have been lucky, all of my kids are great. They did well. It's a shame he doesn't live here, my son. You two would be cute together." She smiled. "I guess I should shut up. I'm always trying to be the matchmaker. Besides, you are here with Drew..." She said.

"What about me?" Drew asked.

"Oh, nothing, dear!" Evelyn answered, she winked at Meredith. Meredith smiled. She liked her.

--------------

Meredith laid in the bed the next morning. She had a good time. It was abnormal. But abnormal was normal for her. She laid there and stared at Drew, but all she could think about was Derek. Derek's face flashed into her head. The way he tilts his head to the side. The "Double Scotch, Single Malt" he always orders. His smile. The kissing. His good looking red shirt. The coffee ice cream. His need to eat a good breakfast. His hair. Ferry boats.

"What are you thinking about?" Drew asked her. He had been watching her for a long time. She hadn't even noticed.

"Um." She said, looking at the the ceiling. "Okay, you're right. There is a guy. He is great. He cares about me. He wants to try to have a relationship. I can't. I just can't do it!" She snapped.

"I knew it..." He chuckled.

"Shut up!" She said, hitting him with her pillow. He grabbed his pillow and hit her back.

"Does he know? That you care." He asked.

"Yeah. I think. I think he knows." She said, unsure of herself.

"Is he a good guy?" Drew asked, like he genuinely cared.

"Yeah. He is a great guy." Meredith smiled, just thinking about him. "He is kind."

"Why don't you give it a chance?" Drew asked innocently.

"You don't understand. I just can't. I can't be broken again." She said.

"If you are already broken, why can't you take the chance. You can't get anymore broken than broken." He said wisely. Maybe he was right...

-------------

**So going to New York was a good thing. She met Derek's mom, unknowingly. Drew is wise and kind. And Meredith is a "Sanitary Engineer", LOL. FYI: Harvey dying during sex was supposed to be funny as hell, and now after what Burke said, it's even more so. Please review!**


	24. Crawl Under a Rock

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I wish I did!**

Meredith arrived home form New York late that night. She ended up taking a later flight. Even with the time change, she didn't walk into her house until eleven. The house was quiet. Both George and Izzie's cars were in the driveway. She stumbled up the stairs almost falling several times. She was happy to see her bed. She didn't even change her clothes. She collapsed on the bed. Her head hit an envelope and it crumpled under her hair. She switched the light on. She opened the envelope and read the enclosed letter.

_Meredith-_

_Your hair is like gold,_

_Your skin is like silk,_

_I get lost in your eyes,_

_And I don't want to be found._

_Meet me at Joe's Monday after work._

_-Derek_

She couldn't believe he wrote her a letter and placed it on her pillow. He was the perfect guy. She knew it. But she thought Nate was the perfect guy too. That didn't end so well. She ran her fingers over the handwritten letter and laid it on her night stand. She flipped the light off and closed her eyes. She had a huge smile on her face that would stay there until morning.

-----------------

"So how was your weekend?" Izzie asked as Meredith sat down at the kitchen table.

"It was fine." Meredith returned with a smile.

"So what did you do?" George asked.

"What do you think we did, George?" Meredith answered with a chuckle.

"Oh, God." George answered.

"So, McDreamy was asking where you went..." Izzie stated.

"Oh?" Meredith said plainly.

"Yeah. Alex told him." George said nonchalantly.

"What!" Meredith said in shock.

"What's the big deal? I thought you were done with men..." Izzie stated.

"I am. I don't care." Meredith said, changing her tone.

"So did you stay at his place?" Izzie asked. "What was it like?"

"Nope. A hotel. I told you I don't want to get personal." Meredith answered. She started thinking about the note Derek left her. What kind of man leaves notes on a woman's pillow? The perfect man, that's who.

"Mer? Earth to Meredith!" Izzie shouted.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Where the hell were you?" Izzie chuckled.

"Lost in a dream." Meredith answered.

--------------------

Meredith got assigned to Derek. She was actually giddy. She found herself looking forward to seeing him today. They didn't have a chance to talk. He had her running labs and getting the patient ready. Finally, right before the surgery, they were alone in the scrub room.

"Did you have a good time in New York?" He asked her with a straight face.

"Oh. Yeah. I guess." She said slowly. She knew that he knew why she had went.

"So what did you do?" He said with a smile.

"Seriously?" She laughed. "Cut the crap. I went there to get laid." She snapped.

"You can't do that in Seattle?" He said bluntly.

"I can. But we have an understanding. It's just sex. No strings, no feelings. It works for us." Meredith said simply. "I'm sorry, Derek. This is me. This is the real Meredith Grey."

"No it's not." He stated boldly as he scrubbed his fingernails.

"You don't know. You don't know me. You don't know how I think. What I feel." She scorned. He walked over, grabbed the back of her head, and pulled her into a deep kiss. She kissed him back. She had to. Her mind and body made her.

"You're right. I'm not in your head. But, I do know that when I kiss you, there is something there. There is passion, and emotion beyond anything I have ever felt. I know you feel it to. So be fair to yourself. Give love a chance." He stated as he began scrubbing his hands again.

"I hate you!" She stated grumpily.

"Sure you do..." He laughed. He walked into the OR with his arms up. The scrub nurse handed him a towel.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun." Derek stated. "So Grey, what are we doing here?"

"We are doing deep brain stimulation surgery to alleviate Mr. Cousino's Parkinson's disease symptoms."

"Good." Derek answered. "Why don't you come look through the scope?" Derek asked Meredith. She walked up and looked. "So. Are you coming to Joe's tonight?"

"Um. Well, after the invitation I received. How could I possibly decline?" She said with a smile.

"Good." He answered.

----------------

Meredith changed into her jeans and a nice top from her locker. She didn't know what she was going to do with Derek. She knew what she wanted to do _to_ him. She was finding it harder and harder to resist him. She slid on her black boots and made her way downstairs. Derek was sitting in the lobby. He looked so good sitting there, typing on his Blackberry. He glanced up and she caught his eye. A smile spread across his face and he crossed the lobby and walked right up to her.

"So. I was beginning to wonder if you were setting me up." He stated as they walked out of the hospital together.

"I was ten minutes late." She laughed.

"Yes, but I know you." Derek said with a smile. "You were reluctant about coming."

"I don't stand men up. I take them home and fuck their brains out. But I do not stand them up." Meredith stated boldly.

"Oh. Well are you going to take me home?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No." She said quickly.

"Why not?" Derek asked with a pouty tone.

"Because you and I, we can't do that." She said quickly. They walked into Joe's. Meredith made her way to a small table. Derek went up to the bar. He came back carrying two beers.

"No scotch?" Meredith asked.

"No. This is a beer night. That's what friends do. They drink beer." He chuckled.

"Yep. You are right about that." Meredith smiled.

"So, what did you mean? We can't do that? The sex with no strings." Derek said with a smirk.

"We tried. It didn't work. It's too...I don't know." She answered.

"You felt something. And now you are scared." Derek stated.

"Yeah. I did. But it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change that we are just friends." She said quickly.

"You say that now." Derek said with a smile.

"You are a pain in the ass, Derek Shepherd!" She shouted.

"I know." Derek chuckled. Meredith's phone rang. She flipped it open.

"Hey!" She said quietly.

"Are you getting laid?" Drew asked with a chuckle.

"No. I am not getting laid!" Meredith laughed. Derek gave her a strange look.

"So what are you doing?" Drew asked.

"I'm uh..." She stammered.

"You're with _the_ guy, aren't you?" He laughed.

"Hmmm. Maybe." She smiled.

"So, how is it going?" Drew persisted. "Did you tell him you love him yet?"

"No. I'm not going to." Meredith snapped. Derek sat there and listened to her talk.

"Let me talk to him!" Drew said.

"No. Absolutely not." Meredith said loudly.

"Why?" Drew questioned her.

"Because you are a trouble maker!" She laughed.

"Fine. But promise me you'll have a good time." Drew said smoothly.

"I will. Goodnight." She answered.

"Don't cheat on me!" He busted out laughing. "Goodnight Meredith!" He said happily as he hung up the phone.

"So who was that?" Derek asked nosily.

"Oh, no one important." Meredith answered.

"You shouldn't do this to yourself. You shouldn't demean yourself by having a rendezvous with some guy across the country." Derek spat.

"I don't think it's any of your business." She retorted, taking the last drink of her beer.

"Come on." He said as he sat up from the table.

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked.

"It's a surprise." He said simply as he grabbed her hand and led her out into the night.

Meredith looked out the car window as they drove. She knew they weren't going to see the ferries, they were the other direction. Derek didn't talk the whole way. She would glance to the side and see him looking at her. She was doing the same, but it was going unnoticed. She got wide eyed when he turned down a dirt road in the middle of a wooded area. She didn't say anything. She was trying to remember if she had ever seen his face on America's Most Wanted. They pulled up in front of an Airstream trailer. She looked over at him and he smiled.

"Where are we?" She asked, looking around.

"Home." He said with a smile. "I live in this trailer."

"You live in a trailer?" She asked, getting out of the Land Rover.

"I do." He said simply, following her lead.

"You are full of surprises." She smiled as she walked up on the little porch.

"That I am." Derek answered, opening the door. Meredith walked in and looked around.

"Not bad. I could live here." She said, shaking her head. She walked around and looked at the tiny bathroom and the bedroom. "It's kind of cool." She said.

"When I brought Holly here, she had a fit." Derek stated

"I am not Holly." Meredith said with a smile.

"No, you're not." He answered, grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator. He handed it to her. She opened the door and walked out on the porch and sat down. He followed her.

"The stars are amazing." She said happily, looking up.

"They are. Look at the way they reflect off of the water." Derek pointed out.

"I love it out here. It's so peaceful." She stated, laying her head of the back of the bench. They sat there quietly for a while.

"I'm building a house." He said quickly.

"Oh, you're not staying in your trailer?" She asked.

"No. That was temporary. Seattle was temporary." He explained. "After I divorced Addison I bought this land. I got a great deal on it. After a while I had decided that I was going to move away. I had no reason to stay. Then you came. I got a job offer in Atlanta last week. I had to decline. I declined because I didn't want to leave if there is a chance for us." He said quietly. He was nervous about putting himself out there.

"What? Are you crazy?" She said in shock.

"I am building a house over there." He pointed at the land that had been recently excavated. "Seattle is my home now."

"Why would you do that?" Meredith said quickly. "I told you there is no chance for us!"

"And I am persistent. I think there is. And Meredith Grey, I promise I will wear you down. I think I've gotten a quarter of an inch off of you already." He chuckled.

"Maybe..." She said quietly. She turned her body and laid her head on his lap.

"Stay the night..." He said softly.

"No sex." She stated.

"No sex." He agreed.

"Okay then." She looked up into his blue eyes, and said with a smile

-----------------------

Meredith found herself falling more and more for Derek. Everything he did amazed her. He was the dream man. She was hoping it wasn't a game. Knowing her luck it was. She would fall for him and he would dump her off. She wasn't going to get too close, she told herself. They had been spending a lot of time together. But only as friends, she insisted to Derek. He would just laugh at her. It had been a busy day at the hospital. She had picked up a case in the pit, but it ended up being non-surgical. She went to look for Dr. Bailey. She found her walking down the hallway with Izzie.

"Dr. Bailey?" She shouted at she walked up to her.

"What do you want, Grey?" Miranda asked.

"The case was non surgical. I need an assignment." Meredith explained as she looked at Izzie.

"Well, there is a plastic surgeon here for a sexual reassignment surgery. I was going to send Stevens, but she can scrub in with me." Bailey told her. Izzie actually looked happy that she was staying with Bailey.

"Okay..." Meredith started.

"His name is Dr. Monahan. He's around her somewhere. Go find him!" Bailey said loudly as she walked away. Meredith walked down the hallways and didn't see any strange faces. She did find Alex leaning up against the nurses station. She remembered that he had worked with the plastic surgeon before.

"Hey." Meredith said as she walked up to Alex. "You've worked with Monahan before, right?"

"Yeah. Why?" He asked.

"I've been assigned to him." Meredith stated.

"Good luck. He's a real asshole. And he hated interns. He says they are a waste of time. I want to go in plastics, but there is no way I want to deal with him." Alex said quickly.

"_Great_. Have you seen him?" Meredith asked. Now she didn't want to find him.

"Yeah, he's down at the end of the hall with Shepherd." Alex said as he stared to walk away.

"Thanks..." She said. He walked away too fast. He didn't hear her.

Meredith saw the two men standing at the end of the hallway. She started to walk quickly. If he was as big of an ass as Alex said, she didn't need him yelling at her because she was late. The closer she got, the more familiar the shape of his body looked. She got even closer. Her face dropped. Her heart jumped into her throat. He looked up from the chart and his eyes got huge.

"Meredith?" He said as she walked up to him. She just stared. She didn't know what to do. He walked right up and gave her a soft kiss.

"Drew..." She said softly. She saw the shocked look on Derek's face.

"Um, Derek with is-" She started to say.

"How do you know him?" Derek said loudly.

"Um--" She started. "He's a friend."

"Do you have a problem with that?" Drew returned loudly.

"Yeah. I do." Derek shouted.

"Are you going to do something about it?" Drew asked seriously. Meredith stood there in shock.

"Maybe I am." Derek said as he lunged at him. Meredith gasped. Both men began laughing hysterically.

"Meredith. This is my cousin, Derek" Drew said with a smile.

"Cousin?" Meredith said in shock. She thought she was going to be sick.

-------------

**You have to remember, Derek wants to fix Meredith. He knows she has issues, so he really isn't going to be too upset about Drew. Drew is an awesome guy...You will See.**


	25. Shaving off a Layer at a Time

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

Meredith stood there in shock. She had heard wrong. Surely she had heard wrong. She could swear that he just said cousin. That couldn't possibly be right. It was a joke.

"Cousin?" She said in shock. "What do mean, cousin? Like relatives? Like...family" She went on in disbelief. They did look somewhat similar as they stood next to each other.

"Yep, my mother is his aunt." Derek mused, looking at her shocked face.

"As in Evelyn." Meredith said, biting her bottom lip and scrunching her face.

"Yeah. How did you know?" They both just looked at him. She gave Drew the look of death. "How do you two know each other?" Derek said with a puzzled look on his face.

"We, um--" Meredith started. Drew was wondering why he cared.

"Oh my God. New York. My mom. He's the guy, isn't he? He's the guy you fucked this weekend, isn't he?" Derek spat angrily.

"Derek, it's--" She started.

"I have to go." Derek said as he rushed off.

"Derek!" Drew yelled after him. Derek kept walking. "What the hell was that about?" Drew asked. Meredith just followed Derek with her eyes.

"Oh my God. I can not believe I didn't realize it sooner. You are Mer. His Mer. Derek is the guy, your guy, isn't he?" Meredith just looked at him. "Wow. This is awkward."

-------------------

Drew and Meredith were scrubbing in for the sexual reassignment surgery. Meredith couldn't be mad at Drew or Derek. She could only be mad at herself. She was the one that got herself into this anti-relationship. She liked Drew. He was a nice guy. A good guy. Not the kind of guy she would spent the rest of her life with. But he was the kind of guy that she would want as a friend. She could feel Drew's stare upon her.

"What?" Meredith asked softly. Not looking up.

"What?" He asked, scrubbing his hands.

"You were looking at me." Meredith stated.

"I was just thinking. We had a great thing. I really liked you Meredith." Drew said quickly.

"Liked?" She asked. "Oh, I see, now I am chopped liver."

"No. Now you are unattainable. Derek, Mark and I are best friends. You don't screw your friend's girlfriend. Well you're not supposed to, but I guess you've heard about Mark. He's a different story." Drew chuckled. "Derek dodged a bullet there."

"First of all. I am not Derek's girlfriend. We are friends. And secondly, Addison happens to be my friend, so shut your damn mouth." Meredith snapped.

"He has been talking about you for a long time. He is head over heels in love with you." Drew said sappily. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Whatever." She said flatly.

"You are head over heels too." He pondered. He walked into the Operating Room. Meredith followed.

"Okay, let's make Seattle a little prettier!" Drew said. "Okay, Mer-" He cut himself off and looked at her. "Dr.---" He realized he didn't know her last name.

"Dr. Grey." Meredith said quickly, looking at everyone around her.

"Okay, Dr. Grey." Drew said. "Dr. Grey? As in Dr. Ellis Grey?"

"She's her daughter." A nosey scrub nurse added.

"And it gets better and better!" Drew said, causing everyone to get a very puzzled look on their faces. "Have you done this before?"

"Uh, turned a penis into a vagina?" She raised her eyebrows. "Not technically." Everyone laughed.

"I bet!" Drew said quickly.

"Derek is a good guy. You should give him a chance." Drew said quietly.

"I can't" She whispered.

"He will never hurt you." Drew stated gently.

"You can't promise that. I am done. I can not do it again. Not again." Meredith said softly.

"What the hell happened to you, Meredith?" Drew asked, looking up at her. She looked away. "Come on...You can tell me..." He looked up at him.

"No. Not here. I can't." She said quietly with a crackle in her throat.

"Give him a chance..." Drew said, looking into her eyes.

-----------------

Meredith walked into the cafeteria. She wasn't going to tell her friends about Drew. She couldn't deal with it right now. She held her sandwich and water in her hands. Then she caught sight of it. Derek and Drew were sitting together. They were laughing and smiling. This couldn't be good. She felt horrible enough as it was. To be fair, she told him the truth. He knew how she was. She told him she slept around. It's not her fault. If she had known they were family, she never would have done it. She was praying they didn't notice her as she walked toward them. She didn't see her friends, but she did spot an empty table. She focused on that as she walked towards it.

"Meredith!" She heard Drew yell. Maybe she could pretend she didn't hear it. Yep, that's what she'd do. She kept walking. "Meredith!" She heard again. He jogged up and grabbed her arm.

"What?" She spat.

"Are you ignoring me?" Drew asked.

"Hell yes I'm ignoring you." She said quickly. He pulled her towards the table.

"Come sit with us." He said happily.

"Yeah. If this were a hell dimension!" She said quickly.

"Meredith. I'm sorry." She heard Derek say.

"Whatever. I just want to forget it ever happened. I'm going over here now." Meredith said, walking away. She sat down at the empty table and sighed. He took a bit of her sandwich. She frowned when she saw them both walking towards her. They sat down on either side of her and smiled.

"Why are you sitting here? These seats are for my friends." She snapped.

"We are your friends." Derek said with a cheesy grin.

"Okay, this is way too freaking weird." She said, rolling her eyes. "Even for me."

"Meredith, I am so sorry. You were honest with me. You had no way of knowing that Drew was my cousin. I was an ass." Derek said softly.

"Why does every guy I meet come with his own freakish shit?" Meredith asked.

"Look. You both need to get your heads out of your asses here. It is obvious that you both have strong feelings for each other. What the hell is wrong with you that you can't just admit it?" Drew said loudly. "Derek, Meredith and I are done. I think you two have a shot here, and so does mom." He said.

"Mom?" Derek swung his head towards Drew.

"I made Meredith go to dinner with Mom and I." Drew started. "All mom has went on about for the last week is Meredith. She said she was so honest, and sweet. She said that she would be perfect with you." He points at Derek. "She had no idea that Meredith was from Seattle."

"She liked me? Even after what I said?" Meredith asked with a surprise on her face.

"Oh God. Mer, what did you say?" Derek said, shaking his head.

"Nothing important." Meredith smiled. "So we're all okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. We're okay." Derek said softly. Meredith groaned and laid her head back. "What?" Derek asked. Meredith motioned to Ellis, who was approaching.

"Hello Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Monahan, is it?" Ellis said as she sat down with her coffee.

"It's an honor, Dr. Grey." Drew said happily.

"Yeah. So, which one of you is screwing my daughter?" Ellis said bluntly. They both looked at her in shock. "Oh God, It's both of you." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"What exactly is Satan's progeny doing here?" Meredith spat angrily.

"You should be careful boys. Do not let her lure you into your office. She likes to get caught with her pants down. Especially with the Chief." Ellis mused. Both Derek and Drew looked at her.

"We're are friends." Derek said, hoping to change the mood.

"Meredith only has one kind of friend." Ellis said. "Tequila or sex."

"With all due respect, Dr. Grey, I think you are a little out of line here!" Drew spat angrily.

"Excuse me, Dr. Monahan?" She said with a glare.

"I don't have to respect you. I am a highly renowned plastic surgeon." Drew shouted. They all just looked at him.

"You need to learn some respect, doctor." Ellis retorted.

"You shouldn't throw stones when you live in a glass house, Mother." Meredith seethed. "You screwed a married man for how long?"

"That is none of your business." Ellis said loudly.

"Well, you did run my father off, so--" Meredith started.

"You also need to learn some respect, Meredith." Ellis said angrily.

"You have to give it to get it." Meredith said.

"I have surgery..." Ellis said, getting up.

"Don't you always?" Meredith said rolling her eyes. Ellis walked away.

"So, Ellis Grey is a bitch." Drew noted.

"That is the understatement of the year!" Derek stated. "Mer, are you okay?" Derek asked. He noticed her sullen face.

"I have to go." She said as she jumped up from the table.

"No wonder she has issues." Drew stated.

"You have no idea." Derek said. "I'm going to go check on her."

"She's a good girl." Drew said. "And she wants you as bad as you want her. She's just scared. Give her time." Derek shook his head in agreement and jogged off.

Drew saw Izzie, George, Alex and Cristina staring at him. "What the hell are you staring at?" He shouted rudely. "Interns are a waste of oxygen!" He said as he got up and walked away.

"God, what an ass." Izzie said.

"He is. I was with him last time he was here." Alex said loudly.

"Well, he seemed to like Meredith." George pointed out.

"It was like a sexy sandwich over there." Izzie giggled.

"Yeah. I heard a nurse say he kissed her." Alex stated.

"Seriously?" Izzie said in shock.

"Where is he from?" Cristina asked.

"Uh, New York." George said. "He is the best plastic surgeon on the east coast."

"Crap." Cristina said loudly.

"What?" George asked.

"New York. He's the guy. And he's McDreamy's cousin." Alex laughed. "Man, life sucks for Grey right now."

----------------

Derek knew exactly where to go. He jogged as fast as he could. There she was, laying on the gurney, looking at the ceiling. He felt so bad for her. No wonder she was the way she was. At every chance, Ellis was putting her down. Meredith would stand up and walk, and Ellis would kick her back down to the ground. She sat up on the gurney, he joined her.

"You mother is the most vile person I have ever met." Derek said sadly.

"Yeah, well. I'm used to it." She said softly.

"No you're not. It hurts your feelings. It's okay to admit it." Derek mused. "It means that you are human."

"It doesn't hurt." She said with a fake smile. He looked into her sad eyes. He pulled her close.

"Why can't you just let me care about you?" He asked her.

"Derek..." She sighed.

"No, Meredith!" He said. "Why? Why won't you let me be your prince charming?"

"Because, Derek. I had my freaking prince charming, okay? He picked me up and threw me on the back of his horse. We rode off into the sunset. A mile down the road he tossed me off and kept going." Meredith spat. "I am not being thrown off another running horse."

"Oh, Meredith." He said as he held her. "I will let you have the reins. If anyone comes off this horse, it will be me. It will me, because you threw me off." Meredith looked up into his deep blue eyes. She pulled him in for a kiss. Her pager went off.

"So?" Derek asked, tilting his head.

"So, what?" Meredith asked as she jogged off. He just shook his head.

----------------

"You paged?" Meredith said as she walked up to Drew.

"Ah, yes. Did Derek find you?" He asked.

"Yeah." She said with a sigh. "Yeah he did."

"You know. I have never seen him like this about a girl." Drew laughed.

"What did you need, Drew?" Meredith asked, rolling her eyes.

"I thought you should check on our patient." He said plainly. "So, I have to say, I am saddened that I will be sleeping alone tonight."

"As will I." Meredith said. "Seattle is full of horny women." Meredith laughed.

"Yes, but no Meredith's. You have ruined that for me forever." He chuckled. "You aren't going to stay with Derek. He didn't go all, what is it you call him...McDreamy?"

"Where did you hear that?" Meredith blushed.

"Oh, this is a hospital. I have heard it all today." He said with a smile.

"I'm going to go check on our patient." Meredith said, walking away.

"Just because we're not sleeping together doesn't mean I can't check out your ass, right?" Drew asked a little to loudly.

"Manwhore!" Meredith shouted back.

"Am not!" He retorted. Meredith kept walking. She had to chuckle, that was the kind of guy Drew is. She rounded the corner and ran into Cristina.

"Hey." Cristina said. "So have you had a McDreamy and McHottie sandwich yet?" She chuckled.

"Not funny." Meredith said with a frown.

"It really is." Cristina said. "So was McDreamy pissed?"

"He wasn't happy. But it doesn't matter." Meredith said quickly.

"Oh yes it does, and you know it!" Cristina retorted.

"I don't know what to do..." Meredith said, drifting off.

"Embrace it. Do you know how many people would love to have Shepherd? And he wants you." Cristina pointed out. "Sometimes you are such an idiot."

"I just need more time." Meredith stated softly. "More time."

"You aren't getting any younger." Cristina pointed out. "You are getting less marketable by the day."

"Bitch!" Meredith said with a smack.

"Someone has to tell you." Cristina snapped as she walked away.

"Maybe she is right." Meredith muttered to herself.

-------------------

Meredith drove up the dusty driveway. It had become somewhat familiar. She had been coming by a lot in the last month. She and Derek had been having several friendly dates. She still couldn't commit to him, it scared her to death. She had, however, quit bringing men home from the bar. For her, that was a big deal. She looked around as she pulled up to the trailer. She loved Derek's land. She saw him on the porch, cooking steaks. She climbed out of her Jeep with a big smile on her face. Derek looked so good, standing in front of the grill, his hand on his hip. He was wearing jeans and a tee shirt.

"Hey. I hope you are hungry..." He said with a smile. "I guess that was stupid to say." He laughed.

"I am starved." Meredith responded. "Do you need any help?"

"Uh, no. I remember the last time you helped." He chuckled.

"What do you mean?" She said innocently.

"I went in for ten minutes to cook the vegetables and you burned our chicken on the grill." He reminded her, as he flipped the steaks.

"It wasn't my fault." She whined, walking into the trailer. "I was dancing. You were the one that had to put that stupid song on."

"It's not stupid." Derek thought back to her dancing and laughed. "The burned chicken was worth seeing you dance."

"Was it that bad?" She asked, setting the table.

"It was that good. It was good to see you free, and happy." He smiled.

"What do you want to drink?" She asked.

"Just a bottle of water." He answered. She grabbed two bottles and sat down. He walked over with the food.

"I love it out here." She said quietly.

"Me too." Derek answered. "So much better than Manhattan."

"I bet." She said. "So, the building is going along well." She said, pointing to the house.

"Yeah. I need your help." He responded. He walked in the trailer and walked back out with tons of catalogs.

"What's this?" She asked.

"I want you to help me figure out what fixtures and things I should have put in it." He said. "Here are the blueprints." He unrolled them and handed them to her.

"Five bedrooms?" She asked in shock. "Why the hell do you need five bedrooms?"

"I have a big family." He answered. The truth is, he was already thinking about the many children they would have together. He was taking a big risk. He was building this house for her.

"I have never met any of your family. Except you mom. I think it's safe to say that they don't visit often." She pointed out. She took a bite of her steak and moaned in pleasure.

"Good?" He asked, pointing to the steak. She nodded her head yes. "Maybe I will have a family." He said, shrugging his shoulders. She looked up at him. She felt a ping of jealousy. The thought of someone else with Derek made her sick.

"You never know..." She answered. "You and Holly will have cute children." She said, with a gag. Derek threw a piece of broccoli at her. It landed in her hair.

"As will you and Drew, or that guy from the bar, or the other guy from the bar." He laughed. She dropped her head.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, it was shitty of me." He apologized with sullen face.

"No, it's okay." She said with a small smile.

"It's not okay. Why do you do that? Why do you back down?" He asked. "You should have hit me, or at least threw water in my face. Stand up for yourself!" He said loudly. He gasped as she threw her water at his face.

"Like that?" She asked. He got up to get her and she took off running. She made a sharp turn around the trailer. She grabbed the hose and sprayed him with water. He lunged at her. She dropped the hose and took off running, but not before he soaked her. She weaved in and out through the trees. She looked back, he was gaining on her. Finally he tackled her in the field. They rolled around and he tickled her.

"Stop!" She said, laughing. "Stop!" She grabbed him and he rolled onto his back. She was now on top of him and in control. She looked down at his smiling face, water dripping off of her hair and onto him. So many feeling washed over her.

"Shit." She muttered.

"Shit?" He asked. He looked into her eyes and smiled a cocky smile. "I'm wearing you down..." He sang out.

"You are not!" She whined. He rolled her over and kissed her. She kissed him back, deeply. They couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Derek pulled away from her breathlessly.

"Let's get you out of these wet clothes." He said with a dirty smile as he pulled her up and dragged her to the trailer. He walked in the trailer. He walked into the bedroom and grabbed a clean tee shirt out of his dresser. He turned around to hand it to her and she pushed him down on the bed. Meredith looked at his blue eyes. She leaned down and their lips crashed into each other. It felt perfect. She pushed her tongue into his mouth. Derek ran his fingers through her soaking wet hair. She moaned as his mouth moved down to her neck. He grabbed the bottom of her wet shirt and rolled it over her head. She rolled over on her back and Derek began kissing her chest. She moaned loudly. She could feel his erection pressing through his jeans. Derek unclasped her bra and began kissing her breasts. She arched her back. Meredith grabbed the bottom of Derek's shirt and peeled it off. It fell heavily to the floor. She unbuttoned his wet jeans and struggled to get them off. He did the same for her. She rolled him over on his back. She looked into his eyes, straddled him and placed him inside her. She rocked slowly, looking into his eyes. They were full of need. Need for her. She began rocking quickly. "Meredith..." He moaned. "Derek..." She said softly. He rolled her over on her back. He lifted her knees and pumped into her harder and harder, causing her to scream. "Oh God, Oh God!" She felt herself at the edge. He body tightened around him. She placed her mouth on his shoulder and bit down. "Oh Meredith!" He shouted as she tightened up. He felt her rush around him. She moaned loudly. He felt himself release inside her. "Oh my God Mer. Oh God!" He moaned. They both rolled onto their backs, panting. Derek wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"That was unbelievable!" He said.

"Yeah..." She moaned with a smile. He began to chuckle. "What?"

"I'm wearing you down..." He sang once again. She smiled, she knew it was true.

-------------------

**Something big is going to happen in the next chapter that will make them closer. Drew is also pushing them together. I like Drew. Drew is a good guy, for a manwhore. Still no alerts, which sucks. Hopefully they fix that soon! Please Review...**


	26. This Ends Today

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I sure as hell wish I did.**

Meredith awoke abruptly in the middle of the night to crashing sounds. It sounded like someone was trying to break in. She heard things falling, and banging around. She grabbed Derek tightly. She had no idea what it was. He was sleeping soundly. How can he not hear that, she thought.

"Derek." She whispered and shook him lightly.

"Hmm?" He moaned, opening his eyes with a smile.

"Someone is outside." She said quietly. He heard the crashing, and he woke up quickly.

"What the hell?" He said loudly, jumping out of bed. Meredith was scared, but she had to laugh at the sight of his bare ass running toward the door.

"What is it?" She asked as she too jumped out of bed. With a sheet wrapped around her, she rummaged around and found a machete. She heard him yelling and she walked to the door.

"A bear." He said simply as he walked outside.

"A bear?" She said in a panic. "What do you mean, a bear?"

"They're all around out here. We left our food out on the table. I guess he decided to help himself." He said as he grabbed the rubbish and threw it in the trash bag.

"Will it come back?" She asked with a fearful look on her face.

"I will protect you." He said with a smile as he put his hand around her waist.

They walked back into the trailer together. Climbing back into bed, she clung to Derek just a little tighter. He laid there, breathing in the lavender scent of her hair. She closed her eyes, and fell asleep feeling safe in his arms. He fell asleep soon after with a smile on his face.

Meredith woke up before Derek. She wasn't sure if he had set an alarm. She could not afford to be late. She looked over at the clock. She still had an hour to sleep. She wasn't tired. In Derek's arms, three hours sleep was enough. She looked up at his face. He looked happy. She had seen him a lot lately, but at this moment, he looked truly happy. She traced the lines on his face. She memorized his features. She was so afraid to take the next step. She wanted to. She wanted to so badly, it hurt. She wanted to trust Derek. Like everyone says, the third times a charm. But what if this time. it didn't ring true? Derek jerked awake a few minuted before the alarm went off.

"Good morning." He said as he kissed her forehead. She basked in his touch.

"Good morning." She said with a smile. She didn't kiss him back. She couldn't afford to.

"How long have you been awake?" He asked her. He rolled over and turned the alarm off before it went off.

"A while." She answered, looking into his eyes. Their faces were so close.

"Did you sleep okay?" He asked, rubbing her arm gently.

"Yeah. I slept really well." She said softly. She wanted to lay in bed with him all day.

"So, what do you want for breakfast?" He asked her, as he rolled off the side of the bed.

"Um. I don't care. Whatever." She answered.

"How about french toast?" He asked as he threw on a pair of sleep pants.

"French toast is fine." She said, as she sat up.

"I need to take a shower." She said, standing up with the sheet wrapped around her.

"What a coincidence, so do I!" He said, raising his eyebrows.

"No. I shower alone. Plus, your shower is too small. Plus, last night was bad." She responded quickly.

"Oh." He dropped his head. "I thought it was good." He whined.

"It was good. It was fantastic. But it was bad. It was a bad, bad judgment call. You get me into trouble." She snapped.

"Me?" He laughed. "You attacked me." She rolled her eyes.

"Maybe...but it won't happened again." Meredith responded with optimism. "This is what happens."

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, dipping the bread into the egg.

"I haven't brought anyone home from Joe's in a month." She said quietly.

"I am so proud!" He said with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. It has nothing to do with you!" She said, lying to him, and herself.

She walked over, dropped her sheet and walked into the shower. Derek smiled at the sight of her. She looked around the shower. Everything was manly. Everything he had smelled like man. She had to bathe. After the dirt and water, followed by the dirty sex, she had to bathe. She grabbed the musky body wash and lathered up. She had to laugh to herself, this was something she had never done. She turned off the water, and realized she didn't have a towel.

"Derek?" She opened the door and shouted.

"Yeah?" He yelled as he flipped the french toast on the griddle.

"I need a towel." She heard him set the spatula down.

"But I like you better wet." He said with raised eyebrows. He opened the shower door and smiled.

"Just give me the damn towel!" She said, grabbing it out of his hand. She wrapped it around her. He grabbed her and pulled her close. "This is against the rules..." She stated.

"What rules?" He asked.

"The friendship rules..." She muttered, picking up her clothes. She realized that they were still soaked.

"Yeah. I think we probably broke all of those last night." Derek said with a smile.

"Shit. My clothes are wet. And dirty. I have no clothes!" She said in a panic.

"Breakfast is ready." Derek said, sitting her plate on the table. "Sit down, it's getting cold."

"I have no clothes." She said again.

"I like my women in towels." He chuckled.

"Seriously." She said quickly. "Your women?"

"You can wear one of my t-shirts." He said simply. She sat down and began eating.

"Pants. I need pants." She responded.

"You can wear a pair of my scrub pants." He shrugged.

"Oh yeah. Dark blue scrub pants..." She muttered.

"Say they are your mom's." He said.

"That could work..." She returned as she continued eating her french toast.

"So, are we going to have a repeat performance of last night?" He asked with a glimmer of hope in his eye.

"Derek..." She said coldly. "Nothing has changed. That was-- It was a mistake. I-- I-- can't. Not again." Derek dropped his head, feeling defeated.

-----------------

Meredith had a bad feeling as she pulled into the hospital parking lot. Something didn't feel right. She shrugged as she climbed out of her Jeep. She smiled at Derek who was just pulling into the parking lot. She took the back stairs and made her way into the locker room. When she opened the door, Izzie and Cristina looked up at her. She didn't say anything as she went to her locker and grabbed her scrubs. She couldn't change there. She wasn't wearing her bra or panties. She tried. She couldn't stand the way they felt on her skin, all wet and dirty. Luckily she did have a bra in her locker, but no panties. She emerged from the locker room bathroom in her scrubs. She threw Derek's clothes into her locker.

"So, you didn't come home last night." Izzie stated, with questioning eyes.

"And you were wearing some interesting clothing this morning." Cristina laughed.

"And you smell like a man!" Izzie said, as she walked over and smelled her. "You really smell like man!" Cristina took a whiff.

"Wow. You do." Cristina shook her head. "McDreamy. Definitely McDreamy."

"No. Nope. No." Meredith said, shaking her head. George and Alex walk in. Meredith sat down on the bench. Alex leaned over and grabbed his pants off of the bench next to her.

"Damn, Grey, you smell like a dude!" Alex said, loudly.

"I do not!" She argued. They all shook their heads at her. She laid down on the bench. "I think I am going to stay in here today." She mused as she placed her hands on her flat stomach.

"Why?" George asked.

"I have a feeling." She shook her head. "I don't want to go out there." Dr. Bailey burst through the door.

"Grey, get your ass up!" She shouted. "O'Malley, get your pants on. Okay, assignments. O'Malley, you are with Montgomery today. Stevens, you are with Burke. Karev, you are with Shepherd. Yang and Grey, there is a case in the pit. Go." She said quickly as she shoved them out the door.

"So how was it?" Cristina asked.

"How was what?" Meredith asked.

"Sex with McDreamy." Cristina said, looking at Derek standing at the end of the hallway.

"I thought we went through this..." Meredith said.

"But does he keep of an average?" Cristina asked. "Or was lucky the first time?"

"I am not going to answer that." Meredith said back.

"So he sucked." Cristina said confidently. "I knew it."

"Okay, it was mind-blowing." Meredith spat out. "Are you happy?" The walked passed Derek. He stopped her.

"You look much better in my shirt." He whispered. He missed the smell of lavender in her hair.

"I'll have you know, I have no panties on." She said back, with a smile.

"Thanks for telling me that. Now I am going to have to hold a patient chart in front of me every time I look at you." He said happily.

"Everyone is saying I smell like a man." She whispered agitatedly.

"You smell like me. I marked you." He chuckled. "You are all mine."

"You don't own me!" She said angrily, but immediately realized she was too harsh.

"Dr. Shepherd." Meredith said.

"Dr. Grey..." He smiled, as he walked off.

----------------

Derek rounded the corner. He felt bad. He felt like he wasn't getting anywhere with Meredith. He would think they were getting somewhere, and she would throw up a brick wall faster than a super hero masonry. He needed coffee. He headed straight to the cart. Addison was standing there paying for her coffee and muffin.

"Hey." Addison said happily.

"Hey." Derek said with a short tone. "A double espresso." She said grumpily.

"What's the matter?" Addison asked.

"What do you think?" He asked. "A month. We have been getting a long for a month. We have been connecting. It's been great! Then, all of the sudden, she shuts me out." He explained with a frustrated sigh. He runs his fingers through his hair.

"Derek..." Addison trailed off.

"Addison, am I wasting my time?" He asked her, looking into her eyes.

"Isn't she worth the wait?" Addison asked while sipping her coffee.

"She is. But that doesn't matter if it never happens. Maybe I'm not the guy for her. Maybe she needs someone else. Someone who understands her." Derek said.

"Maybe she does." Addison said, with agitation. "I guess you will have to see..." She was getting tired of him whining to her.

"Thanks, Addie. I have to say, that helped immensely." Derek muttered angrily. "I don't want to be an asshole, and give up. But I don't want to be a puppet, either." He said, shaking his head as he walked away.

----------------

Meredith was in the operating room with Addison. She was scrubbed in on a laproscopic myomectomy to remove fibroids in the patient's uterus. She and Addison hadn't talked in a long time. It seemed like their schedules just didn't coincide. Meredith didn't feel like talking. She was tired of everyone telling her what she should do.

Meredith couldn't get over the feeling she had in the pit of her stomach. He stomach was turning and twisting. Addison was focused on the surgery. She hadn't spoken a word about anything. Meredith was wondering of she was mad at her. Finally the mood lightened.

"So Derek came to see me." Addison said with no emotion attached to the statement.

"Oh yeah?" Meredith asked flatly.

"He is frustrated." Addison told her.

"Oh." Meredith responded.

"I don't blame him" Addison said quietly. "You have to quite doing this too him."

"Doing what?" Meredith said questioningly.

"Telling him you are his friend. Then kissing him. Staying the night. Having sex. Then you tell him you are just friends." Addison spat. Meredith huffed.

"It's none of your business." Meredith said angrily.

"It is. He is my friend. You are my friend." Addison retorted. "You know he was leaving Seattle, right? He had a real estate agent looking for houses. He was leaving. Derek has always had one love. His love was his job. And now his love is you. Na you stomp on him. You have to quit doing this to him." Addison warned as she looked up at Meredith.

"Doing what?" Meredith snapped with a glare

"Look. I know that life hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows for you. But you need to get over it. You need to quit feeling sorry for yourself. Things don't just change on their own. If you want to be miserable, be miserable. But don't drag everyone down with you, Meredith." Addison scorned.

"Look. I told him I didn't want a relationship. I told him I couldn't commit. I told him to move on." Meredith explained.

"You may have. But when you tell someone something, you have to mean it. You are saying no, but your heart is saying yes. Derek isn't hearing your words. If you are going to say no, you need to mean it!" Addison said.

"I want to mean it..." Meredith said under her breath. Her pager went off. "It's Bailey."

"Go. I'm fine here." Addison responded. Meredith walked out and threw her scrubs mask in the trash.

----------------

Meredith jogged towards the emergency room. She still had the sinking feeling in her stomach. Something was not right. Everything was very quiet. Eerie quiet. She saw Miranda Bailey and Cristina standing by the door waiting for the ambulance to pull up. She threw on a yellow cover and walked over.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked.

"There was a nasty car crash." Cristina said happily.

"Looks like a possible ruptured spleen, a fractured tibia, head traumas, a handful of problems. It's a mess." Bailey explained.

"What's the estimated time of arrival?" Meredith asked.

"Ah, about seven minutes." Miranda answered and walked farther out.

"I have a feeling." Meredith muttered to Cristina.

"What kind of feeling?" Cristina asked.

"Like something bad is going to happen." Meredith answered.

"Oh God!" Cristina said, rolling her eyes.

Meredith shut her mouth and kept it to herself. Cristina was too worried about the possible surgeries to care about her problems. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Meredith grabbed her stomach. Now she was feeling physically ill. She looked around the ER nervously. Something was definitely not right. She did a double take when she spotted a man by the wall. He was pacing back and forth nervously. His face was weathered, though he wasn't that old. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Back and forth he went. He was walking like he had a purpose. Meredith could hear him talking to himself.

"What do you think in wrong with him?" Meredith asked Cristina.

"Who knows?" Cristina said distractedly.

"He's wearing a winter coat. It's seventy-five degrees out." Meredith said with surprise.

"Who cares. He looks like a psych case. Not surgical. Whatever." Cristina said, walking away.

"Well, I'm going to go see." Meredith said as she walked over. "Sir. Sir? Can I help you?" She asked. He didn't answer. He didn't acknowledge her. He kept pacing.

"Sir? Are you okay?" She asked. He kept moving. He almost walked into her.

"Sir? Please, let me help you..." Meredith muttered. "Sir." She said as she grabbed his arm to stop him. Her eyes were met with a cold stare. "Can I help you? Are you okay?"

"No." He shouted. "No, I am not okay!"

"Can I help?" She asked.

"I will not let them do this to me!" He yelled.

"Who?" Meredith asked with an even tone.

"This ends today!" He screamed. "Right now!" He said as he grabbed her arm. Everyone began to stare.

"Let me go." Meredith said boldly. He tightened his grip. "Please let me go." She said again, more softly this time.

"No!" He shouted. "I won't allow it. They can't do this to me. They can't keep me from her!" He yelled.

"Who won't allow what?" Meredith asked.

"This ends today." He said as he unzipped his coat, revealing a large bomb strapped to his chest. "This ends today..."

"Oh shit..." Meredith mumbled.

------------

**My laptop is being a POS. This would have been up earlier. So Meredith is now a hostage...shit!**


	27. Code Black

**I don't one Grey's Anatomy. If I did, Derek wouldn't have been an asshole last night.**

Meredith had a feeling. She had a feeling. She should have stayed home. She should have laid in Derek's arms all day. Instead, she dragged herself into the hospital. She knew something wasn't right. Her body was telling her to run and hide. And then she confronts a stranger. A stranger who was undoubtedly in distress.

Meredith looked at the clock. She had never seen the second hand move so slowly. Time had stopped. Everyone was moving in slow motion. There was no sound. Meredith looked over at Miranda Bailey. Miranda was a staple a Seattle Grace Hospital. She was strong. She was powerful. She could withstand anything. Meredith looked into her eyes. She only saw one thing, fear. Miranda Bailey was scared.

"Dr. Yang, I need you to go directly to the Chief. I want you to tell him that we have a code black on our hands. Tell him that he has taken a member of the staff, but do not tell him who. I want you to walk there and walk back. Do not tell anyone on your way. Do you understand?" Miranda asked with a firm and quiet voice.

"Yes ma'am." Cristina answered.

Cristina walked behind the curtains so as not to attract attention. Everyone looked at her as she walked. They looked at her as if she knew what to do. As if she could explain what was going on. Her person had a feeling and she brushed it off. She acted as if it was nothing. She never got a chance to tell her how important she was to her. She always had smart comments and sarcasm waiting to happen. Never once had she told her how she felt. She walked quickly to the elevator. She jogged as the elevator door opened. George was standing there with a big smile on his face.

"So I scrubbed in on an LVAD procedure with Burke. I was assigned to Montgomery, but Burke needed an extra hand. It was awesome." He bragged with a smirk. Cristina just looked at him. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"I don't care, okay. I don't care about your stupid surgery. I don't care." Cristina snapped. The doors to the elevator opened. She walked out.

"I have to go." Cristina said curtly as she walked out.

Cristina looked around as she walked down the hallway. She was waiting to hear the blast of explosion. She was waiting for the floor to shake like there was an earthquake. She was waiting for the artwork to fall off of the walls and crash to the floor. She was waiting for her friend, her person, to be splattered on the walls. This was all she could think about. She rushed up to Richard's office. Patricia was sitting at her desk. Cristina swung the door open and walked in. Patricia looked at her in shock. The Chief was on the phone. He looked at at her with a glare, she returned it.

"I'll have to let you go..." He said as he hung up the phone. "Dr. Yang, what the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Dr. Bailey sent me. She said to let you know that we have a code black on our hands." Cristina said. She felt comfort being there with him. She felt as if he could snap his fingers and make it all alright.

"A code black? Are you sure?" He asked with confusion.

"Yes sir. A man has a bomb strapped to his chest. He has taken a hostage. A member of the staff." Cristina explained.

"Where are they?" Richard asked.

"In the emergency room." She answered.

"Damn-it." He muttered. He immediately grabbed the phone, alerting the police. He also made arrangements for all ambulances to be sent to Seattle Pres and Mercy-West. "Who is the hostage?" He asked. She looked at the floor. "Dr. Yang?" He asked sternly.

"It's-- It's Dr. Grey." Cristina said quietly.

"Oh my God, Ellis." He said in panic.

"No, no sir. Not Ellis." She said quickly. "It's Meredith. It's Meredith Grey."

"Oh my God." He said in shock.

Richard and Meredith were never close. At the least she hated him. She blamed him for breaking up her parents. She was young. She didn't know what had went on. Richard was the one that held her when Ellis had had enough of her crying. He was the one that changed her diapers. He was the one who held her when Ellis got pulled into surgery. He told her nursery rhymes when Ellis wasn't listening. Ellis only wanted her to learn important things. Big words, medical speak. He was like her father. He loved her like a daughter. He was scared. He was scared that he was going to lose his little girl.

--------------

"Walk." The man told Meredith.

"Uh." Meredith said.

Her legs wouldn't let her move. She felt like she had concrete blocks on her feet. She looked around the room. She wasn't sure why the man was here. She had gathered something about them not letting him see her. Possibly a patient, she thought. Maybe she could escape. He wanted something. He wasn't here for his health. He definitely wanted something. Maybe she could escape. He wasn't going to blow himself up before he at least tried to get what he wanted, right? She was doing it. She twisted her arm. It was free. She started to run, and then she heard it. The click of a gun.

"Stop right there." He yelled. She stopped in her tracks. He walked up and grabbed her arm again. "Wrong move, bitch." He seethed.

He looked around. He was out in the open. No doubt, the police would be on their way. He was out in the open where they could shoot him. They could get to him. He need to move, and he needed to move fast.

"Lets go!" He said as he began to drag her down the hallway.

"Where?" She asked. Her arm was going numb he was holding it so tightly.

"We have to move. Somewhere with windows. But not windows to the outside. The room has to have blinds, and a phone. Go! Now!" He yelled. She didn't move. "You are really stupid. You know that, right?" He asked. He pressed the gun up against her temple. She began to walk.

"If anyone moves, I will blow us all away." He yelled.

Meredith walked down the hallway. She didn't know where to go. She looked at the faces of everyone as she walked by. Faces she may never see again. The nurses. No one ever respected them. She wished she had said thank you more. And Critsina. She wished she could see her one last time. And George, Izzie, Alex, Burke, Addison, Bailey, and Derek. She would miss Derek the most. At least she had never committed to him. He wouldn't feel so bad at her funeral. I wonder what they do. I imagine there will be no body when I am blown to smithereens, she thought. She walked. Maybe she could just continue to walk laps. He would get tired and fall asleep. Maybe he would just give up on his mission.

"Hey!" He yelled. "Let's get there today, okay?" Maybe not.

"We're almost there." She said as she walked towards the conference room.

She could feel the cold metal of the gun against her temple. He was pressing it hard. She was sure he was leaving a mark on her skin. They walked, slowly. She was wondering how unstable the bomb was. As far as bombs go, it looked like a well made one, she thought. She noticed that there was no one around anymore. The hallways were empty. Finally they made it. They arrived at the conference room. He shoved her in and shut and locked the door.

"Shut the blinds." He said. She stood there. "Are you deaf? Shut the fucking blinds!" He yelled. She rushed around and began shutting the blinds. He stood there in the middle, with the gun pointed at her head.

------------

"Chief!" Miranda yelled as he walked up.

"Oh God, Miranda." Richard said. "She's like a daughter to me." He muttered.

"You told him?" Miranda asked Cristina.

"He's the Chief." She said with a shrug.

"What do we know?" Dr. Bailey asked.

The bomb squad and SWAT rushed into the doors. They were all in black. They looked focused. They looked like they were going to save the world. Cristina prayed to whoever that they could save her person. She wasn't religious, but at this point she would pray to anyone. The Chief began talking to them. They had plans. They knew what they were doing. Or so she hoped.

"Do we know where they are?" Bill, the head of the bomb squad asked.

"Last anyone saw, they were heading down the south hallway." Richard responded.

"Did he say what he wanted?" Bill asked.

"He mentioned something about it ending today, and something about them not letting him see her. He was vague." Miranda said nervously.

"Okay. I need blueprints of this floor. No one has saw them move to any other floor, correct?" Bill asked.

"No." Richard responded. "What do I do about my staff?"

"You need to evacuate everyone who doesn't need to be here. We have no idea how much explosive we are dealing with here. We don't know how unstable it is." Bill explained.

"What is the worst case scenario?" Richard asked reluctantly.

"The whole hospital could go." Bill said simply.

--------------

"Uh. Dr. Shepherd?" Betty, the scrub nurse asked.

"Yes?" Derek asked, looking up.

"Your pager says there is a "code black"?" She said, shaking her head with confusion.

"Code black. Are you sure?" He asked.

"Mine says it too." Alex said. "What's code black?"

"That's a bomb. There is a bomb in the hospital." Derek stated in shock.

"It says we are to evacuate as soon as possible." Betty replied.

"If anyone feels that they need to go, I understand." He said, looking around the room. Several people left. Alex stood there, along with the anesthesiologist, and two nurses.

"We have about an hour left." Derek stated.

"I wonder what the hell is going on." Alex muttered.

"In this hospital...who knows." Derek said. "You know what? Karev, why don't you get some details and hurry back." Derek asked. Alex nodded his head and left the operating room.

Alex walked down the hallway. Everything was quiet. There was no one around, and the people that were there, were silent. There were still patients in the rooms. That was a good sign, he figured. He wasn't sure where to go. He figured the front lobby was a good place. He walked in the elevator, and hit the button for the ground floor. The minute the doors opened, guns were pointed at him. Richard said something, and they dropped their weapons. Alex looked around at the SWAT team and walked up to Richard.

"Shepherd sent me to see what was going on." Alex said plainly. He wasn't worried. He never worried.

"Just tell him to hurry up." Richard muttered, and turned his attention to Bill.

Alex spotted Cristina standing off to the side. She looked worried. Maybe it had something to do with Burke. He walked over to see what she knew.

"Hey. Do you know what's going on?" Alex asked nosily. She was looking off into space. "Earth to Crackwhore." He said.

"Screw you." She said as she walked away. He followed her.

"Seriously. What is going on? Shepherd wants to know." Alex said, softening his face.

"The guy has a bomb strapped to his chest..." Cristina said distractedly. "He took a hostage. They went down the south hallway on floor one. No one knows what room they are in..."

"Well, who is the unlucky bastard?" He asked.

"It's Meredith. That son-of-a-bitch took Meredith." She sputtered as she walked away.

Alex walked quickly into the elevator. If she had said they took a nurse, it would have been no big deal. She was one of them. She was a friend. He quickened his pace as he walked to the operating room. He scrubbed his hands quickly, threw on gloves and put on a mask.

"So what's going on?" Derek asked, looking up.

"Some dude has a bomb strapped to him." Alex said, trying to make light of the situation.

"That's not good." Derek said. "Is the bomb squad here?"

"Oh yeah. And SWAT." Alex responded.

"Well, I'm sure they will talk him out of it..." Derek said optimistically.

"They would if they knew where he was. They aren't even sure who he is. He took the hostage and headed down the south hallway. They have no idea where he and the hostage went." Alex explained. Derek's looked up.

"Hostage?" Derek asked as he looked down at the patient. "That changes things. Who is it?"

"It's, um-- It's Meredith." He sputtered nervously.

"Meredith?" Derek said as he head shot up. "Meredith? Meredith Grey?" He asked in a panic.

"Yes..." Alex said, not wanting to admit it.

"Well what the hell are they doing?" Derek asked. "What are they doing?" He yelled. Alex shrugged his shoulders. Derek immediately felt ill. Meredith was in danger. His Meredith could die...

----------------

**I had to re-install my operating system on my laptop, and everything was lost. I had to re-write this chapter last night, hence there was no update. So on the show last night, I think Derek could have been a little nicer. I understand the way he feels, but he shouldn't have just let her walk away...pretty crappy. I was half thinking about our bomb guy shooting him in this fic. Not fatally, just enough to hurt. :) But I won't.**


	28. All She Needs

**I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, we'd all be in trouble.**

Derek went as quickly as he could. He didn't half-ass the surgery, but he was in a hurry. All he could think about was Meredith. He wondered if she was scared. He wished he had told her how he felt. He wished he had told her the truth this morning. That he loved her. That as crazy as it sounded, she was the one that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. They hadn't known each other long, but it was long enough. He quickly closed the patient up, and hurried to the scrub room. The last hour had been hell, but nothing compared to what was to come.

Derek ran out of the scrub room and down the stairwell. He was going down two stairs at a time. Everything was a blur. Life was a blur. He got to the ground floor and was met by a SWAT team. The minute they realized he was a doctor, they dropped their guns down. He saw everyone huddled by the information desk. Richard looked worried. He ran right over, pushing people out of the way as he walked up.

"What's going on?" Derek said loudly.

"Shep, you should probably go." Richard said quickly as he talked to Bill. "We are unsure of how much explosive we are dealing with here. The whole hospital could go. Save yourself." Richard said sadly.

"No, I am not going." Derek spat angrily. "I am not leaving while she's in danger. I will not leave her." Richard gave him a puzzled look. "I can't lose her. I love her..." Derek drifted. Richard had a look of shock, but didn't say anything.

"Where are they?" Derek asked.

"We are fairly certain that they are in the conference room off the south hallway." Bill explained.

"Well, why don't you check the video feed?" Derek suggested.

"Excuse me?" Bill said in shock. "Video feed?"

"Yeah. We have video feed in the conference room. That way we can have conferences with other hospitals." Derek told him with hope in his eye,

"Well, we should be able to tap into that and see what's going on." Bill said. He called over some of the team. They made calls for technical help to come in.

"Shepherd, you are a genius!" Richard said happily.

After awhile they were set up in a office. The tech guys worked on the wiring, and were finally able to tap into the conference room. The screen turned on. There was no audio, but they could see what was going on. Everyone gasped when they saw the man pointing a gun at Meredith. Derek's heart jumped to his throat when he saw the bomb strapped on the guy. Meredith didn't look afraid, and that made them all feel better.

_And it's open_

_For distraction_

_You found all the words you need_

_Well I found nothing_

_I just grumble_

_'cause I don't know what I feel_

"Sit down!" The man yelled at Meredith.

Meredith sat down. He still had the gun pointed at her head. She looked into his eyes. He didn't look like a killer. He had a kind face. He looked like he had been pushed over the edge. He looked like he had given up. She had seen that look in her own eyes no so long ago.

"What do you want?" She asked quietly.

"I should be able to see her. I have rights..." He muttered. He started pacing back and forth. "I have nothing left."

"Maybe I can help..." Meredith spoke as she started to stand up.

"Shut up! Sit your ass down." He yelled as he pointed the gun at her. She sat quickly.

"You don't know pain. You don't know what it's like to lose the only thing you love. You come and work in this hospital everyday. You probably go home at night and put your little eye mask on and sleep on you five-thousand thread count sheets. You probably go to the country club every weekend, and the spa... You don't know what it's like to have everything taken from you." He yelled.

"I do know!" She said loudly.

She thought about Nate. She had given her whole heart to him. She had felt feelings she didn't even know she could. She was going to spend the rest of her life with him. And he just walked away. She thought about all the years that she wasted with Ian. All the dysfunction. She thought about Chase. He sacrificed himself for her. But that wasn't what she wanted. With every thought, her heart broke a little more. She had managed to screw up everyone's lives. Not anymore. She wasn't destroying any more lives. This was done. She was done.

"Fuck this!" She yelled out. She jumped up and walked toward him quickly. He looked at her in shock.

"What are you doing?" He said as he stepped back. "Do you want to fucking die?"

"I have nothing to lose. You took the wrong damn hostage!" She said loudly as she continued walking toward him.

_The moral to the story goes_

_Never leave your heart_

_Never leave your heart... alone_

------------------

"What the hell is she doing?" They all yelled at the screen.

"Has she gone crazy?" Richard asked with a voice full of shock.

"Is she on a suicide mission?" Bill asked.

Derek looked at the screen in shock. What the hell was she doing. This man could kill her in an instant. He looked at her eyes. They didn't have fear. They had sadness. She looked like she was on the verge of giving up. Derek closed his eyes and thought of her face, and the smell of her hair. He was praying he would be able to lay next to her once again.

"Well, he doesn't have as much explosive on his as we had suspected." Bill stated. "It is hard to be sure, but I am certain that if it did explode, it would just take out that room and maybe one or two others. So we are all safe." He said frankly.

"Oh, just that room?" Derek yelled. "Did you just say that?" He snapped. "I love that woman more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. And you tell me that we should all be safe. Well if she isn't here, it doesn't matter if I am safe!" He shouted. Everyone looked at him in shock. He looked back at the screen, and had to look away. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"Hello?" Richard said as he answered the phone.

"Richard. What is going on?" Ellis asked quickly. "I just walked into the house, and I see that there is a hostage situation at the hospital. Are you okay?" Ellis asked.

"Yes, Ellis, I am okay." Richard said. Everyone looked at him. Derek listened intently.

"Well, what is going on?" Ellis questioned.

"A man came in with a bomb strapped to him. He took a hostage." Richard explained. He didn't want to offer up that it was Meredith.

"A hostage. Oh. Well who is it?" Ellis asked.

"Ellis. It's Meredith." Richard said slowly. He heard the line die. "Ellis? Ellis?"

----------------

_Run for shelter_

_An umbrella_

_Fights the rain but not the wind_

_And I'd be silly_

_To start preaching_

_'cause I don't know which point to make!_

Meredith walked forcefully towards the man. He kept backing up. His eyes were wide.

"Do you want to die?" He asked quickly.

"Here's the beauty of it..." She smiled. "I have nothing to lose."

"Wait. Stop. Quit." He stammered. Finally he raised his gun. "Sit down!" He yelled. She kept walking. The phone rang and the both looked over. "Answer it." He said forcefully.

"You answer it." She snapped back. He fired a shot at the ceiling. "Sit down! Answer the phone." He yelled again.

"Go to hell." She said.

"One last time." He yelled. She kept walking. "Fine." He fired a shot at her feet.

"You almost shot me, you son-of-a-bitch!" She yelled as she jumped up.

"Next time I will!" He responded. "Now please. I am in a bad way here. I have nothing against you. This is not personal. Please, just sit down." He said with desperation is his voice. She looked at him and sat down. The phone rang again. He ignored it.

"You know, if you want something, you have to tell them. They aren't going to read your mind." She said bluntly as she rolled her eyes.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Seriously? Are you really asking me if I am hungry?" She spat out. "Yeah, I think you have killed my appetite."

"Well, I am hungry. I want steak. Do you like steak?" He asked her. She stared at him in disbelief. "Hey!"

"Yeah. I like steak." Meredith said, nodding her head.

"Good. What kind of dessert do you like?" He asked.

"You are crazy, do you know that?" She asked.

"You aren't so sane yourself." He retorted.

"Cheesecake. I like Cheesecake." She told him with a chuckle. The phone rang. He answered and gave them their food order. Then he hung the phone up.

"What is you name?" He asked her.

"Meredith." She responded shortly.

"I'm Brian." He told her frankly as he sat down. "I am not going to hurt you, Meredith."

"I gathered that when you hauled ass away from me." She laughed.

"You have a cute laugh. It's sweet." He stated. She gave him a funny look. "Don't worry, I am not hitting on you." He said with a smile.

"So what do you want?" She asked.

"My daughter. I just want to see my daughter." He told her.

_The moral to the story goes_

_Never leave your heart_

_In a box_

_Locked up_

_With cold cold ice_

_Never leave your heart_

_...Never leave your heart... alone_

-----------------

"Was she laughing?" Richard asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"What the hell is going on in there?" Bill asked.

"She's okay. Obviously she's okay. She wouldn't be laughing if she weren't okay." Derek responded with a smile. It gave him a small amount of contentment.

"Does Dr. Grey know this man?" Bill insinuated.

"What are you trying to say?" Derek snapped as he walked up to him.

"Well, I have to say I have _never_ seen a hostage react this way." Bill retorted as he looked into Derek's eyes.

"No, no. I assure you Dr. Grey does not know him." Richard said, clearing the air. "She is just trying to save her life." They heard someone run up from behind.

"Is she okay?" Ellis shouted loudly. "Is my daughter okay?"

"We were able to tap into the conference room's video feed. She appears to be okay." Bill answered.

"Well what the hell are you going to do about this? That is my daughter in there. Get off of your lazy asses and do something about it!" She screeched.

"Ellis, they are doing the best they can." Richard said as he wrapped his arm around her.

"This can't happen. She's my baby. Nothing can happen to her. I need her." Ellis said softly.

"Oh no you don't!" Derek snarled.

"Excuse me?" Ellis said rudely. "I don't see what this has to do with you, _Dr. Shepherd._"

"You don't get to play victim here. Meredith is the victim. She is the victim of a man with a bomb, and she is a victim of you." He said angrily, pointing his finger in her face.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Ellis shouted, causing everyone around her to look.

"I am the one that picked up the pieces after the last time you tore her down. I saved her. She almost--" He stopped himself.

"She almost what?" Ellis asked loudly.

"Nothing. You don't even deserve to know. I respect you professionally, Dr. Grey. I have been your doctor for years. But personally, personally I can't respect you. You tear her down every chance you get. I won't put up with it. So cut the doting mother bullshit. Everyone here knows better." Derek retorted.

Ellis just looked down. They noticed the food delivery guy walking up to the door. He had four styrofoam containers in a bag. He looked nervous as he walked through the front entrance. The negotiator immediately called Brian.

----------------

Meredith looked around the room. She had been in here many times. Never like this. This was different. This room would never be the same to her. It's beige walls and navy blue blinds. She was beginning to hate this room. The phone rang causing Meredith to jump. Brian looked over at it. He finally decided to answer it.

"My hostage and I will meet you at the end of the hallway. If you try anything, I will blow us all up. Do you understand?" He told the negotiator. "We will talk after I eat my meal."

Meredith looked up at him. She couldn't believe that she was in this situation, and yet she was relatively at ease. She looked up at the clock. It had been hours. She should be home. Not sitting in this damn room, waiting to be blown up.

"Let's go." He said. She stood up. "I have to hold the gun to you. They have to see that I am serious." He explained.

"So what if I make a run for it?" She asked with a snicker.

"I will shoot you." He said plainly, with a shrug.

"That doesn't make sense." She said. "You just said--"

"Let's go." He said as they walked down the hallway.

She knew that he said he wouldn't hurt her. For some crazy reason, she believed him. The problem was the bomb. What if it was unstable? She had no idea how it worked. She didn't know anything. They made their walk down the hallway. He pressed the gun to her temple as they reached the end. There were several cops standing around. As they made their way out there, everyone gasped. Meredith saw Ellis. Ellis looked worried. That surprised her. It surprised her that she cared enough to even show up. Richard also looked worried. He gave her a faint smile. The other interns were no where to be found. Then she saw Derek. Her green eyes met his blue. She didn't have to say anything. He looked worried. More worried than he should be. That made her feel bad. Meredith stuck her hand out to grab the bag of food. The minute she grabbed it, Brian turned around and led her back.

"Do you have any family?" Brian asked Meredith as she picked at her steak.

"No, not really. My mom is a power monger. She ran my dad off. She was always too busy for me..." Meredith trailed off slowly.

"My dad was a drunk. He used to beat up my mom. Finally my mom just took off, and left me there with him. He died of scirrosis of the liver a few years later. Luckily I was close to eighteen." Brian explained.

"I'm sorry. I can't imagine..." Meredith trailed off.

"Well, it sounds like your life wasn't perfect earlier." Brian said with a faint smile.

"So what is it that you want?" Meredith asked.

"I want to see my daughter." He answered. "Anna..."

"Where is she?" Meredith asked.

"She's here. In this hospital, right now. She has leukemia." Brian told her as he cringed.

"Why don't you see her?" Meredith asked dumbly.

"I loved Jenna so much. She was Anna's mother." Brian started. "Jenna and I were high school sweethearts. We were in love. It was all consuming. We had plans. She wanted to be a pediatrician. She could have too. She was smart. And I was going to be a cop. Imagine that...an officer of the law. Not now." Brian told her. "Now I am holding people hostage."

"It's never too late..." Meredith said, hoping to make her captor feel better. She sat back and listened.

"It is. It is too late. Jenna got pregnant. We were seventeen. It scared the hell out of me. I was young. I wasn't done having my fun, ya know? So I took off. I left town. I went to college for awhile, then dropped out and got a job as a painter. I always missed her. I always had that ache in my heart for her. I left my pregnant girlfriend because I didn't want to grow up. How bad is that? Finally I came back. Not for her. Ten years is a long time. I was sure that she had moved on, and I didn't want to ruin her life. I was at the gas station, pumping gas. I looked over, and there she was. Our eyes met. We didn't even have to talk to communicate. She was dating a lawyer. We started to talk again. She kept me from Anna. I understood. She didn't want me to hurt Anna like I hurt her. It picked up right where it left off. We were just like we were the day I left, like no time had passed. Finally she let me into Anna's life. It was wonderful. Then I found out she was sick. She has leukemia. It didn't matter. I had them, and that was enough. We would make it through anything. Jenna's parents hated me. They blamed me for everything bad that had ever happened in her life. And most of it was my fault. It was a Tuesday. Anna wanted chocolate milk. She didn't like the hospital's chocolate milk. She said it tasted like chalk. So Jenna walked to the carryout down the road. She was just on her way back, when a truck flew through the red light and hit her. She died immediately. I never told her I loved her." Brian said sadly.

"She knows, Brian. She knows you love her." Meredith explained softly and compassionately. Her eyes were tearing up.

"It doesn't matter, Meredith. You have to say it. You have to mean it. I wish I had had the chance. I would say it in a second. I loved her so much..." Brian trailed off. "Have you ever loved someone like that?"

"I have. I do." Meredith answered, think of Derek.

"Tell him. Tell him how you feel." Brian told her.

"I'm afraid." Meredith said quietly. "Every time I do, my heart gets broken."

"Don't be. You will be fine." He said with a smile. "If it is meant to be, it will be." They were quiet for a few minutes.

"So why can't you see her?" Meredith asked with a furrowed brow and shrugged her shoulders.

"Like I said, Jenna's parents hated me. When Jenna died, they got custody of Anna. They won't let me see her. I have tried. They won't let me. I love her. I know I wasn't there all her life, but she is still my baby and I love her..." Brian said, as he ate his last bite of food.

"Well, let's go see her." Meredith said quickly. "Let's just go see her."

"With a bomb strapped to my chest?" Brian asked her.

"Take it off." She said simply.

"I won't even make it down the hallway." Brian explained.

"Keep it on. We'll take it off before we go in." Meredith said. She felt a connection with him. She wanted to help him.

Brian made a call to the police. He explained that they were going to another floor. He wanted to see his daughter. He would turn himself in the minute they stepped out of the room. Meredith had made him feel better. Meredith convinced him not to give up. She stood up and walked towards the door.

"Come on..." She said, waving him along.

Time went slowly. She looked at the Brian. Now he had a tiny glimmer of hope in his eyes. He looked as if he was ready to fight. He was ready to make it work. This felt right. He needed to see his daughter. She got to the door, and began to turn the handle. She looked back at him, he was walking toward her. She pulled the door open and walked out. She looked back once again. Is seemed so stupid. He tripped on the rug. He tripped on the freaking rug. She saw a look of panic on his face as he began to crash to the floor. She started to close her eyes and braced herself. The explosion shook the hospital. Her body was hurled into the wall. Everything went black.

--------------

Her whole body hurt. Every inch hurt. Everything was dark. She couldn't open her eyes, not yet. Her head hurt badly. It felt like someone had beat her in the head with a tire iron. The light was going to make it ten thousand times worse. She heard machines beeping. She knew she was in the hospital, but she didn't know why. She didn't remember what had happened. She could smell him. Although it hurt, her mouth made a faint smile.

"Derek..." She whimpered. She felt him squeeze her hand. "Derek..."

"I'm right here, Mer." He said softly.

She slowly opened her eyes. It immediately felt like someone had stabbed her in the eyes.

"What happened?" She asked softly. Her voice was weak.

"There was a bomb..." He started to say. Think it hit her. She remembered.

"Oh my God!" She cried out.

She began to bawl. She remembered. Brian was dead. He was there, and then he was gone. He never got a chance to see his daughter. He lost the love of his life. He never got a second chance. But she had a second chance. For the first time in her life, she realized she needed to use it. Derek leaned in and cradled her.

_Am I frozen?_

_But it's summer!_

_Is that rain or is it me?_

_Yes I'm melting_

_Please be happy_

_One day_

_We just might swim_

"Derek..." She said softly between whimpers.

"I love you..." She said whispered. "I love you so much..."

"I love you too, Mer." He said.

She motioned for him to get up on the bed. Meredith pulled him close. He spooned himself against her. With his body next to hers, she felt safe. She felt content. She could feel his warm breath on her skin. He kissed her softly on the head. She couldn't believe what had happened today. She was distraught. But she had Derek, and he was all she needed.

_The moral to the story goes_

_Never leave your heart_

_In a box_

_Locked up with cold cold ice_

_Never leave your heart_

_...Never leave your heart_

_Never leave your heart... alone_

_--------------_

**So she lived. I didn't hurt Derek. And she told Derek she loved him...a very big step. There will be fluff for awhile...then more drama. Please Review.**


	29. Life is Unfair

Meredith had a restless night. Between the nightmares of what happened and the pain she was having, she wasn't getting a good night's rest. Every time she woke up, Derek held her just a little tighter. Between the mental and physical damaged she sustained, she was exhausted. She heard the nurses come in a few times during the night to check on her. Everything was a blur. She was on a high dose of morphine, and at this point she was glad.

"You aren't supposed to be a patient!" Miranda shouted as she threw the lights on. Derek jumped up and out of bed. "Like we didn't all know you were there." Derek just shrugged.

"So how was your night?" George asked, walking toward her.

"Uh, okay, I guess." Meredith responded as she grabbed her head and winced.

"Does your head hurt?" Derek asked with concern.

"I was hurled into wall." She said sarcastically. "Yes, it hurts."

"I think she needs a CT." Derek said boldly to Miranda.

"She had one last night, and it was clear." Miranda said quickly, looking at her chart.

"Well, I am your attending, and I say she needs another." Derek spat out.

"This is why attendings should not date interns." Miranda muttered.

"It's called 'making sure your patient is okay'" He retorted, as he grabbed her chart.

"O'Malley, you heard the man. Get a CT when we are done here." Miranda said as she rolled her eyes. "Otherwise, how are you?"

"I feel like I have been run over by a truck." Meredith said she she closed her eyes.

"Well you look like you have been run over by a truck!" Cristina said loudly from the back of the group.

"Thanks, crack-whore." Meredith retorted.

"Whatever man-eating whore." Cristina said quickly.

"Well they said that you did basically get hit by a truck. The force of the explosion was strong. You are lucky it didn't do more damage..." Izzie spoke up.

"What is the damage?" Meredith asked with a grimace.

"Three broken ribs, a fractured arm, and a severe concussion." Miranda said quickly.

"When can I go home?" Meredith asked.

"Home? Are you kidding me, Meredith?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"No, I hate the hospital." She responded.

"Well then it is a damn good thing that you are working in one." Alex said with a laugh.

"That is different." Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"Okay. O'Malley, get the CT. And a psych consult." Miranda said as she walked out the door, with everyone following her.

"What?" Meredith shouted. "I don't need a freaking psych consult."

"You have been through a lot..." Miranda explained.

"Not that much. I am fine!" Meredith yelled. "No way, am I talking to a shrink!"

"Whatever you say, Grey." Miranda said, patronizing her.

"Good." She said. "I don't see why I have to have another CT..." Meredith whined.

"Something could be wrong." Derek said frankly.

"I'm fine, and it's not. So you can go or whatever." Meredith spat out as she she closed her eyes.

"No, I'm here. I will save you, and protect you, and love you..." He said with a smile as he kissed her.

"I don't need a guy, with thingy, and the shiny stuff on him, with a horse..." She trailed off.

"A knight in shining armor?" He asked.

"Yeah, or whatever." She sputtered. "I don't need that..."

"Oh yes, you do. Here I am, wearing my shiny stuff and holding my thingy." He said. They both busted out laughing.

"Oh my God..." George hide his face.

"You are so dirty..." Meredith said with a giggle.

"You are the one that said it." He responded. "O'Malley, get her out of here..." He said as he rolled his eyes.

--------------

Meredith was happy to be back in her room. Derek had everyone running every possible test on her. It was driving her crazy. Everyone was so caring and helpful. She knew they meant well, but it was annoying. She was glad to be in her peaceful, quiet room. She climbed out of her bed and walked into the bathroom. She couldn't believe how badly she hurt. She gasped when she looked in the mirror and saw all of the bruises. She slowly returned her bed. She was just closing her eyes when all of her friends burst in with their lunch trays. She made a loud groan. Maybe she could pretend she was sleeping.

"Mer, are you awake?" She heard Izzie ask.

"Nope, she's asleep." George said back.

"Well, we'll just eat here. Maybe she will wake up..." Izzie suggested.

"She probably doesn't want to wake up." Cristina said dryly.

"No kidding. After yesterday, I wouldn't want to wake up either." Izzie said quickly.

"Can you believe what happened?" George said quickly.

"Man, she's going to be damaged. You don't just go back to your happy life after that shit." Alex noted.

"No kidding." George said sadly.

"Can you believe what McDreamy said about loving her?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah, well I heard he bitched out Ellis Grey." Alex spat.

"No kidding?" Izzie asked.

"Wow. So McDreamy has balls..." Cristina said with a chuckle.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Derek asked loudly as he walked in.

"Um, we--" George started.

"Thank God, you're here. I think they are waiting for me to curl up and die." Meredith spat as she opened her eyes.

"You were awake?" George ask nervously.

"Yes." She said.

"Well, I think Meredith needs her rest." Derek demanded as he kicked them out. They scurried away quickly. "So how are you feeling?"

"Better now that you are here..." She responded.

"Is that so?" He asked, and then gave her a soft kiss on the lips. He touched the bruised on her face gently.

"I know, I look terrible..." She offered.

"No. No, you look beautiful... You always look beautiful..." Derek said as he stroked her face.

"You have to get me the hell out of here." She muttered.

"Mer, you went through a lot. You need to rest..." He answered, looking into her eyes.

"I can rest at home. Please. Every ten minutes someone is asking me how I am. Whether I am in pain. What happened. I can't take it. Damn-it! I want to go home!" She yelled.

"I'll see what I can do..." He said as he walked out of the room.

--------------

"Richard, we need to talk." Derek said. He sat down in the chair in front of Richard's large desk.

"Yes, I think we do..." Richard said, looking into Derek's eyes.

"I love her. Richard, I really do love her." Derek started. "I know it is against regulations. But, I can't help how I feel, and I am not going to try..."

"The fact that you are here, means something. You had enough respect to come talk to me. Intern-attending relationships are highly frowned upon. The road will be rough. Many people will think you are giving her special treatment. You will need to watch everything you say and do. But, I can't, and won't even try to stand in the way. That will just make it worse." Richard stated.

"Thank you, Richard." Derek responded with a head nod.

"Now, that covers the work related portion." Richard started. Derek looked at him with a worried expression.

"Meredith is like a daughter to me. We don't talk. In fact, I think she hates me. But I do care about her. With that being said, if you hurt her, I will kill you and make it look like an accident." Richard said boldly.

"I understand." Derek said with surprise. "On a lighter note, Meredith is insistent that she go home today."

"What?" Richard said in shock. "She has been through a war..."

"I know." Derek said.

"Well, how is she?" He asked.

"All of her scans and labs came back clean..." Derek trailed off.

"Well, if she wants it that badly..." Richard started. "She will need to be monitored..."

"I could-- I mean if there is nothing scheduled, I could stay with her." Derek offered with hope in his eyes.

"Well, she always has been heard-headed and stubborn as mule..." Richard stated with a chuckle. "Just like her mother... I guess, she could go home..."

"I will let her know." Derek responded. He got up and opened the door.

"And Shep---" Richard started. "Take care of her." Derek nodded as he walked out.

--------------

"Meredith. How are you?" Ellis asked with a genuine look of caring washed over her face.

"I'm fine." She spat out. Being defensive was the only way she was used to dealing with her mother.

"You are not fine." Ellis said sharply. "You nearly died..."

"But I didn't" She said as she rolled her eyes.

"Meredith..." Ellis moaned. "Why do you have to be so damn difficult?"

"I'm not." She spat. "I'm tired, okay. Everyone keeps bothering me."

"Because they care." Ellis explained.

"Yeah, well I am fine." Meredith said as she closed her eyes. Derek walked in.

"I have good news..." Derek said quickly, then trailed off. "Oh. Hello, Dr. Webber." He said curtly.

"Dr. Shepherd..." Ellis returned just as curtly.

"My mother was just leaving..." Meredith said sharply.

"Actually, I wasn't." Ellis replied. "So how is my daughter?"

"Everything came back clean." He explained. "Other than her obvious injuries, she seems fine."

"So what was the good news?" Meredith asked.

"You can go home." Derek said with a toothy grin.

"Really?" She said excitedly.

"Yes." He told her. "Under one condition."

"She can't go home!" Ellis snapped.

"Well, according to her doctors, and your husband, she can." Derek retorted shortly.

"Humph." She said as she walked out. "I think I need to go see Richard..."

"So what is this one condition?" Meredith asked. He began to chuckle.

"You are stuck with me." She said with a smile.

"Stuck with you?" Meredith said with raised eyebrows.

"Ah, yes. I have the next few days off." He explained. "And you will be stuck with me."

"If it means I get to go home..." Meredith trailed off. "I have something to do first, and I need your help."

"Oh yeah?" He asked.

----------------

Meredith was nervous as Derek walked her up to the patient room. It was going to be hard to do, but she had to. Several doctors and nurses made it possible and she was grateful for that. She went into the room, scrubbed her arms and hands and put a suit on. As she walked towards the room, the automatic doors opened. She took a deep breath and walked in unsteadily. She looked at the little girl. She looked like a fighter. She had light brown eyes. Meredith couldn't believe how much she looked like her father.

"Who are you?" The little girl asked boldly.

"I'm uh-- I'm Meredith." She said, stammering.

"Oh." Anna said. Meredith was shocked that she didn't ask her why she was there.

"You're Anna, right?" Meredith asked.

"Yep. I have leukemia." Anna explained.

"Oh." Meredith said. "I hear you like chocolate milk." Meredith said as she pulled out a bottle.

"This is my favorite kind!" Anna exclaimed. "But I don't know if I can have it..." She said with a moan.

"I talked to Dr. Watson, you can." Meredith told her.

"Oh good." She said with a smile, then her face dropped.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked with concern.

"My mom used to get this for me." She said sadly.

"Oh..." Meredith said, knowing what had happened to her mom.

"She died a couple of months ago. She was hit by a car. It was my fault. She was on her way to get me chocolate milk." Anna said as she started to cry.

"Oh, honey. It's not your fault..." Meredith said, rubbing her shoulder.

"It is. And now my Dad doesn't come to see me. He hates me, because it was my fault." She said shakily.

"No. No that is not true!" Meredith said loudly.

"How do you know?" Anna asked loudly.

"I am a friend of your Dad's." Meredith explained. "He doesn't not blame you, I promise."

"Really?" She said with a smile.

"Really." Meredith assured her.

"So why doesn't he come?" She asked. Meredith face turned somber. She could not be the one to tell her. It wasn't her position to. "It really was him..." Anna trailed off/

"What?" Meredith asked.

"I heard some nurses talking. They said it was my Dad who blew up in the accident yesterday." Anna said sadly. "I didn't believe them."

"I'm sorry." Meredith said as a tear fell from her eye.

"Why did he he do it?" She asked with confusion.

"He just wanted to see you." Meredith said plainly.

"Well, why didn't he just come see me?" She asked.

"I don't know." Meredith said. She couldn't tell her about her grandparents. "I have to go..."

"Oh, okay..." Anna said sadly. "Will you come back?"

"I will try." Meredith told her as she walked away. "Anna?"

"Yeah?" Anna asked.

"He really did love you." She said with a faint smile, and walked out.

"How did it go?" Derek asked as she walked over to him.

"Oh Derek." She said as she pulled him into her. "Life is so unfair." She put her head against her chest and wept.

"Let's go home." He said as he motioned for her to sit in the wheelchair. She sat down and he wheeled her out to his car.

-----------------

"Why are we at your trailer?" Meredith asked as he drove down his long driveway.

"I figured you needed some peace. It's quiet out here. There are no stairs..." He explained.

"I think it was a very good idea." She said with a smile.

"I had Izzie pack up some of your things for you." Derek said. "That way you don't smell like a man." He said with a laugh.

"That's probably a very good thing." She smiled. "Not that I mind smelling like you."

I like the way you smell..." He said with a smile. They pulled up by the trailer and he helped her out of the car.

"Thank you, Derek." She said as he walked her to the trailer.

"Thank you for not dying." He said with a sigh, as he kissed her on the head.

"I want to sit outside." She said softly.

"Then we will sit outside" He said. He walked into the trailer and put some pillows on the bench. She laid her head on his shoulders.

"I really do love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." She said softly.

"I'm just glad you did." He said as he gave her a soft kiss.

-------------

**I had a ton of stuff to do, but I got this up for you. So I expect reviews!**


	30. The Joys of Morphine

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Grey's Anatomy! This fic, however, I do own.**

Meredith was up most of the night. She fell asleep for and hour, then woke up in a cold sweat. Her clothes were completely wet. She wasn't sure if it was the pain of the nightmares that had woken her up. She couldn't get the vision of Brian out of her head. He was vaporized. She would have never believed that that really happened, if she hadn't seen it. She shifted her body, and the pain was immense. Derek jerked awake as he heard her moan. He looked over and saw the look of pain on her face.

"Are you okay?" He asked her worriedly. She clenced her jaw.

"I'm fine." She said as she breathed shallowly.

"No, you're not." He said, unconvinced. "When was the last time you took a pain pill?" He asked her.

"Oh, a long time ago." She said quickly.

"Honestly?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Fine, like an hour and a half ago." She said with a pathetic sigh.

"They should have kicked in by now." He told her. "How bad is the pain, one to ten."

"Um, eight, I guess." She asnwered. "When I don't move."

"You need to go back to the hospital." He stated as he rolled out of bed.

"No. I just got out of that hell-hole." She spat. "I am not going back."

"Get up. You need to at least get some sleep. Come on, a little morphine, a little sleep." He said, turning on his charms.

"Derek..." She moaned.

"It's okay to admit you couldn't do it." He said as he helped her out of the bed.

She didn't talk the whole way there. He was right, she did need to go back. But she really didn't want to. And now she was going to get teased mercilessly by her peers, she was sure of it. Derek pulled into the parking lot, and went over to help her out. Of course Miranda Bailey and Alex Karev were on call. She was not a surgical case, but since she was related to the Chief, they gave her special treatment and snuck her into a room on the surgical floor.

"So you couldn't handle it, huh?" Alex asked as he took her stats. She rolled her eyes. "It's okay. You weren't ready to go home. Everyone knew it. If you weren't such a damn whiner." He stated with a cocky smile.

"Shut up and give me morphine." She demanded loudly. Derek gave Alex a 'you better do it or she'll kill you' look.

"Okay." He said quickly as he walked out of the room. Miranda and Alex came back in together.

"Now you, are a damn fool!" Miranda said loudly. "And you are brainless!" She said, pointing to Derek. "She wasn't ready to go home!"

"Just give me the morphine." Meredith said quickly.

Miranda set up her i.v. and left the room. Derek sat in the chair and watched Meredith quickly drift off to sleep. He laid his head back, and closed his eyes. Meredith woke up in the middle of the night and saw Derek sitting in the chair.

"Hey! Hey you." She shouted. His eyes opened quickly.

"Are you okay?" He asked her as he walked to her side.

"Get you ass in bed with me." She said quickly. "I want McDreamy next to me when I McDream sweet McDreams." She said.

"You are high." He said with a chuckle. She closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.

--------------

Meredith woke up to the light being flashed on. She heard the voices of her friends chiming in. She groaned and closed her eyes. She heard them talking and moving around. Derek crawled out of bed and stood at her side.

"It's too damn early." Meredith moaned, covering her face with the pillow.

"How are you feeling this morning, Grey?" Miranda asked.

"I am wonderful. I am wonderfully wonderful and great." She said with a giggle, as she scratched her nose.

"So our morphine is good?" Miranda asked.

"Wonderful." Meredith stated. "And great."

"How is your pain?" Izzie asked.

"It was gone until you all came in. I had McDreamy next to me." She said as she raised her eyebrows.

"Okay then." Izzie said quickly.

"In fact, I think I could have sex, right now. I'm feeling pretty good." Meredith said, looking over at Derek who quickly looked at the wall.

"Oh God!" George responded grabbing his head.

"Well, Mer. I'd say the last thing you need to do is have sex with your boss in the hospital." Cristina said sarcastically. Meredith laughed.

"I already did that." Meredith giggled. "I got caught." She said putting her finger to her lips, as if she was telling a secret.

"I can't hear you talk about your sex life with my bosses'" Miranda said uneasily.

"Actually he was my boss', boss' boss." Meredith said shaking her head. "And your boss', boss."

"So you are moving down the ladder." Alex chimed in with a laugh.

"Oh, no not down. Definitely up. Way up. Like out of this world up. Like six orgasms a night up. He does this thing--" She said with a smile. Derek turned a deep shade of red.

"Oh no!" Miranda yelled. "I can't hear this. I don't want to hear this." Derek gave her a pleading look. "We're leaving."

"Aren't you going to stay for the show?" Meredith said with a laugh.

"What show?" Cristina asked with a confused look.

"Derek is going to strip for me. Aren't you?" She look over as she asked.

"Um--I think I have patients..." Derek said as he rushed out of the room with the group.

"And I want porn." She shouted. "They prescribe that for pain!"

"Wow." George said.

"No kidding." Derek quickly said back.

"You need to control that woman." Miranda said, shaking her head.

------------------

"Hello, Meredith." Richard said as he walked in.

"Hi there, Dr. Webber." She laughed. "Dr. Webber, like a web. Are you related to spiderman?" She asked. He glanced over at Derek, who shook his head.

"No, Meredith I am not related to spiderman." He said with a chuckle. "So how are you feeling?" He asked her.

"Great. Like Tony the tiger, except, I'm greeeat." She said loudly.

"That's good, Meredith." He returned.

"So is my mother locked in her cage?" She asked him.

"Nope. I let her out this morning." He said with a light chuckle.

"That was a mistake." Meredith responded.

"Well, I just wanted to check on you." He looked over at Derek, who nodded. "I'm going to go. You need your rest..." He said as he walked out like he was on fire.

She and Derek made light conversation for a while. Everyone was staying away from her. She either insulted them or embarrassed them. Even the nurses were bartering on who would go in and check on her. It had become a chore. Her friends were avoiding her. She told George he was a wimp. She told Alex that Izzie told her he was having problems in the bedroom. She told Cristina that she loved her, which made her almost vomit. And she told Izzie that she wanted to see her boobs.

"So, how are you feeling?" Addison said as she walked in.

"Good. I think everyone is avoiding me." Meredith said sadly.

"Why is that?" Addison asked as she sat down.

"Don't know." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Where's Derek?" Addison said, looking around the empty room.

"I sent him to get me ice cream." Meredith said. "I think he's been gone a long time. Probably avoiding. He won't strip for me!" She moaned.

"Strip?" Addison choked. "Now that is funny."

"So how are the vaginas today?" Meredith said loudly.

"Um, good." Addison said hesitantly.

"Man I would kill for a surgery." Meredith laughed.

"You would kill if you did surgery right now." Addison laughed.

"Why?" Meredith asked.

"I have never seen anyone act so silly on morphine." Addison chuckled.

"I am not acting silly, Assiden, Addison." She said, shaking her head. "I'm bored. T.V. sucks. Hey maybe I could watch a surgery in the gallery?" She asked.

"Yeah, I don't think so. Besides, I think that is where everyone is hiding from you." Addison said with a laugh. Derek walked in. "Oh look, Derek is here with your ice cream. I think I'll go." She said as she left quickly.

"What took you so long?" Meredith asked.

"I was only gone a few minutes." He said, as he opened the container of ice cream. She grabbed it out of his hand, and tried to eat it, but the cast on her hand was making it difficult.

"Here, let me help." He said as he grabbed it from her. He grabbed a spoonful and fed it to her.

"I love you." She said with a funny giggle.

"I love you too, Mer." He returned. He leaned in and kissed her on the head.

Meredith stayed in the hospital for two days. By then, everyone was ready to be rid of her. She went from a embarrassment, to being grouchy. Her pain was going away, and so was the morphine. Derek worked a little during the days she was in the hospital, so that he could take off when she was home. She was overjoyed when they pulled back down the driveway to the trailer. They took the day slowly, not doing much of anything

-------------------

Meredith awoke and slowly rolled out of the side of the bed and walked into Derek's small kitchen. She grabbed her bottle of pain pills and threw one into her mouth. She rubbed her neck, and sighed.

"What are you doing?" Derek said softly as he walked up from behind and gently wrapped his arms around her.

"I was having some pain." Meredith returned.

"You are soaked. Are you okay?" He asked as he turned her around.

"I'm fine. Bad dream. I need to take a shower." She said as she grabbed some clothes out of her bag and started to strip.

"Do you need help?" He asked. He shuddered as he looked at the large amount of bruising over her body.

"I think I will be alright." She responded as she opened the shower door and walked in slowly.

She was so overwhelmed at the moment. She wished she was at home with her bathtub. There she could soak. Even the water falling on her back felt like a harsh driving rain. Her legs were weak, she didn't even want to stand. She scrubbed her body roughly. She wanted to scrub off what she imagined was body spray from Brian. It made her sick, just thinking about it. She pushed the thought out of her head and rinsed off. When she opened the door, Derek was standing there with a soft robe.

"Thank you." She almost whispered as she walked toward him. "Is it nice outside?" She asked.

"It's pretty warm." Derek answered.

"I think I am going to sit outside for awhile." She told him.

She walked out and sat in the chair. The stars were brilliant. She had never seen them so clear. They reflected off of the water, just like a mirror. She just stared into the night. She wasn't sure what to do. So much had happened, it made her reflect on her life. She wished she hadn't wasted so much of it. Derek sat down next to her and handed her a glass of water. She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. They sat there for a long time before she spoke.

"He was there, Derek. He was there, and then he was gone." She said in disbelief.

"I know, Mer. I'm so sorry." He said.

"You don't understand Derek, he was a good guy." Meredith said quietly.

"A good guy?" Derek asked. "Good guys don't take people hostage, Meredith."

"He had to. You don't understand. He had to. He didn't have a choice. He just wanted to see his daughter." She said a little more loudly.

"There are other ways." Derek said simply.

"He wasn't going to hurt me. He wasn't a killer. He didn't have a mean bone in his body." She argued.

"Then why did he hold a gun to your head?" Derek asked. He wished he hadn't. Now she was getting upset.

"I can't talk to you about this." She said simply.

She jumped up. Her body hurt, but she ignored it as she walked into the trailer. She threw on a tee shirt and climbed into bed. Several minutes later she felt Derek climb into bed next to her. She spooned himself against her and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Mer." He whispered. "I wasn't there. I don't have the right to judge."

"You don't" She stated as she rolled over and faced him. "You are just being a protective ass. Mr. Protective."

"Yes, I am." He answered. "If I had been there. If I had requested you... Maybe it wouldn't have happened."

"Maybe it wouldn't have. We will never know. But you couldn't do anything, Derek." She said softly.

She put her hand on his face and pulled him in for a kiss. He slid his tongue into her mouth gently. Their tongue's dance softly. Derek pulled her in closely. She could feel his erection through his boxers. Just thin fabric separating them from what they both wanted so badly. The kiss ended as they both came up for air.

"I think this is the first time I am going to have to refuse sex." She said with a slight giggle.

"You are definitely not ready." He said assertively.

"God, I wish I was." She said with a soft moan.

"As do I." He responded as he laid his head back on the pillow.

----------------

Meredith woke up to the sound of her cellphone ringing. She looked over and saw that Derek was already out of the bed. She couldn't get up. Her body wouldn't let her. She felt like she would break apart if she did. It rang again and she yelled at it to shut up. She heard the shower door open, and Derek walked into the bedroom. She looked at him standing there in his towel.

"Are you going to answer it?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"I can't get up. I am tired, and I don't give a shit." She spat.

"I'll answer it if you want." He suggested.

"Fine. Whatever. But I don't want to talk." She said as she covered her head with the blanket. He grabbed her phone and answered it.

"Hello?" He said as he flipped the phone open.

"You aren't my favorite sanitary engineer..." Drew said jokingly.

"What?" Derek said in shock. He walked outside. "Did you just call my girlfriend a garbage man?"

"It's an inside joke." He said with a laugh. "Why the hell are you answering Mer's phone?" He asked questioningly.

"Why are you calling my girlfriend's phone?" Derek asked.

"We are friends. Wait, did you say girlfriend?" Drew asked in shock.

"Yes I did." Derek said happily. "She told me she loved me." Derek boasted.

"That's great, man. So where is she?" Drew asked.

"She is sleeping." Derek said.

"Aww. Too much sex?" He asked with a laugh.

"More like too much being hurled at a wall." Derek retorted frankly.

"What the hell do you mean?" Drew said with concern.

"There was an explosion at the hospital." Derek explained.

"I thought I heard someone talking about that. Something about hostages and bombs." He answered.

Derek talked to Drew for over and hour. He told him all about what had happened. Drew was worried about her. He and Meredith had become somewhat close. She talked to him several times a week. Derek felt a tiny bit of jealously, but he would never let either of them know it. After he hung up the phone, he went in only to find her sleeping peacefully. He smiled. He was just happy to have her there.

-------------

**We had to have a 'Mer on Morphine' experience...Right? Thanks for reading!**


	31. Return to the Danger Zone

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy!! Although, I think that is quite obvious...**

"Are you sure you are ready to go back?" Derek asked with skepticism.

"Derek, I am fine." Meredith said with a smile. "I can't wait to get back to the hospital."

"You were only off a week!" Derek said unhappily. "You don't need to push yourself."

"Yes, I do. You have been waiting on me hand and foot. I don't even know if will be able to do anything for myself ever again." She said with a giggle.

"Well, it's a good thing I like to take care of you." He said as he attacked her neck with kisses. "You do have to eat a good breakfast. How about some muesli?"

"Are you kidding me? If I wanted a bowl full of cardboard with milk, I would have gotten it already." She said scrunching her nose.

"It's not that bad. And it's good for you." He said with a smile.

"I'll just eat a breakfast bar or something. I don't want to be late." She said nervously.

"Alright. But I want to see you eat a good lunch..." He warned.

"Okay. Whatever you say." She said with a giggle. Derek grabbed his bag and walked out the front door and onto the porch. Meredith followed behind him slowly.

"Are you sure you are ready, Mer?" He asked again with concern.

"Derek..." She said as a warning. "I am fine."

"Fine like you were when you came home from the hospital too early?" He asked.

"No! Fine, fine..." She said as she walked passed him and got into his Land Rover. He followed her. He tried to help her in.

"I can do it myself!" She shouted as she swatted at him.

"Okay..." Derek said, shaking his head as he walked around to the driver's seat.

"Oh, Drew called the other day..." Derek mentioned as he threw the car into reverse.

"Yeah, he told me." Meredith said quickly.

"He called again?" Derek asked, looking over at her.

"Yeah, yesterday. He was just checking up on me." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"Oh." Derek said flatly.

"What?" She asked, sensing his tone.

"It's just weird. He's my cousin, and he calls you more than me. That's all." He said quickly, not wanting to start a fight.

"Derek. It's no big deal..." Meredith said defensively. "Drew and I are just friends."

"I know." He said, dropping it. "So, I bet I can guess what you will be doing today..."

"Ha, ha, funny!" She said coldly. "It is better than being at home."

"Thanks..." He said defensively.

"I just hate being cramped up." She said quickly. "I like to work."

"So, I was thinking about dinner tonight..." He started. "How about that little italian restaurant you love?" He asked as he pulled into the closest parking spot near the door, so she wouldn't have to walk far.

"Sounds good." She said with a tired smile. She opened the car door, and began to walk towards the entrance. He jogged to catch up.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked as he caught up.

"No, why?" She asked with a puzzled look.

"No reason." He said as they both walked onto the elevator. The elevator was packed. The door dinged and they walked out.

"Have a good day." He said as he kissed her softly. He stopped to smell her hair. Neither cared who was watching. "You smell so much better when you use your own bath products." He said with a chuckle.

"Have a good day." She said softly as she turned to walk away.

"Heeey!" Izzie screeched as Meredith opened the locker room door.

"Welcome back." George said cheerfully.

"Thanks guys!" Meredith said as she pulled her scrubs out of her locker.

"You haven't called me!" Cristina pouted.

"Sorry. I've just been--" Meredith started.

"Too busy with Shepherd?" Alex suggested.

"Resting." Meredith returned with a glare. Meredith pulled off her jeans, and threw her scrub pants on. Then she pulled her top off. The other interns looked at her.

"Oh...Mer." Izzie said sadly. "Are you sure you should be back already?"

"No shit." Alex returned. "I think I see more black and blue on you than white."

"I am fine." She said quickly pulling her clothes on. "It just looks bad, okay?"

"Grey? What the hell are you doing back here already?" Miranda asked as she walked into the locker room.

"I'm ready." Meredith responded as she walked up to her.

"Okay, then. Stevens you are with Shepherd, Yang you're with Sloan, Karev you're with Montgomery and O'Malley you are with Burke." Miranda told them. They all scattered.

"What about me?" Meredith asked quickly. "The pit? Scut?" She suggested.

"I don't know." She said as she thought. "Um, you just follow me around today."

"What about the pit? Maybe a case will come in... There are always sutures..." Meredith told her. Miranda just looked at her. "Why don't you want me in the pit?"

"I'm not sure that you are ready." Miranda said. She would never admit it, but she wasn't sure that she herself was ready.

"I am. I really am." Meredith said convincingly.

"Nope. Follow me. I am sure there will be some rectals that need to be done sometime today." Miranda retorted. Meredith followed.

----------------

"So when are you going to let my friend come home?" Izzie asked with a chuckle.

"What?" Derek asked as he looked through the scope.

"You have been keeping her hostage." Izzie stated jokingly.

"Not against her will." Derek replied.

"We miss her. George has been all mopey. And I have been baking and no one is there to eat it." Izzie explained. "She used to eat like a dozen double chocolate muffins a week."

"I guess I didn't realize you guys needed her so badly." He said as he glanced over at her.

"So how has she been?" Izzie asked. "I mean _really_?"

"You know Mer. She puts up a front. She says she feels like a four pain-wise, so it's probably a seven." He said frankly. "She is so damn stubborn."

"You can say that again." Izzie laughed. "I couldn't believe the bruising she has when I saw her this morning."

"Yeah well she was through a lot." Derek explained. "Physically and emotionally."

"Has she talked about it?" Izzie asked with concern.

"A little. She just gets upset. I almost wonder if it's a Stockholm thing." Derek suggested.

"Seriously?" Izzie asked in shock.

"I don't know. She is adamant that he was a good guy. What kind of guy takes someone hostage? She almost died. She could have died..." He trailed off.

"Wow. Why would she defend him?" Izzie asked. "Maybe Dr. Bailey should have made her do the Psych consult."

"I beginning to wonder. She seems fine. She insists that she's fine. But I don't see how she could be..." Derek answered.

"Well, I don't think it would be wise for either of us to tell her that!" Izzie said loudly.

"I think you hit the nail on the head there!" Derek said with a chuckle.

----------------

Meredith lazily walked over to the lunch line and looked at what they had. Peanut butter and jelly...no. Ham...no. Pudding...no. Nothing looked good. She finally grabbed a container of chicken salad, even though she wasn't really hungry. She looked at the tables and finally spotted her friends in the corner. She wasn't in the mood to talk. But she couldn't just sit somewhere else. She walked over and sat down in her seat gingerly.

"Hey. So how is the first day back?" George asked with a big grin. She didn't meet it, she kept her scornful gaze.

"Fine." She said, as she pushed her chicken salad from one side to the other.

"What did you do?" Izzie asked, trying to get her to talk.

"I saw her hanging out with Bailey. How much does that suck?" Cristina said with an evil laugh.

"I followed Bailey. She is treating me like a three year old that has to be supervised. And then I did rectals. So yeah. It sucks." Meredith said, throwing her fork down.

"Wow. Someone is...pleasant." Alex said loudly.

"I think you pushed it too far..." George chimed in. Derek walked up from behind and kissed her on the neck. She jumped at his touch.

"Whoa. Calm down, it's just me." He said with a smile. "So how is your day going?" He asked.

"Uh, I wouldn't ask that, dude." Alex suggested.

"Why not?" Derek asked.

"She is being Super Bitch." Cristina said coldly.

"Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" She shouted. "Everything is the same! Nothing has changed. I am tired of everyone asking how I am. If I was scared. What he looked like when he blew up. I am fine. I don't want to talk about it. So don't freaking ask me to!" She yelled loudly.

"Sorry." Izzie said softly.

"I didn't realize." George replied.

"So, you did promise you would eat a good lunch." Derek said with a grin, changing the subject.

"I am." She replied.

"No, you are playing with it." He teased. "Do I have to feed you?"

"No. I am learning to manage with my left hand. Even though it is retarded." She told him.

"You actually got McDreamy to hand feed you?" Cristina asked, giving Derek a pathetic look.

"You wouldn't believe the things I get Derek to do for me." She said with a grin.

"Okay...It's time for me to go." Alex said as he got up.

"Me too!" They all said as they fled the scene.

"See, that's how to get rid of them." She said with a smile. She spooned some chicken and barely made it to her mouth. Derek busted out laughing.

"What?" She asked.

"You are too funny." He answered as he stood up. "I am going to get some food. I will be right back." He said softly as he whispered in her ear, taking in her lavender scent.

"So have you gotten Derek to strip for you yet?" Addison asked as she walked up, causing Meredith to jump.

"What?" She asked with a confused giggle.

"Ah. You don't remember..." She said with a smile.

"Oh dear God." Meredith replied.

"Yep. You asked Derek to strip for you in front of everyone." Addison explained.

"Next time I get morphine, keep everyone away from me, okay?" She pleaded.

"Okay." She said with a chuckle. "So, I hear Bailey is babying you..."

"Yeah. I didn't expect it from her, of all people." Meredith said as she tried to take a bite of food.

"She cares. She pretends she's tuff, but you scared the heck out of her. I didn't think that could ever happen." Addison explained.

"Well, I just want everything to go back to the way it was. And Derek he's being all caring and wonderful, which is annoying as hell." Meredith pointed out.

"That is Derek. Embrace it!" Addison said. "I love Stan to death, but he is very dull. He isn't love-y. Derek wasn't with me, either. But you, he loves. Just let him." Addison told her.

"It's hard. He is not what I am used to." Meredith said quietly.

"You will get used to it. I have to go, I have surgery. " Addison said. "I just wanted to catch up. See you later."

Meredith sat there for awhile. Derek didn't come back. She looked around and didn't see him. She figured that he had gotten paged. She took another bite of her chicken and threw the remainder in the trash. She didn't want to go back to Dr. Bailey. She had taken a late lunch. Her shift wasn't that much longer, anyhow. She wanted to rest. She wanted some peace. She was even tired of Derek at this point. She found her way down to he favorite spot in the basement. But this time she rolled a gurney into an empty hallway. She knew Derek would come to find her eventually, and this way she wouldn't be seen. She just wanted a chance to think, and rest without someone worrying about her.

-----------------

Meredith laid there for a long time. She sat and thought about all that Brian had said. He was right about telling Derek that she loved him. She does. But right now she is miserable and she doesn't want to drag him down with her. She thought about Anna. She wanted to go see her tomorrow. She owed her that. Her dad and mom had been taken from her, she needed someone. Finally her eyes got heavy and she fell asleep. Little did she know that Derek had been searching the hospital high and low for her.

Derek was in a panic. All he could think about was Brian. He knew he was dead, but maybe someone else had taken her. Maybe she had hurt herself. Maybe she had ruptured aneurysm. Every possible bad scenario was going through his head. She didn't have a car there, so he figured she hadn't went home. He had checked the basement, that was where she always went. He had woken up several doctors in on-call rooms looking there. She wasn't in the locker room. She wasn't running labs. He was running out of ideas. Finally he decided to go back down to the basement. This time instead of glancing down the hallway, he actually walked it. He almost walked passed, but he saw a blue figure in his peripheral vision. There she was, sleeping peacefully. He walked over, and sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her hair.

"Hey." She whispered softly as she woke up.

"Hey." He returned. "Were you hiding from me?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Not just you, everyone." She replied, as she rolled onto her back.

"Oh." Derek said as he dropped his head. "I see."

"No, Derek. It's not like that. It's not you, it's me." She explained. "You are so happy and optimistic, and I'm, I'm not."

"You're not happy?" He asked with a sad face.

"No." She replied frankly. "There is nothing you can do about it. This is me. Things haven't been great for me, and I don't expect them to change. When you are a kid, you think about how great your life is going to be. I thought I would be this great doctor, with a husband, and a family, and a dog, with the white picket fence. I gave up. I gave up on that a long time ago." Meredith explained just louder then a whisper.

"You can have all that." He said, with a hopeful look.

"You are always the optimist." She said with a faint smile. "I had given up, Derek. When I was in that room, I gave up. I figured what the hell, what did I have to lose? At that moment, if he had blown us up, I wouldn't have cared. And for a second, I wished he would. But then he said things, Derek. Me made me realize what I have. The thought of never seeing you again, never smelling you, or feeling your kiss. Then all of a sudden, I couldn't bear it. He made me care. You make life worth living for me, Derek." She said as a tear slid down her cheek. His eyes were getting misty.

"Oh, Meredith..." He whispered.

"So I don't want to talk about that day anymore. I don't want to hear you say anything negative about him. He made me realize... He made me realize that I love you." She said softly. His lips grazed hers.

"I love you Mer." He said as he pulled her head to his chest. They sat there for a few minutes.

"So do you still want to go out to eat?" She asked with a smile.

"Do you?" He asked with surprise.

"Yeah, we can go." She said, knowing that he wanted to. "But I have to change, obviously."

-------------------

"So, I think I am going to start visiting Anna." Meredith said casually and she attempted to fork her salad with her left hand.

"Anna?" Derek asked. Meredith immediately felt irritated. How could he not know who she is.

"The little girl." Meredith said.

"Oh, oh yeah." Derek said, as the light bulb went off. "Well we snuck you in, last time. You would have to make sure it is okay with her family."

"I know." She said quickly. "I haven't figured that out yet. I don't know how her grandparents would feel about it."

"There is only one way to find out..." He said, taking a drink of his wine.

"We shall see." She said, also taking a drink.

"Should you be drinking that?" Derek asked.

"I am not taking anything for pain." She spat. "I need the wine."

"Okay." He said flatly. The waiter brought out their food. She pushed her salad out of the way.

"Were you done?" Derek asked.

"Yeah. It's not like I was getting anywhere. My hand doesn't work." She whined. He gave her a sympathetic look.

"So, Izzie misses you. And George too." Derek said.

"How do you know?" She asked.

"I had Izzie for an intern today. She was telling me. Something about stale muffins." Derek laughed.

"Well, I did eat a lot of her muffins. They are so good. Have you ever had one?" Meredith asked.

"No, I can't say I have." Derek replied. "Maybe you should go home." Derek suggested.

"Are you kicking me out?" Meredith said defensively.

"No! I just don't want to hog you." He answered quickly.

"Well, I don't want to go home. Not yet." She replied softly. "It's still too weird."

"I understand." He told her. "You know I really do want you all for myself!"

--------------

Meredith walked up to the room nervously. She saw them sitting there. They were in their late fifties. They looked friendly, with soft smiles and grey hair. They didn't look like the type of people to keep a father from his child. She still didn't know what she was going to say to them. She figured she would just wing it, and see how it went. She walked up to them with a smile on her face.

"Hi. I'm Meredith." She said as she stuck out her hand.

"I'm Peggy and this is John." She said as they introduced themselves.

"Are you a doctor?" Peggy asked, as she looked at Meredith in her scrubs.

"Are you the Meredith that visited Anna a while ago?" John asked, with a smile.

"Yeah, actually I am." Meredith explained.

"Oh, she adores you. I don't know what you said, but she was in such a bright mood after you left." Peggy said with a huge smile.

"She said that you sometimes visit the sick kids in the hospital. That's great!" John boasted.

"Yeah, well, I like to see them get well." Meredith said. "So do you mind, if I go in?"

"No, no. Of course not!" Peggy said happily. Meredith smiled and went in to get suited up. She walked in and Anna immediately got a smile on her face.

"Meredith!" She squealed.

"How are you?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Good." Anna said as she sat her coloring book down.

"I brought you chocolate milk." Meredith said, handing her the bottle.

"Oh, thank you." She smiled. "I didn't think you would come back. You looked so sad last time." Anna said as she dropped her face.

"Of course I came back." Meredith smiled. "I'm feeling better now." She said with a sigh, "So you lied to your grandparents..."

"I'm not stupid. They didn't like my dad. I knew they would be mad if they knew who you were." Anna explained.

"Well, I don't want you to lie. But I don't have the right to tell you what to say." Meredith explained.

"Well, I'm not going to tell them the truth!" She said boldly.

"So where do you go to school?" Meredith asked, changing the subject.

"Elmhurst Elementary." She answered. "But I never get to go, because I am always in the hospital. That sucks because I love school."

"That's good. I wasn't a fan of school, but my mom pushed me hard." Meredith said.

"Well, I want to be a doctor, just like you. So I need to like school." Anna explained.

"Yes, you do!" Meredith answered. She was flattered. "So tell me about yourself..."

"Well, my favorite color is purple. Not pink. Pink is too girly. I like dogs, they are my favorite animal. And horses too. I like them. And I like all kinds of music. And I like science, it's fun." Anna explained with a smile. "Do you have any kids?

"No." Meredith said quickly.

"Oh. Are you married? My mom was going to get married, but I didn't like the guy, so she didn't cause she loved me best." Anna said with a giggle.

"Nope, I'm not married. But I do have a boyfriend. He's great." Meredith answered.

"Oh. Well are you going to marry him?" Anna asked.

"Uh. I don't know. Maybe someday. Maybe." She said nervously. "Besides, he never asked me."

"I think you should. If you love him." Anna said wisely. "My mom always wished she married my dad. That would have been cool." Meredith looked up at the clock. She didn't want to stay too long.

"Well, I better go." Meredith said with a smile.

"Will you come back?" Anna asked.

"Sure, I'll come back." She said as she walked through the door.

"Meredith?" Anna asked.

"Yeah?" Meredith answered.

"You could always ask him." Anna suggested. Meredith got a puzzled look on her face. "If he hasn't asked, you could ask him to marry you."

Meredith shook her head and left the room laughing. She couldn't believe such a little girl was full of so much wisdom. Meredith knew she wasn't going to be getting married anytime soon. Especially after her marriage to Ian. But it was cute. The things that come from the mouths of babes.

--------------

**So at the end Meredith was feeling a little less depressed. She has gone through a lot, she has the right... Maybe next chapter we will get some sex!**

**Review please!**


	32. Through the Glass

**I Don't own Grey's Anatomy, I wish I did! **

"Please tell me again why we are doing this?" Meredith said with a sound of disgust in her voice.

"Because when I was an intern, Richard was my boss. And your mother is a patient of mine." Derek made his best attempt to defend his actions.

"Well, just so you know, I am going to kill you." She spewed. He laughed, wholeheartedly. "Derek, I am serious! No sex!" She shouted.

"What?" He said as his face dropped and became serious. "What do you mean?"

"Are you really that dumb? No sex means, I don't do all you favorite things. I don't let you do all the things you love to do to me. I can hold out. And let me tell you this is a hell of a reason to." She said quickly as she pulled her dress on.

"We haven't had sex in a long time." He whined. "Oh, so I agree to go to dinner at your mother's house and you are refusing to have sex with me?" He asked.

"Um, yeah. You are just lucky I will allow you to sleep next to me after this." Meredith explained. "Oh, and I'm thinking no panties tonight. It's kind of a rebellion thing. Yep no panties as I sit next to you at dinner." She said, rubbing it in.

"Not funny." He returned as he straightened his tie.

"It really is..." She said as she ran her fingers through her hair on last time.

"Are you ready?" He asked as he straightened his tie.

"No. But I guess I have to be." She whined as she walked out into the porch.

"Come on, It won't be _that_ bad." He said as he opened the car door for her.

------------------

"I can not believe we are standing at the opening of the lair." Meredith seethed as they stood at the front door of Richard and Ellis' house.

"Relax. I am here with you. She won't attack." Derek said, trying to be reassuring.

"You obviously do not know my mother." She said under her breath. The door started to open. "No panties..." She whispered to Derek. His face turned red.

"Oh, Meredith, Derek. I'm glad you made it." Richard said happily. "Come in."

"Ellis is setting the table." Richard explained.

"My mother, setting the table?" Meredith asked.

"She can be domestic." Richard returned with a soft smile.

"Not when I was growing up..." Meredith muttered under her breath. Derek nudged her.

"Let me take your coats." Richard said. They all walked into the living room. "So, how was your day?"

"Good. Just a Craniotomy. Well, you know." Derek said with a smile.

Meredith looked around the house. It was nice. It wasn't cold. The house they lived in when she was a child was cold. It was basic. It didn't have a homey feeling to it. Nothing about her mom was compassionate, or caring. She saw a picture of her mother and Richard when they got married. It couldn't have been too long after she had left with Ian. They looked fairly young. She felt like she had missed out, but at the same time, she was glad she did.

"Mer--" Derek said. She didn't answer. "Meredith..."

"Oh, uh." She started. "Yeah?"

"Richard was asking you if you wanted a drink." Derek asked.

"Sure. Um, anything with alcohol in it." She said quickly as she continued to look around.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, squeezing her thigh.

"Yeah, I guess." She muttered, her mind drifting off.

_"Ellis, we shouldn't do this." Richard said as she pushed him against the counter. "Adele and Thatcher are in the dining room. So is Meredith..."_

_"Oh, come on. Where is your sense of adventure." She said as she pushed her tongue into his mouth. He pulled away and started laughing as she went to kiss him again._

_"Mommy? What are you doing with Mr. Richard?" Meredith asked as she walked up to them._

_"Richard was just telling me a joke, Meredith. We will be out in a minute." Ellis said, Meredith just stared. "Go!" She shouted. Meredith scurried._

_"This is wrong." Richard said with regret. "It's one thing to do this to Adele and Thatch, but Meredith is just a child..."_

_"Oh come on, Richard. She is five years old. She has no idea what is going on." Ellis laughed as she grabbed platters of food. Meredith ran to the table, knowing something wasn't right._

"So, Ellis has informed me that dinner is almost ready." Richard said with a smile.

Derek and Meredith sat down at the table with Richard. She looked at him. He looked like such a nice guy. Not the kind of guy to cheat on his wife. But at the same time, she knows what it is to be in love. She couldn't say if she would have an affair. She had never been in that situation. Technically, yes. But not really.

"So how is the wine?" Richard asked. Ellis walked in with food.

"Oh, it's good." Meredith said with a fake smile.

"Good, good." Richard said.

"Hello, Derek." Ellis said with a smile. "Hello, Meredith." She said, with contempt.

Ellis brought out plates of roasted chicken, seasoned potatoes and steamed vegetables. Meredith looked at the food. It looked good, but she wasn't really hungry. She didn't not want to eat food that her mother had made.

"So, Meredith, how have you been?" Ellis asked, as if she had to.

"Fine." Meredith said in a short, concise tone.

"And Derek..." Ellis asked, a little more nicely.

"Great." Derek returned. "Wow, this is good." Derek said with a smile. "Right, Meredith?"

"She's afraid I am trying to poison her..." Ellis stated swiftly. "That's why I brought it out like this, so you could pick your own."

"You don't think that...right?" Derek asked with a slight grin.

"You never know." Meredith returned honestly. She cut a small piece off and struggled to get it in her mouth. She didn't want to eat it. It was like forcing down a toxin.

"So, I see you got your cast off..." Richard said, trying to ease the mood.

"Yes, today, actually. Now, the sex will really get wild..." Meredith said with and evil smile.

"Meredith!" Derek said in shock, partially embarrassed.

"What?" She said quickly. "You don't know how loud these two are. I think it's some kind of rule, when you are cheating on your spouse, the sex gets crazier... Is there any truth to that?" She asked, looking at Richard.

"Meredith. You are in my home, I will not take this disrespect." Ellis said loudly.

"It's okay, Ellis. She has a right to be angry." He said, defending her.

"Why?" Ellis snapped. Derek remained silent.

"Because what we did was wrong!" He raised his voice. "It was wrong. It was bad enough that we did it to Adele and Thatcher. But it affected her the most. Meredith, I am sorry." He said, looking at her with pleading eyes.

"No. I don't want to--" She said quickly. "It's your life. I am done. I have my own life now." She said, putting and end to the conversation. A small part if her felt bad for Richard. She knew her mom was commanding. They all ate in an awkward silence.

"Well, how about dessert?" Richard asked, as the finished up their meal.

"Sounds good." Said Derek. Both Richard and Ellis walked into the kitchen, the swinging door shutting behind them.

"What the hell?" Derek asked.

"What? Did I embarrass you?" She said with an evil laugh.

"You are rotten..." He said, shaking his head.

"Ah, yes. And I am also feeling free and cool without my panties on..." She laughed as Ellis and Richard walked back in with raspberry sorbet.

"Oh, I see you got her to laugh." Richard said with a smile.

"I have a way of doing that..." Derek returned.

"So this was nice..." Richard returned.

"Oh, yes. Meredith and I are both still alive..." Ellis returned with a snicker.

"Do you know what I love?" Derek asked.

"What?" They all replied.

"Dessert." He said with a smile as he dropped his hand on Meredith's thigh. She felt him slid her dress up. He face turned pale, as she looked at him. He smiled.

"So. How do you guys ever see each other?" She asked. "Both of you are so busy..."

She wasn't even listening to their answer. Derek placed his hand on the inside of her thigh. She tensed up, clamped her thighs together, and glared at him. He persisted as he slide his hand farther down. She relaxed. Softly his fingers entered her. She gasped softly, unnoticed. Ellis and Richard continued talking. His finger gently massaged her clit. He could feel her moist warmth. She gasped loudly as her body began to react. Ellis and Richard both gave her a puzzled look. Derek immediately withdrew his hand.

"Are you okay?" They asked, as she turned bright red.

"Uh, yeah. I'm just getting a little hot." She said, fanning herself, with a smile.

"And bothered?" Derek whispered under his breath. She poked him in the side.

"Dessert is great." She said quickly.

They all finished their desserts. Meredith couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. That wasn't the reason she had to leave. She had to have Derek and she had to have him now. They made quick goodbyes, and Meredith almost died when Derek shook their hands. She knew where that hand had been. That was her secret revenge.

"So that wasn't bad." Derek said as they walked out to the car.

"Hurry up!" She said loudly as she dragged him.

"What?" Derek said as he rushed to the car. He opened her door and ran to the other side. The minute he got in, she attacked him savagely with kisses.

"That was wrong..." She said in between kisses.

"I know." He said as he kissed her neck. She placed her hand on him and began massaging.

"Oh God." He muttered. He began to pull her into his lap.

"No. Not here." She said quickly.

"What?" He said in shock.

"I can't. It's too uncomfortable. I need a bed." She said. Derek shook his head and muttered something under his breath. His foot hit the gas as they took off.

"Go to my place, it's closer." She said.

"Good idea." Derek said as he almost flipped the car, taking the corner.

"Whoa there..." She said in shock.

"You can't do that!" He said in disgust.

"What?" She said innocently.

"Oh, not wear panties. Be all hot, then get me ready, and shut me down..." He said as he slammed on the breaks in front of the house. Meredith looked up to see lights on.

"Shit! They are up..." She muttered.

"I don't care if the Pope is standing there..." Derek said, rushing toward the house. Meredith grabbed her keys and tried to get the key in. She struggled for a minute. Derek grabbed it from her and tried as she attacked him from behind.

"Oh God!" Derek said. She reached are arms around him. She undid his belt, unbuttoned his pants and slid her hand in his pants. He turned around to face her and she pushed him against the door with force. He fell back and the both fell through the glass door.

"Fuck!" She yelled as they climbed up, both unscathed.

"What the hell?" George asked. Izzie ran up from behind.

"Call the 24 hour glass people!" Meredith yelled as they both ran up the stairs, tearing their clothing off.

"Wow!" Izzie muttered.

"No kidding!" George said, in shock. They both just stared at the glass.

Meredith pulled her dress over her head as she walked into her room. Derek popped off all of the buttons, pulled his off in a split second and threw it. He pulled his pants down and they fell to the floor. She crashed onto the bed on her back. He immediately began kissing her neck. He moved down to her chest. She leaned up and he unclasped her bra. He tossed it somewhere across the room and began sucking and nipping her breasts. She arched her back and moaned as he nipped a little harder. She reached down and began massaging is shaft. She tightened her grip as she massaged harder, causing him to moan. She could feel him beginning to pulsate. She swiftly straddled him, placing him inside of her. She began pumping harder and harder. He moaned loudly as the headboard banged against the wall. She could feel him nearing his peak. She tightened around him. He could feel her moist heat encompassing him. "Oh, Meredith. Oh God!" He shouted. She smiled as she looked into his deep blue eye. She felt herself teetering toward pure ecstasy. "Oh, God Derek." She screamed loudly as she felt her orgasm take over. Her whole body shuddered with pure pleasure. She felt him release inside her with a loud moan. He gave her a passionate smile. She collapsed onto his chest. She laid and listened to his rapid heartbeat. She knew she had never had and never would have better than him.

"You wanna do it again?" She asked breathlessly.

"Hell yeah!" He returned as he pulled her on top him.

---------------

Meredith woke up abruptly at five thirty am. She was supposed to be there at six. She looked over to Derek, who was sleeping soundly. With all of their fun last night, neither had remembered to set the alarm clock. She hadn't been in her own room in quite a while. All of her time had been spent at Derek's trailer. She jumped out of bed quickly.

"Derek!" She shouted.

"Hmm?" He asked as he stirred slightly.

"What time do you have to be in?" She asked quickly, as she rushed around her room.

"I have surgery at seven thirty." He responded, as he rolled over.

"Are you kidding me?" She huffed. "It must be nice!" She walked over and set the alarm for six-thirty.

She needed to take a shower, but there was no time. She threw on a clean pair scrubs. She went down the stairs two at a time. Bailey had just started giving her more leeway. She was allowing her to scrub in on surgeries. Now she was going to be late, and stuck on scut again. She ran into the kitchen. Of course there was no coffee. Luckily she was running on pure adrenaline. She ran out to her Jeep, started it and sped off towards the hospital. She ran into the locker room with ten minutes to spare.

"I officially hate you today!" Izzie shouted as Meredith walked in.

"Why?" Meredith asked.

"I hate you too!" George responded.

"Wow, what did you do?" Cristina asked.

"You pissed off two people that are almost impossible to piss off." Alex said with an amused chuckle.

"I don't know." Meredith responded with a shrug.

"Seriously? Seriously?" Izzie said loudly, as she threw her hair up in a bun.

"Uh, you didn't notice that you had to open the door to go through it this morning..." George said cockily.

"Oh, that." Meredith responded nonchalantly.

"What's going on?" Cristina asked.

"Oh, this is great...Let me see..." George started.

"No! Let me tell it. I suffered more." Izzie said as she interrupted.

"Did not!" George shouted.

"I did too" She said loudly. "So, George and I were watching a movie and we heard a key in the door. Or at least someone trying to get a key in the door. We got up, wondering what it was. Especially since Mer hasn't come home since I don't know when. Next all of a sudden, Meredith and Derek come crashing through..." She explained.

"So what. They came through the door." Alex said, not understanding the problem.

"No! Literally through the door. Through the glass--" She said with gusto.

"Through the door?" Cristina said, looking at Meredith in shock.

"Dude!" Alex shouted.

"That isn't the worst of it. So they crash through the door, and get up, brush the glass off and continue up the stairs. Mer yelled at me to call the glass people. They were practically naked before they made it up there. So George and I stayed up for four hours waiting. Then when it was fixed, we _tried _ to go to sleep. All I heard was "Oh God don't stop" "Oh God, Meredith" "Harder, harder" Well, you get the drift. So we didn't get any sleep." She seethed as she glared at Meredith.

"And you owe me eight hundred bucks for the window!" George added.

"How the hell did you crash through a window?" Alex asked, looking at Meredith.

"Long story. Dinner at Mom's, no panties, interesting dessert, I had Derek literally by the balls and we fell through, okay?" She said as if it was no big deal.

"So it was good?" Cristina asked.

"Oh God yes! Well worth the wait!" She said. Miranda walked in.

"Okay, rounds! I want you all on top of your games today. No embarrassing me!" Dr. Bailey warned.

--------------------

"You look tired." Meredith said softly as Derek made his first cut.

"That isn't the best thing to say when I am cutting a patient open." He said with a faint smile.

"Well, you do." She said with a shrug.

"If you hadn't kept me up all night!" He said with a smirk.

"Fine. I won't _ever again_." She said, and she watched him work.

"Oh, no. I am all for pulling all nighters. Especially that kind!" He said quickly.

"Yeah, well it was amazing." She said happily as she thought back.

"That was the best I ever had..." He said, also recalling the events.

"Really?" She said with surprise.

"It wasn't for you?" He asked, slightly offended.

"It was great." She returned quickly.

"You have to admit that I was on top of my game." He said with confidence, as he looked up at her.

"Yeah, well it wasn't your best oral presentation..." She said. He looked up at her with shock. "I am kidding!"

"I was going to say..." Derek said.

"I bet you were." She smiled.

The case was a long one. Meredith was starting to feel sore after hour two. She knew by the time it was over she was going to be near death. Between her very active, very sleepless night, she was exhausted. Not to mention, she didn't have any coffee this morning. She began shifting weight from one foot to another.

"You okay?" He asked, not looking up.

"Um...yeah. I'm fine." She tried to convince him.

"Can you get two _strong_ shots of espresso, not too hot." He asked a nurse. She immediately rushed out. After a few minutes she came in.

"Here you go..." She said, as she stood there holding them for him.

"Oh, no. Those are for Dr. Grey." He said with a smile. The nurse gave him a funny look and handed them to Meredith. She drank them down like shots and changed her gloves.

"Kind of like tequila, only morning style, huh?" He said with a smile. "You will thank me..."

"I think you're right." She smiled.

The espresso perked her up. By the end of the five hour case, she was stiff, but awake. She wasn't sure if she wanted yo eat lunch, or take a nap in the on-call room. She and Derek had just dried their hands. Derek pushed her against the wall and kissed her deeply. They immediately pulled away when the door opened.

"Ah, Dr. Shepherd." Richard nodded. "Dr. Grey..." He said, being professional.

"Derek. There is a two-day conference in New York next week. I really think you should attend it." Richard said. Derek grimaced. "They want you to speak. I know it's late notice. But I would really like to have you represent this hospital." He said with a hopeful look. Derek looked over at Meredith who gave him an approving nod.

"Fine. Yes, I will do it." Derek said quickly.

"Good. Thanks, Shep." Richard said as he walked out.

"Come on!" Derek said as he pulled Meredith out of the room.

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked. He didn't respond, as he dragged her into an on-call room. He locked the door quickly.

"We are making up for the two days I will be gone." Derek said with a smile as he pulled his scrub shirt off.

"Oh no! Not here." Meredith said, turning to walk out. Derek wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She could feel his erection pressing against her.

"Damn-it!" She shouted.

"What?" He said in shock.

Meredith turned around and covered his mouth with hers. He grabbed the bottom of her scrub shirt and the shirt underneath, and pulled them off in one quick motion. Her hands pulled at the string on his scrub pants and they fell to the floor. He did the same for her. He stood there for a second and took her in. There she stood in her lavender bra and panties. She was radiant. She quickly pulled her thong off as he pulled his boxers off. He pushed her against the wall and began kissing the crook of her neck. She melted. She wrapped her legs around him as she placed him inside of her. He let out a satisfied moan. His lips kissed her chest, as he pumped into her. She let out a faint moan of enjoyment. Her nails dug into his back as she started to tighten around him. "Oh God, Der. Oh God...Harder" Meredith moaned. He pumped harder and harder into her satisfying her yearning. "Oh Mer." He said loudly as he felt himself near his peak. He could feel her skin getting moist with sweat. "Derek!" She shouted at she reached her peak, tightening around her, she began to shudder. He moaned as his own orgasm took him to the peak of ecstasy. She melted against him as her legs returned to the floor. She looked into his eyes. They looked so satisfied. She smiled faintly and she came down from her own high.

"That was a good start." He said with a smile.

"Good start?" She asked.

"We have to make up for the time I will be gone..." He explained, as he let out a deep breath.

"Two days!" She said. "It's just two..."

"I can't even last a few hours." He said frankly.

"Maybe it will make you appreciate me more!" She boasted.

"That is impossible. Because you are the most beautiful, smart, sexy, fantastic, and amazing woman I have ever met. I love you. And I do appreciate you." He said as he placed his lips over hers.

"I love you too, Der." She said softly. He received a page from the Chief. He began dressing hastily. He went to rush out of the room.

"Oh, by the way, I now owe George eight hundred bucks for the window..." She told him.

"I'll pay it." He offered.

"No. You don't have to. It's my house. I pushed you..." She replied quickly.

"No, no. I will pay it. It was _very_ worth it!" She said with a smile as he walked out.

----------

**Sorry I didn't get this up yesterday, I was super busy! HAPPY GREY'S DAY! Let's hope for a Mer/Der make-up with sex!**


	33. Love Me Two Times

**I do not own Grey's Anatomy!**

For the first time in her life, Meredith found herself upset that her boyfriend was leaving. Whenever Ian would go out of town, she would be secretly relieved. And with Nate she was sad, but she survived. But with Derek, she was dreading his departure. She hadn't realized how in love she was with him until the day neared that he was leaving. It was only a few days, she knew that. Her insecurities were rearing their ugly heads again. A small part of her was worried that he would never come back. That thought, she could not bear. She looked over at him as he slept.

"Are you watching me?" He asked without opening his eyes.

"Maybe." She said with a giggle. His eyes opened, and blue met green.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he watched her expression change from happiness to something entirely different.

"It's nothing." She said, brushing it off, and not doing a very good job of it.

"Something is wrong." He said, giving her his signature smile. "You can tell me..."

"I'm scared." She said as her eyes welled up. "It's so stupid."

"Nothing you say or do is stupid." He reassured her as he rubbed her arm. She winced and closed her eyes.

"I have never felt this way before. I can't breathe." She explained. "I should not feel like a am going to die because you are leaving for three days. I have never--" She said, nervously. He cut her off with a kiss.

"Meredith, I love you." He said when he pulled away. "And I will be thinking of you every single minute that I am gone."

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." He reassured her.

"Please come back." She whispered.

"Why wouldn't I come back?" He asked with a puzzled look.

"Everyone leaves and they don't come back." She said softly as her eyes welled up again.

"I will come back as soon as I can." He reassured her.

"What time is your flight?" She asked as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Seven." He responded as he kissed her head.

"Can we just spend the day in bed?" She asked, as she laid her head against him.

"I would love to do nothing else." Derek answered, holding her tighter.

"Something happened with Anna's bone marrow donor." Meredith said sadly.

"Oh, that's not good." He responded softly.

"We have the same blood type you know." Meredith said nonchalantly.

"Oh?" Derek said, wondering what she was getting to.

"I think I'm going to see if I can be a donor." She said quickly.

"What?" Derek said in shock. "You don't even know her!"

"She's a little kid, Derek. She needs someone." Meredith said, looking into his eyes.

"It's a big step, Mer. And it hurts..." Derek said, trying to discourage her.

"You're right." She said, deciding to drop the conversation. "So what on earth could we do in bed all day?" She asked with a smile.

"Hmm, I don't know..." He said with a smirk and then pulled her on top of him.

"I think I have an idea..." She said as she began kissing his bare chest.

"I can kiss here." She said. "And here...Oh! And here." She whispered as she placed him in her mouth.

"Oh my God, Meredith." He moaned as she began licking him with her tongue. She looked into his eyes. She ran her teeth down his shaft gently. She could feel him growing. He tensed up, and she could see the need in his eyes.

"I need you..." He moaned. She smiled as she straddled him, and placed him inside her. They both paused momentarily. Derek let out a deep sigh. He placed his hands on her hips and grabbed tightly, but gently. She began rocking her hips slowly. She looked into his eyes, and all she saw was love, love that she had never seen in any other man's eyes. She began rocking harder and faster. "God I love you." He moaned, she just smiled a seductive smile. He could feel her beggining to tighten around her. He rolled over and pressed her knees up. She giggled at his need for control.

"Oh God Derek!" She said as she got nearer to the edge. He pumped into her harder with every moan she let out. She neared the edge. She could feel her orgasm toaking over. She felt a wave of heat take her whole body over. "Oh God!" She shouted loudly as he pounded into again. He felt as she came around him. Derek felt himself nearer to his own climax, and he realeased inside of her with a loud moan. They both collapsed against each other. They laid there listening to each other's rapid heartbeats, feeling their moist skin pressed against one another.

"I am going to miss you." Derek said softly.

"Me or the sex?" She joked.

"Now that is a hard decision to make!" He chuckled. He saw her wince as she turned over. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm a little still sore." She replied. He looked at her bruises, most of them were turning yellow. "I think I am going to take a bath." She said as she climbed out of their bed, wrapping a sheet around her.

"You know, I have seen you naked, right?" He stated.

"Yeah, I know." She smiled. "But I'm shy!"

"Sure you are!" Derek said, unconvinced.

She walked in the bathroom and began with water. She poured a generous amount of bubbles into the running water. She took a second to look at herself in the large mirror in the corner. She could see the remnants or her battle wounds. Her face was pale. She needed to soak, and rest. She needed to breath and think. She threw her leg over the large bathtub and lowered herself in the water. She let out a deep sigh and laid her head back. Now she was relaxed. She laid there for several minutes before she opened her eyes.

"Ah!" She shrieked when she opened her eyes to see Derek, inches away, looking into her eyes. "God, Derek! What are you doing?" She asked with an irritated tone.

"Watching you." He said softly. "I am memorizing every inch of you. That way I can picture you, whenever I want." She rolled her eyes and closed them softly. She felt the water rise and opened her eyes quickly.

"What are you doing?" She asked in sock.

"I am joining you." He said with a grin.

"Uh, no. No, you aren't." She said as she sat up.

"Relax!" He said quietly. "This is a good thing."

"I bathe alone." She stated simply.

"So do I." He returned flatly.

"Do you do this often? Get into bathtubs with girls?" She asked.

"Nope. I have to say this is my first time." He said with a faint smile. "Come here..." He said as he pulled her over to him. She turned and placed her back against his chest.

"I don't want you to go..." Meredith said softly.

"It's only for a few days, Mer." He said convincingly.

"You don't get it." She said with a sigh. "You will never get it. I don't want to be hurt again..." She said.

"I won't hurt you." Derek said firmly.

"You don't know that." Meredith stated dull-ly.

"I do. And someday. You will realize that." Derek said confidently as she embraced her.

-----------------

Meredith watched as the plane carrying the love of her life lifted off of the ground and into the clouds. She looked around the busy airport. She and Derek had spent the day together, just hanging out and doing all of their favorite things. Most of them in the bed. She slowly walked to her jeep and got in. She sat there for several minutes just thinking. Think that maybe she had gotten herself in too far. Maybe she shouldn't love him so deeply. The more she loved him, the more she could get hurt. She quickly pulled out of the airport parking lot, not knowing where she was headed. She found herself in Joe's parking lot. She walked into the familiar bar, hearing the ding as the door closed. She grabbed a stool and sat in a slump.

"What can I get you?" Joe asked, as he walked by. The bar was busier than usual.

"Oh, a shot of tequila." She mumbled.

"You okay?" He asked as he poured it.

"Yeah. I'm okay, I think." Meredith said softly. "Derek went to New York for a medical conference."

"Oh, I see. Missing McDreamy already..." Joe said with a chuckle.

"No. No. Not me." She said innocently.

"You want another?" He asked, lifting the bottle of tequila.

"Sure, what the hell." She said exuberantly. A man sat down next to her.

"Hey." He said. "I'm Greg."

"Hey." She said as she turned away and downed her shot.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked smoothly.

"Uh, no. I think I'm good." She said quickly.

"Come on." He begged. "One drink."

"Look, I'm seeing someone. Someone I love more than anything in the world, so...no." She said boldly. She got up and went to the bathroom. He was still there when she came back. She was debating where or not to sit back down next to him when she saw Alex walk in.

"Hey my good friend." She said as she walked up and grabbed him by the arm.

"What are you doing?" He asked, taken aback.

"That guy is hitting on me. Let's play pool." She suggested with a smile. "I'll buy you a drink..." She said, trying to entice him.

"Fine, one game." He answered, pretending like it was a chore.

"You rack them" She said. "What do you want to drink?" She asked.

"A beer." He shouted.

"You're a cheap date!" She yelled back. She quickly came back with their drinks.

"Go first. I want to see what you got." He said with a snicker. She took her shot, it was good. He looked at her with surprise.

"I'm good." She said with a smile.

"So I've heard." He laughed. "At many things!"

"Inappropriate, Alex. _Very _inappropriate!" She teased.

"Where's Shepherd?" He asked, taking his shot. She chuckled.

"The conference in New York. He left at seven." She whined. She took another great pool shot. "Where's Iz?"

"Bailey pulled her into surgery." Alex responded.

"Lucky bitch." Meredith chimed, Alex shook his head in agreement. "So it's just you and me?"

"Me and you, babe." He said with a chuckle.

"You want another?" She asked as she shook his empty bottle.

"Sure." Alex answered.

They both downed several shots of tequila and many beers. They were having a good time hogging the pool table. Both of them were getting a little tipsy. Meredith noticed that the guy who was hitting on her earlier was still sitting at that bar.

"So, she let you buy her a drink, but not me?" Greg said loudly as he walked up.

"He's my friend." Meredith boasted.

"I could be your friend..." Greg said with a seductive smile.

"I have enough, thanks." Meredith retorted at she bent over the table to take her shot.

"Nice, shot, Grey." Alex said loudly. She leaned of the table and Greg planted his hand right on her ass.

"Get your hand off me!" She shouted as she turned around.

"Come on, Baby. We could have a good time. Your boyfriend would never have to know." He said as he put his hand on her hip and pulled her near him.

"Hey! What did she just say to you?" Alex said as he walked toward him.

"I don't think it is any of your business." Greg yelled as he walked toward Alex and shoved him.

"Oh I think it is..." Alex said and immediatley punched him square in the jaw.

"You son of a bitch!" Greg yelled as he climbed to his feet and ran toward Alex. Meredith jumped on his back and began pounding on him. He reached behind and pulled her off of him. "Wrong move!" He yelled.

"Break it up!" Joe yelled as he ran over.

"Oh, come on. We were just having some fun..." Greg said, grabbing Meredith.

She hit him in the nose with the heel of her hand. Blood went everywhere.

"You bitch!" He yelled as he grabbed his nose. He looked and Joe, then turned and walked out of the bar.

"This is the second time, Meredith!" Joe yelled. "If you didn't buy a fifty gallon jug of tequila every month, I would ban you!" He said with a laugh.

"And you'd be out of business." She said quickly. "Call me a cab."

-----------------

"You take the couch!" She shouted as she stumbled in the door.

"The couch? How about your bed?" He said with laugh.

"In your dreams, Evilspawn!" She chuckled.

"What are you guys doing?" Izzie said, as she came out of the kitchen.

"We're a little drunk..." Meredith said, scrunching her nose.

"Just a little." Alex told her, holding up his thumb and pointer finger.

"Oh my God." Izzie said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, and Grey got in a fight." Alex laughed.

"He did too!" Meredith said, pointing at him.

"Never again. You too are not allowed to be anywhere with each other." Izzie joked.

"Well, I'm going to bed." Meredith said, as she crawled up the stairs. She didn't even bother changing. She laid right down with her clothes on. She pulled Derek's pillow against her and took a deep breath. She never even heard her cellphone ring as she fell into a deep, tequila induced sleep.

--------------

**So a chapter of fluff. Something will happen in the next chapter. This was ready last night but I didn't post it. Wanna know why? I only got two reviews. Is the story getting sucky? I can stop writing...**

**I have been super busy with horses, so I can't guarantee daily updates. I will try really hard! As long as I get ****reviews!!**


	34. Stir the Pot

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy, I wish I did!**

Meredith moaned as she opened her eyes. Waking up from a night of tequila was not something she was unfamiliar with. She felt the wave of nausea take her over as she sat up in bed. She quickly walked to the bathroom and hugged the porcelain God. She always hated herself in the morning. She held her liquor better than the average person, but last night she had consumed quite a bit. Finally she was able to drag herself down the stairs.

"You look like shit." Alex moaned as he held his head.

"You look so much better..." Meredith spat as she grabbed her coffee cup. She sat down and placed her elbows on the table, and her head in her hands. "What the hell did we do last night?"

"I don't know. I don't think I want to know..." Alex said slowly and quietly, trying to keep his head from pounding.

"Good morning!" Izzie chirped as she walked into the kitchen with a smile on her face. "I bet you are loving yourselves this morning!" Meredith and Alex both moaned.

"You guys were wasted!" Izzie laughed. "And you both got in some big fight."

"We did?" Meredith said as she furrowed her brow.

"We did!" Alex said as he remembered. "That guy..."

"Oh yeah. What an asshole!" Meredith said as she remembered. She heard her cellphone go off. She called the voicemail

"Hey Mer, I miss you already. I have been on the plane for an hour, and I already miss you. I'll call you later. Love you." Derek said in the first message. "Hey Mer, It's me again. I just wanted to tell you goodnight. Love you." He said in the second. "Hey, I hope you are okay. Either that or you don't miss me too badly. Love ya." He said in the third. Her face dropped as she listened to the last one.

"McDreamy?" Izzie asked as she shut her phone.

"Yeah." She said plainly. She wished she had answered it. "I'm sure he is at the conference now. I guess I'll call him later." She said quietly.

"Well, we better go." Izzie said with a smile.

"I don't have a car." Meredith mentioned as the headed to the door.

"I don't either." Alex added.

"Luckily I do." Izzie said as they followed her out.

"I don't want to ride in that thing!" Alex whined.

"What is wrong with my car?" Izzie asked.

"It's pink." He responded.

"It's pinkish red." Izzie argued.

"No, Iz. It is pink." Meredith told her.

"Whatever. You guys can walk!" She said as she climbed in her car.

"No, no It's fine. Great, even!" Meredith said, as she climbed in the passenger seat.

"Why do I get the back?" Alex asked.

"Because." Meredith giggled.

"It's not big enough for me back here." He whined.

"Maybe not big enough for your ego." Meredith laughed.

"You are a pain in the ass, Grey. I don't know what Shepherd sees in you." Alex said as he rolled his eyes.

"Don't you wish you knew." She said with a chuckle.

--------------------

Meredith was assigned to the Chief. She was secretly having a temper tantrum in her mind. The though of being in an operating room with Richard Webber made her stomach turn. The only thing that could be worse would be getting stuck with her mother. She walked in the scrub room and began angrily scrubbing her hands. Richard was already in the OR. At least she had managed to avoid him in the scrub room.

"Ah Dr. Grey, how nice of you to join us." He said. She wasn't sure if he was being genuine or sarcastic because she was late. She just smiled.

"So what are we doing here?" He asked her. Of course she was right there with and answer.

"Um. In fundoplication, the fundus of the stomach is wrapped, around the inferior part of the esophagus, preventing the sliding of the fundus through the enlarged hiatus in the diaphragm. Are we doing a Dor and Toupet?" She asked. He was obviously impressed.

"A Toupet." He said simply.

"So you are wrapping the fundus around the back of the esophagus?" She asked, loving the fact that she was on top of her game.

"That is correct." Richard replied, as he worked on the patient. "So how have you been?"

"Okay." She returned suspiciously.

"Good." Richard said with a smile. "Have you talked to your mom?"

"No." She said sharply. "And I don't plan to. Things are fine the way they are."

"Are you sure about that?" He asked, unconvinced.

"The fact that we are both in Seattle and the city hasn't blown up is amazing. We don't have a relationship and I am fine with that." Meredith explained.

"But she isn't." Richard replied.

"Yes she is." Meredith answered.

"She has feelings. Like it or not, you are more alike than you think. Neither of you are willing to bend. I just hope you both don't regret it someday..." He trailed off.

"I'm sure we won't." Meredith said quickly.

"So, where did you go all of those years?" Richard asked. Meredith looked at him in shock.

"You know I went to Oxford. It was on my application." Meredith said flatly, as she stared at the incision.

"But why Oxford? Why go so far away?" Richard asked.

"Um, no reason." Meredith said as her stomach started to turn.

If Ellis ever found out about Ian, Meredith would never live it down. He was her biggest mistake. Her mom would take it as a weakness. She knew if that happened she may as well be an injured animal running from a predator. And her mom is a very successful predator, taking over everything in her path.

"She tried to find you." Richard told her as he looked into her eyes. "You hurt her.."

"She can't be hurt." Meredith returned.

"I was there when she listened to your message. She stood there, and her face dropped. She walked directly to the bathroom. I swear her sobs shook the house." He said sadly.

"Why are you doing this? You are lying. I know my mother! I know how she is! She doesn't cry. She doesn't have feelings." Meredith seethed. "Just stop. Stop trying to push us together. Just stop!" She said angrily.

"I'm sorry I have upset you. But I am not sorry I told you." Richard said. Meredith didn't respond.

She stood there, next to him for the remainder of the surgery. She felt like she was on fire. She knew he was trying to help, but she didn't want it. She was happy. She was happy with Derek and her friends. They were all she needed. She was so happy to escape from the OR when the surgery was over. At least her angry thoughts of her mother were keeping away the sadness she felt from missing Derek.

As she walked down the hallway, she head the loud noise coming from her abdomen. Her stomach was growling. Without Derek there to take her to dinner or cook for her, she had not eaten. She thought about him as she walked down. She knew she had to call him, but she didn't want to bother him. She walked onto the elevator. Her eyes met the brown eyes of her nemesis. She didn't speak. She turned at looked at the door. She could feel the hole that Holly was burning into her back with her eyes. Meredith felt the elevator come to a quick stop.

"You have got to be kidding me!" She shouted loudly. "No!"

"Oh no." Holly said slowly.

Meredith couldn't believe it. How could she be stuck in the elevator with her of all people? Holly picked up the phone and tried to call for help. Of course, it didn't work. They both looked at each other. Both of them would rather be anyone than here. Meredith slid her back down the wall and sat on the hard floor. She laughed under her breath as Holly tried to do the same. Her skirt was restricting her. They sat in an unbearable silence for quite a while.

"So Derek is in New York?" Holly said, breaking the ice.

"Yep." Meredith said coldly.

"I was going to go..." Holly scoffed.

"Oh." Meredith said, knowing exactly what Holly was up to. "What exactly were you going to do at a Neurology conference?" Meredith said with a chuckle.

"Audit." Holly said simply.

"I didn't know you had such interest in the brain." Meredith said seriously. "Especially with your lack there of." Holly gasped.

"You are---are--" Holly stammered. "You stole him from me!" She screeched.

"How exactly did I do that?" Meredith laughed. "Honestly!"

"We were happy." She said quietly.

"No. _You_ were happy." Meredith pointed out. "Derek was not happy. Now, Derek is happy." She said with a smile.

"It won't last." Holly chuckled.

"Don't worry. I'm sure that there is someone in the world that would be interested in a controlling, frigid snob." Meredith said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"I am not frigid!" She spat.

"Hmm." Meredith said.

"What?" Holly yelled.

"Oh you said you weren't frigid, but you didn't say anything about controlling or snobby..." Meredith pointed out.

"Ugh. I can't talk to you!" Holly shouted.

"Why can't you just drop it!" Meredith said. "If you truly loved him, you would want him to be happy." Meredith said sadly.

Holly didn't respond. They both sat in silence. They knew that no matter what was said, they wouldn't be able to come to an understanding. Meredith knew that she was going to get thicker skin, because Holly was going to be a thorn in her side for a long time. After another thirty minutes, Meredith tried again.

"So, what do I need to do to make myself healthier." Meredith asked.

"Are you asking for my help?" Holly said, happy she was the top dog for a moment.

"Yes." Meredith spat. "Just this once. I am hoping to be a bone marrow donor." She explained.

"For the girl that you have been visiting? Anna?" Holly asked with raised eyebrows.

Meredith nodded. Holly went on for what seemed like forever. She was in her element as she talked about nutrition. She knew that Meredith had a strong connection to Anna. She knew it, and she wondered how low it would be to take advantage of it.

Finally, two hours later the elevator doors opened. They were stuck in between floors. Meredith had never been so happy to see them open in her life. The rescuers pulled Holly up first. Meredith helped her climb up. She was really hoping she would fall. But then again, Holly would probably eat up the attention. Meredith chucked when they pulled Holly up. She wasn't looking purposely, but she caught site of Holly's panties. They looked like something her grandmother would wear, if she had one. Poor Derek, is all she could think. They easily pulled Meredith up and she sighed loudly when she rose to her feet.

"Oh my God!" Izzie said loudly. "You are both still alive?"

"Barely." Meredith said. "That was hell!"

"I bet!" Izzie agreed. "Oh yeah, don't go to Joe's tonight." Izzie told her.

"Why? You don't want me going with your boyfriend?" Meredith laughed.

"No. I'm not Holly! It was cute, seeing you guys all drunk and stupid." She laughed as she thought back. "Seriously. I promised Derek that I would feed you. I am cooking dinner. You better be there."

"Okay, okay." Meredith laughed. Of course her pager went off. "Crap, it's Bailey!"

"I will see you tonight!" Izzie yelled.

"Okay!" Meredith yelled as she trotted off.

----------------

Meredith never did have lunch. She was paged by Bailey and pulled into an emergency surgery. A man had swallowed a fork and perforated his esophagus. The surgery took what seemed like forever. It was a good surgery, and she was happy to be in on it. But she was happier to be done. When she got to the locker room, she sat on the bench and rubbed her sore feet. She knew she had to get home. She was happy to climb in her old Jeep and drive the familiar route home.

Meredith opened the front door, kicked her shoes off, and threw her stuff on the table. Izzie was standing in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Meredith laughed at Izzie, she was so focused on preparing their meal, she didn't even notice that Meredith had walked in.

"So what are we having?" Meredith said loudly, causing Izzie to jump.

"Crap, Mer!" She shouted. "You scared me!"

"Sorry." Meredith laughed.

"Um, roast chicken, mashed potatoes and peas." Izzie told her. "You need to eat healthy. Especially since you didn't have lunch." Izzie explained.

"Sounds good." Meredith answered. "Do you need any help?"

"Actually yeah." Izzie said happily. "I have had to pee forever. Can you stir this gravy?"

"Yeah, I'm sure I can manage that..." Meredith laughed.

"Don't burn it!" Izzie warned. "Just keep stirring."

"Yes, Ma'am!" Meredith returned.

Meredith kept stirring the gravy. This isn't that hard, she thought. She thought about Derek. She had to call him when Izzie came back in. She didn't want him to think she didn't care. She was deep in thought when she heard the doorbell ring.

"Iz!" Meredith yelled.

"I'm getting it!" She returned.

Meredith continued to stir. She figured it was Alex. She better get her ass back here quick, Meredith thought as she looked at the gravy. It was looking less and less edible. She head footsteps behind her.

"Hello, love." She heard an all-too-familiar British voice say.

Meredith thought she had heard wrong. Her stomach twisted and turned. Her heart was in her throat. She was beginning to sweat, and her heart rate was through the roof. She turned around. The spoon dropped to the floor. Gravy splattered all over. She looked into his eyes.

"I---Ian, wha--what are you doing here?" She stammered, with a shocked look on her face.

"I am here to take you home." Ian said confidently.

_SHIT!_

----------------

**Looky who came back to stir up trouble... Thanks for reading and the reviews. It sucks when you don't get any, it makes you feel like no one is reading. I didn't realize anonymous readers could review, I fixed it...No excuses!**


	35. Avoidance is Bliss

**Nope I don't own Grey's. If I did, Derek would be following Mer like a puppy, not even giving a sideways glance at anyone in a bar!**

"You're here to take me home? Take me home? There will be no taking me home! I am home! You have to go! You have to leave!" Meredith shouted as her face turned red, and full of anger.

"Leave? But I just got here babe." He said in his smooth accent.

She looked at his bright green eyes. He was so familiar to her. She had spent a third of her life with him. He was like home. A home she couldn't go back to.

"I don't know why you came. I don't care." She yelled. "You cannot be here!"

She was getting upset. This is how it always went. She was happy. Things were going well. Derek is the guy, and now Ian is here. He just threw a wrench in the gearbox. The wheels were moving nicely, and now he was here tearing her life apart.

Izzie looked back and forth between them in shock. She couldn't believe he was here. She thought it was romantic. He came all this way to take her home. Like a fairy-tale. She had no idea what it was really like.

Meredith felt the blood rush to her head. Her temples were pounding. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to cry or hurt him. She heard the familiar ring of her cellphone. She picked it up and stared at the screen. It was Derek. Derek, poor Derek. He had no idea what was going on. He, was going to be blind-sided just as she was. No, he wouldn't. He wasn't going to know. Ian would be gone before he even set foot on Seattle soil. She was sure of it.

"You're not going to answer that, my love?" He asked, as he watched her hold the phone.

"Uh... no." She answered as she looked nervously between him and the screen.

"Why not?" Ian asked. He looked at her face. "Oh. There is a guy. You don't want him to know about us." Ian said, reading like a book.

"No. No there is no guy. And if there was-- There is no guy." Meredith said quickly. She didn't want to five him a reason to stick around.

"You are lying." Ian chuckled.

"Am not." Meredith spat.

"I know you better than anyone." Ian said with a smirk. "Better than you know yourself."

Izzie continued to stare at them both. She thought it was cute, the way they argued. She could tell that Ian knew how to handle Meredith. There was a past, and it was obvious.

"You need to leave. Please, if you only do one thing for me for the rest of your life, you will leave now." She pleaded with sadness in her face.

"Meredith--" He started, as he pulled up her chin.

"No! No Meredith. You ruined my life. You married me when I was so drunk that I couldn't stand, and you took me home, and you ruined my life, and now I am happy and I just want you to leave, you miserable disease!" She yelled quickly without pausing.

"Me? You took advantage of me, babe." He said with a laugh.

"I seem to remember you chasing after for me for how long?" Meredith spat. "You know what? We aren't talking about this." She said as she looked over. She noticed that Izzie was having way too good of a time listening to her soap opera of a life.

"You are an avoider. Some things never change..." He said as he took a step toward her.

"Please..." She muttered. He walked up and tried to hug her. "No! Get your hands off of me!" She shouted.

Meredith walked away. She needed air. She walked out the front door and sat on the porch swing. She laid her head back and sighed. A few seconds later she heard the door open. She didn't even have to look up to know it was him. She could smell him. He didn't smell like Derek. Derek smelled like comfort, like home, like a man. Ian smelled like someone who was trying to hard, a manwhore, like a coward. Getting rid of him, she realized, was going to be harder than she thought.

"Meredith..." He whispered as he sat down next to her.

"I left. I left for a reason. Why chase me? I gave you everything you wanted." She said slowly as she got up.

"Where are you going?" He asked with a puzzled look.

"I am going into _my_ house." She said as she walked to the door. He got up to follow her. "And you won't be here when I get up in the morning. Have a nice life." She said, as she slammed the door in his face.

"So, are you ready to eat?" Izzie said with a smile as Meredith walked in the door.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Meredith said in shock, as she walked up the stairs.

"Well what about him?" Izzie asked as she motioned to the door. Ian was still standing there.

"Who cares. " She said with a shrug. "Don't let him in." Meredith shouted down for the stairway.

"But--" Izzie yelled.

"If you let him in, you will be sleeping out there with him. Got it?" Meredith asked with force.

"Yeah, but--" Izzie said uneasily.

"No, no Izzie." Meredith said. "No buts."

Meredith crashed down on her bed. She heard her cellphone ringing. She had voicemail. Derek had undoubtedly left her a message. She couldn't talk to him. She couldn't listen to his voice. Not tonight. Not after Ian. He would know something was up. She felt the burning of her warm tears on her face. She laid there as their home phone rang. She wasn't answering it. It quit ringing after three rings. Izzie had obviously answered it. Derek never called the house phone, she wasn't even sure if he had the number. She heard Izzie's footsteps coming up the stairs. She immediately covered her head with Derek's pillow. She breathed in his scent. A scent she longed for.

"Here" Izzie said as she held the phone out to her. Meredith uncovered her head and shook it no. "Here she is." Izzie told Derek. "He's right, you are an avoider..." Izzie said as she threw the phone on her bed and walked out of the room. Meredith sighed as she grabbed the phone.

"Hello?" She said in a weak voice.

"Hey." Derek said, sensing her uneasiness. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah." She said, trying to cover it up. The minute she heard his voice, tears rushed down her face. "Why do you ask?" She choked out.

"I have been trying to call you. Where have you been?" He asked with concern.

"Um. Busy. I got the messages. I was going to all call you back, but every time I thought about it, something came up." Meredith explained. His voice was helping her relax slightly.

"Oh. I was beginning to think you didn't love me anymore!" He joked.

"No, no I do. I do love you. I love you so much." She said quickly, taking him seriously.

"I was kidding. What's wrong with you?" Derek asked, he was getting worried.

"I'm just tired." She moaned.

"You're sure..." Derek trailed off.

"Of course." Meredith answered.

"Well, I guess I'll let you go then." He said softly. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too." She said as she hung up and let the tears fall.

Derek laid in his hotel bed. All he wanted was to have Meredith laying there next to him. Their conversation was bizarre. He looked at the picture stored in his phone. It was sent by Holly. He laughed when he saw it originally. She texted "The love or your life seems fine without you!" along with attached picture of her in the bar with the man who was hitting in her. He didn't believe it. He was sure there was an explanation. Now, after talking to her, he was wondering of it was true.

Meredith laid in her bed. She wished Derek was there. He would make it all better. But at the same time, she did not want him to know. She didn't want Ian in the picture. He had a way of making things worse. There was nothing left between them, but she didn't know how Derek would react. After trying to clear her head, she laid there in the silence. Then it began. The yelling. Ian was calling her name like some lovelorn teenager. She couldn't believe it. She covered her head and prayed tomorrow would be better.

----------------

Izzie heard Ian yelling as she placed the food in containers. She couldn't believe he was here. She wasn't sure about their past. She had gotten bits of information here and there, but not enough to put the story together. She was just drying off the last dish when she heard him yelling Meredith's name once again. She felt bad for him. She wasn't even sure why. She grabbed a container of food, silverware, a sleeping bag, and a pillow. Meredith may be able to just leave him there, but she couldn't. She slowly opened the door and Ian jumped up from the swing.

"Meredith, I-" He said as he jumped up. "Oh, you aren't Mer."

"No. I'm not." She said with a sigh. "So are you leaving?"

"No. Not until I talk to her. Which, who knows how long that will be. She is an avoider and she's scared." Ian explained as he returned to his seat.

"Well, that's Mer." Izzie shrugged. "She is going to be really mad if you are still here in the morning."

"Yeah, well, she has been pissed at me before." Ian said with a chuckle. "In all our nine years, I think she was mad 3284 out of 3285 days." Izzie laughed.

"That's a long time..." Izzie said with surprise.

"Yeah, it is." He said sadly. "I never realized how much I hurt her, until I saw her face today. But anyway--"

"Well, I brought you some food." She said as she handed him the container.

"Oh, wow, thanks." He answered as he reached out and took it.

"And these." She handed the sleeping bag and pillow. "The sleeping bag is George's. I don't think he will mind..."

"George... Is that the guy?" Ian asked with a chuckle.

"George? Oh, no! Mer and George..." She laughed. "George is our friend, our roommate. No, McDreamy is the guy..." She immediately realized she had said too much.

"McDreamy?" Ian said with a chuckle. "McDreamy?"

"Um. Well, Derek. I really shouldn't say anything..." She said quickly.

"This Derek, what is he like?" Ian asked with a pang of jealousy.

"I really shouldn't talk about it. Mer would get mad." Izzie said nervously.

"I won't tell. I just want to make sure my girl is being taken care of..." Ian said chivalrously.

"Well, he's great. She loves him a lot." Izzie explained.

"What's he look like?" Ian asked smoothly.

"Oh, he's hot. Great hair, blue eyes, smart..." Izzie giggled. "But not my type..." She said, making it clear that she wasn't interested.

"Oh, I see." Ian said sadly.

"Well, I better get to bed. We have an early morning..." Izzie stated as she stood up.

"Well, thanks!" He said as he pointed to the sleeping bag and pillow. "I'm glad you are Mer's friend. She needs a best friend like you..."

"Oh, no. We're friends, but Cristina is "her person". They are in some stupid secret special club. But yeah, we're friends. So, goodnight." Izzie said as she walked in the house.

"Night." He shouted.

Ian sat on the swing and sighed. He wasn't this guy. The guy outside the girl's house. Girls fell over them. Girls were a dime a dozen, and he could have any of them. But he wanted her. He missed her. So now he was waiting, and he didn't like it.

-----------------

Meredith didn't sleep well. She tossed and turned all night. Her stomach was in knots. She was incredibly stressed out. When she had walked out of her house, all those years ago, she never thought she would see him again. She thought she had turned the page. That chapter was over, she was starting another. And now the wind had caught the pages, and the book was wide open on that same chapter, bringing up the old character. A character that should be gone, written out. She wasn't sure how hard it would be to get rid of him.

Meredith climbed out of her bed. She was sure that Ian had left last night. She heard him quit yelling for her, not long after she had laid down. He wasn't the type of guy to sleep outside. He wouldn't even sleep in a crummy hotel. He was pampered, he was used to the best. Her front porch was not the best. She climbed in the hot shower, hoping it would soothe her aching back. She had tightness from the stress. She stood there as the hot water poured over her body. She wished Derek was there with her. She climbed out, threw on clothes and headed downstairs. She grabbed one of Izzie's muffins, filled her coffee cup with half and half, sugar, and coffee. She sat down and shoved the muffin in her mouth, staring off into space.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Izzie said as she sat across the table from her friend.

"No." Meredith answered flatly.

"Maybe you need to." Izzie pushed even further.

"Iz, I think I know what I need." She said coldly, taking another bite.

"Okay, sorry..." Izzie said as she sulked back. "So, the weather is nice..."

"Mmm Hmm." Meredith muttered as she stared out the kitchen window.

"So when is Derek coming back?" Izzie asked, hoping he was a safer subject.

"Derek..." Meredith said, a sense of panic came over her. "Um, I think on Thursday." She muttered quietly. "Are you ready to go?" Meredith asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah." Izzie said as she threw on her jacket. "Let's go."

Izzie walked towards the door. She had looked out the window earlier and seen him out there. She knew Meredith was going to have a fit when she spotted him. She held her breath as she opened the door. Meredith followed closely behind her. She took a deep breath when she spotted him. He was laying on his back on the porch swing. He looked way too comfortable for her taste. His arms were behind his head. He looked smug, even in his sleep. She walked right over to him, took the lid off of her coffee, and poured it on his chest.

"Didn't I tell you to leave!" Meredith screamed as she looked down at him.

"What the fuck?" He yelled as he jumped up. "Damn-it Mer!"

"Mer are you crazy? You just poured hot coffee on him!" Izzie shouted. "Are you okay?" She asked Ian.

"Yeah. I'm used to the abuse." He said with and honest, straight face.

"First of all, it wasn't _that _hot, it had milk in it. And B, where the hell did he get a blanket and pillow..._IZZIE_?" She yelled.

"Um, he was cold..." Izzie defended.

"And you fed him? Ya fed 'em? He's like stray, you don't feed a stray." She scorned. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She yelled at Ian. "Just go!"

"Mer--" Ian said quickly as she walked to her car.

"No!" Meredith said as she threw her arm up. "And you..." She started in on Izzie. "You, are going to drive yourself. If you ride with me, I may throw you out on the freeway." She said as she jumped in her car and sped off.

"That went well..." Ian said frankly.

"Well?" Izzie questioned.

"Yes, well. She didn't kill me, or cause me serious harm... I hope you won't be late for work." Ian said quickly.

"No, the hospital isn't that far from here. But I better go now!" Izzie said as she pulled out her car keys. "Bye." She said, as she left him on the porch.

--------------

Meredith stomped into the locker room. How the hell could Izzie do that? Now he will never leave. The fact that he slept outside astounded her. He was so wimpy and clean. And now he was sleeping outside, and peeing who knows where. The other interns just watched her as she angrily undressed and redressed into her scrubs. They were not even going to attempt to talk to her.

"Damn him, and damn her!" Meredith muttered to herself. "I hope he froze...I hope wild animals sodomized him last night...and then peed on him...or he peed on himself..." She continued. They looked at her like she was crazy. Izzie walked in.

"Mer, I'm--" Izzie started with a soft voice.

"No!" She shouted. "I don't want to hear your pathetic, fake apology. You obviously have a new buddy. Not to mention I'm sure you spilled out everything that has happened in the last...whatever. So, just shut up!"

"Meredith..." Izzie said softly.

"No. Just stop. You may have grown up in a trailer park, but I will still kick your ass!" Meredith shouted as she walked out to wait in the hallway. Izzie dropped her head, feeling hurt.

"What the hell is going on?" They all asked her.

"Oh man..." Izzie said softly.

"What did you do?" Cristina said, getting in her face.

"He's back...and I think she had lost her mined. She made him sleep outside and she poured coffee on him. And it think she has physically hurt him in the past. He said he was used to the abuse. I thought he was joking, but maybe not..." Izzie rambled, uncharacteristically.

"Wow, I would have never imagined Shepherd putting up with that..." Alex said with a chuckle, imagining a wimpy Derek.

"No, not Derek...Ian." Izzie clarified.

"Ian?" They all asked.

"Ian! The ex-husband..." Izzie explained as she threw her hair up.

"Oh." They all said with surprise.

"But why is he here?" George asked.

"I think he wants her back." Izzie said. They all just stared at each other, in shock.

--------------

Meredith scrubbed in an a abdominoplasty with Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber. The talk stayed strictly medical. She didn't have it in her to argue with Richard. And she didn't want Miranda knowing all of her dirty laundry. Anyone with a brain could see the fire coming out of her nostrils and the steam coming from her ears. Ian had her on edge. He was not going to walk in and ruin her life again. She wasn't having it. After the five hour long surgery, that was full of complications, she decided to go downstairs and eat. She was starving, and tired. She had threw up her breakfast shortly after arriving at the hospital. Ian had a way of doing that to her. And her morning caffeine had made an excellent weapon.

Meredith made her way to the lunch line. She grabbed a fried chicken salad and a water. She knew that Izzie would be there, and she was still beyond angry. She wanted to do physical harm to her. She was never violent, but Ian had a way of doing that to her. She gave Izzie a dirty look as she sat down next to George and Cristina.

"So I hear your ex-husband is in town!" Cristina said with an evil laugh.

"Not funny." Meredith said coldly as she sneered at her.

"Oh come on, this is great..." Cristina added with a chuckle.

"Not great. Hell maybe. He is--- Ugh. I can't take it." She said as she threw her fork down. George patted her back.

"It will be okay." George said.

"No, George. No it won't be. He is a virus. Once he gets in your system, you cannot get rid of him." Meredith explained as she almost teared up.

"Sounds like fun!" Cristina said as she took a drink. "I can't wait to meet him."

"Not going to happen," Meredith spat as she tool a bite of her food.

"It doesn't look like he's going anywhere..." Izzie added.

"You...Don't talk about it!" Meredith warned. "He's going somewhere, if I have to get rid of him myself."

"Oh, what are you going to do, kill him?" Alex asked.

"If I have to..." Meredith said seriously.

"Seriously. She might do it..." Izzie said, as she looked at them all. Alex and Cristina looked at the stranger who was walking up.

"Hello, love." Ian said as he came up and kissed Meredith's neck from behind.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" She seethed as she turned around and smacked him in the face.

"Damn-it. I thought you would have stopped doing that by now..." He said as he pulled over a chair from a near by table and sat down. "So aren't you going to introduce me?" He asked with a big grin.

"Aren't you going to crawl back to hell soon?" Meredith said loudly.

"Oh Mer, some things never change..." He said quietly.

"I'm Ian, Meredith's--" Ian started and was cut off.

"Cut the shit. They know who you are!" She snapped.

"You're Cristina." He said as he pointed to Cristina. "You're her person. You look angry. You look like Mer."

"Izzie." Meredith said as she kicked her under the table.

"I hate you on principle." Cristina spat.

"Ah yes. Just like my girl." Ian said with a grin.

"Just go." Meredith said softly as she leaned toward him.

"Not until you talk to me." Ian said frankly.

"Fine. I will talk to you." Meredith agreed.

"Okay then. Let's go." Ian said as he grabbed her arm.

"Not here. This is where I work. I could get fired." Meredith said.

"Then you could come home..." Ian said happily.

"I am home." She said quickly.

"That's right. Home is where I am." He smiled.

"No. We are over. We are so freaking over!" She shouted. "Tonight. I will talk to you tonight, okay?"

"I don't believe you..." Ian said simply.

"I will." She said as she looked in his eyes. "But only if you're sober. No bars, no drinking."

"It's only because you can't control yourself around me." He said with a smile. "Okay." He said with satisfaction.

"Go." She pointed. He stood up, leaned down, and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She pulled away. "Do that again, and I will stick this fork in your eye." The interns laughed.

"Don't laugh...she'll do it." He said as he walked away.

"Wow." George said in shock.

"You were married to him?" Alex asked.

"He's hot!" Cristina said with a smile.

"Shut up!" Meredith said quickly.

"He is!" Cristina replied. "He's like a freaking Ken doll. He had a Ken doll face and a GI Joe body. Is he good is bed?" Meredith just glared. "Seriously. Is he?"

"Seriously. Just fucking shoot me." Meredith said as she sat back. "Promise me if he comes into the pit, you will not save him...okay?"

"He seems nice." George said.

"Well, I'm glad you like him..." Meredith smiled. "He peed in your sleeping bag last night..." Everyone laughed as George's face dropped.

--------------------

Derek laid in his hotel room with his arms behind his head. He had been staring at the white ceiling forever. It hadn't changed, but the thoughts in his head and been swirling around like a psychedelic acid trip. He knew deep in his heart that Meredith was not a cheater. He knew Holly was trying to start trouble. She had done it before. But Meredith was acting differently. She had been so upset that he was leaving, and now, she didn't even seem to care. She seemed stressed, but not needy. He had been expecting her to call him non-stop. She hadn't even called him once. Thoughts of doubt were beginning to fly through his head. He head someone knock at the door.

"Come in." He muttered loudly.

"Hey." Mark said with a big smile. "How the hell is my best friend?"

"Fine." Derek said quickly. He didn't move from the bed.

"You don't seem fine." Mark said frankly. "Come on..."

"What?" Derek asked, as he looked over.

"Let's go. It's been a long time since we've gone out. You look like you need a drink." Mark suggested.

"I think you're right." Derek agreed.

Derek and Mark walked into Mark's favorite bar. Derek ordered his regular double scotch, single malt. Mark said down next to him and whacked him in the back.

"You, my friend, need to get laid!" Mark said loudly. Several girls looked over.

"No, that is definitely not what I need!" Derek responded.

"Oh, come on." Mark said with a chuckle. "I'm sure we can find someone..."

"No, Mark. I have Meredith." Derek said quickly.

"Meredith...she's the one that was screwing Drew, right?" Mark rolled his eyes. Derek felt a knife in his gut. "I'm going to surf for chicks, I'll bring you one back..." Mark told him.

Derek sat there and sulked. There were many available girls there. But Meredith was the one. She was the love of his life. She was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Meaningless sex was nothing like what he and Meredith had. This was the last place he wanted to be right now. A leggy brunette sat down next to him.

"Hey there." She said sweetly.

"Hey." He said as he looked straight ahead. She began talking, but he wasn't listening.

"Hey." He heard the familiar voice of his cousin say.

"Oh, hey." Derek responded. "What's going on?"

"Who the hell is this?" He said angrily as he motioned to the girl who now had her hand on his leg. He shrugged.

"Natalie." She said, as she stuck out her hand.

"Well, he's taken. By a fabulous, sexy, intelligent doctor!" Drew said nastily as he glared at her. She quickly got up and walked away.

"What do you think you're doing?" Drew said with attitude.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked.

"I swear, if you cheat on her..." Drew said, clenching his jaw.

"I don't even know who that girl was." Derek said defensively.

"Meredith is great. You better get your head out of your ass." Drew said loudly.

"I am not cheating on her. Mark dragged me here." Derek said quickly.

"Oh." Drew said. "Where the hell is Mark?"

"Looking for chicks." Derek answered.

"How is Mer? I tried to call, no answer." Drew said.

"I don't know what's going on. She has been acting funny." Derek said. "And Holly sent me this." He showing him the picture.

"Oh my God. You don't believe that, do you?" Drew asked. Derek shook his head. "Meredith would never cheat on you. She loves you, man. Give me that." Derek hands him the phone. Drew deletes the picture. "Now that shit is gone. Call her..."

--------------

Meredith had went home, and Drew was there. She was sneaky. She said a 'hello' to him, and told him that that was considered talking. She then went upstairs, packed some stuff in a bag and got ready to sneak out. As she made it to the kitchen she met up with George and Izzie. Ian was wailing outside, and driving them crazy.

"Where are you going?" Izzie asked.

"To the trailer. I can't deal with this." Meredith said with a moan.

"Wait a sec. You are going to the trailer?" George asked.

"That's what I said." Meredith responded.

"Not without me!" He said as he ran upstairs.

"Me too!" Izzie added.

"You guys..." Meredith shouted.

"No, you did this. We weren't married to him..." Izzie yelled.

"Fine. But hurry!" Meredith said quickly.

They snuck out of the house, telling Ian they were called to the hospital. They all breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn't believe that he was sticking around, and camping out on her porch. She knew he would leave. he would get bored. he was a partier, he was the guy that had to have fun. Sitting on a porch, sober, was not fun.

They all took short showers in the small shower at the trailer. Izzie had managed to make a meal out of the stuff Derek had in his cupboards. The all settled down in the bed together. They were happy to be in complete silence, only the sounds of the outdoors were in the background.

"Please tell me that you changed the sheets." Izzie muttered as she began to fall asleep.

"Um..." Meredith said with a smirk.

"Why?" George asked innocently.

"Um." Meredith said again.

"Oh God!" George shouted as he and Izzie jumped out of bed.

"Gross!" Izzie said.

"Fine. I'll change them. I sure they are a little...um...messy." She said as she busted out laughing.

She quickly changed the sheets when she heard her phone ring. She looked at it and saw that it was Derek. She was going to avoid, but she decided answer it. She didn't want to make him worry.

"Hey..." Meredith said.

"Hey, how are you?" Derek asked.

"I'm good. I miss you, so much." Meredith said as her eyes teared up.

"Me too. You sound better today." Derek said with relief.

"I feel better." Meredith said. "How is the conference?"

"Good." Derek answered. "But I wish you were here."

"Me too." She said with a sigh.

"So." He said as he raised his eyebrows. "What are you wearing?"

"Um. Just your tee shirt." She said with a smile. "What about you?"

"Oh. Nothing. I wish I was wearing you." Derek said softly.

"Oh, me too." Meredith said. George and Izzie widened their eyes. "So what would you do if you were here?" She asked as eh put it on speaker phone.

"Oh, I would kiss your neck, and your chest, then you stomach all the way down to your--" Derek started.

"Ohhh." George and Izzie yelled as they covered their ears.

"Is that O'Malley and Stevens?" Derek asked with embarrassment.

"Yes." Meredith said with a laugh. "We are camping."

"Camping?" Derek asked.

"Yep. We're at the trailer. I thought it needed to be used, and they joined me so--" Meredith said.

"Good. I'm glad you aren't alone. I'll let you go." He said with a relieved smile. "I love you.

"I love you too. Goodnight!" She said happily.

"That was just wrong!" George shouted.

"Sorry!" Meredith said with a laugh.

"So what are you going to do about Ian?" Izzie asked.

"I don't know..." Meredith moaned as she closed her eyes. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." They both said

_Avoidance is bliss!_

----------------

**That was long, but it all needed to be in one chapter. I hope you enjoyed. Drew rocks!! Don't worry, Derek will be home soon. But will Ian (Who I LOVE) be gone? **

**Thanks for reading...Please review. **


	36. White Lightning

Meredith, George and Izzie were all almost on top of each other when they woke up. It had been a cold night. Unbelievably cold. In fact, Meredith was sure something was wrong with the heat. She had gotten up in the middle of the night and gathered all of the blankets she could find in the trailer and covered them up. George yawned loudly in her face.

"Dear God, George!" Meredith moaned as she threw her head back.

"What?" George asked innocently.

"Your breath. I think an animal died in your mouth." Meredith said with a laugh.

"You're mean." He said as he jumped out of bed.

"And you had your hand on my ass all night." Meredith joked with Izzie.

"You have a very nice ass!" Izzie laughed back.

"It was cold last night." George yelled from the sink.

"No kidding. I think the furnace is broken." Meredith shrugged. "I bet Ian froze his ass off." She said with an evil laugh.

"What has gotten into you?" Izzie asked.

"I hate him. I shouldn't say hate. He just-- I _have _to get rid of him. I need your help." Meredith pleaded.

"What are we supposed to do?" George asked.

"Hell if I know." Meredith said shaking her head. "So, I think we have time to go to breakfast." Meredith suggested.

"Hey, that's a good idea." Izzie said with a smile. "Three friends, having breakfast..."

"Izzie, you are so hokey." Meredith joked.

-----------------

Meredith, Izzie and George where surprised when they went outside and saw that the house was moving along well. It looked like it was getting close to being done. Meredith shook her head at the largeness of the house. She didn't understand why Derek was making it so big. They drove quickly to the restaurant. They sat down at a table in the back of the cafe. Meredith had called Cristina and asked if her she wanted to meet them. She was waiting when they got there. They all ordered their food, and sat and talked.

"So, you're hiding from Commando Ken?" Cristina asked with a laugh.

"Yes." She said quickly.

"So you never answered me, is he good?" Cristina asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Why do you care?" Meredith asked, as she took a sip of coffee.

"Oh come on. How could I not want to know?" She replied frankly.

"What do you think?" Meredith asked them.

"Yeah!" Izzie and Cristina responded with gusto.

"Please don't do this to me..." George pleaded.

"Yes." Meredith said with a moan.

"Really?" Izzie asked. "Cause he looks it."

"Yeah. He's the best. I mean Derek is...wow. But, Ian, he is skilled in ways that you would not believe. He has had a lot of practice, and I have to tell you it does make perfect! But stay away from him!" She warned.

"Why? Do you still want on him?" Cristina asked with a chuckle.

"No." She spat. "No. He is trouble, and he hurts people. He is bad news. We have to stay away." Meredith warned again.

"We?" Izzie asked.

"All of us. Except you, George, he's not like that. He has these powers..." Meredith explained, making hand motions.

"You are kidding me!" Cristina said with a laugh.

"No." Meredith responded seriously. "He can give you an orgasm, by just looking at you a certain way. I swear."

"So you can't control yourself around him." Cristina pointed out.

"Yes. I can. I have Derek. I love Derek." Meredith said quickly as she stuffed food in her mouth.

---------------

Meredith scrubbed her hands. She wanted to go into Neuro-surgery. It was her dream. She and Derek shared that passion. He was talented and amazing. And now she was stuck with Dr. Hudson. He was a jerk, nothing like Derek. He took arrogance to a whole new level. And apparently, he was one of the few who was not at the conference in New York. She was scrubbing in on a Craniotomy with him. Derek had spoken about him before. They went to medical school together. They did not get along, and she had no idea how she was going to stand in the operating room with him for hours. She scrubbed her hands and walked into the OR.

"Okay, let's begin." He said dryly. "First off. I do things the way I do them. I don't want suggestions. If you think I am doing something wrong, or there is a better way, I don't really care. And I don't like interns. You should stand over there. If you need to see closer, go to the medical library and watch a tape." He spat out as he worked on the patient.

Meredith stood there away from the table. She couldn't stand being in the same room as him. He was a jerk. She wasn't even sure why he asked for an intern. Her mind started to drift as she stood there. Derek was coming home tomorrow. Derek was coming home, and Ian was still there. Still making trouble. She knew he was up to something. He didn't do things to be nice. He obviously needed something from her.

"Doctor." Dr. Hudson shouted. Meredith wasn't listening, she was thinking. "What the hell is her name?" He pointed, asking a scrub nurse.

"Meredith Grey." The nurse responded.

"Dr. Grey!" He shouted.

"Um, yeah." She said as she came back to reality.

"How nice of you to join us." Dr. Hudson said loudly.

"Well, I was trying to decide which I should focus on, her hideous shoes, or his receding hairline." She spat.

"Excuse me?" He asked her with surprise.

"Well, considering I can't even see the operating table from here." She said sarcastically. At this point, she was hoping to get kicked out of the OR.

"You have got to be related to Ellis Grey." He said loudly, glancing up.

"Yeah." She said quickly.

"Only Ellis Grey's daughter would think that she can walk in and own my OR. Like mother like daughter." He replied. "Get over here and look." She walked to the table and watched. "You lack respect." He said.

"You have to give it to get it." She said frankly.

"You are something else." He said as he shook his head. "So, do you get to work with 'The famous Derek Shepherd' often?" He asked sarcastically.

"More than you would imagine." She said with a chuckle.

"I went to medical school with him. He's good. But I'm better." He boasted.

"Hmm." Meredith moaned.

"So what are you thinking about as a specialty?" He asked.

"Neuro-surgery." She said confidently.

"You should switch to Seattle Presbyterian." Dr. Hudson told her.

"Why is that?" She asked with a puzzled look.

"That's where I am." He said happily. "You want to learn under the best."

"I am. Derek is the best." Meredith said quickly.

"Derek, huh? That's a little unprofessional." He told her with raised eyebrows.

"Sleeping with him is even more unprofessional." A scrub nurse said under her breath.

"Is that so?" He asked as he glanced up.

"That would be so." Meredith said smartly. Their relationship was not a secret.

"It's a shame." He said, shaking his head.

"Why is that?" She asked.

"You seemed so smart." He told her. She stood there and rolled her eyes.

--------------

Meredith was stuck doing post-op noted on all of Hudson's patients. He was treating her like a slave. At one point her sent her down to the cafe to get his lunch. When she said no, he said he would have the nurses torture her. She did it, knowing he would only be there for another day and she would most likely never see him again. She came back from lunch and went back to the paperwork he was torturing her with. She felt a hand on the small of her back.

"So where were you last night?" Ian asked. "I know you didn't come here."

"Oh God." She said she rubbed her face with her hands.

"I know you are good at avoiding. And I know it has worked in the past. But not this time. I'm not going anywhere." He said softly, noticing the nurses were eavesdropping.

"Why? Why do you want me to talk to you?" She asked exhaustedly.

"I screwed up. I know that. I just want to make it right." He said with a smile.

"What do you mean, make it right?" She asked.

"Mer, I want you to come home with me. To England. I want things to go back the way they were." Ian said sadly.

"Things can't go back. I can't go back. I was different." Meredith explained. She watched his face drop.

"Who's this, Dr. Grey?" Dr. Hudson asked as he walked up.

"Um." She started.

"Looks personal to me." He said nastily. "I wonder how Dr. Shepherd would feel about this..." He warned.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Ian asked.

"Oh, her boyfriend, and you are?" Dr. Hudson asked.

"He is leaving. I'm sorry, doctor." She gave Ian pleading eyes.

"I will see you around, um, _Dr. Grey_, is it?" Ian said with a smile.

"Yes, Mr. Atherton." Meredith said with a faint smile. "Good day."

"Too many boys, too little time?" Dr. Hudson asked sarcastically.

"I don't like you." She said frankly.

"Good. I'm not so fond of you myself." He answered as he handed her a pile of papers and walked away.

------------------

Meredith arrived home around six. She sighed when she say a rental car sitting outside her house. She knew who it was. She also knew that she was going to have to do something about it. No one else was home. I can do this, she thought to herself as she pulled into the driveway. She thought about running the key down the side of the car, but it was a rental.

"Maybe I'll just jab the key into his eye." She muttered to herself.

She walked up to the house feeling as if she was being pushed and pulled at the same time. There he sat, on the step. She shook her head as she looked at him. He didn't speak.

"Come on..." She said as she opened up the front door.

"What?" He asked, thinking he had heard her wrong.

"If you want to talk, you have two seconds to get your ass in here." Meredith said loudly as she marched in the house. She heard him walk in the door.

"Nice house." He muttered as he followed her to the kitchen.

"Sit down." She said as she motioned to the counter. "Speak." She said as she grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, she sat one down in front of him.

"Thanks." He said. "You look great. You have a glow." He said with disbelief.

"Just get to it." She said without and ounce of patience in her voice.

"God, Mer. I haven't seen you. I've worried about you." He said smoothly.

"Bullshit." She said shaking her head. "So what do you want from me?"

"Why do you think that I want something from you." He asked.

"Because all you think about is yourself." She said quickly and defensively. She heard the front door open, revealing Izzie and George.

"Oh hey." George said as he threw his bag down.

"Hello." Ian responded with a smile.

"What's going on?" Izzie asked with a puzzled look on her face.

"We are talking." Meredith said begrudgingly.

"Oh." Izzie responded with and understanding look. "So, do you want me to order pizza?"

"Oh yeah, Iz. Let's have pizza. Maybe a movie, too. With my _ex-husband_!" Meredith returned with sarcasm.

"Well, we have to eat." She said.

"Fine. Whatever. Order pizza." She agreed.

"So what have you been doing?" Ian asked.

"Working." She said flatly. "Why do you care? You never cared when I was with you."

"I did care, Meredith. I just wasn't good about communicating." He said sadly.

"I'm not going back with you. I am happy for the first time in my life." She said as she pulled out a bottle of tequila and two glasses.

"Really? The first time in you life?" He asked, knowing it wasn't true.

"Yes." She spat as she poured the tequila and shoved a glass at him.

"Well what about Nate?" He asked with an evil grin. She gasped as smacked him hard in the face.

"Don't you ever say his name again." She seethed. "We are done talking. Get out of my house." She screamed as she took a swig straight out of the tequila bottle and stormed upstairs.

She ran upstairs and laid down on her bed. How the hell could he say that? And how does he know Nate's name? He is not going to waltz in here and take over. I am not doing this. I am going to be happy! She told herself. How the hell can I get rid of him. I could kill him. I would have to do it right. But they would know. Everyone would l know it was me. I can't kill a man. I am losing my mind. She came back to reality as he cellphone rang.

"Hey." She said to Derek as she answered.

"Hey." He answered.

"So how is the conference?" She asked, trying to block out the fact that Ian was most likely sitting happily in her kitchen.

"Great. I snuck out early." He told her with a grin.

"Oh?" She asked. "So what are you doing?"

"Well, I'm sitting on a plane..." He laughed.

"You're what?" She said loudly, in shock. "You're on you way? Like now? Like home soon?" She asked.

"Yeah, about two hours." He said happily. "And I can't wait to see you."

"How are you getting here? Do you need a ride?" She asked.

"No. I'll take a cab." He said.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yeah. There's no reason for you to drive to the airport." He answered.

"Okay Iz." She pretended to yell. "Our pizza is here, so I'll see you in two hours." She said quickly.

"Okay. I love you." He answered.

"I love you too." She said as she hung up the phone. "Holy shit." She said to herself.

She dumped out of the bed in a panic. She had adrenaline surging through her veins. She had no idea how she was going to get herself out of this mess. She knew she wasn't going to get rid of him permanently. But she couldn't have him here when Derek came home. She jogged down the stairs and say him sitting in the sofa talking to Izzie. Then it came to her.

"So you're still here." He said to Ian.

"Yep." He said with a smile.

"Well, there is only one thing we do well together--" Meredith started.

"Where's you room?" He asked as he jumped up.

"No, not that. Okay, two things. Sit down. I want to get drunk." She said frankly.

"And have sex?" He asked with a hopeful look.

"No." She spat. "I'll be right back." She said as she walked in the kitchen. "Hey, Iz, can you give me a hand."

"I'm surprised." Izzie said as she walked in the kitchen.

"About what?" Meredith asked.

"That you came back down, and now you're going to drink with him." Izzie responded.

Meredith pulled out a bottle of tequila and two glasses.

"Do you have any sleeping pills?" Meredith asked her as she walked back and forth.

"For what?" Izzie asked.

"Ian." Meredith said quickly.

"No. No! You could kill him. Plus I don't have any. I'm not having any part in this," Izzie said as she walked out.

"Damn!" Meredith said to herself. Now she was screwed. Or was she? She glanced up to a bottle in the back of the cabinet and smiled.

"Okay. You know I can drink you under the table." She said with a laugh.

"In your dreams, my love." He said back. "I am twice your size."

"But I thought you've changed. If you've changed, you aren't partying anymore." She said with a smile.

"Pour them." The said quickly. She poured them both a shot and they slammed them.

"Again?" She asked.

"Of course." He said. She poured them, and the threw them back. Izzie shook her head.

"Now. Let's see if you can drink this..." She said as she poured the liquid into the glass. He threw it back, so did she.

"What the hell was that?" He said, wide eyed.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Meredith chuckled.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, but I've given up." She smiled.

"Pour me another..." He said.

"Are you sure you're man enough?" She asked.

"Give me that." He said as he grabbed the bottle and drank half of it down. "Holy shit." He said slowly.

"I think the pizza is here." Izzie said, wide eyed. She went to the door. Meredith got up and walked in the kitchen. Izzie followed her after paying for it.

"I hope you ordered my kind too." Meredith asked.

"Of course. What about Ian?" Izzie asked.

"He's not hungry." Meredith said quickly.

"Mer! I'll go ask him." Izzie said as she walked out. She came back in quickly. "I don't think he's hungry." She said with a shocked look on her face.

"I told you." Meredith shrugged. "Is he out?"

"Cold. What the hell did you do to him?" Izzie asked with a worried tone.

"Come on. I need your help." Meredith told her.

"With what?" Izzie asked.

"We need to get rid of him." Meredith said frankly.

"What?" Izzie said loudly. "Oh no! Not me."

"Iz, come on!" Meredith whined.

"No." She said boldly.

"Fine! I will do it myself." Meredith said as she walked into the living room.

She put her hands under his arms and tried to move him. She realized he was way too heavy. Crap. She grabbed her phone and called the only person she wanted to call.

"Hey." Meredith said. "I need your help..."

"I'm kind of busy." Cristina said, out of breath.

"Sex?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. So goodbye--" Cristina said quickly.

"No! I need your help. Now! I need you right now!" Meredith said in a panic.

"What's going---" Cristina started.

"Just come." Meredith said as she hung up the phone.

Meredith ran out to her Jeep. This was crazy. She couldn't do this. Yes she could. She could do it. She had to protect herself. She quickly folded the back seat down flat and opened the back of the jeep up. She sat there for a few minutes. Finally Cristina pulled up.

"This better be good." Cristina said angrily.

"It is." Meredith answered. They walked in the house. "Grab his feet!"

"Whoa. What the hell did you do to him?" Cristina asked with surprise.

"Just grab his damn feet." Meredith shouted.

Meredith grabbed his top half and Cristina grabbed his feet. They both gasped when they heard him moan. Meredith motioned for her to keep going.

"Damn, he's heavy." Cristina said in shock.

"No shit!" Meredith said as she felt the sweat running her face.

They struggled to get him into the jeep. Meredith climbed in and dragged him. Cristina shoved his feet in and shut the door.

"What the hell?" Cristina said as the door opened back up. She slammed it again.

"Cristina! His foot!" Meredith yelled.

"Opps." Cristina said, as she shoved it back in.

"Here." Meredith said as she threw the car keys at her.

"What?" Cristina asked.

"I'm slightly lit." Meredith responded. They both climbed in the car.

"Where are we going?" Cristina asked.

"Go right." Meredith said. They drove for quite a while.

"So, what the hell?" Cristina asked.

"Derek's on his way. I wasn't going to have this smug asshole in the house." Meredith said quickly.

"So what did you do?" Cristina asked. Meredith just smiled.

They both jumped out of the car. They were at a park. Meredith laughed as she opened the door. This was all too familiar. The door sprung open and they each grabbed a half.

"Lay him on the bench." Meredith said.

"Right here?" Cristina asked with surprise.

"Uh huh." Meredith answered. They laid him down and she grabbed everything out of his pockets. She didn't want anyone to rob him. She grabbed a blanket out of her car and covered him up.

"Goodnight sweetheart!" She said with and evil laugh, as she headed to the car.

"You are rotten!" Cristina laughed.

"I know!" Meredith smiled.

The drive back to the house was quiet. Cristina pulled into the driveway. Meredith threw her the keys to the rental car and they move it down the block. They both sat down with a sigh on the sofa. Izzie was no where in sight.

"So, what did you give him?" Cristina asked. "Sleeping pills?"

"Nope." Meredith smiled. "This." She said, as she handed her a bottle.

"What the hell is this?" Cristina said quickly.

Moonshine." Meredith laughed.

"Moonshine?" Cristina asked.

"Yep. Over 100 proof." Meredith laughed as she took a swig. "Here." She said as she handed her the bottle.

"Holy Mother of God!" Christina said as she gaged. "That it horrible."

"No it's not." Meredith said, taking another sip. "But now you can't drive." Cristina looked at her and laid down on the sofa.

"I'm glad you called." Cristina said as she fell asleep.

"Me too!" Meredith said happily.

--------------

Meredith heard the door open. She ran over and jumped in Derek's arms.

"I missed you." She said, giving him a deep kiss. She felt his tongue enter her mouth.

"Shit. What did you drink?" He asked.

"Moonshine." Meredith giggled. "Come on. We have a lot to make up for." She said as she grabbed his hand and led him upstairs.

She pushed him down on the bed and began unbuttoning his shirt as she gazed into his eyes. He leaned up and she slide it off. She straddled him and slide her own shirt off. He leaned up and unclasped her bra.

She bent down and kissed him deeply. Her tongue travelled down his chest and she stopped at his belt buckle. She quickly and methodically undid it and pulled his pants down, and then did the same with his boxers. She looked up into his eyes and smiled.

He moaned as she began licking him with her tongue. She continued to look into his eyes. She ran her teeth down his shaft gently. He lips moved fluidly. She could feel him growing inside her. He tensed up, and took a deep breath.

"Oh God..." He moaned. She smiled moved up and straddled him. She placed him inside her and paused momentarily. Meredith let out a deep sigh. He placed his hands on her hips and grabbed tightly. She began rocking her hips slowly. She looked into his eyes and smiled. Everything else was gone. Al her worries disappeared. She began rocking faster. "Oh God I love you." He moaned, she just smiled. She could feel herself beginning to tighten around him. He moaned deeply. He rolled over and pressed her knees up. She smiled at his need for control. She liked it when he did.

"Oh dear God Derek!" She said as teetered near the edge. He pushed into her harder with every moan she let out. She pulled her knees up father, feeling him drive farther into her. She could feel her orgasm taking over. She felt a wave of heat rush over her. "Oh God!" She shouted loudly as he pounded into again. "Derek!" She shouted. He felt her cum around him. Derek moaned as he was nearer to his own climax, and he released inside of her with a loud moan. They both collapsed against each other.

"God I missed that." She said, looking up at him. "And I missed you." She said quickly as she laid her head against him.

"You are amazing." He sighed. "I love you."

"I love you too." She answered. "More than anything."

She felt a bit of guilt creeping up. Now was not the time to bring up Ian. But when was. She sighed as she looked into his eyes. She had never loved anyone like him. And she had be sure, she didn't screw it up.

-----------

**Okay, so Derek is back...Yay! Don't worry about Ian. I love Ian, but Meredith DOES NOT! Don't worry...just me! He's the kind of guy you can have a lot of fun with :) So the story goes on. Probably no update tomorrow, I have a lot to do. I am thinking seriously of posting this on FFGA too. So read and review!!!**


	37. Surprise, Surprise

**Happy Grey's Day!!**

Meredith fell asleep in Derek's arm. She felt safe there. She felt as if everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn't. Derek had a sense that something was wrong with her. He didn't say anything. He wanted to give her space. He was hoping she would tell him, but he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't.

Meredith woke up to the worst hangover of her life. The minute she opened her eyes, her head was pounding and she felt as if someone had stabbed her in the face. She closed them quickly, hoping to stop the pain. She felt Derek's grip tighten around her.

"So, you've dropped the tequila and picked up moonshine, huh?" Derek asked her with a snicker.

"Not funny." She moaned. "I am pretty sure I am dying here."

"Oh, you're okay." He mocked. "So why the moonshine?"

"That is a very long story." She replied with a chuckle that felt like a knife in her head.

"I have time." Derek said, pressing the issue.

"Can we just stay in bed all day?" She asked.

"Well, I guess we could. But it doesn't look like you're up for sex, so I think it will get a little boring." He said humbly.

"Just a little longer." She pleaded, knowing the day was not going to end perfectly.

"Okay." Derek said as he kissed her head.

Meredith felt the tears roll down her face. Derek didn't notice. She wanted to tell him, but she was afraid. Because now she realized that Ian had been here for days. Now Derek was going to wonder why she didn't tell him sooner. Not to mention he had been in the house. She didn't want Derek to be angry, or upset. No matter what, the day was going to end with one of the two. She pulled away from him and threw her feet in the floor. She couldn't look at him right now.

"Are you getting up?" He asked as he sat up.

"Yeah." She said softly. "There is something I need to tell you." She said in a somber tone.

"What?" He said with a very worried voice.

She began to walk to the bathroom. The nausea took over and she rushed in. Derek got out of bed and walked in. She was sitting next to the toilet, with her head in her hands. She leaned over and began retching again. Derek held her hair and rubbed her back. She moaned as she wiped her mouth and sat back down.

"So what do you need to tell me?" He asked with a concerned look in his face. She chickened out.

"Don't ever drink moonshine." She said quickly. He had a feeling that wasn't what she was going to say.

"I love you." He told her as he looked into her bloodshot eyes.

"Me too." She moaned. He stood up and started water in the bathtub for her.

"I'll make some coffee." He said as he walked out.

---------------

Derek walked into the kitchen. Even in the few days he was gone, he had missed it. The simple life. Waking up next to Meredith. Making coffee. Reading the paper together. She made him happy. It didn't matter where they were or what they did, she was all he needed. Yep, the simple life was going to be just perfect. He leaned over the counter and watched as the coffee slowly dripped into the pot. He walked slowly to the front door to grab the newspaper. He flipped the lock, turned the handle and opened the door. He walked out, leaned down and grabbed the paper swiftly. As he stood up, and turned around, he was met by a tall, well-built man with green eyes and light brown hair.

"Can I help you?" Derek asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"I am going to hurt her." Ian said in his strong british accent as he shook his head.

"Excuse me?" Derek said, not having any idea what he was talking about. Or why he was so angry.

"Damn Meredith." He said with chuckle. "I'm Ian." He said as he stuck out his hand. "You must be the guy...Dr. Derek Shepherd?" Ian said with a sense of confidence.

"Yes, and you are..." Derek asked quickly.

"Ah, Ian Atherton. Meredith's friend." Ian clarified.

"Oh. Well, she's just getting up." Derek said as he began to walk to the door.

"Oh..." Ian said with a sense of disappointment.

"Would you like to come in for coffee?" Derek asked.

"Absolutely." Ian said with a smile on his face.

Ian followed Derek into the house. Derek motioned for him to sit. He poured them both a cup of coffee. He heard Meredith moving around upstairs. He decided he should make hers up to.

"Well, it sounds like she's coming. I better make her coffee." Derek muttered.

"Two cream, one sugar and a splash of half and half." Ian said quickly.

"That's right." Derek said with surprise. He heard Meredith coming down the stairs. Her dainty footsteps neared.

"Hey babe?" Derek yelled to her.

"Yeah..." She yelled back.

"You have company." He shouted as she neared. "An angry British man..."

_Forfeit the game before somebody else_

_Takes you out of the frame and puts your name to shame_

_Cover up your face you can't run the race_

_The pace is too fast you just won't last_

Meredith held her breath and came to a stop. Her heart went into her throat. She took a deep breath as she walked down the last few stairs. This was bad. Who knows what he had said. Ian was a trouble maker of the worst kind. He got what he wanted and he would sabotage anyone or anything that got in his way. When she walked through the doorway, she felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.

"You are a fucking bitch." Ian seethed as he stood up and walked toward her.

Derek looked at him. Did he just day that? Did he just say that to his Meredith? The love of his life. He looked at Meredith's face, and then at Ian.

"Excuse me?" Derek said, as he walked over between them.

"You heard me. She is a bitch." Ian just finished as he felt Derek's fist connect with his well chiseled jaw. "What the hell!" He yelled as he grabbed his jaw. He went to hit him back, and Meredith jumped between them.

"No one talks to Meredith like that." Derek said in anger.

"Stop!" Meredith yelled. "You, put you hands down." She said to Derek as she pushed them down. "And you! Don't _ever_ talk to me like that!" She yelled as she smacked him in the face. "I need my coffee!" She shouted as she walked away. They both just looked at her in shock. She threw an ice pack at them both. Meredith sat down and the table and sipped her coffee as she closed her eyes. She laid her head back and sighed.

"Ian, meet the love of my life, Derek." She said as she pointed at him. "And this worthless bastard, is my ex-husband." Meredith spat. Derek looked at her wide-eyed.

"Oh." Derek said in surprise. "Ex-husband."

"Yeah." She shook her head, reassuringly. She grabbed a section of the paper and began reading. They both looked at her.

"What?" She spat.

"Um." Derek said. "So, Ian, what did Meredith do?" He asked, referring to his comments from earlier. He was secretly cursing himself for asking Ian into their home.

"She did a drunk dump." He said as he glared at her. She chuckled.

"A drunk dump?" Derek asked cluelessly.

"Yep, she got me drunk last night. Apparently she loaded me up and dumped me off at a park, at which I woke up at this morning. Well, I was woken up by the police, but that is immaterial." He seethed.

"Moonshine." Derek said, as it all fit together.

"That's what you gave me?" He asked Meredith. She shook her head.

"You were coming home. I have been trying to get rid of him for days. He would not leave. So I gave him moonshine, and Cristina and I dragged his stupid ass out to the jeep. How's the foot by the way?" She asked with a chuckle.

"It hurts like hell. You shut it in, didn't you?" He asked as he shot her a dirty look.

"Nope. I did." Cristina said with a laugh as she walked into the kitchen.

"I knew you were trouble..." Ian spat as he shook his head.

"So McDreamy knows about Commando Ken?" She asked as she grabbed a coffee cup.

"Yep." Meredith said simply

"It was really shitty of you to dump me in a park" Ian said loudly.

"Oh, like you didn't do it to me!" She yelled. "The only difference is, I woke up in the arms of a smelly homeless man!"

"It wasn't that bad. I paid him to make sure no one hurt you." He laughed. "You deserved it."

_Forfeit the game before somebody else_

_Takes you out of the frame and puts your name to shame_

_Cover up your face you can't run the race_

_The pace is too fast you just won't last_

"And why is that?" Meredith asked questioningly.

"You sabotaged my hook-up." He said frankly.

"Oh, waa. You do realize it is not normal for married people to hook-up with strangers." Meredith said, shaking her head.

"It would have been different if you were both doing it with others together." Cristina said jokingly.

"Oh we did that too. It was quite fun!" He said happily. "She's good at multitasking."

"You are an ass. I hate you." She said angrily. Derek's eyes got wide. He was not happy to be in this situation.

_You love the things I say I'll do_

_The way I'll hurt myself again just to get back at you_

_You take away when I give in_

_My life, my pride is broken_

"So, Ian, what brings you here?" Derek asked.

"Um, just visiting, I suppose." Ian responded.

"Tell him the truth." Meredith said. They both looked at her. "He wants to take me home." She said as she imitated his accent. "He's delusional."

"What do you mean?" Derek said in disbelief.

"He wants me back or whatever." Meredith laughed. "I told you, he's nuts."

"Your kidding me." Derek said as he laughed. Meredith stood up and walked to the sink.

"No, he's not." She said, rolling her eyes. "Look, Ian, I am happy. Yes, _happy_. I love Derek, he loves me. We are together. You and I" She motioned. "Are not. We will never be. We are divorced. I signed the papers. Get on a damn plane, or boat, or swim across the big pond for all I fucking care, just go home. Maybe you will find someone who wants you there." Derek was taken aback by her harshness.

_You like to think you're never wrong_

_You want to act like you're someone_

_You want someone to hurt like you_

_You want to share what you've been through_

_(You live what you learn)_

"Mer." Ian said.

"My name is Meredith. Meredith Grey. Not Mer, or my love, or babe...Meredith Grey. Please just go." She told him with disgust.

"No." Ian said.

"Are you telling me you won't leave _my house_?" She asked loudly as her face turned red.

"No. I am saying no. No your name is not Meredith Grey." He said smugly.

"It's not? Then what is it, exactly?" She asked with curiosity.

"Meredith Atherton." He said with a grin. "We're still married, my love." Her face dropped quickly.

"What did you say?" She said in shock. Everyone looked at him.

"You signed. I didn't." He smiled. "We are still married."

_You love the things I say I'll do_

_The way I'll hurt myself again just to get back at you_

_You take away when I give in_

_My life, my pride is broken_

"I. Am. Going. To. Kill. YOU!" She said as she threw a plate at him. "Damn-it!" He ducked behind the table.

"Meredith! Mer, stop!" Derek yelled as she continued to throw dishes at Ian.

"You son of a bitch!" She yelled as she threw a serving platter.

"Meredith!" Derek said as he walked over and grabbed her arm. "Meredith..."

"I'm okay." She answered as she put her arms down.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked her. She stared back, blankly.

_Forfeit the game before somebody else_

_Takes you out of the frame and puts your name to shame_

_Cover up your face you can't run the race_

_The pace is too fast you just can't last_

"Haven't you ever wondered why there are no matching dishes in this house? That's what she does. She breaks them. We went through six sets." He said, shaking his head. "Her little temper tantrums." Ian laughed. She threw a saucer at him. It crashed into the wall.

"Dude, aren't you scared?" Cristina asked as Meredith threw a mug in his direction.

"No. She has bad aim with the dishes. Now knives, they are her specialty." He said as he shook his head.

"Did you say knives, honey?" She said as she opened the drawer.

"Fuck!" He yelled.

_You like to think you're never wrong_

_You want to act like you're someone_

_You want someone to hurt like you_

_You want to share what you've been through_

_You live what you learn _

Ian looked at her in fear. He knew she was mad, beyond mad. She was irate. Derek looked into her eyes. Her normally soft, green eyes, were hard with angry. She was out for blood. Ian looked over at Derek and Cristina. They all turned and looked at her as she grabbed a large knife out of the drawer and threw her arm back.

"Run!" Ian said loudly as he tore off towards the front door. Derek's eyes widened as he felt the knife skim pass his face and stick firmly in the wall.

"Holy shit!" He yelled as he also took off.

_You love the things I say I'll do_

_The way I'll hurt myself again just to get back at you_

_You take away when I give in_

_My life, my pride is broken_

"She's gone nuts!" Cristina said with a chuckle.

She grabbed a handful of knives and chased Ian up the stairs. Derek had run past him and was already up there. She threw a knife hard and it caught him in the shoe. He looked down and ran faster. She tossed one last knife, and it stuck in the door as they slammed it shut.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Derek asked breathlessly in shock. "I have never seen her angry like this."

"I have a way of doing that to her." Ian said with a chuckle. "She has a damn good aim. Look at what she did to me." Ian said as he revealed a small puncture wound in his calf.

"Oh my God. We need to clean it out." Derek said, looking at the blood.

"It's fine. She got me really good a few years ago. Five stitches." He said with a chuckle. "She took knife throwing lessons."

"You're kidding, right?" Derek asked.

"No." Ian replied frankly. Derek walked into the bathroom and got some first aid supplies and threw them at Ian. He walked over to the door and started to open it. "No!" Ian shouted. Derek quickly shut it. "She's still out there."

"She's not going to stab me." Derek said with a chuckle.

"If she thinks you are me, she will." Ian responded. He flinched as he cleaned his wound.

"I'll just tell her it's me." Derek suggested.

"I really hurt her..." Ian trailed off. It piqued Derek's attention. He turned around and sat in the chair in the corner.

"What the hell happened?" Derek asked, searching for information to her past.

"She was just a kid. She didn't act like a kid, let me tell you." Ian said with a laugh. "She had just turned eighteen when I met her."

"Where did you meet her?" Derek pried with a curious tone.

"She never told you?" Ian asked. Derek shook his head no. "Vegas. She was there with her friends. I knew she was a baby. She wouldn't even give me the time of day. I chased her, pursued her. The more she fought, the more I wanted her. Finally, the night before she was going back home, I got her. She was trashed. We had some fun. I dragged her to an all-night wedding chapel. She didn't know what she was doing. She went on about defying her mum. I had the pay the guy at the chapel five-hundred bucks to do it because she was so lit. She woke up in the morning my wife, she didn't remember anything."

Derek listened intently. He felt so bad for her. He couldn't believe that Ian had done that to her. She was young. She never had a chance. He also knew how Ellis was. He could see why she would do it. He was starting to understand why she is the way she is.

"You married her against her will?" Derek asked angrily.

"No. Not against her will. Without her knowledge, maybe." Ian clarified. "She was pissed in the morning. She wanted an annulment. I liked her. She was wild, and fun. I knew my mum would be pissed if I brought her home. So I convinced her to come back to England with me."

"She went because of Ellis..." Derek muttered to himself.

"Ellis?" Ian asked. "Oh yeah, her mum. Never met the lady."

"You've never met her mother?" Derek asked. He couldn't believe that Ian would marry her and know nothing about her.

"No. I never met her. She didn't talk about herself. She tried so hard when we got home. My mum hated her. I knew she would. But my father adored her. He bought us a house. She tried to be a wife. She woke up early the first morning at home, and burned a huge breakfast. I tried too. I figured what the hell? And then she had a pregnancy scare. I realized I was too damn young to be tied down. So I cut her out. I went out and partied. It crushed her. She was so depressed. She eventually got over it. We became this power couple who partied like crazy, and went home with other people." Ian said as he thought back. Derek shook his head in disgust.

"I don't understand why she stayed." Derek said quickly.

"We were happy in our own way. She had everything she needed. She had a full ride at Oxford. She was taken care of. She seemed okay with our arrangement." Ian stated nonchalantly.

"She wasn't. She deserves more. She will have more." Derek snapped.

"I want her back." Ian said boldly as he stood up.

"Why? She doesn't want you..." Derek said quickly.

"I will get her back." Ian said. "I'm not worried about the competition." He said as he eyed Derek.

"Yeah, well, I don't have any competition." Derek seethed as he walked to the door.

-------------------

"You are a crazy bitch!" Cristina said as she walked up the stairs. "I didn't think you had it in you."

"I hate him." Meredith spat simply. "At this moment, I really do want to kill him."

"So they are in there?" Cristina asked as she motioned to the door.

"Yep." Meredith returned as she checked the sharpness of the knife with her finger.

"So what are you going to do?" Cristina asked.

"I don't know. Maybe poison. Is there any kind of poison that won't show up in his system? Or sea urchin, isn't that poisonous? Or I could knock him out and throw him into the bay. It would come back on me, wouldn't it?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, probably. I don't think you would last long in prison." Cristina said matter-of-factly.

"I can make a knife out of a toothbrush." Meredith told her quickly.

"You never cease to amaze me!" Cristina said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, well..." Meredith said sadly. Tears started rushing down her face. "I can't do this. I can deal with him right now."

"It will be fine." Cristina said as she threw he arm over her shoulder. "What the hell so you think they are talking about?"

"Who knows. But Ian is conniving. God, I hate him." She spat. "I love Derek. If he screws this up..." Meredith sighed as she laid her head on Cristina's shoulder.

"If he screws it up for you, I'll kill him!" Cristina said confidently.

"This is why we are friends..." Meredith answered, closing her eyes.

--------------------

"Meredith?" Derek called through the cracked door.

He had to get out of the room. He already knew he hated Ian. Anyone who could take advantage of someone like he did was worthless. He hurt her. He was the reason she had so many issues. And now here he is, trying to take her back. Derek wanted to yell at her. He couldn't believe she hadn't followed through. She just signed divorce papers and left. He wanted to yell, but the minute he saw her face, his heart melted.

"It's safe. I've confiscated the weapons." Cristina said with a chuckle.

"Meredith." He said softly as he walked over and knelt next to her. He nodded at Cristina, and she ushered Ian downstairs.

"I know you're mad." She said with a whimper.

"I am not mad. You didn't now." He said as he sat against the wall and embraced her. "He is an asshole." Derek spat, and immediately felt guilty for saying it.

"I hate him. I loathe him." Meredith said quickly. "I can't believe he did this. We were not supposed to be married anymore. He should have signed. He likes to fuck with my head." She said with remorse. "I should have made sure. I could have made sure..."

"It's over now." Derek responded flatly.

"You can go. I understand. It's okay." Meredith whispered, as she stiffened up.

"I am not going anywhere." He told her confidently as he kissed her temple.

"You're not?" She asked.

"No." He replied. "I am here for this ride."

"Now I have to get him to divorce me..." Meredith said.

"I think that will be easier said than done." Derek replied with a sigh. Meredith just laid her head on his shoulder.

-------------------

**So Derek knows... Review please!**


	38. My House is Your House

**I don't own Grey's...I wish I did. I would fix things.**

Meredith sat down at the kitchen table with a huff. Derek looked back and forth between she and Ian. Cristina had made a very sneaky exit out the front door, leaving them all in the same room. None of them knew what to say. There was no understanding that they were going to be able to come to. Neither Ian nor Meredith were willing to budge.

"So, what can I do to get you to divorce me?" She asked angrily.

"I don't want a divorce." Ian stated with a shrug.

"Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?" Derek asked dumbly.

"He has a reason." Meredith stated. "I just haven't figured out what it is yet."

Derek stared at Ian. He couldn't believe how nervy he was. Just sitting there, unwelcome and unwanted. He himself would never be in this position. Ian sat there with a smug grin on his face. Something had to be resolved. Things could not stay the way they were at the moment.

"So, how is Dad?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Good. He misses you..." Ian trailed off.

"And the queen bitch?" Meredith asked, referring to Ian's mother.

"She passed last month." Ian said sadly.

"She's dead? I'll be damned!" Meredith said with a chuckle. Derek looked at her like she was crazy. "Thank God!"

"Meredith..." Derek whispered under his breath. Ian began to chuckle along with her.

"She didn't have anyone to torture. It killed her..." Ian laughed. "For all those years, she lived on her hatred for you."

"So that's why you're here..." Meredith said with a new found realization.

"What?" Ian asked innocently.

"What is the deal?" Meredith asked frankly. He looked down. "Tell me!" She spat.

"I have been locked out." Ian said quietly, not looking up at her.

"No money?" She asked with a chuckle.

"No money. Nothing." Ian explained. Derek looked at him in surprise. "He gave me fifty-thousand dollars and three months. He said I screwed it up and I have to fix it. He said you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I needed to get you back. If I don't, I am cut out of everything. The money, the estate..." Ian whined. "So, please come back."

"This is for money?" Derek asked in disgust. "You want Meredith back because of money? Not because you love her?"

"I do love her." Ian clarified quickly. "I do love you..." He said as he glanced at her.

"Whatever..." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes.

"When you left, I didn't care. I won't lie... But after a while, I missed you. I missed you lying in the bed next to me, and the sound of your voice, and your snoring. I even missed your snoring. You have been a part of me for so long... It's like when a tree grows into a fence. You are the fence, and now I can't stand. A piece of my structure has been taken away." He explained.

"Oh please! Now you are likening me to a fence? No. You had your chance, nine years! You had nine years! And you chose. And you can't go back. I am done. Just because you have decided to grow up, doesn't mean that things change. I begged you to grow up. You are only here for the money. I would suggest you get a job, invest your money or become a fucking panhandler, because I am not helping you. You made your bed!" She yelled. "Now you have to lay in it. I want a fucking divorce!"

"I will have you tied up in court forever. You won't even be able to work." He said with a smile. "Not to mention your very promiscuous past..." Derek's interest was immediately piqued.

"Is that a threat?" She asked.

"It is whatever you think it is..." Ian said with a chuckle.

"Okay, what if I can convince your father to give you everything..." She suggested. "Would you divorce me then?"

"In a second!" He said quickly.

"You are an evil man." Meredith said dryly.

"I can't believe this. What is wrong with you people?" Derek asked in disgust.

"What?" They both asked him.

"Money and deceit..." Derek answered.

"I want what I deserve." Ian said loudly. "It's bad enough that I only have fifty thousand dollars. I don't know how I am supposed to live on that!" He spat.

"Are you kidding me?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "There are people who could live on that for years! You are a pampered, spoiled asshole!"

"Am not!" Ian said defensively.

"So, I would suggest you take some of your mere pittance, and get your self a very cheap motel room. Not a five star hotel with three bedrooms! And maybe you shouldn't buy the whole club drinks when you go." Meredith said with an evil laugh.

"You are a cheeky cow!" Ian spat as he slouched in his chair.

"Why don't you stay here?" Derek suggested.

"WHAT?" Meredith said quickly and loudly as her head shot toward him.

"Maybe he should just stay here. It would cut down on costs." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Can I speak to you in the other room?" She seethed, as she grabbed his arm and dragged him very quickly.

"What?" Derek asked with a furrowed brow.

"He can't stay here! And who the hell do you think you are? You didn't even ask me if he could stay in _my house!" _She said angrily through her teeth.

"Your house?" Derek answered, slightly hurt.

"Right now I don't have time to stroke your ego, so shut up." Meredith sneered.

"I do have _something_ you can stroke." Derek said with a suggestive smile.

"What is with you guys and your need to dirty everything up?" She asked quickly. "You have a trailer. It has no heat, but you could stay in it..."

"What do you mean, no heat?" He asked with a confused look.

"The furnace went out a few days ago." She said nonchalantly. "You should probably get that fixed. But anyway, we have bigger problems... Like the fact that you asked _him _to stay!" She said with dramatic hand motions.

"Haven't you ever heard the saying..."Keep your friends close, and you enemies closer?"" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah." She said with a huff.

"Well, I don't trust that shit face as far as I can throw him. And he looks pretty damn heavy..." Derek said frankly.

"Derek..." She said with a disagreeing tone.

"Mer, you can make his life hell. In a few days, he will be begging you to divorce him. Not to mention, he will have to sleep on that lumpy couch." Derek said with a nod.

"Fine. But I am _not_ happy about this..." She said as she glared at him and walked into the kitchen throwing the swinging door open. It swung shut before Derek made it through. He pushed it open and walked in.

"Meredith and I have decided that you should stay with us." Derek suggested.

"You are kidding me, right?" Ian said with an untrusting face.

"You heard him." She said quickly. "But there are rules."

"Rules?" Ian said as he rolled his eyes.

"YES! Rules. One, no absolutely drinking, no coming home at five a.m. trashed. B, no sex." She started, then was cut off.

"What?" He said, as he threw his head back in shock.

"Yes, no sex. With anyone. Especially my friends. I swear, if you sleep with any of my friends, I will cut it off and beat you to death with it." She said nastily.

"That is quite a complement. Being able to beat me to death with my penis..." He said with a smug smile.

"I know what equipment we are talking about here." She said frankly. "Sorry." She said with a shrug, as she looked over at Derek. "So no sex, not even with drunken bar whores. Three, there is a curfew. It changes daily, so I would suggest you are in by at least nine p.m."

"Nine p.m.?" He whined. "That's when the party starts."

"The parties you won't be at..." She reminded. He sulked. "Four, no going through my stuff. And Five, you have to pull your weight around here, no sitting on your ass. You will cut the grass, take out the trash or something. And I want you out in a week."

"What if it takes longer?" Ian asked.

"I hope it doesn't...for your sake!" She warned.

----------------

Derek took Meredith out to her favorite little Italian restaurant. He knew she needed to get out of the house. After seeing Ian in the house all day, he was wishing he hadn't invited him to stay. At least with him there, Derek could monitor him. He trusted Meredith, but Ian, he did not. Ian was sneaky and underhanded. Meredith seemed slightly more at ease at the restaurant. And after she finished her favorite ravioli, she was completely relaxed. He knew Italian food was the way to her heart.

"You ready to go home?" He asked quietly, knowing her answer.

"No." She sighed. "No thanks to you. I am still mad at you." She warned him as she took her last sip of wine. "But we have to eventually." She said, as she stood up.

"We could stay at the trailer..." He suggested.

"And freeze?" She asked.

"I could keep you warm..." He said with a sly smile.

"I bet you could." She said as she walked towards the door. Derek put his hand on the small of her back. "I am not letting him take over my house. We are going home."

"Whatever you say. You're the boss." He said as he opened her car door for her.

"I know I am." She said sarcastically. She saw him chuckle as he walked around the front of the car.

"I can't believe you're married." He said, shaking his head.

"I am just as surprised as you are." Meredith responded. "So are you ready to go back to work?"

"Aren't I always." He said with a smile. "I can't wait to kick Hudson out." Derek said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, he's a real jerk." Meredith said frankly.

"You met Jack "off" Hudson?" Derek said with a chuckle. She joined him.

"Yeah, actually I did. I worked with him." Meredith explained.

"You mean you observed from the other side of the room..." Derek clarified.

"Pretty much. I was at the table for about five minutes." She said with a shrug.

"Really? He never lets an intern up there." Derek said with surprise.

"Well, I guess I am lucky then." Meredith said with a giggle. "Oh, and he says I should come to Seattle Presbyterian and work under him. Because he's the best, you know." She said she she busted out with laughter.

"Oh, you are kidding..." Derek said as he shook his head.

"Nope. But I did set him straight." She boasted.

"I'm sure you did!" He said with a laugh.

"Oh, it looks like someone isn't home." Meredith said, knowing he wouldn't be. "I'm sure he's out breaking rules number one, and two."

"Well, this is good, right?" Derek said. "Now I can get some sex..."

"Oh really?" She asked, raising one eyebrow. He quickly shook his head yes. "Like I would let my _husband_ stop us anyhow."

Meredith was surprised when they walked in the house and everything was dark. George's car was in the driveway. He was on call last night, so she figured he was either asleep, or Callie picked him up. She flipped the light on by the front door and walked around. Ian's bag was in the corner of the room. Evidently he was planning on coming back. But the door was going to be locked. She knew she had to stick to her guns or he'd shoot her first.

"So, what do you want to do?" Derek asked, raising his eyebrows. He sat down on the sofa.

"You are so dirty. I'm beginning to think you are only using me for sex." She said with a giggle as she jumped on the sofa with him

"Well, not _just_ sex." Derek said as he kissed her neck. He knew the spot. It was the spot that made her melt. It was her lock, and only he had the key.

Derek settled down into the sofa, with a little help from Meredith. She laid on top of him and kissed him deeply. Her mouth parted as his tongue slid in slowly. Their tongues danced rhythmically together. Derek slid his hands down her back and fingered the bottom of her shirt. She looked into his eyes and smiled as he slid it over her head. He leaned up, and she did the same with his dark blue polo shirt.

"I love you." She whispered, barely audible.

He smiled, acknowledging her comment. She slowly moved down and kissed his chest. She leaned back as he unclasped her black lacy bra. He threw it over the sofa and it slid somewhere across the floor. She leaned back as he methodically circled her nipple with his tongue. She could feel the bulge in his jeans. Her fingers nimbly fumbled at his belt buckle. She unbuttoned his jeans, unzipped them and pulled them down slowly. She unbuttoned her own and pulled them off, letting them fall to the floor next to his. He pushed her back on the sofa and began kissing her chest. He slide off his boxers and smiled as her. He could see the smoky look in her eyes, her hair was lying around her face. He slowly slid of her tiny black thong and threw it aside. He looked into her eyes one last time, seeing look of approval, he slowly entered her. She moaned as he paused with a sigh. With each thrust, they felt closer to each other. Not physically, emotionally. They were as one. She could almost read his thoughts, he the same. He moaned as she began to tighten around him. She could feel him getting nearer to the edge. Her whole body began to tremble as her climax took over. She felt him growing inside of her. Her body began to relax, and she felt another orgasm take over. Derek shouted out as he climaxed. Meredith moaned as she felt him release inside of her. They both sighed as their sweaty bodies laid together.

"Don't ever leave me..." She whispered softly.

"I love you." He said. "And I will never, ever, leave you." Meredith felt comfortable in his arms. She smiled and laid her cheek against his chest. She sighed deeply, falling asleep against his chest.

Derek sighed as he looked down at her resting peacefully. He pulled the throw off the back of the sofa and covered them both. He could run. A lot of men would run. They wouldn't want to get involved in such a complex situation. She was married. She was married to a deceitful, selfish man. But he wasn't running, he was there for the long haul. He was running a marathon, and he knew the finish line was a great place to start.

Ian stumbled in the door around one a.m. Derek had forgotten to lock the door when they came in. Ian walked slowly to the sofa in the dark. He wasn't familiar with the house. He shuffled his feet as he walked. For him, he was barely even intoxicated. He was a drinker, he could drink anyone under the table. He put his hands on the back of the sofa and walked around it.

"Oh bloody hell!" He spat as his eyes adjusted, and he was able to see the sleeping couple.

"What the hell!" Derek said quickly as he jerked awake.

"This isn't what I wanted to see coming home..." Ian said quickly.

"I'll just-" Derek started. Meredith was sound asleep. He covered with the blanket and swept her up. "Goodnight." Derek said as he nodded his head, and walked away with Meredith in his arms.

Derek laid her softly on the bed, and sighed. He heard her whisper his name softly in her sleep. He laid he head down as sighed at the sight of the woman loved, completely content.

Ian laid down on. He glanced over at their clothes on the floor. The site of Meredith and Derek in each other's arms flashed into his head. She was in love. But this seemed stronger than with Nate. He felt like he was hit by a bus. He had lost her, and for the first time in his life, he had a chance to be the good guy...but would he do it?

------------

**Okay, I spent 2 1/2 hours body clipping my horse, I can still feel the hair all over me, even after the shower, and I still got you an update. Gibe me some credit! **

**So crazy ass Derek asked him to stay. At least he can keep an eye on him. Please review, my confidence is lacking and I am feeling unmotivated!**


	39. His is Mine

"Mer, it's time to get up." Derek whispered into her ear and planted a soft kiss on her neck.

"Too early..." She moaned as she rolled over, and covered her head with the heavy comforter.

"Okay then." He said as he climbed under the covers and met her lips with his.

"Still tired..." She said as she pulled away and yawned.

"Really?" Derek said in surprise. "Humph." He moved lower under the blanket and began to kiss her still naked breasts. "Still?" He asked as he pulled away from her.

"Um, still a little...yeah.." She said as she laid back.

"I can fix that." She said as he worked his way farther down. He spread her legs and his tongue delved inside of her. She gasped loudly.

"Uh. Okay. I'm awake." She said as she quickly wiggled away from him.

"But we were just having fun." He said as his head peeked out from under the blankets. He had a huge smile on his face.

"If you start that. We won't be able to stop, and we'll be late." She explained, trying to rationalize more to herself than him.

"What's so bad about being late?" He asked as he laid against her. She could feel his erection pressing against her skin.

"Oh God..." She moaned. "Come on!" She said as she dragged him out of the bed and to the bathroom.

"What are we doing?" He asked.

"Multitasking." She returned as she turned on the water and pulled him into the shower with her. They both fell against the wall. Meredith began to giggle hysterically. Derek found it infectious and joined in. "Seriously..."

"Seriously." He returned with a smile.

"Multitasking." She said quickly remembering what she was doing. She lathered her hair and threw some of his shampoo in her hands and lathered his. "You have to help!" She scorned. He quickly obliged.

---------------

"What are you doing here?" George asked as he grabbed a coffee mug.

"Living here, for the moment." Ian said smoothly as he settled down in his chair and opened the paper.

"Seriously?" George asked. "Meredith is letting you live here?"

"Yes." Ian said simply as he took a bite of his english muffin. "I like english muffins. Do you know why?"

"Because they taste good?" George said, shrugging his shoulders, as he sat down with a muffin.

"No. Because they are English." George just rolled his eyes. Both of their heads shot up when they heard the yelling and rustling around upstairs.

"What the hell is that?" Ian asked quickly.

"Meredith and Derek." George said simply.

"Are they always that loud?" Ian asked, as he heard Meredith scream Derek's name.

"Oh, that is not loud." George explained. "Loud is when the windows break." George laughed, thinking back at the door incident.

"Hmm." Ian mumbled as he went back to the newspaper. "So you are all friends?"

"Yep." George answered, slightly annoyed by Ian. "So, you and Meredith were married." George asked, returning Ian's stupid question for one of his own.

"Actually, are..." Ian clarified. George spit muffin out all over the table.

"What?" George asked in shock.

"We're still married." Ian said frankly as he folded the section of paper he was reading.

"What do you mean, still married?" George asked quickly. "Does Meredith know?"

"She does now. She found out yesterday. I didn't sign the papers, you see." Ian explained.

"Okay, this is too weird. You're married and living here and so is Dr. Shepherd, and Izzie and Me." George said, with a confused look on his face.

"This is nothing." Ian stated, thinking back to the way he and Meredith were. They both looked up to see Derek and Meredith walking into the kitchen.

"Now I remember why I love showers." Derek said with a smile.

"I bet you do." She said as she pulled him into a kiss. She glanced over at Ian. "What the hell are you doing here?" She spat at Ian.

"Shower sex? Meredith never has shower sex!" Ian said, slightly hurt.

"I do now." She spat. "What are you doing here?" She asked again.

"I live here." He said, reminding her.

"No. You _were _staying here." Meredith answered quickly. "Get out."

"What?" He said in shock. "Why?"

"You broke the rules." She answered simply.

"I did not." He answered defensively.

"Bullshit. I know you broke two rules for sure. And you most likely broke all of them." She said frankly.

"What rules, exactly?" Ian asked argumentatively.

"Well, you drank. And you weren't here before curfew, and I'm sure you had sex." She answered.

"Prove it!" He returned. "I came home and found you with him. Unconscious. Naked. On my bed!"

"My house!" She shouted.

"My sofa!" He returned.

"What's yours is mine!" She yelled. "Everything is mine!"

"Don't ever marry this one. When she left, she took everything. Let's see, she left me a mattress, a folding chair and table, paper plates, plastic ware, one towel. Oh, and three squares of toilet paper. Need I go on?" He whined.

"He deserved it." She said, defending her actions.

"I deserved to not be able to wipe my ass?" He shouted.

"Yes." She said, imitating his accent.

"Mer, do you want an english muffin?" Derek asked in-between their flying words.

"No!" She returned sharply. "I hate english muffins. Do you know why? Because they are English!" She stated, Ian said the same answer at the same time. George busted out laughing.

"You two are crazy." George chipped in. "I don't know how you were together for so long."

"I am very tolerant." Ian said frankly.

"You are an ass! " Meredith seethed, through her teeth.

"Yeah, I know." He said quickly.

"And you...no more sex!" She spat at Derek.

"What did I do?" Derek asked as he choked on his muffin.

"You let him stay here." She returned.

"So that constitutes no sex?" He said in shock. She shook her head. "You know you can't keep your hands off of me!" He said with a laugh.

"That's sh-- You're right. Why torture myself? I fill find some for of revenge for you. Maybe I won't do that thing you love anymore...you know which one." She said, biting her lip, trying not to laugh.

"You wouldn't!" Derek responded with worry.

"I would." She said with a smirk.

----------------

Meredith spent the day on Dr. Burke's service. Even though she knew she wanted to go into neuro, she was happy to be in any operating room. She admired Burke in the fact that he was so full of perfection and focus.

"Okay now we are going to--" Burke started.

"We're losing him." A scrub nurse said loudly.

"Not today." Burke stated simply as he began to work on the patient.

"There's no rhythm." The nurse said quickly.

"Charge to 300." Burke yelled. "Clear."

They continued to work on the patient. They worked until no avail. They all dropped everything and pulled off their scrub masks. The patient wasn't very old, maybe in his early forties. Just a little older than Derek. Meredith shuddered at the thought. It could be Derek.

"So--" Meredith started saying and was cut off by Burke.

"I don't have anything else scheduled, so you should go find Dr. Bailey." Burke said as he began scrubbing his hands.

"Okay." Meredith said quietly as she walked out of the scrub room.

"Hey." She turned around, her green eyes meeting his blue.

"Hey." She responded with a smile.

"I thought you had an angioplasty with Burke." Derek mentioned.

"We lost the patient. He was just a few years older than you." Meredith stated sadly.

"I am not going anywhere..." Derek said with a smile.

"Well, with your veracious appetite for sex..." Meredith trailed off.

"It keeps me in shape." Derek said with a grin.

"You forget that I did kill a man once." Meredith said.

"Ah yes." Derek said shaking his head. "You did do _that. _Oh shit."

"What?" Meredith asked as she turned around to meet a set of very dark eyes. "Ah, Dr. Hudson, Seattle Grace hasn't kicked you out yet?" Meredith snapped.

"Dr. Grey. I see you still lack respect." He responded.

"Yes, I do." Meredith responded, shaking her head in agreement.

"You're intern is a pain in the ass. I told her she needs to transfer to Seattle Presbyterian, and work with a real neurosurgeon." Dr. Hudson said, looking over at Derek.

"I think she already is working with the best." Derek boasted.

"You always did have a big ego." Jack responded.

"Well, when you're this good..." Derek said quickly.

"All right boys, you can stick them back in. They are the same size." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. They both looked at her in shock as she walked away. Derek ran and caught up with her.

"I'm bigger, right?" Derek asked quickly.

"Of course you are, dear." She said with a smile. "I'm going to get some lunch."

"_I_ could _feed_ you." Derek said suggestively.

"I am actually hungry." She said as she laughed and walked away. "See you later, Dr. Shepherd."

-----------------

"So Commando Ken is staying in our house?" Izzie asked.

"Oh, you're kidding, right?" Cristina asked with a laugh.

"Yes. No. Yes, he is staying." Meredith said simply. "Damn Derek!"

"Shepherd asked him to stay?" Alex asked.

"Yes, something about friends and enemies and closeness, and whatever..." Meredith said angrily. "God I hate him."

"I kind of like him. He's charming." Izzie chirped.

"No, not charming. Charming as a snake, maybe." Meredith responded.

"He's definitely not bad to look at!" Cristina added.

"Uh huh..." Izzie added.

"I don't see it..." George replied.

"That's probably a good thing O'Malley." Alex added.

"Shut up!" George whined. "So how long is he staying?"

"A week. If he lasts that long. There are rules. If you see him drinking, having se or out after nine..." Meredith warned.

"Seriously?" Alex asked. "Man that sucks."

"He will never make it. The man lives off of sex. He needs it daily. He won't be around long." Meredith said happily.

"How are you going to get him to divorce you?" Cristina asked.

"I have to talk to my 'father-in-law'" Meredith responded. "It shouldn't be hard, he loves me." She said with a smile.

"So all of the stuff in the house was yours? Both of yours? You took it all?" George asked.

"Hell yes I did." She responded.

"Yeah, everything that is his is hers, right?" Izzie asked.

"Yes. We are still married. Oh my God, we're still married. His is mine! His is mine..." Meredith said with an evil smile.

"What are you planning..." Cristina asked. "And can I get in on it?"

"Oh I am planning, and you will all be in on it." Meredith said as she drifted off into space with a smile.

--------------

**Mer is planning evil, and it should be good. Torturing Ian is fun! I did post this on fanficga, but is way behind where we are here. It should be caught up eventually and when it is, I will post half chapters there, and they will be out before the full ones here. Please review!**


	40. Dinner and a Movie?

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy!**

Meredith spent the last few days plotting and planning. Ian had pretty much been staying out of trouble. But he was a thorn in her side. He was always around, making comments and just being Ian. She had tried to get ahold of his father, Ethan, but he was out of town on business, and unreachable. Of course. That is just her luck.

"Isn't it time for you to go home?" Meredith asked as she sat down next to him on the sofa. She handed him a beer.

"Oh, you know you want me to stay." He said with a grin.

"I do not want you to stay." She said flatly, taking a swig from the bottle.

"Oh yes you do." He replied. "So where is _Derek_?" He asked smartly.

"At the hospital. He got pulled into an emergency surgery. See, that is what happens when you _work._" She told him smartly.

"Where are Izzie and George?" Ian asked quickly.

"Uh, hell if I know." She said with a shrug, as she took a drink and sat it on the table.

"So no one is home..." He said with raised eyebrows.

"No." She spat. "What the hell are you thinking?" She asked with worry.

"Come on. A quickie, for old time's sake. You know you want to..." Ian urged.

"No. No! I don't." She told him loudly.

"Mer, we are so good together." He whined. "One last time..."

"Yeah, and you are horny, and have gone without sex for too long." She rolled her eyes as she told him.

"No, I would pick you over anyone any day. Come on... I won't tell McDefective." He said smoothly.

"McDreamy, and he is McDreamy and great. He is everything I ever--" She started and was cut off by Ian's soft forceful lips. His lips were so familiar. He pushed her down on the sofa, and laid on top of her. She felt his erection press against her leg. "Ugh, get off of me!" She shouted as she tossed him onto the floor.

"What the fuck?" He asked angrily as he jumped up.

"I told you no." She said as she sat back. "I am in love with Derek."

"That has never stopped you before. Shit, you have always fucked me, Mer. Even when you were pissed at me. Even when you were with that loser, Nate." Ian boasted.

"I told you not to say his name." She said as she glared at him.

"He really hurt you, didn't he?" Ian asked with a faint grin.

"I hate you." She seethed as she got up and walked away.

"What are you going to do when he dumps your ass just like _Nate_ did?" He shouted loudly.

What if he is right? What if Derek does leave me? What if he just walks away? I am married. Boyfriends don't hang around to wait for divorces. They run. Maybe he should have stayed with Holly. Maybe he was happy with her. He was happy, and I screwed that up. I screw everything up.

Meredith grabbed out the cleaning supplies. She threw on the yellow rubber gloves and went to work on the kitchen counter and sink. She grabbed a toothbrush and started scrubbing meticulously. This is what she did when she was upset. She cleaned. She had to. It was really the only time she did clean. She wasn't a slob, but she didn't live to clean, either. It was either scrub the grim off of the tile countertop, or tear the skin off of Ian's face. She was in another dimension. She was happy in her cleaning mode, she shut the world out. A bomb could go off next to her and she would never hear it. She never even heard Derek come in. He tried talking to her. She didn't even hear him.

"Mer!" He said as he grabbed her shoulders.

"Oh!" She said, startled. "When did you get here?" She asked.

"About twenty minutes ago. I was talking to you forever." He said with a furrowed brow.

"I'm sorry, I just--" She started with a weak apology.

"You're cleaning..." He said in a state of shock.

"I can clean." She told him frankly.

"I'm sure you can, babe." He laughed. "How are you?" He asked as he leaned in and kissed her.

"I'm okay, I guess." She answered truthfully.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"I am starved." She said as she pulled off her gloves and looked at her handy work. They heard the front door open. George and Izzie bounded in.

"Hey." Meredith said. "Good day?"

"Heck ya." Izzie answered. "We scrubbed in on that abdominal tumor. That woman is half the size now."

"You guys suck." Meredith spat jokingly. "So, are you hungry?"

"I am starving." George told her. " Did you cook?" He asked looking around. Everyone laughed.

"No, but she did clean..." Derek offered.

"Seriously?" Izzie asked with surprise.

"You guys, I can clean!" Meredith told them.

"But you don't..." George said. "Are you sick?"

"No, she's upset." Ian chipped in from the doorway.

"Why?" Derek asked, full of concern. Meredith turned away and washed her hands.

"Because I kissed her." Ian said simply. Derek's face turned angry and Meredith dropped her head.

"You what?" Derek said as he turned toward Ian.

"I kissed her." Ian said with a shrug. "Don't worry, she didn't enjoy it."

"I let you stay here. I convinced her to let you stay here, and you pull this?" Derek said angrily.

"It won't happen again." Ian told him.

"Don't worry about it Derek. I handled it." Meredith said quickly. "Let's get something to eat." She looked at him, and he decided to drop it.

"What sounds good?" Derek asked as he put his hand on her back.

"Pizza." George suggested.

"We just had pizza..." Izzie told him.

"How about Italian? I could run to Angelo's." Derek suggested.

"That sounds good." Meredith agreed.

"Well, what does everyone want?" Derek asked as he grabbed a pad of paper.

"Oh, I want fetuccini alfredo." Izzie chirped.

"You know what I want." Meredith said with a smile.

"George, what about you?" Derek asked, looking up at him.

"Uh, spaghetti, I guess." George said with a shrug.

"Ian?" Derek asked begrudgingly.

"Garlic penne with chicken." He said quietly. That was the only italian food he liked.

"I'll go get it." Meredith said, grabbing the list from his hand. She had to get out of the house. "Iz, George, do you guys want to come?"

"I'll come." Izzie answered.

"I'm going to take a shower." George told her as he started to run upstairs.

"Have fun." Meredith told Derek with a smile. He gave her a sour look. "We'll be right back." Derek watched her small figure disappear through the doorway.

"I swear, if you make a move on her again. I will kill you." Derek said quickly, as he turned to Ian.

"It was just a joke." Ian said, brushing it off.

"I highly doubt that." Derek returned in disguist.

Derek looked him in the eye. It took everything he had, to not deck him. He had him in the house so that he could watch him. He felt like he had failed. He knew Meredith well enough to know that she could hold her own. And with Ian, she seemed to do a better job than with anyone else. He grabbed his bag and headed upstairs to change out of his work clothes. When he came back down, Ian was sitting on the sofa channel surfing. Derek wanted to walk up and whack him upside his smug head. He glanced over at Derek.

"Here." He said as he held the remote control out for him. "It's your house." Derek only grabbed it because he wanted to prove that he was in fact, the boss.

"It is not my house." Derek said as he sat in the chair. "It's Meredith's."

"Ah, yes. You live in a _trailer_." Ian said with a chuckle.

"It is a very nice trailer." Derek shot back defensively. "The house is in the process of being built."

"Oh, you're building a house." Ian said, somewhat surprised. "For Meredith?"

"She had some part in it's design, yes." Derek said, not wanting to give Ian any fuel.

"So are you going to move there when it's done? It seems as if you are always here. So are you going to leave here? Or are you both going to stay?" Ian asked.

"I do whatever Meredith does." Derek said with a slight smile.

"Well, it seems you do make her happy." Ian said remorsefully. "I think she is happier with you than she ever was with Nate. That should tell you something."

"Oh." Derek said.

He wanted to pry. He wanted to know what happened. Maybe he would understand her better. Maybe Ian could help him unlock the chamber in her heart that she kept closed off from everyone. Ian held the key, the code, and Derek wanted it. Now he had to find a way to get it.

"So Nate..." Derek started. "She met him where?"

"How much do you know?" Ian asked with a evil grin.

"Some. A lot. I don't know." Derek finally admitted. Ian would either tell him or he wouldn't.

"I don't know how they met. Mer, she got around. She was with damn near every guy in the fifty mile radius." Ian spat. Derek's face turned red. "I imagine she met him at the club we frequented."

"Oh, I see. I have to say your arrangement was a little odd. To say the least." Derek said with raised brows.

"Yeah, well, anyway, she was allowed to sleep around. Hell, I didn't care if she screwed every guy in the club. But she wasn't to fall in love. She couldn't. I wanted her for myself. I didn't want her running off with some guy. I loved her. But I didn't want to be tied down. But I did want her tied down. I wanted her to be with just be with me. I may be an ass, but I knew I couldn't make her do that. So we both slept around, but we stayed together. But then she fell in love. She always came home. She quit coming home. She started staying over at his house. She said she was staying at a friend's. I knew that was shit. She was moving. She would pack up a little bit at a time. I noticed her stuff disappearing. She was going to leave me. He was some loser at Oxford. I don't know what she saw in him. She hadn't come home in a while, then she came home for a few days. Apparently, he had left town to go to his mum's. I found out from my friends that she was meeting him that night. I had her detained at the club's entrance. My guys grabbed him and took him to a back alley. We beat the stupid fuck to a pulp. Broken nose, broken ribs. I can still see his eyes. The poor piss-ant was scared shit-less. He messed with the wrong man's wife. It was made clear that he was to stay the hell away from her, unless he wanted to be found in the nearest body of water face-down. They took him home, packed his shit, and made him leave town that night." Ian boasted proudly. Derek sat there, no words would come.

"You should have seen the look on her face when she came home from the club. She was devastated. She was broken. She thought he just up and left her. She tried for weeks to get ahold of him. She never knew what happened. It was like her world had ended. I felt bad, but I was not going to lose her. I guess I ended up losing her in the end anyhow." Ian said matter of fact-ly.

"You need to tell her what happened to him." Derek said quickly.

"Absolutely not." Ian spat. "She will never know.

"Then I will tell her." Derek replied boldly.

"I don't think you want to do that. You see, if you tell her what happened, she will resent you. Meredith doesn't like people prodding into her life. She will assume you were fishing for information about Nate. You can't tell her, or you'd be screwing yourself." Ian said with and obnoxious chuckle.

"You offered the information." Derek told him. "I can't help what was said."

"Go ahead. Tell her." Ian shrugged. "But I know her better than anyone. You will be stepping on a land mine."

"Don't worry about me." Derek said simply.

How could he do that? How could he live a lie all those years? How could he lie next to her every night, knowing he had caused her so much pain. It all made sense now. Ian took advantage of her. She was young, and vulnerable. Eighteen is still a child. With Ellis as a mother, she didn't have a chance. No wonder she ran. She never had a real relationship. Then she met Nate. Apparently, he was the only normal thing in her life. She has always thought he just left. She was in love with him, and to her, he just disappeared into thin air. Then there was Chase. I don't know if she loved him, but he left too. She has no idea what it is like to be loved. I don't see how she could ever trust anyone again. I can't say I blame her.

"We're home." Meredith said happily. Somehow her voice seemed sweeter to Derek. He jumped off the sofa and followed her into the kitchen.

"It smells good." Derek said happily. "And I, love you." Derek said as he pulled Meredith into a deep kiss.

He stood there and looked into her eyes. He saw hurt. And it broke his heart. But at the same time, behind everything else, there was hope. He was determined that for the rest of his life, he was going to make her happy. He was never going to make her question his love for her.

Meredith looked into Derek's eyes. She had never loved anyone as much as she loved him. His blue eyes were full of depth. She saw pity. He looked like he knew something. At the same time, she saw love. She knew deep in her heart that he loved her.

"George!" Meredith yelled loudly. "Food's here!"

"That was fast." George said as he walked into the kitchen. Everyone started grabbing utensils and putting food on their plates.

"Hey, let's watch a movie!" Izzie suggested.

"Okay." Meredith said as she poured she and Derek a glass of wine.

"What do you want to watch?" Izzie asked.

"It's totally up to you." Meredith said tiredly.

Izzie, George and Ian headed out to the living room. She could hear them arguing over what to watch. Ian didn't want to watch anything medical. And Izzie wanted to watch surgeries. George didn't care what they watched. He was easy to please. Meredith quit listening and began putting ravioli on her plate.

"I love you." Derek said as he looked into her eyes and leaned against the counter.

"You just said that." She said with a giggle.

"I know. I just want to make sure you know it." Derek reassured her.

"I know you do. And I love you." She responded. "Go, eat. I'm going to go to the bathroom." She said as she walked away.

Derek walked into the living room. They were all still arguing over what to watch. Derek grabbed a seat on the sofa. He knew that Meredith would want to sit next to him. Ian was in a chair in the corner. Derek rolled his eyes as Izzie kept rummaging through tapes.

"I always loved this chair." Ian said simply. "I've missed it."

"I bet you have..." Derek said smartly.

"Oh let's watch this!" Izzie said as she held a tape up in the air. "George, this is dedicated to you!" She laughed as she stuck the tape in. The screen was black, but there was sound. They all listened. Meredith could hear the sound in the bathroom. Her face dropped quickly.

_"Come on Mer, it will be fun." Ian pleaded._

_"No, this is weird." Meredith responded nervously._

The picture came on showing a very naked Ian and scantily clad Meredith in the throes. They were in a very interesting position. It was dirty. It was embarrassing. It was not what you wanted your friends and boyfriend to see. Everyone stared in shock. They were frozen. Ian just smiled.

_"Oh, Ian!" Meredith screamed._

_"Oh God, Mer Baby." Ian moaned._

"Turn it off!" Meredith screamed as she come flying in from the kitchen. Everyone looked up at her. "Turn it off!" She immediately ran over to the t.v. and started pushing buttons. The tape came flying out of the player. "Why are you watching this?" She shouted.

"Um, it said Appendectomy. I thought it would be funny. You know, because of George." Izzie said innocently.

"You!" She scowled at Ian. "This is you!"

"Ah yes, and you. A very sexy you." Ian grinned. "I think you've aged. I missed that one. I think it was our first."

"Well, It's gone now." She said she she began tearing the ribbon out of the tape.

"Stop!" Ian said as he tried to wrestle it out of her hands. She elbowed him and continued pulling. "I would like to keep that." He said.

"Oh, I bet you would!" She spat. "Why did you label it like that?" She asked impatiently.

"I figured no one would ever watched, it. I never figured I would be in a room with a bunch of surgical freaks!" He laughed.

"Hey!" George shouted. Derek just watched. He felt bad for her. He wasn't upset, or disappointed. He knew how Ian was.

"Where are the rest?" She asked angrily.

"Um. I don't know." Ian answered innocently.

"Bullshit." She said, shaking her head.

"How many are there?" Derek asked with a worried expression.

"Um." Meredith said, fearing the embarrassment that was to come.

"Ten." Ian spat out.

"Ten!" Derek said, wide-eyed, and in shock.

"Mer, you're a porn star!" Izzie giggled.

"I am not!" Meredith replied.

"I think you are." George agreed.

"You find those tapes." She said to Ian. "All of them. Find them..." She seethed through her teeth.

She looked around at everyone. She couldn't be in this room. Everyone had just seen her in all her glory. It was humiliating. She couldn't believe the tapes were still in existence. She never wanted to so them. But Ian insisted. And she was young, and wild. She thought it would be fun. No one was supposed to see them. Poor Derek was in the middle of the whole mess. He never asked to be stuck in this. She quickly ran up the stairs. She laid down on her bed, letting the silent tears fall onto her pillow.

"I'm going to--" Derek started as he walked into the kitchen.

There sat her plate of food. It was ice cold. She hadn't even taken a bite. He felt so bad for her. He warmed her plate up and made his way up the stairs. Ian watched him intently.

"Hey." He whispered into the dark.

"Hey." She said as she sat up. I am so sorry you had to--"

"No. It was nothing. Don't even think about it." He said, putting his finger over he lips. "Now, you need to eat."

"I'm not really hungry." Meredith said, as he flipped the light on.

"You need to eat." He said simply. He forked a piece of ravioli, and place it in her mouth. "You need to eat, and I'm going to feed you..." He said.

"You are a pain in the ass!" She said as she chewed.

"A pain in the ass who is in love with you." He said with a smile.

"Why aren't you running? You should be running." She said frankly.

"I don't run away, I only run towards." He said as he sucked pasta sauce off of her lip, and kissed her. "And you, my dear, are what I have been running for my whole life."

-------

**Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I have been very busy. After Wednesday, things should start settling down, and you should get daily updates again. There wasn't enough room in this chapter for Mer's plan. But you do know what happened to Nate. She always thought he left her. He did, but not because he wanted to. He did because Ian would have killed him...**


	41. Sweet Revenge

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, I would be slightly embarrassed, considering what's going on...They are killing Mer and Der!**

Meredith spent the day in the pit. A construction worked came in with a gash on his leg. She quickly sewed it up and turned him loose. That was how her day was going. She thought about Anna, most of the morning. Since Ian came to town, she hadn't gone to see her. She felt guilty about it. She knew she had to make it a point to see her. Like she had time to do everything anymore. She barely had time to sleep, and she was swapped with Ian's trouble, not to mention the other things she had been plotting in her head. She was relieved when an emergency appendectomy walked in the door. She quickly paged Dr. Bailey and they did the necessary tests.

"Okay, prep her." Dr. Bailey ordered as she looked at the scans. "She looks like she's ready to rupture."

"Right away." Meredith said. Dr. Bailey walked out. Meredith looked at the girl, who was white as a ghost.

"I'm scared." The fourteen year old said quietly.

"You will be okay." Meredith assured her, as she rubbed her hand. "This is a simple surgery."

"Do you promise I'll be okay?" Kendra asked with a fearful look on her face.

"Um. Well. I am sure you will be fine." Meredith stammered. Things happened on the table. She didn't want to make a promise she may not be able to keep.

"Okay." Kendra said with a sigh. "Will I talk in my sleep? I usually talk in my sleep."

"Well, you will be intebated. So no, you won't." Meredith answered.

"Good. When I slept at my friend's last weekend, I was talking. I guess I accidentally said I like her boyfriend." Kendra said with embarrassment.

"Well, do you?" Meredith asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, a little. He's cool." Kendra admitted. "Are you married?"

"Well. I guess, kind of." Meredith said, wondering why she didn't just lie. She didn't consider Ian her husband.

"Kind of?" Kendra asked with a scrunched nose..

"Yes, I am. I'm married, but we are--" Meredith started.

"Getting a divorce?" Kendra asked. Meredith nodded. "Yeah, out of all of my friend's, my parents are the only ones that are still married. You shouldn't get a divorce. It's sad."

"Well, we just don't love each other." Meredith said frankly.

"Well, you must have sometime. You should try to fix it." Kendra said wisely.

"Oh, I'll think about it." Meredith said with a laugh. If she only knew. "Let's get you into surgery." Meredith said as she wheeled the gurney out of the room. They passed Derek by the nurses station.

"Hey." Derek said. She stopped the gurney.

"Hey." She said with a smile. He leaned over and kissed her. "I'll see you later." She smiled as she walked away.

"It looks like you still love each other." Kendra stated. Meredith just shook her head. The nurses grabbed the gurney and Meredith made her way to the scrub room.

-----------------

Meredith sat there at the lunch table in her own little world. Her friends were still doing assignments. She was the only one that was done. For once in her life she was really looking forward to talking to them. She had to let them in on her little plan. The plan that was going to bring Ian to his knees. She didn't even hear Addison's heels clicking on the pavement. Addison she walked up and sat down softly.

"Hey, stranger." Addison said happily as leaned back in her chair.

"Hey. Sorry it's been so long..." Meredith trailed off. She had missed her conversations with Addison. She was like a wise older sister.

"Yeah, well I hear you have an excuse." Addison replied, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Yeah." Meredith said in disgust.

"So, what are you going to do?" Addison asked.

"Well, I am going to try to talk to Ethan, Ian's dad." Meredith said. "He holds the key."

Meredith filled her in on what had happened with Ian. Addison was shocked that Derek allowed him to stay. Not that is was really his decision. But Addison knew him well enough to know what he was up to.

"So, do you still have feelings for Ian?" Addison asked.

"No. Absolutely not!" Meredith said quickly. "But the weird thing is, I have had sex dreams about him the last two nights." Meredith said with a look of shame. "I don't know what is wrong with me. It's horrible."

"Was it good sex?" Addison asked.

"Real life or dream?" Meredith asked.

"Real life." Addison clarified as she took a bite of her croissant.

"Yeah, it was." Meredith admitted.

"Well, there you go." Addison laughed. "It doesn't mean you want him back. It's just that your head going crazy."

"You think?" Meredith asked.

"Just don't tell Derek." Addison said. "Maybe you should tape your mouth shut at night. It wouldn't be good if you scream his name."

"No kidding, he's seen enough as it is." Meredith sighed. She saw her friends walking up. Addison took that as her cue to leave.

"Lunch, on your next day off!" Addison demanded as she walked away.

"Okay." Meredith shouted to her. "Hey guys."

"Hey..." They all responded.

"So, you're here early." Cristina said quickly.

"The joys of the pit. I did manage to get in on an appi." Meredith said happily.

"Oh? Appendectomy? Was this one with McDreamy?" Izzie laughed.

"Shepherd doesn't do appendectomies." Alex said with a furrowed brow.

"He does Meredith's kind." Izzie laughed and glanced over at Meredith.

"Shut up!" Meredith said quickly, giving Izzie a glare.

"What does _that_ mean?" Cristina asked with raised eyebrows.

"Nothing." Meredith returned quickly, shaking her head.

"Oh, just that Meredith is a... PORN STAR!" George said loudly.

"What?" Alex said with a laugh.

"I put in a surgical tape labeled 'Appendectomy' last night. It ended up being Mer and Ian. Apparently they have a collection." Izzie giggled.

"Seriously?" Cristina asked.

"Man, I miss everything." Alex whined. "Was it good?"

"We didn't see much." George clarified.

"You are a dirty girl!" Cristina laugh. "A collection? How many?"

"Ten." Meredith muttered under her breath.

"Holy crap! Ten!" Cristina said in shock. "You are a porn star."

"Am not!" Meredith said quickly.

"Can I watch it?" Alex asked, already knowing the answer.

"No!" Meredith shouted. "Now seriously. I have an important question to ask."

"What?" George asked, looking over at her.

"What do you want more than anything?" Meredith asked. "If you had money, what would you do with it?"

"How much money?" Alex asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Uh, I don't know. Ten thousand dollars." Meredith said purposefully.

"Ten thousand? Just to spend?" George asked.

"Yes, that's what I said." Meredith snapped.

"I would pay off some of my med school debt." George said.

"I would buy patients. Then I could do surgeries all day." Cristina said happily.

"Seriously!" Meredith spat.

"Uh, I don't know. I guess I would buy every cardio book and movie I could find." Cristina said quickly. "Or maybe a new bike."

"I would buy porn." Alex laughed.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. Porn and maybe a lifetime membership to the gym." Alex shook his head.

"Izzie?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know. I paid my med school tuition." She said with a shrug. "A newer car. I really do hate that piece... Something good on gas." Izzie said with a laugh.

"What would you want?" George asked Meredith.

"Revenge." She stated simply. "But I will be getting that. Fifty thousand dollars worth." She said with and evil laugh. They all gave her a puzzled look and shrugged.

"What time is everyone off tonight?" Meredith asked.

"Five." Most of them answered.

"I am on-call." Alex replied.

"You'll get yours tomorrow, or later. We'll see." Meredith said as she stood up. "Cristina, Izzie, meet me at the locker room after your shift. George, you go to Joe's at seven." They all shook their heads yes. She walked away with a grin on her face.

"What the hell is she up to?" Cristina asked.

"This is Mer...who knows." Izzie stated.

----------------

Meredith got off of work a half an hour earlier than everyone else. She had something to do. She had been thinking about it a lot. She had a feeling. She knew it was meant to be. She knew she was the one. She marched right up to Anna's floor. She found Dr. Watson. He was leaning up against the nurses station reading a chart.

"Hello, Dr. Watson." Meredith said with a smile.

"Ah, Dr. Grey, is it?" He asked. Meredith looked at his smile. He was young, at least he looked young.

"Yes. I have been thinking..." Meredith started nervously. Her hands were shaking, and her palms were starting to sweat. "I want to be Anna's bone marrow donor."

"Oh. Well, you may not even be a match." He said with regret.

"I am." Meredith said.

"You've been tested?" He asked excitedly.

"Well, no. I just know I am." She spat out quickly.

"With all due respect, Dr. Grey, you knowing, doesn't really mean a thing." He said with an innocent chuckle.

"Well, I'd like to be tested." Meredith said quickly. "I want to be a donor. Even if I can't be hers. I want to be a donor."

"Well, that is very generous of you, Dr. Grey." He said with a smile. "We can set everything up."

"I can come by after my shift tomorrow. And I have Tuesday off." She suggested.

"Sounds good. Have you seen our favorite patient?" He asked, motioning to her room.

"Not in a while." Meredith said. "That is where I am headed. I will see you tomorrow."

"Looking forward to it." He said as she walked away.

Meredith walked towards Anna's room. She saw Anna's Grandmother sitting in a chair. Her face turned hard as stone when her eyes met Meredith's. Something wasn't right. What If I am too late? If I wasn't such a fucking procrastinator. Damn-it. She picked up her pace as she neared the room.

"Dr. Grey." Anna's grandmother Peggy spat.

"Um, Hello...Peggy" Meredith said with a smile. "Is Anna okay?" Meredith asked with concern.

"I do not think that is any of your business." She said as she stood up. Her eyes were level with Meredith's.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked in shock.

"You lied to us. You said you visited the patients. You just visit Anna. You deceived us." Peggy responded angrily.

"I uh--" Meredith started.

"No. You didn't tell us you were friends with Brian. I want you to leave." She yelled.

"I wasn't." Meredith said defensively. "I--" She started.

"You don't have to explain. That nice woman, Holly Davison, explained everything to me!" She said loudly.

"Holly Davison?" Meredith asked, in shock. That bitch! "She is trouble."

"No, Dr. Grey, it is you that is trouble." She yelled. "Do I need to call security?"

"No. I'll go." Meredith whispered as she walked away with her head dropped.

--------------

"Where are we going?" Izzie asked as she looked out the car window.

"We are almost there..." Meredith said with a smile.

The smile was fake. She could not believe Holly had done that to her. She wasn't hurting her, she was hurting Anna. That is what made her so upset. That she purposely hurt an innocent kid. A kid that had been through hell. She didn't have a mother or a father. And now, she had one less friend.

"Why are we going here?" Izzie asked as she looked at the car dealership.

"You said you wanted a car." Meredith said frankly.

"I can't afford a car!" Izzie spat.

"So, the Prius gets great gas mileage. Do you like it?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, but-" Izzie said quickly.

"You're buying Barbie a car?" Cristina asked in shock.

"Yep." Meredith said happily.

"So pick one." Meredith said as they jumped out of the jeep.

"Oh my God, Mer. You can't do this!" Izzie said in shock.

"I want to." Meredith spat. "Izzie, go pick a damn car!" Izzie bounced away.

"Are you nuts?" Cristina asked as she looked at Meredith.

"No." Meredith said simply.

"Are you dying?" She asked with worry.

"No." Meredith shrugged. "So, do you want a bike?"

"Are you buying?" Cristina asked.

"Yep." Meredith smiled.

"Then hell yes, I do." She said quickly.

Izzie and Cristina had no idea what Meredith was up to. They were slightly worried. She was being impulsive. Meredith was never impulsive. Not like this. Not with this much money. But Meredith was insistent. She wouldn't take no for an answer. Cristina ended up getting a new Suzuki and Izzie grabbed a newer Toyota Prius. Meredith was pleased that her friends were so happy. Everything was settled and they all headed to Joe's. Meredith had three quick stops to make before she headed to Joe's.

Meredith bounded up the stairway quickly. She knew she was really going get it when the day was done. She flung the door open and walked onto the floor. She had a huge smile on her face. She was still upset about Anna, but this was definitely helping. She didn't even notice Derek.

"Hey." Derek said, surprised to see her.

"Hey." Meredith said with a smile. He leaned in and kissed her.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Just running some errands. When are you off?" She asked.

"Actually, right now." He said with a grin. "I just have to change."

"Good. We're all meeting at Joe's." Meredith told him. "I'll meet you right here in ten minutes."

"Sounds good." Derek said as he walked away.

Meredith searched all over for Alex. He wasn't in surgery, he wasn't in the pit. Finally she decided to look in the on-call rooms. Even though it was early, he may be getting ahead on his sleep. She opened the door and saw him laying on the top bunk.

"Here." She said as she threw an envelope at him. He jerked awake.

"What's this?" He asked as he held the envelope.

"Open it." She said simply.

"Holy crap, Grey!" Alex said in shock.

"Yep." She shook her head.

"It's a lifetime membership for the gym." Alex said. "And porn!" He laughed. "Why?"

"Just think of it as a friendly gift!" She said as she opened the door and walked out.

"Thanks!" He yelled. He couldn't believe she did that.

---------------

Joe's was busy. Really busy. Meredith smiled. It was going to make it even better. She grabbed Derek's hand, and walked over to a high-top. Her friends were all looking at her with big smiles. George sat there waiting. He knew that something was going on, but Izzie and Cristina refused to tell him. Meredith discreetly handed him a thick envelope under the table.

"What's this?" He asked. He opened it and his eyes widened.

"Pay off some of your loans." Meredith said in a whisper.

"No, Mer. I can't take this." He said, shoving it towards her.

"You can, and you will." She said, pushing his hand back. "Ten thousand." She said.

"Well. Um. Thanks." He said with a huge smile.

Derek walked up with their drinks. He looked around the table. They all looked unusually happy. He brushed it off and sat down with the group. They all looked up when Ian walked in. Meredith whispered something to George. He shook his head in agreement.

"Hey, Guys." Ian said. "I'm surprised you invited me to a bar!" Ian laughed.

"I thought you deserved a night out." She laughed. "What do you want to drink?" She asked.

"The usual." He said quickly.

"Bourbon." Meredith returned as she walked to the bar. She quickly came back.

"Hey, Ian. You want to play darts?" George asked, he winked at Meredith.

"Uh, sure." Ian responded. He and George walked away. Meredith slid his debit card back into his wallet.

Everyone sat there having a good time. Meredith was counting down the time. She couldn't wait, the suspense was killing her. She watched as Ian and George walked away from the dart board and towards the table.

"Another round?" Ian asked happily. Everyone nodded.

Meredith's told everyone to be quiet. They all looked at her. She watched the bar intently. She felt like she was going to pee her pants. Ian pulled out the card. The card with his money on it. The card his father gave him. The only money he had. She saw Joe slide it through and shake his head. Ian made dramatic hand motions. Joe's slide it through again, and shook his head again. Ian looked over at Meredith and it clicked. She could see the light bulb go off. He walked over to her quickly.

"Honey, can I speak with you?" Ian said through his teeth as he grabbed her arm.

"Oh, Dear, anything you need to say, you can say to me here." Meredith said as she pulled her arm away with a smile. "Oh, where are our drinks?" She asked as she started to laugh hysterically. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy.

"Where is my money?" Ian spat angrily.

"You mean _our money_?" She asked as she continued to laugh. Derek gave her a puzzled look.

"No, mine!" He yelled.

"What's yours is mine, baby." She said happily. "I decided to buy our friends some gifts."

"You---you---" He said in shock. "I am going to kill you."

"Paybacks a bitch...isn't it?" Meredith asked smartly. Everyone's jaw dropped to the floor.

-------------

**Revenge is sweet! Our girl can be a little devil. So now Ian is surely going to be pissed off. Can you blame him? I don't know if I will get an update up on Wednesday. It depends on what I get written tonight. Please review.**


	42. Shards of Glass

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy!**

"So I guess your drinks are on me tonight!" Meredith said to Ian with a laugh.

"You are an evil, rotten bitch!" Ian spat as he slammed his empty glass onto the table.

"Yeah, well, I think you pushed me too far, _dear._" She laughed as she slammed a shot. Everyone looked back and forth between them. "And none of you will be returning your gifts!" She told them.

"That was all my money." Ian stated obviously.

"I will give it back, but I want signed divorce papers." Meredith said coldly.

"No." Ian said quickly. "You are not going to blackmail me."

"Kinda looks like I am." Meredith smiled, as she stood up and walked to the bar. "I'll have another shot. And he'll have another bourbon" Meredith told Joe.

"This is exactly why I married you." Ian stated as he shook his head.

"So I could order you drinks?" Meredith laughed.

"No, because you are strong willed." Ian stated as he sipped his bourbon.

"Can you believe she did that?" Izzie asked.

"No!" George responded.

"This is why we are friends." Cristina said with a smile.

Derek just sat there. This scared him. He didn't like this side of Meredith. She was being vindictive, and evil. She had planned this. She had been planning it. He knew she had been acting differently. It was one thing to just do something on a whim. This wasn't who he met, or loved. Meredith was kind, and loving. She tried to hide it, but he knew who she really was. And now he wasn't really sure. He looked over at her standing next to Ian. Maybe they were really met for each other. He knew one thing, he had to leave. He had to get out of there.

"Where did Derek go?" Meredith asked as she approached the table.

"He just got up and left." George said.

"How long ago?" Meredith said with a worried expression.

"Just before you walked up." George said.

"Shit!" She said loudly.

Meredith quickly rushed out of Joe's. She didn't see him anywhere. She knew his car was in the hospital parking lot. She jogged across the street, dodging in and out of traffic. Cars swerved around her, honking, as the rain poured on her skin. Then she saw his dark figure walking slowly. She screamed his name, but he didn't answer. She ran even faster. Her feet pounded against the pavement. She made it to the car as he started it up. She pounded on the window. He rolled it down.

"What?" He asked in an unusually annoyed voice. She saw anger in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asked, matching his tone. He was angry with her. He didn't want to talk to her. She was lit and acting like nothing was wrong. That made him more angry. He climbed out of the car.

"Are you kidding me? What the hell is wrong with you?" He shouted, shaking his head in disgust.

"What did I do?" She asked innocently. "Why are you mad at me?"

"What did you do? Holy shit. I stand here, looking like a court jester. Okay, so you have a husband. I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, like you would finish something. Who the hell walks out leaving signed divorce papers? You _knew_ he wouldn't sign them. Then the asshole shows up here. I was the good guy and tried to make it work. You two act like old friends, fighting and joking. God, he knows more about you than I do." He said, she could sense his jealousy. "Do you think this is some kind of joke?" He asked, shaking his head and making big hand motions.

"You are the one that asked him to stay! You have no right. You have no idea what it was like..." She said as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"What you did was wrong, Meredith. You just took all of his money. You were deceitful. I don't know if I can be with someone who has such little regard for people. You stooped to his level. You two are just alike, maybe you belong together. You're like a little kid. Maybe you just don't know any better. This is--" He started. He climbed into his car angrily.

"I'm sorry. I love you." She said sadly. "Please, don't leave me!"

"No." He spat as he rolled up his window. "I can't talk to you." He said as he threw the car in reverse and sped out of the parking lot.

"Oh God. No. Derek!" She yelled as she ran after his car.

He didn't look back. He couldn't. This side of Meredith was bad. It reminded him of Holly, and that he did not like. He pulled out of the hospital's parking lot. Instead of taking the path that had become second nature, he turned left. His Land Rover fishtailed as he sped off. He couldn't lie next to her in bed tonight.

Meredith dropped to her knees in the parking lot. Once again it happened. He left. He left her just like the others. There she was, laying in a puddle of tears and Seattle rain. She should have known better than to fall in love again. She should have known better than to trust him. But her heart had taken over. She felt the pavement against her cheek. It was cold, reminiscent of her life. She didn't care. She didn't care about anything.

-----------------

"I wonder where Mer went?" Izzie asked, as she looked at the door.

"Who knows. She and McDreamy are probably going at it as we speak." Cristina laughed.

"So, you must be pretty pissed." Cristina said to Ian.

"Pissed doesn't even began to describe what I am feeling." He said. "I should have known better. She is evil." Ian said, shaking his head. "That's why I fell in love with her."

"What?" Cristina said, thinking she had heard him wrong. "You love her?"

"How could I not? We spent years together." Ian said, brushing it off.

"Well, I am not giving my bike back. So don't kiss my ass." Cristina told him.

"Keep your stuff. It's not your fault my wife is a bitch." He said as he got up and walked to the bar.

"That guy is odd." George pointed out.

"Yeah he is!" Izzie agreed. "Well, I think I'm going to get going."

"Yeah, me too. Burke is probably waiting up." Cristina responded.

"See you guys later." George said, as he headed to the bar.

--------------

Derek was halfway home. Home. Home was not sitting in a trailer in the middle of the woods. Or a house on Harper Lane. Home was where Meredith was. At least that is what he had always thought. He thought about everything that had happened to her. She had been through a lot. This wasn't her fault. She was conditioned to be this way. Then he thought about what she had said to him just a few nights before. "Don't ever leave me." she had whispered. And his response, "I love you, and I will never, ever, leave you." What was he doing? He was leaving. He cut off two cars as he did a quick u-turn. What the hell was I thinking? He scolded himself. He almost let the love of his life go.

Derek swerved in and out of traffic. He had to get back to her. He had to make this right. Derek looked at his speedometer. He was going ninety miles per hour. He didn't care. It seemed like he caught every single traffic light. Finally, the hospital was in sight. He nearly flipped his suv as he turned in. Then he saw her. His heart immediately broke. She was laying on the pavement in the middle of the parking lot. He pulled up quickly, threw the car in park and jumped out.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He said as he leaned down next to her.

She didn't look up. He couldn't believe he had done this to her. He swiftly swooped her up. She laid her head against his chest. He looked down at her dirty face. A silent tear slid down his cheek.

"I promised you I would never leave you. I'm so sorry." He said as he looked down at her.

Derek walked over to the nearest park bench, and sat down. Her head remained on his chest as she began to sob. He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her as her body shook. He could feel her cold skin against his.

"I wasn't thinking. It was so stupid. I never met to say what I did. I understand why you did it. It's none of my business how you choose to handle things. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to sleep without you by my side. I need you." He whispered. She was quivering.

"You're freezing." He told her, she looked up.

"I want to go home." She replied him softly.

"Of course." He said with a faint smile.

She climbed off his lap and began walking to the car. He rushed ahead of her and opened the door. She slowly climbed in. He watched her as she fastened her seat belt. She just stared out the windshield. He walked to the driver's side and climbed in. The ride home was silent. He didn't know what to say. He knew how she was. She shut down, and didn't talk. She held it all in. She suffered in silence. He pulled into the driveway. Everyone's cars were there. He hadn't even seen them leave the hospital parking lot. He walked over to her side of the car and opened the door. She sighed as she climbed out and walked toward the house. Derek caught up with her and unlocked the door.

"Mer!" Izzie said happily. "You left your purse at Joe's." She said as she held it out for her. "Are you okay? Why are you all dirty?"

"Thanks." Meredith said flatly. She didn't answer her questions. She laid her purse on the small table and walked up the stairs.

"What's wrong with her?" Izzie asked. Derek just shook his head and walked up the stairs like a puppy that had just been yelled at.

Meredith was standing in front of the mirror when Derek walked in. He could see her looking at him in the reflection. He quickly walked to the bathroom and began running hot water in the tub. She was still standing there in her soaked clothes when he walked back into her room. She didn't even acknowledge him. He turned her around. She started blankly. He peeled off her top as she stood there. She didn't resist, she didn't fight. He methodically proceeded to undress her. He grabbed her hand and led her into the bathroom. She climbed in and closed her eyes. He walked out, feeling like the biggest asshole in the world.

----------------

"What did you do to her?" Izzie asked, as Derek grabbed a glass of water.

"I was a jerk." Derek said quickly. "I was a jerk..."

"Is she okay?" Izzie asked with worry.

"I don't know." Derek said honestly. She hadn't really talked to him. Knowing her history, he was concerned.

"What do you mean _you don't know_?" Izzie asked with a sense of anger in her voice.

"She won't talk and--" He started. "I can handle it." He said as he walked off, and away from Izzie.

Meredith let the warm water cover her body as she leaned back. Of all people, she never thought that Derek would walk away from her. She trusted him. She loved him. And even after she begged, he left. The look in his eyes was pure disgust. He looked as if she made him sick. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe not. But, he came back. He did come back. So what does it mean? She had no idea. She leaned back against the tub and slid down. It was so peaceful under the water. She could stay there forever. She laid there until she couldn't, until the water threatened to take the life out of her. She took in a deep breath as she came up. She had no idea what to do. She felt betrayed.

Derek laid back on the bed. He had already changed into his flannel pants and a tee shirt. He was hoping she would talk to him. But he wasn't going to push her, that was not the key. He looked over as the bathroom door opened. Meredith was standing there in a tee shirt. He had to admire how good she made a tee shirt look. He could see the outline of her figure through its old worn fabric. She sighed as she walked over to the bed and laid down. She didn't look over at him. She stared at the ceiling.

"Mer-" He started. She didn't look at him.

"No." She returned with a sigh. "I think you should leave." She added angrily.

"What?" He said in surprise.

"I would like you to leave. Go to the trailer, or a hotel. I can't look at you right now." She said as a tears slid out of her eyes.

"Meredith, I am so sorry." He stated as he leaned toward her.

"Derek. You promised. You broke your promise. And you said things." Meredith explained.

"I didn't mean it." Derek said remorsefully.

"Yes, you did. You said what you felt. I applaud you for that. But right now, I just want you gone." She said as she rolled over away from him.

"Okay." He whispered. He felt like her was being stabbed with a shard of glass as he climbed out of bed and grabbed his bag. He didn't even bother to change clothes. He looked over at her one last time before he walked out.

Meredith sobbed. She told him to leave, and now she was alone. She buried her head into his pillow, breathing in his scent. Even though she was angry with him, his scent on his pillow relaxed her. She let the tears flow freely as she silenced her sobs into his pillow which was becoming more soaked by the minute.

Derek walked slowly down the stairs. He wanted to run back up and beg her to forgive him. But he knew her, and he knew it wouldn't do any good. The anger rose in Derek when he looked over at Ian. He was sitting on the sofa, watching t.v. He glanced over at Derek. He knew that Meredith kicked him out. And Derek could tell that he knew. Derek was secretly happy that Ian didn't say anything. If he had, Derek wouldn't have been able to control himself. Derek looked around one last time as he walked out. He was going home, but it wasn't his home. Home was where he was leaving.

---------------

Meredith had spent the day avoiding Derek. She didn't want to see him. She couldn't see him. He was following her, but she had managed to get away. She was upset with him, but she had a feeling things were going to look up. She quickly walked to the room. She had never been so happy to have tests done in her life. She was just hoping it would work out the way it was supposed to.

Meredith left Dr. Watson's office with a smile on her face. Her intuition was correct. The chances where so rare, and yet it was true. She was a match. She was a donor. She was going to save Anna's life. The appointment was made. Tomorrow she was going to change a little girl's life. She and Dr. Watson walked happily to Anna's room. They couldn't wait to tell Peggy and Jack the good news. Peggy's face turned sour as she saw Meredith. She looked at the happy look on Dr. Watson's face, and she quickly softened.

"Peggy, I have excellent news!" Dr. Watson said exuberantly. She looked at him with anticipation. "We have found a donor."

She gasped as tears ran down their face. Hugs were exchanged. Except for Meredith, she was off to the side. She kept saying thank you to the doctor. She looked so relieved, so happy. Peggy then came back to reality.

"Why is _she_ here?" Peggy asked, pointing to Meredith.

"Well-" Dr. Watson said. "Dr. Grey is your donor. She is going to save your granddaughter's life!"

"No!" Peggy spat. "Absolutely not!"

"What?" Dr. Watson said in shock.

"We don't want her help. We don't want her bone marrow. No! Find someone else." Peggy said angrily.

"Mrs. Livingston. Dr. Grey can save Anna." Nick Watson pointed out.

"I don't care. We are not doing this." Peggy spat. Meredith stood there in shock.

"Mrs. Livingston, whatever problems you have with Dr. Grey need to be set aside for the sake of your granddaughter. She deserves to get married, and grow old. Meredith can give that to her." Nick explained.

"Well, I don't want it. Come back when you've found someone else." Peggy said angrily.

"This is borderline child abuse." Nick said angrily as he walked away. He pulled Meredith with him. She looked over. "Don't worry, this isn't over!" He told her. She sighed.

--------------

**I wasn't going to have this happen. I don't know what has gotten into me! Now I have to go about fixing it! I will fix it, and it won't take long... Please Review.**


	43. All I Can Do is Love You

**Happy Grey's Anatomy Season Finale Day! Let's hope for something good!**

Derek searched all over for Meredith. He knew all of her favorite hiding spots, she wasn't in any of them. When she didn't want to be found, it was nearly impossible to find her. He had no idea how he was going to dig himself out of this mess. He just knew he had to. He confided in Addison, and she told him he had to apologize until she listened. Meredith wasn't the type that you bought flowers and a card. This was going to be much more complex than that.

Meredith was stressed out. How could they deny their granddaughter a chance at survival? She would never understand it. She couldn't deal with the stress of her life at this moment. She was angry at Derek. Generally, she would be upset. She would shut down. But Derek had made her mad. She needed to hide. She needed to be away from her friends and away from Derek. She found an empty patient room. She sat back in the chair and flipped on the t.v. It was perfect. No friends, no Derek, no stress. She took a big bite of her sandwich and thought about her current situation.

---------------------

"Has anyone seen Meredith?" Derek asked as he walked up to the intern's table. He never went to their table. They always assumed he was too good for interns. But not too good to sleep with them, Alex always said.

"Nope." Izzie said quickly.

"She's hiding from you." Cristina said frankly.

"I assumed as much." Derek sulked.

"What did you do to her?" George asked nosily.

"He basically said she was immature, and irresponsible." Cristina explained.

"Not exactly." Derek explained. "If you see her, can you let her know I'm looking for her."

"Sure." Izzie said.

"I'm not sure it will make a difference." Cristina said sarcastically.

"Just tell her, okay?" He said as he quickly walked away.

"He said she was immature?" Izzie asked Cristina.

"Ouch." Alex added. "I guess she is a little..."

"She has been a good friend, let's not bash." Izzie warned. "Maybe we should find her. Maybe she needs us."

"She needs us..." Cristina started. "She needs us to leave her alone!"

"Fine." Izzie answered defeated.

---------------------

Meredith had managed to avoid Derek all day long. She let out a big sigh of relief as she pulled out of the hospital parking lot. Derek's car was still there, so she knew she was safe for awhile. She stopped by and grabbed a burger and fries. She didn't like fast food, but she wasn't cooking, and Izzie was on call. She moaned as she pulled into the driveway and saw Ian's car. Just one more problem in her life.

"Hey." Ian said with a smile.

"I hate you. And you are a loser. You don't even have a job. And you sit on your ass all day." She said angrily as she threw her bag of fast food on the table. "What do you do all day anyway?"

"Well, I would go out, but where? You did steal all of my money." He said frankly. She shook her head in agreement.

"So you just sit here, and run up my bills?" She asked as she took a big bite of her burger.

"Pretty much." He replied as she grabbed her burger out of her hand a took a bite. "I go trough your stuff too."

"You do not." She said, giving him a warning glare.

"I do." He said with a shrug. "I have to say, I like your collection of thongs. You have some nice ones."

"You are so full of crap." She said as she threw a fry it him.

"I like the purple one the best. Very sexy." He said with a smirk.

"You ass. I can't believe--" Her face dropped as she started, "Yeah, I can believe it. That's not cool."

"Yeah, well..." He said, taking a fry. "I couldn't find your book."

"My book?" She said innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about..." She laughed.

"I think you do. But you'll never admit it, will you?" He asked. She shook her head. "So, where is McDemented?"

"McDreamy." She said smartly as she punched him in the arm. "He and I are--"

"Over?" Ian said with a hopeful look.

"Taking a break." She clarified.

"That's not good. It's over." He stated.

"No, it's not." She said. But she wondered if it was true herself.

"Well, you have me." He told her quickly.

"Too bad I don't want you." She said sharply.

"I was going to say you don't know what your missing...But you do." He said with a seductive smile.

"Ha. Very funny." She returned. "Never again. These legs are closed to you...forever" She sighed.

"I will never believe that those legs are closed to me forever. It's like a party in my pants. You and I, we are amazing. People dream of that kind of sex, you know." Ian said happily.

"Yeah, well I have that kind of sex. With Derek. All of the time." She said, rubbing it in.

"Evidently, not anymore." Ian pointed out.

"So, where are the tapes?" She asked him, as she shifted in her seat.

"They are at home. I only threw one in with your stuff. When you went with you-know-who..." He said with a faint smile. She nodded, acknowledging that he stayed true to her wishes and did not say Nate's name. "I thought if you watched it, you would miss what we had..."

"Ian, we don't have anything. I loved you. I will always love you. But it's not that kind of love you need or want." She said, remorsefully.

"I guess I've always known that." He said, dropping his head.

"Well, on that note...I am going to take a quick shower. Do you want to watch a movie?" She asked as she stood up.

"Is Meredith Grey being civil..." He asked.

"I guess she is. You better take advantage of it quickly." She told him.

"Sure, we can watch a movie." Ian said as he stood up.

"Make some popcorn." She yelled from the stairs.

"You just ate." Ian told her.

"You have to eat popcorn during a movie. Pick something out. No porn!" She yelled from upstairs.

"You're no fun!" He shouted back. He could hear her laugh. It made him smile.

--------------------

George never came home. Meredith assumed that he went to Callie's or that he was at Joe's. It was just she and Ian. It should have been uncomfortable, but it wasn't. She and Ian could be friends. He would always want more, but she knew how to fight him off with a stick. Several times during the movie, she could feel his eyes on her, but she ignored it.

"I'm going to bed." She stated as the credits rolled on the t.v. screen.

"So soon?" He asked with a grin.

"Yes. I, unlike you, have to work tomorrow. Well not work. I have a thing. But anyway, I have to get to bed." She said as she stood up. He looked at her Oxford tee shirt and smiled.

"Goodnight, Mer." He said as leaned back on the sofa. She looked at her cellphone. Derek had called fourteen times. She threw the phone down and headed up the stairs.

Meredith laid back on her bed. It was lonely. She missed Derek. She missed the way the bed shifted when he was trying to get comfortable. She missed that he had to have the left side of the bed. She missed his shallow breathing when he fell asleep. She just plain missed Derek. She rolled over and clutched his pillow tightly. She closed her eyes, and opened them quickly when she heard a noise. She quit breathing. It was the wind. It was a branch hitting the house. There it went again. She froze. Should I run down and get Ian? Yeah, like he would be any help. I'd have to protect him. It continued to get louder. It was outside her window. She got out of bed and grabbed the bedside lamp, ripping the plug out of the wall. She quickly opened the window and looked down.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" She said with a laugh.

"Oh, thank God, Mer." He said, out of breath. He was near the window.

"I am shutting the window now." She told him as she started to push it down.

"No! Please! I have been climbing, and I-- I'm tired!" He moaned loudly. "Please, don't shut me out. Physically or mentally. Help me..." She sighed as she grabbed his arm and helped him the rest of the way up. "Thanks. I have been trying to climb up forever."

"Why?" She said sarcastically.

"Because I love you." He said happily as he threw his other leg in.

"No, _why_ Derek?" She said again.

"Oh, because my key worked, but the dead bolt was locked." Derek answered. She laughed at his pants that were now ripped from his many tries climbing the house.

"Good reason." She spat as she turned and walked away-..

"Here." He said as he pulled six calla lilies out from his back pocket. "I know you aren't the flower type..."

"Calla lilies are--" She started.

"You favorite." He finished her sentence. "Roses are cliche. You like calla lilies. White are classic, but you like lavender when you are mad, it soothes you, and yellow when you are sad, because they are bright and cheery." He explained.

"You remembered." She said in awe.

"I listen to everything you tell me." He said softly. "I am so sorry. I was an ass. I was an ass' ass. I never met you hurt you."

"But you did. And now I am afraid to trust you, Derek." Meredith explained. "The things you said..."

"I didn't mean it." Derek explained.

"You did. What you said, it didn't come randomly. You had to have been thinking it. So, Derek, you did mean it." She said regretfully.

"Okay, I did. I did mean it. I was thinking it. The minute I saw you, I knew you were something special. I knew I was meant to be with you. I was leaving Seattle, but my plans changed. They changed for a reason. It was fate. But you were with Chase. I was jealous, I wanted you. Then it ended. We were free. You make me so happy. We were happy. When Ian came, it was overwhelming. I tried to be nice and supportive, but do you have any idea how hard that is? To find out that the love of your life is attached, is legally married. And then to have to face him everyday. I know it was my idea to have him stay. I thought I could keep tabs on him. I was wrong. I was wrong all the way around. And I know I promised I wouldn't leave you, and I am sorry. But driving home, I realized I wasn't driving home. I was driving away from home. Because home for me, Meredith, is where you are. Whether it is a cardboard box, a trailer, a house, or a car. It is where you are. And I love you. I am so sorry, and that is all I can say or do. All I can do is love you." He said as he looked into her tear-rimmed green eyes.

"Well, okay then." She said, trying to be flip about it. Her lips began to quiver. He cocked his head. "I'm sorry." She said as she let the tears fall.

"Mer..." He said as he had rested on her shoulder.

"I was a bitch. I have been horrible." She admitted. He pulled her against him. "This situation has been hell. Hell for both of us. I'm trying, I really am." She explained between sobs. "I missed you..."

"I missed you too." He said.

"Stay with me." She told him. He nodded, and walked her over to the bed and she laid down. She pulled him down next to her. She laid there and looked into his eyes.

"I loved Nate..." She explained.

"Mer..." He started. He didn't want her to talk about it if she didn't want to.

"No. It's time." She returned. "I loved him. I loved him a lot. He was kind, he was a great guy. I was going to leave Ian. I was going to run away with Nate. We would have been happy. He went out of town for a few days. He called me five times a day at the least while he was away. We were going to meet at the club when he came back. I waited. He never showed. I went to his apartment, and he left all of my stuff in a pile in the middle of the room. I never saw him again. I thought he was dead. I called hospitals and checked the paper. Then a year later, I saw him in the park. He was fine, he was alive. I guess he just chose to leave me. I loved him so much, and he just left. He left me with Ian. If felt like I was abandoned. That is why I don't trust." She said as tears streamed down.

"Oh, Meredith. You don't know what happened." He said as he pulled her against him. He wasn't going to say anything about what happened to Nate. If he did, he feared that Ian would retaliate, and never divorce Meredith. "Maybe he had a reason. I'm sorry I left you like I did."

"I'm just glad you came back. And you climbed up the side of my house like Spiderman." She said with a giggle.

"I nearly lost my pants." He said with a chuckle. "I may not be able to move my hands or arms tomorrow. But it was worth it!" He said with a laugh. "You are worth it." He said as he kissed her forehead. "I think I need to start working out."

"I think you are fine just the way you are." Meredith returned with a smile as she poked his abdomen. She rolled over and spooned herself against him. She felt his hand slid down to her inner thigh. "Did you apologize just do you could get some sex?" She said with a snort of laughter.

"No. Sex is the last thing on my mind. In fact, if there was a list of the things I don't want to do, sex you be number one!" He boasted, trying to convince her.

"Oh, really?" She laughed, as she sat up.

"Really." He said with a faint smile. She pulled her hair out of the loose up-do it was in.

"What about now?" She asked as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Still number one." He said with a shrug.

"Oh, I see." She curled her fingers around the bottom of her shirt and slowly pulled it off, revealing her red lacy bra. "What about now?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, still pretty high on the list..." He grinned.

"Let's see." She said as she stood up and peeled her sleep pants off. He took her curves in with his eyes. She twirled around. "And now?"

"Uh, slightly lower on the list, I'd say." He told her. She could see the need in his eyes.

"Okay then." She said as she rolled him on his back and straddled him. Her hips moved strategically. She could feel him begin to rise. He let out a slight moan. "Well, if you really don't want to..." She said with a giggle as she rolled off of him.

"Get over here." He said with a laugh as he pulled her on top of him. "Now. Thanks to you, sex is number one on my want to do list."

"I bet it is..." She said with a giggle as he began to kiss her chest.

---------------------

"What time do you have to be up?" Derek asked Meredith. She just moaned. She hadn't gotten much sleep.

"Shhh. I didn't get any sleep...no thanks to you!" She said with a smile.

"It's five." He told her as he wrapped his arms around her. "I have surgery at ten." He moaned.

"I don't have to be in until eleven." Meredith said quietly. "So goodnight."

"Eleven? That's not when the shifts start..." He said, quickly becoming alert.

"I'm not going in for a shift. Goodnight." She moaned.

"It's not night. And what do you mean? What are you going in for?" He asked quickly.

"I'm pregnant." She said with a laugh.

"You're WHAT?" He asked in shock.

"I'm kidding. No children are on their way." She laughed. "I am going in to donate bone marrow. So, good day." She moaned as she covered her head.

"Donate bone marrow? Seriously?" He asked with surprise.

"Yes. I am serious." She moaned. "For Anna."

"Are you sure? Do you really want to do this?" He asked, unsure of her decision.

"Yes, Derek. I want to do this. It means a lot to me. I want to save this little girl. I am a match. So, I'm doing it." She explained.

"If it is what you want to do, I support you." He said as he wrapped his arms around her. "I just wish you had told me sooner. I would have cancelled my surgery." He told her.

"I'll be fine. It's not a major thing. In and out general anesthesia. I will be okay." She assured him.

"I love you." He said as he pulled her close. "And good day." He said as he closed his eyes. She smiled.

-----------------

"So I see you're back" Ian said with a faint smile as he looked over the newspaper.

"I see you're still here..." Derek muttered.

"Ah, yes. Sounded like you had a good night last night." Ian stated dryly.

"As always." Derek returned, rubbing it in. "And you didn't...I assume."

"So what did you rate?" Ian asked. Derek gave him a puzzled look. "She rates everyone she sleeps with. She has a book."

"A book?" Derek said with confusion.

"Oh, you don't know..." Ian said happily. "Her Mum gave her a journal when she graduated High School. It's got a brushed stainless steel cover with her name engraved on it. She was supposed to use it to write down medical things in college. That is not what she uses it for." He said with a laugh.

"You are--" Derek started.

"Telling the truth for once. She writes down her conquests in there. She has her own scoring system. It's good reading! I have to boast, last I checked, I had the highest score. A ten, with a bronze star. It gives you a goal, something to work towards." Ian said with a grin.

"No..." Derek said, unconvinced.

"Yes. You should take a look. If you can find it. I would be interested on how well you scored." Ian laughed. Meredith walked in.

"What are we laughing about?" She asked Ian. "Are you tormenting Derek?"

"No." Ian said quickly.

"So, tell me about this book." Derek stated.

"What book?" Meredith said quickly, as she glanced at a smiling Ian.

"What's my score?" Derek asked confidently.

"Derek, honey, what are you talking about?" She said sweetly.

"The book. I just want to know about the book and my score." Derek pressed.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." She said with a smile.

"Oh, come on Mer--He knows." Ian spat. "I told him about your book of conquests."

"There is no book." Meredith insisted. "We have to go, we're going to be late." She said to Derek. She looked back at Ian and gave him a nasty glare.

Meredith sat quietly in the car. Every few minutes, Derek was asking her about scores and books. She had to laugh. He seemed bent out of shape over it. She was worried. She wasn't sure what was going on with Anna. Dr. Watson told her not to worry about it, and that they would get the bone marrow to her no matter what. She was just hoping he was right.

"So, if there was a book, what would my score be?" Derek asked.

"Damn-it Derek!" Meredith said loudly.

"Hypothetically." He nodded.

"If there was a book, which there is not, you would probably be a ten, with a gold star." She said with a smile.

"I'll be damned..." Derek said with a smile. "So there really is a book... You are such a man."

"Am not." She giggled.

"Are too." He laughed.

"Well you didn't think I was a man last night." Meredith pointed out.

"Last night you were no man." He said happily. "So when do I get to see this book?"

"The book that doesn't exist?" She asked.

"Yes, that would be the one." He pointed out.

"Never." She said happily.

They pulled up to the hospital. She held her breath. She was nervous. She had nothing to be nervous about. She knew that, but it didn't help. It was so empowering, knowing she is saving a life. She sighed as she began to walk to the door. Derek grabbed her hand.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"As I'll ever be." She stated.

"I'm proud of you. This is a big deal." Derek told her.

"You think?" She asked.

"I know." He said. You know what else I know?" He asked. She nodded no. "I love you." He said as he leaned and kissed her temple.

"I love you too." She said as she leaned her head against him.

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**I fixed it...This is good, right? I expect tons of reviews. I have to say, I was surprised that you all were against Mer on the fight. I was expecting some Derek bashing. Anyway, please, please review!!**


	44. Set Me Free, Baby

**If I owned Grey's Anatomy, I would not even admit it right now!**

Meredith made her way up to meet Dr. Watson. She knew this was the right thing to do. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in her mind. The faint smile on her lips went unnoticed, but the glow she was radiating did not. She took a deep inward breath as she walked up to Nick Watson's office. She could see him on the phone. She knocked lightly, and she heard him say come in. Meredith took her place in the seat in front of his desk. His office was homey. There were pictures of patients, and drawings that had made adorning the walls. She had to smile at the sight. As surgeons, they were cut off from their patients. Nick had contact, he got to see them grow and heal. Meredith wished that she would see that.

"Dr. Grey." Nick said with a kind smile.

"Dr. Watson." She returned.

"Please, call me Nick." He replied.

"If that's the case, call me Meredith." Meredith said with a hint of a smile.

"So, Meredith, are you ready for this?" He asked with a serious face.

"Yes, I am. But how did you--" She started.

"It has been taken care of." Nick said. "You will be an 'anonymous donor'. I have contacted social services. The fact that Mr. and Mrs. Livingston were willing to risk the welfare of their grandchild concerns me."

"I agree." Meredith said, nodding her head.

"But more importantly, you are going to save a a little girls life today." Nick said with a smile. "She has been asking about you. She knows that her grandparents are keeping you from her. She's a smart little kid!"

"She has gone through way too much for her age. It's sad." Meredith said, dropping her head.

"Well, things are going to start looking up for her." Nick stated. "Are you ready?" He asked.

"Yes. I am definitely ready." Meredith replied.

Meredith changed into a hospital gown and laid down on the bed. The nurses came in a checked her. They prepped her for the procedure. That was something she was used to doing. She laid there with her eyes closed. Then it hit her. All she wanted was Derek. She wanted him by her side. She wished he was there. She was tired of trying to do things by herself. She opened her eyed abruptly when she heard Nick Watson come in.

"Okay, Dr. Grey you know what's going to happen, right?" Nick asked again.

"Yes, you've explained it several times." She said with a laugh.

"Okay then. Let's get this done." Dr. Watson said.

He nodded to a nurse who grabbed the gurney. Meredith looked around as they wheeled her down the hall. She had never experienced the ride to the operating room. There was no question that everyone would be talking about this. She hadn't told anyone. She didn't want the attention. She didn't want to be the hero. Dr. Watson had kept it as under wraps as he could. Not to mention they didn't want the Livington's finding out.

"Okay, it's time to go nighty night." Meredith heard Dr. Watson say. She couldn't help but laugh as she drifted into her slumber.

---------------

Cristina scrubbed in with Derek Shepherd. They did a run of the mill craniotomy. Of course, Burke was doing a heart transplant, and Cristina was sulking. She was supposed to be in on that. She was doing cardio, that was her passion, not neuro. She walked heavily down the hall. She took a glance at the OR board. She had to see it, she had to see the heart transplant she was missing, on the board. But something else caught her eye.

"What the hell?" She spat out loudly as she walked quickly to Derek who was writing on a chart. "Hey." She said loudly.

"Is there a problem, Dr. Yang?" Derek asked as he glanced up from the chart.

"Yeah." She said frankly. "My best friend, my person is in the OR right now. And no one tells me!" She said angrily.

"I just found out this morning." Derek stated, as he looked at her sour face.

"What is wrong with her? She doesn't even tell me?" Cristina said more to herself than him. "Why is she doing it?"

"For the little girl with leukemia." Derek explained.

"She doesn't even know her. Not to mention, the girl's father nearly killed her!" Cristina said.

"She wants to do it." Derek replied. "I think it's a good thing."

"Well, I am going to make sure she is okay." Cristina said as she turned on her heel and walked off.

Cristina stood in the scrub room. Meredith was in an OR without a gallery for privacy reasons. She knew the procedure. She had never been in on one, but she knew. She watched as they plunged the large needle into Meredith's rear hip bone. The deep red liquid held the key to saving a small child's life. She heard the door open with a whoosh. She looked over to see Derek standing next to her.

"She's okay?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, she's okay." Cristina responded. They both stood there, arms crossed as they watched.

-----------------

Meredith laid in the deep darkness. It was comforting there. No yelling, no husbands, no fighting, just some much needed peace. Then she felt it. She felt a thumb caressing her hand. She knew the hand that was holding hers. It was the only hand that she ever wanted to hold hers again. She squeezed Derek's hand weakly. She felt him squeeze back. She wanted to open her eyes but she was too tired.

"Meredith..." Derek whispered lightly.

"Hey." She answered softly as she opened her eyes. They were met with stunning blue ones. "Is everything-"

"It's good. It went well." He said with a smile as he leaned down and kissed her. "Anna will be receiving the marrow very soon." She smiled at his words. "You rest." He told her. She closed her eyes as he gently moved the hair out of her face.

"How is she?" He heard Izzie say as she walked into the room.

"She's good." Derek told her. "She's resting right now."

"This is a big deal. It's great that she did this." Izzie responded with a smile.

"Yeah." Derek said in almost a whisper.

"So, is she staying for the night?" Izzie asked.

"Dr. Watson wants her to. She's not going to be very happy to hear that." Derek pointed out.

"You're right about that." Izzie said with a laugh. "I will be by to check on her later."

Derek sat there at watched the woman that he loved sleep. She was so peaceful. He knew he had to do whatever he could to keep her. He needed to protect her, and love her unconditionally. She had her flaws, but so did he. He was just hoping that Ian would be out of the picture soon, and they would be able to really begin their lives. He sat there for two hours as she rested. He was getting a little worried. He thought she would be a little more alert by now.

"Derek?" She said as she opened her eyes.

"Hey." He said with a smile.

"Did it go okay?" She asked. He knew it was normal for people who had been under anesthesia to be confused about time.

"It went great. They already gave Anna the marrow. So far, so good." Derek said as he rubbed her arm. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I feel good. A little sore, but good." She said softly.

"They gave you some motrin for the pain." Derek said quickly.

"I'm glad you are here with me." She said happily.

"Me too." He answered as he handed her some water. They both heard the familiar sound Derek's pager going off

"Go." She told Derek as she laid her head back.

"No, I'm staying with you." He answered stubbornly.

"Someone needs you, Derek." She said as she motioned for him to leave.

"I will be back as soon as I can." He told her.

She watched him walk out and laid back her head. She knew she had to figure out how to get through to Ian. She didn't want to lose the** love of her life. **She didn't want to lose Derek. She looked around the drab walls off her room. She did know one thing, she needed to get out of here. She closed her eyes and fell asleep, knowing that she needed to get her rest if she was going to break out of there.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?" Cristina shouted as she walked in the room. Meredith jerked awake. "I am your person."

"I know you are." Meredith said in agreement.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked as she walked up to the bed.

"It's no big deal, really." Meredith said frankly. "Have you seen Derek?" She asked.

"Seriously?" Cristina asked with a laugh. "I come in here, and you are worried about Derek."

"Yeah." Meredith answered.

"He got pulled into surgery." Cristina answered quickly.

"Oh." Meredith answered slowly.

"So, do you want anything?" Cristina asked as she threw her feet on the side of Meredith's bed.

"Oh, like you're really going to get it if I did." Meredith answered with a laugh.

"Well, probably not. But you're supposed to ask, right?" Cristina said frankly.

"Yeah, I guess so." She answered lightly. "I do need to get out of here. I don't want to stay the night here."

"Good luck with that." Cristina laughed with a snort. "Watson is Mr. Concerned when it comes to you. You aren't going anywhere."

"That's what you think." Meredith said with determination. "Shouldn't you be working? You might be missing out on a surgery."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Cristina asked.

"Trying to..." Meredith replied with a smile.

"Fine, I'll go." Cristina said as she stood up. "Besides, you are no fun when you aren't on morphine!"

"Goodbye." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes.

As soon as the door shut, Meredith slowly threw her legs over the side of the bed. She winced as the pain felt like a knife in her hip. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She had to go to the bathroom. There was no way she was calling in a nurse, that she worked with, to help her. She yelped out as she stood on her feet and began walking to the bathroom. Once she was down, she couldn't get up. She was stuck in the sitting position, in the bathroom. Damn-it! Now what? She asked herself. She needed help, but she wasn't pushing that damn button.

"Dr. Grey?" She heard the familiar voice of Dr. Watson say.

"Um, yeah?" Meredith responded.

"Are you okay?" He asked with concern.

"I am fine." She said softly.

"I'd like to check you out." He laughed. "Well, not _check you out_. Examine you..."

Meredith laughed. Nick Watson reminded her of a little kid. He seemed so innocent. He seemed like he had never been hurt before. Something she had never felt herself. He was kind, and charming.

"Uh, well I'll be out in a minute." Meredith said. "Um, have you seen Derek-- I mean Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith asked.

"I saw him looking over a chart by the nurses station." Nick said. He was beginning to feel strange, talking to her while she was in the bathroom.

"Can you page him, or call him, please?" Meredith asked with a hopeful tone.

"Sure, I will be right back." He said quickly as he walked out.

Meredith moaned as she sat there. This was so embarrassing. Not the position she wanted to be in. She was just praying that Derek would come. She didn't want to be in the restroom for the rest of the day.

"Mer?" Derek asked as he walked to the door.

"Come in." She said quietly.

Derek glanced over at Nick and opened the door. He gave her a funny look. She was sitting on the toilet, in a hospital gown. He shook his head at the sight.

"What's--" He started.

"I tried to squat, hospital toilets are dirty. I know, I work in one. I fell onto the seat. I can't get up. I tried. It's hurts and I don't want them to know. I don't want them to know because I want to go home. I just want to go home and sleep in my bed. With you. So please, help me up." She rambled as if her life depended on it. He started laughing loudly. "Seriously, Derek. Help me!"

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. She slowly pulled herself to her feet. She leaned up against Derek and embraced him. He led her out to her bed. She tried her hardest to walk on her own. To prove she could. She gingerly sat in the bed. Her hips hurt, and laying was not the answer.

"So, Dr. Grey, how are you feeling?" Nick asked. He had no idea what went on in the bathroom.

"I am great. Wonderful even. Ready to go home." She said happily

"Well, I think you should stay overnight, for observation." Nick stated as he began to examine her.

"I don't think so." She said, shaking her head. "I think I need to go home, and sleep in my own bed."

"Dr. Grey. I would feel horrible if something happened." He said as he frowned slightly.

"With all due respect, Dr. Watson, I live in a house with three doctors, and a whatever he is that never leaves. I think I will be just fine." She said with a moan. He got a puzzled look, after hearing her comment.

"If you will have someone with you, okay. You are only on motrin, which you can take at home. So, I am reluctantly saying yes." He said with a defeated sigh.

"Oh, thank you!" Meredith said with relief in her voice.

"I would really like you to take two days off. But one is okay. I am sure you will push it to the limit." He said with a smile.

"And Anna?" Meredith asked.

"She is doing great." Nick said with a smile. "You gave her the greatest gift in the world. You really should be proud of yourself." He said with a nod. "And thank you. She is a very important patient to me, and I was worried about her." He smiled as he walked out of the room.

"So, you probably have a lot to do." Meredith said as she shifted her weight uncomfortably.

"Well, they threw a surgery on the board." He said with frustration.

"I'll take a cab." Meredith stated happily.

"You will not!" He demanded. "I am not letting you take a cab home. Not to mention, I don't want you home alone."

"I won't be alone. Dumb-ass is there." She said with a chuckle. "Actually, I bet he would pick me up. Unless you're worried."

"No. I just want to be there for you. Not him." Derek said with a bit of remorse.

"Derek. I know you want to be there for me. So, it still counts, okay. But I want to go home. I hate being here." She said as she bit her lip and gave him a look.

"I will be home as soon as I can, okay?" He said quickly.

"It's fine. I'll give him a call." Meredith told him. "And I will see you later." She said. He leaned down and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too." He said as he walked out with his head dropped.

-------------------

A nurse wheeled Meredith down to the hospital's entrance. She hated that, being in the wheelchair. All of her friends stopped her and gave her a hug, and told her they were proud. She wished she could just do something without everyone taking notice. Ian smiled at her as he walked up. He looked so dapper in his button up shirt and nice jeans. He had a thing for well-made italian shoes. He was always well-dressed, and looking his best. Meredith struggled to get to her feet when the nurse stopped in front of the car. Ian walked up to help her, and she threw her hand up to stop him. Ian quickly went to the other side of the car and got in.

"Drive fast. I am dying here." She admitted, as she tried to adjust her seat. "And try to stay on the right side of the road this time!"

"What did you do?" He asked.

"I donated bone marrow. They stuck a huge needle in my hip bone several times." She explained.

"What the hell would possess you to do that?" He asked as he glanced over.

Meredith explained the whole situation to him. About the Brian. About the bomb. And how he just wanted to see his daughter. She watched Ian's face as she told him. He seemed completely intrigued by the story.

"So, you saved this girl's life?" Ian asked with surprise.

"Basically." She answered

"Wow, Mer. That is big of you." He said with a proud smile. "So, how bad doesn't it hurt?"

"Well, it feels like I fell straight on my ass from a second story window." She stated frankly.

"Ouch." Ian said quickly.

Meredith sighed loudly when the pulled up in front of her house. Ian glanced over at her and quickly jumped out of the car. She threw the door open and moaned as she struggled to get her legs out of the car. He put his hands out to help her out of the car. She stood up, and he quickly swooped her up and carried her into the house.

"Ian, I'm fine." She said loudly.

"There are stairs. They will be misery. I can carry you." He said softly as he continued to walk.

He quickly unlocked the door and slammed it shut with his foot. He walked briskly up the stairs and into her room. He sat her down on the bed.

"Thanks." She said happily. "That probably was better than walking up the stairs."

"I'll be right back." He said as he walked out of the room.

Meredith went over to her dresser as quickly as she could. She needed to change into something more comfortable. She was now wishing she had worn some nice soft yoga pants, rather than the skin-tight jeans that she had chosen. She grabbed out a tee shirt and a pair of Derek's sleep pants. Changing her bra was okay, the panties were impossible. She threw on the tee shirt, but the sleep pants were not going to happen. She stood there, trying to figure out how she was going to to it when Ian walked in.

"Oh." He said, looking at her standing there in a tee shirt.

"I need help." She said with disgust as she threw they pants on the floor.

He didn't say a word. He simply walked over and snatched the pants off the floor. She lifted her leg, and he slide the pant leg up. He proceeded with the other leg. He caught himself looking at her. He took notice of her red panties. For the first time in his life, he felt guilty about it.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before." She said with a laugh.

"I supposed so." He said softly.

He eased the pants around her waist. She rolled the waist down so they would fit better. He held her arm as he walked her to the bed. He pulled the blankets back and helped her lay down. He moved the glass of water he had gone down to get her closer so she could reach.

"Thank you, Ian." She smiled. "I'm sorry I have been so rude to you."

"I deserve it. I know that." He said with a smirk. He flipped the t.v. on. "You should probably rest."

"I think you are right." She said as she yawned. She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

------------------

"Hey." Meredith whispered. Ian was sitting in the chair next to her bed.

"How are you feeling?" Ian asked.

"Sore, but okay." She said with a weak smile.

"Here." He said as he handed her a large envelope.

"What's this?" She asked looking at it.

"You've changed. It's amazing. You are a wonderful person. You always were. But now you are happy. I have never seen you so happy. I wish I could have done that for you. But you and I weren't meant to be. Maybe we could have made it happen. We'll never know. But I did love you. I do love you. And that is why, I am giving you those." He said as he motioned for her to open the envelope. She read it and gasped.

"It's final?" She asked in shock.

"I had it rushed through. The minute I saw you with Derek, I knew there was no getting you back. I signed them that first day. I sent them in. I decided to stick around just to torture you." He said frankly.

"You wouldn't be you if you hadn't." She said with a shrug. "Thank you." She said as a tear ran down her cheek. "What about Ethan?"

"I dealt with my dad. I told him the truth. I told him that you found someone who made you happy, and that meant more to me, than having you for myself. He was shocked. He gave me everything back, but on one condition. I give you half." Ian explained. Meredith looked at his face, he looked so different now.

"Ian, I don't want your money." Meredith answered quickly.

"You deserve it. It's the least I can do for ruined your life." She stated sadly.

"You didn't ruin my life. I'm sorry I said that. If it weren't for you, none of this would have happened. I would have never met Derek or Anna or my friends. Everything happens for a reason. It was fate." Meredith said with a smile as a tear slid down her cheek. "Thank you. Thank you for setting me free."

"I had to. It was time." He said as he kissed her forehead. "I will be leaving in a few days. If that's okay."

"You can stay as long as you need to." Meredith told him. "I'm proud of you."

"So now you can have your McDreamy." Ian said, getting his name right.

"Yes, now I can have my McDreamy." Meredith said with a smile.

--------------

**So they are divorced! Yay. He needs to stick around a few more days just for some fun, but Mer is free. Sorry it was posted so late. After the epi last night, I had to be pulled off of the bridge. Right now, Shonda is on my shit list!**


	45. Tub of Fun

Derek thought about Meredith the whole time he was in surgery. He was worried that she was hurting. He was worried that she would be mad that he wasn't there with her. Her staying with Ian was not on his list of wants. He didn't trust Ian. Ian was a snake. He was hoping they would get rid of him soon, but he wasn't holding out much hope. Derek sighed when he closed up his patient and walked into the scrub room.

"Can you tell Mer I won't be home tonight?" Izzie asked as she dried her hands.

"Oh. You're on-call?" Derek asked as he glanced up at her.

"Nope, I'm staying at Todd's." She said happily.

"Todd?" Derek said quickly.

"Yes, Todd. My boyfriend." Izzie stated simply.

"Oh, I thought you were will Karev." Derek said with a puzzled look on his face.

"Yeah, me and Alex, not so good. Just friends." Izzie replied happily.

"Oh, well, I will let her know." Derek responded. Izzie began to walk out. "Now what are we going to do for dinner?" Derek muttered to himself.

So Izzie is going to be gone for the whole night. And George is on call. And that leaves Ian. Not that it matters, Meredith is in no shape for any activities tonight anyway. He quickly dropped his head at the thought. Maybe I should grab some take out. He quickly went to the locker room and changed into his clothes. He couldn't wait to get home to see her. He had a stop to make first.

Derek frowned when he pulled up to the house. Ian's car was in the driveway. Even his stupid rental car was smug. He was hoping Ian had went to the bar, or a club. Anywhere but here. Here being caring and helpful. Meredith was the love of Derek's life, and he didn't want her to second guess that. Derek immediately smelled the scent of something good. It was wafting out of the kitchen. He followed the smell, carrying his bags into the kitchen. No one was around, but there was a pot of chicken noodle soup on the stove. He looked at it, wondering who made it. He shrugged as he threw the containers of ice cream he had purchased into the freezer. He needed to go up and check on Meredith. As he got closer, he heard Meredith giggling faintly. He knew it was Ian in there with her. He immediately felt a tidal wave of jealousy. He stood outside the room and listened.

"Remember that time that woman asked you to hold her four dogs. She told you not to let go. They took off running after a squirrel and dragged you through the park and you flew into the water?" Meredith said, laughing loudly.

"How could I forget that? It was horrible." He whined.

"You came out of the pond looking like a swamp creature. You were full of green ick." She said with a laugh. "You smelled so bad."

"Ah, yes, you made me undress outside." He said quickly.

"Of course I did, you were rancid!" She said with a laugh.

"Well, smacking me on the bare ass with that wet dish towel wasn't so nice, either." He said smartly.

"It was just there, begging me." She explained.

Derek's head dropped. They had memories together. It had never dawned on him that their relationship may not have been torture at every moment. Maybe Meredith would regret a divorce. But then again, he couldn't imagine her with Ian. He wasn't her type. Not to mention he had hurt her, badly. What he did with Nate was unforgivable.

"I wonder where Derek is?" Meredith said quickly. "I hope he isn't in surgery all night."

"You really love him, don't you?" Ian asked sadly.

"More than anything." She said happily.

Derek's face lit up after hearing those words. He quietly walked down the hallway and away from the room. This time he approached more loudly. All of his doubt was now washed away. He cleared his throat as he walked up.

"There you are!" Meredith said with a smile. Derek leaned down and kissed her.

"Oh, soup." Derek stated.

"Ian made it." Meredith said with a smile. "It's the only thing he can make."

"It is not." Ian said sharply.

"Okay. That and macaroni and cheese." She clarified.

"Thank you." He returned with a smile. "I'm going to go do the dishes."

"You don't have to." Meredith said. "I will do them."

"No you won't. You will lay here and rest." Derek said quickly.

"I will be downstairs." Ian told them and he excused himself quietly.

"I missed you." Meredith told him quietly.

"I missed you too." Derek told her. "I checked on Anna. She is doing great."

"Really?" Meredith asked with hopeful eyes.

"Really. Nick thinks she will be just fine." Derek said as he sat on the bed next to her.

"My back is getting sore. I can not stand laying on my stomach anymore." She explained as she shifted her weight.

"You like to be on top anyhow." Derek said with a dirty grin.

"I swear! You are horrible. I get a gigantic needle shoved into my bone several times, and all you can think about is sex!" She teased.

"Yeah, sex and how much I love you." Derek returned as he kissed her on top of the head. "Do you want me to start you a bath?"

"Yeah." She said in agreement. "That would be great."

She watched as Derek disappeared into the bathroom. She wanted to tell him about the divorce. But she didn't want to just spit it out. She wanted it to be special. She still couldn't believe it herself. She was free. Free to do whatever she wanted. Free to start a life with Derek. If that is what he wanted to do. She wanted to start with him, but the thought scared her a little. After her many dysfunctional relationships, she knew she had to tread lightly.

"Okay." Derek said as he walked up to her.

"Okay." She moaned.

Meredith scooted herself off of the bed and walked to the bathroom. She sighed as she saw the candles Derek had lit. He was perfect. He truly was her McDreamy. She slowly pulled off her top and bra, and let her pants fall to the floor. She winced as she slid her panties down. Derek walked over and helped her into the steaming hot bathtub full of bubbles. Derek walked toward the door.

"Aren't you going to join me?" She asked as she glanced over.

"Well, you're sore and--" He started to explain.

"And you are a nice soft body for me to lean against." She said quietly.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"I am positive." She said with a smile.

Derek walked over and and shut and locked the bathroom door. Meredith giggled when she watched him hastily take off his clothing. She smiled at the sight of him, standing there in all his naked glory. He smiled back at her and he slowly lowered himself into the tub with her. She floated over to his side of the tub and sat in his lap. She could feel his body react to hers.

"So, how was your day?" She asked softly.

"It was okay. I did a spinal surgery." He boasted.

"Of course. When I am off, the good cases come in." She whined.

"Well, yeah." He said with a smile. "How was your day?"

"You know how most of my day was. When I came home, I slept. Ian and I watched a movie. He made me some soup, and you came home. That was the best part, you coming home. Oh, and something else happened too." She said simply.

"Oh?" He asked.

"Oh yeah." She nodded.

"And what would that be?" He asked with a grin.

"Turn around." She said.

"Turn around?" He asked.

"Yes. You get in my lap. I am going to spell it out for you." She explained.

He confusingly did as she asked. She wrapped her legs around him tightly. He moaned at her touch. She wrapped her arms around him and ran her hands up and down his chest.

"Okay. Are you ready?" She asked.

"For what?" He replied.

"I am going to spell it for you. Close your eyes, and learn forward." She said softly. He did as she said. "Okay, pay attention."

Meredith leaned forward and kissed his back. Her tongue slid up and down.

"What are you doing?" He asked quickly.

"I am spelling it for you. Pay attention. I'll do it again." She explained as she licked the letter I. "Do you know what that was?" She asked.

"An I?" He questioned.

"Yep." She answered. "Okay. Next word." She said. She began licking his back. "What was that?" She asked.

"Do it again." He responded. She did. "A." He said.

"Uh huh." She answered. "Next letter." She licked him again.

"N?" He asked.

"Nope." She answered as she did it again.

"M?"

"Yes. Okay, next word." She told him. She began licking again.

"F." He responded. She agreed, and went to the next one. "R."

"Yep." She nodded.

"E." He asked. "E"

"That's it." She told him

"Okay. I. A. M. F. R. E. E. I am free?" He asked. "What do you mean, free?" He asked. "I know you're free, but I would pay for you."

"Shut up! Okay. Let me spell something else to help you." She said.

"I like the spelling. More spelling, I say." He answered. "Okay, D?"

"Yes." She said.

"I?" He asked.

"You are getting better at this." She responded.

"V?" He asked. "O."

"So far, so good." She answered.

"R." He asked.

"Yes." She responded.

"C?" He said. "E."

"That's it." She said with a smile.

"I am free. D.I.V.O.R.C.E Oh my God!" He said as he quickly spun around.

"He signed. It's over. It's through. It's was finalized today!" She squealed. He pulled her into a deep kiss. "He signed the papers the first day he was in town. He has just been screwing with my head."

"You're kidding me!" He said. "So, I am not dating a married woman?" He asked happily.

"No you're not. In fact, I am very available." She said as she pulled him close. "If you want me..."

"God, I love you." Derek said happily. "And of course I want you."

"I love you too!" She moaned. "And evidently, so do parts of you." She said, pointing down. "Maybe I should show your parts some love too?"

"No, Mer. You are sore." He responded.

"Yes, I am. But I think anything you do to me, will take all of my pain away." She responed as she began to kiss his chest.

"Mer..." He said hesitantly.

"Shut up. You say I'm bossy...this is me bossing you." She said as she continued kissing his chest.

She moved down under the water and took him in her mouth. Her tongue lightly caressed him. She slid her teeth down his softly. She could feel him growing in her mouth. She quickly came up for air.

"You are lucky I can hold my breath!" She said as she kissed him.

Meredith leaned back and Derek ran his tongue down her neck and began nipping and sucking. She moaned loudly as he moved to her beasts. She adjusted herself on top of him. Derek moaned as she placed him inside of her. She began rocking slowly as she looked into his eyes. He had a smile on his face. He looked relieved. She began rocking a little harder. She could feel him thrusting into her.

"God Mer..." Derek moaned as he felt her tighten around him.

She moaned as she felt him grow inside of her. She could feel herself near the edge. She was ready to jump. He pulled back making, extending her pleasure. She rocked harder, and threw herself over the edge.

"Oh God!" She shouted loudly as her own orgasm took her over. Derek moaned as he felt himself release inside of her. They both just laid there, as the pleasure washed over them. "Thank you." She muttered.

"No, thank you." He answered happily.

Derek helped Meredith out of the bathtub. He wrapped a big, soft towel around her and held her close. He just wanted to stand there and hold her forever. He would be perfectly happy doing this for the rest of his life. Just loving her. Meredith threw on a tee shirt and Derek helped her to the bed.

"Okay, we will not be doing that in the bed." She said with a chuckle.

"So I should run another bath?" He said with a grin.

"Funny..." She said frankly.

"Well, it was worth the try." He said with a shrug.

He walked out of the room, leaving her laying on her stomach. She moaned as she laid her head to the side. Now that Ian was being decent to her, she felt bad leaving him downstairs alone. That thought quickly disappeared when Derek returned to their room with a huge bowl of strawberry and coffee flavored ice cream with whipped cream and hot fudge.

"Yum." She said as he walked up to the best.

"Strawberry and coffee, your favorite." He stated.

"You do realize that you have to feed me, right?" She said with a chuckle.

"Do I now?" He asked as he raised his eyebrows.

"Uh huh. I can't sit up." She responded with a smile.

"I think I can do that..." He told her as he grabbed a spoonful and placed it in her awaiting mouth.

"Yum..." She moaned as she closed her eyes, savoring the flavor.

"I like feeding you." He said as he purposely missed her mouth and covered her nose and lips. Chocolate began to dribble down her chin. Derek licked the chocolate off of her chin and sucked it off of her nose and mouth. His tongue softly entered her mouth. She kissed him and pulled away.

"I want more ice cream." She said as she scrunched her nose.

"You're no fun..." He answered as he fed her another spoonful.

They finished the ice cream, and Derek went down to the kitchen to put the bowl in the sink. He glanced over at Ian on the sofa. He looked lonely. Knowing what he had done, signing the papers, made him feel better about him.

"Thanks." Derek said, walking up to the sofa.

"For what?" Ian asked.

"For signing that papers. That was big of you." Derek complemented.

"It was time. She deserves to be happy. You obviously make her happy." Ian stated. "Don't worry, I'll be out of your hair in a few days."

"Well, knowing that you aren't married anymore, makes you a little more bearable." Derek said as he walked away.

"You have been a good sport. She made a good choice, picking you." Ian answered.

"Well, thanks again." Derek said as he walked away.

Derek looked at Meredith as he walked in the room. She was sleeping peacefully. Looking at her made everything okay. She was the one he was meant to be with, and he knew it. He quietly walked to her side of the bed and switched the bedside lamp off. He lowered himself on the bed. He didn't want to wake her. As he closed his eyes, he felt her move over to him. She laid her head on his chest, and put her arm on him.

"I love you..." She whispered in her sleep.

"I love you too." He said quietly as kissed her on top of her head.

-------------------

**Yeah, I'm not really sure what to say... Anyhow I love getting reviews. It's exciting to see how many are in my inbox. So fill it up!!**


	46. No Sugar Tonight

Derek wouldn't let Meredith work the next day. She protested. She even offered to work scut. Scut would have been great compared to staying home. She hated hanging around her house. She had been busy for so much of her life, she had no idea how to spend free time. Laying in bed wasn't working anymore. Either her butt or her back ached. She walked slowly down the stairs and met up with Ian in the kitchen.

"Okay, I have to do something." She stated frankly as she grabbed a cup of coffee.

"Something? Like what?" He asked.

"Something. I am not allowed to work, and I can't lay in bed. I have to do something." She spat. "And why don't you make me some breakfast? If I eat muesli anymore this week, I think I will vomit." She said quickly.

"Well, what do you want?" He asked as he gave in and looked in the refrigerator.

"What is there?" She replied as she stirred her coffee.

"Uh, let's see. Nothing, nothing and oh look, it's nothing." He said with a shrug. "So what do you want. Nothing or nothing?" He asked.

"Seriously?" She asked as she walked over to the refrigerator.

"Yeah." He said as he walked away. "I ate that muesli shit this morning. It's okay if you add a half a cup of sugar to it.

"Crap, we really don't have anything." She said as she looked. "Where the hell is Izzie?" Meredith asked. She had gotten so used to Izzie doing all of the domestic stuff around the house. "And George, have you seen George?"

"I haven't seen them in a few days." Ian said quickly.

"Shit. Now what? There is barely any muesli left, Derek will kill me if I eat it. And I can't choke it down." She stated. "Whoa!" She said as she took a whiff of the milk. "This is no good! And this bread... It's moldy! How did we do it?" She asked. "How did we feed ourselves?"

"Well, I shopped sometimes. And we had Susan." Ian pointed out.

"Ah, yes. That was wonderful." Meredith said with a nod. "Izzie is my Susan. I miss her! How is she by the way?"

"She is still working for my father. She hated my mum as much as you did. But you know that already." Ian replied with a chuckle. "She still cleans the up house for me."

"Oh." She said quietly. Thinking back to all the time they had spent together made her sad. She had a life, and she just walked away from it. She decided to drown it out, and try to forget. "So, I am thinking I need to go grocery shopping." Meredith pointed out.

"You? Grocery shop?" Ian asked with a chuckle.

"Well, yeah." Meredith answered. "I don't want Derek to know."

"He doesn't know that you don't know how to shop? And you can't cook?" Ian asked.

"I think he knows I can't cook. But the shopping, no. Izzie has always had the food stocked up, I give her the money, she goes. If I didn't have her, I wouldn't even remember to eat. So, we need to shop." She said. "And go out to for breakfast, since we have no food."

Meredith grabbed her purse and car keys. She motioned for him to follow her. He slowly followed her to the car and got in.

"So you drive this piece of crap?" Ian laughed as she pulled out.

"I happen to like my Jeep." She said happily. "I am an intern, I am poor." She pointed out.

"Okay, first of all, my father paid for all of your schooling, so anything you make is more yours than the other interns. Secondly, you are dating a neurosurgeon. And thirdly, you are recently divorced and will be finding a gigantic sum of money in your bank account. So do everyone a favor, and retire this thing!" He demanded as he rolled down the window. "Shit!"

"What did you do?" She said as she looked over. "Damn-it!"

"It won't go up!" He said quickly.

"Use your hand, try to pull it." She shouted. "Here." She started to lean over.

"Mer, are you crazy? Get over there!" He shouted as he pushed her back. "Just drive this damn thing."

"I have had this car since high school, and you break the window!" She moaned.

"High school? Let's just drive it to the nearest dump..." Ian said with a laugh.

"You jerk!" She yelled as swerved.

"That bastard didn't use his indicator." He pointed out.

"His turn signal?" She yelled. "No shit!"

"Aren't we testy?" He replied quickly.

"Yes, we are testy. My ass hurts." She moaned as she shifted her weight.

Ian and Meredith went to the nearest coffee shop. That was where Ian wanted to go. It was the one that she had met Chase at. She shuttered at the thought. Part of her wanted to wheel around and run out like she was on fire. But she didn't, she gave her order and sat down next to Ian, eating her breakfast. She ate as quickly as she could. Ian kept up and they were off and running. He asked her what was wrong but she didn't answer, she proceeded on. Meredith quickly pulled into a parking spot. She looked around the parking lot full of mini-vans. She couldn't imagine being a soccer mom. Carting five children, being a taxi. That wasn't her life. She is a surgeon. She cuts. Ian and Meredith made their way in the store.

"Holy crap!" She stated. "Food is expensive."

"No kidding." Ian sarcastically responded.

"I like sending Izzie. This is no fun." She moaned as she began throwing things in the cart.

"Look at this meat. How do you know what to buy? What is the difference between this crap?" She asked as she looked at the different packages of meat.

"Well, here is a london broil. It has to be good, it says London." He pointed out.

"You are an idiot." She said as she smacked him with the package of meat. "But I am the one staring at meat for the first time, so..." They proceeded through the store.

"Oh look, potatoes in a box." She said with a laugh.

"Yeah, they are called instant potatoes." He said pointing at the box.

"Hmm." She said as she walked away. "Don't let me forget Derek's muesli."

"Is that all he eats?" He asked.

"Pretty much. Because it's healthy." She said quickly.

"Maybe he should work out, or run. Muesli doesn't do that for you!" Ian said with a chuckle.

"Hey, I think Derek is just fine the way he is!" She said loudly. "I need candy." She said as she starting filling the cart with candy bars.

"You need to eat healthier. I thought I was bad..." Ian laughed.

"I do eat healthy." She said. "Oh, orange juice. We should probably get some of that." She added as she grabbed two cartons. "And tampons."

"Oh, God." Ian said as he covered his face in embarrassment.

"Oh come on, they are just TAMPONS!" She said loudly, causing everyone to look at she and Ian. "Come on." She said as she dragged him down the aisle. She spent a few minutes schooling him on the different kinds. She had never seen him more embarrassed in her life.

The rest of the shopping trip went uneventful. Ian almost died when she started talking about tampons and periods at the checkout. It fueled her even more. He walked out of the store quicker than she had ever seen him move. Meredith sighed as the loaded the last bag into her jeep. She was happy to be done with it. It wasn't something she wanted to do anytime soon. To her, it was a complete waste of time. She had much better things she could be doing. Anything was better than that, even rectal exams.

Meredith worked around the house for the rest of the day. Anything besides sitting down. She was proud of herself. It was like a game. She was playing Ms. Domestic for the day. Ian followed her around like a lost pup. Normally she would yell at him, but she knew he was leaving in a few days, so she was going to be nice to him. She decided it was smarter to just boss him around.

------------------

"Damn-it Ian!" Meredith shouted for the hundredth time.

"I'm home." Derek said as he walked in and gave Meredith a kiss. "You sound testy."

"She is." Ian laughed.

"Thanks for the warning." Derek said with a nod. "I brought someone."

"Great." Meredith said sarcastically.

"Hey you!" Drew said as he walked into the kitchen. "Be nice."

"Hey!" Meredith responded happily. Drew crossed the room and hugged her. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I came just to see you." Drew said with a chuckle.

"Sure you did..." She laughed. "Why are you here really?"

"I'm here for a consult." Drew responded. "Who the hell are you?" He joked as he pointed to Ian.

"Drew, this is Ian--." Meredith started.

"The ex-husband." Drew pointed out. "I'm the ex-" Drew started, and got a sharp look from Derek. He quickly changed his comment. "I'm a friend...and Derek's cousin."

"Who also had sex with Mer." Ian pointed out with a smirk.

"Um." Drew said.

"It's okay. He has radar for these things. Yes, Ian, Drew and I had sex. Okay?" She joked as she cocked her head.

"Don't worry Drew, she's had sex with you and every other man in the world." Ian returned. Meredith smacked him in the back of the head. "Hey!"

"You're lucky that is all I did." She shouted.

"Nice to meet you..." Ian said warmly.

"It's nice to meet you, too." Drew returned, shaking his head.

"Seriously, how did you know?" Drew asked as he point to he and Meredith.

"Well, I was married to her a very long time. There is a look she gets." Ian stated frankly.

"Okay then..." Derek said, trying to change the subject. "I think we should go out to dinner. All of us. Where is O'Malley and Stevens?"

"I don't know. Neither of them have been coming home." Meredith pointed out. "So I guess it's just us. The three of you, and me." She said as her face turned sour. "Maybe I'll just stay home." She said, hoping to get out of it.

"I don't think so." Drew said. "I haven't seen you in a long time! So why didn't you tell me about this bone marrow thing?" He asked.

"Maybe I would have, but you haven't called." She said pretending to be hurt.

"Aw, are your feelings hurt?" He asked as he rubbed her back.

"Well yeah. I'm sure you have been too busy." Meredith whined.

"Yep, getting laid it a full time job!" He said with a laugh.

"Between that and being a nurse's aid, I can see how you would be busy." She laughed.

"A nurse's aid?" Derek asked with a laugh.

"Ah yes. Drew told me he was a nurse's aid when I met him." Meredith laughed.

"And she told me she was a garbage man." Meredith glared. "Oh I'm sorry, garbage woman. She drove the truck." Drew said as he laughed. "Right?"

"You two are pathetic." Derek answered, shaking his head.

"So how does it feel to have her last?" Ian asked. Meredith looked up at him and gave him a sharp smack across the face. Drew looked at her in shock.

"Don't even." She said to Ian. "You never learn, do you?"

"By the look you just gave me, I assume you didn't know she is abusive." Ian pointed out.

"Only to him." Meredith clarified.

"Seriously?" Ian asked.

"Yeah. Derek doesn't say or do anything to deserve it. He never steps out of line. You know your place, don't you honey?" She asked.

"That I do, babe." He said as he leaned down and kissed her. "So, where do you guys want to go to dinner?"

"How about that Irish restaurant? I think I need a drink." Meredith said as she looked around at all of the men in her life.

"I second that." Drew said.

"As do I." Ian agreed.

--------------

Meredith looked stunning as she walked down the stairs. She was wearing a skin tight pair of jeans, a nice low-cut, fitted top, and black boots. She definitely caught the attention of all three men. They all glanced up as she made it down the last few steps.

"You look great." Derek said as he grabbed her hand.

"I think this payback for every bad thing I have ever done." She said as she pointed at the three of them. Derek placed his hand on the small of her back as they walked out the front door.

"Oh come on, it isn't that bad." Drew said. "We won't pick on you."

"Speak for yourself." Ian said as he opened the car door and stepped in.

"You get that I hate you right now, right?" She asked Derek quietly.

"Come on, it won't be that bad." He whispered back. "Besides, we had to eat."

"Ian does not know how to behave himself. I'm not guarantee anything." She said back.

"Relax..." He said as he placed his hand on her thigh. He slid it father down. She smiled at his touch.

"Behave up there." Ian spoke up.

"We could just kick them out and have our own party here." Meredith pointed out.

"Or." Ian started. "We could all have a party here..."

"Oh, look honey, Ian wants to have an orgy with you, Drew, and I." Meredith laughed. "I didn't realize you were like that."

"Not funny." Ian said sternly.

"Hey, it was your idea." Meredith giggled.

Derek just remained silent. In the time Ian had been around, he had realized that was how is was. He said whatever e wanted. He didn't care what anyone thought. Meredith and Derek both breathed a sigh of relief when they pulled up to the restaurant.

They were all seated at a table in the back. The restaurant was semi-casual, and had a great atmosphere. She and Derek had gone there several times. The waitress came up and they ordered appetizers. Meredith studied the menu, and they all studied her.

"She is so indecisive." Drew pointed out.

"She always has been. She will decide she wants everything on the menu. But then at the last minute, she will get the same thing she always gets." Ian pointed.

"Quit talking about me like I'm not here." She demanded as she studied the menu. "You think you know mw so well!"

"I do." He pointed out.

"So how was the hospital?" Meredith asked Derek.

"Don't worry, you didn't miss much." He said, hoping to make her feel better. "What did you do today?"

"I went shopping." She boasted.

"Correction: _We _went shopping." Ian stated with a laugh as he sipped his bourbon.

"Okay, _we._" Meredith corrected herself.

"Oh. That sounds like fun." Derek said with a laugh.

"It was an adventure." She said with a smile.

"An adventure?" Derek asked.

"She has never really been grocery shopping..." Ian pointed out. Meredith immediately glared at him. "Sorry." He shrugged as he looked at her.

"You're kidding me..." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Man, you picked a winner here." Drew said with a laugh.

"No kidding!" Derek joked.

"Hey!" Meredith shouted. "You see that bar over there. I could go pick up some other guy, and you could go home. Alone. To your trailer."

"She'll do it!" Ian said. "You have to watch her, she is vindictive."

"I am not!" She retorted.

"Oh no, not you." Ian responded sarcastically. "She shaved my eyebrows and legs while I was sleeping one night."

"You deserved it." Meredith pointed out. "He told me my ass was getting big!"

"Ouch." Drew said. "You are pretty rotten. You did kick me out of your bed in the middle of the night. I walked down the road to find a hotel, and got mugged!" Drew told Ian.

"Yeah, well she dumped me at the park a few weeks ago." Ian said. "She threw me on a bench. I woke up to the law in my face."

"I guess I have been pretty lucky." Derek said with a sigh.

"You have been a good boy." Meredith said as she patted him on the leg. The waitress walked up and smiled.

"Are you ready to order?" She asked with a smile. Everyone ordered. Meredith was last.

"I'll have the grilled-" She started, Ian cut her off.

"The grilled chicken with honey-chipotle sauce, redskin mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables." Ian said happily. Meredith shut her mouth and looked at him in shock. The waitress looked at her and she nodded.

"Hmm." Meredith said quietly. "I guess I am predictable. I am going to go to the restroom." She said as she stood up and walked away.

"So what the hell did you give that girl to get her drunk enough to marry you?" Drew asked Ian with a chuckle.

"Drew..." Derek said quietly.

"What? He is leaving in a few days. We need to find these things out now." Drew asked.

"Tequila. Lots of tequila. And some bourbon, and a little vodka." Ian said happily. "That then you have to rush to the nearest vegas wedding chapel."

"That is just wrong." Drew said shaking his head. "I am not even that low."

"Yeah, well, she didn't have it too bad." Ian said with a smirk. "I think she had a good time. She'll never admit it, though. So, did you find out your score yet?"

"Um. Yeah, I did." Derek said.

"So what is it?" Ian asked.

"What score? What are you talking about?" Drew asked. Meredith sat back down.

"So, what are we talking about?" Meredith asked as she took a drink.

"Well, Derek was about to tell me his score." Ian laughed.

"And I was trying to find out what the hell they are talking about." Drew said with confusion.

"She has a book." Ian boasted. "It has everyone she has ever slept with in it. Plus their scores. She scores everyone."

"Seriously?" Drew asked, as he looked over at her.

"No. Not seriously. No scores. There is NO book!" She said loudly, causing people from the tables around her to look.

"There is." Ian argued. "So, I'm assuming your score was low." He said to Derek.

"Derek has a very high score. If score were given out." She said quickly. "And we are not talking about this.

"Well, what's my score?" Drew asked.

"There are no scores!" She yelled. The waitress walked back with their food. "Oh thank God!" She muttered. "Lets eat!"

"You're no fun..." Drew said with a smile.

"I guess I'm not." She muttered as she took a bite of her chicken.

"So, I've bee here for how long?" Ian asked. "And I've yet to meet my mother-in-law."

"No kidding. You were married how long?" Drew asked.

"Nine years." Ian replied as he took a bite of her steak.

"And you never met the Ellis Grey?" Drew asked.

"You aren't missing anything." Derek said dryly. "Believe me."

"She would hate you." Drew said affirmatively.

"She would." Meredith said with a smirk.

"I'm going to have to meet this woman." Ian said with a smile.

"Oh no you're not!" Meredith said quickly.

"Why?" He asked. "She doesn't know...does she? She has no idea that you were married. Oh, this is good!" He said with a chuckle.

"She knows." Meredith said nervously.

"You're lying." Ian returned.

"Okay. I am lying. She has no idea. She can't she hates me enough as it is." Meredith said sadly.

"Hmm." Ian muttered.

"Don't even think about it." Meredith told him. She forked a piece of his steak.

"Hey." He whined.

"That's pretty good." She said as she happily chewed it. Next she forked a piece of Derek's fish. "That's pretty good too!"

"You're a cheeky cow." Ian spat.

"You know it." She returned lightheartedly.

They made light conversation for the rest of the dinner. They boys knew that they had better not push her too far. After all, she was a minority at the table. Ian and Drew decided to go to the nearest bar. Meredith and Derek were not so secretly relieved. They decided to go home and watch a movie together.

---------------

Meredith could feel Derek's eyes on her. The movie hadn't even been on ten minutes. His eyes weren't the only things on her. She wasn't giving in, and neither was he. She would just giggle and move away. That was until he reached the spot on the nape of her neck. Then everything was out the window. Derek began to slide her top off. She started to unbutton his shift. That was when they heard the front door open. Their heads shot up quickly.

"Oh!" Izzie said in shock. Meredith and Derek quickly began dressing. "Todd, these are my friends, Meredith and Derek. As you can see, they can't keep their hands off of each other. This is my boyfriend, Todd."

"Hi." Todd said as he stuck out his hand. They both shook it.

"Hello, Todd." Meredith said with confusion.

"Oh! I love this movie!" Izzie stated. "Can we-"

"Sure, Iz. You can watch it with us." Meredith agreed. Derek gave her an evil look.

Meredith laid in Derek's arms during the movie. He had his arms wrapped around her and every once in awhile he would kiss her lightly. She just enjoyed him being wrapped around her. She took a deep breath and breathed him in. She looked over at Todd and Izzie. They were cute together. Izzie looked happy. Now she knew why she hadn't been around. Meredith closed her eyes and just enjoyed being near Derek.

"Mer..." Derek whispered. She stirred slightly, snuggling her face deeper into him. "Mer... Let's go to bed." He said softly.

Meredith opened her eyes. The t.v. was off and Izzie and Todd were gone. Ian was standing over the two of them. She blinked several times and stood up.

"Wow. I'm glad I don't have to wake up next to that anymore." Ian joked.

"You're an ass." She said tiredly. "And I need some water. I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Okay." Derek said as he headed up the stairs.

Meredith was more awake when she made it to the kitchen. She saw the dishes in the sink. She knew she should clean them. She quickly started the water and started cleaning the kitchen. After about forty five minutes, she headed upstairs, now fully awake.

_Lonely feeling deep inside_

_Find a corner where I can hide_

_Silent footsteps crowding me_

_Sudden darkness but I can see_

"Where have you been?" Derek asked as she walked in.

"The kitchen was a mess." She said as she peeled off her jeans and top. She threw on an oversized tee shirt. "I couldn't leave it." She added as she laid down in the bed. "And now I'm not tired." She said as she laid her head down on the pillow.

"Really?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Really..." She said as she peeled her tee shirt off and exposed he pink bra and thong.

"So, this book..." Derek said softly.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" She said loudly as she pulled away from him.

"Come on..." He whined. "You're killing me here. I don't care if there is a book."

"If you didn't care, you wouldn't go on about it." She snapped.

"Is Drew in the book? My _cousin_, is he in the book?" Derek asked, she rolled over. "What is _his _score?" He said defensively. "I'm sorry. It's just..." Meredith rolled over and faced him.

_No sugar tonight in my coffee_

_No sugar tonight in my tea_

_No sugar to stand beside me_

_No sugar to run with me_

"You have nothing to worry about. I promise." She said softly. "All the boys are done. I am done. I found the guy. I don't even think of all the others."

"How many are there?" He asked. She rolled her eyes. "Ten?" He asked. She chuckled. "Twenty?" She rolled her eyes. "Forty?" She smiled. "Sixty? More?" He said in shock. "More than sixty? My God! Should I be tested?" He joked. Meredith's face dropped.

"You think I have an STD?" She screamed. "Get out!" She said as she jumped out of the bed. "Go! Sleep on the couch! Get out." He just stared at her. "Damn-it!" She said.

_In the silence of her mind_

_Quiet movements where I can find_

_Grabbing for me with her eyes_

_Now I'm falling from her skies_

"I was just kidding!" He said apologetically.

"Ugh." She moaned.

She grabbed his leg and pulled him off the bed with as much force as she could muster. He grabbed the sheets trying to hold on. He pulled them off with him as he fell to the floor. She started kicking him lightly.

"Go!" She shouted. He stood up and walked out with his head down. "Here." She said as she shoved a pillow and blanket into his hands.

She watched as he slowly walked down the stairs. He looked like a puppy who had just been scolded. She looked around the room. She was mad, and upset. How could he say that? She grabbed his clothes for the next day and his bag.

Walking down the stairs, he knew he screwed up. How could I say something so stupid. Now what? He walked over to the couch where Ian was sleeping. He looked down at him. Ian opened his eyes.

"Move." Derek said, full of irritation.

"What?" Ian asked.

"Move." He said again.

"No." Ian spat.

"Fine." Derek said as he swiftly shoved him off of the sofa.

"Hey." Ian said. Then he started laughing. "She kicked you out."

"Not funny." Derek said. as he laid on the sofa. Ian laid on the floor and threw his pillow under his head, and covered himself up. Then they heard it. It was the wrath that was Meredith.

"Here." She said as she dumped the pile of his things on his stomach, causing him to grunt. She stood there in her underwear, with her arms crossed.

_No sugar tonight in my coffee_

_No sugar tonight in my tea_

_No sugar to stand beside me_

_No sugar to run with me_

"Holy shit Mer. What's wrong with you?" Ian said as he at up in shock.

"It must be the insanity from my syphilis!" She yelled loudly. "Between that and the herpes, I don't know how I function. I hate you boys, and your stupid penises. I don't need the penis. You use it. You two enjoy each other." She spat as she walked away.

"I love the pink!" Ian said, referring to her lingerie.

"Fuck you!" She yelled angrily.

"Okay!" He returned.

She just groaned loudly. On her way up the stairs she walked by Izzie's room. Izzie and Todd both stood there in the doorway. Todd's eyes were wide and his jaw was on the floor.

"What are you looking at?" Meredith snapped as she walked by. She continued down the hallway and slammed her door.

"Get used to it. This is normal." Izzie said as she walked back into her room and shut the door.

Meredith laid there in her bed, alone. The sheets weren't even on it anymore. Derek had pulled them to the floor. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She knew in her heart that Derek didn't do it to be nasty. He was just joking. But she wasn't getting off that easily. She grabbed her blanket, covered herself, and closed her eyes. She would deal with it in the morning. Right now, she was going to let Derek marinate.

Derek laid on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. He wished he could go back in time. Maybe then, he would be having sex. Instead he was laying on a lumpy sofa next to Meredith's ex-husband. He wanted to go up and beg her for forgiveness, but he knew that would just make it worse. Instead, he was just going to lay on the lumpy sofa and stare at the ceiling.

Meredith woke up at two a.m. She rolled over. Instead of her arm landing on the man that she loved, it hit the empty spot on the mattress. She sighed as she looked at the vacant area. She quickly threw on her robe and marched down the stairs. She was surprised when she reached the sofa and blue eyes met her green.

"Come on." She whispered as she grabbed his arm.

"Mer-" He started.

"Shh." She said as she pulled him up the stairs. She made the bed and threw his pillow on the bed.

"I'm sorry." He said apologetically.

"I know you are." She said and she motioned for him to lay down. She laid down on the bed and laid her head on his chest. "There are a lot of guys. You don't want to know how many. But there will be no more. There is only one man for me, for the rest of my life. I love you. I want you. That is all that matters." She said as she pulled him closer. He didn't speak. He didn't want to ruin the moment. He kissed her softly an the head.

-------------

**The song was No Sugar tonight by The Guess Who. I know that is not what the song is about, but I thought is would be cute! Sorry I didn't get this up sooner. Please review!**


	47. No Stork Zone

Meredith woke up in bed alone. She had to work today, and so did Derek. She sat up in the bed and looked around the room. Derek was no where to be found. Maybe he got paged, she thought. She slowly threw her legs over the side of the bed and leisurely walked to the bathroom. The bathroom quickly filled with steam. The shower was hot when she climbed in. She didn't want to get out. The water felt really good as it ran down her sore hips. The minute she walked out of the shower she smelled food. She was starving. She threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, and hurried down the stairs. Derek was standing in front of the stove making french toast. Izzie, Todd, George and Ian were all sitting happily at the table.

"You're cooking?" Meredith asked happily.

"Well, I was cooking for you. And then everyone else showed up." He said with a chuckle. She walked over, and he turned his head giving her a quick kiss.

"Good morning." She said softly.

"Good morning." He said as he kissed her again.

"Oh come on!" Ian spat as he gagged.

"So, let me get this straight." Todd started. "You two are together." He said pointing to Meredith and Derek.

"Yep." Meredith answered as she stirred her coffee.

"But you're married to him?" Todd asked, pointing to Ian.

"No." Meredith said happily. "Not married. Were married. Past tense."

"What?" Izzie said in shock as she whipped her head around.

"He signed." Meredith said with a smile.

"Seriously?" She asked Ian.

"When did this happen?" George asked, as he shoved a bite of french toast in his mouth.

"Yes." Ian confirmed. "I signed."

"The bastard signed them the first day he came to town. He has been living in this house just to torture me." Meredith said. "Thanks for that, honey." She said as she pinched him in the side.

"Hey!" He whined. She continued. "Stop." He said as he moved away.

"Oh quit whining." She said with a smile.

"You people are dysfunctional." Todd said with wide eyes.

"Yeah, we know." Meredith said nonchalantly. "So where is my breakfast?" She asked loudly.

"Hey! We were her first." Ian spat as he shot a glance at her.

"Yeah, well I lay on top of him naked every night. Me first." She said as she bit her lip.

"She has a point." Derek said with a smile, as he threw food on her plate. "So how are you feeling?" He said as he kissed her on the head, causing everyone to moan.

"I am great. I am going to get in on a good surgery today, and I'll be even better." She confidently said with a smile.

"I have a acoustic neuroma today." Derek said happily.

"I want that!" She said loudly.

"Hey, no fair!" George said. "I want it."

"Nope. You-pain in the ass. Me-orgasms. It's mine." She said. "So are you using the translabyrinthine, retromastoid, or subtemporal approach?"

"Most likely the translab." He said simply.

"How big is the vestibular schwannoma?" She asked.

"Fairly large." He said as he glanced at her. "So everyone, what instruments do we use?" He questioned, testing their knowledge.

"Mayfield pins, a kerrison ronger and a greenberg retractor!" She said quickly. Everyone else just shrugged.

"I am requesting you, Dr. Grey!" He told her.

"And I will accept!" Meredith reiterated.

"What are they talking about?" Todd asked as look of confusion spread all over his face.

"Brain surgery stuff." Izzie explained. "They are going to have the smartest kids!" She boasted.

"No they're not." Ian stated, causing everyone to look at him.

"Yes they are." Izzie argued. "Look at how smart they are."

"Maybe if they were having kids, but they're not." Ian said smugly. "Having kids."

"Who says?" Derek snapped his head around and asked with a stern voice.

"Mer hasn't told you..." Ian laughed he looked at her, she looked down at her food. "She's not having kids. She doesn't want kids. That's why she had that thing put in."

"What thing?" George asked. He immediately wished he hadn't.

"You don't want kids?" Derek said with a saddened face. Meredith didn't acknowledge his question.

"What thing?" Izzie asked.

"The thing." Ian said as he looked over at Meredith. "What is it?"

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it." She said as she ate her food. "My uterus is mine. I don't want to talk about it over breakfast." She snapped.

"Well, anyway, that is her worse nightmare. To get pregnant." Ian added. "She had the thing put in so she couldn't get pregnant. Besides the fact that she was taking home a different man every night."

"Getting pregnant with your child is the worst thing that could happen. We don't need another one of you in this world. Besides, it would be like giving birth to Rosemary's baby. The thing would have been poking me in the uterus with it's horns." She laughed, trying to take the attention off of her. "Imagine giving birth to that!" The comment made Ian's face drop.

"Well, it's probably for the best. I think we can all admit that you wouldn't be a good mother." He returned with an evil chuckle.

Meredith looked up at Ian, and the rest of the people in the room. Her bottom lip quivered. The comment stung. Usually, where Ian is concerned, she could take it. She had an abnormally thick skin. His comments rolled off of her like rain off a freshly waxed car. Not this time. Her fork made loud clang on the plate as she dropped it. She rushed out of the room as quickly as she could. Everyone followed her with their eyes.

"You're an ass!" Izzie seethed. She started to get up to chase after her.

"I got it." Derek said as he walked out of the room.

"No. I did it. I'll fix it." He said as he rushed out of the room.

Derek stopped walking a let Ian pass him. He wasn't sure what he could say anyhow. When he thought of Meredith, he thought of a family. He had always imagined their children running around his property. Their blue and green eyes, just like their parents. He was building the house for his family. He had never thought to ask her. He had always just assumed. Derek never wanted kids with Addison. He had buried himself in sea of work, to avoid the fact that he didn't love her the way he should have. Adding children to the mix would have been pure disaster. Now he was crushed. It was pretty clear that his dream had just flown out the nearest window.

Ian regretted what he said. But the comment she made, had hurt him. All his life, that is how it worked. You hurt me, I hurt you. So that's what he had done. He lashed out. He walked slowly up the stairs. Now was the big part, the apology. He wasn't used to, and didn't like doing that. Not to mention he had no idea how. The closer he made it to her room, the louder the whimpering got. He knocked lightly. She didn't answer. He just went in. No matter what she was doing, he was sure he had seen it many times before. He was saddened when he saw her figure lying on the bed. Her shoulders quivering. He quietly walked around the bed and knelt down in front of her.

"Mer..." He started, she closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Just...don't." She whimpered as she turned her head.

"I should have never said anything. It was wrong." He explained to her as he rubbed her shoulder. She didn't acknowledge him. "When Izzie talked about you having kids with Derek, it bothered me. But I was jealous. The last two years we were together, I was thinking about it. Having children. But you were distant, for good reason. And what you said today, it hurt. I know that is no excuse. But that is how I am. I had to hurt you, because you hurt me. I didn't want kids when we got married. In fact, it scared me to death. But later, I would have done it in a second. It kills me that you dislike me so much. That you would say that you would never want to have my child. You and I are over, but the fact that you liken my possible children to satan, it hurt. What I said was stupid. I don't know what you want. Maybe you do what to have kids now. I think you would be a great mom. Maybe you don't know how to cook, or shop, or sew, or--" He received a glare from her. "Okay. My point is, you love Derek, and he loves you. And I think you have enough love in you to be a great mother. So. I am sorry, Mer. I should have thought before I said anything." He said softly as he brushed her tears away.

"I'm sorry too. I don't think your children would be Satan's spawn. I know you have a good heart." She said charismatically. She sat up on the bed and he gave her a warm hug.

"So, we're good?" He asked.

"We're good." She returned.

-------------------

Meredith got her wish. Derek requested her for surgery. Now she was worried. She had a feeling that he was going to question her about the morning's events. She had spent the morning running tests, and hadn't had a chance to talk to him. She was just hoping the whole thing would disappear quickly. She sighed as she walked into the scrub room. Derek wasn't in there yet. She scrubbed her fingernails and hands. Just as she was rinsing, Derek walked in.

"Hey." He said with a blank look.

"Hey." She returned softly. She dropped her gaze to the floor. Anything but his eyes. She knew the minute their eyes met, he could read her like an open book. She quickly searched her mind for any subject to bring up. Dinner, no. That's too much like breakfast. Nothing to do with the kitchen. Or Izzie, Ian, Todd or George. No morning talk. Crap, you are running out of time. "So, I have Sunday off." She said quickly.

"Yeah, I saw that." He returned dryly. "You ready?"

"Uh huh." She returned, somewhat in shock. He brushed her off. He led the way into the OR with his arms up in standard fashion.

"It's a beautiful afternoon to save lives, let's have some fun..." He said. She could almost time it perfectly.

Meredith stood along side the table quietly. The tension could have been cut with a knife. She wasn't really sure why he was so angry. She thought he was okay, but evidently he wasn't. She watched as he began to make his first cut.

"Okay, Dr. Grey what are we going to be doing here today?" He asked her as he glanced up.

"We will be dissecting the tumor away from the facial and cochlear nerves." She explained.

"That was basic." He snapped at her lack of a better answer. She didn't answer. She wasn't going to fuel his obviously raging fire.

Derek grabbed the neuro-surgical drill and began removing the temporal bone. He was so focused on his work. Even when he was distracted, he could still stay focused. Meredith knew that was part of the reason he was so good.

"What are the possible complications?" He asked her.

"The internal auditory artery lies in proximity to the complex of vestibulocochlear and facial nerves and can be injured by the manipulations required to dissect and remove the acoustic tumor. Injury to this artery can result in infarction of the cochlear nerve with deafness. Hemostasis can be a problem, especially with large complex tumors." She said confidently.

"Good." He said quickly. "We will also have to monitor the effect on the facial nerve and around the vestibular nerve from which the tumor arises." Derek explained. "So do you want to talk about it?" He asked her quietly.

"Talk about what?" She asked, pretending she had no idea what he was talking about.

"You are kidding, right? This morning. The fact that I had to hear from your ex-husband that you don't want to have kids." He snapped. His anger and disappointment were evident in his voice.

"First of all, you are overreacting. And secondly, it is my body, Derek. You have no right." She warned with a glare shot his direction.

"It would have been nice for you to tell me." Derek added dryly.

"You assume everything. Let's not forget that you never asked." She scorned. "And you still haven't." She added.

"So do you? Do you want to have kids?" Derek asked as he glanced up, with a bit of hope in his eyes.

"I don't know." She said as she dropped her head.

"In other words, no." Derek said, nodding his head, and clenching his jaw.

"Damn-it Derek! I didn't day that." She retorted as she nervously wiggled around.

"It's either yes or no. It's cut and dry." He explained as he continued to work.

"No. It's not. _ I don't know."_ She said, getting increasingly irritated. "But if I had to make a choice--"

"Yes." He said with force. "You need to. You _need_ to make a choice."

"Okay then. No. No, I don't want to have kids." She said angrily. "No kids."

"I see." He said, matching her tone. "I see..."

The rest of the surgery was slow. Meredith suffered through it. She could tell Derek was angry with her. She was angry with him too. He pushed her. She had to make the decision. She didn't want to. The scrub nurses and hospital staff could feel the tension. At the moment, OR two was a hostile environment. Meredith had no idea what was going to happen when the day was through. She didn't know where he would be sleeping. She couldn't take it. She never submitted. She avoided. But when she was there, on the front line, she did not submit. Finally she couldn't take it anymore. She spoke again.

"You have no right!" She spat, out of the blue.

"What?" He asked taken off-guard.

"It is _my_ body. It is _my_ decision. Maybe carrying around a baby for nine months and then raising it for the rest of it's life is not my idea of a good time. It's not just eighteen years. It's until I die. It's feeding, and diapers, and boyfriend and girlfriends. It worrying and sleepless nights. It's hoping that you don't screw it all up. It's one thing to screw up your own life. It's another to ruin the life of an innocent child. You are being selfish, and un-compassionate, Derek. You should have asked me right from the beginning of the relationship. If you are so hell bent on on having a freaking kid, maybe you should find someone else." She said angrily. He looked up at her in shock. Her glare was icy and cold.

"Not here." He returned sternly. "Okay, It is essential that the dura is closed water tight. We wouldn't want a cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) leak. We are going to use a fat graft here." He said.

"Not here? Not here? You started this. Fine. Whatever." She said as she stabbed him with her eyes.

Now she was wishing she hadn't said anything. She could tell that he was even more miffed. Now she had invited him to talk about it. She didn't want to now. She had said her piece. She didn't want to say it again. She wasn't even sure what she wanted. But now she had stated a case, even if it wasn't her own. When Derek was done closing, she quickly rushed into the scrub room, hoping to escape him. It wasn't successful.

"Monitor our patient." He told her.

"Okay." She replied.

She was shocked. He didn't say anything. She had expected an argument. There was nothing. She even looked at him several times. She didn't want a fight, but the silence was bizarre. He treated her like an intern. Like someone he didn't know. And that was worse than a fight. That made her feel like a nobody. She felt alienated. She felt alone. He walked out, leaving her standing there in her own silence.

------------------

Meredith sat down in a chair by Cristina. Neither of them spoke. They both knew not to mess with the other at the moment. Meredith couldn't believe the turn of the day's events. At this moment, she didn't care if she saw Derek again. She had never been so mad in her life. Then they both spoke at the same time.

"Burke's an ass." Cristina spat.

"Derek's an ass." Meredith said angrily.

"Wow. This is bizarre..." Cristina said quickly.

"So what did Burke do?" Meredith asked. Maybe hearing about someone else's problems would make her feel better.

"He wouldn't let me in on an aortic aneurysm." She said as she slumped in her chair.

"Ass!" Meredith said supportively.

"Do what did McDreamy so?" Cristina asked her.

"He thinks he owns my uterus. And my ovaries. He owns the whole package, evidently." Meredith shouted angrily.

"Ass!" Cristina replied.

"Thank you." Meredith answered. The both sat there, stewing in their respective dark places.

"So what are you going to do?" Cristina asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Kill him in his sleep." She said with a chuckle.

"Oh, can I help?" Cristina asked happily.

"You know it." Meredith replied. "I can't eat this shit." She said as she shoved her food away from her.

"Me neither." Cristina agreed. "Hey, do you want to go to Joe's tonight and get tanked?"

"Now that, sounds like a plan!" Meredith said happily.

Meredith looked in the distance. The figure walking toward her was familiar. She groaned as it got closer. Cristina looked over and saw Ian walking up. Meredith had told him he couldn't come to the hospital. Part of her was worried. Cristina's pager went off, and she excused herself. Meredith leaned back in her chair as Ian neared.

"Hey." He said as he walked up and sat down.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Meredith asked quickly.

"I just came to say goodbye." Ian replied.

"Goodbye?" He asked. It hit her like a ton of bricks.

"I got an earlier flight. I have to be to the airport in an hour." He explained.

"You're- you're leaving?" She said with a quiet tone.

"I think I passed your deadline some time ago." He answered with a chuckle. "Yes, Mer. It's time for me to go home."

"I just- I wasn't expecting you to leave so soon." She returned sadly.

"It's time to move on. You should be happy. I gave you your divorce, and now I am leaving you alone." He said with a chuckle.

"I should be happy, but I'm not." She admitted. Her eyes started to well up.

"Oh, Mer. You will be fine." Ian insisted. She nodded. "I have to tell you something." He said as his face turned serious. "Once I tell you, you won't want to talk to me again. You will most likely hate me." He started. She looked at him with concern. "I--"

"No. Will it hurt me?" She asked. He nodded his head yes. "Will it change anything for me? Will it change my life right now?"

"No. But I need to get it off my chest." He said sadly.

"No. I don't want to know. I'm sure you had a reason for whatever it was. I am in a good place right now. At least I was. So, don't worry about it. Just forget it. I don't want a reason to hate you. We are finally okay." She explained.

"Mer--" He stated, she shook her head. "What do you mean, you were okay?"

"Derek and I, we-- I don't know what is going to happen..." She whimpered.

"It's because of what I said this morning, isn't it?" Ian asked.

"Yeah. But that doesn't matter. It was bound to happen. I guess it's better sooner than later. Before we are too involved." Meredith explained.

"Look at me." He said. She did. "You and Derek will be fine. Don't give up." He told her. "I have to go. Don't want to be late." He said as he stood up. She also stood.

"Maybe we made a mistake. It was so much simpler before." She said softly.

"Life isn't meant to be simple, Mer. It's the stuff that you have to fight for that is worth it." He explained as he put his arms out. He pulled her into a hug.

"I'll miss you." She said into his chest.

"I will miss you too." Ian told her, as he took one last whiff of her hair.

"Oh dear God. Another one?" Ian's head shot up.

"Mother..." Meredith moaned.

"So, who is this? Shepherd is out already?" Ellis snapped.

"Mother this is--" Meredith started reluctantly. She did not want to tell her. Ian stuck his hand out.

"Ian Atherton. You must be Ellis Grey. I was friends with Meredith when she went to Oxford." Ian said simply. Meredith looked at him in shock. "I am going to be late. It was nice to meet you." Ian said as he nodded and walked away.

"So--" Ellis started.

"I have to go." Meredith spat as she walked away, leaving Ellis standing there.

Meredith couldn't believe it. It hurt. She had always been so hard on him. They were hard on each other. He had really proven himself today. He could have smeared it in her face. He could have told Ellis everything. But he didn't. Ian and Meredith both knew they would never see each other again. It broke her heart. When she left Ian in Great Britain, she was angry. She was relieved. But now, after seeing him for who he could be, she was sad. She was truly going to miss him.

-----------------

Meredith felt down the rest of the day. She hadn't seen Derek. And she didn't want to. She was actually looking forward to Joe's. She was looking forward to dulling the pain of life with tequila. Of course, Cristina made up with Burke, and now she was going alone. But she could handle that. She had done it many times before.

"What's going on?" Drew asked as Meredith walked down the hospital corridor.

"I am going to Joe's. I am going to get drunk. Polluted. Trashed. Tanked. Want to join me?" Meredith asked happily.

"Don't mind if I do." Drew said as he hooked her arm and they marched down the hallway. "So why do you feel the need to drink?"

"Life is shit. I am fairly sure I have fucked it all up." She said frankly.

"Everything will be fine." Drew said.

"Sure." Meredith said unconvinced.

They walked across the busy road. Meredith heard the familiar ding as the door opened. It was busy. But not too busy. Just perfect. They walked over to a table in the corner and sat down.

"What do you want?" Drew asked.

"Tequila." Meredith said flatly. "A never ending tequila fountain, and a shot glass."

Drew kept making trips to the bar. None of her friends came in. Of course, a night when she wasn't there with Derek, no one comes in. And Cristina ditched her. At least I have Drew, she thought. Meredith was hell bent on ending the night in a deep coma. He didn't mind if he did the same thing. After countless shots they were both feeling pretty good.

"When are you leaving?" Meredith asked Drew.

"Tomorrow." He said sadly.

"Of course. Everyone leaves." She whimpered. "Do me a favor..."

"Anything for you, babe." Drew told her.

"Take you cousin with you." She spat.

"Oh, shit. What did he do?" Drew asked.

"He's an ass." She said, laughing heartily. The liquor was starting to take effect.

"He is an ass." Drew pointed out. "I think he was born an ass. He was probably born ass first. He seems to think everyone should kiss it." Meredith squealed with laughter.

"And he's stupid." She giggled. "A stupid, stupid ass."

"Yep, that's Derek. A brainless, stupid ass." Drew laughed.

"So what did he do?" Drew asked.

"He wants me to be a human incubator. I'm not doing it!" Meredith spat.

"I don't blame you. Stick it to the man! Girl power! Fight feminism!" He shouted loudly. She began laughing hysterically.

"This is why we get along." She laughed. "Whoa--" She said as she nearly fell of of her seat.

"I think you're good." He said, pulling her shot away from her. "Hey, what do you say we get out of here." He said with a smirk.

"And what would you like to do?" She said raising her brows. "Cause I am not going home."

"We'll figure something out. Let's go." He said as he pulled her along. "Joe called us a cab."

-------------

Derek didn't know what to do. This was the first time in a long time, he had no idea what to do. They had gotten so into their groove. They did things together. The slept next to each other. The ate dinner together. And now she wasn't around. Her car wasn't in the parking lot. He had searched the whole hospital for her. He had even paged her several times. He called her house, and her cell phones. She was avoiding. He knew he had to do something. He didn't want to lay down and let her mow him over, but at the same time, he wanted it to work. Part of him knew he was out of line, but the other part didn't care. So he was going to her house. He was going to lay next to her in bed, even if she didn't talk to him. At the end of the day, she was who he wanted to be with. She was the one he needed, even if she was the one he wanted to be the farthest away from. He slowly drove by her house. Her car wasn't there. No one was there. It was completely dark. He knew they kept the kitchen light on when they were home. He dropped his head and sped off. He was going to the last place he wanted to. He was going to the trailer. He was going to _his_ home. He was going where the house, where he was planning on raising their children, was sitting, half built. Now the question was, did he just want to tear it all down?

-----------

**Wow! So what are Meredith and Drew going to do?? I can say one thing...lack of reviews baby Merew. Hahahaha. Try me! Seriously, let me know what you think about this. Derek wants kids and he's being selfish. And Meredith is pushing back just as hard as he is pushing her. **

**I don't know if I will get an update up tomorrow. This week is screwed, and I have to work from 7a-7p for the next 10 days straight...waa me!**


	48. Space

Derek didn't sleep. He wasn't sure if it was the rain, pounding on the metal roof of his trailer, or if it was the thoughts looming in his head. He was lying to himself, and he knew it. He loved the rain. Meredith loved the rain. He was accustomed to the rain. Rain could never keep him awake. It was the thoughts that had him tossing and turning. Twisting the sheets into rope. Turning his pillow into a punching bag. He climbed out of bed and poured himself a scotch. He knew it was not going to help in the least. This was an issue that had to be faced head on. And he knew that when it was, someone was going to be hurt.

Meredith wasn't thinking. Thought had stopped after the sixth shot of tequila. Her brain had quit processing information. She and Drew had stumbled into the cab. Neither was sure who was worse off. But both were barely coherent. Drew dragged Meredith to his suite. He knew, full well, that he could take advantage of her. At this point of the night, she had no idea what was happening. Part of him had longed for it. There was something about her. An air, a presence, that had infatuated him from the beginning. He always watched her. The way she moved. The way her hair laid softly on her shoulders. The way she giggled. He wanted her. But then it hit him. She trusted him enough to pour her heart out to him. Enough to become completely vulnerable. And not even he could take advantage of that. Drew helped Meredith into his bed. He had fully planned on sleeping on the suite's sofa. He had to distance himself from her.

"Don't go." Meredith whispered. "Lay here with me."

"Okay." He said, reluctantly as she laid down on the bed next to her.

"You're a good guy." She said with a drunken giggle.

"I'm not so sure..." He muttered softly.

"Derek is a bad guy..." Meredith whimpered. "Damn him. Damn him for making me fall in love with him..." She trailed off as she closed her eyes.

"Yes, damn him..." Drew agreed as he closed his eyes.

-----------------

Derek woke up in a cold, lonely trailer. He glanced out the window and looked at the house. It was standing there, the sun just coming up from behind it. He was so at war with himself. What to do. He could just sell it all. He could go back to New York. Be free and alone. Because even if he found someone, he would always be alone if it wasn't Meredith. Or he could apologize, and not even be sure if he meant it. He wasn't even sure what his true feelings were. He climbed out of his bed, running his fingers through his hair. He looked in the mirror. A tired, broken face stared back at him. He didn't have anything on the board today. He was free. He knew he needed to talk to someone. He had to get it off his chest. A call to Addison was unanswered. When he called her house, Stan said she was in surgery. Of course. She was the one that knew how to make it all better. It seemed both he and Meredith confided in her.

Derek mustered up all of his strength and climbed into his shower. His eyes rested on Meredith's shampoo and conditioner. He grabbed his own and began washing. Drew. Drew popped into his head. He was who he always went to for advice. Drew was always in New York, so he forgot about him. That's where he was going. He needed to confide in his cousin. He took one more glance at Meredith's conditioner. He slowly put his hand on the bottle. He had to do it. He opened the bottle and breathed it in. That scent was like a light breeze, bringing back his feelings, his love for her.

Derek laughed when he pulled up to the hotel. That was Drew. He was always all in with everything. Either the best, or not at all. He knew he was in the penthouse. He pressed the button and began his ride. He always loved elevator. Especially with Meredith. She made elevators fun. He made his way to the door and knocked. There was no answer. He knew Drew, so he banged louder. Finally the door opened.

"Wow." Derek said as he rocked back on his heels. "I haven't seen you look that bad in years!"

"Yeah, well..." Drew started as he yawned. He stood there in his jeans and shirt from last night. He ran his hand through his disheveled hair.

"Wild night?" Derek asked. Drew started walking into the suite. "I guess not too wild. Things aren't all over and you are still dressed." Derek finished with a laugh.

Drew walked over to his bag and poured out several aspirin into his hand. He chased it down with a warm bottle of water. He finally sat back in a chair and yawned again. Derek began walking around, checking the suite out.

"Nice." Derek stated. "So, no action last night?"

"Uh, no." Drew responded flatly.

Derek walked to the door leading to the bedroom. She slowly turned the handle. Drew's eyes got wide and he began to jump out of his seat. Derek had a look of shock on his face when he opened the door. There she was. She looked peaceful. His Meredith, laying in his cousin's bed. It immediately made him sick. He crossed the room toward Drew in several strides.

"What the fuck?" He yelled as he neared him. He walked up and shoved Drew down on the chair. "I turn around for a second and I find this?" He yelled.

"Don't touch me, Derek." Drew warned as he slumped in the chair. "I am way too hung over to put up with your shit."

"My shit? Drew, I swear..." He said loudly.

"You are being a dumb ass. Just like she said. You are really fucking stupid, Der." Drew spat. "You don't deserve her!"

"You fucker!" Derek said as his fist connected with Drew's jaw. Drew immediately punched Derek back in the eye. "You son-of-a-bitch!" Derek said as he grabbed his eye. They began wrestling around on the floor. Finally Drew pulled away and began yelling.

"If you had an ounce of sense you would realize that we are both fully clothed." Drew spat. Derek stopped hitting him and looked back and forth between Drew and Meredith lying in the bed. Drew was right. It was obvious that they did not have sex.

"Sorry." Derek muttered as he sat down and placed his hands in his head.

"God, Der. What the hell has gotten into you?" Drew said as he took his place on the chair. "You never used to be like this."

"I don't know." Derek muttered.

"If you think we had a good time..." Drew stated. "If I hadn't drank half of Joe's liquor, I wouldn't have gotten any sleep. Between the snoring and the drool..."

"What?" Derek said. "First, Mer doesn't drool..."

"Oh, yes, she does. Maybe it's a drunken thing." Drew said with a shrug. "My pillow was soaked."

"You slept with her?" Derek angrily said in disbelief.

"Nothing happened." Drew reiterated as he leaned back and rubbed his face.

"You could have slept on the sofa. You don't sleep with another man's girl." Derek said angrily.

"Well, from what I can gather, she isn't your girl anymore." Drew said. A hint of him was basking in Derek's jealousy.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked.

"She's pissed. You really screwed up this time. I don't remember much, but I do remember something about a human incubator." Drew stated. "And you being and ass."

"I guess I was harsh. But she--" Derek started.

"No, Derek. You need to worry about your relationship. Quit obsessing about kids. Did you ever stop and think that maybe that would come along on it's own? I mean, you aren't married. You have been together how long? I know I don't generally walk up to chicks in the bar and say I want kids." Drew stated.

"I guess you are right..." Derek moaned as he touched his eye with his fingertips.

"You need to step back and realize what you have here. Mer is perfect. She is great. You will never find anyone better. I guarantee it." Drew said with a bit of remorse. "If I were in the market..."

"Yeah." Derek said. "I guess you are right..."

"You guess? I am right." Drew said. "I have known you since I can remember. I lived with you guys when my parents went to Europe. I spent every minute hanging out with you and Mark."

"More like tagging along." Derek joked. "Three years is a world of difference when Mark and I were trolling for girls."

"_Thanks_." Drew laughed as he threw his feet up in the ottoman.

"Thanks, Drew." Derek said as he stood up. "Don't wake her up, she might kill you." Derek said as he walked to the door and opened it.

"See you later." Drew said.

"Yeah, see you around." Derek said as he walked out.

---------------

Meredith's head was splitting. It felt like someone had thrown her head up on a log, and taken a good whack at it with an ax. She moaned as she opened her eyes. She sat up slightly and looked around. Shit. She muttered to herself. This had happened far too many times. All was saved when she looked down at herself. She still had her clothes on. She sighed as she literally crawled out of bed. The walk to the bathroom was wobbly to say the least. Thank God for walls. She got down on her knees and assumed the position. There were only two times she regularly got on her knees, and this wasn't the fun one. Every time she retched, her head hurt more.

"Holy crap. You look like shit warmed over." Drew laughed as a very beaten down Meredith walked in.

"I feel like shit warmed over." She said as she sat down with him. "What did I drink?" She moaned.

"Oh, a plethora of liquors." Drew said with a smirk.

"Tequila doesn't get me this bad." She commented.

"You should eat..." Drew said.

"Are you kidding me?" She giggled.

"I think you're still a little drunk." Drew laughed.

"I think you are right!" Meredith answered. "Whoa, what the hell happened to your face?"

"Oh, it's nothing. So here, eat this." He said as he handed her a belgian waffle with strawberries and whipped cream.

"Oh God no." She said as she pushed it back towards him. She leaned back and closed her eyes. Then her eyes opened quickly and she shit up. "Holy shit! What time is it?" She squealed.

"Um, eleven." He answered nonchalantly.

"Eleven in the morning?" She said as she jumped up in shock.

"That it would be." He said as he took a bite of eggs.

"Oh my God! I am dead. I am so freaking dead!" She shouted. "Oh my God!"

"Calm down. What is the matter?" Drew asked as he stared at her. She was walking panic induced circles.

"Um, besides the fact that I had pre-rounds at four-thirty this morning! I have to go." She said as she grabbed her purse. "No wait..."

"Wow. You are just a little late..." He said with a shocked face. "Like six and a half hours."

"Oh my God. I can't just walk in. I didn't call. Okay. Um, slam the door on my leg..." She said in a frenzy.

"What?" He said in shock.

"I need you to break it." She said quickly.

"You need me to break your leg?" He asked in shock. She nodded. "No! That is insane. You can't break you leg, just because you might get in trouble."

"No. Not might. Bailey will break my neck. At least if my leg is broken, I can say I couldn't get up." She rationalized.

"You are crazy." Drew stated.

"Punch me in the face. I can say I was mugged." She said. "I was unconscious."

"Oh yeah, that will work. They will call the police, and most likely do a rape kit." Drew explained.

"You're right." She said with a sigh.

"I have an idea...Come on." He said as he pulled her along.

----------------

Drew explained the plan as they drove to Seattle Grace. She was nervous. She knew she was totally screwed. The both snuck in the hospital and up the back stairway. She snuck into the locker room, just as Drew had told her. She was sweating bullets as she slid her dirty scrub pants up. She tied them quickly and emerged through the door. Drew was waiting for her. They began walking down the hallway.

"GREY!" Meredith heard Miranda Bailey scream at her from behind.

"Dr. Bailey." Meredith answered with a smile as she turned on her heel.

"Where the hell have you been?" Miranda shouted as she approached.

"I, um--" Meredith started. Her nerves began to take over. Miranda was very intimidating.

"She was with me." Drew stated.

"With you, Dr. Monahan?" Miranda asked with a raised brow.

"That is what I said, Dr...Bailey is it?" Drew said with a smirk.

"Uh huh. And why weren't you around for rounds?" Miranda asked as she closed the space between she and Meredith in.

"Me again. You see, I saw her this morning. I snagged her before you even saw her. She had been doing my paperwork for me." Drew explained.

"You only have one patient, and he is going to be discharged today." Miranda retorted.

"She was doing the papers for my patients in New York." He said with a smile.

"Your patients in New York?" Miranda asked with a shocked voice. "Dr. Monahan, I am not sure who you think you are but-"

"Listen, Dr. Bailey. You are a resident. I am an attending. I may not be on this hospital's staff, but I could be. You see, your wonderful chief of surgery, Richard Webber, has been trying to snag me for awhile. How do you think he would feel if I told him his piss ant resident had a problem with the way I do things?" Drew said confidently. Meredith and Miranda's jaws dropped.

"Uh. okay. Grey, you are with me. We have a case coming in the pit." Miranda said as she began to walk away.

"Thank you." Meredith mouthed as she walked away. Drew just smiled.

--------------

Meredith could not believe how smoothly the plan had worked. Drew saved her ass. Not only that, but she got in on a bowel perforation repair. She was sure that she was going to be fired. In the least, she thought she would be in the pit for all eternity. But she was saved. She was so happy to go home. Working with a major hang over, was not her idea of fun. She hadn't seen Derek all day. She was secretly relieved. She stole one glance at the surgical board before she headed to the locker room. Derek wasn't on it. She sighed. She was hoping he would be.

The other interns questioned her about where she was. She stuck with she and Drew's story. They didn't believe her, but she didn't care. She threw on her jeans and sweater from the day before. They all took note. They didn't what she had done, but they knew she had done something.

She saw him the minute she walk out of the hospital's front entrance. He was sitting on the bench. He looked tired and warn. But he was still handsome in his deep red sweater and white button up shirt. She wanted to run and and jump in his arms, but she couldn't not yet. The wounds were still too fresh.

"You're avoiding me..." He stated as he watched her walk up.

"Actually, I;m not. For the first time, I am not." She said as she sat down. A faint smile crossed his face. "Oh my God. What happened to your eye?" She asked as she touched it lightly with her hand.

"It's nothing." He said as he brushed it off. She put two and two together, but didn't say anything. He put his hand over hers. "So-" He started. He was hopeful. Time had passed. They had both cooled off.

"So." She repeated as she stared at the ground.

"What do we do?" He asked as he looked over at her.

"Space. We need space." She answered as she glanced at him.

"Space?" He said in shock. That wasn't the answer he needed or wanted.

"Yes. Space. You stay at your trailer. I stay at my house. Space." Meredith explained. "I can't do this right now. I need to think. I need to figure out---"

"Space." He said again is disbelief.

"Things are- We need to figure things out." Meredith said as she looked into his sad, deep blue eyes.

"You need to figure out if you're going to end it. Don't you?" He asked.

"I didn't say that." She answered.

"But you were thinking it." He responded with a deep sadness in his voice.

Meredith dropped her hand onto Derek's thigh and smiled.

"Goodnight, Derek." She said as she patted his leg and stood up. His heart broke into pieces as he watched her walk away. He laid his head back and sighed as her figure quickly disappeared into the night.

----------

**Okay, work sucks! I snuck my laptop to work. I tried to get this up yesterday, but the site wouldn't work. **

**BTW, has anyone notice that this is almost as long a LIAC? It's way fewer chapters, but they are longer...**


	49. Glimmer of Hope

Space. Yep, that's what she had said. Derek couldn't believe it. He was floored. He was willing to do anything for her. And he had been planning on telling her that. That was before he was blind-sided. Derek wasn't a drinker. At least nit the kind to sit and get drunk. But tonight, tonight he was definitely a drinker. But not in a public place. Not in a bar. Not where everyone could see him. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be where he could pass out, and no one would notice.

_Come on, come on_

_Put your hands into the fire_

_Explain, explain_

_As I turn and meet the power_

_This time, this time_

_Turning white and senses dire_

_Pull up, pull up_

_From one extreme to another_

Derek climbed behind the wheel of his Land Rover. His body sat stiffly against it's leather seats. He didn't need much to make him happy. He didn't need the huge house. He didn't need the fancy car. Although he was building the huge house, and he was driving the fancy cars. Maybe he had presented himself the wrong way. Maybe Meredith didn't see the real him. He didn't need much. He just needed to be happy. And that was what he had. Had. He told himself.

_From the summer to the spring_

_From the mountain to the air_

_From Samaritan to sin_

_And it's waiting on the end _

Derek couldn't get her out of his head. He smile, her laugh, her hair. He closed his eyes. He could almost smell her. He could almost feel her next to him. Maybe when he opened his eyes she would be sitting next to him. He did open his eyes. But what he saw wasn't her, what he saw caused him to slam on his brakes and swerve off the road. The car in front of him had stopped. He stopped the car and sat there trying to regain the feeling in his limbs.

_Come on, come on_

_Put your hands into the fire_

_Explain, explain_

_As I turn and meet the power_

_This time, this time_

_Turning white and sense dire_

_Pull up, pull up_

_From one extreme to another_

"I have go to get ahold of myself." He said quietly as he looked in the rearview mirror.

_From the summer to the spring_

_From the mountain to the air_

_From Samaritan to sin_

_And it's waiting on the end _

He tried not to think about her for the rest of the drive home. He sighed as he pulled into his driveway. He was relieved to be there alive. But saddened that he was there alone. He made his way into his dark trailer and grabbed his bottle of scotch. And there he sat on a plastic chair, in his half built, broken home, wondering how he was going to make it.

_And now I'm alone I'm looking out, I'm looking in_

_Way down, the lights are dimmer_

_Now I'm alone I'm looking out , I'm looking in_

_Way down, the lights are dimmer_

_Come on, come on_

_Put your hands into the fire_

_Come on, come on _

----------------

Meredith sighed as she sat down on her bed. She told herself that this was the right thing to do. He needed space. He just didn't realize it. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to realize that there was life beyond her. Meredith was practicing self-sacrifice. Maybe he would meet the woman of his dreams and ride off into the sunset. She didn't want to be the reason for his lifetime of unhappiness.

Sleep was not coming. It was twelve in the morning. Even though she had been lying down since eight, she hadn't slept a wink. She heard her cellphone ring. It was undoubtedly Derek, she told herself. Should she answer? No. She was doing this for him. Meredith grabbed the phone after it's last ring. As she suspected, it was him, and he left a message. She put her password in and listened. He was drunk. In fact, she had never heard him so drunk. He begged her to call him. It broke her heart, but she deleted the message. She was doing it for him, and there was no way she was going to talk to him in that condition. She needed someone, so she called her person. Cristina grumbled and said she was on her way.

"I hate men." Meredith said as Cristina laid down in the bed next to here.

"What do you need me to say?" Cristina asked with an annoyed voice.

"That you hate men too. And Mcdreamy is a foolish ass. And I am right." Meredith spat simply.

"Okay. McDreamy is an ass. And Men suck. They are only good for one thing. Oh, and you are right, as always." Cristina said. "Is that everything?"

"Yes. Thank you." Meredith said as she fluffed her pillow.

"So what is going on?" Cristina asked as she rolled over and faced Meredith.

"I told him we needed space." Meredith explained.

"Why?" Cristina asked.

"I can't deal with him right now. He wants kids." Meredith told her.

"Oh hell no. I am not changing diapers and dealing with your bitchy ass. Not to mention you won't be able to lean over the OR table because you ass will be too big." Cristina reasoned.

"That's what I'm saying." Meredith returned. "I never thought it would be such a big deal. He never said anything, then after Ian mentioned it, it was a huge issue." Meredith told her.

"He needs to get over it. Or move on." Cristina said as she rolled over.

"That's what I said..." Meredith said as her voice cracked. "Move on..." She said quietly.

"But that's not what you want...is it?" Cristina laughed.

"Shit." Meredith muttered at her new found realization.

-------------------

Meredith walked slowly to the locker room with Cristina. She had quit talking about Derek. Cristina had chastised her for talking about him too much. Cristina had grown tired of hearing it. So had Izzie and George. But she needed to talk about it. Maybe she would see Addison around today. She could always talk to Addison. She threw on her scrubs. She didn't talk to anyone. They all avoided the subject completely. She was either on the verge of crying or yelling, and they didn't want to see either one. She had to get out of the locker room. Away from the smelly scrubs and useless friends that she now had. She took a walk to the OR board. Derek wasn't on it again. It was the third day this week, he hadn't been it. She was really beginning to worry. Well, not really. Worry was the first day, now she was at a full-blown panic. She couldn't call him. She wouldn't. She was hoping that he was doing what she said, and taking space. Maybe he left town for couple of days. Although she had a sinking feeling that he hadn't.

"Okay assignments everyone." Meredith heard Dr. Bailey say at the locker room door. "Where the hell is Grey?" She shouted.

"I'm right here." Meredith said from behind.

"Where have you been?" Miranda asked sharply.

"I was looking at the OR board." Meredith explained.

"Looking for good surgeries?" Bailey asked

"No. Just looking." She muttered.

"Sure." Miranda replied. "Okay, assignments. Karev you are with Montgomery, Stevens and Yang, you are with Burke, O'Malley you are in the pit, and Grey, you are with me." Miranda told them. "Go!"

"So what are we doing?" Meredith asked with a hopeful tone.

"You are doing my post-op notes and charts." Bailey responded as she walked away.

"Dr. Bailey?" Meredith shouted.

"What Grey?" Miranda asked as she turned around.

"Um. I was just- Um-." Meredith started.

"Surgeons don't don't start their sentences with um." Miranda spat.

"Have you seen Dr. Shepherd? I was just wondering because-" Meredith started.

"He's your boyfriend. I don't keep tabs on your boyfriend. If you want to know where he is, call him!" Miranda said loudly.

"I was just worried." Meredith said as her face dropped.

"He took a couple of personal days." Miranda said with a softened face. "Now get to work!" She demanded as she walked away. "Damn fool interns, all they think about is themselves." She muttered.

Meredith rushed through the charts and decided to grab a cup of coffee. She needed some fresh air. She needed to think. She walked up to the coffee cart and grabbed a mocha latte, and a muffin. She took a seat on a bench out front. It was the same bench that she had sat on with Derek. The bench where they were sitting when she told them she needed space. She was in her only little world, and didn't even notice Addison walk up and sit softly next to her.

"You aren't listening are you?" Addison asked loudly.

"Whoa!" Meredith said as she jerked to consciousness.

"Where were you?" Addison asked with a chuckle.

"I was thinking." Meredith answered.

"So, what did you do to my ex-husband?" Addison asked with a chuckle. "He called me last night. He was so drunk I couldn't even understand him."

"I told him we needed to take some space. Get away from each other for awhile." Meredith explained.

"Why would you do that?" Addison asked with a questioning tone.

"It's been too much. Between Ian showing up, and me being married, and now divorced. It's just been too much. And he wants to have kids. And I don't know if I do. He made me choose on the spot and I said no. Now he is mad." Meredith explained.

"Derek wants to have kids?" Addison said in shock. Her face looked hurt.

"Yeah, why?" Meredith asked.

"I begged Derek to have kids. I wanted kids so bad. He wouldn't. He said we didn't have time. He was too busy and so was I. I even offered to cut back at work. I was in a private practice. I said I'd just see patients a few days a week. He wouldn't do it." Addison explained with a crackling voice.

"Oh." Meredith muttered. She almost wished she hadn't said anything. "I'm sorry..."

"Meredith, this has nothing to do with you. I didn't mean it like that. It's best that we didn't have kids. Maybe in his heart, Derek always knew that we wouldn't make it." Addison explained.

"So, why haven't you had kids?" Meredith asked.

"I can't. Stan and I tried, I couldn't get pregnant. Now I've come to accept it." Addison said. "You never realize what you have until it's gone, you know?"

"Yeah..." Meredith muttered with a deep sadness in her voice. "I guess you don't..."

"Why don't you call him?" Addison asked.

"I can't Addie. I told him to take space. I want him to take space." Meredith replied.

"No you don't. You don't want him to take space. Who are you kidding?" Addison said with a laugh. "You had a fight, and now you are avoiding the whole situation. You would rather "take space" than deal with it." Addison said quickly.

"Sometimes I think you know me too well." Meredith said with a sigh. "But I don't want to hurt him. I have been hurt so many times. I don't want to do it to him. I can't steal his dreams away from him. I just don't know what I want. I'm an intern. I work one-hundred plus weeks. Like I could grow a human inside of me." Meredith whined.

"Have you explained that to him?" Addison asked.

"Well, no. We haven't really talked. Argued, yes." Meredith returned.

"So neither of you had listened to what the other is feeling?" Addsion asked.

"Well, no. I guess not." Meredith moaned.

"Well, there is your problem!" Addison laughed. "Call him."

"Not yet. He hasn't been to work in a few days, and he hasn't called. I'm worried. Maybe he is taking the space I told him to." Meredith replied, as she took a sip of her drink.

"What worries you more, that he may not be okay, or that he is really taking space?" Addison questioned. Meredith looked at her feet. "I'll stop by after work. I'll talk to him. Don't worry."

"Thanks, Addie." Meredith said with a smile. "I better get back to work."

------------------

Addison drove up the dirt drive leading to Derek's trailer. She hadn't been over much. Maybe one or two times. She thought he was crazy to live in a trailer. She always thought he was most at home in their brownstone. She had always thought she knew Derek better than anyone. But lately, she was beginning to think she didn't know him at all. She pulled her Audi next to his Land Rover and looked up at the porch. There he was standing at the grill with a beer in his hand.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She asked as she walked up.

"Well, I think I am grilling fish." He stated simply.

"Well, at least you are only drinking beer tonight. Because last night you were definitely drinking something more." She stated dryly.

"Well, I start out with the beer. Last night it was followed by scotch. I've run out, and all I have left is some bourbon." Derek laughed.

"You hate bourbon." Addison pointed out.

"Yeah, but it gets the job done." He said with a sigh.

"And what job is that? Drowning out your pain and sorrows. Avoiding the problem?" Addison asked with a hand on her hip.

"I am taking space!" He said angrily.

"Derek, I have never seen you act so foolish in my life. You love work, and you have taken days off. You aren't a big drinker, and you have been getting drunk. All this over a girl?" Addison asked smartly, knowing it would make him mad.

"Meredith isn't just a girl!" He yelled. "She is the love of my life..." He said quietly.

"I know she is." Addison agreed. "That is why you need to fix this."

"I want to fix it. But she wants space. She wants time apart." He said sadly.

"Meredith doesn't want time apart. She is avoiding this mess just like you are. Neither of you really want to deal with it. She doesn't want to exist in this silence you have both formed. You need to fix this!" She said loudly.

"I'm trying." He replied.

"You aren't trying. You are sitting on your ass getting drunk." She stated. He just sat there and stared off, knowing she was right. "And what is this about wanting kids?" She said with attitude.

"Um-" He started nervously, knowing he was treading on a touchy subject.

"I begged you to have kids!" Addison said sadly.

"I know you did Addie. I'm so sorry. But I knew. I knew that you and I were not going to make it. We had drifted apart. I just wasn't ready, and I had a lot on my plate. But when I met Meredith, I knew I wanted kids with her. I want to wake up on Sunday morning next to my wife and three kids, who just couldn't sleep in their own beds. I want to look at my children and see that they have their mother's eyes..." He told her.

"Derek. You can't do that. That is scary. You can't say that to her. She isn't like a normal girl. She has been hurt. And she's guarded. You can't say things like that, and expect her to not be scared out of her mind. You forced her to say no!" Addison explained as she sipped the beer Derek gave her.

"Do you know how it felt when I found out that she didn't have the same dream as me? It was like getting kicked in the gut!" He said quickly.

"You need to take a page out of your own book. You didn't want kids. Remember how it felt when I pressured you?" She asked. He dropped his head sadly. "Maybe she will come around. Maybe she will change her mind. You don't know. But you need to make a decision. You either want Meredith, the woman that you love, for who she is, or you need to end it. Find someone else. Then you can have the kids you want, even if they don't have the love of your life's blood running through their veins. No matter what, you will regret letting her go. But that is a mistake you will have to make on your own." Addison told him as she placed her hand over his.

"Oh, Addie." He said, knowing she was right. They sat there in a comfortable silence before addison finally broke it.

"The house is looking good." Addison said as she looked over at it.

"Yeah." Derek answered.

"It's big." She said. "You built it for her, didn't you?"

"Pretty much. She had a lot to do with it's design. But she had no idea why I was building it." He said. "I just want it to work. I need it to work, Addie." He told her.

"And it will. But you will have to work for it." Addison told him. "Let's go look at his house." She said, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Okay." He answered as they walked towards the house. He could see a glimmer of hope. Looking up at the house, now he was beginning to see that there really was a light at the end of the tunnel.

-------------------

**I have been working my ass off to get this done for you guys! I promise Mer and Der will be together really soon. In fact it is killing me that they are at odds right now...and it's my fic! They are both being extremely pig-headed, but it will work out... Oh! Meredith is going to do something rash...something crazy...it doesn't **_**really**_** involve Derek, but will affect him. Can anyone guess?**


	50. Stop the Hurt

Derek woke up to the sun in his eyes. He didn't get drunk last night. He stayed up thinking. Addison was right. Meredith was what he wanted. She meant more to him than anything. The thought of losing her made him sick to his stomach. So he was rebuilding. He was going to fix it. He could accept whatever she did or didn't want. If things were meant to be, they would be. He couldn't wait to get to the hospital. He couldn't wait to see her face, to look into her green eyes.

Derek didn't have surgery until ten. He knew that Meredith probably had rounds. He was hoping he would be able to request her for his procedure. That would break the ice. That would get the ball rolling. The thought of being with her again made him feel whole.

---------------

Meredith yawned whole-heartedly. She was tired. He hadn't slept well since who knows when. But she did know when. It was the last time that Derek was there. The last time he held her in his strong arms. If she closed her eyes tight enough she could still feel him. She could still feel is arms and his shallow breath as he chest rose and fell against her. She could smell his familiar scent. She slowly opened her eyes and came to the sad reality that was before her. She pushed him away, and she had no idea how she was going to bring him back.

"You look tired." Izzie said as Meredith walked in slowly. The bags below her eyes looked as if she were taking a month long trip.

"I am. I couldn't sleep." Meredith said as she ambled over to the coffee pot.

"Do you see the irony here?" Izzie said with a chuckle.

"What?" Meredith said as she stirred her coffee.

"You fight with McDreamy, and you can't sleep. But when you fight with McDreamy, we sleep like babies." Izzie said with a chuckle.

"She's right." George agreed. "I have never heard anyone scream louder than you."

"You guys are a pain." She moaned. Izzie sat a plate of bacon, eggs and toast in front of her.

"Eat!" Izzie demanded.

"I'm not hungry." Meredith said as she pushed the plate away and laid her head on the table.

"Yes you are. I have to feed you. Without Derek, you would starve. We all know you won't feed yourself." Izzie pointed out as she handed her a small glass of orange juice.

"Fine." Meredith replied as she pulled the plate towards her. She grabbed a piece of crisp bacon and took a bite. "I miss him..." She moaned softly. She was finally admitting the truth to herself as well as others.

"We know..." They said together.

"Just call him." Izzie said.

"I don't know. I said we needed space. Now I should give it to him, right? Who am I kidding? I don't want space. I want Derek. I want him so close that no one can tell that we are two people." Meredith explained.

"Tell him that." Izzie said reassuringly. "Tell her, George."

"She's right. I'm sure he is waiting for you to call. I am sure he has been moping around for the last few days." George said as he patted her on the back.

"You two were made for each other." Izzie smiled as she spoke. "When I think of you, I think of you and Derek. I can't imagine either of you with anyone else."

"Really?" Meredith asked.

"Seriously." George agreed.

"I will talk to him today." She said quickly. "Today is the day."

"Good." Izzie said with a sigh of relief. "Seriously, I can't sleep without the loud sex now. It just way too quiet!" Izzie joked. Meredith hit her with the newspaper.

-------------------

Meredith was assigned to the pit for the morning. She didn't care. She was sure that things were improving. She was going to talk to Derek, and they were going to be okay. She needed them to be okay. He was the glue that held her together. Without the glue, she was just dust. He was the water and she was the plaster. He made her whole. She was thinking about what she was going to say to him as she was walking down the hallway. She was brought back to reality as she slammed into someone.

"Hey!" Nick Watson said with a smile. "You just about knocked me down!"

"Oh, hey. Sorry." She apologized. "What are you doing down here?" Meredith asked.

"Oh, I just roam the hospital when I have nothing else to do." He said with a chuckle.

"I have a hard time believing that you have nothing to do!" Meredith joked with a hint of flirtation.

"You'd be surprised. Here I am busy. I never even get to go home. In turn no social life!" Nick told her.

"I know how that feels..." She laughed. "So how is Anna?"

"She is doing really well." He said with a nod. "You saved her life!" Nick said with a grin.

"How is she feeling?" Meredith questioned, as she brushed the hair out of her face.

"Well, her temporary foster family brought her in yesterday, actually. She is doing--" He started to explain. Meredith's jaw hit the floor.

"What do you mean, foster family?" She asked with an undertone of panic.

"Oh, I guess you haven't heard. Can you grab a cup of coffee?" He asked as put his hand behind her back.

"Of course." She said, not caring if she really could or not.

"Wow. I figured someone would have said something." Nick said in shock. "But then again, you are on the surgical floor." They walked up to the coffee cart. "What do you want?" He asked her.

"I can get mine." She said quickly.

"No, no. I insist. You did save my favorite patient's life." He said. "I'll have a double espresso. And Dr. Grey will have a..."

"Black coffee." She spat out. She didn't even like black coffee. But the way her day was now going, she needed something bitter.

"Lets sit down." He said as he walked her to the chairs in the lobby.

"So, what is going on?" She asked. She couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Oh. Well, it seems when I talked to social services, I stepped on a land mine. I called because I could not see how anyone could deny their grandchild a chance to get better. No matter how much I hated the donor, I could never do it. So anyway they checked for signs of abuse, and there were none." Nick said with a sigh.

"And..." She said with a hurried tone.

"Well, they did some checking. Mr. and Mrs. Livingston didn't add up. Nothing added up. It was like they appeared out of thin air. So social services did some digging, and passed it on to the police. It seems that they were wanted fugitives. Their names, social security numbers, essentially their whole identities were fake. So, they were arrested, and Anna was taken. She had no other family." He explained.

"Oh my God." Meredith said as she covered her mouth. "Oh my God." She repeated as her heart jumped into her throat. She felt Nick's hand over hers. It offered some comfort.

"I know." He said softly as he saw a tear run down her cheek.

"She lost her mom, and then her dad, and now she has no one. She has no one." She said, gasping for air. "Something needs to be done." She said as she stood up. "This will crush her. She doesn't even have a chance!" She said as she paced back and forth in front of him.

"Well, if it's any consolation, the family she is with seems really nice." Nick said with a hopeful voice.

"It's not. She can't take this. It will break her. She is only six years old." Meredith said as she continued to pace.

Nick stood up and put his hand on her shoulder. She continued pacing. She paused for a moment and put her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes. Nick looked at her face, she was in distress. He never thought that it would affect her so badly. He did the only thing he knew to do. He pulled her into a hug. She sighed as he wrapped his arms around her and he pulled her close. Little did they know that Derek Shepherd was walking in the entrance. Derek stopped dead in his tracked. He immediately felt sickened by the sight. Someone else's hands on her was too much.

"Six is young. She will be okay. She will probably find a family, and put all of this behind her." He said. She quickly pulled back.

"No she won't. Believe me. She won't forget. You remember things at that age. I have to do something, I have to...I have to go!" She said as she pulled away and ran off.

Derek stood there puzzled. It definitely wasn't what he thought it was. At first glance it looked way too friendly. But seeing the look on Nick's face, and the look on Meredith's as she ran away, he knew it was bad. Something was wrong. Whatever it was, was bad. He walked over to Nick quickly.

"What's going on?" He asked Nick. He wasn't nice, he wasn''t short. He was indifferent.

"It's Anna..." He said with a sad sigh. "I don't think she's going to be okay..." He drifted off.

"The transplant didn't work?" Derek asked sadly.

"No, Anna will be okay. It's Meredith I'm worried about..." He said as her figure disappeared.

"What's wrong with Meredith?" He said with concern.

"Anna--" He started as his pager went off. "It's 911. I have to go." He said as he ran off.

Derek stood there more confused than ever. What the hell is going on? What is wrong with Meredith? He quickly started walking in the direction he had last seen her. He jogged up the stairs and ran up to the surgical floor. He began searching. He had to find her. He had to make sure she was okay. After forty-five minutes of searching, he still hadn't found her. He was just heading to the basement when his pager went off. He sighed and dropped his head as he walked back to the surgical floor.

"Dr. Bailey?" He shouted as he saw her walking away from him.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd?" She asked.

"I need an intern. Make it Grey." He said flatly, hoping to keep away a comment of favoritism.

"Grey went home." Miranda answered. "You can have O'Malley."

"Why did Grey go home?" He asked her.

"What is it with you people! Just talk to her yourself. First she is asking about you, being all worried. And now you are asking about her. It was easier when you two were together..." She said quickly. He gave her a look. "She went home for personal reasons." She finally said. "Talk to her yourself. I am not your messenger."

Meredith had asked about him. She was worried about him? Somehow he found comfort in that. He found comfort in the fact that she still cared. Maybe it wasn't too late. He needed to be with her. He needed to check on her. He knew she could self-destruct. Especially if she didn't have anyone to talk to. He grabbed the chart for his patient. The surgery had to be done. It couldn't be postponed. Luckily it wouldn't take too long. The minute it was over, he had to go find her.

----------------

Meredith drove home frantically. For some reason this had hit her hard. Maybe it was because she grew up without a father. Not to mention her mother was rarely present. She grew up without a family, and it had taken it's toll on her. She wasn't going to let that happen with Anna. Not if she could help it. She quickly pulled in her driveway and ran into the house. She began throwing things around, looking for a phone book. After searching in a frenzy, she found the number for social services. She immediately called the number.

After twenty minutes on hold, Meredith was finally able to work with Anna's case worker. The conversation was quick. She said she wanted to have a meeting with Meredith. Meredith wanted to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible. Luckily she agreed to have a meeting with her today.

Meredith's knuckles were white as she drove to Carol's office. Carol Baker was Anna's case worker. She was the one that made all of the decisions. She seemed happy to hear from Meredith. Or perhaps a little relieved. Meredith had on a nice sweater and dress slacks. She wanted to make a good impression. She wanted this to work. She sat down in a waiting chair. The place was crummy. The paint was dull and chipping. The artwork on the walls was old and plain. She didn't like being here in this cold place. She didn't like that this was happening at all.

"Ms. Grey?" She heard. She looked up to see a woman in her fifties. She had soft gray hair in light curls. She looked pleasant. Meredith walked up to the woman quickly. "I'm Carol Baker." She said as she stuck out her hand.

"Meredith Grey." She returned with a handshake and a smile.

"Let's go to my office." She said as she led the way.

Meredith took a look around the office as she sat down in the worn chair. It was different than the waiting area. It was bright. It was happy, hopeful even. Drawing from children adorned the walls, along with many pictures. Some were family, others were obviously kids she had placed. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief as she sat back.

"Well, I have to say I was very happy that you called, Ms. Grey." Carol said with a weathered smile.

"Please, call me Meredith." She stated with a faint smile.

"Anna Livingston is a very special girl." Carol stated. Meredith nodded. "How exactly do you know her?"

"Well, I kind of knew her father. She was also a patient at Seattle Grace, where I work. And I donated bone marrow for her." Meredith said, hoping that was enough.

"Oh, you donated the bone marrow that saved her. That is very special indeed." Carol agreed. "So what exactly is it that you do, Meredith."

"I am a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital." Meredith stated proudly.

"So you are a doctor?" Carol asked. Meredith nodded. "This is good. This is very good. You see, we have been having some trouble with Anna." Meredith's face dropped with worry. "Oh, no, don't worry. It's just that her temporary family has not been able to get her to talk. In fact, apparently her doctor is the only one she has spoken to since she was brought in. She is shy, and with all of this change... I just wish she had family to take her in. I hate to see this sort of thing." Carol said sympathetically

"She has gone through a lot..." Meredith drifted off.

"So, I think that this may work. Of course, there will be a home inspection. There is tons of paperwork you must fill out. And if everything checks out, we will go with temporary custody until the outcome of the trial is known. If Mr. and Mrs. Livingston are found not guilty, they will most likely regain custody. I do not, however, see that happening." Carol explained as she handed her a pile of paperwork.

"So what exactly happened with them?" Meredith asked nervously. "I mean, why were they arrested?"

"Well, it seems that they were involved in some sort of peace rally forty years ago. Their group bombed a building and killed ten people. They were the only ones that were not caught." Carol explained. "They had been hiding out all these years."

"Well, that's not very peaceful." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"That's what I thought." Carol agreed. "Okay, well I have another appointment coming in. It was nice meeting you. We will press on as soon as you get that paperwork filled out."

"Thank you, Mrs. Baker." Meredith said as she shook her hand.

"No, thank you, Dr. Grey." She responded with a handshake and a smile.

-----------------

Meredith rushed home and began filling out paperwork. The questions they were asking her were unbelievable. She ended up rushing around the house and grabbing tons of records. She sprawled everything out on the table and began filling things out. She wanted to cry about halfway through. Her hand cramped up from all of the writing and her eyes weren't seeing straight. She jumped up and grabbed a soda. She rarely drank the stuff, but she needed the caffeine, and she didn't think the sugar would hurt either.

Carol Baker was shocked when Meredith showed up in her office, just a few hours later with all of her completed paperwork in hand. She commented on how Meredith must really want this and she hand never seen the packet completed before two days. Carol said that she would take a look over the paperwork, and they scheduled a home visit for later that same day.

When Meredith walked back in the house she wanted to cry. She just wasn't sure if it was out of sadness or joy. She quickly changed into an old pair of jeans and her warn Oxford tee shirt. She had to clean. She had to make sure everything was just perfect. This couldn't be screwed up.

She started from the top, down. First she dusted. It was a mess. She had never realized how bad it really was. They had been living in a haunted house. Next she vacuumed the rugs. Every time she thought she was getting somewhere, she found something else to do. Not to mention she kept getting side tracked. Then she realized that she hadn't grocery shopped since she and Ian had went. That was just something else she had to do. Not to mention the grass needed to be cut. She had let the lawn service go. She figured that she or George, or at the time, Ian could do it. Working long hours did not agree with that.

Begrudgingly she went outside and started the mower. She hadn't really done much grass cutting. In fact, she couldn't ever remember doing it. But she managed. She got it done. The weed eater was an entirely different story. She ended up getting grass all over herself. Not to mention she was throwing rocks and sticks at herself. After that she wanted to take a nap. She went inside and sighed, realizing that she still had a ton to do in there. She sat down, covered in green grass stains, and prayed she was doing the right thing.

----------------

Every time Derek thought he was done, someone else needed him. He sighed and agreed to go along to just one more consult, or just one more check up. It was getting on his nerves. He still didn't know what had went on with Meredith. Finally around four in the afternoon, he was done. He rounded on his last patient. He was free. He quickly changed into is clothes and hurried out to his car before someone else asked something of him.

Derek was somewhat nervous about seeing her. He had is planned in his head. What he was going to say, what he was going to do. He was ready to take a step towards her. If she didn't make the step, he would so it for her. He knew she was scared to move forward, and he had come to accept it. As he pulled up into her driveway, he went over his speech one last time. He walked quickly up the stairs and to the front door. His face turned puzzled when he looked in and saw her scrubbing the floors. He knew that she cleaned when she got upset. Now he was worried.

"Hey." He said as he opened the door that was not locked.

"Hey." She said as she glanced up, but kept on working.

"What's going on? Are you okay? Miranda said you took a personal day." She kept cleaning. "Meredith!" He said loudly.

"Oh! I'm sorry." She said as she stood up.

"Are you okay?" He asked. He looked at her. Her hair in a messy ponytail. Her jeans were dirty and covered in green. Her Oxford shirt was a mess. "Wow. You are...dirty." He said in shock.

"Yeah, I've been busy." She said as she looked around the almost clean house.

"I can see that." He said quickly. "Meredith, I'm so sorry, but..." He said as he looked into her eyes.

"Anna's grandparents went to jail." She spat out. She was afraid to hear what he was going to say.

"What?" He said, taken a back and surprised at the change of subject.

"She's in foster care, Derek." She said as her eyes welled up.

"Oh..." He muttered softly.

"I am trying to get custody of her." She told him quietly. "The social worker is coming in three hours." He started to laugh.

"I'm sorry...Did you really just say you are trying to get custody of her?" He said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I did." She responded angrily. "Is that funny?" She spat.

"Uh, a little." He said, still chuckling. "Come on Mer, what can you do for her? Feed her take out and fast food? Hopefully she can cook and clean, or she's out of luck." He said smartly.

"I can't believe you just said that." She said with hurt in her eyes.

"I see. So you can adopt a child, you don't even know. A child who's father tried to blow up the hospital. Who's grandparents are in jail. And her mother, I'm sure she was no winner, considering she didn't even have anything to do with her child's father. So, you can adopt a child like that, but you can't be the mother of my children?" He spat with anger.

"Derek--" She said with tears coming down her face.

"No. You want children. You just don't want children with me. It's good to know..." He said as he began to walk away.

"No!" She said as she ran up and grabbed his arm. "You can't do this to me."

"You? It's always about you... What about me, Meredith. What about me?" He said as his face started to drop. She could see the hurt in his eyes. "You are killing me here..."

"She is an innocent child. I had a shitty life growing up. I was alone. I had no dad, and my mom acted like I was baggage. She did whatever she could to keep me out of her hair. I had no family. Just a mother who didn't want me. I can't stand here, and watch this little girl suffer like I did. She has no one. I love you Derek, and I need you. I need you to support me. I support you-" She said with tear filled eyes.

"You support me? Is that why you avoid me? Is that why you won't have my children?" He asked.

"I don't know what to do! I don't know what I want! Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't even try. I would be a shitty mother, right? Just like my mom... I am an intern. I work long weeks. The thought of having a baby scares the hell out of me. I am scared. I can't be hurt again, and I don't want to hurt you. That's what we are doing. We keep hurting each other. I just want to stop. I need you. I need you more than ever. So will you be there for me? Because if not, I need to get a lot stronger, really quick, because I am not sure I will make it." She sobbed as she finished her speech. He looked into her eyes, and felt tears welling up in his own.

"Oh God, Mer. I love you. I can't not love you. I came here- Well, I came her to say this: I said things I shouldn't have said and I'm sorry. I want to live the rest of my life by your side. It doesn't matter what I want. Because at the end of the day, all I want is you. I want whatever makes you happy. So I am here, by your side no matter what. No matter what crazy schemes you get me in. I am here." He said as he pulled her against him. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his chest. He kissed her on the head.

"God, you stink!" He said as he took a whiff of her hair. Instead of the normal lavender smell, he smelled gas, grease and cleaning products.

"Thanks." She said as she pulled away.

"You smell like you have been working your ass off." He pointed out.

"I have." She moaned.

"So, let's clean house." He said as he took his place on the floor.

"Really?" She said as she looked down at him.

"Really." He answered. She joined him, and they both knelt on the floor, scrubbing together.

-------------

**So Mer has lost her mind... And they have made up, thank God because it was killing me! Sex tomorrow! What do you think about this Anna situation? Please review...**


	51. A Perfectly Damaged Pair

"I'm nervous." Meredith said as she cleaned out the wash bucket and stuck it in the closet.

"You should not be nervous. I am here." He said confidently, as he walked up and hugged her from behind. "You really do need to take a shower!" He said jokingly.

"Thanks. You keep telling me I smell. That feels great you know..." She explained.

"It's only because you always smell so good." He said as he kissed her neck. "And you usually taste good too." He said as he took a nip at her neck. "But now you taste like dirt and salt." He said with a chuckle.

"Everyone needs a little salt in their diet." She giggled.

"Yes they do." He said as he kissed her neck. She pulled away.

"I really do need to take a shower..." She said as she began he walk up the stairs. She got to the top, and looked down. "Don't you want to join me?" She asked.

"I thought you'd never ask." He said a he barreled up the stairs.

Meredith grabbed a nice pair of jeans and a long sleeved tee shirt out of her bureau. Derek smiled when he saw her grab the pink thong and bra that he loved so much. She didn't say anything as walked by and grabbed his hand, leading him into the bathroom. She could see the desire in his eyes. She walked over and unbuttoned his shirt. He slide it off. She slide her old tee shirt over her head. He continued to pull off articles of clothing, but he never took his eyes off of her. She slide off her tattered jeans. She stood there in her bra and panties. Derek just took her in. He had missed her so much. He watched as she slid her panties off and unclasped her bra tossing it on the floor.

"Come on. I just might do that bendy thing you love so much." She said as she disappeared into the steam.

"God I missed you." He moaned as he climbed in the shower.

"Me or the sex?" She asked as she stood under the water, letting it cascade down her chest. Derek moaned as he watched her.

"You, definitely you." He said with a smile as he stepped toward her and covered her mouth with his.

"Right answer." She said as she pulled away.

"I want to do dirty, dirty things to you." He moaned as he kissed her neck.

"It appears that you do." She said as she looked down at his growing erection.

"You have no idea." He said as he moved down her neck, taking her breast in his mouth. He teased her nipple until it became erect, and then his tongue trailed to the other. Her head flew back as she let out a faint moan. His mouth moved down her stomach pecking soft kisses. He moved her leg up and pushed her against the wall as he tongue traveled inside of her. Her body tensed up as he explored her. He could feel her getting wet around him.

"Oh God Derek." She moaned. "Stop..." She mumbled. He pulled his tongue out and put his mouth over hers. She ran her fingers through his hair, and squeezed his back with her other hand.

"I need you." She begged. He could see the desire in her eyes. They always turned a deeper shade of green. Derek turned her around and ran his hands over her soft breasts. He buried his face in her neck.

"Now Derek." She shouted. "I need you now!" He bent her over and entered her from behind. She moaned as she felt his large shaft enter her.

"Oh God baby." He said softly as he trust into her. He heard her yelp. He thrust harder, feeling himself grow inside of her.

"Oh, Derek...harder." She shouted. He did as she said and pounded into her harder. She pulled her legs father apart, allowing him to enter her deeper. Her clit was throbbing. She could feel her orgasm beginning to take her over.

"God you are wet..." He muttered into her skin.

"Oh!" She shouted loudly as she felt herself come to her peak. She could feel Derek releasing inside of her.

"Oh, Mer..." He moaned as he came down from his high.

"Thank you..." She whispered as he pulled out. She turned around and kissed. "That was great, but--" She started.

"But?" He said with worry.

"That wasn't exactly the bendy thing I was talking about." She said with a giggle.

"Oh?" He said with raised eyebrows. "What is this other bendy thing?" Pretending not to know. "Maybe you could remind me?"

"Maybe I could." She said with a smile as she shoved him against the wall.

----------------

This was crazy. She, the most irresponsible person in the world, was considering adopting a child. Not just any child. A child that had been through more than most people could even imagine. A child who had absolutely no family. Not to mention, she had leukemia. And now, the woman who had spent her college years drifting from bar to bar, going home with different men every night. The woman who had no domestic skills. This was the woman who was going to try and raise the damaged child. A perfect pair. Both perfectly damaged.

"It will be fine." He reassured her again. She was pacing. Pacing was something she did when she was nervous. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor." He said as he reached out and pulled her into his lap.

"This is the right thing, right? I am doing the right thing?" She asked nervously.

"Meredith, you are the most selfless person I have even met. Yes, you are doing the right thing." He said as she buried her head into his chest. "You will be a good mother..." He said softly, and somewhat sadly.

"Derek..." She said quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything that has happened in the last week." She told him apologetically.

"I am too." He returned as he kissed her head. "Hey, where the hell is fish-n-chips?" He said, just realizing that he hadn't seen him around.

"He went home." She replied simply. "A few days ago."

"Oh...you didn't tell me. Although communication hasn't been our best skill lately." He mentioned. "That's good, right? That he went home..." He asked as he looked into her eyes. He couldn't even come close to reading them at the moment.

"Yeah. But now that he's gone, you will have to take the brunt of the abuse." She said with a giggle.

"I think I can handle that." He returned as he brushed the hair our of her eyes.

"Maybe I should have baked." She mentioned as she stood up. "Baking is motherly."

"Mer, you need to relax. Besides what would she think when she walked in to a smoke filled house?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Seriously, not funny..." She muttered as she walked to the front window. "She's here. Oh my God, she's here!" Meredith said as she began walking nervous circles.

"You are okay. Just be yourself." He said as his pager went off. "Let me call the hospital. I will be right back." He said as he walked off. "Breathe!" He yelled from the kitchen.

Maybe I was wrong. What was I thinking? I'm not a mother. I can't do this. The minute she walks in here, she is going to realize that I am a total joke... She sighed, per Derek's order as she opened the front door warmly.

"Mrs. Baker. So good to see you..." Meredith said with a handshake. Now that is who you really are...who are you kidding? Seriously?

"Ms. Grey, or do I say doctor?" Carol asked as she shook her hand.

"Meredith is fine." She responded. "Please, come in..."

"You have a beautiful house." She commented as she looked around.

"Thank you." She said warmly. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you. This won't take long. I have another appointment after you." Carol explained as she pulled out paper work out of her worn leather bag.

"So, what do we do? I've never done this before." She chided herself for saying something so stupid.

"Well, it would be great if you could show me around the house, and then we will talk about the paperwork you filled out." Carol said quickly.

"Sounds good." Meredith said as she led the way upstairs.

"I mainly need to make sure that the basics are working. Plumbing, things like that. Of course, I need to make sure she would have a room. I saw in you paperwork that you have roommates?" Carol asked.

"Yes, I do." Meredith answered. "I am going to change the office into a bedroom, of course." She said as she opened the door. She had never seen it so clean. Before it was filled with boxes that were yet to be unpacked. Now it actually looked like it could be used.

"How many bedrooms are in this house?" She asked as she counted the doors.

"Four. George and Izzie each have a room, and of course I do." She answered. "And we have three bathrooms." She told her, trying to sweeten the deal.

"Well, everything looks okay." She said as Meredith walked her through the whole house. They ended in the kitchen. Derek walked in from the back door. Meredith tried to read his face. He didn't look upset, so that was good.

"So, the house looks good. But there are a few things on the paperwork that may be a problem." She said. Meredith's face dropped. Derek walked up and stuck out his hand.

"Derek Shepherd." He introduced himself with his signature smile.

"Carol Baker." She returned.

"Very nice to meet you. It's truly a shame, isn't it?" He said softly. She nodded. Derek sat at the counter and listened.

"Problems?" Meredith muttered nervously. She was getting clammy.

"Well, first we have to face the fact that you are single. It doesn't count you out, but it is less desirable. We want to place a child in a family. The hours you work are unbelievable. I don't know how you do it. And then there are the roommates. They would need to be checked out. We can not release a child into a home that is reminiscent of a college dorm." Carol said bluntly. Meredith looked at her, she was offended.

"Meredith is not single." Derek butted in as he walked up.

"She's not? On her application..." Carol said, pulling it out.

"She gets nervous. She hurried through the paperwork. She must have checked the wrong box, right honey?" He asked. Meredith looked as him and nodded. "This means so much to her." He explained as he pulled her close.

"No offense, but who exactly are you?" Carol asked.

"I am her boyfriend. Well, actually fiance." He spat out. Meredith's head shot up, unnoticed.

"Oh!" Carol said. "So this will be a joint adoption?" Carol asked as she looked at Meredith. Meredith looked back and forth between them in shock. She was ready to toss her cookies.

"Well. I supposed so." Meredith finally forced out.

"Oh, this changes things." Carol said as she started writing on a piece of paper.

"Actually, we are also building a house. I bought acreage earlier this year. It's by the water." Derek explained. "I have always wanted to start a family. The house was built around that idea." He said.

It went through Meredith like a knife. She could see that he wasn't trying to hurt her. It was just the way it came out. He was being genuine. She felt guilty. She had thought he was riding her about children, but now she could see it was truly important to him. It was what he had always wanted.

"Oh, wow. This house, how soon until it will be done?" She asked with much interest.

"Well, the structure should be done in a couple of weeks. It's timber framed--" He started.

"Oh, those are so beautiful." Carol said happily.

"They take a while to build. Timber and pegs, no nails. Very interesting..." Derek said with a smile.

"So this house would be temporary?" Carol asked.

"Um." Derek said with panic. He could see Meredith was completely in knots.

"I supposed so." She said quietly.

"Well, Mr. Shepherd, I will need you to fill out a packet also." She said. "What do you do for a living?" She asked.

"I'm a neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace." He explained.

"Oh. That is amazing." She said in awe. Derek had won her over with his charms.

"So are there any other familiars are vying for Anna?" Derek asked as he looked at a very concerned Meredith.

"Honestly, none. It's sad, but once they learn about the leukemia, they are instantly uninterested. People just don't want get attached to someone that may die." Carol explained. Meredith's face softened lightly.

"That's a shame." Derek returned, shaking his head.

"Of course you realize that both of you are required to take thirty hours of parenting classes..." Carol reminded them.

"Of course." Meredith answered. She felt Derek grab her hand. He squeezed it tightly.

"Well, Dr. Shepherd, as soon as you get these papers filled out, we can press forward." Carol said quickly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Baker." Meredith said as she stuck out her hand.

"Thank you both." Carol said as she shook their hands. "I will be talking to you." She said as she walked out the door.

Meredith looked over at Derek. She didn't know what to say or feel. She was worried that it wouldn't work. She didn't want to create some fake reality that was never going to be. At the moment, she wasn't sure exactly what reality was. Derek looked at ease, like he didn't have a care in the world. She had just listen to him spill out his dreams. Now he was having hope. She was praying it wasn't false hope. Maybe he didn't realize how much this was weighing on her.

Meredith quickly ran off to the bathroom. Derek could hear her retching. She flushed the toilet and took a swig of mouthwash and swished it around. She looked at the mirror and sighed. She finally came out. She slowly walked over to the sofa and sat down with her head in her hands. She felt his weight on the sofa next to her. He sat back and pulled her against him. She tensed up her body.

"What the hell were you thinking? How do you know that I want to move?" She asked angrily.

"I, um--" He stammered.

"I grew up in this house. Maybe I want to stay here!" She scolded. "What the hell are we doing? I felt like an idiot. Now you have made things sound completely different than they are!"

"Meredith, I was just trying to help." He said quietly. "I'm sorry. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I would have anything to do with this. Just say the word..." He explained in a low voice.

"No. I'm sorry." She said as she relaxed. "But, I am not going to marry you." She said bluntly.

"What?" He asked with surprise.

"You heard me. I am not marrying you." She laughed as he wrapped her arms around her.

"Seriously?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Seriously." She answered. "Not to mention, you had a hell of a way of asking me. Because well, you didn't." She pointed out.

"Ah, you are right!" He said, he pushed her off of him and knelt down on the floor. "Meredith, will you marry me?" He asked. She began to laugh.

"No." She said as she looked down at him.

"No?" He asked with a grin.

"No. Not to mention you don't even have a ring!" She added.

"Oh." He said as he thought. "Well, we could do something about that..." He elaborated.

"Uh, the answer is still no." She said as she laid down on the sofa on her stomach. He crawled over to her head.

"It will be okay." He said and he stroked her hair.

"Maybe I am not fit" She moaned as she rolled onto her back.

"Oh you're fit. In more ways than one!" He said as he raised his eyebrows.

"You are terrible. Never ending sex machine." She added.

"You do it to me!" He whined as he climbed on the sofa with her.

"You're quite heavy you know." She said with a giggle as he started kissing her neck.

"Well then I guess you'll have to be on top..." He said as she grabbed her and flipped her around.

"I guess so..." She said as she straddled him, moving her hips strategically. She began unbuttoning his shirt. She looked down into his deep blue eyes. She could feel him growing under her. Meredith's head shot up as the front door opened.

"Shit!" She said as she climbed off of him, her hair all tousled. Cristina, George, and Izzie walked in. They all looked at Meredith in confusion, and then Derek's head popped up.

"McDreamy's back." Izzie pointed out, hoping to explain the situation.

"That didn't take long..." Cristina answered sarcastically.

"I won." George said with a smile, as Izzie began handing him cash.

"I thought you would hold out longer. I'm disappointed..." Cristina said as she handed him bills.

"God you guys!" Meredith spat. She looked over at Derek. He stood up and looked down.

"I think I need to take a a shower..." Derek said as he ambled to the stairs.

"But you just--" She started.

"A cold shower..." He said with disappointment. img Meredith said with a laugh.

"Ohh..." The interns agreed.

"So seriously..." Izzie started as she grabbed some chicken from the refrigerator. "This is great!"

"No, because now my person is in love again. She's all soft and gooey." Cristina added, rolling her eyes.

"So is that why you went home? To have crazy sex with McDreamy all day?" Izzie asked with a giggle.

"Either A, all you do is talk about sex all of the time. Or B, you reserve that for when I am around only to torture me!" George whined.

"Oh Bambi, get over it!" Cristina spat. Meredith looked up when Derek entered the kitchen.

"So, did you tell them the good news?" Derek asked.

"What good news?" Cristina said with a worried look.

"Oh my God! You're getting married. I knew it!" Izzie said happily as she chopped vegetables.

"Actually no. She said no." Derek pouted.

"He asked you and you said no?" Izzie said with shock.

"Now, that is the Mer I know!" Cristina explained.

"Well, um. It's complicated." Meredith explained as she looked at the floor.

"What is it?" George asked anxiously.

"Well...Izzie, hopefully you will be cooking for one more soon." Meredith said so quickly it blended together.

"What?" George asked.

"You may be cooking for one more soon." She said more slowly.

"McDreamy's moving in?" Izzie asked, looking at them both.

"Barbie, you are a dumb-ass." Cristina shouted. "Derek already practically lives here. Oh God, you aren't pregnant are you, because I swear---" Cristina said nervously.

"I'm not pregnant, but we--" She started and took a deep breath.

"We are trying to adopt Anna Livingston. Meredith and I are going to be parents." Derek said with a smile as he kissed her head.

"Holy shit..." They all said in shock.

-----------

**So Derek will have a big part in getting Anna, if they even get her. Can Meredith deal with that? It's a major commitment. She won't just have one, she will have two.**


	52. Doubt and Second Guesses

Cristina couldn't believe what she had just heard. This was the last thing she was expecting. She knew Meredith. She was her person. They knew exactly how each other thought. This is not how Meredith thinks. She is a surgeon. A cold, calculated, cut-throat surgeon. Not a mom. Not a nurturing, read a bed-time story, tuck a child in and give it a kiss goodnight mommy. This had to be Derek's doing. She had to get through to her.

Izzie was shocked to say the least. She knew that Derek had been pressuring her to start a family. Meredith was hell-bent on not doing it. She was focused. Sure, Derek could sometimes blur her vision, but she could still see what she wanted. Whatever her reason, Izzie was elated. She loved kids. If this was what Meredith wanted, so couldn't be happier for her.

George was surprised. He never thought Meredith would be a mom. Whenever they had a child patient, she seemed indifferent. George loved kids. He always had. He always knew he would be a dad. But Meredith, she was busy. She liked her life. He couldn't help but think that she would regret it. She was making a mistake, and she didn't even realize it.

"Oh my God! This is wonderful!" Izzie said happily, almost jumping up and down.

"I'm sorry. Did you just say you are adopting that kid?" Cristina snapped in disbelief.

"Yes, Cristina. That is what I said." Meredith retorted as she walked to the refrigerator.

"Why? Have you lost your mind? I thought you wanted to be a surgeon. You can't have a kid dragging you down." Cristina asked loudly as she sat on the stool in a slump. "What the hell have you done to my person?" She asked Derek angrily.

"I didn't do anything." He told her as he looked at the fear on Meredith's face. "This is all Meredith." He explained.

"Well, Mer, if this is what you want." George said. "I am happy for you."

"It's what I want. Well, I think it's what I want. No, it is definitely what I want." She finally decided. She grabbed a knife and began cutting vegetables.

"What are you doing?" Izzie asked as she motioned to Meredith.

"I need to learn to do these things." Meredith said as she began cutting the green pepper into un-symetrical shaped.

"Oh my God it's started. Shit, we may as well slap an apron on you and cover you in spit up!" Cristina whined. "I can not believe you, of all people are going to throw your life away!"

"Maybe you should leave that to me." Izzie said as she grabbed the knife out of Meredith's hand.

"Iz!" She replied. "I need to try this."

"Fine. I hope you guys don't care about presentation!" Izzie said to everyone. They all stayed silent, then Meredith looked up.

"No, no..it's fine!" They all responded quickly.

"I don't mess with Mer when she has knives in her hand." Derek pointed out.

"Why?" Meredith asked. "Are you afraid I'll do this?" She asked as she raised the knife up.

"No! Mer!" He shouted as he ducked.

"I'm kidding Derek." She said as she went back to chopping.

"So why are you adopting Anna?" Izzie asked.

Meredith explained the story to everyone. They all understood. They were happy. Well, everyone except Cristina. She was upset to say the least. Meredith never thought she would react this way.

"Man, that kid is going to be screwed up!" Cristina pointed out.

"Don't say that." Meredith spat. "I turned out fine."

"Sure you did." Cristina returned. "Is that why you got drunk and married a guy at eighteen then ran off with him? Or the thousands of guys you've slept with. Or what about your best friend tequila? Is that why you run to the bar when you have problems? That really sounds like a person who turned out just fine!" Meredith looked at her friend with sadness. It hurt that she said that.

"Yang!" Derek spat out angrily.

"No, it's fine. At least I know how she really feels. It's great that my so-called person doesn't even support me." Meredith returned as she handed the vegetables to Izzie. Cristina's comment had made her chop frantically, turning them into mush. She looked up at Cristina's hardened face. "I think you need to leave." Meredith said to everyone's surprise.

"Have it your way." Cristina said sharply as she stood up. "But don't whine to me when it all crumbles." Cristina said as she walked out of the house.

"I don't plan to!" Meredith yelled.

"Well, I think this occasion calls for cheesecake!" Izzie said happily trying to change the mood.

"Yeah." Meredith answered half-heartedly. She had just been burned the person she trusted the most.

The food was great. The conversation, however, was not. Everyone avoided the whole situation. Cristina had put a major damper on everything. Meredith didn't let on about how hurt she was. But she really was hurt. She knew Cristina wasn't fond of kids, but she thought she would support her if that is what she wanted. Derek and Meredith both went to bed early. All she wanted to do was crawl into his strong arms and lose herself.

---------------

The morning was not much different. The conversation was based on the weather and the hospital. Meredith couldn't wait to get there, and start work. Maybe then she wouldn't have to think about it all. Cristina didn't say anything in the locker room. They each sent each other a glare, but that was the extent. Meredith had to laugh when she got assigned to Dr. Burke. She could tell Cristina was pissed about it.

"I heard the news. I think it is great!" Preston Burke said as he began his first stitch.

"Oh, Cristina told you?" Meredith asked sheepishly. She didn't want everyone to know.

"Of course. It's all she talked about last night." Burke said with an annoyed tone. "You know Cristina. She will come around." Preston said reassuringly.

"I'm not so sure about that." Meredith retorted.

"She's just jealous." Burke said quickly as he started another stitch.

"She doesn't want kids." Meredith said with a chuckle. "What does she have to be jealous of?"

"It's not having a child that she is jealous about. She has made it quite clear that she is never having children." He said. Meredith could sense a bit of disappointment in his voce. All she could think was that he and Derek should run off together and raise a brood of children. The thought made her chuckle. Burke looked up at her.

"Sorry. It's not funny. I just--" Meredith said trying to explain.

"She is jealous of that particular child. Anna, is it?" Meredith nodded. "Cristina is tough. But she is also protective. She needs you, and a part of her feels like she is losing you." Burke explained.

"That's crazy!" Meredith said with a chuckle.

"It's true." He said as he finished his last stitch. "Thank you everyone." He said as he walked into the scrub room. "If it is any consolation, I think you and Derek will make wonderful parents. He has always wanted kids." Burke said as she scrubbed his hands.

"Dr. Burke--" She started with a nervous tone.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. I don't discuss pillow talk with my colleagues. I hope you two do get the child." He said as he walked out. "Good luck, Grey." He stuck his head back in.

"Thanks." She muttered.

She looked all over for Derek. His surgery was already over. She needed to talk to him. She needed to make sure that they were both okay. She knew what she wanted, but she didn't want to back him in a corner. She kept having pings of doubt. In her heart, however, she knew what she truly wanted. She wanted to save this little girl, and essentially save herself. Meredith walked by Derek's office. She was shocked to see him in there. She knocked lightly. He looked through the glass and smiled.

"Hey." She said as she walked in and shut the door. She sat down in one of the large chairs in front of his desk.

"This paperwork is shit." He said as he looked up from the papers. "There isn't anything they don't want to know! My whole life's history will be in this thing."

"I know..." She muttered distractedly.

"Are you okay?" He cocked his head as he asked her. She looked up at him.

"Don't do it." She said quickly.

"What?" He asked with confusion.

"Don't fill it out. I know your heart isn't in it. I can accept that." She said sadly with tear rimmed eyes. "I know you want your own kids."

"Hey..." He said as he walked around the desk and knelt down in front of her. "Meredith. I never do anything I don't want to. I want what you want. We are doing this. It is important to you, so it is important to me. Don't ever question it." He said as he held her hand. "Don't second guess yourself."

"I just don't want to screw up." She mumbled through quivering lips.

"You will screw up. It's called being a parent. You will make mistakes. But we will make them together." Derek explained as he rubbed her knee.

"It may not even happen." She said with a sense of disappointment.

"What scares you the most? That you may screw up, or that you may not have the chance to?" He asked. She threw her head back against the back of the chair and sighed.

"I'm okay." She said as she looked down at him. "I love you." She leaned down and kissed him.

"While I'm down here...Will you marry me?" He asked with a grin.

"No." She said, shaking her head and laughing.

"It was worth the try." He said with a shrug.

"I have to go. Have fun with your paperwork." She said with a smile, as stood and opened the door.

"Oh yes." He returned with a chuckle.

-----------------

Meredith was starving. She had picked at her dinner last night. And she had picked at her breakfast this morning. She was once again in avoiding mode. She did not want to go down to the cafeteria. She wasn't afraid to fight with Cristina. But she was afraid that Cristina would say something else. She didn't want to be hurt. She didn't want her friendship to end, and at the moment, Cristina was hell-bent on trying to do that.

Meredith grabbed something out of the vending machine and headed to an empty patient room. She wasn't even going to go to her favorite hiding spot, which wasn't even a hiding spot anymore. She wasn't hiding from Cristina. It was Izzie, who was going to try and make it all better, who she was hiding from. She went to open the door, and she felt a strong pair of arms grab her. She knew exactly who's they were.

"Dr. Hudson, I told you...not in public." She said softly. She turned around and looked at his shocked face and began laughing.

"Funny." He said sarcastically. "Whatcha doing?" He asked suspiciously.

"Honestly, or a lie?" She asked him with a faint smile.

"Lie, of course." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Well, I was just meeting Dr. Hudson. We were going to have a secret rendezvous." She laughed.

"No, I think I'd like honestly better." He said as he gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Hiding. My basement spot is too well known." She explained.

"Come eat in my office." He said as he wrapped his arm around her and led the way.

"Fine." She moaned. "No one will come and look for me in there." She pointed out.

"That isn't your lunch, is it?" He asked as he looked down at the bottle of water and candybar in her hand.

"Yeah. I didn't want to take a chance in the cafeteria." She explained.

"You need to quit avoiding. I didn't think you were such a chicken." He laughed.

"I'm not!" She said boldly.

"You are too." He argued as he unlocked his office and turned the lights on.

"I just--" She started as she sat down. She let out a big sigh. "I don't want her to say anything that will make me hate her anymore than I do at the moment."

"Mer, this is Cristina Yang. She is a gigantic pain in the ass, who's ego is bigger than any surgeon in this hospital. But, she is your friend. I think you are the only person in the world who can say that... She will come around. You just have to excuse her because she is the pain in the ass with a gigantic ego." He pointed out.

"You're right." She said with a sigh. "You are always right."

"I know. But today I love the avoiding because it gives me an excuse to be with you. In my office. Alone." He said with raised brows.

"To eat." She pointed out.

"Ah yes, but it won't take you that long to eat that tiny candy bar." He said with an evil chuckle.

"I guess you're right." She agreed as she looked down at it.

"I'll be right back." He said as he walked out.

"Where are you going?" She asked as she turned in her chair.

"To get you something real to eat." He said as he walked out.

Meredith shifted her weight in the uncomfortable chair. She looked over at Derek's plush leather chair behind his desk. She smiled and walked over. She sat down, her body disappearing in it. It was much better than the horrid chairs he had in front of the desk. He called them his sweating chairs. That was how he could get people out of his office quickly. They couldn't stand to sit in the things. She took a bite of her candy bar and and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes. She glanced up and looked around his office. A picture on the large desk caught her eye. She had never noticed it before. It was a candid shot of her. She had to smile.

She looked down at the drawers and got a little nosy. She pulled the middle one open. It was full of the usual stuff, pens, paperclips, things like that. Then she moved to the side drawer. She was shocked when she opened it. Her heart started beating rapidly.

There were parenting magazines, and a book of baby names. It made her heart jump into her throat. She grabbed it out and flipped through it. He had stars by some of the names. It instantly made her nauseous. She felt a rush of guilt wash over her. She shoved the book back in the drawer and ran back over to her other chair. She wished she had never done that. She wished she had never seen the future he had been planning.

"Hey." He said as he walked it. She nearly jumped out of her chair.

"Oh, hey." She said nervously.

"I got you smoked turkey." He said as he handed her a sandwich.

"Thank you." She said as she grabbed the wax paper covered sandwich. He had went to the deli across the street.

"What's wrong?" He asked with concern.

"Noth--nothing why?" She stammered as she unwrapped the sandwich.

"You seem completely unnerved." He said as he looked at her face.

"No. I'm okay." She said, trying to respond calmly. "Just weak. I needed to eat. You were right." She said with a faint smile as she bit into her sandwich.

"I got the roast beef." He responded. "Not bad. I haven't had it in a very long time." He said, trying to make conversation.

"Why?" She asked but then realized. "Holly..." She muttered. He didn't answer.

"Are you sure you are okay? You look pale." He said as he stared at her face.

"Yeah. I'm okay." She returned once again.

"You know you can tell me anything..." He said. Now she was getting annoyed.

"Derek, just eat your damn sandwich!" She responded, and she grabbed his paperwork. "What about the divorces? Do you think that will be a problem? Damn Ian. If he had signed the papers sooner. Now I am going to look like some cheap whore who keeps marrying-- Not marrying men, but---" She rambled on, Derek cut her off.

"First of all you aren't a cheap whore! And secondly you are marrying a man." He said and received a sharp look from her. "According to them." He clarified. "Don't worry about it!" He reassured her.

"Okay..." She replied letting out a deep breath.

The book loomed in her head. The names. Jackson, Taylor, Delilah, Elizabeth. She couldn't take it. She was holding him back. She couldn't take the guilt. It was bubbling up inside of her. She was a pressure cooker. Her top was going to fly off. She couldn't do it.

"Derek..." She said out of breath. She had evidently forgotten to breath.

"What is it Mer?" He asked with worry as she panted. Right then her pager blared.

"I have to go..." She said with a sigh.

"What were you going to say?" He asked.

"I have to go. See you tonight." She said as she placed her sandwich on the desk and ran out of the room. Derek sighed. He knew something was bothering her. He looked down at her sandwich, she had taken one bit. He was worried. Something was on her mind. She had a way of doing this. She made him worry. She sucked the life right out of him, and she didn't even realize it.

**So Derek had plans (that's too Finn-esc.) Meredith keeps Godzilla-ing his plans. What will she do? Will she sacrifice what she wants for him? Or will she make him sacrifice for her? What do you guys think about this 'Anna plot line'?...Hint read the latest reviews...(Which quite honestly has put a damper on my writing for the day...) Note to self-Get tougher skin! **


	53. A Good Feeling

Meredith lost her nerve. She had all intentions of talking to Derek about it. But when it came down to it, she didn't. Derek had gotten his paperwork in to the children services agency. They were awaiting the decision. The call. Meredith was in knots about it. It had been four days. Tomorrow was Friday, and she knew if they didn't get the call then, it wouldn't be until Monday. She didn't know if she could take going through a weekend without knowing.

"You picked at your dinner..." Derek said as he looked up from his book.

"I wasn't hungry." She said with a sigh. "I'm just not hungry."

"You need to eat. You look exhausted." He scolded. He went back to reading.

She looked over at Derek. He was deep in thought. She laid her head down softly on his lap. He looked down at her with a smile. She looked at his perfect face. It was just slightly weathered. She could tell he had been carrying around some extra baggage lately. It was more stress, and it was because of her. She looked at his eyes. They pulled her in like nothing she had ever felt. It almost scared her a little. And his hair. She loved running her fingers through his perfectly messy hair. Looking at him, she realized she loved him more than anything. It was intense, all consuming. She asked herself, how could she deny him children? And yet, she could.

"Derek?" She said as softly as she could. She almost hoped he didn't hear her.

"Hmm?" He asked distractedly.

"Why do you want kids?" She asked. It was a question she had never thought to ask him. It caught his attention immediately, and he sat his book down.

"Well." He started as he looked down at her. "You are everything I have ever wanted. Looking at you, I know this is what I am supposed to be doing. I never thought about kids. But with you, I do every day. I want a piece of you. I want a piece of us. I want to know what it feels like to hold my child for the first time. Something that was created out of the love we share. I want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming child, only to have him or her quiet down the minute he or she is in my arms. I want to stare into the eyes of my child because they look just like her mother's. I want to read bedtime stories, and then come lay in bed next to the love of my life. I want to wake up to a bed full of kids on the weekends. I want you, Meredith. I want a piece of you." He said as he looked into her tear filled eyes.

"Derek..." She whimpered into his leg. He could feel the tears soaking though his pants.

"But, because I love you, I can live without all of that. As long as I have you, that's enough." He said as he leaned down and kissed her head. She took in a deep breath.

"I saw the books. I wasn't--Okay, yes I was. I was being nosy and I snooped. And I saw them, Derek. I saw the book. I saw the names. Elizabeth, Taylor--" She started.

"Delilah, Adam, Alana, Jackson..." He went on as he dropped his eyes.

"I saw it, Derek. I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much it meant to you. Maybe I did realize. I just didn't care. Or I was being selfish. Just-- Don't give up on me, Derek. Right now, I am so stressed out. I'm an intern. I'm always tired. My brain in fried. I can't imagine growing a human inside of me. I can't imagine the late night feedings. I realize that Anna would be a lot of work. But a baby...our baby...that is something I do not want to screw up. A baby needs a mom who is completely focused. Give me time. Just--Don't count me out..." She said with a sigh. She felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders.

"Thank you..." He whispered through a silent tear and a crackling voice.

"This doesn't mean I'm saying yes..." She clarified quickly.

"No, thank you for finally being honest. Thank you for letting me in." He explained. She crawled up to his chest and laid there, listening to his heartbeat.

"What do you think is going to happen?" She asked. She could feel his chest tense up. "With Anna, I mean."

"I don't know, Mer." He responded honestly.

"We--No, I-- I have a lot of things against me. People don't give children to people like me. It's too late. I've done what I've done. I wish I had done so many things differently." She said softly with a sigh.

"We all do, Mer. But if thing were different, we wouldn't be here, together." He answered wisely.

"If you had seen his eyes, Derek--" She started. He looked at her with confusion. "They were so full of hurt. So full of worry. I can't get his eyes out of my head. He loved his daughter. He lost his chance. She has no one."

"Brian..." Derek said, understanding. "Meredith, if we don't get her-- She may find someone else. You aren't the only one that could love her. She may find the best family in the world..." He said sadly, knowing his comment would upset her. He was awaiting the backlash. To his surprise, there was none.

"I know how she feels, Derek. To feel like there is no one there for you. I know that feeling. When I saw her laying in that bed after the explosion-- Our eyes met. I can't explain it. It was like it was meant to be. The fact that my bone marrow matched hers. That doesn't happen. I know it sounds crazy... Six months ago, I was partying. I was hanging out in bars. And now-- I feel like she came into my life for a reason. She needs saved, and I want to save her. But I don't want to save her alone. I want you there with me. I need you to be there with me. I know I don't talk to you. I know I don't communicate...but I am trying." She said as a tear ran down her cheek.

"I know you are." He said as he held her tighter. "I know you are..."

Derek flipped the light off and laid there. He didn't know what to do. He loved her so much. He knew she really wanted this. He also knew that the chances of them obtaining the little girl were slim. As much as he would never admit it to her, he knew her past would be the one holding them back. But at the same time, he somewhat felt that wasn't fair. They didn't know Meredith. They didn't know what it was when she loved with her whole heart. He was beginning to figure this out. And this was when he decided that he was done pressuring her to have kids. He didn't want her to do it because she felt she needed to for him. He could tell she was at the tipping point, and he could convince her. But he didn't want to back her in a corner. If it was meant to be, it would be.

------------------

Meredith woke up in the same position. She had slept through the night, surprisingly enough. She could feel Derek's shallow breaths moving her up and down. He was still asleep. She glanced over at the clock reading quarter till five. She didn't have to be to work until six, and Derek didn't have surgery until eight. She didn't want to wake him up. She just wanted to lay there for a few more minutes and bask.

As she laid there she thought she heard the front door open. It was probably George or Izzie grabbing the paper, she thought. That was until she heard the loud pounding of feet on the stairs. It grew closer and closer. Soon enough her bedroom door flew open.

"Hey." Cristina said simply. As she walked over to the bed. "Get up." She said as she shoved Derek.

"Huh?" He said sleepily as he quickly awoke.

"Get!" She spat as she shoved him again. "I need to talk to my person."

"We can go downstairs." Meredith suggested.

"No." Derek said as he threw his leg over the bed. "I'll go." He stated, giving Meredith a look. "But I am just going to the bathroom, so hurry up."

"Cristina." Meredith said as she laid there and looked up at her.

"Scoot over." She said as she shoved her. Meredith did. Cristina climbed onto the bed and laid there with her coat and shoes on.

"Um--" Meredith started.

"First of all, I am not apologizing. I don't do that!" She spat as she glanced over.

"I never said you were." Meredith responded dryly.

"Good." Cristina answered.

"Good." Meredith returned.

"So why are you here?" Meredith asked with an ever so faint smile.

"Because." Cristina stated.

"Because?" Meredith asked as she looked over at her.

"Fine. You aren't that screwed up. I mean on a scale of one to ten, you're probably like a seven." She explained.

"Thanks." Meredith snapped as she looked at the ceiling.

"No problem." Cristina returned. "So anyway you are my person."

"So I am stuck with you?" Meredith laughed.

"Yep." Cristina returned.

"Okay then." Meredith said quickly.

"Okay." Cristina said as she shook her head.

"Yang!" Derek spat as he walked toward the bed.

"Okay, okay. I'm leaving." She said as she stood up. "And good morning to you too." She said as she looked down at him. Derek quickly grabbed a pillow and covered himself.

"Cristina!" Meredith shouted.

"Leaving. You better put that thing to work." She said as she ran down the stairs.

"You just let an intern kick you out of bed!" Meredith laughed.

"I let an intern kick me out of bed all of the time." Derek explained as he laid down and pulled her over on him.

"Yes, but I am a special intern." Meredith giggled as he kissed her neck.

"And I think we need to take Cristina's advice and put this bad boy to work." Derek said with a laugh.

"He is a very, bad boy!" Meredith said with a giggle as he pulled her shirt over her head.

"That he is." Derek returned as he trailed kisses down her neck and chest.

----------------

"Grey. Give me those charts. Dr. Montgomery had a D & C you can scrub in on." Miranda Bailey said as she walked up and grabbed the charts out of her hand. "You're here to learn...Go!" She shouted.

"Okay." Meredith said meekly as she walked off.

She caught a glance of Derek, leaning against the wall in his ordinary fashion. He was talking to another doctor. It was someone she didn't know. She had to smile. Every time she looked at him she smiled. Almost as if he had sensed her, he looked up. Their eyes met. His face lit up and she smiled at him. His gaze was torn away by the doctor. She continued walking on.

"Dr. Montgomery?" Meredith said as she walked up to her from behind.

"So I get my favorite intern..." Addison said with a smile. "We have a dilation and curettage that needs to be done. Can you prep our patient? She is in room 405."

"No problem." Meredith returned as she walked off. "Hi Ms. Fredrick's. I am Dr. Grey. I will be prepping you for your procedure today." Meredith said with a smile.

"Please, call me Jenny." She said with a faint smile.

"Do you have any questions? I may not be able to answer them, but I can try..." Meredith explained.

"I think the doctor explained pretty much everything. I am going to have a stranger looking at my cervix. Not my idea of fun." She said with a chuckle.

"Between you and I, it's not on the top of my list either." Meredith returned.

"It's just scary." Jenny added.

"It may be nothing. The important thing is that you are being proactive. So many people just turn the other way and pretend nothing is wrong." Meredith replied.

"We've been trying to get pregnant. My boyfriend and I. I had one baby, and gave it up for adoption. I was only fifteen. And now. I try, and I can't. And this bleeding is scaring the hell out of me. Just my luck, when I didn't want a baby, it came easily. Now, I find the love of my life, and we can't conceive." Jenny explained sadly.

"I'm sorry. That must be horrible." Meredith said, feeling bad. Especially in her current situation. "You could always adopt..." Meredith suggested.

"It's not the same. If I had no other option-- But I want to have a piece of my boyfriend and I. I guess it sounds selfish..." She trailed off. "Are you going to be in there?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, I will be." Meredith returned as she finished up. "Are you ready?"

"As I will ever be." Jenny told her with a smile.

-------------------

Meredith followed Addison into the Operating room. She couldn't get that thought out of her head. She felt bad for the woman. She was maybe a couple of years younger than her. And her road was at an end. It almost made Meredith realize what she has.

"So, Dr. Grey, what can you tell me here?" She asked as she inserted the speculum.

"Well, a dilation and curettage is often used to diagnose or treat abnormal uterine bleeding, the D&C also provides important information about whether uterine cancer is present. Ms Fredricks has had abnormal bleeding." Meredith explained.

"We will be looking for the source of that bleeding today." Addison told her as she began to dilate the woman's cervix. "So, you and Derek are doing good?" She asked.

"Yeah. sometimes we can be so stupid." Meredith laughed. "You know the little girl, Anna Livingston?" Meredith asked.

"With leukemia? The one you donated marrow for?" Addison asked.

"Yeah." Meredith told her. "I am-- Derek and I are trying to get temporary custody of her." Addison's head shot up.

"What about her family?" Addison asked.

Meredith went into the long story about her grandparents. Addison couldn't believe that it had happened. Meredith continued talking as Addison continued examining the patient.

"So Derek and I are trying. Just temporary for now. Until the outcome of the trial is known." Meredith explained.

"Well, I think that's great." She said happily "How exciting."

"I don't think it's going to happen. There are so many things against us." Meredith returned slowly.

"Well, I think you would make a wonderful parent." Addison said with a smile.

"Well, I guess we'll see what they say." Meredith said, trying to be optimistic.

"It's crazy that anyone can go out and have kids. They can take them home and do whatever they want. But then, when someone wants a child. When someone wants to create a happy home for a child who had no one else, they make you jump through hoops." Addison explained, shaking her head.

"I understand it. Most kids come from broken homes. They want to make sure they don't end up in another one." Meredith returned.

"I guess you're right..." Addison waved for her to come over. Meredith looked. "Fibroids. Tons of them. Explains why she couldn't get pregnant. We need to remove these." Addison said. Meredith was hoping this was Jenny's second chance.

------------------

"Have you heard anything yet?" Izzie asked as she sat down next to Meredith. She let out a big sigh and sat back.

"No." She said simply. She had been trying not to think about it.

"Maybe you should call them." George suggested.

"Come on, Bambi. What's she going to say? Yes, we'd like to know if we can get the kid or not? You don't do that." Cristina snapped.

"Well, Grey, I think you're nuts." Alex said with a mouthful of food.

"Maybe I am." She said sadly.

"Don't worry, Mer. It will work out." George said as he patted her on the back.

"Either way you will be fine." Izzie said. "Because we are all here for you."

"Thanks guys." Meredith said as she speared a forkful of her salad.

"Have you even seen her yet?" George asked.

"No, that's the weird thing. Usually you meet with everyone. I'm beginning to think they are just humoring us." Meredith said pessimistically.

"If two doctors can't get a kid..." Alex chimed in.

"Maybe you guys should become crack-heads." Cristina laughed.

"No kidding." Meredith returned. "Then we would have no problem." They all looked over to see Miranda Bailey carrying her lunch and walking towards them.

"Oh my God, that nazi eats." Cristina joked.

"And it's real food. I thought she would just take a bite of the nearest wild animal." Alex said. They all laughed.

"If she sits down...we all get up!" Cristina spat. They shook their heads in agreement.

"Grey!" Miranda shouted. Meredith looked at her. "Doctor Montgomery wants you in her office."

"Okay." Meredith said as she stood up.

"Ohhh...someone's in trouble." Cristina said as Meredith walked away.

----------------

"Addison?" Meredith said softly as she stood in the door frame.

"Come in. Oh, shut the door." Addison said as she leaned back in her chair.

"Is everything okay? Did I make some kind of mistake?" Meredith asked nervously.

"Relax. This is friendly." Addison said with a smile. "Here." she said as she handed her a large envelope.

"What's this?" Meredith asked her as she removed it from her hands.

"Those are copies of the letters of reference I faxed to the agency. Dr. Burke, Dr. Bailey, Dr. Watson and myself all wrote one. They are the only people that know about this" Addison stated with a smile.

"Oh my God. You didn't have to." Meredith said with a tear running down her cheek.

"We are all your friends. We want to help. Plus, you need references." Addison explained.

"I got three in. That's what they needed. But...wow!" She replied as she pulled them out and read them.

"We also said some things about Stevens and O'Malley." Addison told her. "I hope this works out for you guys."

"Me too." Meredith said with a smile.

"You and I are friends, right?" Addison asked.

"Of course. Why?" Meredith asked with concern. She stopped reading.

"I shouldn't ask. You know what, it's no big deal." She said, trying to brush it off.

"No, Addie. Go ahead, ask." She said, now wondering what she was going to ask.

"Well...it's just...Please don't get upset." She started. "Derek was my husband, and we are still friends. And you and I are friends. I was just wondering why you want to get custody of a child, but you don't want to have children." Addison asked hesitantly. She watched Meredith tense up. "I can see if you want to keep your figure. Or if you don't want to carry a child. Never mind, forget I asked."

"No. It's so stupid." Meredith started with a worried look.

"Nothing you say is stupid, Meredith. Believe me, I've heard it all." Addison reassured her.

"I grew up without a dad. My Dad left when I was seven. I haven't seen him since. He just walked away. No phone calls, no cards. No contact. Dad's leave Addison. Dad's leave..." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Oh my God. You're afraid that if you and Derek have a baby, it will end things?" Addison asked in shock. Meredith nodded her head slightly.

"I know, It's stupid. I tried to convince myself. But--" She stammered.

"Oh, Meredith." She said as she walked around her desk and took a seat in the chair next to her. "Dad's don't leave. I know yours did, but that doesn't happen. My father is still here for me. And Derek--he's not like that. He would never do that." Addison said as he held her hand.

"Things are good. If things change, they might change for the worse. Marriages end. Children end up in custody battles. Or worse, they get abandoned." Meredith explained hesitantly.

"Meredith. I assure you. No I promise you. I'd lay my life down. Derek will never do that. He loves you more than anyone. I have never seen him like this. He isn't going anywhere unless it's by force. Derek isn't the kind of guy that leaves. He didn't even leave me. I ended it." Addison explained. "If anything, a baby would pull him closer to you. Don't worry about that." She said again.

"Thank you Addison." Meredith said as she whipped her tears.

"No problem. If you need to talk call me. But you should use Derek. He is a great listener, and has has good advice." She suggested. "Talk to him." Meredith nodded.

"Well, I better get back to work." Addison pulled Meredith into a hug.

"It will work out. Don't worry." Addison assured her again. "Bye."

Meredith felt better after talking to Addison. Now she felt stupid. It was stupid to even be thinking that way. But it was the truth. And the more she thought about kids with Derek, the more she felt the void of her own father. She was deep in thought when she felt an arm wrap around her.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Derek asked. "I was talking to you. Did you even see me?" He asked.

"I'm sorry. I was thinking..." Meredith responded.

"They called." He said with a smile.

"What?" She said as she opened her eyes and perked up.

"They want us to meet with them tonight. The case worker, Anna, and her family." Derek said happily.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." He said as he pulled her close. "It doesn't mean yes." He explained.

"I know." She said as she crashed back to reality.

"This doesn't mean yes--but it doesn't mean no either." He said as he kissed her on the head. "But, I do have a good feeling."

"You do?" She asked. as she looked into his eyes.

"I do..." He said knowing what he had spent his day doing.

**Okay, so Meredith was worried about Derek leaving her. To have a baby, and he alone is bad. She trusts Derek, but it is always in the back of her head---don't trust! She has Daddy issues, we know that. That is a big deal, for a Dad to just up and leave. She needs some work, but she is getting there. On fanficga, I put what I have written for the day up at night (usually around 10), so they are ahead (as of tonight.), if you want to read it there. Thanks for reading!**


	54. A Secret, a Broken Heart

**I always research everything I write. Surgeries, procedures, everything. Including the adoption story-line. I have looked through the rules and guidelines according to the state of Washington. I was appalled that "NME" implied that I did not. I believe that Mer and Der would be able to adopt a child. As of now, they aren't trying to adopt, they are trying get get temporary custody. Neither had a criminal background, which is a major thing. I also believe that they would be able to follow through all the necessary steps with no problem. While I commend you on taking such a strong stance on this issue, I have to assume that you have had some personal experience with it. I know of four families who have adopted both relative and non-relatives. Three of these families were not perfect in any way, shape, or form, and they did not have a problem. Two were bad, and should have never been allowed to adopt. Our system is screwed up. To think that it is not makes you naive. Kids end up in bad homes, watch the news. They do a lot to keep this from happening, but is isn't always enough, which is a shame. So I am saying, I am doing the best I can! **

**This is not high school, you don't have to read this, and there will not be a test. The fact that you want to boycott is absolutely hilarious! Please, find something important to boycott, like drugs, child abuse or unfair labor practices...whatever. Don't waste anymore of your time on my pathetic little fic. Which is what it is...FICTION! There are countless fics that are much better than mine. Please find one of those. **

**For the rest of you...thanks! So here is the next installment of my fic that has already stretched the bands of credulity. With it's Meredith that has the emotional maturity of a pot plant, and my limp wristed Derek, with it's poo plot twist.**

Meredith went home right after her shift. Derek still had patients to round on. Not to mention he was much quicker than she was about getting ready. She ran directly up the stairs and began ripping clothes out of drawers and the closet. She had no idea what to wear. She wanted to look responsible. But at the same time, she didn't want to look fake. She threw out several possible outfit and went into the bathroom.

The shower was quick. She didn't have time to enjoy the hot water or the steam that would have cleared her sinuses from the on and off crying she had done all day. Right now, she didn't have time to cry. Because right now, things were looking up for her. After her conversation with Addison, she was feeling a little better. People don't get over their issues with one conversation, but she had taken a few bricks off of the top of Meredith's wall.

Meredith climbed out of the shower and put on her bra and underwear. She decided against the thong. She was being responsible. She grabbed her bikini cut panties and slid them on. Now the big task, deciding what to wear.

"What's going on?" Derek asked.

She jumped at his voice and turned around. He walked in the room, and right over to her. He took her in, standing in front of the bed, staring at the clothes. She admired her body. He watched her chest move as she breathed in and out.

"I don't know what to wear." She whined as she began moving the pieces of clothing around. "This skirt?" She asked as she held it up. He wrinkled his nose, and shook his head. "What about this dress?" She asked as she held up the conservative black dress.

"No." He moaned.

"This?" She asked with a pathetic tone. She received another from. "Then what exactly would you like me to wear, Doctor Shepherd?" She asked. He walked up to her and pressed his lips against hers. She dropped the shirt on the floor and grabbed the back of his head. His tongue plunged into her mouth. Finally, she pulled away.

"Stop. I'm being serious here." She said, trying to be stern.

"I think you should go with what you have on." He said with a cheesy grin.

"Oh yes. Hello, I am responsible. Just look at me...In my underwear." She whined. "You are pathetic."

"That I am." He returned quickly. "And I am also disappointed." He stated with a fake frown.

"About what?" She said with a nervous tone.

"You took a shower with out me." He pouted. "Don't you know you're only supposed to go to a meeting post-sex."

"Go away." She said as she shoved him lightly.

"Fine." He moaned as he walked into the shower.

"Hey." Izzie said as she walked up to the door frame.

"I see you chose the responsible underwear." Izzie laughed.

"You know it." Meredith laughed. "Derek gets me in trouble. I had to wear them."

"It works. When you have them on, I tell you. But not when you have granny panties on. That's just wrong." She said with laugh. "So what are you wearing?"

"I have no idea..." Meredith moaned. "I don't want to be too casual..."

"Wear these pants. And this sweater. You look casual yet responsible." Izzie stated as she handed her a maroon sweater and and black pants.

"Thanks, Iz." Meredith said with a smile. She heard the bathroom door open.

"There's still time...we could get back in." Derek stated.

"Derek. You are totally and completely pathetic. Over the top." She laughed.

"I'm gonna go..." Izzie trailed off as she walked out of the room.

"You're wearing that?" Derek said wide-eyed jokingly.

"Why?" She said in a panic.

"I'm kidding, Mer. You look great." He said as he pulled her close. "It will be fine." She laid her head against his chest and sighed.

"Oh my God." She said as she quickly pulled away and ran into the bathroom. Derek rushed after her, pulled her hair back as she retched. He grabbed a washcloth and handed it to her.

"Relax..." He whispered as he rubbed her back.

"I'm okay..." She said as she climbed to her feet. "I'm okay. What time is it?" She asked.

"It's six thirty." He said as he looked at his watch.

"We have to be there in a half an hour. Let's go. We have to go." She said as she pulled him by the hand, dragging him down the stairs.

------------------

Derek glanced over at Meredith every few minutes. She was staring out of the passenger window. He knew that he couldn't do anything to ease her worry. He reached his hand over and grabbed hers. She squeezed it back. He could see her tense up when they pulled into the parking lot.

"It's okay." He whispered and he put his car into park.

"Let's go." She said as she let out a heavy sigh and opened her door.

"Let's go." He said as he placed his arm on the small of her back and led her to the door.

They both took their seats. They were waiting for her. It seemed like that was what the whole week had been about. Waiting for this, and waiting for that. Derek looked around the room. Meredith just stared at her feet. They both had a ton of things going through their heads.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey, right this way." A woman said as they quickly rose to their feet and followed her. "Carol will be in soon." She said.

They sat in the room, looking around. Waiting, once again. This time they were in a large room. It had toys and books. Derek smiled at all of the little stuff. The little chairs and tables. It was what he wanted. Meredith looked around the room at all of the stuff and smiled. It was cute. Little people, little things. She couldn't help but feel sad, thinking about how many damaged little kids came in and out of this room.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey, how are you today?" Carol asked as she walked in the room.

"Very good, and you?" Derek asked.

"I'm good." She said as she motioned to them to sit. "Mr. and Mrs. Graves will be here in a while. Until then, I'd like to talk. While no decision has been made, I still wanted to have this meeting with you. I have to say, I am quite impressed by the number of references I received." She said with a smile. "You obviously both have many people who believe in you." Derek and Meredith both nodded. "Now back to business. Anna is still having problems. She will not talk to any of her temporary family. In fact, she doesn't talk to anyone. She is rather unresponsive. She has refused to eat on several occasions. She was assessed by our therapist. We do not feel that the current situation is working. We must find another home for her. We are having this meeting to see how she reacts to Meredith, someone she knows." Carol explained.

The door opens. They all look up. Meredith immediately looked at the little girl. She looked terrified as she looked around the room. She looked at Derek, and Carol. She stood there, on her own. She wasn't holding anyone's hand. She wasn't clinging. She was independent. She was standing strong, even through her fear. Finally, Anna locked eyes with Meredith. They both shared a secret. A broken heart.

Derek watched as Anna walked in. She looked so strong for a little girl who had been through so much. She was somewhat frail, and underweight. But there she stood, on her own. It somewhat reminded him of Meredith. They had both been broken beyond anything imaginable, but yet, there they stood.

Anna's eyes got wide when she realized it was Meredith. She immediately broke away from her guardian and ran straight to Meredith. Straight to the only person she really knew in the room. Straight to the person who had saved her life. To the person who had assured her that her father wasn't a bad man like everyone said. To the person who had told her that it wasn't her fault that her mother died. She ran as if her life depended on it. She ran and leaped straight into Meredith's arms.

"Meredith!" The small child said happily.

"Hey you." Meredith responded as she pushed the hair out of her face.

"I knew you'd come. I knew it. Mrs. Graves says everyone has an angel, and you're my angel." Anna explained exuberantly. Everyone's eyes began to tear up. They had thought she was unreachable.

"Is that so?" Meredith asked. Anna climbed into her lap.

"Dr. Nick says I'm gonna be okay." Anna said happily. "Are you okay?" She asked as she looked at Meredith.

"I'm okay." Meredith said as she looked into her brown eyes.

"Good." She said. Her eyes lit up. "Did you bring me chocolate milk?" She asked.

"No, I'm sorry I didn't." Meredith said sadly.

"That's okay." Anna reassured her. "Who is this?" She asked as she pointed at Derek.

"Well, that's Derek." Meredith said as she looked into his eyes. They were threatening to release tears.

"Is he you're boyfriend?" Anna asked with a giggle.

"Yes he is." Meredith said with a smile.

"Hi Mr. Derek." She said with a smile.

"Hi Anna." He returned. He looked up at Meredith and gave an approving nod.

Anna continued talking to Derek and Meredith like she had known them forever. Carol Baker could not believe the change she had just witnessed. It was day and night. The child had opened up. She seemed truly happy. They spent over an hour together. Anna told them stories about her temporary family. She stayed consistent, with the fact that she did not want to be with them. Then it came time for her to go home.

"Anna, honey. It's time to go home." Lynn Graves said as she walked up to the little girl.

"I don't wanna go home!" She shouted loudly as she buried her head in Meredith's chest.

"Anna.." Carol said as she came up and grabbed her. "NO!" She screamed. I wanna stay here!" She said as she wailed.

"Honey you have to go." Carol said softly. She gave Meredith a pleading look.

"Anna. You need to go home." Meredith said softly as her voice crackled. "It's time, okay. I know you don't want to, but you have to be strong. Please, do this for me."

"No." She cried.

"Please..." Meredith whispered softly. She allowed Lynn to pull her away. She gave one last look at Meredith before she walked out of the door. It broke her heart. She looked so sad, so betrayed.

"I will be in touch." Carol said as they both stood up. "I have to say, I am amazed at the change."

"It was amazing." Derek said as he led Meredith out. She just nodded. "Thanks again." Derek said as they walked out. Derek looked up with surprise as he began to walk out.

"Dr. Shepherd?" The man said in shock.

"Mr. Phillips." Derek said as he shook his head. "Meredith, this is Don Philips." He said as he introduced her.

"Nice to meet you." Don said with a smile.

"Don is the Director here." Derek said, remembering what he did for a living.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he ushered them back inside.

"Well, Meredith and I were visiting Anna Livingston. We are trying to obtain temporary custody." Derek explained.

"I had no idea." He said as he gave Carol Baker a glare. "Dr. Shepherd saved my life. Brain aneurism. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here." He emphasized. "He's the best Neurosurgeon in the world. So, Mrs. Baker, how did it go?" He asked.

"It went really well. Anna was responsive. She was talking. She seemed happy." Carol explained.

"Well, this is good! Very good to hear. That poor child has been through hell." He said sadly.

"Yes she has." Meredith chimed in.

"Meredith was there. When it happened. With the dad." Derek explained. "She was in the room. She was the last one to see him alive."

"Oh my God. You poor girl." He said with a sympathetic hug. Meredith looked at Derek in shock.

"Meredith also donated the bone marrow that saved her." Derek said proudly.

"You are simply amazing." He said with a smile.

"Well, we had better get going. We both have an early day tomorrow. It was nice talking to you. Mrs. Baker, thank you for your time." Derek and Meredith said with a handshake.

"Goodnight." They both said. Meredith and Derek walked off to the car hand in hand.

"Carol, I want their file on my desk now!" He said as he walked off, leaving Carol standing there in shock.


	55. Judgement Day

"This is good, right?" Meredith chirped happily as she ran her brush through her golden hair.

"This is good." He said with a smile as he watched her.

She looked so beautiful, standing there in her Oxford Tee shirt and shorts. He had never seen her so happy. It made him feel good. He loved her for who she was, but seeing her like this was amazing. He couldn't help but think in the back of his head that if they didn't get Anna, it would be devastating. He didn't even want to think about what it would do to her.

"Did you see her face?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"It was amazing, Mer." He said as he sat down on the bed. She ran and literally jumped in the bed with him.

"It just feels like this is the right thing. This is meant to be." She said as she bounced around all jittery.

"She is something else." Derek said with a smile. "She's strong. She reminds me of you." He said as he leaned over and kissed her. "Seeing her with you was unbelievable, to say the least. I don't think any of us thought she would react that way. You should have seen the look on Carol's face."

"She's so special Derek. She just has this light that surrounds her." Meredith said as she nestled into his side.

"She really does." Derek agreed as he laid there, looking down at her. "What time do you have to be in tomorrow?"

"Um, five, I think." She said as she thought. "Yep, five."

"It's already midnight." He said as he looked over at the clock. He flipped the bedside lamp off. "Goodnight." She laid there for a few minutes.

"What do you have tomorrow?" She asked.

"I don't think I have anything scheduled. Rounds, of course." He said with a smile.

"Hmm." She returned.

"I love you." He said as he kissed her. "I'm really proud of you." He said, making her smile. "Goodnight." He laid there for a thirty minutes. He could feel her moving around.

"I can't sleep." She finally whined. Derek chuckled softly. "My mind is spinning." She said with a giggle. Derek could see her shadow from the light coming in the window. She was removing her shirt. "How would you like your world to spin?" She whispered into his ear, and then nipped it, as she climbed on top of him.

"I think I could handle that." He said as he ran his hands down her back.

She leaned down and kissed him. Her tongue delved deeply into his mouth. They danced rhythmically, tasting each other. Meredith felt Derek's hands slide up her back and strategically unclasp her bra. She leaned back as he peeled it off of her, tossing somewhere in the room. She leaned back as he began kissing her neck, trailing down her chest. He caressed her nipple, then softly moved to the other.

"Oh God." She moaned softly as he nipped.

She moved her hips gently on top of him. In the dark his eyes were almost black, but the desire was glowing like a burning flame. She continued to rock, feeling him react beneath her.

"God, Mer." He moaned as he rose. She slid his hands down her back, resting them on her firm bottom. "Not a fan of the panties." He moaned as his hands rested on the fabric, rather than her soft skin.

She felt him slid them off of her. She lifted up and pulled them off the rest of the way. He swiftly slid his boxers off and tossed them aside. She paused for a moment, taking him in. She could see him in the moonlight. She looked into his eyes, full of need.

"I need you..." He moaned, as he looked at her.

She softly sat upon him, placing him inside of her wetness. They both paused of a moment, taking it all in, and awaiting the pleasure that was to come. Meredith began rocking her hips slowly. Her eyes never left his. He was the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, in this moment, she knew that. She quicken her pace, rocking harder and faster. She heard him let out a faint moan. His hands rested on her hips, steadying her. She felt him growing inside of her. He could feel her tightening around him, only making his need more apparent.

"Oh God Mer!" She shouted.

"Derek!" She screamed as her orgasm took her over. She felt him release inside of her. "Oh God." She said as she collapsed on top of him. "Thank you..." She moaned. She looked up at his face, only to see a smile. They laid there, their sweaty bodies together.

Meredith laid there listening to Derek sleep. There was something about him being in a peaceful sleep that made her feel so much better. She knew that he was the man she wanted to spend her nights with. He was the man she wanted to drink coffee with in the morning. He was the one she wanted to rock next to the front porch. And then it snapped into her mind. As they rocked, on a Sunday afternoon, she wanted to be waiting for someone. She wanted to be waiting for their children. For their grandchildren. She took a deep sigh and smiled. For the first time, she was looking forward to something.

----------------

Meredith laid on the front porch swing. The air was cold, but she didn't care. She just needed to be outside, breathing in it's freshness. The stars were nonexistent. She wished she were at the trailer. You could always see them there. They were so bright. The city lights were far from there. Derek had gotten pulled into an emergency surgery. She was going to go visit him in the on-call room, but she decided not to. George and Izzie were both gone. They didn't seem to be around much anymore. She didn't know if it was because they had their own lives, or if it was because she and Derek were so wrapped up in each other.

They received no call. Part of her knew that they wouldn't call until Monday. But at the same time, she had secretly hoped that Derek's ties with the director would have helped. The wait was killing her. She thought about this house. She had grown up in this house. And now, at the moment, it hit her. All the memories. Some good, some bad. The thought of her dad, saying goodbye in the driveway flashed into her head. It made her wince. She knew that she needed a change. She knew that if she was going to raise a family, she didn't want to do it here. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself. She drifted into a light sleep with smile on her face. Then she felt a hand on her. Her eyes flew open.

"Jesus Derek!" She shouted as she looked at him.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked as he sat down. She rested her head on his lap.

"Thinking." She said as she closed her eyes.

"This is not a good place to think. The fenced in back yard...yes. Here...no." Hs stated. "You could get mugged."

"With my light sleeping?" She asked with a smile. "I would wake right up!"

"Yeah. Maybe you would hear your attacked...Between snores!" He laughed.

"Not funny. I do not snore." She clarified with a smile.

"Ah, yes you do. I find it charming." He said as he leaned down and kissed her.

"They haven't called." She stated with a sigh.

"They will." He reassured her. "Give it time." She moaned and laid their for a few minutes.

"The stars are so much better at the trailer." She said as she looked up into the sky.

"That they are. But if I want to see them, all I have to do is look in your eyes." He whispered.

"Oh dear God, Derek. That was bad, even for you." She giggled.

"Ya think?" He asked with a cocked head.

"I know." She returned. "Do you know what else I know?" She asked as she looked up at him.

"What's that?" He asked as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Well..." She said as she bit her bottom lip and winced.

"What, Mer?" He asked, with a hint of worry.

"I want to move. I want to live in the house. I want us to move in the house." She said in a quick breath.

"Really?" He asked in shock. He had built it for her, but she had always acted uninterested. And lately, he was beginning to think that they were stuck in the mud. Nothing had changed. That was fine. He was happy with no movement. It was better than backwards. And now, she said this.

"Really." She returned. "But I want it to be lived in. Not a magazine house." She bossed. He smiled.

"Whatever you want, Mer." He returned frankly.

"And we take my bed. It's all I can sleep in. And I think we have a good track record in it." She laughed.

"Okay, Mer." He returned once again.

"And--" She started.

"Mer, whatever you want, I'm game." He said as he kissed her, she sighed. "What are we going to do with this house?" He asked. Her face turned to stone. "Stevens and O'Malley..." He started.

"They will stay here. I won't kick them out. They stay." She said firmly.

"We have time. They just started working on the inside today." He explained.

"I want to see it!" she said as he face lit up.

"Nope. Not until it's done. It has to be a surprise." He said with a wicked smile.

"No fair!" She whined.

"This is big..." He trailed off, in shock.

"Yeah, I guess it is." She answered. She closed her eyes, realizing that she had just taken a gigantic leap, and she knew he was holding her hand and leaping with her.

------------------

Meredith was thankful when she woke up on Sunday morning. She wanted to work. She needed to get her mind off of the temporary custody situation. She rose out of bed so as not to awake Derek. She looked at his face. He was completely peaceful. She had to smile, knowing that they were in a good place right now. She knew he was tired from his long surgery last night, so she didn't wake him. She took a quick shower and headed downstairs. George was already sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey." She said cheerfully.

"Hey." He responded, looking up from his breakfast.

"Where's Iz?" Meredith asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"She's off today." George answered. "And she's lucky."

"Why?" She asked looking at him.

"I got no sleep last night." George explained with a yawn.

"It wasn't because of me." She chimed in. She grabbed a bowl and poured some cereal.

"No. It's Callie. She wants to "move forward in our relationship." I'm not ready to move forward. Things are fine the way they are." George told her.

"Did you tell her that?" Meredith asked dumbly.

"Well, no. I am hoping she will just figure it out. I don't want to hurt her feelings." George mumbled.

"Oh, and leading her along won't? That is the worst thing you can do." Meredith snapped.

"I guess you're right." He finally agreed. "So you haven't gotten Anna's room ready."

"I am not counting my chickens before they're hatched." Meredith explained as she took a bite of cereal.

"Well, I hope it works out." George pointed out.

"So do I." Meredith said with a faint smile. "What time are you getting off?" She asked George.

"I think I am working a twelve, I don't know." He huffed as he threw his head back.

"I'm on-call. Do you still want to ride with me?" She asked as she put her bowl in the sink.

"Sure. I guess I can always take a cab home." George said with a shrug.

----------------

George and Meredith walked into the hospital slowly. She was feeling fine. She had been ready to go this morning and George had brought her down. He was sulking. That was the only thing that he did that really bothered her. It was irritating. She was an avoider, but he just whined. If they could both just do and say what they felt, they would be much better off. They looked around the locker room, it was pretty much empty.

"Are we supposed to be here?" George asked as he looked.

"I was just going to ask you the same thing." Meredith said as she pulled her scrub pants up. "Oh well, I'm here now." She said with a shrug.

"Thanks for volunteering to be here today." Miranda Bailey said as she swung the door open.

"I didn't volunteer." They both said quickly.

"Oh, you didn't? Well you have now." She said with an evil smile. "O'Malley, you're in the pit. And Grey, you are with me." She said quickly.

"You know Cristina would have been more than happy to work." Meredith said as she walked behind Miranda.

"Are you complaining?" She asked quickly.

"No. I wanted to work today." She said quickly. "I was just saying..."

"Well, quit saying." Miranda spat. "We have a hemorrhoidectomy on the board."

"Oh joy." Meredith said sarcastically.

"Are you complaining again?" Miranda said as she raised her eyebrows.

"No, absolutely not! I am happy to be here. Anything you want, I can do." Meredith said sickeningly sweet.

"Good. Go prep my patient. I have a feeling this is going to be a very long day for you." Miranda spat as she went over her chart.

"I have a feeling you're right..." Meredith mumbled.

-------------------

"Okay Grey. What are we doing today?" Miranda asked as she grabbed the scalpel.

"Incisions will be made in the tissue around the hemorrhoid. The swollen vein inside the hemorrhoid will then be tied off to prevent bleeding, and the hemorrhoid is removed. The surgical area may be sewn closed or left open." Meredith explained with a sigh.

"Good." Miranda answered as she went to work.

Meredith stood there and watched, but her mind wasn't on that. It was on the fact that there was a little girl who was alone. She could tell that the Graves were nice people. It was obvious that they were doing their best with her. But she also knew Anna. She knew that she wasn't the type of child who was quiet. She loved to talk. It broke her heart that she was so withdrawn. Meredith couldn't believe that she, of all people was thinking this way. She wasn't motherly. At least she had never been before. Anna had unlocked something she never knew she had.

"Here." Miranda said as she handed Meredith the scalpel. Meredith looked down at the tool in shock. "Take it. You do one."

"Really?" Meredith asked with surprise.

"Don't make me change my mind!" Miranda spat. She watched as Meredith cut. It was textbook. She obviously had the touch.

"So how is it going?" Miranda asked softly.

"How is what going?" Meredith asked as she worked.

"The child." Miranda muttered.

"We are still waiting to hear. I guess we'll have to see." Meredith said with a smile. Miranda didn't respond. Meredith continued until she had removed each one.

"That was good, Grey." She said. "We are going to leave this open. So you know what that means." She said.

"I will be changing bandages." She said with a frown.

"Every hour." Miranda said with and evil laugh.

Meredith crashed into the bed in the on-call room. She was completely exhausted. Miranda was actually good to her. She had let her scrub in on all of her surgery, and she even let her assist. After a day of changing bandages, she was ready to sleep.

---------------

"You look exhausted." Derek said as he walked up and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm really not." She moaned as she finished writing on a chart.

"So you slept okay on the lumpy on-call room bed?" He asked with a chuckle.

"After my day, I was more than happy to sleep in a lumpy bed." She said with a smile.

"I bet. Bailey probably killed you." He said with a chuckle.

"Nearly." She said with a sigh.

She wanted to ask, but she knew what he was going to say. She knew he would say no. I'm sorry, but no they didn't call. She looked into his eyes.

"Yes, they called." He said as he looked at her.

"They called?" She asked in shock.

"They did. We have to talk to Carol tonight. At five." He said.

"Really?" She asked in shock.

"Really." He said quickly.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" She asked.

"I can read you like a book." He said with a smile and he pulled her close. "I guess today is judgment day." He muttered.

"Yeah, I guess it is." She returned.

---------------

The ride to the agency was slow. She swore Derek was catching every traffic light and getting behind every slow car. She had no idea what was going to happen. She was hoping it would be in her favor, but she was trying not to hold out hope. She looked over at Derek. He looked so relaxed. He always looked relaxed. He pulled into the same parking spot. She was hoping that was a good sign. They walked up to the tired building. Neither spoke a word. They sat silently in their chairs, holding each other's hand. Finally she walked out. They both looked up at her with hope.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey, how are you this evening?" She asked with a smile.

"We were hoping you could tell us." Derek said with a meek attempt at humor.

"Why don't you follow me to my office?" She said with a smile.

They followed her down the hallway. Derek looked over at Meredith. She saw him out of the corner of her eye. He looked unsure. It was the same way she felt. She squeezed his hand tightly as they took their seats.

"Well, a decision has been made." Carol said as she looked at them and then down at the ground.

Meredith panicked. This wasn't looking good. Her voice seemed disappointed, and her body language was off. She had a feeling and it wasn't happiness. She had a feeling that they were not going to be taking any small child into their home anytime soon.

--------------

**dun dun dun...**


	56. Life is Good

Derek felt Meredith's hand tighten around his. He didn't squeeze back. He didn't want to convey a sense of false hope. He was a little worried. In a split second things would be changing for them. At first thought, this custody thing was no big deal. He was doing it for Meredith. But after meeting Anna, after seeing how special she was, he wanted her to come with them. If she didn't disappointment wouldn't even cover it. And Meredith, he knew she would be a mess. He looked at Carol, willing her to make eye contact. Finally she did.

"We have decided to place Anna with both of you." She said with a smile.

A wave of emotions washed over both Meredith and Derek. They each let out loud sighs of relief. He looked over at Meredith. She was on the verge of tears. He, himself was near tears. He had never felt so happy, so relieved.

"Really?" Meredith asked in shock.

"Yes. But this isn't like a puppy. You don't take it home and take the best care you can of it. You are first required to attend an orientation session in person or view orientation videos and take an orientation quiz. After that, you must take 30 hours of Pre-service Training and a First Aid/CPR and Blood Born Pathogens course. The fact that you are both doctors does not change this." She scolded as she looked through the paperwork.

"Of course. Whatever we need to do. We are fully committed to this." Derek said with a grin.

"I'm sure you are." She said with a smile.

"So what happens next?" Meredith asked with a soft face. Her inside were still churning.

"You have a lot of training and classes ahead of you." She said frankly. She handed them paperwork to look over and sign. They began scribbling happily.

"Anna will be brought to your home tomorrow. What time is good for you?" Carol asked.

"Anytime." Meredith said happily. She didn't care, she would take off of work if she had to.

"Five works best for me." Carol said as she looked in her organizer.

"Sounds good." Meredith said quickly.

"I will see you both tomorrow." She said as she stood up from behind her desk.

"Okay, I will see you tomorrow at five."

"Thank you so much." Derek said as he stuck his hand out.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a grin.

Meredith and Derek walked out of the building hand in hand. Meredith could hold the hot tears that were willing their appearance. She finally let them fall, tears of joy. The minute they walked outside, Derek pulled Meredith close. They stood them in each other's arms.

"I can't believe it!" Meredith said happily.

"I know. Our lives just changed. We blinked, and they changed." He said softly.

"I think they changed for the better." She whispered in his chest.

"I know they did." He whimpered into her hair. "Come on..." He said as he pulled her to the car.

"What?" She asked, surprised at his haste.

"We have a lot to do!" He said as he opened he car door and she climbed in.

--------------------

"Where are we going?" She asked again.

"You'll see..." He said with a chuckle.

Derek was so happy. He couldn't even began to show how happy he was. He looked over at Meredith. She looked so content. This meant so much to her, and he knew it. Her face lit up when they pulled into the parking lot of the nearest furniture store. He looked over at her, she turned her head and met his gaze with a smile.

"I think there is a little girl who needs a bed." He said as he opened his car door.

"Oh my God!" She said with a sudden realization. "Nothing is ready, Derek. We have nothing." That was when panic set in.

"Calm down!" He said as he grabbed her shoulders softly. "Mer-calm down. We can do this." He said, shaking his head. She shook hers in agreement. "Lets go." He said as he led her into the store.

Looking around, it was overwhelming. There was so much. She had no idea what she wanted. She also knew that there wasn't much time. They had more to do than could be imagined. They began walking around, hand in hand looking at the various bedroom pieces.

"What about that?" He asked as he pointed to a mahogany wood slight bed.

"You're kidding, right?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Um, no." He said seriously.

"She's a little girl, Derek. She needs little girl stuff. But not pink. I don't like pink. She likes purple. So lets do light and dark purple." She said, as she thought. "And a white bed. Or off-white." She said as she walked over to the children's bedroom outfits. "This is perfect!" She exclaimed as she pointed to an antiqued off-white set. It looked like a bed that a princess would sleep in, she thought. After all that Anna had been through, she wanted her to feel like a princess.

"You think?" He asked, scanning his eyes over it.

"I know." She said as she looked down at the bed.

"Then that's, the one." He said. He walked off and and grabbed the nearest salesperson. "We want this."

"Just the bed?" She asked Derek.

"No, everything. The whole set." He said as his arms motions broadly.

"Right away." She said as she quickly walked off. She quickly came back. "The soonest we can deliver this is Wednesday." She said as she walked up.

"No, no." He said quickly. Meredith looked worried. "We need this tonight."

"Tonight?" She asked, he nodded. "Sir, we close soon. There is no way we could get this delivered tonight."

"I need this tonight. I will also need the best mattress you have in your store to go with it. I am sure you would be happy to get the commission off of this sale." He said quickly. She nodded. "Well, if you want to make this sale, you will find someone to deliver this tonight. I don't care if it is your bother's uncle's cousin. I need it tonight." He demanded. She shook her head in understanding.

"Let me see what I can do..." She said as she walked off, once again.

"And I want it in one piece when it gets there!" He shouted as she walked.

"Derek!" Meredith said as she nudged him.

"What, Mer? We need it." He explained. "She is not coming home to an empty room." Meredith's heart melted when he said home.

"No, she's not." Meredith agreed. She looked at the saleswoman's smiling face as she returned.

"I talked to our manager. He said he will personally bring it over when we close. Is that okay?" He asked with a hopeful eye.

"That would be great. Now lets check out. We have a lot more shopping to do." He said as he shot Meredith a grin.

Derek happily flashed his credit card, completing the sale. They climbed in the Land Rover and and and began driving, not sure where they were going. Meredith pointed to a Bed, Bath and Beyond and Derek quickly pulled in.

"She needs bedding." Meredith said as she jumped out of the car, on a mission.

They walked around and found the dark and light purple sheets and comforter. The comforter had butterflies all over it. Meredith was hoping that Anna would like it. She knew she would. They continued grabbing various items for her bedroom. Finally they made their last stop. Their cart was full, so full, Derek had grabbed another. When they got to the checkout, Meredith pulled out her credit card. Derek shot her an appalled look and cocked his head. She quickly tucked it away. They filled the car with toys, books, stuffed animals and nearly anything a six year old would want. It looked like they had taken a whole zoo. She remembered at Anna's favorites where horses and dogs, but they got one of everything just in case. On Derek's instance, of course.

"What was that?" He asked as they got to the car.

"What was what?" She returned as she looked at him innocently.

"The credit card." He said quickly.

"Derek, this isn't all you. I can help." She said as she laid her head back on the seat.

"We are together, Mer. I pay." He said sternly.

"No you don't." She returned quickly.

"I am a surgeon--" He started.

"So am I." She snapped.

"You are a surgical intern. You make peanuts." He said. "I make four mil a year."

"Oh really?" She said sarcastically. "I have my own money."

"Meredith, it's no big deal." He said with a chuckle.

"It is! You aren't my meal ticket. I can pay my own way, and that includes Anna too." She explained.

"Okay. Next time we do something, I am making you pay." He said finally submitting.

"Good." She said with a huff.

"So we are going on a month long vacation in france." He said with a chuckle.

"You're an ass." He said with a laugh.

"I know." He agree.

The minute they pulling into the driveway, they saw a big truck pull in behind them. The delivery man was here right on time. Meredith quickly went to the front door and opened it. Soon after the delivery men were carrying the pieces of furniture. Izzie and George both came downstairs and watched.

"What's going on?" Izzie asked with a yawn.

"Anna is coming tomorrow." Meredith said happily.

"You got her?" Izzie asked as she began jumping around happily.

"Wow, Mer." George said in shock. "So we are going to have a little kid living with us?"

"Yes we are." She said happily.

"As if there weren't enough woman in this house. And I have a feeling the young one is going to get whatever she wants." He said as he motioned to a beaming Derek.

"I think you're right." Meredith agreed.

Izzie and George helped move all of the old furniture out of the room. Some of the pieces went in the garage, and some went it in the attic. They both finally retired to their rooms, claiming to be tired. Meredith just laughed and kept working. Derek was struggling to put the bed framed together.

"Luckily she is a kid." Meredith muttered.

"Why is that?" He asked, looking up. His face was flustered.

"Because the way you are putting that together, if wouldn't last two minutes of us being it in." She said with a laugh.

"Funny." He muttered.

"Why don't you go get the bedding out of the dryer?" She asked. "You look like you need some water."

"I am doing this." He stated firmly.

"Please? I am so tired. I don't think I can make it up and down the stairs again." She said quickly.

"Okay." He moaned as he walked out.

Meredith began working on the bed right away. She knew she could do it. It wasn't that hard. Derek was just trying to be to manly. He wasn't thinking. She quickly grabbed the tools and began tightening everything up. She wrestled the mattress onto the frame. She sighed a breath of relief as she sat down on the bed. Derek walked in and shook his head.

"You amaze me!" He said as he threw the bedding on the bed.

Together they put the sheets on. They stood there, Derek's arm around Meredith and looked around the room. It looked so perfect. The bed and matching furniture was all in it's place. There were hundreds of stuffed animals all over. Meredith looked up at Derek and smiled.

"It's perfect!" She said.

"Yes, it is." He said in amazement.

"It's just missing one thing." Meredith said with a grin.

"And she is coming tomorrow." He answered as he kissed her on the head. He quickly walked out of the room to get her a water. He smiled when he came back in, and there she was, out like a light, on Anna's bed. He walked over, gave her a kiss and laid down next to her. Life is good.

----------------

Meredith spent the day getting things ready. She was never one to fuss, but every time she passed by Anna's room, she moved one thing or another. She couldn't believe that she and Derek had slept in the tiny twin sized bed. She had been so exhausted, both emotionally and physically, that she had just collapsed. Derek was nearly late for surgery because they didn't have the alarm set.

Because Meredith had worked a double shift, and had been on-call, she had today off. She knew she had to go talk to the chief. She hadn't thought that Anna was going to be awarded to she and Derek. She hadn't made plans. She knew that Anna still wasn't back to school, and she obviously wouldn't be staying at home everyday by herself. She had a lot to figure out.

After getting the house clean and looking through the cupboards and refrigerator, she knew that she had to go grocery shopping. It was hard to believe that just a month ago, it was she and Ian who were shopping. She sighed at the thought. Her life had done a complete one-eighty. She grabbed her purse and jumped in her Jeep. When she went to shut the car door, it didn't.

"Shit!" She shouted loudly, as it flew back open.

She pulled it as hard as she could, it did the same thing. She knew she couldn't drive down the road with an open door. She quickly jumped out and ventured off into the garage. This was a man's area. She was not. George and Derek were surgeons, they didn't bother with cars and tools. They thought about scalpels and MRIs. She looked around for a quick fix. Everything in the garage had been her dad's. They were the remnants of a past life. Finally she spotted a bungee cord hanging on the wall. She quickly pulled it off the wall and jogged back out to her jeep. She climbed in and tied the strap from the handle on the door to the handle on the back door. It stayed. She shook her head as she drove off down the road. She was feeling pretty proud of herself. When she got up to speed on the freeway, she could hear it flapping. She sighed when she pulled into the hospital parking lot, with her door still intact.

Her meeting with Richard Webber wasn't for another half an hour. She decided to go to the gallery and watch Preston Burke do an coronary bypass graph. She sat down and and stared.

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked as he came up from behind and kissed her on the cheek.

"I am just lucky I got here!" She laughed.

"Why?" He asked.

"Oh, I had to bungee my car door shut!" She said with a laugh.

"You're kidding, right?" He asked with a laugh.

"No." She said with a straight face.

"We need to get you a new car." He said.

"No, we just need to get my door fixed." She argued as she shook her head. "I have a meeting with the chief." She said simply as she continued to watch Preston work.

"What for?" He asked dumbly as he sat down next to her.

"Well, in case you have forgotten, we are gaining custody of a smile child today. A small child who has recently had a bone marrow transplant and can't be in school. I need to stay home with her for awhile." Meredith said as she looked over at him in smile. "In case you forgot." She repeated.

"Oh, how could I forget?" He said as he leaned in and kissed her. "I thought maybe you had already talked to Richard."

"I didn't want to get too ahead of the game." She said quickly.

"Well, I can take some time off." He suggested.

"You're busy." She said sympathetically.

"Meredith, I am in this." He said. "She means just as much to me, as she does to you, because she means so much to you."

"What?" Meredith said with a giggle.

"I will take some time off..." Derek smiled. He looked around the gallery, which was empty. "I think we could have some fun in here." He said with raised eyebrows.

"No, Derek." She said sternly. "No!"

"Oh, come it. It would be fun." He said as he leaned over to her and kissed her. She felt his hands slide of her shirt.

"Derek!" She said. He moved his kisses to the spot on her neck that made her melt. He pulled her onto the bench with him. "I am not having sex on the bench."

"Come on..." He moaned as his kisses deepened.

"Oh look, I have a meeting with chief." She said as she pulled herself up. "Good day, Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey." He muttered with disappointment.

"Five o'clock, you better be there!" She said as she shut the door and walked out.

----------------

"Meredith..." Richard Webber said as she walked in his office. "What can I do for you? Please, sit down." He said as he motioned to the chair in front of his desk. The cold leather crushed under her.

"I need some time off." She said as she looked into his familiar eyes.

"Okay. Is everything okay?" He asked as he looked at her with concern. She looked around his office, seeing a picture of herself. It was a small picture from high school. She had never noticed it before. She winced at her appearance. Here hair was hideous.

"Huh. Oh, yeah, everything is fine." She said as she snapped back to reality. "I just-- Well, Derek and I are now the temporary parents of a six year old girl. I need to some time to get her settled." Meredith said, not explaining much.

"You and Derek?" Richard said with a somewhat surprised tone. "Not that I-- I had no idea that you were interested in children."

"The little girl is Anna Livingston." Meredith explained as her eyes once again drifted to the picture.

"Oh!" Richard replied quickly. "Well, that is wonderful. Congratulations!"

"Thanks." She returned as softly as she could. "We aren't telling people. People know. Please, just don't tell my mom, not yet." She pleaded.

"Meredith..." He said with sadness.

"I'm just not ready for the backlash." She said sadly.

"I understand. It's not mine to tell." She gave him a smile of thanks. "As for the time...take as much as you need."

"Probably a week." She suggested.

"That's fine." Richard said as he sat back in his chair.

"Thank you, Chief. I had better get going, I have a lot to do." She said quickly.

"Meredith?" He asked. She turned to face him. "When do I get to meet my granddaughter?" He asked with a bit of hope in his voice.

Meredith's heart jumped to her throat. She had spent so much of her time hating Richard Webber. Hating the man who made her dad leave. The man who would come to their house, sleep in her dad's bed. A man who had a wife, and a mistress. But now, it seemed so unimportant.

"Maybe you could come over for dinner when she gets settled in." She said as she walked out.

Richard sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He did catch that she said you, no mentioning her mother. He wished their relationship wasn't so strained. He had always thought of Meredith as a daughter, and now she had a child. He was overjoyed to be a grandfather. He knew Meredith would do a great job.

----------------

Meredith paced back and forth. She had already left a thousand messages on Derek's phone. At first she was just worried. She was afraid that he wouldn't get there on time. Then she was irritated. She told him no sex, ever again. Next she was mad. She yelled that she would never be the mother of his children if he couldn't be here on time. And then of course, she called and apologized. She knew that he was probably saving someone's life and he couldn't help it. Thus, the pacing continued. She just about jumped through the window when she saw Derek's Land Rover pull in.

"Oh thank God!" She said as she jumped into his arms. "I'm so sorry."

"Meredith, I know you well enough to know you were flipping out. Calm down. I was in surgery." He said as he kissed her and walked in.

"She is supposed to be here in ten minutes!" She said as she began pacing again.

"No wonder you're so skinny!" He laughed as he watched her pace. "I am getting a sore neck just watching you." Meredith jumped when the doorbell rang. They both walked to the door together. They smiled when they saw the small child standing there, holding her suitcase.

"Meredith!" Anna said exuberantly as she jumped into her arms.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd." Carol said as she stood there.

"Please, come in." Meredith said with a faint smile, as Anna held her tightly.

Carol did a once over of the house, as Derek walked her through. She was thoroughly impressed. Anna sat in the kitchen with Meredith, talking her ear off. After a while Carol and Derek came down, and Derek saw Carol out. Derek walked in the kitchen, and looked at Meredith talking to Anna. A big smile crossed his face.

"So, do you want to see you room?" Derek asked.

"I have my own room?" She asked happily. "I had to share a room with Leah. She was mean and she made me stay on my side. And then we had a fight and I pulled her hair, but she couldn't pull mine cause I ain't got any." She rambled in. Derek shook his head, thinking she rambled just like Meredith.

"Let's go." Meredith said as she began her walk upstairs. Anna followed quickly. Meredith opened the door.

"Wow..." Anna muttered in shock. She ran right in and began looking at everything. Derek and Meredith both looked at each other with smiles on their faces. "I'm gonna name this one Sam, and this one Kayla, this one Princess..." She went on as she named her stuffed animals. She looked at the of the toys, and finally jumped on her bed. They had never seen a child so happy.

"Do you want to stay here and play, or do you want to help make dinner?" Derek asked her.

"I wanna help!" She said as she jumped up and bounded down the stairs.

Derek, Meredith and Anna all worked on the spaghetti. Anna had a big apron that was rolled up and tied twice around her waist. She kept telling everyone she was the chef. Derek was showing her how to stir the sauce "just like his mom does." Anna was so happy and content. Meredith just sat back and watched the two of them interact. They were just like father and daughter, and that suited her just fine.

----------

**Did you really think anything else was going to happen? Things will be peaches and creme for a while, but you all know I can't keep them that way. I just don't have it in me!**


	57. The Beginning

Derek woke up several times during the night. He just had to check on her. And every time he did, Meredith would say, "She's fine, Derek." He would just shrug and go check. He was afraid that she would wake up in the middle of the night, and not know where she was. Meredith had to smile, he really was a dad.

Derek didn't wake up until seven-thirty. He reached his arm over, expecting to feel Meredith's warm body. Instead he felt the cold sheet next to him. He was tired. He didn't have anything on the board. And after his sleepless night, he was happy to just lay there and rest. He closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep. And he nearly was, that is, until he heard the giggles. He crept down the stairs, as he got closer he could hear Anna.

"No, you're doing it wrong!" Anna argued.

"What am I doing wrong?" Meredith asked with a laugh.

"They aren't supposed to look like that!" Anna said with a giggle. "Those are yuck!"

"What's going on in here?" He asked as he face certain danger. Meredith and Anna were both covered in flour.

"Merediff and I are making pancakes!" Anna said happily.

"Trying to." Meredith said as she pointed to a whole plateful of inedible foodstuff. "But we're fine!"

"Wow." He muttered as he looked at the mess. It looked like a food war had went on. The eggs were battling the flour and the flour was on the floor.

"Do you know how to make pancakes?" Anna asked Derek with a twinkle in her eye. She looked like she had lost all hope in Meredith.

"Actually, I do." He said with a smile as he walked over to them. "What is this?" He asked with a chuckle as he looked down at the half mixed batter. He cut one of the cooked pancakes and the middle was full of dry flour. "Wow, Mer." He laughed.

"Not funny!" She said as she smacked him on the arm. "We need your help...I guess." She mumbled.

"What's that you say?" Derek said with a grin.

"She said she needs your help!" Anna said loudly.

"Oh, is that right?" He laughed as he cracked the eegs against the bowl. "You mix." He told Anna. She quickly went to the task.

"Good morning." Derek said as he leaned in and kissed Meredith.

"Ewww, mush!" Anna said as she looked at them.

"You have morning breath." Meredith said with a giggle.

"That's what happens when you women wake me up." He said lightheartedly. "What time did you get up?" He asked.

"Anna woke me up at quarter till seven." Meredith replied.

"Oh, an early riser..." Derek pointed out. "You would do well with doctor's hours."

"I wanna be a doctor." She said as she continued to stir.

"I think that is ready." He said as he grabbed the bowl. "See, Mer, this is what it should look like." He told her as he began to pour it on the griddle.

"Yes, sir!" Meredith answered sharply. "Anna, do you want orange or apple juice?" Meredith asked.

"I want soda!" She said boldly.

"Uh, no." Meredith said firmly. "Apple or orange?"

"Soda." She sang as she watched Derek.

"I hate to break it to you, but your soda days were over the minute you walked in the door." He explained happily. "Soda is bad for your teeth and your body. I'm a doctor, remember." He said.

"You're a doctor too?" She asked.

"Yes, Derek is a brain doctor." Meredith explained. "That makes him super-smart."

"Apple is good." Anna finally submitted.

"See these bubbles?" He asked as he pointed at the pancakes. She nodded. "That means they are ready to flip." She watched in amazement as he did. "Why don't you help Meredith set the table?"

"Okay." She answered as she jumped off her stool and joined Meredith. Derek soon joined them at the table with a plate full of pancakes. Meredith cut Anna's into pieces for her.

"Mmm. You make good pancakes, Mr. Derek." She said with a smile as she closed her eyes, and savored her bite.

"Yes, you do, Mr. Derek" Meredith said with a giggle.

"So what are you two going to do today?" He asked as he cut his pancake into perfect tiny triangles.

"Well, I was going to take Anna shopping for some clothes." Meredith said as she looked at Anna. "Do you want to do that?" She asked. Anna shrugged. "Well we need to. What you have in your suitcase won't last a week."

"Especially as often as Mer does laundry," Derek said under his breath. He received a sharp kick in the leg.

"I do laundry." She snapped.

They heard some rustling coming down the stairs. Meredith looked up to see a very disheveled George walking in. Anna immediately got off her chair and hid behind Meredith.

"Anna, this is George. He lives here. He's a doctor too." Meredith explained. Anna looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Hello, Anna." George said softly as he walked up. Anna continued to hide.

"Anna, George is a very good friend." Meredith explained.

"Hi George." She said softly as Meredith guided her back to her chair.

"There are pancakes there if you want them." Derek said, pointing to the counter.

"Thanks." George said as he grabbed a plateful.

"So how did you sleep last night?" Derek asked Anna.

"Good, cept for the times you came in and woke me up!" Meredith burst out laughing.

"See, she was fine!" Meredith scolded as she grabbed their plates and took them to the sink. She quickly washed them and returned to the table. "You need a bath!" She said to Anna. "And so do I..."

"What a coincidence, so do I." Derek said as he raised his eyebrows. Meredith shook her head in disgust.

Meredith got Anna a bath. Anna played in her room, while Meredith went into the bathroom. After bothering for what seemed like forever, Meredith finally let Derek in the shower, but for a shower only. He pouted, but went along with it. He climbed into the steam, and took her in. He tried to bathe, but she was too tempting. He quickly pushed her against the wall and covered her mouth with his.

"Derek, seriously. She is in the next room." Meredith moaned.

"And the water is loud." He said as his mouth trailed down her body.

"Derek..." She said again. "Come on." She spat as she tensed up.

"Oh I can do that." He said with a grin.

"Okay, I'll get out." She said as she started to climb out.

"No, I'm done." He whined as he stepped out. Meredith stayed and and washed her hair.

"So she seems good." Meredith sang out.

"I think she is happy." Derek said as he shaved.

"This is good." She said as she rinsed her hair. She stood there in the water for a few minutes, and finally climbed out. When she climbed out, Derek was flossing his teeth. When she opened the shower door, he turned around and looked at her with a smile on his face.

"What?" She asked.

"Will you marry me?" He asked as he flossed his teeth. She started to laugh.

"Oh yes. I am really going to say yes to a man who asks me to marry him while I stand here naked, and he flosses his teeth." She said with a giggle.

"It was worth the try." He said with a chuckle.

-------------

Meredith and Anna spent the day shopping. Anna whined at first. She didn't want to go shopping for clothes. But after a while, she realized it was fun. Meredith decided it was pretty nice driving the Land Rover instead of the Jeep. Derek said the Jeep wasn't safe enough for either of the girls. So he took it to the hospital, and Meredith would have paid money to see the look on everyones face.

"So what do you want for lunch?" She asked Anna as she looked into the rearview mirror at the back seat.

"McDonald's!" She shouted at she pointed at the golden arches.

"Um, no." Meredith said quickly.

"Why?" Anna asked with a furrowed brow.

"Because fast food isn't good for us. One and a while it's okay." Meredith explained.

"Well what about today?" She pressed.

"Anna!" Meredith said a little sterner than normal. "There is a restaurant by the hospital, why don't we go there?"

"Okay." She whined as she stared out the window. "Merediff?" She asked softly.

"Yeah?" She asked as she glanced back.

"When are my grandma and grandpa coming back from vacation?" She asked as she met Meredith's eyes in the mirror. Meredith was in shock. She didn't know. She did not know that her grandparents were in jail, and may not be coming back.

"Um. Well--" Meredith started nervously. "Oh! We're here. So what is you favorite thing to eat?" Meredith asked, changing the subject.

"I like chicken nuggets!" She said happily.

"Good, because I think they have them here." She said as she opened her door and let the child out.

They took their seat in the front of the restaurant. Meredith thought Anna would like to look out the window and watch the people walk by. As they sat there, it dawned on Meredith that Anna's didn't have any hair. It was so stupid, it wasn't unusual for her. That was the only way she had ever seen her. She noticed a few people looking at her and frowning. It made her feel bad, she wondered if Anna even noticed. Finally the waitress walked up.

"Oh, aren't you cute?" The waitress said to Anna. Anna just smiled. "She looks just like you!" Meredith chuckled slightly at the comment.

"What can I get you to drink?" The waitress asked.

"Chocolate milk!" Anna stated happily. She then looked at Meredith for approval. When Meredith nodded, she smiled.

"I'll have a large water with lemon, and I think were ready to order. I'll have the grilled chicken salad, and she will have the chicken tenders and applesauce." Meredith said simply. The waitress smiled and walked away.

"This is fun!" Anna said happily. "But where is Mr. Derek?"

"He's at work." Meredith said as she took a drink.

"Working on brains?" Anna asked.

"Probably." Meredith answered, as she looked at her. "Do you like Derek?"

"Yeah, he's fun. He's like my dad was. I miss my dad." She said as her eyes started to water.

"I know you do." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"Are you going to marry Mr. Derek?" Anna asked with a giggle.

"Maybe. Someday." She said hesitantly.

"That would be fun." She replied as she dunked her chicken nugget in honey.

"Yep, I think it would be very fun." Meredith answered.

------------------------

Meredith and Anna went to the park. She was amazed at how well she got along with the other kids. As she sat on the bench, she realized why people worried about their kids being abducted. She found herself watching every single person that so much as looked at Anna. She seemed so resilient. But she had no idea how she was going to explain her grandparent's situation. And she had no idea how Anna was going to handle it.

When Meredith and Anna got home, Izzie was in the kitchen baking. Anna heard someone in the kitchen and quickly hid behind Meredith. Meredith looked in and frowned. Izzie looked somewhat upset as she whipped the batter fiercely.

"Iz, are you okay?" Meredith asked as she walked in.

"Todd wants _space_." Izzie said as she continued.

"Iz, I'm sorry." Meredith said quietly.

"Is that Anna?" Izzie asked happily as she looked around Meredith.

"It is." Meredith returned. Izzie walked around Meredith and straight to Anna.

"I'm Izzie." She said as she stuck her hand out. Anna looked at her and stuck her hand out. "Nice to meet you." Anna smiled as she stepped away from Meredith. "How would you like to help me bake muffins?"

"I would." Anna said as she shook her head.

"Well, let's get started then." Izzie said happily. Her mood had completely changed. "So what did you do today?" Izzie asked.

"Me and Merediff made pancakes. They weren't very good. But then Mr. Derek came and helped and they were good. Then that man came down--" She looked at Meredith.

"George." Meredith answered.

"Yeah, George. An he ate with us. Then we went shopping for clothes. Then we went to lunch. Then we went to the park." She went on happily.

"Sounds like you had fun!" Izzie said as she began pouring the muffins into the pans.

"We did." Anna answered. "When is Mr. Derek going to be home?"

"I don't know. He gets busy. You might not see him before you go to bed." Meredith explained, remembering the message she got on her cellphone.

"Oh..." She said sadly.

"So Iz, what should we make for dinner?" Meredith asked. Izzie raised her eyebrows.

"Whatever you guys want." Izzie said as she looked in the refrigerator.

"I want macaroni and cheese!" Anna said quickly.

"I think we could do that. But you have to eat chicken too." Meredith explained.

"I had chicken for lunch." Anna whined.

"Chicken is good." Izzie said, convincing her to eat it again.

"Is you room clean?" Meredith asked Anna as she sat there on the stool swinging her feet.

"No." Anna replied frankly.

"You better clean it, or no ice cream." Meredith told her. She immediately ran upstairs.

"So how is it?" Izzie asked.

"What?" Meredith returned as she looked for something to drink.

"Being a mom." Izzie said with quickly.

"I'm not her mom..." Meredith said somewhat sadly.

"But you want to be." She said, looking at Meredith. "She already adores you."

"I know. That's why it's going to be so hard..." She trailed off as she sat down in a slump.

"What do you mean? What's going to be hard?" Izzie asked as she stopped cooking and looked at Meredith.

"When we have to give her back. It's only temporary. Plus her grandparents might not go to jail." Meredith said sadly.

"Don't think that way. You have no idea what will happen. Just enjoy her while you can." Izzie stated wisely.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Meredith said as she made her best attempt at a smile.

---------------

The rain was crashing against the windows. Meredith could hear the branches scratching against the side of the house. She loved the rain. But tonight, was different. It reminded her of when she was a little girl. She used to be scared to death when it thunder-stormed. She remembered one time when she was absolutely terrified. She knocked on her mom's door, and she just spat at her to go back to her room and quit being a baby. She would run back and cover her head. She nearly jumped in the air like a cat as the lightning struck. She just wished she had Derek to snuggle up to. As much as she wanted him there, she hoped he didn't try to drive home in the pouring rain. She heard little feet coming her way and she quit breathing to listen.

"Merediff?" She a tiny, scared voice say outside her bedroom door.

"Come in." Meredith said as she turned her head to look.

"I'm scared." She whined as she shut the door and walked up to the bed. She was holding her favorite stuffed horse named Sandy.

"It's okay, it's just the rain." She said sympathetically. Just then they heard a loud crack of lightning. Anna immediately jumped in bed with Meredith and hid under the covers. When it quieted down, she popped her head out. "Can I sleep with you?" She asked meekly.

"Of course you can." Meredith said with a smile.

"Good, cause I was gettin really scared." Anna said with relief. They laid there in silence for a while. "How come you don't have any kids?" Anna asked.

"Um. Well, I guess I just haven't yet." Meredith said, not knowing a better answer.

"You should. You would make a good mom. You are fun." Anna said with a giggle.

"We should go to bed." Meredith said as she closed her eyes. "You have an appointment with Ms. Rachel tomorrow."

"Do I have to talk to her? Last time I didn't talk to her cause I didn't want to." Anna explained.

"You should. It would be good to talk to her." Meredith said quickly.

"Okay. Goodnight." Anna said as she closed her eyes. The minute the next round of storms came, Meredith felt Anna cling to her as tightly as she could. Meredith just smiled.

---------------

Derek worked on an aneurysm for most of the night. They almost lost the man twice. All he could think about was Meredith and Anna. It was only her second night at their house, and he was already not there. He silently scolded himself. He wanted to be a father so badly, but now, he was wondering if he would even be being fair to a child. With the hours he worked, he barely had time for himself, and even less time for Meredith.

As he crossed the parking lot in the pouring rain, he had second thoughts. The rain was heavy, and the visibility was next to none. But he wanted to be home with Meredith, even if he did have to be back at the hospital in less than five hours. The windshield wipers on the jeep were flipping back and forth as quickly as they could as he drove home.

"You piece of shit." He muttered to the jeep as the water poured in the partly open door that wouldn't shut. Meredith had to get a new car, this one just wasn't cutting it anymore.

Derek smiled as he pulled in the driveway. He couldn't wait to get in their bed. He couldn't wait to lay next to the woman he loved. He quickly sat his bag down by the door and climbed the stairs. He looked in Anna's room. His heart leapt out of his chest when he didn't see her. He quickly rushed around the room, flipping this upside down. He hurried to Meredith's room to get her, and stopped in his tracks. There they were. Anna was cuddled so close to Meredith she was nearly invisible. He stood there and smiled. He had never seen something so sweet in his life. He quickly changed into his pajamas. He crept to Meredith's side of the bed to kiss her goodnight before he headed down to the sofa.

"Hey." Meredith muttered as she felt his warm lips against her.

"Hey." He said softly.

"She was scared." Meredith explained. "I didn't think you'd be home..."

"I had to come home and see you. I'm going to head downstairs to the sofa." He said as he kissed her again.

"No. I'll move over." She said as she moved Anna over and scooted herself. Derek laid down next to Meredith and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you." He whispered into her hair.

"I love you too." She said as they both closed their eyes and went to sleep.

----------

**I know it's kind of slow right now, but it will be moving along...**


	58. Big Step

The hospital had been killing Derek lately. It seemed like every time he tried to come home, another patient was needing something. The pit seemed to have a non-stop supply of neuro cases. He was doing craniotomies so much, he thought he could sleep during them. Meredith wasn't too upset, she knew it was the job. She herself was missing the hospital. She loved being home with Anna, but she still longed for the operating room. She had gotten a lot done. They had gotten Anna completely settled in. Anna was going to start her first day of school on Monday, and they had done a lot of studying. She hadn't been to school since long before her treatment. Meredith was hoping she would be okay.

Meredith woke up to an empty bed. She pulled Derek's pillow over to her. It was cold, he had been gone awhile. She brought it up to her face and breathed in deeply. That was all she had of him at the moment, and it wasn't enough. They were lucky if they stole a kiss goodnight from each other. Meredith rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. No wonder his pillow was cold, it was already nine o'clock. She was finding herself already falling out of her normal schedule.

"Merediff..." She heard Anna say at her door. She thought it was cute how she said her name.

"Yes?" Meredith answered.

"How come your still sleepin'?" Anna asked as she jumped in the bed with her.

"I guess I'm still tired." Meredith answered. "How long have you been up?"

"Awhile. I played with Lotti and Sandy, but I got bored." She explained as she looked up at Meredith.

"Well, Derek isn't here to make pancakes, so how about some cereal?" Meredith asked as she climbed out of bed.

"I like cereal!" Anna said as she jumped out of the bed and bounded down the stairs. Meredith slowly walked down the stairs, only to find Izzie sitting in the kitchen.

"You're off today?" Meredith asked.

"Uh huh." Izzie answered.

"Oh thank God!" Meredith said as she grabbed a bowl out of the china cabinet and pulled a spoon out of the drawer.

"Geez, Mer!" Izzie said nodding to Anna. "Tired already?"

"No. I have an appointment today. One that Anna shouldn't attend." Meredith said as she pulled the box of muesli off the the shelf.

"Oh. So you want me to babysit." Izzie answered sarcastically, as if she were disappointed.

"Not if you don't want to." Meredith said as she poured the cereal in the bowl.

"I'd love to!" Izzie said exuberantly.

"Anna? How would you like that?" Meredith asked. Anna looked at her with a frown.

"It will be fun. We can go to the park..." Izzie said, trying to tempt the small child.

"Okay..." She finally answered.

"Here you go. Eat up!" Meredith said as she handed her the bowl of muesli. She dragged her spoon around the bottom. Finally she took a bite of it and stuck her tongue out.

"Yuck!" She said as she pushed the bowl away.

"Muesli is good." Izzie said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Derek eats it." Meredith sang out.

"He does?" Anna asked. Meredith nodded yes. She pulled the bowl up to her and took another bite. "I guess it's okay." She said as she began eating.

"So what time is your appointment?" Izzie asked as she looked up at Meredith.

"Eleven." Meredith answered with a huff.

"Well, you better take a shower. Besides, Anna and I are going to have some girl talk." Izzie said with a giggle.

"What's girl talk?" Meredith heard Anna say as she walked up the stairs.

-----------------

Meredith's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. She couldn't believe she was doing this. She couldn't believe she was taking this step. She was willing to change her life's path. She was willing to change everything. What's more is she was wanting to. Her mind was not on her task at hand. She quickly slammed the brakes, almost smacking into the car in front of her. She took a deep breath and told herself to pay attention.

She pulled up to the small medical building. It was small, but it held some of the best doctors in the area. She sat in Derek's Land Rover, laid back her head and sighed. She looked at the vehicle's clock. She had to go in. She wanted to go in. But at the same time, she felt a resistance pushing her back. Derek popped in her head, and that was all she needed. She quickly walked into the building purposefully. She was doing this, ready or not.

"Dr. Grey, if you would just look over this and make any changes." The receptionist said as she handed her the clipboard.

Meredith nodded and took a seat in one of the pale green chairs. She looked around the office. It was modern. It was bright and cheery. She glanced at the clipboard, everything looked good. She walked it back up to the desk and returned to her seat. She glanced over at a mother in the corner. She was pregnant and had three kids running around her. Meredith couldn't believe it. All of that chaos, and she seemed perfectly content.

"Meredith." She heard the nurse say as she opened the door. She quickly rose from her chair and crossed the room. She followed the nurse into an exam room.

"So you are here to get your IUD removed today?" The nurse asked as she glanced up at her. Meredith nodded. "Have you been feeling okay?"

"I've been fine." Meredith said softly as she glanced around the room. The artwork was mostly of nature. It was very soothing.

"Please put this gown on." She said she she handed her the paper-thin exam gown. "Dr. Daniels will be in in a few minutes." She said as she walked out.

Meredith hastily stripped her clothing off. She folded everything up and piled it on a chair in the corner. She sat on the exam table. She hated being on the receiving end of anything medical. She looked at the little metal sink in the corner. The box of exam gloves on the counter top. There was a poster on the door, explaining how to improve your chances of getting pregnant. Five minutes went by, then ten, then thirty. She rolled her eyes and finally laid back on the table and closed her eyes. She sat up when she heard the door open.

"Meredith. How are you?" The middle-aged man with grey peppered hair asked as he walked in.

"Good." She answered quietly.

"Well, this is a shock." He said as he looked over her chart. "You're here to get you IUD removed?" He asked. She nodded her head. "Is everything okay? Has it been causing you any pain?" He asked with concern.

"No. It has been fine." She answered.

"During you last visit you were adamant about keeping it. In fact, I was waiting for you to say you wanted a total hysterectomy. Do you mind if I ask what the change is?" He asked as he looked at her in surprise.

"Well, I have met a man. The love of my life..." She smiled as she trailed off, thinking about him.

"So you want to get pregnant?" He asked her.

"Eventually, yes. I think so." She said quickly.

"Well, you have the copper IUD, so technically you will be able to get pregnant immediately after removal. But that isn't always the case. I would honestly say it may take a while. So, if you don't want to get pregnant right away, I advise you to use some sort of contraceptive." He explained, she nodded. "Well, if this is what you want, let's get started." He said as he motioned for a nurse to come.

She laid her head back on the table and closed her eyes. This was not how she wanted to spend her day. This was not her idea of fun. She heard him explain what he was going to do.

"Some women experience some pain." He said. "Did you have any pain upon insertion?" He asked.

"Yes." She said quickly, remembering the pain quite well.

"So how has work been?" He asked casually.

"Fine." Are you freaking kidding me? You have your hands up my vagina and you want to have small talk.

"Anything interesting?" He asked.

"Um, not really." She said, trying to make him uninterested.

"Okay." He said. She felt him start pulling.

"Holy shit!" She shouted, as she felt the pain. She laid her head back and clenched her teeth.

"It can be more painful for woman you haven't given birth." He explained. He continued on for a few minutes. "Okay, we've got it." He said. "You may experience some pain, and bleeding, but everything looks okay." He said with a smile.

"Okay." She muttered out.

"You can get dressed." He said as he stood up and left the room. She changed and sat there. He finally came back in.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm in a little pain, but I'm okay." She said, silently cursing him.

"Well, let me know if you have any problems." He said as he nodded and walked out.

Meredith walked out to the car and sat in the driver's seat. At this moment, she hated Derek. She was doing it for him. Maybe a little for herself, too. But it was mainly for him, and now she hurt. She had just given birth to an IUD, and after that, she wasn't looking forward to pushing a seven pound baby out any time soon.

She grabbed out her organizer and decided to write a note. She scratched her pen across it, and it just indented the paper. She threw her pen down and opened Derek's center consul. She rummaged around inside, looking for a pen. Her face hardened when she came across a condom. She had been in that compartment many times, and she was sure that it was not there before. It bothered her. It shouldn't have. He had a life before her. They had never used one. They should have, and she knew she was taking a big risk the first time. But after that, they knew they were both disease free and never had because of the IUD. Something about that tiny package unnerved her. She knew it hadn't been there. She threw the pen back in and turned the key, starting the car. She had thoughts in the back on her mind, bust she knew she was being stupid, so she quickly tried to push them out.

----------------

Derek was hoping her would get home at a decent hour tonight. Maybe then, he and Meredith would have a real conversation. A little sex would hurt either, he thought to himself. He was standing at the nurses station completely engrossed in his charts. His mind was somewhere else. His mind was at home with Meredith. He didn't even hear the tiny feet running toward him.

"Mr. Derek!" Anna shouted as she quickly ran up to him.

"Anna! We don't run in a hospital." Izzie shouted. Anna stopped in her tracks and turned to Izzie.

"They are!" She said as she pointed to the code team running by.

"Because they are trying to save someone's life." Izzie scolded as she walked towards her.

"Mr. Derek." Anna said as she walked up to Derek.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he bent down to her level.

"Izzie brought me." She said quickly.

"I had to get something out of my locker." Izzie explained as she moved closer.

"Oh. Is Meredith okay?" He asked as he looked up at her with a concerned face.

"Yeah, she's fine. She had some kind of appointment. So I watched Anna." Izzie said cheerfully.

"An we had fun. We went to the park and lunch. Then we came here. Izzie says we're going to get some ice cream too!" She said happily

"That sounds like fun." He said with a smile.

"Did you work on any brains today?" She asked.

"Lost of them." He said with a bit of exhaustion in his voice.

"Merediff said you were saving lives and maybe you would be home tonight. Are you going to be home tonight? Cause I want you to read me a story. An I think Merediff misses you. She seemed sad this morning." Anna rambled to him.

"I am going to try to be home tonight." He said, knowing that he couldn't make any promises.

"Good, cause I miss you too." She said sweetly.

"Well, Anna, I think Derek needs to get back to work. We need to go." Izzie told her.

"Okay." She moaned. "Goodbye Mr. Derek." She said as she gave him a hug. He smelled her head, and her hair smelled just like Meredith's, making him smile.

Derek watched as Izzie and Anna walked off. He knew he had to get home tonight. He needed to spend some quality time with his family.

"Interesting..." Holly said as she appeared from behind the desk where she was eavesdropping.

"What's that?" Derek asked, not taking the bait.

"I thought I had heard something about this...but now it had been confirmed..." Holly said matter-of-factly.

"What would that be?" Derek asked as she looked at a chart.

"I just can't believe they would kid that kid to her. You, I can understand. Not her. How funny. She will adopt some damaged kid, but I bet she won't have kids will she?" Holly sang.

"Meredith and I are completely happy." Derek said as he walked away.

"Not for long..." She seethed when he was out of earshot.

---------------

Meredith laid down in her bed. She was sore and tired. She also couldn't keep her mind from wandering. She was praying that she did the right thing. It wasn't permanent. She could do something about it. There were options. She had finally opened up, and taken a step. She just hoped Derek was on the same page. It was hard to know, considering she never told him what age she was on.

Meredith heard the front door open and the loud chattering of a very wired Anna. She knew Izzie well enough to know that there had to be a great deal of sugar involved in whatever they did. She looked over at the clock. It was already seven. They had spent the whole day doing whatever Izzie does. She dragged herself out of bed and walked down the stairs. Anna immediately filled her ear with the days events. Izzie looked over at Meredith's green face.

"Are you feeling okay?" Izzie asked as she walked over.

"I'm okay." She moaned, not convincing her.

"Anna, I think you need to take a bath?" She asked, Meredith nodded.

"Yay! I'm gonna get my toys." She said as she ran up the stairs.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Izzie asked.

"I am just really tired." She said as she yawned.

"You know what? You go upstairs. Anna and I are having a good time. We went to dinner. I'll give her a bath, and put her to bed." Izzie said helpfully.

"Izzie, you don't have to." Meredith said.

"No, I want to. Go!" She said as she led her along.

"Thanks." Meredith said. She walked upstairs and started her own bath.

-------------

Meredith laid there with her eyes closed. She heard the front door open. She knew it was either George or Derek, and her money was on George. She heard her door open. She heard his heavy footsteps cross the room. She heard his drawer open, and then he shut the bathroom door. She should have gotten up. She should have said something. She wasn't in the mood. She was sore, and crampy, and she knew she would have snapped at him. She laid there listening for him to come out. He crossed the room swiftly and laid on the bed next to her. She felt his lips press against hers.

"Goodnight." He whispered with disappointment. He had gotten home early. It was nine o'clock. They never went to bed this early. But with the work he had been doing lately, he knew he could easily fall asleep.

"Goodnight." Meredith muttered back.

"Ah, you're awake." He said with a smile as he leaned over and covered her mouth with his. His tongue entered her mouth, pressing against hers. He travelled down to her neck. His lips kissing right in the crook. He pulled up her shirt and started kissing her abdomen. She felt his fingers tugging nimbly on her shorts. He started to slide time down.

"If you stick anything inside of me, I will KILL you." She growled. His head shot up in shock. He looked into her eyes and knew she was serious.

"Mer, what's wrong?" He asked as he moved up to her. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I am not mad at you." She said loudly. She looked angry. Really it wasn't anger, he wasn't sure what it was. "Mer--"

"I am fine, Derek." She said as she rolled over.

"How would you like some ice cream?" He asked as it snapped in his head. He knew what was wrong. It was that time, and he wasn't messing with that.

"That would be good." She said as she turned over and her face softened. "I'm sorry, Derek. I'm just--"

"No need to explain." He said as he jogged off to get her ice cream. He was just glad he realized what was going on, otherwise, he would have thought something major had happened.

------

**I posted the wrong chapter earlier...sorry!**


	59. Throw Away the Raincoat

Meredith moaned as she searched through her dresser for a pair of jeans. She had to fins just the right ones. Her favorite pair. Then it dawned on her that they were in the dirty laundry. She sighed and settled for a different pair. Derek was already done getting dressed and he was downstairs with Anna. It wasn't fair, it didn't take too much for him to get him ready. She pulled her sweater over her wet hair. Her jeans slid on easily, and she quickly walked downstairs. She smiled when she walked in the living room. Derek was down on the floor, coloring with Anna.

"What are you guys doing?" She asked as she put her hands on her hips.

"Coloring." Anna answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh..." Meredith said as she walked over and examined their artwork.

"Which one is better?" Derek asked competitively.

"Ah, let me see." She looked over both of their brightly colored pictures. Derek was perfectly in the lines. In fact, he had even shaded in different spots to show depth. It was absolutely perfect, and very typical of him. Anna's however was far from being in the lines, but cute, nonetheless. "Definitely Anna's." She said with a smile. Derek pretended to pout.

"Really?" Anna asked with a bright smile.

"Uh huh." Meredith returned. "Addison should be here any minute. You don't mind staying with her, do you?" Meredith asked.

"The lady with the fire hair?" Anna asked, causing both Meredith and Derek to burst out with laughter.

"Yes, the lady with the fire hair." Derek answered, shaking his head.

"Yeah, I like her. She is fun. We have girl time just like me and Izzie. Addison like to talk about clothes. Rada and---" She started.

"Prada?" Meredith asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, that." Anna giggled. "She said she is going to take me shopping for real shoes. No more kid stuff!"

"Oh, you're growing up fast." Derek said with a laugh.

"Yep." Anna agreed. They heard the doorbell ring. Meredith walked over to answer it.

"Addison. Thank you so much. You really didn't have to do this." Meredith said as she led Addison in. Addison was carrying bags.

"Are you kidding me? I love it. Plus you and Derek need some alone time." Addison pointed out.

"Oh yes, parenting classes are wonderful alone time!" Meredith said sarcastically.

"Maybe not, but you two are going to dinner. I am going a gourmet meal for Anna and I..." Addison said happily as she raised the bags.

"What's gourmet?" Anna asked.

"It means it's going to be really good." Meredith explained. "You don't have to."

"Mer, she wants to. It's what Addie does." Derek said as he walked up and kissed her. "And we are going to dinner." He told her as he moved down to her neck.

"Oh mush!" Anna said as she covered her face.

"You better get used to that, Anna. They do it a lot." Addison said with a laugh as she walked over to the kitchen.

"Well, we're gonna to get going." Derek said as he placed his hand on the small of Meredith's back.

"Don't hurry back. And have a good time!" Addison yelled. Meredith and Derek could hear Addison and Anna giggling.

----------------

Meredith and Derek suffered through the parenting class. Derek made her sit in the back. She had been heading to the front, and he dragged her back. At first she didn't know why. Then he made it quite obvious. Derek would flash her a dirty smile, and she would just shake her head. Next he ran his hand down her leg and gripped her inner-thigh. She quickly clamped her legs shut and gave him a dirty look. She was trying to pay attention, but he was making it very hard. Sure the classes were helpful for some people, but ninety-nine percent of it was common sense. Derek didn't think he needed it and he was making it quite clear.

"That was horrible. In fact, I think that was worse than a medical conference!" Derek said as they walked to the car.

"It wasn't that bad." Meredith said, trying to be as optimistic as possible. Derek rushed ahead and opened the door.

"Your chariot, my lady." He said as he bowed down.

"Seriously, don't do that." She said as she climbed in.

"You know you love it." He said with a laugh as he shut the door. Meredith glanced down at the center consul, and shook her head.

"Okay, let's go." He said as he climbed in his Land Rover. He wanted to hug it. She watched as he ran his fingertips over the steering wheel with a gentle touch. "I have something I need to get off my chest." He said with a serious tone. She thought she was going to be sick. She didn't know if she should just jump out now, rather than feel the pain of the words he was going to say.

"Wha--what?" She stammered nervously.

"It's me or that piece of shit." He spat out.

"What?" She said quickly.

"That damn jeep. It's my or Billie." She laughed. It was full of relief.

"I'm sorry, Derek." She said as she shock her head with a bit of seriousness in her voice. "I'm so sorry..." She said, barely able to hold her laughter in.

"You're picking the car?" He said in shock.

"He's been with me a long time. He's never hurt me, he's protected me..." Finally she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Seriously, Mer. I don't feel right about it. I know you like your car, but I don't think you're safe. I have been driving it, and I'm not so sure. you mean too much for me. And I don't don't want my daughter in it either..." He said, then he realized what he said.

"You just called her your---" Meredith replied.

"I know..." He said in shock. They both sat there for a minute in complete silence. "If it's the money..."

"Derek, it's not the money. I love that car." Meredith responded sadly.

"It doesn't love you anymore. It's time to move on." He said trying to hold in the laughter. The conversation was sounding much too serious. "So, the next day you are off, I am buying you a new car."

"You are not!" She spat. "If I want a new car, I will buy it. I don't want you doing that." She said quickly.

"Mer, it's just money. I love you. I want to buy you a car." He said. She looked out the side window, then she turned and glanced at the consul again. She was doing it. She reached over and opened it.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he looked over at her. _She looked at him. Oh yeah. You're caught now!_

"Um, looking for a mint or something." She said as she rummaged.

"Or something?" He chuckled. "Well have at it..."

"Oh, what's this?" She said as she pulled the condom out. "Are you meeting girls now?" She asked quickly.

"You're kidding, right?" He asked as he looked over at her. "You're not...You're not!" He said in shock. "Mer, I would never do that to you. I can't believe you would even think it!"

"Well...why do you have it?" She asked as she threw it back in, and shut the consul.

"First of all, how long have you known that was in there? Because you obviously weren't looking for mints." He said.

"A few days." She pouted as she looked out the window.

"So, instead of talking to me, you stew?" He asked.

"I---" She started.

"You talk. No matter what it is, you talk to me. Don't do this non-communication bullshit. I love you. I want you. If you think I would throw it all away for a fling or a quick screw, you are crazy. I have everything I could ever want or need sitting right next to me." He said as he looked over into her eyes.

"I'm sorry..." She said as he looked at him with tear rimmed eyes. "I do trust you..."

"Then show it. Because I trust you with my life. I hope that you feel the same way." He said sadly.

"I do...I really do." She said.

"So do you really want to know why I have it?" He asked, looking over at her. She shook her head no. "Yes you do." He said with a chuckle.

"Fine! Yes, I do." She said, defeated.

"Because the first minute I saw you, I wanted to get in your pants. That first night, when we went to dinner with Addison and Stan. When we had hot sex, in this very car, that's when I put it in here. We just didn't use it. I just wanted to get in your pants, that's all." He said with a chuckle.

"You are horrible." She said as she socked him in the arm.

"I know." He returned with a smile.

---------------

"Anna went to see the therapist this morning." Meredith said as she took a bite of her steak.

"How did it go?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"It was okay. She doesn't know that her grandparents are in jail." Meredith said sadly.

"She doesn't? What the hell does she think?" He asked her as he took a bite of his lobster.

"Apparently on vacation. And the therapist doesn't want to say anything until it is final. She didn't think that her knowing would be helpful if they get out." Meredith explained, looking into his somewhat shocked eyes.

"How can we not say anything? We can't lie to her. She is going to start to wonder." Derek defended his thoughts.

"I don't know. Either way she will be crushed. But we need to follow the therapist's instructions for now." She said as she took a sip of wine.

"You look beautiful tonight." He said as he looked into her eyes. The candles where flickering in her eyes.

"You just want sex." She said with a giggle.

"Yes, I do want sex. But I do mean it. You are beautiful." He told her, looking across the table.

"Well, if you keep that up...you might get lucky." Meredith said with another infectious giggle.

"I just may want to be lucky." He answered.

They both stared into each other's eyes. They couldn't take it. It was like a disease. It took them over. Being around each other, they were unable to control their actions. Derek could see the need in her eyes. It was only matched by his own. Derek grabbed his wallet out of his back pocket. He grabbed several large bills and threw them down. They both stood, simultaneously and made a mad dash for the door.

"Oh God, Derek." She whined as he unlocked the doors on the suv. "I need you." They both climbed in the back seat. He quickly flipped the seat down in one motion.

Derek looked at her soft features. She put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in. Their lips crashed into each other with insurmountable passion. It felt perfect. Like it was the only thing they were supposed to do. He pushed his tongue deeply into her mouth. Her tongue collided with his. Derek moaned as he touched her head, and he ran his fingers through it's soft goldenness. She moaned as he began to kiss her neck. Her whole body ached for him. Meredith climbed onto him. She pulled began unbuttoning his shirt with force. They weren't coming quick enough. She quickly ran her hands down the middle, popping buttons off.

"Meredith..." Derek moaned into her soft skin.

"God I need you..." Meredith whined.

Derek pulled her shift over her head and quickly began kissing her chest. It felt right, even if they were in the parking lot of a very busy restaurant. She could feel his rock hard erection pressing through his jeans. She was aching for him. Derek's kisses proceeded down between her breasts. She leaned back, letting out a moan.

Derek gave her a smile as he rolled her over onto her back. She leaned up and he unbuttoned and pulled off her jeans. He loved the way they slide off of her perfect frame. He paused for a moment and stared at her in her black bra and panties. He unclasped her bra, sliding it off her shoulders. His tongue trailed down her breasts. She moaned and arched her back. Derek began placing soft kisses on her abdomen moving down to the intended spot. He hooked her tiny black thong with his fingers, pulling it off and down her legs as she lifted them slightly. He threw it aside. He gently spread her legs and kissed her thighs. She arched her back and moaned as his tongue entered her. She could feel her body respond.

"Derek, oh, Derek!" She responded as he pushed her to a peak. She screeched loudly and Derek came up, his lips crashing into hers. Meredith rolled him over and smiled as she unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down. She looked into his dark eyes, full of need. His erection was making itself visible through his boxers. She pulled them off and slowly made her way down. She placed his shaft in her mouth. She slowly flicked it's head with her tongue, causing him to moan.

"Oh, God Meredith!" She placed her hand around him, moving quickly. He placed his hand on the back of her head and cried out as he was near to exploding. She crawled up, and placed her lips on his.

"I need you Mer. I need you now!" He shouted. A light bulb flashed in her head.

"Just a sec." She said as she crawled her way to the front seat.

"You're kidding me, right?" He asked with worry, as he whipped his head around.

"I guess this little guy stuck around for a reason." She said as she ripped the wrapper off of the condom.

"Why do we need that?" He asked, slightly offended.

"I know about you and the nurses. Especially Olivia." She said jokingly.

"Oh my God, Mer." He said in disgust.

"I just don't want to catch your diseases." She said with a laugh.

"Mer--" he started.

"Derek, I am kidding." She said with a giggle.

"I need the condom because..." She started.

"Wow, I can't believe I didn't see it. An appointment. You were sore. And nasty." She smacks him. "Hey! You were. Oh my God, did you?" He asked.

"I got my IUD removed. Enough talk." She shouted as she rolled the condom onto his waiting shaft. She looked into his eyes and straddled him. She rocked slowly at first. She increased in speed and intensity. "Meredith..." He moaned. She rocked harder and harder, causing him to about. "Derek! Oh God, Oh God!" She felt herself at the edge. Her body tightened around him. "Oh Meredith!" He shouted as she tightened up. He felt her warm cum rush around him. She moaned loudly. He felt himself burst, releasing warm fluid.

"Oh my God Mer. Oh God!" He shouted. They both rolled onto their backs, panting. "What does this mean?" He asked.

"This means..." She said, trying to catch her breath. "That as soon as you are ready...I want to start a family..." She panted. Derek looked at her and smiled. It was a smile mixed with happiness and worry. She wanted what he wanted. She was ready. He had known want he wanted, but after the recent time scheduling, he wasn't sure if he could. He didn't know if he'd ever have time to be able to be a good father.

Derek looked into her eyes. He could tell she was waiting for an answer. She looked so happy. She had done a lot for him. This was a huge step for her. He had pressured her, and now he couldn't just back out. He knew he couldn't do that to her. Things would have to change. He would have to change. He wanted a family, and he had to make time for them.

"I'm ready." He said with a smile as he leaned in a kissed her softly.

"Wow." She said as she laid her head against his wet chest.

"Yeah." He moaned as he closed his eyes.

"Oh my God!" She said as she looked at the window. Derek glanced over. He saw and older man with gray hair looking in the side window. The old man looked at both of them and gave Derek a thumbs up. Derek looked over at Meredith, then looked at the man and nodded and smiled. He and his wife quickly walked away.

"That was humiliating on so many levels." She said as she hastily began dressing.

"I guess that's what we get for having sex in a parking lot!" He laughed as he began to dress. "We better get back to Addison anyhow." He said as they both continued to dress and then climbed into the front seat.

---------------

"Did you guys have a good time?" Addison asked as they walked into the kitchen holding hands.

"Yes, thank you so much, Addison." Meredith said with a grin. "I can pick up."

"No, Anna and I made the mess..." Addison explained. "She's been asleep for about an hour. She was wonderful. I think she had a really good time. O'Malley went to stay with Torres and Izzie called to say she was on-call. So it looks like it's just you two." She said with a smile. "But you already had sex..." Meredith and Derek's faces dropped.

"How did you know?" Meredith asked.

"It is written all over both of you. Besides, Derek has been awful grumpy lately. The hospital staff will thank you!" Addison chuckled as she put the last dish in the cabinet.

"I haven't been that bad." Derek chuckled and Addison shot him a glare. "Okay, maybe I have been that bad."

"We can fix that." Meredith giggled.

"Okay, I take that as my cue to leave. I'm sure my husband is missing me by now." Addison as she grabbed her purse and headed to the door.

"Thanks again, Addie." Derek shouted.

"Anytime." Addison said as she shut the door.

"So what do you want to do?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"Well...First I want to get rid of you clothes. Then, I want to cover you in kisses. After that, I want to make a baby." Derek explained.

Meredith ran over to Derek and grabbed his hand, leading him upstairs. They both stopped at Anna's shut door. The glittery purple letters that spelled her name shown in the moonlight. Meredith turned the handle, opening the door. Anna was laying in her bed, fast asleep. Derek laughed. she was wearing pink and green watermelon pajamas that she just had to have. The moved closer, seeing that Addison had painted her finger and toe nails. Both of them bent down and give her a kiss goodnight on her soft head. They exited the room, shutting the door softly.

"So, let's get to this." Derek said with a smile as he began to strip. "I want to do this until we get it right." Meredith giggled as she pulled her clothes off and jumped on the bed. Derek quickly crawled up with her. He kissed her neck and moved down to her chest. She smiled at him and she pulled him back up to her. He looked into her eyes. He could read her like a book. He slowly entered her. She moaned as he paused with a sigh.

"Let's make a baby..." Meredith moaned into his ear.

---------------

**The last chapter...Derek thought she was surfing the crimson wave. He didn't realize she got the IUD removed. There is a lot to come. There are issues that need to be resolved. Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	60. Sleep in Underrated

Meredith and Derek didn't sleep last night. Derek was insistent on getting several good tries in, and Meredith was onboard with the grand plan. Meredith woke up looking into Derek's deep eyes. He was just staring at her, just watching. They were in a tangled mess of bed sheets, neither needed them with the heat they had created.

"Do I have something on my face?" She asked with a slight giggle.

"No. I was just looking at perfection. All my life-- And now here I am, laying next to perfection." He said with a serious face.

"Perfection? I think not!" She laughed. "You are going to give me a complex!" She pointed out.

"I love you." He said as he leaned in and kissed her.

"I love you too." She whispered back.

"So, do you feel pregnant?" Derek asked. Meredith rolled her eyes and giggled.

"Derek..." She muttered.

"Well, I have to say my guys made a damn good presentation. They were on a mission." He said with a chuckle.

"I'm sure they were..." She giggled along with him.

"What time is it?" She asked and she laid there not wants to avert her gaze from his eyes.

"Seven." He stated.

"Nice and early..." Meredith said with raised brows. "You have the day off. I have to day off. Anna is asleep. We have about an hour before she wakes up...Whatever can we do?" She said as she looked off into space.

"I think I can think of something..." He said as he pulled her over on top of him.

"Your mind had only one thought...dirty." She scorned.

"In this bed, with you, yes, it does!" He agreed. She sat up and straddled him, moving her hips.

"Well, I think I can satisfy your dirty mind." She laughed.

"Can you now?" He asked as he rolled her onto her back and quickly pushed her knees up, thrusting into her deeply.

"Oh God!" She yelled loudly. He continued thrusting, making her moan.

"God, Mer..." He moaned. He could feel her tightening around him. She quickly began to scream as her climax took over.

"Derek! Oh God, harder!" She yelled over the banging of the headboard.

"Oh, Mer! Oh God, baby!" He shouted as he continued to pound into her harder. She felt him release into her. "Oh..." Derek moaned as they rolled over. They both laid there, staring at each other. Their eyes widened when they heard loud crying outside the door.

"Shit!" Meredith muttered as she jumped out of the bed and threw on a tee shirt and pants. "Get dressed." She hissed as she walked to the door. She quickly walked out, shutting the door behind her. Her face dropped when she saw Anna, sitting in the floor outside the door, crying.

"Anna, what's wrong?" Meredith said as she knelt down to her. Anna looked up to her with red eyes.

"You and Mr. Derek are fighting..." She whined.

"No we aren't." Meredith said softly.

"You're not?" Anna asked as she perked up.

"No..." Meredith returned as she pulled her close.

"I heard yelling and banging." Anna said as she stared into Meredith's eyes.

"We were just playing!" Meredith said with a laugh, her face turning red.

"Oh!" Anna laughed. "Can I play too?" Meredith's face turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Only if you like tickle fights!" Meredith said as she ran into their bedroom, Anna following her.

"What are we doing?" Derek asked with a chuckle as he looked at the two of them laying in the bed. Meredith was tickling Anna.

"Having a tickling fight." Meredith said. "Come on, I need your help!" She yelled, as she began tickling Anna. Derek walked over and helped. Anna began laughing hysterically.

"Stop!" She shouted in between laughs.

"What did you say?" Derek asked with a laugh.

"Stop!" She said again. They both stopped and smiled at her. "I didn't mean it!" She giggled, and they both started again. She laughed even harder.

"Are you hungry?" Meredith asked as she stopped.

"Yup." Anna said as Derek stopped tickling.

"Well, maybe Derek will teach me to make french toast." Meredith said as she looked at Derek and he nodded.

"Sounds like fun..." Derek said as he pulled her out of the bed. Anna jumped up and ran down the stairs. "We need to be more careful." He said seriously.

"No kidding." She said quickly as she followed him down. They both arrived in the kitchen to see Anna getting out the pans and bowls.

"Whatcha doing, honey?" Derek asked with a smile. Meredith covered her face, to cover her creeping laughter.

"Gettin' things ready." She said happily. "I helped Aunt Addison yesterday, she showed me where everything was. I had to help at home." She said nonchalantly.

"Aunt Addison?" Derek asked with raised brows. He and Meredith shared a look.

"Yep." Anna said as she continued with she was doing. They started pulling out the ingredients, and supplies.

"So, I think tonight would be a good time to go to dinner with Ellis and Richard." Meredith said, looking over at Derek.

"Really?" He asked with surprise.

"Yeah. It's time, so get your armor on." She said with a sigh.

--------------

"Which dress do you want to wear?" Meredith asked as she laid out three nice dressed on the bed.

"That one." Anna said as she pointed at the pale yellow dress.

"Okay. Find the matching shoes." Meredith told her.

"Where are we going?" Anna asked as she rummaged around her closet.

"To dinner. At a very nice restaurant. Where you will have to be on your best behavior." Meredith warned.

"I will." She said with a smile.

"Which hair do you want to wear?" Meredith asked, as she looked at the selection.

"This one..." Anna said as she pointed to a dark blond one. "It looks like yours."

"You don't have to wear it. You can do whatever you want." Meredith said softly as she rubbed her head.

"I wanna tonight." She said as she grabbed it.

"I need to take a shower when Derek is done. I'll help you get dressed when I get out, okay?" Meredith asked.

"I can get dressed." Anna said as she looked at the dress. "I'll play with Sandy for awhile." She said as she grabbed her stuffed horse. Meredith walked her way to her bathroom. Anna grabbed her dress and pulled it over herself. She squirmed as she got it stuck. She heard Derek's heavy footsteps.

"Mr. Dereeekk!" She shrieked.

"Whoa. You look like you've been attacked by a yellow monster!" He laughed as he walked over.

"I need help." She said in desperation.

"And I will help." Derek said as he unzipped it and pulled it over her.

"Oh thank you!" She said exuberantly.

"You are very welcome." He answered as he zipped it up.

"Derek!" Meredith shouted from the other room.

"I think you're--I think Meredith needs help too." He said as he patted her head and walked out.

"Can you zip me?" Meredith asked as she turned her back to him.

"I suppose...but I like the unzipped version better." He said coyly.

"You'd better behave. We barely covered our asses earlier." She scorned him.

"Literally." He said with a grin. She returned it with a smack in the arm.

"Is Anna dressed?" Meredith asked as she went into the bathroom to put her makeup on.

"So, do you think your mom will keep her claws in?" Derek asked.

"Probably not. But I swear, if she steps out of line...if she says anything inappropriate to Anna. I will hurt her, Derek." She said angrily. "I did tell Richard. He can pretty much keep her in line."

"So you and Richard..." Derek said with a grin. "You seem to be...closer."

"No. He can just control my mother." Meredith said quickly.

"He cares about you, Mer. And I think, you do too." Derek said in a sing song way as he walked out of the bedroom.

Derek and Anna waited patiently by the front door. Derek kept glancing at his watch. If she didn't get down here soon, he was going to have to go up and drag her down. He knew it didn't take her this long. She was procrastinating. Derek knew she didn't want to go, but she was taking a step.

Meredith didn't want to go. In fact, she was wondering why she had asked. She took the step. She didn't have to. If she was smart, she would have kept her mouth shut. Then she wouldn't be going to a dinner where she was going to run the Ellis Grey gamut. She sighed, knowing she couldn't hold out any longer. She slowly made her way down the stairs in her chocolate brown gown. Derek's eyes lit up the minute he saw her.

"Merediff, you look pretty!" Anna said as her eyes got wide.

"Mer, you look beautiful." Derek exclaimed as he kissed her cheek.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked.

"As I'll ever be." Meredith muttered as she walked out the door and to Derek's car. Derek rushed over and opened the door for Anna. He quickly folded the seat back and helped Anna in.

"So I get to see your mommy?" Anna asked happily.

"Yes you do." Meredith said as she turned around and looked at her.

"Is she nice?" Anna asked. Derek and Meredith both looked at each other.

"Well...um, she is very serious. She doesn't laugh. She doesn't have fun." Meredith explained.

"Oh." Anna said as if all her fun was now spoiled.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." Meredith moaned.

"It will be fine." Derek said as he grabbed her hand and squeezed.

"What's this?" Anna asked as she held the item up. Meredith turned around and gasped.

"Yuck! That's yuck! Put that down!" She shouted. Anna immediately dropped it. Derek stopped at the red light. He turned around and the color ran from his face. Meredith started hitting him. Anna looked worried.

"Damn you Derek! Why didn't you throw that away. That is disgusting!" She seethed. "Derek's in a time out. And so am I. Rub this on your hands." She said as she handed her hand sanitizer.

"Oh." Anna said quickly. "Is it a balloon? It looks like a balloon."

"No. It's not a balloon." Derek said as he got the death glare from Meredith.

"Then what is it?" Anna asked.

"It's an--it's a medical thing. It's gross, and dirty. Don't touch it!" Meredith reiterated.

"Okay." Anna said, finally satisfied. Derek pulled into the parking lot at the both took a big sigh before climbing out of the vehicle. Meredith held Anna's tiny hand as they walked in and were led to their table.

"Meredith, Derek." Richard said as he rose from the table.

"Richard." Meredith said as he gave her a small hug.

"You look gorgeous!" Richard told her.

"Thank you..." Meredith returned. "Mother." She said as she nodded.

"Derek. How are you?" Ellis asked as she walked up and hugged him.

"I am great. And you?" He asked.

"Good, very good." Ellis said quickly.

"And you must be Anna..." Richard asked as he shook her hand.

"Yep." Anna said with a smile.

"How are you?" Ellis asked Anna. Anna got an intimidated look on her face.

"Good." She said meekly as she hid behind Meredith.

"Let's sit down." Meredith suggested as she took her place, motioning for Anna to sit next to her.

"So, how was the hospital?" Derek asked Richard.

"It survived without you." Richard said with a laugh.

"And how has it been with you, Ellis?" Derek asked as he looked over.

"Fine. Business as always." She said quickly as she looked at her menu. Meredith caught a glare from her. She quickly poured herself a glass of wine. "I don't think they have tequila here, dear." Ellis spat at Meredith. Meredith ignored her and kept reading. Derek winced behind his menu.

"So Anna, what would you like?" Meredith asked her. Meredith motioned for her to bend down to her.

"Merediff, your mom scares me." She whispered.

"She scares me too." Meredith said with a giggle.

"So, I had no idea you had intentions of doing this." She said as she motioned to Anna, who was swinging her legs.

"I didn't." Meredith said dryly.

"I found out from nurses. My own daughter couldn't even tell me." She stated. "I thought you were going to be a surgeon." Ellis spat.

"Ellis!" Richard said quickly.

"What? There is an elephant in the room. I am going to point it out." Ellis said frankly.

"I am going to be a surgeon." Meredith said nastily.

"With a-- I did it. You nearly brought me to my knees. I am stronger than you. You should just give up. I'm sure you would look nice with spit up and finger paint all over you. At least she is a decent age. I can't imagine if you had raised her. Not to mention who gets a child with someone they aren't even married to." Ellis spat angrily. Anna had no idea what was going on. Derek was busy distracting her.

"No. We aren't doing this. It stops now. I don't want to listen to you all night. I did this for Richard. I don't care if you are here. In fact, I wish you weren't because everything I do, in your eyes, is wrong. I tried. It doesn't matter, nothing is good enough. We don't have a relationship, and I can deal with that. But please, for the sake of her, keep your mouth shut." Meredith said in a loud whisper. Ellis looked at her in shock and shut her mouth.

"So, Meredith? You will be back on Tuesday?" Richard asked.

"Of course. Anna starts her first day of school on Monday." Meredith stated. Anna perked up.

"Are you excited?" Richard asked. Anna shook her head yes. "It will be fun. I want to be a doctor!"

"Richard is a doctor." Meredith said.

"Really? What kind? Merediff is a learning doctor, and Mr. Derek is a brain doctor." Anna said happily.

"I am the boss of all of the surgeons at the hospital." Richard said.

"Whoa..." Anna returned. No one included Ellis in the conversation.

The rest of the dinner was fairly silent. Richard, Meredith and Derek maintained a somewhat light conversation. Richard would try to include Anna whenever he could. But Ellis wasn't being social. She wasn't trying to be nice. She wasn't trying at all. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief when Derek suggested that it was time to leave. They all said their goodbyes, which included Richard apologizing for Ellis over and over again.

Anna was quiet on the way home. She said that she thought Ellis was mean to Meredith, but she left it at that. Derek and Meredith kept quiet. They didn't want to make things worse. When they got home, they tucked Anna into bed and made their way to their room.

"That could have been worse." Derek said as he shut the bedroom door.

"Not much." Meredith said sadly. "I shouldn't have exposed Anna to her. I knew better." She said as she pulled off her earrings.

"Don't beat yourself up." Derek said as he pulled off his jacket and tie.

"How can I not?" Meredith asked as she undressed.

"I don't think she realized..." Derek said, changing into his pajamas.

"She did. Maybe not a lot, but she could feel the vibe." Meredith said as she washed her face. "She said that she was scared of her."

"What did you tell her?" Derek asked as he put toothpaste on his toothbrush.

"They truth..." Meredith said as she dried off and grabbed her toothbrush.

"And that is?" Derek asked as he quit brushing.

"She scares me too..." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Seriously?" He asked as he rinsed his mouth.

"Yeah." She said as she paused her brushing.

"Well, I am proud of you. You stood up to her, but you didn't make a scene." Derek said with a smile. "Will you marry me?" He asked as she brushed her teeth.

"No." She mumbled as she brushed.

"It that a yes?" He said, knowing that she said no.

"No!" She said as she spit out the toothpaste.

"Fine..." He said with a laugh. They both walked over to their side of the bed.

"Can we just--" Derek started.

"Sleep?" She asked.

"Yeah." He said as he looked at her.

"Yeah...Oh thank God." Meredith muttered as they both crashed onto the bed.

------------

**Yeah, don't know what to say...Review, I guess!**


	61. Did You Say Children?

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked groggily, as she opened her eyes. Derek was leaning down getting ready to kiss her.

"I...am kissing you good morning." He said as his lips softly pressed against hers.

"I know that. I mean why are you dressed?" Meredith asked as she sat up in bed.

"Well, Anna and I are going to get some breakfast." Derek said as he went to his side of the bed and grabbed his wallet off the bedside table.

"Oh. Well, wait a sec, I'll come with you." Meredith said as she began to climb out of the bed.

"Um. Actually, I wanted to take Anna. Just she and I. A bonding thing." Derek said hesitantly.

"Oh, I understand." Meredith said, just a little hurt, but understanding.

"Mer--" Derek started as his face turned into a frown.

"No, Derek. I'm fine. I have been with Anna all week. It's time for you two to bond." Meredith said as she walked to the bathroom.

"We won't be long. I have a few errands to run. Do you want me to bring something back?" He followed her to the bathroom door and asked.

"No, I'm okay." She said through the door. "Have fun."

"We will." Derek said with a smile. He began walking through the door, but not before he grabbed the book that was by her bed.

-----------------

"So where are we going, Mr. Derek?" Anna asked as they drove away from the restaurant.

"We are going to get Meredith a present." Derek said with a big smile as he looked in the rearview mirror. He was silently thanking God that she wasn't playing with a condom like last night.

"What kind of present?" Anna asked as she returned his look.

"A very, very big one!" Derek said as he eyes returned to the road. "So are you excited about school?"

"Yeah. I haven't been to school is a long time." Anna explained as he played with her stuffed horse.

"Are you nervous?" He asked as he turned onto the freeway.

"No. Maybe a little. But I like school. I will be okay." She said, reassuringly.

"I'm sure you will be fine." Derek said with a faint smile. "Meredith goes back to work soon." He told her. "She will be very busy, so I will be spending more time with you. What do you think about that?"

"That's good." Anna said with a smile.

"Good." Derek said as he pulled into the BMW dealership.

"Why are we stopping here?" Anna asked.

"We are here to get Meredith's present." Derek said as he opened her door.

"But all they have is a bunch of cars..." She said as she looked around.

"That is Meredith's present." Derek said as he looked around.

"A car?" She asked, Derek, nodded. "Wow."

"Can I help you, Sir?" A salesperson asked as he walked up and shook Derek's hand.

"Well, actually I think you can. I want to buy a car." Derek said.

"Well, as you can see, we have cars." He said as he motioned around the lot. "Do you know what you're interested in?"

"Actually, I do." He said as he pulled out the sales book from Meredith's bedside table. "This." He said as he pointed to the picture.

"Oh, the X5, very nice." The man said as he nodded. "We have several on the lot."

"Good." Derek returned with a smile. He looked down to see Anna paying close attention to them. "She wants the dark gray. The 4.8i." Derek mentioned.

"Oh, now that could be a problem." He said as he paused and looked at the book.

"We don't have that on the lot." The man said as he stopped and looked at Derek.

"Look. I need this car today. Not just today, within the next couple of hours." Derek said as he stared into the man's eyes.

"I don't know if that's possible." He said quickly.

"Then I guess I need to go somewhere else then." Derek said as he walked away.

"No wait. Let me see what you want again." He said as he walked up to Derek. Derek handed him the book.

"This car is for the love of my life." She said with a smile. Anna looked up and him and grinned.

The salesperson had the car on the lot within and hour. Derek was satisfied with it and knew it was exactly what Meredith wanted. They made arrangements and the car was going to be delivered right after Derek got home. Anna went on about how happy Meredith would be the whole way.

-----------------

Meredith took a nice, long, hot shower. It was nice to know that no one was waiting for her. Not that she didn't like having Anna waiting for her. But she worried. She didn't have anyone to play with, and Meredith didn't like to leave her sitting alone. She felt like she needed to, she wanted to entertain her. She sighed as she laid her head back and let the hot water run down her back. She heard a knock on the door. Not the doorbell, which strangers rang, but a knock.

"Damn-it, Derek." She spat as she threw her robe on and walked downstairs. She just knew it was him, and he locked himself out. She shook her head when she opened the door.

"What are you doing here, bitch?" She laughed. "I thought Anna kept you away like a pesticide. A really handy pesticide, I might add."

"Shut up and let me in, whore." Cristina said as she pushed the door opened.

"Seriously, why are you here?" Meredith said as she followed Cristina into the living room.

"Geez, you really are a whore. You don't even put clothes on anymore." Cristina said with a laugh.

"Shut up!" Meredith said as she sat down next to her.

"So where is miss sticky?" Cristina asked.

"What?" Meredith said with a puzzled look.

"Kids are always sticky. And smelly." Cristina said with frankly. "So where is she?"

"She went with Derek for breakfast and errands, I guess." Meredith explained.

"So you guys are like some freaking Rockwell family now?" Cristina spat.

"Uh, not even close." Meredith explained. "But seriously, why are you here?"

"I can't come just to talk to my person?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah...I guess..." Meredith said, not believing her.

"Fine. My mom is in town. She and Burke are freaks. They freaking like each other. They are like bonding. I had to leave before I stabbed one of them with a freaking scalpel." Cristina finally admitted.

"I knew it." Meredith said, shaking her head. "So I am stuck with you for the day?"

"Pretty much." Cristina said with a shrug.

"Well, I guess you could help me clean the house." Meredith said, and then began laughing hysterically.

"Yeah, I think you know me better than that!" Cristina said with a chuckle.

"Mer, I'm home!" Derek shouted from the door.

"That's nice." Meredith said quickly as she glanced over.

"You didn't miss me?" He asked as he walked over to her and kissed her.

"No. But I did miss you!" Meredith said as Anna walked up and hugged her. Cristina pretended to gag and Meredith gave her a glare. "Anna, this is my best friend, Cristina." Meredith told her. Anna immediately hid behind Meredith.

"The kid's smart, she's hiding." Cristina said with a chuckle. Anna finally peeked her head out.

"So what did you guys do? You have been gone forever..." Meredith said as she looked between the two of them.

"Mr. Derek and I---" Anna started to say. Derek quickly covered her mouth.

"Shhh. Not yet." Derek said as he looked at her.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked as she looked at Derek. He just shrugged like he had no idea. Meredith watched as he walked over to the window and looked out.

"Hey, Mer-" He said loudly. "Come here for a second..."

"What?" She asked as she walked towards him.

"Anna and I...we got you something this morning." He said with a grin.

"What?" She said with confusion. "I told you, I didn't need anything."

"Ah, but you do." He said as he walked her to the front door. Her face lit up.

"Oh my God. Derek! Did you--- Why?" She asked as she opened the door and walked out.

"Oh my God! McDreamy bought you a car?" Cristina said in shock.

"Derek, are you crazy?" Meredith asked as she opened the door and looked.

"The Jeep wasn't safe. I don't want you driving our children around in an unsafe car. I saw that you were looking at this. I got everything you wanted. Dark gray paint, two toned seats. Everything." Derek explained as he looked into her eyes.

"Did you say children?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah. Mr. Derek told the man that he wanted this one. And the man said they didn't have it. Then Mr. Derek said he would leave cause he had to have it. And he told the man it was for the love of his life. Then the man found one. And now you have it!" Anna explained with excitement.

"Did you say children?" Cristina asked again.

"Derek. It's too much. I love it, and it's perfect. But it is way too much. Like fifty thousand dollars plus too much!" Meredith said as she looked into his eyes.

"Mer- If I bought you a hundred of these, it wouldn't be too much!" He said as he lifted her chin, looked into her green eyes, and pulled her into a kiss.

"You told them I was the love of your life?" She asked as she pulled away.

"You are..." He said with a smile.

"HEY! I am talking here!" Cristina yelled, causing everyone to look at her. "Did you say children?" Derek and Meredith looked at each other. Derek read Meredith.

"Yeah, I did." Derek said with a smile.

"Derek and I are trying. I want to get pregnant." Meredith said with a smile. "You are the only one that knows." She explained.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Cristina said as if it were the end of the world.

"What's going on?" Anna asked as she looked at all the adults with confusion.

"Nothing." Meredith said as she pulled her close. "Cris, it's not the end of the world."

"You are going to get all soft and gooey inside." Cristina pouted. "God, I think I was better off with Burke and my mother!" She said with a huff.

"Cristina!" Derek snapped.

"Derek, it's fine." Meredith said with a shrug.

"Is this what you want?" She asked Meredith. Meredith returned with a nod. "I am not changing diapers! And I never babysit!" She said with a faint smile.

"Okay." Meredith said as s smile crept up on her face. "Let's take this thing for a ride." Meredith said as she climbed in.

"Aren't you going to get dressed?" He asked as he looked at her in her red robe.

"Honey, will you be embarrassed?" Meredith asked Derek with a cocked head.

"Not at all..." He said with a grin and he ran around to the other side.

"Hey...where is my Jeep?" Meredith said as she looked over at Derek.

"Uhh." Derek stammered as he tried to figure out what he was going to tell her.

"Derek!" She said as she pulled off to the side of the road. "Where is my Jeep?" She asked again with force.

"It's in a good place." Derek finally replied.

"What do you mean, a good place?" She snapped. "Like the dump, or a junk yard? Derek?"

"Meredith, don't worry about it." He said, trying to calm her down.

"Don't worry? Don't worry?" She said in shock.

"Mer- It's just a car!" Cristina said from the back seat.

"That was not just a car. It was my first car. That was the first car that I had--" She started and then looked back at Anna. "That I had ever driven to school." She said. Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Meredith...trust me..." Derek said, not wanting to tell her what he did with the Jeep. "You are starting a new life, with me. Right?" He asked.

"Yes." She said with a sigh.

"It's time to move on." He told her as he lifted her chin and looked into her eyes.

"I just would have liked to say goodbye." She muttered as she pulled back onto the road.

"You are nuts. Who acts like this over a car?" Cristina said as she rolled her eyes.

"Merediff, that's who." Anna snapped. Everyone looked at her in shock. "What?" She asked innocently.

"I think we found someone who can keep up with you." Meredith shouted to Cristina.

"So how does the car drive?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"It's great, Derek. Thank you." She said as she pulled into the driveway. She leaned ever and pulled him into a kiss.

"Oh mush!" Anna spat, as she covered her eyes.

"No kidding." Cristina agreed as she jumped out of the car. "Well, as much fun as it's been hanging out with the Walton's, I think I am going to get the he-- heck out of here." She said as she looked at all of them.

"I thought you were here for the day?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, I changed my mind." Cristina said as she threw on her helmet, and jumped on her bike.

"Bye." Anna shouted. "That girl is strange." Anna pointed out. Meredith and Derek just chuckled.

"So, Anna, what would you like to do today?" Meredith asked as she made her way to the front door.

"Um..." Anna thought.

"I know what I would like to do..." Derek muttered. "I love the robe, by the way."

"Why don't we go hiking at the park?" Meredith asked.

"We could do that." Derek agreed. "We can go spend time with nature." He told Anna, she shook her head yes.

----------------

Derek and Meredith had another busy night. They were determined to get the ball rolling. Part of Derek was afraid that Meredith would change her mind. At the same time, she seemed so driven, so happy. Nonetheless, they were determined to create a a life, a piece of both of them. Derek had surgery early in the morning. He gave Meredith a kiss before he left, but she never even stirred. She had become quite a sound sleeper in her time off. Meredith could feel something. She could sense that someone was watching her.

"Good morning, sleepy head!" Anna said as Meredith opened her eyes.

"Good morning!" Meredith said as Anna jumped into the bed with her and gave her a hug. "You are up early."

"Yeah, I heard Mr. Derek. He told me to go back to sleep. I couldn't cause today is my first day of school!" Anna said excitedly.

"Yes it is." Meredith said as she looked over at the clock and realized she needed to get up.

"Did you decide what you are going to wear?" Meredith asked.

"No. I want you to pick." Anna said as she looked up into Meredith's eyes.

"I can do that." Meredith replied as she climbed out of the bed.

"Am I having cereal?" Anna asked with a disappointed face.

"What do you want?" Meredith asked.

"Scrambled eggs." Anna answered.

"I think I can do that!" Meredith said happily.

"Yay!" Anna returned.

"Well, I need to brush my teeth and get ready. Did you brush yours?" Meredith asked.

"No..." She answered. "I'm going..." She whined a she walked off with heavy feet. Meredith continued on with her morning routine. She and Anna picked out a cute outfit and went to the kitchen.

"So, would you like to wear a hat?" Meredith asked as she cracked the eggs in the pan.

"No." Anna said simply. "I just wanna be me."

"I think that is just who you should be." Meredith said with a smile. She made the eggs and toast and poured them both a glass of juice. "Are you scared?"

"A little. I hope the kids aren't mean." Anna answered.

"I don't think they will be." Meredith told her.

"Can you stay?" Anna asked with hope in her eyes.

"You know I can't. You have to do this on your own. You're growing up." Meredith explained.

"I don't want to." Anna pouted.

"Neither do I." Meredith muttered. Meredith watched as Ann quickly ate her food and drank her juice.

"I'm ready." She said as she stood up.

"Okay." Meredith said as she sat the dishes in the sink and grabbed her purse.

"I like your new car." Anna stated as they walked up to the BMW.

"So do I." Meredith answered as she opened the door and let her in. She walked to her own door and climbed in. "Did you have fun with Derek?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. Mr. Derek is fun." Anna said. "He's like a dad. A fun dad. He's never mean." Anna said happily.

"No. He's never mean." Meredith repeated. They both drove the rest of the way in silence. Meredith felt a little sadness when she pulled into the school's parking lot. "We're here." Meredith said as she parked the car and climbed out.

Meredith talked to the teacher about Anna's condition as Anna wallked around the classroom and looked around. She was excited about her desk. She seemed really happy to be there. As the other kids began to fill the classroom, Meredith watched how they reacted to her. It seemed like all was going to be okay. She said her goodbye to both the teacher and Anna and walked out. As she heard the kids giggling, she wiped a single tear from her eye. She looked back to see a big smile on her face.

--------------

Meredith smiled as she walked up to the surgical floor. She was so happy to be there, even if it was just for a visit. She couldn't wait to be back to work tomorrow. She didn't care if was in surgery or doing scut, she couldn't wait. She glanced down the hall, seeing Derek leaned up against the wall. He took her breath away. She slowly walked up with a smile on her face, and a bag in her hand.

"Hey." He said as he glanced up. He could sense her getting near.

"Hey." She returned. "I brought you lunch."

"And I am hungry." He said as he leaned in and kissed her. "Let's go outside."

"Sounds good." Meredith said as they walked downstairs and found a table.

"So how was she?" He asked as he opened up the take out container.

"She looked so happy. I was like it was some big adventure. She actually woke me up this morning. She grabbed her little backpack and marched right in there. Her teacher is wonderful. Anna really liked her. And the other kids were great. They were so accepting to her. And it's a small class, which is good." She rambled nervously. "She was fine..." Meredith said sadly.

"But you aren't." Derek said, somewhat in shock.

"I know. It's stupid, right?" Meredith asked as she took a bite of her grilled chicken salad.

"Not at all." Derek answered sympathetically.

"She hasn't been here very long, Derek." She explained. "I don't know what we are going to do. I love her. She has been here a week, and I love her. We can't get attached..." She said as her eyes teared up.

"Meredith--" Derek started.

"No, Derek. She could leave anytime. She could go home, and we will never see her again." Meredith muttered.

"But we're already attached." He said as he looked up, and matched her sad gaze.

--------

**So they have come to the realization that Anna could leave. She really could! And Derek went McDreamy and bought Mer a car. There will me less surrounding Anna, and more Mer and Der now...**


	62. Want What You Can't

Derek laid in the bed. His arm slowly reached over, expecting to touch Meredith. He was expecting to feel her warm, soft skin. Instead, his hand met the warm bed sheets. He hadn't even heard her wake up. Between the long hours at the hospital, and the all night they themselves had been pulling, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically.

He wished it would all slow down, but he knew it wouldn't. He was a world-class neurosurgeon, and she was an intern. Neither of them had time to think. Not to mention, the stress of the Livingston's trial was weighing on them. Every time to they inquired, it seemed there was another pre-trial or continuance. Everyday, they began to love Anna a little more, and everyday became more unknown.

Derek laid there, thankful for the rest. Last night was the first night that he had been home before nine o'clock. And Meredith had been on-call a lot lately. Most of the time she was getting home later than he was, or she didn't come home at all. It for the best, he told himself. At least at work, she managed to keep her mind off of the stress that was consuming them both. It seemed they never had time to just rest. So he was taking full advantage of it. He laid there, hoping to close his eyes for a few more minutes. Then he heard it. It was faint, and it was familiar.

He slowly pulled himself out of bed. He almost knew. He didn't have to see, to know. It had happened already. The sound got louder as he closed in on it. It broke his heart. It felt like he was being stabbed by a dull, rusty, blade. It was a sound that made his heart jump into his throat. It was sound of his love, crying. He gently pushed the door open. There sat Meredith, sitting on the side of the bathtub, with her head in her hands, sobs rocking her shoulders.

"Oh, Mer" Derek said as he sat on the side of the bathtub and pulled her close. The ever-so-familiar blue stick sitting on the vanity. Derek didn't have to look at it. He knew. He knew that it was negative, just as it was the time before, and the time before that.

"I can't so this..." She sputtered in between cries.

"Meredith. It's okay." He said as he pulled her even closer.

"No, Derek. Something is wrong." She whined as she buried her face into his warm tee shirt.

"Mer, we haven't been trying that long." Derek said as he gave her a hopeful look.

"Three moths Derek! Three." She said, as she began to cry. "We were ready. And now-- Something is wrong, Derek. I can feel it." She said as she sobbed.

Derek could feel her warm body against his. He didn't know how to comfort her. He just held her, just as he did before. She was right, he had the feeling too. He felt that something wasn't right. He had honestly thought they could do it in one shot. He was expecting to be planning a nursery. He was hoping in another month, they would have been looking at an ultrasound. What he wasn't expecting was another test, with another negative sign, and Meredith sobbing in the bathroom. Frustrating didn't even cover it.

"We'll keep trying, Mer." He told her, trying to make her feel better, trying to get the glimmer to return to her eyes. "It will happen." Derek said as he rubbed her arms softly. "There are always options..."

"When is Jane coming?" She asked as she stiffened her body against his.

"She should be here in an hour." Derek returned as he looked at the clock.

Jane was Anna's nanny. Meredith was apprehensive, and Derek was too. They knew this was not the answer to their problems. They knew they couldn't be part time parents. But it seemed like every time they turned around it was something. Either being on call, or one more this or one more that. Anna was by no means being neglected. She spent a good amount of time with either Derek or Meredith everyday. But everyday, Derek was feeling more and more pressure, and he knew something had to change, and it had to change soon.

"I need to take a shower." She said dryly as she stood up and started the water.

"I could join you..." Derek said as he raised his eyebrows.

"Not this morning...Okay?" She said, seeing his face drop.

It wasn't that she didn't want to be with him. She needed to be by herself. She needed to cry in the shower, where the water would drown out her sobs, and her tears would wash down the drain. She didn't want him to know. She knew he was feeling it too. And somehow, as crazy as it sounded, sharing their pain seemed to make it worse.

"Okay." He said softly as he walked out.

He wanted to be in there with her. He wanted to hold her until her last tear fell, but her knew how she was. She knew that he was there for her. Derek walked over to their bed. A bed that used to be peace, and solace, and fun. He used to enjoy their bed. But now it just felt like a place to have another unsuccessful round. He sat down heavily and put his own head in his hands. He wanted to cry too. He knew that's what she was doing in there. But he knew he had to be strong. He didn't want her to see him that way. He didn't want her to give up. He didn't even hear the light footsteps walk up to him. He was to consumed by the tidal wave of emotions he was feeling.

"Are you okay, Mr. Derek?" Anna asked as she climbed in the bed next to him. Derek turned and looked into the innocent eyes that were looking into his. He took a deep sigh. He couldn't lie, even to a child.

"I'm just little sad." He admitted softly. He felt her wrap her tiny arms around him and hug him tightly.

"My mommy always hugged me when I was sad." Anna said quickly. "Merediff is sad too." She pointed out.

"A little." Derek said. "But we're okay." He said with a faint smile.

"Well what's wrong?" She asked as she cocked her head, a habit she had picked up from him.

"You know how when you want something and you go to the store and there isn't any?" He asked. She nodded.

"Like when I wanted that new horse toy, and Merediff took me and they were all gone?" She asked. "I was sad." Anna said with a frown.

"Well, Meredith and I want something, and we are having a hard time getting it." Derek explained.

"You will get it. I got my horse." She said simply as she stood up.

"I hope so." Derek said with a smile. "Did you brush your teeth?" He asked her. She immediately looked at him and rushed to do so.

Meredith emerged from the bathroom looking much better. He knew her trick. He knew she want in there to cry. She didn't know that he knew. The first time she did it, he spent the whole time outside the bathroom door, feeling like a part of him was dying. Meredith walked over to the closet and searched for something to wear. Derek quickly crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her.

"You know I love you no matter what, right." Derek asked as he kissed her neck.

"I love you too, Der." She said as she paused in his embrace.

"We'll get our horse." He whispered into her ear.

"What?" She said as she turned and looked at him.

"That child has a wealth of knowledge." He said as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. Meredith just watched him walk away with a puzzled look on her face.

-------------------

Meredith slowly walked into the locker room and sat down on the bench. That is how she did everything lately. Slowly and begrudgingly. Anna was her savior. Anna made her light up. She had a way of getting her out of the funk that she seemed to be in. Derek tried, but he was feeling just as she was and she knew it.

"Hey." Izzie said brightly as she walked in and opened her locker.

"Hey." Meredith said as she looked up, not even realizing that she had walked in.

"Are you okay?" Izzie asked as she stopped what she was doing and looked down.

"I'm fine. Just tired." Meredith said as she forced herself to stand up and put on the fake smile that came so easily.

"Join the crowd." Alex shouted from around the corner. "This place has been nuts."

"Yeah." Meredith agreed as she pulled her scrubs out of the locker.

"I see you wore clothes today." Cristina joked as she walked up.

"Yeah." Meredith muttered as she pulled off her top. She looked down at her flat abdomen. She had never thought that a flat stomach and an empty uterus would cause her so much pain.

"Whoa, what the hell is wrong with you?" Cristina asked as she looked at her friend.

"She had been acting like this since I got here. Look I don't even think she hears us." Izzie said as she pointed to a zoned out Meredith. Cristina shrugged and continued to get dressed.

"Okay people." Miranda said as she threw the door wide open. "Assignments. Okay, Grey you are with Montgomery today..."

Meredith was relieved. She was happy that she wasn't with Derek. She couldn't look into his face right now. This was how it went. She knew she would be better in a few days, but right now, she was devastated. Meredith walked out into the hallway. Great. I am going to spend the day with people who have little humans inside of them. Maybe If I'm lucky, I'll even see a happy family greet their happy, healthy child. She quickly chided herself for being so negative. She should be happy for others, not resentful. She quickly found Addison and followed her to a patient's room.

"We are going to be giving Ms. Danson a hysterectomy today." Addison explained. "She has ovarian cancer." Meredith's face quickly dropped when they walked into the room of a thirty-five year old. She looked so young. She looked so ready to begin her life.

"How are you doing today, Claire?" Addison asked as she glanced at the woman over her reading glasses.

"As well as to be expected." Claire answered sadly.

"This is Dr. Grey, she is my intern for the day. She will be assisting with your surgery." Addison explained. Meredith could see her mouth moving. She knew that Addison was speaking, but all she could do was stare at Claire's face. She couldn't believe someone so young, not much older than herself, was losing so much.

Meredith felt sick for most of the surgery. She was saddened, disgusted even. She had never felt so bad for someone in her life. Maybe it was because of her own experience at the moment. Addison asked her several questions during the procedure, all of which is was able to answer. She will still distracted, and Addison could sense it. The minute she was out of the OR, she found the nearest storage closet. She just needed to breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Addison asked as she entered the small room.

"No." Meredith said as she slid down the wall. She laid her head back and took a deep breath. She felt Addison pat her. "Yeah, maybe I do." She said as she looked over at Addison.

"What is it?" Addison asked as she looked into her friend's eyes.

"Derek and I have been trying." She said as she closed her eyes. "To get pregnant."

"Oh. That's great!" Addison said exuberantly. "Oh not..." She added.

"Three months, and nothing." Meredith said as her eyed welled up. "I never wanted kids. Now I do, and I can't. What the hell is that?" She asked. "I went through hell getting that damn IUD out. I just thought it would happen like that." She said as she snapped her fingers.

"Meredith- Three months isn't that long." Addison said sympathetically.

"I know Addi. It's just frustrating. And Derek is trying to be strong, but it's weighing in him too." Meredith explained.

"There are a lot of people that have trouble getting pregnant after having an IUD removed. It doesn't mean it will never happen." Addison told her.

"What if it doesn't?" Meredith asked.

"Sometimes the best thing you can do is to stop worrying about it. Stop the scheduled sex. Just stop. Just go back to your old life. No one can live like that. I know." Addison explained and Meredith nodded her head, knowing Addison had her own fertility issues. "Give it some more time. If things don't happen, we will look for problems, okay?" She asked.

"Thanks Addison." Meredith answered, feeling one hundred percent better.

----------------

"So have you heard anything about the trial?" George asked as he leaned back in his chair at the lunch table.

"No." Meredith moaned. "And I really don't want to. It stresses me out too bad."

"It would be too." Izzie agreed. "I can't imagine her leaving. She is so sweet."

"Sweet?" Cristina asked with an evil laugh. "That child is wicked."

"She is not!" Izzie spat. "She is great. You bring out the worst in her."

"She does that with everyone." Meredith said with a laugh, referring to Cristina.

"Grey, I just can't see you doing the mommy thing. You are more of the get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men type." Alex said with a grin.

"Shut up..." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "And don't _ever_ say that around Anna." She said with a glare.

"Mer's actually a pretty good mom. She's one of those sexy moms..." Izzie said with a laugh.

"So you haven't started wearing granny panties yet?" Alex said with chuckle.

"Um, no. But when you think of me, yes, I am." Meredith returned. "God I'm tired." Meredith moaned as she laid her head back. Her lips were met with Derek's. "Hey."

"Hey." He said as he sat down. He stared into her tired eyes. His eyes travelled down to her ham sandwich that had exactly one tiny bite out of it. "Maybe if you ate, things would happen." Derek muttered, Meredith looked at him with sadness. How could he say that, like it was her fault. Like because she wasn't hungry, they would never get pregnant.

"Thanks, Derek." Meredith said with a hurt look.

"I didn't mean it that way. You just need to take care of yourself..." He said as rubbed her back.

"Well, now I'm not hungry." She said as she pushed it away. He looked at her and grabbed the sandwich, taking a bite himself.

"Not bad for the cafeteria." He said as he swallowed his bite. "So, um...will you marry me?" He asked as he looked off into the distance.

"Uh, no." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh my God! Did he just ask you to marry him?" Izzie asked in shock.

"Yeah." Meredith said as she took a drink of her water. "He does it just about everyday. Right?" She said as she looked at him.

"Yep. Once a day. Eventually she'll cave." He said with a chuckle. His face dropped when his pager went off. "See you later." He said as he walked off.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Izzie asked. "An incredibly good-looking, highly intelligent, brain surgeon asks you to marry him and you say no?"

"Yep." She said simply.

"You're nuts, Grey. Shit I'd marry him if he asked me." Alex stated, everyone looked at him wide-eyed. "You know, if I was like that." He quickly clarified. "I, um...I gotta go." He told them as he quickly walked of.

"Seriously, Mer. As much as I hate to admit it, McDreamy loves you. Give the guy a break!" Cristina said as she looked at her friend and shook her head.

---------------

Meredith lay in the warm bathtub. After helping Anna with her homework, attempting to make dinner and putting her to bed, she was exhausted. She was actually enjoying the silence. She needed the time to think. She needed the time to relax. Derek was stuck in surgery and she had no idea when he would be home. She missed him, but at the same time, she just wanted to think.

She wanted to have some time to just be. So much was going on. She hadn't even heard anything about the trial. Not to mention the parenting classes. They were nearly done with those, thank God. Plus the baby, or lack there of. Then, of course, there was the first year internship exams that were looming in the not-so-distant future. It was too much happening at one.

She thought she heard someone walking around her room, but she was just too damn tired to get out at the moment. It was Derek. She knew his heavy footsteps. They had a familiar sound. There was a certain amount of time between each step. She knew his stride to the beat. She wanted to go out and lay in his arms. She really did. But at the moment, it was too much. She beginning to wonder if he felt the same way. If he felt like she was the reason they weren't getting pregnant. She couldn't face that, not yet. She closed her eyes when she heard the bathroom door open.

"Hey..." He said softly as he walked in. He took her in. Her body looked relaxed, but her face was tense. Her eyes were still closed, and he wanted to look into them so badly.

"You're home earlier than I expected." Meredith muttered, her mouth was near to going underwater.

"We lost the patient." He said sadly as he walked to the sink and began flossing his teeth.

"I'm sorry." Meredith returned sympathetically.

She knew how hard it was on him. It was hard on every surgeon. She listened to him go through his nightly routine. He had it down to an exact science. It absolutely killed her. If anything disrupted it, he was unnerved. She blamed it on his damn OCD tendencies. She quickly chided herself. She was just nit-picking because she was in such a sour mood, and she knew it.

"When are you going to be out?" Derek asked, she still didn't open her eyes.

"Eventually." She muttered before she dunked her head under the water, hoping he would be gone before she came up.

He was. She slowly pulled herself out of the water, and wrapped a towel around herself. As she looked into the mirror, the face that stared back at her shocked. It wasn't her. It was a tired, broken down face. It was a hollow shell of who she used to be. She had seen the same look before on someone else, and he laid next to her every night. When she walked out of the bathroom, there he was, laying in the bed, reading his medical journal. She sighed as she laid down on her back and stared at the ceiling.

"We have to stop this, Derek." Meredith finally muttered twenty minutes later. He looked over at her is shock. "I can't do it. I am giving up."

"Mer-" Derek started, realizing what she had said.

"No, Derek. It hurts. Every time I see that negative sign, I feel a little more dead inside." She said sadly. "I just want to go back to the way it was." She said as she started to sob.

"It's okay, Mer. It's okay." He said as he held her tightly. He knew it was killing her. All he could do was hold her.

"I'm okay..." She finally said as her tears ran out. "I think...I think I'm okay."

It broke him. She wanted to give up. He didn't. He wanted children, and she did too. It was the stress, and he knew it. She was in a bad mood. She was tired. He knew she would change her mind. She just needed time. At least he hoped...

-----------------

**Okay, so this was sad. They are both having a hard time with the fact that there is still no baby. I promise the next chapter will be a happy one. This one was supposed to be, but it was getting too long!**


	63. Total Contentment

Meredith finally snuggled into Derek's side. He was reading his journal, or at least she thought he was. He sat there breathing in her sent. Taking her in. Thinking about all that they have been through. Hoping things would lighten up just a little. He couldn't read. All he could think about was her. How lucky he was to have her. How he would do anything in his power to keep her from feeling an ounce of pain. And how at the moment, he couldn't seem to do anything.

He had been making plans, or arrangements you could say. He had it all mapped out. He knew exactly what he was going to do, and how he was going to do it. It was hard to do. He had to pull a lot of strings, but it would be worth it. Now, all he had to do was execute the plans he had made.

"Mer?" He asked quietly. He knew she wasn't asleep, but he could feel that she was completely relaxed.

"Hmm?" She asked sleepily, as she glanced up.

"We're going to Paris." He said softly. He was waiting to see her face light up. Nothing gave him more joy than to see the sparkle she got in her eyes. The stars in the sky were no comparison to her eyes.

"What?" She said with a surprised tone.

"We need a break. You need a break." He said softly. "So... here." He said as he handed her en envelope.

"What's this?" She asked as she grabbed the big embossed envelope.

"Those are our tickets." He replied smoothly.

"Tickets?" She asked as she pulled the envelope open and grabbed the contents. "Tickets. Plane tickets...For next week?" She said in a panic as she read the date.

"Yes, next Monday. We are spending a week in France. You need to relax. You need to get away and not worry." He said waiting to see the delight one her face. It didn't come.

"No. No Paris. No Monday. No, Derek." She responded firmly as she stared into his eyes.

"What do you mean, no?" He said on complete shock. His body stiffened as he sat up.

"I just took a week off for Anna. Dr. Webber would never let me take another week this soon--" She started to explain.

"Actually, it was three months ago that you took a week off. In fact you have been working way over one hundred hours a week. And days off, do you remember what those are? And Dr. Webber cleared it. He gave you the week off..." Derek said with a grin.

"Why did you ask without telling me?" She asked as she gave him a sharp look.

"Well, I- Um. I guess I shouldn't have." He said, seeing that it upset her.

"Okay, well what about Bailey?" Meredith asked. "And the other interns. It's not fair to them." Meredith reasoned.

"Mer, they can handle it..." Derek told her, knowing that having her gone didn't make it any harder. It just meant they got more surgeries to themselves.

"Okay... and Anna. I don't think we could take her out of the country." She started, she could read what he was going to say. "And we can't leave her for a week, Derek. Plus the house is almost finished! And then there is the internship exam. Derek, it's crazy right now." She said, trying to make him see her rationale.

"Do you honestly think you are going to have a hard time with that exam?" He asked her.

"Well, it's hard, and I have to pass if I am going to be a resident." She started to ramble.

"You are the smartest intern in the hospital. And you will be a great resident. The test will be a piece of cake for you. You need to not stress out about it. You are smart, and gorgeous, and..." He said as he cocked his head.

"Why do you have to do that?" She asked, looking into his eyes.

"Do what?" He asked, with his head still cocked.

"That. That damn McDreamy head-cock-to-the-side thing. You can't do that." She pleaded.

"Why?" He asked with a grin. She bit her bottom lip.

"Because when you do that. It makes me look at your hair. Then I do this..." She said as she ran her fingers through it. "Then, I look at your lips, and I just have to do this..." She explained as she pressed hers up against his, sliding in her tongue. He leaned in and pressed against her. She slid her leg over and straddled him, feeling his hard awaiting erection.

"And then..." She said as she pulled away. "I just have to do this..." She pulls her shirt over her head, tossing it to the side. Then she and slid his off. He leans in and begins kissing her chest. His soft hands slide down her milky flesh. She moaned as his tongue ran between her breasts. Just before he had a chance to nip her, she pulled away from him. "Then, of course, I just simply must do this..." She said as she pulled her panties and shorts off. He looked into her eyes, seeing the fire in them. Seeing the passion that he hadn't seen in awhile. He quickly began to slide his pants down.

"Nope." She said as she swatted his hand away. "Because, that is something I have to do." She said with a grin, as she slid his pants down and pulled them off, freeing his awaiting bulge. "And this is the last thing I really have to...no really want to do." She said as she straddled him and placed his hard shaft inside of her. His eyes were dark. It was a look she hadn't seen in awhile. She began rocking slowly, enjoying the moment, enjoying the passion they shared.

"Oh...Mer..." Derek moaned as he looked up into her eyes. She began to rock a little harder, as she could see the desire he had.

"Der- Oh God." She whispered. His hips rose to meet hers. They moved in perfect harmony. He could feel her tightening around her. He could see the tiny beads of sweat forming all over her body. Her skin had a soft glow in light.

"Oh God Mer!" He shouted as he could feel her wetness around him. He watched as she threw her head back and closed her eyes.

"Ohhh." She moaned. She felt her climax take over. The rush of warmth wash over her body, followed by a sharp chill.

"Mer, oh God, baby." He said loudly as he him begin to peak, her body, once again rising to the challenge.

"Der. Oh my God Derek!" She shouted as she felt him release into her. They both paused, looking into each other's eyes. She collapsed on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. Both of them lay there, wondering if that was the time. If that was the winning run. The chance that was going to change their lives.

"And that is why you can't do that." She said as she looked up at him with a smile on her face.

"Do what?" He asked as he looked at her and cocked his head. She just shook her head. "No self control. It's sad...really." He muttered.

"Seriously. We can't go to Paris, Derek. Not right now." She watched his face drop. "In awhile, maybe. But things are crazy right now." She said as she touched his face. "There is really nothing in the world I would rather do, than go to Paris with you." She said sadly. "I'm sorry."

"I understand." He said with a huff. _Now what? Shit!_ She just threw a huge wrench in his plans...

----------------

"So, did you say yes to McDreamy yet?" Cristina asked as they followed Miranda Bailey down the hallway.

"You do realize that is is bizarre, right? You aren't like that. That's why we are friends. You don't care about weddings and happiness and all that crap." Meredith moaned as she finished her sentence.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Cristina said with a shrug.

"And you still aren't pregnant?" Cristina asked. Meredith glared at her. "Forget I asked. Just because you're eggs are retarded... Or maybe McDreamy's little swimmers only know how to doggie paddle. Too slow getting there... Then again, if you're eggs are like you, they're always in heat." She said with a laugh.

"Right now...in this moment...I hate you." Meredith said as she rushed ahead. She knew Cristina didn't mean it like that. But she couldn't help it, it stung.

Meredith rushed ahead and wedged herself between George and Dr. Bailey. She knew she was safe from any unwanted personal questions there. Doctor Bailey gave her a funny look as she approached the next patient's room. As they walked in, she saw Derek standing next to the woman. His eyes moved up and locked with hers. She was lost in the moment, lost in him.

"Grey, since you're so motivated, you present." She said as she handed the chart to her. "I guess you could do it when you pull yourself away from your prior distractions." Meredith wasn't even listening. "Grey!"

"Oh, yeah, Dr. Bailey." She said as she grabbed the chart and glanced over it. "Um, Tina Carter is in for a possible temporal lobectomy. She has a history of symptoms including hearing loss, tinnitus, and decreased discrimination of audiogram, and decreased corneal reflex consistent with a tumor of the vestibular component of the vestibulocochlear nerve. A vestibular schwannoma on an MRI would make her a candidate for surgery." Meredith said, receiving an approving nod from Derek.

"Your case. If you want her?" Miranda asked Derek. Derek nodded. "Of course you do." She muttered as she walked out.

"Okay, Dr. Grey, you go schedule and MRI, do the test and get the results to me." He said with a smile. "Oh, and good morning." She gave him a smile as she walked out.

"Is she your girlfriend?" Tina asked as she looked up at Derek.

"Yeah, she is." He answered happily. "Actually, I am planning on asking her to marry me. Or at least I was. I had this trip planned to Paris. I was going to ask her in the Eiffel tower. It would have been amazing..." He trailed off. He quickly came back to reality, realizing what he had just told a patient. That was not something he usually did.

"She said no?" Tina asked in shock.

"Yeah. No. Yes, she said no. She couldn't get away from work." Derek explained.

"That's a shame. I can see the chemistry. She loves you, it just radiates off of both of you. You know, she would probably be just as happy if you asked her in a public restroom." She said with a chuckle.

"I tried that..." He said with a laugh as he walked out. "Dr. Grey should be back soon..."

Meredith quickly ran the MRI, and paged Derek. She sat there in the chair, waiting. As soon as the picture came up on the screen, she knew they were definitely going to be doing surgery. She smiled when he walked in and leaned in front of the image.

"Do you see it?" He asked her as he looked over.

"Right there." She pointed. " A cerebellopontine angle tumor extending into the internal auditory canal. Looks like it's less than two centimeters, that's good." She mentioned.

"Yes, that means she may not lose facial nerve function. You get us on the board. You're scrubbing in. Good job, Mer." Derek said with a smile as he left as quickly as he came.

----------------

"It's a beautiful day to saves lives, let's have some fun." Derek said as he walked in with his arms up, waiting for the scrub nurse to bring him a towel. Meredith mouthed along, she knew it word for word.

Derek quickly went to work on his patient. He had a gift. He was very meticulous in his process. She never got bored watching him. Any surgery he did, kept her entire focus. She hoped that she would be a fraction as talented as he.

"Which method would you suggest, Dr. Grey?" He asked her as his eyes met hers.

"Retrosigmoid..." She said as she looked at him, hoping she had made the right decision.

"Why?" He asked as he looked down.

"It is closest to the tumor." She said, closing her eyes.

"Pretty much." He said as he began his cut, exposing the sigmoid sinus. "What are the hazards to this surgery?" He asked.

"The internal auditory artery lies in proximity to the complex of vestibulocochlear and facial nerves and can be injured by the manipulations required to dissect and remove the acoustic tumor. Injury to this artery can result in infarction of the cochlear nerve with deafness." She said smartly. She knew her stuff. She had been groomed for this.

"Very good." He said as he placed the retractor between the cerebellar hemisphere and the medial border of the sinus. "So, I am thinking dinner tonight." He said with a smile.

"Oh, yeah. Dinner is good." She said as she watched him work.

"You and I." He clarified.

"Uh huh." She said as she stayed focused on his procedure. She wasn't listening. She was too focused. Finally he stopped working.

"I am asking you on a date, Meredith." He said as he looked at her. She looked up.

"Oh... Sure that would be great." She said with a smile.

"What time are you off?" He asked as he went back to work.

"Six." She said quickly.

"Good!" He said. His plan was going to fit right into place...

-----------------

"Dr. Grey to the nurse's station. Dr. Grey to the nurse's station." Meredith heard the page over the speaker. What the hell did they want from her now? It seemed like that had been tormenting her all day. Get this, do that. She was miffed. _They_ were the nurses...

"You paged?" Meredith asked as she walked up to the desk.

"Oh...yeah." She said as she pulled out three boxes. "These came for you."

"What is it?" Meredith asked as she looked at the three boxes, one big, one medium and one small.

"Like I know." The nurse spat. "Oh, and this." She said as she handed her a note.

Meredith didn't notice the small group that had formed around her. It consisted of two nurses, Izzie and Cristina. Everyone's interest was piqued. She slowly opened the embossed envelope and pulled out the handwritten note. She immediately knew his handwriting.

_Meredith-_

_I hope everything is to your liking._

_Your chariot will be at the front entrance _

_at 7:00pm._

_-Derek_

Meredith was somewhat confused. She understood the note, but all the boxes? She quickly opened the large box. She gasped when she pulled out a purple knee-length gown. It was beautiful. She couldn't believe it.

"Oh my God!" Izzie shrieked. "That's gorgeous."

"It would look better on me than you." Cristina snapped as she looked it over.

"Open the next one!" Izzie squealed.

Meredith quickly opened the next box, revealing a pair of strappy shoes. The smile on her face grew. She couldn't believe Derek had done this. When did he have time. More importantly...why? She quickly opened the last box. The small box. Everyone knew what was in small boxes. It was a gold necklace and matching earrings with amethyst and peridot teardrops. There was a tiny note inside.

_I hope you like them._

_The green reminds me of your beautiful eyes._

Everyone was in shock. Meredith could help but smile. She looked around to see the big smiles on the faces of the group that had formed. She could hear everyone whispering about how romantic Derek Shepherd was. She had to admit she never expected this out of him.

The day drug on. Running tests, doing stiches. And of course, the dreaded charts. Maybe it was just because she couldn't wait to see Derek. When the clock finally hit six, she quickly made her way into the locker room. She had to grab a quick shower and wash the hospital off. Izzie and Cristina both said they would help her with her makeup and hair. She didn't have anything with her.

Izzie quickly went to work on her. Meredith couldn't keep the smile off of her face. And Cristina, she seemed pretty impressed, although she would never admit it. Izzie sighed when Meredith stood up. She looked radiant. Her makeup was light. The necklace and earrings sparkled and her hair laid gently on her shoulders. She looked completely ready for the perfect evening. Izzie wished her a good time and shoved her out, telling her she was almost late.

Meredith made her way down the hallway. Everyone she passed stopped and looked. She didn't even notice. She was going somewhere, she was meeting her McDreamy. When she got to the lobby and smiled. There sat a black limo waiting outside for her. The doors parted and she made her way out. As she walked up the the limo she looked at the driver.

"Dr. Grey?" He asked. She nodded yes. He quickly opened the door.

"Where are we going?" She asked as she began to climb in.

"I have had strict instructions to tell you nothing." He said with a smile and he gently shut the door. Meredith had no idea what was in store, but she couldn't wait.

Meredith watched out the window as the limo made it's way down the streets of Seattle. She knew those streets like that back of her hand. She was convinced she could even do it in her sleep. But at the moment, she had no idea where she was going. Her face turned from uncertain to sure when the limo pulled in front of the space needle. The driver quickly made his way around and opened her door.

"Have a good evening, Dr. Grey." The driver said as she began to walk off.

"Thank you." She returned. Then she was him. "I think I will."

There Derek stood. He looked incredibly handsome, standing there. He took her breath away. There was no question in her mind that he was the one she loved. There had been no one in her life that made her feel the way he did. He made her truly happy. He made her look forward to everyday, because she knew with him by her side, that it would be wonderful.

Derek watched her walked out of the limousine. She looked radiant. The way the moonlight and city lights bounced off of her skin. She had a glow, that he had never seen on anyone else. He admired the way the dress hugged her every curve. He knew that this was the right thing. Tonight was the night their lives would change.

"Hey." She said as she closed the space between them in.

"You're on time. I'm impressed." He said as he pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers.

"So, the space needle..." She said as she looked up.

"I know... I'm sure you have been here a thousand times." Derek said with a defeated smile.

"No. I am probably the only person from Seattle that has never been up there." She said with a smile.

"Seriously? Because if you're saying that just to make me feel better..." Derek returned.

"No, Derek. This is my first time." She said. He put his hand on the small of her back.

"Mine too." He replied with a smile. "Shall we?" He asked as the walked forward gently pulling her along.

Derek couldn't keep his eyes off of her the whole ride in the elevator. He gaze was returned by hers. Elevators had that effect on both of them. It made them stupid. It made them irresistible to each other. He was thankful when the doors opened. He was literally saved by the bell, a few moments later, and they would have been giving everyone a show. Meredith gasped when the doors opened. All she saw was the soft glow of candle light.

"There's no one here." She pointed out as she looked around. The room was dark. The only light sources were the candles on their table and the lights from the city below.

"Of course not. I wanted to spend time with you. Have a quiet, just you and I... date..." He said with a grin.

"But, how?" She said with surprise, still looking around.

"Well, they have a banquet room, but the view isn't near this one. So I offered them double what they bring in a night..." He said coyly.

"Derek- that's crazy. You didn't have to do that!" She said in shock.

"I wanted to. And you, my dear, are very worth it!" He said as he walked her over to their table. They were immediately met buy a waiter in a suit he carried a bottle of wine in his hands.

"Here is the 1995 Arbaresco Costa Russi, you ordered." He said as he placed the bottle down with a smile.

"Thank you." Derek said as he looked at the bottle. "So how was your day?" He asked her as he poured her a glass of the deep red wine.

"Well, I was in surgery with this incredibly handsome neurosurgeon today." She said with a slight grin.

"Really?" Derek said with raised eyebrows. "Incredibly handsome..." He muttered.

"Yes. And then this handsome--" She started to say.

"Incredibly handsome..." He reminded her.

"Okay, then this incredibly handsome neurosurgeon did the most romantic thing in the world. He bought me a beautiful gown, and shoes and jewelry..." She finished.

"He sounds amazing." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I supposed he is." She laughed. "Thank you, Derek. For everything."

"I hope you like the gown. That was all Anna." Derek mentioned as he sipped his wine.

"Really?" Meredith asked.

"Of course. She and I went shopping on Wednesday after school. She said only the best for "Merediff". She immediately picked out purple. I know it's not your favorite, but I couldn't deny her." He explained.

"It's perfect Derek." She returned. "The shoes..."

"They fit, right? I grabbed your favorite black ones to compare." He said quickly.

"Derek- Everything, you, the clothes, the jewelry, tonight, it's all perfect." She reassured him.

"Good." Derek returned as he grabbed her hand a squeezed it.

"Here is your morel and goat cheese tart, and the Washington dungeness crab cakes." The waiter said as he sat the plates down. Meredith admired the way the food was presented. Now that she was attempting to cook, it caught her attention. "Can I get you anything else?"

"I think we are good." Derek said as he looked at the pleased look on Meredith's face. "Thank you."

"I love crab cakes." She returned.

"I know you do..." He said with a smile. "You look tired."

"I am. I don't know whether I'm coming, or going or been there." She said as she took a bite and sighed. She closed her eyes and savored her bite.

She looked so beautiful sitting there. He could see she was exhausted. He wished there was something he could do to lighten the load. He knew that was what it was to be an intern. Derek looked around the room. This was one of the few times when Derek Shepherd was actually nervous. He knew this is what he wanted to do, but she was hoping it was what she wanted too.

The waiter brought out Derek's oven–roasted wild salmon, basted with Thai chili paste and nori, ginger then flavored with layers of black and white rice with fresh coriander and tamarind–red miso broth. Meredith ordered the Maine lobster fettuccine pasta with porcini mushrooms, truffle oil and mascarpone cream sauce. Meredith sighed as she took a bite.

"This is amazing." She said with a smile. She put some on her fork and stuck it out for Derek. "You have to try it." She said as he opened his mouth, taking the bite.

"That is good." He said as he got some of his own for her. She watched him cut it. Just like a surgeon, in perfect pieces.

"Good, but not as good as mine!" She said as she stuck her tongue out.

"I beg to differ!" He said with a chuckle as he took another bite of his own. She took another sip of her wine.

"You know, I shouldn't be drinking wine." She said as she looked at the glass sadly. "But at this point, what's the difference?" She said sadly. As soon as she said it, she regretted it. She watched his face fall. "I'm sorry. We were having a good time."

"Meredith, just-- We're okay." He said with a sigh. "Everything will be okay."

"You are determined to be optimistic, aren't you?" Meredith said with a faint smile. Derek watched the way the candle light bounced off of her face.

"Yes, I am." He said with a grin.

They finished eating their meal. Derek didn't say anything about their problems. Nothing was said about the trail, or Ann, or the intern exam. And especially about the baby, or lack there of. He wanted to keep the mood relaxed. He wanted this to be a night she would never forget, and not because of a fight. Derek looked into Meredith's eyes. It's now or never...

_Wise men say only fools rush in_

_But I cant help falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay_

_Would it be a sin_

_If I cant help falling in love with you_

"Meredith?" Derek spoke softly, looking into her eyes.

"Yeah?" She answered as she looked at him. She looked into his eyes. She could tell that something was happening. He looked so happy, but at the same time he looked terrified.

"I love you, more than anyone I have ever known..." He said as he looked across the table. Her eyes softened at his words.

"I love you too, Derek." She said softly.

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I cant help falling in love with you_

"Before I met you...I was so busy...work was everything to me. I just rushed through life...one surgery after another. And I was fine with that...I was leaving Seattle. I was never going to come back. I had a job offer, and I was taking it. But then I saw you...you took my breath away. It's hard to explain...I just knew...the minute I saw you...I just knew that it was meant to be. A few days later, and I would have been gone. I would have never met you. So, I am saying that I love you, more than anything. You make me want to be a better person. You make me go to bed with a smile on my face and wake up with one. You make me feel like life is worth living. Everyday I wake up and I am amazed because each day is better than the once before. You make my life complete..." He said softly as he walked around the table. The tears that were rimming her eyes were now making their way out. Derek bent down on his knee and softly grabbed his hand.

"So, will you, Meredith Ellis Grey, complete my life...will you make me the happiest man in the world...will you marry me?"

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I cant help falling in love with you_

_For I cant help falling in love with you_

"Oh my God, Derek!" She said as she gasped for air. "Oh my God..." He looked at her with a concerned face. She looked at him, realizing she hadn't given him an answer. "Yes, yes, of course I will marry you..." She said as she leaned down, put her hand behind his head, and leaned in, kissing him. "I love you so much." She said as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Derek nodded his head and the lights came on. Meredith looked around to see several people dressed in business suits, standing by cases. Her face turned puzzled as she looked at their smiles.

"Now, you need to pick out a ring..." He said as he stood up and grabbed her hand. "I wanted you to pick whatever you wanted." He said as he led her over to the first case. "Whatever you want." He said as he rubbed her back. She looked around in amazement.

"Congratulations." The woman at the case said.

"Thank you." Meredith said as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"This man must really love you..." The second man said. "To get the boss to allow us to come here." Meredith looked over at Derek, he just smiled back at her.

"Tiffany's...you brought Tiffany's here, to the Space Needle?" She asked in amazement.

"I did..." He said softly as he watched her face light up.

Meredith began sliding on rings. There were so many, she didn't know where to start. She could not believe that Derek had done it. She knew she was fortunate to have such a wonderful man in her life. She had picked out a ring with Ian, but she didn't remember doing it. She did know that she had ended up with a ring so big is was ridiculous. It was amazing, how Derek had planned all of this. She slide on a pear shaped diamond and they both shook their heads no.

"Definitely a platinum band." She said as she looked at them all. Derek looked at her in agreement. Meredith finally slid on a one and a half carat Tiffany cut diamond, with a platinum band with bead diamonds.

Derek looked at it and shook his head yes. It looked perfect on her petite hand. She held her hand up and looked at it. Derek stuck his hand under hers. She turned and faced him. She looked into his eyes, and they didn't have to speak. Derek nodded to the associate, and everyone quickly left the room, leaving them alone.

"You are the most perfect man I have ever met." She said as she laid her head against his chest. "And I have never loved anyone more than I love you..." She said as she looked up, touching his lips with hers. Derek moaned as she slowly slid her tongue into his mouth. Their tongues fought passionately. Derek heard her moan softly. He looked at her closed eyes. His eyes then drifted around the room, seeing that everyone had left, as they were told. She pulled away and looked into his eyes breathlessly. The spoke without words.

Derek glanced over to their cleared table. He led her over, and she followed eagerly. She ran her fingers through her hair as he gently pushed her down on the table. He watched as her eyes turned dark with need. She wrapped her legs around him, feeling his large bulge press against her, causing a wave to wash over her body. She moaned softly as he leaned over, pressing his bulge harder into her, as he kissed her neck.

"God you are perfect..." Derek whispered into her chest. She felt him lean even harder into her, causing her to gasp.

"Derek, I want you." She said. He leaned up and she sat up, loosening his belt and unbuttoning his pants. His pants dropped to the floor in a pile. He ran his hand across her, feeling her wet spot awaiting him. "God, Mer, you're wet." He moaned as he swiftly hooked his fingers onto her panties and pulled them off as she lifted her legs. She leaned back, pulling his boxers down. He looked into her eyes as he entered her with haste. "You're tight..." He moaned as he thrust into her. He watched as her eyes roll back as she moaned. A smile crept onto his face as he continued to thrust into her harder. Meredith turned her head, seeing the two glasses of red wine moving on the table. They seemed to be dancing and erotic dance of their own. She watched as they teetered, both finally tumbling over, covering the white linen tablecloth. It slowly dripped onto the carpeting below.

"Oh, Derek." She gasped as she looked over. "The wine."

"I don't care..." He said as he looked at the red wine, bleeding through everything. Dropping in slow motion onto the floor. He was far too consumed by the need he had for her, to even consider stopping.

"Oh...Derek..." She moaned loudly. "Harder..." He smiled as he looked into her eyes. He closed his eyes, feeling the perfection of their bodies, meshing into one. They fit together so perfectly, physically and emotionally. Meredith spread her legs father, allowing for deeper penetration. He moaned as he slid farther in, feeling her wetness around him. He could feel her tighten up around him, causing his shaft to pulsate harder with every heartbeat. His heartbeat increasing with every thrust.

"Derek..." She shouted as her orgasm began to take her over. He body tightened up, shivers taking her over. She felt Derek release inside of her with a moan. "Oh..." She said as she laid back on the table and closed her eyes. Derek stood there, looking at Meredith, she seemed so satisfied. She opened her eyes and smiled at him He quickly began to re-dress, and shoved her panties into his coat pocket.

"Wow..." She muttered.

"The space needle will never be the same..." Derek said as he wrapped his arm around her and let her to the door. The waiter looked at him as they opened the doors. "Thank you...Oh and we seem to have made a slight mess, put it on my bill." He said as he walked out. Meredith started to laugh as they entered the elevator.

Derek and Meredith were all over each other in the limousine. Finally, she told them they had to practice self control. He smiled as he sat up, pulling her close to him. She looked around, noticing that they weren't heading toward home.

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked as she looked out the window.

"Not home." He said with a grin. "You don't have to work until tomorrow night..."

"And Anna?" Meredith asked with a worried tone.

"Jane and Izzie are with her." Derek said reassuringly.

"Okay then." She said as she leaned her head against him.

Meredith smiled as they pulled up in front of the hotel. Derek led her out, grabbed his key card and they headed up to their suite. Meredith yawned as Derek slide the card through.

"Am I boring you?" He joked.

"No, I'm just tired. Sorry." She apologized.

Meredith gasped when he opened the door. Their were calla lilies all over the sweet. She saw a bottle of what she assumed to be, champagne on ice and a plate of strawberries. Derek enjoyed watching her expression. That was his joy, seeing her happy. She made her way to the bedroom. Her eyes got wide as she saw everything covered with flower petals. The whole room had a sweet, soft scent. Derek looked at her face. He excused himself and made his way to the bathroom. Meredith looked at the bed and couldn't resist. She jumped on the bed, petal flying everywhere. She closed her eyes.

Derek looked in the mirror. Everything had gone perfectly. The whole evening was pure magic. He quickly pulled off his tie and opened the door. He looked over to see Meredith sprawled out on a bed full of petals. He had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

"Mer?" He asked. There was no answer. He made his way over to the bed. He could tell by her shallow breathing that she was fast asleep. Disappointment, wasn't even a thought in his mind. As he stood there, he saw something that he hadn't seen in months. He looked at her face, she had a faint smile. Her face was completely relaxed. For the first time, in a long time, she was completely content.

---------

**So she said yes!!!! Yay! This would have been up earlier, but I had a bad day. I also have a ton to do tomorrow...so we'll see. Hopefully this was good enough to tide you over. If you want to see the dress, ring, ect, got the the thread on fanficga. Thanks and REVIEW!**


	64. Apprehensive

Derek awoke. He looked over to see Meredith, still in a peaceful asleep. She was snuggled up into his side. He could feel her warm shallow breaths on his skin. He had taken her shoes and dress off when she had fallen asleep last night. To his surprise, she never woke up. He pulled the cover up to her chin, feeling her cold cheek with his lips. He could tell that the stress had been getting to her and she needed a break. He was very happy to oblige.

"Hey sleepy head." Derek said sweetly as he walked into the hotel bedroom holding a tray. "I thought you were never going to wake up." He said with a slight chuckle as he looked at her, sitting on the bed, leaned up against the headboard. Her hair was in a tousled mess, and her makeup had run.

"Mmm." She moaned as she closed her eyes.

"I hope you're hungry." He said as he carried a tray over with a strawberry and whipped cream cover belgian waffle.

"Oh wow." She said with a smile as he sat the tray on her lap. He walked around and sat on the bed, next to her. He watched as she cut off a generous bite and shoveled into her mouth. He chuckled softly. "What?" She said with a giggle.

"Are you hungry?" He asked with a grin.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked smartly.

"Oh you just look like you haven't ate in a week!" He returned, causing her to fling strawberries at him. "Hey! If you're going to throw food, at least make it in my mouth!" He laughed.

"You are terrible." She said as she pretended to pout.

"Mer..." He started to apologize. She quickly shoved a big bite into his mouth.

"Thank you, Derek." She said softly as she turned and looked into his eyes. His hair was a mess, and he needed to shave, but to her, he had never looked better.

"For what?" He asked as he cocked his head to the side.

"For being wonderful. For being you." She answered softly as she leaned in and kissed him on his soft lips. She quickly pulled away. "Okay...you definitely need to shave..." She giggled as she went back to eating her breakfast.

"That bad?" He asked. "I've been thinking about growing it out."

"Oh yuck!" She said as she stuck her tongue out.

"Okay, maybe not..." He joked. "And I think you have spent too much time around Anna..." He joked, commenting about her sticking her tongue out. "So I tricked you into marrying me..."

"Yeah, I guess you did." She said with a faint smile.

"So have you picked a date?" He asked her with raised eyebrows.

"You're kidding, right?" She asked with a laugh.

"No." He said as he stared into her eyes.

"Just be happy I said yes." She joked. "So, you get us this nice suite, and got no action..." She joked as she took another bite.

"Yeah, well... You looked a little tired. You were out in less than five minutes." He pointed out. "And that is not why I got it..."

"Well, you could get some action in about...oh, let's see...five more bites?" She said as she cut up the rest of her waffle. She quickly put on in her mouth.

"Four..." He counted as she chewed. "Three..." He said again.

"Oh screw it!" She said as she threw the plate on the table. As she turned towards him, he grabbed her and rolled her on top of him.

"God you're amazing." He muttered as he began placing kisses on her warm, soft chest.

"You're not so bad yourself..." She answered with a moan.

------------------

Before Meredith and Derek could enjoy their suite, Derek got paged and had to go to the hospital. She was disappointed, but she wasn't going to let him know. She could tell he was already upset about it himself. She called for a cab, and jumped in the shower. She jumped back when she saw her makeup stained reflection. She shook her head and laughed. She couldn't believe Derek didn't say anything.

"Merediff!" Anna squealed as Meredith walked into the front door.

"Hey there." She said as she bent down, receiving a hug from the small child.

"I missed you! Where did you go?" Anna asked eagerly.

"Well, Derek and I had dinner--" Meredith started, but wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. She was quickly saved.

"Oh! That's the dress I picked out with Mr. Derek!" Anna said loudly. Izzie walked in from the kitchen. "It's so pretty! Mr. Derek and I knew it was perfect."

"Yes it is." Meredith returned with a smile.

"Did you have a good time?" Izzie asked as she walked in with her apron on.

"I did..." Meredith returned softly as she thought about the previous night's events. Izzie's eye caught something shiny. There was light reflecting off of Meredith's hand.

"Oh my God, Mer!" Izzie screamed as she ran up and grabbed Meredith's hand.

"What?" Anna asked as she looked up at the two of them.

"He asked you! He asked you to marry him!" Izzie said as she took her hand and looked at the ring. Meredith nodded her head yes. She started counting diamonds. "It's gorgeous! Eleven diamonds! Eleven!"

"You and Mr. Derek are gonna get married?" Anna asked with wide eyes, mouth agape.

"Yes...yes we are..." Meredith said, wondering how Anna was going to react to the news.

"Yay!" She screamed as she started dancing around. "Merediff an Mr. Derek are gettin' married! Merediff an Mr. Derek are gettin' married!" She sang loudly.

"Congratulations, Dr. Grey." Jane said as she walked in from the kitchen. Meredith looked at the nanny. She was in her late thirties. She had a kind face, that was why they hired her. Not to mention she came with fantastic references.

"Jane, how many times do I have to tell you...Call me Meredith." She said with a serious tone, which included a smile.

"I'm sorry, I forget." She said with a sigh. "That's a beautiful ring, Dr...Meredith." She said as she looked at it. "Okay, Anna, it's time for your lunch. And you need to take your medicine." Jane said as she grabbed her and walked into the kitchen.

"So, how did he ask?" Izzie said with a giggle.

"At the Space Needle. It was perfect..." Meredith said with a sigh. She and Izzie sat on the sofa and Meredith told her all the details. Well, maybe not _all_ of them.

--------------

Meredith frowned as she walked through the hallway of the hospital. Derek was right, she had been working a lot. Last night gave her a taste of happiness. She had a taste, and she wanted more. This is what she had worked all her life for. She was born, raised and groomed to be a doctor. A surgeon. Someone who cuts. That is what she wanted, and that was what she would have. She just had to figure out how she could pull it all off.

The locker room was empty. She had never seen it so empty. She was all alone. Bailey had her working strange hours lately. She had the feeling she was being picked in. But in the same time, she was able to be home when Anna was awake. o maybe she was being merciful. She quickly peeled her clothes off and grabbed her light blue scrubs off. She moaned when she realized she didn't bring a shirt to wear underneath. She smoothed her shirt out, and her ring caught on the fabric. She looked down at it, smiled and opened her locker. She stuck it in her purse in the very back.

"Dr. Grey...how nice of you to join me." Dr. Bailey said as Meredith walked out into the hallway.

"Where do you need me?" Meredith asked as she walked towards her.

"Why don't you do all of my post-op notes?" She said as she handed her a stack of files.

"Right away..." Meredith said as she grabbed them with a huff.

"Are you huffing?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"Like drugs?" Meredith said smartly.

"No! Not like drugs, like huff." She said as she did it.

"No. Not me. No huffing here." Meredith said as she smiled and walked away with her armful of charts. She found a seat at the nurse's station, and sat down heavily. She had just gotten there, and she was already tired. She laid back in the chair and rubbed her aching neck.

"Well if it isn't the future Dr. Shepherd." Derek said as he leaned in, kissing her neck from behind.

"Hey you..." She said as she turned around giving him a soft kiss.

"So how does it feel?" He asked as he grabbed her hand softly. "Where's your ring?' He asked with a look of disappointment. She looked down at her bare hand.

"Um---" She stammered as she continued to look at her hand. There was no indentation. It was bare, like nothing had ever been there. "Well..."

"Mer..." He said, waiting for an explanation.

"Well- I was afraid to wear it. I don't want to lose it. And if I get to scrub in, I don't know what to do with it. And I don't want to lose it--" She said again.

"You already said that." He pointed out. "You don't want anyone to know..." He said, thinking aloud. He looked at her face. It was true, he could see it.

"No-- I-- Izzie knows!" She said quickly. "And Anna, and Jane."

"The people that practically live with us." Derek returned. "They were bound to find out eventually. You must not have gotten the ring off fast enough."

"Okay. Fine. I am not ready to tell everyone. Not yet. Soon maybe. Bailey will be on my ass..." She started as she looked off in the distance. She didn't want to look into his eyes.

"She knows that we adopted Anna. She knows we live together. I'm sure she realizes that we were eventually going to get married." Derek stated his case. He looked into her eyes and saw uneasiness. _Uneasy, about what?_ He thought, getting angry.

"Derek. I want to marry you..." Meredith pleaded. She looked at his eyes, they were cold. His body language, stiff. She went from sad, to defensive, herself. "God Derek, what the hell is your problem?" She snapped as she returned his icy glare with one of her own.

"I feel like I am the only one making an effort. You take two steps back, I take two forward. You take five more, I take five more. Why can't you just stand there?" He asked. "Why do you have to run?" He asked as he ran his fingers through his hair. His breathing, turned deep. He walked back and forth.

"Derek. You are blowing this way out of proportion!" She shouted, causing everyone to look. She watched him pace faster. She wanted to grab him and make him stop.

"Am I?" He asked as he stopped and stiffened up. _Thank God. Finally he stopped his fucking pacing._

"Yes, you are. I do want to marry you. And I am not afraid to tell anyone." She said, trying to believe it herself. She looked down at her feet. She was wishing she could just run off. That was what she usually did.

"Really?" He asked, unbelieving. "Because you just said five minutes ago that you were."

"Really!" She said boldly. "And I said I wasn't ready. I never said I was afraid, Derek!"

"Sure." He muttered as he turned away. He began to walk angrily.

"Derek Shepherd, don't you dare walk away from me!" She seethed through her teeth. "Don't be a pussy!" She shouted out down the hallway. His face turned to shock, and he wheeled around, walking back to her.

"Me? You!" He said as he walked back over. "You are the pussy."

"Yes, I am." She said with a coy smile. He shook his head. "And if you want it..." She said as she turned her chair and looked at the chart. "Too damn bad..."

"Everyone!" He shouted loudly, causing the numerous doctors and hospital staff to look at him. "I have asked Dr. Grey to marry me...and she said yes." He said with a huge smile. Everyone began to congratulate them. Meredith heard applause. He looked down at her, as she scowled.

"You're an ass!" She said through her teeth. She looked up at him, grabbed her handful of charts and marched off down the hallway. He sat down in the chair, ran his hand through his hair, and leaned back with a sigh. _Now what?_

------------------

Meredith stomped her way down the hall. She was mad. No she wasn't. That didn't even begin to describe how she felt. She was irate. She felt betrayed. He knew she was vulnerable. He knew she was apprehensive. Instead of being a good, understanding guy, he purposely yelled it out in front of everyone in the hospital. It was humiliating, especially since she charged away like a lunatic. She didn't want her mom to know yet. And Richard, or anyone else. She just wanted to blend in for awhile. She was so used to trouble following her. It would be nice, for once, to not be the source for the latest hospital gossip.

She quickly found a quiet spot to work on the charts, by the lab. Every time she tried to work, she thought about Derek. She thought about how bad he had just hurt her. And she wasn't even sure that he realized it. Maybe she was blowing it out of proportion. Maybe not. But she did know that right now, the thought of laying next to him, made her blood pressure go through the roof. For the first time, in a long time, she was happy that she would be sleeping in an on-call room tonight.

Meredith was mid way through her sixth chart when she heard clicking heels. Her first thought was Addison. She would be happy to talk to Addison. Or maybe not. Because Addison made her realize how much she loved Derek and how perfect they were for each other. Then she would feel bad, and want to apologize. Right now, she wanted to be mad. She continued listening as she wrote. No, it wasn't Addison. Whoever it was had shorter legs and a smaller stride. And the clicking seemed annoying. It was quick. Click, click, click. Then it stopped. Right outside the door.

"Hello, Dr. Grey." She heard the most annoying voice in the world say. It actually made her skin crawl.

"Holly." She said through her teeth, without looking up.

"So I hear congratulations are in order." She said sarcastically as she walked up a few more steps. Click, click, click.

"Is that so?" Meredith muttered distractedly. She wasn't going to give her what she wanted. She wasn't going to say it first. She wasn't going to look at her.

"I have to say, I am surprised that he asked you." Holly spat as she glanced at the chart Meredith was working on.

"I believe this is confidential." She said as she flipped the chart shut. "So... what the hell do you want?" She asked as she glared at her.

"It's funny. Laughable even. I mean, Derek, he's intelligent, he is successful, he is good looking. And you. You are like a scrawny little teenager, trying to overachieve. Chasing the boy around. You are like a puppy, they're cute and wired and a lot of fun, then you'll just turn into an old bitch. He is prime rib, and you are ground beef. See, Derek doesn't realize it, but I am at his level. We even look good together. You are plain. You are a kid. How is he really going to relate to someone who is ten years younger than he is? So, you need to think about what you're doing. I would hate to see you hurt when he realizes that he made the mistake of a lifetime." She said in her sickeningly sweet, even tone. Meredith looked into her eyes. She was conniving. She was evil. She had never seen anyone like her. Holly was the only person that she truly despised.

"You don't worry about me." Meredith returned with a fake smile. She had all she could do, to create it. "And Derek...I will be able to satisfy him in ways that will keep him happy for a very long time..." Meredith said as she grabbed her charts. _Is there anywhere is this whole freaking hospital where I can work? _

"So the trial, it's going well..." She said as Meredith reached the doorway.

"What did you say?" Meredith asked as she whipped her head around.

"The trial. The Livingston's. It is going really well. Henry Kissinger is representing them well..." Holly said with a giggle. Henry Kissinger? He was one of the top defense attorney's on the west coast. He was cut throat. They didn't have the means to afford him.

"Kissinger..." Meredith muttered to herself.

"Oh yes." Holly said happily. "You should have seen their faces when I told them that I had hired one of west coast's the top attorney's for them. They are so sweet, and their granddaughter...It was the least I could do. I consider it an investment..." Holly finished with an evil smile. "Well, have a good night, Dr. Grey." She said as she walked away. Meredith could hear the clicking of her heels. Meredith watched her walk away. She threw the charts as hard as she could at the wall, and let out a growl. Paper flew everywhere. Charts were scattered on the floor. _How could she do that? How could she be so evil? _Meredith laid her head down on the desk and sobbed. After an hour, she pulled herself together and picked up the charts. As she walked down the hallway, she ran into Dr. Bailey.

"Did you get those charts done, Grey?" Miranda asked. Meredith handed her the stack and she flipped one open. "What the hell happened to these?" She snapped.

"Um, they fell." Meredith said dumbly as she looked at the floor.

"I have never seen charts so torn up. I swear, Grey." She muttered. "Go get some sleep. I think we may have a busy night ahead of us."

Meredith walked off to the nearest on-call room. She was distraught. She had no idea what to do with herself. Her anger towards Derek was high, and then Holly had set her over the edge. And now, as she pulled her shoes off and crawled into the bed, all she could think of was Anna. That innocent girl. She had been through so much. She had been so brave, and now everything might change. But maybe it wasn't just Anna. Maybe it was herself. Maybe Anna would be fine going back to her old life, but her, she was another story.

Meredith sobbed. She sobbed so hard that she couldn't breath. She couldn't hear. She couldn't function. She felt like she was dying inside. She didn't even hear the door open. She could sense him. She couldn't hear, because her sobs were so loud. She couldn't smell because her nose was plugged up. She couldn't see, her eyes were blurry, but she could feel him. She felt him lay down next to her. His strong arms wrapped around her. She wanted to succumb to his touch. She wanted him to make it all better, but her couldn't. Or she didn't even want him to try.

"Go." She said loudly. She pulled away from him and rolled over, facing the wall.

"Meredith..." He said, it rolling off his tongue like a fine wine.

"I said go." She growled. "Go home to Anna." She cried out. She was so distraught. It wasn't just him. It was everything. It was all too much. She was going to lose everything soon enough. Why not just do it now. End it. Tear off the band-aid. It felt like it was all spiraling out of control. It was ending. She could see everything getting blurry. She could see the landmarks swirling. She was just waiting for the impact, and then the explosion. The explosion that would even out everything, ending it all.

"Meredith--" He tried again as he put his arm around her. She smacked it away.

"I said go, Derek. Fucking go! Leave me the hell alone! I can't take it!" She said loudly, struggling to breathe. Her breathing continually getting more rapid. She was feeling faint. "Get out!" She yelled for the last time, shoving him away. He looked into her eyes. He knew he couldn't do anything now. She was upset, and angry. He didn't want to make her worse. She was right, Anna needed him. "Go!" She screamed. He quickly left the room with his head down. He felt like he had been kicked in the gut. She laid there, struggling to breathe, trying to fill her lungs with the oxygen needed to live. Apparently that wasn't mean to be...finally it all went black.

----------------

**Okay, so Meredith is apprehensive. It's a big step. It was okay when they were together, but telling everyone is overwhelming. They have so much on their plate, and it's hard to deal with it all. Derek likes to push. Sometimes Mer needs it, and other times it's the worst thing he can do...**


	65. Repair

Derek dropped his head down as he walked down the hallway. It shouldn't be this hard. Addison was never like this. Not that he wanted to compare her to Addison. She was completely different. Addison was strong, but so is Meredith. But Meredith, she's damaged. Derek didn't have experience with someone so broken. She pushed him away when she needed him the most.

Derek opened the door of his Land Rover, and climbed in. God he loved her. She had taken him over. He could live without her. He couldn't breathe without her. He needed her, and as much as she refused to admit it, she needed him too. He laid his head back and sighed. He couldn't leave it like this. He wanted to see Anna. He knew that she needed attention, but at this moment, Meredith needed it more.

"Jane, it's Derek." He said when she answered their home phone.

"Oh, hello, Dr. Shepherd. Is there something wrong?" Jane asked with a worried voice.

"Is there anyway you could stay tonight?" Derek asked as he pulled his keys out of the ignition.

"Of course." Jane said happily. She was alone in the world. Her husband died two years ago, and she never moved on. She was frozen in time, and kept herself busy.

"Is that Mr. Derek?" Anna shouted in the background.

"Yes, Anna." Jane explained. To the rambunctious child.

"Can I talk to him?" Anna begged loudly.

"I'll talk to her." Derek said as he dragged his tired body out of the car.

"Mr. Derek! Are you coming home?" She asked quickly. He could sense the hope in her voice.

"Not tonight, Anna." He said sadly. He could hear a disappointed moan. "Meredith isn't feeling good, so I am going to stay at the hospital with her tonight. Is that okay?" He asked.

"Yeah..." She said quietly. "Tell her I hope she feels better."

"I will." Derek said happily. He was glad that she seemed okay that they weren't coming home. "I will see you tomorrow."

"Okay, Mr. Derek." Anna said as she hung up the phone.

Derek felt somewhat better. Anna needed him, but she was okay. She was in great hands with Jane. Jane adored Anna. He had no idea what he was going to say to Meredith. He knew he had to say something. He had to make it right. He had promised to never leave her. He didn't want to leave her. Derek could sense that there was more going on than she was telling him. He knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't have got that upset over what he did.

He slowly opened the on-call room door. He saw her in the fetal position, on the bed, by the wall. It broke his heart. He flipped the lock on the door and slid his shoes off. She didn't move when he laid on the bed next to her. He spooned against her and wrapped his arm around her. He could feel her breathing softly. He slowly stroked her arm. She was tense, even in her sleep, he could feel her rigid body.

"I love you, Mer." He whispered into her hair. He breathed her in, filling his lungs with her essence. "God I love you..." He felt her jerk awake. He quickly wrapped his arms round her tightly. He felt her body shake with heavy sobs.

"Mer, I'm sorry." He said softly. "I am so sorry. I should have said anything." She turned around to face him.

"It's-- it's--" She struggled to push the words out, but they wouldn't go. Her breathing started to quicken.

"Calm down. Breathe." He told her as he held her tightly. He looked into her bloodshot eyes. Her face was stained with tears. He had seen her torn up. He had seen her bad off. But this was bad. Really bad. "Breathe..." He said as ran his fingers through her hair. He could feel her starting to relax.

"Holly..." She said before sobbing again. His face dropped. Holly. Of course Holly had something to do with this. She was his worst mistake. The day he met her was one of the worst he had encountered.

"It's okay Mer." He managed to spit out. The guilt he was feeling was immense. Meredith had done nothing to her. It was Holly, she sabotaged herself. And him. If he hadn't met her, Meredith wouldn't be suffering.

"Trial...Kissinger..." She managed to say before she went into another near panic attack. Holly, trial...Kissinger? Derek said to himself. He had no idea what she was talking about. He just held her as she sobbed. The same words kept going through his head. Holly, trial, Kissinger. What did it mean? They laid there for a long time. Meredith relaxed in his embrace. Finally she was able to say it.

"Derek..." She started as she looked at him. Her face looked worn. "I love you. Thanks for coming back..." She said simply as she closed her eyes, falling asleep. _What the hell was Holly up to now?_

_-------------------_

Meredith jumped when her pager went off. It felt like she had just fallen asleep. She quickly crawled over Derek, her feet hitting the floor like cement blocks. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at her. She still looked terrible. He knew she was in no condition to be working. But he also knew that she wouldn't listen to him. He closed his eyes, not letting her know he was awake. He knew that if she saw him awake, she might break down again. He wanted to be there for her, but at the moment, he didn't want to make it any worse.

Meredith was glad that Derek hadn't woken up. She knew he was tired. She knew he had surgery in the morning. And she didn't want him to worry about Holly like she was. She wasn't going to keep it from him, but she didn't want him to feel the was she was feeling. She made her way down to the pit and met Dr. Bailey.

"Whoa..." Miranda said as she stepped back. "You look like the walking dead."

"Thanks." Meredith said dryly.

"We have a head trauma coming in. It could be surgical." Bailey pointed out as she stood by the doors. "So congratulations." She muttered casually as she looked off into the distance.

"What?" Meredith asked. "Oh, yeah...thanks." She said, remembering that Derek had basically told everyone in the hospital.

"You don't seem like the usual giddy bride-to-be..." Bailey mentioned as she looked up at Meredith.

"I am." Meredith said, trying to fake her happiness. It wasn't that she wasn't happy. She wanted to marry Derek more than anything. She just had so much sadness, and it was trying hard to drown out the good. "I just have a lot on my plate."

"Yeah, I guess you do." Miranda said, knowing how Meredith was feeling. "So how is the child?"

"She's good. Great even." Meredith said quickly, hoping that Miranda would get off the subject.

"So, when are you going to adopt her?" Bailey asked as she looked back out the door. Meredith could feel the tears welling up. _Dead puppies...dead puppies..._The tears were threatening to make their way out. Threatening to spill onto the floor and drown them all.

"Here it is." Miranda said as the ambulance neared. She sighed in relief. Meredith could see the lights flashing on the surrounding buildings. Finally something to take her mind off of everything.

"Twenty-one year old male. Car accident. Vitals are stable. Head trauma." Meredith barely listened as she tried to pull herself together.

"Grey!" Miranda yelled, seeing that Meredith was distracted. Meredith immediately snapped to and went to work. They took the patient to trauma two and began looking him over.

"Run and MRI, and page me when you get the results." Bailey spat, Meredith nodded and wheeled him away.

He was young. Younger than her. She looked down at him and shook her head. Things can change so quickly. He probably didn't even see it coming. He didn't know that he was going to be lying unconscious in the hospital Just like she didn't know that Holly was going to blind side her. She placed him in the machine. and nodded to the tech. Meredith watched as the image came onto the screen.

"There it was, a hematoma." She muttered to the tech. She quickly paged Miranda Bailey. Meredith continued to study it until Miranda came in.

"That's huge. Well, looks like Shepherd is going to have to leave his warm bed." Miranda said as she looked at the screen in shock.

"He's in the on-call room." Meredith mentioned without looking up.

"Well, I guess that's not as bad..." Miranda joked as she walked out.

----------------

"You can go." Derek said as she began to work on the patient.

"Excuse me?" Meredith said as she looked up at him.

"Mer- You are exhausted. You need to rest. Go to an on-call room and get some rest." Derek said softly as she looked into her tired eyes.

"I'm not tired." She said quickly. He looked at her and finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I was a jerk. I shouldn't have said anything to everyone. I just felt like you were ashamed. Or you were being forced to marry me. I was hurt and I pushed. I pushed too hard." Derek explained.

"Derek...I want to marry you. More than anything, I want to marry you. Don't question that. It's just so much. There is so much..." She trailed off. "But I am okay."

"No, you're not..." He said, unbelieving. "It's me...you're not okay and it's because of me."

"I'm fine, Derek." She returned as she looked down at the patient, averting her gaze. "We're good."

"Okay..." He returned, knowing it was best to just drop it. He didn't want to push. He had to let her do this. He had to let her pretend she was okay.

"He's young." She said as she looked down at his face.

"Yeah, he is." Derek said as he also looked. "Scary, huh? Someday Anna will be that age..." He said. She immediately tensed up. He glanced up at her face and saw the tears that were pooling. "Mer?" He said softly. She didn't move. She didn't look up. She froze. And she stayed that way until Derek had made his last stitch. Meredith quickly walked to the scrub room and ripped her mask and gloved off. Derek followed her. he began scrubbing and watched as she nearly scrubbed the skin off of her hands.

"Meredith..." He said, finally breaking the uneasy silence.

"We're going to lose her, Derek." Meredith said. The minute the last word came out, they fell. The tears came out like rain.

"What?" Derek said in shock. "We're not going to---" He started. She quickly walked over and collapsed in his arms.

"Holly hired Harry Kissinger for the Livingston's." Meredith explained as she cried.

"Who's Harry Kissinger?" Derek said with confusion.

"He is the top defense attorney in the area. He can get anyone off, guilty or not." Meredith cried into his chest.

"Holly is paying for their attorney?" He said with fury. He couldn't believe she had done this. This was far beyond crossing the line.

"She made it a point to tell me earlier." Meredith said, beginning to relax in his arms.

"Mer, why didn't you tell me?" He asked, realizing why she had acted the way she did.

"I'm sorry Derek. I was-- God, it hurts so bad. I can't lose her. I love her too much." Meredith said sadly.

"I do too, Mer. I do too." He said they slid down the wall, holding each other. "Don't worry. It will all be okay."

------------------

Derek jerked awake. The sound he heard scared the crap out of him. It was a wail. He had never heard anything like it. He jumped out of bed, following the sound. He arrived outside of Anna's room. He quickly opened the door, seeing Anna thrashing herself in her bed. She was asleep, and obviously having a bad nightmare.

"Anna!" Derek said as he rubbed her arm.

"I want my mommy!" She whined as she opened her eyes and looked at him. "I want my mommy!" It broke his heart. He didn't know what to say. He had no idea what to do.

"I know you do..." Derek said with a sympathetic face. "You just had a bad dream." He explained. "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head no.

"I want Merediff. Where is Merediff?" She asked, looking into his eyes. "I need her. Where is she?" She whimpered.

"She's at work." He said sadly. "She had to help save someone's life."

"I want her..." She whined with pleading eyes.

"I'm here..." He sat down on the bed, and she clung to him like a magnet. They sat there for awhile before she spoke. "I was scared. Grandma and Grandpa died. They were with mommy and daddy." She said with a whimper. "Did they die, Mr. Derek?"

"No. No, Anna. They didn't die." He said, feeling like he had control over nothing.

"Where are they?" She asked with pleading eyes. "I haven't seen them in a long time..." He couldn't lie, and he didn't care about repercussions. Not right now.

"They are in time out." He said simply.

"They aren't on vacation?" She asked. He nodded his head no. "I knew it. They would never leave that long... What did they do?"

"Anna, I won't lie to you. They got in trouble. It's a grown up thing. But we are taking care of you. That's okay, right?" He asked. She nodded her head yes.

"Will you stay in my room until I fall asleep?" She asked as she leaned against him. "Merediff says you always make everything better." Derek smiled.

"Of course I will." He said as he pulled the covers up to her chin and closed his own eyes.

Meredith was exhausted. She hadn't been in her own bed in days. She couldn't wait to get into it and snuggle under the covers, and hopefully not waking up for days. She quietly shut the front door, and pulled her shoes off. Her feet were throbbing, and so was her head for that matter. She walked into the kitchen, grabbed a chocolate muffin and sat on the stool. She was so tired, she wasn't even sure if she'd be able to sleep. She chewed and swallowed her last bite and got off of her stool. Something on the refrigerator caught her eye. She walked over to see a picture of her family that she had drawn at school. Everyone was in it. Izzie, George, Meredith, Derek, Addison, and Anna. Two adults were in the back, by themselves. She assumed they were her grandparents. She smiled as she walked up the stairs and two her room. Meredith smiled when she looked in. There was Anna, leaned up against a sleeping Derek, in her little twin bed. She walked in and gave them both a kiss on the forehead.

"Hey." Derek said as he opened his eyes, looking into her green ones.

"Hey." She said with a smile.

"She had a bad dream." Derek explained as he looked down at Anna.

"Is she okay?" Meredith asked.

"I think so." He whispered as he slowly climbed out of the bed.

Meredith walked out of Anna's room and into theirs. Derek followed and stood by the door, watching her. She disappeared into the bathroom and washed up. He could hear her going through her routine. She peeked at him standing by the door.

"I'm still mad at you. You know that, right?" She asked as she washed her face.

"I know that." He said quietly, leaning on the door frame. A faint smile on his face. (Oh yes, take a moment, picture that. Okay then...)

"Good." She said as she dried her face with the towel, and walked back into the bedroom. He watched her peel off her clothes, and change into a tee shirt and shorts. He just stood there, taking her figure in. She looked up at him and pulled the covers back. She settled into bed, and looked up at him. "What?"

"You got to let me know..." He muttered as he looked at her.

"What?" She asked.

"Should I stay or should I go?" He said with a chuckle. She joined him.

"If you go there will be trouble, and if you stay it will be double." She said giggling uncontrollably. "Get over here." She demanded. He climbed right into bed. "I love you. Even when I am mad at you, I still love you."

"I love you too." He said as he wrapped his arms around her. He felt something on her hand, and smiled when he saw the ring. She leaned up and kissed him. His mouth parted and her tongue slid in. She rolled over on top of him and kissed him harder.

"God I love you..." She moaned as she pulled her shirt off. Whatever exhaustion she felt, was gone now. Derek looked up into her dark eyes and smiled. She placed her hands on the hem of his tee shirt and peeled it off, kissing his chest. She was in control, and he wasn't arguing. He felt her hands tug and his flannel pants. She hooked her fingers on both his pants and boxers and pulled them off, throwing them to the side. Her tongue travelled down to him, and she looked up.

"Come on and let me know." She said as her tongue played with the tip of his shaft.

"What?" He said with a gasp.

"Should I cool it, or should I blow?" She giggled as she looked into his eyes, taking him fully in her mouth. His chuckle quickly turned into a moan as she began teasing his erection.

"Oh God...I think you know." He moaned as he grew in her mouth. He quickly pulled her up.

"Meredith, I need you." He said he said as he rolled her over, thrusting his finger inside of her. "God, Mer, you're wet." He moaned as he moved around inside of her.

"Come one Derek..." She moaned. "I need you." He looked into her eyes. He spread her legs and he entered her with haste. "You're tight..." He moaned as he thrust into her. He watched as her eyes roll back as she moaned. A smile crept onto his face as he continued to thrust into her harder. It had been too long. They weren't meant to be apart.

"Oh, Derek." She groaned as she looked up at him. "Harder..." He smiled as he looked into her eyes. He closed his eyes, feeling her. Feeling her tightness. Feeling sheer perfection. They fit together so perfectly. He could feel her tighten up around him, causing him to pulsate. His heart beating rapidly.

"Fuck Derek..." She shouted as her orgasm began to take her over. "Harder!" Her thrust into her. Her body tightened up, shivers going up and down her spine. She felt Derek release inside of her with a loud moan. "Oh..." She whimpered as she closed her eyes, laying her head to the side.

"You are perfection." He moaned as he laid next to her. They laid there, hearts beating.

"I want to get married." She finally said.

"Good. I'm glad I asked you." He said with a chuckle.

"No, Derek. Let's get married." She reiterated as she looked over at him.

"Did you pick a date?" He asked as he turned his head, their faces nearly touching.

"Tomorrow..." She said with a smile.

_-------------_

**Hmmm... Did anyone get the Clash thing?**


	66. The Ball is Rolling

Derek laid there, motionless. He tried to hide the look of shock on his face. Had he just heard her right? Tomorrow. She did say tomorrow. He was positive she said tomorrow. He couldn't keep up with her. An hour ago she was angry. Then they had sex. And now she wants to get married. Tomorrow. Nothing would make him happier than marrying her tomorrow. But he had to wonder...was that what she really wanted?

"Tomorrow? Did you just say, tomorrow?" Derek asked as his eyes searched her.

"Yes." She said with a giggle as she nestled against him.

"As in the day after today?" He asked again. She nodded. "Like when we go to sleep, and then wake up. That day?" He said, still in shock.

"That would be the day..." She said with a smile. "What? Now you don't want to marry me..." She said sadly. The look of disappointment evident.

"Mer...yes! I mean no. Yes, Meredith Ellis Grey, I want to marry you!" He said as he looked into her eyes. "I was just a little surprised, that's all."

"Why?" She asked as she cocked her head, a trait she had picked up from him.

"Well, a few hours ago, you were mad a me." He stated as he cocked his head too.

"No, a few hours ago, I was upset. A few days ago, now that was when I was mad. More disappointed. But I'm not anymore. I can't stay mad at you. I was stupid, you were stupid. Let's not be stupid anymore." She answered with a sigh.

"When you say get married tomorrow--" He started, she quickly cut him off.

"Yes- I mean the day after today!" She said loudly, anticipating what he was going to say.

"No, that's not what I mean. There is nothing planned." He said, not getting her rationale.

"I mean you and I, tomorrow. City hall, the courthouse, wherever the hell we are supposed to go." She rambled quickly.

"That's romantic..." He said with a chuckle. She laid her head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

"You've been married. I've been married." She told him with a shrug.

"You deserve better than a Vegas wedding chapel." He said as he ran his hand on her cheek.

"Derek...I had the fluffy white dress, the cake, a thousand guests." His eyes got wide. "Yes, literally a thousand guests." She said quickly with a head shake. "I just want you and me. No family. No parents. Derek and Meredith. Alone. Together." She said with a sigh.

"I do too. Nothing sounds better. But we are doing this right." He demanded. "Not tomorrow. This weekend."

"Not tomorrow." She whined as she looked over at him.

"Nope. This weekend. Tomorrow is Thursday. People don't get married on Thursdays." He reasoned, looking into her green eyes.

"What's the difference? We'll be alone. What is a Thursday compared to a Saturday. Hey! City Hall isn't open on Saturdays!" She said, as she realized.

"We are not getting married at city hall..." He said with raised eyebrows.

"We're not?" She asked, as she started to give in.

"No. We most definitely are not." Derek told her. "You are taking Saturday, Sunday and Monday off." He demanded.

"Derek-" She started.

"No, Mer. Your step-dad is Chief of Surgery. I am your attending. You have been working way too much. More than anyone else. You have been on-call every other day. You are taking days off, and I am going to make sure of it." He told her as he kissed her head. He began sniffing. Meredith gave him a puzzled look. "Eww." He spat.

"What?" She asked with an offensive tone.

"You smell. Your hair. It stinks!" He said as she smelled it again.

"It does not!" She whined. "I washed it at the hospital."

"It smells so... Not flowery." He explained as he sniffed again.

"So it doesn't stink?" She asked, feeling a little better.

"No, it just doesn't smell like you." He said as he pulled her close.

"I can't wait to be Mrs. Derek Shepherd." She said with a sigh.

"Dr. Shepherd." He clarified.

"Ah, yes. Dr. Meredith Shepherd. It's perfect." She said as she relaxed into his side. She wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

---------------

Meredith didn't even hear the tapping of the keyboard. She was out. Zonked. Comatose. In dreamland. She and Derek had stayed up late into the night, and then night turned into morning. She hadn't been sleeping well in the on-call rooms. She needed Derek, and she hadn't had him. He wanted to be in there with her, even if she was sleeping. Just to be near her made him happy. Derek listened to her loud snoring. He wasn't sure how he had ever gotten used to it. On occasional nights, it did still wake him up.

"Mr. Derek..." Anna whispered as she opened the door. Derek silently thanked God that Meredith hadn't woken up, and they weren't doing their favorite activities. He had completely forgotten to lock the door. He glanced over at Meredith. He knew she didn't have any clothes on. He quickly pulled the covers up farther.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead." He said as he looked over at her.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Research." He said as he tapped away.

"Oh." She said simply. He grabbed his piece of toast, and took a bite. He offered it to her and she took a bite. She climbed onto the bed, and sat next to him. She had the day off of school, and Jane had the day off.

"How come Merediff is still sleeping?" She asked as she looked over at her.

"She worked late. She's tired." Derek told her.

"She works too hard. No one else's mom works that hard. I asked." She said frankly.

"What?" He said as he looked over at her.

"I asked Emily, an Kelly, an Melissa. Their mom's don't work that hard. Emily's mom doesn't work. I think Merediff is working too hard." Derek laughed at her knowledge. He thought about the mom comment. Everyone else's moms. Did she consider Meredith her mom? That would be great, but he wondered what she really thought.

"I think you're right. But she has to, Anna. Not forever, but she has to right now." He told her.

"Oh." She said as she looked over at her. "Did you get your horse yet?"

"What?" Derek asked with confusion.

"Your horse!" She said, getting mad that he didn't remember. Then it dawned on him.

"Um, no, not yet. We are still horseless." Derek said sadly. He looked over at Meredith with a frown. "No horse..."

"You will. Just wait." She returned.

"I hope so." He muttered.

"Can I help?" She asked as she looked up at him. He spit out his coffee.

"With the horse?" He asked.

"No. The research, silly!" She said as she looked at the screen.

"Hmm. Maybe you can." He said as he continued working.

--------------------

Meredith looked around her room. No sign of Derek. No sign of Anna. No sign of life. And she was almost considered dead by the way she looked. She washed her face, looking onto the mirror. She had bags under her eyes. She had never had bags under her eyes. She slowly brushed her teeth, but she didn't get dressed. She just wanted to hang out in her pajamas. Right now she just didn't care what anyone thought about her appearance. Meredith came slowly down the stairs. She felt just as bad as she had when she got home the night before. She was just plain tired. She looked around the clean house. She knew Izzie and George were at work. She thought she heard giggling in the backyard. She poured herself a cup of coffee and walked out the backdoor. She smiled when she saw Derek and Anna kicking the soccer ball around the yard. Derek looked up at her and smiled.

"Good morning!" Anna said as she ran over and gave Meredith a hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you too!" Meredith said with a faint smile. Derek jogged over and sat in the chair next to Meredith.

"You keep playing. Meredith and I are going to watch." He told Anna breathlessly as he kicked the ball to her.

"Okay!" She said as she chased the ball and continued running around. She kicked at the fence and it came back at her. She had a huge smile on her face. She was a happy kid. She was always content.

"You are out of shape." Meredith joked as she watched him heave. She loved to just look at him, watch him. He made her feel better without saying a word.

"Hey, you should see that kid run!" He laughed as they both watched Anna play. "You look tired." He said with a frown.

"I am tired. I feel like no matter how much rest I get, I am still exhausted..." She said, shaking her head. "I slept eight hours. That should be more than enough... But still tired... I don't know what is wrong."

"Oh my God! Should you... should we?" He stammered, as a smile grew on his face.

"Spit it out." She laughed as she sat back in her chair. He looked so happy, like he was going to burst.

"Test. Should you take a test? A pregnancy test?" He asked with hope in his eyes. "That would explain the tiredness. And the crankiness."

"I am not cranky!" She said loudly. She looked across the yard at Anna. She smiled, but it quickly turned to a frown. She became serious. "I'm not, Derek. Don't get your hopes up. I learned to stop doing that awhile ago."

"Mer-" He started as he looked over at her. He knew she felt defeated. She couldn't make eye contact with him.

"No, Der. I can't handle this right now." She said as he nostrils started to flare. She was trying to hold it in. She was trying to be strong. He watched a tear run down her cheek.

"Mer-" He said softly as he rubbed small circles on her hand with his thumb.

"I hurts to be disappointed." She finally said as she looked up at him.

"I know..." He agreed as his eyes dropped to the ground.

"As much as it hurts you, it hurts me more. Do you know why?" She asked, he nodded his head no. "Because it hurts you. To see the look on your face...The disappointment. That is the worst part for me. I hate to see you in pain. I can handle my own, but not yours. It crushes me. You want children, and I can't even give them to you." She said as tears ran down both cheeks. Derek leaned over and hugged her. Anna looked up and ran over. She sensed something was wrong. She gave Meredith a worried look, and quickly wrapped her arms around both of them. They all held each other.

"Merediff, are you okay?" Anna finally asked when they all pulled away.

"I am now." She said with a faint smile. Looking into Anna's big brown eyes made her feel better.

"Good. Sometimes you just need a hug!" Anna laughed, having no idea what was going on. Just her innocence, made both of them feel better.

"You are awfully smart for you age, young lady!" Derek said as he tickled her. She climbed up onto his lap.

"Did you show her yet, Mr. Derek?" She asked as she looked back and forth between the two of them.

"No, I didn't. Why don't you get the folder off of the countertop and bring it to me?" He suggested. She ran away. "Are you okay?" He asked, hoping that Anna had helped her, like she had him.

"Yeah. No, not really. But I'll make it. I have both of you." She said as she sat there, looking off into space. "I'm supposed to start in three days. We'll take a test. But I need you. I don't need you at the hospital or anywhere else. I will need you there. Because if it's negative... I need you." She whispered. Derek's heart swelled, she needed him, and she was admitting it.

"And I will be there." He returned as he kissed her head. Anna bounded out the back door with the folder. Derek handed it to Meredith.

"What's this?" She asked as she grabbed it.

"That, my Dear, is where we are going this weekend." He said with a toothy grin. She opened the folder and looked at the papers. "We are going to the Caribbean."

"Oh my God. We can't--" She started.

"We can, and we are. You deserve a real wedding. Even if you had the big wedding...Mer- this is our wedding. Me, and you, and Jane will be there to watch Anna." He said looking into her eyes. "Anna needs to be there with us. She is our family..."

"Derek, it's--" She said as she looked into his eyes. "It's perfect."

"Good!" He said with relief.

"But I changed my mind." She said quickly. He looked at her with worry. "I think Drew should be there. And Cristina. Or Mark, but I have never met Mark and I don't know if he should because I don't know how he would act because I don't know him. But Cristina, she is my person and I need my person. Not my mom or anyone else, but I need her. Because she's my person. And you, I mean I don't want to ruin it for you. Drew is your family and if you want him there, or someone else- So, if you want something, it's up to you because---" She rambled quickly. Anna and Derek looked at each other and laughed. "What?"

"Mer. Calm down! We can do whatever you want. If you want Yang, we'll have Yang. And Drew, he's perfect. Mark, it's not his thing. Not to mention I don't need him around you. We know what happened last time he was my best man! So, Drew is a good choice." Derek said as he looked into her eyes. They both laughed.

"So we are getting married... This weekend..." She sighed. "This is good."

"Do I get to wear a pretty dress?" Anna asked with a smile.

"Only the very prettiest." Derek assured her.

"Yay!" She said happily. "When do I get to pick out my dress?"

"Holy crap!" Meredith gasped. "It's Thursday. We are leaving tomorrow night. I have no dress, Anna has no dress. We have nothing. We need things." She said quickly.

"And you wanted to get married today..." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Seriously, Derek." She said as she stood up.

"Silly! Why can't we go now?" Anna asked.

"That would be-- I guess we could. This is weird. Doing like this, unplanned." She said as she paced. "Maybe it's a bad idea."

"Merediff, calm down!" Anna demanded. Meredith looked at her. Sometimes she just seemed so grown up. She knew more than anyone gave her credit for.

"We'll go get the white dress. Or green, or yellow...whatever you want." He said with a smile. "But I'd like you better naked." He whispered into her ear.

"Derek...you are---You can't go, it's bad luck!" Meredith explained.

"Aunt Addison could take us!" Anna suggested. "She likes dresses."

"Aunt Addison is probably busy." Meredith sighed, she didn't want to go by herself.

"Addison is never too busy to shop!" Derek said as he flipped his phone open, calling her.

-------------

"This is weird, right?" Meredith asked as she glanced over at Addison. "Me, marrying your ex-husband. And you are going dress shopping with me. That's weird, right?" Meredith said with a chuckle.

"Strangely enough, no it's not. It wonderful. In fact, I am happy he is off my hands now. He needed to find someone to make him happy. You definitely do that!" Addison pointed out as she drove down the road. "Plus, you keep him in his place!"

"You and Mr. Derek were married, Aunt Addison?" Anna asked with a funny face.

"Yes, a long time ago." Addison said as she looked at her in the rearview window.

"That's weird." Anna laughed.

"I agree." Addison said with a chuckle.

"Mr. Derek should be with Merediff...they're iin love.../i" She said with a giggle.

"Yes, they are." Addison agreed, and looked over at Meredith with and approving nod.

"I need to call Drew." Meredith said out loud as she dialed the phone.

"Oh, so Drew comes but I don't?" Addison said feigning disappointment.

"We both need our people." Meredith explained.

"I was kidding! I know how you feel. The two of you...it's romantic." Addison clarified. "But, between you and I, I think Drew is more your person than Derek's."

"No, he's not. It was him or Mark. And well, I don't know Mark." Meredith explained as she went to press send.

"Drew is the better choice. Plus, you keep him in line." Addison chuckle. "You keep all the men in line. Maybe I should send Stan to you for awhile." They both laughed.

"Hey." Meredith said to Drew when he answered the phone.

"Hey, Mer. I haven't heard from you in awhile." He said, pretending he was saddened.

"Hey, it goes both ways!" She shouted with a laugh.

"You're no fun anymore. Derek tells me you're all mommy-fied." Drew said with a chuckle. "So how is that going?"

"It's good." Meredith said as she looked back at Anna. "Great, even. So what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Oh, the usually. Fixing faces, making New York beautiful." He said. "Why?"

"Mark is taking your cases." She told him. "Because you are going to get your ass--" Meredith started.

"Merediff...bad word!" Anna warned. Drew heard her and laughed.

"Your arse to Seattle, because you are going to the Caribbean this weekend..." Meredith explained.

"With you? That could be fun..." Drew said jokingly.

"Yes, with me. And Derek." She heard him moan. "And Anna, and her nanny Jane. Plus Cristina..."

"Yay! A family vacation." He whined. But he had a huge smile on his face. He was happy that she thought of him. They had a connection, and it meant a lot to him. He'd never admit it, though.

"No. A wedding. My wedding. You are Derek's best man. And Cristina, she's my person. And you are coming...understand?" He demanded. Addison looked over at her and shook her head.

"Anything for you, Mer." He said happily.

"Good. Get an early flight. We are leaving here at eight p.m.. And don't tell anyone." Meredith told him forcefully.

"Okay, okay." He responded. She could see him rolling his eyes. She knew him well. But she also knew there was no where he'd rather be.

"And Drew?" She said before she hung up.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Thanks." She muttered as she looked out the car window. They were getting close.

"See you tomorrow. Oh, and congratulations!" He told her.

"Bye." She said before she flipped her phone shut.

"Let's go get you a wedding dress." Addison said as she parked the car.

"Cause you're getting married!" Anna sang out happily as she jumped out of the car.

"Yes...yes I am." Meredith said with a smile as she grabbed Anna's hand.

-----------

**So...yeah... Review, if you can. It makes me oh so happy to see an inbox full of happiness. So that means no bad reviews:)**


	67. Spilling Over

Derek sat in bed and watched Meredith walk back and forth. They had had a busy day. Well, he didn't really. It was Meredith who had tried on a thousand dresses. And of course, Anna had to try on literally every dress in her size. Meredith made a mental note that she had to yell at Addison. She was turning Anna into a girl. But not just a girl, a very girly girl who like pink and frilly dressed. Meredith wasn't accustomed to that. She was Cristina, they were a different breed. They didn't like that stuff. The fact that Meredith was trying on shoes and dresses all day was a big deal.

So now there she paced. Evidently she wasn't content with having Derek handle everything. She didn't think he could handle the flowers and the accommodations. Or the cake and the food. The whole situation was awkward. Who has a wedding with six people, two of them being the bride and groom? But this was what she wanted. She wanted a small gathering. She had only wanted it to be the two of them. But she needed Cristina to keep her head on straight. And Anna, she had to be there. She is their family. And Drew he needed to come to balance things out. And that left Jane. Because Meredith knew that Anna could not stay in their room with them. So, there she paced, hoping Derek had been his McDreamy self. Hoping that he had gotten everything right.

"Mer, you're making me sick. This back and forth-" He said as she walked back and forth. "Stop!" He demanded. She stopped and looked at her.

"If I were working, I'd be okay. But no, I am home--" She started to complain. "You're sure everything--"

"Do you not trust me?" He asked. She stopped and looked at him. "You should. I am very trustworthy. And capable. I am very capable. Everything is fine. And Richard insisted you take the day off. He said you would need to pack for vacation. Apparently everyone you know, can see that you have run yourself into the ground. Except you. You haven't noticed. You are beyond the ground. You are now reside in an underground tunnel." He said as he shook his head.

"I do not reside in an underground tunnel. It's more a burrow, really." She returned with a laugh.

"No wonder you're so pale..." He joked, then turned serious. "Do you know what you need to do?" He asked as he stood up, crossing the room, closing the space between them.

"What is that?" She asked as she leaned her chin against his chest and looked up into his eyes.

"You...need to pee on a stick..." He said as she looked down at her. Her face dropped. "And I will start a bath, because you definitely need to relax." He said as he kissed her forehead and walked into the bathroom, starting the water.

"You do realize you just raised my stress level, right?" She said loudly as she went to her bureau and grabbed her pajamas.

"You don't have to, I just--" He started to explain. "Burying our heads in the sand isn't going to make anything go away. Or happen for that matter." She looked into his eyes and laid her head against his muscular chest. She took a deep breath in. "But, it's up to you..."

"We need to. We need to know, I guess." She said with a sigh as she walked into the bathroom, grabbing the box she had come to hate.

The bath water was perfect. She closed her eyes, lowering herself into the bubbles. She was so lucky to have Derek. All the men, all the boys. There were many. But Derek, he stood out. He was the guy. She was meant to be with him. She had gotten so used to being unhappy. And now, she had happiness pouring out of her. But somehow she wasn't complete and it was that dreaded stick sitting on the vanity. She hated that stick. But it wasn't the stick's fault. The stick was an in-adamant object. Nope it wasn't the stick. It was her. It was her toxic uterus and retarded eggs.

And now she was heading to the Caribbean to get married to the man she loved. She was going to tie herself to him eternally. It was all too perfect. And all these years, the one thing she learned was that nothing was perfect. In fact, perfect wasn't even in her vocabulary anymore. She had always blamed everyone, but she knew, deep down, that she was the one to blame. Sure her mom was a crappy one. But people rise above that. She had spent so much time blaming everyone else, it had consumed her. And yet, she was trying. And this time she needed it to work out. Not all wrinkly, like and un-ironed shirt. But starched and crisp. She knew deep down, if anyone could give that to her, it was Derek.

One again, her gaze fell on the stick. At this moment, she was sure that it held her fate. But it wasn't holding the answer she wanted. She knew that, but she was going to humor Derek. But it wasn't funny. There was no humor there. She could climb out and look. But her body wouldn't, and her mind wasn't going to make it. She slowly sunk under the water. It was quiet there, peaceful even. It was the perfect place. And yes, she could use that word. Perfect. She could understand why someone wouldn't want to leave. Then, she felt a hand on her arm. Her eyes opened. Her green set met a blurry blue. There was a silence. And understanding. Derek watched her. No words need to be spoken. Finally she rose out of the water, droplets creeping down her soft skin.

"It's time, isn't it?" She muttered as she looked over at the stick. It was sitting there, mocking her, she was sure.

"Yeah, it's time." He answered. Now he was regretting the moment of truth.

Derek handed Meredith her bath towel and she stepped out. She wrapped the towel around her, her hair still dripping wet. Derek placed his hand on her arm. It was no comfort. Maybe is was for him. She was hoping it was for him. She didn't need to look at that stick. She knew. She knew her body. She didn't want to set herself up for disappointment again. Neither of them spoke. There were no words to say. Derek slowly lifted the stick up and read it. She watched his head drop. She knew, but she had to see it to make it true. There is was. It was negative. She stood there, staring off into space. The emotions going through her head were unbelievable. She needed Derek, and Derek needed her. But at the moment she couldn't. She couldn't react. She slowly grabbed her pajamas, putting on one piece of clothing at a time. Derek watched her. He waited. He waited for a reaction, there was none.

Derek was crushed. He had really thought she was pregnant. He was so sure. Maybe it was because he wanted it so badly. Why is she standing there? What the hell is wrong with her. He wanted to curl up into a ball, with her. But she was just there, a shell, a memory. His heart ached for both of them. He loved Anna, just like she was his, but he wanted a baby that had his eyes, and Meredith's soft features. He wanted a piece of the woman he loved. That wasn't happening, and there she stood, like a statue.

Derek watched as she grabbed her wet towel and walked out of the bathroom, through the bedroom and into the hallway. He didn't get it. He thought she would collapse onto the floor. He expected to be mopping up tears. He expected her to scream and cry, but there was nothing. She was shutting down. He wished he had never had her take the test. Now there were going to be getting married, and she was going to have this on her mind. He followed her. She wasn't going slowly. She was walking fast, with purpose. He leaned in the doorway of the laundry room. She pulled towels out of the dryer and began folding them. Perfect. They were folded perfectly. It made him sick. This wasn't her.

"Mer--" He started softly. She looked up at him.

"Don't." She snapped as she continued folding.

"This isn't healthy. Don't hold it in." He said as he looked at her sadly. He didn't want to see her doing this to herself.

"What exactly is healthy, Derek? Obviously not me. Because healthy people get pregnant and have kids for the men that love them. I am---" She faded off. She felt sick, she felt like she was dying.

"Meredith...give it time." He said optimistically. That was it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. That was the boiling point.

"Time? Time?! Fuck time! Fuck this!" She screamed.

She quickly shoved all of the towels on the floor. The perfectly folded towels now resided on the floor in a messy pile. Perfection ruined, that was the story of her life. She moved like a hurricane. Derek had never seen her like this. Her face was crushed. It was like it was the end. He had never seen anyone so out of hope. Her arm swept across the shelf, knocking off laundry detergent and various bottle. Everything was on the floor. Jars full of hardware were now scattered with shards of glass. Screws and nails, everywhere. She grabbed the last stray bottle and threw it down on the floor. Fabric softener slowly crept it's way all over the floor. She let out a howl, similar to a wild animal. Derek had no idea what to do. She had fire in her eyes. "Why me? Why me?" She screamed in desperation. Derek watched as she fell into a puddle on the floor. He quickly rushed to her side. He was expecting her to attack him. She just laid there like a limp rag doll. He swiftly picked her up, her head flopping onto his shoulder. Derek looked over to Izzie and George who had now ran down to see what was going on.

"Holy mother of destruction!" Izzie said as she looked around the torn up laundry room.

"What's wrong?" George said in complete and utter shock. He looked at Derek and Meredith. He had never seen Meredith look like that. Derek shook his head, and they both withdrew their questions. They watched as Derek carried Meredith out the door and to a lounge chair. Meredith curled up against him.

"What the hell was that?" Izzie said as she bent down on the floor and began cleaning everything up.

"I think she snapped." George said, still standing there in shock.

"No kidding." Izzie said, shaking her head. "Why? Why did she snap?"

"I don't know, but it must be major." George said as he bent down and started helping her.

Derek laid there on the lounge chair, her warm body was against his. He held her. He didn't know what else to do. So he just held her. She sobbed for a long time. The pain that they both felt was immense. It was unmeasurable. Never in his life did he think this was going to be one of the major hurdles in their lives. Her body stopped shaking, she was still. He could feel her ragged breathing. The air was cold. Derek was cold, but he held her up against him. He had to keep her warm. He had to keep her safe, even if it was from herself.

They were leaving for the Caribbean tomorrow. Tomorrow they were going with their daughter, and their friends. It was supposed to be happy. It was supposed to be the best time in their lives. They were taking the big step, tying themselves together. But now. How do you get pass this? How was she going to put on a smile? At the moment, Derek would do anything to go back in time. Anything. Because an hour ago, they were better off. An hour ago, they weren't dying inside. Finally she spoke. It was soft, it was quiet.

"I think I'm toxic." She said in barely a whisper. Her words cut through him like a knife. Not a sharp knife. A butter knife. A butter knife with a dull edge that had to be pressed so hard to pierce his flesh. It dug into his gut, twisting it's way through. The pain was almost enjoyable. Only because he was hoping it took some of hers away. Then the anger made it's way to the top. It reared it's ugly head. And thats when he did it. He grabbed her arms, maybe a little too tightly, and squeezed.

"I never want to hear you say that again!" He said forcefully. It scared her. She had never felt this much anger in him. When she needed him to be soft and strong, he wasn't. "Do you hear me?" He said again. She nodded, not knowing what else to do. "You are not toxic. Why would you say that?" She didn't answer. She looked at him in shock. "Meredith!"

"I--- I-- It's the only thing that makes sense. I would be a shitty mom. My body knows it. My mind is just too empty to get it." She explained sadly. Tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Meredith that is bullshit and you know it. You are a wonderful mother. Anna adores you. She worships you. You are not a bad mother." He explained, softening his tone, sensing her worry.

"I'm never around, and I never see her. How can she love me?" Meredith asked quickly. She had been feeling the tension lately. Everyone was pulling her in all directions.

"Because the time you spend with her is quality time. Because anyone who knows you loves you. And Anna, she loves you. And I love you." Derek said as he kissed her head.

"What if I can't have kids, Derek?" She asked frankly. "Will you--- Will you still love me?" She whimpered, sobbing beginning to shake her body again.

"How could you ask that? You are the love of my life. I love you. I need you. We haven't exercised all of our options. The fight isn't over. It hasn't even begun. I want to fight. But only if you're by my side. I would love to have a baby with you. But in the end... if you can't. If we can't, I still have you. And you, Meredith, are enough for a lifetime." She turned her head and looked up at him. He had tears in his eyes. He was sad, but she could see something else. She could tell that that was how he really felt. He wasn't doing it for her benefit. And that, that seemed to make everything a little better.

-------------------

Derek sat the last of the bags down by the front door. Anna seemed to have the most luggage, which was laughable. Meredith was a light packer. She didn't need much, that's what he loved about her. She didn't care where they went, as long as he was with her. Addison only wanted the finest. She took more luggage to go away for two days, than the six of them combined. And now Addison was turning Anna into a mini her, and it was causing Derek and Meredith's head's to spin.

Meredith sat in the kitchen, eating a muffin. Izzie and George had cleaned up the mess from her freak-out the night before. She was feeling better. Derek had held her all night long. They had stayed outside until late in the night. She couldn't move, and Derek didn't have the heart to move her. They didn't speak about it again. They were at an understanding. She was at peace with it at the moment. She wasn't feeling the pressure from Derek anymore. And she wasn't feeling the pressure from herself. Derek had made her see how blessed she was to have Anna. So that was her new focus. To make sure that Anna was completely content. Her focus was keeping that little girl.

"Everything is ready." Derek said as he looked at her. She had a faint smile on her face. He loved to see her smile.

"Except Anna, Drew and Cristina." Meredith pointed out. They both rolled her eyes.

"And what exactly is holding Anna up this time?" Derek asked with a chuckle. Knowing how she had been acting lately.

"She is trying to find just the right thing to wear. 'Because Aunt Addison says you can never be over dressed.'" Meredith said with air quotes.

"Oh dear God..." Derek said, shaking he head. "She has created a monster."

"I know. Last time I went in her closet, she had it organized according to color and outfit. She actually told me I needed different clothes and that my closet was a designer's nightmare. Who says that? That's just wrong." Meredith laughed. Derek couldn't help but think a child of their own would never be like that.

"Addison does..." Derek said with a laugh.

"I'm ready." Anna said as she walked down in a pale yellow sun dress and a matching hat. Her shoes matched perfectly. She looked like she was ready for the Kentucky Derby. Derek and Meredith both busted out laughing. "What?" Anna asked self consciously. "Should I change?" She asked as she turned around.

"No!" They both shouted. She got wide-eyed. "You look perfect!" Derek said with a smile as he kissed her on the cheek.

"So where is everyone?" She demanded as she looked around with her hands on her hips.

"They are on their way." Meredith reassured her. The doorbell rang soon after.

"I'll get it!" Anna said as she jumped up. Derek and Meredith both looked at each other. She had really grown out of her shell.

"Oh, it's you." Meredith heard Anna say to Cristina. The banter between the two of them always provided entertainment.

"Oh, hell no! What are you wearing?" Cristina spat out with a laugh.

"A dress. Look at you. You are underdressed. Aunt Addison and I talked about this." Anna spat as if she knew something Cristina didn't. As if she was above her. She walked into the kitchen. Derek and Meredith shook their heads.

"No, I'm normal." Cristina snapped back as she sat down in the chair next to Meredith. She gave Meredith a pathetic look.

"No, you're not!" Anna argued as she walked up to Cristina, ready for another fight.

"You!" Meredith pointed at Cristina. "Quit arguing with a child. And you!" She pointed at Anna. "Show Cristina a little respect. She is my best friend."

"You have to get it to give it!" She shouted to Meredith.

"Anna! Straighten up!" Meredith warned. Derek looked at Anna, agreeing with the warning.

"Well, that's what you say." Anna told Meredith, as she looked into her eyes.

"It is. But Cristina is my friend. So stop it." Meredith said as she walked over to the sink. She heard the doorbell ring. Then she heard Anna's footsteps.

"Who are you?" She demanded as she opened the door.

"I'm Drew. And you must be Anna." Drew said turning on the charms. "And don't you look nice..." He said as they walked in the kitchen. "And you...look ravishing as ever." He said as he kissed Meredith on the cheek. Derek looked at them with raised eyebrows and cleared his throat. "And so do you..." He spat at Derek, who rolled his eyes.

"I am not sitting _next_ to that on the plane!" Cristina clarified as she pointed to Drew.

"Me? I would rather sit next to a goat than you!" He snapped back.

"Oh God. It starts already. See honey. We don't have to have kids, we have a ton already." Meredith said. Derek leaned in and kissed her.

"You make an excellent point!" He said. "So is everyone ready to go?" Derek asked as he looked around. "We still need to pick up Jane before we go." Everyone nodded.

"There is just one thing I need to know." Cristina said as she stopped Meredith from following everyone out the door.

"What?" Meredith asked with a puzzled look.

"Should I call the police?" Cristina said with a serious tone, with her hand on Meredith's arm.

"What?" Meredith asked in shock.

"I just wanted to make sure McDreamy isn't holding you hostage and forcing you to marry him against your will. I could only rationalize that he is either holding you hostage or you are losing your mind!" Cristina joked.

"I have definitely lost my mind!" Meredith joked as she pulled the door shut and they walked to the car.

-------------

**No wedding today. That is going to take a ton of time. I can't guarantee it will be up tomorrow either. I have a lot to do tomorrow.**

**And no baby for Mer and Der. Don't kill me. I don't tear down like Shonda. Keep faith.**


	68. Bowl of Worms

The ride to the airport was hectic. The traffic was horrible, and the arguing in the car was deafening. If it wasn't Cristina and Drew, then it was Anna. She seemed to be arguing with everyone lately. Meredith blamed it on the fact that Derek was spoiling her horribly. He was, and he knew it. Anything she wanted, she got. And if she didn't get it, then there was a tantrum.

After going through the never ending security measures, the group made their way to the gate. Showing their tickets, they quickly made their way onto the plane. And then the real fun began. Meredith wanted to sit next to Derek. And Drew and Cristina refused to sit next to each other. Meredith knew Anna couldn't sit next to Cristina or the pilot would crash the plane to shut them up. Of course, Drew offered to sit next to Meredith. But he quickly changed his tune when he got the look of death from Derek. So then Anna joined in the fun, and refused to sit by anyone other than Meredith. Of course, Derek was then ready to have a tantrum, and Anna did have one right in the middle of the aisle. Everyone began giving her those 'control you child' looks. Meredith wanted to crawl under her large first class seat and disappear. She told Derek to deal with it, and she sat in her window seat. So then it was settled. Derek sat next to Meredith. Anna was next to Drew and Jane was next to Cristina. Drew whined about being a babysitter, but when Meredith gave him a pleading look, he obliged.

"So tomorrow, you will be my wife." Derek said with a dumb looking grin.

"Yes, I suppose I will be." She said as she laid her head back and closed her eyes. She needed rest, she wanted rest.

"So, would you like to---" Derek started. Meredith knew him oh so well. He didn't have to finish the sentence.

"I am not giving you sex in the bathroom." She spat out without opening her eyes.

"How did you know?" He asked in amazement, as he looked over at her.

"I know everything!" She joked. The flight attendants began doing their spiel. Neither of them were listening. "Besides, we aren't even off the ground yet."

"You can't blame me for trying." He said with a shrug as he looked over at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She smiled. She could feel his gaze on her.

"And don't do it." She said, eyes closed.

"Do what?" He asked as he cocked his head.

"The McDreamy head cock. It won't work." She replied dryly.

"You do realize that was slightly 'porny' as you say it." He pointed out.

"Get your head out of the gutter." She said with a giggle, as she laid her head to the side, hoping to catch up on her much needed rest. She could hear Drew talking to Anna, but she couldn't make out what they were saying.

"That's a nice dress. I bet Meredith didn't help you pick that out." Drew said with a chuckle. He knew how Meredith was. She was a knock out in a dress, but she didn't enjoy wearing them.

"Nope. Aunt Addison did." She explained. "Aunt Addison knows fashion." Drew raised his eyebrows. He could tell that Meredith and Derek were going to have trouble on their hands.

"Aunt Addison, huh?" Drew said quietly.

"You're Mr. Derek's cousin?" Anna asked as she looked up at Drew.

"Yes I am. So I guess that makes me your uncle." He said as he looked over at Derek in the seat across the aisle and ahead of them.

"I don't have any cousins." She said with a shrug. "And I guess I could call you uncle Drew..." She said with a moan.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" He asked her.

"Nope. And I don't want any!" Anna said boldly. Drew was slightly taken aback.

"Oh... And why not?" Drew asked as he took a sip of his drink. Sitting next to a child, he needed a drink.

"Because I want everything." She said frankly.

"Believe me, you would still have everything..." He muttered knowing how Derek was.

Cristina and Jane didn't talk. She had made it quite clear that she had wanted to sit next to Meredith. She had to try to save her from becoming too McDreamyfied. Meredith was already walking around with stars in her eyes. That was not Meredith. Meredith was dark and twisty. And that is how Cristina liked her. Cristina turned her ipod up as loud as it would go and closed her eyes, this flight was going to be too long.

Derek was honestly disappointed. He had thought he was going to get some mile high action. There was non. In fact, Meredith had been sound asleep since the minute she closed her eyes. She was snoring, that meant she was in a deep sleep. Everyone kept looking at them. It was the sound. The loud sawing of logs. He felt bad for her. She has a lot on her plate. More than most people could handle. Maybe it was the stress from the nonexistent baby. Or the intern exams. Or the trial that could change their lives. That he was less worried about. Because that, he was beginning to gain a little bit of control over.

------------------

The flight was uneventful. Derek played on his blackberry nearly the whole time. He watched Cristina and Jane live in silence. And Anna talked Drew's ear off non-stop. He laughed as he watched Drew nod and groan, pretending he was listening. Meredith had actually slept right through the arrival announcements. Derek couldn't believe it. He had to wake Meredith up from her slumber. When he did wake her up, she groaned loudly and opened her eyes.

"We're here." He said as he kissed her temple. She looked over at him and smiled. "You were tired." He pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess I was." She said as she looked out the window. The plane was rolling to a stop. She rolled her head around, hearing her neck pop. "Did Anna behave herself?" Meredith asked.

"Of course she did. But I think Drew is going to kill us both." Derek pointed out.

"He probably will." Meredith agreed as she stood up and looked around. Derek followed suit and stood, grabbing bags out of the overhead compartment.

"You owe me." Drew seethed as he walked over to Meredith and Derek.

"She is a little angel." Cristina said with a laugh. "Straight from hell..." She added in a whisper as they walked off of the plane.

"Now that is one thing I will agree with you on, Yang." Drew said with a grin. "And the only thing!" Jane gave them both dirty looks.

"Anna is a sweetheart." Meredith said as she looked aver at her.

"And spoiled rotten. Seriously, cousin, you are going to have fun with her." Drew said as he shook his head.

"She is not spoiled." Derek said as they walked through the airport to claim their bags.

"Oh, that is the understatement of the year!" Meredith laughed. Anna was oblivious to the whole conversation. She was too busy watching everyone in the airport.

"What?" He said in shock.

"Seriously, Derek, it has to stop. She is spoiled, and I don't like it." Meredith spat as she looked over at him.

"We will talk about this later." He said with a smirk as Anna ran between them, grabbing their hands.

-------------------

Derek had gotten three nice suites. His plan was to share one with Meredith. Jane and Anna were going to stay in the second one, and Drew and Cristina were going to stay in the third. He had no idea it was going to cause such a firestorm. Meredith smacked him in the back of the head and asked him if he was an idiot. Cristina threatened bodily harm. And Drew told him Meredith was going to find out about every questionable thing he had ever done. And then there was Anna. She threw a fit. Not a fit, a screaming tantrum.

"I want to stay with Merediff and Mr. Derek!" She shouted loudly in the lobby of the hotel.

"Anna, Derek and Meredith need some time alone." Jane explained softly.

"No! They spend time together all of the time. I wanna stay with them!" She said as she crossed her arms and turned away from them.

"You will just be sleeping in a room with Jane. We are going to do all kinds of fun stuff before then. You sleep in your own room every night." Meredith explained.

"No!" Anna screamed as she pulled her hat off and threw it on the ground, stomping on it.

"Anna Elizabeth!" Derek said sternly as he led her away from the group. "Do you remember what Meredith says? You have to give respect to get it?" He asked.

"Yes." Anna pouted.

"Well, you need to act like the young lady you are. We love you, but we are not going to put up with these tantrums. This is Meredith's special time. I want her to remember this forever. Do you want the only thing she remembers to be you acting badly?" He asked her.

"No. I'm sorry, Mr. Derek." She said as she leaned in and hugged him. "I will be good." She said softly.

"Good." He returned as he kissed her on the forehead. So then it was settled. Anna was with Jane for the night. But Derek didn't get what he wanted either.

-----------------

"Let's go." Cristina said loudly as she threw a pillow at Meredith, who was laying on the bed.

"What?" Meredith asked as she threw the pillow back at her.

"This is your last night of freedom. So we are going out. Think of it as your two person bachlorette party." Cristina explained.

"I'm tired. And I hate to tell you this, but I haven't been free in a long time. I know it's a shock, but this is my second wedding!" Meredith joked.

"So. Come one. I'm not going to bed, and between you and I, you look like you need a drink!" Cristina laughed as she looked over at a beaten down Meredith.

"I am not getting tanked the night before my wedding. Not to mention, I don't want to puke my guts out all morning." Meredith pointed out as she rolled onto her stomach. It was ten, and she had been planning on being asleep in an hour.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing you are getting married in the evening. You will have all day to recover. I hear there's an awesome club down the road." Cristina said as she walked into the bathroom.

"I am tired. And I don't have anything to wear." Meredith pointed out. "I brought jeans and a wedding dress. Oh and some things not fit for public."

"Too much information. Well, luckily for you, I have an extra dress." Cristina said as she pulled it out and threw it at her. "Come on. Get your ass out of bed." She said as she walked over and shoved her. "Get up! You only live once." She said. "Then again, maybe you shouldn't come. It would probably be lonely for you. As, I am the better looking of us." Cristina joked.

"I really don't want to." Meredith said as she crawled out of bed and walked to the bathroom.

----------------

"Are you having a good time?" Drew asked as he walked over to their table.

"Oh yes. The music is loud. The drinks are watery. I have had two women try to pick me up... I would much better be in the hotel room with my future wife. Have hot flexible sex." Derek said as he looked at Drew who seemed to be having a good time.

"Ah yes..." Drew said, reminiscing his past with Meredith. "She is flexible."

"Not cool." Derek said as he looked across the club. He shook his head. "Not cool."

"Well, if you want to sit here and be a bump, I can't help you..." Drew said as he looked around.

"So you would rather I cheat on Meredith with some girl..." Derek said, remember Drew words in New York, not so long ago.

"Yeah, I guess being a bump suits you." Drew said as he sat down next to him. "So I guess, just this once, I can do it too."

"Can you believe she is going to marry me?" Derek said in shock.

"No. I really can't. I didn't think she would ever get married again. But then again, she seems to be ready to settle down." Drew pointed out as he slid another drink over to Derek.

"We're trying. To have kids." Derek said as he looked at his cousin. Drew feigned happiness.

"That's great." Drew returned with a smile.

"Trying is the key word. Actually, we have been. For awhile now. And nothing." Derek said sadly. It felt good to get it off his chest. He had always confided in either Drew or Mark.

"So that is what's wrong with her." Drew said, now seeing. "I could see she was down."

"Yeah. It's been rough. But is will change. I'm sure." Derek said optimistically.

"At least you have Anna. The mini Addison..." Drew laughed,

"I know..." Derek said with a look of worry on his face.

"I think we need another round." Drew said as he stood up. Derek looked down at the table.

"Hey." A skinny blond said as she walked up. "Can I buy you a drink?" Derek almost laughed. She was the opposite of anything he ever wanted.

"No thanks. I'm here with my friend." He said as he nodded to Drew.

"Well, that doesn't mean I can't buy you a drink..." She said as she sat down at the table.

"I'm getting married tomorrow..." He said. There was no reaction. "To the love of my life..."

"But you're not married now. Tonight, I don't see a ring." She said, trying to entice him.

"Up here I am." He said, pointing to his head. "No offense, but you don't hold a candle to her." He told her. She quickly huffed and walked away.

"Another one?" Drew said with a laugh.

"Yeah." Derek said, shaking his head and taking a sip. He gaze quickly fell across the room. She was breathtaking. He had never seen anyone so beautiful in his life. Her body was perfect. Her hair was laying softly on her shoulders. She walked softly to the bar and sat down.

"Wow, she's hot..." Drew said, in shock.

"No kidding." Derek said in utter shock. They both continued to stare. Their fascination growing.

"Do you think I have a shot with her?" Drew asked as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was quickly met with a smack in the head.

"Seriously?" Derek said, shaking his head. "You've got to quit saying that shit."

"Sorry." Drew muttered as they both continued to stare at Meredith. She was talking casually with Cristina, oblivious to all the men's attention she was now receiving.

"You know that's how I met her, right?" Derek said, thinking back to the day that changed his life.

"Yeah, me too." Drew said, then quickly shut his mouth.

"I was at Joe's. With Holly--" Derek started. Drew cut him off.

"What the hell ever happened to her?" Drew asked.

"That is a whole different story." Derek said, shaking his head. "So, I was at Joe's. She was sitting there in a tight black dress. Just like the one she has on now. There was something about her. I was busy. I was talking to someone. And I glance up. It sounds corny, but it was just like they say. It was just her and I in that bar. She pulled me in. She intrigued me. It didn't matter that Holly was there. I walked up to the bar and grabbed a drink. There she sat, slamming shots of tequila. I have never seen a girl drink like that. She wouldn't even give me the time of day. She was amazing. She was...perfect. And that was the day my life changed forever." Derek said as he finished his drink.

"Wow..." Drew said, pretending to be amazed. "You really are whipped." He received a sharp look. "Shutting up...Maybe you should go relive the moment." He said, raising his eyebrows.

"No. I just want to watch her. Her last night of freedom..." Derek leaned back and watched her in amazement.

"Why did we have to come here again?" Meredith asked, rolling her eyes.

"Because your life is going to change tomorrow. No more freedom. No more men. No more fun." Cristina said quickly. Meredith ordered an apple martini. "No tequila?"

"It doesn't sound good." She said, scrunching her nose. "Besides, I lost all those things the minute I saw Derek."

"Wait a minute, tequila doesn't sound good...to you?" She asked in shock.

"Nope." Meredith said as she sipped her martini. It didn't taste good either.

"You just know you can't out drink me." Cristina said, egging her on.

"Oh bullshit!" Meredith returned, shaking her head. "You know I could. I just don't want to."

"Sure..." Cristina said, unbelieving.

"You do realize it's pointless us being here, right? We're both taken. We're off the market. Dried up. It's over..." Meredith explained.

"That doesn't mean we can't have fun." Cristina laughed as she looked around at the swarms of men. "Man...I need to dump Burke. Would it be wrong to end it over the phone?" She laughed.

"No...That would be perfectly acceptable." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. A man sat down next to her. She looked over at him. He was definitely someone she would have gone for in the past. But it's the past.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked with a grin. Meredith quickly flashed her ring at him.

"Taken." She said simply and turned away. Derek smiled and shook his head.

"Two shots of tequila." Cristina yelled to the bartender. He quickly poured them. "Come on...prove me wrong."

"No. I don't want it." Meredith said again.

"Please? I want my old person back. Just for one night." Cristina whined. Meredith shook her head and chuckled.

"Fine." Meredith said as she threw back the shot. It didn't taste good. It didn't feel like it did before. Maybe it was because she was different now. She was happy. Or at least happier than she was. "Somehow, this isn't fun."

"You are turning into an old lady. A mommy. I have to say, I am disappointed." Cristina joked as she looked at Meredith's green face.

"So am I." Meredith returned as she grabbed her head.

Derek watched her in amazement. She was radiant as she sat perched on the bar stool. Her hair shined under the faint light. He watched as men approached her time and time again. Each time his chest swelled with pride. She sent everyone away like she didn't even see them. He was going to grow old next to her. She was going to be the one he laid next to every night. He was the luckiest guy in the world. He continued to watch. She was slamming shots. She didn't look like she was having a good time. In fact, she looked almost sick. He saw her say something to Cristina, and Cristina rolled her eyes. Finally, Derek watched Cristina help Meredith walk to the door. Meredith was leaning on her. Derek looked aver at Drew and quickly stood up and walked over.

"Is she okay?" Derek asked as he threw Meredith's arm around her.

"I guess she's turned into a lightweight." Cristina said, shaking her head. She was surprised that Meredith was fairly tanked. She drank almost a third less than she usually does.

"I am not a lightweight." Meredith slurred. "And where did you come from?" She said looking over at Derek.

"I came with Drew." Derek explained as he opened the door.

"Oh that's nice." Meredith said. "Oh God." She said quickly. She leaned over and retched. "Ohhh." She moaned. "I'm good." She said quickly.

"What did you do to her?" Derek asked as they walked down the street.

"Hell if I know." Cristina returned. The slowly made their way back to the hotel. "Okay. I've got it from here." Cristina said as she helped Meredith into the room.

"I'm staying with her." Derek said as he followed her into the room.

"No you're not. I am. I am not getting stuck in a room with McDweeb." She spat.

"I need to take care of her." Derek said as Cristina helped Meredith down onto the bed.

"Last I checked, I was a doctor." Cristina told him.

"Oh God..." Meredith moaned. Cristina ran over with a trash can. Meredith grabbed it and began vomiting.

"Mer, are you okay?" Derek asked. He put his hand on her. "You're burning up."

"I think I'm dying." She joked as she laid back on the bed.

"I can take care of her." Cristina said. "Seriously. She is my person. You will have her everyday for the rest of your life. Let me take care of her." She said as she shoved him over. They both looked at Meredith who was now sleeping.

"Okay. But I will be checking on her." He said as he walked out.

--------------

"Holy shit!" Meredith said as she opened one eye slowly. "What the hell did you do to me?" She asked Cristina as she sat up.

"I didn't do anything. You're the one that got drunk last night." Cristina said as she dried her wet hair.

"I did not. I had an apple martini." Meredith pointed out.

"And tequila..." Cristina clarified as she walked back into the bathroom.

"I did?" Meredith asked as she closed her eyes and sat back.

"Uh, yeah. Several shots." She answered. Meredith could hear the running water.

"Oh god. I didn't eat a bowl of worms again, did I?" Meredith asked as she opened her eyes.

"What?" Cristina said as she walked back out of the bathroom.

"Long story." Meredith muttered.

"That I have time for." Cristina answered as she walked up to the bed. She touched her head. "And you are still warm."

"I'm fine." Meredith said softly.

"No, you're not. But anyway---" Cristina rolled her hands, meaning she wanted to hear the story.

"Fine! Okay...I had just moved to England. We were in a college bar. Drinking tequila. Everyone dared me to eat the worm. No big deal, I have eaten the worm several times. Well apparently no one had done that in the stupid bar, so he saved them them up. I ate a whole freaking bowl. A big bowl. They called me the crazy fucking american forever. I was fucked up for a week. I don't even remember taking my finals. The week was a blur." Meredith said with a laugh, and grabbed her head. "Shit. I need some asprin or something. What time is it?"

"Seven." Cristina told her as she looked at her watch.

"God, what the hell are you doing up?" She asked as she rolled over. "I'm going back to sleep. I really think I'm dying, by the way." She said as she covered her head. She heard a knock on the door.

"How is she?" Derek asked as he walked in.

"Dying." Meredith muttered.

"I think it's food poisoning." Derek said as he walked up. "Anna is feeling sick too." He told her as he walked over and kissed her on the forehead.

"Where is she?" Meredith asked.

"In her room, in bed. She had some of your fish yesterday." Derek pointed out. He listened to her moan. "We can push it off. We don't have to get married tonight."

"Derek. I am walking down the aisle, even if I have to carry a bucket instead of a bouquet." She said quickly. He started to laugh.

"Mer--" He started.

"I will be fine. I just need some rest. I have twelve hours to feel better." She told him. "And go get Anna. I'm sure you all want to site see, and she may as well hang out with me."

"No, I am staying with you." He told her as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"No, you're not. Get your ass up. Get Anna. Bring her to me. Go make sure everything will be ready, and come back later. Understand?" She demanded.

"Going..." Derek told her. Derek brought Anna to Meredith. The laid in bed, while everyone else went out and had a good time. They were both feeling so bad, they couldn't care less. Meredith felt someone staring and opened her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"My belly hurts." Anna said as she rubbed it.

"Mine does too." Meredith responded as she looked at her. "You'll be okay." Meredith felt Anna snuggle up against her. They both laid in silence for awhile.

"Merediff?" Anna asked. Meredith opened her eyes.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked.

"Do you think my mommy would be mad if I called you mommy?" Anna asked with a hopeful face.

Meredith was in shock. For a moment she quit breathing. She couldn't believe she had just asked her. She was asking her if she could call her mommy. If Meredith could be her mom. The nurturer. The one that took care of her.

"Do you want to call me mommy?" Meredith asked softly.

"Yes." Anna responded, shaking her head.

"I think that would make your mom very happy." Meredith said. She watched a wave of relief wash over Anna's face.

"Good. Cause you and Mr. Derek are a good mommy and daddy. An I don't have a mommy and daddy. So can you be my mommy and daddy?" She asked.

"I think that that would make Derek the happiest man in the world. And I would love to be your mommy." Meredith said happily.

"Good. I love you, mommy." Anna said as she closed her eyes and laid her head against Meredith.

"I love you too." Meredith responded as the tears ran down her cheeks.

----------

**Okay, so I know Mer and Der didn't say "I do" in this chapter... This stuff needed to happen first. Review please!**


	69. The Best is Yet to Come

Meredith awoke a several hours later. The room was quiet. She looked down at Anna, who was sleeping peacefully with a smile on her face. She still couldn't believe that Anna had asked her if she could call her Mommy. She softly ran her hand over her head, her fingers grazing the hair that was now growing back in. She was amazed at how much better she felt. She got up from the bed and decided to to take a quick shower while everyone was out.

Today was her wedding day. It was hard to imagine. When she was younger, she wasn't like other kids. She didn't think about kids and marriage. She was programed to be a surgeon. It was all she knew. Work hard, play never. Maybe if she had listened to her mom, she wouldn't have ended up with Ian. But snow that she looked back, she didn't regret it. The only real downside is that she didn't meet Derek sooner. She undressed and climbed in the shower, letting the hot water run over her. She was lost in though when she felt two hands grab her sides. She yelped and turned around.

"Shit, Derek!" She shouted when she looked into his eyes. He only had one thought on his mind.

"That sounds good." He said as he climbed in the shower.

"What are you doing?" She said as she stepped back and away from him.

"I'm going to fuck you." He said as he stepped towards her.

"No. No you're not. Because it is our wedding day. And we need to wait. And Anna is just outside the room--" She started as she continued to back away. She gasped as he pressed her against the wall. She could feel his erection pressing against her.

"I guess you'll have to be quiet then." He whispered into her ear as he nipped it.

"Seriously Derek!" She snapped. "It's--" His mouth started trailing kisses down her neck. "Shit..." She muttered. He continued to travel down, mouthing her breasts, teasing her nipples. He teased them into hard peaks. "Damn-it..." She moaned. His mouth travelled down her abdomen, sucking her naval. "We have to stop--- Oh god!" She shrieked as he pushed her leg up and his tonuge delved deeply inside. "Fuck." She moaned as his tongue pressed against her in figure eights. Her head flew back and she let out a moan.

"God, you're wet." He told her as he withdrew. Her moan turned into a shout as he entered her again. "You're throbbing." He muttered.

"Oh god, just fuck me already." She spat as she grabbed his hair and harshly pulled him up to her. "Like now." She demanded.

"Oh, but the waiting is fun." He said as he started kissing her neck.

"Now, Derek! Fuck me now!" She said as she pushed him against the wall. She wrapped her legs around him and he turned her around pressing her against the wall. "Come on!" She moaned as he slid into her. "Oh god, harder. Harder, Derek, harder."

"God, Mer." He moaned as he pumped harder. "Oh...shit...oh god." He shouted as she pushed against him. He could feel his orgasm beginning.

"Shit...I'm cumming. Oh God." She moaned. "Oh god...ohhh" She moaned as her body began to tremble. She felt him release.

"Ohhh." He moaned as her feet slid to the ground. "Thank you..."

"That was--" She sighed as she climbed out of the shower and wrapped the towel around her.

"So you're feeling better?" He asked as he climbed out of the shower.

"I am feeling fucking fantastic!" She said enthusiastically. Derek watched as she ran the brush through her hair. "Oh. Anna called me mommy." She said nonchalantly.

"What?" He said in shock.

"Yeah..." She said as she looked in the mirror. He towel dropped to the ground. "She wants to start calling us mommy and daddy."

"You are her mommy." He said as he walked up and pressed his naked body against hers, wrapping his arms around her.

"And you are the perfect daddy." Meredith said as she turned as looked into his eyes.

---------------------

"This is the right thing to do, right?" Meredith asked Cristina as she stood in front of the mirror in her bra and panties.

"Okay, I will probably never say this again...yeah, this is the right thing to do. McDreamy is so in love with you, it makes everyone sick. You are going to have the happily ever after and all that shit. So yeah, this is the right thing to do." Cristina told her as she stood there.

"Oh god!" Meredith said as she ran over to the toilet and vomited. "Shit. I need a few minutes, can you give me a few minutes?" Meredith asked as she looked up at Cristina.

"Yeah. But if you don't come out eventually I will have to drag your ass out." Cristina said as she opened the bathroom door.

"Don't worry, there are no windows in here." Meredith returned as she leaned over the toilet.

She sat down on the floor, leaning her head against the wall. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing. That had to be why it was so scary. That had to be why she was so terrified and her stomach was bouncing around like a trapeze artist. Nothing was going to change, she kept telling herself that. Mentally they were married. It was just paper. It didn't seem to help. She couldn't get the knot out of her stomach. She looked at her phone on the vanity. There it sat. And there was one person she wanted to call. One person that she thought would make it all better.

-------------------

"You clean up pretty good." Drew said with a chuckle as he slapped his cousin on the back.

"Thanks." Derek muttered as he looked into the mirror. "This is good, right? This is what I am supposed to do?"

"Please do not tell me you are having second thoughts." Drew warned him.

"No. This is-- With Addison, I knew it wasn't right. But I couldn't stop it. Both the families were there... I figured what the hell, ya know?" Derek said, more to himself than anyone else.

"No dude. That makes no sense. Oh, I don't think I love you...it's just the rest of my life so...what the hell? Come on..." Drew said, not getting his logic.

"You've never been married..." Derek explained.

"No kidding. But seriously, Der. Mer is perfect. You are so lucky to have found someone like her. I know I give you a hard time. I did meet Mer in a bar, and I did sleep with her. I tease you-- It's obvious you are the only man in her eyes. So, yeah, you are doing the right thing." Drew explained as he looked at his cousin.

"Thanks." Derek said with relief.

"Oh, and if you change your mind...I would be more than happy to take your place." Drew said with a chuckle.

"You...marriage. That makes me a little sick." Derek laughed, Drew joined him. "Hey, can I have a few minutes?"

"Sure, no problem." Drew said as he walked out.

Derek placed his hands on the countertop and stared into the mirror. He was going to be the happiest man on earth. He really already was, but knowing that she would be his and only his made it so much better. He wasn't worried he was making a mistake. He knew this was the right thing. The only worry he had was that he would screw it up. He knew that everything he did was going to be for her. She was the important person in his life. He grabbed his phone off of the counter. He needed to call someone.

----------------

Meredith dialed the phone. Maybe it was stupid to call him. They were over. She never thought she'd talk to him again. But for some reason he was the one she wanted to call. He was the one she needed to call. Her heart stopped when it rang.

"Hello?" A woman said into the phone. "Hello?"

Meredith quickly flipped the phone shut. Wow. She didn't expect that. She couldn't believe it, but she felt a pang of jealously. Not really jealous, just surprise. She knew he would move on. She just never thought she would have to face it. And she wouldn't have. She was calling him after all.

"Who was it?" Ian asked.

"I don't know, they hung up on me." She said. He quickly grabbed the phone from her and looked at the number. "I have to-" He started as he walked into the bedroom and shut the door.

Meredith heard the phone ring. She looked down. It was him. Should she answer. Shouldn;t she? Yes. No. Yes. No. Finally she flipped her phone open.

"Mer?" Ian asked in his gorgeous accent.

"I'm scared." She whispered into the phone. She sat legs crossed on the floor.

"Mer, what's wrong? Is everything okay?" He asked in a panic. "Are you hurt?"

"No-- I-- I'm scared. It's a big step and I'm scared and I need you to tell me it will be okay because I'm afraid it won't. And I love him. God I love him, but if I screw this up...I don't know what I would do." She rambled on.

"Meredith! Meredith! What the hell are you talking about?" He asked in shock.

"I'm-- I'm in the Caribbean. I'm here to get-- Derek asked me to marry him. I'm here, and I'm scared," She explained.

"Meredith. You are fine. Don't be scared. This is what you have been waiting for your whole life." He said softly. "He loves you. And you love him. This is how it was meant to be."

"I'm okay." She said as he took a deep breath. "I'm okay."

"Good. You're okay. I love you, Mer." He said softly. "I'm proud of you."

"I love you too, Ian. Thank you. Thank you for helping."

"Bye Mer." He told her.

"Bye." She said as she hung up the phone. She stood up, knowing she was going to be fine.

------------------

"Derek, what the hell are you doing?" Addison demanded as she answered the phone.

"Um-- Well--" He started. "I'm just getting ready. I--"

"You're stammering. Why are you stammering? I swear, if you don't go through with this, I will kill you!" She said with a laugh.

"This is good, right?" Derek asked. "Not that I am seconded guessing. I just-- I don't want to screw it up. She is so special to me. I have never felt like this. She makes me so happy. I just want it to be perfect." He stumbled through his words.

"Derek Michael Shepherd. This is most definitely the right thing to do. This isn't like you and I. I hate to admit it, but there is a light in your eyes when Meredith is around. I was married to you for five years. I never saw that light. You two were truly meant to be together. Now get your balls out of your pocket and get to the end of that aisle!" She told him.

"Thanks, Addie." Derek smiled.

"No problem." Addison said before she hung up. Derek walked out the door.

"You ready?" Drew asked as he looked at his cousin.

"I have never been more ready in my life!" Derek said as he straightened his tie and walked towards the door.

----------------------

Meredith pulled her Vera Wang gown on with Cristina's help. Cristina quickly zipped it up and they both stood there in the mirror. This was Meredith's second wedding. The first one had no family. She practically got ready by herself. She had hired help get her dressed, do her hair and do her makeup. But standing in front of the mirror with her person next to her...it couldn't be any better.

"You look...wow. I would look better. But still, wow." Cristina said in shock. "I still think you should have done red." She said with a laugh.

"Funny." Meredith replied with a chuckle. They heard a tiny knock on the bathroom door. "Come in." Meredith said softly.

"Dr. Grey. You look amazing!" Jane said in with wide eyes.

"Call me Meredith." Meredith insisted.

"Wow...mommy you look so pretty." Anna said in awe.

"Mommy?" Cristina asked with a puzzled face.

"She's my mom. You got a problem with that?" She snapped. Cristina just looked at them both in shock.

"Um, no." Cristina answered, not wanting to get in the middle of that at the moment.

"Your dress is very pretty. You picked the perfect one." Meredith said as she looked at Anna standing there in a beautiful apple blossom colored Johanna Grace dress. She had on a dark blond wig. She insisted she "must wear hair", as she put it.

"Thank you." Anna said happily.

They heard a knock on the outside door. Jane quickly walked over and answered it. She grabbed the boxes from the delivery man and walked in the bathroom handing them to Meredith. One said Meredith Ellis, and the other said Anna Elizabeth. Meredith opened them quickly. Anna's had simple diamond earrings and a diamond heart necklace.

"Are these real diamonds?" Anna asked as Meredith put them on her.

"Knowing Der--your dad, yes they are." She said as she looked at Anna.

"Wow. I have real diamonds!" Anna said looking in the mirror. "I've never had real diamonds!"

Meredith opened her box and gasped at the beautiful diamond necklace and earrings. There was an antique style white gold necklace with three carats of round diamonds set all the way around. It was way over the top. But they were beautiful. Cristina clasped the necklace, and Meredith and Anna both stood in front of the mirror, side by side.

"We look good, Mommy." Anna said. Everyone started laughing.

-----------------

Derek stood on the beach. The sound of the crashing waved was entrancing. The soft glow of the candles was beautiful. Drew stood there facing him. Drew had never seen Derek look so at ease. So happy. So sure of himself. Then Drew looked down. His eyes got wide.

"Derek. Meredith is going to kill you!" Drew said in a loud whisper as he leaned in.

"Why?" Derek asked with a puzzled looked. He looked around, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

"You have no shoes on. And your pants are rolled up like you are waiting for a flood." Drew pointed out.

"First of all, I am marrying Meredith, not Addison. Meredith doesn't care about those things. And why would I waste a good pair of shoes to stand in the sand? And I am waiting for a flood. Have you noticed we are standing on a beach?" Derek asked as he looked around.

"Well... You know women. They like their weddings to be perfect." Drew pointed out.

"Drew, Mer would marry me in a tee shirt and shorts." He said with a smile.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Drew answered as he looked across the water.

---------------

"Oh my God!" Meredith gasped as she stood there with Cristina and Anna.

"What?" Cristina asked, looking around for a problem.

"I have no vows. I didn't get vows. I didn't write them. Oh my god! I forgot..." She said with panic as she started pacing. "I have nothing. I don't know what to say. What do I say?"

"Just say whatever comes to you." Cristina said with a shrug and she watched Anna walk away. "You better figure it out quick." She said as she walked away.

"Shit!" Meredith said as her mind started to race.

Derek's eyes drifted to Anna. She was walking down the aisle. They had made an aisle on the beach with lit candles on either side. Anna was carrying a basket of flowers. She had a big smile on her face as she walked towards Derek. He nodded and approving nod as she got near and stepped to the side. She looked so happy. She loved this kind of thing. Derek was glad that they brought Anna and their friends. Cristina walked down in a burgundy and rose colored gown. She had her typical scowl on her face. But Derek knew she wouldn't be Cristina if she didn't. As she stepped to the side, Derek saw her give him a look. He knew what it was. She was telling him if he screwed it up he was a dead man.

Then she appeared. His breath was taken away. He had never seen anyone more beautiful in his life. Her hair was up in a soft up-do. She had a few soft tendrils hanging down. The light form sunset and the candle light bounced off of her glowing skin. The candle light made the diamonds shine. She was holding a bouquet of white and burgundy calla lilies. She looked amazing. He smiled when he looked down at her shoeless feet. Her toes perfectly manicured, walking through the soft sand. Their eyes met and neither looked away.

Meredith watched as her friend, her person disappeared. She got a nod from Jane and followed. Any doubt was gone when she saw him. He looked so perfect standing there. The scene was breathtaking. Derek had done a wonderful job. The candles, the ocean, the sunset. It was amazing. She could hear the soft crashing of the waves. It was so tranquil, so perfect. She locked eyes with him. She was heading towards something, and she was never turning back. Meredith walked up and gazed into his eyes as she stood there.

"Friends, we have been invited here today to share with Derek and Meredith a very important moment in their lives. In the time that they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife." The officiate said as he looked at everyone.

"In marriage, we give ourselves freely and generously into the hands of the one we love, and in doing so, each of us receives the love and trust of the other as our most precious gift. But even as that gift is shared by two people who are in love, it also touches the friends and family members in their lives. Everyone here has had a part in bringing these two together, joining them in love."

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time. You do not love them in exactly the same moment to moment. It is an impossibility and a lie to pretend to. Yet this is exactly what most of us expect. We have so little faith in the flow of life, of love. We leap at the flow of the tide. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in fluidity, in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern." He said softly. Derek looked into Meredith's eyes. "I understand you have written your own vows?" He asked them both. Derek nodded and Meredith's face turned to panic. Derek grabbed Meredith's hands and looked at her.

"Meredith...Before I met you, I was content. Or at least I thought I was. I had drifted through my life. Floating along, nothing changing, nothing improving. I threw myself into my work, and that was fine. I was satisfied with the non-stop schedule I was holding. And then you came along. You jumped into the water, creating waves. Creating waves that shook up my life. For the first time I can remember, I was awake. You woke me up. You made me realize that there was so much more to life. And now, I can't imagine spending a minute without you. Everyday with you is better than the day before. Everyday you find a way to amaze me. So thank you, Mer. You woke me up. I love you." He said softly. He watched as a few tears trailed down her cheeks. Cristina was right, it came to her. She didn't have to have anything prepared.

"Derek...I had a busy childhood. I was always working toward something. Towards graduating high school, then college, and med school. I was busy. Kids dream of prince charming, riding off on the white horse. I never believed in that. It was nonsense, and I didn't have time for it. But now, I believe it. You have changed my life. You have made life worth living. When I am with you, I feel like I can do anything. I feel like everything is perfect, the way it should be. I don't want to wake up without you by my side. I want everyday to start with me looking into your eyes, because if I do, I know everything will be perfect. So I am ready to ride off into the sunset with you. I love you, Derek." She whispered softly. Derek squeezed her hands, and smiled.

"The rings." The officiate asked Drew. Drew pulled them out. "For thousands of years lovers have exchanged rings. These bands are not of always great value in themselves. The value is made by our wearing of them. Let these rings also be a sign that despite life's occasional sorrows, love is a circle of happiness. Derek, take Meredith's ring and put it on her finger, and repeat after me..."

"I Derek, give you Meredith this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you." Derek said as he placed the band on her finger.

"I Meredith give you Derek this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you." She said as she slid the ring on his finger.

"And now, I will recite an excerpt from 'A Farewell to Arms' by Ernest Hemmingway...At night, there was the feeling that we had come home, feeling no longer alone, waking in the night to find the other one there, and not gone away; all other things were unreal. We slept when we were tired and if we woke the other one woke too so one was not alone. Often a man wishes to be alone and a woman wishes to be alone too and if they love each other they are jealous of that in each other, but I can truly say we never felt that. We could feel alone when we were together, alone against the others. We were never lonely and never afraid when we were together." He said softly.

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Derek, may now kiss your bride" He told them. Derek pulled her in, touching his lips to her soft ones. He felt her hand run trough his soft curls, as she pulled him closer.

"Oh mush!" Anna said loudly, causing everyone to laugh.

Meredith felt a rush of water wash over her legs. She gasped as she pulled away. They looked down to see a wave rushing across the sand. Candles went out and everyone ran backwards.

"I present to you Dr. and Dr. Derek and Meredith Shepherd." The officiate said hurriedly as the waves crashed against them. Derek quickly swept Meredith up, her gown soaking wet, clinging to her body. Derek rushed father towards land with Meredith in his arms. When he got out of the water, she leaned in a kissed him deeply.

"I love you, Derek." She said as the tears ran down her cheeks.

"I love you..." He said as he looked into her eyes.

-------------------

Derek took Meredith's hand into his and led her out to the floor. The candle light was bouncing off of every surface, but the only place he noticed it was her eyes. They were bright green. He could almost see the reflection of his own.

_The best is yet to come and babe won't that be fine_

_You think you've seen the sun_

_but you aint seen it shine_

_Wait til the warm up's on the way_

_Wait til our lips have met_

_and wait til you see that sunshine day_

_You aint seen nothing yet_

"It's perfect, Derek. Everything was...perfect." She said as she looked into his eyes. "The jewelry, you didn't have to-"

"Only the best for you." He said as he pulled her against him.

_The best is yet to come and babe won't it be fine_

_The best is yet to come come the day you're mine_

_Come the day you're mine_

_I'm gonna teach you to fly_

_We've only tasted the wine_

_We're gonna drain the cup dry_

"Do you regret your family not being here?" Meredith asked, feeling slightly guilty that she had denied this to his mother. Not to mention she hadn't met his sisters, or his mother aside from when she was in New York with Drew.

"No. I have you. You're all I need." He said as she laid her head on his chest.

_With til your charms are right for these arms to surround_

_You think you've flown before_

_But baby you aint left the ground_

_Wait till you're locked in my embrace_

_With til i draw you near_

_Wait til you see that sunshine place_

_Ain't nothing like it here_

"She's going to kill me, isn't she?" Meredith asked as she listened to his heartbeat.

"My mom?" Derek asked, she nodded. "Yeah, probably."

"Oh, good." She mumbled as she laid against him.

_The best is yet to come and babe won't it be fine_

_The best is yet to come come the day you're mine_

_Come the day you're mine_

_And you're gonna be mine_

"I will protect you." He said with a chuckle. "I love you..."

The evening was perfect. Derek held Anna's tiny hands in his. She placed her feet on top of his shoes. She was smiling. She looked so happy. Derek watched Meredith danced with Drew. He couldn't lie, he did feel a ping of jealousy seeing the two of them together. But her knew in his heart that she was his forever and always. She looked so beautiful swaying back and forth to the music. He body in perfect rhythm. He wouldn't have changed a thing.

"Daddy, you're a good dancer." Anna said as she looked up at him.

"I have to say you are the first person to ever say that!" He joked. He never danced in public.

"Mommy's happy." She pointed out.

"Yes, she is." Derek agreed as he stole a glance from Meredith. The song quickly ended. He walked over to her. "I think it's time to go..." He whispered into her ear. "I want you out of that dress..."

----------------

Derek led her to their villa. Meredith's eyes widened as she looked around at the breathtaking views. She led his hand tightly as they walked up to their room. She gasped when he opened the door. There were hundreds of candles throughout the suite. The view of the ocean was amazing, even in the dark. Derek walked to the balcony and looked out. She followed behind him, wrapping her arms around his body.

"I love you, Meredith Shepherd." Derek said as he turned his head to look at her.

"I love you more, Derek Shepherd...that's no fun, your name is the same..." She giggled. "Come on..." She said as she grabbed his hand and led him into the room.

She turned around and faced him. He looked happy. His eyes were soft. She leaned in and kissed him softly. He gently put is hands on her shoulders and turned her around. He unzipped her gown, revealing her soft ivory skin. He kissed her shoulder and slowly moved down to her back. He watched her head lay back as he placed soft kisses in her skin. He slowly turned her around. His mouth moved to her neck, and she let out a soft moan as he reached the spot in the crook of her neck that he knows she likes. His hands nimbly slid the straps of her gown down. The gown dropped to the floor with a soft crush. He stepped back and looked at her, taking in her perfection. She looked more beautiful now than ever. Her perfect curves, glowed in the soft light that surrounded them. Her ivory bra and panties teased him.

She softly stepped out of the dress and walked to him. She slide his jacket off of his shoulders. Her finders slowly played at the buttons on his shirt. She wasn't in a rush. This was more about perfection, and enjoyment. Her hands tugged at his crisp shirt. She slide it off an it fell to the floor. Her hands next moved to his belt, and she undid his pants, allowing them to take their place on the floor.

He looked at her one last time, and in one motion he swept her up and carried her to the bed, laying her down softly. She looked up into his eyes. His hands ran over her soft skin. His lips caressed her skin searching every inch of her body as if it were the first time and last time. He gently unclasped her bra and slide it off, laying it to the side. He softly kissed her neck moving down, mouthing her breasts, turning her nipples into hard peaks. She moaned and looked into his eyes. He grinned as he continued trailing kisses down her abdomen. His tongue reached the top of her panties. He quickly slid them off and laid them aside, his mouth reaching its destination. She let out a soft moan as he tongue explored, like it was the first time.

"Oh...Derek." She moaned as he teased her. Her hands gripped the bedding.

"You're wet." He muttered as he looked up at her. She ran her fingers through his wavy hair. He kissed her thighs and he brought himself back up to her. She forced him onto his back with a devilish grin.

She looked down at his waiting erection. She slowly straddled him, placing him inside of her. He moaned as he felt her around him. She paused for a moment, and they both stared into each others eyes.

"Oh...god Mer..." He moaned as she slowly rocked her hips. She leaned down, pressing her mouth to his. She let out a moan as she felt the heat burst between them.

"Fuck me, Derek." She said as he rolled her onto her back. "Fuck me..." She laid back on the bed as he thrusted into her. "Harder! Harder!" She screamed loudly. He thrusted into her again. "Oh god...I'm...oh god..." She yelped as a warm rush flowed through her body. Derek felt her tighten around him. He begins build up until he can't handle it anymore. He lets out a loud moan. Shivers ran through both of their bodies as he released into her.

She rolled over and stared into his eyes. They lay their in each other's arms. Their soft, damp, skin pressed against against each other. She laid her head down on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. A heart that belonged to her. A smile covered her face.

"You are amazing..." He said as he kissed her head. "Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world."

"Promise me it will always be like this..." She said into his chest.

"I promise it will always be like this." He whispered.

**I think I deserve some reviews. I hope you enjoyed it!**


	70. I Need to Know

**This is mature...just warning you!**

Derek laid there and watched Meredith sleep. He decided that he would be completely content laying with her, in bed, for the rest of his life. Things that were once important to him, no longer mattered. He found that she was now his man concern, over himself and anyone else. And Anna, of course. He loved her like she was his own. So there her laid, until she opened her eyes. Her green eyes sparkled like he'd never seen.

_Beautiful day_

_Watching you as you awake_

_Morning stars in your eyes_

_Your hand in mine_

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," He said as he leaned in a kissed her softly.

"Were you watching me sleep?" She giggled as she stretched her arms.

"I was..." He said softly. "I love to watch you sleep." He said as he kissed her again.

_The sky is lit up_

_Day will be richer than night_

_So dont think of yesterday_

_Its here and now_

"I am your wife." She said, finally letting it set in. She looked down at the rings that now graced her once bare hand.

"Yes you are." He said with a smile. "Yes...you are..."

_Its a, its a, its a...new day_

_Its a, its a, its a...new day_

"I say we stay in bed all day." Meredith suggested as she pulled herself against his warm body.

"Naked?" He asked with a hopeful tone.

"Of course." She said happily. "I guess we could go out and lay in the sun too..."

_The beauty of you_

_Gives me my fortitude_

_Stronger than any dark cloud_

_Screaming out loud, hey, hey_

"Naked?" He asked again.

"Oh yes. We must make use of the private beach." She replied. She laid there in the comfort of his arms. He mind soon drifted. "Do you think Anna's upset because we aren't with her?" Meredith asked, killing the mood.

"I am sure Anna is just fine." He reassured her as he began kissing her neck. "I like the way you taste."

"And how is that?" She asked with a moaned as she moved her neck toward him.

"Sweet and salty. Definitely salty." Derek said as he licked and nipped her neck.

"Salty because all I did was sweat last night." She giggled.

"Ah yes, but it was good sweating." He said as he kissed her chest.

"That it was..." She moaned. "You know, we could make use of that large two-person shower." She mentioned as she raised her eyebrows. "We could do the bendy thing..."

_The sky is lit up_

_Day will be richer than night_

_So dont think of yesterday_

_Its here and now_

"That we could. But then you would just be sweet..." He muttered into her chest.

"Yes, but I am sure you could make me salty again." She said as she climbed out of the bed and trotted to the bathroom.

"Are you coming?" She asked as she looked back at him.

"In more ways than one." He answered as he jumped out of the bed.

"You, Dr. Shepherd, have a very dirty mind..." She whispered into his ear.

"You know you love it." He told her.

"That I do..." She answered as she nipped his ear.

_Its a, its a, its a...new day_

_Its a, its a, its a...new day_

------------------

Derek caught himself glancing at Meredith as she laid on the beach. The sun reflected off of her glowing skin. Her bikini covered up all over her perfection. He wanted nothing more than to rip it off and take her right then and there. But instead he watched. He watched her lay there peacefully. He had seen her so stressed out in the past few months, it was a relief to see her that way.

"Are you watching me?" She asked with her eyes closed.

"Maybe..." He said softly.

"This is becoming weird. You are going to give me a complex." She laughed as she opened her eyes and looked over.

"I love to watch you." He said as he leaned on his elbows. "Besides, I like tan Mer. Tan Mer in a bikini is hot!"

"You want sex." She said with a knowing smile.

"I always want sex. With you. I always want sex with only you." He clarified. "But that isn't all I want. I want you to rest. We can have sex anytime."

"You could make yourself useful and get me another drink..." She suggested.

"You know they do that, right?" He said, looking around.

"Yes, but it tastes so much better when you get it." She said with an enticing grin.

"Okay." He said. "But then we go back to our private beach."

"After we swim. I drink. We swim. Then sex." She told him as she closed her eyes.

"I can deal with that. Minus the swimming." He told her. She sat up, looked at him and laughed.

"Derek, the water is bluer than I've ever seen. We need to swim in it." She said as she looked out.

"Na. I'm not really a fan." He told her as he sat up.

"If swimming? I have known you how long? You can't swim?" She said in shock. She began laughing hysterically.

"You haven't really known me that long..." He said with a chuckle. "And I can swim, I just don't."

"Today, you do." She said happily. "Now that drink. It was some tropical something. No alcohol."

"No alcohol?" He said in surprise.

"After the other night, no alcohol." She told him as he walked off. She smiled as she watched his perfect ass. He quickly walked back carrying her drink. "You are a wonderful man..." She said as she grabbed the tall glass with it's green paper umbrella.

"So I've heard." He told her with a cheesy grin.

"Ewe, yuck." She said as she spit the icy drink out.

"What?" She asked with a shocked face.

"Banana. Gross." She said as she sat it down.

"You like bananas." He said with a puzzled face. "In fact, you love bananas."

"Apparently not..." She said as she scrunched her nose.

"I'll get you another..." He said as he stood up.

"Nope. Let's swim. Then sex. See I just cut down on time." He said as she stood up.

"You swim, I'll watch." He suggested as he remained seated.

"Derek Michael Shepherd! Get your ass up and swim with me." She said as she grabbed him.

"No, Mer, really, you swim. I'll be right here." He told her, as he remained planted.

"I don't want to swim by myself, on my honeymoon. I want to swim with my husband." She whined. He made no effort. "Fine, suit yourself." She said as she peeled off her bikini top.

"Holy shit, Mer. What are you doing?" He asked as he stood and pulled her near him. "This isn't our private beach!" She laughed at him trying to cover him.

"I know. There isn't really anyone around..." She said as she pulled away and looked around.

"No. You can't-" He said with wide eyes.

"Come stop me!" She giggled as she ran off toward the water. He quickly grabbed her top and followed her into the water. She dove under, and when she came up, his eyes were right in front of hers. "I knew I could get you in the water..." She laughed as she tied her bathing suit on.

"Maybe you should just keep it off..." He said as he looked around and raised his eyebrows.

"Maybe." She giggled as he pulled her close.

Derek leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. Somehow she just tasted better as Meredith Shepherd. He softly nibbled at her lips, feeling them swell. He felt them part and he accepted the invitation, and slid his tongue in. Their tongued danced, almost fighting for affection. His mouth tasted good, almost fruity from his drink. Meredith let out a soft moan and leaned into him. She could feel his erection building as her leg rubbed against him. She took that as her cue, and slide her hand down inside his swim shorts. He groaned as she placed his large shaft into her tiny hand and began stroking methodically. He gasped at varied her strokes. A smile crept on his face as she looked into his eyes.

"Fuck... I need you..." He groaned. She could feel him building inside her hand. "Mer..." He warned as he pulled her close. She released her hand and looked up. "Now..." She felt him tug at her bikini bottom.

"Derek..." She moaned. "Not here..."

"What?" He asked in shock. "You can't..." She was teasing him...

"It's the ocean. There are fish and...yuck. We might catch something..." She said as she pulled away.

"Have you seen this water? You said it yourself, it's the bluest you've ever seen..." He moaned as his hand rubbed her inner thigh, as he tried to convince her.

"There are microorganisms..." She said as she felt his hand creep into her bikini bottom.

"It can't be dirtier than the hospital." Derek muttered as his finger entered her. He stroked her in a come hither motion. She let out a moan.

"Penis fish..." She moaned as she looked into his eyes.

"What?" He said as he stopped stroking.

"I don't know...maybe there are penis fish in the water. I don't think there are, but... I don't know..." She said with a shrug.

"Let's go to the beach." He said as he dragged her through the water.

"Good idea. I don't want to have to pull that thing out of you." She said with a laugh.

"Yeah, I think you're making the flagpole fall..." Derek said as he ran across the beach, think about an organism living in his penis.

"I think I can fix that real quick." She said as she crashed onto the sand on top of him.

"Do you?" He asked as he tossed her top aside.

"I do." He said as she pulled his shorts off, and gazed down at him. "Maybe I don't need to!" She joked as she looked at his erection.

"Mer--" She started as she placed him inside of her mouth.

"What?" She asked in annoyance and she pulled her mouth off of him.

"I'm getting sand in my ass crack." He whined as he wiggled.

"Okay, I am going to give you the best head you've ever had, and you're worried about sand in you ass?" She said with raised brows. He looked at her and shook his head.

"I guess not..." He said as he looked into her eyes.

"I didn't think so." She said as she once again placed him inside of her mouth.

"Oh god..." He moaned as he slid in deeper. Her lips pursed around him, stroking in long, even strokes. "Mer..." He moaned as his hips rocked against her. Her smile grew. He could feel her teeth, running along him, sending him closer to the edge. "Oh...god..." He muttered as he crept closer, him nearly in her throat. She could feel him pulsating. She quickly withdrew him from her mouth, and pulled her bikini bottom off, and placed him inside of her.

"We don't want to waste a drop of that..." She moaned as she rocked harder and faster than she ever had. "Oh..." She moaned as she she felt herself tighten around him. She knew he was on the verge of letting loose. "Oh god..." She screamed as she rocker harder. He quickly thrusted, meeting her rhythm.

"Oh...Mer...oh god...fuck." He moaned loudly.

"Harder." She muttered as she pumped harder. His thrusts increased, until he worried he was going to split her in two. "Harder... Ohhhh..." She screeched as she felt herself tighten up.

"Oh god Mer..." He moaned as he felt her warmth rush over him. He then released with a loud moan. "Ohhh..." Meredith rolled over into the sand next to him. The sun beat down in their moist skin.

"I bet you're not caring about the sand in your ass now..." She moaned, coming down from her high.

"I bet you're right..." He muttered as he laid there in ecstasy. The both laid in the sun, looking into each other's eyes. The moment was perfect. She looked at the sweat beads, formed on his perfectly tan chest. He watched as the beads of sweat ran down her breasts. A mixture of heat from the sun, and each other. The sand scorched their skin. Both laid there until the heat was unbearable.

"Now, I am ready to swim." She said with a smile. She climbed up and put her suit on.

"No. I'm good." He said as he laid there in all his nude glory. She had to admire him. She was now married to that, and could have it whenever she wanted.

"Derek, it's freaking hot!" She said as she grabbed him. He shook his head no. "Why?" She asked.

"Penis fish..." He muttered, and looked down.

"Yeah, let's take a shower instead." She said as she pulled him up and they walked to the villa.

----------------

"I don't want to go." Meredith whined as she looked across the water.

"Me either. I think I want to stay here. Maybe lay in bed all day. Naked, of course." He said as he sat down in the chair next to her. She reached out and held his hand. She played with his wedding band. She twisted between her fingers, so happy she had put it there.

"We couldn't do that." She sad sadly as she glanced over at him. "We have Anna."

"I miss her..." Derek said as he looked at the blue water.

"Me too." Meredith said in a whisper. They both sat there in silence. They wanted to go home, but they wanted to stay too. "I am your wife. Can you believe it? If someone had told me six months ago that I would marry a brain surgeon, I would have laughed. And if I had met you, I probably would have died of laughter." She said with a giggle.

"Died of laughter? Why?" He asked as he looked over at her.

"You're arrogant. And your hair---" She laughed. His face dropped.

"I'm not that arrogant. Well, maybe a little... You are just as arrogant. And my hair...women think it's sexy. I have good hair!" He said convincingly, as he subconsciously ran his hand through it.

"You do have good hair..." She agreed as she leaned over and kissed him. She quickly began sniffing. "Eww." She said as she pulled away. "What is that smell?" She asked as she started to gag. "You're cologne. Oh God!" She said as she got up and choked.

"It's from Drew..." He said as he smelled himself. "I like it."

"Wash it off..." She told him as she pointed to the bathroom. He quickly stood up and walked off. He came back a few minutes later. She leaned in and smelled him. "Much better. Thank you." She said as she kissed him.

"Anything for you, my darling wife." He said with a charming smile. Derek's phone started to ring. She rolled her eyes and stood up. He could tell she was annoyed that he had turned it on. She quickly proceeded down the steps and walked down the beach. "Hello? Yes, this is him..."

Meredith sat on the beach and stared out at the ocean. The last few days had been perfect. Absolutely magical. Meredith had always wanted to be a surgeon. She wanted to cut. She wanted to be buried by surgery after surgery. But after the last few days, she realized there was more to life. She still wanted to be a surgeon. But the realization that everything was going to go back to the way it was was depressing. It would be back to one-hundred hour plus work weeks. She and Derek stealing glances down the hallway. Occasional on-call room sex. Seeing Anna just once in awhile. She was going to miss their time together. She listened to the waves crash against the sand, a few tears creeping their way out.

Derek hung up the phone. He had watched her walk out. Her body language was different. He knew she was upset that he had turned his phone on. But he had to. He was waiting for and important call. He slowly walked down the wooden steps and crept up behind her. She was still. He softly sat down in the sand next to her. His head dropped as he looked at the tears running down her cheeks. He was almost feeling the same way. His thumb swept across her cheek, wiping the tears.

"Meredith..." He whispered as he stared at her. She kept her focus on the water.

"It's all going to go back to the way it was..." She said in a sad whisper.

"What was wrong with the way it was?" He asked defensively.

"Nothing is wrong with the way it was. But now that I have tasted this... It's going back to long work weeks. Sex whenever we can fit it in. Me never seeing you...and Anna, I never see her. It's so selfish...to take her, and never see her." She muttered.

"She's happy, Meredith. She is so unbelievably happy. This will be fine. It will be good." Derek said, trying to convince her. Meredith didn't bother arguing with him. She didn't have the energy to, and figured it was pointless.

"So when is our flight?" She asked as she stood up. He glanced down at his watch.

"We should get going..." He said as he stood next to her. He pulled her against her chest. She listened to his steady heartbeat.

"Yeah, we should." She muttered as she looked across the water. She pulled away. He grabbed her hand and they walked up to the villa.

----------------

"Thank you." Derek said as he sat down in his seat.

"You are very welcome, Dr. Shepherd." She said with a smile as she grabbed his hand. "I promised you mile-high action, you got mile-high action."

"Very good action. Although the walk of shame back to my seat was interesting." He said as he looked around at the people around them.

"There was no shame. No one knew." She returned as she looked around.

"Oh, they knew. They all know. You were loud. Very loud." He clarified as he leaned his head back.

"I was not loud! I am never loud. Me, I'm quiet. Very quiet." She argued.

"Mer... You have got to be kidding me. You are the loudest I have ever had." Derek said with a grin. Meredith's face dropped.

"Oh, not cool. I do not want to hear about all of the women you've ever had." She muttered as she looked out the window.

"It's not that many..." He said, trying to fix the situation.

"Not listening!" She said as she covered her ears.

"Mer!" He said quickly.

"I'm kidding Derek. It doesn't really bother me..." She said as she looked over at him. "It should boost your confidence... My screaming I mean." She joked.

"So you admit you scream?" He said, catching her in an ah-ha moment.

"Yes, I scream. But not intentionally." She said with a giggle. "It just slips out..." She said as she leaned back in her seat. "I can't wait to see Anna." She said softly as a smile crept across her face.

"Mer." Derek said in a serious tone. Meredith's stomach immediately jumped around. She was sick. Her heart was beating quickly. Her breathing stopped. Time stopped. She gripped the seat, waiting for the damage. "There's something I need to tell you...ask you, really. It's important," He said as he held his breath.

**So what does he need to ask her...any guesses?**


	71. Chapter 71

**As always...porny as hell!**

It had been on Derek's mind. It was something he had been dealing with. He didn't think anything would come of it. He didn't think that he would be making a difference. But after the phone call, he knew better. Meredith was nervous. He noticed her grip tightening on the seat. She shouldn't be worried. Well, maybe she would. After all, they did have a choice to make.

"Wha--What is it, Derek?" She finally came up with the gumption say.

"I, um. Well, when I got that phone call earlier. I have been waiting for it for awhile." He started as he looked at the worry on her face,

"God damn-it Derek, just spit it out." She spat angrily.

"I contacted a private detective a few weeks before we left." He said as he looked down at his hands.

"Why would you contact a private detective?" She asked. It made no sense. Why would he do that?

"I wanted to dig up a much dirt as I can. And, well he did." He explained to Meredith.

"Dirt. Dirt on who?" She asked as she looked into his blue eyes.

"Harry Kissinger. The private detective has been following him. Wo got dirt. He has been cheating on his wife." Derek said with an unchanged expression.

"So he screws around on his wife, big deal..." Meredith spat out. "Unless you do it, then I will cut your balls of an throw them on the barn roof." She said with a serious tone.

"We don't have a barn..." He told her happily.

"Then we will build a barn, just so I can throw your balls on the barn roof!" She told him. His eyes got wide.

"There is only one woman for me." He said slyly. "But anyway...apparently his wife has no idea. In fact, she put him through law school by working her ass off. They have been married forever. There is no prenuptial agreement. He stands to lose a lot if she leaves him."

"So what does that have to do with us?" Meredith asked dumbly.

"Well, maybe Mr. Kissinger wouldn't want to represent the Livingston's anymore if this information could possibly end up in the wrong hands." Derek said, somewhat in disgust.

"So you are saying you want to blackmail him? That's illegal. It's bad, it's dirty!" She said, shaking her head. "We shouldn't have that kind of control over someone's life."

"Well, that's why I am leaving it up to you." He said, throwing it onto her.

"What? I can't. This is a big thing, Derek. We're talking life changing." She explained.

"You're right. But Mer, I have to say, if he continues, I think they will walk." Derek said. "They will march up and take Anna away."

"Oh my god." She said as she laid her head back and moaned.

"I understand how you feel. I don't know what to do either. I mean, we are being selfish. We are. She is their granddaughter. They were there when she was born. They heard the first words that came out of her mouth. Her first steps, they saw them. She is their daughter's baby, Mer. Are we being selfish? She isn't ours. Should we take control? Should we steal her from them?" He asked with sadness. "Do you want that on your conscience?" Meredith's eyes welled up. He stomach was rolling. It's contents were threatening to come out.

"You bastard." She spat as she stood up. "You do this, You dig, and then you throw it on me. You make me feel like I am the bad one. Like I am trying to rip a family apart. Screw you." She spat as she walked off down the aisle. The minute she makes it to the restroom, her stomach flips. And there she was, sitting on the plane's bathroom floor, feeling like shit.

"Mer-" Derek whispered into the door. He could hear her retching. This was bad. It came out the wrong way. He regretted it. "Mer, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way..." He listened, and heard nothing. "Are you listening to me?" He asked softly. He noticed two people watching him. "People are watching me..."

"Who cares?" She asked. "Maybe if you weren't such an ass---just go away." She whimpered.

"Meredith. I just- I don't want either of us to regret anything. How would you feel if I never said anything? If I failed to bring it up. I don't want you to feel guilty. I want to do what's right. I love you. I don't want to make decisions without you. Please... I want you by my side, holding my hand. If you hold my hand-- I need to to hold my hand. Please, hold my hand." He muttered into the door. He heard her stand up, and the water come on. He assumed she was rinsing her face. She slowly opened the door and walked to her seat. He followed her with his head down.

"You're right." She agreed reluctantly. "We weren't there. And they are her family. It's selfish. And I am. I am so fucking selfish. I want her. I love her like she is my own. I love her like I would have if I had carried her around for nine months. I don't want to lose her. But I don't want to play dirty..." She said as she looked out the window. She felt his hand grasp hers. "We should do it... We should blackmail him." She said quietly and reluctantly. Derek was in shock, that was not what he expected.

"We will do whatever you want." He said supportively.

"No, Derek! You aren't doing that. What do _you_ want to do? Because I am not having this bite me in the ass." Meredith explained. "You aren't going to throw this in my face later."

"I want what you want." He said with a smile.

"Oh come on..." She muttered in annoyance. "That is bullshit. What do you want!?" She shouted.

"Okay. I want to do it. I want her, and I don't care who gets screwed. I don't care who is torn up. As long as I have you and her, that's all I need." He said, finally admitting it. "Are you happy? See, it's not you. It's me. I am the asshole. I am the bad guy. I wouldn't have gotten the ball rolling if I didn't want it." Meredith breathed in deeply. She was shocked, to say the least. But at least he was being honest. She sat there and thought. Finally she spoke.

"I don't want to tear anyone apart. I think that they have the right to a fair trial. Just like anyone else. And I think the trial would be fairer if they were represented by a public defender, not an attorney who resides in every judge's pocket. If they win, and they take her... At least it would be fair." She explained as she looked over at him.

"I agree. But we are not losing her." Derek said loudly and forcefully. It scared her. not because he was scary. Because he sounded desperate. He sounded like he would do anything to keep Anna. That's what scared her.

"And Holly, who's to say she won't hire another shark?" Meredith asked. The truth was she was mad. She shouldn't be, but she was. Mad at him. Mad because he was the one who was with her. He fucked her. Then he fucked her over. Not really. Meredith knew how he felt about her, right from the beginning. She knew that had to of hurt Holly, knowing he was pining for Meredith. But then again, Holly was vile. Holly was the most rotten person she knew. Holly deserved whatever came to her.

"Don't worry about Holly. I will deal with her..." Derek said boldly. Meredith wasn't sure that she wanted to know what he was going to do. She didn't want to have to testify against him. She knew he was angry with her, and now, finally, it was boiling over.

"I need alcohol." She moaned.

"Yeah, me too." He agreed as he flagged down the flight attendant.

--------------

The ride home in the car was silent. Both Meredith and Derek were exhausted. Between the physical activity and the recent events, neither of them had the energy to speak. Meredith was feeling guilty about what they were going to do. It didn't sit right with her. But at the same time she knew that they had to. It was actually more fair to everyone. Derek wasn't upset, he was indifferent. He knew what he wanted. He wanted his family. Derek knew that if Meredith lost Anna, she would be broken. He wasn't going to let it happen. He was not going to lose Anna or Meredith.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Anna said as she ran straight to Meredith and Derek as they walked in the door. "I missed you!" She screeched.

"I missed you too." They both said in unison. She took turns hugging both of them.

"Oh hey guys." Izzie said nonchalantly as she walked into the living room. "Jane had to take the day off."

"Well, thanks for watching Anna." Derek said as he sat down next to Meredith on the sofa. She quickly laid down with her head in his lap. They looked at each other, neither saying anything. Both just relieved to be home.

"Mommy you look tired..." Anna said as she cocked her head. Meredith smiled, she looked just like Derek. She had picked it up from him, undoubtedly.

"Mommy is very tired." Derek said with a smile. "Daddy tired mommy out." He said as he thought back. He had a dirty smile on his face.

"Well what did you guys do that whole time?" Anna asked excitedly.

"Well, we-" Derek started.

"We swam. We swam a lot." Meredith said quickly.

"It was good swimming." Derek said with a chuckle. "Very good swimming..." Izzie looked at both of them and rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Can we go to the park?" Anna asked as she looked at Derek. He could never say no. But he could tell Meredith was tried.

"I don't know. Mommy's tired. I'm tired." He explained with a frown.

"Please?" She asked. There is was, the head cocking. He gave in. He always gave in. He looked at her hopeful eyes.

"We can." Meredith said before he could answer. It was the last thing she wanted to do. But she wanted to spend time with Anna. "But you have to change first."

"Okay mommy!" Anna said cheerfully. Meredith laughed at how she was always saying mommy. Anna always seemed happy.

"Mer- You can stay." Derek said as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I'll take her."

"No. I want to spend some time with her." Meredith said with a smile. "Plus I want some ice cream." She returned with a giggle.

"Ice cream it is." Derek said as she sat up. "You look really tired."

"I am really tired. Planes kill me." She said as she stood up. She walked to the door grabbing their bags, and started carrying them upstairs. Derek rushed over and grabbed them out of her hands.

"I can do that." He said.

"I can help." She said as she grabbed one of the bags and walked upstairs. They looked around their room. She missed her bed. She didn't sleep well in the hotel bed, even though it was fairly comfortable. Derek crept behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"We could make use of that bed..." He whispered into her ear.

"I gave you sex this morning, and again on the plane..." Meredith said as she turned to him.

"That's not enough." He whined. "A taste of you isn't enough. I want you all day, everyday." He said as he nipped her ear.

"Well, we both have jobs...and a child. We have a child who---" She started and then looked at the door. "Anna!"

"When are you guys gonna stop that?" She asked as she scrunched her nose.

"What, this?" Derek asked as he quickly placed sloppy kisses on Meredith.

"Yes! Gross..." She said as she turned away and ran down the stairs. Meredith started giggling as Derek pushed her down on the bed. His kisses were passionate as he sucked on her neck.

"Derek..." She moaned. She didn't want him to stop anymore than he did. She wiggled underneath him and he pressed hard against her. She ran her leg against him, feeling his hardness.

"God, Mer..." He moaned at her touch.

"Derek...she's waiting. And the door is open..." She moaned. He looked over at the door, contemplating whether or not to shut it.

"Mommy! Daddy!" They heard Anna scream. The both moaned.

"Come on..." She said as she pulled out from beneath him.

"Later?" He asked.

"Only if you're good." She joked as she ran her hand against his erection.

"You are cruel." He seethed as they walked down the stairs.

Derek and Meredith sat on the bench at the park. Anna was playing on the slide. They were surprised that there were no other kids around. But she seemed content playing my herself. She was constantly saying "look at me". They were enjoying every minute of it.

"That is gross, Mer." He said as he watched her swirling her ice cream around in the bowl.

"Why?" She asked as she took and crackling spoonful and shoved it towards his mouth.

"Get it away!" He said as he pushed he hand.

"Why is it so gross?" She giggled as she took a bite.

"Seriously, Mer! They gave you a nacho container because it wouldn't fit into an ice cream bowl." He said as he shook his head.

"What? I am hungry." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"You have twelve flavors mixed in there. And a packet of pop rocks. It's just...gross." He said as he watched her. He watched as she cleaned up every bite of ice cream. "I can't believe you ate all of that!" He laughed.

"I did...So when the house is done, we won't have to come to the park anymore." Meredith said happily.

"The house should be done soon. The end of the week." Derek said with a smile. He watched her face light up.

"Really?" Meredith said happily.

"Really. So I suggest we start packing..." Derek told her. They both watched Anna go down the slide. "And yes we will still come here. You will still want the ice cream." She agreed. "Come on, remember when you were a kid? The park was always better than home." He said, reminiscing.

"I wouldn't know..." Meredith said sadly.

"What?" Derek said in shock.

"I never went to the park. I never got to play..." She told him. He grabbed her hand. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"We are playing." He said as he dragged her up the slide.

"Derek!" She shouted.

"Come on... You know you want to!" She sat on the slide and he climbed on behind her, wrapping his arms around her. They both went down with smiles on their faces.

"That was fun!" She screeched when they made it to the bottom.

"Mommy and Daddy...you guys are crazy!" Anna said as she laughed hysterically. Meredith went down the slide again. They played on the jungle gym for a long time.

"Didn't you play at school?" He asked, not believing her.

"I went to a strict private school. No playing." Meredith explained as she stood up.

"That's just sad." He said as he walked to the swings. She sat down and he pushed her.

"Push me too, Daddy!" Anna demanded.

"I can push both of my girls." He said as he took turns pushing them.

"From now on, we play once a week...no excuses." Derek said as he saw the smiles on their faces.

-----------------

Meredith and Derek hadn't even been back for four hours and he was paged. She dropped her head. She knew it was the job. She was lucky to be married to a man that had the ability to save lives. But it was still disappointing when it happened. Meredith put Anna to bed. She was actually happy to getting some peace and quiet. Izzie was downstairs baking, so Meredith decided to take a nice relaxing bath. She ran the hot water and poured in a generous amount of bubble bath. She turned off the lights, slid off her clothes and lowered herself into the water. This was perfect.

She couldn't wait to work tomorrow. She had missed the hospital, but more importantly, she missed cutting people. It sounded wrong. Cutting people. But she enjoyed it. There was a moment when you cut someone open. It was a high. She was always chasing that high in the operating room. Every surgeon was. Meredith rested her hands on her abdomen. She rubbed it. She wished there was a little life in there. She wished there was a part of she and Derek growing inside of her. The ache was coming back. She wanted a baby, and she wanted one badly.

She had so much to be grateful for. They had Anna...for now. And she and Derek were husband and wife. They were going to be moving into their new home. They were so fortunate, but yet, she wanted more. She was so wrapped up in thought, she never heard Derek come in.

Derek slowly dropped his jeans on the floor. She was all he had thought about during the surgery. He couldn't wait to get home to his wife. He quickly stripped off his boxers. How could she not notice him? But she did, she head his belt hit the floor. He didn't tell anyone at the hospital they were married. After the engagement incident, he wasn't opening his mouth. He pulled off his shirt, and stood there in the dark. He lifted his leg over the tub, and slowly slid in.

"Oh, I thought I told you to only meet me at that seedy hotel." She joked as she opened the door.

"Funny." Derek said as he laid back in the water.

"So how was the surgery?" She asked as she looked across the darkness. Even in the dark she could see his eyes.

"It was surgery. Only one thing got me through..." He said simply. She felt her foot rubbing his leg.

"What would that be?" She asked with a smile.

"Knowing I was coming home to you..." He said softly.

"Me or sex?" She asked with a bigger grin.

"You. Okay... and sex. You and sex." Derek finally admitted.

"That's what I thought..." She said as she rubbed her foot against him. He gasped at her touch. "Uh huh." She muttered as she massaged him. "I think I forgot to mention that I am very talented with my feet." She giggled as she felt him rise. His head laid back as he let out a moan.

"I can---ahhh---feel that." He said softly.

He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her toward him. She laid against his chest and he quickly began kissing her neck. She pushed toward him and let out a soft moan. She could feel his erection pressing against her. She gasped as her body reacted. She lowered her hand down and placed it around him. She softly began stroking him.

"Ohh." He muttered as she began to quicken her pace. He sucked and nipped on her shoulder. She could feel him start to pulsate. His hands began caressing her chest. She released her hand off of him. "I need you." He whispered into her ear. She nodded her head. He pushed her forward. She felt him hastily enter her from behind. He paused, feeling the sensation that was encompassing him.

"Come on..." She moaned as she grasped the side of the bathtub. She felt him withdraw slightly, only to pound back into her. She moaned as she felt him inside of her. "Harder!" She shouted. He obliged. She felt him increase his intensity. Water started pouring over the sides of the bathtub. "Harder." She screamed as she felt herself tightening up. He pulled out slightly and re-entered her with force. She let out a yelp. "Derek!" She shouted as she felt herself at the edge.

Izzie was just putting the cake in the oven. That's when she heard it. It was a familiar sound. She rolled her eyes and shut the oven door. Since Anna had moved her, she seemed to be sleeping a little deeper. Thank god, because Meredith and Derek were very loud. She was just going to pick up the living room when she saw it. "Oh shit..." Izzie muttered as she looked in shock.

"Oh...god...oh...Mer..." Derek moaned as he felt her warm cum rush around his shaft. The water crashed against the floor, and flowed along the wall. They both ignored the water, too overcome by the pleasure they were feeling. Water splashed into Meredith's face, causing her to gasp for air. Her head quickly went underwater as Derek pounded into her one last time. He released into her with a big moan. She quickly lifted her head and sighed as she felt him slip out.

"Thank you...thank you...thank you..." Meredith moaned as she laid there, feeling the aftermath of pure ecstasy.

"God you are amazing..." He muttered breathlessly. They heard a loud knock on the bathroom door.

"Guys..." Izzie said quietly. Derek and Meredith both moaned. She was killing their much deserved buzz.

"What Iz?" Meredith snapped as she rolled around and sat on the bottom of the tub.

"Unless you want me to build an arc, you need to stop." She said with a serious tone.

"Iz, now is not the time for sarcasm." Meredith said loudly as she breathed deeply.

"No, I literally need to build an arc. We have a slight flooding problem downstairs." Izzie explained as she leaned against the door.

"What?" Meredith said as she jumped out of the tub, putting her foot into the water on the floor.

"It's coming from up here." Izzie told her.

"Shit! I'm coming." Meredith said in a panic.

Derek hastily threw a towel around him. Meredith threw on a tee shirt and shorts, omitting her underwear, there wasn't time. Derek threw on boxers and a tee shirt. They both rushed around and quickly went downstairs.

"Holy shit..." Derek said as he looked.

"Oh fuck..." Meredith muttered.

"Yeah." Izzie said as she looked.

There were water marks on the ceiling. The wall had water running down it. The artwork on the wall, now ruined. There was a generous sized puddle on the wood floor. The amount of water was unbelievable. Meredith shot Derek a glare.

"Was it worth it?" Izzie asked with a shrug. Meredith and Derek both looked at each other.

"Oh yeah." They said in unison.

**You can review...if you want to... :)**


	72. Way Worth it

**I screwed up... forgot to name the chapter and it double posted. Sorry, chapter 72 should be up tomorrow!**


	73. This is Perfect

Meredith laid there in a relaxing sleep. Her schedule had changed. She had been sleeping in. She had been doing a lot of physical activity lately. So she didn't wake up. She usually woke up before her alarm went off. Not today. She was dreaming. She was back in the Caribbean, laying in the beach.

"Meredith..." She heard in her sleep. She looked over to see Derek laying on the beach next to her. He looked at her with a smile. "Meredith!" Derek shouted as he shook her awake. She quickly opened her eyes and dropped her face. "Thanks..." He muttered, offensively.

"I was dreaming. It was a good dream..." She mumbled as she rolled over, throwing her face into the pillow.

"Yeah, well back to reality. The alarm went off a half an hour ago and you didn't wake up." He said as he rubbed her back. She moaned as she sat up.

"Damn-it." She moaned as she grabbed her stomach. Derek looked at her with confusion. "Way too much ice cream." She moaned. "I guess I should get up." She said as she stood up. She looked at the calendar on her beside table. She tore off the pages from the past few days. Days spent in the hot sand. Then she got to the present day. Her face dropped as she revealed the red marker. This was bad. Beyond bad. This was catastrophic.

"Holy shit!" She shouted as she ran to the bathroom and retched.

Derek looked over at the calendar. He felt like an ass. A complete and total ass. He hadn't even realized. He dragged her away, to the caribbean. It was his fault. Well, maybe a little hers. It was her idea. Anyway. He felt bad. This was bad. He rushed into the bathroom and held her hair back.

"I'm sorry Mer." He muttered as he watched her vomit.

"It's not your fault. It's mine." She moaned as she stood up, and walked to the sink. She angrily grabbed her toothbrush and began brushing the enamel right off of her teeth.

"Mer- You're going to hurt yourself." He said as he grabbed the toothbrush away from her.

"You will be fine. It's no big deal." He said as he cradled her face. He watched her face pucker. Then she let it loose. The tears flowed like rain water.

"It's easy for you to say. You passed..." She whined.

"You are the smartest intern I know." He said as he looked into her eyes. She softly pulled away and washed her face,

"I'm so screwed. It's over. So freaking over." She muttered as she walked out and grabbed her clothes.

Derek left the room. He stopped in Anna's room and gave her a soft kiss. She didn't need to be up for another hour. She looked so peaceful. For as much as she had gone though, she had adjusted well. Meredith passed her room and went straight to the kitchen. Izzie looked up with a smile.

"It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day." Izzie said brightly. Derek walked in behind Meredith and did the 'cut it out' sign. Her eyes widened.

"Beautiful? Maybe for you!" Meredith said as she grabbed the coffee pot and started to pour. She slammed it against her cup so hard she shattered the pot and coffee went everywhere. "You have got to be kidding me!" She yelled as she walked out of the kitchen. Now she had to change, her clothes were covered in coffee.

"What is wrong with her?" Izzie asked as she started wiping up coffee and cleaning up glass.

"Intern exam." Derek said flatly.

"Yeah..." Izzie said with a shrug.

"It's today. In case you haven't noticed, we spent the last few days on our honeymoon. She hasn't studied. At all." He said with raised eyebrows.

"Oh crap..." Izzie said quickly.

"Yeah." Derek said softly. "She doesn't need to study. She knows it. But her head...she doesn't believe it. She is flipping out."

"Are you talking about me?" Meredith asked as she stormed back into the kitchen.

"Of course not." Derek said quickly. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"To pass my exam." She snapped.

"You need to eat. Fuel for your brain." He said as he grabbed a pan.

"I don't need food. I need caffeine. A lot of caffeine." She said as she rummaged through cupboards, knocking things over.

"But we don't have a pot." Izzie said dumbly.

"No shit!" Meredith said. "You know, you could have told me, Iz. Yesterday, you could have said something."

"I thought you knew. We studied the whole time you were gone." Izzie explained.

"Great. Freaking great. I would say 'good luck', but it sounds like you won't need it...because you studied!!" She shouted and then grabbed a chocolate bar and began hogging it down. Then she washed it down with a soda.

"Now you're going to crash and burn." Derek said shaking his head.

"Oh. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Derek!" She said as she slumped in her chair. "Ass."

"That's not what I meant. A sugar high...I meant a sugar high." He said, clarifying.

"Whatever." She said angrily. Izzie quickly turned the news on, trying to have something to focus on.

"I hate you. And your penis. I hate your penis." Meredith said as she glared at him.

"You love my penis. And you are the one that wanted to get married right away..." Derek told her.

"Thursday. I wanted to get married Thursday. At City Hall. Not on the weekend. In the Caribbean." She said quickly. She watched his face drop. "Now, I will be re-doing my internship. Actually... no I won't. I will freaking quit!" Everyone got quiet as Anna walked in sleepily.

"Mommy! Why are you yelling, you woke me up!" Anna snapped.

"I'm sorry baby." Meredith said with compassion.

"Mommy's upset." Derek explained. "She has a big test today."

"That she is going to fail...no thanks to daddy." She said quickly.

"And in other news, the Livingston trial has taken a turn--" They heard the television reporter say. Their eyes went wide. Meredith and Derek both jumped up from the table, juice spilling everywhere.

"Turn it off." They shouted. Izzie quickly leaned over and pushed the button.

"What's going on?" Anna asked in shock.

"They were going to say bad words." Meredith told her quickly. Her heart was beating out of her chest.

"Oh." Anna said with satisfaction. "Can I have some cereal?" She asked.

"Of course." Meredith said with relief. She quickly poured her a bowl. They heard the front door open and Jane walked in.

"We need to go." Derek said as he stood up and looked at the clock. He pulled Jane aside and told her not to let Anna see the news. Meredith grabbed her stuff and they both walked to the door. She quickly turned around and grabbed a bag. The both walked to the car.

"Did you?" She asked. He knew what she meant.

"It's been taken care of." He said as he climbed into the car.

All of a sudden, Meredith felt a wave of nausea wash over her. She grabbed the bag and leaned to the side. Derek frowned. He didn't like to see her like this. Her stomach was twisting, and it hurt. She couldn't control the vomiting. Derek looked at her pale skin. He watched her hands shake.

"Well, there goes my caffeine." She said before she began to cry.

"Mer, don't cry." He said softly. His words weren't soothing her. Nothing could soothe her at the moment. She wanted to cry. She needed to cry. "Why are you crying?" He asked. He immediately kicked himself.

"Seriously? Seriously?" She asked between sobs. "Let's see. I am on the fast track to failure here. I have worked all my life, only to fail. I mean I was groomed for this, and I have managed to screw it up. We could lose Anna at any moment. We have committed blackmail, which may not even make a difference. Um, I can't get pregnant. Need I go on?" She whined.

"It will all work out." He said as he stroked her arm. "And I thought we decided it was okay if we can't get pregnant."

"It's not okay. It really isn't." She said sadly. "If I fail--" She started.

"You won't-" Derek said quickly.

"Derek...if I fail, I am done. I am going to quit." She said seriously.

"Meredith. If you fail, and you won't. You can't quit." He said, hoping to convince her.

"No, I'm done. I can't-- I will be done. Forever." She said as she laid her head back against the seat.

-----------------

Meredith grabbed her pencil and looked at the paper. There was so much on her plate. Too much to think about. She couldn't think about the stupid questions on the stupid paper. She looked around the room. Everyone was writing quickly. They looked focused. Some looked worried. Not her, she was sitting there.

She couldn't get over the guilt of what she and Derek had done. They blackmailed someone. She could understand Derek's reasoning. It would be a fair trial, just as anyone else would get. Not to mention, the man's wife was content. Although Meredith would want to know. She would want to know if Derek had found someone else. So there she sat, pencil in hand, not able to focus.

She heard someone cough. She looked over to see Cristina giving her a look. She quickly snapped out of her trance. She looked up at the clock. Half of their allotted time was over. Half of the time, was over and most people needed the whole amount just to finish. Now panic was setting in. She quickly began reading questions and writing answers. No one had ever had to rush like this. She just finished her last question when they said the time was up. She sighed, silently hoping she had done it.

"What the hell were you doing?" Cristina asked as they walked out.

"I don't know. I was just wrapped up in something, I guess." Meredith said with a shrug.

"Meredith froze." Cristina announced to all of the interns.

"I did not freeze. I was thinking..." Meredith said as she kept walking.

"She didn't write anything down until halfway through." Cristina said. "You'll probably fail."

"Thanks, thanks for that..." Meredith said as she walked away quickly. She walked straight into Derek.

"Hey." Meredith said as she laid her head against his chest. She didn't care if anyone saw them.

"How did it go?" Derek asked her as he rubbed her shoulder.

"It went..." She said simply. "Let's go home. Let's just go home and lay in bed..." Meredith muttered.

"Naked?" He asked quickly.

"Of course." She said with a smile. "Have you told anyone yet?"

"Nope, I was waiting for you." He said with a smile.

"Well, Cristina knows. And Drew. And Anna, but that's it." Meredith said. "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore..."

"We can wait." He said sympathetically.

"No, we don't have to. Besides, I have to go to human resources. Everyone will know once I get my new tag." She said quickly, she looked at the clock. "So, I will see you tonight?" She asked as he leaned in and kissed her. He nodded his head. "Later, Dr. Shepherd." She told him as she walked away.

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd?" Derek shouted, causing a few people to look.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd..." She yelled with a smile.

"I'm sure you did fine. And I will see you tonight, my darling wife." He told her as she walked away. She had a smile plastered on her face.

"You got married?" Izzie asked in shock.

"Duh, Barbie. Where did you think they went?" Cristina asked, shaking her head.

"Vacation." Izzie said.

"You didn't notice the ring?" Cristina asked.

"No." Izzie said as she grabbed Meredith's hand and looked.

"You bring a whole new meaning to dumb blonde!" Cristina spat. "We could have been doing illegal transplants in the basement and you would have never known." Meredith gave her a glare.

"I have to go..." Meredith said as she headed down to the basement.

"Meredith!" She heard her mother call her name. _Oh god._ Meredith paused and turned around. There her mother stood in her navy blue scrubs. The usual scowl was on her face.

"Yes..." Meredith said quickly. She wasn't in the mood to talk to her.

"How did the intern exam go?" Ellis asked as she glared into her daughter's green eyes.

"I'm sure it went fine..." Meredith said with a shrug.

"You're sure? That's it. This is what we have been working for your whole life. And you just brush it off?" Ellis asked sharply.

"I took the test, I did the best I could." Meredith explained.

"The best you could? Oh, nice. You don't do the best _you _can. You do the best!" Ellis warned.

"You know what mom? I am content. I have Derek and Anna. And honestly, I am not too concerned about it." Meredith told her loudly.

"You are a disappointment." Ellis said as she shook her head.

"It's nothing I haven't heard before." Meredith said with a shrug as she began to walk away.

"Hey, Grey!" Burke yelled across the hallway. Ellis and Meredith both turned around. "I guess I should say Shepherd now. Congratulations."

"Thanks." Meredith smiled as she continued walking. She could hear Ellis catching up with her.

"What does he mean Shepherd?" Ellis asked as she grabbed her arm.

"Oh, yeah. I got married last weekend. It was great. Sorry you missed. Oh, I guess you weren't invited." Meredith said as she pulled her arm away.

"Married? Married? To Shepherd..." Ellis said in disbelief.

"Yeah, I guess in your eyes, I've screwed up again, right?" Meredith asked as she looked at her mother in her eyes. Ellis just stood there as she walked away.

---------------

"Holly!" Derek shouted as he saw her wheel around. She was undoubtedly trying to avoid him. She quickly ducked into the stairwell. Derek followed her through the door.

"You may as well stop. I will follow to the depths of hell." He said sternly.

"What Derek?" She snapped nastily.

"So, I heard about the Livingston trial..." He said with an evil smirk. "Something about Kissinger no longer representing them? Anyway, I heard it on the news." Derek watched her face. She was petrified.

"Oh, yeah? I didn't know. Why are we even talking about this? I don't have anything to do with this." Holly said as she started to walk away. Derek forcefully, but gently grabbed her arm.

"I think you know more than you let on..." Derek said with raised eyebrows.

"I do not." She told him.

"Holly, I _know._" Derek clarified as he basked in the glory that he was ahead of her.

"Know what?" She shouted.

"About you and Kissinger." Derek said with disgust. "I have to say, you are pathetic. I mean your obsession has gone a little far. You and I, it's never going to happen."

"You arrogant ass. Do you actually think I want you? Maybe before. I was sad, and hurt. But now...Derek Shepherd, I wouldn't take you back for anything." Holly said with a smile.

"Hurting me is one thing. Hurting Meredith or my daughter...Holly, I swear." Derek warned.

"Your daughter? That is the laugh of the century. We'll see how long lasts." She said as she walked away.

"It's going to be a little hard without Kissinger in the picture..." He shouted after her.

"I have enough money. I am sure I can find someone almost as good to take his place." She said with a chuckle.

"You think that now." He said quietly with a faint smile.

---------------

"I can't believe you are both home." Anna said with excitement as she finished her grilled cheese.

"Things have been a little busy. But we are trying to make it so we can spend more time together" Derek told her as he grabbed her plate. He walked up behind Meredith and slid it into the sink. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.

"You gotta quit doing that!" Anna said with a giggle.

"Anna, how would you like to play a game?" Meredith asked as she glanced over at Derek.

"Can we play Candyland?" She asked with a smile.

"Of course. You go get it." Meredith said as she turned to face Derek. "You'll play, right?"

"I want to play Candyland...with you." He whispered into her ear. "Maybe some Almond Joy..."

"Hmm until you hit Payday?" She giggles. "But I'm sure you want Milky Way?"

"Milky Way would be perfect." He said as he ravaged her neck. "So is a peppermint patty."

"Okay!" Anna said as she ran in and opened the box, spreading out the board. "Come on..." She whined as she looked at them.

"Coming..." They both said as they walked over to the table.

"So, Anna. We will be moving to the new house soon..." Derek said happily. "Which means mommy has a lot of packing to do." Meredith shot him a dirty look.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yep. And it has a big yard. Like a park." Meredith explained.

"Does the park have swings, and slides and stuff?" Anna asked.

"Do you want swings, and slides and stuff?" Derek asked with a smile.

"Yeah!" She answered.

"Then you will get them." He told her. Meredith shot him an "Oh no you didn't look."

"This is perfect." Anna said with a smile.

"What?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"I got you and Mommy, and we're moving to a new house. And we're gonna live happily ever after!" She said happily. Meredith and Derek smiled at her, hoping it would be true.

**I have to warn you...trouble is ahead!**


	74. The Book

"What do you think she wants to talk about?" George asked as he watched the movie.

"Who knows...I still can't believe she got married and didn't tell us." Izzie said with disappointment.

"I know. She's different now." George said with annoyance.

"It's McDreamy. I think Cristina is right for once. He's like a toxin." Izzie returned.

"No he's not. She's just happy, I guess. That's good. We should be happy for her." George said, trying to convince her. "Shhh, she's here." George said as he heard the door open.

"Hey guys." Meredith said as she plopped down on the sofa. "What are we watching?"

"Face transplant." Izzie told her as she handed her the popcorn. Meredith happily grabbed the bowl and began munching.

"Oh cool." Meredith said as she stared at the t.v. intently. She didn't even notice that Izzie and George had stopped watching and were now watching her. "What?" She asked as she looked over at them.

"Uh, you wanted to talk to us about something." George reminded her.

"Oh yeah..." Meredith said as she turned and looked at them. "The house should be done soon."

"What house?" George asked.

"Derek's...I mean, ours, on the property." Meredith explained as she looked back and forth between them.

"Oh." Izzie said with disappointment. "Oh!" She said, thinking about it. "So you're kicking us out..."

"Oh crap..." George said, with a new found realization. Meredith looked at the sadness in their faces.

"No! God no, guys. You're staying. That's what I wanted to ask you. I need someone to stay here, take care of the house. So will you?" Meredith asked. She watched their faces light up.

"Seriously?" Izzie asked with shock.

"Well, yeah. You guys didn't really think I was going to kick you out, did you?" She said with a laugh.

"I did." George admitted with a shrug.

"If you guys want someone else to move in with you, they can. But I want to know who it is first. And I want one room left empty." Meredith explained.

"Why? I mean, it's your house. Just...why?" Izzie asked.

"You never...just leave one bedroom empty..." Meredith said as she turned her attention back to the t.v. "We will be out next week." She said without turning her head. She heard the front door open. Derek and Anna walked in. Meredith got up and joined them. She gave Derek a soft kiss and they walked into the kitchen.

"This is..." Izzie started with a frown on her face.

"We're losing her." George said sadly. The had all had a good time, living together. And now she was leaving.

"It's like the end of an era." Izzie explained as a tear ran down her cheek.

"It's not like we won't see her everyday." George replied, trying to make her feel better.

"I am really going to miss Anna." Izzie continued.

"No kidding." George agreed. "You know what I won't miss?" She shook her head no. "The loud sleepless night..." He said as they both laughed.

"Yeah, that and the flooding." Izzie told him.

"Flooding?" George asked. Izzie pointed to the wall. "Oh...that's what happened. Oh my god. Yeah, not going to miss that!"

------------------

"So your Mom knows?" Derek asked as he watched Meredith pull off her jeans.

"I told her a few days ago. How'd you guess?" Meredith asked with a giggle. Derek watched as she pulled off her top.

"Well, besides the fact that she has been scowling at me for the past two days..." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Seriously?" She said with a laugh. "How immature is that?" She asked as she pulled her bra off.

"Very. You know you can't do that, right?" He asked her.

"What?" She returned as she pulled a tee shirt on.

"And you really can't do that. That is cruel." He told her.

"What?" She asked with a giggle, she slowly walked towards him.

"You can't strip in front of me, and then cover it up." He said as he pulled her onto the bed.

"Hey, I didn't put my panties on yet..." She said as she started to stand up.

"Yeah, I'm definitely not going to let that happen." He said as he pushed her down and kissed her neck.

"Oh, really?" He said with a giggle.

"Really." He muttered as she grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up. They could hear the rain pounding on the windows. His tongue ran down her her abdomen. He stopped at her naval and sucked. She tightened up her stomach at his touch. His mouth moved down slowly. They heard a loud crack, and lightning quickly crossed the sky. He spread her legs and blew hot air. She wiggled at the sensation. His tongue slowly delved into her hot folds. She moaned softly as she grabbed the blankets.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Anna whined at the door. Meredith groaned. "I'm scared."

"Shit..." Derek muttered as he stood up. Meredith quickly crossed the room and threw the rest of her clothes on. Derek slowly opened the door.

"Can I sleep in here tonight?" He asked as she walked in. Derek glanced over at Meredith, who gave a soft nod. "Of course you can, honey. Mom and I were just getting ready to go to bed." He pulled Anna close and went to kiss her on the head.

"Derek! Don't you dare kiss our daughter with that mouth." She said as her eyes got wide.

"Why?" Anna asked, looking over at Meredith.

"Daddy needs to brush his teeth." Meredith said as she walked toward the bed.

Anna quickly crawled into the middle of the large bed. Meredith laid on her side, and Anna quickly clung to her. Derek laid on his side, and she clung to him. Derek looked over at Meredith and smiled. They both looked down at Anna, who had her eyes closed. A loud crack of lightning struck and she jumped, grabbing Derek. He wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled into his side. They listened as her breathy got shallow and she fell asleep.

"So the therapist says she is doing great." Derek said as he glanced over at Meredith. "She can't believe she is the same kid."

"That's good." Meredith whispered as she looked down at Anna. "I think she's okay."

"She is..." Derek agreed. "So you got a lot packed." He said as he looked around the room.

"Yeah, I did. Actually, it's pretty much done. The furniture has to stay for George and Iz." Meredith explained.

"That's no big deal." Derek said quickly.

"I want my bed. And that bureau. That has been in my family for a long time, I guess. And I like it. So if I get time tomorrow, I will empty it. It's really heavy." Meredith told him as she looked over at it.

"So the bureau goes..." Derek said, acknowledging what she had said.

"Yep. This is weird. I have lived here most of my life. I left, I came back and now I'm leaving again." She said softly.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked.

"Uh huh. It's kind of sad. But I love you, and it's time to move on." Meredith replied. Derek leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Yes, it is." He said as he laid back on his pillow and closed his eyes.

"Night..." Derek told her.

"Night." She answered with a smile.

------------------

Meredith had to work in the morning. She had let Derek sleep in because he had been bombarded with surgeries lately. Of course, at eight o'clock, Anna was wide awake. Which meant Derek was awake, because she had slept in their bed. He slowly got out of bed, got her ready and dropped her off at school.

When he got home, he got right on the phone. He had some important calls to make. He had made the decision. He was doing it. He needed to. He wanted to have more time to spend with his girls. Not to mention it would help take away some of Meredith's stress. It was a big change, but he was ready. Too bad Meredith didn't know anything about it.

Derek looked around at everything Meredith had packed. He hadn't done anything. He felt guilty. She worked one-hundred and ten hours last week, and she was still holding everything together. He walked up to the bedroom and looked around. There sat the large bureau. He grabbed a few empty boxes and started pulling clothes out of it. He was being helpful, being a nice guy.

He pulled out a deep red sweater. It was one of his favorites. He loved the way she looked in it. He made sure everything was placed in the boxes just so. He was getting near the bottom, when he heard a loud clunk. She quickly fished around. His hand grasped something large. He pulled it out, and looked at it in shock. There is was. He couldn't believe it. A smile overcame his face. He finally found it.

He looked at the engraved initials on it's shiny cover. MEG. It was the book. The book that any man would love to see. The book that held all of Meredith Grey's conquests. It was probably a bad idea. It was the wrong thing to do. But yet he couldn't control himself. Maybe this would tell him more about her. Derek sighed as he grabbed the book and headed to comfortable chair. It was big, and it was going to take awhile.

Derek sat down in the chair. He glanced over at the clock, he had some time to kill. At first it was almost funny. Slightly immature. A little novice. It was cute, actually. Derek actually felt kind of bad. She was young, and it seemed like she had used sex as an outlet. A way to deal with this. That really wasn't something he didn't already know. The fun was slowly trickling away. The sheer number of men was unbelievable, and he wasn't through very much of the coveted book.

Then the fun was over. Way over. The color drained from his face. He was actually sick. He tossed the book onto the bed and laid his head back. This was one of those moments when he wished he could go back in time. He wished he could undo the last two hours of his life. He wasn't sure how to feel. He was angry. He was upset. He was every emotion in the book. But most of all, he was disappointed.

---------------

Meredith was swamped at the hospital. It seemed like she was getting paged to the pit every ten minutes. But that was fine. That was the way she liked it. The whole hospital was congratulating her every time she turned around. All she could think about was the future. She was happy. She was sure the trial was going to be favorable. She was married to the man of her dreams. And then they were going to be moving to their new house. Life was good. She was deep in thought, think about getting home to Derek. She snapped out of her fantasy when Richard Webber walked up.

"Meredith." He said with a smile. "Congratulations! I heard the news. I'm truly happy for both you and Derek." He said as he leaned in an embraced her. She had been growing to like him.

"Thank you, Richard." Meredith said with a smile.

"Derek is a great guy. I think you two will be so happy together." Richard went on.

"Well, my mom doesn't seen to think so." Meredith said with a shrug.

"She'll come around. She has high expectations." Richard said sadly.

"She always has. I just don't think I can reach them." Meredith returned.

"Between you and I, you have far surpassed. She will just never admit it." Richard said with a wink.

"Thanks, Richard." Meredith said with a smile.

"I want to have you, Derek and Anna over for dinner sometime soon." He told her. Her pager went off.

"Sure. Sometime soon. I gotta go." She said as she ran off.

-----------------

"So how was it?" Addison asked as she worked on her patient.

"Amazing. I can't believe you let him go. He planned everything. It was amazing!" Meredith reiterated. "On the beach, at sunset..."

"That is why I let him go. When he was with me, it wasn't amazing." Addison said with a laugh. "I was just a test run. Now he has you. And I honestly couldn't be happier."

"I just hope that it is always like this." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"The way Derek feels about you, it will always be like this." Addison confirmed. "He called me..." Addison stated. "Can you hold the clamp?"

"Sure..." Meredith said as she grabbed the clamp. "He called you?"

"Yeah, right before the ceremony." Addison explained. "He was worried..." Meredith's face dropped. How could she tell her this.

"Oh my god. He was having second thoughts..." Meredith muttered.

"No! He was worried that he was going to mess it up. He went on about how much he loved you. He was just worried that he was going to sabotage it. I told him he wouldn't. And I am sure that he won't." Addison clarified as she handed Meredith the suction.

"I called Ian. I needed to talk to someone." Meredith admitted.

"Did he make you feel better?" Addison asked as she looked over her surgical mask.

"Yeah. He really did." Meredith said with a deep breath. "I think it's all going to be okay. I really think this is my happily ever after..."

They continued with the surgery. A few complications arose, and they ended up being in the operating room until ten-thirty. So much for having dinner with her charming husband. The way his schedule had been, she was sure he was fast asleep. She frowned at the thought, but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. She was exhausted and needed sleep to. She was just heading to the elevator when Dr. Bailey headed towards her.

"Grey! Or Shepherd. Damn-it, you just had to go get married and confuse me, didn't you?" Miranda said as she ran into the elevator.

"Yes, I got married just to confuse you." Meredith muttered with annoyance. She was tired, and her body hurt.

"Well, anyway. Here you go." She said as she handed her an envelope. "Your test results.

"Oh! Oh..." Meredith muttered as she held the envelope.

"You aren't going to open it?" Miranda asked.

"No. I was in a good mood. I don't want to change that." Meredith explained as she shoved it in her purse.

"Grey, you want to open it." Miranda said quickly. "Damn-it! Open it!" Meredith got wide-eyed and quickly opened the envelope. She looked at the paper and a huge smile grew on her face.

"You had the highest score. Congratulations." Miranda said as she walked off the elevator. To say Meredith was ecstatic was an understatement. She couldn't wait to get home and show Derek just how happy she was.

---------------

Derek laid there looking at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't think. That was all that was in his head. He tried drowning it out, and it came back. It took over. It was like that annoying vine that spread and took over. It was like a fog hanging in his head. It would not leave. Anna had sensed that something was wrong. Derek kept reassuring her that everything was fine. But how could he do that, when he wasn't feeling it himself? And now he was faced with the fact that he would have to face her. He didn't know how he could.

He heard the front door open. He was going to pretend he was asleep. That would work. He didn't snore, so that wouldn't be a problem. He would just lay there until she fell asleep. He heard the bedroom door open. And then there was the click of the lock. There was only one time they locked the door. This was bad. He heard her go into the bathroom, and go through her routine. He heard her soft footsteps walking toward the bed.

"Derek..." She whispered._ Shit. This was going to be harder than he thought._ He laid there. In silence. "Derek!" She said a little louder as she shook him. He knew she wasn't going to stop.

"Hmm." He said in his best pretend sleepy voice. He didn't make an effort to kiss her. She noticed. Something was off.

"I passed." She said happily. "I passed the exam. I actually got the highest score." She said as she leaned over and pulled his shirt up.

"Oh, that's good..." He said without gusto. _That's it? That's all he's going to say. That's good..._

"Yes...it is." She said as she quickly pressed her lips to his. It wasn't there. The fire. It had gone out. She pressed her tongue against his lips, he didn't open his mouth. He didn't allow her entrance. She shrugged it off. She knew how to get him in the mood.

He was feeling sick. He felt guilty. He loved her more than life. But yet, he couldn't let it go. He couldn't pretend he hadn't read the book. He couldn't live a lie. He felt her tug at his boxer shorts.

"Not tonight." He muttered as he tugged back.

"What?" Meredith said in shock. He quickly rolled over and faced the wall. He couldn't look at the hurt in her face. "Derek. What's the matter?" She asked softly. Her eyes started to tear up. He had never denied her.

"Nothing." He muttered sternly.

"Oh come on..." She said as she leaned over and sucked on his neck. He pulled away.

"Derek, what the hell is the matter with you?" She snapped angrily. "You have never denied me."

"I'm not in the mood, okay?" He said as he remained looking at the wall.

"No, it's not okay. I thought we were communicating. Apparently not. Something is wrong. You know what? Whatever. I don't fucking care." She said with a huff as she laid back and stared at the ceiling. "Non-communicating ass." She muttered loudly. He ignored her. "You are pathetic."

"Fine!" He said loudly as he rolled over. "Do you really want to know what is wrong with me?" He asked angrily.

"Yes! I want to know." She returned, matching his tone.

"This." He said as he leaned over to his bedside table and pulled out the engraved journal. He quickly whipped it over to her. "This is what's wrong."

"Where did you get this? You were going through my stuff! Who do you think you are, going through my stuff?" She shouted as she held the book.

"I was trying to be a nice guy. I was packing up that fucking ugly ass bureau that you have to take with you. And there it was." Derek returned as he sat up and glared.

"You read it..." She said unbelieving. "How could you?"

"How could I? What the fuck kind of person keeps track of every guy she screws?" Derek shouted.

"It was none of your business..." She said as her eyes welled up. "You didn't have to read it..."

"Believe me. I wish I hadn't. I would think that since we got married, you would have destroyed it. But no, maybe you want to relieve your philandering past? Obviously you have taken several trips around the block, maybe a few more wouldn't hurt." He said nastily. "I married a--" He started and then stopped.

"A what, Derek?" She asked, knowing what he was going to say.

"My cousin, Meredith! My fucking cousin is better than I am? It's bad enough to think about you and him. But the fact that you enjoyed it? How do you think it feels to read that the best you ever had, was your ex-husband, who lived in this house for how long? Were you fucking him while he was here?" He shouted. Meredith slapped him. She slapped him harder than she had ever hit anyone in her life. Derek rubbed his face. He was in shock.

"Fuck you, Derek." She said curtly. She sat there for awhile. They both stared straight forward. Finally she spoke. "Did we make a mistake?" She asked softly.

"I don't know? Did we?" He returned flatly. The tears began flowing freely from her eyes. She wasn't going to sob, she didn't want his comfort. She didn't want anything from him.

"Good to know... Would have been better if I'd know before I fucking married you!" She said as she shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe you. You need to get out." She said as she sat there on the bed. Derek looked at her and grabbed his pillow and blanket. He started walking towards the door. "No, Derek. You need to get out. I want you out of this house." She said loudly and forcefully. He looked at her stone cold face. He slowly walked over and put his clothes on. She watched as he walked out their bedroom. She listened as the front door opened and the car started. Then she did it. She sobbed. _There goes my happily ever after..._

**I'm so sorry...It's not over till it's over. And I am saying...It's NOT OVER!**


	75. She Loves Him

Meredith laid in bed. She had to get up. She couldn't. Not today. She could not go to work and risk seeing him. The things he said were harsh. Beyond harsh. It broke her heart. To think that he would read the book. To think that he would be angry with her. She knew why. Ian was the best lover she had. But it didn't matter. She loved Derek. Not Ian. Not Nate. Not Drew. Only Derek. And as mad as she was at the moment, she couldn't get one thing out of her head. She loved the stupid man.

There was no sleep for Derek. It was torture. But nothing compared to what he had done to Meredith. The things he had said. Not to mention, he did know her past when he met her. In fact, she was very open about it. Derek laid in his bed. This wasn't his bed. His place was next to Meredith. In her bed. In their bed. Not in a small trailer in the middle of the woods. He was harsh. He was cruel. It was the way he was feeling at the moment. He wished he hadn't said it, but he did. And he couldn't go back. He could only move forward.

Meredith pulled herself out of bed. The minute her feet hit the floor, there the nausea was. It had been her weakness. Vomiting. She was either hung over or upset when she did it. But most the time, it was both. Because with her, they seemed to go hand in hand. She quickly rushed to the bathroom and took her place on the floor. Life was cruel. And at the moment, it was at it's worst.

"Did daddy have to work early?" Anna asked as she ate her cereal.

"Um, yeah. He did." Meredith answered quickly. It wasn't a lie. Derek did have to work early today.

"Is daddy okay? He seemed sad yesterday." Anna said as she poured the milk from her spoon back into the bowl. She kept playing with it, ignoring the looks she was getting from Meredith.

"He was?" Meredith asked as she looked across the table.

"Yeah. Not in the morning. He was happy in the morning. He cooked me pancakes. It was fun. When he picked me up from school he was sad. He said he was okay, but he was lying." Anna pointed out.

"I'm sure he's fine." Meredith answered. So he had spent the day reading it. She leaned back in her chair. Would she have read it? Would it have bothered her so much. The answer was yes. And that made her feel even worse. She looked at the door, half expecting him to come in and everything to be okay. There was no one there.

"You're sad too." Anna said sympathetically.

"No. I'm happy. I just don't feel good." Meredith explained.

"Is that why you didn't go to work?" Anna asked.

"Yep. I'm going to take you to school, and pick you up too." Meredith said with a smile. She laid her hand on her rumbling stomach.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Meredith said as she jumped up from the table. "Get your shoes on." She said as she ran to the bathroom. And there went her breakfast, once again.

Meredith took Anna to school and drove right home. She had to pull over several times on the way back. Her nerves were on edge. She was sick. Her stomach was flipping over and over. She sighed when she reached home. She grabbed a blanket and a trash can and laid down on the sofa. She had six hours to rest, and she was going to need them.

--------------------

Derek walked through the hallways of the hospital slowly. He could barely think about anything but the pain he had caused. His surgery? To be quite honest, the patient was lucky he survived. Derek had incredible focus. He could do anything under pressure. Not this time. This time, all he could think about was her. How he had quite possible ruined his marriage, and the best thing that had ever happened to him, in one fallow swoop.

"Dr. Bailey?" Derek asked as he walked up to the nurses station.

"Dr. Shepherd." She said without looking up.

"Have you seen Dr. Grey...I mean Dr. Shepherd. Have you seen her?" Derek asked. _Dr. Shepherd. Not for very long after what I have done._

"She's sick." Bailey said curtly. "Being her husband, I'd think you'd know-- Well, if I hadn't heard her puking her guts out on the phone, I'd have thought she didn't come in because of that!" Miranda said as she looked at his face in shock.

"What?" He said as he grabbed a nurse's mirror that was on the desk. He looked at it and moaned. "Oh shit..." He muttered. There it was, a perfect hand print across his face.

"You didn't notice that?" Miranda asked with a laugh.

"The mirror at the trailer is very small..." He muttered to himself.

"Ah, the trailer. So not only did you fight, she kicked your ass out. What did you do this time?" Miranda asked, while shaking her head.

"This time, I really screwed up." Derek said solemnly.

"Fix it." Miranda demanded as she walked away. "Damn perfect-haired fool's got an amazing woman and screws it up." He could hear her saying as she walked away. And she was right.

Derek took a quick glance at the OR board. He didn't have anything else scheduled. He had to make sure she was okay. Bailey said she was vomiting. So she really was sick. It wasn't a Derek avoidance plot. He quickly changed into his street clothes and headed to the elevator.

"Derek..." Addison said as he stepped on.

"Hey Addie." Derek said weakly.

"What is wrong with Mer? Bailey said she was sick. I called her, and she sounded horrible. I offered to pick Anna up from school. I think I will just keep her overnight if she's that sick." Addison suggested.

"Well, I'm on my way home. But if you can keep Anna, that would be good." Derek replied. He looked over at his former wife. She could sense his distress.

"Oh my god, Derek. What happened to your face?" She asked.

"Meredith. But...I-- I screwed up Addie..." He trailed off sadly.

"Derek...I'm sure--" She started.

"No, Addie. Remember the fight. Our big fight?" Derek asked, thinking back.

"Yeah." Addison told him, as she looked at his sad eyes.

"This was worse than that. Much worse. I said bad things, Addie. Really bad." Derek admitted as he looked at the ground.

"It couldn't have been that bad..." Addison said optimistically.

"I almost called her a whore." Derek said, not looking up.

"You what!" Addison shouted. "Derek Michael Shepherd! You ass. You're lucky I don't slap your other cheek."

"It was worse. It was much worse. I don't know if I can fix it. I'm really afraid that I can't fix it. She is my everything. She is my life. I can't live without her. I have ruined everything." He said sadly.

"Derek, you fix it. And you fix it now!" Addison said as she walked out of the elevator. "Now."

------------------

Derek stopped at the cafe that they both loved. He grabbed a quart of chicken noodle soup. That's what you do when people are sick, right? You get them chicken noodle soup. He pulled into the driveway. He was surprised to see all of the blinds and curtains shut. He walked up to the front door. He sighed heavily, as he placed his key into the lock. He was scared to death. He opened the door and walked in. It just seemed stuffy. The air was heavy. He walked into the kitchen and put the soup on the counter. He was just getting ready to go upstairs when he noticed a figure on the sofa. The closer he got, the stronger the smell of vomit became.

There she was. She was laying on the sofa, her favorite blanket wrapped around her. He loved to watch her sleep. Not today. Usually she had a peaceful smile on her face. But today she had a look of pain. Mental and Physical pain. Her face looked so sad. He had wrecked her spirit. He had taken a piece away from her. He walked around the sofa and sat down, placing her head in his lap. She nuzzled into him and smiled. As he watched her sleep, the tears flowed freely.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith said as she awoke. She quickly sat up and pulled away.

"Bailey said you were sick..." Derek said softly.

"As far as you are concerned, I am fine." She said angrily.

"Meredith..." He trailed off. He got caught in her eyes. They were so sad. He could read the betrayal she felt. "I'm so sorry..."

"No! No. I don't want to hear it." She said as she jumped off the sofa and walked into the kitchen.

"I was an ass." Derek said as he followed her into the kitchen.

"No kidding. But I-" Derek started as he grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet.

"Derek, you made it perfectly clear how you felt last night." Meredith said as she grabbed a glass of water. She drank it down and turned to the counter. She placed her hands down and hung her head. "You know what I don't get? You knew. I never kept my past a secret from you. I love you so much. I never would have dreamed that you of all people would have thrown it back in my face." She said as tears ran down her face. Derek watched the tears. They burned. Seeing them running down her face. Knowing that he put them there, made his insides turn out.

"I'm sorry." He said as he started to walk towards her.

"No! Get away from me. I don't want you to touch me." She said loudly. He stopped and looked into her eyes. They were red and bloodshot. But more, they were angry. Meredith looked into his. They were sorry. He was sorry. But she couldn't accept that. She felt her stomach getting upset. She slouched down and grabbed it.

"Let me help you." He said as he walked toward her.

"No. I just want you to leave. Just get out. Get out!" She yelled. He looked into her eyes. He pleaded with his eyes. "Please. I can't do this right now. I can't take this stress." He looked at her and dropped his head.

"Anna is staying with Addison tonight. And I will be at the trailer if you need anything." He told her.

"I don't want anything from you. And I certainly don't need anything from you." She said, lying to him and herself. Because right now she needed him more than anything.

"Please eat the soup, you need your energy." He said.

"Yeah, I'm puking my guts out and I'm going to eat soup. You dumb ass brain surgeon." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"Mer, I love you." He said as he glanced at her and walked out of the house.

-----------------

Meredith sat on the sofa. George was on-call and Izzie was staying at Todd's. She was home alone. There was one thing she wanted to do more than anything. She wanted to do the thing that always made her feel better. The thing that she always did. She wanted to drink. Maybe her problems would just melt away. She walked to the kitchen and grabbed her good friend tequila, and his buddy, the glass. She sat herself back on the sofa. She was going to drink until she forgot why she was drinking.

_I'm not much for dope or drink_

_And that's thanks to Dr. Shrink_

_But one thing I can't kick is I can't kick the man._

Meredith poured the fiery liquid into the glass. She had always loved the way it looked when it poured. There was an anticipation, she felt. It couldn't get in the glass quick enough. And yet today she poured it as slowly as she could. The more pain she felt, the more she realized that she was still alive.

_You're pathologically addicted_

_To what we call a dickhead_

_Cheaters and liars seem to light your fire_

_And girl, you gotta get clean._

_So I did…Yeah, I did._

She watched the glass fill up. Generally she would fill it just a little. Just enough to slam the whole amount back. Not today. Today she was going to sip it. She was going to make sure it burned the whole way down. She lifted the glass and smiled. Tequila was always there when she was down.

_I took a bath with a sociopath_

_I took a bath with a sociopath_

_I'll take a bath with a sociopath_

_Over a date with Bill Gates_

_Any day, any day_

Only one thing popped in her head. Derek. The love of her life. Or at least he was. But who was she fooling, he would always be the love of her life. She was so made at him. But at the same time, she felt immense disappointment. She had felt so strong, so safe. She had never thought he would hurt her. But now, she was feeling as if she could never trust him again. She held the glass to her lips. She could smell it.

'_Cause I like a little coffee with my cream_

_I like a little dirty with my clean_

_And my baby's really filthy_

_My baby's really somethin'_

_And my baby can dysfunction…_

_All night, all night, all night long…_

She couldn't do it. It immediately made her sick. She had always enjoyed the way it burnt her lips. But right now, all she wanted to do was vomit. She quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom. As she laid on the floor, she only wished one thing. She wished she had Derek there to hold her hair back. To rub her neck. She hated him right now, but she still loved him. She missed him. She wished she had just thrown the book away. And then they would be laying in bed together. Being happy. She loved him. She laid her head on the cold floor. At the end of the day, it didn't matter what he did. Because she loved him. God, she loved him.

**Okay, I am fixing this. Or at least trying...**


	76. Be Mad, I Can Handle it

Derek laid on the small sofa in his trailer. Before he had met Meredith, he loved his trailer. It was simple. It was perfect for him. But now, it was his own personal prison. And he was in the prison because of his own actions. He knew it was going to be another sleepless night. Two nights he had been away from her. Two nights too long. He knew it had to be fixed. But he also knew that flowers and a card weren't going to cut it. Meredith wasn't a flowers type of girl. He had to figure out what to do. He had been angry with her. And insanely jealous. But amazingly enough, most of it was gone. It was gone because the remorse he felt for saying what he said, had taken it's place. He jumped up from the sofa and grabbed a spiral notebook out of the cabinet. He had things to write.

Meredith laid on the sofa. She was feeling better physically, but mentally, she was still upset. She looked over at Anna who was munching popcorn and watching the movie intently. Meredith was watching, but it wasn't even coming close to absorbing into her brain. All she was were a bunch of colors moving on the t.v. Her thoughts were on Derek, and what to do next.

"Do you have to work tomorrow, mommy?" Anna asked as she looked over. She had seen the movie hundreds of times.

"Yes, I do." Meredith said sweetly, so as not to bring on suspicion. She knew that Anna had an idea that something wasn't right. But Anna had enough stress on her own.

"Where is daddy?" Anna asked as she looked at Meredith. She was studying her face, and her reaction.

"Um, he's at work." Meredith said quickly as she turned away and faced the t.v.

"Again. Oh. Daddy said he wouldn't work so much. And he's working a lot..." Anna said questioningly.

"Well, I guess daddy lied." Meredith spat. She immediately wished she hadn't said it. It was the wrong thing to say to a child. It was her own anger spewing out. The last thing that she wanted was Anna angry at Derek because if something she said in a moment of stupidity.

"No he's not." Anna said frankly.

"You're right, Anna. He's not. I'm sorry. I was just--" Meredith said trying to fix her mess. She looked at Anna's face. She was waiting for Meredith to bury herself deeper.

"Lying? You are lying." Anna said. Meredith was taken aback by Anna boldness. Anna's face was like stone. She was solid and she wasn't backing down.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked with raised eyebrows.

"You lied. Daddy isn't working. I heard Izzie and George talking about it. They said you and daddy got in a fight and you made daddy stay at his other house." Anna shouted angrily.

"Anna, calm down." Meredith said as she looked at her.

"No! No cause you and daddy are fighting, and now I won't have a family! Because daddy will stay away and it's all your fault!" She whined.

"Anna. Daddy and I are-- We are not-- We are still your family." Meredith explained. "Anna, come here..." Meredith said as she pulled her close, Anna collapsed into Meredith's side. She cried for a few minutes and then looked up.

"Why are you fighting?" Anna asked as her brown eyes met Meredith's green.

"It's complicated." Meredith said, avoiding the question. Anna looked at Meredith and she new she would have to elaborate. "Yes, we did get in a fight. And daddy and I both said mean things to each other."

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me?" Anna asked, like the answer was so simple.

"Because a little girl like you doesn't need to worry about stupid grown up stuff." Meredith explained, as she grabbed some popcorn.

"Did he say he was sorry?" Anna asked.

"Yes, but--" Meredith said quickly.

"Well, if he said he was sorry, why can't he come home. Why can't we be happy?" Anna asked dumbly.

"Well, I'm just-- I'm still mad." Meredith finally admitted.

"You always tell me to say it's okay when someone says their sorry. You said that it makes everything better." Anna said, calling her out on her previous talk.

"Well--" Meredith started, unsure how to finish. Anna was right. She did always say that you should accept someone's apology.

"I want daddy." Anna shouted.

"Daddy isn't here." Meredith explained.

"I want him to come home. Now!" She shouted.

"Anna! Behave yourself. Derek won't be home tonight." Meredith said frankly.

"No! I want him!" Anna shouted as she threw the popcorn down.

"Anna Elizabeth! You stop this now! You are way too old to be having a temper tantrum." Meredith said in shock. She looked at the popcorn all over the floor.

"I want daddy. And you are mean. You're mad at daddy so you won't let me see him!" Anna yelled as she jumped up and ran up the stairs. Meredith quickly ran up after her. Anna was sitting down in the corner of her room.

"Anna..." Meredith said softly as she crouched down in front of her.

"No! Go away." She said as she smacked Meredith's arm. Meredith looked at her in shock. It hurt. And it hurt bad. She began to cry. She quickly walked into her room and picked up the phone. He was the last person she wanted to call, but she had to.

"Meredith!" Derek said in shock. He couldn't believe she had called him. "Are you--Oh my god. I'm so sorry--"

"Derek." She whined. "I need you to come over. It's Anna. She won't talk to me. You need to talk to your daughter. She hit me, Derek. She hit me..." Meredith cried.

"I'll be right over." Derek said as he jumped into his car and sped off. Meredith sat on her bed and cried.

Meredith walked downstairs and began picking up popcorn. She couldn't believe this had happened. It was her fault. If she had thrown the book away. If she had been honest with Anna. If she had tried harder. With every thought, her tears flowed more freely. She heard the door open. Derek walked over and looked at Meredith crouched on the floor, picking up popcorn.

"Meredith..." He said. It rolled of his tongue so softly, so perfectly. She wanted to give in, she wanted to run into his arms and let him hold her. That's what he always did. He held her, he protected her. But at the moment, she needed to be protected from him.

"I'm fine. Go to Anna." She said as she continued. His head dropped, and he walked up the stairs. Meredith waited a few minutes and then went upstairs. She leaned up against the wall, and listened.

"Why won't mommy let you be sorry?" Anna asked softly.

"I said very, very mean things. I was being selfish. I love Meredith more than anything. I wish I could go back and take all the words I said back. And I was stupid." Derek said softly.

"But she should let you be sorry. She says you always have to let someone be sorry." Anna whimpered.

"That's not always true. Usually it is, but sometimes you can't. What I did was very bad, and mommy can't let me be sorry. It's not her fault. And you should never, ever hit her. She loves you just as much as I do. And when you hit her, it hurt her feelings." Derek told her as he stroked her hair.

"I didn't mean to." Anna told him. "Are you going to leave forever?" Anna asked.

"No. I will never leave you." Derek said with a faint smile.

"Can you stay? I want you to come home. I don't want you to stay at the other house." Anna said softly. "If mommy won't let you, you can stay in my room. Cause it's my room, and she has to let you stay in my room."

"Well, I think that is up to mommy." Derek replied. "And you need to go to bed." He said as he stroked her head.

Meredith leaned against the wall and slid down. It broke her. God she loved him. She didn't want to lose him. She wanted to lay next to him every night. She wanted to wake up to his blue eyes. His eyes pulled her in. They were what made her happy. They made everyday a perfect day. It could be a horrible day, and all she had to do was look into his eyes. She heard his footsteps. He paused and then sat down next to her.

"Are you okay? Did she hurt you?" Derek asked Meredith as he looked at her. She avoided eye contact.

"She just smacked my arm. I'm okay. Physically at least." Meredith said. They both sat in a silence for awhile.

"What do we do, Derek?" Meredith asked softly.

"I don't know." He admitted. He could smell her soft flowery scent. All he wanted to do was pull her close. He needed her in his arms. But he couldn't, and he knew it.

"Do you want this to be over? Because if you need it to be over--" She said as he tears welled up.

"Meredith. You are the love of my life. I can't walk away from you. I don't want to walk away from you. It can't be over, because I can't live without you." Derek said softly.

"Good. I don't want you to." She said in a whisper. She admitted it. It didn't make it right. It didn't make it perfect.

"Good." He agreed. "There will never be a day, when I won't regret every word I said that night." She ignored his words. She heard him, but she wasn't ready.

"You can sleep on the sofa tonight." She told him. "You need to be here if she wakes up." Meredith touched his leg. The touch, woke him up. He had longed for it. He had missed it. She did too. She missed him. But she still wasn't ready for things to go back. She quickly stood up and grabbed a pillow and blanket. He watched her move across her room. So soft, so perfect. She walked to him and placed the blankets in his arms.

"Goodnight, Derek." She said with a faint smile.

"Goodnight, Meredith." He whispered as he walked downstairs. It wasn't perfect, but he'd take it.

------------------

Derek awoke to the sun in his face. Not that he was complaining, at least he was under the same roof as Meredith. He slept well, even if e was on the lumpy sofa. He closed his eyes, not ready to get up. Not ready to face the day. He thought he heard a sound, and he slowly opened his eyes to see Anna right in his face, looking at him.

"Hi Daddy." She said with a big smile on her face.

"Hello sweetheart." He said as he pulled her into a hug.

"I'm glad you're still here." Anna said happily. "Cause mommy can't cook breakfast." She whispered into his ear, causing him to laugh.

"Well, let's get you some..." Derek said as he stood up, his hair a tousled mess.

"You look funny." Anna said with a giggle as she pointed to his hair, and ran into the kitchen.

"How about pancakes?" Derek asked as he looked in the cupboards.

"Pancakes are good." She said as she grabbed the mixing bowl. "Are you going to be staying here again?" Derek looked at her. He wasn't sure. He and Meredith were closer to being happy again, but they weren't there yet.

"Um. Well, I hope so. I think I will be." Derek answered honestly.

"Good. Cause we're a family, and families stick together." Anna said cheerfully.

"They do, huh?" Derek said with a chuckle as he stirred the batter.

"Yep." She told him frankly. "Are you taking me to school."

"Sure I am. Mommy is at work, right?" Derek asked, not knowing for sure.

"Uh huh. I heard her this morning, she gave me a kiss. You too." Anna explained.

"What?" Derek asked.

"I snuck. She came down and gave you a kiss. I went back to bed and played with Sandy. She almost caught me." Anna said as she grabbed the syrup out of the refrigerator. Derek had to smile.

"I think Jane is picking you up from school. I have surgery at eleven." Derek told her as he flipped the pancakes.

"Will you be home before I go to bed?" Anna asked with a hopeful look.

"Of course I will. And we can have pizza." He said with a smile.

"Yay! I love pizza." She said happily as he sat her Plateful of pancakes down in front of her.

---------------

Meredith stood there, next to Dr. Bailey, retracting. She was happy to be in on a surgery. Happy to be distracted from what her life seemed to be at the moment. It was a complete and utter mess. She watched as Miranda worked diligently. She had a feeling. It was her Derek radar going off. She slowly glanced up to the gallery, and there he was. He wasn't watching the surgery. He was watching her.

"So did you two kiss and make up yet?" Miranda said as she glanced up at Meredith.

"Um. What do you mean?" Meredith asked, playing dumb.

"Don't play dumb. I say the battle scar you left on him yesterday." Miranda said with a chuckle. She had to laugh. Such a little woman leaving such a big mark.

"No. We didn't." Meredith admitted.

"You both need to get over it." Miranda said frankly. "I'm sure whatever the fool did, he didn't mean it. He's my boss, and as long you two are doing this, I have to deal with him. And as long as he is making my life hell, I will be making your life hell. So get over it..."

"Easier said than done." Meredith muttered as she looked up, catching his eye. He gave her a slight smile. She returned it, but he couldn't see under her surgical mask.

The surgery had complications and ended up taking much longer than it should have. By the time it was over, it was already time for lunch. She ran down to the cafeteria and grabbed a salad and headed outside. She needed some fresh air and sun. She saw Alex and George sitting at the table. She knew that Izzie and Cristina were both in surgery.

"Hey." Meredith muttered as she sat down. She was secretly grateful that Izzie and Cristina weren't around. She didn't want to talk about anything. She leaned back in her seat and took a bite of her salad.

"So, I hear you and Shepherd are over." Alex spewed with a chuckle. Meredith nearly choked on her salad.

"What?" Meredith said loudly.

"I mean let's face it. You weren't even married a week, and you kicked him out. I'd say that means it's over. I thought you'd at least last a year..." Alex said as he shoved his hamburger in his mouth.

"Derek and I are--- He's staying at the house." She looked over at George.

"Yeah. Shepherd was there last night." George said, backing her up.

"I'm just saying. The nurses are all talking." Alex returned frankly.

"You know what, fuck the nurses. Derek and I will be fine. We are fine. We had a fight and we will be fine." Meredith said as she pushed her salad away.

"That's and awful lot of fine you got there." Alex pointed out.

"Why don't you just shut your damn mouth, Alex. I was happy it was just you two, because I thought you guys, not so much you George. I thought you, would keep your mouth shut. So just shut the hell up." Meredith said as she leaned back. She looked over to see Derek and another doctor looking at her. Apparently she was loud enough to attract some attention.

Meredith quickly stood up and walked away. She had to get away. Somewhere quiet. Somewhere she could think. She walked fast, not hearing the footsteps behind her. She walked down to the basement, deep in thought. She quickly collapsed and let the tears fall onto the gurney. She felt his soft touch on her back.

"Meredith..." He said softly. "Are you alright?"

"No." She said as she sat up. "I am not alright. Are you satisfied? I am not alright. Because I was stupid and didn't burn that damn book. And you were stupid and read it. And now nurses are saying that we are getting divorced. And I just want things to be the way they were, and I don't know how to go back. I just need it to be okay. And it's not. And I'm not sure it will ever be okay. Because you hate me, because I am a whore. And I hate you for invading my privacy, and not giving me a chance to explain. And all I want right now is for you to hold me. And you can't. And I understand that. Because even of you did. You don't want to. So no, I'm not alright." She rambled on quickly, gasping for breath.

"Meredith." He said as he climbed on the bed next to her. "There is nothing I want more than to hold you." He said as he pulled her close. "And I don't think you're a whore. I have never thought that. I was angry, and stupid, but I never thought it in my heart. I could never hate you because I love you too much. And things will never be the way they were. Because I told you on our wedding day; with you, everyday gets better. And I meant that. We hit a bump in the road. Well, I drove us into a wall. But damn-it, I am going to get out of the car and move it. Because this isn't over. And I will fight for you forever." He told her as he wiped her tears away. "I love you." He said as he kissed her head. "And it's okay that you are mad at me. I can take it." She sat there in his arms. As mad as she was at him, when he held her, it all went away.

---------------

Meredith threw her bag onto the floor. She saw Derek's car in the driveway. Not that she wasn't expecting him to be there. He was there for Anna. And after the talk they had today, they were both feeling a little better. Not completely whole. But a whole lot better. Meredith heard Anna giggling. It made her smile. Anna needed Derek. She needed Derek. Meredith slowly walked into the kitchen. Anna, George, Izzie and Derek were all gathered around the table eating pizza and talking.

"Hey guys." Meredith said as she walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a water.

"Hey, Mer." Izzie and George said as they ate their pizza. Derek looked up at her and smiled.

"Mommy!" Anna said happily.

"Hey baby." Meredith said as she walked over and gave Anna a kiss on the head.

"Daddy got that gross pizza for you." Anna pointed to the box.

"Thanks." Meredith said as she walked over to the counter, opening the box. She threw three large pieces of her feta cheese pizza on the plate and sat at the counter.

"You can sit here." Derek said kindly. He started to get up from his seat.

"No, you're fine." Meredith said, waving him back down. She took a big bite and caught Derek looking at her out of the corner of her eye. "What?"

"Nothing." Derek said with a smile. Meredith turned around and continued eating.

Derek spent the evening with Anna working on home work. Meredith was catching up on laundry. They didn't really speak. Meredith wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure how to act. So much had changed. Derek had Anna take a bath and took her to bed. Meredith heard Derek reading her a story as she walked by her room. She had to stand a listen. It made her smile to see Anna so happy. Derek gave Anna a kiss goodnight and flipped her light off. Meredith smiled as he walked into their bedroom and grabbed his blanket and pillow.

"Derek." She said as he walked out. He stopped and looked at her. Her green eyes met his blue. There was a moment. All of their feelings came rushing back. "You don't have to sleep on the sofa."

"I don't?" He asked in shock as he stopped and stared.

"No. I mean. I know that sofa kills your back, and you have surgery in the morning. I would hate for you to hurt tomorrow. And I need Bailey off my ass. So, if you want to sleep in the bed, you can. Only if you want to. You don't have to." She rambled. He chuckled. It was a quality that he loved.

"Only if you-- If it's too soon..." He said uneasily.

"Well, I still have laundry to do. So... I won't be up for awhile. So go ahead." She said as she grabbed her laundry basket and walked out. Derek watched her walk away. He sighed as he peeled his clothes off and laid in the bed. He pulled her pillow close. It was good to be home.

Derek slept for a couple of hours. He rolled over expecting to feel her warm body. Even in his sleep, he was drawn to her. His eye flew open and the emptiness. He looked over at the clock. It was two a.m and she was no where around. He was hoping she hadn't slept on the sofa. He threw the blankets off and headed down the stairs. He was surprised to see a roaring fire in the fireplace, and her standing in front of it.

Derek crept quietly. He didn't want her to notice him. He leaned against the door frame and watched her. She was crouched down on the floor. She methodically tore out a page, one by one and crumpled it up, tossing it in the fire. He watched as the flames took it over. The orange glow, eating away at the edges. He could see the fire reflecting off of the shiny matte surface of her book. The book. He could hear her whimpering. It broke his heart. He slowly walked up and crouched next to her, pulling her close.

"You don't have to do that." He said softly as he kissed her temple.

"I do." She cried. "I should have done it a long time ago."

"Meredith. I am so sorry. I should have never read it. I just-- I thought that it would help he understand you better. I know that sounds foolish, but it's the truth." Derek explained.

"You never let me explain. But, I understand why you wouldn't want to hear it." Meredith said as she continued to crumple up pages.

"I'm ready to listen." Derek said softly. "As much as it hurts, I'm ready. So, please, tell me."

"Derek. l love you. You are the best lover I have ever had. It doesn't matter what the book says. The book was immature. It was my way of getting back at my mom. Putting the most forbidden things in the book. It was my secret revenge. It started as a joke, and it just grew. I had sex with a lot of men. I was in pain. I was in pain for a long time. All those men. It was the first time. I didn't keep updating, Derek." He cringed at the thought. "I'm saying...the first time we had sex, it was in the back of your car, for god's sake. I didn't think it would mean anything. I wasn't ready for it to mean anything. But it did. I fell in love with you. I never thought I would. But I did. I never met for you to see it. I forgot about it. I never met to hurt you. I know I can't undo it, but--- I love you Derek. And you are the best lover I have ever had. And you are the only man I have ever truly loved." She said as she looked into his eyes. "So I am burning it. Because you are the last entry. You are the last man. You are enough for a lifetime." She said as she threw the whole book into the fire.

"I love you, Mer. And I will never stop loving you. As much as it hurt to read it. You are who you are. And I love you. No matter what you've done. I love you. So let's put it behind us. Because I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. The past is the past. The only thing I am concerned about is the future." He said softly. Meredith leaned and kissed him. Their tongues danced softly. It was surprising for both of them, their true feeling were the same as they always had been. She pulled away from him.

"Wait here a second." He said as she jogged upstairs. He quickly came back down. "Here." He said as he handed her the spiral notebook.

"What's this?" She asked as she grabbed it.

"That is everything bad I have ever done. Right down to shaving Mrs. Nelson's prized Himalayan." Derek said with a faint smile.

"Derek. I don't- You don't have to give me this. I don't want it. I don't want to know." She said as she pushed it back to him.

"Meredith, please take it. Please read it. I trust you. I trust you with my life. With my secrets. I trust you more than anyone. Read the book. When your done, do what you want with it. But please, read it. Because I want you to trust me, like I trust you." He said softly. She nodded her head as she sat the book next to her.

"I love you." She whispered into he chest as she laid her head down.

"I love you too." He returned as he smelled her hair. Life is good.

**As Always...Please Review!**


	77. Welcome Home

**Warning...porny :)**

After watching the fire until it turned to embers, Derek carried Meredith to their bed. She laid there with her head on his chest. It was a feeling she had longed for. A feeling of true peace and comfort. Neither of them had to speak. They just knew what each other was thinking and feeling. They both realized how stupid the whole thing was. They both made mistakes, and they knew it. And they couldn't wait for life to go back to the way it was. He laid there and breathed in her flowery scent, so happy to have it back. He listened as her breathing turned shallow and she drifted into a soft sleep. Derek held Meredith all night long. He soon fell into his own peaceful sleep, one he hadn't had in a long time.

Meredith frowned when she opened her eyes and Derek wasn't there. Her frown quickly changed when she realized he was in the bathroom. She could hear the loud rushing water. She silently walked to the bathroom and opened the door. She stood there. She wanted to join him in the shower, but she was afraid it was too soon. Last night she had realized how hurt he really was. She was so angry with her for reading her book, she hadn't realized how bad he felt. She knew that him having sex with her may be uncomfortable for awhile. It had to be. Especially knowing she had been with Drew, and that it wasn't awful. She looked through the shower door. She could see him lathering his body through the translucent door. The soap was slowly running down. She saw him turn and look at her. She quickly turned around.

"Are you going to stand there? Or are you going to join me?" Derek said with a chuckle.

"I. Um. Do you care?" She stammered as she looked at him with a nervous face. She didn't know if she was more worried about awkwardness, or being denied. She felt Derek grab her arm and pull her into the shower with him. She looked into his blue eyes.

"I do think those will be a problem." He said as he pulled her to him. The hot water quickly soaked through her clothes.

"Derek-- If you're not--" She started to say. He quickly pressed his finger against her lips.

"I am always ready for you." He said as he grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Their lips quickly crashed. She felt his tongue thrust into her mouth with haste. She allowed it, and she began tasting him. He tossed the shirt outside of the shower and it hit the floor with a splat.

"You're sure?" She asked as she pulled away.

"Oh yes." He said as he tugged at her shorts. She quickly pushed them down and kicked them aside. His mouth attacked her neck and shoulder. She let out a soft moan. She had missed his touch.

"I missed you..." She muttered softly. He smiled as she looked up at her for a moment. She felt him move down to her breasts, sucking and teasing each one. His mouth moved down her abdomen. He knelt down and quickly tugged at her panties, pulling them off. He gently shoved her against the wall, pressing her back against the cold tile.

"Oh Mer..." He whispered. He easily pushed her up, her knees resting on his shoulders. The hot water trickled down both of their bodies. He looked up into her eyes, and smiled. He softly pressed her legs apart a little farther, and slide his tongue into her warm folds. He could taste her need.

"Oh God Der." She mumbled as she felt him pressing and sliding his tongue in all the right spots. The hot water gliding down and grazing her. His quickened his pace, as he moved in figure of eights. "Der, I'm...oh god...I'm..." She squealed as she felt her self tightening up. Derek tasted the warm rush that soon came. He felt her beginning to tremble.

"God, Mer..." He muttered as he dropped her feet to the floor and moved his mouth to hers. He tasted her sweetness as his lip sucked her bottom one, causing to to swell.

"Come on, Der...Please...I need you..." She said with need in her eyes. His smile grew as he pulled her legs up, and she tightened them around him. She felt him slide himself into her. "Ohhh..." She moaned as she felt him thrust into her hard. Their bodies both crashing into the wall. She tightened her grip on his shoulder. Her nails dug into his flesh as he thrusted once again, even harder. Maybe it was the need. Or the anger. Of the forgiveness, but it all seemed to surface. It all crashed, causing more pleasure than either of them had felt.

"Oh Mer...Oh baby..." He muttered as he could feel her tightening. She pulled her legs apart father, allowing him deeper penetration.

"Hard Der...Harder!" She shouted. He did as she said and pounded into her harder. "Harder." She screamed as she felt herself teeter at the edge, ready to let herself succumb to the pleasure he was creating. "Oh...god...I'm coming..." She muttered as she felt the hot rush run over her. He felt her warmth encompass his large cock. She felt him release with a loud moan. Her feet dropped to the floor, and they both leaned against the wall, attempting to catch their breath.

"You are amazing." Meredith said breathlessly. "Amazing..." Derek smiled, knowing that she was right, because the presentation he just made was undeniably the best either of them had ever had.

------------------

"So you and Dr. Shepherd are okay now..." Izzie said with a smile. Everyone raised their eyebrows.

"What?" Meredith asked as she pulled her scrub top down. She looked at everyone, and rolled her eyes.

"Like we didn't hear... Well, only me, because I was walking to my room. But don't worry, Anna was still sleeping." Izzie said with a tiny giggle.

"Yes, Derek and I are- Well, I think we're actually okay." Meredith said with a smile. They were okay. More than okay. They had good conversation last night, amazing sex this morning. The best of both worlds.

"Good. I was getting tired of attitude. God, he has been a real jerk the last few days." Alex said from around the corner. "That guy is an ass when he's not getting laid!"

"No kidding." Cristina agreed. "We can always tell when McDreamy's getting some bedroom action."

"In this case, it's shower action..." Izzie told them. They all looked at Meredith with smiles.

"Can we not talk about my sex life." Meredith said loudly as she turned away.

"Okay. But it is the only gossip worth spreading in this hospital!" Izzie joked as she threw her hair up in a loose bun and fastened it.

"Yeah, well, it's private." Meredith said frankly. The locker room door opened quickly.

"Okay, people. Rounds!" Miranda Bailey shouted loudly. "Let's go!" They all quickly followed her down the hallway. "I see you and Shepherd kissed and made up." Bailey pointed out. Meredith moaned and rolled her eyes.

"Okay, O'Malley. You present." Dr. Bailey said as she shoved the chart to George. "Um, Mr. Smith is in for a triple bypass..." George went on to explain. Meredith wasn't listening. She was still thinking about the morning.

Dr. Bailey gave the cardio case to George. There was a possible case down in the pit, and Izzie got sent down to check it out. Alex got sent to with with Callie Torres on a ortho case. So Meredith, Cristina and Miranda made their way to the next room. Meredith smiled when she saw Derek standing there talking to his patient. He looked up and met her gaze. Cristina grabbed the chart, but Meredith wasn't listening. She was too entranced in Derek's gaze. She looked over when she heard a faint whine next to her. She looked over and small a small baby, laying there in his stroller.

"My husband went to the car." The patient, Jan, said as she looked over at the baby. "Can you-- Do you mind?" Jan asked as she nodded to the baby.

"Um- I-- Well, yeah." Meredith stammered.

She leaned over and grabbed the baby. She was amazed at the way it felt to hold him. Derek looked at her in amazement. She looked perfect, standing there, holding a baby. The baby immediately quit whimpering and smiled at Meredith. Meredith, forgetting where she was started talking to him. He grabbed her hair in his tiny hand and started tugging. It woke something up in her. The urge to have a child was immense. She couldn't believe how it felt. She wanted a baby with Derek, and she wanted one badly.

She was smiling at him when she heard a someone clearing their throat. She looked up to see Miranda, standing there with raised eyebrows. Meredith didn't realize how long she had been standing there. She looked over and saw the woman's husband. He walked over and gently took the child. She and Derek shared a glance, and the same thought.

"Dr. Grey-Shepherd, do you know why?" Miranda asked. Meredith looked at her with a puzzled look. She hadn't heard what she said.

"What?" Meredith asked. Miranda asked the question again, and Meredith answered correctly.

"It's your case." Miranda said as she handed her the chart and walked out.

"Wow." Meredith muttered to herself.

-------------------

"We are going to approach anteriorly from above by retracting the temporal lobe upwards to expose the petrous portion of the temporal bone. Then we will drill away the petrous bone and expose the vestibular nerve and a tumor growing in it." Derek explained to the OR and the gallery. "Dr. Shepherd." He said, and then paused with a smile. "Can you tell me what the possible hazards are?"

"The internal auditory artery lies in proximity to the complex of vestibulocochlear and facial nerves and can be injured by the manipulations required to dissect and remove the acoustic tumor. Injury to this artery can result in infarction of the cochlear nerve with deafness." She explained as she watched.

"Very good." He said as he worked. She watched intently, but she could feel his stare on her every once in awhile.

"So..." Derek said as he looked across the table at Meredith.

"Yeah..." Meredith returned as she took a deep breath. She knew what he was talking about. He was talking about the same thing that she had been thinking about for the last three hours.

"You're a natural." He said quietly. "You would make a fantastic mother. Not that you aren't with Anna... But a baby, our baby..." He said as he looked at the patient's brain.

"Derek...We've been trying so long." She muttered with disappointment.

"I know." He said, matching her disappointing tone.

"Maybe we should see a fertility specialist..." Meredith suggested quietly.

"Is that what you want?" Derek said as he looked up at her.

"Yeah, I think it is." She returned with a faint smile. "Burying our heads won't solve anything."

"You're right about that." Derek agreed.

"So I think we need to make an appointment. Maybe Addison knows someone..." Meredith offered.

"Addison would know." Derek said.

"We need to make an appointment for you too." Meredith told him. His head shot up, and he had a look of shock on his face.

"What?!" He said quickly.

"Derek. It may not be me. And you just have to make a deposit. I have to have blood tests and whatever the hell else. You just go in a room, choke the chicken and that's it." She said frankly.

"Meredith." He said, looking around. "I think my guys are just fine. I don't need to be tested. I am fine. We are fine. Things are good on this end." Derek said forcefully.

"You're awfully sure..." Meredith said, not believing him.

"Yes. I am positive." He said confidently.

"So where are all of these illegitimate children of yours?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

"What? What illegitimate children?" He said as his eyes darted around the room.

"Exactly. You have no children. You have no way of knowing. Maybe you're shooting blanks." Meredith said with a shrug. She knew she was irritating him.

"I am not shooting blanks!" He said just a little too loudly. "I'm not. And I am not getting tested, because I am fine."

"Thank you, Derek. It's nice to know that we both want the same thing. And what's more, you are willing to do _anything_ for it." She snapped. She wasn't mad, just disappointed.

"Meredith..." Derek said softly.

"No, Derek. It's fine." She said honestly. "No one should have to do something they don't want to..." She said as she looked down, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to pour out.

Nothing more had been said about a fertility specialist. Meredith didn't want to make things worse. They were still recovering from the battle of the century. She just wanted to try and be happy for awhile. She had talked to Addison, and she made an appointment with a top notch fertility specialist. It was going to be a few weeks even with Addison's recommendation. Meredith figured she would see what happened before she brought it up to Derek.

-------------------

Meredith and Derek watched as the mover loaded the last box in their van. There it was, all of their belongings. It was a big day. An important day. Their lived were going to change. They were finally moving into their home. Their first real home as a family. Anna quickly ran up and looked out the window.

"Today is the day." Derek said as he pulled Meredith against him.

"Yes it is." Meredith said as she looked around the house. "I'm going to---" She said as she walked away. Derek looked at her and smiled. He knew how she was feeling.

The house was full of memories. Some good, some bad. She grew up here. This was her home for most of her childhood. But that wasn't what she would miss. She would miss the memories that she had made with George, Izzie, Derek and Anna. Meredith slowly walked upstairs and looked at her empty room. And the bathroom. She was going to miss that bathtub. This wasn't the end. She could come to the house anytime she wanted. She walked back down the stairs. She knew in her heart that this wasn't the end. It was the beginning.

"I'm ready." Meredith said as she opened the front door for the two of them.

"Let's go home." Derek said as he put his hand on the small of her back and walked her to the car.

The ride seemed slow. Maybe it was the anticipation. Neither she nor Anna had seen the house. And Anna had never been to the property. She felt Derek grab her hand and squeeze. She smile softly as she watched out the passenger window.

"We're here." Meredith said as Derek pulled down the long winding driveway.

"This?" Anna said as she looked out the window only seeing trees. Derek laughed at the disappointment in her voice.

"No..." Derek said after a few minutes. "There..." He said as he pointed to the house.

"Oh my god, Derek!" Meredith said in shock. The house was perfect.

"Wow, Daddy." Anna said as she looked out the window.

It was everything they wanted. Meredith looked at the large porch. It had rocking chairs and hanging baskets. Derek was so good at this. He had a way of making sure everything was just perfect. As soon as the car stopped, Anna jumped right out and looked around.

"It's like a forest." Anna said as she looked around. "And we even have an ocean!"

"That's not an ocean, honey." Derek said with a smile.

"It's big." She said as she ran to the water. Meredith chased after her.

"Anna! Be careful. And never ever got out her by yourself. Ever." Meredith reiterated firmly.

"Okay, Mommy." Anna said sweetly as she looked at the water.

"Why don't we go see the house." She said as she led her away. Meredith watched as the mover moved the remainder of their things into the house. Derek smiled as she neared and they walked in together.

It was large. Much larger than it looked from the outside. It was just what they had planned. Meredith looked up at the cathedral ceiling in the great room. The large windows let the sun in, lighting up the whole house. The fireplace was perfect. The timber framing fit in perfectly with the atmosphere. All of the furniture fit like a glove. It was a perfect place to raise a family. And Meredith couldn't wait. She watched as Anna began running from room to room. Derek looked over at Meredith and smiled.

"It's perfect." Meredith said as she looked around and then looked into his eyes.

"Welcome home." Derek said as he placed a kiss on her head. "Welcome home..."

**Okay, so they are home. And Derek isn't wanting to get any tests done. He's a man! All will work out, don't worry. And if you want to see pics of the house, check out the other site...**


	78. Unexpected Visitor

Anna played outside in the yard most of the day. Meredith felt comfortable with her playing alone, as long as she could see her out the window. Her only fear was the water. Anna seemed to have a fascination with it. Derek had taken her on a ferry boat ride awhile back, and she had stood on the rail, looking over. She wasn't afraid of the water at all, and that worried both Meredith and Derek. When it came time for bed, she fell right asleep from exhaustion. Meredith and Derek were half expecting her to show up in their room afraid. It never happened.

Meredith spent most of the night moving things into just the right place. Derek did do pretty well with the planning, which was a huge relief. She would have died if she came into a poorly decorated house, and wouldn't have been able to say anything because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. She had her suspicions that he had hired an interior decorator, but she wasn't going to say anything. Finally around one a.m., she made it to their bed, happy to be home.

Meredith rolled over in the empty bed. She squinted hers eyes. The sun poured in through the windows. She was definitely going to have to do something about that. She laid there, happy to be home. Home in their house. The house that they built together. She rolled over and covered her head. Then she heard the voices. Anna and Derek were awake. Most likely cooking breakfast. She decided to roll herself out of bed and check things out. It wasn't often that they got to spend time together.

She slowly walked down the stairs. She liked her new stairs, they weren't as steep as in the old house. She felt the cold wood on her bare feet. It was a warm morning, and it felt good. She rounded the corner and made her way into the kitchen. Her eyes got wide as she walked in.

"Good morning!" Addison said as she looked at Meredith.

Meredith was in shock. Not only was Addison there, but so was everyone else. Stan, Izzie, George, Alex, and Cristina. Derek gave Meredith an apologetic look. There she stood in her plaid pajama pants and a tee shirt. Her hair was a complete mess and she hadn't even brushed her teeth.

"Good morning, everyone." She said as she looked around. _What to do? What to do? Leave them all, or stand here looking like an idiot._

"Wow. You look rough." Cristina said with a chuckle.

"That's how Grey always looks in the morning." Alex pointed out.

"We thought we'd stop and see the new house." George said happily. He could tell she was embarrassed. It was his feeble attempt at fixing the situation.

"All of you? At random?" Meredith asked as she looked around.

"Well, not really. We all talked about it at the hospital yesterday. And then Derek said something about breakfast." Izzie explained. "I brought your favorite...chocolate chip muffins." She said as she handed the basket to her. "They're fresh. I baked them this morning." Meredith leaned down at took a whiff. Generally that smell was wonderful. Not today. She quickly wheeled around and ran to the bathroom. Izzie looked slightly offended as she grabbed placed the basket on the counter top.

"It's not the muffins, Izzie. It's the stress." Derek said as he walked out of the room. "I forgot to tell her that you guys were coming. And she was sleeping so deep this morning...I'll be right back. Anna, you stir." Anna quickly climbed up on her stool and began stirring. She looked happy to have a job, and responsibility.

"Maybe we should go..." George said as he looked around.

Meredith sat on the floor. She couldn't believe it. Derek had obviously known they were coming. She felt like she had been sabotaged. And now she had embarrassed herself further by running out. They are all her friends, why should she care? She could hear him walking towards the bathroom. She watched at the doorknob turned. She heard the heavy wooden door open. Derek looked down at her.

"Mer, I'm sorry. I completely forgot. You were outside with Anna when they called. And then I fell asleep. And I remembered when I heard a car door close this morning. I had to throw clothes on and rush down here. I didn't have time to get you up." Derek said as he rubbed her back.

"It's okay." She said as she stood up and turned the water on in the sink. She splashed her face and rinsed her mouth. "I'm going to run upstairs and change clothes. I'll be down in a few minutes." She said as she exited the bathroom and slinked down along the wall.

"Mer will be out in a minute." Derek said as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Should we go?" Stan asked quickly.

"No. She's fine." Derek said as he walked to the refrigerator. "I hope you're all hungry." He said as he pulled out bacon, eggs, sausage, potatoes and every other breakfast ingredient.

They all made small talk while Derek prepared the food. Izzie and Addison joined in and threw on aprons. Meredith rushed around, making beds. She knew that everyone would want a tour of their new home. She walked back into the kitchen looking more presentable.

"Hey guys. Sorry for earlier." She said as she walked up and looked at them all.

"No big deal." George said as he walked up and patted her on the back.

"Do you need any help?" Meredith asked as she watched them cooking.

"No!" Everyone shouted as they looked at her. Meredith stepped back.

"Mommy, you're not very good at this." Anna said sympathetically. "Sorry." Everyone chuckled.

"It's true." Meredith said with a shrug.

They all sat around their generous sized kitchen table. The view was spectacular. There were windows on all three side, showing a nice view of the property. Everyone sat around, making small talk. After they ate, they all brought in house warming gifts. Izzie and George gave them a huge flower basket they was in an antique wash basin. It looked perfect on the front porch. Alex just gave them a hug. Meredith laughed. She knew Alex was only there for the free breakfast, and that was fine. Cristina gave them a bottle of scotch and tequila, respectively, causing everyone to chuckle. She said they would need it. Addison and Stan gave them a huge throw that had a picture of Meredith, Anna and Derek, that they had taken at the park, on it. Everyone toured the house, and was impressed. Even if the morning had started rough, in the end, Meredith was glad they all came.

"Having company is tiring..." Meredith moaned as she laid back on the sofa.

"No kidding." Derek said as he joined her.

"Can I play in my room?" Anna asked as she came from watching everyone leave through the window.

"Of course you can. It's your room." Derek said with a smile. She happily bounced up the stairs and disappeared. "So you're happy with the house?" Derek asked as he stroked her hair.

"Of course I am. But I'm even more happy that we are all in it, together." She said with a smile as she looked up at him.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Derek said as he sat up. "Come on..." He said as he grabbed her arm.

"What?" She said with a smile on her face.

"I have a surprise." He said as he pulled her along. "Close your eyes." He told her as they stood in front of the garage door. She did, but a smile crept up. She heard the door click. "Okay." Derek said. She quickly opened them. There sat the jeep.

"Oh my god, Derek." She said as she walked into the garage and looked at it.

"I know how I felt about my first car. When I smashed it, it killed me. I was going to get rid of the jeep, but I couldn't. So I took it to the body shop. They re-painted it, fixed the interior, and it was detailed. It was completely tuned up. It's safe, sound and clean." He said with a smile.

"Thank you, Derek." She said as she gave him a kiss. "And I will still drive the BMW."

"I figured we have the extra space. We might as well keep it around. Maybe Anna can drive it." He said with a chuckle.

"In ten years." Meredith added.

"Of course. Wow, that's scary." He muttered.

"No kidding." Meredith agreed as she thought about Anna's first driving experience. "Thank you. Not only for saving Billie, but for knowing how much it meant to me."

"I love you, Mer." He said as he pulled her into a soft kiss.

---------------

"Finally my nephew finds the time to see his aunt." Evelyn Shepherd says as Drew walks up to the table in their favorite restaurant. She looked around at the familiar restaurant with it's white linen table cloths.

"I know, Aunt Evelyn. I've been really busy." He said apologetically as she have him a hug.

"Well, at least you came." She said with a smile. She grabbed her glass of wine and took a sip. "So has has work been treating you?"

"Good. I swear this is rhinoplasty season. I have been doing them non stop!" Drew said as he grabbed his wine. "It comes in seasons. Boob jobs in the spring..."

"Drew, you are terrible!" Evelyn said as she shook her head. She quickly looked at the menu. She knew it by heart.

"So how is Kathleen?" Drew asked as he studied his own menu.

"Busy. You know how she is. Nancy has been really busy with babies. Diana had a really important case last week. A senator, I think. And of course Gina has been on maternity leave." Evelyn said happily. "And Derek. I have not talked to him in I don't know how long. It's actually gotten ridiculous. I have tried calling him a number of times, always voicemail." Evelyn complained. The waitress came and took their orders. "Have you talked to my son?" She asked. She studied his face. She could read him better than any of her children.

"Um-- Well-- He's been, um, busy." Drew said as he looked off into the distance, avoiding eye contact.

"Andrew, what do you know?" Evelyn asked as she stared at him. "Look at me." He quickly did.

"Nothing..." Drew said guiltily. She was the human lie detector.

"Andrew Finnius Monahan! Don't you lie to me. You tell me what you know, and you tell me now!" She said as she glared at him. When she used his middle name, she meant business. That was his weakness, he couldn't lie to her. None of the kids could. "I mean it!"

"Um. Well, he kind of has temporary custody of a child." He cringed. "He and Meredith. Oh, and they got married." He said as he scrunched his face.

"WHAT?" She shouted loudly, spiting out her wine. Everyone to look at their table. "My son got married? Derek got married. He didn't tell me? When?"

"Last week." He said quickly, and painfully.

"I hope you are kidding..." She said as she studied his face. "You're not! How do you know this?"

"I was there." Drew said almost inaudibly. He was praying that he would evanesce.

"And you didn't tell me. Oh my god." She said in a fluster. She quickly opened her cell phone. "Nancy, it's mom. You will never guess what that brother of yours did." Evelyn said as she stood up and started to walk out.

"I take it you're not staying for dinner?" Drew asked loudly. Everyone looked at them.

"No. And I am not done with you, Andrew Finnius!" She spat as she walked out. He dropped his head. He may not be a child anymore, but she had a way of making him feel like she was. She was a force to be reckoned with, and he was in trouble.

------------------

Meredith, Derek and Anna were settling into their new house quite well. They were all completely content. Their own little family. Anna loved to play outside in the yard. She was always begging them to go on nature walks where she would collect a bunch of rubbish. Derek was perfectly happy to sit and fish. And Anna was beginning to enjoy it too. Derek and Anna were out fishing when a car slowly pulled up the drive. Derek was surprised at who it was.

"The house is gorgeous." Richard said as he climbed out of the car.

"Thanks." Derek returned. "Do you need something?" Ellis slowly opened the door and walked up.

"Are we not allowed to visit our family?" Ellis asked as she looked him in the eyes.

"Of course. You guys are just so busy." Derek said, trying to cover up his surprise. Meredith's eyes got wide as she looked to the large window to see her mother standing there. She quickly walked out, ready for a battle.

"Mother, Richard." Meredith said as she walked up.

"Meredith..." They both said.

"How are you?" Richard asked as he gave her a hug.

"Good." She replied. Anna quickly walked up to Meredith and hid behind her. She was afraid of Ellis.

"The house is magnificent!" Richard said as he looked over.

"We'll have to give you a tour." Derek said. "After I change, of course. Mer doesn't like fishy clothes in her house." They all laugh.

"So why are you here?" Meredith asked frankly.

"Well, we wanted to see the house. But we were also wondering if Anna could go to the zoo with us." Richard suggested. Meredith watched her face light up.

"You guys? The zoo? I don't know---" Meredith said. She didn't want to expose Anna to her mother's negativity.

"Please, mommy?" Anna asked with pleading eyes. "I want to go with Mr. Richard." Meredith looked over at Derek who gave her a look of approval.

"You want to go?" Meredith asked her. She nodded. "I don't know..."

"Meredith. The child will be fine." Ellis spat as she glared at her daughter.

"We will take care of her." Richard said reassuringly.

"Fine. If you want to go, you can. But you need to change." Meredith said. Anna nodded and quickly ran in the house. "She needs to be back before dinner at four." Meredith warned them. Anna rushed back, and before Meredith knew it, they were driving away. She watched as Richard's car slowly drove off down the winding driveway.

"I think I just fed our daughter to the lion." Meredith said with a frown.

"Don't worry. She will be fine. Richard will protect her." Derek said, they both laughed. Meredith felt sick. She wasn't happy about Anna being with Ellis.

Richard, Anna and Ellis all had a good time. They bought her everything she wanted. And she really enjoyed seeing all of the animals. Ellis was different around Richard and Anna. She wasn't afraid to be human. At first, Anna was afraid of her, but she soon came out of her shell when Ellis did. Ellis spent the day telling her stories about Meredith. Anna ate it up like candy. Now she had ammo. She was really disappointed when it was time to go home, but she missed Meredith and Derek.

----------------

"Anna, pick up your toys." Meredith shouted up the stairs. "They are all over the yard!"

"I'm coming..." Anna moaned as she trudged down the stairs. She was tired from her day at the zoo.

"You can't leave a mess like that." Meredith harped as she pointed outside. "Pick up your toys, and if you want I will play a game with you before dinner."

"Okay!" Anna exclaimed exuberantly as she run outside.

"Yum, lasagna." Meredith said as she snuck behinds Derek and wrapped her arms around him. She laid her face against his back. He quickly turned around and faced her. "I love your lasagna."

"I know you do." He said as he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She felt his tongue slide in. His hands quickly ran up her tee shirt. He ran his hands against her soft flesh. She pulled away.

"We shouldn't start something we can't finish." She said with disappointment. His face dropped.

"And why exactly did we not take advantage of this when Anna was at the zoo?" He asked with a frown.

"Um. Well, I took a nap." Meredith said apologetically.

"Oh yes. You slept. I think you would have liked sex better." He said as he pulled her close.

"Now I am definitely regretting my decision." She said with a squeal as he attacked her neck with kisses.

"Eww..." Anna shouted as she ran into the kitchen. Meredith shook her head. "I picked up my toys. Can we play now?" Anna asked.

"You go get something out, I'll be up in a minute." Meredith told her. She heard he footsteps disappear up the stairs.

"Very smart, Dr. Shepherd." He said as he put his hand on the small of her back.

"I am getting some water. Then I am going upstairs! You are a dirty man." She said with a laugh.

"You love it..." Derek said as he watched her drink her water. She quickly walked through the living room. Her eyes got wide when she looked out.

"Um, Der." She said with worry.

"What babe?" He shouted.

"I think that some of your one night stands have come back to haunt you." She said as she pointed to the door. "And it looks like one may be carrying one of your illegitimate children." She said quickly.

"What?" He said in shock. "I don't have any children.

"Either that, or you pissed of the PTA. Either way, have fun." She said with an evil laugh as she jogged up the stairs. Derek quickly walked to the door. His face dropped when he looked out. He begrudgingly opened it.

"Kathleen, Nancy, Diana, Gina." He said as he looked at his sisters. They all had sour faces. They quickly parted and Evelyn walked up. "Mother..." He muttered

"Derek Michael Shepherd!" Evelyn started. _Oh shit..._

_**Mama Shepherd is in town...oh no!**_


	79. Company

Derek was afraid to move. His mom was mad. Really mad. He didn't want to speak. He was hoping a hole would open in the floor an he could crawl in it. And now he had put Meredith in a horrible position. She was going to be essentially standing in front of the firing squad, and all five Shepherd women were standing there, holding their guns.

"What the hell is going on?" Evelyn asked as she glared at him. Nancy, his closest sister mouthed "I'm sorry." with a frown.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, trying to play dumb. His mother could see right through it, and he knew it. He even tried his signature head cock and smile.

"Please explain to me, why I had to find out from you cousin Drew that not only have you adopted a child, but you have also gotten married!" She said loudly. Damn Drew. Derek made a mental note to kill his cousin the next time he saw him.

"Oh that..." Derek joked. Evelyn didn't seem too amused. She quickly walked over and started swatting him "Ow mom! Stop!" She continued hitting him harder with her purse. He quickly backed away. "I have to check the lasagna." He said as he walked into the kitchen, being followed by the mob.

"So-" Evelyn said as she stared him down.

"I didn't get married. He was lying. Actually. I have to go. I think my--" He looked down and grabbed his pager. "Yep. Pager's going off." He said as he sat the lasagna on the counter. "Hospital. Gotta go. It was nice talking to you again." He stated as he started to walk towards the door.

"Derek Michael!" Evelyn shouted as he walked. "If you don't turn around, the hospital will never see you. Again!" He turned on his heel and looked at her.

"Drew doesn't lie. Not to me." Evelyn stated. "And he was there."

"Well... Um- Yes, I did- Get married." He said softly. He looked at her. She was burning a hole through him.

"It's not Holly, is it?" She asked. She was so shocked by the fact that her son had gotten married, she hadn't even paid attention of the name Drew had said. "I swear son, if you married that tart--"

"No, mom. To the most amazing woman in the world. And Anna, she is wonderful. We have temporary custody. We are hoping to get permanent eventually." Derek said with a smile. "So, it's not Holly. It's--" He started as they heard running and yelling towards them.

--------------------

Meredith paid no attention to the women. She figured it was someone trying to sell some thing. Or possibly a church group. Either way, she was relieved that he was going to deal with it, and she was going to play with her daughter. She smiled as she neared Anna's room. It quickly turned to a frown when she got to the door. There Anna stood in front of her mirror. She had on a neon pink wig and funky clothes.

"Anna. What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she stepped into Anna's room. Anna was running her fingers through the wig.

"I'm playing dress up, mommy." Anna said frankly as she turned around.

"That's an interesting outfit you've chosen." Meredith said with wide eyes. She couldn't believe what she was wearing.

"I'm dressing like you, mommy!" Anna said as she ran over to her make-up table. She had the ammo.

"What? Mommy doesn't dress like that..." Meredith said with a chuckle. She shook her head.

"Yes you do." Anna argued as she walked over to her with something in her hand. "See." Anna said with a giggle as she held out a picture. Meredith grabbed it and gasped.

"Where did you get this?" She asked in shock. It was her, in her 80's best, pink hair and all. Not a picture she would want anyone to see.

"Grandma Ellis." Anna said as she snatched it back. "She told me to guard it with my life. I asked her what that meant, and she said keep it from you." She said as she held it behind her back.

"Anna, please give that to me." Meredith said as she held out her hand. Anna looked at her hand and shook her head.

"No. I wanna keep it!" Anna said as she backed away.

"Anna, please give it to mommy." Meredith pleaded as she walked towards her.

"No!" Anna shouted with a giggle. She quickly started to move away.

"Anna Elizabeth, I am going to get you!" Meredith shouted as she chased her.

"No you won't! Daddy will protect me!" Anna shouted as they both ran down the stairs.

"Anna! I am warning you. Give that to me!" Meredith shouted as her stocking feet slid around the corner, chasing her into the kitchen.

"Daddy, Daddy! Save me." She screamed as she ran up to Derek. He quickly pulled Anna close. Meredith stood there wide eyed.

"Anna. What are you wearing?" Derek asked with a chuckle as he looked down at her. Evelyn and his sisters looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"I look like mommy. See." Anna said as she handed the picture over to him. Derek immediately began laughing hysterically. Everyone looked at him as he gasped for breath. Meredith looked over at Evelyn.

"Evelyn." Meredith said as she looked at her.

"Meredith?" Evelyn asked in shock. "You're-- Derek married-- Oh my gosh!" She said with surprise

"Yes, mother, this is Meredith. My beautiful, intelligent, spectacular wife." Derek said as he pulled her close and kissed her head. "And this gorgeous lady, is Anna, our daughter." Anna quickly hid behind Meredith. "Anna, this is my mom." Derek said as he coaxed her out.

"Very nice to meet you, Anna." Evelyn said as she bent down in front of her.

"You too." Anna said meekly.

"And these are my sisters, Nancy, Diana, Kathleen, and Gina." Derek said, they all took turns saying hello to both Anna and Meredith. Meredith looked at Gina's huge baby bump. A small part of her was jealous, but she quickly forced it out of her head.

"So, Meredith. This is--" Evelyn said. "How have you been? How look great."

"I've been wonderful." Meredith said with a smile.

"Girls, this is Meredith. _The_ Meredith." She said said with a smile.

"The one that slept with--" Nancy started. She quickly stopped and realized what she was saying. Meredith felt an inch tall.

"I really don't think we need to bring that up." Derek said politely. "So why exactly are you here?"

"You're kidding, right?" Kathleen joked.

"God, the minute Drew spilled it, mom was on the phone getting plane tickets." Gina said with a laugh.

"My only son, got married and I wasn't even there." Evelyn said sadly. "How could you do that? Disappointed doesn't even come close to explaining how I feel."

"Well, it's not like it was the first time that I've gotten married." Derek said, hoping to change her feelings.

"Well, we all knew it wouldn't last with you and Addison." Kathleen said frankly.

"I think you could have told me that before the fact." Derek said with disappointment.

"You needed to figure that out on your own, brother." Nancy said as she patted his back. "So, Meredith, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a surgical resident." Meredith said with a faint smile. All of their faced lit up. Another doctor.

"Oh really?" Kathleen said. Anna started bouncing around like crazy. She was being foolish.

"Anna..." Meredith said as she gave her the look.

"Sorry mommy." Anna said as she pulled the wig off and stood still.

"So have you chosen your specialty?" Gina asked as she rubbed her stomach.

"No yet. Not for sure." Meredith explained. Derek looked at her with a little shock. He was sure she was doing neuro.

"So where did you get married?" Kathleen asked as she looked back and forth between the two of them.

"The Caribbean." Derek replied as he grabbed Meredith's hand and squeezed.

"Drew was there?" Nancy asked. Derek and Meredith stood there solidly.

"Yep. Uncle Drew, and Cristina and me and Jane." Anna said quickly.

"Cristina?" Evelyn asked as she looked at Derek.

"Meredith's person. Her best friend." Derek responded.

"And Jane?" Evelyn asked with crossed arms.

"Jane is Anna's nanny." Meredith said softly.

"So, I am the only one that wasn't there?" Evelyn asked. "A nanny, a cousin and a friend... No mom. No woman who shoved you out of her. I was in labor for eighteen hours, son. It was hell. It was horrible. I felt like my insides were being ripped out of me. And then you walk down the aisle without me there..."

"Mom. It was-- That is how we wanted it. I'm sorry." Derek said honestly.

"What's done is done, I guess. Please at least tell me there are pictures." Evelyn said with hope.

"And video." Derek said. He watched her face soften.

"Good." Evelyn said a little more happily.

"So where are you staying?" Derek asked.

"Well, we were hoping to stay here." Evelyn suggested. Derek and Meredith looked at each other. No words were exchanged. They didn't need to be.

"Of course." They both said, forcing grins through their teeth. "We'd love to have you..."

-----------------

Meredith wanted to hurt Derek. She wanted to hurt him bad. Now she was stuck in a house with his whole family. A family she knew nothing about. A family that knew about her past with Drew. A family who she was sure was judging her. A mother that she had been totally frank with. She never thought she'd see the woman again, and here she is, in her kitchen. In other words, she had a mess.

"Please let me help, dear." Evelyn said as she walked up and grabbed the celery. Meredith had a mess spread across the counter.

"I can do it. You sit down and relax." Meredith said as she kept chopping. She was tense, and started chopping a little more quickly. She knew she was being watched intently.

"Mom, let her do it. It's the only thing she can do." Derek said with a chuckle. Meredith glared at him.

"Derek, please don't forget I am holding a knife." Meredith said as she raised it up. He ducked and pretended to be scared.

"So you're not a cook?" Evelyn asked as she looked at Meredith.

"No." Meredith said with embarrassment. "It's true, I can not cook. My mother didn't have time to teach me. And I was so busy with school. I never learned." She tried to explain.

"Well, I will have to teach you." Evelyn said happily.

"I think she's a lost cause, mom. I swear she burned water last week trying to make macaroni and cheese!" He said with a laugh as he pulled the garlic bread out of the oven.

"I did not!" She shouted. "I am very good with mac and cheese. The box kind, of course." She clarified. Evelyn laughed.

"Well, you have other talents. Anna is the pudding, she is a total sweetheart." Evelyn complimented.

"Thank you. We really love her." Meredith answered as she tossed the salad and threw the forks in the bowl.

"You all seem so happy." Evelyn said as she began searching for silver wear and dishes.

"So you're satisfied?" Derek asked with a chuckle. He was secretly hoping that she would be leaving soon. He knew that Meredith was stressed out, and they had only been there for a few hours.

"Yes. But I am still mad that you didn't tell me yourself." Evelyn scorned. "Nothing against you, dear." She said to Meredith. Meredith nodded her head and smiled

"It's done." Derek said as he pulled out the pan of lasagna and placed it on the counter. "Where is everyone?" Derek asked.

"Gina in resting. And the others are out in the yard with Anna. I'll get them." Evelyn offered as she walked out of the room.

"I'm going to kill you." Meredith growled into Derek's ear.

"I'm sorry." He whispered back. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Um...not answer the door!" She said nastily. "Just so you know...no sex. There will be no sex!" She told him as she started taking food to the table.

"What?" He said in shock. "That's not right." He whined as he helped her.

"Well, too damn bad." She returned as she watched Anna, Evelyn and Derek's sisters all walk in. "I hope you're hungry." Meredith said as they all sat down. "Derek makes the best lasagna."

"It's grandma's recipe." Derek said as she sat down next to Meredith.

"We'll see if it tastes like hers. Grandma's was the best. Sorry, mom." Gina said with a nod. She took a hot steaming bite. "Wow Derek, it's great." She said with a smile.

"It is." The others all agreed. They happily dug into their food and ate in silence for awhile.

"So, Meredith. Where did you grow up?" Kathleen asked. Meredith finished chewing her bite of food.

"Seattle." She answered quickly.

"So what university did you got to? Washington State?" Diana asked. Meredith studied her. She looked a lot like Derek, but her blue eyes were light.

"Oxford." Meredith stated simply. She hated this. She hated being at the center of attention.

"Oxford? As in England?" Gina asked. She didn't look like Derek. She had lighter straight hair, and green eyes.

"Meredith lived there for ten years." Derek explained as he passed the salad bowl to Evelyn.

"Why on earth would you go there?" Nancy asked with a smile.

"Well, I lived there with my husband." Meredith said with a wince. She knew it would come out eventually. Why not get it out in the open?

"But you and daddy just got married." Anna piped in with confusion. All of the women looked at Meredith.

"Mommy was married before. To another man." Derek explained to Anna.

"She was?" Anna said with a frown. Derek shook his head yes.

"Oh." Evelyn said, nodding her head. "I didn't know."

"Well how long were you married?" Nancy asked as she took a bite of salad.

"Nanc!" Derek snapped. He looked over at Meredith who was wiggling nervously.

"It's okay, Derek. Um, ten years. I married him when I was eighteen. I was young and naive. It just didn't work out." Meredith explained with a shrug. They all nodded there heads in understanding.

"So do your parents live in Seattle?" Evelyn asked with a smile.

"My mom and her husband do." Meredith explained as she took another bite.

"Oh that's nice. It's nice to have your family close." Evelyn told her.

"Not in this case. Her mother is Ellis Grey." Derek said softly. Meredith glared at him. She didn't want to take about her mother. And she really didn't want Derek saying anything in front of Anna.

"Oh." Nancy said with a sour face. The others agreed with her, except Kathleen and Evelyn, who didn't know who she was.

"What?" Evelyn asked with a puzzled face.

"Ellis Grey. The famous surgeon. She's cold. And I mean cold." Gina stated. "I worked with her once."

"She is very dedicated to excellence." Nancy said, trying to sugarcoat her.

"And that's it." Derek muttered.

"So you were raised by a lioness?" Evelyn said with a laugh.

"Basically." Meredith said with a chuckle. They all joined her.

"Well, you did good for yourself. You are a wonderful mother." She said as she acknowledged Anna. "Which brings me to my next question...when are you going to give me more grandchildren?" She said with a smile.

"Well-" Derek started. Meredith looked scared to death.

"Parmesan cheese. I knew we were missing something!" Meredith said as she jumped up from the table. Derek gave his mother a look. She looked back at him with confusion.

She had to get out of that room. The walls were closing on on her, and she was finding it harder and harder to breath. She was sick. She couldn't talk about that right now. As if it weren't weighing on her mind every minute of every day. She quickly rushed into the kitchen, rested her hands on the countertop, and dropped her head. She couldn't breath. No matter how hard she tried, the air wouldn't fill her lungs. She felt Derek walk up from behind. She felt his hand rub her back.

"Not right now. I can't do that right now." She said softly, as she tried to breath. She didn't turn around.

"I know." He said quietly. "Breathe..." He whispered. He turned her around and pulled her close. She sighed as she laid her head against him.

"I can't right now." She moaned. "Not now. I can't go back in there."

"Why don't you go upstairs and lay down for awhile?" He suggested as he looked down at her.

"I can't just disappear." She said with a huff.

"Sure you can." He said with a smile.

"Are you sure?" She asked with relief.

"I can deal with them." He said with a chuckle. He rubbed her shoulder and she slowly walked away. He knew how hard this was on her. He walked back into the kitchen.

"Is Meredith okay?" Gina asked with a worried look.

"Um." Derek said as he looked over at Anna. Gina nodded, understanding that he didn't want to talk about it in front of her. "She's just tired."

"Oh." Kathleen said. Anna pushed at her food around on the plate.

"Daddy. Can I go check on mommy?" Anna asked as she pushed her plate away.

"Of course you can." Derek said. She quickly stood up, carried her plate into the kitchen and disappeared.

"So?" Nancy asked with haste. "What's going on?"

"Why did Meredith get upset? Don't tell me she doesn't want children." Evelyn said quickly.

"Mother, obviously she wants children. She has Anna." Kathleen said quickly. They all turned and looked at Derek. He sighed. Here it goes.

"We're having some trouble conceiving." He said quietly. He knew Meredith was going to kill him for saying anything. But he had to. This was how it was in his family. They had to know everything.

"Oh." Kathleen said sadly.

"I wish I had know. I never would have said anything." Evelyn said remorsefully. "Poor baby."

"Well have you seen a specialist yet?" Nancy asked.

"No, not yet. We've been busy and things have been crazy. But we've talked about it." Derek explained.

"Well, you can't fix something until you know what the problem is." Nancy scorned.

"She's right, Derek." Gina agreed.

"That is really hard on a person." Kathleen said. That annoyed him. She was always doing that. Being a shrink. Trying to get into everyone's heads.

"Don't you think I know that?" Derek snapped. They all looked at him with shock. He never snapped. Not at them.

"Derek!" Evelyn warned with a glare.

"I'm sorry, mom." Derek apologized.

"It's been hard on you too..." Kathleen said with a frown.

"Yeah, it has." Derek said as he dropped his head. They were okay. They had been doing okay. And then something like this happens, and sends them back into a whirlwind.

-------------------

Meredith took a long hot bath when she went upstairs. She had no idea why, but her body was sore. She figured it was probably the mental stress more than anything. She sighed as she laid her head on the pillow and closed her eyes. She quickly fell asleep. Sound asleep. She must have been more exhausted than she thought. Before long, she was snoring louder than ever. She never even woke up when Anna cuddled up next to her.

Derek spent some time talking and visiting with his sisters and mom. They all understood that Meredith was upset, and didn't plan on seeing her for the rest of the night. After talking and watching some t.v. they all decided to turn in for the night. Derek showed them their rooms and made his way to his own. He smiled when he saw Anna, laying next to Meredith. He gently picked her up and carried her to her room.

"Goodnight daddy." She said as he started to walk out. He turned around, seeing her brown eyes looking at him. She slowly shut them and pulled her stuffed horse close.

"Nite baby." Derek said as he slowly shut the door. Derek walked into their room and stripped down to his boxers. He slowly crawled under the covers and pulled Meredith close.

"Hey." Meredith said as she opened her eyes and looked into his.

"Hey. You were tired." He said as he kissed her forehead.

"Yeah. I was... Did you get them into their rooms?" Meredith asked softly.

"I can handle things. I'm not helpless." He muttered.

"And your family thinks I'm a total freak, right?" She asked with worry.

"No. They definitely don't think that." He reassured her. "So how are you feeling?"

"I'm good. I'm okay." She told him. She put her hand behind his head and pressed her lips against his. She moaned as she tasted him. She pulled away. "I love you." She told him.

"I love you too." He said as he leaned in and kissed her again. She parted her lips and his tongue gently slid in. He listened to her moan as he rolled over onto her. She could feel his erection pressing against her leg. His mouth trailed down to her neck.

"Derek--" She mumbled, as he moved down to her chest. His fingers nimbly grabbed the hem of her shirt. His mouth moved down to her slightly bloated abdomen. He placed gentle kisses on her. His hands moved to her pants and began to pull them down. "Derek! Stop!" She said quickly. His head shot up and he looked at her.

"What?" He asked as he cocked his head.

"No sex." She muttered with disappointment. She wanted it as badly as he did.

"This isn't sex." He said with and evil grin. He quickly placed his tongue inside of her. She moaned as she laid her head back. She didn't have the self control to stop him and he knew it. She grabbed the bed sheets as his tongue swirled around.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she felt the heat taking her over. Derek felt her start to throb. She moaned loudly. He softly sucked as he felt her release. "Oh..." She moaned as she relaxed. He brought himself up to her and started to slide down his boxers.

"Derek! No sex." She spat. His face dropped.

"Why?" She asked as he proceeded.

"Because your whole family is in the house." She said as she felt his hard cock press against her leg.

"We'll be quiet." He said with a grin.

"No. We can't do quiet. And they are right there. They will know. Parents and sisters, they know. They will know when we do it. And we will smell like sex.." She explained.

"So what?" Derek muttered as he kissed her neck. "It's our house. They intruded."

"Derek I cannot have sex with you when your mother is one room over. She already knows about Drew and I. I don't need her thinking anything bad!" Meredith said quickly.

"Who cares?" He said as he rubbed against her. Her body started to react. She gasped.

"I care. I am your mother." She said loudly. His eyes got wide.

"What?" He said as he pulled away.

"See this face. I'm your mom. Do you want to fuck your mom?" She said with a serious tone.

"Mer-" He said, feeling very turned off.

"No. We can do this. That is if you want to fill your mom up with little McDreamys." Meredith said with a smile.

"Oh god." He said as he climbed out of bed and pulled his boxers up. "That was fucking wrong!"

"Where are you going?" She asked as she watched him walk to the bathroom.

"To take a cold shower. Very cold. And possibly hurt myself." He said with disgust. "You, Meredith Shepherd are evil." He said as he shut the door loudly. She heard the water turn on in the shower, and a loud yelp come from Derek.

**Derek got blue balled...hahaha!**


	80. Performance Problems

Meredith was relieved when she woke up and went downstairs. No one else was up. It was just her in her big house. Derek didn't have surgery until one, and he was taking Anna to school. He was planning on doing something with his family before work. Meredith sat down at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal. She smiled as she looked out into the darkness. The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon.

"Oh hi, dear." Evelyn said as she stumbled into the kitchen.

"Oh!" Meredith said in shock. _There goes my quiet morning._ "You're up early." Meredith said as she took a bite of her cereal.

"So are you." Evelyn said as she grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down.

"I have pre-rounds." Meredith explained as she took her last bite and looked at her watch. She had time. She didn't have to leave for a half an hour. Part of her was considering leaving early just to escape.

"I couldn't sleep." Evelyn explained.

"Oh no. Was it the bed? Were you too hot?" Meredith said with worry.

"No, no. It was Gina. She crawled into bed with me last night." Evelyn explained as she sipped her coffee.

"Oh." Meredith said with confusion. Why the hell would she climb into bed with her mom?

"She and I have always had a special connection. And now that the baby is getting closer, she's just worried." Evelyn said as she looked out the window.

"Well is the baby okay?" Meredith asked with worry.

"Oh yes! Of course he is. She's a mom. And she's always been a worrier." Evelyn told her. "The view is magnificent."

"It is. I love it out here." Meredith agreed as she also looked at the sunrise.

"So how are you?" Evelyn asked with a sympathetic look.

"I'm fine." Meredith lied. Evelyn knew she was lying. She hadn't known Meredith long, but she knew well enough.

"Derek told me..." Evelyn trailed off.

Meredith dropped her head. How the hell could he do that? He sabotaged her. Meredith sat there nervously. She didn't want to talk about this. She didn't want to be put into this position. She barely knew Evelyn. How could she talk to her about this. She wanted to run off. She wanted to blend into the background. But no. Derek had set her up, and now she had to acknowledge the situation.

"Oh." Was all she could muster.

"I'm so sorry." Evelyn said as she watched Meredith's face drop. "It's a difficult situation."

"Yes it is." Meredith agreed. She looked down at her empty bowl of cereal.

"Just know it's not your fault." Evelyn said as she gave Meredith a hopeful smile. That was all it took. That sent her into that deep, dark place she didn't want to be. It made her vulnerable. And that was what she had worked all her life not to be.

"That's the thing. We don't know. It probably is my fault." Meredith muttered as she started to whimper. All of the pent up frustration, the grief, it came out. It was like a dam that was breaking. She was trying to hold it up. She couldn't. It crushed her right then and there.

"Oh, honey." Evelyn said as she looked across the table at Meredith who had her head in her hands. Her shoulder were rocking with sobs.

"I never wanted children. And know it's all I want and I can't-- And I don't know why..." She cried. Now she was there. Completely vulnerable. She may as well be laying exposed in the middle of Central Park. Suddenly she felt a warm pair of arms wrap around her.

"It's okay, honey. No matter what, it is not your fault. Do you understand?" Evelyn asked. Meredith nodded her head. "I have faith that this will all work out." She said as she hugged her tighter. It was amazing. She felt better. People had been saying the same thing to her, but it didn't matter. But coming from her, it was different.

"I'm okay." Meredith said as she pulled away.

"Yes you are." Evelyn said as she took her face in her hands and kissed her forehead. In that moment, Meredith felt a connection. For the first time in her life, she felt what it was to have a mother. A mother who cared. A mother who loved unconditionally. It was the best feeling she had ever felt.

"Um. I have to go." Meredith said sadly. Thirty minutes earlier she couldn't wait to leave. Now she wanted to stay here forever.

-----------------

"What the hell have you done to Shepherd?" Alex asked as he walked by Meredith in the pit.

"What?" Meredith asked as she grabbed the betadine and scrubbed the patient, Damon's, wound.

"He is being a real asshole. Horrible." Alex said with a scowl. Meredith shrugged like she didn't know why. She knew why. It definitely had something to do with a cold shower the night before. "Well, thanks." He muttered as he walked away.

"Was he talking about you're husband?" The man asked with a wince.

"You do realize that it doesn't hurt, right? It numb." She said frankly.

"I'm a wimp. Don't tell anyone." He said with a wink. Meredith smiled. "So what did you do? The husband..."

"Who said I did anything?" Meredith asked. Damon looked at her with raised brows.

"That guy." He pointed out. "Yeah, well that guy is an ass." She returned, they both laughed. He quickly grabbed his head.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked with concern.

"Yeah. I think so. I'm in here for my arm, right?" He said with a chuckle. Meredith continued to sew him up. "So I assume your husband is a doctor..."

"Now what makes you think that?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Well, that doctor was pissed. I'm assuming he's his boss. Not to mention the rock you have on your hand." He told her.

"I have gloves on my hands. There is no rock." She told him as she looked down.

"There was. And it was big." Damon said with a smile. "Fine, keep it a secret." He joked with a shrug.

"He's a neurosurgeon." Meredith returned with a smile.

"Damn. I guess he'll be tough competition." The patient said with a chuckle.

"You have no idea!" She replied. She watched him grab his head again. "You're sure you're okay?"

"I don't know. My head. It hurts." Damon told her.

"Damon, what does it feel like? Sharp, dull, pounding?" She asked as she looked at him.

"It--" He started before he crashed to the floor.

-----------------

"He was okay. He said his head hurt, and then he crashed to the floor." Meredith said in disbelief.

"You did a good job. You knew it was an aneurysm." Derek told her frankly. She looked at him. He was being cold. He wasn't being himself.

"Oh my god." She muttered as she shook her head.

"What?" He asked, not looking up.

"You're pissed at me." She said, rolling her eyes. She shook her head.

"Damn right I am." He whispered angrily. Her eyes met his icy glare.

"Because of last night. Dear god, Derek." She said with a laugh.

"Oh, so funny for you. You weren't the one that got fucked. Or lack there of. I pleasured you. You were done. I wasn't even started. Well, I was started but-- I can not believe you did that." He told her with an unhappy tone.

"Oh come on...First of all I told you know. What you did to me was because you wanted to..." She said. "And secondly, I could not have sex with you while your mother was so close."

"We could have been quiet. I was there. I was ready." He scowled.

"Okay. I'm sorry. It's not that I didn't want to, Derek." She explained. He didn't look up at her. "Derek. I am sorry." She said softly. He looked up at her, he had to give in.

"I know you are." He said with a faint smile. "But you owe me."

"I know. And you will get what's coming to you." She said with a seductive smile.

"And I can't wait." He returned. He looked back down at the patient an continued working.

"So we're good?" She asked.

"Yes, we're good." He told her. "And I am sorry. For telling my mom without asking you."

"I was mad. I won't lie. I was ready to come up to our room and kill you. But it was good. She was good. She's pretty wonderful." Meredith said with a smile.

"She is." Derek agreed. "So she made you feel better?"

"She felt like a mom..." Meredith told him. He smiled, but he didn't know. You couldn't know how it felt until you didn't have one. And he did. He had a wonderful mother who would give everything up for her children. And now, it was feeling like she did too.

--------------

Evelyn and Derek's sisters left after a several day stay. They all had to get back to their own lives. They were satisfied with Meredith and Anna. They could tell that Derek was genuinely happy. And as much as Meredith hated to admit it, she was really going to miss Evelyn. The trial for the Livingston's was still going on. And Meredith still wasn't pregnant. But life goes on, as they say.

Meredith made her way down the hallway away from the locker room. She had just came back from the fertility specialist that Addison had suggested. She hadn't told Derek. She was going to, but he was tried this morning, and she decided to let him sleep. She really liked Dr. Karon. She gave her hope. Which was something she needed. Dr. Karon explained that it could take time after the IUD removal, and it hadn't been that long. In some cases it took over a year to get pregnant. They took blood and ran some tests. Either way, she was going to know whether it was her or not sooner rather than later.

"Hey." Addison shouted as she walked up. As always, she looked fabulous in her pencil skirt and designer shoes. Not a hair was out of place.

"Hey, Addie." Meredith said as she stopped and faced her.

"So?" Addison asked with a smile. Meredith furrowed her brow. "How did the appointment go?"

"Oh. It went well. They ran some tests. They said it would be a few days before they knew anything." Meredith said as she looked at her shoes.

"But this is a step. At least you are trying to find the problem." Addison said with a hopeful look.

"Yeah, _I _am." Meredith said with a scowl.

"Derek still isn't budging?" Addison said, rolling her eyes. She knew Derek well, too well.

"Of course not..." Meredith returned. "Whatever. If he needs to protect his manliness..." Addison started laughing, Meredith joined her.

"Well, you know men." Addison told her. They both nodded their heads.

"Grey. Shepherd. Whoever you are. Get your ass over her. We have a bowel perforation that needs emergency surgery." Miranda shouted as she walked by quickly. "I need you to scrub in with me." Addison gave her a nod and a smile as she walked off.

"CT's been done. He's been prepped. Get in the scrub room." Bailey said as she led the way. The both scrubbed in and walked into the OR. Bailey had them lower that table and she immediately went to work. "I need you to retract." Meredith quickly began retracting and watched intently.

"Wow, he's a mess." Meredith said as she looked down.

"You can say that again." Bailey said as she shook her head. "Damn fool ate too much."

"Didn't they warn him? He can't do that with the procedure he had." Meredith said as she looked down at him.

"I'm sure he knew that. But I bet he didn't think he would end up here." Bailey said. They both heard a pager go off. The scrub nurse grabbed it.

"Um, it's you, Dr. Grey-Shepherd." The nurse said as she looked down at it. "It's the other Dr. Shepherd. I think you need to take it!" She said with a worried face. "It says 911."

"Oh my god." Meredith said as she looked up at Miranda. "Anna." Meredith said with a gasp.

"Go." Miranda said with an understanding look.

The scrub nurse took over for her. She ran out of the OR, ripping her mask and gloves off. She quickly tossed them in the trash. She nearly ripped the door off it's hinges when she opened it. All she could think of was that Anna was hurt. Maybe she got hurt at school. She was a strong kid, but she had been so unhealthy in the past. The minute she got in a free area, she called Derek's cellphone.

"Hello?" Derek said calmly. Meredith didn't understand why he was so relaxed.

"Oh my god! Is she okay? Is Anna okay? Are you okay?" Meredith asked in a total panic.

"I'm fine. I assume Anna is fine. I haven't heard from the school." Derek said with a shrug.

"Derek! You paged me 911! I just got pulled out of a bowel perforation! You better have a damn good reason!" She spat through the phone.

"I do." Derek said matter-of-factly.

"Okay. What the hell is it?" She asked as she sat down in a chair.

"I'm here." He said quietly. "And I am having a little trouble."

"What are you talking about?" She asked, getting slightly annoyed.

"I'm here. Making my _deposit_." He explained. She still wasn't getting it.

"Okay, so you are calling me because you are having problems at the bank. Get a teller or something. I can't help you." Meredith shouted. Now she was getting pulled out of surgery because of money problems.

"Not that kind of deposit!" Derek explained. "The other one."

"What? Oh!" She said in shock. "What are you doing there?"

"You were right. It's not all on you. And I do want to be a part of this. So I made an appointment." Derek explained.

"Well, I appreciate that. But I still don't understand why I was pulled out of a kick-ass surgery." Meredith said with a huff.

"Well, I'm having a little trouble performing." Derek said sadly.

"What?" She asked with a laugh.

"I can't make the deposit. I need your help." Derek explained.

"You have got to be kidding me! You pulled me out of surgery so I can help you get off?" She shouted. Everyone looked at her. She quickly dropped her head and made her way down the hallway, going into a storage closet.

"Well--" He said, trying to find the right words to say.

"Derek. I swear you are the horniest man in the world! You don't need me. Didn't they give you a magazine or something?" She asked with a laugh.

"Yes. I tried that. Nothing... I need you. I am stepping up here. I need your help." He said with a sigh.

"Fine." She moaned as she rolled her eyes.

"So what are you wearing?" Derek asked softly.

"Derek. You know what I'm wearing." She replied quickly. "Scrubs, sexy scrubs."

"Meredith. Come on..." He muttered.

"Okay. I am pulling my top off now. I have on that pink lacy bra you love so much. The one that just barely covers me." She said softly as she grabbed an abandoned magazine and started reading it.

"I do love that one." He replied.

"I know you do... Oh...and the matching thong. But I need to get it off." She muttered into the phone as she sat on the floor.

"So you're sliding it off?" He asked happily.

"Oh yes. And I'm...Oh god am I wet..." She mumbled as she flipped the pages in the magazine. "Oh he's hot." She muttered as she looked at a picture.

"What?" Derek asked.

"I'm so hot... God, I need you." She said softly. "Oh god...oh god..." She shouted. "I need you inside of me..." She muttered.

"Okay." He said with a moan.

"What?" She asked.

"I'm done." He told her quickly.

"Seriously?" She asked. "That quick?"

"Yep. I'll see you in a little bit. Love you." He said softly.

"Love you too. Bye." She said as she flipped her phone shut. She wanted to kill him. She quickly walked out of the storage room and to the scrub room. She scrubbed in and joined Dr. Bailey.

"Was everything okay?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"Um, just a technical difficulty." Meredith said with a laugh. Bailey shook her head.

---------------

The surgery went without any problems. It took forever. By the time it was over, Meredith's feet were burning, and her back was killing her. She was so elated that Derek was willing to take a chance. To help figure out what was wrong with the, She couldn't get it out of her head. Meredith took a few minutes to lean against the nurses station and breathe.

"Shepherd." Bailey said as she walked up. Meredith saw the scowl on her face. This wasn't good. "I need you to do my post-op notes." She said as she walked up.

"Okay." Meredith muttered as she grabbed the charts.

"Dr. Shepherd!" Derek shouted as he walked down the hallway towards her. Meredith glanced up.

"Yes Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith asked as he neared.

"I need you." He said as he pulled her arm and dragged her along.

"Dr. Shepherd! Where are you taking my intern? She is doing my post-op notes!" Bailey yelled.

"You have five interns. Get one of the other four to do it." Derek said as he continued to drag her down the hallway.

"Damn arrogant ass thinks he runs this hospital!" Bailey shouted.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she walked behind him. She almost had to run to keep up.

"Finishing what we started." Derek said as he opened the on-call room door and hastily looked around. "Thank god!" He said as he locked the door an pulled off his scrub shirt. Meredith just stared at him as he slid his scrub pants down.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she shook her head.

"I have been trying to hold it in for too long." He said as he walked up and covered his mouth with hers. His tongue thrusted in hastily. Of course, at that moment, she melted. Her tongue fought his in an erotic war. He pulled away, and sucked on her lower lip, causing it to swell.

"Damn you." She muttered as she lifted up her scrub shirt and pulled it off. He smiled when she saw that she did, indeed, have on the pink bra. He fingers quickly fought with the clasp and slid it off. He pushed her down on the bed and took his nipple in her mouth. He bit down hard.

"Der- Not so hard." She snapped. He looked at her and smiled. His mouth travelled down and he pulled at her scrub pants. He pulled them down, along with her panties. She could feel his hot breath on her. "I don't have time." She mumbled sadly. He looked up at her and smiled. He quickly spread her legs, pressing her knees to her chest, and thrust into her roughly.

"Oh god." She gasped at his haste. He smiled as he quickly thrust in and out.

"Mer..." He said softly as he felt her around him.

"Just fuck me." She muttered as she gripped his back. "And do it hard."

"I can do that." He said as he pounded into her harder. She groaned as she pulled her legs father, sweetening the deal. She felt his full length inside of her. "God Mer. God baby..." He moaned as he started to pulsate. He felt her heat encompass him.

"Oh god...I'm...Oh god..." She muttered as her eyes fluttered and her body shook.

"Shit...oh..." He moaned as he released inside of her. He rolled over onto his back and panted. "Thank you." He said as he looked over at her. She heard her pager go off.

"Shit." She said with a moan. She wanted to just lay there and enjoy the moment. Instead she jumped up and threw her clothes on. "See you later." She said as she exited the room. Derek sighed as he laid back on the bed. Meredith quickly found Bailey in the hallway.

"I trust you helped Dr. Shepherd with his frustration." Bailey said as she shook her head in disgust. Meredith just looked down. "I guess he was a real ass in surgery... So, on behalf of the hospital staff, thank you!" Meredith looked up and rolled her eyes as she grabbed the charts and walked off.

-----------------

Now was the waiting. Waiting was bad. Meredith could barely function. Her stomach was in knots. Someone somewhere was holding the answer to the riddle. It had been days since she had been to the fertility doctor. She really thought that she would have gotten a call by now, and nothing. Not a damn thing. Not for her, not for Derek.

"Have you gotten a call?" Meredith asked Derek. He was sitting at the kitchen table eating his muesli.

"Nope." He answered nonchalantly.

A little too flip. It instantly made her angry. He acted like it was no big deal. She knew she was overreacting but she couldn't help it. Her nerves were on edge. She was on edge. She took a deep breath. She stopped herself form dumping down his throat.

"Oh." She muttered as she took a bite of the muesli and dropped the spoon. Derek jerked at the loud clang it made.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he looked up from the newspaper.

"It tastes like shit. And you're an ass! And how did you even get that freaking paper. They don't bring it to the door." She spat as she stood up and walked to the kitchen. She snapped. She didn't mean to.

"I walked out and got it. Are you okay?" He asked with worry.

"I'm sorry." She muttered. She wasn't. She was angry, and moody. Everything seemed to set her off. She had no control. She walked back to the table carrying ice cream and a green pepper.

"What are you doing?" He asked as she looked at the ingredients she was carrying.

"Trying to make this shit taste like something other than cardboard." She said as she place two big scoops of ice cream in the bowl and stirred it around. She quickly took a bite. "Much better." She said with a smile.

"Yeah. Because you are eating dessert." He said under his breath. "What's the green pepper for?"

"This." She said as she took a big bite of it like it was an apple.

"Mer! There are seeds in that!" He shouted.

"I know." She said as she chewed it up and swallowed it. He looked at her like she was crazy. His cellphone rang. He quickly answered it. Meredith listened intently. She continued eating, but her ear was on him. He flipped his phone shut.

"My results are in." He said quickly. "I have an appointment in an hour."

"Oh..." Meredith said as she looked at him. Derek looked worried.

**Most likely no update tomorrow... Sorry :(**


	81. Life Changing

Meredith held Derek's hand as they walked towards the small building. He was nervous. She could tell he was nervous. She had never seen him like this. He wasn't talking. He always talked to her. No words were being formed. Nothing was passing his lips. His hand was tense as it held hers. She felt bad. Really bad. Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe she shouldn't have pressured him. They took their seat in the lobby. Meredith looked around at the other people. She wondered if they felt how she and Derek did. She looked over at him. Derek looked straight forward.

"I'm sure it will be fine." Meredith said softly as she squeezed his hand.

He didn't acknowledge her comment. It made her feel even worse. She wasn't even able to comfort him. She heard them call his name. They made their way down the hallway, hand in hand. They both sat on the plush leather chairs in front of the large desk. She heard the woman mumble something about him being right in.

"Derek. It's no big deal." Meredith said as she looked at him. He looked over at her. His face showed how offended he was.

"No big deal? You do realize that in a few moments I may learn that I can't make a child with you." He said sadly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Every time you took a test and it was negative, I felt it too. I felt guilty. It could be me, Mer. It could be me..."

Meredith didn't know what to say. He was right. It could be him. It was always in the back of her head that it could be him. If it was, then what? If her is sterile, they are done. There was definitely no fixing that. She heard the door open behind them. They both turned around to see the older grey haired man walk in. He introduced himself. The air in the room was thick. There was so much tension.

"So how are you, Dr. Shepherd?" Dr. Finch asked as he sat down in his chair. He looked happy, pleased almost. Meredith tried to read him. Maybe she could prepare herself. Then it would be better. Maybe not. It was inevitable.

"I think I will know after you tell me what that paper says." Derek said quickly with a fake smile.

"Oh yes." Dr. Finch said as he glanced at the sheet. "Um. Well-" He paused.

Derek and Meredith both gripped their seats. They were waiting for the news, either way it was bad. One of them was to blame.

"I have to be blunt here." He said as he looked up. "Dr. Shepherd, with your sperm count, I think you could impregnate a tree." He said with a chuckle. Derek looked at him wide-eyed.

"Seriously?" Derek asked. Dr. Finch nodded his head yes. There was a huge wave of relief that ran over him. It wasn't him. Nope not him. He was not to blame here. His joy quickly disappeared. There was only one other person in the room it could be. He looked over at her. This wasn't good.

Meredith couldn't believe it. It was her. All of this was on her. Her stupid empty uterus and retarded eggs. She felt like she was being eaten alive from the inside out. The emotional turmoil inside of her was immense. She felt sick. She felt like she was dying. How could this be? He could impregnate a tree? Ha ha, so funny... She was less fertile than a tree... She couldn't take it. But she wasn't going to cry.

She was lost in thought. She felt Derek touch her arm. Dr. Finch was standing up. Derek was standing up. And there she sat. She sat like she had a cinder block in her pants. She looked up and used all of the force she could muster. She quickly stood up. She followed Derek to the car. The moment they reached the parking lot, it all came up. She hurled in the bushes. She wiped her mouth and Derek wrapped his arm around her, leading her to the car. They rode in silence for a few minutes.

"I am less fertile that a tree..." She muttered. Derek looked over at her and his face dropped. He felt guilty. He had been feeling so sorry for himself. He hadn't thought about what good news for him, meant for her.

"Mer..." Derek said as he grabbed her hand.

"Derek. There is nothing you can say right now to make me feel better." She said honestly. It was how she felt. And she didn't want the comfort. "Just drive..." She said with a sigh. She looked out the window, letting a few silent tears run down.

-----------------

Meredith had dragged through her day. She had been dragging for the last few days. The Shepherd house was somber. She could barely function. Life was being more cruel to her than usual. Derek tried to make her feel better, but it was impossible. Nothing could soothe her at the moment. She was in that dark place. The place where tequila took over until there was more of it in her bloodstream than blood. That was all she wanted. She wanted to drink tequila until everything went black. Maybe when she woke up, life would be different. She quickly snapped back to reality when her phone rang.

"Hello?" She said as she sat on the bench outside the hospital. She had no idea how she had gotten there. Wandering aimlessly, no doubt. Swarms of people walked by as she sat, staring at the sidewalk.

"Dr. Shepherd?" The voice asked.

"This is." Meredith returned dryly into the phone. She didn't care who it was. She didn't care about anything.

"This is Betty from Dr. Karon's office. We got the results back fro you recent tests." Betty said quickly. She was in a hurry. She was busy. This was just another call to her.

"Oh." Was all Meredith could get out. Oh great. Just telling me what I already know. I'm dried up.

"Dr. Karon needs to speak with you immediately." Betty said with haste. She made it clear that this was urgent. She almost sounded worried. Why would she care? This had nothing to do with her.

"Um. Okay." Meredith said. "Should I be worried?" Meredith asked. She knew she couldn't answer. She knew it was confidential.

"You need to come in as soon as possible." Betty said. She has and opening at 10:30am." Meredith looked at her watch. That was in a half an hour. How the hell would she make it?

"Okay. I'll be there." Meredith said quickly.

She was in a panic. This was bad. She knew how this worked. If her results were negative, they would just be worried. This was bad. They would just set up and appointment, and then talk about it. Tell her that she was unable to bear children. They would explain the options. This was bad. They were urgent. They wouldn't insist that she come in right away, unless their was a problem. They wanted to speak to her immediately. Cancer. That was all that went through her head. My god, I have cancer.

Meredith talked to Dr. Bailey and she let her leave right away. Meredith didn't explain, but Miranda could see her distress. Meredith didn't even change. He mind wasn't there. She wasn't even sure how she drove to her car. Cancer. She was sure. This was the end. She was dying. She wouldn't see Anna go to prom. Or graduate. Cancer. She was going to be dead soon. She quickly drove to the office. It was far. This was a good thing. She wouldn't have to sit a stew in the office. And yet she was stewing, in her car, as she drove. Her heart sank as she thought about leaving Derek alone. Because she was going to die. She was sure of it.

Meredith walked into the office like a zombie. Anything could be happening around her. Anything. Her mind wasn't there. She heard voices. She was able to listen. To follow their directions. But she was on autopilot. She followed the nurse to an office. There were baby pictures all over the wall. Successful cases, no doubt. But that wasn't even on her mind. It didn't matter, she wouldn't be around. She came back to reality as Dr. Karon sat in front of her.

"How are you today, Meredith?" She asked nicely. Meredith was about to be sick.

"Um. Worried..." She said quickly. "Okay, I am scared to death." She admitted as she shook in her seat. She was literally quivering. All she wanted right now was Derek.

"I assure you there is nothing to worry about." Dr. Karon said with a smile. Meredith studied her perfect teeth. Her perfect hair. There was no question everything was perfect in her world. Unlike her own, which was a mess.

"I'm not dying?" Meredith said as she let out all of the breath she had been holding.

"Heavens no!" Dr. Karon said with a chuckle. Meredith sighed. She wasn't dying.

"Oh thank god." Meredith said happily. She felt like a complete and utter fool.

"But we do have a problem." She said with a serious face. That was all it took. The knot that was releasing, back to tightening. _ Okay, I'm not dying. But I'm sterile. Yep, this is a damn cruel world._

"Okay." Meredith said as the tears began to form.

"We got the results from the tests. We ran a simple blood test, along with several others. I have to say, you are definitely going to have trouble getting pregnant." Dr. Karon said. Meredith wanted to attack her. _Just like that. Oh, you're definitely going to have a problem. Like it was no big deal._

"Um, okay. Why, I guess?" Meredith asked. _What else was there to say?_

"Because, Meredith. You are already pregnant!" Dr. Karon said with a huge smile on her face. Meredith stopped breathing. _Did she just say that? _ All her hopes, all their worrying were now going to be long gone.

"What?" Meredith asked in shock. "I could swear you just said I was pregnant." Meredith told her as she looked into her dark brown eyes.

"I did. And you are!" The doctor replied.

"I can't be. I mean- I took a test. I took a pregnancy test. It was negative. I can't be pregnant because it was negative. And I don't feel pregnant." Meredith rambled quickly.

"I assure you, you are indeed pregnant." Dr. Karon confirmed as she looked back down at papers in front of her. "So, I guess you won't need me."

"No. I guess not..." Meredith said as she sat there and stared in space. She was pregnant. She couldn't believe it. All this time, and she didn't even know.

"Would you like be to refer you to an obstetrician?" Dr. Karon asked.

"Um...Well I guess I will go to Addison..." Meredith muttered. She couldn't get over it.

"Oh. Dr. Montgomery? I didn't realize she was taking patients. I thought she just took "problem" cases." Dr. Karon said with surprise.

"She's a good friend." Meredith said softly.

"Oh. Well she is the best... I have to say, I am truly happy that you didn't need our services." Dr. Karon said as she stood up from behind her desk and put out her hand. Meredith shook it.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Meredith said as she stood. She looked around the office. All the baby pictures, they didn't break her heart anymore. She was going to have her own.

She walked out of the office and straight to her car. It was unbelievable. It was everything that they had been hoping for. This was what they wanted, but she was numb. Completely numb. She sat there in her car and stared. They had been fighting so long, and now that the battle was over, she didn't know what to do. She leaned back and placed her hand on her stomach.

"Hello, baby." She said as she rubbed her abdomen. "I'm sorry mommy didn't know you were here..." She whispered as she closed her eyes.

She had no idea how she was going to tell Derek. He would be elated, she knew that. But she didn't want to just spit it out. She wanted it to be special. She wanted him to remember this forever. Not that he wouldn't. They have conceived their first child, and that was a miracle on it's own.

Before she knew it, she was back in the hospital parking lot. Back to reality. She felt different as she walked into the front doors. She had a secret inside of her. The ride in the elevator was quiet. It was empty. Thank god. The secret she was holding was a big one. A life changing one. Meredith looked down the hallway to see Dr. Bailey standing there. She walked up with a smile on her face.

"Why are you so happy?" Bailey spat as Meredith walked up.

"No reason." Meredith answered, the cheesy grin covering her whole face.

"Well, you look like a damn fool." Miranda said as she shook her head.

"What do you need me to do?" Meredith asked. She wanted to jump and run and skip. Anything to get rid of the energy that was building up inside of her.

"Why don't you go watch Shepherd's surgery in the gallery? It was yours, but you left. Nothing else is going on for the moment. If I need you, I'll page." Miranda said nicely. Meredith was surprised, she wasn't nice. Usually she would shove her off on charts or rectal examines. Something. Anything. But not today...and she didn't care. She was too happy to care.

"Okay." Meredith said as she turned around and quickly made her way to the gallery.

The gallery was packed. She took a seat in the back, out of view. She watched the monitor in the corner of the room. Derek's movement's were meticulous, as always. That was Derek. Things had to be just so. She sat there thinking about all the ways she could tell him. She was deep in thought as the room started to clear. She looked down at the OR. Derek was closing the patient up. She walked up to the glass and looked down. He looked up and she caught his eye. She mouthed "I love you." And a smile grew on his face.

The surgery went well. Derek had requested Meredith. He was shocked when Dr. Bailey told him that she had left. She never left. And she certainly didn't leave without letting him know. There had been no messages on his phone. A small part of him was worried. Throughout the whole surgery, he thought about her. As it finished, he was secretly grateful that it was. He needed to find out what was going on. As he started to close up, he glanced at the gallery. It was empty, all except for one person. He looked up and their eyes locked. She looked different. Over the last few days she had been depressed. She had looked like the life had been literally sucked out of her. Not today. Today she looked happy. He watched her mouth "I love you." Something was definitely different.

She couldn't take it. The joy she was feeling wanted out. It wanted out of her now. She wanted to share it with him. She wanted him to know that after trying so hard. After so much heartache. They had finally created a life, and she was holding it inside of her. This child was everything she had ever wanted. This child was a piece of someone she loved more than life itself. She watched him cock his head at her. She couldn't take it. It didn't matter how he found out. He just needed to know. "You're going to be a dad." She mouthed. He looked at her with a puzzled look. "What?" He mouthed back. "I'm pregnant." She mouthed with a smile. He wasn't getting it. He was getting frustrated, so was she. Finally, she pointed at them both, she moved her hand over her abdomen, motioning an exaggerated baby bump.

Derek looked up at the gallery. He had no idea what she was saying. But he could tell by the look on her face that it was important, and she was happy. Then he saw it. She pointed at herself and him. She ran her hand over her belly. He knew what that meant. His heart stopped. He had been stitching. Now his tools laid there. He had dropped his tools. He had never dropped his tools. She was pregnant. They were going to be parents again. He was going to be a dad.

"Can you close?" He asked as he started to walk away. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. He was working, and then he wasn't.

"Uh...okay." The scrub nurse said with confusion.

He was going to be a dad. A father. He already was. Anna was wonderful. But this baby. They wanted it so bad. He ripped his surgical garb off as quickly as he could. His arms were scrubbed until the skin was off. He went to open the door, and it opened. They looked at each other. She collapsed into his arms.

"I'm going to be a father?" He asked as she pulled her close.

"You, Derek Shepherd, are going to be a father." She told him as she looked up. She could see the tears rimming his eyes.

"How?" He asked in shock as he looked at her.

"When a man and woman-" She started with a laugh.

"Not how. _How?_" He asked as he looked at her face. How had he not seen it? She was glowing.

"I don't know. I don't care. Derek- It's- It's amazing. A piece of you and I is in here right now." She said as she rubbed her stomach. "I can't even believe how it feels. We're going to be parents again. We are going to have a child with your eyes. There is a piece of you inside of me. I just--- God, I love you." She said as she looked into his eyes. He pulled her in for a soft kiss.

"The test--" He said quickly with a confused face.

"It was wrong, I guess. I don't know. I just know that I am." She said with a stupid giggle. She felt stupid. Stupidly happy. Giddy. Completely foolish. Derek got down on his knees and pulled up her scrub shirt. She looked down with tears in her eyes. She saw tears in his.

"Hello, baby. It's your daddy. You have made mommy and I so happy. We can't wait to see you. We already love you so much." He said as he kissed her stomach. "Wow." Derek muttered in shock.

"Yeah." Meredith said as she looked down at him. "We're having a baby."

**I've been busy...sorry this wasn't up yesterday!**


	82. What do you Mean, Them?

"We need to go see Addison." Derek said with a smile. He quickly stood up as the scrub nurses came in. They all gave him a funny look as he climbed up from the floor. He looked at Meredith and grabbed her hand, taking her into the hallway.

"Derek, she's probably busy. And I am working. And you are working." Meredith pointed out. She was excited as he was, but the world wouldn't stop because they are pregnant.

"Well, let's at least see where she's at." Derek said as he walked down the hallway and led her into the elevator.

"Bailey is going to wonder where I am..." Meredith muttered as the doors shut.

"I will handle Bailey." Derek responded confidently. "It all makes sense now. You eating all that crazy stuff. The breast tenderness. The moodiness. The weight gain--" He said happily. He was in a permanent bubble of happiness.

"The what?" Meredith asked in shock. She had fire in her eyes. He looked up at her with a faint smile. "What did you say?"

"Breast tenderness?" He suggested quickly.

"No, after that..." She said sharply. She watched his face. She knew that he knew.

"Moodiness." He muttered softly. He was going to have to say it sooner or later.

"Nope, not that one." She said loudly.

"Weight gain." He said reluctantly. That was the one. He was going to get it for this one.

"So I'm getting fat?" She yelled angrily.

"Oh god no!" He said quickly. "No, not fat. You're just getting a little bump..."

"I am not!" She said as she stuck out her bottom lip. She looked down. She lifted her shirt. He was right. It was there. Tiny, but there. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed it before. "I'm already getting fat..." She whined.

"Mer- You are beautiful." Derek said as he pulled her close, his hand rested on her abdomen. The elevator doors opened and they walked onto Addison's floor. Derek placed his hand on the small of her back and led her down the hallway. They both spotted Addison standing at the end of the hallway talking to a nurse. Derek marched right in. He didn't care if she was busy. Addison looked at her ex-husband and rolled her eyes. She quickly sent the nurse away.

"Hey guys." Addison said with a smile. She looked at them both. Derek had a stupid grin on his face. "What's going on?"

"We're-- Mer's--" He stammered. This was definitely a time to stammer, if ever a time.

"Oh my god! You're pregnant!" She said with a huge smile. Meredith and Derek both nodded their heads enthusiastically. The toothy grins on their face looked reminiscent of cartoon character's.

"How'd you know?" Meredith asked with a giggle. She was giddy, unbelievably giddy.

"Besides the stupid-ass grin on Derek's face?" Addison said with a laugh. "Not to mention you are glowing. I can't believe I didn't notice it sooner! You really are glowing." Addison said as she looked up and down at Meredith. "Congratulations!" She said as she hugged Meredith and then Derek. "I'm so happy for you guys."

"So we were hoping..." Derek said with his signature smile and pleading eyes.

"Of course I will be your doctor." She said with a smile. "I have a surgery in thirty, but if you want to come by later, we will do an ultrasound." Addison suggested.

"Really? " Meredith asked, Addison nodded. "Our first ultrasound..." She said as she felt Derek pull her into a hug.

"We're having a baby." He said with another huge smile. "Thanks Addie."

"No problem. I will see you guys later, okay?" They both nodded their heads yes. Derek walked down the hallway like a stallion on a stud farm. His chest was swelling with pride. "Have you eaten?" He asked as they stepped back onto the elevator.

"Um...no." She said reluctantly. She watched his face drop.

"Mer- You're eating for two. You really need to take care of yourself." Derek scorned.

"Derek! It's not like I knew that this morning." She snapped back. And there was the moodiness.

"I know Mer. I just want you to take care of yourself, and our baby." He said softly. She placed her hand on her stomach. He covered her hand with his.

"Our baby." She said with a smile. He leaned in a kissed her softly on her temple.

-------------------

Meredith took her seat on the table. She hated being the patient. She always had. Derek stood there and held her hand. He was being supportive, and it was great. But a small part of her was already annoyed. He had checked in on her for what seemed to be every ten minutes all day long. She was at the lab getting results, and he just happened to walk by. She was getting a CT, and there he was. It was sweet, but it was making her job impossible to do.

"I think we should wait awhile to tell everyone." Meredith said as she looked up at him.

"I'm fine with that." He said approvingly. He knew how the hospital worked.

"I'm not ready for the special treatment. And I don't need Bailey giving me a hard time." Meredith explained. They both looked up as Addison walked in.

"I see you're both still on cloud nine." Addison said with a smile.

"Of course." Derek said with a nod.

"Okay, well let's do an ultrasound." She said with a smile. "Do you have any idea how far long you are?" She asked.

"Not really. I took a test, it was negative." Meredith explained.

"Well, why don't you lay back..." Addison told her. Meredith laid back, and Derek grabbed and squeezed her hand. "This will be cold." Addison said as she squeezed jelly onto Meredith's flat abdomen.

Meredith looked over at Derek. He had a huge smile on his face. It was stuck there, and there wasn't much that could make it go away. Addison pulled out the doppler and placed the wand on her stomach. She smiled when she looked at the screen.

"Okay. You are about seven weeks along." Addison told them.

"Seven?" Meredith said in disbelief. "Wow..."

"So the test...something went wrong." Derek said to her. Meredith joined his surprised look, with one of her own.

"There they are..." Addison said as she pointed at the screen. "See their heartbeats?" She looked over at Meredith and Derek.

"They?" Meredith asked in shock. Her eyes glued to the screen.

"Them...Two?" Derek said quickly. His eyes also weren't moving. Tow. There they were.

"Yes, two. You're going to have twins..." Addison said happily.

"Oh my god." Meredith muttered in shock.

"Holy shit." Derek said with surprise. "Twins... I told you my guys were good!"

"Derek!" Meredith said as she slapped him. "This is- Oh my god..."

"This is wonderful." Derek said as he squeezed her hand. He leaned down and gave her a soft kiss.

"So I am going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins for you. And I'd like you to come back for a check up. Do you have any questions?" Addison asked with a smile. She handed them the picture. She looked at Meredith's pale face.

"Yeah, how the hell are we going to do this?" She asked with a concerned look on her face. Addison's pager rang loudly throughout the room.

"I have to--" They both nodded their heads in understanding. "Congratulations." She said as she hugged Derek.

"Thanks Addison." Meredith said with a smile. Addison walked out and shut the door behind her. Meredith laid her head back and cried.

"Mer, what's wrong?" Derek said as he leaned over and stroked her hair.

"I don't...I can't...I...I...Two. I don't know if I could do one...One is hard enough." She said breathlessly.

"Calm down. Breathe." He said as he looked into her eyes. All he saw was fear. "Breathe."

"How could I not know, Derek. What kind of mother doesn't know she's pregnant?" She cried. He clutched her hand.

"Meredith. There has been so much stress. This isn't your fault. You are going to be a wonderful mother. You are a wonderful mother!" He told her. She looked into his eyes. He looked so happy and content.

"Seven weeks. Derek, I drank. I drank at Joe's and then in the Caribbean. Oh my god. They are going to have problems and it's all my fault!" She said as she rolled away from him. He quickly walked to the other side of her bed.

"Meredith, look at me." She does. "Our children will be fine. You didn't know, and that's okay. You will be fine." She dropped her head and looked down. "The babies will be fine. And two is a blessing. We can do this. Look at me." She does. "We can do this." She nods her head yes. "Good. I love you." He said as he leaned down and pressed his lips against her soft ones. He grabbed the sonogram and looked at it. "Our babies..."

"How are we going to tell Anna?" Meredith muttered.

"She will be fine. She is going to be ecstatic." Derek said reassuringly.

"You think?" Meredith said as she sat up.

"I think so..." He said as he grabbed her arm. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Definitely." She said as they opened the door and walked out, hand in hand.

"So what do you want for dinner?" He asked as he glanced over at her.

"Chinese food." She said simply. His head turned quickly.

"You hate chinese food." He told her.

"Well, apparently your children love it, because I have a craving for it. Anything spicy." She said with a giggle.

"Sounds good. But I am not convinced that my children have that much control over you yet." He said with a laugh.

----------------

Derek followed Meredith home. He was happy. Unbelievably, undeniable, incredibly happy. He was going to be a father times two. He already was a father, and he loved Anna to death. So really, times three. This was everything he had hoped for. Children that would have his eyes, or their mother's eyes. He didn't care who the babies looked like,no matter what they would be perfect. They were a piece of each of them. A piece of the love they shared.

Meredith drove home. She looked in her rearview mirror. She could see his cheesy grin, and sparkling white teeth. She was happy that he was so happy. She had never seen him like this. He was so proud. He was a man. A man's man. A man who produced two children in one shot. She was happy too. But it was overwhelming. Two babies, at once. Two of everything. But as she looked at Derek's cheesy grin, once again in the rearview mirror, she knew he was right, they could do this.

"Anna!" Meredith shouted as she walked in the garage door. She could hear Anna running towards her.

"Mommy!" Anna shouted as she ran up. "Where is Daddy?"

"He stopped to get chinese food." Meredith said as she pulled her shoes off of her tired aching feet.

"But mommy, you don't like chinese food." Anna said with a giggle.

"It sounds good." Meredith explained as she walked into the kitchen. Jane was straightening up. "Hey Jane."

"Hello, Meredith." Jane answered. "Anna did her homework. I let her watch a half an hour of t.v."

"Okay. Derek's on his way with dinner." Meredith told her. "Would you like to stay? We'd love to have you."

"Please, Jane..." Anna said with a whine.

"I'd love to, but I have something I have to do." Jane said with a frown.

"Another time." Meredith said as she grabbed plates and silver wear.

"Definitely." She said as she began to walk out. "Have a good evening."

"You too." Meredith said as she grabbed some glasses out of the cupboard. "What would you like to drink?"

"Chocolate milk." Anna responded quickly.

"Or regular. You know you don't get chocolate milk with dinner." Meredith said as she poured a glass.

"Fine." Anna said firmly as she sat in her chair. Derek walked in with bags of food. "Daddy!" Anna shouted.

"Hey sweetie." He said as she sat the bags down on the kitchen table. "Hey." He said as he walked over and kissed Meredith quickly.

"So, what do you want?" Meredith asked as she began opening containers.

"Rice." Anna said simply.

"You can't just eat rice. Here is some chicken too." Meredith said as she placed the food on Anna's plate.

"This is yours." Derek said as he handed her the container. "They said it was the spiciest chicken they had." Meredith smiled as she grabbed the container and placed some on her plate. She took a whiff of it, it smelled spicy.

"Mmm." She said as she took a large bite. "It's good, try it." She said as she shoved a bite in his mouth.

"Holy shit, Mer! That's hot." He said as he began downing his water.

"Daddy! You said a bad word." Anna pointed out as she took a bite.

"Sorry, honey." Derek said as he looked at her. They all ate in silence for awhile. Finally Derek cleared his throat and looked over at Meredith. She nodded her head.

"Anna, honey. How would you like to have a brother or sister or both?" Derek asked her. Her face dropped quickly.

"No. I don't want any." She said simply.

"Why not?" Meredith asked with a faint smile.

"Because it's just me and you and daddy. And I don't want a brother and sister." She said loudly.

"Maybe it would be a lot of fun..." Derek suggested. She got a sour look on her face.

"No!" She shouted. She sat there and studied both of their faces. "Why?" She finally asked sweetly. He looked over at Meredith and she shrugged.

"Well, Meredith is going to have a baby. Two babies. You are going to have a brother or sister or both." Derek said softly. Anna looked back and forth between the two of them. Her face turned to panic. She quickly jumped up from the table and ran off crying.

"That didn't go so well..." Derek said with a frown.

"No. It didn't." Meredith said as she dropped her head.

"I'll go talk to her." Derek said with a sigh as he stood up from the table.

"I can go." Meredith said as she started to get up.

"No. You finish eating that fire on a plate." He said as he pointed at her food.

"You're sure?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"Yeah. She's overwhelmed and this isn't the time to tag team her." He replied.

He walked out of the kitchen. Meredith continued eating her food. It had never dawned on her that this would upset Anna so much. Thinking about it now, she understood why. She had been through so much, she was just settling in, and now there was more upset. Undoubtedly, some of the attention would be off of her at first. Meredith knew that Anna would have to be included in every step.

Derek walked up the stairs. His feet were dragging. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle this. It was going to be tricky. As he got closer he could hear her sniffling. He stood outside her door and watched he for a few minutes. She finally looked up at him.

"Are you gonna stand there? Cause I need you to make me less sad." She asked as she looked up.

"I am going to come in and make you less sad." He said as he walked in a sat on her bed. "So why exactly are you crying?" He asked as he cocked his head. He knew why, but he wanted her to say it.

"Cause you and mommy will have babies and you won't love me anymore." She said as he face scrunched up and the tears began to fall.

"Anna. That's not true. Meredith and I, we love you more than anything. That will never go away. When we have the babies, that won't take any love from you. We have enough love for everyone." Derek explained, his face softening.

"Are you sure?" Anna asked as her tear stained face looked at his.

"I am positive. Do you know how much fun you are going to have?" Derek asked. "Babies are fun."

"They are?" She asked, never had been around any.

"Oh yeah. And we are going to need your help with everything." Derek said with a smile.

"I can help!" She said exuberantly. "Can I hold them?"

"Of course. But that is awhile away." He clarified.

"How long?" Anna asked.

"Seven months." Derek said quickly. Anna's eyes got wide.

"That's too long!" She said quickly. "I'm ready now."

"So am I." Derek said honestly. He couldn't wait. "So why don't you come down and finish your dinner?"

"Okay. Do you think mommy is mad at me?" Anna asked as she jumped off her bed.

"Why would mommy be mad at you?" Derek asked as they walked down the stairs.

"Cause I was a brat. That's what Jane calls me. A brat." Anna said as she jumped off the last two stairs.

"Mommy could never be mad at you." Derek told her as the walked towards the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, mommy." Anna said as she bounced into the kitchen. "I was a brat."

"It's okay, baby. Why don't you finish your dinner?" Meredith asked.

"Okay. Cause I'm still hungry. I wanted to come back down to eat, but I was mad. But now I'm not cause I'm gonna be a sister. And I'm gonna help. It's gonna be fun." Anna rambled. Derek smiled as he listened to her. She sounded just like Meredith.

"Yes, it will be fun." Meredith said with a smile. She looked around the dinner table. Derek was watching Anna intently. She could tell that he adored her. They both did. Anna looked so happy and well adjusted. Meredith looked at her perfect family. They were going to have two more causing chaos, sooner than she could believe. Their lives were going to change. And it was for the better, she was sure.

**A double dose of McDreamy babies. :)**


	83. It Will Get Better

"We will have to tell your mother soon. You do realize that, right?" Meredith asked Derek as she washed the dishes.

"Yes, I know." He replied. "She is going to be ecstatic." Derek said with a smile.

"I know. I can't wait to see the look on her face." Meredith said with a smile. Every time Evelyn had been calling lately, she has asked when she was going to be a grandmother again.

"And your mother. We'll have to tell her and Richard." Derek said. He looked up and watched her body tense up.

"I know. I'm not too concerned about her knowing." Meredith said frankly.

Mer. She's your mom. And she has been trying." Derek defended.

"Derek. Not now." She said, not wanting to talk about. He backed down, not wanting to start a fight.

"Let me help." Derek said as he grabbed the towel and began drying plates. He leaned over and took a whiff of her.

"Are you smelling me again?" She asked with a giggle, as she continued to wash the silver wear.

"Um...no." He said, lying through his teeth.

"You're lying." She said as she turned and looked at him.

"I am not!" He said with a chuckle.

"Whatever, I heard your nostrils flare. I could hear you breathing in." She said as she watched his face change.

"Fine. I was breathing you in. Are you happy? You smell good. And now you smell even better." He told her. He quickly took another deep breath.

"I smell better?" She asked. "How do I smell better?" She said with a giggle.

"I think it's a pregnancy thing." He told her with a nod.

"I'm ten weeks pregnant. You are crazy." She said as she shook her head and handed him the last dish.

"Maybe I am." Derek agreed. "But you are definitely sexier than ever."

"Okay, sure. You do realize I am a cow, right?" She said as she turned and walked away. He quickly grabbed her and turned her towards him.

"You are definitely not a cow!" He said as he pushed her against the counter. "You are gorgeous." He said quickly.

He hastily met her lips with his own. She moaned as he swiftly slid his tongue into her mouth. She explored his mouth, she knew every inch of it. His body pressed against hers. They fit together perfectly.

"Anna..." Meredith muttered as his mouth moved down to her neck. She giggled as he pecked tiny kisses on her collarbone. "Anna..." She reiterated.

"She's asleep." He said between kisses. "Sound asleep..."

"You're sure?" Meredith asked as she wiggled beneath him.

"Meredith. She is asleep. In sleepy-land. Zonked. Out. And you are-- Oh god... I need sex. I need sex with my wife." He told her desperately.

"Oh god." Meredith moaned as her body reacted to his pressing erection. Her sensed seemed heightened more than ever before. "Where..." She moaned as she looked around.

"Um... table?" He said as he sucked on her shoulder.

"No. We'll break it..." She said as she laid her head back. "I need you now!" She whined as she unbuttoned his shirt.

"Sofa..." He muttered into her chest.

"Good." She said as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her to the great room.

They both crashed onto the sofa. Meredith straddled Derek and continued to unbutton his deep blue shirt. She looked at his dark eyes and smiled. She pulled his shirt back and rubbed his perfect chest, memorizing every inch. She pulled her v-neck shirt over her head.

"Oh god." She moaned as she felt his erection against her.

His jeans continued to grow tighter. She took notice, and was throbbing in anticipation. He ran his hands over her soft body. His hands ran up her back, unclasping her bra. He smiled as he slid it off of her shoulders. Her curves were sexier than ever.

"You are amazing..." He muttered in awe.

Her hands nimbly went to work on his belt and zipper on his jeans. She loved the jeans he was wearing. They hung just perfectly on his hips, but at the moment, she couldn't wait to get them off of his body. She moved back and slid them down his legs, tossing them aside. A smile crept over her face as she saw his awaiting bulge.

"I need you inside me." She mumbled as she quickly pulled off his boxer briefs. She placed her hand around his awaiting shaft. Her hand moved rhythmically and purposefully.

"Oh god..." He gasped as he felt her tiny hand around him. She continued as he began to reach his peak. "Mer- Mer stop..." He moaned. "I'm going to-- Oh..." Derek moaned as he released.

She smiled as she looked at his fulfilled eyes. She leaned down and covered his mouth with hers. She felt his hands slide down as he pulled off her pants and panties in one sweep. He threw them to the side. His hands squeezed her firm ass. Her kisses trailed down his chest. She smiled when she saw that he had risen for the occasion, once again. She moved over, and placed him inside of her.

"Oh..." She moaned as she felt him inside of her. She placed her hands on his chest. She felt the moist beads that had formed as she began pumping her hips. "Oh...Der..." She moaned.

"Mer... You are--" He gasped as he felt her begin to tighten around him. She rocked harder as he thrust upward into her. "Shit...I'm--"

"I'm...oh god." She moaned as she reached her peak. She began to shudder. He could feel her warmth surrounding him.

"Oh god..." Derek shouted as he released into her. She collapsed onto his chest, and listening to his heartbeat. They were both in complete ecstasy as they laid there as they were meant to. They both jumped when they heard his pager ring loudly throughout the house. Their bliss completely ruined.

"Shit!" He shouted as he angrily grabbed his pager out of his jeans. He looked at it's screen. "It's 911." He muttered sadly.

"Go." She said with obvious disappointment.

She rolled over and he crawled out from beneath her. She watched as he pulled on his clothes. She closed her eyes. She didn't want to see him go. She felt him lean down and kiss her softly. She knew he was looking at her. She couldn't look into his eyes.

"Love you." He whispered as he stood up.

"I love you too." She muttered as she laid there. She heard his footsteps disappear. "But I miss you more." She said sadly.

Derek opened the garage door. He heard her comment. It stung. The last two weeks had been horrible at the hospital. They had him working non-stop. He wanted to be home with his girls. Every minute he was at the hospital, he thought about his family. The drive to the hospital was silent. He hated this drive. He had been doing far too much. He had to do something. He was doing something. They couldn't go on like this, and he wasn't going to.

------------------

Meredith sat at the table and studied her menu. She could sense Anna's legs swinging back and forth under the table. Her senses were confirmed as Anna's leg firmly kicked Meredith in the shin. The sharp pain felt like she had slit her with a meat cleaver. All she had to do was give her the look. Anna immediately stopped swinging her legs and pretended to read her own menu.

This is how it was lately. She and Anna doing everything alone. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. It always seemed like the minute Derek got home, he was being paged back. Meredith could go to Richard. She could use her family advantage and complain, but she wasn't going to do that. She and Anna would suffer in silence. Three times in the last week they had to reschedule dinner. The dinner. The dinner where they were going to tell Ellis and Richard they were pregnant. Not again.

Lately Meredith had this lingering feeling that something was off. He was being quiet and secretive. She trusted him. She knew she could trust him. But that didn't change the fact that he was taking phone calls outside, and walking away. Or that his date book was always gone. He always had it laying out before. Something was off, and at the moment she was just too tired and frustrated to care.

"Mommy, is daddy coming home tonight?" Anna asked as she took a bite of her chicken tender.

"I don't know." She said dryly. And she didn't because even if he said he was, it didn't mean that he was.

"I miss daddy. He's never home." Anna told her with a frown.

"He's busy saving lives. How many daddy's do you know that save lives everyday?" Meredith asked. And there she went, making excuses. He really was saving lives. She knew it wasn't his fault. It didn't change the way it made her feel.

"I guess that's good. People need daddy." Anna reasoned as she took a big spoonful of applesauce. _Yeah, we need daddy too._

"Can we plant flowers today?" Anna asked as she looked out the window.

"Plant flowers?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. Kiera and her mom are planting flowers this weekend. I wanna plant flowers too." Anna said with a grin.

"Okay. We will plant flowers." Meredith said with a nod.

Meredith and Anna made their way to the greenhouse. Anna insisted they get every purple flower available. After several hundred dollars and a lot of time, Meredith and Anna were driving off with a car full of plants and supplies.

"Do you know how to plant flowers?" Meredith asked Anna with a worried look.

"Yeah. Me and my mommy. My other mommy. We used to plant flowers." Anna said as she helped carry the plants to the front yard.

"I've never really planted flowers." Meredith admitted with a laugh.

"Oh mommy..." Anna giggled. "You're lucky I know how. I can teach you." She said reassuringly as they sat the last flat down on the grass. Anna grabbed the supplies and started digging.

"Anna, we need symmetry," Meredith told her. She quit digging and scrunched her nose.

"What's symmetry?" Anna asked with confusion.

"Balance. We need balance." Meredith said. _How true, they did need balance, in many ways._

"Oh. You just tell me where to dig." She said with a smile. She happily dug for awhile before speaking. "How long until I have a brother and sister?"

"A long time." Meredith muttered as she placed her hand on her abdomen. She was still amazed that there was life in there. "And you might get two brothers, or two sisters. Not necessarily one of each. We'll have to see..." She told him as she placed the plant into the ground, per Anna's instructions.

"Oh." Anna answered as she pulled her plant out of it's container. "I just want sisters... This is fun." Anna exclaimed as the continued on.

"Well, I think we need to water them. Why don't you get the hose?" She asked Anna as she placed the last little flower into the ground.

"Okay!" She said as she ran off. Meredith smiled as she looked at the freshly planted flowers. It was fun, and it looked nice. Plus is made Anna happy, and that was her main goal at the moment. She stood there, smiling, when she felt a blast of cold water on her back. She heard Anna roaring with laughter.

"Anna Elizabeth!" Meredith shouted as she ran towards her. Anna blasted her in the face. As she neared, Anna took off. Meredith grabbed the hose and turned it on her. Anna screamed, and ran, bust she was having a great time. Meredith finally threw down the hose and they both crashed to the ground, laughing.

"That was fun." Anna said breathlessly.

"It was." Meredith agreed as she laid there, they wet grass tickling her arms. She missed Derek. She wished he was there. He should have been there. It may be selfish, but she was tired of sharing him with every person who walked into the hospital with a bump on their head. Meredith looked down at her watch.

"Well, I think we need to take baths now." Meredith said quickly. Two hours. She had two hours to get ready. Because tonight she was telling Ellis and Richard that they were pregnant whether he was there or not.

----------------

Meredith stood in front of the full length mirror, in her underwear. She was pregnant. Undeniably pregnant. The telltale bump was making itself evident. She didn't care. She was carrying Derek's children. Her body was now theirs, and she was fine with that. What she did care about was everyone knowing. They would tell them, when the time was right. And the time was not right yet. It was for the parents, but not the friends. And she wanted Derek to share her joy. He needed to be part of it. But she was finding that if she waited that they would never find out.

Meredith slid on the black dress. It was cut perfectly. It concealed just enough. She could hear Anna humming a song in her room. It made her smile. It was just she and Anna. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. Derek knew about tonight. He also knew about the three other nights that she had to reschedule because of him. So he was left to his own devices. She had given him full warning and she wasn't going to track him down and throw a suit on him.

Anna smiled as she bounced into Meredith's room. Meredith looked at her, standing there in her lavender dress. She looked absolutely adorable. Her blonde locks were just beginning to get longer. Meredith and Anna had grown closer than ever before, in Derek's absence. The bond they shared was incredibly strong. Anna sat on their bed and stared at her. They both shared a look. It was a look of happiness. But the under-layer of sadness and emptiness was all too evident. They were both missing the important man in their lives.

"Mommy, is daddy coming?" Anna asked with a smile. Meredith could read her disappointment. She knew the answer.

"I don't know. I guess if he's not busy. I hope he does." Meredith said honestly. And she did. She did hope that he would come. But she refused to call him. Being busy is one thing, but she couldn't help but feel he could be there. He could if he really wanted to.

"Me too." Anna said with a saddened look. "Can I touch your tummy?" She asked as she jumped off the bed.

"Um- Of course." Meredith answered with a faint smile. Anna quickly walked over and placed her small hand on Meredith's abdomen.

"Hi babies. I'm your sister." Anna said as she looked at Meredith's abdomen intently. "And we're gonna have fun when you get here. Daddy says I'll get to hold you. And don't worry about daddy. I know he hasn't been around, but he will be." She said softly as she rubbed the bump. "What's wrong mommy?" Anna asked as she looked up to see tears running down Meredith's cheeks.

"I'm just happy." Meredith said as she pulled Anna into an embrace. "People cry when they're happy." She said as she pulled her closer. It was a lie. She wasn't happy. In fact, she was far from it. Anna had made a perfectly sad speech. It was fact that Anna knew that Derek was not around. That she knew that he _should_ be there, and it hurt.

"Oh. That's good. Cause sad tears are bad." Anna said as she looked up.

"Well, we should get going." Meredith said as she patted her eyes dry, and led the way.

The car ride was quiet. Anna stared intently out the back passenger window. Meredith was supposed to be in the passenger seat. Not driving. Not driving to tell her mother and Richard. Alone. Not alone. But there she was. Alone. Meredith looked in the rearview mirror catching Anna looking at her. She didn't know how long she had been, but Anna was watching.

"Don't worry mommy. I'm sure daddy will be waiting at the restaurant." Anna told her. She was always the optimist, just like Derek. Meredith found herself feeling that way. Even if Anna wasn't Derek's flesh and blood, she had taken over so many of his attributes, that Meredith found herself sifting through Anna for pieces of Derek.

"Maybe." Meredith said, pretending to be an optimist.

She wasn't. She was not an optimist. For a short while she was getting closer. Derek was getting her closer, and now she was reverting. Not now. That was it. Neither said another word. The drive to the restaurant was in silence. When they pulled up, she heard Anna take off her seat belt. Meredith found herself looking around the parking lot hoping he was there. He wasn't. Damn her for trying to be an optimist.

They walked into the upscale restaurant. Ellis and Richard were already seated. She could see them at a table off to the side. Derek wasn't there. And in her heart, she knew he wouldn't be. Anna held her hand as they walked to the back of the restaurant. Ellis and Richard stood up as they neared. The greetings were social, and the hugs were slight. Meredith didn't want to give it away. She was going to wait. Hoping Derek would show.

"So where is Derek?" Ellis asked as she looked over at Meredith. She had no idea. She was sure that he was in surgery, but she wasn't sure.

"Um-" Meredith started nervously.

"He was doing a craniotomy when I left." Richard pipped up. Meredith nodded in agreement.

"I'd say he's close to being done." Richard said with a smile. "How have you been, Giss Anna?"

"Good. Mommy and I planted flowers today. It was fun. Then we got in a water fight..." Meredith found herself glancing around the restaurant once again. She heard bits and pieces of what Anna was saying. Richard and Ellis picked up in the fact that Derek wasn't included in the latest stories.

"Would you like some wine?" Richard asked as he raised the bottle. Did she want it? Hell yes. Could she? No.

"Um, no thanks. I'm driving." She said as she covered her glass.

"Never stopped you before." Ellis spat.

"I have never driven under the influence." Meredith pointed out and shook her head.

The waitress come and took their orders. There was a lot of silence. Mainly because Meredith was distracted. Every time she head walking, or the door open, her head spun around. The food was good, but time was winding down. And it was winding down quickly. She was going to have to step up. She was going to have to face the firing squad. It was time. She had been learning what it was like to do things on her own, without the shelter of Derek.

"Meredith! Where are you?" Ellis asked in her typical fashion.

"I'm just tired." Meredith said as she pushed her uneaten plate of food away.

"So when are you going to tell us?" Ellis asked frankly as she sipped her wine.

"Tell you what?" Meredith asked with a yawn.

"That you are pregnant." Ellis said quickly. Richard's mouth hit the floor. Meredith's eyes got wide.

"Um- Well- I was going to tell you tonight actually." Meredith stammered. "How long have you known?"

"Just a few days. Mother's know these things." Ellis said with the slightest smile. _But you aren't a mother. Not even close. _"How far along are you?"

"Twelve weeks." Meredith said softly as she whipper her head around, looking at the door. He wasn't there.

"Mommy's having twins!" Anna exclaimed loudly.

"Congratulations!" Richard said with a huge smile.

"Twins. Oh my god..." Ellis muttered. "And he hasn't been around..." She muttered.

"Twins, I know." Meredith said, still in shock herself. She ignored her mother's comment. They continued to talk for a minutes. Both Richard and Ellis could see that Meredith was tired.

"You look tired." Richard said. "We should be going, and you look like you need some rest." Richard said with a smile.

"Yes I am tired." Meredith agreed as she followed their lead and stood up.

"Congratulations, again." Richard said as he hugged her. Ellis walked up.

"Congratulations, Meredith." Ellis said as she pulled her into a hug. "I know we haven't always been close, but I am here-- We are here if you need us." Ellis said as she gave Meredith a soft kiss on the cheek. Meredith was shocked. Her mother just showed some signs of being human. Signs of compassion.

Meredith and Anna walked to the car, hand in hand. She was tired, and stressed out. And he didn't show. He was busy. But she was tired of being in second place. She was tired of she and Anna being brushed aside for one more surgery. It was his job, he had to do it. But she couldn't help but feel a little angry. She had to reschedule her appointment with Addison. Not to mention, she just had to tell her mother that she was pregnant. Her mother was the most intimidating person in the world. And she had to face her, alone. As they neared her car, she heard a car pull up next to hers. She looked over and saw Derek's Land Rover. She almost wished he hadn't shown at all.

"Mer-" He said sympathetically as he walked over to her. Anna was already in the car. She looked at him, in his suit. He looked amazing, as always. "I'm sorry. I came as quickly as I could."

"I know you did." She said weakly. She didn't want to fight.

"I'm sorry." He said as he leaned in and kissed her.

"Don't. I'm going to go home. Are you coming? Or are you on your way back to the hospital?" She said with a tinge of attitude. He could see the hurt in her eyes. This was bad. He knew she was upset. He knew he hadn't been around like he promised her would be.

"I'll see you in a few minutes." He said as he watched her climb into her car. She quickly drove out of the parking lot, leaving him standing there.

"Daddy's a jerk." Anna muttered as the drove down the road. Meredith got wide eyed. She quickly pulled off the road.

"What did you say?" Meredith said as she shot her head back.

"Daddy is a jerk." She said simply, with a shrug. Meredith agreed, but that didn't make it right.

"Anna Elizabeth! I never want to hear you talk about your father like that again. Do you understand me?" She said quickly. She didn't yell, but she was firm.

"Yes." Anna answered.

"Who taught you that?" She asked loudly.

"Melody said that her mommy says it when her daddy is being stupid. So daddy is a jerk." Anna explained nonchalantly.

"First of all, I told you not to say it again. And secondly, you don't call anyone that!" Meredith scolded. "Daddy is busy. He wants to be around. He's busy." Meredith said, defending him.

"Well, all of my friends see their dad's everyday." Anna pouted. "I never see mine."

"I know honey. I know. It will get better." Meredith said. _At least she could hope._

**Derek is busy. He has to get his priorities straight. Meredith and Anna are frustrated. So basically...a mess. Please review, I read every one, even if I don't respond...**


	84. Like Sand

Meredith looked back. Derek wasn't behind her. She wasn't really wanting to deal with it at the moment. She figured he was just going to sulk and go back to the hospital. She realized that he did show up. He did try. But she was still upset. Still irritated. She was beginning to feel like she couldn't count on him, and it was the worst feeling in the world.

It was late and she quickly got Anna to bed. She was more than willing, as she was exhausted from their busy day. Meredith kept listening for a sign of Derek. There was none. That seemed to make her even angrier. Now he wasn't going to show up? He couldn't win either way, and she could admit that. She was out to get him. The minute Anna laid down in her bed, she was out.

Meredith slipped into her own room and changed into a tank top and shorts. She washed her face and brushed her teeth like she always did. She began to walk out of her empty bathroom into her empty bedroom. She looked up to see him standing in the doorway. He was leaning up against the door frame with a regretful look on his face. Their eyes met and neither moved.

She wanted to cry. Just looking at him, she felt the need to bawl. She knew that things weren't going this way because he wanted them to. She could see the sadness in his eyes. She knew how the hospital worked. They owned you.

_How can I tell you that I love you, I love you_

_But I can't think of right words to say_

_I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you_

_I'm always thinking of you, but my words_

_Just blow away, just blow away_

There she stood. She froze like a deer in the headlights. She was glowing. She looked radiant. Her small baby bump was peeking out of her tight tank top. His children were in there. His babies. And he wasn't even around for it. I scared him. If he couldn't be around now, how would it change? But he was working on that, and it had to work out.

_It always ends up to one thing, honey_

_And I can't think of right words to say_

_Wherever I am girl, I'm always walking with you_

_I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there_

Meredith crossed the room in several large strides. She couldn't stay away. She couldn't stay mad at him. All she wanted was him. A small smile crept onto his face as she crashed into him, her head laying against his chest. She felt his fingers run through her hair. His lips pressed against his head. She wrapped her arms around him softly and clung for her life.

"Meredith..." He started.

"No." She said as she pulled him tighter. "Just be quiet. Let me enjoy this..." She said as she laid against him. These moments were what she lived for. When he was actually and she could touch him.

_Whoever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you_

_I'm always talking to you,_

_and I'm sad that you can't hear, sad that you can't hear_

_It always ends up to one thing, honey,_

_When I look and you're not there_

She could hear his heart beat. Before, she would have sworn their hearts beat as one. But now it didn't feel that way, the small amount of time was taking it's toll. Finally she pulled away and walked to her side of the bed. She pulled the blankets back and threw the extra pillows onto the chair. She slowly laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. After a few minutes, she felt his body lie down next to his.

"Meredith, I'm sorry." He said softly as he spooned up against her. "I'm sorry." He reiterated.

_I need to know you, need to feel my arms around you_

_Feel my arms around you, like a sea around a shore_

_And - each night and day I pray, in hope_

_That I might find you, in hope that I might_

_Find you, because heart's can do no more_

"I can't do this. I can't function this way. And I don't want to. I love you, I do. That's what makes it so hard. I have had you to lean on and shelter me for so long. I needed you. And the last two weeks, you haven't been around. I'm trying to stand on my own. Not because I want to, because I have to." Meredith said softly as she curled up tighter.

"I know. And I want to be around. I want to be here with you and Anna. And the babies." He explained as he held her a little tighter. His hand rested on her bump.

"I know you do, Derek. But it's not enough. You promised you would be here for me. And actions speak louder than words." Meredith said as she turned around and looked into his eyes.

_It always ends up to one thing honey,_

_Still I kneel upon the floor_

_How can I tell you that I love you, I love you_

_But I can't think of right words to say_

"Mer--" He said as his eyes began to burn. The tears were threatening to come out. Her words were true. He couldn't deny that. And it hurt like dagger to the heart.

"I had to tell my mother that I was pregnant tonight. When I needed you, you weren't there. You said you would be here. I'm scared, Derek. I am going to have babies. Two babies. And I can't do it on my own. And I am so scared that you won't be here." She said frankly. There were no tears. She felt strongly. It had been something that had been threatening for the last two weeks.

"You don't trust me?" He asked with hurt.

"I do trust you. I trust you more than anyone. You love your job, and I don't want you to quit. You can't help that your job does this to you. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean that I don't cry myself to sleep when your side of the bed it empty, once again. It doesn't mean that I'm not sad when I play with Anna, by myself everyday. The lonely dinners, burned breakfast. It doesn't mean that I don't feel like I've been stabbed by a knife when our daughter calls you a jerk. Glances in the hallway at work aren't enough. I know you're busy. But I miss you, your family misses you. And I don't know what to do. I can't do it alone." She said as she looked straight into his eyes. That's when she saw the tears start to fall.

_I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you_

_I'm always thinking of you..._

_It always ends up to one thing honey_

_And I can't think of right words to say _

"Meredith, something has to change. It will change. I miss you. I miss you so much. And I love you. I can't even put it into words. I love you so much it causes me pain. I want to be here. I want to be with you." He said sadly.

"And I want you to..." She replied as she pulled him close. She could feel his tears on her skin, and it hurt.

"What do you mean, Anna called me a jerk?" He finally said with a hurt tone.

"Apparently you are on her shit-list." Meredith said with a chuckle. "Don't worry, I got after her." Meredith looked at Derek's face. He was obviously upset. She had never planned on telling him, it just slipped out. And now she wished it hadn't.

"She called me a jerk..." Derek muttered. That hurt. His daughter thinking he was a jerk. That one really stung.

Meredith woke up during the night. She had to make sure he was still there. He never took his arms off of her. She was sure he had to have gotten uncomfortable, but he never moved, and she had never felt so good. She needed him. She needed to feel his embrace. She needed to know he was there for her no matter what. She opened her green eyes to meet his blue. His lips formed a faint smile.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Hey." He returned as he continued to look at her.

"What are you doing?" She muttered sleepily.

"Watching you." He returned softly. He hadn't seen her sleep in far to long.

"You should sleep. You need to sleep." She told him.

"I'd rather watch you sleep." He said frankly.

"Well, I am going to sleep because I have pre-rounds." She said groggily as she closed her eyes. She slowly rolled over onto her side and he spooned up against her. She felt his hand rest on her abdomen, and a smile formed on her face. He had his own smile plastered on his own face.

-------------

Meredith moaned when she heard her alarm go off. Her hand reached over and pounded it heavily. She wanted to lay there with Derek all day. She needed to take advantage of every available second with him. She slowly rolled away from his grasp, she knew she had to get moving whether she wanted to or not.

Meredith quickly got dressed. She had to wear something somewhat concealing. She was hoping that they would be able to tell their friends soon. She wanted to do it with him, not alone. Not alone, like she did the night before with her mother. She glanced over at him in the bed. He was now sprawled out and sleeping soundly. She smiled at him and headed downstairs.

Meredith opened the refrigerator, and grabbed the orange juice. No coffee. She craved coffee. She needed coffee, but apparently the twins didn't. She looked through the cupboards. Nothing sounded good. It wasn't morning sickness. She had been fortunate enough to lose that fairly early on. She just had absolutely no appetite. She finally settled on a piece of toast. Not ideal, by any means. In fact, she knew Derek would jump down her throat. She was supposed to have a balanced meal full of protein. She told herself she would eat a good lunch.

She was getting ready to carry her plate to the table when she heard buzzing. She glanced over to see Derek's cellphone jumping around on the countertop. She sat her plate down and grabbed the phone. She didn't see his pager, and figured she should check it in case it was an emergency. She flipped the phone open to see he had a voicemail. She couldn't check it, but she could see what the number was. She pushed the button and was shocked. Frannie. Who the hell was Frannie? She snapped the phone shut and tossed it on the counter. She couldn't eat. She had definitely lost her appetite.

She always told herself she wouldn't be one of them. Those being the wives that freak out for no good reason. She trusted him. She really trusted him. He would never cheat on her, and she knew that. But that didn't make her feel much better. She quickly tossed her toast in the trash can. She looked over at his date book. She knew it was wrong, but she needed to see it. She needed to reassure herself. Besides, it's not like it was his journal. Plus she really should make sure he doesn't have surgery scheduled this morning. She flipped it open. She smiled when she saw a perfectly planned out schedule. She started to shut it, but a piece of paper was in the way of the zipper. She quickly flipped it back open and grabbed the pink piece of paper.

_Derek-_

_Looking forward to lunch._

_I'll be at "our" spot._

_-Franceasca. _

There was a small heart by her name. It was gag-able. Meredith quickly shoved the paper back into the planner. She hastily zipped it up and made her way to the bathroom. She was sick.

_What is this? It can't be what it seems. Derek is not a cheater. He loves me. He is not a cheater. But then again he promised he would be there for me. And he hasn't been around. It's obvious where he's been. No, he's not like that. You're just hormonal..._

She retched. She felt like her insides were turning out. She couldn't believe this was happening. She was going crazy. She had to quit this. She just needed to ask him. That's what she would do. She would just ask. She glanced down at her watch. She had to get to work. She rinsed her mouth and made her way to the garage. She was going to talk to him. Not now. She didn't want to wake him up for this. She didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Although she was sure that molehill had just knocked her on her ass.

Meredith drove slowly. She didn't know she drove slowly. Because she was separate from time at the moment. She was suspended in air. She wasn't there. Cars honked and zoomed around her. She never heard them. All she heard was her own crazy thoughts battling. He's a cheater. No he's not. He's a cheater. No he's not. He had been off, there was no question about that. And that's what worried her.

She was in a cloud during rounds. She had gotten in on an amazing cardio surgery. A cardio surgery that she wasn't there for. Not mentally at least. If Cristina knew that she wasn't even enjoying the surgery, she would most likely get her ass kicked. But she wasn't. There was no enjoyment. She had looked on the board. Derek wasn't scheduled. He wasn't there. _He's probably on a lunch date with his Italian whore. The Italian whore who had five foot long legs, perky breasts, and a perfect face. She most likely great hair, too. Great hair to match his. _She couldn't stop thinking, and it was tearing her up.

---------------

Meredith plopped down in a chair at the lunch table. Her feet and back hurt her. She hadn't seen him all day. And that promise she made to eat a healthy lunch...out the window. She couldn't eat. She knew it would fly back out faster than she could make it to the bathroom. So there she sat, in an incredibly sour mood. All of the interns looked at her, not daring to speak. They took turns making faces, each daring the other to start a conversation. Finally Cristina spoke up.

"So what the hell is your problem?" Cristina snapped loudly. Meredith gave her the look of death.

"Whoa, the Mrs. is pisses." Alex said. They all gave him what-a-stupid-thing-to-say looks. He shrugged.

"Seriously, Mer what is wrong. You look like you have a stick up your ass." Izzie said quickly. George shot her an oh-no-you-didn't look.

"Maybe because I do. At least I freaking feel like I do. My feet hurt. My back hurts, my stomach hurts. And you dumb-asses are riding me. So why don't you just shut your damn mouths!" She yelled. They were all taken aback. She quickly started crying hysterically.

"Oh my god, Mer! Are you okay? I'm sorry!" Izzie said quickly.

"I think it's obvious she's not okay, Barbie!" Cristina spat as she looked at Meredith.

"No, she's freaking nuts." Alex said, making Meredith cry harder.

"Mer, are you okay?" George asked as he walked over to her. She looked at him sadly. His heart melted. He quickly pulled her close. His eyes got wide as he felt the bump. He knew. And everyone else would soon enough. Why not just say it?

"I'm just pregnant and hormonal." She wailed. He held her closer. Everyone looked at her in shock.

"That explains a lot." Cristina muttered.

"Oh my god! Congratulations!" Izzie shouted as she jumped up and hugged her. She sat there, with her friends holding her for awhile.

"I'm okay." She finally said with a sigh as she sat back. "I'm okay."

"So how far along are you?" Izzie asked with a stupid giggle.

"Twelve weeks." Meredith said with a faint smile. Derek was still dancing in her head, and not the way she wanted him to. Generally he danced naked. Today he danced naked with his Italian mistress. She shuddered at the thought.

"Wow. Why didn't you tell us?" George asked.

"I was waiting for Derek." She said quickly. "But he has been so busy."

"Do you know what you're having?" Izzie asked.

"Well, no. Twins. But we don't know the sexes, Derek's been too busy." She explained.

"Wow. Two!" Izzie said happily.

"I am not touching those things." Cristina muttered. Meredith ignored her comment. She halfheartedly listened to them talk about the babies. She would mutter an answer every now and then. But something else was in her head. Finally she asked.

"Hey guys. If you found a note in your husband's planner and it talked about having lunch, and was signed with a heart, what does that mean?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Uh, that he's cheating." Cristina said matter-of-factly. She rolled her eyes.

"But it was obvious. I mean it wasn't really hidden. Totally accessible." Meredith said quickly. "And a missed call, but her number was in the phone. That's too obvious, right. I mean, he would try to hide it, right?" Meredith asked nervously.

"It's not Derek, is it?" Izzie asked with a worried tone.

"Of course not. No. It's-- Um-- You remember Megan, my friend..." She said. "Well, she called me. She thinks Jake is cheating." A total lie. And hopefully they wouldn't see through it.

"Oh.. Well...no. I think if he were cheating, he would try to hide it. And he wouldn't have her number in his phone." Izzie explained.

"She's right. A man would get all nervous and sneaky." Cristina told her.

"No he wouldn't." Alex said with a laugh.

"What?" Meredith asked quickly. Her head whipped around. She had a faint look of shock on her face.

"Not a smart one. A smooth cheater, he wouldn't hide it. Especially if he's cocky and arrogant. See, this is why men are smarter than women. We would make it obvious. You guys are sitting here debating. And that is why it would work. Usually the truth is right there..." Alex said confidently.

"What do you think George?" Izzie asked.

"I think Alex is right." George reluctantly agreed.

"Oh...I guess I'll have to tell her." Meredith muttered. They all realized they had to go. So did Meredith, but she couldn't. She was frozen. George paused.

"You should talk to him." He whispered. The others had walked away.

"What?" Meredith said in confusion.

"You should talk to him. Derek isn't a cheater." He said as he walked away. Meredith sat there. She wished she could just turn into a puddle of goo. Because that was how she felt. After a while she mustered up the strength to move her body. She was shocked to see Derek sitting at a table with Chief Webber. She quickly walked over.

"WhoisFranceasca?" She said in a lump. It was inaudible. No one could make out what she said, no matter how hard they tried. It sounded like some foreign mess.

"What?" Derek said in shock. Chief Webber had his own confused look on his face.

"Franceasca?" Meredith asked loudly. "Who the hell is she?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said with a strange look on his face. At that moment, Meredith's pager went off. It was 911. She dropped her head and ran off. Her happiness was running through her fingers like sand.

**Oh no! Maybe...just maybe Derek has an excuse. I guess we'll have to see.**


	85. Changes

Franceasca. That name cut like a knife. Meredith couldn't even focus on her work. All she could think about was Derek. He denied it. If there were nothing going on, he wouldn't have denied it. Franceasca is not a name you pull out of thin air. She had obviously caught him. And instead of being a man about it, he was trying to cover it up.

"Dr. Shepherd, are you going to work, or do you enjoy being in fantasy-land all day?" Dr. Burke asked.

"I'm sorry, Sir." She said as she straightened up and focused on her task.

"Is something on your mind? Because I'd rather you leave your personal issues in the scrub room like I do." He pointed out as he went to work on his patient's heart.

"Okay, Sir." She said as she struggled to focus. But how do you focus? What do you do when you think your husband may be cheating? Derek wasn't a cheater. And she wouldn't have thought so. Even when Alex pointed out the obvious, she still had a glimmer of hope. But Derek seemed to confirm her fears.

The surgery was long, and her back was screaming at her. She wasn't that pregnant, and yet at the end of the day, her body was yelling. She could only imagine how bad it was going to get. She had managed to avoid Derek at all costs. Earlier, she had been ready for the battle of a lifetime. She was going to tell him how it was. But as the day went on, she lost her nerve. Now she wasn't ready. She was in her favorite place, the land of avoidance.

Dr. Burke insisted that Meredith stay at the hospital. She was on-call, and she wasn't too upset about it. She looked at her cell phone and noticed several missed calls from Derek. She wasn't calling him back. A small vindictive part of her was hoping that he was suffering just as she was. She nearly cried out in relief when Dr. Bailey suggested that she go to an on-call room and catch up on her sleep. As she neared, she heard him.

"Mer-" He said from down the hall. She heard him, and it just made her walk faster. She had to get away. "Meredith!" He shouted as he began to walk faster. It only made her walk faster. "Dr. Shepherd." He finally resorted to.

_Oh, now he thinks he can be my boss. I'll call her Dr. Shepherd and she'll stop. Well screw you, Derek. Screw you._

She quickly walked into the on-call room. The door was shut and locked just seconds before he made it there. He ran his fingers through his hair, and stood there at the door. Staring. Just staring.

_What the hell have I done? And how do I fix it?_

Meredith crashed onto the bed. She couldn't do this at the moment. The stress was too much. There was only one thing she wasn't sure of, if confronting him was better, or worse than avoiding. At the moment, avoiding was sounding perfect.

"Meredith." She heard him say outside the door. "What's wrong?" He asked dumbly. He stood there stewing. "Damn-it, Meredith, open the door." He said angrily. "I thought we were done with avoidance." He shouted. He looked over her shoulder, to see people looking. He sighed and walked off. He had an idea.

_He left. I cannot believe he left. Fifteen words. Fifteen words and he gave up. He walked away. This is not the man I married, and definitely not the man I fell in love with._

She heard a key in the door. A key. Only maintenance had keys for doors. She rolled over and looked at the door. Anticipating it's opening. She was shocked when she looked up, and there stood Derek. She couldn't see him clearly. Just the outline of his hair. His hair always stood out.

"Thanks, Joe." She heard him muttered before walking in and shutting the door. She felt him sit down beside her. "So this is how it's going to be?" He asked firmly.

"What?" Meredith snapped back. Even in the dark, she could tell his eyes were dark and angry.

"Avoiding. Accusing me of whatever it was you were trying to accuse me of. In front of my boss, and father-in-law, no less. And then you stormed off. The rest of the day you spent ducking in doorways and running away. She basically you can yell at me, at your connivence, but you don't wait for the explanation." He said strongly.

"Okay, fine, _Derek_." She said nastily as she sat up. "Who is she? Because I don't want to hold anyone back from happiness. If you want her, you can have her. But you could have went about it a little better."

"Who is who?" Derek asked with confusion.

"_Franceasca."_ She snapped.

"Franceasca?" He said in confusion. Then his face formed a smile. "Oh! Frannie." He said with a chuckle. "That's what this is about?"

"_Yeah!_" She said as she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Frannie is-- Oh my god, this is hilarious. Frannie is Addison's sister." Meredith's face dropped. She was so embaressed.

"Addison's sister?" She asked in confusion.

"Yes, Franceasca. It didn't dawn on me. She's always been Frannie to me." He said as he cocked his head.

"Crap..." She muttered as she turned her head away and looked at the wall.

"Meredith..." He said as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Okay, then why are you talking to her? What's going on? You had a lunch date at "your spot". What the hell is going on?" She asked as her anger began brewing once again.

"You read the note?" He said with a little bit of shock. "You went through my planner..." He said in disbelief.

"I want to make sure you didn't have a surgery scheduled. I'll be it after I saw that she called your cellphone. So yes, I was snooping. I trust you, I just don't-- I'm hormonal, and angry, and I hurt. I hurt all of the time because your demon spawn are tearing me up inside." She rambled. His smiled just grew, he loved it when she rambled, he found it charming.

"Well, Frannie and I did meet for lunch to discuss our plans. She called it "our spot" because we have met for lunch there three times, and every time we get the same table. We are friends. Not even friends, hell when I was married to Addison, she hated me. We are business partners." Derek explained as rubbed Meredith's arm.

"Business partners?" Meredith asked with surprise. "What do you mean? What business?"

"I didn't want to tell you before. I was afraid it would fall through and you would be disappointed. Jack Hudson and I are going into business together, along with Frannie. Jack had this idea to open a private practice, he confronted me awhile back. So that is why I was talking to Frannie. She is in charge of the business end." Derek explained.

"You're going into a private practice? When the hell were you going to tell me? When you walked out of Seattle Grace and never returned?" She asked with hurt in her eyes.

"Lay back." He told her.

"You're getting stressed. Lay down." He said. She laid back and he pulled her shoes off and began rubbing her feet.

"I was going to tell you tonight. I was going to cook dinner. And then this happened. This is a good thing, Mer. I will have a lot more time to spend with you and Anna. I will have a limited amount of cases..." He explained. She closed her eyes and enjoyed her much needed foot rub.

"Derek, a private practice isn't a joy ride. The insurance is out of this world. And you will have rounds. We have three hospitals in this area, you will probably have to round at all three. And you hate Jack Hudson." She reasoned as she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I don't hate Jack-- Okay, I dislike him. Apparently he has realized that I am better than he is. He needs my name on the door." Derek boasted.

"You are an arrogant ass." Meredith said with a smile.

"He practically begged me. His offer was amazing. Five a year, and he would cover the majority of the hours. I told him that I needed to be home with my family, and he said that was fine. He is unattached. His job is his life. It will work out perfectly. It is going to be the foremost Neurology center in the Northwest. This is a good thing, Mer. I promise." Derek told her as he looked into her eyes.

"Is this what you want?" She asked as she sat up.

"If it means more time with you, which is does...Yes, this is exactly what I want." He said with a smile.

"Then you need to do it." She said as she leaned in and kissed him softly. "But I am going to miss the on-call room sex."

"I gave Richard my notice today. I have a month left of service." He said. "So, we will need to take advantage of it while I'm still here." He said with a smile.

"Yes, we will." She said with a dirty smile.

"And would you like to do that now?" He asked as he raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, I would." She said as she pounced on him. He flew back onto the bed with a smile on his face.

"Crap, Mer." He said in shock as she began ripping his clothes off. Her mouth began sucking and nipping his chest. He gasped as she bit his shoulder hard. "Shit!" He shouted and leaned up. She pushed him back down on the bed, and ripped his scrub pants and boxers off. He gasped as she took him onto his mouth. She hastily began sucking. She ran her teeth up and down his shaft, it's head far back in her throat. She felt him grab her head as he pumped his hips. She could feel him begin to pulsate.

"Shit...I'm...shit." He moaned as he felt his climax coming. She began to increase her suction. She could feel him growing in her mouth. "Fuck...I'm...Oh god..." He moaned as he released in her mouth. He laid there for a moment, coming down from his high. "Thank you..." He muttered. She smiled as she sat up, and pulled off her scrub top, revealing her swollen breasts.

"Wow..." He whispered as he reached around her and ran his hands down her soft skin. His hands nimbly worked on her bra clasp. He smiled as he pulled it off. Pregnancy was agreeing with her, and he was liking it. He tenderly grasped her breasts, grabbing a handful in each hand. She leaned back and moaned. She began untying her scrub pants.

"I need you." She said with a smile. He could see that her eyes were dark with desire. He slowly pushed her onto her back. He leaned forward, his mouth trailing down her body. He gently nipped and sucked her breasts.

"Now, Derek." She said with haste. He looked up at her with a smile. His mouth quickly moved down.

"God you're wet..." He muttered as he moved his tongue around in all the right spots. She grabbed the bed sheets as she felt herself starting to throb. His tongue continued to swirl.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she released. He began sucking harder as her orgasm took over. "Oh..." She moaned as she laid there. Derek smiled as he came back up, kissing her deeply. Meredith ran her hand down his shaft. "I need you inside me." She told him forcefully.

"Already?" He said with a smirk.

"Now, Derek." She said as she pulled him to her. "Now." He quickly pushed her knees up to her chest and entered her with haste. "Oh god..." She said softly. He paused and looked into her eyes. He missed this. Not the sex. It was the time together. It was the passion. That moment when they looked into her eyes and knew that everything was the way it was meant to be. "Come on!" She shouted. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I- Uh-" He quickly pounded into her. It was perfect. It was always perfect. He needed her.

"Harder!" She screamed as she felt herself nearing her peak. She gripped his back. Her nails dug deeply into his flesh. "Damn-it, Derek, harder! Deeper..." She moaned. He grunted as he threw his body, penetrating her deeper. "Oh...shit...I'm...Oh..." She moaned as she felt a rush of heat.

"Oh, god...Mer...oh baby..." He groaned as he released inside of her.

"Thank you..." She muttered as she rolled over, looking at the top bunk.

"That was amazing." He said as he laid there panting. "I love you..."

"I love you, too." She returned softly. An hour ago, she thought she was done. She was convinced it was all over. And now she laid there, thanking god she was wrong.

------------------

Meredith was able to sleep through the night. There were no emergencies from the pit that needed surgery. Dr. Burke's patient remained stable through the night. She was happy to have Derek there beside her, even if it was in the on-call room on a bunk bed. She rolled over and smiled at him as she awoke.

"Der-" She whispered as she shook him awake.

"Hmm Mmm..." He moaned loudly. He opened his eyes with a smile. "You are amazing." He said with a smile.

"I've been told that a time or two." She said as she leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I think we only got a couple hours of sleep." He said with a satisfied smile. She slowly pulled herself out of the bed and stood up.

"I think that would be fairly accurate, considering I am physically unable to walk." She said as she limped to the restroom.

"It's not my fault you're so damn flexible." He laughed.

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean you have to push it to the limits." She shouted from the restroom. "And your stamina is slightly rediculous." That just made his smile grow even wider. She slowly emergerged from the bathroom.

"And you better take advantage of it while you can. Your children will be requiring a bit more space and I probably won't be able to fit in the bunk bed." She said with a laugh.

"And it will be sexier than ever." He said with a smile.

"I have rounds." She said softly as she bent down and kissed him. "And I love you."

"I love you too." He said as he watched her walk out, ever so gingerly. She headed to the locker room to meet the other interns. Derek quickly dressed himself, and headed out to the hallway. He had a surgery scheduled.

The interns followed Dr. Bailey from room to room. Meredith was in a better place than she had been the day before. And the all night long sex that she had enjoyed last night was no downer, either. She listened as each intern present various cases. Finally they arrived to the neuro patient of the day. The woman was sitting in her bed, Derek by her side, watching the t.v.

"O'Malley, you present." Miranda Bailey said loudly.

"Shh!" Derek said loudly,

"Dr. Shepherd-" Miranda said loudly.

"Shut up!" He said. His patient pointed to the t.v. Meredith looked at the screen, and her heart stopped.

"Oh my god." She muttered as she crossed the room and latched onto him.

They both watched. The interns and Dr. Bailey soon realized what was going on. They took a minute to watch, themselves. They were getting ready to say the verdict. In a few minutes, they would know what was going to happen. They would know if their lives were about to change. Meredith held onto Derek's hand a squeezed tightly. It's now or never...

**This would have been up yesterday, but I only got 2 comments for chapter 84. I'm thinking you aren't too interested. So that's why I didn't rush...**


	86. She's Worth It

Meredith stood there. She was numb. Her life was changing. One way or another, things would be different. The thought of losing Anna was unbearable. Unimaginable, even. She had grown closer to Anna. She couldn't love Anna anymore even if she had given birth to her. If she left their lives, it would crush them. She knew that Anna's grandparents would never allow her to see she or Derek again. They had a lot to lose, and the thought made Meredith sick.

Derek stood completely still. The grip Meredith had on his hand was so tight, he was quickly losing feeling. She needed him. And he needed her. If they lost Anna, it would be the end of their world. It would be such a large piece torn out of them, that neither would ever fully recover. And with Meredith carrying the twins, he was even more worried. To lose his daughter, his wife and two unborn children was a sickening thought.

So they watched the screen, waiting for fate. Soon the families of the victims began pouring out of the courthouse with smiles on their faces. Meredith couldn't look away. She knew what she thought it meant. But she also knew that she didn't know anything anymore. She saw Derek look over at her. She didn't look, she focused on the screen. Then she was the defense and prosecuting attorneys. The Livingston's were no where to be found. This was good. Very good. Meredith heard someone mutter "turn it up." She watched as the prosecutor walked to the media.

"Today justice was served." He said with a victorious smile. "The jury found the defendants guilty."

"Oh my god." Meredith said with a gasped. She quickly turned to Derek and jumped in his arms.

"Oh thank god..." He muttered into her hair. "Thank you..."

It was bittersweet. They got what they wanted. To get what they needed, someone was going to prison. Two old people were going to spent most likely the rest of their lives in a eight foot by ten foot prison cells. Apart. They had been married for thirty years. Thirty years, and they most likely would never see each other again. They did kill people. Allegedly by mistake. No one would ever know for sure. Either way it was hard. And eventually Anna would know. Meredith thanked god that today wasn't that day.

"Congratulations!" Everyone began saying.

Meredith heard them. All she could think about was Derek. She never wanted to let him go. They would be happy forever. They wouldn't have to worry about losing her. A wave of relief washed over both of they. All they could think about was the little girl. She was sitting in school and had no idea. Neither Meredith or Derek would bring it up. They wouldn't tell her until she asked. Because right now it was perfect, and they wanted it to be that way for as long as they could keep it.

----------------

It was a good day. A day of relief. A perfect day where at the moment, everything was going as planned. For the first time in a long time, Meredith and Derek were off at nearly the same time. An hour apart. On the same day. And early, not in the late evening. In other words they were going to get to go home and see their daughter.

Derek spent all of his free time during the day on the phone talking to children services. After the sentencing, they were going to press forward. Derek and Meredith were going to attempt to adopt Anna. She was meant to have their last name. She was part of their family and she always would be.

Derek smiled when he was sitting in front of Anna's school. He was actually picking Anna up. Not Jane. Jane say more of Anna than either of them, and that was going to change. He watched as the kids poured out of the school like they were running for their lives. He watched Anna's face light up when she saw his car.

"Daddy!" She shouted as she nearly ripped the door off of it's hinges.

"Hey baby. How was your day?" Derek asked as he watched her climb in and put her seat belt on.

"Good. I played with Kayla today. Yesterday we were fighting and she was a brat, but today we played. And I got all the math answers right, so I got a prize. Then I had pizza for lunch. It wasn't very good. Where's mommy?" Anna asked as she looked into the rear view window, seeing Derek's eyes.

"Well, mommy is finishing up at work. But she is going to be done and home for dinner." Derek said with a smile.

"Yay! I get my mommy and my daddy together." She said happily. "Can we listen to music? Mommy always listens to music." Anna pointed out.

"Of course we can." He said as he turned on the music, the Clash pouring out of the speakers. Anna bobbed around happily as they drove home. The ride home felt longer than usual, probably because he couldn't wait.

"Who planted the flowers?" Derek asked as he climbed out of the suv.

"Me and mommy. A long time ago." Anna said with a giggle.

"Really?" Derek said as he admired their home. It was just what he had imagined the day they approved the blueprints.

"Yep. I had to teach her. But she did good..." Anna explained.

"You are a good teacher." Derek said with a smile as they walked into the house. "How would you like chicken?"

"I like chicken. I want mashed potatoes. And corn, I like corn." Anna said. "And I want to help."

"That's good, because I need help." He said with a smile. He grabbed out the package of chicken. Anna want to grab it. "Don't touch it. Chicken needs to be cooked before you touch it."

"Oh." She said with a frown. She went to the freezer and grabbed a package of frozen corn. "I think I just want to color." She said as she ran off.

"I see how you are..." He muttered jokingly. She ran off and soon returned with a coloring book and a package of crayolas. She climbed onto the stool and set her supplies on the countertop. She opened her book to a pony and a dog.

"Do you like horses?" Derek asked, knowing her answer.

"Yep, but I like ponies better." She said as she grabbed the golden yellow crayon and started coloring the palomino horse.

"Aren't ponies baby horses?" Derek asked dumbly.

"No! You're silly daddy. Ponies are just like horses, just smaller. I like then better." She said with a smile.

"Where did you learn that?" Derek asked.

"From Jane. She has a horse. She says I can see it sometime if you and mommy will let me." Anna explained. Derek cringed, he knew Meredith would be terrified if Anna were around a horse. She continued coloring for awhile and humming.

"I changed my mind." Anna said out of the blue.

"Changed your mind? About what?" Derek asked as he placed the pan in the oven.

"I don't wanna be a doctor when I grow up anymore." Anna said bluntly as she continued coloring.

"Why is that, Anna Banana?" Derek asked as he watched her.

"Because I want to see my family." She said as she colored a purple flower on page.

"You can be a doctor and see your family too." He told her. She stopped coloring and looked up.

"You can't." She said frankly. Derek was in shock, he couldn't believe she said that.

"Well mommy is a doctor too." He said defensively.

"Yeah. She's an intern. Interns are over-worked and under-payed. They are at the bottom of the surgical food chain. You're at the top. You make decisions. Mommy works hard and she still comes home. But you don't." Anna snapped at him.

"Who told you that?" He asked. She looked up at him. "Did mommy tell you that?"

"No." She said loudly.

"Than who did?" Derek asked.

"People. I did some searching." Anna said sarcastically.

"Was it Cristina?" Derek asked. Anna's face dropped.

"No." She pouted.

"Well, I know I haven't been around much lately, but I will be. Things are changing. I am going to switch jobs. So I will be around a lot more." Derek explained. Her face lit up.

"Good!" She said as she crossed her arms.

"Okay then!" He said as he began tickling her.

"Stop! Daddy stop!" She giggled.

"What's going on here?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Mommy! Help! Daddy won't stop!" Anna shouted with laughter.

"Oh really..." Meredith said as she crossed the room.

"Mommy, help. We need more tickle fingers!" Derek chuckled.

"I can do that." Meredith said as she walked up and joined Derek.

"Stop!" She laughed. She began wiggling around violently. The buzzer went off, saying the chicken needed to come out of the over.

"Saved by the bell." Meredith said with a smile. She leaned down and kissed Anna.

"Hi, mommy..." Anna giggled.

"Hi, baby." She said softly. "It's really hot out." Meredith stated as she walked around the countertop and kissed Derek.

"Can we go swimming?" Anna asked.

"Maybe after dinner." Meredith told her.

"Hello." She whispered as she kissed him again.

"Hello to you." He said as he pulled her over to him. Her lips parted as he slowly slide his tongue in. She let out a faint moan.

"You gotta stop doing that!" Anna whined as she covered her eyes. "Are you done yet?" She asked. They pulled apart.

"Yes, we're done." Derek said.

"You know Anna, someday you won't be able to get enough of that." Meredith said frankly.

"No. Boys are yucky." Anna said with a giggle.

"Sure... What about Jack?" Anna asked. Derek raised his eyebrows. Anna's face turned red.

"Jack?" Derek asked.

"Stop mommy!" Anna said as she ran out of the room.

"What's going on?" Derek asked with a smile.

"Jack is the little boy that Anna had a crush on. Dark curly hair, blue eyes. Cute kid." Meredith said with a smile.

"Sounds like she has good taste...like her mother." Derek said as he ravaged her neck.

"Ah yes, her mother has excellent taste." Meredith laughed.

"So how did you find out about this?" Derek asked.

"She wrote Anna + Jack on a paper in her room. Hearts and all." Meredith laughed.

"Oh crap." Derek said quickly.

"No kidding. It's starting already." Meredith said happily.

"And it's going to get worst. And we will be around to see it." Derek said with a huge smile.

"Yes, we will." She told him.

------------------

Meredith stood in front of the mirror. She had a huge frown on her face. The tiny black bikini that she had always worn, looked slightly out of place. Her growing baby bump had taken over her body. And her fuller breasts more than filled out it's top. She didn't mind sharing her body with her babies, but now she was coming to realize that they were going to stretch her skin to the limits. No amount of cocoa butter was going to save her. She was just praying Derek would still be interested in her when she had to waddle around. So there she stood, in her only bathing suit, feeling like a fool.

"I really don't want to swim." Derek said as he entered their bedroom with his swim shorts on.

"Me either." Meredith said quickly. She had completely changed her mind.

"What! I just changed. A few minutes ago you were gung-ho about it." Derek said as he walked up to her.

"Derek, look at me. I am huge." She whined as she stared into the full-length mirror. "I am literally a freaking cow." She pouted.

"No, you are freaking hot." He said as he looked at her. "Wow." He said honestly. He was actually surprised at how much the pregnancy turned him on.

"Seriously? Are you on crack? Look at this." She pointed at her abdomen. "And these." She pointed to her breasts.

"Those are fabulous." Derek said with a smile. He stood behind her and placed his hands on her chest.

"Derek!" She said quickly as she swatted him away

"What... You are hot. I'm horny. It's a win win." He said with a dirty grin and he placed his hands on her abdomen.

"And your daughter wants to swim. But I am not." She said as she grabbed a tee shirt and put it on over her swimsuit.

"Oh you are swimming." Derek said with a smile.

"Whatever. Let's go." She said as she walked down the steps, followed by Derek. Anna bounded the stairs in her purple bathing suit.

"Okay!" Anna shouted and she ran out the front door and to the water.

"Anna! Don't get in until we get there." Derek shouted. Meredith followed and sat in a chair by the water.

"Mommy? Aren't you swimming?" Anna asked as she stuck her toe in the water. She quickly jerked it back. "And where is you bathing suit?"

"It's under my shirt." Meredith explained. "It doesn't look so good."

"You always say looks don't matter. It's how you feel." Anna pointed out.

"I feel like a cow..." Meredith muttered to herself.

"Come on, Mer..." Derek said with a smile. "You were the one that wanted to swim. It's not that cold."

"I'm not in the mood, Derek. I just want to rest." She told him as she closed her eyes. She opened them when Anna spoke.

"Mommy, let me see your bathing suit!" Anna said, head cocked. Meredith frowned. "Please?"

"Please?" Derek said with a smile as he cocked his head. She rolled her eyes. She couldn't deny them when they looked like that.

"No laughing." She said as she peeled the shirt off.

"Wow mommy, your belly is big!" Anna said with a giggle. Derek shot Anna a look. "But not that big..." She quickly amended.

"Just go swim." Meredith spat as she leaned back in the adirondak chair, soaking up the sun. She heard them laughing and splashing, as she closed her eyes and decided to rest. It got all-too-quiet.

"What the hell!" Meredith yelled as she felt cold hands grab her. She quickly began swinging her arms and thrashing.

"You're going swimming." Derek laughed as he scooped her up and ran to the water.

"Damn-it Derek!" She yelped. Before she knew it, he tossed her into the cold water. "Derek Michael Shepherd!" She shouted as she swam towards him, feigning anger. He swam away from her, but slowed so she could catch him. "I am going to hurt you!" She spat.

"Are you now?" He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Yes, I am." She said quickly as she reached up to grab his arms.

"Will you hurt me bad?" He said with a dirty smile. "...real bad?"

"I could. I could spank you. You need a spanking." She giggled as she pulled him close.

"I do." He said as he pulled her close. "I was so bad..." He whispered.

She felt his hard erection against her. Even in the cold water, he was impressive. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. Her body started to anticipate his next movement. She felt his hand travel down to her ass. He squeezed it firmly, and Meredith let a small smile creep thought. Meredith looked over at Anna. He followed her gaze. Disappointment came over him. No sex in the water today.

"She's worth it." Meredith said as she pulled away.

"Yeah, she is." He said with a smile as they swam over to their daughter, together.

**Fluff...everyone likes fluff, right?**


	87. She is Special

"So when exactly were you going to tell me?" Miranda asked as she cut her patient open. Meredith looked around nervously. She knew what this was...

"Tell you what?" Meredith asked. _Aren't you supposed to work? Why are you asking me dumb questions when you are cutting a patient open? Shit._

"That you are pregnant..." Miranda said as she glanced up at Meredith. "You do realize I would have noticed before it popped out."

"Who told you?" Meredith asked with disappointment. Her money was on the nurses.

"Oh, you know Seattle Grace. I heard it around." Miranda said with a roll of the eyes. "I hear about you and then Shepherd. You're having a kid, your husband is leaving the hospital. What else?"

"Well, I'm kind of having two kids..." Meredith muttered under her breath.

"You're what?" Miranda said as she looked up. "Oh hell no! Two McDreamys. The world isn't ready..."

"I know..." Meredith said shaking her head with a smile.

"Well, congratulations." Dr. Bailey said with a smile under her scrub mask. "What are you having?"

"I don't know yet. I have a check-up today." Meredith returned happily.

"That's good." Miranda said. "When are you due?"

"The middle of November. If they'll stay in that long." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"They have their own minds, you'll find that out real quick." Bailey said as she handed Meredith the scalpel. "Show me what you've got."

"Really?" Meredith asked.

"You are a first year resident... Grab the damn scalpel." She said loudly. "You are doing this on your own." Meredith performed nearly the whole surgery on her own. She was on cloud nine.

------------------

Meredith leaned against the nurses station and started writing on the chart. She was tired. She never used to be like this. She could stay up all night, doing anything, and then go to class or work. Not now. Now she was turning into and old lady. Now her feet and back hurt at the end of a long surgery. She hadn't had alcohol in what seemed like forever. The crazy thing is that she didn't crave it. She was in a good place. Her life was perfect.

"Hey." Derek said as he walked up behind her and placed his hands on her stomach. "How are you?" He asked as he kissed her on the neck.

"Tired." She moaned. "But I did a bowel resection solo today."

"Well, that's exciting." He said with a smile. "How did it go?" He asked as he rubbed her shoulders.

"Good. The surgery went well. My feet, not so much." She said with a frown. "Your children are trying to kill me. I could barely get my jeans on this morning. I need to get maternity clothes, but I'm too damn tired. So your children are satan spawn and it's only going to get worse."

"Come on." He said as he pulled her around the desk. "Sit down." He said as he motioned to the chair. She sat with a moan and leaned back. Derek knelt on one knee.

"What are you doing?" She said, shaking her head.

"This." He said as he pulled her shoe off and placed her foot on his knee.

"Oh god...Oh..." She moaned as he began kneading her feet. "Oh..." One of the nurses looked over.

"That is why they call you McDreamy." She said with a chuckle and turned to walk away.

"You have no idea." Meredith said quickly as she closed her eyes.

"You are the mother of my children. I will rub your feet everyday for the rest of your life if you need me to." He told her as he switched to the other foot.

"I don't get it. I'm not that far along. I shouldn't be so sore." She said with a shrug.

"You have two humans in your uterus. You will be sore." He said with a smile. Meredith closed her eyes, enjoying her much needed foot rub.

"Did you hear about Holly?" She heard a voice say. Meredith's interest was definitely piqued. Her head turned slightly so she could hear better. She looked at Derek, who was also listening.

"What do you mean?" The second voice asked.

"Well, she's been gone." The first voice explained quietly.

"Yeah, I noticed that. I thought she quit." The second voice replied. "After all that stuff with Shepherd."

"She didn't quit. I guess some mistake was made. The government thought she was dead. Like her social security number and everything is gone. She can't do anything. No money, no back account. She can't do one thing." The first voice told her quickly.

"Oh my god, can you imagine?" The second voice said in shock. "So what is she doing?"

"I guess she had to move in with her sister. She literally has nothing left. She couldn't pay her rent or her car payment. She is so screwed. She has no idea when they are going to fix it." The first voice said.

"Well, she probably had it coming to her..." She said with a chuckle. "I mean look at what she's done. It was probably that attorney's wife. Who the hell flaunts that?" The voice said.

"She is such a--" Meredith heard them walk away. She looked up at Derek's wide eyes.

"She was the one?" Meredith asked as she looked at Derek.

"One what?" He asked.

"Who had the affair with the attorney..." Meredith said with raised brows.

"That's kind of what it sounded like." Derek said with a shrug. "Who knows..."

"Well, what goes around comes around, I guess." Meredith said with a shocked look on her face.

"No kidding." He said as he shook his head and continued rubbing.

------------------

Meredith hoisted herself up onto the sterile, cold table. She hated exams. She hated being the patient. At the same time she was so happy to be in this room. Months ago she thought she was never going to have the opportunity to be in this room. Addison was going to be in in awhile. Meredith laid back on the table. She was tired, her body was tired. Derek was supposed to be in by now, and she was hoping he hadn't been pulled away, once again.

Meredith couldn't get Holly put of her head. She hated Holly. She hated her with a passion. But part of her felt bad. How could you not feel bad for someone who was so miserable that it poured onto everyone else. Someone who had no idea how to make themselves happy. She didn't feel bad, pity was the more appropriate word. She was like a weed. A vine that wrapped around, suffocating everything it entwined. Meredith couldn't even imagine waking up and being dead. Dead on paper, unable to do anything about it. And the fact that Holly was the one having an affair with the Livingston's attorney was unbelievable. Anyone who would sleep with someone, just to sabotage someone else was completely deranged. Meredith closed her eyes and rested her hands on her abdomen. Derek wasn't coming. She couldn't believe it. She felt sick. Her stomach started to rumble. Finally she heard the door open. She was relieved to see Derek, standing there in his street clothes.

"You made it." She said with a smile full of relief.

"Of course I made it." He said smoothly as he walked over to her bedside.

"You must admit, you haven't been Mr. Reliable lately." She said with a shrug.

"I guess you're right." Derek said with a frown. He began running his fingers through her hair. "But that is going to change, Mer."

"So you say..." She mumbled, making him feel even worse. "What time is it?" She asked as she looked around the room.

"She's late." He said as he looked at his watched. "A half an hour late."

"Which makes you late." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Richard..." Derek said, trying to pawn the blame off on him.

"And you didn't tell him that you needed to be at your darling wife's appointment?" She said with a giggle. "It's okay baby, I still love you." She said, he leaned down and kissed her. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him towards her, pressing her tongue into his mouth. He eagerly fought back with his own tongue. "These hormones..." She moaned as she pulled away.

"I love the hormones." He said as he leaned in and kissed her again.

"Don't start something you can't finish." Meredith muttered. They both looked up as the door opened.

"Dr. Montgomery is going to be about twenty more minutes." The nurse said with a smile. "She said you could reschedule if you wanted."

"I think we can wait." Derek said as he looked at an agreeing Meredith.

"She thought you'd say that. She also said you should lock the door first." The nurse said with a confused shrug. Meredith and Derek burst out laughing.

"Thank you." Derek said as she walked out, closing the door behind her. "Addie knows us way too well." Derek said with raised eyebrows. He quickly crossed the room and locked the door. She smiled as he walked back to her.

"So twenty minutes..." Meredith said as she pulled him onto the bed.

"Addie is usually faster than she says she will be." He told her quickly.

"Then we must only take off the necessary clothing." Meredith muttered as she pulled her drawstring.

"Good idea." Derek said with a grin as he undid and removed his own pants. Meredith gasped at his large bulge, making it's appearance in his boxer briefs.

"Holy crap, Derek!" She laughed. "I beginning to think you were born that way." She giggled.

"Nope." He said as he pulled her dark blue panties off. "It only happens every time I look at you." He said with a smile.

"I need you inside of me." She told him. He quickly ripped his boxer briefs off and smiled. "Come on already, Derek." She whined in desperation. He hastily pushed her knees up and entered her with a grunt. He looked at her closed eyes. The faint smile she had turned into a frown. "We don't have all day!" She finally shouted.

"Geez, Mer--" He said with a frown.

"I want you to fuck me, Derek. Not stare into my eyes lovingly. Some days I want that. Today. In this minute. I want to be fucked. Preferably hard." She said frankly. He was taken aback. "Like now!" She said as she smacked him. He quickly withdrew and pounded into her with force. He heard her yelp.

"To hard?" He asked with worry.

"God no." She said with a moan. He thrust into her again. She pulled her legs apart farther, allowing him deeper access. "Shit!" She moaned.

"Oh...shit...Mer...oh god..." He muttered as he continued thrusting himself into her tight, hot, folds.

"Harder..." She shouted loudly. He obliged. "Oh my god!" She screamed. "God, Der... I'm- Oh my--" She screeched as she tightened around him, her hot liquid washing over him.

"Mer...oh...Oh!" He moaned loudly. "I'm...fuck..." He shouted as he released into her. "Oh..." He slowly pulled out and stood there, attempting to catch his breath.

"Oh god... Thank you. I have needed that all day." She said breathlessly.

"You?" He asked as he pulled his clothing on. "I'm the one that has been walking around with a hard on for the last four hours since I saw you." She let out a giggle.

"I just hope I can still do that to you in another four months." She said as she pulled her own clothing on.

"Oh you definitely will..." They heard a knock on the door. Derek quickly walked over and opened the door.

"I thought you guys would never get done." Addison said as she shut the door, shaking her head. Derek and Meredith beth turned beet red.

"You-" Meredith asked in embarrassment.

"I was out there forever. You two are very loud. You in particular." She said, pointing to Meredith. Derek chuckled. "You are not so quiet yourself." She said with a laugh. He dropped his head.

"Don't be embarrassed. I wouldn't have told you to lock the door, if I didn't expect it. You two are like horny teenagers." She said with a laugh. "I'm actually jealous." She feigned disappointment. "Okay, Mer. How have you been feeling? Besides the surge of hormones..." She said with a laugh.

"Great." Meredith said with a smile as she rubbed her abdomen.

"No she hasn't. Her feet and back have been killing her." Derek said with worry.

"Not bad." Meredith quickly chipped in. "I'm just trying to get foot and back rubs." She laughed. Derek pretended to be hurt. He could see through her. He knew she really was hurting.

"Well, you can take some mild pain relievers. And of course hot bubble baths are a good thing. But not when you flood the downstairs." Addison chuckled. Derek's face dropped. He quickly looked at Meredith.

"You told her?" He asked Meredith. She looked at him and rolled her eyes.

"She's my friend, we talk about these things." Meredith said, attempting to diffuse it.

"She's also my ex-wife." Derek returned quickly.

"Well, it must have been hot..." Addison said with a shrug.

"It was!" They both said with gusto.

"Okay, let's get down to business. I am going to draw some blood. And we'll so an ultrasound." She explained as she grabbed the syringe and rolled up Meredith's sleeve.

"Have you had any nausea?" Addison asked as she looked at Meredith, then Derek. She had also gotten used to Meredith's not-so-fine fineness.

"No, not really." Meredith winced as she pushed the needle into her vein. Meredith felt sick as she saw her own red blood running. She hated it when it was done to her.

"Well, that's good." She said as she sat her things on the countertop. "Okay, you can lay back now." She said as she pushed up Meredith's shirt. "You have a little bump there." She said with a smile.

"You don't have to point that out." Meredith said with a frown.

"It will only get bigger. And I think you look great. You are in good weight. You could stand to add a few pounds, but you are in a healthy parameter." Addison said as she squeezed the jelly on her and began running the doppler over her. The gentle whoosh, whoosh, whoosh filled the room. Derek looked at Meredith's tear filled eyes. He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed his back.

"They look good." Addison said as she pointed to the screen. "The heartbeats are strong... It's still too soon to tell the sexes. But other wise, they look great, everything appears normal... Any questions?"

"No. I just--- Wow..." Meredith muttered as she watched. "It's so unbelievable."

"Wow..." Derek said in awe. "Our children..." They all sat there in silence for a few minutes. Finally Addison put the machine away and stood up.

"So Stan and I wanted to know if you'd like to meet for dinner on Friday. Quimby's maybe?" Addison suggested as she scribbled on the chart. They all loved the little Irish pub and restaurant.

"I think that would be fun." Meredith said with a smile. "Is that good for you?" She asked Derek.

"I think that would be great." He said as he leaned down and kissed her.

"Well, I will see you Friday." Addison said with a smile as she walked out.

"God I love you." Meredith said as she pulled him into an embrace.

"I love you too. And you, Thing One and Thing Two." He said as he pulled her shirt up and kissed her abdomen twice.

"What!" She said with a giggle.

"Thing One and Thing Two...it's cute. Plus we don't know what the sexes are so..." He said with a grin.

"It's cute..." Meredith agreed.

"Yeah?" He asked with and unsure look.

"Yeah." She said with a smile as she slide off the bed.

"You know what I think?" He asked as he followed her out the door.

"What's what?" Meredith asked as she grabbed his hand.

"I think Anna needs to go to a sleep over Friday night." He told her.

"I think that is a very good idea." She said with a nod.

-------------------

Derek had been better about being around. He had made it a point to be off earlier than her. He had made it a point to be around more. It almost irritated her. Not because he was around. She needed him around. She wanted him around. It was the fact that he hadn't been. The fact that now, after being under a little pressure he was right there. He was making things happen, that before were supposedly out of his control. She lit a fire under his ass, and he jumped. And she kept wondering how soon it would be before he would fall back into his old trap.

Meredith grabbed the mop and filled the bucket with soapy water. Domestic stuff didn't come naturally to her, but she was trying. She was learning slowly. She would never admit it, but she had to google several house related things in the past few weeks. Especially when she used the wrong cleaner and it started eating away at the wood floor. Her, loose in a house, with chemicals and a child... this was a very scary thing. She quickly mopped the floor and made her way to the great room. Anna was on the floor playing with her Breyer horses. She smiled when she heard Anna humming.

"Whatcha singing?" Meredith asked as she laid back on the sofa. She was exhausted from cleaning. She was now wishing that they had built a smaller one house.

"Nothing." She said as she quickly turned silent. She watched as Anna ran the pretend horses around on the floor.

"Come on, Anna Banana... You're shy all of the sudden?" Meredith giggled as she closed her eyes. After awhile she head Anna start to sing.

"I'm all lost in the supermarket, I can no longer shop happily, I came in here for that special offer, a guaranteed personality..." Anna finally sang out nearly inaudible.

"What's that?" Meredith asked as she opened her eyes and looked at Anna.

"I'm all lost in the supermarket, I can no longer shop happily, I came in here for that special offer, a guaranteed personality..." Anna sang out again, loudly.

"Oh...Anna." Meredith said as she shook her head. She couldn't believe that Anna was singing a Clash song. Derek was definitely polluting her mind.

"What?" She giggled as she jumped up and ran over to Meredith with a smile on her face.

"Oh, Anna..." She said again, laughing. Anna jumped on the sofa with her.

"What mommy?" She said with a big smile.

"What's that you're singing?" She asked quickly.

"The Clash. Me an Daddy listen to it when you're not in the car. He says it's the best. And you don't appreciate it." Anna told her frankly.

"Oh really?" Meredith said, shaking her head. Anna nodded and went back to her horses.

"Do you know what that means?" Meredith asked.

"Nope, daddy told me the words." She said as she began to sing it again. Meredith laid on the sofa thinking. Finally she sag out.

"Your Dad is lost in the eighties, he can not longer think rationally, he's fallen off his rocker, and needs to come back to reality..." Meredith sang with a laugh.

"Mommy!" Anna said shaking her head. She didn't understand exactly what it meant, but she knew sarcasm. "What does that mean?"

"Daddy is stuck in another time. He doesn't know that he has to move on." Meredith attempted to explain to a lost Anna. "Okay...What was your favorite show when you were really little?" Meredith asked.

"Uh, Dora the Explorer..." She said with a shrug.

"Well, do you like that now?" Meredith asked.

"Not really..." Anna said with a smile. "Not anymore."

"Well, you moved on. See daddy is still watching Dora, and look how old he is..." Meredith attempted to explain.

"Daddy watches Dora?" Anna said with a burst of laughter.

"No... The Clash is his Dora...kind of...Do you like Bob the Builder?" Meredith asked.

"No." Anna told her.

"Okay, well daddy figuratively likes Dora, and I like Bob, and I've moved on, I don't watch Bob the Builder anymore, and he hasn't/ He still watches Dora the Explorer. Do you understand?" Meredith asked.

"Yes. Kind of. No, not really. But that's okay cause this is to hard and it's making my brain hurt, and I don't want daddy to have to fix it." Anna said with a frown.

"Okay..." Meredith said with a chuckle. "I'm sure Daddy won't have to fix your brain."

"Oh good..." Anna said with a smile.

Meredith laid on the sofa laughing at herself. Maybe she wasn't cut out for this. Maybe she wasn't meant to be a mother. Her mother didn't have that much needed motherly instinct. And for most of her life, Meredith didn't think she had it, either. She really wasn't sure. She was sure there were going to be times when she wouldn't have a clue what was going on. But, it didn't matter, because ready or not, she had two bundles of joy on their way.

Derek walked into a sparkling clean house. He could smell the fresh, clean smell. He liked a clean house. He would never tell Meredith that. She was the type that would kill herself trying to keep it that way. He silently thanked god that he hadn't fallen in love with a slob like Cristina. He smiled when he looked down at Meredith. She was sound asleep on the sofa, Anna asleep at the other end. He leaned down and kissed her softly.

"Hey." She said as she sat up, stretching her arms. "What time is it?" She asked as she climbed off the sofa.

"Seven." He said as he looked down at his watch. "Are you hungry?" He asked as he walked towards the kitchen.

"No. Yeah, I guess. Thing One and Thing Two probably need to eat." She said with a giggle.

"Well, what do you want?" He asked.

"Something spicy." She said with a smile.

"How about tacos? That's all we have...stuff for tacos." He said as he rummaged through the cabinets. "We don't have much..."

"I know. I need to shop." She said with a frown.

"You hate to shop..." He said with and agreeing frown and a head nod.

"I do...but it needs to be done." Meredith said begrudgingly.

"We'll all go. Tomorrow. A family thing." He said with a grin.

"Okay." She said with a smile. She watched him cook. "We really need to call your mom."

"We do." He agreed as he stirred the meat. She could already smell the spicy scent she was craving.

"Now." She urged.

"Now?" He asked with a wince as he turned and faced her.

"Now..." She said as she picked up the phone and handed to him.

"Why me?" He whined as she grabbed it and dialed.

"Because you crawled out of her vagina. She deserves to hear it from you." She said with a smile.

"Did you have to give me the visual?" He asked with a sour face as he listened to it ring.

"No problem." She returned with a laugh.

"Mom?" Derek said as he put it on speaker phone.

"So my son finally decides to call his mother...At eleven at night." Derek and Meredith looked at the clock and frowned.

"Sorry, Evelyn." Meredith said with regret. "It was my idea."

"Meredith, dear. Call me mom!" She said with gusto. "And it was a great idea." Evelyn said with a happy tone. "So why are you calling. I know you, son. You don't call for no reason."

"We actually- Um-- We--" Derek stammered.

"Spit it out." Evelyn told him with a chuckle.

"Meredith's pregnant!" He finally shouted exuberantly. "We're pregnant!"

"What! Oh my god!" Evelyn shouted happily. "I'm going to be a grandmother!"

"Mother, you're already a grandmother." Derek said with a chuckle. "Many times over."

"I know son, but this one is special." She said with a smile. Derek was her baby. She had been hoping for a grandchild from him for years.

"Two." Meredith clarified.

"Two?" Evelyn asked in shock.

"Twins." Derek said with a giddy tone.

"Two more baby Shepherds..." Evelyn trailed off. "Congratulations!" Evelyn said happily. "So how are you feeling, dear?"

"I'm good." Derek answered.

"Not you! Not that I don't care, son. I was talking to Meredith..." Evelyn amended.

"I am feeling pretty good for 13 weeks." Meredith told her.

"You're already in your second trimester?" Evelyn asked with hurt. "Was I the last to know?"

No! Of course not. We found out late. Between the stress, and everything else." Derek explained.

"I'm so happy for you both." Evelyn told them. "And Derek, you take care of her. Excellent care, she is special." Evelyn said, talking about Meredith.

"I know she is, mom." He said as he walked over and pulled Meredith close. "I know she is."

**So finally Mama Shepherd knows. Thanks to everyone who reviews! I do read and enjoy every one even if I don't reply.**


	88. Children Will Play

Anna barreled down the stairs with her overstuffed overnight bags in her hands. This was her first ever sleep-over. She was excited. Derek was secretly relieved. He was looking forward to some much needed alone time with Meredith. And Meredith, she was worried. She was worried that Anna would get scared in the middle of the night. Worried she would get homesick. Derek shook his head when she saw the huge bags that Anna was carrying done.

"Anna Banana, are you running away?" Derek asked with a chuckle.

"No. Why?" She asked with a tip of her head.

"I think you have way too many clothes in there." He said as he pointed to the bags that she finally had to sit down, because they were so heavy.

"I want to make sure I have just the right clothes." She said with a smile.

"Why don't you go upstairs, and take out everything." He said. He heard her huff. "Then put in two pairs of jeans. Two tee shirts, a sweatshirt and pajamas. And underclothes." God, now he was sounding like his mom did with the girls. Totally pathetic.

"Fine. You are is bad as Mommy." She said as she struggled to drag the bags back up the stairs. He quickly climbed the stairs and helped her. He followed her into her messy room.

"What is this?" He asked as he pointed at the mess.

"Um...a mess." She said with a shrug.

"No shrugging. There will be no shrugging! You need to clean this up. If mommy saw this... You would be coming back home tonight, that's for sure." He said as he shook his head.

There was no way he was risking her coming back home for something stupid. He wanted Meredith all to himself tonight. He watched as she grunted and huffed as she picked up her clothes and toys. He sat on her bed. He wasn't helping her. She needed to learn responsibility. She would pout and look over at him, and he would just shake his head. He had let her get way to spoiled, and now he was putting his foot down.

"Good." He said as he watched her put the last shirt in her closet. "You are going to have to help. We can't push mommy too much with the babies on their way." He explained to her.

"Okay. I'm sorry daddy." She said with a frown as she placed her things into a smaller bag.

"Did you remember your toothpaste and toothbrush?" He asked. She quickly turned and went to her bathroom. "And I hope your bathroom is clean." He warned. He heard her rusting around, and she finally made her way out some time later.

"Are you ready?" He asked as he grabbed her bag.

"Yep." She said with a smile. She led the way out of her room and down the stairs.

"Are you going to be afraid?" He asked as they pulled down the driveway.

"No!" She shouted loudly. "I'm not gonna be afraid..."

"Okay. If you are, you know you can call home if you need to, right?" Derek asked.

"Daddy, quit worrying." She demanded. They drove in silence for awhile. "Can we listen to the Clash?" She asked with a smile.

"Of course." He said as he pushed the play button.

"The supermarket song." She told him. He skipped farther into the c.d. He listened as she sang along. He listened a little closer, noticing that she was singing something entirely different. He turned the sound down and listened to her sing a cappella.

"My Dad is lost in the eighties, he can not longer think rationally, he's fallen off his rocker, and needs to come back to reality..." She sang, emulating Meredith.

"What?" He asked in shock. "Sing that again."

"My Dad is lost in the eighties, he can not longer think rationally, he's fallen off his rocker, and needs to come back to reality..." She sang again as she looked at him in the mirror.

"Where did you hear that?" He asked with suspicion as he looked back at her face.

"Mommy." She giggled. "She made it up about you."

"Did she now?" He asked as he shook his head in disgust. He sat in his seat for a few minutes and began laughing. It was an evil laugh. A laugh that anyone would notice. A laugh that was a precursor payback.

"What's so funny, Daddy?" Anna asked quickly.

"Mommy is going to eat her words." He said with another laugh.

"What do you mean? You aren't going to make her eat paper, are you?" She asked in shock. "That would be mean."

"No, Anna. I won't make your mom eat paper. It's a figure of speech." He told her. He turned the radio back up. "What I have planned is much worse than that." He muttered under his breath.

He watched as Anna bobbed around in the back seat to the music. He shook his head and laughed. At least she can appreciate good music. And Meredith. He couldn't believe her. She thought she was so funny. We'll se how funny she really is, soon enough. He looked down at the paper. The address matched the one on the house as he pulled into the driveway.

"This is it?" She said with disappointment. "It's small." She said with a frown. "Our house is a lot bigger. I think my room is bigger than this house." She said with a shake of her head.

"Anna, that doesn't matter." He said as he whipped around and looked at her. "I grew up in a house even smaller than this one. Not everyone is fortunate to have what we do. So I don't want to hear you make those comments ever again." He scorned.

"I'm sorry daddy." She mumbled as she looked out the window.

"It's okay, baby. You don't want hurt someone's feelings, do you?" He asked.

"No." She said as she looked at him.

"Okay." She said as he climbed out of the car. "Let's go meet Kayla's parents." He said as he grabbed her hand and walked towards the modest, but clean home.

Kayla's parents were very personable. He felt completely comfortable leaving his daughter at their house for the night. Anna seemed completely content as she ran off chasing Kayla to her room. Derek climbed in his Land Rover. He couldn't believe that Anna had said that. She was spoiled. He didn't know what she had before she came to them, but he didn't think it was much. He knew that he and Meredith were really going to have to keep after her. She needed to learn that things weren't handed to her and she needed to watch what she said. Derek flipped the radio on and smiled. Revenge is so sweet...

-----------------

**  
**Meredith drove home quickly. She, Derek and Anna were going grocery shopping together. As a family. Meredith was surprised. This family thing was pretty freaking amazing. She loved having them both. When she was with Ian, she prayed that she was alone. She loved having her free time. She secretly loved it when he would go home with some other woman. And now she looked forward to going home and spending her evenings with her husband and child.

Meredith pulled down her perfect long winding driveway. She smiled when she saw her perfect house looming in the distance. Never had she thought she would have this. Perfection. She always said it wasn't possible. Now she was seeing that it was. She opened the garage door and pulled her car in. She looked over at her old Jeep. That was just one more wonderful thing that Derek had done. She smiled when she looked up and saw the entry door open and Derek standing there with a smile.

"Hey." He said as he made his way to the BMW and gave her a soft kiss. "That wasn't too long." He pointed out.

"I didn't have Addison with me." She pointed out.

"Good point..." He said with a chuckle.

"Tell me something." She said as she walked to the back of her car and opened it.

"Anything..." Derek said with a grin.

"Why are people so drawn to a pregnant woman's damn stomach? Every person in that damn maternity shop had their hands on me! It's freaking weird!" She said as she grabbed two bags out.

"Who knows...People are strange." Derek said with a shrug. He grabbed the last bags and began to follow her in. "You sure didn't buy much." He pointed out as he followed her upstairs.

"I bought enough." She mumbled. "I got tired of the belly rubs. You give dogs belly rubs, not strangers." She said as she threw the bags down on the bed.

"Can I rub your belly?" He asked with a smile.

"Of course you can rub my belly." She said as she stood their taking her new clothes out of the bag. Derek wrapped his arms around her and placed his hands on her abdomen.

"How are Thing One and Thing Two today?" He asked with a smile.

"I think they are good." She said happily.

"You are so sexy." He whispered into her ear.

"Where is Anna?" She asked quietly. "I thought we were going shopping?"

"Nope, I already went. Anna went to Kayla's house for the night." He said with a dirty grin. "The whole night."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" She asked.

"I'm just stating a fact. She will be gone all night. I guess we'll have to find some way to entertain ourselves." He told her as he kissed her neck.

"I guess we will." She agreed as she turned around, faced him kissing him softly. "I have to put these clothes in the wash." She said with a smile as she turned back around, gathering them in her arms and walking off.

"Seriously?" He asked as he followed her like a puppy.

"Seriously. I have nothing that fits, and I need to wear clothes. I have to wash these so I can wear them tonight." She explained as she continued to walk away from him.

"We could stay home. Naked. All night long." He said with a smile as he followed her into the laundry room. She threw the clothes and detergent in the washer and pushed the buttons. Derek slid his hand up her shirt.

"Derek! You need to behave yourself." She said with a giggle as she swatted his hand away.

"Come on, Mer. You know you want to." He said as he turned her around.

"We don't have time..." She muttered as she looked at him.

"For sex, we make time." He grinned as he lifted her up and onto the washer.

He ran his hands up and down her soft skin under her shirt. She smiled as his hands played with the band of her cotton yoga pants. They were the only ones that fit. She moaned as his fingers feathered underneath. She lifted her bottom off of the washer, as he pulled them off and threw them on the floor. He looked into her blue-green eyes. She only had eyes like that when she was turned on. When she needed him. He smiled as looked down to see the wet spot on her thong. He gently pushed her panties to the side and thrust two fingers inside of her.

"Oh god..." She gasped as he pressed and rubbed all the right spots. "Damn-it..." She moaned loudly. She began squirming as she felt her peak nearing. "Oh god..." She yelped as she released her warm liquid.

"Okay." Derek said with a shrug as he began to walk away.

"Oh I don't think so. That was just a warm-up." She said with a giggle. "Take off your pants." She demanded.

"I like bossy Meredith." He said with a smile as he quickly dropped his jeans on the floor in a pile.

"Boxers too." She said with a grin as she pulled off her thong. "Okay..." She said as she leaped off of the washer and onto him.

"God Mer." He muttered as she held him tightly.

"Fuck me, Derek." She said hastily. He smiled as he pushed her against the agitating washer, placing himself inside of her. "Oh god..."

"Shit Mer." He said as he thrusted into her. "Oh my---- Oh..." He moaned as he felt her hot folds around him. The vibrating of the washer heightening their senses.

"Oh...crap...god Derek..." She shouted as she felt his shaft pulsating. "Harder!" She screamed as she pushed her hips hard against him. She pushed too hard.

"Fuck!" He shouted as they both tumbled onto the floor. She smiled as she rocked hard onto him.

"Oh god..." She screamed loudly.

"Mer...I'm...Oh...I'm coming..." He moaned loudly.

"Fuck...Oh god..." She squealed as she rocked one last time, feeling their juices combining. "Oh..." She moaned as she closed her eyes and her body shook.

"Wow..." Derek said as he looked up at her, he could see the beads of sweat creeping from her thin shirt. She slowly climbed off of him and threw her clothes in the dirty laundry basket. He smiled as he watched her walk off, naked.

"This is why I love living in the middle of nowhere." She said as she walked over. He watched her hips sway.

"Where are you going?" He shouted after her.

"I'm going take a shower." She said as she shook her ass. Derek quickly peeled off his own clothes and chased after her. He smacked her on the ass as he caught up.

"We're taking a shower." He clarified as they both ran up the stairs.

------------------

Meredith pulled into the parking lot of Quimby's. This was all too familiar. Showing up at the restaurant, by herself. She honestly couldn't believe it. Derek had gotten paged. Freaking paged. They make plans for one evening and he goes to the hospital. It's the job. He can't help it. And yet it is still irritating as hell. There she sat, contemplating whether or not to even go in. She hated being stuck in these situations. She took one last look around the parking lot, and a look the mirror. She opened the door and threw her legs out. She could do this.

She looked around the minute she entered the busy restaurant. She spotted Addison and Stan in the back. Their were two other people at the table. _This is even worse than I expected. Now I have to make excuses to strangers._ Meredith begrudgingly walked towards the table. Addison of course looked absolutely fabulous. She had on a casual skirt and flats. Stan had on a nice button down shirt and khakis. The other woman looked like Addison. Maybe more of a shrunken version. Not so pretty, a little shorter and chunkier. The other man was good looking with sharp features and sandy blond hair.

"Meredith!" Addison said as she jumped up.

"Hey Addie." Meredith returned with a smile. Addison gave her a warm hug. "How are you, Stan?" Meredith asked as she looked over at him

"I am great, how are you?" He asked with a genuine smile.

"I am really good." Meredith said as she looked at the other two guests.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. How rude of me! This is my sister, Franceasca, and her fiance, Marty." Addison said as she introduced him. "This is my good friend Meredith."

"It's nice to meet you." Meredith said as she sat down at the table.

"Please tell me Derek is parking the car..." Addison said with raised eyebrows. Meredith's face quickly dropped. "He's at the hospital, isn't he?" Addison asked.

"Of course he is." Meredith returned with a mixture of anger and disappointment. "But I am here."

"And I am glad you still came." Addison said with a smile. Meredith looked at Franceasca. The woman she thought Derek was having an affair with. She was not what she had imagined. Not in the least. She felt even more foolish now than she had before.

"So, Meredith what do you do for a living?" Francaesca asked with a warm smile.

"I'm a surgical resident at Seattle Grace." Meredith returned simply. Her irritation with Derek was now growing. He had abandoned her. He left her with the wolves. It wouldn't have been a big deal if it were just Addison and Stan. But now their were tow other people there that didn't give her a good vibe.

"Oh, another doctor..." She muttered. "So this isn't weird?"

"What?" Meredith asked as she looked around.

"Going to dinner with your husband's ex-wife." Fran said with raised eyebrows.

"No, not in the least. Addie and I, we're beyond that." Meredith explained as she took a sip of her drink.

"Yes, we are. Besides, Derek and I were not meant to be." Addison said quickly.

"Thank god for that." Fran said with a chuckle. Meredith could smell the alcohol on her breath. She could already tell that she didn't like Fran. Not one bit.

"Fran." Addison spat angrily.

"What? He was a crappy husband." She said with a shrug as she leaned over and kissed her boyfriend. Marty gave Meredith and apologetic look. Meredith shrugged.

"He is a wonderful husband to Meredith. In fact, they are expecting twins." Addison said with a huge grin.

"Oh, congratulations!" Fran said with a smile.

"Thank you." Meredith returned. Derek was so getting his ass kicked. He had better not be doing a kick ass surgery while she suffers. Meredith looked down at her watch.

"What did he have?" Addison asked.

"I have no idea. We were- He was paged 911." Meredith quickly answered.

"Not good." Stan said, knowing what that meant.

"I'm guessing that being married to a doctor isn't a walk in the park?" Marty asked as he looked at them all.

"No...no it's not." Stan answered with a head shake. "The hospital owns you."

"Two doctors is even worse." Meredith returned with a frown.

Meredith ordered her food and sat back in her seat. It wasn't torture. It was close, but it definitely wasn't torture. She couldn't believe her luck. She couldn't believe that he wasn't there. Instinctively her hand rested on her stomach as she listened to everyone talk. She kept noticing Marty looking at her. It wasn't an innocent look. It was a look that if Derek saw, he would most likely knock him out cold. So now she was avoiding. Avoiding Marty, avoiding talking. Just avoiding.

Meredith threw some appetizers on her plate and ate them slowly. Her eyes moved to the door. It was bizarre. Beyond bizarre. She couldn't believe that someone was walking around that way. Definitely 80's punk. The hair was spiky. Drain pipe black jeans. A ripped Clash shirt. The rocker jacket. Black boots. Spikes. Oh dear god. And Everyone was staring. She didn't know whether to point and laugh or hide. Then she caught his eye. Even across the room, she knew those blue eyes.

"I am so sorry, guys." Meredith said and she dropped her head into her hands and shook it. They all looked at her like she was crazy. Then they looked up to see Derek.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Derek said as he leaned down and kissed her. Everyone became wide-eyed. Nearly the whole restaurant fell silent.

"Derek!" Meredith seethed through her teeth. "What the hell are you doing?" She said as she looked over at him. Everyone else at the table still had their mouth agape. She looked at his usually perfect hair, standing on end.

"I'm just playing along with your little song..." He said with a smile as he leaned down and kissed her again.

"What song?" She asked hastily.

"Um. Something about daddy being stuck in the eighties." He said with a grin. Her face immediately dropped/ She had brought it on herself.

"Oh my god..." She groaned.

"So I figured I may as well be." He said as he looked around at a confused table.

"What?" Addison said with a confused look.

"Meredith has been bad-mouthing the Clash to Anna, our daughter." He explained as he looked around the table. "She made up a cute song about me being stuck in the eighties and what was it? Off my rocker, needing to come back to reality?" He asked as he looked over at her. She nodded her head yes.

"Oh, Meredith..." Addison said with a head shake. "You should know better than to mess with the Clash..."

"I do now." She returned with a raised eyebrow.

"Derek, you are unbelievable." Fran said with disgust. "So immature."

"I try." Derek said with a cheesy grin. "I'm Derek Shepherd." Derek said as he stuck his hand out to Marty.

"Marty Tanner." Marty said as he shook his hand. "So you are a neurosurgeon?" Marty asked in shock. He definitely didn't look like one.

"That I am." Derek said with a smile.

"You're not going to stay that way, are you?" Meredith asked. regretting her little song.

"Of course I am, dear." Derek said with a chuckle. "Besides, I thought it would be fun when we went home tonight." He said as he raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh god..." She muttered.

"You with youre pink hair, me with my spikes. Maybe the whips and chains..." He said suggestively.

"TMI, Derek. TMI." Fran said, shaking her head. "I don't care about your sex life."

"It's very good I'll have you know." Derek said with a grin. "Very good." He reiterated as he looked at Meredith.

"I don't doubt that." Marty said loudly under his breath. Meredith moved nervously in her chair at the comment. Derek didn't notice, he was too focused on looking at her.

"What?" Fran asked him with an angry look in her eye.

"What?" Marty returned, pretending not to know what she was talking about.

"So what was wrong at the hospital?" Addison asked Derek, noting the tension.

"Nothing. I had Dr. Calhoun page me. This doesn't happen in minutes." Derek said, motioning to himself in his clothes.

"Derek, you are pathetic." Addison told him.

"I know." Derek agreed.

"I have to go to the restroom." Meredith said with a smile as she got up and walked away. On her way back out, she was meant with a pair of light blue eyes.

"So, what do you say we get out of here?" Marty asked as he put his hand against the wall, next to Meredith. "Could be fun. Sounds like you are a lot of fun."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Meredith asked with a laugh. "I am here with my husband. My ridiculously immature, dorky husband, who I love more than life." She said as she started to walk away.

"You're making a mistake." He said as he followed her with his eyes.

"I highly doubt that." She returned as she continued on her way.

Meredith spent the rest of the evening unnerved. Something about Marty's comment upset her. Worried her, even. But she was most likely overreacting. At least that's what she kept telling herself. Derek could tell something was wrong, but he didn't want to press the issue. She had been having huge hormonal mood swings, and he didn't want to make it worse. Derek pulled up into the driveway, and pulled into the garage. Meredith followed behind him. They both walked into the house. Meredith put her purse on the counter.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a head cock.

"I am great." She said, snapping to reality and pushing everything else out. She was good at that, shoving all down into a dark twisty place. "In fact, I can't wait to get you out of those clothes and do very, very dirty things to you." She giggles as she pulled his jacket off.

"Oh really?" He asked with a grin as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Really." She said as she began peeling her own clothes off. "Leave the boots on." She said with a giggle. "They are hot." She stood there, taking him in. She saw him grow infront of her eyes. "Hold that thought." She said as she ran into the other room and returned with a riding crop in her hand. "Just how bad have you been?" She asked as she smacked her hand with the crop. His eyes got wide. Thsi was definitely something he handn't encountered in his lifetime.

"Very bad..." He said softly. "So bad..."

"So you need punishment?" She asked with raised brows.

"I do." He agreed with a head shake. She met his ass with a firm smack. "Holy shit!" He shouted as he rubbed the red welt.

"You said you were bad..." She answered with a grin.

"I am." He said as he jogged off up the stairs.

"More punishment for you..." She shouted as she chased after him with the crop in her hand. The whole way up the same words Marty had said, repeated in her head. You're making a mistake... 


	89. Why Do I Even Try?

"I have to ask...where the hell did you get that riding crop?" Derek asked as he grabbed it off of the table.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She asked with a giggle.

"It's hot. You realize that, right. It really freaking dirty hot." He said as he gave her a light tap with it.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it..." She said with a smile. "I still can't believe that you came to the restaurant like that." Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"I had to get back at you somehow." Derek said with a chuckle as he rolled over and gave her a soft kiss.

"Publicly? I tease you in private." Meredith said as he gave him a playful pat on his bare chest.

"To our child...much worse!" He warned, shaking his head.

"You have to admit it was funny. Derek, she was walking around singing Clash songs. She is walking around singing The Clash." She reiterated. "I'm just saying..." Meredith explained.

"I do have to say I am impressed. I figured that you would run out of the restaurant like you were on fire." Derek said with a loud chuckle.

"And give you the satisfaction? I think not!" Meredith said as she rolled over, pressing her soft naked flesh onto his. She laid there staring into his deep blue eyes. "I thought Addison was going to hide under the table." She joked.

"Me too." He agreed. "I'm lucky I have such a wonderful, compassionate wife."

"Tolerable, I think you mean tolerable!" She told him as she kissed his chest.

"That too." He told her quickly. "And brilliant, beautiful, amazing...need I go on?"

"Please do..." She giggled.

"Sexy, irresistible...and mine. All mine." He said as he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips.

"So Franceasca..." Meredith started.

"Please...I was enjoying this." He said sadly as he shook his head.

"I just feel so stupid. I'm sorry, Derek." Meredith said with a frown. "She definitely isn't your type."

"You think?" He joked. "She is something else. I'm just not sure what... She's been a thorn in my side forever. She's extremely fake." He explained.

"Why would you hire her?" Meredith asked. Why would you hire someone whom you feel so much disdain for?

"She's the best. I can't argue that." She said with a shrug. "But Marty seemed nice..." Derek said quickly.

"Seriously?" She said in complete shock as she pulled away.

"Yeah. He seemed like a nice guy." Derek said quickly. "I actually feel bad for him, stuck with her."

"Nice for a poisonous snake..." Meredith muttered.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Nothing. He just-- Bad vibe." She said quickly. He was Franceasca's fiance. Fran was Derek's business person. She couldn't afford to make waves for Derek.

"Oh..." Derek said with a concerned face. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure it's nothing." Meredith said with a fake smile, to cover the real emotions she was feeling. "I'm just hormonal. From your little demons..."

"Thing One and Thing Two are not demons." He said, feigning hurt.

"We'll see about that when you can't sleep through the night because they are screaming their heads off." Meredith said quickly. Her stomach growled loudly.

"Now that makes them sound like a beasts." He said as he sat up and kissed her abdomen. "Beasts that need to eat." He said as he started climb out if bed.

"Where are you going?" She asked with a sad look on her face.

"To make you and my children some breakfast." He said as he began to walk out.

"But I want sex." She said with a frown.

"Breakfast now. Sex later." He told her. "Anna won't be home until five. "So sex all day. No clothes." He told her as he walked out.

"Promise?" She asked.

"Yep." He shouted back.

"Don't think I won't hold you to that, old man." She yelled as she climbed out of bed.

Meredith brushed her teeth, washed her face and did all of her morning routine, omitting the clothing completely. When she went downstairs, Derek had nearly every breakfast food on the kitchen table. She smiled as she saw him sitting there, in the buff. She looked over at him and rolled her eyes.

"What?" He asked with a laugh.

"You..." She said taking her seat.

"I didn't know what you wanted. And Things One and Two get whatever they want." He said with a smile.

"It starts already!" She said. "These children will not be spoiled. We can't have that, it's annoying. And after what Anna said yesterday..."

"Anna is-- She'll be fine. As for the twins being spoiled... Maybe not by you..." He said as he put some food on his plate.

"Derek...seriously." She said with a serious look.

"Ok. Absolutely no spoiling." He said, pretending to agree. She just shook her head.

"So you realize that no one would ever have dinner at our house if they knew our bare asses were on the chairs." She told him.

"I like eating naked. Now that we have Anna-- I have always wanted to eat breakfast naked. With you, of course." He clarified. "Not to mention our bare asses have been on nearly every surface in the house." He said.

"You have a point. Maybe we should just make this a nudist colony?" She asked. "We have the space. Whenever Anna is away, we just go all naturale." She said.

"Now you're talking." He said with a smile as he took a small bite of eggs and chewed slowly.

"Hurry up and eat." She said with raised eyebrows. "I want sex!" She giggled. He quickly began shoveling the food in.

"Hurrying..." He said with food in his mouth.

**------------------**

"You are amazing." Derek muttered as he rolled away from Meredith, his body covered in sweat.

"You aren't so bad yourself." She panted as she stared at the ceiling. "It's hot in here..." She whined quietly.

"It's only going to get hotter." Derek said with a dirty smile on his face.

"I don't know how many more rounds I can handle!" She said tiredly as she rolled over and faced him.

"Now who's old?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Let's go swimming." Meredith said as she jumped out of the bed.

"I don't like swimming." Derek said grumpily. "And I want sex."

"I want sex too." She said as she raised her eyebrows.

"Oh!" Derek replied happily. "That kind of swimming..."

"Yes. I want to finish what we started the other day..." She returned happily and walked to her large closet. She disappeared inside and reappeared in her black bikini.

"I thought we were--" Derek said with disappointment.

"We are. It's more fun when we have to take them off." She said with a smile. She stood there in her tiny black bikini that covered up nearly nothing.

"Okay... As long as we will eventually take them off!" He said as he grabbed his swim shorts out of his bureau and slide them on.

"Besides...you never know who might show up." She said with a shrug.

"So much for our nudist colony." He whined as he followed her down the stairs. "By the way...I'm thinking about getting a gate by the road."

"What?" She said in shock. "Why would you do that?"

"Because we are far off of the main road, and anyone could just drive up. I want to know my family is safe." He said frankly.

"I think that is completely ridiculous." She said shaking her head. "We are fine. We do not need that."

"Mer--" He started. She quickly ran into the water.

"Are you coming? Or would you rather argue with yourself about a gate?" She asked as she watched him. The water was warm. The temperatures had been unusually high for the area.

"I'm coming..." He said as he treaded into the water. "It's kinda warm."

"Yeah, it is." She said with a smile as she swam away from him.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked as he chased after her. She quickly climbed onto the wooden raft and he climbed up with her. She laid in her back and threw her hands behind her head. He laid on his stomach and propped himself on his elbows, watching her.

"What?" She said as she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Nothing. I just like to watch you." He said with his signature smile.

"You're making me self conscious." She said as she rolled over.

"You look amazing." He said as he cocked his head.

"Yeah, an amazing cow." She muttered.

"No. Absolutely not." He said shaking his head. Her frown softened slightly. "I love your feet." He said as he kissed them softly. "You have sexy feet."

"They're feet." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Sexy feet." He said as he sucked her toe. "And your calves." He said as his mouth trailed along her leg, kissing and nipping her perfectly toned leg.

"My calves?" She said, shaking her head.

"But your thighs, they are amazing." He said as he ran his soft hands up and down her leg, trailing kisses. He carefully untied the strings of her bikini and laid it down. "But my favorite part...it's right here..." He said as he his mouth trailed around her. He smiled as he was met with her sweet taste. She quickly grabbed his wet curls and pulled softly.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she moved her hips up, avoiding his prodding tongue. His hands softly rested on her legs, steading her as her moved his tongue across all the spaces that set her over the edge.

"Crap!" She muttered as she thrusted her hips reacting to the pleasure that was building. "Der--- Stop! I'm--- Oh..." She moaned as she released in his mouth, his suction increasing as the warm fluid flowed.

"Mer..." He moaned as he ran his tongue over her soft baby bump, sucking on her naval.

"God Der..." She moaned as he moved towards her mouth, his erection rubbing hard against her. "Come on..." She moaned and as she ran her hands down his sides, pulling his shorts down. He kicked them off into the water. She ran her hand down his shaft, increasing her grip as she stroked.

"Oh God Mer..." He gasped as he felt the tight grip her petite hand had created. "I-- I-" He gasped once again.

"I want you inside me..." She said with a smile. He returned it and gently spread her legs, thrusting his large shaft into her. Her fingers dug into his back as he pumped into her over an over. "Fuck me... Harder!" She screamed, knowing no one could hear them.

"Oh my god, Meredith." He moaned as he felt her heat surround him. She smiled and used all her strength to flip them over, so she was straddling him. She quickly rocked herself. His eyes looked deep into hers as he flipped them both again.

"Shit!" Meredith shouted as she felt them tumbling off of the side of the raft. She quickly wrapped her legs around him, not breaking their connection. The cool water washed around them as they sank slowly. They both came up from the water together with smiles on their faces. He moved them closer to the raft. She threw her arms against it, his hands holding her wrists for leverage.

"Oh god..." He moaned as he pumped into her as hard as he could.

"Shit...I'm...oh..." She muttered as she spread her legs even farther. The cool water that had followed them up now surrounded their bodies. "Harder...deeper...harder!" She screamed. He smiled as he drove harder with a grunt. "Oh my..." She moaned as she felt the heat coming.

"I'm...oh..." He groaned as he released inside of her. Her warm fluids now surrounded his shaft as the cold water teased them both.

"Oh..." She moaned as he released his grip and they slide into the water together. Their heads bobbed above the surface. "I think that was worth the wait." She said with a head shake.

"It definitely was." He agreed. They both looked up when they heard the faint sound of a car engine.

"Shit!" She said with wide eyes. "Where is my..." She said as she looked around in panic. Derek looked around for his swim shorts. He quickly found them and slid them on. He looked on top of the raft and spotted her bottoms. He quickly jumped up and threw them down to her. He looked up to see an unfamiliar suv pulling up.

"Oh my god." Meredith muttered as she saw Anna, Kayla and her parents in the car. "They can't see me in this." Meredith said with a pleading look.

"Mer... You look fine. You're pregnant..." He returned softly.

"My boobs don't even fit in this..." She said as she looked down. He followed her look. It was true. It wasn't the kind of swimsuit you wanted fellow parents seeing you in.

"Hide under the raft, I will get rid of them..." He said as he shook her head. He knew she had gotten self-conscious. He didn't want her to feel bad about herself because of this.

"Daddy!" Anna shouted as she jumped out of the car.

"You owe me..." He joked as he climbed out of the water. She smiled as she hid underneath the wooden raft. She could hear Anna talking a mile a minute about how much fun she had. Derek talked for awhile and then the Miller's were on their way. Derek just shook his head as she slowly walked out of the water.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"To change. I am not swimming until I get a different suit." She said as she walked up to the house. They had forgotten towels.

"But I like that one!" He yelled after her, admiring her perfect ass, barely covered by the thin material.

"I bet you do!" She yelled back, shaking her head as she continued on her way.

----------------

"So did you kill your husband?" Addison asked with a chuckle as she met Meredith at the nurses station.

"No..." Meredith giggled. "I think it just turned me on." She laughed. "It was definitely the spiky hair."

"He would have never done that fifteen years ago... You bring out _something_ in him." Addison explained. She knew how dull Derek was during their marriage.

"Oh thanks..." Meredith said, feigning hurt.

"No. That's not what I meant. He's great. I never knew how unhappy he had been all those years. You make him happy. It's wonderful." Addison explained with a pat on the back.

"So, do you think you'll be getting Stan to dress up like a punk rocker?" Meredith asked as she scribbled on the chart.

"Stan doesn't have hair..." Addison pointed out with a chuckle. Meredith knew Stan was heavily balding. "That's just one more thing your babies will have..." Addison started to explain. "Great hair, good looks...they'll have it all."

"Literally." Meredith moaned. "Derek is going to spoil them horribly. Anna has been a terror. I can't really say that. She is getting better." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"What has she been doing?" Addison asked with a worried look on her face.

"Just being a brat. She knows what she has, and she is not afraid to point it out. To everyone. Derek realizes it, and gets after her, but all she has to do is give him his look-" Meredith started, Addison looked confused. Meredith did the famous McDreamy head cock.

"Oh...yeah." Addison said with an understanding nod.

"He just melts. It is completely pathetic. Apparently she believes her friend Kayla lives in a shack. Thank god she didn't tell her that. And of course she is not afraid to throw tantrums." Meredith pointed out.

"Let me take her." Addison said quickly.

"You want to deal with that?" Meredith asked in shock.

"Sure. Anna needs to know that she must act like a lady." Meredith gave her a look. "I'm not saying you aren't. I just-- I feel partially responsible. I helped build this mess. So I will help you fix it. How about next weekend? Stan is on a business trip, and I will be all alone. And I promise, no shopping..." Addison said with a warm smile.

"If you want her over, and she wants to, I don't see a problem with that." Meredith agreed.

"Good! Well, I need to go, but I will catch up with you later." Addison said as she walked off.

"See ya." Meredith shouted back. She looked down at her growling stomach. "Well, I guess I should feed you guys." She said as she rubbed her abdomen. "I don't need daddy on my case."

"Meredith!" She heard Ellis say loudly from down the hall.

"We are definitely avoiding this." She muttered to her abdomen as she picked up her pace. She breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't hear footsteps following her. She wasn't looking back. If they locked eyes, she would be caught.

Meredith looked at the food in the cafeteria. Nothing sounded good. She knew she needed fruit, and protein. She had to eat healthy. She had even been thinking about working out. She needed to get into better shape. She grabbed a chicken salad sandwich and a plum, and walked outside to the tables. She didn't see anyone around so she grabbed and empty table and sighed. Her feet definitely needed a break. She scrunched her nose when she took a bite of her sandwich. It was more onion-y than she liked. She liked chicken salad with grapes and nuts. She shrugged and took another bite. It was hospital food, she should know better.

"She you thought you could escape me?" Ellis said as she sat down heavily in the chair.

"Oh...mother...what do you mean?" Meredith asked pretending to be naive.

"I was calling you in the hallway. Don't pretend you didn't hear me. I know you did because you shuffled. _Damn shuffle. Why did I shuffle? Crap!_

"I didn't shuffle." Meredith muttered. _Now that was stupid..._

"So you admit that you heard me?" Ellis spat. _Crap, she caught it._

"What exactly is it that you want?" Meredith asked finally.

"I can't just eat lunch with my daughter?" Ellis asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well you never have before, so..." Meredith said softly.

"Well how are you feeling?" Ellis asked as she looked at her abdomen. "You are getting huge."

"I am not!" Meredith returned with an offended tone.

"You are. I guess that's what happens." Ellis said annoyingly.

_Oh, you remember carrying me? You actually remember being a mom. Or a "mother" because you definitely are not a mom. _

"I wasn't very big with you. In fact, no one knew I was pregnant until a month before you were born." Ellis said.

Meredith was in shock. It was almost like her mother was actually trying to bond with her. She was talking about babies, and being pregnant. Meredith always had a tiny feeling that either A, her mother stole her and she really had a loving family who missed her. Or B, she was hatched. A didn't work because she looked like a Grey. Apparently she looked like her father, even if she only saw him in pictures. And she know nothing from her mother's side, because Ellis never talked about it. And B didn't work because humans aren't hatched. It was really a stupid idea. Anyhow it was amazing that Ellis was once again, attempting to convert into human form.

"You were such a tiny baby. I thought I would break you. You're father--" She immediately cut herself off. Meredith hung onto her words. She hated her dad, but she still wanted to know. "What the hell happened to you?" Ellis laughed. It didn't feel like a joke. "You _were_ tiny."

"So you think I'm fat?" Meredith said in shock. She knew she wasn't fat. If anything she was slightly underweight. Maybe not now. The pregnancy was filling her out. But she was healthy. Ellis just looked at her.

"Well maybe I should become an anorexic. I mean why not? What the hell...I just have two humans growing inside of me. They don't need to eat, do they? I'm sure you would be elated when I give birth to malnourished deformed grandchildren, right?" Meredith snapped angrily.

"Meredith! Give me a break. That is not what I meant. I see you're hormonal too." Ellis said shaking her head.

"I am not hormonal!" Meredith shouted. It was a lie, and she knew it. "You make me fucking crazy!"

"Excuse me! Who do you think you are talking to me that way?" Ellis said nastily.

_Breathe...relax...breathe...relax..._ Meredith told herself. Derek's famous words. Appartenly she forgot to do that on her own. She closed her eyes and inhaled. When she opened them, she smiled. She slowly took a bite of her sandwich.

"So Richard told me about Derek." Ellis pointed out. "I can't believe it. The West coast's best neurosurgeon. In the country, even. And Richard can't hold on to him. This hospital is being hit by a huge blow. No one is going to come here for neuro-surgical cases. Teaching hospital...well not for teaching neuro." She laughed. "Richard is a fool of a man. And Derek, what is he trying to accomplish here? Am I always the last to know everything?"

"You should be the last to know. Did you ever wonder why? Maybe it's because you are such a bitch. No one wants to even approach you. And to think, you were the first one I told about the twins. What the hell was I thinking?" Meredith spat as she began to sit up. Ellis just looked at her. She winced when she felt a pain her her abdomen. "And now I'm not hungry. You've accomplished your mission. I didn't eat, so now I won't get fat. And you have upset me because my husband is trying to live his dream, and apparently that bothers you. Why, I don't know...It's not like you are the chief of surgery!" Meredith yelled as she grabbed her food and walked away.

"Meredith!" Ellis said angrily. "Ungrateful child." She muttered.

"Ungrateful bitch." Meredith said to herself as she walked into the hospital. "Why do I even try?" She asked as she rubbed her stomach.

**Basically more fluff and info here. Sorry I didn't get a chapter up yesterday... I was busy. Please review.**


	90. Hell of a Sendoff

Meredith rolled out of the empty bed. Literally rolled. Her back and hips ached. She moaned when she stood on her feet. The house was silent. She didn't know where Derek was. At the moment she wasn't too concerned. She was concerned about the fact that she was more comfortable walking bent over than vertical. She tried to push it out of her mind as she went through her morning routine, and then took a steaming hot shower. Derek was sitting at the kitchen table eating his muesli and reading the paper when she came down.

"Good morning." He said with a smile as he watched her hobble in.

"Morning." She grumbled as she made her way to the cabinet and pulled out the bottle of pain relievers. She threw back a few with a swig of water and then rested her hands on the counter. Derek quickly dropped his spoon and made his way over to her.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he rubbed her back softly.

"Yeah." She moaned as she turned around and faced him. He gave her a smile and kissed her softly. "We need a new bed..." She said frankly. "I can not stand that thing."

"You love your bed." He said with a smile. She did. That was one of her things...never get rid of the bed. It was a perfect bed.

"Not anymore. I hate it." She pouted. He looked down at his watch, and back up at her.

"Come on..." He said as he pulled her to the sofa. "Lay down." She laid down softly on her abdomen. He hands went to work on her back. He heard her moan softly. A smiled crept up on her face. They both looked up when they heard the door. Derek quickly walked over and let Jane in the house.

"Hello, Derek. Hello, Meredith." She said as she walked into the house.

"I'm rubbing Mer's back. It's killing her." He said as he walked back over to the sofa and continued.

"Oh, are you okay?" Jane asked sympathetically as she walked by.

"Yeah... I just-- I'm only halfway there. I should not feel this way." Meredith explained.

"You never know how your body will react to pregnancy." Jane said softly. "My sisters have three kids each. Theresa suffered the whole way through." Jane pointed out.

"Oh thanks for that!" Meredith chuckled. She winced when Derek began kneading her lower back.

"Has she eaten?" Jane asked Derek, knowing Meredith would tell her not to worry about it.

"No, the pain was too bad." He explained as he continued. Meredith gave her a dirty look.

"Are eggs okay?" She asked Meredith from the kitchen.

"Jane, you are not our cook. Or our housekeeper. Don't worry about." Meredith said softly. The last thing she wanted was for Jane to feel overworked.

"It's my pleasure." She said as she walked into the kitchen and began banging pots and pans around.

"When is your next appointment with Addison?" Derek asked with concern.

"Derek, I am fine!" She said as she sat up.

"I wasn't done." He told her, shocked that she got up. She always begged him not to stop.

"I'm fine." She said as she stood up and walked away.

"Maybe you shouldn't be running anymore." He said as he followed her into the kitchen.

"I need to be healthier." She said as she sat down at the table across from him.

"Mer--" He started as he looked up at her.

"You spent all that money having a trail cut through the woods for me." She said as she looked out the window into the darkness.

"Seriously? I couldn't care any less about the money. I care about the health of you, and our children. Besides, Anna and I use the path too. I just think you need to slow down." He urged as he pushed his cereal away. He hated when she did that. When she would avoid. When she would pretend that everything was perfect and fine.

"I don't need to slow down!" She said loudly. She hated when he did this. He was always concerned. He always thought about her. Why couldn't he just worry about himself for awhile.

"You know, maybe you could get a life. Then you wouldn't have to worry about me all of the time." She spat. Jane walked up and sat her plate down. Jane looked at Derek with wide-eyes.

Derek couldn't believe she said that. He wasn't going to acknowledge the comment. It stung, but he knew her. He knew she was hormonal. And she was sore. And he also knew she was stressed out about his job change. So he let it pass. He was learning to just let things roll off of him.

Meredith looked down at the plate. She wasn't hungry in the least. She used to eat, but lately that was the first thing to go. The minute she got stressed out, she wasn't hungry. She was doing everything she could to ensure that her babies were getting what they needed, but it wasn't always easy. Especially when you have to force it down.

"You need to eat." Derek said as he grabbed the paper and began reading. She looked up at him and started moving food around on her plate.

"I'm sorry Derek. I know today is you last day at the hospital..." She said with a sigh. "I'm just...I'm sorry. I know you worry. Don't worry. If something is wrong, I will tell you."

"You haven't been so good about it in the past." He pointed out. He immediately wished he hadn't said it. She groaned loudly.

"I know..." She finally admitted. "But Derek, I would never endanger our children." She said as she took another bite of her food.

"I know you wouldn't, Mer." He said with a smile as he sat the paper down. "Are you riding with me?"

"Yeah. But you might be done before I am." She told him. "What are you even doing?"

"Rounding on my post-op patients." He told her. "I thought I could bring you lunch. Maybe fend off your friends, and your Mom. Then you may actually finish a meal." He pointed out.

"That would be good." She agreed. "So it's kind of sad... You leaving. Very sad actually." She said as her eyes began to water, not going unnoticed.

"I think of it as graduating high school. I'm just going off to college. And it's like a community college. Not far away." He said with a smile.

"Do you remember college?" She asked with raised brows. "The parties... drunken sex... Not knowing where you are when you wake up...and being covered in vomit when you do."

"Anna is definitely not going to Oxford." Derek pointed out with a chuckle.

"I think that is a very good idea." Meredith said, nodding her head.

"Mer, college will not be like that. I will be home every night." He said with a smile as he looked down at his watch. "And we better go!"

"Our last ride together." She said as she sat up, and placed her plate in the sink.

"It's not our last ride. I'm sure I will have surgeries at Seattle Grace." He said as he led her to the car. Her frown just increased. She was doubtful.

----------------

Meredith and Derek held hands on the way into the hospital. He looked over and smiled at her as the entrance doors opened. They both quickened their pace as they saw the elevator door opened. Meredith looked around the full elevator.

"So this is the last day, huh doc?" One of the people said. Derek nodded and smiled.

"Congratulations." One of the nurses said, many of the other people agreeing with her.

Derek looked over at the distressed look on Meredith's face. She was worried. Even after all of the reassurance he had given her, she was still upset. He knew she would have to see if for herself. After a week, she would agree with him that this was the best thing he even did.

"Shepherd..." Richard Webber said as he stepped onto the elevator.

"Chief." Derek said with a smile.

"You are my son-in law, Richard is fine." Richard said with a chuckle.

"I am your son-in-law, so Derek is also fine." Derek returned with a grin.

"So today is the last day?" Richard asked as he looked between him and Meredith.

"Yes it is." Derek said with a nod. "But I'm sure I'll be back..."

"Well you are welcome back anytime. Even if you are creating a state-of-the-art top-notch neurology center that Seattle Grace can't touch." Richard said with a shake of his head. "But really, I am happy for you."

"Well, I really do appreciate that." Derek said as the doors opened and the walked off of the elevator. "Have a good day." Derek said as he kissed Meredith softly. "You too, Thing One and Thing Two." He said as he rubbed her stomach.

"Bye." She said as she walked off to the locker room. When she opened the door, everyone looked up at her. She groaned and walked to her locker, swinging it open.

"So McDreamy tells this place to shove it today, huh?" Alex said as he watched her rummage through her locker.

"So it's weird, right? He won't be around." Izzie said as she looked up at Meredith.

"It is weird." George agreed. Meredith rolled her eyes and ignored him.

"I hear the new neurosurgeon is an ass." Cristina pointed out. "And you are looking like a cow." She said as she pointed at her large baby bump.

"She's four and a half months pregnant!" Izzie scorned.

Meredith quit listening. Of course is crossed her mind, but apparently it had been pushed out. She chose neurosurgery. And now she is going to be stuck with some alleged jerk. Someone who is not the best. Some inferior. Some arrogant asshole. Someone who is not Derek...

"Hello!" Cristina shouted at Meredith.

"Can you guys just shut the hell up? Please just learn to keep your mouths shut..." She muttered as she walked out of the locker room. It had suddenly gotten way too small.

"What's her problem?" Alex asked.

"Uh, her husband is leaving and she's pregnant." Izzie said as she smacked him in the head. "How did you make it through med school?"

---------------

"So how is our patient?" Addison asked as she walked up to Meredith holding two mocha lattes. He handed one to Meredith. "Don't worry, no caffeine."

"Our patient is doing well." Meredith responded, taking about the hysterectomy they had performed. "And thank you." She said as she lifted the cup of coffee up and nodded. Addison led them over to a bench in the sun.

"I saw your husband marching around here like king shit today." Addison laughed and shook her head. "It's going to be weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah...It really is. I don't know how I feel about it..." Meredith said sadly. "I know it's his dream now, but I'm going to miss him, you know?" Meredith said softly as she took a sip of her fake coffee.

"I know. But you will probably see him more than you ever have." Addison told her reassuringly. "Look at Mark and Drew. They're in a private practice. They hardly work..."

"I guess we'll see. It's a lot to handle. The malpractice insurance is through the roof. The liability is incredibly high. And then there are all of the employees." Meredith said as she shook her head. "It's just different when it all falls on you. In the hospital, they save your ass when you screw up. Out there you're left hanging with some insurance company attorney who doesn't give a crap. Then we'll lose everything..." She said breathlessly. Her breathing increased as she began to stress out.

"Meredith!" Addison said as she grabbed her arm. "Whoa. Calm down." She said as she looked into her eyes. "You are putting way too much thought into this. Derek knows. I am positive he has taken every step to protect himself and his assets. Not to mention Franceasca is an awesome business manager. You guys will be fine!" Addison reassured her.

"I know I worry too much..." Meredith muttered as she looked off into the distance.

"You do. And you have got to stop for the sake of you and the babies." Addison scorned.

"I'm trying. I really am." Meredith said softly as she too a sip of her latte.

They both sat there in silence. Meredith wanted to ask her about Marty. She hadn't heard a thing from him. She never saw him after that night. Something about him scared her. It really made her uneasy. But a tiny voice in the back of her head kept wondering. A voice kept repeating his words, "you're making a mistake." Should she be worried? She honestly didn't know.

"So I didn't even know you had a sister..." Meredith finally said, hoping to spin the conversation.

"I never talk about her. We get along only if we are together for little amounts of time. Over an hour, and someone's going to die." Addison said frankly.

"I can't see you fighting with anyone." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"Her, I fight with. But don't worry, she is great at her job. Derek is in good hands as far as that's concerned." Addison said with an affirmative smile. "And Marty..." There it was... "I heard what he said..."

"You did? Oh my god..." Meredith said, somewhat relieved. "I didn't think anyone else was around." Meredith said with surprise.

"We were all at the table." Addison said with a chuckle. She watched Meredith's face drop. "But that's not what you're talking about... What else did he say?"

"Nothing. It's no big deal..." Meredith muttered as she looked off into the distance.

"Meredith, look at me." Meredith looked over at her. "What the hell did he say?"

"It's nothing really..." Meredith said softly. Addison gave her the look. "He asked me if I wanted to leave with him. I told him I was with Derek, and happy with Derek. He told me I was making a mistake. He said I was making a mistake. I don't know. It's really nothing. It just rubbed me the wrong way..." Meredith explained. She was actually relieved to get it out of her head.

"That snake..." Addison said in shock. "What a jerk. And that was after Derek was there?" Meredith nodded. "Well, he's a jerk, but I can honestly say you shouldn't worry. He would never do anything. He's just horny."

"That's good to know." Meredith muttered. Even if he did make her uncomfortable, Addison took all of her worries away. "What kind of guy flirts with a pregnant cow, anyway?"

"An asshole. And you are not a cow. You look fabulous." Addison said with a nod. She looked down at her watch. "Oh, I have an appointment. I'll see you later!"

"Bye Addison. Thanks!" Meredith said as she looked off with a sigh. She was just hoping she was right.

-----------------

Meredith was walking down the hallway, carrying lab results. She hadn't seen Derek. She knew he was around because everyone was talking about him. She was hoping to see him because her frustration was building, and she had to take it out on someone. She dropped the results off and continued down the hallway. She stopped in her tracks when she saw him. He was talking to another doctor. She just watched him talk. She was definitely undressing him with her eyes. She knew just what was under those thin navy blue scrubs, and she wanted it. He looked up and caught her eye. There they both stood, eye-sexing each other. He had completely stopped listening to the other doctor and was focused on her.

"Seriously?" Cristina said as she walked up and stood in front of Meredith, breaking the connection.

"What?" Meredith grumbled. She was at her eye-sex peak and Cristina threw in a wrench.

"You were so eye-fucking McDreamy." Cristina said as she shook her head.

"I am not... Okay I am. So can you just leave?" Meredith whined as she leaned over to look at him. She frowned when she didn't see him.

"Forget the eye-sex, go screw his brains out." Cristina said with a shrug.

"See, this is why I keep you around." Meredith said as she started walking away.

"I didn't mean now!" Cristina shouted at her.

"Now I'm in the mood." Meredith said with a shrug as she continued on her way.

She continued walking until she saw him again. He was bent over in front of the computer, scrolling down the page. Meredith looked around, seeing not one single person. She quietly walked into the room. He didn't even hear her. He was completely focused on the screen. That was about to change. She slowly snuck up behind him. She softly put her arms around him and slid her hands down his scrub pants, grasping him in her one hand, his balls in the other. She heard him gasp.

"I hope that's you..." He said as he turned his head.

"For your sake, I hope it's me too." She said as she started running her soft hand up and down his long, thick shaft.

"Oh, god..." He muttered. "I just got rid of that." He said as he tensed up.

"Did you now? I kind of like it around." She said as she continued pumping her hand harder and faster.

"Mer-- Oh god...Mer you've got to stop...I'm-- Stop!" He shouted as she continued. She could feel him pulsating in her hand. His heartbeat, quickening right in her palm. "I... Oh god..." He muttered as he released. His heart continued to beat quickly. He finally moaned as she pulled her hands out. "I'm wearing pants." He said with a frown as he turned around.

"Oh my god!" She busted out in laughter, as she looked down at the ample sized wet spot on his pants. "I'm sorry..." She giggled. He shook his head, and laughed.

"I bet you are..." He muttered. She walked up and started tugging at his shirt. "What are you doing?" He said in shock.

"I'm horny..." She whined.

"Hold that thought." He said with a dirty smile as he walked away. He quickly stopped in his tracks, grabbing a chart to cover himself. He shook his head as he heard her giggle.

Derek walked his way down the hallway. He had been fantasizing about this for awhile. Generally it was when he was in the middle of a surgery. Sometimes he was in the middle of someone's brain. He always thanked god that he was standing against a table, able to cover himself. She did that to him whenever she looked at him. He quietly strolled by the OR board. Quiet boards were supposedly bad. And he always agreed with that. There was rarely a time when the OR was empty, let alone two of them. And even fewer when one was closed. He smiled when his suspicion was confirmed. It was a slow operating day, and he was thankful for that. He quickly walked back and grabbed her hand.

"Where are we going?" She asked as he pulled her along.

"Just come with me..." He said with a smile as he pulled her into the scrub room.

"Why are we in here?" She asked as she looked around the room.

"See that OR table right there?" Derek asked as he pointed to it.

"Um, yeah." She said as she looked over.

"I am going to fuck you on it." He said as he pulled her hand.

"We can't go in there! We're not sterile. This is stupid, Derek. We can not do this." She said as she planted her feet.

"I have been fantasizing about this since the very first surgery you scrubbing in with me on..." He said as he pulled her in.

"Someone could come in..." Meredith said with wide eyes.

"They could. We better make it fast." He said as he dropped his pants.

"You're serious!" She said as she looked at his boxers and scrub pants pooled around his feet. His shaft was eagerly awaiting her.

"Damn right I am!" He said as he pulled her drawstring, letting her pants drop to the floor. He swiftly lifted her up and sat her on the table. His mouth moved over hers as he sucked on her bottom lip until it was at a swollen state. She opened her mouth allowing his tongue entrance.

"Crap..." She muttered, knowing she had to stop. But she couldn't. Especially now. Because now he had pulled off her panties and had two fingers exploring her hot folds. "God...Derek..." His fingers continued their purposeful work, creating a rush of hot fluids that washed over him. "Oh..." She moaned as her body shook. She leaned back as he pulled his fingers out. He slid his hands up her shirt and under her bra, taking a breast in each hand. He fondled them softly, causing her nipples to turn into hardened peaks.

"Just fuck me, Derek." She said in desperation.

"Gladly." He said as he climbed onto the table with her, and driving himself deep inside of her. "Shit you're wet..."

"Harder." She said simply as she felt his hard shaft slide deeply in and out of her. "Harder, Derek!" She screamed just a little too loudly.

"Shhh. Mer, shhh." He said as he covered his mouth with hers. He drove into her harder, causing her to bite down on his lip. "Oh god...Geez...Mer, you're tight." He moaned.

"Fuck me! Come on Derek!" She whined. She she felt him begin to pulsate inside of her.

"Oh I'm coming..." He said loudly. "Oh god..." He moaned as he felt her heat around him.

"I'm...ohhh..." She moaned as she tightened up, releasing fluid. Her body began to tremble.

"Shit...I'm...Oh..." He moaned as he released his hot fluid into her body. He dropped his head as he continued to feel the aftermath of the pleasure that just surrounded him.

"Thank you..." She muttered as she laid there, beads of sweat covering her body. "We have to get out of here." She said, realizing where they were. Derek quickly climbed off of her and placed his feet in the floor. Meredith quickly did the same.

"That was a hell of a send off..." He said with a smile as he tied his pants.

"Shit yeah it was." She said with a huge grin. Now they were out of the woods, standing in the OR completely clothed.

"So you want to go another round?" He asked with a raised brow.

"I think we've pushed it to the limit." Meredith said with a laugh.

"Not really..." He laughed as he looked at her paranoid face.

"What?" She returned with surprise.

"This OR is closed for maintenance. No one was ever coming in. Not for another hour at least." He said as he looked at the clock.

"You ass!" She shouted as she smacked him in the arm.

"So...another round?" He asked again. "Maybe a little slower this time?" She looked around the room and then at the clock.

"Hmmm." She said as she dropped her scrub pants. "This is why I keep you around."

"I'm not complaining." He said as he pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor.

**OR sex...oh yeah... So that was Derek's last day. I'm sure he enjoyed it. :)**


	91. The Rest of Their Lives

Meredith sat down in an empty chair. It was in an empty patient's room. In an empty feeling hospital. She had to get away. She had to hide. She couldn't be out there with all of the 'normal people'. They were the people who weren't damaged. The people who were happy. So Meredith Grey-Shepherd sat in the empty room, because she was not happy.

_This is stupid. Really stupid. People don't act like this. I am acting like a fool. I am acting like Derek died. Derek didn't die. If Derek died, I would know. I did sleep next to him last night. I even woke up next to him this morning. I'm pretty sure he was breathing. But I feel like he's dead. Maybe it is I that feel dead? He's taken days off before. I have gone days without him. In fact, I went most of my life without him. But this is the first day. The very first day that Derek is working at his new job, at his new practice. It's a practice I haven't even seen. I need to see it. I should have already. I don't want to hurt his feelings. But seeing it, makes it reality. Or at least it did. But now reality is reality, and I am here alone. Feeling sad. Feeling dead._

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Cristina asked as she hopped on the bed.

"Sulking." Meredith said frankly as she shrugged her shoulders. "I miss Derek."

"Oh god. You live with him." Cristina said, rolling her eyes. "You are pathetic. Married people work separate jobs..."

"He should be here. I miss him. And he should be here. With me. Or at least under the same roof. Even if I don't see him all day. He should be here if I need him..." Meredith explained sadly.

"I know I am your person, but this isn't my thing. I like you dark and twisty. It was bad enough when you were bright and shiny, but this gloomy and gray is too much..." Cristina said as she stood up and walked away.

_And there she goes. But I am getting used to it. She walks out. She's selfish. I never realized it before. She is selfish. When I was dark and twisty, I was so screwed up that I couldn't see it. When things are emotional, or she can't handle it...she exits stage left. So much for a great friend. My person. Not true. My person is Derek..._

"Cristina says you're freaking out." George said as he walked in and sat in the chair next to her.

"I am not freaking out." Meredith said affirmatively.

"Okay, you're not freaking out. But you're sad..." He said with a frown.

"Yes. I am sad, okay?" She said, her voice cracking. "It's the freaking hormones..."

"This is big, Mer. You should be upset. You two are close. It is not crazy for you to be upset when someone you see everyday and spend all your free time with is gone." George said as he grabbed her hand.

"It's not just that, George." Meredith said softly. "It was driving to work together. Getting off at the same time. And eating lunch together. And the on-call room..."

"Yeah, I don't need to hear that!" George responded quickly.

"If I need him, he needs to be here. A page away. What if something happens?" She said in a slight panic as she rubbed her abdomen.

"If something goes wrong, we are here. Your friends. Alex, Cristina, Izzie and I. And Bailey, and the Chief. We are all here. And Derek is just a call away, and you know he would be here in a second if you needed him." George said softly. He wiped a stray tear away from her cheek. "Your friends are here for you."

"Thank you, George." She said with a smile. "I appreciate that." Meredith said with a faint smile.

_George is right. I have friends. I have great friends who care about me. Friends who are there for me. Friends that I can count on when I really need them. And Derek isn't gone. He's in my bed every night. He's in our home every day. And he's just a call away._

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Yep, I'm okay." She said as she put her hand on her abdomen and stood up.

"Are you hungry?" George asked sweetly.

"Yeah, actually I am." Meredith said with an agreeing nod.

"Well, let's feed you and the twins." He said as he put his hand on her back and walked her out.

George and Meredith walked down to the cafeteria. George was telling Meredith what she needed to eat. She smiled and giggled. He was taking over for Derek, and it was in a good way. He wasn't replacing him. He was just making sure that she took care of herself. Everyone knew that she would occasionally forget to do it for herself. George grabbed their trays and started walking.

"George, I can carry my own tray!" Meredith told him loudly.

"You're pregnant. I will carry your tray." He said as he walked to the table. Meredith shook her head and took her place at the table.

"So are you done freaking out?" Cristina asked as she rolled her eyes.

"Meredith wasn't freaking out, and she is fine." George said loudly.

"Okay...Bambi..." Cristina returned.

"You're okay, Mer?" Izzie asked with a smile.

"I'm good." Meredith replied.

"Well, I'm not. I'm with neuro guy. And he's an ass!" Alex said, shaking his head. "He doesn't want me. He wants the first year neuro resident. In other words you..." He said as he pointed to Meredith. "And good luck with that..."

Meredith just smiled. She could handle it. She could handle anything. She had a protector. George was watching out for her. It was a great feeling.

---------------

Meredith didn't come in contact with the new neuro attending. Dr. Rayburn. According to everyone, that was his name, Dr. Rayburn. Or McAss. It was a nasty name, for a nasty doctor. She didn't care what his name was. Her focus was on getting home to her family. This was the moment of truth. Would he be home? Would his busy day have turned into a busy night? She was sure it had. Maybe she was becoming a pessimist. But she was sure of it, either way.

She saw the lights on in the house. That wasn't a surprise. She knew that Anna was home. She was probably home with Jane. She was obviously home with Jane. She was far too young to be home alone. Meredith pushed the garage door opener and watched the door slide open. She was shocked when she pulled in next to Derek's Land Rover. She slowly walked into the house and inhaled. It was Derek's spaghetti. There was no mistaking it. He made the best spaghetti, and it's wonderful smell was wafting through the house like a sweet-smelling fog.

"Mommy!" Anna shouted as she saw Meredith approach. Meredith tossed her bag on the stool at the counter.

"Hey Anna Banana!" Meredith returned with a grin.

"Hey." Derek said as he looked up from the pot he was stirring.

"Hey yourself." Meredith said as she walked over to him. "I missed you today." She said as she kissed him softly. She caught a glance of Anna, who was scrunching her nose in disgust.

"Not as much as I missed you..." Derek said with a grin as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Good." Meredith returned. She kissed him again. "You made spaghetti. I love spaghetti."

"I know you do. I figured Things One and Two may like it also." He said with a smile as he rubbed her abdomen.

"I think they will." She returned as she covered his hand with hers. "I'm going to go take a quick shower. I have to wash the hospital off of me. I'll be right back." She said as she walked out of the room. "I'm glad you were right." She shouted.

Derek smiled. He knew what she was talking about. This was good. A good start. But it wasn't just a start. It would always be like this. It had to be. He was bound and determined to to keep it this way. He was going to make life happy for himself. He knew that no one else would. He watched as Anna began setting the table. She was getting better about doing things to help around the house. Addison had given her a long talk about life. Anna told Derek the talk was 'deep'. Addison had really gotten through to her.

Derek smiled as Meredith walked back into the kitchen in a light camisole and cotton pants. Her baby bump was increasing in size. Derek could swear she was bigger everyday, and he loved it. The bigger she got, the more she was concerned about her own comfort. As soon as she got home, she was in her stretchy clothes.

"Can I help with anything?" Meredith asked as she walked up and looked around.

"Nope. I think we're good. Why don't you just sit down." He said as he motioned to the table.

"Fine." She moaned as she sat down. She was secretly relieved. She couldn't wait to get off of her feet. Derek began bringing dishes to the table.

"I hope you're hungry." He said as he sat the last dish on the table. The table was full of salad, pasta, sauce and bread.

"I am." She returned as she placed pasta on her plate.

"What did you have for lunch?" He questioned as he looked at her. He could read her face like a book. He would know if she lied. Not that he felt like he was her keeper, but he knew she would forget on her own. She just got too busy.

"Don't worry, George had taken your spot. He nagged me all day." She said as she shook her head. "I had a ham sandwich and an apple."

"Good." Derek nodded as he placed food on his and Anna's plate. "So did you meet Rayburn yet?"

"No." Meredith said in between bits. "I hear he's a real jerk."

"He's really not. Just focused. Completely focused. He's a pretty good neurosurgeon. He still has a lot to learn..." Derek returned as he looked into her eyes.

"Well, I'm sure I will get stuck with him eventually." Meredith said with a shrug.

"You will be fine. If you can handle me, you can handle him." Derek told her.

"Oh, I can handle you." Meredith said with a smile as she raised her eyebrows.

"Can you handle me tonight?" Derek said as his eyes darkened.

"I think I can..." Meredith agreed. "Yep...definitely..."

"Are you guys talking dirty?" Anna asked as she looked between them.

"WHAT?" Derek and Meredith asked in unison.

"Alex says you guys talk dirty." Anna said frankly as she took a bite of pasta. "I'm not sure what it means."

"When did you see Alex?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Yes- When did you see Alex?" Derek asked with building irritation. He definitely had to be careful who she was around. Especially Evil Spawn.

"When I was with Aunt Addison we had to stop at the hospital. I met him. He said you guys talked dirty. He said you raised your eyebrows and moved your lips funny. That's what you guys were doing." Anna explained.

"Alex doesn't know what he's talking about." Meredith told her sternly. "Don't listen to him..."

"Okay." Anna agreed as she looked between the two of them.

"Remind me to kill Alex Karev." Derek muttered under his breath.

"Can we watch a movie after dinner?" Anna asked softly.

"Of course we can." Derek returned as Meredith nodded. Meredith sat there in smiled. This is what she wanted. This was wonderful. A perfect family.

Derek put the dvd in the player. It was Anna's choice. She insisted on Dreamer. The movie about a racehorse. They had seen it a thousand times, but that's what she wanted, so they both agreed to watch it for thousand and oneth time. Derek laid back against the corner of the sofa, laying his legs across. Meredith laid against him, resting her head on his chest. Anna came barreling down the stairs in her pajamas.

"I'm ready." She said as she jumped into the big comfy chair. Derek pressed the play button and looked down at Meredith who was looking up at him.

"I love you..." She said softly as she laid her head back down.

"I love you too..." He said as he ran his hand through her hair. He looked over at Anna, who was lost in the movie. "So when is your next check-up?" He asked as he placed his hand over hers.

"Thursday." She said with a smile. "At one."

"Okay..." Derek said as he rubbed her stomach.

"Are you going to make it?" She asked as she glanced up at him.

"Of course I am!" Derek said with a big smile.

"Can you guys be quiet?" Anna asked softly as she gave them the death glare. "This is my favorite part. Do you remember it?" She asked with wondering eyes.

"When they get the horse. Yes, we remember that." They both said quickly.

"Oh. Well, it's my favorite part, so shhh." She said as her eyes turned back to the t.v. They both looked at each other and shook their heads.

"She's bossy. Like her mom." Derek pointed out. "I hope those are boys." He said as he pointed to her bump. "Too much estrogen in this house." Meredith playfully smacked his arm. "It's true...I live with the bossiest women."

Meredith loved it when Derek said she was Anna's mom. It never got old. There were so many times when she didn't think they would get to keep her. It's funny how you think you want one thing, and then you just don't want of anymore. She never wanted kids, and now she couldn't imagine her life without Anna. And Anna was happier than ever.

"I want to see the neurology center." Meredith whispered softly.

"You do?" Derek said happily.

He was beginning to think she didn't care. He wasn't feeling like she wasn't supporting it. When he had first mentioned the idea, she didn't seem too happy about it. But he knew how she was. She was cautious. She was safe. Maybe it was a defense mechanism. Maybe it was because she had been crushed so many times. But now she was coming around, and he was elated.

"It's your baby. Of course I want to see it." Meredith returned with a faint smile as she adjusted her body.

"No, these are my babies, and she is my baby." He said as he pointed to Anna. "I am proud of it, but it's not my life. It's just a job." He said with a shrug. "But I would love to have you see it. Especially since someday it will say Shepherd, Shepherd and Hudson."

"What?" She asked in shock.

"You are meant to be with me. I want you there. If you want to be, of course..." He said as he pulled her tighter.

"Of course I do!" She said happily.

"I know it's a ways away. But, I have a feeling you will be highly desired, and I just want my foot in the door." He said frankly.

"The door is only open to you." She returned with a grin. That was her new goal. To get done with her residency and fellowship, and once again be beside her husband.

"Is it now?" He asked with a raised brow.

"Dr. Shepherd, are you being dirty?" She asked as she rubbed her body against his crotch, feeling the growing bulge.

"Not fair." He grumbled as he turned his head towards Anna.

"Sorry." She said apologetically. "But I will make it up to you..." She replied as she buried her head into his side.

"And I will let you." He said with a grin. Meredith laid there for a few minutes. Derek looked down when he heard the familiar sound of sawing logs.

"Daddy..." Anna whined as she looked over.

"I know baby." Derek agreed as he shook his head. "Just drown her out. Ignore it."

"Can you turn it up?" Anna asked as she looked over at Meredith.

"I think we need to if we're going to hear it." He said as he cranked the volume up. Anna sat for a few minutes and looked back over.

"Can you plug her nose? Or cover her face with that pillow?" Anna asked as she pointed to the throw pillows on the sofa.

"Can we cover your mom's face with the pillow?" Derek asked in shock. Anna nodded. "Only if you want to kill her!" Derek said sharply.

"I guess you're right...bad idea..." Anna agreed as she turned her attention back on the movie. "She needs help." She said, referring to her loud snore.

"You're right about that." Derek said with a chuckle.

Derek looked over at a sleeping Anna. She had just fallen asleep. The movie wasn't over, but he was glad that she was out. He wasn't sure he could handle it again. He knew the words better than the actors, he was sure of that. He looked down at Meredith. She was snoring louder than she ever had. It was nearly echoing through the house. he was wondering of he would even be able to sleep next to her. He slowly slinked out from underneath her and gathered her into his arms, carrying her to their bed.

"Mmm." Meredith moaned as she stretched out on the bed. Derek chuckled and went down to the great room, grabbing his other girl. This one was much lighter than the first. He gently tucked Anna into her bed and headed to he and Meredith's room. He shook his head when he looked at the bed, seeing her completely sprawled out across the bed with a smile on her face.

"This is why I insisted on five bedrooms." He muttered to himself as he made his way to one of the guest rooms. He punched the pillow and laid his head down. This wasn't his comfortable bed, or his pillow. He flipped and shifted several times before laying still. No action tonight. He didn't care. Meredith was exhausted. She was carrying his children. She needed the rest, and he knew it. Besides, they had the rest of their lives for everything else.

**There will be a little more drama pretty soon. Nothing life shattering! Thanks for reading!**


	92. Unecessary Panic

Meredith slowly rose out of bed. She was tired. But then again, she was always tired. She slowly went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and ran the brush through her hair. This was her new thing, jogging in the morning. She wanted to be healthier. She knew chasing around twins and a six year old was going to be the hardest thing in the world. She pulled her pants, and slid her tank top over her large baby bump.

The air was crisp, but it felt good. It seemed lately she was either too hot or too cold. This morning she was way too hot. Meredith feet walked on the wet grass, leaving footprints on the dew. The sun was just starting to peek out on the horizon. She liked this time of the day. It was before all the noise and chaos came. It was when everyone rested. It was her time to think.

She started jogging her familiar route. Derek had it made so that there were two separate paths so she wouldn't get bored. She had some extra time and decided to take the longer on today. She had so much going through her head. Today was the day when they would find out each baby's sex. She wasn't sure that she wanted to know, but Derek convinced her otherwise. She knew he was right. Before they knew it, a nursery would be underway, and it would be nice to know what they had to do.

Meredith picked up her pace as she started to get warmed up. As she jogged she heard the familiar sound of birds chirping, and the animals starting to wake up. Then she heard something that didn't fit in. It was a cracking sound. She slowed down a little and turned her head. Nothing was there. She brushed it off, figuring something had broken a branch. Then she heard pounding footsteps.

_Oh my god. Footsteps. Someone is running. What do you do? What do they say? Keep going. Don't look back. Every time you look back, it slows you down. They are getting closer. Crap. Don't panic, don't panic! You're not even halfway out. You will never make it back. Just run..._

Meredith began running as quickly as she could. She wanted to look back. One person kept going through her head, Marty. Seriously. She had met the guy one time. One time and now the first thing that snaps into her mind is him. Addison told her that he was okay. But did Addison really know?

The pounding footsteps weren't going away as she continued to run her heart out. She was starting to get a shooting pain in her abdomen. Her legs were starting to ache. Then she felt the arm grab her. It was all over.

"Jesus, Mer! Are you trying to kill me?" Derek asked as he grabbed her shoulder.

"Oh my god!" She said, her voice full of relief. She stopped running and doubled over.

_It's Derek. How stupid are you? Your husband is following you and you run. Don't look back. Stupid advice. Very stupid. Now Derek is going to think I've lost my mind._

"What the hell were you doing? At first I thought it was a joke, but you just kept going." He panted as he spoke to her.

"I didn't hear you." Meredith said quickly.

"You didn't hear me?" He said, not believing her. "What are you trying to do?"

"What do you mean?" She asked as she panted along side of him.

"Are you trying to kill yourself, or our children?" He asked with an angry tone.

"Derek-- I-- I'm sorry, I guess I got a little carried away..." She explained, not wanting to tell him the truth. Not telling him she was convinced he was an attacker.

"A little carried away?" He said, shaking his head. "I think you need to stop jogging."

"Why?" She asked as she started walking.

"Because you are overdoing it." He said as he walked along side of her.

"I think I know what I can handle." She said as she quickened her pace. She knew she had pushed it. But she had been running for her life. Or so she thought. "Ahh!" She cried out as she grabbed her stomach.

"Oh my god!" Derek said as he rushed over to her. "Baby what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm...I'm okay... Just a cramp, from running." She said as she rubbed her stomach and started walking.

"Damn-it, Mer! Why do you have to be so fucking hard-headed?" He said nastily.

"All I want is some fucking peace. I jog in the morning for peace. It's quiet. I can think. Then you have to follow me. I just want some peace and quiet, is that so hard to understand?" She said loudly. He looked over at her and got quiet.

"You could have just said that you didn't want me to join you." Derek said softly.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I didn't mean it that way. It's just-- Lately you have been so on me, all of the time. Eat this, don't do that. Are you okay? Do you hurt? How do you feel? You're eating too much sugar. You need more protein. For god sakes, I'm 29 years old. I went all my life without a dad. I don't need one now!" She told him. He looked at her, and his face dropped. "I know you mean well. It's just exhausting."

"I'm sorry, Mer. I just worry..." Derek said as he placed his hand on her back.

"And it doesn't help that I haven't had sex. I have been so freaking horny. And you aren't at the hospital..." She moaned. "I just need some sex..." She said as she looked over at Derek. Derek looked around and raised his eyebrows.

"I think I can do something about that." Derek returned with a smile. He quickly walked up to her and placed his mouth on hers. Meredith opened her mouth, allowing Derek's tongue entrance. She pulled away breathlessly. Her eyes travelled down to his large bulge.

"Fuck me, Derek." She moaned as she rubbed her hand against him through the fabric of his shorts.

"Gladly." He said as he pushed her against a large tree. Meredith quickly pulled his shorts down. He kicked them off, not caring where they ended up. Meredith pulled down her pants and slid off her panties.

"Just do it Derek. Don't screw around." She demanded. He walked up and she wrapped her legs around him. He pushed her against the tree and drove himself into her with force. "Oh god..." She yelped loudly.

"Oh god, Mer... You're wet..." He moaned as she thrust in and out of her.

"Harder." She told him flatly. "Push me up against the tree and fuck me like you mean it!" She shouted. She felt her back hit the tree as he plunged deeply into her heated core. Their body tensed as he plunged in and out. She tightened around his shaft, causing him to moan. "Oh god...I'm...shit...oh..." She moaned as her body started to shake. Waves of hot and cold running through her.

"Oh..." Derek grunted as he thrusted into her one last time as he released. Meredith slide her feet to the ground. She grabbed her clothes and threw them back on. She threw Derek's shorts at him.

"Thank you." She said with a soft smile. "So are you ready to jog the last mile?" She asked with a smile.

"After that, I am ready to do anything!" He said as he hurried after her.

-------------------

Meredith and Derek walked into Seattle Grace hand in hand. Everyone was asking Derek how the new practice was going. He hadn't been gone long, but everyone missed his famous lean, beaming smile and gorgeous hair. Meredith instinctively rested her hand on her stomach as they entered the elevator.

"It's empty." Derek said with a grin.

"That it is." Meredith returned. Derek quickly pulled her close and kissed her deeply. They heard the door beep as they passed each floor. Meredith shoved Derek into the wall and ran her leg up him. Derek grinned at her large stomach pressing against him. They both pulled away breathlessly as the doors opened.

"Eventually this will get in the way." She said as she pointed to her abdomen.

"That it will. But I have a feeling we will find a way around that." He said with a chuckle.

"I'm sure we will..." Meredith agreed as she began walking down the hallway. Izzie smiled as they walked towards her.

"Hey!" Izzie said happily.

"We have an appointment with Addison." Meredith explained as the stopped to talk.

"Oh! How exciting!" Izzie exclaimed.

"We're finding out the sexes today." Derek said happily. "Boys. I am positive they are boys." He said, nodding his head exuberantly.

"Nope. Girls." Meredith joked. She had no idea. It was too soon for her to guess.

"Well, hopefully they won't be shy!" Izzie giggled as she looked down at Meredith's abdomen.

"I never thought about that!" Meredith said with a frown. "I guess we'll have to see..."

"Oh, by the way, McAss is pissed." Izzie returned with a frown. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"McAss?" Derek asked. "I'm gone a week and there is a McAss now?"

"Dr. Rayburn. George was with him today. Man, he flew off the handle." Izzie said with wide-eyes. "I was in the gallery. You should have heard him."

"What?" Derek said with surprise.

"He's really nasty." Izzie said quickly. Her pager went off. "Gotta go..."

"See you later, Iz!" Meredith said as she walked towards the room.

"Are you worried?" Derek asked softly.

"About what?" Meredith asked with a cocked head. She chastised herself. Now she was picking up the McDreamy head cock.

"McAss." Derek replied with a laugh.

"No..." Meredith said confidently. "Like you said...if I can handle you..."

"Mmmm. You did handle me well today. In the woods. In my chair. Oh yes...the bendy shower sex. Three in one day...not bad." He said with a smile. His smile quickly turned into a frown. "I didn't mean to handle him like that. You knew that, right?" He asked. She started to laugh.

"Yes, Derek. There is only one neurosurgeon for me. And he is right here." She said as she wrapped her arm around his waist and walked up to a nurse. The nurse swiftly led them to a room.

"She'll be right in." The nurse said as she shut the door.

"So..." Derek said nervously.

"What is it?" Meredith asked with a concerned look on her face.

"Well..." Derek started.

"Just spit it out!" She said quickly as she jumped onto the bed.

"Well. I kind of forgot to tell you something..." Derek muttered quickly.

"What exactly did you forget to tell me?" Meredith asked.

"Well, we have a dinner to go to." Derek said under his breath.

"A dinner. What kind of dinner?" Meredith asked.

"For the practice. Kind of a grand opening dinner." Derek winced.

"When, Derek?" She knew. She knew it was soon. She knew how he got when he knew he screwed up. He obviously thought she was going to be mad.

"Friday." He said with a big sigh.

"Oh. Well, I'll just... um get my dress Monday. I mean I hate going to those things, but I'm being supportive. So yeah, no big deal." She said, trying to be okay with it.

"Not next Friday." He muttered as he turned his head.

"What!" She shouted.

"This Friday..." He said quietly. He watched her face turn red.

"As in tomorrow?" Meredith said in shock. He nodded his head. "Oh this is fucking great Derek! I have nothing to wear! If I put one of my dresses on, it's going to split up the side. When were you going to tell me?" She asked angrily.

"I know you hate them..." He reasoned as he dropped his head.

"I do. But what I hate more is you springing it on me!" She shouted. "Damn-it. Now I'm going to have to go dress shopping." She said, shaking her head.

"It's black tie." He muttered.

"Well at least you told me before I came home with a red dress!" She said as she laid back on the bed. "Sometimes I just want to hit you!" She shouted. She looked up when Addison knocked and then opened the door.

"Hello!" Addison said happily. "How are you guys today?" She asked as she walked up, her heels clicking.

"Good." Derek said with a smile.

"Shitty." Meredith muttered as she looked at the wall. "Because dumb-ass just let me know about the stupid party. It's tomorrow..." She said, shaking her head.

"You _just_ told her?" Addison said in shock. "Derek, you had time..."

"You knew?" Meredith asked as she looked over at her.

"For a week." Addison said as she glared at Derek.

"Urgh." Meredith moaned as she sat up.

"I'm going to check your blood pressure. Although I am certain it is through the roof." She said as she pulled out a cuff. "Oh, Derek..." Addison said, shaking her head.

"Yep. Through the roof. You need to stay calm. We don't need preclamsia." Addison pointed out. Meredith nodded. Derek agreed.

"So we are hoping to find out what Thing One and Thing Two really are..." Derek said quickly.

"Thing One and Thing Two?" Addison giggled.

"That's Derek's name for the twins." Meredith said with a smile.

"That is the cutest thing I've ever heard!" Addison exclaimed. "So, any problems?" Addison asked Derek.

"Am I not here?" Meredith asked offensively. "You could ask me. Meredith are you doing okay? Yes, Addison I am fine." She snapped.

"How are you, Meredith?" Addison asked.

"I am good." Meredith told her quickly.

"What about the pain?" Derek pointed out, receiving a glare for her.

"Pain?" Addison asked.

"I have been having some muscle pain..." She explained.

"And the shooting pain in your stomach?" Derek asked.

"It was cramps from the running..." Meredith explained.

"Running?" Addison asked.

"Oh she didn't tell you?" He asked as he glared at Meredith.

"I forgot..." Meredith frowned.

"She runs..." He said with a frown.

"How much running?" Addison asked with concern.

"Not much." Meredith said quickly.

"Or two miles a day. Sometimes more." Derek said quickly.

"Meredith..." Addison said, shaking her head. "No more than a mile. Period!" She spat. She was mad. She was mad that Meredith was so hardheaded. She was mad that she wasn't listening to she or Derek.

"Okay." Meredith said meekly.

"Okay. Let's do this ultrasound." She said as she pulled out the doppler. She slid Meredith's shirt up and squeezed the jelly on her abdomen. They smiled when they saw the twins on the screen.

"It could go either way." Addison explained. "We may not find out today, just so you are prepared." She said as she moved the doppler around. "They look great. Everything looks normal. Come on, Thing One." She said with a giggle. "Don't be shy..." She continued to look. "Girl. Definitely a girl" She said happily as she pointed to the screen. She looked closer. "Thing Two..." She hummed. "She pointed at the screen as the fetus shifted. Boy. Thing Two is a boy."

"You're sure?" Derek said with a huge grin.

"Definitely. Your babies are not shy!" She said happily.

"Just like their mother." Derek replied.

"Congratulations! You have a boy, and girl!" Addison said happily.

"We have a boy and a girl!" Meredith said as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Well, everything looks great. I will leave you two alone..." Addison said happily. "I will see you at the dinner." She said with a smile as she walked out.

"I'm so sorry. I'll take better care of myself." Meredith told him as he leaned towards her.

"A boy and a girl." Derek muttered as he leaned in and kissed her. "God I love you."

"I love you too." She said as she pulled him close.

**A boy and a girl. And Mer was freaking about about Marty. Should she be? FYI, I have a fic on fanficga called Without a Moment's Notice. Check if out if you have time.**


	93. Dream On

Meredith and Derek were beaming when they left the hospital. A boy and a girl. How much more perfect could it get? Derek had shown everyone their latest picture as the walked down the hallway. Just as they reached the highway, her pager blared. She pulled it off and looked at the screen.

"Damn-it!" She shouted. "I have to go back." He sighed as he looked over at her, He quickly exited and turned back around.

"I don't miss that..." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Oh it will still happen to you." She said frankly. "Do you think everyone of your patients will walk out with flying colors?"

"I was kind of hoping they would." He said with a chuckle.

"Dream on..." She muttered. "So much for getting a dress." She returned with a frown. "I guess I'll have to figure something out."

"I'll see you later." Derek said as he pulled in front of the hospital and leaned in, giving her a quick kiss.

"Don't count on it." She said sadly. I have a feeling this is going to be an all-nighter.

"Well, call me when you get off." He said with a smile.

"Okay." She said as she jumped out of the car. She quickly walked up to the elevator and got off at her floor. "What's going on?" She asked Miranda Bailey as she ran by.

"Pile-up on the freeway. Get in your scrubs and get your ass to the pit!" She yelled as she kept jogging.

Meredith rushed into the locker room and changed. She was bummed about having to come back, but now adrenaline had taken over and she was ready to go. She was in shock when she got downstairs and saw all of the injured people they were bringing in.

"Head trauma." Bailey spat. "Take him to CT, then page Dr. Rayburn." And she rolled the gurney to Meredith.

"Okay." Meredith said as she quickened her pace and headed towards CT.

"My head." The woman moaned.

"I know. We have to take a look first." Meredith muttered as she kept going. She frowned when she got down there and saw the long line.

"Man, this is great, isn't it?" Cristina said as she stood there.

"Oh yeah. Great. Six car pile-up on the freeway. That really great." She answered sarcastically.

"What the hell is your problem?" Cristina said, taken aback. "We're going to be cutting people open.

"Well, for starters I got reamed by Addison and Derek. I thought Derek was a crazy stalker and a I ran and he wasn't. He yelled at me for pushing myself too hard, and then we had hot sex in the woods which made it better. There is a hospital dinner tomorrow night and I have nothing to wear. My body aches. I found out I'm having a boy and a girl and didn't even get to go home with my husband. And now I am stuck here..." She spat.

"You had hot sex in the woods?" Cristina said in shock.

"Yeah, against a tree." Meredith said frankly.

"Impressive." Cristina said as she nodded her head.

"So that's all you care about. I did just tell you I know the sexes of my children... Some friend you are." Meredith said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, that's great." Cristina muttered as she looked away. "Oh! Look at that guy." She said, pointing to a man on a gurney. He had a fishing pole trough his arm.

"You are useless." Meredith muttered under her breath.

"You're turning into a bitter married woman." Cristina said loudly. Meredith ignored her comment. Cristina rolled her patient into the room.

"Hey! Boy or Girl?" George asked as he came from behind.

"Both. Boy and Girl." Meredith said with a faint smile.

"That's awesome. Now you'll have one of each. Two girls, really. With Anna-Bean." George said.

"I'm not a bitter married person, am I?" Meredith asked.

"No! Who said that?" He asked in shock.

"Cristina." Meredith said quickly.

"Are you really going to listen to someone who is bitter themselves?" George asked with a laugh.

"She would know. You always know your own kind." Meredith explained.

"Mer, you're not." He reassured her. Meredith smiled. "Looks like you're up." He said as he pointed to Cristina, who was leaving.

"See you later..." She muttered as she wheeled her patient around.

Meredith watched as her patient's scan came up on the screen. Crap. It was a hematoma. A large hematoma. She quickly had Dr. Rayburn paged as she waited. She knew who he was before he even introduced himself. He had the air of a neurosurgeon. He was arrogant. But not in a sexy way. He was nothing like Derek. She frowned as the clean shaven man with short brown hair and brown eyes walked up.

"Looks like a fairly large hematoma." Meredith told him as he walked in. "I think the pressure is going to have to be relieved."

"Who the hell are you?" He asked as he looked her up and down.

"I'm Dr. Grey-" She started. She didn't even have a chance to finish her name.

"You're my first year neuro resident?" He asked as he shook his head. "But you're a cow..." He said quickly.

_Oh hell no...Did he just call me a cow?_

"Um, did you-- Did you just call me a cow?" She said in shock as she looked into his brown eyes.

"You're huge. You're no good to me, you can't even get close enough to the table with that thing." He said as he pointed to her stomach. "So, yes. To answer you question, I did call you a cow." He said. "Dumb intern-" He started. His face was met with a sharp smack to his right cheek. His eyes widened in shock.

"I am not a cow!" She shouted back to him. "Or an intern for that matter..."

"You crazy-" He started as he grabbed his cheek.

"Excuse me?" Dr. Bailey said as she stepped in. "Who the hell do you think you are?" She said as she pointed at Dr. Justin Rayburn.

"Excuse me? I think I am your _attending_." He said as she stood over her an looked down.

"Huh uh. Don't think you are going to tower over me and try to push me around. I may be small, but I could take you. And if I ever hear you talk to Meredith like that again, I'm going to torture you and make you beg for your mama!" She shouted loudly as she pointed at his face.

"She hit me." He said loudly as he pointed to Meredith.

"She's pregnant and hormonal. What's your excuse? Born an ass?" Miranda asked. "Stupid ass fool." She said as she turned around.

"Come on, Meredith." She said as she started to walk out.

"Oh no. She's mine. I'm going to need her for this surgery." He said quickly.

"You said there was no surgery." Meredith said quickly.

"I lied. Prep him." Justin said with an evil smile. Miranda gave Meredith a sympathetic look and then glared at Justin.

"I am watching you." She muttered as she walked out.

"Go." Justin said loudly to Meredith.

Meredith quickly grabbed the patient and went through the prepping ritual. She was not looking forward to this. She didn't want to work with this jerk. She herself couldn't believe she hit it. It was a really, really bad move. She was sure Richard was going to kill her. She walked into the scrub room and sighed when she saw Justin standing there.

"Meredith Grey... daughter of the famous Ellis Grey..." He said as he glanced over at her. "Explains the huge god complex."

"I do not have a god complex." Meredith said firmly as she scrubbed under her fingernails.

"I went to the Chief. You have your foot in just about every door around here, don't you?" He asked with a chuckle. "The Chief's step-daughter... Didn't get far there. Although I think I can figure out my own torture for you..." He said with a chuckle.

"Whatever." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't figure on you giving up that easy. You're a nasty little sucker..." He said with a laugh. "I haven't had a woman slap me in years. It was refreshing..." He said as he put his arms up. "I would have rather it was in a different situation, you know what I mean? A little spanking..." He asked with a chuckle. Oh, he's one of those...

"So you like to be spanked?" Meredith asked as she followed him.

"Oh yes." He said quickly. "Do you like to spank?"

"Of course." She said as she walked up to the patient. "Only my husband, sorry."

"Yeah, I saw the rock." He said with a nod. "Too bad..."

She watched as he worked. He was good. But he didn't have the touch that Derek had. She wished it were Derek instead of him. She missed Derek, and part of her was thinking she was missing out on a better surgical education without him.

"So, Shepherd was your old attending..." Justin finally said.

"That he was..." Meredith said sadly, missing him.

"Good surgeon. Bit of ass. What did they call him? McDouche?" He said with a chuckle. Meredith's face turned red. What the hell? Who does he think he is?

"McDreamy, actually." She said, knowing he knew.

"Oh yes. That was it. McDreamy." He said quickly. "So was he? McDreamy..."

"Dreamy? I like to think so." Meredith said happily.

"Oh really? Does your husband know about this?" Justin asked with raised brows.

"Actually he does. He knows all about McDreamy and I..." Meredith said coyly.

"So something went on?" Justin asked with piques interest.

"Oh yeah. You can't resist him. He's McDreamy." She said with a chuckle.

"It was between the three of you, wasn't it?" Justin asked with a smile.

"You are quite dirty, Dr. Rayburn. In fact, I think most of the time you have spent with me could be considered sexual harassment." She told him.

"Possibly. But you aren't the type. You're too confident. It doesn't bother you... Now that's Stevens, she'd freak out." Just said quickly. She was going to let him dig himself into a hole as far as he could.

"Maybe. McDreamy, my husband and I. You couldn't even imagine..." She said with a chuckle.

"Really?" He asked in shock.

"Really." She replied seriously. It was not a lie.

"Hmm. Derek Shepherd doesn't seem like the type. He is pretty arrogant though. And I don't know your husband so--" He pondered.

"I guess you'll never know." She said with a laugh.

Justin continued working on the patient. He allowed her to help with the procedure. It was a first since he had been at Seattle Grace. All of the other doctors would run and hide from him. But Meredith knew how to handle him. He really just reminded her of Ian, and she could handle him. She was happy when the surgery was finally over. She quickly washed her hands and got ready to head out. She was ready to go home. She turned around to see Justin washing his hands.

"I don't like you." She said as she paused at the door.

"That's a shame, because I'm really staring to like you..." He chuckle. "Oh and Grey... We have another craniotomy in an hour..." Meredith let the door shut and sighed. She wasn't going home tonight.

--------------------

Derek laid comfortably across their large bed. Diagonally. Yets that's the way to sleep when you sleep alone. Not that he didn't miss her, but the big bed was an advantage. He wasn't envying her at the moment, stuck at the hospital all night. He quickly smelled his pillow and went off to dreamland.

_"Derek...Derek..." Meredith whispered._

_"Mer? Where are you?" Derek said loudly as he searched. He quickly walked down the hallway. She was nowhere to be found._

_"Derek..." He heard her again. _

_"Damn-it, Mer...where are you?" He said as he walked faster. He quickly opened the door to his lavish office._

_"You found me, Big Boy..." She giggled. He smiled as he looked at her, legs crossed off of the front of his desk, with only a stethoscope around her neck. Her bare ass sitting softly on his mahogany desk._

_"Mer, what are you--" He started as he rushed over to her._

_"Shhh." She said as she leaned over and pulled the string on his scrub pants. She watched them drop around his ankles into a pool. His boxers were stretched to their limit as he large cock pushed against the material. "I need you..." She whispered seductively as she pulled his waistband down. His shaft sprung higher as it realized it's new found freedom. She smiled as she grasped it tightly. Her hand pushed and pulled. Pushed and pulled. She felt him begin to pulsate in her hand. She quickly pulled the stethoscope out and placed it on his penis._

_"What are you doing?" He asked._

_"Checking your heart rate." She said frankly. She listened. "It's good." She smiled as she wrapped her legs around him and slid him in..._

_"Oh god, Mer!" He yelped as he felt her around him._

_"Harder. Harder. Do it, big boy. Show me what you've got..." He yelled as he pounded into her. "You have the biggest, thickest penis I've ever seen..." She moaned._

_"Oh...Mer...Oh God..." He shouted. "I'm-" What the hell? What is that?_

Derek awoke to the phone ringing in his ear. He jumped up. and grabbed the cellphone.

"Damn-it!" He moaned as he looked down at himself. Noticing the log that had formed. "Hello." He muttered.

"Hey..." Meredith said with a smile.

"Oh... Hey..." He said quietly.

"What's the matter?" Meredith asked, sensing a problem.

"I was have a dream. A very good dream..." He muttered.

"Oh. What was it about?" She asked.

"Um, a blonde. On my desk at work. Wearing nothing but a stethoscope." Derek said happily.

"Oh." Meredith said, slightly offended.

"You were the blonde." He clarified.

"I was?" She asked.

"Of course you were!" He told her.

"What did I do?" She asked.

"Checked my heart rate. On my penis..." He laughed.

"What?" She asked in shock. "Why would you do that?"

"Ask yourself, you're the one who did it." He chuckled.

"In your mind!" She laughed. "A place I definitely don't want to be!"

"Yeah, me either. Quite scary. You would have never married me." He laughed.

"So, I need you." She started.

"Oh...I need you to..." He said seductively.

"Not that!" She shouted. "I need a chocolate shake. Onion rings. And fish. Fried fish with peanut butter." She told him frankly.

"Oh god. That's gross." He pointed out.

"I sounds good. Get it for me. Please..." She moaned.

"As much as I'd love to, I can't...I can't leave Anna." He said, slightly relieved.

"Damn-it. Okay." She muttered. "Gotta go."

"What?" He asked.

"I have to at least scare up some fish, and peanut butter." She explained.

"You have problems..." He laughed.

"I know." She returned "Love ya. Have fun with your stethoscope."

"Funny. Love ya." He returned. He had to laugh when he hit his pillow. Now, back to that dream...

------------------

Meredith walked into her bedroom and collapsed on the bed. She was tired. Beyond tired. She had been up all night and day. She did manage to sneak in an hour power nap on a gurney. Dr. Rayburn had insisted on it, saying she was getting grumpy. She had never been so happy to see her own bed. She pulled a pillow over and laid there across the bed, her feet hanging off the side, closing her eyes.

Meredith and Justin had come to an understanding. She decided he really wasn't as bad as everyone said. Besides the fact that he didn't know when to keep his mouth shut. But then again, she was used to it. She grew up with the most brutal person in the world, her mother.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he laid down beside her.

"Mmmm." She moaned as she turned her head away from him.

"It's time to get up..." He whispered as he kissed her head softly. She quickly whacked him in the head. "Ouch!" What the hell was that for?"

"Go away!" She shouted as she covered her head. "Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?" She moaned.

"You have to get ready..." He whispered into her ear as he pulled the pillow away.

"For what?" She asked quietly as she rolled away from him.

"The dinner." He returned as he rubbed her back.

"The dinner? Shit! The dinner!" She said as she jumped up and looked around in a panic. "Oh my god! I didn't get a dress. I have nothing to wear. Crap." She said quickly. She rushed around.

"Mer-" Derek started.

"Not now, Derek!" She returned as she ran into her closet. He quickly followed after her. He watched as she started flipping through clothing.

"Mer-" He said again as he watched.

"Damn-it! Not now." She said as she rushed out of the closet and into their room. She quickly grabbed her head and stumbled, falling to the floor. "Shit." She said as she began to stand up.

"Mer!" He shouted as he rushed over to her. "Sit down!" He demanded. She sat down on the floor, leaning against the bed. "Are you okay?" He asked with worry as he checked her eyes.

"I'm fine. Just got a little light headed." She explained as she looked over at him.

"It's your blood pressure." He said, shaking his head. "You have got to relax! Stay there. Breathe." He said as he stood up and walked into the closet. He walked out carrying a long black dress. "I stopped and got this for you. That's what I was trying to tell you." He said as he held it up. "I knew you wouldn't have time. I think it should fit."

She looked at the long black maternity gown, shimmering in the sunlight.

"It's beautiful." She said as she stood up slowly. "Thank you." She told his as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "Derek... I'm sorry. I just panicked." She said quickly. "I really don't deserve you..." She said with a frown.

"Nope. It's me that doesn't deserve you..." He replied as he gave her a soft kiss. She looked over at the clock.

"I need to take a shower..." She said as she looked back at him.

"What a coincidence, so do I." He said with a dirty grin.

"Hmm." She said with a smile as she grabbed his hand and led him to the bathroom. "Where is our daughter?"

"Jane took her to the park." He said quickly.

"Perfect..." She returned as she turned and looked into his eyes. He smiled as she lifted her shirt over her head. He did the same.

"You look perfect..." Derek muttered as she watched her walked over and turn the hot water on.

"You're not so bad yourself..." She said as she walked in. He stood there and watched her. "Are you coming?" She said as she poked her head out of the glass door.

"Uh huh." He said with a smile as he stepped in with her. She turned and let the water fall onto her face. She felt his hands on her swollen abdomen, running up and clutching her swollen breasts.

"I missed you..." She moaned.

"You were gone one night." He said with a chuckle. "But I missed you too." He agreed. She quickly turned around and pushed him against the wall, rubbing her leg against his erection.

"Oh god, Mer..." He muttered at her touch. Her lips crashed into his, and he began sucking on her bottom lip.

"Take me for a ride." She said with a smile.

"That's something I can do..." He chuckled. He watched as she stepped back, stumbling once again.

"Oh my god, Mer!" He said as he grabbed her arm.

"I'm okay..." She said reassuringly.

"You are not okay!" He said quickly. "When was the last time you ate?" He asked.

"Not now, Derek. I don't want to do this..." She said angrily. "Right now...I just want you..." She said as she grabbed his penis in her hand.

"Mer, stop it..." He said as he pushed her away. He wanted it. He wanted her. But he had to make sure that she was okay.

"Derek, I'm fine." She said sternly.

"We're not doing this. Not in here. You don't need to get hurt." He told her as he grabbed his shampoo.

"Seriously? Seriously?" She shouted. Her voice echoed loudly off the shower walls.

"Meredith..." He said softy.

"No! No Meredith... Whatever. You don't want me..." She whined. "Just get out." She yelled.

"No!" He said quickly.

"No?" She said in shock.

"No. You are unstable. I am staying in here with you..." He told her frankly.

"Get out! You are not my freaking babysitter!" She yelled louder.

"No." He said, crossing his arm.

"Damn-it, Derek!" She yelled as she began swatting him with her hands.

"Shit! Stop!" He said as he backed away. He watched her face. He didn't need her blood pressure going up. "Fine." He moaned as he exited the shower, his hair full of shampoo. "But I am watching from out here."

"Fine." She said angrily. Meredith quickly began washing her hair, finally she let out a huge sigh. "Get in here." She told him. He smiled as he re-entered the shower. "We are just showering. You need to rinse your hair." She said with a giggle.

"It was getting itchy." He admitted to her.

They both continued washing and going through their regular routines. Derek's body reacted to her, and it killed him that he couldn't act on it. But he wasn't taking a chance, it wasn't worth it. They both heard a familiar beeping outside of the shower.

"My pager..." He moaned as he walked out of the shower.

Meredith heard him grumble and walk out. She leaned up against the shower wall and slid down. She was so tired. She just needed to rest for a minute. Meredith closed her eyes, and her head dropped. She was out.

"Sorry, Mer. It was the hospital. A patient needed a change of meds." He explained as he walked in the bathroom and ran the brush through his hair. "Are you still mad? Mer, I just don't want to risk anything..." He explained. "Mer?" He said. No answer. He looked at the shower, seeing no one. He quickly slid the door open.

"Meredith!" He shouted.

"Huh...what?" She said as she lifted her head and opened her eyes.

"You fell asleep." He said as he shut the water off and helped her up.

"I guess I was tired." She said as she stood up and grabbed a towel.

"How much sleep have you gotten?" He asked with a stern face.

"Oh... an hour." She told him.

"And hour!? Since yesterday, when I dropped you off?" He asked. She nodded her head. "Oh no... No wonder you can't stand up. You're not going. You're staying here." He said, shaking his head.

"I'm fine. I'm going. I want to go." She said as she dried off.

"Mer..." Derek said quickly.

"Going. I am not going to be the unsupportive wife. The wife that was too lazy to get herself out of bed." She told him.

"You are hardly lazy. My god you worked a twenty-six hour shift with no sleep. You are pregnant!" He said in shock, and disgust.

"I just want to go. I'll take it easy. But I want to go." She pleaded. He couldn't tell her no. He could never tell her no.

"Fine. But I am watching you. And we aren't staying late!" He told her sternly.

"Okay..." She said with a faint smile.

**I had to stop it, it was getting too long. I will write the party in the next chapter!**


	94. Die With You

Derek stood by the door tapping his foot. She had said she would be down in a few minutes. He was beginning to wonder. He was hoping that she hadn't fallen asleep again. Actually he was hoping she had. He knew she was exhausted, and she needed rest. But he wanted her to come along. He wanted her on his arm. He wanted everyone to see how beautiful and charming she was. He looked up as she descended down the stairs.

"Mer..." He said with a soft smile. "You look..." He trailed off. Her gown laid perfectly. Not hiding her bump, or accentuating it. Her hair was in a soft up-do.

"Are you ready?" She asked as she walked down the last step.

"Of course." He said with a grin. "You look breathtaking." He told her as he leaned in and kissed her.

"Thank you." She returned as she grabbed her clutch purse and his hand.

They both walked into the garage and climbed into Derek's Land Rover. He pressed the button and they drove off into the night. Derek glanced over at her. She had a a faint smile on her face. He looked at her hand placed comfortably on her abdomen. She was always instinctively protecting their children. She caught his glance and looked over.

"I'm huge...I know." She said with a frown.

"What? No!" He quickly replied as he glanced over at her.

"I saw you looking at me. I'm getting fat." She snapped. "I know you don't find me attractive anymore..." She moaned.

"Mer! That's not true. You are gorgeous." He pleaded. It was the hormones, and lately she had been flying off the handle left and right.

"McAss thinks I'm a cow and so do you!" She whined as her eyes began to tear up.

"What? What do you mean, he thinks you're a cow?" Derek said as he stopped at the stop light. His eyes looking into hers.

"He told me I was a cow." She moaned as she looked out the window. "He's right."

"That son-of-a-bitch!" He yelled. "Who the hell does he think he is?" He yelled.

"It's okay, Derek. Bailey told him. And I hit him." Meredith said frankly.

"You hit him?" Derek asked in shock.

"Slapped him, yeah." Meredith said, nodding her head.

"Good for you!" Derek said with a proud smile on his face. "In a strange way, that turns me on..." Derek said with a grin.

"Yeah?" She asked as she leaned towards him.

"Oh yeah!" He said quickly as he pressed his lips against hers, her tongue sliding in.

"Mmm." She moaned as she tasted him. His mouth sucked and nipped her lip. She felt his hands slide around and rub her back. "I want you..." She moaned and her hand travelled down, rubbing against him. She felt his rise to her touch.

"Oh god!" He moaned as he felt her touch. "I...we..." He said as she massaged him, his slacks tightening. They both jumped when they heard a loud honk. They looked back to see a line of traffic behind them.

"Shit..." He moaned as he took his foot of the brake and pressed the gas petal.

"We'd be late." She said with a shrug.

"Oh we'll finish this." He said with a nod.

"I'm looking forward to that..." She giggled. "Somewhere dirty..."

"Oh...dirty...uh huh..." He said as he pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. "I can do dirty..."

"I know you can, Dr. Shepherd." She said happily. "So are you ready for your party?" She asked.

"It's not my party. It's everyone's party." He said as he stopped the car, opened his door and ran around opening hers. Her threw the keys to the valet, and grabbed her hand and leading her to the entrance.

"Derek! Meredith!" Addison said as she walked up. Meredith was amazed at the number of people who had shown up.

"Addie... I'm so glad you came." Derek said as he gave her a soft hug.

"Addison..." Meredith said as she hugged her.

"Mer, you look absolutely gorgeous!" She exclaimed. "You are glowing!"

"Thanks, Addie." Meredith said with a smile. "Where's Stan?"

"He's over there. And it looks like he's beckoning me. See you later?" Addison asked, Meredith nodded.

"Derek." Jack Hudson nodded as he walked up.

"Jack." Derek said as he shook his hand.

"Dr. Grey. Well, I suppose I can call you Meredith now." He said with a chuckle. "How are you?"

"I'm great. Although I am slightly confused, seeing how you said my husband was an inferior surgeon, yet you invite him into the premier neurology facility in the northwest." Meredith said matter-of-factly.

"Meredith!" Derek snapped. He covered his face in shame. "She's hormonal." Derek tried to compensate.

"I am not..." Meredith said quickly as she looked at him then back at Jack. "I'm just saying..."

"Don't apologize, Derek. Meredith you are right, I did say that. It's called being an arrogant neurosurgeon. I'm sure you've dealt with one of those before." Jack said, letting her comment roll off of him.

"Very true." She laughed.

"I must socialize." He told them as he looked over. "It was nice seeing you again."

"You too." She responded.

"What the hell?" Derek said in shock. "I can not believe you said that!" Derek said, shaking his head.

"Derek, congratulations, really." Richard said as he walked up and shook his hand.

"Yes, Derek." Ellis said sharply. "And Meredith, how are you?" She asked as if she had to.

"I'm good. Oh look, there's Addison..." Meredith said as she walked away. Derek shook his head. Meredith was getting out of there like she was on fire.

"That girl..." Ellis snapped. She casually drifted away from them, leaving them alone.

"Richard. I know it's not my place, but Meredith really needs a day off. She fell asleep in the shower today." Derek said quietly. "She's been pushing to hard, and I'm worried about the babies." Derek said with a worried face.

"It is your place. You are her concerned husband. And of course you know, she can take as many days as she needs. I don't want to endanger my grandchildren." He said with a smile.

"Thank you..." Derek said, breathing deeply.

"Dr. Grey..." Dr. Rayburn said as he walked up to her. "You look amazing..." Meredith looked at him. He looked very handsome in his suit and tie. He was a very good looking man.

"Oh, I don't look like a cow?" She said with a chuckle.

"No. You do not look like a cow." He chuckled in return.

"So, why are you here?" He asked, wondering why she would be invited.

"I came with my husband. Well, you know about our relationship..." She chuckled.

"Oh yes..." He said with a grin. Derek walked up slowly.

"Justin Rayburn?" He asked as he stuck out his hand. Justin nodded. "Derek Shepherd, nice to meet you. I see you've met my beautiful wife." Derek said as he leaned over and kissed her deeply.

"Wife?" Justin asked, then chuckled. "Funny..." He said as he nodded to her. She laughed. Derek looked between them in confusion.

"I was telling him how my husband and I occasionally had threesomes with McDreamy." Meredith said to Derek.

"Oh god..." Derek said, shaking his head. Meredith glanced off into the distance.

"Drew? Oh my god!" Meredith said as she quickly rushed to him, leaving Derek and Justin.

"So. You called my wife a cow?" Derek asked Justin with a glare. He glanced over to see Drew quickly pulling Meredith into an embrace and pressing his lips against hers.

"I...um...It was a joke." Justin said in shock. Derek changed his focus.

"Not a funny one. I don't know who you think you are, but if I ever hear you say anything like that again, I will remove your balls with my ten blade." Derek said loudly.

"Point taken." Justin said as he swallowed hard. "If it's any consolation, she did slap me."

"You're lucky that's all she did. She could have beat you to death with her tiny ineffectual fists." He said frankly. Justin just stared at Derek. "I think we understand each other?" He asked, justin nodded. "Thank you for coming. I hope you enjoy your evening." Derek nodded as he walked away.

"If Derek sees you so that, he will kill you!" Meredith laughed, knowing the kiss was a joke.

"It would be worth it." Drew laughed. "Wow. You're...wow." He said as he looked at her baby bump. "So, my nephews? Nieces?" He asked.

"Niece and Nephew." She said with a smile.

"Wow." He reiterated as he put his hand on her stomach.

"Kiss my wife like that again, and I'll kill you!" Derek said, shaking his head. "God, I have to fight the men off with a stick." Derek joked.

"Congrats!" Drew said with a smile and a pat on the back. "For the babies and the practice."

"Thanks... So, did Mer ream you yet?" Derek asked with a laugh.

"For what?" Drew asked as he looked at them.

"For what?" Meredith asked in shock. "Let's see... You have completely lost contact with us... Um, you told Evelyn about us getting married, and about Anna. You didn't even warn us, you ass. She and the clan showed up on our doorstep!" She said as she smacked him.

"I'm sorry...she got me..." He said sadly.

"Full name?" Derek asked, understanding. Drew nodded. Meredith looked him in confusion.

"Full name?" She asked.

"If mom says the full name, you break. Seriously." Derek said. "Andrew Finnius Monahan."

"Finnius?" Meredith laughed. "Oh my god."

"Shut up!" Drew laughed. "It's not funny."

"Yes, it is!" Meredith laughed.

"I missed you guys..." Drew said happily.

"We missed you too." Meredith said with a smile.

"Although, I have to admit, it's no fun hitting on a pregnant woman!" He told them. Derek shook his head and rolled his eyes. His gaze moved to Meredith. She was now silent. The color drained from her face. Her eyes fixated on someone in the distance.

Panic. She was panicking. Heart rate up. Breathing rapid. Heart in her throat, Stomach flopping. There he was. Marty. He was talking to Francaesca. It never dawned on her. He would be here. She was being stupid. She had no reason to panic. What had he done?

"Mer?" Derek asked as he looked over at her. "Meredith!" He said as he grabbed her arm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay... Why wouldn't I be okay?" She answered nervously.

"I don't know, but your face with whiter than Der's shirt." Drew pointed out.

"I'm fine. Derek, would you like to dance?" Meredith asked, turning away from the general direction that Marty was in.

"With my beautiful wife?" Derek asked. "Of course."

"Oh, I see how it is...ask him first." Drew said, feigning hurt.

"I have to...you know that!" She joked. "You're next."

"Promise?" He asked with wide-eyes.

"As long as my feet don't kill me, yes." She said as Derek led her away.

"What happened?" Derek asked as he grabbed her hand and danced to the music.

"What do you mean?" She asked, avoiding the situation.

"You know what I mean..." Derek said, giving her his look.

"I just...I thought I saw someone." She said quickly.

"Who?" He asked, knowing just what she was doing.

"Derek...quit." She said, glaring at him.

"Fine. I won't protect you. I'll leave you standing out there for the wolves." He said with a shrug.

"You will not..." She said with a giggle.

"I know." He agreed.

"Don't worry. If I need you, I will tell you." She said as she laid her head against him.

"I hope so..." Derek muttered. "How are you feeling?" He asked her.

"Good. I feel good. Not so tired." She said as they moved along to the song.

"Thank you for coming." Derek said happily.

"I wouldn't have missed it..." She replied. "And I think you owe me some dirty sex, doctor." She said in a low voice.

"Do you honestly think I have forgotten?" He laughed. She pulled herself a little closer, rubbing against him.

"Apparently not!" She giggled as she felt him against her leg. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Oh how I love you..." She moaned. "That sounded ridiculous..."

"Can I cut in?" A voice said as he tapped Derek on the shoulder. Meredith's blood ran cold as she gripped Derek's shoulder. She lifted her head and stiffened up.

"Um...well...sure." Derek finally said. "I guess..." He said as he stepped away. Meredith wanted to say something. She just...couldn't.

"Meredith..." Marty said with a smile. "Just how have you been?" He asked slyly.

"Look, I--" She started nervously. Panic was evident in her voice.

"You're scared!" He laughed.

"I am not!" She said firmly. He could see right through her.

"You're terrified. Meredith, I would never... I wouldn't hurt you. I was kidding the other night. You're married. And I'm-- Don't be afraid of me. I am not someone you need to fear." He said reassuringly.

"I said I wasn't afraid. That doesn't mean that I don't trust you." She said frankly.

"You're hot. I noticed. Big deal. Get over it." Marty said with a laugh.

"Well, I'm married. And pregnant. And married." She said quickly.

"You said married twice. I got it...married." He said with a smirk. "Not that that makes a difference, ya know what I mean?" He asked as he rubbed her back, his hand sliding down and squeezing her ass.

"Hey asshole!" A voice said loudly. Marty turned to look. Crack! Marty fell to the floor hard and fast. He looked up at the stranger, holding his face. Everyone around the room now had their focus on the three people quarreling.

"What the hell?" Marty shouted as he stood up, glaring at the man.

"Drew!" Meredith shouted as she looked over at him in surprise.

"If you ever, ever think about touching her like that again, I swear I will kill you." He seethed as he got nearer to Marty. Marty's eyes git wide as Drew was just inches from his face. "I will fucking kill you."

"I don't know what you're talking about, man." Marty said as he stepped back.

"Drew, don't worry about it..." Meredith said quickly, giving him a look.

He turned his head in confusion. Meredith pulled Drew's hand and quickly led him away. He looked back at Marty, who looked terrified. They walked to a balcony and stepped outside.

"What the hell, Mer? I wasn't done." Drew said, eyes ablaze, clenching his fists.

"It was nothing, Drew. Forget you saw it." Meredith told him as she looked out at the Seattle skyline.

"Mer-" Drew said in shock. "I saw him."

"Drew. Don't worry about it." Meredith reiterated as she looked away. "It wasn't a big deal..." She muttered as the tears welled up in her eyes.

"Okay, if it wasn't a big deal, I can only assume you're having an affair with the man." Drew said, knowing it wasn't true. Meredith whipped her head around angrily.

"How could you say that?" She said as the tears began to fall. "I would never..." She trailed off as she wiped her tears.

"I know you wouldn't." He said with an agreeing nod. "But I want to know what's going on. I saw the look on your face. You were scared."

"I don't want Derek to know." Meredith said as she looked at him.

"Know what?" Drew asked as he placed his hand on her arm.

"He's been... The other night at dinner, he hit on my. I told him I wasn't interested. He said I was making a mistake. He just gave me this feeling... And tonight he said I had no reason to fear him. But then he just-- Well, you saw it." She said nervously.

"That asshole. Now I am going to kill him..." Drew said as he turned around.

"No, Drew! No!" She said as she grabbed his arm. "This is too important to Derek. Franceasca, she-- Addison said something to her about it. She said I was lying. It will just start trouble. Derek doesn't deserve this. He just got started. I don't want it sabotaged. He doesn't deserve it..."

"Derek would want to know. He needs to know!" Drew said quickly as he started to walk away. "This guy... You don't know him. He could rape you. Or kill you..."

"He's not..." She trailed off. "Drew, please. For me..." She said as placed her hand on his arm.

"I do not like this Mer." Drew said as he looked her in the eyes. He could see the worry. He didn't want her to have anymore undue stress. "Fine. But you tell me. Everything. If he so much as looks in your direction..."

"Okay." She said as she nodded her head.

"Okay." He agreed. They both looked over to see Derek approaching.

"What the hell was that?" Derek said as he approached.

"Drew." Meredith said quickly.

"Yes, I know. Apparently everyone knows. This party has turned into a brawl." Derek said as he looked at Drew. "Marty says you hit him for no reason."

"That's right." Drew said frankly. Derek looked at him, taken aback.

"You're kidding, right?" Derek said as he looked back and forth between them.

"Nope." Drew said. "I thought he was someone from New York." Drew explained.

"So you walk up and blast him?" Derek asked angrily. "While my wife is standing there?"

"I brought him out here to calm him down." Meredith offered softly.

"Mer, why don't you go find Addison. She was looking for you." Derek said as he touched her arm. She nodded her head and walked off. She gave Drew a pleading look as she walked off.

"Okay, really, what is going on?" Derek asked. "I have known you your whole life. You don't do that." Derek said as he looked his cousin in the eye. "Something happened."

"It was a misunderstanding, Derek. Just leave it at that." He said as he turned and walked off.

"She's my wife...not yours. I can protect her." Derek said sternly. Drew stopped and turned around.

"Well, you didn't seem too concerned about her, seeing as you talked to Marty before finding she or I." Drew said frankly.

"Excuse me? I came right away. You are the one's that rushed off." Derek told him.

"Just... It was nothing. He pissed me off. Mer calmed me down." Drew told him quickly.

"I know when you're lying..." Derek said as he watched him walk off.

When Derek walked back in, everyone had pretty much quit talking about the fight. Derek knew something was up. And what's more, he knew it had something to do with Meredith. He looked over to see her talking to Dr. Foster, the neurologist from the practice.

"I see you've met my beautiful wife." Derek said as he walked up.

"Yes, I have, Derek." Melinda Foster said as he approached. "She was just telling me that you are expecting a boy and girl. How exciting!" She exclaimed.

"We're pretty excited about it." Derek beamed as he touched Meredith's abdomen.

"Well you look fabulous. If seen pregnant women glow, but you...you look great." She said with a smile. "Oh, Miles is waving for me." She said, referring to her husband. "If you'll excuse me..."

"Of course." Meredith said as she walked away. "She seems nice..." Meredith muttered.

"She's one of the best." He said with a smile. "So when are you going to tell me?" Derek said frankly. "About what happened..."

"Nothing, Derek." She said with a smile as she turned away. She quickly turned back. "You know..." She whispered into his ear. "I think you owe me dirty sex..."

"Oh really?" He asked with a grin. Knowing what she was doing. Avoiding, that's what it was.

"Really." She said as she nipped his ear.

"Well, we'll have to do something about that." He said as he grabbed her hand and they snuck away.

"Where are we going?" She giggled as he led her away at a rapid pace.

"Just follow me!" He said quickly as the continued.

"A room?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Are you kidding me? We're a little beyond a room, don't you think?" He said with a chuckle.

"Maybe..." She said with a giggle. "The kitchen?" She asked, wide-eyed. "But there's--" She started.

"We ate. Dinner is over." He said with a grin.

"Derek, they have to clean. You're-- We can't!" She said in shock. They looked around the dark kitchen. "Or not... Seriously, where is everyone?" She asked.

"There are two kitchens... This is the one for room service, which is closed for the night..." He said with a dirty grin.

"And you know this how?" She asked as she looked around.

"I just know things." He said as he looked into her eyes.

He swiftly walked up to her and covered her mouth with his. She moaned as their lips collided. She needed it. She needed him. With his body against hers, his erection pressing against her leg, Marty was soon a far memory. She heard him let out a moan as she ran her leg up against him.

"Shit, Mer.." He moaned as he pulled away. "I need you." He said, feeling the insistence from his hard cock.

"And you can have me." She said with a sultry look.

They both glanced around. Derek smiled when she looked over at a large countertop in the middle of the room. Derek quickly grabbed her and gently placed her on a counter top. She smiled as she looked into his needy eyes. He climbed up onto the large countertop and began pecking kisses on her collarbone.

"Come on, Der..." She moaned, feeling her heat rising. Derek, quickly pushed her dress up and fumbled around for her panties. He quickly found that there were none.

"I thought it was an unnecessary step." She giggled as she looked at him.

"And incredibly fucking hot!" He said as the slowly thrust two fingers into her. "Shit Mer..."

"I was ready. I've been ready." She moaned. "Oh god...thank you..." She moaned as she felt his fingers teasing her most sensitive areas. "Shit...Der...Stop!" She muttered as she felt herself teetering on the edge. She was looking over the edge, threatening to jump.

"Der! Oh...God...I...Ohhhh..." She moaned as she felt herself free falling into sheer pleasure. His mouth quickly found it's way down, sucking and slurping her hot juices. "Oh...god..." She muttered as she felt another wave coming. Her hands grasped the side of the counter as he tongue swirled round and round. She felt herself release, once again.

"You taste so good..." He muttered as he mouth went to work.

"Derek. I need you inside of me. Now. I need you now!" She demanded. He nodded, feeling himself preparing. His body knowing what was coming. He didn't bother to take off his pants, there was no time. He unzipped and pulled himself out, thrusting into her with force.

"Oh..." She yelped loudly at the force that had just hit her. His full length deep inside of her. "Harder! Fuck Derek! Harder. I need it harder. I need you to pound me!" She shouted.

"Fuck, Mer." He shouted as he threw his body as hard as he could. The counter top began jumping, it four legs moving, coming off of the floor.

"Derek, harder. Now! Harder. Deeper." She said, unable to get enough of his cock inside of her. They both jumped when they heard a loud crash. The crash continued, metal pans pouring from beneath them.

"Shit!" Derek said loudly, as their bodies continued to yearn.

"We...have...to...oh...get..." She moaned as he body began to tighten. Derek stopped when he heard noise. Someone was coming.

"Oh my god!" He shouted. "He have to..." He quickly slid them off the table, her legs wrapped around him, fully connected. He looked in a panic and opened the big door. He carried her in and pressed her against the wall.

"Are we in a---" She asked as she felt him pound into her.

"Uh huh." He said as he continued to drive his length into her heated core. Her large abdomen was restricting his movement. He swiftly carried her to a flat surface and laid her down. He could barely see with the small light barely lighting the cold room.

"Oh...cold." She moaned.

"It won't be." He chuckled as he drove into her one last time.

They both moaned as they release together, a mixture of hot fluids and pleasure. Meredith laid back with a moan. Derek pulled out and leaned against the wall. Both were exhausted by the effort that they had just made.

"Oh thank you!" She moaned as her body came down from it's powerful high. "That was...amazing."

"No, it was fucking amazing..." He said breathlessly. Meredith pulled herself up and walked over to him.

"It's cold. We need to get out of here." She said with a shiver. The sweat that covered them both was now chilling them.

"Let's see the status." He said as he walked to the door. "Shit!" He said as he jiggled the handle.

"What?" Meredith asked in a panic.

"It's locked!" He said in shock.

"Holy shit! You locked us in a freaking freezer?" She said in shock. "Crap..."

"Move!" She said as she pushed him aside, and attempted to open the door. She jiggled the handle as hard as she could. "It's locked. Oh my God! It's locked." She said quickly. He looked at her and she at him. Both bust out laughing. "Oh my god!"

"I think this is karma. We have hot sex in a place we're not supposed to, and now we're going to fucking freeze to death!" He said as he began laughing.

"This would only happen to us..." She said as she shook her head. Meredith walked over to a box of frozen food and sat down. She sat, her elbow on her leg and her hand supporting her head as it sunk in. "So really, how are we going to get out of here?" She asked with a serious tone.

"Seriously?" He asked her with raised eyebrows. She looked over at him and nodded.

"Yes. What exactly is your grand plan?" She questioned. He always knew everything. He could get them out of anything.

"I have no idea." He returned as he looked around. The room was dimly lit. He didn't see anything. No way to get out. No way of communication with the outside world. Nothing.

"You're kidding, right?" She asked with a worried expression as she stood up.

"No. I have no idea." He said frankly.

"Well how cold is it in here? How long can we survive?" She asked with worry. He saw her began to shiver.

"Here..." He said as he covered her with his suit jacket. She quickly wrapped it around her. "Well, thirty-two degrees is freezing. And all of this food is definitely frozen, so it has to be colder than that." He said as he looked around. "So...not that long." He said sadly. "But I'm sure someone will come soon." He said with a hopeful tone.

"No one knows we're here!" She said in a panic as she began pacing. "We're going to die. We will die in here. We will freeze to death." She said as she looked at him, praying that the solution would snap into his head. "Derek!" She shouted.

"What?" He asked as he looked at her. He quickly chuckled.

"What's so fucking funny?" She asked as she walked up to him.

"You are freaking out. I am sure it will be fine." He told her as he pulled her close.

"No! No, it's not going to be fine! Because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants. And now we're going to die..." She cried as she pushed him away.

"Me? You! You're the one with the hormones through the roof. You're the one that insisited. I could have went without it." He told her loudly.

"Oh really? Go without... That didn't seem high on your list when you threw me up on a butcher block!" She shouted loudly.

"For you. Maybe if I hadn't went down on you, we would have finished faster! And then we could have just told whoever the fuck it was that came in, that we were lost!" He yelled anger apparent in his eyes, even in the dark.

"Go down on me? It's not like I asked! You're the one that insisted on putting your face down there! And if it hadn't taken you so long to get it up, we would have finished faster." She muttered.

"So long? So long! Oh...you know I don't have a problem where that's concerned! It all boils down to your crazy ass hormones!" He yelled. His eyes got wide as she approached him with a leg of lamb.

"I'll show you hormones!" She yelled as she whacked him with it.

"Mer! Holy Shit! Stop!" He yelled as he threw his hands up defensively. She swung back a second time. She looked up last him, dropped the leg and began to sob. He quickly walked to her and pulled her close.

"The babies. Thing One and Thing Two..." She cried out. "They didn't even get a chance. And Anna, she will have lost two sets of parents." She cried out as sobs wracked her body.

"Shh...It's okay..." He muttered into her ear.

He slowly lifted his wrist and looked at his watch. It was late. The chances of anyone being around were slim. The party was near over when they left it. And the staff at the hotel, wasn't going to be coming in anytime soon. Reality hit hard and fast. They may not get out.

"How long---How long will they survive after I die?" She asked with a serious tone.

"Mer..." He said with sorrow.

"No, Derek. Tell me." She said as she pulled away.

"I don't know. Three minutes. Five? But they wouldn't make it. You're not far enough along..." He said regretfully. He watched as she collapsed against him. He just held her, hoping it would be okay. She quickly stopped sobbing.

"Phone...phone... Do you have your phone?" She asked as she pulled away,

"Oh my god!" He said in shock as he pulled it out of his pocket. Both of their faces lit up. He flipped it open, and his smile turned to a frown. "No service..." He said quickly.

"No! No..." She said as she grabbed it and walked around, lifting it high.

"Mer, it's never going to work." He told her as he walked to the door and tried it again. After awhile he went over at sat on a box.

"You're giving up..." She said as she looked at his face. He didn't have to answer. She knew. She sat next to him, trying to keep their bodies against each other for warmth.

"If we had a knife..." He said quickly.

"What?" She asked as she looked at him.

"You could use me for warmth. My organs..." He said frankly.

"Oh god, Derek. I would never. I could never." She said as she pulled him tighter, both of them beginning to shiver. "What do you regret?" She asked. "Of all the things in your life, what do you regret the most?"

"Every hurtful thing I ever said to you." He said sadly. She looked up at him as tears ran down. "I love you more than anyone could ever know. I love you deeper than anyone could ever feel love. I love you, Mer. And I am so sorry. I am so sorry I locked us in this freezer."

"Der, it's not your fault. And I love you. I love you so much it hurts. And I am proud of you. The only regret I have is not meeting you sooner..." She said as she pulled him closer. He lips began to quiver from the cold and emotion going through her. "And if I'm going to die...I'm glad it's with you." She said as she laid her head against him. Derek looked at her white skin.

"No!" He yelled as he jumped up. "We are not dying! Not today." He said as he grabbed the phone and starting climbing boxes of meats. "Work, fucker!" He yelled. He hopped around, throwing things around. "Yes! Yes!" He shouted with joy. "One bar. Who?" He asked in shock.

"Drew." Meredith said quickly.

"Drew? Drew's not reliable." He disagreed.

"Yes, he is. Please, trust me." She said with a faint smile. Derek could see her blue lips. He nodded and pressed the send button.

"Drew! Thank god!" Derek said happily.

"This better be damn good!" He spat, looking at the blonde beneath him.

"We need help." Derek said quickly.

"I can barely hear you, man!" He shouted loudly.

"We're locked in the freezer of the hotel kitchen." Derek yelled.

"What?" Drew said in shock. "Seriously?" He started to laugh hysterically.

"Drew. Hurry. Mer's...She's...She's blue." Derek said, voice cracking.

"Oh my god. You're serious." Drew said. "I'm on my way." Derek shut his phone. Derek just prayed that he would hurry.

"Drew...How'd you know?" Derek asked as he moved to Meredith's side. His faced filled with concern as he moved nearer. He watched her body shake violently.

"He's...He's a...man...a...man-whore." Meredith said, lip quivering. "I...I'm...sure he...stayed...here..." She said.

Derek hugged her, holding her tightly, forget how cold his own body was. They both moved closer to the door. Derek looked at his watch, knowing that minutes were passing. Suddenly the door burst open.

"Oh thank god!" Derek said as he picked Meredith up and walked out quickly.

"Oh my god!" Drew said as he looked at both of them.

Meredith was blue, and Derek was quickly turning blue himself. Drew quickly grabbed Meredith out of Derek's arms, knowing that Derek had to be weak himself.

"Hospital." Derek said as they began to walk out quickly.

"Home." Meredith muttered weakly.

"No, Mer. You need to go to the hospital." Derek insisted as he looked down at her.

"Derek, please, just go home." She pleaded. Derek looked at Drew. Drew shook his head and agreed as Derek mouthed hospital. She had been cold for far too long.

**Sorry this wasn't up yesterday...computer issues. So yeah, I froze her. Don't worry...I don't think I would hurt her...I guess it depends on the number of reviews. Yep, a threat. I am famous for them!**


	95. Affinity For Chocolate

Drew carried Meredith straight to Derek's Land Rover. As he placed her down the the back seat, he looked at her soft pale-blue skin. It was mainly her lips. Her lips were blue. Not good. Not what he wanted to see. He quickly climbed out of the back seat, and Derek threw him the keys and told him to drive. Derek climbed in the back seat, sitting at Meredith's head.

"I'm cold." She said as she shivered. Derek grabbed the emergency blanket from the back seat and covered her.

"I know, baby. I know. Don't move. You'll pump the cold blood from your arms and legs into the central circulation making your core temperature to drop even further." He said with worry. He looked down at her.

"Do you think I don't know that? I am a doctor!" She muttered. "I'm fine."

"Mer, you're not fine. You're blue!" He said with irritation. She was stubborn. It was one of her qualities he loved and hated at the same time.

"Fine." She moaned. "Not fine. Just a little Smurfy. But I don't want to go to the hospital..."

"We're going. We need to make sure the babies are okay." He said as he stroked her hair. She nodded. The babies...

Drew quickly pulled up in front of Seattle Grace. Derek climbed out and swiftly picked her up, holding her against him. He walked straight into the emergency area and into a trauma room. Derek grabbed a warming blanket and covered her quickly. Derek pulled out and oxygen mask and placed it on her face. She rolled her eyes. He sighed as he looked down, he skin was quickly turning it's normal pale shade.

"What's going on?" Dr. Bailey said as she walked in. "They say my attending has lost his mind."

"She's--" Derek started.

"I'm fine!" She said as she lifted the oxygen mask off her face. "Dumb-ass is trying to kill me." She muttered. "He tried giving me re-warming inhalation."

"Well, let me see here." Miranda said as he walked up. "She looks okay. Shepherd..." She said, shaking her head.

"The babies." He muttered. Derek quickly grabbed the doppler. He went to pick up her dress.

"Derek!" She spat as she pushed it back down. He looked, quickly remembering that she was not wearing panties.

"Um...Can you guys leave?" Derek said as he looked at them both. They both looked at him like he was crazy.

"I'm not leaving. Like I said, they claim you've lost your mind down here." Miranda said quickly. Derek looked worried. Meredith looked at everyone and shook her head.

"Dr. Bailey. I'm not wearing panties!" She finally admitted as she looked away.

"Oh." Miranda said in shock. "I'm just gonna..." She said as she walked out. Derek glared at Drew.

"What? It's nothing I haven't seen before!" Drew said with a chuckle. Derek and Meredith gave him the death glare. He quickly turned and walked out with Miranda.

"Mer, I'm so sorry." Derek apologized, once again. He walked around and shut the blinds. He slowly pulled up her dress and smiled. "And this is what got us into this mess." He muttered as he looked at her and then down at himself. She looked at his bulging slacks and gasped.

"Derek, look at your pants!" She said quickly as she looked at him.

"I know...see what you do to me." He said with a chuckle.

"No. Not that, your pants. Look at your pants." She said as she began to giggle. Derek looked down to see bodily fluid all over the front of his slacks.

"Oh god..." He muttered as he looked down.

"Yep, bet you're wishing you hadn't just whipped it out...right about now." She laughed.

"Do you think anyone noticed?" He asked as he continued to look down at himself.

"No. I don't know. No...Drew would have given you a hard time about it." She pointed out. He looked at her and nodded his head. He grabbed the jelly and squeezed it on her abdomen.

"You do realize that we are the only ones in the world that embarrass ourselves daily, right?" He said, shaking his head.

"I'm beginning to wonder..." She said with an agreeing giggle.

Derek pulled the machine over and sat on the stool. He looked down at her. What a mess he had gotten them into. An unbelievably embarrassing, dangerous mess. He pulled the doppler up and rubbed it on her swollen abdomen. They both let out sighs of relief when they heard the familiar whoosh whoosh sound of the twins.

"There they are..." He said as they looked at the screen.

"It looks like they're hugging." She said with a smile.

"It does, it really does..." He agreed as they both watched the screen.

"They won't do that long." Meredith pointed out quickly.

"No kidding. A brother and sister. We're in for a hell of a time." He said with a laugh.

"I can only imagine how your sisters felt having you around!" Meredith said loudly.

"I was a good brother!" Derek returned with an offended tone.

"Sure...that's why you threw their bras and panties out the window and into the front yard!" She reminded him.

"They told you?" Derek asked in shock.

"Uh huh!" She said with and evil grin.

"Yeah, well Drew was right along side me." He said as he pointed to the door.

"Sure...But he's younger. You probably made him do it." Meredith laughed. "You're a bad influence. Now I understand what happened to him..." She added with a giggle.

"Yeah, well they dressed me up in my mother's bra. Stuffed bra and a dress then paraded me around town. They took me to a football game. In a dress. I'm sure there is still that picture hung in the high school somewhere." He said with a frown. "And I had to hear it...daily."

"Oh my god! They didn't!" She laughed. He quickly nodded. "Well, I'm sure the high school girls thought it was adorable."

"Oh they did. Until I got to high school..." He said with a frown.

"Poor Derek..." She teased. "Well, if you'd been lucky in high school, maybe you wouldn't be here." She suggested.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He muttered as he slid the machine away.

"Can I go home?" She asked with pleading eyes.

"I think you can..." Derek said as he looked her over one last time. "I just..." His eyes teared up. "I am so sorry. I really... I was scared. When I saw you, I panicked. All I could think was the worst."

Oh, Derek..." She said as she sat up and pulled him close. "I never worried. I knew you would get us out. You always save us." She said as he kissed him softly.

"Mer...I..." He stammered. "I'm just happy that we're okay." He finally said with a sigh.

"Me too." She said as she stood up. Derek opened the door to see Miranda and Drew standing there.

"She's fine. The twins are fine." Derek explained as he wrapped his arm around her.

"That's good." Miranda said with a smile. "And you are off tomorrow." She warned. Meredith began to pout.

"Actually, she's off for three days..." Derek said as he looked at them both. "Talk to Webber."

"What?" Meredith said in shock.

"You need it. No arguing!" He warned. She just shook her head and sighed.

"I think it's for the best." Miranda agreed. "And I have to ask...how the hell did you freeze? It's the middle of summer?"

"Um, Mer turned the air conditioning up to high!" Derek said quickly. It was lame. Even Meredith thought it was pathetic. Drew started to laugh.

"Uh huh..." Miranda laughed. "Why you laughing...you know, don't you?" She asked as she looked at him.

"I have my suspicions!" He told her. She looked at Meredith and Derek and rolled her eyes.

"You two are pathetic." Miranda said. "And you need to get your ass home and get some sleep. You look exhausted." She said to Meredith.

"That's where we're heading." Derek said as they walked out. "And Miranda...I'm not your attending anymore. Call me Derek." He said as he walked out. "Drew...you drive. You can stay at our house."

"Oh good. I was hoping to get into bed with Grey again." He laughed as he started the car.

"You insist on pushing it to the limits, don't you?" Derek said, shaking his head.

"Oh, and nice cum stain, man." Drew said as he began laughing hysterically.

"I have no idea what you're talking about..." Derek said sternly before he began laughing. Meredith shook her head.

"All my life I have been looking for a girl like that. And you snag her away." Drew said with a frown.

"Drew, he had me long before you came along." She said with a smile as she looked at Derek.

"Yeah, well he has it all. The career, the family, the hot kinky wife." Drew reminded him.

"I do. I really do." Derek agreed.

"Mmm." Meredith moaned as her mind drifted off.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Chocolate cover jalapeno and habanero peppers." She said with a smile.

"Seriously?" He asked, in shock.

"Uh huh." She said with a grin.

"Man, that's gross." Drew said, in shock.

"Stop at the first twenty-four hour grocery store." Derek told him.

"You are pathetic." Drew said, shaking his head.

"She's my girl." Derek said as he leaned over and kissed her. "And she's having my baby..." He sang out.

"If this is what marriage does to you...I'm never doing it." Drew said with a pathetic look.

"Nope. This is what happiness does to you..." Derek said with a grin as he pulled Meredith close.

-----------------

"You're seriously going to eat chocolate covered peppers?" drew asked at he watched her grab the fondue pot.

"Uh huh." Meredith said with a smile.

"You've lost your mind." Drew said as he pulled his jacket off and threw it on a chair.

"Pretty much." Meredith said as she began looking in the refrigerator. "Der, will you go check on Anna?" Meredith asked as she pulled out a the jar of pickles.

"Of course. That's where I was headed." Derek said as he walked out of the room. She waited until she heard him climb the stairs.

"Thanks, Drew." Meredith said softly as she watched the chocolate turn from a solid block into it's rich smoothness.

"For what? Saving your life?" He said with a chuckle as he watched her poke the stick into the pot.

"No. The other thing." She pointed out as she skewered a pepper.

"Oh. The guy..." He trailed off sadly.

How could he forget? The thought of keeping that secret from Derek sickened him. The only way he could justify it was by making sure that he protected her in Derek's place.

"It's no big deal. I mean, I can handle myself. I just... I don't want Derek to... He doesn't need the extra stress..." She muttered as she placed the chocolate covered hot pepper in her mouth.

"Oh, and you do..." He said, shaking his head. "My niece and nephew definitely don't need it." He grumbled.

"They are fine. I am fine!" Meredith spat.

"I don't like him!" Drew said frankly. "The guy is nervy..."

"I don't like him either." Meredith said frankly. "But I don't think that he would do anything. He's just a snake."

"I hope so. I hope you're right." He said, shaking his head. "That shit is gross." He said, pointing to the pepper.

"Try it." She said as he pushed the skewer to his face.

"Hell no, I'm not freaking crazy!" He said as he backed away. She grinned.

"Come on..." She said as she walked towards him.

"No!" He shouted. She quickly rounded the countertop and began to chase his down. He ran quickly to the sofa.

"Shit!" He yelled as she tackled him.

"Eat it!" Meredith shouted as she reached around and shoved the pepper to his mouth, covering his face in chocolate. He finally opened up and succumbed to the inevitable.

"Holy crap!" He yelled as he began fanning his mouth. Derek looked at them like crazy as Drew went running to the kitchen with Meredith on his back. "Water!" He yelled as he began filling his mouth with water from the sprayer.

"What is going on here?" Derek said as he looked at them. Drew turned around, his face beet red and full of the brown goodness that is chocolate.

"Oh god. I cannot leave you guys alone..." Her muttered as he stood there. Meredith slid down Drew's back and back over to the pot.

"Try one." Meredith said as she grabbed another pepper. He looked at Drew, who figured he wouldn't do it.

"Anything for my girl." He said as she placed the pepper in his mouth.

"Holy shit!" He yelled as he spit it out and ran to the refrigerator. "Milk..." He grabbed the milk, he opened it's top and filled his mouth.

"She's nuts, right?" Drew asked as he watched her down another pepper. "Those were the hottest peppers they had."

"I'm beginning to think she is nuts..." Derek said with a laugh as he wiped his face.

"Pickle?" Meredith asked as she looked at them.

"You can have my pickle." Drew said with a chuckle. Derek shot him a look.

"Oh how sweet of you. But I like my pickles whole. Not halves or quarters." She said quickly.

"Not nice." Drew said, feigning hurt. Derek gave her an impressed grin.

"That was harsh." He said with a nod and a grin.

"Yeah, maybe a little." She agreed as she chewed up her chocolate pickle. "Mmm, now that is good."

"I left a shirt and pants on the bed of the guest room for you." Derek said as he looked over at Drew.

"You're actually going to let me stay!" He said with a fake sound of complete and utter glee.

"For the night...yes." Derek quickly clarified. "Besides, you have to go back to New York soon, right?" He asked with a hopeful tone. Drew looked over at Meredith. he wasn't leaving. Not until he knew.

"Actually, I was going to stay here for awhile." Drew told him frankly.

"Seriously?" Derek asked. Drew nodded. "Why?"

"Derek..." Meredith said seductively with a grin, as she looked at him.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Me. You. Chocolate. Bed." She said as she grabbed her pot and walked up the stairs.

"Coming..." He said as he quickly trotted after her.

"Derek...I envy you!" Drew yelled as he shook his head. No sleep tonight, he knew that.

Meredith walked into their room holding her beloved pot. A fondue pot. She thought it was such a stupid wedding present. Now she was thinking not. Derek looked at her in amazement as she stood there, looking more sultry than ever.

"Get naked." She said quickly.

He looked at her with wide eyes. He loved it when she took control, although he would never admit it. She watched as he slowly pulled off it pants, throwing them across the room. She smiled.

"Shirt!" She demanded.

He slowly walked over to her and stopped in front of her. He bent down and began rubbing his hands up and down her body. She moaned as his hand slid up her thigh. He stood up and peeled his shirt off, throwing it aside with a grin.

"Boxers..." She said with a grin. He quickly pulled them off, allowing her a clear view of what was to come. "Lay on the bed!" She told him. He quickly jogged over and laid on their bed, his hands behind his head. "Close your eyes..." She told him as she neared. She quickly sat the pot on the bedside table and peeled of her clothing. She caught him peeking.

"Eyes closed!" She shouted.

He smiled as he closed them again. She grabbed the small ladle and drizzled the warm chocolate over his chest. He arched his back as he felt it's warmth. Her tongue began lapping the chocolate up.

"Oh...god..." He moaned as she drizzled chocolate farther down on his abdomen. He moaned as he felt her lips trail along his body, softly sucking. "Oh shit!" He moaned as she drizzled chocolate of his fully erect penis. Her mouth quickly covered him as she licked the chocolate off, swirling her tongue around his shaft. "Shit..." He moaned as she raked her teeth along him.

"Cum for me, Der..." She moaned as she increased suction. Her mouth trailed. He moved his hips. In. Out. Push. Pull. "Cum for me..."

"Oh...god...Mer...I'm---" He moaned. She smiled as she felt his warm fluid rush into her mouth along with the sweet chocolate. She smiled as she pulled her mouth away, wiping it on her arm. "You are amazing..." He moaned as he came down from his high. "And I am returning the favor!" He said as he rolled her over. He grabbed the pot of chocolate, which he rarely ate, and began drizzling. He swirling it around each breast, coving the nipple completely. She moaned as he mouth covered each, sucking hard.

"Oh..." She moaned as she she felt his tongue trailing her abdomen. He slowly spread her legs and drizzled her with warm chocolate. Her hips thrust as he covered her.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she moved her hips up, avoiding his prodding tongue. His hands softly rested on her legs, steading her as her moved his tongue across all the spaces that set her over the edge, sucking the chocolate into his mouth.

"Crap!" She muttered as she thrusted her hips reacting to the pleasure that was building. "Der--- Stop! I'm--- Oh..." She moaned as she released in his mouth, his suction increasing as the warm fluid flowed. Hi palate now finding the pleasure in the new erotic mixture.

"Mer..." He moaned as he ran his tongue over her soft baby bump, sucking on her naval.

"God Der..." She moaned as he moved towards her mouth, his erection rubbing hard against her. "Come on..." She moaned and as she ran her hands down his sides. "Please."

"What? What do you want?" He teased.

"Please, Der. Please. I need you..." She moaned. "I want you inside me..." She said with a smile. He returned it and gently spread her legs, thrusting his large shaft into her. Her fingers dug into his back as he pumped into her over an over. "Fuck me... " She screamed.

"Shhh." He whispered. She bit his shoulder to silence the pleasure she was feeling.

"Oh my god, Meredith." He moaned as he felt her heat surround him.

"Shit! Harder." She screamed as he pounded. "Harder, Derek. Come on!!" She yelled.

"Oh god..." He moaned as he pumped into her as hard as he could.

"Shit...I'm...oh..." She muttered as she spread her legs even farther. "Harder...deeper...harder!" She screamed.

"Cum for me..." He smiled as he drove harder with a grunt. "Cum for me, Mer..."

"Oh my..." She yelled as she felt the heat coming.

"I'm...oh..." He groaned as he released inside of her. Her warm fluids now surrounded his shaft as the cold water teased them both.

"Oh..." She moaned as she felt their fluid mix. They both rolled over, looking at the ceiling.

"I think I have a new found affinity for chocolate..." He said with a grin.

"Thank god! It finally stops!" Drew yelled from the other room.

"That was just round one!" Derek yelled back. They both began giggling as Meredith rolled back on top of him.

"I thought you were tired..." Derek said with raised eyebrows.

"I have three days to catch up..." She smiled as he began rocking on top of him. "And we are going to watch the sun come up...from right here."

**Like I would really kill the babies...although I did do that once before... So it was porny, but we like porny, right? And Drew is sticking around. I think we all love Drew!**


	96. I Am Loved

"Derek...Oh my god, Derek!" Meredith said as she shook Derek awake.

"Hmm..." He moaned as he rolled over. She shoved him with her hand, causing him to open his eyes. "Morning..." He muttered as he rolled over.

"It's nine thirty!" Meredith shouted as she jumped out of bed. "Anna has to be to school at nine. It's nine-thirty! Jane is off." She said as she pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt.

"Shit!" Derek said as he jumped out of bed and joined her.

"What kind of parents are we?" Meredith said sadly as she began to walk out of their room, not bothering to brush her hair or teeth.

"The horny kind." He said with a shrug. "I love it, I mean it's great...but shit. I can't..." Derek said as he followed her.

"Oh, so now I'm too horny? You don't want sex? I can do something about that." She snapped. She quickly walked into Anna's room. She walked into the bathroom and her closet.

"She's gone!" Meredith screamed as she ran out of her room, and began looking in the other room upstairs.

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Derek asked in shock.

"She's..." Meredith trailed off as she ran around the upstairs. Derek rushed downstairs and began searching.

"Anna!" Derek screamed as he looked. He search was turning up nothing.

"Anna?" Meredith screamed as she ran downstairs and began to run outside. The door opened as she neared it. Drew walked in with a grin. "Anna! Have you seen Anna?" Meredith asked in a panic.

"I have to say..." Drew said slowly. "You guys are crappy parents." He said with a shrug as he walked into the kitchen.

"Drew, have you seen her?" Derek asked angrily as he followed Drew into the kitchen.

"Of course I have." Drew said as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"When?" Meredith asked as she neared him.

"Um, when I took her to school this morning." He said nonchalantly as he sat down at the kitchen table and read the paper.

"You took her to school?" Derek asked with surprise.

"Yep. Poor kid was down here when I got up. She was eating her cereal." Drew said as he shook his head.

"She didn't wake us up." Meredith said quickly as she and Derek exchanged a look.

"She tried. I guess she knocked on the door. That's what happens when you stay up all night getting it on." He said quickly, without looking up at them.

"We're bad parents! We can't even get our daughter to school without her nanny. And now I'm pregnant. With twins. And we...we're shitty parents!" Meredith cried as she walked away.

"Mer!" Derek said quickly. She waved her hand and kept walking. "Mer!" Derek said, once again. "Thanks, Drew. Thanks a fucking lot!" Derek said as he shook his head and jogged up the stairs.

Meredith laid back down in her bed. Why didn't she even bother getting up? She may as well just stay in bed forever. What was she thinking, getting pregnant? She not a mom. She can't be a mom. She's too wrapped up in everything. And the sex. She was horny. The hormones were killing her. She craved him. All of the time, she craved him. And now it was biting her in the ass. She didn't wake up to take her daughter to school because she was too busy getting it on with her husband.

"Mer..." Derek said as he laid in the bed and joined her. "This isn't a big deal..."

"Not a big deal?" Meredith snapped as she looked up at him. "We didn't wake up. We can't even take care of a six year old. And now we're going to have babies. Two." She said as she looked into his eyes.

"Meredith, we will be fine. It will be fine. Anna was fine. Drew took her to school. If he hadn't, we would have. She would have been late... Mer, you are not a bad mother. Anna is happy, she's taken care of, and most importantly, she is loved, and she knows it." He said as he rubbed her back.

"What if we don't wake up? What if the twins lay there for hours because we didn't wake up?" Meredith said in a panic.

"Meredith! It will be fine..." He said as he tried to soothe her. "We'll just have to make sure that we get to bed at a decent hour. And we'll have the baby monitors. You will be a wonderful mother." Derek said as he continued to rub her back. "It will be amazing. Once you have them, your motherly instinct will go into overdrive." He said reassuringly.

"Really?" Meredith asked with a hopeful look.

"Yes." He quickly told her. He heard his pager on his hip go off. "I have to call." He said as he walked over and grabbed their phone, calling the hospital.

Meredith walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Maybe Derek was right. Maybe the motherly instinct would kick in. She was hoping. She was praying. She looked down at her swollen abdomen. It was getting bigger by the day. She had to smile. Her children were inside of her right now. They were growing. She was supporting them. She was their lifeline. That made her feel better than anything anyone could say.

"Everything okay?" Meredith asked as she walked out of the bathroom, looking better than she did going in.

"Yeah. A patient coded, but he's stable now." Derek said as he looked at her. She looked perfect, standing there in her jeans and tee shirt.

"Go." Meredith said with a smile.

"I'm fine." Derek said with a faint smile.

"No. You're worried. You need to go check on him. You'll be distracted anyway, you may as well check him and do rounds." Meredith said as she crossed the room and laid her head against his chest.

"You're sure?" He asked as he looked down at her.

"I'm sure." She said as she looked up and kissed him softly. "Besides, I'm sure Drew and I can figure out something to do..." She said with a giggle.

"Funny..." Derek said, shaking his head. "You're lucky I know better." He said as he looked into her eyes.

"Yes, I am." Meredith said as she returned his gaze.

"So why is he here, anyway? And why is he staying in our house?" Derek said with a confused look on his face.

"Hell if I know. I thought you asked him to stay." Meredith said with confusion.

"Nope." Derek said with head shake.

"I should probably take a run." She said as she walked over to her dresser and grabbed out her clothes.

"Mer, you have got to take it easy..." He said as he looked at her.

"I will. Addison said it was okay. I need to run. I just need the time to myself." She said with a smile.

"Okay. I'll be back in a couple of hours." He said as he kissed her on the forehead and walked out.

Meredith pulled her stretchy jogging pants on, and a tank top. It was a warm morning, but she needed to run. It made her feel better. She wished she had done it all her life. It was the only time when she could be alone, when she could think. She jogged downstairs to see Drew sitting in a chair, playing on his Blackberry.

"Where are you going?" He asked as he glanced up. He almost had to laugh. She was cute. Her once thin frame now had a big baby bump in the middle of it. It wasn't wide, it was straight out in front of her.

"What?" She asked as she noticed him looking at her.

"Nothing." He laughed as he continued to stare.

"I'm a cow, right?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"No. No, Mer, you look great. I just-- I never would have thought-- The first time I saw you in the bar, I never thought that it would be like this." He said with a chuckle.

"What, that I'd marry your cousin, and be a huge incubator for his children?" She asked.

"Yeah, something like that." He said quickly. That wasn't what he was thinking, not at all.

"Well, I'll be back." She said as she opened the door and walked out onto the porch.

"Were are you going?" He asked as he followed her.

"Running." She said as she began to stretch her aching body.

"Oh, what a coincidence, I like to run." He said with raised eyebrows.

"No. I just want to run alone." Meredith said as she looked over at him.

"Well, you kind of forfeited that when you asked me to lie to your husband. And as long as your stalker is out there, I'm not leaving your side." He said as he walked into the house. "I'll go change."

"Seriously?" She asked with a frown.

"Seriously." He yelled from the stairs.

She rolled her eyes and jogged off. He was running with her, he was going to have to catch up. She started down the dirt path. A small amount of apprehension washed over her. He wasn't a stalker. Sure, he was creepy. And he was a snake. But he didn't follow her. He didn't pursue her. It just happened when they were in the same place at the same time. She just prayed that she was right. She prayed that he wouldn't follow her.

"Hey!" Drew shouted as he finally caught up. Meredith kept running along.

"So you finally caught up?" She joked as he looked over at him, sweat on his brow.

"I always catch up...eventually." He laughed as he jogged alongside her.

"You don't jog." Meredith said simply as she glanced over.

"I do too. I work out four times a week. Did you think my body was just naturally this stunning?" He asked as he motioned to himself. She rolled her eyes. "Wait a minute, you don't jog..." He said quickly.

"I do. I do now. I was getting tired. And sore. It seems to help. If I do it first thing in the morning, I just feel better." She said as she looked over at him. He was in good shape, he wasn't looking strained whatsoever.

"I'm really sorry about what I said. You guys aren't bad parents." Drew said apologetically.

"I know. I'm just hormonal." She told him frankly. "Normally that wouldn't have bothered me."

"So the babies, they take a lot out of you, huh?" He asked as looked down at her baby bump peeking out from her shirt.

"Yeah. It surprising. I thought I would just carry them around for nine months. No so much..." She laughed as she rubbed her stomach. She slowed to a walk.

"Why are you slowing down?" Drew asked as he also slowed to a walk.

"The tree." She said as she approached it. "Fond memories." She giggled as she looked at their tree.

"What?" He said with confusion.

"I use it as a marker. Derek wants me taking it easy. I slow down here." She said as she looked over, her hand still resting on her abdomen.

"They all look the same." He pointed out as he looked around.

"Nope. That's an oak. A very large oak." She said with a laugh as she smiled. "And those are walnut trees." She said as she began laughing even harder.

"I don't get it..." He said as he watched her. "But knowing you, it's probably dirty. You're a GW."

"A what?" She asked as she whipped her head around.

"Gutterwhore. You're mind is always in the gutter. I've come across a few of them. Steph, Marci, Rebecca, Jessica, Ashley, Robin...oh there are so many more..." He said as he looked off into the distance.

"Fond memories?" She said as she shook her head.

"Maybe. But you'll have to ask them..." He said with a laugh.

"I probably don't want to know." Meredith said as she shook her head in disgust.

"Probably not!" He agreed. They both looked up when they heard a loud crack. "What the hell was that?" He asked as he looked around.

"Probably a broken limb." She suggested with a shrug.

"Probably?" He said quickly. "What if it isn't?" He said as he stopped walking and stood there, trying to listen.

"It is." She moaned with irritation. "It's called nature." She said as she walked off.

"This is why someone needs to be with you. You are oblivious and stubborn!" He told her quickly.

"I am not!" She said loudly as she continued walking. "Why are you so freaking worried about it?" She asked with irritation.

"Because I care. Because if something happened to you, I would never be able to forgive myself. Because I worry." Drew finally admitted.

"You worry?" She asked with a chuckle.

"Of course I worry." He said as he came up and threw his arm around her. "You're my girl. Well, not my girl, but... I care." He said as he continued to walk.

"And you stink." She giggled as she pushed his arm down.

"What?" He asked offensively.

"Your pits. They stink." She said with a shrug.

"They do not." He said as he attempted to smell himself. He moved closer to her, shoving himself in her face.

"They do!" She argued as she shoved him away.

"Okay, maybe they do." He finally agreed. "I forgot deodorant when I was rushing to get your daughter to school." He whined.

"And how did that go?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"She's okay, for a brat." Drew joked.

"Yeah. She is. She really is." Meredith agreed with a faint smile. "And she also has a crush on Uncle Drew." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"Oh god..." Drew moaned.

"You are all I heard about last night!" Meredith said as she thought back. "Uncle Drew this. Uncle Drew that."

"What can I say? I'm irresistible!" He said with an arrogant laugh.

"I resisted you." Meredith said quickly, knocking him down a peg.

"Yeah, there was a flaw in that plan. I just haven't figured out what that was yet." He said with a laugh.

"Derek. The flaw is called Derek." She said as she thought about the past.

"Yeah, I suppose that's it." He said sadly as they headed back to the house.

"You haven't eaten breakfast." Drew pointed out.

"I ate a granola bar before I left." Meredith pointed out as she walked into the house and grabbed a bottle of water and handed one to Drew.

"Not good enough. An omelet. You need an omelet." He said as he began grabbing all of the ingredients out of the refrigerator.

"Spinach, broccoli, ham, cheese, onions and peppers." She said as she watched him begin whipping the eggs.

"Yuck. But, okay." He said as he grabbed more food.

"And banana." She winced as she watched his reaction.

"No. I draw the line there. I am not putting fruit in this omelet." He said frankly. "You can add it to the top." He said quickly.

"Fine..." She moaned. "I need to take a shower. I'll be down in a few." She said as she trotted off.

"Thank god, cause you stink!" He yelled as she ran off.

"As do you." She yelled back.

Meredith pulled off her sweat soaked clothes and threw them into a pile on the floor. She turned on the hot water, and slowly climbed in. She was lucky. So lucky to have everyone around her that cared. Most of her life, she felt alone. Not now. Now she was surrounded. She let the soft water pound on her face as she smiled, one hand on her abdomen. She looked over as she heard the bathroom door open.

"That didn't take long." Meredith said happily.

"I rushed. I needed to get home to my gorgeous wife." He said with a huge grin.

"And how would you like to join her in the shower?" Meredith asked as she opened the door.

"Oh yes." He said, as he quickly peeled off his clothing. "And I love the pregnancy hormones."

"I bet you do!" She laughed. He quickly climbed in with a grin. "I missed you..." She muttered happily.

"I was gone two hours." He laughed as he attacked her neck with kisses.

"I know." She agreed. He smiled as she looked up at her for a moment. She felt him move down to her breasts, sucking and teasing each one. His mouth moved down her swollen abdomen.

"Hello Thing One, Thing Two." He said as he kissed her stomach. She stood up and kissed her deeply, then shoved her against the wall, pressing her back against the cold tile.

"Oh Mer..." He whispered. He easily pushed her up, her knees resting on his shoulders. Her swollen abdomen slightly in the way. The hot water trickled down both of their bodies. He looked up into her eyes, and smiled. He softly pressed her legs apart a little farther, and slide his tongue into her warm folds. He could taste her need, her warmth, her heat.

"Oh God Der." She mumbled as she felt him pressing and sliding his tongue in all the right spots. His quickened his pace, as he moved in a swirling motion. "Der, I'm...oh god...I'm..." She squealed as she felt her self tightening up. Derek tasted the warm rush that soon came, his mouth sucking her warm fluids. He felt her beginning to tremble.

"God, Mer..." He muttered as he dropped her feet to the floor and moved his mouth to hers. He tasted her sweetness as his lip sucked her bottom one, causing to to swell.

"Come on, Der...Please...I need you..." She said with need in her eyes. His smile grew as he pulled her legs up, and she tightened them around him. She felt him slide himself into her. "Ohhh..." She moaned as she felt him thrust into her hard. Their bodies both crashing into the wall. She tightened her grip on his shoulder. Her nails dug into his flesh as he thrusted once again, even harder. Her teeth latched onto his skin.

"Oh Mer...Oh baby..." He muttered as he could feel her tightening. She pulled her legs apart father, allowing him deeper penetration.

"Hard Der...Harder!" She shouted. He did as she said and pounded into her harder. "Harder." She screamed as she felt herself teeter at the edge, ready to let herself succumb to the pleasure he was creating. "Oh...god...I'm coming..." She muttered as she felt the hot rush run over her. He felt her warmth encompass his large cock. She felt him release with a loud moan. Her feet dropped to the floor, and they both leaned against the wall, attempting to catch their breath.

"You are amazing." Meredith said breathlessly.

"You are...god I love you." He said with a smile as he pulled her close.

They quickly got dressed and headed down to the kitchen.

"You two are horrible." Drew said as he looked at them both.

"That smells horrible." Derek said as he pointed to the omelet.

"And you smell like sex." Drew pointed out with a laugh.

"Maybe..." Derek said with a chuckle.

"I'm starved. You made me hungry." She laughed as she looked at him. Drew quickly placed the plate in front of her. "I need chocolate syrup. Oh and bananas." She said. They both wrinkled their noses. Derek rushed over and got them. They watched as she placed her toppings on.

"You are disgusting." Drew said as he shook his head.

"But we still love you." Derek said as he kissed her. _I am loved!_

**Chapter 96 already! Things will happen soon. :o Be kind...review!**


	97. Worry

"Mama, when are the babies coming?" Anna asked from the back seat of Meredith's BMW X5. Meredith looked down at her abdomen and back up at the little girl in the back.

"Not soon enough." Meredith said with a moan. "In about four and a half months." She quickly revised.

"You're not gonna get crazy, are you? Molly said her mom was crazy after she had her brother." Anna said with a worried tone.

"Anna, it will be fine." Meredith said as she glanced in the mirror again.

"Oh. Molly's mom wasn't." She argued as she played with her toys.

"I'm not Molly's mom. We will be fine. We'll just have to get used to it." Meredith said with a sigh. She didn't like this. Anna seemed distracted about the twins. Worried. Concerned.

"Where do babies come from?" Anna asked as she stared at her mom. Their eyes locked.

"My belly. The babies are in my belly." Meredith said quickly. Crap. This is not going in the right direction.

"I know that. We've been over that." She said, emulating Derek. Derek always said that phrase to her.

"Oh! We've been over that, huh?" Meredith said, matching Anna's irritated tone.

"Yes. And I want to know how they got there." Anna snapped as she looked out the window.

"Anna, don't take that tone." Meredith warned. She heard Anna huff loudly. "Ask daddy. He's smarter than I am." Meredith finally answered.

"That's what daddy said. He said to ask you, cause you are smarter than him." Anna explained.

"Damn..." She muttered softly. Now what? She quickly exited the highway.

"I know! I'll just ask Uncle Drew!" Anna finally said. "He knows everything!"

"No! No...you don't want to ask Uncle Drew. He doesn't know. He'll be embarrassed if you ask him and he can't answer. You know who would know...Addison." Meredith said as she pawned this situation off on her friend. She wouldn't let it get that far. She would definitely have to talk to Derek about this. They needed a plan.

"Okay. We'll ask Aunt Addison. She's super-smart!" Anna said exuberantly.

"Yes she is." Meredith agreed with a head nod.

"I'm hungry." Anna said with a moan.

"Didn't you eat lunch at school?" Meredith asked as she looked back.

"Yeah. But I threw my sandwich away." Anna said frankly.

"You threw away your sandwich? Why did you do that?" Meredith asked quickly.

"I don't like peanut butter anymore." Anna said with a shrug.

"You liked peanut butter yesterday. We ate it on celery. In fact, you loved it." Meredith said with irritation.

"Yeah. I don't like it anymore." She told her with a giggle.

"You can't just stop liking something." Meredith told her as they pulled into the neurology center.

"I can." Anna argued.

"You can't." Meredith explained as she put the car in park.

"I did." Anna said with a smile. "Why are we here?" Anna asked as she looked around.

"I'm leaving you here." Meredith told her quickly as she opened up the car door.

"What?" Anna said with a worried voice.

"Yep. Leaving you here." Meredith said with a faint smile as they began walking to the door. Anna grabbed her hand and began crying. "Anna, what's the matter?" Meredith asked as she stopped and looked down at her.

"You're gonna leave me!" She whined as she looked up. Her eyes quickly pooled with tears. Her body was tense. Her face was full of panic. "I'm sorry... I like peanut butter!" She said as she held on to Meredith. "I didn't mean it!"

"Anna. It's okay! I was kidding. This is daddy's work. I promised daddy that we would come by and see it." Meredith said as she knelt down and pulled Anna against her.

"You're not leaving me?" Anna cried as she looked into Meredith's eyes.

"No. I would never leave you!" Meredith said as she kissed her on the head. "Never. I was kidding."

"Really?" Anna asked as she looked up.

"Of course." Meredith said as she stood up and led Anna to the door.

"I was scared." Anna admitted. "I don't want to leave."

"And you never will." Meredith told her.

"That's daddy's name." Anna said as she pointed to the door.

"Yes it is." Meredith agreed as they walked in. Meredith smiled as she looked around. It was beautiful. It was perfect. There were several people sitting in waiting chairs. They looked busy. It looked so professional. It far exceeded her expectations.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist asked as she looked at Anna and Meredith.

"I'm here to see Derek." Meredith said with a smile.

"Who?" She asked with confusion.

"Oh, uh, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith clarified as she read her tag.

"Do you have an appointment?" Crystal asked as she looked at Meredith.

"I'm--" Meredith started. She looked through and saw Derek. He glanced up and smiled as he walked over towards the door. Meredith quickly walked over to the door and opened it.

"Ma'am?" Crystal asked as she looked at her. "You can't..."

"Hey!" Derek said with a smile as he walked up and gave her a kiss.

"Hey. It's...wow." Meredith said with a smile.

"I know..." Derek said as he looked around.

"Oh!" Crystal said as she walked up.

"Crystal, this is my wife, Meredith." He said as he introduced her.

"Hi, I'm sorry. I didn't know." Crystal said with a warm smile as she shook her hand.

"No, it's good. I would hate to think random women walk in to see my husband." Meredith joked, Crystal laughed.

"Daddy... I'm here too." Anna told him as she walked up.

"Hey baby!" She said as he gave her a hug. "This is my daughter, Anna. Anna, this is Crystal."

"Hi." Anna said as she looked up.

"Hi, Anna. It's nice you meet you." She said warmly as she shook her little hand.

"You look like you're ready to pop!" Crystal said as she looked at Meredith's abdomen. Meredith's smile quickly turned to a frown. "How far along are you?"

"Um. Four an a half months." Meredith said sadly.

"Oh. I--" Crystal said in shock. "I'm sorry. I-"

"Twins." Derek quickly clarified.

"It's fine. I'm huge. I just get bigger everyday." Meredith said as she rubbed her abdomen.

"You're glowing." Crystal said with a smile.

"Thank you." Meredith returned warmly.

"Well, I need to get to work. It was nice meeting you." Crystal said with a nod.

"You too." Meredith responded. "So..."

"How would you like to look around?" Derek asked as he pulled her close and they all walked off.

Meredith's eyes stayed wide the whole time. It was amazing. It was everything she would have wanted. It was state of the art, and everything was so new and perfect. As they walked along, she could hear everyone talking about she and Anna. She secretly wondered if it was like Seattle Grace, just on a smaller scale. She was sure it was, and she was feeling left out. She was missing working with her husband.

"And this is my office." Derek said as he led her in. It was huge, and had a wonderful view of the skyline.

"Wow." Anna said as she looked around. "Here's me and mommy. And the twins." She said as she pointed to the sonogram.

"I'm so happy for you." Meredith said as she looked around. He had so many family photos around. It was perfect with his big leather and large glass desk. She walked up to the wall and looked at an older picture of them, that she didn't even know he had. She felt his arm wrap around her.

"It won't be complete until you are in the office next to mine." He said as he kissed her temple.

"It's amazing. It really is." She agreed.

"You shouldn't have brought Anna." He whispered into her ear.

"Why?" Meredith asked as she looked over.

"I was really hoping to break in that desk." He said with a chuckle.

"Damn." She muttered as she looked over.

"Do you think we could lock her in the closet?" Derek asked.

"Considering she freaked out today when I told her I had brought her here to leave her. I'm thinking not..." Meredith said with a frown.

"I thought her eyes were red." Derek said as he looked over. "She cried?"

"Uh huh. We just need to be really careful with what we say to her." Meredith told him. "She's really sensitive lately."

"Yeah, she is. She's been through a lot." Derek said as he looked over at the little girl who was walking around looking at everything. Derek looked down at his watch. "I have a patient. And you have mad me late. But it was worth it..."

"We need to go, anyway." Meredith said as she looked at the clock.

"Oh, by the way, the security guys should be at the house when you get home." Derek said with a smile.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked as she looked at him.

"We're getting a gate. And a fence. Drew and I were talking about it..." He said, Meredith had panic flowing through her. "It's just a good idea. We are in the middle of nowhere."

"Derek..." Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"Nope. No arguing." He said as he crossed his arms. "I want peace of mind."

"Fine. Whatever makes you feel better." She laughed. "I'll see you tonight, okay?" She said as she kissed him softly.

"Love you." He said as he kissed her. "See you later, Anna Banana."

"Bye daddy." Anna said as she walked out with Meredith.

Meredith began driving home. Maybe it was a good idea. Maybe they did need security. Maybe it would ease her mind. Maybe she wouldn't worry about a certain someone who gave her the creeps. She thanked god that Drew hadn't said anything to Derek. She trusted him. He was a trustworthy person. She shook her head when she pulled up to the house, seeing the men taking measurements. She pulled into the garage and walked out to meet with them.

"Hi." Meredith said as she walked up. "I'm Meredith Shepherd." She said as she stuck out her hand.

"John Duvall, from MBT Security. We should be done any moment." He said with a smile. "You've got a lot of property here, but I think it can be done." He said with a smile.

"Well, that's good, I suppose." Meredith said. She heard a familiar voice come across the man's phone, direct connect. Her blood ran cold. Her stomach turned into a gigantic knot. She was mistaken, surely she was mistake.

"Yeah, boss. We're coming in. We're almost done at the Shepherd house." John said on the speaker.

"Do a good job taking those measurements. They are special customers." The man said back. "I will see you when you get here."

"Sorry. That was the boss. The owner, actually." He said with a smile.

"What's his name?" Meredith asked with worry.

"The boss? Marty. Marty Tanner." He responded. _Oh my god._

Meredith was taken aback. Maybe she she misheard. Maybe she was wrong. She was sure that was his name, but maybe not. Maybe she was wrong. It couldn't be. This couldn't be happening. Fear. Bad feelings. Instinct. Intuition. What was she going to do.

"Did you say Marty Tanner?" Meredith asked as soon as she regained thought. Her heart rate was through the roof as the blood surged through her body.

"Yes I did. Do you know him?" John asked "Well, I assume either you or your husband does, by the way the boss spoke."

"Um, well kind of. He's engaged to Franceasca?" Meredith asked, praying he would say no.

"Yep, that's him." John said with a nod. "If you'll excuse me, I really need to get back to the office." He said with a smile.

"Yeah. Of course." Meredith replied in a trance.

Meredith stood there. What to do? She watched as the two trucks travelled down the driveway slowly. This was bad. She couldn't let this happen. She didn't want to sabotage Derek. He deserved to have it all work out. Addison's words rang in her head. Marty is harmless. God she hoped so.

"Anna, what's your mom doing?" Drew asked as he pointed at Meredith.

"Standing there." Anna said as she ran up to the window and looked out.

"She's been standing there a long time." Drew pointed out as he stared.

"Uh huh. Can I go swimming?" She asked as she cocked her head.

"Um, I guess. Do I have to watch you?" Drew asked.

"Yep." Anna told him. "And now you have to cause you said yes."

"Fine." Drew said distractedly as he continued to watch.

He tore his eyes away and walked up the stairs and into the guest room. He looked out the window, seeing Meredith still standing just below. He threw on his shorts and slid a tee shirt over his smooth, perfectly muscled chest. He looked out again and jogged down, followed by Anna. Drew gave Anna the go ahead as he walked up to Meredith.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he approached her. He watched as she continued to stare. "Meredith!" He said as he put his hand on her. "Are you okay?"

"What? Um...I...yeah, I'm fine." She said as she looked up at him.

"No you're not..." He said as he looked into her fearful eyes.

"I am. I'm just...distracted. Are you going swimming?" Meredith asked as she looked at his swim shorts.

"Yep. You want to join us?" He asked with a hopeful grin.

"And show off this body? I don't think so." Meredith said with a frown.

"Oh come on..." He whined as he gave her the puppy dog eyes.

"Nope. I'll sit out here and watch." Meredith said as she walked to the adirondak chair and plopped down.

_I need to tell Derek. I have to tell him. I can't let this happen. It's stupid. But I'm being stupid. I am way overreacting here. What do I do? If I tell Derek, he'll be mad that I didn't tell him sooner. If I don't, maybe Marty will go away, and Derek will never have to worry about it. That's it. Just hang on for the ride. This is business. Just business._

"What the?" Meredith yelled as she felt two strong arms pick her up. "Drew! Get your hands off of me!" She yelled as he ran towards the water. "Don't you dare!" She yelled as his legs hit the water. Then it came. He threw her into the water. Into the dark abyss. She stayed there momentarily until she couldn't any longer. Meredith came up with a gasp.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" She yelled as she hit Drew in the arm angrily. The tears quickly welled up in her eyes.

"Mommy! You said a bad word!" Anna yelled with wide eyes.

"Mer, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Drew asked as he looked into her eyes. The tears quickly pooled and then poured over, running down her face. Her hair was hanging wet on her shoulders. Her face was in distress.

"Oh..." She moaned as she began to sob. She felt his strong arms wrap around her. She let herself succumb to his grip and her whole body went limp.

"Mer...What's wrong?" He asked again as he rested his face against her head.

"I-- I-- I can't take it." She cried out, as sobs wracked her body.

"Tell me..." He muttered into her hair.

"Mommy? What's wrong?" Anna asked as she swam up to them. She could sense the worry that Meredith was radiating.

He couldn't believe it. In the back of head, he wondered. His wife. His cousin. He watched as Meredith collapsed against him. Drew placed his face against her head. Derek swore his lips kissed her head. His hands, stroking her back. He had never seen Drew like this, and he wasn't going to let it happen.

"What the hell is going on?" Derek yelled angrily as he walked up.

**Oh man! I guess we'll see what happens!**


	98. Anger and Regret

Derek was irate. He was tired of this. He was tired of the Drew and Meredith relationship. Meredith, she may be innocent. Hell, he knew she was innocent. She would never do anything like that. He knew her. He was beginning to believe that he knew her better than she knew herself. But Drew. He knew how it was. He knew how he worked. And it seemed lately that there were undertones. Secrets. Something was going on, and he knew his cousin well enough to know he wasn't that innocent.

"What?" Drew asked as he stepped back from Meredith and looked at Derek

"What do you mean, what? Why the fuck are you hugging my wife?" Derek shouted angrily.

"She- I-" He stammered nervously. "She was crying."

"So you kiss her?" Derek asked loudly.

"Dude, let's not do this here." Drew said as he looked around.

"I will so whatever I want, whenever I want! This my house! My wife! This is my fucking life!" Derek shouted as he glared at Drew.

"Not in front of the kid." Drew warned as he looked at a terrified Anna.

"Derek...I don't- What..." She said as she cried out.

"So now you cry?" He said nastily to her. "Why her?" Derek asked Drew. Drew returned his gaze with a frown.

Meredith looked up at him, the tears falling even harder as she listened to his words. He wasn't listening. And she couldn't talk. Her voice was gone. Her words wouldn't form. She couldn't defend anything. She couldn't do anything but stare. Finally she ran out of the water and up to the house.

"You're an ass!" Drew shouted as he jogged after her.

Derek quickly ran after Drew and Meredith. Drew followed her wet footprints into the front door. Derek had had enough. His stride increased as he closed in the space between he and his cousin. He quickly reached Drew at the foot of the stairs. Derek threw his arm up and yanked Drew backwards off the bottom step. He stumbled back, catching himself just before he fell. Drew stood up and spun around.

"You asshole!" Drew yelled as he shoved Derek backwards. Derek quickly pinned Drew against the wall. He hit with a bang, causing photos to fall to the floor with a crash. Glass flying everywhere.

"She's my wife, Drew. When are you going to get that? When are you going to quit this bullshit." Derek screamed as he stared at his cousin, holding him against the wall.

"Quit being a dick. Nothing is going on." Drew said loudly. "And get your fucking hands off of me." He said loudly, but calmly. He didn't want either of them to regret this.

"Nothing is going on? I see you. The looks. The touches. I see it, fuck-head. I see it all. Do you honestly think I am going to let this go on?" Derek asked as he increased pressure on his cousin.

"Yeah. I like Mer. I do. She's amazing. And perfect. You are lucky. You, Derek. Not me. She only sees you. I like her. But you are family, and I would never cross that line. And you know it." Drew said calmly. "I'm not the one you should be worrying about." He muttered.

"What?" Derek asked, catching what he said. "What do you mean, the one?"

"Nothing. You know what? Just talk to your wife." Drew said as he pulled away from Derek.

"I want you out of my house." Derek said loudly as he began climbing the stairs.

Derek followed the wet trail. Tiny puddles. Water. Possibly tears. He followed the wet trail to their bedroom. His heart sank as he looked on the bed. There she laid. Quiet. No movement. Like she was sleeping. She wasn't sleeping. He looked at her, laying there on their bed. The white comforter was soaked with water and mud. There she laid.

"Mer..." He said softly as he approached. No answer. He wasn't surprised. "Meredith." He said as he want to her side of the bed and knelt down. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't looking at him. "Mer?" He said as he got in her face. His hand softly touched her cheek.

"No!" She shouted as she slapped his hand.

"Meredith..." He said as he tried to touch her again. She quickly sat up and smacked his hand again.

"Come on..." Derek moaned as he looked into her eyes.

"No! I can't. I can't stand this. Asshole!" She screamed as she stood up. "Don't you trust me? You don't even care about me. If you cared... I hate you! I hate you! Ass!" She screamed as she walked away.

"Meredith!" Derek said as he grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. She quickly raised her hand and cracked him across the face. He put his hand on his cheek as he looked at her in shock.

"I am not a whore. I am not a whore!" She yelled loudly.

"I never said you were a whore. Drew. He- and you--" He said quickly. He was panicking. She was irate. She was upset.

"I hate you!" She yelled again loudly as she hit him in the chest.

"Calm down!" He yelled as he grabbed her arms.

"No! I don't want to calm down. I'll calm down when I fucking feel calm, Derek!" She yelled.

She fought against his grasp. She finally pulled away and ran into the bathroom. He quickly followed, pushing the door before she could get it closed. She turned around, her eyes full of fire. She glare at him in anger as she shoved him hard against the wall. She heard his body slam hard as he absorbed the shock.

"I hate you." She muttered loudly as she looked into his eyes.

She ripped his shirt off, buttons flying all over the room. He straightened up and walked towards her. He quickly shoved him against the wall again, harder. He looked at her in shock. He had never see her like this. She ripped off her shirt and quickly worked at his pants. He continued to stare at her in shock. She pulled down her wet pants, ripping her panties, leaving both in a pile.

"Fuck me." She demanded as she looked into his eyes.

Derek stood there in shock. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He felt a smack against his cheek, once again. She looked down at his rising erection. He quickly grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. She wrapped her legs around him and they crashed against the wall as his awaiting shaft pounded into her, causing her to cry out. She let out a loud gasp as she felt him pound into her harder. Again. Again. Again. All of his anger, all of his stress, everything came together as he pounded her into the wall. Neither spoke. They stayed in a painfully pleasure-full silence. Derek looked into her eyes. They were dark, angry. He thrust into her again, and she fought the movement, causing their bodies to collide violently. Derek felt her tight core strangle him, causing his cock to pulsate harder than ever. Meredith felt his shaft pounding, a mixture of pleasure and frustration. All their blood rushed as they released together, with a moan. Meredith slid down the wall, her feet hitting the cold floor.

"Meredith..." He finally moaned as he looked at her, standing there in silence.

Meredith said nothing as she walked away. He watched her. Not a word. She continued on as she pulled the covers back and climbed into their bed. Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong, and how had no idea what it was. But he was sure someone did.

Derek quickly dressed himself as he watched his wife lay in the bed. He had no idea what to do. She was fragile. She wasn't acting like herself. She was in distress. And Drew. He was so mad at Drew. The more he thought about it, the less he knew. The less he knew about why she was crying. Why Drew was hugging her. Drew wouldn't cross that line. Derek knew that. He had opportunities before, but he hadn't taken them. So that was the answer. Talk to Drew. He had a sinking feeling that Drew knew something.

Derek slowly walked over to the side of Meredith's bed. She was snoring softly. At least she was peaceful. He gave her a soft kiss on the head and headed downstairs. he had to talk to his cousin. He was just praying he hadn't left.

"What's going on, kid?" Drew asked as he walked onto the front porch.

"Just playing." She said as she ran her dog on the wood planks.

"Looks like fun." Drew said as he sat in the chair and sighed. He ran his fingers through his brown hair.

"I had to quit swimming. Everyone left and I'm not allowed in the water by myself." She explained.

"That was good. You did good." He said with a soft smile. In all the anger, they had forgotten about her. "Are you okay?" He asked as he looked down at her.

"Yeah. Mommy's sad. Daddy's mad. But they will be okay. They're mommy and daddy." She explained with a shrug.

"Yes they are." Drew said with a smile. "I'm sorry we yelled. We were being stupid."

"That's okay. My other mommy yelled sometimes." Anna said with a smile. "Do you want to play?"

"No, I'd rather watch." He said as he laid his head back.

He knew he had to tell Derek. Derek was family. Even of he promised Meredith, it was for her own safety. It would have been fine if he had been able to carry his plan through. But Derek foiled that. He had no idea that he was just protecting his wife for him. He knew that Meredith would be angry if he spilled everything to Derek. He was going to have to make a very big decision. His cell phone rang loudly. The number was unknown. He picked it up and started his conversation. It was the hospital.

"Drew." Derek said as he walked out. The front door shut loudly.

"We need to talk." Derek said with a frown. Drew looked up at his cousin. _What to do?_

"I can't. I have to go to Grace for a consult." Drew said as he stood up and looked his cousin in the eyes.

"Drew..." Derek started as Drew began walking down the stairs off of the front porch.

"I have to go." Drew said curtly as he continued walking away.

"Are you coming back? We need to talk." Derek shouted out to him as he opened his car door.

"So you want to talk now? Now we can do things without being physical?" Drew spat as he shook his head. "Yeah, I'll be back...to get my bags." He said as he hopped into his rental car and started it, pulling down the driveway in a cloud of dust. Derek walked over to a chair and sat down, running his hands through his thick curls.

"Daddy, are you and mommy better yet?" Anna asked as she hopped onto Derek lap.

"Mommy and I are fine. I didn't mean to yell earlier. I just..." Derek trailed off.

He looked at the trees reflecting on the water's surface. It was calm. It was a calm, warm day. A perfect day to spend with family. Picnics. Walks on the trail. Not a day when you sit on the porch in total and utter confusion as your cousin drive off, holding a secret, and your wife lay dirty and naked in your bed. It didn't appear to be that kind of day, and yet it was.

"You were just mad. I get mad too sometimes." Anna said with understanding as she looked into her dad's face.

"Yeah, I guess I was just mad." Derek said with a shrug.

"Where is mommy?" Anna asked as she looked into his blue eyes.

"She's upstairs, laying down." Derek explained as he looked off into the distance again. His world feeling uneasy. The footing slippery.

"That's good. She's sad. She was crying. Uncle drew tried to make her feel better, but she kept crying. And then you yelled and she cried more." Anna explained innocently. It was so simple to a child. Yet, and adult had completely misinterpreted it. "She's just scared." She said with a shrug.

"Scared? Scared of what?" Derek said in shock as he looked at his little girl with confusion. Could she be holding the mysterious piece?

"That man..." Anna said with a look of fear on her face.

"Man? What man!" Derek said quickly as he looked at her in shock. She stared at him in silence. "Anna! What man?" He said again.

"I don't know. A man. Mommy's afraid of a man." Anna said loudly as her lip started to quiver.

"How do you know?" Derek asked as looked into Anna's light brown eyes.

"I heard her. She's scared, Daddy. She looks for him." Anna said as tears started to pool in her large eyes.

"It's okay, Anna. It's okay..." He said as he kissed her on the head and gave her a soft hug. "Are you okay?" He asked her softly.

"I'm okay, daddy." She said with a smile.

"I need to check on mommy. Can you come inside and play?" He asked her softly.

Anna nodded her head and followed him into the house. Derek looked out the door as he closed it. He quickly flipped the lock. This wasn't good. Why didn't she tell him? What was going on? The air was warm and refreshing, but Derek didn't trust the outdoors. Not so much the outside. It was who was out there. He turned the air conditioning on and sighed. This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Now his house was on full lock-down. And now he wanted to know just what the hell was going on.

Derek slowly climbed the stairs to the second floor. He left Anna on the sofa, watching her favorite movie. He had to fix things. He had damage control to do. When he walked in, he could hear her faint snore filling the room. She was sleeping. Peacefully. He couldn't help but wonder what what kind of personal turmoil she was in. What was going on. He walked into their large bathroom and ran some hot water. he couldn't let her sleep in the dirty bed, covered in water and mud. As he walked out of the bathroom, he noticed her stirring slightly. He quickly rushed to her side of the bed, seeing her eyes open.

"I drew you a bath." He said with a faint smile. Her face was distressed, uneasy. "I'm so sorry." He said softly as his hand stroked her soft cheek. "Do you want me to carry you?" He asked with his head cocked. She nodded slowly. In seconds, his hands rested under her soft flesh as he carried her into their bathroom and slowly placed her into the warm water.

Derek looked at her. She wanted to tell him. He could see that. He could see that she was holding back and she didn't want to. It crushed him. But she looked so broken, so sad. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't pressure her. He just couldn't do anything but look into her eyes.

"I need you." She said softly, nearly inaudibly.

Derek was used to her saying 'I need you.' Generally it was followed by 'inside of me.' And that he liked. He liked the way they were. When things were perfect. When times were good, nothing compared. They had that unstoppable passion that knew one else could understand. Derek looked at her. On an ordinary day, his body would have reacted. Not today. Today there was no sex. Today she needed him.

"Okay." He said softly as he pulled off his clothing. Leaving them in a pile he climbed into the bathtub behind her, sliding down into the hot water. She softly laid her head back against his chest.

"I'm not having an affair." She said softly as she listened to his heartbeat.

"I know you're not." He agreed. He felt so stupid for even considering that as a possibility.

"I love you." She said as she felt the soft hair in his chest against her.

"I love you more than words can say." Derek said into her ears. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just hold me. Please, just hold me." She said as she closed her eyes, feeling his strong arms surround her.

Derek wouldn't pressure her. As much as his head was screaming out. As much as every thought consumed his brain. He couldn't. She wasn't ready. He knew better than to pressure her when she wasn't ready. He could wait. It didn't matter how long. He would wait for her.

"Are you hungry?" Derek asked as he grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the bathtub. "You really need to eat." He told her quietly. She nodded her head in agreement as she dried her body.

"I am going to make you a grilled cheese. Extra jalapenos." He said with as smile. His heart lifted as he say a faint smile on her own face. He threw on a pair of pajama pants and a tee shirt, heading downstairs.

Meredith pulled on her Oxford tee shirt and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. She didn't know what to do. Actually she did. She knew exactly what to do. She needed to tell him. But her mouth couldn't form the words. It couldn't form any word. She grabbed her slippers and dragged herself down the stairs and into the kitchen. Derek had her plate on the table, and he was sitting there with a smile on his face. She silently walked over, and took her place, taking a bite of her sandwich. Derek didn't talk, he just watched. His gaze was averted as Drew walked in and sat down at the table.

Drew walked into the kitchen. He had to tell him. Her face. Her body language. She was broken. She was hurting. She was suffering. He couldn't let her go on. He wasn't doing this. He had to save her. Derek had to know. And he had to know now. Repercussions didn't matter.

"It's time. We have to tell him." Derek said as he looked up at her. Her gaze fell to her sandwich on the plate. She slowly nodded her head in agreement without looking up.

**Sorry this was up so late... So angry sex.. I know some don't like it, but it happens. Mer is just worried, she doesn't want Derek to be burned after he has worked so hard. And Drew...I love him. He is a good guy. Really, he is...**


	99. Relief

Derek was in shock. He was right. They were hiding something. Not just him. Not just her. They. Drew and Meredith. His blood pressure started to spike. He quickly began breathing deeply. He needed to calm down. He loved her. He loved his cousin. He trusted them both, and he had to hear them out.

"Tell me what?" Derek asked as he looked at her. She didn't look up. He wasn't going to let on that he had known that something was, in fact, going on. "Mer..." He said. She raised her head, and he saw the tears that were pooled in her eyes.

Drew looked over at Meredith. He had spilled it. He had just pulled the band-aid off. He had to do this. He had to tell Derek. Derek was family. Meredith was family. He had to do what he thought was best. She wasn't strong enough at the moment. She couldn't handle the stress. She couldn't speak. Drew knew that it would be rough at first, but no matter what, it was going to be better. There would be no more secrets.

"Marty." Drew said simply. Derek's head shot over and looked at Drew.

"Marty?" Derek asked in confusion. Marty. What about Marty?

"Meredith?" Drew said as he looked over at her.

"He makes me nervous." Meredith said as he voice cracked softly. "That's it..." She lied through her teeth. Derek looked at them both with confusion.

"No. We're not doing this!" Drew spat loudly. "Marty's a fucking snake!" He told Derek. Derek's eyes got wide. "He's been after Meredith. And the night of the party, he grabbed her ass. That's why I punched the stupid fuck!" He told him. They both looked at Meredith as sobs wracked her body.

"Meredith?" Derek said as he looked at her. "Oh my God! Why didn't you tell me?" He asked as he rushed to her side.

I--- I---" She stammered as she struggled to breathe. "Fran...practice...career...over..." She cried out. He wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed. "I'm so sorry..."

"Meredith..." He whispered as he kissed her head. "You tell me. No matter what, you tell me." He said as she laid her head on his chest. They all remained silent as she cried in his arms. Derek and Drew exchanged looks of regret, and forgiveness.

"I'm going to--" Drew said as he nodded to the upstairs. Derek shook his head.

"Meredith, why wouldn't you tell me?" He asked as she calmed down.

"I was afraid. The night at the restaurant, he hit on me. I told him no. I told him I loved you. He just gave me a bad feeling..." Meredith quickly said, before sobbing again.

"Did he hurt you?" Derek asked with anger in his voice. If his did. He was leaving the house. He was going to kill him.

"No. No! He grabbed me, but he never hurt me. And he isn't following me. It's just when I see him. I know it's stupid, Derek. It's stupid. I am overreacting. But he just...he scares me." Meredith admitted as her red-rimmed eyes looked into his blue ones.

"It's not stupid. If you have a feeling-- You have a feeling for a reason. I just-- I can't believe you didn't tell me. I am your husband. I am your protector. I am here for you." Derek said as he held her.

"The practice was just starting. And I didn't want to screw it up for you. You don't deserve that. You're so happy. This is what you want. And I just-- I didn't want you to lose it." Meredith explained as the tears began to pool again.

"Fuck the practice! I love the practice. I enjoy it... But none of that matters. I love you. And if you aren't here... If Anna isn't here... That practice doesn't matter. Nothing matters. You could have been raped. Or killed..." His voiced cracked. "I couldn't go on. Without you... I can't go on." He said as the tears fell. "I'd rather be dead."

"I'm so sorry, Derek. I'm so sorry." She said as she hugged him. "And Drew...don't be mad at him. I begged him not to tell you. He saw Marty grab me. I made him promise. That's why he hasn't left. He said if you didn't know, he wasn't leaving me. He said he couldn't live with himself. So don't be mad at him. Be mad at me." She said as she looked at him.

"I'm not mad...I just wish you had told me. But I'm glad you finally did. I love you. And Marty. Don't worry about him. I am here. And this will not be going on, anymore." He told her with determination.

"Derek?" She asked softly.

"Hmm?" He asked into her hair.

"Can we go to bed? I just need you to hold me." She said quietly.

He didn't say anything as he grabbed her hand, leading her upstairs. He laid in the bed and pulled her close, hanging on for dear life. His anger was gone. He understood what she was trying to do. And Drew. He had been an ass to Drew. As much as he wished Drew had told him, he understood why he didn't. He heard Meredith start to snore softly. She was at peace. She felt at ease. And now he had to figure out what he was going to do.

Derek laid there, watching Meredith sleep. Her hand was on her abdomen, instictively protecting their tiny children that were inside of her. He placed his hand on hers and smiled. Relief washed over him. Knowing what was going on, it was the best feeling in the world. Even if what was going on wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. All Derek could think about was how lucky they were that Marty hadn't done any of their security system. It was clever. There was no question in his mind. People are crazy. They do crazy things. And if his wife was uneasy, he was sure she had a very good reason to be.

Derek had no idea what he was going to do. He knew that he would have to stop the progress on the system. He would have to tell Marty that they wouldn't be needing his services. And the services Marty was willing to provide, made Derek feel even more uneasy. He had a small feeling that Marty may fly off the handle if he let on that he knew. But at the same time, how would he prtect Meredith? It wasn't just Meredith. It was his babies, Thing One and Thing Two. And Anna. Even if he wasn't after Anna, she could get caught in the crossfire. And at the same time, maybe they were overraecting. But he wasn't taking a chance.

Derek laid his head against the pillow when he heard a soft knock on theur door. He slowly pulled himself away from Meredith and made his way to the door.

"Is she okay?" Drew asked as he looked into his cousin's eyes.

"Yeah. She's okay." Derek returned quietly, so as not to wake her. He looked at his cousin and gestured down the hallway. Drew followed him to the great room.

"I'm sorry Derek." Drew said with a frown. "I didn't want to keep it from you."

"I know you didn't." Derek replied with understanding. "I love Meredith. But I know how she is. She tries to protect everyone. She holds it in until it tears her up. I can't be mad at you when you made a promise to my wife and you kept it. But in the future, you tell me. I don't care what you've promised, you tell me." Derek warned with an angry face.

"This will never happen again." Drew told him with a nod. "It wasn't my place. But the way the chips fell...I didn't know what else to do. I could have gone about it differently."

"Yes you could have. But I am sorry that I was an ass. And I'm sorry I thre you against the wall." Derek told him. "But you touch my wife...and you will go through the wall." Drew laughed with a nod.

"I know. And Derek, I promise you, I would never go there. And Meredith, she wouldn't. Not with anyone. Ever." He said with a faint smile.

"I know." Derek said with a smile.

"So, I guess their is no reason for me to stick around." Drew said sadly.

"Oh no. You're not leaving. Not yet." Derek told him with a stern face. "I know about Marty. But that doesn't change the facts. We need to protect her. And I need your help." Derek said with a hopeful smile.

"And I will help. I say we go shoot that bastard." Drew said seriously.

"No. That-- As much as I'd like to... We just need to watch her. Protect her. Marty hasn't done anything wrong. Not really. Not to say he isn't an immoral jackass. But that isn't against the law." Derek explained as he looked off. "I should have noticed..."

"It's not your fault." Drew said sympathetically. "And to your defense, Meredith is very good at hiding things."

"That she is. Too good." Derek said with a nod.

---------------------

"Mer--" He whispered uncomfortably. Meredith's arms were wrapped so tightly around him, he nearly couldn't breathe. "Mer--"

"Hmm." She moaned as she released her grip and opened her eyes with a yawn. "Hmm?"

"You were killing me." He told her softly. "Strangulation. Not the way I want to go." He told her quickly.

"Sorry..." She muttered as she glanced over at the clock. "Shit. I have to get up."

"Why?" Derek asked as he kissed her temple.

"Work. See, I'm an intern. I actually have to work. Unlike you...Mr. Private Practice, make my own hours." She said with a giggle.

"You'll be there, soon enough." Derek said with a smile.

"True. Very true." She said cheerfully as she climbed out of bed.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he watched her walk to her dresser.

"Yeah... I- I wish I had told you before." She said with relief.

"Me too. But I know now." He said with a smile. Meredith glanced over at the clock, seeing that she did have a few more free minutes.

Meredith walked over to the bed with a seductive grin on her face. Derek smiled as she neared, pulling her shirt over her head. He watched as her breasts rose and fell as she breathed. He looked down at himself, rising to the occasion. Neither spoke as she pulled off her shorts and walked to the bed in her tiny panties. She smiled when she saw what was awaiting her. She pulled his boxers down quickly, releasing his thick cock from it's confinement.

"Wow..." She said before she again placed him inside of her mouth.

"Oh god..." He moaned as he slid in deeper. Her lips pursed around him, stroking in long, even strokes. "Mer..." He moaned as his hips rocked against her. Her smile grew. Their eyes stayed on each other. "Oh...god..." He muttered as he crept closer, him nearly in the back of her throat. She could feel him pulsating. His blood was pumping. She quickly withdrew him from her mouth, just before the brink. She pulled her panties off, and placed him inside of her.

"Oh God..." She moaned as she rocked slowly and purposefully. "Oh..." She moaned as she she felt herself tighten around him. Her muscles clamping his hard shaft. She knew he was on the verge of letting loose. "Oh god..." She screamed as she rocked harder. He quickly thrusted, meeting her rhythm. His cock filling up the tight space inside of her.

"Oh...Mer...oh god...fuck." He moaned loudly. "Shit..." He shouted.

"Harder." She muttered as she pumped harder. His thrusts increased, until he worried he was going to split her in two. "Harder... Ohhhh..." She screeched as she felt herself tighten up even more that she ever imagined she could.

"Oh god... Mer..." He moaned as he felt her warmth rush over him. Her hot cum surrounding him. He then released with a loud moan. "Ohhh..." Meredith climbed off of him with a smile.

"Now that was a morning pick-me-up. Screw coffee..." She moaned, coming down from her high.

"Damn..." He muttered as he laid there in ecstasy.

"I have to take a shower..." She said with a smile as she walked into the bathroom.

"Do you need company?" he asked with a hopeful grin.

"Only if I want to be late!" She said as she shut the door. Derek grabbed the phone next to him and the business card in his wallet. He dialed the phone, listening to it ring. Finally a woman answered.

"Yes...Can I speak to Marty Tanner please?" Derek said quietly.

**Oh no! So how will Derek handle this?**


	100. Back to Grace

Derek held the phone tightly in his hand. He was lucky it didn't crush under his grip. His knuckles were white. His temples, pounding. He was ready to jump through it. To appear out of thin air in Marty's office. Then he would be free to strangle him and disappear without notice. He listened to the quiet line. Waiting for Marty to answer, still unsure exactly what he was going to say.

"Dr. Shepherd, hello." Marty said as he came onto the line. Derek even hated his voice. His annoyingly confident womanizing voice. "What can I do for you?"

"We have decided not to go through with the security system. We won't be needing your services after all." Derek stated curtly into the phone.

"Oh!" Marty said in shock. "Can I ask you why?" He said with a bit of worry in his voice.

"We've decided we don't need it at the moment." Derek responded quickly.

"Oh, okay. I understand. People have their reasons." He told him as he brushed it off. "If you change your mind, or need anything else, please call me." Marty said quickly.

"Well, I don't think that will be happening." Derek said with a bit of anger in his voice.

"Well, have a nice day, Dr. Shepherd." Marty said, trying to be kind.

"Oh, yeah..." Derek started. He heard Marty breathing into the phone. "If you touch my wife again...if you even look at her, you won't have to worry about seeing or feeling anything ever again." Derek said forcefully. Marty remained silent. "Mr. Tanner, do you understand me? Did I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." Marty responded. Derek quickly hung up the phone with a somewhat satisfied grin on his face.

"Who was that?" Meredith asked as she walked out of the bathroom, rubbing her wet hair with a towel.

"Marty." Derek said softly. Meredith's face turned white as she looked at Derek in fear.

"Mar- Marty?" She asked with a frown. Derek quickly jumped up and walked to her.

"Look at me." Derek said as he lifted her head and looked into her eyes. "Don't worry about him. He will never bother you again." He told her confidently.

"I-- You don't--" She stammered as her eyes welled up.

"He knows I know. I really don't think he will be bothering you anymore. And he hasn't since Drew punched him, right?" Derek asked he quietly as he wiped her tears with his thumb.

"No. No, he hasn't." Meredith responded with a nod.

"He's preys on people. But once someone faces him, he backs down." Derek told her with a smile. "You are fine. You will be fine. I will never let anything happen do you. Understand?"

"I love you." She said as she pulled him close. She remained there for a few moments. "Do you have surgery today?" She asked as she pulled away.

"Actually, I have a hemispherectomy at Grace." Derek said with a grin.

"No fair." She pouted as she stuck out her lip.

"Well, maybe you could scrub in. You'd have to clear it with Richard and Justin Rayburn." Derek said with a grin.

"What time?" She asked with a faint smile.

"Nine." He responded. She dropped her towel and began to pull her panties on. "And you really can't do that." He said as he motioned her to body. She looked down and him and grinned.

"I guess it's lucky you'll be at the hospital, huh?" Meredith grinned as she ran her hand down him and felt his erection. "Too bad I'd be late..." She said with as sigh and she squeezed him softly.

"Oh God..." He moaned at her touch. "Cold shower." He said as he turned on his heel and hobbled away. "And I hate you!" He joked. She laughed as she continued dressing.

Meredith jogged downstairs and grabbed the container of strawberry ice cream out of the freezer. She sat down at the table, with the quart in her hand and a spoon. She loved looking out at their property. It was perfect. It was her slice of heaven. She just wished she had more time to enjoy it.

"I know you are not eating ice cream for breakfast." He said as he walked in, grabbing his bowl and the box of muesli.

"I am." She said with a shrug as she placed another spoon of the creamy goodness in her mouth.

"You can't eat that. It's horrible for you. And the babies." He said with a frown. "You have to eat healthy, for the sake of our children."

"Fine." She moaned as she rolled her eyes.

She stood up with her ice cream and walked to the refrigerator. She grabbed a bag of carrots, the hot peppers, some broccoli and chocolate sauce. Derek watched as she began chopping, and then threw all of the ingredients into the quart. She topped it off with whipped cream, chocolate sauce and a few cherries.

"I have my dairy, my three servings of vegetables and some fruit." She said with a grin as she took a bite.

"That is disgusting, even for you." He laughed as he shook his head.

"Yuck!" She spat as she walked over to the trash can and spit some food out.

"Not so good?" Derek said with a chuckle.

"Broccoli, no. Apparently I hate it." She laughed. "Okay, so two servings of vegetables and one fruit."

"I would hardly call maraschino cherries a fruit." He laughed.

"They are to me." She told him with a smile. "Crap! I'm late." She shouted as she grabbed her ice cream and her bag ad rushed off.

"Forgetting something?" He yelled after her. She rushed back and gave him a quick kiss. "Have a good day!" He yelled before the door shut. Meredith fired up her car and began her drive, taking bites of her breakfast the whole way.

----------------

"Shepherd? What the hell is that?" Miranda asked as she watched Meredith walk towards the locker room with her breakfast.

"Breakfast." Meredith said with a smile, as she took another bite.

"What's that orange colored stuff?" She asked as she looked into the container. "Are those peppers?" She said as she shook her head.

"Yes they are. And carrots." Meredith said with a smile as she took another bite.

"I have to say, this pregnancy has really done a number on you." Miranda returned with a frown.

"Dr. Bailey?" Meredith asked as she scraped the bottom of the container.

"What?" Miranda asked as she looked over a chart.

"Derek is doing a hemispherectomy today, do you mind if I scrub in?" Meredith asked as she gave her a pleading cheesy grin.

"Sure, whatever. What time?" She asked as she looked up.

"Nine." Meredith answered quickly.

"Pit, then SCUT. Find me when it's done." She told her as she walked away.

Meredith meandered into the locker room and threw away her container of ice cream. She had a skip in her step. She was chipper. She was happy. She was getting to scrub in with her husband on an awesome surgery. She was going to get to stand next to him. She was completely giddy.

"You keep eating that shit and your ass won't fit through the door." Cristina joked as she looked up from her locker.

"I'm pregnant." Meredith said with a sarcastic smile.

"Yep. I noticed. But that doesn't mean your ass won't get wide..." Cristina reiterated.

"It tasted good." Meredith said with a shrug as she walked up to her own locker and opened it.

"That's a lot of dairy," Cristina laughed as she looked at Meredith's worried face.

"Yeah, so..." Meredith said as she pulled out her scrubs out of her locker. She quickly kicked off her maternity jeans and grabbed her pants. Cristina glanced around.

"Yep. That sucker is getting wide." She laughed as she looked.

"No it's not!" Meredith said as she looked back at her own derrière. "Oh my god...it is." Meredith muttered. She quickly slumped down on the locker room bench and covered her face with her hands.

"I was kidding." Cristina said quickly. "You look good...really." She laughed.

"It's not funny!" Meredith whined as she sat there.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Justin Rayburn said as he opened the door. "Oh!" He said as he watched her sitting in her shirt and panties, head in her hands. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just fat..." She wailed loudly. His eyes got wide and his face turned to panic.

"Um...No you're not..." He said, trying to be kind. He had no idea what to so. What to do.

"I am..." She moaned. "They're killing me." She told them as she rubbed her stomach.

"Well...I...I have a craniotomy on an hour, do you want to scrub in?" He asked happily. She frown as she looked at her stomach.

"No...I have a hemispherectomy with Derek at nine." She said as she stood up and pulled her scrub pants on. "Shit!" She said loudly as the pants stopped below her belly.

"That is hilarious!" Cristina said as she pointed at Meredith's wardrobe malfunction.

"No it's not. They are ruining me. Stretching me. Sucking the life out of me." Meredith whined as she looked down.

"Fine. I'll put you out of your misery. I'm getting a new pair of scrubs." She said as she opened the door and walked out.

"I'm sorry..." Meredith apologized to Justin as he stood there.

"It's fine. I'd want to scrub in on a hemispherectomy with Derek Shepherd myself." He chuckled.

"Not about that. Well, that too. I'm talking about the fact that I am sitting here in my underwear." She said with a frown.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." He said with a smile. He opened the door and began to walk out. "And for the record, you are still a rocking babe." He said with a smile as he walked out.

"Thanks." She said with a giggle as she walked him walk away. Even though he was just being nice, it felt good. He heard the door open and she looked up.

"Here." Cristina said as she whipped the scrub pants and top at her. "Medium. That should fit, right?"

"I hope so..." She muttered as she slid them up and tied them.

"Not for long..." Cristina said with a frown.

"No kidding." Meredith said with wide-eyes as she pulled her shirt on, covering her large abdomen.

Meredith walked out of the locker room and headed to the pit. She was still hungry. She made a bee line to the nearest snack machine, grabbing two candy bars and a bag of chips. She popped open the bag and shoveled the chips in as she walked down the hallway. She smiled when she grabbed a chart for a man who needed stitches.

"Hello, Mr. Grevis." She said with a smile as she washed her hands and put on gloves. "What do we have here?" She said as she examined the wound.

"Hello." He said with a faint smile. "I'm so embarrassed. What man cuts his hand on a table saw?" He said as he rolled his eyes.

"It happens." She said with a grin as she began cleaning out his wound.

"Jack!" A woman said as she ran into the room. She quickly walked up and smacked him in the head. "You idiot!" She shouted. "How many times have I told you?"

"Countless." He said with a laugh. "My wife..."

"I assumed." Meredith said as she looked over.

"Is he going to be okay?" She asked as she looked at Meredith.

"Probably eight stitches." Meredith said with a smile. "He'll be fine."

"Oh thank god!" She said with relief. Meredith began stitching the man's arm. "Oh! How far along are you?" She asked as she looked at Meredith.

"Five months." Meredith said with a smile.

"Boy or girl?" She asked as she looked up at her.

"Both." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"Twins! How exciting." She said happily as she continued with her work. The patient and his wife watched her intently.

"Okay, Mr. Grevis, You are all done. I will get a sheet that tells you how to care for the wound. It was a nice clean cut, you should be fine..." Meredith told him with a smile as she walked out. She quickly walked back in. "Here you go." She said as she handed him the sheets of paper.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Shepherd!" The woman said as she rubbed Meredith's stomach. "And good luck with the babies."

"Hopefully I don't need it!" She said as she walked out and straight into Derek's arms.

"Hey!" Meredith said as she looked at him.

"Hey." He said as he leaned down and kissed her. "They are prepping our patient."

"I don't have to?" Meredith asked with a relieved grin.

"Nope. I was kind of hoping to sneak you off to a certain room. Perhaps an on-call room?" He whispered into her ear with a smile.

"Um..." Meredith said as she looked around at the empty room.

"You know you want to..." He whispered as he nipped her ear.

"Come on..." She said with a smile as she led him away. She noticed the nurses and staff watching as she held her husband's hand, dragging him along. She didn't care, she needed him. She sighed as they walked in.

"I had to get bigger scrubs." Meredith told him as he shut the door. "I'm getting fat."

"You're getting pregnant. And gorgeous." He said with a dirty grin. "It's more for me to work with..."

"You are so dirty." She giggled as she looked at his pathetic, needy face.

"And you love it." He returned as he dropped his pants.

"Maybe..." She said as she released her own draw string and let her pants fall around her. She quickly walked two steps and pulled his shirt over his head.

"You are so fucking sexy." He said as she pulled her top over her head. His gaze fell to her perfectly plump, swollen breasts. "God..." He moaned as he felt himself begin to rise.

He stepped forward and began kissing her neck. Derek slid his hands around her, rubbing her back and then unclasping her bra, releasing her perfect breasts from their confinement. His mouth quickly found each soft, tender, nipple, sucking and twisting them into hardened peaks.

He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her toward him. They both fell back on the bed. She laid against his chest, her hands holding her up, as he quickly began kissing her neck. Meredith let out a soft moan. She could feel his erection pressing against her panties. She gasped as her body reacted, feeling the heat coming on. A definite wet spot was forming in anticipation. Her body was awaiting the ecstasy that was to come. She lowered her hand down and placed it around him. She softly began stroking him, increasing her pressure.

"Ohh." He muttered as she began to quicken her pace. He sucked and nipped on her shoulder. She could feel his teeth sink into her shoulder. She could feel him start to pulsate, the veins in his thick penis began to bulge. His hands began caressing her back. She released her hand off of him just as his warm fluid began to trickle.

"I need you." He whispered into her ear. She nodded her head. He rolled her over, as she got on her hands and knees. She felt him hastily enter her from behind. He paused, feeling the sensation that was encompassing his cock. The heat was immense.

"Fuck me baby..." She moaned as she grasped the sheets. She felt him withdraw slightly, only to pound back into her, shaking her body. She moaned as she felt him inside of her. "Harder!" She shouted loudly, needing him inside of her. She needed him to fill her up. He obliged as he pounded into her, nearly causing her to topple over. The bed pounded into the wall with a loud crash. She felt him increase his intensity. "Der---harder. I want it harder. Fuck me. I need all of you..." She screamed as she felt herself tightening up. He pulled out slightly and re-entered her with force. She let out a yelp. "Derek!" She cried as she felt herself at the edge. He could feel her throbbing clit against him.

"Cum for me..." He moaned as he continued to thrust. His chest rubbing against her. "Cum for me baby..." He could feel her tighten around him. He could feel her folds getting moist. "Oh..god...oh...Mer.." Derek moaned as he felt her warm cum rush around his shaft. He released into her with a big moan. Their fluids combining as they moaned. She quickly lifted her head and sighed as she felt him slip out. He laid back breathlessly.

"Thank you..." Meredith moaned as she laid there, feeling the aftermath from the ultimate pleasure.

"God, Mer." He said softly as his body began to relax. "I am so glad I brought you in here."

"Me too..." She moaned as she rolled onto her back. "Me too..."

"Shit! I'm supposed to be in the OR." Derek said as he casually glanced up at the clock. "And so are you."

"I really rather stay right here with you." Meredith said with a dirty seductive smile on her face.

"At this moment, so would I." Derek returned as he began dressing, his eyes never coming off of her. "Oh god would I..."

"Derek!" She snapped as she looked down at him. "Do you really want to walk into the OR with a hard on?" She giggled as she looked up and then back down at him.

"I can't help it. You do this to me." He said as he looked at her gentle curves.

"Do I?" She asked as she softly ran her hand down him. She was slightly surprised at how hard he was already.

"Damn-it..." He moaned as he felt her touch against him. "Let's quit. Let's just leave. Hawaii, the Caribbean I don't care where. Naked 24/7. Hot sex. Mixed tropical drinks. Sex. Sand and ocean. Did I mention sex?" He asked as they walked out of the room and down the hall.

"I think you did..." Meredith said with a giggle. "One slight problem." Meredith mentioned.

"What would that be?" Derek asked quickly.

"Well, two really. Shit, three. One is at school, the other to are in my uterus." She said as she rubbed her abdomen.

"Oh...yeah. That is a slight problem." He said with a smile. "I guess we have a few years. But when they hit eighteen. Naked. You and I. Naked. Hot sex." He said as he scrubbed his hands.

"By then you won't want to see my saggy ass. Shit, I'll have to get a belly ring to hold my bra up." She laughed. He quickly joined her.

"Mer, I don't care. I'll love you even when you have to roll those suckers up to put them in your bra!" He said with as smirk.

"Ass!" She shouted as she smacked him on the arm.

"I will love you forever. It doesn't matter what you look like." Derek said as he leaned over and kissed her. They didn't even realized they had an audience in the Gallery and OR.

"Well, even when your balls are deflated, I'll still like to squeeze them." She told him as she pulled her gloves on.

"Never gonna happen." He said as he opened the door and held his arms up. "Never gonna happen..."

"You say that now!" She said as she rolled her eyes and followed him into the operating room.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives, let's have some fun..." Derek said with as smile as he dried his hands with the blue surgical towel and held his hands out for his gloves.

"Okay, Dr. Shepherd, what can you tell me?" Derek asked as he looked over at her.

"Well, Dr. Shepherd..." Meredith said as she leaned over and whispered into his ear. "Tonight I want to strip you naked and grind on you harder than a belt sander on a two by four." She said with a dirty grin. She watched his face turn bright red.

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd." He said as he looked down. "And thank god I'm behind the table." He muttered. She giggled when she heard him.

"I need some lap pads here." Derek said as he looked over. The scrub nurses threw several and Meredith began packing.

Meredith and Derek shared glances and looks the whole time he was working on the patient. He would cool down, and the next thing he knew, Meredith would give him a look and his pants were once again stretched to their limit. He had never had anyone do that to him. He couldn't control himself. He couldn't think straight. He couldn't function. And he liked it.

Derek went and did rounds on his patients at the other two hospitals and them returned, happy to see his wife just finishing up. He caught a glance of her, leaning against the nurse's station. She looked so tired. He could tell by the way she was standing that her feet and back ached. She caught his stare and looked up as he neared.

"Hey." She said as he leaned in and kissed her.

"Finally done?" He asked as he placed his hand on her back.

"Yes, and ready to go home...you?" Meredith asked as she looked down at the last chart.

"Yep. And I am going to make you dinner, and for dessert, you are going to get the best body rub in your life. Not back. Body. You need it." He said as he began massaging her shoulders.

"Does this body rub include your body...rubbing against mine?" She asked as she raised her eyebrow.

"It could." He said with a smile.

"Let's go home." She said as she grabbed her hand and they walked into the elevator.

"Home. That sounds good..."

**Sorry this wasn't up yesterday. It was so close. I tried. Chapter 100! It's freaking amazing, and only because off all of you. So for chapter 100, let's break all review records!!!**


	101. Sleepless Nights

Meredith moved restlessly around in the bed. The blankets were now pulled off of Derek and wrapped around her. She couldn't get comfortable. Her back was aching and her huge abdomen was getting in the way of everything. Addison had even commented on how large she was getting. It was embarrassing. Week twenty-two and she was gigantic. She looked over at Derek who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. She wanted to smack him in the head. How dare he sleep when she can not.

She laid there and looked at the ceiling. At least things were going better. Derek had pretty much kept his word and was coming home at a decent hour every night. There was nothing she loved more than coming home to a lit-up house, her husband waiting for her with a smile on his face. Then there was Marty. She hadn't seen him. She hadn't heard from him. He was gone. He had actually heeded to Derek's warning and stayed away. Derek protected her. Derek kept her safe.

Meredith rolled over once again. She couldn't tale it. The restlessness was too much. She just wanted to sleep. Ten minutes. She'd be happy with ten minutes. She had to sleep. It wouldn't be long before she had two babies who is was convinced would not sleep. She softly placed her hand on her stomach and gasped. She pushed a little harder. Oh my God.

"Derek!" She whispered loudly as she shook him. "Derek!" She said again, shaking him a little harder.

"Mmmm." He moaned as he rolled over.

"They kicked!" She said as she looked into his tired eyes.

"Wha---what?" He said as he opened his eyes a little farther.

"They kicked. The twins...kicked..." She said happily as she grabbed his hand. A smile quickly covered his face.

"Oh my god! They kicked. They're kicking." He said in astonishment. His hand firmly on her stomach.

"They are there. They are actually in there. Alive...It's...it's amazing..." She said as the tears began to fall.

"I love you more than anything in the world. You are perfect. You are...I can't even explain how I feel about you. And our children. You are carrying our children. Our children are surviving because of you. God, Mer...I love you...I love you so much." He said as he looked into her eyes and kissed her softly. His hand travelled down again.

"Wow..." He said as he lifted her shirt and laid his head against her. He could feel the faint bumps. "Hey there, Thing One and Thing Two..." He whispered. "This is your daddy. Your daddy loves you so much." Meredith could feel his smile forming. Then she felt a few tears slide down her abdomen.

They both sat there is amazement. Derek kept his head on her stomach. He couldn't believe it. He helped create them. He and Meredith created them out of love. The love they shared made two perfect children. Nothing brought him more satisfaction. Nothing.

"I love you, Derek." She said softly. She looked down at him. "Derek?" Meredith said again. Nothing. He had fallen asleep. On her stomach. And she ached. She needed to move, but she couldn't he looked so sweet. So content. She laid there for minutes. And then minutes turned into an hour. Then it hit. The craving.

"Derek..." She said softly as she rubbed his head.

"Hmm?" He asked as he looked up into her green eyes. They sparkled softly in the faint moonlight coming through their curtains.

"I want pizza." She said sweetly. She needed to butter him up, she knew that.

"Pizza?" He asked with a moan.

"Yeah. Homemade. Your pizza." She said with a grin. "Please?" She said as she grabbed a page out of his book and titled her head.

"Mer, it's three am. Way to late to make pizza. Hell, it takes thirty minutes for the dough to rise." He said as he looked at her. Her face dropped. She looked at his tired eyes. He had surgery tomorrow. She couldn't ask him.

"You're right." She said as she fluffed her pillow. She laid there for several minutes, the cravings getting stronger. Finally she couldn't take it. She threw her feet on the floor and walked downstairs. She needed pizza.

She wasn't exactly sure how Derek did it. She rummaged through her extras drawer that had a bunch of junk in it. She was sure the recipe was in it. It was his mother's pizza crust recipe. Or maybe his grandma's. Either way, it was in there and she could taste the unusually sweet crust in her mouth. A smile grew over her face when she looked down at it in her grubby hands.

Meredith grabbed out all of the necessaries for the crust, flour, yeast, hot water a little sugar and a few other ingredients. She worked her hands through the thick dough. She didn't care what time it was, or the fact that she was supposed to be up in a few hours. She needed her pizza. She threw a towel over the bowl, letting it rise. She grabbed out some hot peppers, and cheese. Derek usually mad the sauce, but she couldn't so she settled for a can of tomato sauce. She smiled when she was the big pile of dough ready to be spread out. She mixed up her hot sauce and tomato sauce combo and spread it over the dough. Next she threw on some hot peppers, pineapple and a package of cheese. She loved cheese. She could almost taste it as she placed it in the over.

Meredith walked outside. She figured she could enjoy the stars and the fresh air as she waited for her craving to bake. The stars were unusually bright in the dark sky. She loved being outside. She loved their big front porch. She loved her life. Her thoughts took over as she laid her hands on her large abdomen. Her baby bump peeked out of her tight camisole.

"Hey babies. This is your mommy. Daddy and I can't wait to see you. But not too soon. You have to wait until it's time. You need to meet us when you are healthy and ready. We can't wait to hold you in our arms. Mommy is so lucky to have you, and she knows it..." Meredith muttered as she closed her eyes.

All of a sudden Meredith heard a loud beeping. The smoke alarm. She jumped up quickly and flew into the kitchen seeing black smoke billowing out of the oven.

"Shit!" She shouted as she opened up and grabbed the pan, throwing it all in the sink. She began opening the windows and fanning out smoke.

Derek heard a loud beeping. He looked around to see Meredith no where to be found. It was the smoke alarm. He quickly jumped out of bed meeting Drew in the hallway.

"What's going on?" Drew yelled.

"I don't know. Get Anna and go outside. I have to find Mer!" He shouted as he began running around the house. Drew fly down the stairs with a very scared and confused Anna in his arms.

Derek ran in a panic. Where was she? He quickly ran down the stairs taking two at a time. Not in the great room. Or the living room. Finally he followed the trail of smoke to the kitchen. There she was, fanning the smoke in a panic.

"Seriously?" He said loudly as he shook his head. He couldn't help but laugh as he looked at the large frown on her face.

"My pizza..." She cried as tears ran down her face. "My pizza..."

"Oh my god..." Derek said as he continued to laugh. "Are you okay?" He choked out as he looked at her.

"Physically, yes. Mentally, no." She whined as she pulled the pan of pizza out of the sink. A small portion in the middle still looked halfway edible. She began to pick at the cheese and stick it in her mouth. "I think it would have been really good..." She said as she chewed.

"You can't eat that!" He said as he pulled her hand away. She looked up at him with a frown on her face. "That scared the shit out of me..." He said nervously.

"What? My black pizza?" She asked as she looked back at it.

"No. I heard the alarm. I panicked. I couldn't find you." He said as he pulled her into an embrace. "Please don't make pizza again." He said with a chuckle.

"You are such an ass!" She said as she laid her head against me.

"I should have just got up and made it..." He told her as he pulled away and threw it in the trash.

"Yes...you should have." She said with a huff.

"What's going on in here?" Drew asked as he carried Anna back into the house with him.

"Mer's trying to burn the house down..." Derek laughed and was struck with the empty pan in the shoulder. "Hey!"

"Mer, you should know better than to try and cook." Drew added with a chuckle as he glanced into the trash can seeing the black pizza.

"Mommy! You can't cook pizza!" Anna stated honestly. "You don't know how..."

"Well, apparently I didn't get that memo." Meredith said as she looked around at all of them. Derek began scraping the black cheese off of the big pan.

"Can I go back to bed now?" Anna asked with a big yawn.

"Of course." Derek said with a nod.

"Me too?" Drew asked with a smile.

"Sure." Derek said as he waved him away. He dried that pan and threw it in the cupboard. "You coming?" He asked as he looked over at her.

"No. I have to be up in an hour. It's pointless to even try." Meredith said with a shrug as she pulled out a box of cocoa pebbles, Anna's favorite.

"How much sleep did you get?" He asked with concern.

"I didn't." She said as she poured the milk in too.

"Mer..." Derek warned as he looked at her.

"Don't Mer me. It's your children's fault. I tried to sleep, they were bugging me. I'll be fine. You go back to bed. You still have a few hours." She said as she shoveled a bite of the chocolate-y cereal.

"I don't like this." He said sternly as he kissed her on the forehead.

"Neither do I." She muttered as she pushed him away. "Go to bed..."

"Fine..." He reluctantly agreed as he walked off.

---------------

Meredith was used to sleepless nights. Hell, most of her college days were a stream of sleepless nights, crashing in some strangers bed. Sometimes coming home. But no matter what, she never seemed to get more than a few hours sleep. But lately is was wearing her down. Maybe it was being pregnant. Maybe it was stress, or hormones, or being a mom. But lately she always felt like she needed more sleep no matter how much she got.

"Shepherd...late night?" Miranda asked as they all walked down the hallway. Meredith yawned again loudly.

"Ahhh, kind of." Meredith said with another yawn.

"Oh, late night, huh? Do tell..." Cristina said with a smile as she looked over.

"Not why you'd think. More like lack of sleep because the twins were kicking me. And then Derek was laying on me. Then I couldn't get comfortable. So then I tried making pizza. Almost burned the kitchen down..." Meredith whined as she thought back.

"You're right, not what I thought..." Cristina said with disappointment.

"The twins kicked!" Izzie said happily and she bounced up next to Meredith.

"The first time. Last night." Meredith said with a proud smile.

"Oh how cute. Are they kicking now?" Izzie said as she looked down.

"Nope." Meredith said as she felt her stomach.

"Oh..." She said sadly.

"I'll let you know when they do." Meredith said as she looked over.

"Okay!" Izzie said with a big smile.

"Okay, Shepherd, Rayburn needs you on a case. You are officially on his service. Have fun..." She muttered with an evil laugh.

Meredith slowly walked down the hallway. She was exhausted. She closed her eyes, hoping that it would help. Hoping it would be like a mini power nap. Her stomach was huge. She didn't even know how she could get any bigger. Everyone kept telling her she was ready to pop, and she wasn't even close. She opened her eyes and looked as she stepped onto the elevator. She went to the back and leaned against it, once again closing her eyes.

"Finally!" Rayburn shouted as the doors slid open.

"Wha-what?" Meredith asked at she quickly opened her eyes.

"I thought they were kidding. The nurses said you were snoring in the back of the elevator...I'll be damned." Justin said as he stepped onto the elevator with her.

"I wasn't sleeping." Meredith said defensively.

"You were supposed to find me twenty minutes ago." He explained as he looked down at his watch.

"Oh my god..." Meredith said as she opened her eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I'm tired."

"Late night with Shepherd and McDreamy?" He said with a chuckle.

"No. More like Thing One and Thing Two." Meredith said as she leaned back.

"That's even more interesting..." He said with a raised brow.

"Those would be my children..." Meredith said with a smile as she rubbed her stomach softly. "But, that would have been very interesting..."

"Okay then. Maybe you and your things should take a nap." He suggested as he looked at the bags under her eyes. "In fact, maybe you should go back home."

"I'm fine." Meredith told him with a smile.

"I have been told not to believe that." Justin said as he looked her over.

"I am." She said again as she followed him out of the elevator and to a patient's room.

"Prep him." He said as he handed her the chart. "I'll see you in the OR."

Meredith tiredly prepped the patient. She was doing anything she could to wake herself up. Cold water on her face, did nothing. And caffeine was no longer an option. She would just have to make it, she kept telling herself. She quickly scrubbed in and headed to the table.

"I need you to retract, Dr. Shepherd." He told her as he looked over.

"Of course." She said as she grabbed the tool and held the flesh back. Just a second. One second. She closed her eyes. Her body started to sway. Just a little. A little more.

"Dr. Shepherd!" Justin yelled loudly, causing her to snap awake.

"Yes, Dr. Rayburn?" She asked innocently.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I am fine." She said as she looked at the patient.

"I hope so." He said as he looked back down at the patient. He continued to work, looking up every few minutes.

"Oh my god!" Someone said... Rip...

"What the-- Lap pads. I need lap pads!" Justin Rayburn shouted. The scrub nurses quickly threw them his direction.

"I'm so sorry..." Meredith said quickly as she looked at the teared tissue she had created from pulling the opened when she swayed.

"Out!" He said as he looked up at her. He continued examining the damage. The bleeding was now under control.

"I-- I--" She stammered as she looked in shock.

"Out! Out of the OR. Out of the hospital. Go home and get some fucking sleep. Stupid ass resident..." He muttered as he watched her leave.

Meredith ripped her mask and gloves off as she exited the room. He was right. She was pissed that he yelled. Pissed that she screwed up. Just pissed. But he was right. She was the one that screwed up, not him. She could have killed their patient. It was her fault. She shouldn't have pushed. He offered for her to get sleep. No, she had to be stubborn. She had to be typical Meredith. She had to screw up.

"Is everything okay?" Jane asked as Meredith walked in the front door.

"Mommy!" Anna shouted as she ran over and hugged Meredith tightly.

"I-- I--" Meredith stammered on the verge of tears. "I know I'm home, but I need to get some sleep. Can you?" She asked as she nodded to Anna.

"Of course." Jane said with a nod as she looked at Meredith's tired eyes. Meredith walked upstairs and dropped on the bed like a ton of bricks. She was out. Out for the count.

--------------------

"I'm sorry I'm home so late." Derek said as he walked into the kitchen seeing Anna eating a cheeseburger that Jane had fixed.

"It's fine, Dr. Shepherd. I didn't have anywhere to go." Jane said frankly.

"Thanks, Jane. You're irreplaceable." Derek said with a smile as he looked down at Anna.

"Hey Daddy." She said with a smile as she took a big bite.

"Hey you." He said with a grin as he walked to the refrigerator.

"I made enough for you and Dr. Shepherd." Jane said with a smile. "I know it's late. I wasn't sure what was going on."

"Where is Mer?" Derek asked as he looked around.

"Sleeping." Jane said as she looked off.

"For a long time." Anna replied. "She was tired."

"Oh. I thought she was working until ten." Derek said as he looked up at the clock, reading nine at night.

"She's been home since around noon. She looked really tired, and really sad." Jane pointed out.

"Is she really sleeping?" Derek asked as he looked at them both.

"Yeah. She sounds like a truck. Or a boat. But not a ferry boat. A loud boat." Anna said quickly as she took her last bite.

"Then she's sleeping." Derek said with an agreeing nod.

"Yep." Anna agreed.

"Anna, why don't we get you into the bathtub, it's your bedtime." He said as he pulled her off the stool. "Thanks, Jane." He said with a smile as he showed her out.

"Goodnight." She said as she pulled the door shut.

"Okay, Anna Banana. Let's make this short, you need to get to bed..." He explained as he led her to her bathroom. As he walked by, he looked at the empty, unpainted nursery. "How would you like to help me paint the nursery this weekend?" Derek asked.

"Really?" Anna asked. He nodded.

"But don't tell mommy, it will be a surprise." He told her with a smile. She giggled as she grabbed her clothes and ran into the bathroom.

Derek put Anna to bed and walked into their dark bedroom. Meredith was still in her clothes and shoes, sprawled out on their large bed. He could tell by the look on her face that she was exhausted. He walked over and untied her shoes, pulling them off. He heard her moan softly. Moving to the side, he picked her up and laid her on her side of the bed.

"Mmm." She moaned as she opened her eyes. "Hey." She said softly.

"Hey." He said. "Do you want to change?" He asked as he looked at her laying there in her jeans and shirt.

"Too tired." She muttered as she closed her eyes. He quickly come back with her favorite shorts and tee shirt. He slid her jeans off and with her help replaced them with shorts. She sat up and pulled off her shirt.

"Is that better?" He asked as he began rubbing her feet. He looked at her tired face, he knew she wanted to say something.

"Yeah." She said as she laid her head on her pillow. "I almost killed a patient today." She said quietly and simply.

"What happened?" He asked as he continued working on her tired body.

"I fell asleep. Rayburn was in the middle of her back. I was retracting. I fell asleep. It ripped. The rip sound woke me up. He told me to sleep, Derek. I insisted I was fine." She said as she whimpered.

"Mer, it happens." Derek said quickly.

"Oh yes. All of the time. Doctors rip apart their patient's flesh..." She said sarcastically.

"Meredith, it was a mistake." He said quietly.

"A stupid one." Meredith muttered.

"The twins are exhausting you. Maybe you need to take time off." He said quickly.

"What?" She said in shock.

"Until they're born." He said as he stopped rubbing and looked at her.

"No. That's not...no. I want to work. I am not staying home." She said as she pulled her foot from him.

"Meredith..." He said softly as he sat alongside her.

"Why me? I am the one dragging these two along with me. They suck the life from me. Then I'm freaking tired. Then I can't do my job. I am a surgeon. I can't be a surgeon. I can't do both, Derek." She said as she buried her head.

"Meredith...you can. I will help you. You can do both." He said as he rubbed her back.

"Like my mom did?" Meredith cried.

"No. Like Meredith and Derek. We're Meredith and Derek, and we can do it. We will. I will do whatever I have to. We will make this work." He said softly. "I love you. And it will be okay..."


	102. Bad Words

Derek insisted Meredith stay home for several days after the incident at the hospital. After arguing to to avail, she finally gave in and stayed home. Four days. Four days of torment, of having absolutely nothing to do. Four days of playing candyland and every possible board game suitable for Anna. Four days of swimming, and nature walks, as Anna called them. Four days and she was going out of her mind. She needed to cut.

Meredith grabbed the package of ground beef and threw it in a bowl. Meatloaf. She could make meatloaf. She had to do something. It was her last day of her vacation, that wasn't a vacation. It was actually more of a torture tactic. She had to do the mommy thing. The domestic thing. She grabbed the rest of the ingredients and threw them into a bowl, mixing it with her hands.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she felt the meant between her fingers.

"Whatcha doing mommy?" Anna asked as she bounced in the kitchen.

"Making dinner." She said with a smile on her face.

"You don't cook." Anna said with a sour face.

"I do today." Meredith said as she continued. She looked down at the recipe card and shook her head.

"Will it be good?" Anna asked as she looked at the bowl and scrunched her nose.

"Of course it will be good, I'm making it." Meredith said as she glanced up.

"Oh." Anna said as she walked away with a worried look on her face. "Can we go swimming?" Anna asked with a grin.

"Again?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"It won't be summer forever." Anna said, trying to butter her mother up.

"Yeah. Fine. But I have to get this in the oven." Meredith said as she started forming her meatloaf.

Meredith slid on her new bathing suit. She was huge. Way too big. The way she looked and felt right now, she would never be the way she once was. Black. She thought black was supposed to be flattering. Not so much.

"Okay." Meredith said when she reached the front door.

"You're swimming too?" Anna asked as she looked at Meredith.

"I am today." Meredith answered as they both walked out. They walked down to the pond and slowly waded their way in.

"Mommy...how will the babies get out of your belly?" Anna asked as she looked at Meredith's abdomen.

"Um...well... Mommy doesn't want to think about that right now. It will hurt." Meredith said as she grabbed a raft and climbed on.

"But why will it hurt?" Anna asked as she climbed onto Meredith's raft.

"It just will." Meredith answered as they floated out.

"That's not an answer. And you are embarrassed or you don't want me to know." Anna said as she looked over at Meredith.

"Okay, imagine pushing a basketball out of your mouth. Now where they come out is smaller than that." Meredith said frankly for lack of a better description.

"Oh." Anna said in shock as she opened her mouth and stretched it. "Oh... "

"I don't want the twins to come. They're going to hurt you. And then they will cry. And they will keep us up all night." Anna said with a frown. "And they can't play with my toys. Everything is mine and they can't have it. And you are my mommy and they can't have you either."

"Anna, the twins will be too small to play with your toys. But no matter what, you have to share. And just because the twins are coming, doesn't mean that we won't love you anymore. We're still your mommy and daddy." Meredith said as she looked into her eyes.

"When is uncle Drew going home?" Anna said randomly.

"Not soon enough." Meredith said with a chuckle. "He's working at the hospitals around here for awhile."

"I don't want him to leave. Ever." Anna said with a frown.

"He will have to leave eventually. He has a life in New York." Meredith explained.

"But I don't want him to!" She pouted.

"You can't always get what you want..." Meredith said with a grin. "But if you try sometimes, you get what you need."

"That's fucked." Anna spat nastily.

"What did you just say?" Meredith's said with wide eyes as she sat up.

"That's fucked." Anna said loudly. She knew she was wrong, but she was in a sour mood.

"If I ever hear you say that again. You heard that from Drew...didn't you?" Meredith said with a clenched jaw. Drew was famous for saying that. Meredith and Derek were pretty careful about how they talked around her.

"OUT!" She yelled. "We are out of the water, now!" Meredith said as they climbed out. "I want you out of your bathing suit and in your room! No playing. You will wait until daddy comes home." Meredith said as they quickly walked up to the house.

"I am so disappointed in you. You never, ever, use that word! Ever!" She said as they walked upstairs.

Anna stomped to her room and slammed her door. She heard the bathroom door slam shortly after. Meredith sighed as she changed her clothes and went downstairs to finish dinner. She didn't know if what she had done was right. She's never had to deal with it. And now, she was wondering if she could.

"Hey..." Derek said with confusion as he walked in, seeing food on the kitchen table. A meal. A complete meal. A rarity, when made by her.

"Hey." She said in a Joan Cleaver way as she made her way to him and kissed him softly.

"Where's Anna?" He asked as he looked around.

"In her room." Meredith said frankly as she walked to the counter.

"Is she okay?" He asked with a slight look of worry. He was accustomed to Anna bounding down the stairs and into his arms.

"Well, she's alive. And she's lucky." Meredith said as she placed a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table. "Because I nearly killed her. If my blood pressure have ever been high, it was today."

"What happened?" He said as he walked over to her.

"She was argumentative. She has been all week. And then she got a burr in her ass, and decided she doesn't want a brother an sister. Not only that, but she isn't sharing. Not her toys. Not her parents. Not sharing..." Meredith went on as he blood pressure once again rose.

"Mer- She's just worried..." Derek said defensively.

"Let me finish!" Meredith said sternly. He nodded as he stared at her. "So she went on that she didn't want Drew to leave. I told her that he would eventually and they she can't always get what you want. Her response? That's fucked! That's fucked, Derek. She said it twice. I sent her to her room. She's been there about an hour and a half. I can't-- I can't deal with it!" She said as she breathed deeply.

"Meredith! Calm down. Breathe... That's fucked?" He said unbelieving. "Where the hell did she learn that?" He said in shock.

"Where do you think?" Meredith said as she finished putting everything on the table.

"Drew!" They both said loudly.

"What'd I do?" He asked as he walked into the kitchen, just coming home.

"You are a bad influence on my daughter." Derek said, shaking his head in disgust.

"Why?" Drew asked as he walked in.

"She said "that's fucked" today, Drew!" Meredith raised her voice. "You!" She said as she poked him in the chest.

"Why me?" Drew said in shock.

"Those are your famous last words..." Derek said. "I'll deal with this, but Drew, you have got to control the language." He said as he shook his head and walked off.

Derek had no idea how he was going to handle this situation. She is six. A six year old, saying the dreaded f dash, dash, dash. Too young. And even with all of the nieces and nephews, he still wasn't prepared. He softly knocked on his door. He'd have to figure it out quick. Real quick.

"Anna?" Derek asked softly as he cracked the door open. She quickly ran from the floor where she was playing with her toys to her bed.

"Mommy's mean!" Anna cried out angrily as she buried her head.

"Why is that?" Derek asked as he sat down next to her and stroked her hair.

"She grounded me nor no reason!" Anna lied as she looked up at him with her bloodshot eyes.

"Really?" Derek said in shock. "So mommy lied? You didn't really say a bad word?" He asked as he gave her the look.

"No. No I didn't!" She said boldly as she sat up.

"Now you are lying, my dear." He said as he gave her the warning look.

"I didn't know." Anna said with a smirk.

"I think you know a bad word. In fact, you are quite quick to point them out!" Derek said quickly as he stared her down.

"Mommy's mean" Anna said again.

"I am very, very disappointed in you. You know that mommy is tired. The babies are taking their toll on her. And you are now adding to that. You should know better." He said forcefully.

"I don't like the twins!" She said as she rolled away from him.

"Why?" Derek asked quickly.

"Because they are going to take you and mommy away from me and I will be all by myself. That always happens. That's what Kayla says." Anna said as she rolled over and looked at Derek.

"So this Kayla. A six year old. She's had a lifetime of knowledge, huh?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Yes! And it's not funny." She growled.

"Anna Banana, I promise you that mommy and I will love you just as much as we do now, when the twins are born. We will be busy. But so will you. We will need your help." He said with a smile.

"I'll help, but I don't wanna." She grumbled as she started to climb off of her bed.

"Okay. But I have a feeling you will want to." Derek said with a knowing grin. "So let's see, you are not going to say bad words again, and you aren't mad at mommy anymore..."

"I'm still mad at mommy, she's a tattler." Anna said frankly.

"That's what mommies and daddies do." He said with a shrug. "Mommy wasn't being mean. She just wants to do what's best." He explained. "Now let's go eat. Mommy cooked a big dinner."

"But mommy can't cook!" Anna giggled.

"I know. But don't tell her that. We don't want to hurt her feelings!" He said as he grabbed her tiny hand and led her downstairs.

"I'm sorry, mommy." Anna said as she took her usual spot at the dinner table.

"Okay, honey." Meredith said. She made sure not to say it'd okay. Because it wasn't. She knew better, she knew better than to say it.

"Looks good, Mer." Derek said as he sliced a piece off and placed it on his plate.

"It smells safe." Drew said with a laugh as he filled his own plate.

"It's safe!" Meredith said quickly. "I promise. Not that it'll taste goof. I only guarantee that it won't kill you." She said as she served herself. Derek took a small bite. It was a test bite, to see if he could stomach it. He didn't notice, but she caught it. In fact, everyone now had their attention on the brave man.

"It's good." He said with a smile. "Really." Derek said as he took a bigger bite. Drew decided to be brave.

"It is good!" Drew agreed as he swallowed his bite.

"Good job, mommy." Anna said with a proud smile.

"You finally found something you can make." Derek said happily.

"Even though it made me nauseous to make it." She giggled.

"So, I think I may have to go back to New York soon." Drew said with a frown.

"Oh." Meredith said quickly, since no one else had. "That's good, right?"

"It's fine." Derek said with an approving nod.

"No!" Anna shouted. "Uncle Drew, you live here. You are family." She said boldly.

"Anna, I have responsibility." Drew explained. "Just because I am going home, doesn't mean I won't be back." Drew said with a smile.

"Really?" Anna asked happily.

"Really." He said with a smile.

"Okay." She finally agreed. "Okay."

------------------

"So Anna, she's okay?" Meredith asked as she looked up at Derek.

"Yeah. She's just- She's used to being number one. We've- We've done good. Too good. She's a spoiled brat. But she'll be okay. She will just have to get used to it." Derek said as he fluffed his pillow and laid down.

"Oh..." She said as she placed her hand on her stomach. "They're kicking, both of them." She said with a smile. Derek placed his hand on hers.

"Just wait until they get bigger, and strong." Derek said with a grin.

"Or six. When they turn six. That will be..." Meredith trailed off.

"Yeah." Derek agreed with a sigh. "But we'll do it." He told her as he kissed her on the head.

"So Drew's leaving...Drew your watchdog." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"You caught that?" Derek asked.

"That he has been up my ass? Yeah, I caught that!" She laughed.

"I just want to protect you." Derek said as he pulled her near.

"I know." Meredith returned with a smile. "Hey, maybe we should have a cookout." She suggested with a smile. "Maybe Anna would brighten up. And Drew will be leaving..."

"That could be fun." Derek agreed.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"Yeah." He told he as he pulled her closer.

"I'm tired." She said with a yawn. "Anna is more exhausting than working a double.

"Just wait. Soon it will me times three..." Derek muttered before closing his eyes.

"Times three..." Meredith said unbelieving. "Three..."

**Review if you get a chance...it keeps me going. :)**


	103. Crafty

"I hate shopping." Meredith muttered as she pushed the cart down the aisle.

"I know you do." Derek agreed as he walked beside her and threw various items in the cart.

"Are you sure we should do this? It's a lot of work. And chaos. And our friends..." Meredith whined as she turned the cart around the corner.

"It will be fun. All of our friends, over at our place. You'll have fun." Derek said optimistically.

"I hope so." She muttered as she rubbed her back.

"Mommy, are you okay?" Anna asked as she looked at Meredith's painful face.

"Just sore, honey." Meredith said as she looked at both of them.

"Mer?" Derek said as he grabbed the cart. She quickly grabbed the cart back.

"Don't you dare. I need to lean on that." She said as she began pushing it along.

"Can I get this?" Anna asked as she held up a candybar.

"No." Meredith said quickly. Derek looked over at Meredith. "No." She said again.

"What about this?" She asked as she held up a package of oreos.

"Not unless you want an angioplasty." Meredith spat as she kept walking.

"What's an angioplasty?" Anna asked quickly.

"They stick a tube with a balloon in your femoral artery and blow it up." Meredith said nonchalantly.

"It hurts." Derek said simply.

"Oh. I don't like those cookies anyway." Anna said as she threw them back down.

"No one likes hot dogs." Meredith said as she looked at the list.

"Some people do." Derek said as he grabbed a few package.

"Do you?" Meredith said as she cocked her head.

"No." Derek said as he put one of the packages back. Meredith giggled.

"Steak and hamburgers." Meredith said as she looked at the list. "And corn. I guess people like corn. Potato salad, coleslaw, macaroni salad... Der, I think that we are supposed to make this stuff." She said with a look of worry.

"We don't have to. Most of our friends will eat anything. Come on, Mer. We're talking about Drew, Alex and George here." Derek said with raised eyebrows.

"You have a point." Meredith responded with a nod.

"I don't like coleslaw." Anna said as she pointed to it.

"Yeah, me either." Meredith agreed as she scrunched her nose.

"Can we get that?" Anna pointed to the cucumber salad.

"Sure." Derek said as he ordered a plethora of different deli salads.

"Hey!" A female voice said happily.

"Megan! Hey..." Meredith said with a smile as she looked over at her high school friend.

"Oh my god!" Megan said as she walked over and put her hands on Meredith's abdomen. "You're pregnant. Meredith Grey, pregnant! who would have thought?"

"It's Meredith Shepherd now." Meredith said with a smile. "Megan, this is my husband, Derek." She said as she introduced them to each other. "Derek, this is my best friend from high school, Megan."

"Derek...what happened to..." She looked at them and decided to drop it. "And who is this?" She asked as she looked at Anna.

"I'm Anna. This is my mommy and daddy." Anna said boldly.

"Oh. Previous marriage?" She asked as she looked at Derek. "I know she isn't Ian's."

"We adopted her. It's a long story." Meredith said with a faint smile. Anna ventured over to Megan's cart and started talking to her daughter.

"So how far along are you?" She asked as she looked at her stomach.

"Not far enough. Twenty six weeks." Meredith said with a frown.

"Oh!" Megan said with surprise.

"Twins. A boy and girl." Derek said proudly as he placed his hand on Meredith's stomach.

"Wow. How lucky are you?" Megan said with a smile. "They are fast friends." She said as she pointed at the two little girls.

"I guess so." Derek said happily. "Hey, we're having a cookout this weekend, you should come."

"Oh, that would be fun." Megan said happily.

"Oh yeah..." Meredith said quietly.

"I'll give you a call and get the directions later." Megan said happily.

"Sounds good. It was nice meeting you." Derek said with a smile. "Come on, Anna." He said as they walked away.

"What the hell was that?" Meredith seethed as they walked away.

"What?" Derek with with a confused smile.

"Derek..." She said as she shook her head. "Do you realize what you just did?" Meredith asked, shaking her head.

"What?" He said with a smile as he headed down another aisle.

"You just invited my high school friend..." She started as she grabbed hamburger and hot dog buns off of the shelf.

"Yeah. Is she going to tell me all kinds of stories?" He asked with raised brows.

"Maybe. But I am sure her husband will. Jake. Yeah he was my boyfriend." Meredith mumbled.

"Oh...this will be good." He said as he rubbed his hands together.

"You do realize how stupid you look right now." Meredith said as she shook her head.

"Yeah. But do you know why I am doing it?" He asked as if he knew something she didn't.

"Um...no." She replied, rolling her eyes.

"Because he had the lowest score in your book." He said with an evil laugh.

"Derek!" Meredith spat as she smacked him with the family sized bottle of heinz ketchup.

"Ouch!" He said as he winced.

"What book, Daddy?" Anna asked as she looked up at them with amusement.

"Um..." Derek started.

"A book..." Meredith finished. "A craft book. He wasn't very good with crafts." Meredith said quickly, for lack of a better lie.

"He had a very small pipe cleaner." Derek said with a hearty laugh. Meredith smacked him playfully.

"Yeah. We made pipe-cleaner people at school. Johnny cried because he had the smallest pipe-cleaner." Anna explained.

"I'd cry too..." Derek said with a smirk.

"Don't worry, you have a more than ample sized pipe-cleaner. In fact, yours is bigger than a bundle." Meredith said with a dirty grin.

"If you don't stop, I may have to show it to you." Derek told her as they headed to the checkout.

"And I might let you." Meredith replied.

"Johnny tried to give me his pipe-cleaner. I said no." Anna explained.

"Good girl!" Meredith said happily.

"And I think we need to switch schools." Derek muttered, only audible to Meredith, who giggled.

---------------

"Tell me again why we are doing this." Meredith muttered as she climbed out of her bed.

"Because we want to see our friends. Because it will be fun." He said with happy nod. "Come on...our friends are our family. This will be great!" He said as he kissed her softly.

"Sure. Drew and Cristina will bicker. Megan and Jake will tell horrifying stories. My mom and Richard...why the hell did you invite them?" Meredith asked again she she pulled her shirt over her head.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he looked at her.

"Um, taking my clothes off..." Meredith said with a faint giggle.

"I see that...but why?" Derek asked with a smile.

"Well, I generally don't shower with clothes on." She said frankly.

"So showering. Does this involve a certain generous sized pipe-cleaner?" Derek asked as he walked towards her.

"Um...it could." She told him happily as she slipped her shorts off.

"Oh god..." He muttered as he looked at her standing in her light pink bra and thong. She smiled when she looked at his iron-hard erection.

"I think I want you..." She moaned as she put her hands behind her back and unclasped her bra. She slid it off slowly and tossed it on the floor.

"Fuck..." He moaned as he looked at her plump breasts, ready for his mouth. He began to walk up.

"Not yet..." She said as she put her hand up to stop him. She slowly pulled her panties down and kicked them off. "Oh..." She moaned as she slipped a finger inside of of her awaiting folds. He felt himself get harder and harder as he watched her pleasure herself.

"Mer--" He said with haste as he walked towards her.

"Not yet!" She said as she continued. "Oh...god...oh..." She moaned. "I'm wet, Der...oh...shit...I'm...ohhh..." She moaned as she shuddered.

She stood there and watched the shocked look on his face. She smiled as she ran into the bathroom, him tearing his clothes off and following. She slid the door open and turned the hot water on, the steam filled the room, enveloping them both. She quickly stepped in, Derek right behind her.

He smiled as she looked up at her for a moment. Blue and Green. So perfect. His mouth gently sucked on her neck. She moaned as her head fell back and she moved her hands down his back and rested them on his ass. She felt him move down to her breasts, sucking and teasing each one.

"Oh..." She muttered softly. His mouth moved down her large abdomen. He gently shoved her against the wall, pressing her back against the now-warm tile.

"Oh Mer..." He whispered. He easily pushed her up, her knees resting on his shoulders.

"You can't hold me..." She said quickly.

"Oh yes I can." He replied. The warm water ran quickly down both of their bodies, moving it's way along their curves. He looked up into her eyes, and smiled. He softly pressed her legs apart a little farther, and slide his tongue into her warm, wet folds. He could taste her need.

"Oh God Der...shit..." She mumbled as she felt him pressing and sliding his tongue in all the perfect spots. The hot water gliding down and grazing her, heightening her senses. His quickened his pace, as he moved in figure of eights. "Der, I'm...oh god...I'm..." She squealed as she felt herself tightening up. She pulled him up by his hair.

"Come on, Der...Please...I need you..." She said with need in her eyes. "Please..." His smile grew as he pulled her legs up, and she wrapped them around him. She felt him slide himself into her, the water and her readiness easing the process. "Ohhh..." She moaned as she felt him thrust into her hard. Their bodies both crashing into the wall. She tightened her grip on his shoulder. Her nails dug into his flesh as he thrusted once again, even harder. She could tell it wouldn't be long before her abdomen would inhibit this.

"Oh Mer...Oh baby..." He muttered as he could feel her tightening. She pulled her legs apart father, allowing him deeper penetration.

"Hard Der...Harder...please...!" She shouted. He did as she said and pounded into her harder. "Harder." She screamed. "Oh...god...I'm coming..." She muttered as she felt the hot rush run over her. He felt her warmth encompass his large cock. She felt him release with a loud moan. Her feet dropped to the floor, they both sighed as the sweat and water dripped off of them.

"I love your pipe-cleaner..." Meredith said breathlessly. "Love it..."

Meredith and Derek quickly dressed themselves. It was hard. It took all of their self-control. Her hormones were off the charts. And he always found her irresistible. But they had to. Anna was downstairs, and the guests would be coming. They both turned away, as they dressed. It was the lack in self control. Neither of them had it.

"You ready?" He asked with a smile.

"For embarrassment and chaos? Of course!" She said as she followed him. This would be fun.

"Derek. This is a lot of work..." Meredith whined as she looked at all of the food in their kitchen.

"You'll have a good time..." Derek told her with a smile.

"You keep saying that. Maybe you believe it. I'm not so sure." She mumbled as she looked around. "And where the hell is Drew?"

"Seattle Pres." Derek said with a shrug. "He had a patient."

"Nice. I'm sure he will roll in when all the work is done." She muttered as she looked around.

Meredith and Derek worked at getting everything ready. Meredith wasn't happy about this. Everyone was coming. Ellis in the same place with anyone else was just asking for trouble. And Megan and Jake...it was too much. Derek told her to quit worrying and finally sent her to the porch to hang out until everyone showed up. She sighed as she watched the first car pull in.

"Meredith...How are you?" Addison asked as she and Stan walked up to the house.

"Fine. Well, Derek's fine. I'm freaking out because my mom is going to be in the same place as everyone else." Meredith said with a frown.

"It will be fine." Addison answered reassuringly.

"Hello, Meredith." Stan said with a nod as he walked up to the porch.

"Hi, Stan. Derek's in the house if you want to talk to him." She said with a smile as she pointed to the house.

"Crap." Meredith muttered as she watched a few cars pull in. "It's Jake and Megan."

"Jake and Megan?" Addison asked.

"My ex-boyfriend and my best frined. Well, former best friend." Meredith explained.

"Oh...this should be good." Addison said with a smile.

"Funny." Meredith muttered as she watched the family pile out of the car.

"Wow! Mer. You really are... Well...pregnant!" Jake said in shock as he looked at her.

"That I am. How are you?" Meredith asked as she gave him a soft hug.

"Good." Jake responded as he pulled away and took her in. "Really good..."

"Jake, Megan. This is my very good friend, Addison." Meredith explained as they introduced themselves.

The guests slowly filed in one after another. Meredith started to relax. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as she thought. Fun. A piece of cake. Everyone seemed to be getting along just fine. Everyone seemed happy. Things were going well. Too well.

"Wow, I haven't seen you guys in a long time. And you're married?" Meredith heard Ellis ask as she walked by the small group that was talking.

"Six years." Megan boasted as she looked over at Jake. Meredith was shocked that Ellis had remembered them. Or more so that she had even noticed them in her life.

"It's strange how things come around. I never would have thought I'd marry Mer's best friend. But you know what they say, everything happens for a reason. If she hadn't married Ian..." Meredith heard Jake say.

"Married who?" Ellis said in complete and utter shock. Things going well...not so much.

**Sorry it took so long...busy weekend.**


	104. Not Trustworthy

Crap. Crap crap. This is bad beyond bad. I knew this would happen. I knew something would have to go wrong. It always does. I think I have done well. I finally start to have a normal, healthy life, and then this. Disappointed. That would be the next thing Ellis would say. Angry. Why didn't you tell me? It was coming. And it was coming quick.

"Derek." Meredith spat as she grabbed his arm and pulled him with her.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he looked at her face. The tears were threatening to spill.

"What's wrong? I hate you. You and your stupid, "Let's be nice. Let's invite every freaking person in the world. It'll be fun. All our friends." Yeah. Bullshit! It's-- Damn it." She rambled as she looked at him.

"Calm down..." He said softly. "What is going on?"

"Jake just told my mother that I was married to Ian." Meredith said nastily.

"Oh." Derek responded as he looked at the around.

"Oh no! You can't do that. Be quiet. Play the innocent card. You have to fix this!" She said as she began to storm away. "And for the record, you look completely ridiculous." She spat as she looked at him standing there in his "Grill-master" apron and cooking utensils.

"Mer--" He said as he followed her outside. She threw her hand up and kept walking. She wanted to hide. But it didn't matter. It would come out eventually.

Meredith walked back out and took a seat with Addison, Stan, George and Izzie. They all watched as she plopped down in the chair and crossed her arms over her large abdomen. They all wanted to laugh. She looked like big spoiled brat that wasn't getting her way. They wanted to laugh, but they all knew better.

"What's wrong with the princess?" Cristina joked as she walked up to the table and took a seat.

"We haven't found that out yet." Stan responded as he looked around the table.

"Mer?" Izzie asked with a bit of concern on her face.

"Meredith? Can I speak to you for a moment?" Ellis said as she walked up from behind. Meredith slowly rose from the table and waddled over to the front porch with Ellis.

"What do you think that's about?" George asked as he watched a peeved Meredith walk off.

"Who knows." Izzie said with a shrug. "But she doesn't look happy..."

Meredith was not happy. this was not how she wanted this so-called perfect day to go. This was far from perfect. In fact, it had become hell day. A day for everyone to talk about every mistake she had ever made. It seemed like Ellis was always do that. Either pointing or or finishing for mistakes. God forbid Meredith succeed.

She knew how she was going to approach this. Rough. Straightforward. No nonsense. Blunt. She was tired of her mom's comments. Her little put downs. She wasn't going to do it anymore. She had a little girl, and two more children on the way. She was tired of letting her mom put her down. She was tired of Ellis being disappointed. This time, she would beat her to the punch.

"Yes mom. I was married, okay? I was married for almost ten years. I got drunk in Vegas, and ended up getting married at an all night wedding chapel. That's why I didn't come home. That's why I just disappeared off the face of the earth. That's why i went to Oxford. It was a hail storm of self loathing misery. He and I both slept around. Neither of us were committed. We lived together and that was it. It's over. I know, I screwed up. I messed my whole life up. I'm a big screw up and I will never amount to anything." Meredith spat out quickly before bursting into tears.

Ellis was in shock. Her daughter lived a secret life. She never told her. All those years she was gone and she never told her why. She felt guilty. Part of this was her fault. She wasn't around. She didn't teach her daughter. It was her fault, and Ellis Grey actually felt it.

"Meredith..." She said with a soft face.

"I-- I--" Meredith muttered as she looked down.

"You could have told me. I'm your mother." Ellis said softly as she looked at Meredith's tear stained face.

"It's the hormones..." She said as she wiped her tears.

"Meredith. I wasn't a good mom. I know that. I wasn't meant to be a mom. But I am. I am a mom. And you. You are extraordinary. I pushed hard. I pushed you way too hard. I thought I would make you the best you could be. I thought I could make you everything that I wasn't. And along the way, I forgot to let you be you. I forgot to let you be a kid. I forget to let you do it on your own. It was my fault that you left. And now I realize you did do it on your own. You succeeded. You are great. You will be better than I am. I was jealous. I worked so hard to get where I am. And you-- You're smart. You're naturally talented. You didn't have to work, because you just had it. And now, I know you're not going to stomp me out. You are my legacy. You are my daughter. And you are not a disappointment." Ellis told her firmly.

"Mom..." Meredith said as she looked up at her. "Thank you." Ellis pulled her into a soft embrace.

"Now let's go eat." She said as she led her daughter away.

Meredith grabbed a plateful of various salad and a hamburger. She was starving. All of the preparation was a lot of work. But Derek was right. It was worth it. She was still shocked that her mom had been so kind. So human. Meredith grabbed her plate and sat down next to Addison and Stan.

"So..." Addison asked as she looked up at a relieved Meredith.

"My mom. She's um-- Well, she was actually human." Meredith said as she took a bite of her macaroni salad. "Mmm. The twins like macaroni salad." She replied with a smile.

"That's good. About your mom..." Stan said with a smile.

"Yeah. She does have the power to amaze." Meredith pointed out. Derek grabbed a plate and sat next to her. "The burgers are good." She said as she leaned over and kissed him. "And you were right. It's good. Everything is good." She told him happily.

"I told you." He said with a knowing smile. "Did you try the cucumber salad? It's pretty good." Derek said as he lifted a bite to her mouth.

"Yuck...the twins definitely don't like that." Meredith said as she spit it into her napkin.

"You know. The twins seem to be making an awful lot of decisions lately. And you say I'm the pushover..." Derek said with a chuckle.

"You are, Der." Addison said with a giggle. "Especially when it comes to your girls." She said, meaning Meredith and Anna.

"Well, I'm allowed to push him over..." Meredith said quickly.

"And I like it." Derek agreed.

Meredith glanced up at a black suv making it's may down the driveway. She had thought everyone was here. Maybe Derek had invited more people. At the moment, she was ready. The more the merrier. She watched it come to a halt, and the doors finally open. Her face dropped was she watched Francaesca step out of the passenger seat. Her stomach knotted as Marty came around the front of the car.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Derek spat in shock.

"Oh, I-- I invited Franceasca. I supposed she dragged Marty along..." Addison said with a smile. Derek began to stand up from his seat. Meredith quickly pushed him down.

"Oh..." Meredith said as she squeezed Derek's thigh with her hand. "That's...the more the merrier." Meredith said with a fake smile.

"He's not--" Derek started as he looked over at the two approaching. Marty had a smug look on his face.

"Derek, I think we need more soda. Can you help me get more?" Meredith asked as she sat her plate down and stood.

"Mer-- I think we have more than..." Derek started with a look.

"We need more." She said firmly as she walked off. She could feel him following behind her.

"I'm going to kill him." Derek said as he walked into the house with clenched fists. "I am going to kill that son of a bitch!" He said as he punched the sofa.

"Derek! Stop. Stop that!" She said as she put her hand on his arm. "This has been good. It's been a good day. My mom and I talked. She said things. Everyone is getting along. Just for once I would like the drama to stop. For the gossip in the halls of Seattle Grace to not be solely about me and my crazy life. I want a happy relaxing day. Please..." Meredith pleaded as she held his arm.

"Oh, and you're really going to be able to relax with that asshole staring at you like a piece of meat? I'm not going to take it. No way. I will not let this happen." Derek said as the vein in his neck started to pop out.

"You said it yourself. He has been gone. I haven't seen him. Haven't heard from him. He didn't even give me a sideways glance as they walked up. I think you made your point. You're the big dog. You pissed all over him." She said with a chuckle.

"Mer--" Derek whined.

"No. Just let it be... If something happens... If he makes me uncomfortable..." She started.

"You will let me kill him?" Derek asked with a hopeful grin.

"No, I'd like to keep you around. Not to mention you wouldn't fair very well in prison. You're just too damn pretty." She said with a giggle. "But yes, I will tell you. You will know."

"Fine. But I am not leaving your side." He said as he grabbed more soda and they walked out together. Meredith made her way over to Jake and Megan.

"How was everything?" Meredith asked as she sat down.

"Great. We're stuffed." Megan said as she placed her hand on her stomach.

"That's good." Meredith said as she sat down. "So how has work been?"

"Great." Jake responded. "Busy. But it's been great. How about you?"

"It never ends." Meredith told him.

"How many hours do you work a week?" Megan asked with an interested grin.

"Well, last week it was one hundred five." Meredith responded.

"Holy crap! I cannot imagine working that while pregnant!" Megan replied in shock.

"That's a lot." Jake agreed. "So you're husband..."

"He's great. Amazing." Meredith said as she glanced over at Derek.

"And hot too." Megan answered with a giggle. Jake rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. I can agree with that." Meredith answered.

"So, what does he do?" Jake asked as he took a sip of his beer.

"He's a neurosurgeon." Meredith told them. "One of the best."

"No shit? A brain surgeon... Wow." Jake said with a fair amount of shock in his voice. "So that would explain you dating the doctors. They're all you ever see..."

"I suppose so." Meredith said with an agreeing nod.

"Mommy..." Anna said as she ran up to Meredith. "Can we go swimming? Please?"

"Well, I don't know if anyone is around to watch you..." Meredith explained.

"Alex and George are going..." Anna said as she pointed at the two.

"Sure. You can go swimming." Meredith said with a nod.

"Yay!" Anna shouted as she ran off.

"She's sweet." Megan said with a smile.

"She's great. I just--- It's amazing. We're going through the adoption process now." Meredith explained. She felt Derek sneak up and kiss her softly.

"So Meredith Grey...mommy. That is the shock of a lifetime." Jake said, shaking his head. "You always said no kids."

"Things change. People change." Meredith said as she placed her hand on her abdomen.

"This is true." Derek said as he sat beside her.

"Well, it seems to suit you." Megan said with an agreeing nod. "I've never seen you happier."

"I've never been. I have everything I could want right here." She said as she grasped Derek's hand.

"That's great...it really is." Jake said as he glanced at his watch. "Oh... We need to get going."

"Oh, yeah. I guess it is getting late." Megan agreed. "Thanks so much for inviting us. we need to do this again sometime." She said as they all stood up.

"Thanks, and it was nice meeting you." Jake said as he shook Derek's hand.

"You too." Derek agreed as he shook his hand. "So, that wasn't bad, No embarrassing stories... Although I have to admit, I was hoping there would be." He told her.

"Of course you were." Meredith giggled.

"And I also have to say, it was hard to keep a straight face while sitting across from a man who you know has a very small pipe-cleaner." Derek said with a chuckle. Meredith burst out laughing.

"You are bad..." Meredith said as she shook her head. Cristina and Izzie walked over and joined them.

"Whatcha talking about?" Izzie said with a grin.

"Pipe-cleaners." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Like plumbers?" Izzie asked with confusion.

"No." Meredith said quickly.

"Is that some sly reference to your penis?" Cristina asked with an amused smile.

"Um..." Derek said as he looked at Meredith.

"Seriously? You two are...bad." Izzie said as she sat down next to them. "Where's Drew?"

"He got pulled into a surgery. Lucky shit." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"No kidding." Cristina agreed. "I'd kill to be in on a surgery."

"Oh." Meredith said as she grabbed her stomach. They wall looked at her with worry. "I need some cheesecake The twins need some cheesecake." Meredith said with a large grin as she stood up.

Meredith walked over to the table and eyed the chocolate cheesecake. It had never looked so good, and it was definitely what the twins wanted. She cut herself a large piece and sat down on the rocking chair on the porch. He smile turned to a frown when Marty neared the table and then headed her way with his plate.

Meredith's stomach twisted as she watched him near. He made her nervous. She didn't fell right about him. She wasn't happy that he was at her house, but she was determined to keep the peace. She wanted to have a good day. She wanted it to be perfect. And for the sake of Anna and everyone else, she would bite her tongue and give him the benefit of the doubt.

"How are you?" He asked cordially as she sat in a chair next to her.

"Um. I'm good, how are you?" Meredith asked as her stomach twisted.

"I'm great. Been busy, but I wouldn't have it any other way." He said as he took a bite.

"That's good." Meredith answered as she placed a big of cheesecake in her mouth. It was now making her sick. Now she was associating it with him.

"So, Addison says you've been jogging?" Marty asked as he looked over. "They say it's good, to try and stay fit, for the babies."

"Um. Yeah. I guess it is." Meredith answered. Why would he ask? Why would her jogging be a conversation piece? Note to self...quit jogging.

"So has Derek thought anymore about the system?" He asked as he looked over.

"Um. I really don't know. We've both been busy." Meredith said quickly. She caught Derek's glance. His eyes got wide when he realized who was next to her.

Derek immediately jumped from his chair. How the hell does he think he is? If Meredith didn't trust him, he didn't trust him. There was absolutely no way he was risking the health and safety of she or the children. No way. His anger grew as he walked towards them. Now nervy. How ballsy. What kind of man just walks in and talks to your wife when you warned him. Threatened him. Either an idiot. Or someone who was too damn brave.

"I thought we came to an understanding." Derek said nastily as he clenched his jaw.

"I was just making conversation." Marty said quickly. "And actually, I would like to take this chance to apologize to you both. I behaved like a complete asshole. My behavior was completely out of line. I'm very sorry, Meredith. I didn't mean to disrespect you, or make you worry." He said genuinely as he looked at them both. "If you'll excuse me..." He said as he walked off.

"What the hell was that?" Meredith asked in shock.

"I don't know. I guess his attempt at being a decent human being?" Derek asked.

"He seemed genuine." meredith said quickly.

"Seemed being the operative word." Derek replied as he looked into her eyes. "I still don't trust him as far as I can throw him."

"Yeah, me either." Meredith agreed.

The cookout went without a hitch. Everyone ate and had a good time. They all trickled out before too long, much to Meredith and Derek's relief. It was a long day, and they were both exhausted. Anna had fallen asleep on the sofa and Derek had taken her to bed. Meredith took a much needed hot bath. Meredith smiled when she came out and saw Derek asleep with his book on his chest.

"Goodnight..." She said softly as she pulled his book off his chest and kissed him.

"I was awake." He lied with a grin.

"Sure." She said with a smile as she looked into his eyes.

"Well, I'm awake now." He said with raised eyebrows.

"Are you now?" She asked as he lips neared hers. She could feel his hit breath. She could almost taste his sweet lips.

"I am." He said as he grasped the back of her head and pulled her in for a kiss. Their lips crashed like a wave. Meredith parted her lips as Derek slip his tongue deep inside of her mouth. Meredith grabbed the back of Derek's head tightly.

"Oh, god am I glad you're awake." She said as he pulled away breathlessly.

"Me too." Derek said as he laid her back and began kissing her neck.

"Oh..." She moaned as she felt his tongue trail as he sucked softly. "I need you..." She whispered into his ear.

"Soon enough..." He said as he pulled camisole off, and ran his mouth across her chest, sucking and pulling her nipples. "I have to say...these are...nice." He said as he teased her nipples. His fingers tugged at her pants, pulling them and her panties off in one swoop.

"Oh..." She moaned as he placed kisses on her thighs. "Please?" She moaned.

She felt his tongue teasing her. He moved her hips towards him, begging him to put her out of her misery. He placed his hands on her hips, holding her down. She spread her legs, awaiting him. Derek ran his finger down her middle, feeling her heat.

"Please...Der..." She moaned. The loud ring of her cellphone filled the room. "Forget it." She said as she looked over.

"It could be an emergency." Derek pointed out.

"Don't care." She moaned as her body begged.

"Mer." He said as he looked.

"Fine." She muttered as she leaned over an grabbed her phone. "Hello?" She was meant by loud sobs. "Hello?" She looked down at the number on the phone. "Oh god..."


	105. Loss

"Ian, what's wrong?" Meredith said in a panic. Derek looked over at her in confusion.

"Ian? _Why_ is Ian calling?" Derek snapped. Jealously washed over him as he looked at the concern on her face.

"Ian! What is wrong?" She insisted again, ignoring Derek.

"Dad- It's dad. He's-- He's dead." Ian said quickly before the sobs began again.

"What? Oh no..." Meredith said sadly as her eyes teared up. "Why? What- What happened?" She asked compassionately. She and Ethan were close he was the closest to a father that she had ever had before Richard.

"It was an aneurysm. Brain aneurysm." He spat out as he continued to cry. "They're both gone. My mum and dad are both gone..." He trailed off.

"Ian. It's okay, you're okay." Meredith said softly as she wiped her tears. "Everything will be fine."

"Meredith, I'm so sorry." Ian said apologetically.

"For what?" She asked with a bit of confusion. Now what was he going to tell her?

"I never realized. You don't have a dad. You don't have a mum. He was your dad too. I'm so sorry..." Ian said sadly. "You never know what it's like until you lose them."

"I have a mom and dad, they're not dead. They're just not present. It's different." Meredith explained. "His dad died." Meredith muttered to Derek as she covered the phone.

"Goodnight." Derek muttered as he laid his head down and rolled over.

"He loved you like a daughter. He was so upset that you didn't come back with me. He said he just wanted to see his Meredith again. And now that's never going to happen..." He explained.

"Ian..." Meredith said as she began to cry harder. She looked over at Derek and crawled out of the bed, heading downstairs.

"I'm sorry I called...I didn't have anyone else." He told her softly. Meredith opened the front door and walked out to the hammock.

"I'm glad you called. You can always call." Meredith said as she rolled herself onto the hammock.

"Do you remember how bloody pissed my mum was when I brought you home?" Ian asked with a laugh.

"She hated me. She was so mad." Meredith laughed, thinking back.

"Dad wasn't. He loved you from the second he saw you. He would fight her to the death over you." Ian explained happily.

"He was my dad..." Meredith muttered as the tears began to fall again. "He was proud of you. He complained, but he did love, you Ian."

"I was a disappointment." Ian stated quickly.

"No. He didn't feel that way. You were his son." Meredith told him compassionately.

"You think?" Ian asked hopefully.

"I know." Meredith answered as she wiped her tears again. "When is the funeral?" Meredith asked.

"Next Tuesday." Ian told her.

"I'll be there." Meredith said sure of herself.

"Mer...you don't have to..." Ian said quickly. "It's far away...You don't-"

"I'm coming. I need to get a flight. But he was my dad. I am coming." She told him firmly.

"I appreciate that." He said with a smile. "I have to go make some arrangements. Call me when you find out when you're coming."

"Okay. And Ian, it will never go away, but it will get easier." She said softly.

"Thank you. Thanks, Mer." He said as he hung up the phone. Meredith flipped her phone shut and put her hands over her head. She never thought it would hurt so bad.

Meredith fell asleep in the hammock. She finally cried herself to sleep hours after she had gotten off of the phone. It had come to a complete shock. When she had left, she was never planning on going back. She had cut herself off from everyone. She was leaving it behind. The anger had been eating her alive for so many years. But now, she realized she couldn't do that. Derek brought her back. Derek had changed her.

"Meredith." Drew said as he shook her softly. "Meredith..." Drew muttered. He watched her begin to stir.

"Hmm?" She asked as she rubbed her face.

"Why are you sleeping in the hammock?" He asked as he stared at her.

"Hammock?" She said as she flashed her eyes open. "Crap!" She said as she threw her legs over, causing the hammock to flip around and her to land in the dirt. She quickly stood and dusted the dirt off of herself.

"Why did you sleep in the hammock?" He asked again.

"Ethan, Ian's dad died last night." Meredith explained sadly as her eyes teared up.

"I'm sorry." Drew said as he hugged her softly.

"Thanks." Meredith said with a faint smile as she began walking to the house. She quickly grabbed her laptop and a glass of orange juice and sat at the table.

"You didn't come to bed." Derek said as he looked at her.

"You noticed..." Meredith muttered as she kept typing.

"Of course I noticed." Derek stated as he grabbed a cup of coffee.

"You noticed, but you didn't bother to see where I was. You didn't bother to make sure I was okay." She snapped as she continued to stare at the screen.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Derek said loudly as he approached the table.

"Nothing." Meredith said as she grabbed her wallet.

"It doesn't sound like nothing. It sounds like you're pissed off." Derek said loudly.

"I am! I am pissed off!" Meredith shouted as she began typing in her credit card number. Derek was getting mad. She wasn't even looking at him.

"Mer-" He started.

"Don't bother." She said loudly.

"Is this hormones or are you really being--" He started.

"A bitch?" She yelled as she glared at him.

"No. I didn't say that. Damn-it, Mer! Look at me!" He said as he got closer.

"I am busy." She seethed. Derek quickly unplugged her laptop and shut the screen.

"Now you're not." He said with a chuckle.

"Damn-it Derek!" She shouted as she flipped the laptop open. Her smug smile, changed as she looked in the side of laptop, seeing that the battery was missing. "What the hell happened to the battery?" She shouted. "Crap!"

"Are you ready to talk now?" He asked as he sat next to her.

"It's you. Not me!" She whined as she plugged it back in. He pulled the plug back out.

"Meredith!" He said as he grabbed her shoulders.

"You went to bed! I needed you and you just rolled over and went to bed!" She said as the tears began to flow.

"You didn't--- It's Ian's dad." He said dumbly. "Not yours..."

"She's right. You really are brainless." Drew said as he walked in and grabbed a muffin.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Derek replied quickly.

"Geez, Der. She was married to Ian for ten years!" Drew spat. "That man was like her dad." He said as he turned on his heel and walked out. "Way to let her sleep in the hammock!" He shouted as he walked out the door.

"Oh...Mer. I'm so sorry." He said as he pulled her close. He kissed her softly on the head.

"He was my dad..." Meredith explained through the tears.

"I didn't know... I wasn't thinking." Derek said as he stroked her back.

"I have to go." Meredith said as she pulled away softly. "I have to go to the funeral."

"Mer--" Derek said disapprovingly.

"No, Derek. We're not arguing about this. I want to go. I need to go. I have to go, Derek." Meredith argued as she looked into his eyes.

"Mommy...are you okay?" Anna said as she walked up to Meredith. "You're crying..." She said as she pulled her mom into a hug.

"Mommy's sad. A friend died." Derek explained. Anna's eyes immediately teared up.

"Mommy..." She said softly.

"It's okay, Anna." Meredith said as she stroked her back. "I'm going, Derek." Meredith frowned. "I. Am. Going."

"You could go into premature labor. You are at an increased risk for DVT. This is-- You can't risk it." Derek said loudly. "I will not let you risk the health of our children."

"I don't want to risk the health of our children." Meredith said softly. "I would never do that...What if we talk to Addison. If Addison gives me the okay?" She asked. Derek sighed heavily.

"If Addison gives you the real okay. Not a Meredith-is-pushing-me-so-I'll-say-yes, okay." He said firmly. "And Anna and I go. We make this into a much needed mini vacation." He told her with the look. She shook her head in agreement. "Okay, then. We need to call Addison."

-----------------

Meredith sat on the table waiting for Addison. She knew this would ba a fight. A big fight. Addison was going to be very weary about Meredith flying to another continent with two children inside of her. But deep in her heart, she knew she would be fine. She knew her body, and besides the soreness, there were no twins on their way anytime soon.

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked as Derek stood up and walked to the door.

"Um..." Derek started as he looked at her.

"You're going to intercept, aren't you?" She said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"No. Of course not." He lied his best lie.

"Bullshit. Derek... Sit down." Meredith said as she gave him a glare.

"So..." He said as he walked over. "We are alone..."

"Not for long." Meredith said quickly. "And it takes too long."

"I do not take to long!" He said defensively.

"Not you. The process. I'm bigger than a freaking house. I can hardly move. It just..." She explained.

"You're not in the mood. Meredith Grey...not in the mood." He said with disappointment as he sat down and pouted.

"Quit pouting!" She said as she looked at him in disgust.

"Six weeks. No sex for six weeks after the babies are born." Derek whined as he looked up at her.

"Life isn't sex." She said with a smirk. "And you can't always get what you want."

"I want sex with my wife." He returned. "And we need to start saving up for the dry spell. I just want sex..." He said as he cocked his head.

"Don't do the head tilt." He warned. "Besides, you have a hand." She said with a smirk.

"Oh really? Well you have a mouth. Maybe you can just blow me?" He said quickly. Her face dropped.

"You ass." She spat as she threw her purse at him hard. "Now you can suffer!"

"I sense hostility in this room..." Addison joked as she walked in.

"Apparently Derek never wants sex again." Meredith said quickly.

"I don't even want to know what you did." Addison said as she shook her head.

"No, you don't..." He said with a sigh.

"So what's this I hear? You want to fly across the ocean?" Addison asked.

"You told her?" Meredith asked. Derek just smirked. "Dry spell...dry year."

"Well, I can't say yes or no until I check you out. But it's close. Most airlines are 32 weeks. You are at 30." Addison said, giving her a disapproving look.

"Addison...I have to go. He's my dad..." Meredith said as she began to tear up.

"I'm not saying no..." She said with a smile. "Lean back."

Addison began giving Meredith a complete work over. Meredith looked at Derek every once and a while. When she did, it was a glare. She was praying Addison would say yes. She needed to go. She needed to say goodbye to Ethan. And she had to be there for Ian.

"Well, as far as I can tell, everything is on schedule. You don't appear to be at risk for premature labor." Addison said as she looked up at her. "I'll do it. I'll give you the note. But Meredith, don't you dare make me regret it!"

----------------

Meredith finished setting the table for dinner. She was wondering if Derek was going to be home when he said he would be. He had waited until the middle of the afternoon to do his rounds and she knew he would pay for it. She pulled the pan of hamburger casserole out of the oven and sat it on the counter.

Meredith was still surprised that Addison was allowing her to go. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she would say no. And quite honestly if she was Addison and the tables were turned, she wouldn't allow herself to go. She hadn't felt anything. No braxton hicks, no contractions. Nothing. It was just getting close. She was only six weeks from her due date.

"Anna!" Meredith shouted. "It's time for dinner." She heard Anna run down the stairs.

"But daddy isn't here." She whined as she looked around.

"Well, we can't wait forever." Meredith muttered as she sat the food on the table.

"I don't want to eat until daddy gets home!" Anna said as she sat down.

"You may be waiting a long time." Meredith said in a huff.

"I don't care. We're supposed to eat together." Anna said as she looked up at Meredith.

"I know, baby. But daddy is busy. And we both need to eat." Meredith said as she piled food on their plates.

"Okay mommy." She finally caved. She stuck her fork in her casserole. "Mommy, what's it like where we're going?" Anna asked softly.

"Well, kind of like her. But they talk like this..." Meredith said using her best british accent.

"Really?" Anna giggled. "That's funny!"

"Yep, I guess it is." Meredith agreed.

"Will we see the Clash?" Anna asked with a smile.

"Seriously? The Clash, seriously?" Meredith asked in shock.

"That's where daddy says their from. Can we see them?" Anna asked.

"Probably not. No. They're very busy." Meredith said with a chuckle. They heard the garage door open.

"Daddy's here!" Anna said happily.

"Sounds like he is." Meredith said with an agreeing nod.

"Hey." Derek said with a smile as he walked in.

"How were the patients?" Meredith asked as he walked over.

"Good." He said as he kissed her softly. "I see you started without me."

"I didn't know when you would be home." Meredith said regrettedly.

"It's okay. I'm hungrey, and it looks like you guys just started." He said as he washed his hands and returned to the table.

"So, I purchased the tickets today. Four." Meredith told him.

"About that." Derek said with a frown.

"What?" She said as he face dropped.

"I can't go. There is too much going on at the practice." Derek said sadly. "Jack really needs me there." He told her.

"That's fine." Meredith said sadly. "I'm sure we'll be okay."

"Mer..." Derek said with a frown.

"No, Derek. I was supposed to go by myself. It's not like I've never been alone. It's not like I didn't live there for ten years. It's fine." She said honestly. "Anna and I will have a good time."

"You're sure?" He asked. "Maybe Jane can go..."

"No. Anna and I will have a girls only vacation. It will be fun." Meredith said as she looked at an agreeing Anna.

"Okay..." Derek responded. "Who was number four? You said four tickets."

"Oh, Drew's going home. We were all going to fly to New York and leave for England from there. So it looks like you'll be all alone." Meredith said with a grin.

"I'm sure I will be able to handle it..." Derek said with a faint smile. He knew he would suffer the whole time. Tome away from Meredith and Anna was indeed painful.


	106. It Will Be Okay

Meredith rushed around the house in a huff. She was feeling rushed. And when she felt rushed, it put her on edge. Derek got pulled into an emergency surgery, and that just made matters worse. They were leaving soon. Too soon. As much as she wanted to go, she didn't want to leave. She didn't want to leave the solitude that was home.

"Anna! Did you get your things packed?" Meredith shouted from her room into Anna's.

"I tried." Anna said as she walked in.

"What do you mean, you tried?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Well, I can't get it to fit. I tried. Everything kept sticking out. I think I broke it." She said with a shrug as she jumped on Meredith's bed.

"What do you mean, broke it?" Meredith asked as she looked at her daughter.

"The zipper...zipped right off!" She said dramatically.

"Because you over filled it. Crap!" Meredith shouted as she rushed around.

"Mommy...bad word." Anna warned as she stared her mother down.

"Sorry." Meredith moaned as she rushed out of the room and into Anna's. "Double crap." She muttered to herself. She looked at the broken zipper in her pink luggage. She rushed out of the room, and into the hallway.

"What now?" Anna asked.

"I am going to look for luggage." Meredith said quickly as she rushed to the attic above the garage.

Meredith rushed up the stairs and began tossing things around. Anna stood in the garage and listened to the loud banging above. Her eyes got wide when the garage door opened and Derek began to pull in. She quickly jumped to the side and stood there.

"What's mommy doing?" Derek asked as he climbed out.

"Freaking out." Anna said with a look of exhaustion. "She is tiring me out!"

"What's she doing?" He asked as he heard the banging around. He heard her footsteps as she neared the stairs. Derek heard the loud bang, bang, bang sound of Meredith's derriere bouncing down the stairs.

"Shit!" She yelled. He heard the luggage come tumbling down the stairs.

"Mer! Oh my god, are you okay?" He asked as he ran over.

"Fine." She muttered as she stood up. She jogged down. "Stuff to do. Things to do..." She muttered as she hurried past him. Derek grabbed his suitcase and followed her into the house.

"You need to slow down." Derek said quickly.

"No. I need to get things done." She told him. They heard Drew walk in. Derek grabbed Meredith by the shoulders and pulled her close. "Slow down." He demanded. Drew looked over with wide-eyes.

"Drew..." Derek started in desperation. "Can you take Anna for a nature walk?"

"Oh...please?" Anna said as she stared at him with pleading eyes.

"I guess..." He said with a huff. He looked at Derek's face and moaned. "Just so you can--"

"Thanks." Derek said quickly. Drew quickly changed his shoes and led Anna outside.

"Why did you do that?" Meredith said in a huff.

"So I can do this." Derek said as he swooped her up. "You need to relieve some frustration, and I think I know just how you can." He said with a grin.

"No. No sex. There's no time." She warned as she pulled away.

"There is always time for sex...and I'm not taking no for an answer." He said as he carried her up to their room.

"Derek...seriously. I don't have time for this." She whined as she looked up at him.

"We make time. You will be gone for a week. Believe me, you will be happy you did." He said as he walked into their room.

He frowned as he looked at the bed, completely covered with clothing. He softly laid her down in the small area that was free. In one fallow swoop, he swept all of the clothing off and onto the floor. He had a satisfied grin on his face as he looked at the now-empty bed.

"Hey!" Meredith said in a huff.

"Shh..." He said as he walked over to the bed. "Lay back." He told her as he approached. She rolled her eyes and laid her head back on the fluffy down pillow. He cawled up beside her, his body hovering above hers.

"You are so sexy..." He told her as he softly kissed her. She parted her lips and let his tongue slide in smoothly. Her tongue grazed his softly, fighting gently for power. Derek pulled away breathlessly.

"Come on...I really don't have time. I have to leave for the airport soon." She said in desperation.

"Shh..." He muttered and he softly tugged on her maternity jeans and slid them off of her legs. He smiled when he saw her tiny blank panties beneath. He moved up and with her help, pulled her top off and tossed it aside with her jeans.

"Wow..." He said with a grin on his face.

Derek softly kissed her neck, nipping at the soft flesh. His tongue slid smoothly down to her shoulder where he sucked and bit her gently. He trailed his tongue down her chest, and stopped to undo the clasp. His grin grew as her swollen breasts gently fell, begging him to take them into his mouth. His tongue swirled around the tender flesh, working it's way to the center, where he sucked and teased the nipple into a hardened peak. She moaned softly at his touch.

"You smell good..." He muttered as he moved to the other, replicating his movements. His mouth stopped in the center of her chest as he licked and sucked, trailing his way over her swollen abdomen.

"Hello...Thing One and Thing Two..." Derek said softly as he kissed. Derek hooked his fingers around her panties and gently pulled them down, tossing them aside with the rest of her clothing. He looked down at her light pink painted toenails.

"Nice nails..." He said with a grin.

"Anna. Anna did it, I can't reach." She moaned sadly. He grabbed her left foot, placing her toe in his mouth, sucking gently.

"You have very sexy toes." He moaned as he slid her soft sock off and moved to the other one.

"They're feet." Meredith said frankly. "And that's gross..."

"It's hot...and sexy. And they are your feet..." He said as he sucked her toe. His mouth trailed up her leg, and gently kissed her knee. "And you have very nice knees...soft knees..." He said as he moved up her thigh and pressed kisses against the soft, delicate flesh. She felt his hot breath against her as he neared.

"Derek..." She moaned as he continued to tease her.

"What do you want?" He asked with a smile.

"You. I want you." She moaned in desperation.

"Now that, you will have to wait for..." He said with an evil smile and his tongue delved deep inside of her. He quickly pulled his tongue out and pulled away with an evil grin on his face.

"Is that what you want?" He asked as he looked up. She quickly shook her head as she looked into his deep blue eyes. "How bad?" He asked as he looked into her dark eyes.

"Bad..." She moaned as he plunged his tongue into her, causing her to grip the bed sheets. He swirled his tongue around, rubbing against her clit gently. "Oh..." She moaned as her body reacted, his saliva mixed with her moisture.

"Shit!" She yelped as she felt herself free falling, her body quivering at the sensations that were overcoming her.

"You taste good..." He said softly as he sucked and lapped her fluids. He quickly trailed up to her mouth and slid his tongue inside.

"I need you..." She moaned into his ear as she felt his erection pressing against her through his jeans. She ran her fingers through his soft curls.

"Yeah?" He teased as he sucked her neck.

"Now." She demanded as her hands began to work on his belt and zipper.

"What do you want?" He moaned as he looked into her eyes.

"You..." She moaned as she worked on his shirt.

"But what do you want?" He asked with a smile.

"You inside of me." She said as she undid the last button on his shirt, revealing his chest

"But what do you want me to do?" He asked again.

"I want you to fuck me. Hard. Harder than ever." She said as she grazed her knee against his erection. "Please, Der..." She moaned as she attempted to pull his jeans and boxers down. He pushed them down at kicked them off. She slid his shirt off with his help, and smiled at the presence of his awaiting erection. He quickly pressed his erection against her, teasing her with a smile.

"Der..." She moaned. He smiled as he place the tip of his cock inside of her, and pulled back out.

"Now.." She cried as she pulled him against her. She gave her a grin and thrust into her hard. "Oh..." She whimpered as his large cock filled her tight space. He pulled out gently and pounded back into her. She gave him a frown and looked down.

"This isn't working." She moaned as she looked at her large abdomen.

"No it's not..." He agreed as he pulled out. He smiled as he turned her to the side and laid beside her, entering from behind. She moaned as he entered her once again, pounding into her warmth. He moaned as he felt the perfection that was them mesh together. "This is awkward." He moaned as he pounded into her. "I can't get any force..." He said as he pulled out.

"We can't have that." She moaned as she rolled over. He smiled as she placed her perfect ass in front of him. He looked at the swollen soft pink flesh that was begging him to indulge himself. Like a perfect, wet, bull-seye. He placed his cock inside of her and pounded heavily as his abdomen smacked against her, causing them to shout out erotically.

"Use the force, Derek!" She screamed. She heard him chuckle loudly as he hit her again. "Harder! Derek fuck me..." She moaned as she pulse his pulsating member inside of her, pressing hard against her. "Oh...shit...I'm..." She moaned.

"Fuck...Mer..." He shouted as he felt her tighten around him, sending him over the edge. "Oh...thank you...oh god..." He moaned as he released inside of her, their fluids mixing inside.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she collapsed. He pulled out and collapsed alongside of her. "That should last awhile..." She said happily.

"Are you glad we took a break from that?" He asked as he looked at the clothes on the floor.

"Oh yes...But now you have to help me pack." She said as she rolled over an looked into his eyes. They both stared at each other in a perfect moment. A moment where no words need be said. Where their hearts and souls speak without words. He leaned forward and kissed her softly pulling on her bottom lip.

"I don't know that I can make it a week." He said honestly as he looked at her.

"You'll be fine." She said with a giggle. They heard the door open downstairs. "Crap!" She moaned as she jumped out of bed and grabbed her clothes in a rush.

Derek smiled as he buckled his belt. She looked so perfect as she her slid her top on. He couldn't help but admire her. She was perfect. She was his. Everything he could ever hope for was right in front of him. He looked at her swollen abdomen. They were his. His children were inside of her right now.

Derek took his place next to her and began folding and rolling clothing as she placed them in her bag. She had a satisfied smile on her face as she worked. He was going to miss her. He was going to miss their routine. His smile turned to uneasiness as he watched her. He had a bad feeling about her leaving, but he wasn't saying anything.

------------------

"Anna... Are you sure you have everything?" Meredith said as she rushed around.

"Yes, Mommy! How many times are you going to ask me?" She whined as she looked at Derek and rolled her eyes. He knew he shouldn't, but he had to chuckle.

"Not, funny Derek. I don't want to have to buy a bunch of crap when we get there." She shouted as she looked at the three of them who were looking at her like she was crazy.

"Mer, you really need to calm down... That vein popping out in your head...not attractive!" Drew said with a chuckle.

"Really Mer. If you don't calm down, you're not going." He said sternly. "The last thing you need is high blood pressure." He warned as he looked at her.

"Okay..." She said with a big sigh. "Everything is checked off the list, right?" She asked Derek. To humor her, he looked at the list for the umpteenth time.

"Yes. All checked off." He told her with a nod. "You have your flight socks on, right?"

"Yes." She said with a moan. "And please don't go through the deep vein thrombosis schpeel. You are a neurosurgeon, not a cardio...you know that, right?" She asked sarcastically.

"Yes, I know that." He said quickly. "And Addison's note is in your purse, right?"

"Yes." She said as she looked down at her watch. "We need to go." Meredith said as she grabbed her bags.

"Oh, no. I have those." Derek said as he grabbed her bags. She rolled her eyes and climbed into the car while they put the bags in the back.

Derek climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. He took one last look at everyone before pulling out of their garage. Derek looked over at Meredith, who had her hand on her abdomen. He smiled as he placed his hand on top of hers.

"Are you sure you'll be okay, Derek?" Drew asked as he watched him.

"Funny. I can handle her being away." Derek said quickly.

"I thought he was going to break down this morning." Meredith joked as she glanced over at Derek, who feigned hurt.

"I believe it." Drew said as he shook his head. "You've ruined him."

"You guys act as though I have no will power." Derek said as he shook his head.

"And you didn't jump your wife earlier?" Drew asked with a chuckle.

"Only because she's going to be gone for so long." Derek

"Daddy, what does jump mommy mean?" Anna asked with a giggle.

"Don't know. I just pretend to know." Derek said quickly.

"Uncle Drew?" Anna asked as she looked over at him.

"Well-- When a man and woman are having a baby-" He started. Derek nearly went off the road, and Meredith gasped. "Mommy will lay down, and daddy will jump over her." Drew said quickly. They both glared.

"But why?" Anna asked.

"Well, it's supposed to be good luck, they say." Drew said with a chuckle.

"Oh. Mommy, can I jump you?" Anna asked as she looked up at her mother.

"No. Only daddy can. Or else, it is bad luck." Meredith said with a sigh.

Derek kept his hand on Meredith's abdomen during the whole ride to the airport. He wanted to feel his children. It was only a week, but it felt like it was going to be forever. He didn't want to miss out on a single second of anything. He frowned when he pulled in the parking space. The time was winding down.

Derek grabbed a cart and put all of the bags on it as they made their way through the busy airport. He felt sick. He had a sinking feeling in hiss stomach. It was probably just nerves. He didn't want to be without her. They grabbed their seats and waited for the plane to arrive.

"Anna, let's go see if they have any coloring books in the gift shop." He said with a smile as he led her away. Meredith gave him a look, and he winked. Anna looked around and picked out a few things. Derek threw some cash down and they walked out.

"You remember everything, right?" Derek asked, hoping she did.

"Yes. I have the phone in my bag. If mommy is sick, I call you. If mommy is sick, and she says she's fine, I call you even if they say you are in surgery." Anna explained.

"Exactly. And don't tell mommy you're watching...she'll get mad. She says I worry too much." Derek explained sadly.

"It will be okay, daddy. I will watch mommy for you." She said with a nod.

"Good." Derek said as they approached Meredith and Drew who were standing.

"It's time." Meredith said quickly.

"Damn..." Derek said sadly. "Bye, Anna Banana...have fun." Derek said as he bent down and hugged her. "I love you."

"I love you too, daddy." She said as she kissed him and did her best attempt at a wink.

"Drew...thanks." Derek said as he gave him a slight hug. "Watch her." He said quickly.

"I will. Come on, Anna. Let's let mommy and daddy day goodbye." He said as he walked off.

Meredith stared into Derek's eyes. He looked worried. He looked sad. She stare into his blue eyes until they began to water. A small smile formed on her face as she watched him.

"You're crying..." She said in surprise.

"I am." He admitted. "This is shit. Look what you've done to me."

"I'm sorry..." She joked as she pulled him close. "I won't be gone long." She said into his ear.

"I know. But it's still too long." Derek said sadly.

"You'll be fine. Just don't get into any trouble." Meredith said quickly.

"I won't. I'll be too busy crying myself to sleep every night." He laughed as he smelled her hair.

"Derek..." She said softly. "I will be thinking about you every minute... I promise." She said as she pulled him close and pushed her lips onto his. He slid his tongue in and kissed her softly, tasting her. Hoping to remember her taste, hoping to remember her scent. Trying to retain enough to get him through.

"Promise me something..." He said with worry.

"What?" She asked, picking up on his worry.

"Promise me Thing One and Thing Two will still be in there when you get home." He said as he placed his hand on her stomach and felt the bump, bump, causing a smile to form on his lips.

"I promise." She said as she kissed him softly.

"Walk every few hours. Say something if you don't feel right. Don't take the socks off..." He went on.

"Derek!" She said as she put a finger over his lips. "It will be fine. I love you." She said before she turned and walked away.

"I love you too..." He said softly as he watched her walk away.

Derek stood at the window and watched until the plan began to disappear out of sight. There she went. There they went. So pathetic. So ridiculous. They were just going for a week. It didn't matter. He was worried. He was just hoping it wasn't for good reason. Derek walked away from the window, wiping a tear from his eye. Now it was time to go home. Alone.

**So now the fun begins... Derek is worried. He worries about Mer. For good reason, she doesn't worry about herself.**


	107. Across the Pond

Meredith walked away from Derek with a tear in her eye. She didn't understand why he was so upset. She wasn't going to be gone that long. They had spent time apart before. But this seemed different. To him. Not to her. She wasn't concerned. She felt great. Well, as great as you can when you are going to your former father-in-law's funeral. Meredith walked up to the flight attendant and smiled.

"Ma'am, you're..." The flight attendant said as she looked at Meredith's large abdomen.

"Pregnant? Yes, yes I am." Meredith said frankly.

"I don't know if we can let you on." The flight attendant said as she called for another person.

"How far along are you?" The other flight attendant said as she walked up.

"30 weeks. I have a note from my obstetrician." Meredith said as she dug in her purse and took it out. They grabbed the note, and read it.

"Okay." The first flight attendant said with a smile. "I hope you have a good flight."

"Thank you." Meredith said as she walked away. She spotted Anna and Drew towards the front of the plane and walked up.

"What took so long?" Drew asked as he grabbed her bag and put in the overhead compartment.

"Derek... And then they didn't want to let me on. Like I would be going if I was worried. What do they think I am?" Meredith asked with a huff as she sat down in the window seat next to Anna. She frowned as she stretched the seat beat around her large baby bump.

"The last thing they need is a baby on board. One that comes out in the sky." He laughed.

"That is not going to happen." Meredith said frankly.

"Mommy. I'm scared." Anna said as she leaned towards Meredith.

"Of what?" Meredith asked softly.

"What if we crash?" She said with worry.

"We won't crash. Flying is fun. Lots of fun." Meredith said quickly. "It will be fine. I promise." Meredith said as she grabbed her hand.

They listened to the flight attendants go through their usual speech. Meredith's watched Anna's eyes go wide as the plane lifted off. Her had became a death grip around Meredith. As the plane leveled out in the air, Anna's look of shock turned to relaxation.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked her.

"That was fun!" Anna giggled. "I wanna do it again."

"Oh we will be. Many times." Meredith said with a frown.

"Mommy. Can I listen to my ipod?" Anna asked as she riffled through her bag. The tiny cellphone that Derek had given her threatened it's way to the top. She quickly pushed it back down.

"Yes, but no too loud. It's bad for your ears." Meredith told her. Anna nodded and turned it on.

The flight went without mishap, and before they knew it, they were landing in New York. Meredith frowned when they got off the plane and saw that their flight was delayed two hours. Just what she needed, a layover with a small child in a busy airport.

"I'll stay." Drew said as he looked at the screen with a frown.

"Drew, you don't have to." She said quickly. "Anna! Don't move. You hold my hand." She spat nervously as she looked at all of the strangers.

"Nope. I promised Derek. I'll stay with you. We can get something to eat, it will be fun." Drew said with an enticing grin.

"I don't want you to stick around and waste your time..." Meredith told him.

"Bullshit. It's not a waste of time." Drew said quickly. "And you guys need to eat." He ordered as he led them to the airport restaurant.

"You're sure?" Meredith said as she dragged Anna along.

"Yes, I am sure." Drew said firmly.

Anna, Meredith and Drew all ate dinner at the restaurant. Drew insisted on buying Anna whatever she wanted from the gift shop. Anna clung to him as if her life depended on it. She was going to miss him. She liked having him along, and she knew this was the end of the road for him.

"Have a good time." Drew said as he pulled her close and gave her a hug. "And I'll call Derek everyday. To make sure he's okay." Drew told her reassuringly.

"Thanks, Drew. Thanks for everything." Meredith told him.

"Bye, Uncle Drew." Anna said as she gave him a hug.

"Bye, Ana Banana." Drew said with a grin as he rubbed her head.

Meredith went through the same issues as she she had in Seattle when she attempted to board the plane. After she presented her note, they let her on, and they were off again. She wasn't looking forward to the long flight. She was exhausted, but she had a hard time sleeping in public. She looked over to see Anna sleeping softly with the pillow behind her head and a blanket over her. She looked down at her BlackBerry and began texting.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Shouldn't you be sleeping?

Meredith: Shouldn't you?

Derek: Can't. Thinking about you.

Meredith: I can't sleep on planes. Plus I have a devil in my ribs.

Derek??

Meredith. The boy. He kick-boxes. My ribs.

Derek: The boy? It's the girl.

Meredith: No. Only a boy would do this to his mother.

Derek: Oh. You have a lot to learn. You'll see.

Meredith: It's the boy.

Derek: Uh huh... How's the flight?

Meredith: Was delayed two hours.

Derek: How is Anna?

Meredith: She's sleeping. She was scared at first. But now she's okay.

Derek: I miss you.

Meredith: I miss you too.

Derek: So what are you wearing?

Meredith: Seriously? I'm on a plane.

Derek: So?

Meredith: No fair. I can't do anything.

Derek: But I can...

Meredith: You are pathetic. I am not doing that.

Derek: And you are no fun.

Meredith: Never claimed to be.

Derek: Are you wearing your flight socks?

Meredith: Of course.

Derek: And you aren't eating anything funky are you?

Meredith: Nothing funkier than fish and peanut butter.

Derek: You have problems.

Meredith: I know.

Derek: Have you walked?

Meredith: Uh huh.

Derek: You're lying. Get up and walk.

Meredith: I did. I've been to the bathroom every five minutes. Two rotten kids are bouncing on my bladder.

Derek: You need to take care of yourself.

Meredith: I will. And I do have to go to the bathroom. Again. Go to bed.

Derek: I love you.

Meredith: Love you too. Bye.

Derek: Bye.

Meredith looked over at Anna with a sigh as she stood up. Anna stirred and opened her eyes.

"Mommy! Again..." Anna said with a frown.

"I'm sorry, baby. Why don't you switch me seats?" Meredith asked as she looked at her.

"No." She said loudly.

"Why?" Meredith asked. She crossed her legs, feeling the pressure on her bladder.

"The wing monster." Anna said with wide eyes.

"Anna. There is no wing monster." Meredith said quickly. "Uncle Drew was full of it."

"How do you know it was uncle Drew?" Anna asked.

"I know uncle Drew. Only he would say that. I have to potty now before I explode. Why don't you come? Then you can switch me seats." Meredith said with a wince.

"Okay." Anna grumbled as she followed Meredith.

They both returned to their seats, Anna now my the window. She made sure that she leaned up against Meredith, just incase the wing monster tried to get her. Meredith smiled as she closed her eyes, one arm wrapped Anna, and the other on her babies.

Meredith woke up after an hour. At least she got some rest. She looked around the dark plane. A few people had their lights on and were reading. She looked down at her legs. She needed to walk. She slowly stood up and began walking down the aisle around the front and back down the other aisle.

"Are you okay, Ma'am?" The flight attendant asked as he approached Meredith.

"Just walking. I promised my husband I would walk. I'm at an increased risk for DVT." She said as she looked at the man.

"DVT?" He asked with confusion.

"Deep vein thrombosis." She explained. "I need to keep the blood flowing." She said as she walked.

"Oh, well if you need anything..." He said as he watched her walk.

"If I could get some water, that would be great." She said with a smile.

"Right away." He told her. She made a few laps and finally sat back down at her seat, drinking her water. She rested her hand on her stomach. They were really kicking hard.

"You're okay...every thing's okay." She said as she rubbed her stomach. She felt them settle down. They were used to sleeping at this hour. The increased activity was even affecting them.

"Mommy... are you okay?" Anna asked as she opened her eyes and looked at her mom.

"I'm good." Meredith told her with a smile.

"Not fine?" Anna asked with concern.

"Nope. I am great." She said as she rubbed Anna's head.

"Good..." She said with relief. "I can't wait to get there." Anna said with excitement.

"Me, either." Meredith said with a smile. She lied. She'd much rather be in her bed, next to her husband.

"How much longer?" Anna asked as she looked out the window into the darkness.

"Too long... About four hours." Meredith said quickly. "And you should be resting."

"Okay..." Anna said with a frown as she laid her head in Meredith's stomach, giggling every time the twins kicked.

--------------

Meredith grabbed Anna's hand as they walked off the plane. She was going home. Not really home. Home was where Derek was. It didn't matter what the location. Just the company she kept. But the U.K. was where she had spent so many years. It was where she grew up. Where she learned to mature, very quickly. Meredith shoved her bag back over her shoulder as they stepped foot into the airport. She looked up to see Ian. He looked exactly the same as he always did. Except for the huge look of shock on his face.

"Holy shit, Mer! You're bloody pregnant!" He said in complete and utter shock as he stared at her.

"I am." She said with a grin and she pulled him into an embrace. "Language."

"I missed you..." He said as he took a deep breath.

"Missed you too..." She said quickly.

"Who is this?" He asked as he looked down at Anna.

"This is my daughter, Anna." Meredith said with a smile. "Anna, this is Ian." Meredith explained.

"Hello, Anna." He said as he kissed her hand.

"Hello, Ian." Anna said with an infatuated smile. "You sound like the guys from the Clash!" She said with excitement.

"The Clash?" He asked as he shot Meredith a what-the-hell look.

"Derek." She said as she shook her head in disgust.

"Oh... That explains a lot." Ian said as he shook his head. "So you didn't tell me that McDouche had a kid..."

"McDreamy." Anna stated boldly. "My dad's name is McDreamy. And my mommy and daddy adopted me. But they are still my mommy and daddy." She said quickly.

"Oh. I see." Ian said, taken aback by her forwardness. "So you're a mummy now?"

"No. Mummies are dead. Mommy is alive." Anna explained. Ian looked over at Meredith and they both began laughing.

"What?" Anna asked with confusion.

"That's how british people say mommy. Mummy. And mum." Meredith explained.

"Oh. So is it your duddy and you dud?" Anna asked. They both began laughing again.

"No." Meredith told her as she continued to giggle. "You didn't have to pick me up, we could have taken a cab.

"Rubbish. It's not a problem." He said as he made his way to the baggage claim.

"So how are you?" Meredith asked as she placed her hand on his arm.

"Surviving." He said honestly. "But better now that you are here." He told her as he grabbed their luggage. "So what do you want to do?"

"Go to sleep." She said with a yawn.

"You didn't sleep on the plane?" He asked with a frown. She shot him a look. "Ah, yes. You don't sleep on planes."

"Mommy is a zombie." Anna said quickly.

"Do you even know what a zombie is?" Meredith asked her.

"No. That's what daddy calls you when you work late." Anna told her.

"I do know one thing...I need some fresh air." Meredith said with a grin as she walked to the exit of the familiar airport.

"This looks like home...kind of." Anna said as she looked around.

"It is. A little bit." Meredith said as she followed Ian to his car. "I know that I need some sleep..." Meredith said with another yawn. "Can you drop us at the hotel. I'll help if you need it, but I need sleep first."

"Hotel? I thought you were coming home..." He said with a frown.

"Ian...home is in Seattle. And I don't think it would be appropriate." She said frankly.

"I know...I... I just assumed." He said with a shrug. "It's no big deal."

"I could never go back there..." She said softly. "And it's not the environment for Anna to be in." She told him.

"I don't-- I wouldn't with a child around." He said, referring to the women he brings home.

"The hotel is fine. Derek got us a nice suite." She said with a smile.

"So...when are you due?" He asked as he looked down.

"Six weeks." She said frankly.

"Wow...not long." He said with surprise.

"Nope." Meredith answered.

"Mommy..." Anna whispered. "He doesn't know how to drive...he's on the wrong side of the road." She said with worry.

"That's how they drive over here." Meredith explained with a giggle.

"So is it a boy or girl?" Ian asked as he looked down at the huge bump that now took up her once flat stomach.

"Both. Twins." Meredith said as she rubbed her stomach.

"Oh. This is bad...you are really in for it. I pity you..." He said as he shook his head.

"It will be fine." Meredith said optimistically.

"Yeah...we'll see. You went from no kids, and now you're going to have three..." He said in shock.

"It's amazing...I never thought I would have all of this." Meredith said happily as they walked into the hotel. "Thanks, Ian." She said as they walked up to the desk to check in.

"Do you want me to take you up?" He asked.

"No. The minute I walk in, I'm hitting that bed." She said with a smile. "To sleep." She added.

"Okay... Well, call me if you want to go to dinner tonight." He said as he gave her a soft hug.

Meredith and Anna made their way to their room. It was nice. Really nice. It would have been nicer if Derek were in it too. Meredith looked at the two bedrooms and large bathroom. They would survive here for a week. She looked at the inviting bed and then at Anna.

"I say we go to bed." Anna said with a yawn.

"I say that is an excellent idea!" Meredith said. They both walked over an collapsed, their eyes closed before they hit the pillow.

**So they made it... And don't worry...there will be no possibility of a Mer/Ian relationship. Mer/Der all the way out from here...**


	108. Away From Home

Anna laid there and quietly watched her mom sleep. She knew Meredith was tired, and she didn't want to disturb her. She looked over at the clock, and then back at her mom. She was getting bored, and tired of watching her sleep. She didn't know what to do. She jumped slightly when she heard her Meredith's cellphone go off. She ran around the bed and picked it up off of the table.

"Hello?" She said as she opened the phone.

"Hey, baby." Derek said into the phone. Anna immediately smiled at his voice.

"Daddy!" Anna said happily.

"So, are you having fun?" He asked her. He looked over at the picture of Meredith and Anna on the table.

"No." She said frankly as she looked around the room.

"No?" He said in surprise. "Why not?"

"We haven't done anything. Just sleep. Well, mommy sleeps, I watch." She moaned as she looked over. She heard Derek chuckle.

"Mommy needs her rest." Derek said quickly. He was happy to hear that she was taking care of herself.

"Well, should I wake her up?" Anna asked as she looked over, hoping that Meredith would wake up now.

"No. She needs to rest. Maybe you should turn the t.v. on. Or play with the toys you brought." Derek suggested with a sigh.

That answer didn't satisfy Anna. She did what she always does. Wake her up without waking her up. She leaned down as close to her face as she could without touching her. She had doen this before and it always worked.

"Whoa!" Meredith said as she opened her eyes to see Anna's big brown ones in her face.

"Mommy's up." Anna said happily into the phone.

"Who are you talking to?" Meredith said groggily as she looked at Anna.

"Daddy. He called." She stated as she held out the phone.

"Hmm." Meredith moaned as she put her hand out for the phone. "Hey."

"Hey. You sound tired." Derek said with a from.

"I just woke up." She said matter-of-factly. "How are you?" She asked softly.

"I'm fine. Did you walk on the plane?" He drilled.

"I did. And I haven't eaten anything funky. I haven't eaten, actually." Meredith said with a frown.

"You need to eat." Derek said forcefully.

"I will. Ian, Anna and I are going to go out to dinner later." She told him.

"Good. That is what I want to hear." He said happily. "So... How is Ian?" Derek asked out of necessity, rather than true interest.

"He's getting along. I think he will be okay." Meredith told him quickly as she climbed out of bed and to the bathroom.

"Are you peeing?" Derek asked as he listened to the telltale sound.

"I am. Sorry." She said frankly. "I had to go. When it's time, it's time." Meredith said with haste. "I have no control anymore."

"That's what twins will do to you, I suppose." Derek said with a chuckle.

"So how was your day?" Meredith asked as she walked back out to the sofa.

"I had a craniotomy, nothing exciting." Derek told her nonchalantly.

"Better than sitting on a plane forever." Meredith said with a chuckle. "Oh, crap. Ian's on the other line. I have to go." Meredith said happily. "I love you."

"Love you too. Call me later." Derek said. "Bye."

"Hey." Meredith said as she answered the phone.

"Hey. Did you sleep?" Ian asked as he listened to Meredith's chipper voice.

"Just woke up. And I am freaking starving." She told him a she looked down at her stomach.

"Good. So am I. I'll be over in about an hour. Is that good for you?" Ian replied as he pulled his shoes on.

"Yep. See you then." Meredith said as she flipped her phone shut and rubbed her face.

Meredith stood in the shower, letting the warm water run down her body. She just couldn't wake up. The jet lag had taken the life out of her. She squeezed some of her lavender conditioner on her hair and massaged it in. She turned the water off, knowing she had to get moving. As she threw her leg over the tub, she grabbed her stomach, feeling the different sensation. She took a deep breath and wrapped a towel around her, finishing her routine.

"Coming..." Meredith muttered as she walked to the door of her suite. She opened it to see Ian standing there.

"Hello, love." He said as he walked in. "You look nice. Smell good too." He said as he kissed her cheek.

"Ian!" Anna said as she bounced to the door in a light yellow dress.

"You look nice too." He said with a smile as he looked at Anna.

"Mommy let me pick my clothes. I like dresses." She said as she looked down at herself.

"So where are we going?" Meredith asked as she struggled to pull her black boots. Ian walked over and helped her. She smiled on and stood up. "I'm huge." She muttered as she placed her hands on her stomach.

"You look great. And we are going to your favorite place." He said with a smile as he motioned for her to walk.

"Oh good." Meredith said with a smile as she grabbed Anna's hand and led her to the car. "I missed that place."

Meredith watched the buildings as they drove down the familiar road. It seemed like yesterday that she was driving here. She was in a different place. In her old life. One that worked, but wasn't ideal. One that didn't even give her a taste of what was to come. A life where Derek wasn't even a thought. And being a mother was even father from her mind. Looking at the buildings she knew that she had made the right choice. She knew that her life had fallen into just the right place.

"Your mommy and I used to come here four or five days a week." Ian said as they walked into the familiar restaurant.

"You and mommy?" Anna asked as she looked between the two of them. They grabbed a booth along the wall and read their menus. "Why would mommy come with you?"

"Well, I used to live here, Anna. Before I met Derek. This is where I went to medical school." Meredith explained as she looked over the menu.

"Oh..." Anna said with a strange look on her face. Anna looked at menu, and seemed to be in her own little distracted world as she looked around at the signs on the walls.

"She's cute..." Ian said as he looked at her.

"Yeah. She is." Meredith agreed. Ian looked around, and stared at Anna for awhile.

"Do you ever---" He started. "Never mind..."

"What?" She asked as she tilted her head, wondering what he was thinking.

"Do you ever stop and think about if we had kids. If you had been pregnant?" He asked as he looked at her.

"No. No." She said as she shook her head. "It would have never worked. The child... It wouldn't have been fair to the child. You and I-- We were dysfunctional. We weren't a family. Derek is the love of my life. He makes me complete. If I died tomorrow, I would feel satisfied. I would feel like I completed my mission. I met the most wonderful man. I my soul mate. Derek is... He is great." She said with a smile as she looked at Anna.

"That's great, Mer. It really is." Ian said with a smile as he drank his beer.

"Yeah, it is." Meredith agreed. The waitress finally came back with their order, and placed it in front of them. "Can I have some peanut butter?" Meredith asked.

"Um. Peanut butter?" The waitress asked with surprise.

"Uh huh." Meredith said as she she looked at her fish.

"Right away." She said as she walked away and came back.

"That is gross." Ian said as he watched her spread peanut butter on her fish.

"It's good. Really good." Meredith said as she continued eating.

"The twins like it." Anna pointed out, saying what her mother always said.

"The twins..." Ian said with a laugh.

"The twins." Meredith repeated as she rested her hand on her stomach.

They all finished their meal. Meredith decided that it was probably a good idea to walk around for awhile. Anna was eating up the culture. Meredith had never seen her eyes so wide. She smiled and laughed, pointing at every new thing she came across. She seemed really happy, and as sad as Meredith was that Derek wasn't there, she was happy they came. They were just finishing up their walk as Meredith grabbed her stomach and winced. She stopped in her tracks and looked down.

"Are you okay?" Ian said as he looked at her.

"Oh... Just braxton hicks." Meredith said as she rubbed her stomach. "Braxton hicks..."

"Meredith!" Ian said as he rubbed her back. She took a deep breath and looked up. "You're sure?"

"I'm positive." Meredith said with an affirmative smile.

"Mommy...are you okay?" Anna asked in a panic. "The twins aren't coming are they? I forgot my purse. My purse..." She started to panic, realizing she didn't have the cellphone Derek told her to carry.

"Anna, I am okay. My body is just getting ready for the twins. Everything is all right." Meredith told her as she rubbed her head. "And why do you need your purse?"

"Oh. Aunt Addison says a lady should never be without her purse..." Anna said with a smile.

"Well, I'm sure you will be just fine without it." Meredith said with a giggle as she began to walk.

"Mer, are you sure you're okay?" Ian asked again.

"I'm okay." She said with a smile as she placed her hand back on her abdomen.

"So what are we going to do?" Anna asked as she looked around.

"Well, the day is almost over... But tomorrow..." Meredith said quickly. "Tomorrow Alice is going to take you shopping. I have the funeral." Meredith explained.

"Who is Alice?" Anna asked as she looked up at Meredith.

"Alice used to take care of me. She helped cook and clean the house when I lived here. She's a good friend, and you guys will have a good time." Meredith said convincingly.

"Mommy..." Anna whined loudly.

"It will be fine. Alice is very nice, you'll see." Meredith said quickly as they walked up to the car. Ian unlocked the doors and they all got in.

"You look tired." Ian said as he looked over at her.

"I am. I slept and slept, and I'm still tired." She said with a frown. "Is it okay if we go back to the hotel?" Meredith asked Anna.

"I guess." Anna said with disappointment.

"I brought Dreamer." Meredith said with a smile.

"Okay. We can go back." Anna said with an agreeing nod.

Meredith and Anna returned to the hotel. Anna took a quick bath and sat down to watch her movie. Meredith started the hot water and climbed in. She needed a hot relaxing bath. She laid there and stroked her stomach. The twins calmed down as she talked to them softly. She smiled as she felt a soft bump. She couldn't wait to hold them in her arms.

----------------

Meredith was shocked at how quickly Anna took to Alice. Alice was a very likable person. Meredith trusted Alice with her life. She had spent ten years with her. She was family. Meredith knew that Anna would have a good time shopping, she always did. And as much as she wanted to spend time with her, there was no way she was taking her to a funeral. Not after all that she had been through.

Meredith walked out to the limo with Ian on her arm. She was his rock. She's never believed it a few years ago, but he needed her. When she left, she was so bitter. But looking back, she knew that Ian had always taken care of her. Maybe not emotionally. But that was only because he couldn't. He didn't know how. And it seemed he was learning. But now it was too late.

"You look great." Ian said with a faint smile as they pulled up to the church.

"Thank you." She said softly as she rubbed her black dress with her hand.

Meredith looked at the long line of cars in front of the church. Ethan Atherton was a well liked man. He was a business man. One of the few business men who still played fair, and he was well liked because of it. The number of people was astounding as they took their seats in front of the church. She noticed a few familiar faces as she walked along, most of them getting wide-eyed when they saw her large abdomen.

Meredith held Ian's had during the readings. She sat there supportively as he read the eulogy. She was there. She was there and it felt great. She was glad she came. As sad as she was, she knew that he had had a full life, and done everything he wanted to do. In the back of her head, she could only wish that for herself.

"Meredith! Oh my god, it is you!" Ella said as she approached. Ella was one of she and Ian's closer friends.

"Ella, how are you?" Meredith said with a smiled as she gave into her warm embrace.

"I am great. And you-- You're pregnant." She said in shock as she looked down at her.

"Thirty weeks. Twins. A boy and a girl." Meredith said with a proud grin.

"Wow. I can't believe it. And you're...you're remarried?" She said as she looked at the rings on Meredith's hand.

"I am. I am married to the most wonderful man..." Meredith said, thinking fondly of Derek.

"That is so great. We all-- We all hoped that you would find happiness when you left. You really deserve it." She said as she pulled her close. "Maybe we could have dinner before you go home?"

"That would be great." Meredith said with a smile.

"Good. I'll see you later then." She said as she started to walk away. "Oh... and I'm sorry. About Ethan."

"Thanks, Ella. Thank you." Meredith said with a smile as she turned on her heel and straight into Ian. "How are you holding up?" Meredith said with a faint, concerned smile.

"I'm holding up." He said frankly. "How about you?"

"I'm sad...but-- He had a full life." Meredith said quickly.

"He did." Ian agreed as they walked away from the grave, hand in hand.

------------------

The rest of the trip was uneventful. Anna was eating everything up like candy. She loved London. She said it was her favorite place in the world, except for home, of course. Alice had taken Anna to Harrods, and Anna said she couldn't wait to get home and tell Aunt Addison all about it. Derek was going to love Anna when he got his credit card bill from this trip.

The week was spent touring every possible tourist attraction there was. Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, london Zoo, Hyde Park. They had a great time. But as much fun as vacation was, Meredith couldn't wait to get home. She couldn't wait to be in Derek's warm arms. She couldn't wait to sleep in her own bed next to her husband.

Meredith grabbed her clothing and started folding. She looked at all of the new things they had acquired during their trip. More so Anna, than herself. Anna had gotten quite a collection built up. Enough so, that Meredith had to buy her another bag to take it home in. She finished packing the last of their luggage when she heard a knock on the door.

"Hello, Love." Ian said as she opened the door. "Are you ready to go home?" He said with a bittersweet smile.

"More than you would believe." Meredith said with a relieved sigh.

"Well, we really should get going. Your flight leaves soon, and you have to go through all of the security." He said frankly.

"I supposed you're right." She said as she took another glance around the suite. "Are you ready, Anna Banana?"

"Yeah. I miss daddy." He said with a frown.

"I miss daddy too." Meredith returned as she grabbed her bag, and Anna's hand. "Let's go."

Ian was quiet the whole ride to the airport. Meredith knew he was upset that she was leaving. They had spent ten years together. Ten years where they were together almost every night. Ian knew they were over. He knew they were just friends. But a small part in the back of his head also knew that it was his fault. He had messed up the best thing he ever had.

With Ian's help, the bags were taken in. Their tickets were picked up, and finally they were at the gate. The amount of relief that came over Meredith was immense. She missed Derek more than she could imagine. A week. A week had gone past, and each day she felt a little worst. a little more depressed. She had never thought she would be so happy to be going somewhere.

"So, I guess this is goodbye." Meredith said as she looked at Ian.

"I suppose it is." Ian said as he pulled her into a hug. "I had a great time. I hope you did." Ian said in her ear. "I'm glad you came. I needed you. That's the thing about you, Mer. When someone needs you, you're always there. And I'll miss you." He said as he kissed her on the cheek.

"And you, Anna. I hope you had fun." He said as he bent down.

"I did Ian. You're fun!" Anna said as she jumped into his arms. "And lay off the girls..."

"What?" Ian said, taken aback.

"Alice told mommy that you needed to lay off the girls. I don't know what it means, but they're probably right." Anna said with a smile.

"They probably are..." He said with a chuckle. "Bye, Mer..." He said with a smile as she turned and walked away. Meredith made her way up to board the plane.

"Tickets, please." The attendant said as she reached out her hand. "And how far along are you?" She asked as she looked at her.

"31 weeks." Meredith said as she rested her hand on her stomach.

"Do you have a note from your obstetrician?" She asked quickly.

"I-- Uh, yeah. Here." She said as she pulled it out.

"This isn't valid." She said as she read it. "It's a week old. They're only valid for 48 hours. I'm sorry, we can't let you board..."

"What?" Meredith said in shock. "No!"

**Oh no!**


	109. Missing Home

"What do you mean? I have to be on that plane!" Meredith shouted loudly in sheer panic. She was going home. She wanted to go home. She needed Derek. And now what? Now she was stuck.

"What's the problem here?" Ian asked as he walked up to the flight attendant.

"Excuse me, who are you?" The flight attendant asked as she looked up at Ian.

"I am a friend. A concerned friend. And Ms. Grey-- Mrs. Shepherd needs to get on this plane." He said forcefully as he got into her face.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. It's against policy. We cannot take the chance of your giving birth in the air." She said as she tried to be a little more cordial.

"You don't understand... I need to get home. I want to go home!" Meredith said quickly as she waved her arms around.

"Ma'am, please calm down." She said reassuringly as she reached for her arm.

"Wait. Just wait a second..." Meredith said as she pulled out her cellphone. She listened to it ring on the other end. This was bad. Really bad.

"Hello?" Addison said quickly. She heard sobbing on the other end and looked at the screen to see who it was.

"Addie?" Meredith sobbed. "They-- They won't let me on the plane!" She cried loudly.

"What?" Addison said in shock. "Why?"

"The note is no longer valid..." She cried out as she looked at the piece of paper.

"Oh god. 48 hours. That slipped my mind." Addison admitted regretfully.

"Slipped your mind? Slipped your mind!" Meredith shouted. "I can't-- I-- Oh god!" She cried as she struggled to breath. "Thing One. Thing Two...Derek... Home..." She cried as she started to panic. She struggled to breathe. "Oh...god..." She said as she heaved.

"Meredith!" She shouted into the phone. "Meredith!"

"She's panicking!" Ian said quickly. The flight attendant immediately called for help and rushed to Meredith's side. Ian rubbed her back while talking to her.

"Calm down... Breathe." She said as she helped her to sit down. Ian held Anna's hand tightly.

"It's okay, Anna." He told the frightened child. The EMTs quickly rushed up and put an oxygen mask on Meredith. She looked around. Everyone was watching. Everyone was staring.

"Breathe...Mer, breathe..." Ian said as he stroked her back.

"Mer!" Addison shouted. Ian grabbed the phone off the floor.

"Hello." Ian said into the phone.

"Where is Meredith?" Addison asked with concern in her voice.

"She's right her. They have oxygen on her. She panicked. She's okay now." He said reassuringly.

"What's going on?" Addison asked as she tapped her foot.

"She needs a doctor's okay. An exam." Ian told her quickly.

"I-- I don't know anyone there..." Addison said. "She'll need to see someone. Either way, she can't come home today. Not after a panic attack. It's just not safe." Addison told him frankly. "How is she doing?"

"She's breathing. She's alright. She's worried, but she is okay." Ian said reassuringly.

"Good. Can I talk to her?" Addison asked as she looked around the busy hospital.

"Hello?" Meredith said into the phone. Her voice was weak.

"Meredith. Listen to me. You need to breathe. Calm down. We will get you home. After this attack, it's not safe for you to fly, even if they will let you." She told her firmly. "I will see what I can do, see if anyone knows a good obstetrician over there. We will get you home..."

"Okay." Meredith said firmly as she looked around. Everyone was still watching her.

"Are you going to be okay?" She asked her.

"I'll be fine. I'll call you later." Meredith explained as she flipped the phone shut.

"If I'm not on that plane, I want my bags back. And I don't give a shit what you have to do to get them back!" She shouted at the attendant. The attendant looked at her wide-eyed and grabbed her radio.

After a fight, Meredith got her bags back, causing the flight to take off an hour late. Ian was in shock at how forceful she had been. She wasn't letting them walk all over her. But at the same time, she was backing down. Something wasn't right.

"Let's go." Meredith said as she walked away.

"What are we doing?" Ian asked as he walked alongside her.

"I don't know..." Meredith muttered as she thought. "But I know one thing, I have to go home today. I don't care what I have to do to get there." He looked over at her with worry. She was upset, she needed to go home.

"Love, if you need to get home, damn-it, we will get you there." Ian said convincingly. "I don't care what we have to do..." He said with a smile as they walked out.

Meredith and Ian dragged the luggage back out to the car. Meredith was fuming. She was upset. She was sad. All she wanted to so was feel Derek's arms around her. She was getting scared. Panic was setting in. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to get home to him.

"Damn-it!" Meredith shouted as she hit the door with her hand. She shook it, amazed at the pain that was shooting up her arm.

"Calm down, Mer!" Ian said in shock as he looked over at her.

"How the hell do you expect me to do that?" She said as she glared at him.

"Breathe. Relax..." Ian said with a chuckle.

"No. Oh no. No chuckle. No ha ha funny shit. This is not funny. We are not having a good time. I am a prisoner. They won't let me go home!" Meredith said as she started to gasp for air. "I just want to go home."

"Meredith...breathe. Everything will be fine, I promise." He said softly as she rubbed her leg.

"Mommy. Why can't we go home?" Anna asked as her own eyes began to tear up.

"They are afraid that I will have the twins on the plane." Meredith explained as she cried softly, trying not to let Anna see.

"You're having the twins!" Anna cried out in a panic. She grabbed her bag and started fishing around in it for the cell phone.

"No! No, Anna. I am not in labor. The twins aren't coming anytime soon." Meredith told her. Anna breathed deeply and looked at Meredith. "The airline is just not convinced of that. Everything is okay. I feel okay."

"Oh. I was scared. You can't have the twins without daddy. Daddy would be really upset." Anna said frankly as she looked up at her mother.

Meredith's face dropped. At the moment she felt no hope. At the moment she was wondering if she would be having the twins here because apparently they didn't want her to go.

"Daddy won't miss it." Meredith said as she looked out the side window. There was no way she would let that happen.

She watched out the window as Ian drove down the busy street. A week ago she was happy to be here. A week ago she was ready to have a good time. And now. Now she wanted out of this prison camp. She wanted the hell out of this godforsaken place.

"What are we doing here?" Meredith looked up with concern. There they were, parking in front of her former home. It looked the same. It hadn't changed. And this was the last place she wanted to be.

"Where else would you like be to take you? You checked out of the hotel. And I'm sure you don't want to get another room, considering you are insistent on leaving today." Ian said frankly as he opened the door for Anna, and then looked over at Meredith with a sigh.

"Where are we?" Anna asked as she looked up at the large home.

"My house." Ian said with a smirk. He frowned as he looked at Meredith's sour face. "Come on, Mer. Let's go figure this out." He said as he grabbed Anna's hand and walked to the door.

Meredith didn't want to be here. She walked away. She left this place, never planning on coming back. And even after making amends with Ian, she still wasn't planning on coming back. There were too many memories. Good. Bad. Just too many.

Ian pushed open the door. Meredith's eyes got wide as she looked around. It hadn't changed. Not at all. It was like absolutely no time had passed. All of the furniture she had taken was gone. But everything else was there, and there were pieces similar to the ones that were gone. She looked over to the table. Her frown grew when she saw their wedding photo on it.

"I--" He said as he looked at the picture and then looked at her. He felt somewhat foolish. She was a married woman. A happily married woman. And he was still holding on to nothing.

"It's okay." She said, brushing it off as she walked to the sofa. Anna walked around looking at every little thing.

"Don't open anything! No doors, no drawers, no looking under the bed and absolutely no looking in the cupboards!" Meredith warned with her eyes bugging out.

"Mer- It's okay." Ian said as he looked at her. He looked over at Anna, who was completely focused on the bookshelf.

"No!" She said quickly as she dropped her voice. "No. I don't want her to find any of your toys..." She said as she clenched her jaw and gave him the look.

"I don't have any." He said simply as he looked at her.

"Bullshit. The last thing I need is her running around pretending she's riding a horse with a whip that's touched only god knows who's ass." She said quickly. "And condoms...we don't need that again."

"I don't have anything. I've changed." Ian said with a grin. She frowned and he tried to convince her with a look.

"Uh huh." Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"The handcuffs, the chains, they're all gone." He said quickly. "I got rid of them when you left." He said truthfully as he looked down at her. "What did you mean, you didn't need that again?" He said with a grin.

"You don't want to know." Meredith said as she grabbed her cellphone out of her purse.

"Oh, come on." Ian teased. His interest was definitely piqued.

"I'll just say this. Anna. Used condom. That is all I'm saying." Meredith said with a frown.

"Wow." Ian said as he shook his head. "That's wrong..."

Meredith grabbed the book and began looking up numbers. She didn't care what she had to do, she was getting home. She looked up several obstetricians and doctors. She had to have an exam. Just what she was looking forward to, a stranger looking at her cervix and giving her an exam. Not what she wanted. She had to have an actual recent exam, Addison couldn't confirm anything from across the ocean. And so it began, it was her last hope.

"Mr. Ian?" Anna said softly as she grabbed his hand and led him to the table.

"Just all me Ian." He said with a smile as he let her drag him over. "You make me feel old."

"Why is there a picture of you and my mommy dressed up like you're getting married?" She asked as she pointed to the picture.

"Well--" He looked over at Meredith who was lost in conversation. "Well, because I-- I was married to Meredith." He finally said as she looked at the picture.

"You were?" She asked in shock as she looked at Meredith and Ian, and then at the picture.

"Yes we were." He said as he nodded his head an looked at her light brown eyes.

"Why aren't you anymore?" She asked as she cocked her head, like Derek.

"Well... I messed up. I messed up really bad." Ian told her with a frown.

"What did you do?" She asked as she looked up at him.

"I waited. I waited too long. I didn't realize what I had until it was too late." He said as he patted her on the head, then walked away. He walked over to see Meredith, head in hands, crying.

"What's wrong?" He asked her softly as he rubbed her back.

"I-- I-- I can't-- I can't get in for three days. No one will let me in. A ten minute exam, and they won't do it." She cried. "I just want to go home."

"What's the big deal? It's just three days." He said as he looked at her.

"What's the big deal? The big deal is that I can't sleep. I haven't slept well in seven days. I can not sleep without him. I need his arms around me. I lay there at night, eyes wide open. I'm fucking exhausted. I can't smell him. I can't feel him. All I want to do is hold his face. I want to feel his arms around me telling me it will be okay. I can't take it. I need him. I need Derek. I need him and I can't take it anymore." She cried. Ian pulled her close as she sobbed.

"Oh..." He said as he stroked her hair. His heart was breaking for her. Then it hit him. He pulled away from her and grabbed his phone, walking into the kitchen.

"I'll be right back." He said as he closed the door. She could hear him talking. She had no Idea what he was doing, but he seemed to be on a mission. He came back twenty minutes later with a smile on his face.

"Let's go..." He said with a grin as he walked to the door.

"What's going on?" She asked as she struggled to her feet.

"Just make sure you have everything." He said as he opened the door. They both followed him out with looked of confusion on their faces.

**So...what is Ian up to?**


	110. Too Soon

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked as she followed Ian with haste.

"You'll see." Ian said as he opened the car door and watched Anna buckle her seat belt. He quickly climbed into the driver's seat and stuck the key in the ignition.

"Ian, seriously? What are we doing?" She asked as she stared at him.

"We are getting your ass out of here!" He said with a huge grin.

"How? What did you do? How did you get the airline to let me on?" She asked excitedly.

A wave of relief washed over her. She was going home. She couldn't wait to go home. She saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Ian came through. He stepped up to the plate. She had never been so happy. She was going to see her husband. She had lost all hope. And now, now she was going home.

"Airline? Who said anything about and airline?" He said as he looked over at her with a serious face.

"How else would I get home? A space shuttle?" She asked with a giggle.

"Actually...I was thinking about the cargo hold of a barge..." He said as he looked over at her. She quickly began to laugh at the thought. He looked at his serious face.

"Oh my god..." She said in disbelief.

A barge? A ship? Cargo hold? What the hell was he thinking. That would take more time than having an exam and waiting around for a flight. And then if something happens, no one would be there to help me. Not to mention I have a six year old with me. She can't hide in the cargo hold of a ship like a stowaway.

"Ian, are you out of your freaking mind?" Meredith said quickly. "This is insane. This idea is crazy." She said as she shook her head. "I can't take Anna in a cargo hold of a ship, are you out of your fucking mind?"

"Oh, come on, Mer. It'll be like a grand adventure." He said with a grin as he sped along.

"A grand adventure? A grand adventure is going on a real vacation. A grand adventure is buying a new pair of shoes. A grand adventure is not curling up in a box illegally, and hoping you don't get caught. A grand adventure isn't sweating to death while in your third trimester, and puking your guts out from sea sickness." She said in shock. "Ian, I have to say this has got to be your shittiest idea yet."

"Where is your sense of adventure?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I think we just went over that." She spat. "And how the hell am I supposed to get off of this ship?"

"Well, I suppose there are a few guys in on the plan..." He said with a smile.

"This is un-freaking-believeable!" She said loudly. "Derek...I need to call Derek..." She said in a panic. "He will be waiting for me..."

"Why haven't you called him yet?" Ian asked matter-of-factly.

"Well, I figured I would work out a plan." Meredith said as she pulled out her phone.

"We did work out a plan. You should tell him." Ian said as he neared their destination.

"Yes, honey. I won't be on the flight. I'll be at the nearest dock on the East coast. In about two weeks!" She yelled loudly. Her eyes got wide when she looked up. "You ass!" She said as she smacked him.

"You didn't really think I would put you in the cargo hold of a ship, did you?" Ian said as he laughed loudly.

"No. But you were starting to make me worry." She said frankly. "So what are we doing?"

"We, my love, are taking the corporate jet." He said with a grin as he pulled in.

"The corporate jet?" She said looking at him.

"I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner..." He said in disbelief. "No doctor's notes. No crazy security measures. Just a big plane, all to ourselves." He said as he opened the door and climbed out.

"Us?" She asked with confusion.

"There is no way I'm letting you fly home alone. Not looking like that." He said with a chuckle. "Besides, I'd love to take a little plane ride."

"But... How?" Meredith asked as she followed him to the trunk.

"You are looking at the new owner of Atherton Enterprises." Ian said with a cheesy grin.

"He did it? He really left you the company?" She said in shock.

"Yeah. I-- I didn't think he believed in me..." Ian said in surprise.

"He always believed in you." She said with a smile. "He was just waiting for you to come around."

"We need to go, straight away." He said as he looked at his watch and grabbed the bags. Meredith grabbed two bags and wheeled them, while Anna wheeled her own bag.

"They're letting us go now?" Anna said as she ran alongside them.

"We are going by ourselves. On Ian's plane." Meredith said quickly.

"You have a plane?" She said in shock, as she looked at him with wide eyes.

"I do." Ian said with a smile.

"How come you didn't tell us before?" She asked quickly.

"I guess I didn't think about it." He said as he shook his head.

"Duh..." She said as she shook her head.

They quickly made it to the plane. The bags were taken and before they knew it they were on the plane. Anna looked around in amazement at the jet. Ian looked at Meredith, who let out a huge sigh of relief. His smile grew, seeing the relief. He was beginning to wonder what the stress was doing to her.

"Where is everyone?" Anna said as she looked around.

"We have the whole plane to ourselves." Meredith said as she plopped down the the soft leather chair.

"The whole thing?" She said as she looked around.

"The whole thing." Meredith said happily.

"Ian, are you rolling in the dough?" Anna asked with a giggle.

"Anna!" Meredith said in shock.

"What? Dina's mom and dad said that we're rolling in dough. And Ian has his own plane, so he must be rolling in the dough, too." She said with a shrug. She sat there and thought for a few minutes. "What exactly does rolling in the dough mean?" Ian and Meredith both began laughing.

"It means you have a lot of money." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Oh. So are we, rolling in the dough?" She said as she looked up.

"We live comfortably." Meredith assured her.

"I'm rolling in the dough." Ian told her quickly. "And don't let your mommy lie to you, she is too. She got half of _everything_." He said as he looked up at her. "Anything you want, mommy can buy you." Anna looked up with wide eyes. Meredith shot Ian a look and then Anna.

"Money doesn't buy everything. And Anna, you have everything you need!" Meredith said shutting them both down. She quickly grabbed her cellphone out. She needed to call Derek.

----------------

Derek walked down the familiar hallway of Seattle Grace. He was there to do a spinal surgery. The memories flowed as he walked down the hall. He wished she was here. He wanted her in surgery with him. He needed her by his side. The week had been total hell, and all he could think about was her. His face dropped when he glanced up.

"Derek!" Holly said as she looked at him in shock.

"Holly...You're- You're back." Derek said in shock and disappointment.

"Of course I am!" She said with a giggle. "I finally got everything fixed. Took some time. Being dead is no joy ride. Now you wouldn't have had anything to do with that, would you?" She said as she turned her head and gave him a glare.

"Holly, if it were I that were responsible for that misfortune, I'd have a permanent smile on my face. It was probably one of the other many people you screwed over." He said as he began to walk away.

"Where's the darling wife?" Holly asked, causing Derek to wheel around.

"What's that mean?" Derek said loudly as he bore a hole through her head with his eyes.

"I just haven't seen her. I've been back three days. No Meredith Grey...oh Shepherd. Meredith Shepherd." Holly huffed.

"Meredith is around, don't you worry." Derek said with a grin as he walked away. "I wish I could say it was nice seeing you, but...well, it wasn't." He said as he continued walking. He felt his phone vibrated in his pocket. He smiled when he saw Meredith's name on the screen.

"Hello..." Derek said happily, waiting for her voice.

"Hey you." She returned. "There has been a change in plans. I won't be home until two hours later." She said quickly.

"Delays?" He asked.

"Something like that." Meredith said with a laugh. "Are you busy?"

"Just getting ready to go into surgery." he said with a sigh.

"I won't keep you. I can't wait to see you. Love ya." She said happily.

"I love you too." He said as he snapped his phone shut,

Ian was having an easy time keeping Anna busy. She really seemed to like him. Not to mention he had tons of things brought onto the plane to keep her happy. She was enjoying having her own plane and insisted she would only fly this way from now on, and that her daddy had to buy her one. Meredith just rolled her eyes and laughed.

The plane trip was going easy. It was quiet, no turbulence. Meredith was elated that for once, something had finally worked out. She was going to sleep in her own bed, with her husband. She laid back and closed her eyes, sleeping for a few hours. She could never sleep on a plane. Ian looked over at her, knowing she was exhausted physically and mentally. Meredith opened her eyes quickly.

"Oh god..." She said. She quickly grabbed her abdomen and groaned.

"What?" Ian said in a panic. One minute she was sleeping peacefully and the next she was holding her stomach.

"He's kicking my ribs." She moaned as she looked down.

"Oh. I thought something was wrong." He said as he started to breathe again. "How do you know it was him? Maybe it was the girl." Ian pointed out.

"God, you sound like Derek!" She said as she shook her head. "It's him. It's hard to explain, but you-- You just know. Come here." She said as she motioned for him with her head. "Put your hand here." She said as she placed his hand on her stomach. She watched his face as he smiled. "That's her, that's my girl. Now here..." She said as she moved his hand. "That's the boy. Obviously just like his father...obnoxious." She said with a giggle.

"That's-- Wow, Mer. That's amazing" He said as he moved his hand back and forth on her stomach.

"Are the twins being bad again?" Anna asked as she walked up to Meredith.

"They're never bad, they're babies. But yes, they are kicking me." Meredith said with a smile.

"They kick so hard." Ian said in shock as he moved his hand.

"You have no idea." Meredith told him. "And they jump on my bladder. Nonstop. I haven't slept through the night since I don't know when." She said, shaking her head. "But they're worth it." She said softly. "Speaking of my bladder..." She said as she stood up and walked to the bathroom. Ian and Anna both began laughing.

"Daddy says she walks like a duck!" She said with a giggle as she pointed to Meredith.

"Hey, at least wait until I'm gone to talk about me!" She shouted as he looked back.

"She does." Ian whispered in agreement. They both made their way back to their seats. Anna turned her ipod on and stuck her earbuds in. Ian started slipping through a magazine. Meredith was pale as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Are you okay? He asked as he looked at her pale face.

"I- Uh-- Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." She said as she slowly sat down in the seat, holding her back.

Ian continued to watch her, making sure she didn't notice. He knew how she was, she would never admit she was having a problem. Anna was busy listening to her ipod and coloring. He watched as she grabbed her stomach and moaned.

"Meredith..." Ian said as he knelt down beside her.

"I'm fine." She said softly.

"You are not fine." He told her frankly. "Something is wrong, a blind man could see that."

"I think I just had a contraction." She said as the tears started to fall.

"What? A contraction? Like the babies are on their way to meet and greet the family, contraction? Not one of this hicks things?" He said in a near panic.

"Yeah. It's never felt like this. I-- I don't know what to do..." She said as she began to cry harder.

"Holy shit! Holy shit..." He said as he began to pace.

"I- You-- You can't do this. You can't freak out. If you freak out, I am going to freak out worse than I already am, and I can't do this with you freaking out and I think if I keep freaking out that is bad. And bad definitely isn't good." She said as she took in a deep breath.

"Well, how many have you had?" He asked quickly as he sat next to her.

"One." She said with a sigh.

"One... One is good. One is... One is one and one is good." He rambled. "Maybe is it was a hick thing and it was just different. Maybe you won't have anymore." He said optimistically.

"Braxton Hicks." She spat.

"What?" He said as he scrunched his nose.

"Not a hick thing. It's called Braxton Hicks." She said with a sigh.

"Let me-- I'll be right back." He said as he stood up and walked to the front of the plane. He rushed back.

"We're two and a half hours out." He said with a look of indifference.

"That's-- That's not that long." She said with a nod.

Ian watched Meredith. He sat there, holding her hand. Three contractions. She had three contractions and it wasn't even an hour. She was trying to be strong, but it wasn't working. He could see right through her act.

"How far along are you?" He asked as he looked down.

"31 weeks. It's too early, Ian. Way too early." She said as the tears streamed down her face.

"We need to call your doctor." He told her as he grabbed her cellphone off of the table.

"No. Addie...she'll be mad. She told me not to fly." Meredith said quietly.

"Who gives a damn. Mer, closing your eyes won't make it go away. We have a huge problem here." He said as he looked at her phone. He looked at the name Addison, and pushed send. She winced as she waited to hear her voice.

"Hey, Mer... What's going on?" Addison asked happily.

"This is, Ian. Mer's, well, you know. Anyhow, Meredith is fairly certain she is having contractions." Ian said quickly.

"What? How many?" She asked, Ian looked over to see her having another.

"Four in an hour." Ian said with concern.

"Has she had any discharge?" Addison asked quickly.

"Mer, have you had any...discharge?" He asked. She nodded her head yes. "Damn-it, Meredith!" He said loudly.

"Yes. She has." Ian told her. "And pressure in her pelvis."

"Shit! Not good. It sounds like she's going into preterm labor. You need to get her to the hospital, and have them call me." Addison said quickly.

"That could be a slight problem..." Ian said with regret. "We are on a plane."

"What?" Addison said loudly. "Oh my God..."

**You love cliffs...right? Don't fall... Don't jump... But you can review!**


	111. Homecoming

"Why are you on a plane? I told her not to fly. Damn-it!" Addison said nervously. "How is she doing?"

"Right now she's okay. She's scared shitless, but she's okay." Ian said as he looked over at her.

"How far out are you?" She asked quietly, not sure if she even wanted to know.

"An hour and a half." He said, thanking go that they were closer.

"Is there a doctor or nurse on the plane?" Addison said as she ducked into her office.

"Um, one." Ian said nervously as he looked around.

"Oh, good. Let me talk to him or her..." Addison said with a bit of relief. Ian handed the phone to Meredith, knowing that was not what she met. But he felt like a heel, and he didn't want to make things worse.

"Hello..." Meredith said weakly, mostly from the crying she was doing.

"Meredith, let me talk to the doctor." Addison said quickly into the phone.

"I guess I am the doctor. We're on a private jet." Meredith said as she began to cry.

"This just keeps getting worse." Addison said as she shook her head. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." Meredith said with a big sigh.

"How long have you been having discharge?" Addison asked forcefully.

"This morning. I noticed it this morning. I would have done it, Addison. I would have stayed I didn't know. They're-- They're not ready, Addison. I can't-- I can't do this. Not now. I can't-- They are going to die, and it's all my fault." Meredith cried out.

"No one is dying, Meredith. Everyone will be fine." She said, trying to calm her down. "Let me talk to Ian." She said to her.

"Hello." Ian said into the phone.

"I need you to check her cervix." Addison said quickly.

"What!" Ian said as he looked over at her. "I-- I don't think I can do that."

"You were married, you seen it before. I need to know how dilated she is." Addison tried to convince him.

Meredith looked over at Anna. Anna was in her own little happy place, completely content. To say she was scared was the understatement of the century. All she could think about was her children being born on a private jet. They were too early. They wouldn't make it. Not without medical attention. And it was all her fault. How could she be so selfish? She glanced up and Anna again. This time, catching her eye.

Anna looked at her mom. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. Her mom was crying. It was happy tears. She didn't have a smile on her face. It wasn't the usual tears that came after a surge of hormones. It was scared crying. She had gotten to know how her mom was. And this wasn't right.

"Mommy? What's wrong?" She asked as she approached Meredith and Ian. Her eyes were on her mom, but her ears were on Ian.

"Addison, if they come now, what are the chances that they would be okay?" She heard Ian say into the phone.

"Mommy?" She asked again. She was near a panic. The babies were coming. Daddy wasn't here and the babies were coming. She may be young, but she could grasp that.

"I'm fine, honey. Everything is fine." Meredith said as she winced, grabbing her back.

The dreaded words. I'm fine. Or just fine. Fine. It was Meredith's favorite word. Derek had warned her. She knew what she had to do. She couldn't believe it. This was bad, really bad. Mommy was in trouble. And so were her brother and sister.

Anna wheeled around and grabbed her bag. She quickly walked to the bathroom, going unnoticed by Meredith. As soon as she got in there, she turned the phone on, just as her dad had shown her. She thumbed through the three numbers on the phone. No signal. She tried again. And again. She looked up at the air phone on the wall. Common sense kicked in. She looked at the number in the phone then dialed, listening to the instructions. She called his cellphone. Voicemail. She wanted to cry. She quickly ended the call and went to the second number, the Neurology Center. She heard them answer, she started to panic.

"Hello, hello?" The receptionist asked loudly.

"I need to talk to my daddy." Anna said nervously, near tears.

"I think you have the wrong number, sweetie." She said softly as she rolled her eyes.

"No. I need to talk to my daddy. He said to call him. It's--" She started to cry. "I need to talk to my daddy."

"Don't panic... Who's your daddy?" She asked, humoring the child.

"Derek. Derek Shepherd." Anna said quickly.

"Oh! He's not here. He's in surgery at Seattle Grace." She said quickly. "Where's your mommy?" Click.

Anna looked through the numbers. The last one was Seattle Grace. She remembered what Derek said. He said he would only take surgeries at Seattle Grace while she was gone. She looked at the number and pushed send. Finally someone answered.

"I need to talk to my daddy." Anna said when they answered.

"Who's your daddy?" The receptionist asked.

"Derek Shepherd. He's a doctor. A surgeon." Anna said quickly.

"Let me send you to the surgical floor." She said quickly.

Anna went through the motions again, getting frustrated. She went round and round with the nurse at the station. Everyone seemed to think it was a joke.

"I'm sorry, honey. He's in surgery." She said softly.

"It's and emergency. Mommy's having the twins on the plane!" She screeched.

"Oh my..." The nurse said in shock.

Derek Shepherd was in the middle of the patient's brain. It was a run of the mill craniotomy. But he'd take it. It meant that he could somewhat keep his mind of the hours it would be until he saw Meredith. And hour and a half. he was nearly done, and then he was on his way. He would have been done, but the ORs were backed up and he got bumped several times. His gaze rose when he saw a nurse at the door.

"Dr. Shepherd?" She said quickly.

"Yes?" He said as he glanced from his patient to the nurse.

"You're daughter is on the phone." She said frankly.

Derek felt a knot form is his stomach. this was bad. Unbelievably bad. She wouldn't call unless something was wrong. But they were supposed to be on a plane heading home. Every imaginable disaster rushed through his mind. They missed their flight or connection. They crashed. Someone was sick. A terrorist attack. This was bad.

"Put her on speaker phone." He said quickly. The nurse nodded. "Hello, sweetie."

"Oh daddy!" She cried out in a panic.

"Calm down, honey. What's wrong?" He asked nervously. She was really scared and he could tell it.

"Mommy-- Mommy's having the twins..." She cried.

"What? What do you mean, mommy's having the twins? Did you miss your flight? Where are you?" He said in a panic.

"We're on the plane. Ian's plane. Mommy is sick. She's scared. I don't know what to do...daddy..." She cried out.

"Oh my god. Let me talk to Ian." Derek said in a huff. Ian. Ian shouldn't be there with his wife. He should be there with his wife. Not Ian.

"He's helping mommy." She said quickly as she looked out the door, unable to get a clear view.

"Take him the phone." Derek said nervously. He looked down at his patient. How the hell was he going to keep his mind straight?

"I can't. It's got a thing. It's stuck to the wall." She said as she cried.

"Someone get Addison Montgomery in here now!" Derek yelled to the nurses.

"What if she's in surgery?" The nurse asked innocently as she looked up.

"Pull her ass out. This is my wife...these are my children." He said as his eyes began to tear up. "My children... Wait! Tell my patient is in danger. Bleeding. In labor. I don't care, just get her here."

"You want me to lie?" She asked.

"If it will get her here sooner, yes." He said firmly as he worked on his patient's brain. "And someone page Hudson. He's going to need to take over here."

--------------

"What does her cervix look like?" Addison asked into the phone.

"I don't know. I haven't checked." Ian said as he held Meredith's hand.

"This is no time to be shy. You need to find gloves and you need to check. If she's dialated...if she's thinning... Just get the gloves." She said quickly. "Let me talk to Mer."

"Addie...I'm so sorry. I didn't think this would happen." Meredith said as she cried.

"Now is not the time. You need to relax. We will get through this. Now Ian is going to check your cervix." She said. Meredith looked up to a gloved Ian.

"He doesn't know what he's looking for." Meredith whimpered.

"I will explain everything. Let me talk to him." Addison tapped her foot on the floor. She looked up to see a nurse at her door. "Yes?"

"Dr. Shepherd needs you stat." She said quickly as she looked at a nervous Addison.

"I'm busy." Addison said as she looked down. She promised Meredith she wouldn't tell him. Not until they got closer. She didn't want him to panic. Not until he could do something about it.

"His patient is bleeding vaginally. Profusely." She said quickly as she bit her lip.

"What?" Addison said in shock. "I'm coming." She said as she jumped up from her desk. As she walked down the hallway, she explained what to do to Ian.

"It looks okay. It's... I don't know...a centimeter, maybe two. Not thin like you said." He said with relief. "That's good, right?"

"It's better. It's a little reassuring. There isn't much you can do from up there. Make her pee. Get her up, and make her pee. She really needs to empty her bladder. Have her drink a couple glasses of water. And then get her lying down, tilted to the left. I have to go, I have an emergency with a patient. I have to go. Call me if anything goes wrong." She said as she sat the phone down and began to scrub in.

Addison rushed into the OR quickly. Derek was at the patient's head. She rushed over and lifted the drape. She gasped as she looked down, and then looked up at Derek with a scowl.

"This patient... He has a penis!" She shouted angrily.

"What the hell is going on with my wife?" Derek asked nastily as he looked at her.

"Well... What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

"Addie---" He said, the anger beginning to boil.

"Aunt Addison! Are you going to help mommy?" Anna asked loudly.

"Oh no..." Addison said as she shook her head. She took a deep breath and then looked up at Derek. "She may be in preterm labor. Her cervix... I think we may be able to stop it. They are about forty-five minutes out." She said with a sigh.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" He said loudly. "You knew, and you didn't fucking tell me? My wife is in labor in the fucking sky. In a plane, and you couldn't fucking tell me!" He yelled. He heard Anna start to cry loudly.

"Daddy, you're scaring me!" She said loudly.

"I'm sorry, baby. Daddy's upset." He said as he glared at Addison, who dropped her head.

"She didn't want you to worry." Addison pointed out.

"Well, that worked out well, because for the past thirty minutes, I have been beyond worry." He said as he shook his head. He looked up with relief when he saw Jack in the scrub room.

"What's going on?" He said as he walked in.

"Mer's in labor. I-- I-- I have to go." He said as Jack walked over. Jack looked down at the patient. Derek explained what had been done, and he quickly took over.

"Anna, hang up and go tell mommy to call Aunt Addison. Everything will be okay. You did good." He said quickly.

"Okay." She said as she hung up the phone.

"Right now, Addie, I-- I don't want to see your face." He said as he walked into the scrub room.

"Derek, I knew that making you panic wasn't the right thing to do." She tried to explain.

"That is not your decision to make." He said as he shook his head. He heard her cellphone ring, and grabbed it out of her hand.

"Mer?" He said into the phone. He heard her start to cry.

"Derek? Oh god...Derek." She cried out. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry." She whimpered into the phone.

"Everything will be okay. You just need to relax. How are you feeling?" He said softly into the phone. Derek followed Addison, who was telling the staff to get an ambulance ready to meet Meredith and Anna at the airport.

"I-- I haven't had a contraction in thirty minutes." She said with a smile.

"Good. Good." He said with relief. "We're on our way to the airport. You just need to stay calm." He told her. "I love you."

"I love you too." She said as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"We will see you when you land." He said as they climbed into the ambulance.

"Okay. Bye." She said as she hung the phone up. "Derek... Everything will be okay. Derek is going to be there." She said as she rubbed her stomach. "You guys will be okay. It's too soon. Mommy's not ready yet." She felt Ian rub her back.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I didn't know. I would have never put you on a plane if I knew." Ian said regrettably.

"It's not your fault. I'm pigheaded, remember?" She said as she closed her eyes.

"I love you mommy." Anna said as she walked up and sat next to Meredith.

"I love you too, baby." Meredith said as she grabbed her hand and smiled.

"Are you mad at me?" Anna asked with concern.

"No. Why would I be?" She asked softly.

"Because I called daddy..." She said with a frown as the tears started to fall.

"Did you do what you thought was right?" She asked her softly. Anna nodded her head yes. "Then I am not bad. Always do what you feel is right." She said with a smile.

"We need to get in our seats." Ian said softly. "Addison said for you to only lay down and hour, and it's almost been, so you need to get in a seat too." He said as he helped her up. He pulled her close.

"It will be okay..." He whispered into her ear. She nodded her head yes and sat down, buckling the very tight seat belt over her stomach.

--------------

Meredith slowly waddled off of the plane with Ian and Anna by her side. Her smile grew when she saw Derek waiting for her. She picked up her pace. It had been a week since she had felt his warm arms around her. It had been a week since his warm lips were on hers. It had been a week since she felt his hear beat. She opened her arms as she neared him, he pulled her close.

"I missed you so much." She said as she laid her head against his chest.

"I missed you too." He said as he kissed her on top of the head. "Let's go." He said as he picked her up and carried her to the ambulance, Anna following.

"I can walk!" She said as she slapped him lightly.

"You will not walk." He said as he neared the ambulance and climbed in.

"How are you?" Addison asked as she looked at Meredith.

"They stopped. The contractions stopped." Meredith said with a big sigh.

"Good." Addison said with relief. "But you still need to get you to the hospital. You have no idea how mad I am at you right now!"

"You don't know how mad I am at myself." She said as the tears started to come. "All I could think was that I was going to get stuck. I couldn't get stuck over there. I couldn't. I needed Derek. I needed you. You can't ever leave. You can't ever leave me again!" She said as she pulled him close.

"You're the one that left!" He laughed.

"Then I can't leave. Ever." She said as she laid on the gurney, trying to see Anna over her abdomen.

"Hey, baby. How are you?" Derek asked as he hugged her.

"I was scared." She said as she looked up at him.

"You did really good, Anna. Really good." He said as he hugged her again. "I'm proud of you."

"I missed you daddy. But not as much as mommy did." She said with a giggle.

"I think I missed you guys more." Derek said with a smile.

--------------------

"Two centimeters. That doesn't bother me." She said with a smile. "The contractions stopped. They look good on the monitor. I think you're clear. The labor has stopped." She said as she rubbed Meredith's arm. Meredith laid back on the bed with a sigh.

"Thank god." She said with a relieved smile. She felt Derek grabbed her hand.

"I do have some bad news, though." She said with a frown.

"What?" Meredith said as she shot her head up.

"You have to stay tonight. For observation." Addison said quickly.

"Addie...I just want to sleep in my own bed." She said with a sour face. "For a week, I have wanted my bed. And my husband is a doctor. He can see a problem if one come up."

"Absolutely not. I am not arguing about this." She said as she raised her hand up. "I told you not to get on that plane. And damn-it, Meredith, you did anyway. I am your friend. You are my best friend. You should have listened to me. I am your doctor, damn-it! You listen to me! I don't just say it for my health. I say it for yours!" She said loudly. Meredith and Derek looked at her with wide-eyes. "But I am glad you are okay." She said as she gave her a soft hug.

"Thank you, Addie." Derek said with an apologetic nod.

"I am sorry for not telling you, Derek." Addison said quickly.

"It's okay. It worked out. It all worked out." Derek said quickly. Anna stood by her mom and smiled.

"Come on, Anna Banana, you're staying at my house tonight." Addison said with a grin.

"Really?" She asked with a grin.

"As long as it's okay with mommy and daddy." Addison said quickly. Derek nodded.

"Yay!" Anna said as she gave Derek and Meredith a hug. "I love you." She said before she grabbed Addison's hand and walked off.

"Derek?" Meredith said softly.

"Yeah?" He asked as he looked at her.

"Come here." She said as she patted the bed. He quickly climbed up and spooned up against her. He rested his hand on her stomach.

"I love you." He said as he kissed her head, closing his eyes.

"I love you too." She said as she closed her eyes. For the first time in a week, they could finally sleep.

**So they made it!**

**As to the cellphone on the plane thing, It was a mistake. I wasn't really thinking about it when I wrote it. But this is fiction. Apparently you can use one on private jets if you can get a signal. I will do better research next time. :)**


	112. A Very Big Gift

"Mmmm, morning." Meredith said as she looked up into Derek's eyes. She had missed his deep blue eyes. She missed his pokey morning stubble.

"Morning." He said with a smile as he leaned down and gave her a soft kiss. "How did you sleep?"

"Better than I have in a week." She said with a smile as she buried her head into his chest.

"Me too. We can't be apart ever again. It's bad for our heath." He told her frankly as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I think I proved that to be a fact." She said with a giggle. "So what did you do while I was gone?"

"Things." Derek said with a smile as he rubbed her shoulder.

"Things? What do you mean, things?" Meredith said as she looked up at him.

"Work. Mostly work. I did some stuff around the house. Cutting grass, cleaning up the trail." He said with a shrug.

"First of all... You cut grass?" She said with a chuckle.

"Of course I cut the grass. You know, it's really stupid to pay someone to do something we can do." He said quickly.

"I hate cutting grass. Cutting grass is horrible." She said with a scrunched nose.

"Fine. You don't have to cut the grass, I will cut the grass. I will have all the fun to myself." He said with a shrug.

"Good." She said quickly. "So it doesn't sound like you had a great time."

"No. I nearly cried myself to sleep every night." He said, feigning sadness.

"You did not!" She said with a chuckle.

"Maybe not, but I wanted to." He said as he kissed her forehead. "How are we feeling?" He asked as he rubbed her stomach.

"Like we have to pee!" She said quickly. She slowly threw her legs over the side of the bed and waddled to the bathroom.

"Do you need help?" He said as he jumped up.

"Unless you want to wipe for me, no." She said as she shut the door.

"I would. If you needed me to, I would." He said quickly.

"I don't want you to, believe me. Not to mention, you would find someway to dirty it up!" She said through the door.

"Dr. Shepherd." Bailey said as she walked in with George, Izzie, Cristina and Alex.

"She's in the bathroom." Derek said as he walked away from the door.

"We figured that. Either that, or you've gone insane." Bailey snapped as she watched Meredith walk slowly out of the bathroom. "And how are you?"

"I feel good." She said as she attempted to pull herself on the bed. Derek gave her a sympathetic look and helped her up.

"Meredith good. Or good good?" Izzie said quickly.

"I feel okay. No contractions. No pain. Nothing. Just ready to go home." She said as she looked at her friends.

"You know, I knew you were stupid, but to fly home. Now that is stupid." Miranda said, shaking her head.

"There was no way I was going to get stuck over there. No way." Meredith said as she crossed her arms across her stomach. "Where's Addison, I'm ready to go home." She snapped.

"Someone's a little hormonal." Alex joked.

"Screw you, Alex." Meredith said loudly.

"Yang, find Dr. Montgomery. We need to get her out of here." Miranda said as she looked at her and shook her head. "I'm glad that everything turned out okay." She said with a faint smile as she turned and walked out.

"I hear you're raising hell." Addison said as she looked over her glasses.

"Always." Derek said with a chuckle.

"I'm feeling fine. No contractions. Everything is normal. BP, temp, heart rate. All normal. Now let me out of here." She said as she threw her legs over the bed.

"Mer, I think you know well enough that I am going to give you a thorough exam. And if every thing is not just right, you aren't going anywhere." Addison warned.

"Where is Anna?" Derek asked quickly as he realized she wasn't there.

"She's at my house, with Stan." Addison said warmly. "He's going to bring her over when she gets up, which should be pretty soon. Now lay back, I want to check your cervix." Addison gave Meredith a thorough check-up and then looked up with a smile.

"Everything looks good." Addison told her. "You were right. But I want you to take it easy."

"Okay." Meredith said with a quick smile.

"I am serious. Bed rest for a week. You either lie on the bed, or lay on the sofa. No lifting. No walking. No physical activity. I want you back here in a week, and I will check you again. I am not playing here, Meredith. Not after your last adventure." Meredith nodded her head sheepishly.

"Okay then. I will have them get your discharge papers ready." She said with a smile as she walked out.

"I can't wait to get home." Meredith said with a smile.

"Home. To the sofa." Derek reiterated. She gave him a frown and nodded her head.

-------------------

Derek turned down the driveway. Meredith had never been so happy in her life. She was going home. She made sure she examined every tree as they drove down the wooded drive. Home. Home was where she was comfortable. Home was peaceful. She never wanted to leave again. She looked back at Anna, who was playing with her toy horse. She looked at Derek who had a growing smile on his face.

"Why are you so happy?" Meredith asked with a chuckle.

"You'll see." He said with a growing smile. "Anna...Look out the window." Derek told her quickly. Meredith and Anna both looked out the window.

"What is that?" Meredith said in shock. She looked again. "Oh god, what did you do?"

Meredith's gaze fell upon the structure. It was big. It was pretty, but it was big. Set off to the side. There is was. A barn. He had a barn built. Why would he have a barn built? There was only one likely answer. He had gotten her a horse. He had gotten Anna a horse without talking to her.

Derek pulled up in front of the barn instead of making his way to the garage. Anna looked over in awe. It hadn't quite hit her yet. She was thinking it was a garage. Maybe it was a place to keep Meredith's jeep. Then her eyes got wide. Really wide.

"Daddy! It's a horse! A horse and a pony!" She squealed as she jumped out of the car.

"Anna! Wait!" Meredith said as she jumped out of the car and followed behind her.

"Mer, you are supposed to be resting." Derek said firmly as he walked up and placed his hand on the small of her back.

"A pony! A horse!" She cried as she started to climb through the fence.

"No! Anna, we never climb through the fence. Ever." Derek said as he pulled her back through.

"But I wanna see them." She cried out.

"Let's get some treats, and maybe they will come to the fence." He said as he grabbed her hand and they walked into the barn.

Meredith stood there and looked at the horse and pony. Two palominos. Two palominos in her back yard. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that he didn't ask her. He didn't discuss it with her. He made a huge decision, by himself. She turned on her heel and marched to the house. Some homecoming.

Derek and Anna walked out to the paddock. He glanced around, Meredith was no where to be found. He looked at the car, it was empty. Then his gaze fell to the house. There she was, opening the door. He was in trouble, and he knew it.

"What are their names daddy?" She said as she held the treat in her hand through the fence.

"Paige and Sandy." He said as he pointed to the two. They ambled over slowly, taking the treats from Anna's hand.

"Daddy...who's horses are these?" Anna asked with a faint smile. She was hoping she knew the answer.

"Well, Paige is Jane's horse. But Sandy... Sandy is yours." He said with a huge grin.

"Mine? I have my own pony?" She said as she jumped around.

"You have your own pony." He said with a nod.

"Oh thank you daddy!" She said as she hugged him tightly. "Can we ride them? Can I brush them? Please?" She begged with pleading eyes.

"Anna, we really need to go in and check on mommy. But I promise we will come back out and brush Sandy. Maybe Jane will come out and show you how to brush Sandy and you guys can ride." Derek suggested,

"But she's my pony!" Anna said loudly. "And I want to brush her."

"Not now. Now we need to check on mommy. She isn't feeling good and we have to make sure she's alright." He said as he grabbed his hand.

He knew it was cruel. He was teasing her. Dangling the pony in front of her, but not allowing her to do anything with it. She frowned as she climbed into the car. Derek quickly flipped the phone and called Jane. He was praying she could come over. He was praying she would save him from the wrath of Anna.

---------------

Meredith laid on the sofa. Anna was at school. Jane was home. And Derek was in surgery. She hated being on the sofa. She hated being stuck in the house. She just hated it. This was only day two of bed rest. She hated bed rest. She hated the number two. She hated everything at the moment.

She'd never admit it, but she did enjoy looking at the horses out the picture window. It was peaceful. It was quiet. they just lazily grazed all day long. Their golden coats matched perfectly, looking like mother and daughter. Yep, she liked looking at them. But she'd never admit it.

She heard a faint knock on the door. A reason to get off the sofa. She had never been so excited in her life. She slowly rose to her feet and waddled to the door. He face lit up when she saw him standing there.

"Hey." She said as she motioned for Ian to come in.

"Hello, Love. How are you doing?" He asked as he looked down at her stomach. He sat her luggage on the floor.

"Good. I feel a lot better." She said with a smile as she waddled back to the sofa. "You have to sit in the chair. I'm on bed rest." She said as she rolled her eyes.

"You have to be going crazy." He said with a chuckle.

"I think I am." She said with a huff.

"So this is a nice place you have here." He said as he looked around.

"Yeah. I like it." She said with a smile.

"It's kind of in the middle of nowhere, don't you think?" He said with a chuckle.

"It is. But I like the stars. And the quiet. I love the quiet." She said with a smile.

"And you have horses." He said as he looked out the window.

"Yeah. My shit-head husband's bright idea." She muttered. "A coming home surprise for Anna. He didn't even ask me!" She said loudly.

"I'm sure he was just trying to be a good dad." Ian said quickly.

"Or an dumb-ass. God, we can barely take care of ourselves." She said as she shook her head.

"Just let him be. Anna's a good kid. It will be good for her." Ian said quickly.

"I hope so." She grumbled.

"So, my plane is leaving in awhile. I just came by to drop of your luggage and say goodbye." He said with as smile

"You're leaving?" She said in disappointment.

"I have to go home. I have a company to run." He said with a grin as he walked over and gave her a soft kiss.

"You do." She agreed. "Thanks, Ian. Thanks for everything."

"No problem. And don't worry, I'll be back. I want to see these rug-rats." He said as he patted her stomach. "Bye, Mer."

"Bye, Ian." She said with a smile as she watched him walk out.

-----------------

The silent treatment. Three days. Meredith was giving him the silent treatment. She refused to talk to him. She refused to look at him. She just sat there, on the sofa, reading a baby book. He knew he messed up. He knew he should have asked her. But he wanted ti surprise her. He wanted to make Anna happy. He never thought it would make Meredith so unhappy.

"Meredith." Derek said as he walked over to the sofa where Meredith was laying, her nose in the book. She flipped the page and kept reading. "Meredith." He said again as he looked at her. She read on, not even glancing up at him. Then she flipped another page.

"Damn-it Meredith!" He said as he ripped the book out of her hand and tossed it to the floor. "Look at me!" He said as he tipped her chin. "What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with me? You made a decision without even consulting me! You built a barn. A freaking barn. And then you got her a pony. As if she isn't spoiled enough as it is. She is spoiled rotten, and now she has a pony. How could you not ask me?" She said loudly.

"I thought I was doing a good thing. I thought with the twins coming-- I thought it would make her happy. I thought that it would give her something to focus on. The twins will take a lot of out time. And Anna, we will try to give her all the attention she needs, but you know they are going to drain us. It's not as if we don't have help. That's why Jane's horse is here. She is company for Sandy. And Jane can teach Anna everything she needs to know. I thought I was doing a good thing." He said with a sigh.

"Do you know what you've done? Ponies can be nasty. They can bite and kick. And they seem to be more ill tempered than a horse. It's because they are small. Adults can't ride them and they get away with everything. And Anna could be hurt. Have you not see Gone With the Wind!" She yelled as she glared him.

"Sandy is a sweet pony. Jane looked everywhere for her. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body. As long as Anna knows the rules, she will be fine." Derek said as he looked at her.

"What about founder? Laminitis? Cushings? She is more likely to get those things. Do you really want to have to put the pony down because we didn't know what we were doing? Damn-it, Derek! You didn't think about this. You didn't research. You didn't ask me!" She said loudly.

"You little shit." Derek said, shaking his head.

"What?" She said as she looked at him innocently.

"You were going to get her a pony. That's how you know all of this." He said as he shook his head with a smile.

"I was not!" She said quickly, a grin playing on her face.

"You were too. You know too much. I can't believe you. Just admit it." He said with a chuckle.

"Fine. Fine! I was going to get her a pony. That was until I realized how much work they were. That was until I realized that we are doctors and barely have time for ourselves." She spat.

"You were going to get her a pony." He said in disbelief. He glanced over out the window and smiled. He motioned for her to look. They both looked out, seeing Anna and Jane driving Sandy in the yard.

"She looks happy." Meredith said with a smile.

"She is happy. She loves that pony." He said as he watched them. "So are you still mad? After seeing your daughter's smiling face?" He asked with a grin.

"No. I'm not mad." She grumbled as she looked out the window. She looked over to see a smug smile on Derek's face. "I can't believe you."

"What?" Derek said innocently.

"Our twins don't even have a chance." She said as she shook her head.

"You're right about that." He said with a chuckle.

**So Anna got her pony! More to come. This isn't over yet!**


	113. A Little Pick Me Up

"I am not happy about this." Derek said firmly as he sat down the the kitchen table.

"Derek... Addison approved it. You were right there next to me. you heard her say it." Meredith said as she sat across from him and took a bite of her english muffin. Peanut butter and honey, her new favorite.

"A week. One week of rest. I think you need to take off until the twins get here." He said with a serious tone.

"No. I can't. I will be off for forever when they get here. I need to work. I have to use my mind." She told him frankly. "If I watch one more t.v. show, I think my head will explode. And I will be on SCUT. I'm not even doing anything overwhelming." She said as she shoved the last bite in her mouth.

"Meredith, now is not the time to be stubborn." He told her as he took another bite of his muesli.

"I'm not being stubborn. If it bothers me, I will stop. I promise." She said with a smile.

"I don't know about you, Meredith. You are too much for me." He said with a huff.

"Well, if that's the case, I'm sure you could find some other woman to put up with you. Actually... Probably not." She said with a chuckle.

"Definitely not. And I wouldn't want another one. You are all I need. And you are almost more than I can handle." He told her.

"Did anyone feed the horses?" Meredith asked as she looked out at the barn.

"Jane does when she comes. But I think Anna will need to start doing it too." Derek told her with a nod.

"She's too young to go out there by herself." Meredith told him.

"Well, i will help her." He said quickly.

"See, here is the problem. You can't. You work. Our schedule is nuts. There is no way we could do it. Now we have the thing... If Jane quit, we'd be screwed." Meredith told him.

"Jane wouldn't quit. And we would figure it out. Besides, it's teaching Anna responsibility." Derek told her as he took his last bite of muesli.

"Keep telling yourself that." She told him with a chuckle. "I think it's teaching her how spoiled she is and can be." She snapped. "Well, I need to go." She said as she leaned down and kissed him. "I'm sure there is an awesome surgery that will be happening today. Maybe holding something very heavy. Or standing in the OR for thirteen hours."

"Don't make me have to check up on you." He shouted after her.

"Goodbye, Derek." She said as she shut the door behind her.

Meredith climbed in the car. She was lucky. Very lucky. Long legs. If she didn't have long legs, there would be no way she could drive. Her stomach was very close to touching the steering wheel. It wasn't dangerous yet, but it was getting close. The load she was carrying around seemed to get heavier and heavier by the day. It wouldn't be long before she couldn't drive.

"You are a cow." Cristina said as she looked down at Meredith's stomach as she pulled her top off.

"Thanks, bitch." Meredith joked as she pulled her shirt down.

"No problem, you old married whore." Cristina responded with a smile.

"Holy shit, Grey!" Alex said as he began to laugh. "You aren't having twins, you're having a football team."

"Don't listen to him. You look great." George said with a nod.

"O'Malley, do you have an obsession with pregnant women now?" Alex said with a chuckle.

"Meredith, you look fine." Izzie said firmly as she walked over and put her hands on her stomach. "And you two are so lucky you stayed put." She told the twins happily. They heard the door open and glanced up.

"Assignments. Shepherd. I think you know what you are doing today." Bailey said as she walked in. Meredith nodded her head and walked out of the locker room.

Meredith grabbed the charts and started reading over them. She was still sleepy. The twins, kept her up. Lately they hadn't been sleeping. Occasionally she could talk to them and calm them down, but they were getting pretty active. And as much as she didn't want to admit it, she knew they were getting ready.

"Dr. Shepherd... How are you feeling after your ordeal?" Dr. Rayburn asked as he walked up from behind.

"Good. I'm feeling good." She said quickly as she glanced up at him.

"Well, I'm glad they didn't make their presence know yet." He said with a nod.

"So am I." Meredith said with an agreeing nod.

"I have an craniotomy scheduled in an hour. Do you want in?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes. Oh god yes. But no. I promised Derek I wouldn't. And I won't." She said with a frown as she patted her stomach.

"Well that's no fun." He said with a chuckle.

"No. No it's not." She agreed as she looked back over at him.

Meredith looked up at the clock. She knew there was a reason why her stomach was growling. She was hungry. But she was tried too. Her charts were done. Bailey's post-op notes were up to date. And she needed to rest. She went to the cafeteria and grabbed a turkey sandwich. She finished before she even made it down to the basement. Her feet ached. Ached didn't even begin to describe it. It was more like a someone had smashed her feet with a hammer feeling. Her head was pounding. Her back was pounding. She had never been so happy to see a gurney in her life. She laid softly and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.

"Dude, she looks like a beached whale." Alex said with a chuckle.

"That was mean." Izzie said as she smacked him in the arm.

"It's true. She actually does." Cristina agreed as she looked at her sleeping friend.

"I give it a week." Alex said with a nod. "A week and we'll have two screaming McWhatevers."

"No, two weeks at least." Izzie told him. "She's big, but she's not ready."

"Full term. Mer's too stubborn. She'll stick it out." Cristina said firmly.

"Would you like to make a friendly wager?" Alex asked.

"You bet your ass. Two hundred." Cristina said with a nod. "Full term, I don't care if I have to push them back in." She said as she looked at her friend, sleeping peacefully.

----------------

Meredith ambled down the stairway. The house was quiet. Eerily quiet. She needed some fresh air. The twins were making their presence known tonight. Damien was in her ribs. A true Rosemary's baby. She loved it. She really did. It was like a wake up call. Every time they moved, she knew they were still in there. Still kicking, still alive. She was hungry, craving something. She looked in the refrigerator. She grabbed the jar of peanut butter fudge sauce and a pickle. Meredith looked out the picture window at the barn. She slowly slid her shoes on and started to walk through the damp grass. She hadn't really been out to the barn. She refused. She was still letting Derek think that she was mad about it.

Meredith flipped on the light, seeing two sleepy horses blinking their eyes. She looked at the brass name plates on their stalls. Everything was so perfect. The barn was completely spotless, not a scrap of hay on the concrete aisle-way. Dipping her pickle in the jar, she stood there and watched them. Both nickered softly at her. She grabbed a little hay from the bale and watched them both eat. They seemed so content by such a little gesture. Paige made her way over to the stall door, sticking her head through the fold down door. She sniffed Meredith's peanut butter fudge dipped pickle.

"Do you like that?" Meredith asked as she held it out. The mare's ears went up as she reached for the odd concoction in Meredith's hand.

"Fine, you can have the last bite." She said as she dipped the small piece and held it out. Paige snapped it up quickly. Sandy quickly went to her door and began talking.

"I don't have anything left." Meredith said with a shrug. She quickly turned around and opened the tack room door, grabbing a few treats. She smiled as they gobbled them down and then went back to their hay.

"I see how it is...you get what you want, and then walk away." She said with a chuckle. "Horses are just like men." She muttered as she walked to the light switch and made her way up to the house.

Meredith climbed back into the bed. She looked over at her sleeping husband. Addison gave her the okay. She was shocked, but Addison said yes. She wanted to wake him up. She hadn't felt him in so long. She needed him. She wanted him. She had needs and he needed to fill them. She leaned over and kissed him softly on the neck. She felt him stir slightly and roll onto his back.

"Mmmm." He said as he sleepily opened his eyes. He looked into hers. He knew what she wanted. Her mouth quickly moved to his, full of need.

"I need you." She moaned as she moved her hands down to his boxers.

"It's two in the morning." He said as he looked at the clock.

"I know." She said as he hand slid into his boxers. He gasped as he felt her hand teasing him. "I need you." She reiterated with haste as she began stroking his member.

"Oh god..." He moaned as he felt his erection growing in her grasp. She released his pulsating cock and pulled his boxers down.

"I want you to fuck you. Hard." She said as she hovered over him. He smiled as she once again began working him, a glint of pre-cum making it's presence. She slowly lowered herself onto his waiting shaft. He groaned as he felt himself filling her tight space. He slowly slid his hands inside of her shirt and massaged her throbbing breasts.

"Der..." She moaned as she felt him inside of her. He smiled as she rocked her hips. His smile grew as he saw the deep desire in her eyes. She began pumping harder as she felt his cock grow inside of her. The blood pumping forcefully.

"Fuck...Mer..." He shouted as he felt her tighten around him.

"Oh god, Der...Oh god..." She moaned as she felt herself nearing. She felt his hands squeeze her ass tightly, causing her to pump harder. His hips met her every move. Meredith began to shudder as he climax took her over, her mind becoming cloudy.

"Shit...I'm...I'm coming...Fuck..." Derek shouted as he felt her clamp around him, sending him over the edge. "Oh...oh god..." He moaned as he released inside of her, their fluids mixing inside.

"Oh god..." She muttered as she collapsed. She lifted herself up, pulling him out.

"I'm glad you woke me up." He said breathlessly.

"Yeah...me too." She agreed. She laid there looking at the ceiling. "I'm...today was my last day. You were right. It's too much."

"Yeah? You're sure?" He asked as he looked down at her. She nodded. He pulled her against his side. He knew how hard it was for her to admit that. He was proud of her. She was truly taking care of herself. It was about time.

-----------------------

Meredith climbed into her BMW. She didn't know what to do. The house was boring. Anna was at school. Jane had already left for the day. Everything was done. The house was clean. And there was no way she could stare at the television for another second. Driving down the familiar streets of Seattle she made her way to the baby store.

"Hello, ma'am. How are you today?" The salesperson said as she waddled in.

"I'm great." She said as she placed her hand on her stomach and began looking around.

"Do you need help with anything?" She asked as she followed Meredith.

"No, I think I'm okay." Meredith said with a smile as she continued on.

It was getting so close. She was nervous and excited. Pretty soon, she would be gaining her flat stomach back, and maybe she would even be able to see her feet again. She looked through the onsies. They were so little and cute. She grabbed ones that said Daddy's little girl, and Mommy's little man. Twins. It was amazing. Two children at once. Meredith moved to the back and looked at some tops for herself. Even her maternity tops weren't fitting right at this point.

"So, how much longer do you have to go?" The woman asked as she gestured to Meredith's large abdomen.

"Four weeks." Meredith said with a grin. "I feel like I just found out."

"It goes fast. Almost too fast. But they will be so much fun." She said with a smile.

"Are they your first?" She asked.

"I have a six year old daughter, but she's adopted. This is my first pregnancy." Meredith said as she watched her scan the clothing and baby items.

"I really enjoyed being pregnant. My husband and I are trying for number six." She told her.

"Six? I can't imagine. One six year old is enough right now." Meredith said with a nod.

"I know my daughter was so jealous when I had my second child. She got over it. They just get insecure. How is you daughter?" She questioned as she put the last of the items in the bag.

"I think she will be okay. She's pretty secure. Almost too secure. My husband spoils her horribly ." Meredith admitted as she handed her her credit card.

"Well, good luck. Maybe you'll have to bring them in sometime." She said with a smile as she handed her the receipt.

"Yeah, sure." Meredith said with a smile as she grabbed her bags and walked out to her car.

Driving down the road, she looked at her clock in the car. It was nearly lunch time. She knew Derek had office today. She called him up, and decided that she would pick up some lunch and meet him at the office. On her way down the road, she saw an ice cream shop. She quickly turned in the lot. She needed ice cream. After grabbing a large chocolate dipped waffle cone, she climbed in the car. She drove down the road, licking the chocolate goodness. It quickly melted, part of it landing on her shirt.

"Shit!" She muttered as she looked at the large chocolate stain on her white top. Wiping it with a tissue, she she drove down the road, stopping at the deli.

With their deli sandwiches on the passenger seat, she drove down the road. Her large stomach close to the steering wheel. Traffic was bad, and all she could think of was sinking her teeth into the large pastrami sandwich. Lately she had been hungry all of the time, and at her last checkup she had gained several pounds. At the moment she didn't care, her stomach was talking louder than her head.

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd!" The receptionist said as she watched Meredith walk in.

"Hello, Sylvia." Meredith said with a smile as she walked in the door. She had their bag of food strategically placed in front of her large chocolate stain.

"Dr. Shepherd is in his office." She said as she watched Meredith walk through.

"Thanks." Meredith said as she continued down the hall and opened the door to his office, shutting it behind her.

"Hello, beautiful." he said as she stood up and walked around the desk, kissing her.

"Hello." She said with a smile as she placed the bag on the desk.

"What did you do?" He asked as he looked at the huge chocolate stain on the front of her.

"Stopped for ice cream." She said with a sigh. He chuckled as he looked at it. "I was hungry. I am hungry." She said as she opened the bag and pulled out her sandwich. He watched as she took a big bite and moaned.

"I think I'm jealous." He said as he took his sandwich out of the bag.

"Why's that?" She asked as she took another bite.

"Because a sandwich is making you moan louder than I do." He said as he shook his head.

"This isn't just a sandwich. It's pastrami." She said quickly.

"Oh. That explains it all!" He joked as he sunk his teeth into his own sandwich. "So what did you do today?" He asked.

"Went shopping. I got some baby stuff. And I also got a few shirts for myself. And it looks like I'm going to have to change into one if I want to keep my dignity." She joked as she took a bite, a huge dollop of mustard landing on her shirt. "You have got to be kidding me!" She shouted as she looked down.

"I guess you aren't used to that being in the way." Derek joked.

"You do realize I am going to look like a deflated balloon, right?" She asked as she looked down.

"You will still look beautiful." He told her quickly. She rolled her eyes and finished her sandwich. She rolled her head back and moaned. Derek's gaze fell to her swollen breasts as she her chest stuck out.

"Well, I think I need to change if I'm going to get going." She said as she pushed her self up.

Derek watched as she peeled her dirty top off. Her butter soft skin was inviting. The cocoa butter she had been applying several times a day had her skin glowing. His eyes travelled to her cleavage. Her breasts sat perfectly in the pink bra. He sat his sandwich down and looked at her.

"Now why did you have to do that?" He asked as he looked at her.

"What?" She asked with a seductive grin.

"This." He said as he stood up, his hard erection making it's self known.

"Oh...That." She said with a giggle. She watched as he quickly walked around the desk. He walked up and ran his hands across her soft skin. "I think I want you..." She said as she nipped his ear with her teeth.

"I think that can be arranged." He said, his mouth sucking on her collar bone as he fumbled with the clasp of her bra. She moaned when she felt them set free from their confinement. Derek immediately moved his tongue down, trailing around her swollen tissue. Pregnancy had done amazing things in that department. She gasped when she felt his teeth pull at her swollen nipple.

"I need you." She said forcefully, as she hastily unbuttoned his shirt. Derek nodded as she pulled his shirt off. He quickly unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down with her thong. Derek placed her hands on her bare ass and sat her on his desk. She fumbled with her dress slacks, pushing them down with his boxers. She smiled as his fingers began to trail down her body. His ran his hands across her feminine mound, placing a finger inside.

"Damn you're wet." He moaned as he swirled his index and middle finger inside of her. He pulled them out and stared at his glistening fingers before sticking them in his mouth. "And you taste good too." He said as he licked them. Meredith slid off the desk, placing her feet on the floor.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he watched her.

"That will never work." She said as she began to stroke him rhythmically.

"Oh god." He said as he felt her warm petite hand tightening around him. She smiled when she saw his pre-cum glistening on the head of his large penis. She quickly dropped to her knees as she took him in her mouth. In and out. Her tongue traced the bulging vein, that was supplying the power.

"Shit..." He moaned as she placed him in her mouth again, deep throating his large cock. Derek held her head as she bobbed, in and out. His hips matched her rhythm, as she sucked harder and harder. "Shit...I'm...Ohhh..." He moaned as he released his hot fluid into her awaiting mouth. She pulled away, grabbing a napkin off of the desk and wiping her mouth of the abundant fluid. "Wow..." He said breathlessly.

"I still need you..." She pointed out as she ran her finger across herself. She lifted herself onto his desk, spreading her legs wide. Allowing him a front row seat to the erotic she was ready to put on. He watched as she plunged two fingers deep inside, swirling and twisting. "Oh...God...Oh." She moaned as she felt herself nearing. "Oh...god..." She said as she released.

She pulled her wet fingers out, extra fluid dripping onto his desk. Derek walked over and placed her fingers in his mouth. He smiled as he pulled her close and sucked on her lower lip then thrust his tongue into her mouth. She pulled away and he pulled her off of the desk, turning her around. She moaned as she leaned over, placing her hands on his desk. She felt him thrust into her hard from behind.

"Holy shit!" She shouted as she felt his large cock slam into her, his balls smacking into her hard.

"You like that?" He asked as he hit her again.

"Yes. Oh god yes." She moaned as she felt him pull in and out. "Oh god..." Derek placed his hands on her ass as squeezed tightly.

"God, Mer." He moaned as his cock slammed into her again. "Shit..."

"Harder, Der." She moaned, feeling him pound into her. The desk slid a few inches with the force.

"Oh...Shit...I'm...Fuck..." He said as he thrust into her.

"Der...I'm...Oh." She said as she released, her body pulsating, tensing and releasing around him.

"Oh..." He moaned as he spilling into her, his cock pulsating hard. He paused for a moment, and he stood there, leaning down to kiss her softly. He pulled out with a moan. Meredith turned around and leaned against the desk.

"That was a good lunch." She said breathlessly.

"Better than pastrami?" He asked with a smile as he slide his pants on. She began dressing herself.

"Way better." She said with a smile, as she pulled her new top over her head. They both looked up when they heard a knock on the door. Derek walked over and opened it. The nurse smiled at their disheveled but pleased looks. Derek temples still wet with sweat.

"Your patient is ready." She said with a smile.

"I'll be right there." Derek said as he straightened his shirt.

"I'll send someone in to clean up your lunch." She said as she looked in, seeing the food wrappers.

"I've got it." Meredith said as she began cleaning up and wiping the desk clean. There was no way she'd let anyone else clean that up. "Have a good day." She said as she gave him a quick peck.

"I will now." He said as he kissed her back. "And I'll see you tonight."

Meredith drove through the traffic. Most of the lunch people had gone back to work. She was worn out. But she was happy. Derek had just satisfied all of her needs. Now she was going to go home and take a long nap. She pulled down her driveway, seeing a strange car in the driveway. She pulled up into the garage and walked back out to the front. Her face dropped as she looked up.

"Meredith." The woman said with a huge grin as she walked up.

"Evelyn." Meredith said as she embraced her. So much for relaxation.

**We needed the suss. There will be a lack of it. Things will be happening. Stuff will move along!**


	114. Splash

She was close to insanity. Dangerously close. She loved her. She really did. But it was getting to be too much. Too much caring. Too much concern. She was being far too helpful. Far too clingy. She had to make sure everything was just so. It had to be perfect. Meredith had to be comfortable. It was too much. Meredith couldn't take it, she had to shake her off.

"Anna..." Meredith whispered. "I bet grandma would love to see your pony again." She said as she looked over at Evelyn who was washing the dishes from the dinner that she had just made.

"Mommy...I know what your doing." She said as she shook her head in disgust.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked innocently as she looked over at the old woman, working obsessively.

"You just wanna get rid of grandma." Anna said with a giggle. "I will take her. But you owe me." Anna replied as she walked over to Evelyn.

"Grandma? Will you take me out to see my pony?" She said as she cocked her head and asked sweetly.

"Of course, as long as your mommy is okay." She said as she looked over at Meredith.

"Oh! I'm fine." Meredith said as she walked into their large kitchen. "In fact, I will finish the dishes." Meredith said as she stepped in front of the sink.

"Oh no, dear. You need to rest." She said as she looked at Meredith.

"That's all I have done all day." Meredith said as she stuck her hands in the warm water.

"Meredith. I am warning you." She said as she glared at her.

"Fine!" She said in a huff as she wheeled around and walked away. "And just what do you expect me to do?"

"Oh, dear. Don't be angry. I just don't want you to overdo it. You aren't that far away from your due date. And I am positive you will be early." She said as she looked over at Meredith who had an impossible time getting herself into a comfortable position.

"I hate sitting here. I hate it." She pouted as she sat on the sofa.

She leaned over to pick up her recent issue of Cosmo and frowned. She looked at the cover. No sex. Addison said no sex. She wasn't suppose to want it. She was huge. Gigantic. She was uncomfortable. But yet she wanted him. She really wanted him. She threw the magazine back on the table and laid her head back. She heard the garage door open. Derek was home. Finally. He was home. She nearly sprung off the sofa.

"Derek." She said in desperation. "I missed you." She said as she pulled him close and kissed him.

"I missed you too." He said as he kissed her back.

"Derek, dear." Evelyn said as she walked into the living room. "How was your day?"

"Daddy." Anna said with a big grin.

"Hey baby." He said as he patted her on the head. "My day was great." Derek said enthusiastically.

"Grandma was going to take me out to the barn." Anna said as she grabbed Evelyn's hand.

"Oh. Well, I could take you, if grandma doesn't want to." He suggested as he looked up. Meredith glared. Not your average glare. An I want to kill you, glare. "Or not. In fact, I'm sure Anna has things to show you." Derek said, praying she would take the bait.

"Only if you take care of your wife." Evelyn said as she looked up at them both.

"I think I can handle that." Derek said with an agreeing nod as he glanced at a relieve Meredith.

"Okay then. Anna let's go." She said as she slid on her shoes and they walked out the door.

"She has to go." Meredith growled out loudly. Derek looked at her with wide eyes in shock. "She has to go..." She cried out as she laid her head against his chest. "She has to go..." She said as she began to sob.

"Mer... What's wrong?" He said as he stroked her back.

"What's wrong?" She yelled as she pulled away. "She's everywhere. No honey, don't do that. I will help you. You look cold, let me cover you up. How are you feeling? Can I get you a drink? Are you hungry? Oh dear, you need to eat. You need to put your feet up. You need to take a nap! I can't take it!" She screamed loudly. Derek stood there, unsure of what to say.

"She does it because she cares." He said as he cocked his head.

"I know. I know that! And I love her, I do. I love her like my own mother. More. I love her more. But I can't take this. She has to go, Derek. I can't stay here like this. I'm in a fucking prison." She cried out.

"Mer--" He said as he looked up at her tear stained face.

"No. I am ready to break my water. I am ready to break my water, just to get her ass out of my house!" She said quickly.

"I'll see what I can do." He said with a sigh.

"Sure you will." She said as she rolled her eyes. "I'm going to go take a bath. I'm sure that's what _your mother_ would want." She said as she stalked up the stairs.

Derek didn't talk to his mom. He was a chicken. When it came to mama Shepherd, he wouldn't stand up. No one would. He ate his dinner alone. At the dinner table. He expected Meredith to come down, she didn't. She was mad. She was mad and now he had to deal with it.

Derek left Evelyn in the great room watching television. He told her he was tired. It was a lie. He just couldn't sit there with her. She was his mother. And he left home at eighteen for good. Never to live there again. And now it felt like he was back. Derek put Anna to bed and slowly walked to his room. Meredith was laying there in the bed, reading a book.

She looked up at him. It was a scowl. A definite scowl. He didn't say a word. Not yet. It was still far too dangerous. He walked in the bathroom and turned the shower on. This was worse than he thought. She really was angry. He should have known. It happened with every one of his sister's pregnancies. Mama Shepherd took over.

Derek walked out of the shower. The door was open. Meredith watched the water drip down his solid body. The water drizzled down his chest. Moving down his hip and to his groin. She watched as he grabbed a towel. She was willing him with her mind to not cover himself up. She just wanted to watch, enjoy the view. He did it. He tied the towel around his waist. She quickly went back to her book, glancing up every few minutes.

He walked out of the bathroom and to his bureau, and dropped his towel. There her eyes travelled. Up his leg, resting on the promised land. She wanted him. She wanted him in the worst way. But it was a no. She couldn't. She wasn't allowed. Finally she realized he wasn't moving. Her eyes finally met his. He had a huge grin on his face. He knew what she was looking at. He laughed even louder when she let out a growl and threw her book on the table, shutting off the light.

"Mer..." He said as he laid down in the bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her.

"I am not talking to you!" She said firmly.

"Seriously?" He said with a chuckle.

"Seriously." She said firmly as she closed her eyes and huffed. Derek silently chuckled to himself. Hormones.

_--------------------_

Derek laid there. He had office at nine. It was only seven. he had plenty of time to just laze in the bed. And that's what he wanted to do. He wanted to lay there in the silence of their room. Away from his mom. he too was hiding. She there he laid, looking at his wife. Meredith could feel his gaze on her. He was burning a hole through her head with his eyes. He had been for awhile.

"What?" She snapped without opening her eyes.

"Oh, now we're talking?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Oh yeah... No we're not." She said as she grabbed a spare pillow and covered her head.

"Mer..." He said as he pulled the pillow off of her.

"No. No Mer. Why don't you go downstairs? I'm sure your mother has prepared a wonderful breakfast for you." She said with a scowl.

"Funny. Really." He said with a groan. "She's my mom. I can't say anything to her. Ask Drew. You don't tell her. She tells you." He explained, she finally opened her eyes.

"It's been awhile, I know... But did your balls fall off? Did I miss that memo?" She said as she looked at him.

"I still have balls. Big balls." He grumbled. "Fine. If that's what you want...fine. I'll tell her. I'll break her heart."

"No. Fine. It's fine. Whatever." She said with a huff. "I'm just tired. I'm so tired. And my back hurts. And my feet hurt."

"Well, let me rub your back." He said with a smile.

"You can't. I can't lay on my stomach, it just makes my damn back hurt more." She moaned. Derek went down to the end of the bed and began rubbing her feet.

"You don't have much longer." He said with a smile.

"I know." She said with a smile.

"I could cancel my office visits today." He suggested as he kneaded her feet.

"I'll be fine." She said as she rolled onto her back. "I just need to learn to embrace your mother, that's all." She told him with a sigh.

"She really does care. You don't know how guilty she would feel if something happened and she wasn't here." He explained.

"I know." She said as she closed her eyes. "I'm just going to stay in bed today, if that's okay." She said softly.

"You are on bed rest." He said quickly.

"I know, but I feel lazy staying up here. But I can't go down there." She said as she closed her eyes and pulled the covers up to her chin.

"I will let her know." He said as he crawled up to her. "Thank you."

"For what?" She said without opening her eyes.

"For doing this. For sacrificing yourself for our children." He said as he bent down and kissed her forehead.

"I love you." She said as she pulled him down to her lips.

"I love you too." He said as he kissed her softly. He went through his morning routine, and then changed his clothes.

"I'll be home as early as I can." He said as walked out.

"Okay." She said as she rolled onto her side and closed her eyes.

---------------

Two weeks. Meredith had two weeks until her due date. Evelyn was still in the house, driving everyone crazy. Even Anna was complaining about how grandma never left. Derek wanted to be home with his wife, but being away from Evelyn was better at this point. Meredith was right. She picked. Picked at this. Picked at that. It was never ending. And Derek was feeling the push. And he was getting close to pushing back.

"I think Meredith is depressed." Evelyn said as she sat down with Derek at the dinner table. It was nine o'clock. He had gotten stuck in an emergency surgery. Anna was already in bed.

"Why would you say that?" Derek said, slightly defensively.

"Well, she sleeps all day. Non stop. All day. Then she snaps at me. She's always snapping at me. She cries then yells. But this sleeping thing. It worries me." Evelyn said with concern. Derek could feel the anger boiling.

"She's pregnant, mom." He said loudly.

"Oh. And that's an excuse? Derek, if there is a problem, we need to fix it now. I would hate for her to do something." She said softly. "And you haven't been so pleasant yourself."

"Damn-it, mom! Meredith is not depressed. She's pregnant! She is ready to pop. This is her first pregnancy, and it's with twins. Her back hurts. Her feet hurt. Her body aches. She's tired. And you nag. Nag, nag, nag! Non stop. She needs to rest. Not be nagged and have you asking her every fucking question in the book. If she needs a blanket, she will get it! Or she'll ask. She knows how to talk. And if she needs something, she will ask you. And as to her snapping? I wonder why! And it doesn't help that neither of us have had sex in three weeks, and damn-it I just want my wife!" He yelled as he looked at her teary eyes.

"I'm sorry...I-- I'm sorry." She said as she stood up and walked upstairs. Meredith crept around the corner.

"Derek!" She said in shock. "You apologize to your mother!" She said as she walked up and smacked him softly.

"What? Isn't that what you wanted?" He said as he looked at her.

"I wanted you to explain to her. Not send her tears." She said with a frown. "You yelled at her."

"She deserved it." He grumbled as he pushed her plate away.

"She did not. You made good points, but you yelled. And it wasn't for me. It was because you are in a shitty mood." She said frankly as she grabbed his dishes.

"I am not in a shitty mood." He told her.

"You are. I know you want sex. I know you need it. I'm sorry. But it's only two months long to wait if I last until my due date." She said as she began washing dishes.

"Two months! Two months!" He said angrily.

"Fine. I'll have sex with you. I mean, no big deal, right? Forget what Addison said." She said as she sat the dry dishes on the counter and grabbed his hand.

"Meredith..." He said, realizing how foolish he was being.

"No. I'll screw your brains out, right now." She said as she pulled him.

"I'm sorry." He said as he rested his head on her chest. "I'm so sorry." She ran her fingers through her hair.

"No more kids." She said firmly.

"Not that I don't love them... It's just overwhelming." He said with a sigh.

"It will get easier." She said with a smile.

"I hope so." He said as he listened to her heart beat. "For once, you are the one making me think straight." He said with a chuckle.

"The world is in trouble now." She said with a giggle. "Now go apologize to your mom. Then go to bed. Just because I can't enjoy, doesn't mean you can't." She said as she grazed his pants with her hand.

"Mer..." He said with a sigh.

"Go!" She said firmly. She smiled as he slowly walked up the stairs. She rubbed her hands on her stomach. They needed to come soon.

-------------------

Meredith had a plan. She felt guilty about wanting to get rid of Evelyn, but she had to. She needed some space. She needed to breathe. She needed to be able to walk around the house naked if she wanted to. And damn-it she had a plan.

It was early. Evelyn had already cooked breakfast for Derek, Anna and Meredith. She had put Jane out of a job. Derek even upped Jane's pay to make up for the time lost. All they needed was Jane finding another job. Doing the barn only took a few hours, and Evelyn had taken over everything domestic.

So it was Evelyn doing everything. And Meredith had a plan. Evelyn had to put her make-up on. She didn't do anything without make-up. It was at the same time every morning. Right after Derek left. Meredith heard her go upstairs as she stared at the t.v.

The plan was in action. Meredith quickly went to the kitchen. Milk. The gallon was full. Not anymore. She quickly poured the majority of it out. She placed the jug back in the refrigerator. Orange juice. Now that was low. She poured all of that out, and threw the container in the trash. Eggs. Oh no...just one left. Meredith laughed as she cracked eggs. What else? Bananas. She threw those in the bottom of the trash. Cocoa... Goodbye. She quickly rushed to the great room and sat back down.

"Mom?" She yelled from the sofa.

"Yes, dear?" She said as she came down the stairs.

"Can I have a glass of orange juice?" Meredith asked with an evil grin.

"Of course, dear. You need your vitamin C." She said as she rushed into the kitchen. "Oh no." Meredith heard her say.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly.

"Oh nothing. I thought we were out of orange juice, but here is some in the freezer." Evelyn said with a smile.

"Oh..." Meredith said with disgust.

"What's wrong?" Evelyn asked as she walked in.

"I need Tropicana. Anything else makes my stomach burn." She said with a sour face.

"Oh..." Evelyn said with a frown.

"This isn't good. Hmm... Hey, can you make that great chocolate cake today? That sounds good..." She said with a grin.

"Of course. We have everything. In fact, I'll make it right now." She said as she bent down and kissed Meredith's head. "You are a wonderful daughter." _If you only knew._

"Oh no! We have no milk, eggs, or cocoa. I know we had eggs and milk! I used them this morning. What the heck!" She said loudly as she moved things around in the refrigerator.

"I really wanted that cake..." Meredith said with a moan.

"Hmm... How are you feeling?" Evelyn asked as she walked into the room.

"Fine. Great even." Meredith said with a smile.

"Do you think you would be okay while I ran to the store?" She asked with a look of uneasiness.

"Hmm... How long?" Meredith asked, pretending she didn't want her to.

"Oh, an hour." Evelyn said quickly.

"I'm sure I will be fine. I'll get you some money. You may as well pick up everything we need." Meredith said, knowing that she was going to make a huge list.

"Let me finish putting my make-up on." Evelyn said as she walked upstairs. Meredith smiled when she heard her rush back down.

"Okay dear." She said as she gathered her purse and Meredith's keys. "I won't be gone long." She said as she kissed Meredith on the head.

"Okay. I'll be fine." Meredith said softly. She heard the garage door open. She was free! Her plan actually worked. Now what to do?

Nothing. She could barely move. She was a beached whale. Literally. She tried to stand up, but it seemed harder than ever. Her feet were aching. Her body hurt. Oh well. At least she was free. Now she had some peace and quiet. Some time to hear herself think. Then it hit. Another contraction. Her back. Her stomach. It hurt and it hurt bad.

She had been having them on and off for the last few days. It was normal. She knew it was normal. But this one was harder. This one hurt. She slowed her breathing. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. She laid back when it stopped. That one was strong. Really strong. She closed her eyes, thanking god it was over. Then she heard a knock at the door.

Meredith moaned. Maybe she could just ignore it. There it was again. And again. And then the doorbell. Crap. She slowly rolled herself off of the couch. Her feet killed her when they hit the floor. She walked slowly to the door, her huge stomach was now almost immobilizing. She neared the door and put her hand on the handle. She could see a large figure through the frosted glass. She opened the door. Her heart stopped. She stared. Her heart went to her throat. Her stomach in knots. She looked at him. Not now. She slammed the door. Neither speaking.

"Oh my God." She moaned as she grabbed her stomach. It hurt. Oh God did it hurt. She held to her stomach tightly. She could feel the pressure. This was bad. She looked at the door. He was still there. She cried out in pain as she opened the door. "I need help." She moaned in desperation. Splash.

**Reviews are wonderful...Did I ever tell you that?**


	115. Welcome to the World

"Oh my god!" She cried out. Meredith looked down. A puddle. A big puddle. And that big puddle came from her. She began to gasp for air in a panic. Her water broke. Her children were on there way. And he was here. At the worst possible time, he shows up.

"Oh my god! Is that? Did your? Oh my god!" He shouted as he looked at the floor.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" She said as she looked around, unsure what to do. "I have to-- I need to-- Hospital. I need to-- Hospital." She said as she struggled to breath.

"Let's go!" He said as he looked at her.

"My-- I need my--- Bag. I need my bag!" She cried out as she pointed upstairs. She struggled to walk to the stairs. She lifted her foot and cringed.

"I'll get it." He said as he rushed to her side. "Where is it?" He asked as he looked up.

"Second room on the left. It's by the closet." She said breathlessly.

He quickly jogged up the stairs. He looked around the house. It was perfect. It was just what he expected. He quickly walked into her room, seeing the bag by the closet. He had to hurry. He didn't know anything about babies, but he knew when they came they either came fast or slow, and they had to plan on fast.

"Let's go." He said as he jogged down the stairs.

"Oh god..." She cried out as another contraction took over. He looked over at the pain in her eyes. The grimace on her face. Without asking, he threw his arm under her knees and swept her up. He walked as quickly as he could to the car as gently placed her into the passenger seat.

"Derek... I need..." She cried out as she gripped the seat of the rental car. He pulled to the end of the driveway and looked at her. "Left!" She cried out as she felt the pressure building.

"So...you're..." He said as he looked down at her.

"Pregnant? Yes. How freaking long did it take you to figure that out, you dumb shit!" She screamed as she sat there, tears falling down her cheeks. "Oh my god! Oh my god!"

"What? What?" He asked as he looked over at her.

"Road! Road! You're on the wrong side!" She shouted as she pointed.

"Oh!" He said as he swerved back over, just missing a car head on.

"Who do you think you are? 007?" She shouted nastily as she looked back at the car they had just missed.

"I--" He said in shock as he looked over at her. He glanced at her huge stomach. he had never seen a pregnant woman so big. This is not how he thought it would go. This is not how he planned it.

"Right! Go right here." She yelled. "Oh my god! I don't have my phone! I need to call Derek. I have to call him now!" She started to cry as she looked around the car.

"You can when you get to the hospital." He said as he sped on. Derek? Who the hell was Derek?

"Ahhhh!" She screamed as she gripped the seat again. "Tu-- Turn!" She yelled as she pointed. "Here, up her." She pointed as she grabbed her stomach. They quickly pulled into the hospital's parking lot.

"Thank god..." She said as she opened the door and swung her legs out. She heard him rush around and sweep her up. They rushed into the doors, causing everyone to look up.

"Dr Shepherd!" A nurse said as she noticed them.

"Get Addison!" She screamed as he put her in a wheelchair.

"Right away." She said as she looked at the two of them.

They rushed Meredith up to the OB floor. Everyone was abuzz about Meredith Shepherd. The McBabies were on their way. Meredith laid there in the bed, clenching the sheets. She looked up at him. She couldn't worry about it, not now.

"Meredith..." Addison said as she walked in and put gloves on. "How far apart are the contractions?"

"They are right on top of each other." He said as he looked at Addison. Addison gave Meredith a look of confusion, but kept working.

"Let me check your cervix." She said as she began examining her.

"Derek. Derek doesn't know!" Meredith screamed out in pain.

"Can you get Dr. Shepherd?" Addison said to the nurse standing at the door.

"Is he here?" The nurse asked dumbly.

"Office-- He's at the office---" Meredith cried out as she looked up in a panic.

"Okay." She said with a nod.

"Wow. They are coming fast. Do you want the epideral?" Addison asked as she looked up. Meredith nodded her head yes. "Derek better hurry..." Addison muttered.

Meredith laid there in tears. Addison said they were coming fast. Where was Derek? He needed to get here. He needed to get here fast. She couldn't do this without him. Of all the people in the world, he was the only one she wanted. Addison gave Meredith her epideral and Meredith closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to stop. After awhile she opened them and looked up.

"Nate. What are you doing here?" She said with tears in her eyes.

"You told me I needed to come to the states. You said I should visit. I made it, Mer. I finally did." He said with a smile on his face.

She looked up at the man. The man that she had loved more than anything in the world. Nate was the man that she expected to spend the rest of her life with. The man that she thought she would have children with. The man that she loved more than life. The man that she would have been perfectly happy with in that old apartment. Without the money. Without the maids. They had love. That was all she needed. Well, she thought they had love.

"No, Nate! You son-of--a-bitch! No! No! Why are you here? Right here. In Seattle. At my fucking house? Who do you think you are?" She screamed loudly, causing a nurse to come in. "I'm fine!" She spat nastily. The nurse got wide-eyed and walked out.

"Mer-- I--" He said in shock. He didn't expect it to be this hard. "I missed you..."

"You missed me? You fucking missed me?" She said in disbelief. She looked up to see Addison come in. "Where is Derek?" She spat.

"He's on his way. He just got out of surgery at Mercy-West." Addison said with relief.

"Oh thank god!" She said as she looked at Addison.

"I'm going to check your cervix again." Addison said as she looked down. "Mer, you're effaced. You're going to need to push."

"I can't. Derek's not here!" She said as she looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Meredith, you need to push. It's time." Addison said as she looked up at her.

"No!" Meredith spat.

"Meredith. Derek will kick your ass when he finds out what you are doing." She said with a glare. "You can't do this."

"He needs to be here. I need him!" She cried. "I can't do this without him!"

"He will be here. But now, now you have to push." Addison said as she gave her a pleading look "Please..." Meredith looked up at Addison and nodded her head yes.

Nate looked down at Meredith. The woman he loved so much. The woman he thought about everyday. The woman he left because he wasn't man enough to stand up for himself. She had moved on. She really moved on. She left him in the dust. She was having a baby. And not Ian's baby. Not her husband, apparently ex-husband's child. She had remarried. And she had a little girl. The pink and purple bedroom gave that away. She moved on. He quickly grabbed her hand. She looked up and frowned. But then he felt it. She squeezed.

"Okay, Mer, you're doing great. I need you to push again." Addison said softly as she looked at the two of the,.

"You're doing great, Mer." Nate said as he wiped the sweat off of her face. "Amazing.."

Derek rushed down the hallway of Seattle Grace. Meredith was in labor. Meredith was giving birth to his children. He was going to be a father. This was the single most important moment of his life. In a matter of time, he was going to be holding his children in his arms. He ran towards the room that everyone was pointing to. He gasped when he saw someone sitting there with her.

He paused. A definite pause. That was not him. No. Not him. There was a man sitting next to her. He was holding her hand. He was wiping her face with a damp cloth. He was looking at her lovingly. He was him. He was doing what he was supposed to be doing. If he didn't know better, he'd thought that was how it was supposed to be. They were a family. Not him. Not he who is the father. Who was the man? He knew. It was Nate.

Meredith looked up she let out a huge sigh when she saw him. Derek. Standing there in scrubs. She looked at the curly dark hair that she knew her children would have. His stunning blue eyes. It was the love of her life. The father of her children. The man that she loved more than anything. She needed him. She needed Derek. She was going to be okay. As long as Derek was there, everything will be fine.

"Derek..." She cried out in desperation. Derek watched as she dropped Nate's hand like it was hot.

"Mer, oh god." He said as he rushed over. Nate quickly scrambled out of the way.

"You made it. I was so scared that you wouldn't make it!" She said as she pulled him close. "I'm scared." She said into his ear.

"You will be fine." He said as he kissed her damp forehead.

"Okay, Mer, I need you to push again." She said as she looked up at the two of them with a smile. Meredith bore down and pushed.

"We have the head." She said with a smile. "Oh..." She said as she looked the face. Derek looked at Meredith, who motion for him to look. "I need you to push again." She said as she looked up. Meredith pushed again.

"It's the boy." Derek said in disbelief as the baby wailed loudly.

"Derek, would you like to cut the cord?" Addison asked, looking up at him.

"Of course." Derek said with a proudest grin anyone had ever seen. He cut the cord, and the baby was taken to be cleaned off. "My boy. Our boy." He said in shock, as it became real.

"Okay..." Addison said as she reached inside. "She'd not effaced. We need to try and get her into position."

"Is-- Is she okay?" Meredith asked in a panic as she looked between Addison and Derek..

"She's fine." Addison said with a nod. Derek watched intently. He looked at Meredith, who was near panic. "Come on..."

"Oh no..." Meredith started to cry. "Derek..." She felt him walked over and put his lips on her head.

"She'll be okay." He said confidently. They both looked at Addison, who looked worried.

"Addison?" Derek asked as the time passed. Time. Time lost. Time was ticking and she was in there. Waiting to come out. It was too long. Too much time.

"Okay... Here she is." She said with a relieved sigh. "Okay, you need to push."

"You can do it, Mer." Derek said as he held her hand. "I love you. God, I love you." he said as he kissed her. "I. Love. You." She pushed at his words. She bore down for him. She loved for him. She lived for him. She was her, for him. So she pushed. She pushed hard as she looked into his eyes.

"Here she is." Addison said as she held the little girl up.

"Oh my god!" He said as he stroked Meredith's face. Derek rushed down and cut the cord. Addison placed the crying baby on her stomach.

"My little girl..." Meredith cried as she placed her hands on her.

"She looks just like you..." Derek said in amazement. "Our girl." He said in shock.

"Meredith, you have a little tearing." Addison told her. "I need to stitch you up."

"Okay." Meredith said breathlessly. Derek rushed from the babies, back to Meredith. "We made it. They made it."

"I am so proud of you, baby. I am so proud." He said as he stroked her hair.

She closed her eyes and laid there. When she opened them she saw Derek holding the little girl. Her daughter. Her baby. The tears began running down her face as he looked at her perfect daughter. Derek handed her the baby and grabbed the boy. She looked over at him. They were his children, there was no question about that. He was a natural. He looked like he had been doing it everyday of his life. The proud smile on his face said it all. Their babies made it. They made it.

The loved she felt was immeasurable. There was no way for her to explain it. It was instant, just like they said it was. She already loved them so much. She would give her life for them. They were her world. Her babies. they had the perfect family. Derek, Meredith, Anna and the twins. They both looked up when they heard someone rush in.

"You are in so much trouble, young lady!" Evelyn said, with her hands on her hips.


	116. New Life

"Oh my god..." Evelyn said as she approached Meredith and Derek. They watched as tears came to her eyes. "Oh my..." She said as she grabbed the boy from Derek's arms. "He's perfect." She said as she held him softly. "I missed it." She said sadly.

"I nearly missed it myself." Derek said frankly. "Mer wasn't messing around. I have never heard of anyone giving birth so quickly."

"I don't know, it felt like forever." She said as she kissed her little girl on the head and handed her to Derek.

"Are you sore?" He asked her as he watched her adjust herself in the bed.

"A little." She said with a head nod. "But I'll be okay."

"You're sure?" He asked as he cradled the baby in his arm and ran his hand on her cheek.

"Derek! Two hands!" She gasped as she looked at him. He looked at her and shook his head. So protective, already.

"She's fine." He reassured as he held her with two hands.

"He looks just like Derek did, look at this dark hair." She said as she ran her hands on his head.

"He looks like Mer, too. Look at the chin." Derek said as she pointed.

"Yep, he does." She said with a nod. "Let me see that little girl." Derek traded her. "Look at those cheeks. She is so beautiful. I have to say, and don't you dare say a word to your sisters! These are the most beautiful babies I have ever seen." She said as she cooed at her.

"It's because they're mine." Derek said with a nod.

"Seriously, Derek." Meredith said in disbelief. "Behave yourself."

"It's the truth." He said with a shrug. They looked up as the nurse walked in.

"You want to take them, don't you?" Meredith asked as she looked up.

"Just for a short while. They'll be back." She said with a smile as she grabbed the babies.

"I'm going to miss them." Meredith said as she watched her wheel them out. "I can't explain it..."

"It's called maternal instinct, dear. All you want to do is love and protect them." She said with a smile as she walked to the side of the bed. "And I was not kidding. You are in so much trouble." She said as she pointed her finger at her.

"Mom..." Derek said as he looked at her.

"No, Derek. I was in a panic. I went to the store to get cocoa, milk, orange juice and eggs, Oh, bananas too. Anyway... You said you were fine! I would have been home earlier, can you believe they didn't have bananas? So I had to go to the market. I come home, and you're no where to be found. I figured you were taking a bath, so I waited awhile. Then I saw the puddle by the front door. No note! You just left. You left with no note. I have a cellphone. You could have called!" She scorned.

"I'm sorry, mom. I was in a panic." Meredith explained. "It was so fast."

"I guess none of that matters now." She said as she rubbed Meredith's head. "You should get some rest. Derek, you and I can go check on those babies."

"Are you okay?" He asked as he looked at her.

"Go." She said softly with a nod.

"We'll be right back." He said as he kissed her forehead.

Meredith closed her eyes. She couldn't believe how exhausted she was. All she did was push two humans out. She silently chuckled. Nine months of carrying them around, and now here they were. They were actually here, greeting everyone. She began to snore softly as she drifted asleep.

Nate stood there in the doorway and watched her sleep. He could leave. He could walk away. But he couldn't force himself to do it. Not without talking to her first. Not without attempting to explain the mess that he had created.

Derek walked down the hallway. There he was again. Standing outside of her room. A wave of anger washed over him as he neared. He didn't want him near her. But it wasn't his choice. He wasn't going to be that guy. He wasn't going to be the guy that created this situation. He wasn't going to turn into Ian.

Derek approached loudly. He wanted him to know he was there. He wanted to give him fair warning.

"Oh, hi. You must be, Derek. I'm--" Nate said as he stuck out his hand.

"Nate." Derek said frankly. Nate looked at him in shock.

"You know who I am. Mer told you..." Nate said as he looked at her and then at Derek.

"Not today. But yes, I know of you." Derek said coldly.

"Oh." Nate said, getting that Derek was not to thrilled to see him.

"You have no idea how much you damaged her." Derek said firmly.

"There is more to that situation than meets the eye." Nate retorted.

"I know about Ian. I know why you left. She doesn't know. She's fixed now. She has made peace. Peace with life. Peace with Ian. They are in a good place now. She is happy. It took a long time, and even longer to get her to trust. But she does. She trusts me. I had to work hard to get it that way. Because of you. And we are happy. And I love her. She has moved on. So I suggest that you do the same. As I look at it, there are two ways you can do this. You can either take it like a man and walk away. Or you can stay. I can't tell you what to do." Derek said as he left Nate, standing there, dumbfounded.

----------------

"Oh my god!" Meredith said as she awoke abruptly and placed her hand on her flat stomach.

"They're right here." Derek said with a smile as he looked over.

"Oh..." She said softly.

"You finally got some rest." Derek said as he stroked her cheek. "Izzie and George stopped by."

"I missed them?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"You did." Derek said with a nod.

"Where is Anna?" Meredith asked with concern.

"Jane is on her way with her right now." Derek explained as he looked at her children. Meredith looked at the two sleeping babies.

"I guess they aren't Thing One and Thing Two anymore." Meredith said sleepily.

"No, they aren't." Derek said with a smile "Delilah Meredith, and Devlin Michael."

"Delilah and Devlin." She said with a smile.

"I am so proud of you, Mer." Derek said as he kissed her softly. "I never thought I could be this happy. You have made me so happy. I couldn't ask for anything more."

"I love you, Derek." She said with a smile, he leaned down and kissed her again.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Anna said loudly as she ran in.

"Shhh. The babies are sleeping." Derek said as he put his finger to his lips. Anna rushed right over to take a look.

"They're so small." She said in amazement.

"Oh, they're beautiful..." Jane said as she looked in. "Congratulations." She said as she handed Meredith flowers.

"Thank you, Jane." Meredith said with a smile.

"So welcome to the world--" She looked up at Derek.

"Devlin and Delilah." He told her.

"Lilah and Devi." She said with a smile. "They are adorable."

"Can I hold them?" Anna asked with a hopeful smile.

"Not yet." Derek told her. "They are still too small."

"Oh..." She said with disappointment.

"You will be able to soon. Just give it a little time." Derek said with a smile as he placed his hand on her back.

"When can we go home?" She asked as she looked around.

"Meredith has to stay here tonight." Derek explained. "And I will stay here too."

"With the twins." She pouted as she looked down at them.

"With mommy." Derek clarified. But it was true, he wanted to be with the twins too.

"And Delilah and Devlin." She said with a frown.

"Well, yes, they will be here too." Derek agreed as he looked at her.

"That's stupid. I want you and mommy to come home. They can stay here." She said as she looked at them.

"Mommy isn't ready to go home." Derek told her firmly. "Mommy's tired."

"Mommy can sleep at home." Anna said frankly.

"Anna, mommy and I are staying at the hospital. You can either stay at home with Jane and grandma, or go with Aunt Addison." He explained softly.

"I want to go home." She finally grumbled. "Right now."

"Anna what is wrong?" Meredith asked tiredly.

"You're my mommy. Not theirs." She said with a huff.

"I can be a mommy to all three of you." Meredith said as she waved her to come over. "Derek, Jane, can you leave us alone?" Derek gave her a questioning look. "Anna and I need some time."

"What mommy?" She said as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Come here." She said as she patted on the bend. Anna climbed up with her. "Just because the twins are here, doesn't mean we're going to forget about you." Meredith said with a smile. "Daddy and I love you so much. Nothing could take that away. Devlin and Delilah need special attention. They're babies, they can't take care of themselves. They need us. And they need you." She said as she looked at the little girl.

"I know." Anna agreed. "I'm sorry. I was just afraid. My mommy and daddy died, and I don't want you to leave me." She said as she started to tear up.

"Anna..." She said as she pulled her close. "Mommy and Daddy will never leave you." Anna shook her head and smiled. "Now do you want to go home with Grandma and Jane tonight?"

"Yes. I want to ride my pony." She said as she jumped off the bed, causing Meredith to cringe. "Did I hurt you?"

"Mommy's just sore." Meredith explained as she looked at her daughter.

"Everything okay?" Derek asked as he walked back in the room.

"Yep. I'm going home with Jane." Anna said with a smile.

"Well, we're going to get back. They really are beautiful." Jane said with a smile as she gave Meredith a hug.

"Was she okay?" Derek asked as he looked at her.

"She'll be fine. She just needs to adjust." Meredith said with a nod. "She brought up her mom and dad. She's afraid she's going to lose us. She just needs reassurance."

"Once we go home, things will be a little more normal. Give her time and she'll be fine." Derek said with a smile.

"Mom is going home for the night. You have no idea how mad she was." Derek said with a chuckle. "I don't think you've heard the end of it."

"Knowing Evelyn, I haven't." She said with a chuckle. "I was in a panic. You think you know-- You think you're ready. But it's so scary."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." Derek said with a frown. "I should have been."

"Derek, you couldn't-- You were here, that's all that matters." She said with a smile.

"It was amazing. The feeling. To see them. It was amazing Mer." He said as he stroked her hair.

"They're perfect. So perfect." She said as she looked at the babies, he nodded in agreement.

"How do you feel?" Derek asked as he looked up at her.

"Like I shoved two babies out of my vagina." She moaned.

"I'm sorry." Derek said with a frown.

"I was worth it. It was so worth it." Meredith said as she looked down at her sleeping babies.

"Where the hell are your demos seeds?" Cristina asked as she marched into the room.

"They are not demons." Derek said firmly. Even knowing Cristina, it offended him.

"Okay. Evil spawn." She corrected herself.

"Okay, saying that almost makes it sound like I did the nasty nasty with Alex. And that's just...well nasty!" Meredith said as she shook her head.

"Cute." Cristina muttered as she looked down.

"You love them." Meredith said with a smile.

"Do not." Cristina said as she looked down.

"Yes you do. They are adorable and you know it." Meredith said as Derek handed her Delilah.

"So what did you name it?" Cristina asked as she looked down.

"Delilah Meredith." She said with a smile.

"Delilah?" Cristina said as she looked at her.

"Derek's grandmother's name was Delilah." Meredith explained with a smile.

"And the boy?" Cristina said as she looked at Devlin who was sleeping peacefully.

"Devlin Michael." Derek said with a smile.

"Devlin? What kind of name is that?" She asked as she looked at them.

"Mer always said she had a devil in her ribs. Devil in. Devlin..." Derek explained.

"Derek's middle name is Michael." Meredith told her. "We were going to use our middle names, but mine is Ellis and well..."

"DMS. They both have the same initials." Cristina said with a laugh.

"Oh my God!" Meredith said as she started to tear up. "They both have the same initials..." She started to cry. "That's so stupid..."

"Yeah, it is..." Cristina laughed. "At least they are different sexes. You can differentiate by color."

"How could I be so stupid?" She said as she began to to sob.

"Mer..." Derek said as he glared at Cristina. "It's fine. There is nothing wrong with that."

"It's stupid..." She cried, Delilah waking up and joining her. "And now my baby cries... I can't even hold my baby without her crying..."

"Wow, apparently the hormones didn't come out with the monsters." Cristina said wide-eyed. "Well, congrats and all that. I have to-- See you later!"

"Oh sure. Start trouble and leave." Derek said with a glare.

"You know it." She said with a cocky glare.

"And now I'm trouble!" Meredith wailed, Devlin waking up and crying along with the two of them.

"Meredith." Derek said as she tried to calm her baby down as she herself was crying. His eyes got wide as he heard the loud wails.

"Is everything okay in here?" A nurse asked as she walked in.

"Fine. Everything is fine." Derek said with a nod as he grabbed Devlin and began rocking. The little boy opened his eyes. Derek gasped when he looked at the blue eyes that matched his own. As soon as the baby looked, he quieted down. "Meredith, look at his eyes." Derek said as he watched the tears run down her cheeks.

"Oh wow...he looks just like you." She said in awe as she calmed down. Delilah quieted down when she realized her mother was calm. "He looks just like you..."

"Hey there, buddy." Derek said as he looked at his son, stroking his tiny cheek with his thumb. Meredith looked up at the single tear running down Derek's cheek. She had never seen so much emotion on his face. She had never seen him that way. It was like he was transformed, his new purpose, his family.

-------------

It seemed as if the whole hospital and everyone they knew had come in to see the twins. They were famous. Derek and Meredith Shepherd's progeny. Destined to have it all. Good looks, and brains. Meredith was loving that everyone was coming and going. It felt great to know they had all the friends they did. Two years ago she felt like she had nothing. No one. And now she was drowning in happiness. She never knew what it felt to be completely content. Not until the day she gave birth to her children.

"They should be done soon." Derek said as he looked up at Meredith who was laying in the bed. "Then we can go home."

"Home." Meredith said with a smile. "I never thought I'd be so happy to hear that word. Well, not since coming home from London. You're sure we're ready?"

"You were sitting here. Addison said you were all good to go. You know she wouldn't send you home if you weren't ready." Derek said softly.

"I know. I just worry. They're so tiny." Meredith replied.

"They aren't that tiny. You're just not used to babies." Derek explained.

"I can do this, right?" She asked softly. "Seeing them. Having them here... I don't want to screw this up, Derek." She said with concern.

"You will be amazing, Mer. You are amazing." He said as stroked her arm. "I have a patient here, do you mind if I do check on him? He's being discharged and then Jack will be taking the new cases until I come back."

"Go. We'll be fine." She said with a smile as she shooed them away.

"If I were you, I'd take this time to rest. You won't be getting any soon enough." Derek told her.

"What do you mean?" She said in shock.

"Do you really think they're going to sleep like this all of the time?" He said with a chuckle as he walked out.

"I was hoping they would." Meredith muttered to herself as she closed her eyes. "Whoa!" Meredith said as she opened her eyes after a long nap.

"Mer..." Nate said as he looked down at her. "They're beautiful." He said as he looked down at the sleeping children. "They look like their father."

"They do." She said with a smile as she looked down at them. Her face turned to a frown as she looked back up. "Nate, what are you doing here?"

"I-- I just-- Can we talk?" He asked as he looked into her eyes.

"No." She said flatly. "Not now. Not right now. I just- I just had the most amazing experience of my life. I just gave birth to my children. Don't ruin that. Don't make this a day I want to forget." She said as she looked at the man that she once loved so much.

"Later. Can we talk later?" He asked as he looked at her.

"I- I don't know." She said quickly.

"I need to. I have things to say. I have to-- Please?" He asked with a frown.

"Time. I need time." She muttered as she looked away. "Eventually. But right now. Right now I just want to be with my children and my husband." She said as she looked up at him. "Please, just leave." She pleaded.

"Congratulations." He said with a faint smile as he turned and walked out. Eventually she would need to deal with it. Not today. Today she was enjoying her children.

**So...let me know what you think! 115, I think we're still going pretty strong...**


	117. Adjusting

It was a struggle. It was humorous. It was embarrassing. It was Derek trying to get the car seats in his Land Rover. He was on a mission. Evelyn tried. Jane tried. He was not taking help. Period. He could do this. They were the only ones in front of the hospital holding babies and balloons. Derek had to show them. He had to be able to do it. Especially with everyone watching.

"You could have done this before you came..." Meredith mentioned, falling on deaf ears.

"Derek, Dear...let me try." Evelyn said as she moved him out of the way.

"I've got it." He snapped as he glared at her.

"Okay..." Evelyn said as she stepped back in shock.

"Derek..." Meredith said as she neared him.

"There. Got it! First one in." He said as he stood back, hands on his hips. "Now I just have to do this one like that one." He muttered to himself. "Ha." He said as he quickly got the second one in place.

Meredith had never seen Derek drive so slowly in her life. He was going twenty-five. Twenty-five in a forty-five. People were beeping. People were yelling. And yet he went on as if he were in his own safe little world. He was pretending his children. ensuring their safety.

"Seriously! Derek. You are going to get us killed." Meredith said as she looked over at him.

"What?" Derek asked as he continued to look forward.

"You are going twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. Someone is going to hit us because we are going so slow!" Meredith snapped.

"I don't want them to get hurt." Derek said as he looked at them in the rearview mirror.

"That is why they are in car seats. They are protected." Meredith said quickly.

"That doesn't save them from shattering glass or when the car flips twelve times!" He said loudly.

"Fine. Five miles under. Or I drive." She told him as she looked at the speedometer.

"You are in no condition to drive." He said quickly.

"I will push you out, onto the road and I will drive. You're going so damn slow, I'm sure you'll be fine when you hit the pavement!" She said as she shook her head.

"Fine." He muttered, as he sped up, much to the relief of the other drivers.

"Finally." Meredith said as they pulled down the driveway. Derek ignored her comment and pulled into the garage in silence.

"What took you so long?" Evelyn asked as she walked into the garage.

"Derek is a slow ass-rse driver." She muttered as she grabbed Devlin.

"You shouldn't be lifting yet." Evelyn said as she grabbed the baby's carrier.

"I'm fine!" Meredith said as she grabbed Delilah.

"Mer, don't push." Derek said as he grabbed Delilah.

"Damn-it! Can I not take care of my own children?" She snapped loudly.

"Mer--" Derek said as he watched her storm off.

"Hormones, dear. She can't control herself right now." Evelyn explained. "This is a big change for everyone."

"Mommy!" Anna shouted loudly as they walked in.

"Shh!" Derek said quickly. The babies immediately started to cry.

"Oh no... This is how Kelsey said it starts." Anna said with a frown as she looked at the crying babies.

"Oh..." Meredith said as she grabbed Devlin, Derek grabbing Delilah. They both began rocking the babies gently. Meredith sat down on the sofa. "I think they're hungry." Meredith told Derek. He nodded.

"I'm going to give you guys some time alone." Evelyn said as she looked at the parents feeding the babies. She walked out quietly with Anna.

"This is going to be hard, isn't it?" She asked as she looked up at Derek.

"You have no idea." He said as he looked down at the two now-quiet babies.

------------------

"Oh god..." Meredith moaned as she climbed out of the bed for the millionth time.

"Ahhh..." Derek moaned as he covered his head.

"I'll be back..." Meredith moaned as she stumbled out of the bedroom and into the nursery.

Meredith looked at the pale moonlight peeking through the sage green curtains. The antique white cribs looked so perfect. The nursery was perfect. Derek had done it while she was in London. It was the perfect surprise. She walked over to the crib and looked at Delilah, who was sleeping quietly. Then she looked at Devil who was screaming.

"Don't you sleep, little man?" Meredith moaned as she picked up the little boy and sat in the rocking chair. He looked up at her with his bright blue eyes and quieted down.

"Mommy's tired. Daddy's tired. And if you wake your sister up, there is going to be big trouble for you." Meredith said softly. He looked at her and stared. "You have to sleep. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?" She asked him softly. He refused as stared at her. "Maybe you need a story? Do you need a story?" She asked softly.

"Once upon a time there was a woman. She was so sad. She felt like her life was incomplete. She felt like there was nothing left for her. Not love. Not friendship. She was all alone. She was foolish and married a man that she didn't love. Not the way you're supposed to. She just went through life like it didn't mean anything. Then she met a man. A man that she really loved. She loved him a lot. And he left her. She was even sadder than she was before. He left her without saying a word. He broke mommy-- I mean the woman, he broke the woman..." She said softly as the tears ran down. Derek stood outside the door and listened quietly.

Derek's face dropped. He knew that Meredith had loved Nate. According to Ian, he was the love of her life. He knew that he had broke her when he left. But at the same time, Derek knew that love never went away. He knew that no matter how deep it was buried, it was still there. Now he was praying that it didn't come back.

"And now you're asleep. I guess it was a pretty boring story..." Meredith muttered as she stood back up. He immediately started crying again.

"This isn't right. No, it's not. Devlin you are supposed to be a big man." She said as she kissed him softly. "Okay, so on with the story. The woman was broken. Beyond repair. Or so she thought. See, she found someone else. There were fools along the way... But the end result. The end result was perfect. The end result was worth all of the other stuff. Because in the end, she had a wonderful husband and three great kids. And they were happy. Even when babies kept them up all night, they were happy." Meredith said as she began to feed the little boy.

Derek stood there with a smile on his face. She loved him. Not that he doubted it. But it made him feel better. It made him feel like no matter what everything would be fine.

"Hey." Derek said as he walked in and kissed her on the head. "How is he?"

"Horrible." Meredith said with a chuckle. "Like his father. You're mother told me about you..."

"I was a good baby." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Sure." Meredith said as she shook her head.

"Well, Lilah doesn't seem to have a problem sleeping. Like her mother." He said with a chuckle as he stroked Delilah's cheek.

"Funny." Meredith muttered.

"Do you need a break? Do you want to go lay down?" Derek asked as he watched her.

"Considering he's attached to my boob, I don't think that's an option." She said as she looked up. "I guess you're right." Derek said with a nod.

"I'm sure she'll be waking up next." Meredith muttered. They heard her loud cry. "Uh huh." She said as she shook her head. "Well, luckily he's done." Derek grabbed Delilah and swapped them out, rocking Devlin.

"You are so amazing, Mer." He said as he watched her.

"Why?" She asked with a smile.

"You did this... You are just..." He shook his head as he kissed Devlin, placing him in his crib. Meredith stood up and walked Delilah to her crib. She ran her finger across both or their cheek's and wrapped her arm around Derek, walking two their room.

"Let's get some sleep... While we can." Meredith said as she collapsed on the bed. Derek wrapped his arm around her and spooned up against her.

"Goodnight." Derek whispered as he kissed her head. "Mer? Mer?" Snore.

--------------

Derek looked over at the red numbers on their clock. It was eight in the morning. He never slept this late. He had never felt that he had to. But today. Today he needed it. Sleep he realized was a prized possession these days. the twins were up all night. They never slept. Derek moaned. Yes sleep. Sleep was good. Until he heard the yelling.

"I can't go to school!" Anna shouted at her mother.

"And why not?" Meredith asked as she looked up at Anna.

"I didn't sleep. They cried all night." Anna said loudly.

"I'm sorry, baby, but you really need to go to school." Meredith said as she looked at Anna's sad face.

"Fine." Anna moaned as she turned around and started ripping clothes out for her dresser. Meredith moaned as she stumbled down the stairs towards the kitchen. She head her phone vibrating on the counter. She put in her password and listened.

"Meredith, I am so sorry. I am really sick. I don't want to get the twins sick, so I'm not going to come over. I think it's a twenty-four hour thing, but I can't stop vomiting. I hope it isn't a problem." Jane said in a sick voice.

"Shit..." Meredith muttered as she climbed back up the stairs. "Der... Listen for the twins, okay. I'll be right back." Meredith said softly as she nudged him.

"Alright." He said as he rolled away from her and closed her eyes.

"Okay, Anna. Let's go get some breakfast. I made you and english muffin." She said as they walked down the stairs. "Jane can't come today. We're late, so you need to eat on the way, okay?"

"Okay." Anna huffed as she followed Meredith. Meredith climbed into the driver's side of her BMW. It had been a long time since she had driven. She adjusted her seat from where Evelyn had it and backed out of the driveway. "I know you don't want to go..." meredith said as she looked back at Anna, who was rolling her eyes. Meredith didn't have the energy to argue. "I'm sorry you didn't get any sleep last night..." Meredith said as she neared the school.

"Anna?" She said as she looked back. Anna was slumped over, out like a light. "Apparently you really were tired." Meredith muttered as she made a u-turn and headed back home.

Meredith looked at herself. She was a mess. Her hair looked like an animal lived in it. She was wearing slippers. She went out in slippers. She drove her daughter to school in slippers and pajamas. This was mess. It was already starting. She was a mommy. A real spit-up covered mommy.

Meredith drove up to the house and looked at the barn. The horses. Jane wasn't there to take care of the horses. She drove over in front of the barn and looked at it. She didn't want the damn pony. And who was taking care of it? She was. She was taking care of the thing. She walked into the barn with her slippers. At this moment, she didn't care. She was too tired to care. She walked into the feed room and looked at the chart. Taking a half a cup of this and a half a cup of that, she walked out and poured their grain into their tubs.

"I'm sorry you had to wait, guys." She said as she looked up at them. Hay, they needed hay. She climbed the stairs to the loft and looked around. She struggled as she dragged a bale over and threw their flakes of hay into the stalls.

"That wasn't so hard." She said with a shrug. "I guess you guys are in for the day, because I don't know how to let you out." She said with a shrug. She slowly made her way back to the car and drove to the driveway.

"Anna, come on..." Meredith muttered as she shook Anna awake.

"Mmmm." She moaned as she looked up.

"Come on, let's go back to bed." She said as she led her along. "I declare this national sleeping day." she said. Anna nodded as she followed Meredith into the house and walked to her room. Meredith sighed when she looked into the quiet nursery. She walked to their room and changed her pajamas, before climbing back into bed. She pulled herself up against Derek and closed her eyes, falling asleep.

Meredith awoke abruptly when Derek shouted at her.

"Oh my god, Mer! Get up!" Derek shouted as he looked at her.

"Oh my God." She said as she looked at him.

**Oh no...**


	118. Promises

Derek face turned white as he looked at the bed sheets. Blood. Deep red blood had soaked through her pants, and was now on their blankets and on him. Meredith looked down at herself and started to panic. Derek looked at her and then at the red that had seeped onto his pants and was now on his hands.

"You're bleeding. You're-- That's a lot of blood!" He said in a panic. "We- Oh--- We have to---" He said as she jumped out of bed and changed his clothes. "You're-- You're bleeding!"

"Oh my god..." She said as she looked down in shock.

"We have to go." He said as he scooped her up.

"Let me down." She said quickly as she looked at him. "I have to change." She said as she looked at herself.

"Mer- You're bleeding!" He shouted as he looked at her.

"I'm okay." She said as she motioned for him to sit her down. "Ah..." She moaned.

"What hurts?" He asked as he looked it her.

"It hurts." She said as she looked down.

"We have to go to the hospital." Derek said quickly.

"I think I'm okay. It's normal to bleed. I think I'm okay." She said as she looked up and him.

"That much?" He said as he pointed to the bed.

"Yeah, yeah I think so." She said with a nod.

"I don't." He said frankly.

"I was sleeping a long time. It just looks like a lot." She said with a nod. "It's not as much as it looks like."

"Meredith..." He said as he looked up.

"Derek, I'm okay." She said as she walked slowly to the bathroom. "I'm going to clean myself up. The twins. Can you check on them?" She asked as she walked into the bathroom. He nodded his head.

"Where is Jane?" He asked quickly.

"She's off sick." Meredith said weakly as she closed the door.

Meredith peeled of her clothing and slowly walked into the warm shower. There was nothing to worry about. Addison said there would be bleeding. She wad fine. She was sure that she was fine. She softly massaged her shampoo in her hair and let the water cascade down her body. She looked down at the floor of the shower. Red. More pink, than red. But it was blood. A steady drip. Not a spurt. A spurt would be bad. Drip. Drip. Drip. She wobbled backwards as she began to feel weak.

"Derek!" She shouted loudly as she leaned against the wall.

"What's wrong?" He said as he rushed into the bathroom with Delilah and looked down.

"I-- I think I need to go to the hospital." She said as she looked down at the blood, running down her leg.

"Oh my God." Derek said nervously. "I--"

"I'll get dressed, you get Anna up." She said as she grabbed a towel and began drying herself off.

She slowly got herself dressed. Derek quickly grabbed the twins in their carriers and shook Anna awake. Luckily Anna was still dressed from the morning. He placed the twins in the car as quickly as he could and pulled out of the driveway.

"I'm scared." She admitted as they made their way to the hospital.

"What happened?" Derek asked as he drove quickly down the road.

"I don't know. But it's not stopping." She said as she laid back her head and closed her eyes and her head fell to the side.

"Mer?" He asked as he looked over. "Mer!" He shouted loudly. She jerked awake.

"Hmm?" She moaned.

"You passed out." He said as he sped a little faster. "Are you okay?"

"What's wrong with mommy?" Anna asked in shock. Derek didn't listen as he continued. "What's wrong with mommy?" She cried out loudly. The twins began screaming at her loud voice.

"Anna!" Derek said in frustration. He quickly pulled in front of the hospital and came to a quick stop. "I- I need help!" Derek shouted as he jogged into the entrance. "I need a wheelchair. She's-- She's--" He said as he ran back out. "I-- I can't do this. Bleeding... Oh my god..." He said as he looked at three crying children and his passed out wife. "I can't..."

Derek stood there in shock. Time stopped. In the moment. In that very moment he felt things he had never felt before. All together. Pain. Fear. Nausea. Nervousness. Exhaustion. Anna was crying. Devlin was crying. Delilah was crying. Meredith was out. Out. He looked at her. The fear hit him like a wave into a pier. She could die. Not necessarily at this moment. But she could die. She could leave him with everything. Leave him in a mess. Leave him to go on without her. He couldn't take it. The pressure. The fear. Life whirled around him. He stood there.

---------------

Derek walked towards her room toting the twins and Anna. It had been a whirlwind of confusion and chaos. He needed to be there, holding her hand. He needed to tell her everything was okay. But he couldn't. He couldn't be there for her. Not while toting a six year old and twins. It was too hard. He had to wait. In the waiting room. Like a normal person. And now he knew how it felt. How it felt for the families of the many patients he had treated. And he didn't like it.

"What's going on?" Derek said as he walked up to Addison.

"She tore her stitches." Addison said, shaking her head. "She pushes. The more barriers you put up, the harder she pushes."

"I know..." Derek agreed. "Is she going to be okay?" Derek asked as he glanced in the room.

"Of course. We had to transfuse her. She lost a lot of blood. But she will be fine." Addison said as they walked in the room.

"Mer..." Derek said as he rushed over to her bed.

"I'm sorry, Der. I'm sorry I passed out. I left you with the kids..." She said, worrying about how he handled it.

"Don't worry about that... How do you feel?" He asked as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Tired." She moaned as she closed her eyes.

"You ripped your stitches, Mer. And you lost a lot of blood." Addison told her as she rubbed her arm.

"Oh..." She said softly. "Can I go home?"

"How on earth did you rip your stitches?" Derek asked in disgust.

"What?" Meredith said as she looked up at him.

"Meredith, you know you aren't supposed to be lifting and straining yourself." Addison warned.

"Anna said you took her to school and she fell asleep in the car. Did you carry her in the house?" Derek asked with concern.

"No." Meredith said as she looked down.

"Do you know how you did it?" Derek asked softly. "What did you do this morning, Mer?"

"Got up and took Anna to school. She fell asleep in the car. I brought her back home. Fedthehorses." She said quickly.

"What? You were in the barn?" He said in shock. "You are not-- What the hell were you thinking?" He shouted as he looked at her. Her eyes began to tear up.

"I-- I didn't- Jane wasn't going to make it. They have to eat. It would have been cruel." She explained.

"No! They are horses. Goddamn-it, Meredith!" He shouted as he watched the tears run down her cheeks. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You were tired." She said with a shrug.

"I got more sleep than you did. You could have gotten me up. I would have taken Anna to school. I would have done the horses." He said quickly. "You didn't pick up the hay, did you?"

"I dragged it. I was fine. I felt okay. It needed to be done." She said with a shrug.

"Well, you almost bled to death today. Was it worth it?" Derek snapped. He looked up at Addison.

"Let me take Anna to see the babies in the nursery." She said as she grabbed Anna's hand and shut the door.

"I'm sorry..." She said softly.

"No. No. That is-- I can't-- I won't..." He started to cry. She looked at him in shock.

"Derek..." She said softly.

"No. I realized today. Seconds. You could leave me in seconds. I can't take it, Mer. I can't live without you. I can't lose you. All the blood. You push yourself. You are so fucking stubborn. I wouldn't make it. Not without you." He cried as he laid his head on her chest, "I need you. I need you here with me. I can't lose you. I can't do this. I can't live..." He said as he sobbed.

"Derek, I'm not going anywhere." She said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I've never been so scared." He said as he looked up at her. "You have to promise me. Promise me you will be more careful." He said as he looked into her green eyes. He laid there on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. A tiny cry broke the silence in the room. "Oh, Dev." He said as he wiped his tears and picked him up. "Mommy scared us today, didn't she? Yes she did."

"He's hungry." Meredith said as she took him from Derek's arms and let him nurse.

"It was horrible. They all cried. All three. I couldn't get them to stop. Everyone was looking at me like I had lost my mind. Like I was beating them. They cried so much, I wanted to cry." Derek said with a chuckle.

"What did you do?" Meredith asked softly.

"I gave Devlin the bear. The one that you slept with for all those months. That really calmed him down. Smelling you calmed him down. And Lilah, I rocked her until she fell asleep." Derek explained.

"So you were missing your mom..." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"I have to admit it, today I wanted my mommy." Derek said with a chuckle. "Maybe she can come back."

"Nancy needed her. Dave's in Georgia. Davis has RSV, and Emma is sick. The need her too, Derek." Meredith said softly. "We can do this. Together."

"As long as you don't push yourself." Derek said, shaking hie head.

"I won't. I promise." She said as she nodded her head.

"How is everything going is here?" Addison asked as she peeked her head in the door.

"We're good." Derek said with a nod. "Mer has promised to not push."

"Good." Addison said with a smile. Meredith held Devlin up. "Oh wow, they've grown. Days, and they've grown." She said as she picked him up. "Hey, there, little man."

"Can I go home?" Meredith asked, with a hopeful grin.

"I need to check you out. See how the stitches look. Derek, do you want to-" She nodded to the door. He smiled and stood, coming back after Addison examined her.

"She can go home. Under one condition... She follows the rules this time." Addison warned. Meredith nodded.

"No stairs. No lifting. You lay in bed. Get up to go to the bathroom, that is it." She said loudly.

"I can do that." Meredith agreed as she looked at Derek.

"Any problems, and you will come right back. Do you understand?" Addison asked.

"Yes." Meredith agreed.

"Okay." Addison said with a smile.

--------------------

"Let's go." Derek said as he swept Meredith up gently and walked up the stairs. "Anna is asleep, the twins are asleep. It's a good night." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Oh how tempting that sounds. Too bad it won't stay that way." Meredith said with a smile. "And if you'd drop me off at the bathroom, that would be great." She told him. "Okay..." She said as she stood there. "I'm waiting for my taxi..." She said with a giggle.

"Where to?" He asked with a smile as he swept her up.

"Bed. To bed." She replied.

"Good. That is what I wanted to hear." He said as he placed her on the bed and laid next to her. "I love you." He said as he leaned over and kissed her softly, sliding his tongue in gently.

"I love you too." She said as she kissed him again. She laid there and stared at the ceiling.

It hit her. Nate hadn't come back around. She should be relieved. She should be happy. But she wasn't. She actually felt sad. She felt like he walked away again. Like he didn't care. He pretended to care, once again, and he walked away, once again. It was like a kick in the face. Over and over. Why come back, just to leave? Why not let sleeping dogs lie?

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as he looked at her saddened face.

"Nothing." She said as she closed her eyes. "I'm fine."

"Fine?" Derek said, concern now taking over.

"Just tired, I guess." She said as she rubbed her eyes.

"Nate." Derek muttered softly.

"What?" Meredith said quickly.

"You're thinking about Nate, aren't you?" He asked as he looked at her green eyes.

"No, why would you say that?" She said, trying to cover the truth, that she was in fact, thinking of him.

"It's okay that you are." He said with a nod.

"Derek... I'm not, okay?" She said as she rolled onto her side, away from him.

"He left again." Derek muttered.

He immediately regretted it. Why did he say that? He lied. Not technically, maybe. But sort of. Nate left because of Ian. Not because of Meredith. Not because he didn't love her. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that he wouldn't have left her had the circumstances been different. It would have been Nate, lying in this bed. Not him. He wasn't worried. Not about losing her. But that didn't mean he wasn't jealous. Jealous that she had strong feelings for a man before him. He laid there in silence as she sobbed quietly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." He said as he rubbed her arm. She ignored his comment and his touch. "Meredith..."

"He did okay. He left. And that's fine. I'm fine. He left. I'm not surprised. He left because of me." Meredith said quickly.

"Mer...don't do this!" He said. "Not now. Not-- You can't-- I won't let you self-destruct." Derek pulled her close. "I am not letting go." She rolled and looked into his eyes.

"I never understood it. I never understood why he couldn't say goodbye. But I don't care. I realize now, that I don't care. Because you are here. You are the one I love. You are the one I need." She said as she laid her head next to his. "Just promise you won't leave me..."

"Only if you promise not to leave me..." He said as he stared at her.

"I promise." She said softly.

"I promise." He responded as he brushed her cheek. "I promise..."


	119. It's Never Too Late

"Derek, just go." Meredith said with a huff.

"What?" Derek said as he glanced up at her.

"You want to go to the office. You have been going crazy in the house. There's no reason for us to both go insane. Just go." She muttered as she sat down at the kitchen table with him.

"No. I'm off. And I'm here with you." He said with a smile as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"I won't be upset. I know how you're feeling. You have been stalking around this house, moving things around. Meddling. It's okay. I can handle it. The twins eat and sleep." She said with a nod.

"I told you I'd be here. I want to be here. You want to be there, Beside, they aren't providing much entertainment at this point. And Anna is in school. I think I can handle two sleeping babies.

"One hour." He said as he looked up with a faint smile.

"Two. You know you'll be gone longer than one." She said frankly. "Besides, I'm sure the place is falling down without you."

"You're probably right. Although, I have to admit that Jack is the perfect partner. No life." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Do you wish you had no life?" Meredith asked as she took a sip of her juice.

"No. I am very happy in this perfect chaos." He said with a laugh. The both looked up when they heard the doorbell ring.

"I wonder who that is?" Meredith said as she looked at the clock. "Everyone we know is working..." Meredith started to stand.

"I'll get it." Derek said with a nod as he rose to his feet. He glanced out the window seeing a black Mercedes. His face dropped when he neared the door. "What do you want?" Derek said coldly as he opened the door. Meredith heard a somewhat familiar female's voice. She quickly jumped up and walked to the door.

"I just wanted to say congratulations." Holly said with a big grin as she held out a gigantic gift basket.

"You're not welcome here." Derek said as he looked at her and then at Meredith.

"Oh please... I think it's time we call a truce. We have all been acting completely absurd." She said with a big smile. "Please, take the basket." She said as she handed it to Meredith. Meredith looked down at it and took it, carrying it to the table.

"Really, Holly. You should go." He told her frankly.

"The house is lovely." She said as she pushed her way in. "Much better than that trailer. Meredith, I assume you had a big part in it's design?"

"Um..." Meredith said hesitantly as she looked at Derek. "Yeah, I did."

"It is absolutely breathtaking." She said as she looked around.

"Alright, Holly... Cut the crap. What do you want?" Derek spat as he followed her to the kitchen.

"I just wanted to say congratulations." She said with and innocent smile. "Meredith, you look fabulous." She said as he looked at her. Meredith frowned when she heard the twins start to cry. Meredith walked into the living room where they were sleeping.

"Oh, Lila." She said as she scooped her daughter up and began rocking her gently. "It's okay..." Meredith could hear the clicking of Holly's heels on her hardwood floor.

"Oh my god!" She exclaimed as she looked at Delilah's bright blue eyes. "She is beautiful!"

Holly went to raise her hand to rub her head. Meredith winced as she saw her perfectly manicured hand rise to touch her daughter's innocent hand. She didn't want that. She didn't want her to touch her with her evil.

"Don't!" Derek said as he grabbed her hand. "Don't you dare. I don't want you to touch my children. Don't look at them. Don't glance. I want you out of my house, and I want you out now." He said as he grabbed her arm and began walking her out.

"Derek! I just-- You are being completely ridiculous!" She squealed as he pushed her out the door.

"Don't come back. You are not welcome in my home. On my land. Stay the hell away. I want my children to stay as innocent as possible. And you breathing their air is too much." He said as he slammed the door in her face.

"That was odd." Meredith said with a little fear in her voice. She sat softly in the sofa and began nursing Delilah. "What are you doing?" She asked as she watched him march over to the table and grab the basket.

"Throwing this away." He said as he headed to the front door.

"Derek..." Meredith said as she watched him.

"No. I don't trust her. Not one bit." Derek muttered as he walked out the door and outside.

"She's scary, isn't she?" Meredith asked as she looked down at her little girl. "And she almost touched you. Daddy saved you." Meredith said as she stroked her head. "What do you think that was about?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him. He walked over and kissed Delilah's head.

"I don't know. But I don't think it was good. And I definitely don't believe that truce bullshit." He said as he sat next to her. "The nerve. She just walked in our home, Mer. Our home."

"Maybe she really is being nice." Meredith said with a shrug.

"And maybe you are being too trusting." Derek said as he looked into her green eyes. "That's good. But we don't need to get hurt."

"I'm sure everything is okay." She told him.

"Well, the basket needed to go. For all we know she poisoned the muffins and put itching powder in the onsies." He said with raised eyebrows.

"She's a rotten person, but I don't think she would hurt the babies." Meredith said as she stroked Delilah's cheek.

"I'd like to think she wouldn't. But I don't know. I don't know people anymore. I'm beginning to think that we need to put a concrete wall around the house and never leave." He said with a sigh.

"Now that is a little over the top." She said with a chuckle.

"No. I don't think it is. I-- You guys mean the world to me. This is my life. My whole life is under this roof. You, Anna the twins. I can't lose any of you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and let anything happen." Derek said as he ran his hand along her cheek.

"We'll be fine." Meredith said softly. He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Maybe we should go through with the security system." Derek said with wide eyes.

"I really don't think we need it. And with Anna and Jane going in and out. It would just be a hassle." Meredith muttered as she looked up.

"You are far to trusting." He said as he looked at Devlin.

"And you are far too paranoid. You make it sound like we are celebrities. Like we have stalkers that are after our children. No one cares about us. No one cares about our kids." Meredith told him quickly.

Derek sat there. She had a point. They were average Joe's living regular lives. They had no threats. Nothing had happened. Holly was a thorn in their side, but she was fairly harmless. She liked to meddle. She liked to dabble in her own little evil schemes. But she was harmless. Things had been quiet. Life had been quiet. But he couldn't shake as sinking feeling that something was wrong.

"Well, you should go." Meredith said as she pulled Delilah to her chest and cradled her. She listened to the baby make sounds of contentment.

"Go where?" He asked as he took the baby from her. "Was that a good lunch?" He asked softly. "I envy you baby, I really do."

"Derek." Meredith chuckled.

"What? She gets the boob. I want the boob." Derek said with a dirty grin.

"I knew this was coming..." Meredith said with a giggle. "You want sex."

"I always want sex." He said with a smile. "And I have been waiting so long."

"And you have so much longer." She said with an evil smile.

"Not nice." Derek said as he turned away. Meredith grabbed a whining Devlin.

"Now, mommy's big man is hungry." She cooed as she picked him up.

"I'm mommy's big man." Derek putted as he held Delilah.

"Correction, you are mommy's bad boy." She said with a giggle.

"A bad boy in need of a spanking." Derek said with a nod.

"That may be..." Meredith agreed as she rubbed Devlin's head.

"See... That's not right." He said as he watched Devlin nurse.

"He's a baby." Meredith said rolling her eyes. "And his mouth is on my boob for an entirely different reason..."

"True, very true. But I think you enjoy my reason more." Derek told her.

"Could be." Meredith agreed.

"Look at her nose. It's cute, just like yours" Derek said as he touched it.

"I don't have a cute nose." She said as she touched her own.

"You have an adorable nose." Derek said as he leaned over an kissed it.

"You do realize her nose will change." Meredith said frankly.

"Yes, I know." He said with a smile.

"As long as she doesn't have yours she will be fine." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"What's wrong with my nose?" He said defensively.

"Nothing, dear. It's perfect." She said as she leaned over and kissed him. "Their eyes will probably change too."

"Nope. They will have my eyes." He said confidently. "But if they don't, that's fine. Because their mother's eyes are gorgeous too."

"Seriously, Derek... You should go. That was you can get back before dinner. Anna will be really mad if she finds out you spent the whole day with the twins and then left before she got home." Meredith warned as she pulled Devlin up so that he was resting on her shoulder.

"I'm not going to go." Derek told her.

"Go." She muttered.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Derek asked with a smirk.

"Yep. You are worse than a little kid. You're driving me crazy." She said quickly.

"You'll be fine?" Derek asked. "No, okay. Will you be okay?"

"I will be wonderful. And I can call if I have a problem." Meredith said with a nod. "You got to see them awake. Now they're back asleep. If I were you, I'd take advantage of this offer."

"Alright. One hour. Two at the most. And you have to promise to call me." Derek warned.

"I will." Meredith said as she leaned over and kissed him.

"Okay." He said as he kissed his children and made his way out the door.

She didn't want him to go. She didn't want him to leave her and the twins. She was perfectly content sitting on the sofa, next to her husband. But she knew him. She knew how much he loved his job. How much he had been wanting to get some air and see someone other than his wife and crying babies. He needed to get away from the smell of baby poop and spit-up. He needed time to himself.

Meredith laid the babies back down together. They immediately clung to each other. It was so sweet. She had to chuckle. She knew it wouldn't be that way for long. She jumped when she heard the doorbell ring. She rushed over with a smile on her face.

"What did you forget?" She said as she opened the door. "Oh." She said as she put her hand on the door.

"Mer! Please, don't-- Don't shut the door." Nate said as he stared into her eyes.

"What, Nate? What do you want?" She snapped as she stood there.

"I just-- I just want to talk. I want to-- I need to explain." He said softly.

He reached for her arm. His touch. It took her breath away. She closed her eyes. For a moment, just a moment, she let herself go back. She let herself fall. She let herself succumb to the feeling of complete peace. The peace that he had always given her.

She had thought he had ran again. She didn't think he was coming back. She thought that he left her alone again. She didn't know how to feel. To feel relieved that he hadn't left. Or to sick that he hadn't. Sick now that he was back. Back to tear down everything she had built.

"Please?" He asked again. She felt the cold nip from the outside wind hit her face.

She looked over at her sleeping children. She looked around her house. The house she shared with Derek. With the love of her life. The man she loved more than anything. Reluctantly she motioned for him to come in.

"Thank you." He said with a nod as he followed her into the living room. She sighed as she sat softly in the chair elbows on her knees, hands on her head.

There he sat. The man that she had given her heart to. He was the reason that she fell. The reason that she couldn't trust. He was the reason for the greatest pain she had ever felt. He had always made her feel safe. She woke up in his apartment. No idea how she had gotten there. He had saved her. He saved her from being raped, being hurt. That first moment that she had saw him, she knew he was someone she could trust. And that was what hurt so bad... She couldn't.

"Why?" She asked as the tears streamed down her face. "Why are you here? After all these years, why are you back?" She said as she struggled to breathe.

"Mer..." He said softly as he looked into her eyes.

"I don't get it. I just... God it hurts." She said as she cried. Nate walked over and sat next to her. She felt his arms wrap around her.

"Meredith, I--" Nate looked at her.

Derek's words rang in his head. [i _"I know about Ian. I know why you left. She doesn't know. She's fixed now. She has made peace. Peace with life. Peace with Ian. They are in a good place now. She is happy. It took a long time, and even longer to get her to trust. But she does. She trusts me. I had to work hard to get it that way. Because of you. And we are happy. And I love her. She has moved on. So I suggest that you do the same. As I look at it, there are two ways you can do this. You can either take it like a man and walk away. Or you can stay. I can't tell you what to do." [/i _

He loved her. This Derek, he loved her. That was painfully obvious. But yet he was here. He was in her living room. He was unable to walk away. He couldn't do it, not again.

"Shhh..." He said as he held her.

"Why did you leave me? I waited at the bar. I waited. I went to the apartment. You were gone. You were gone. Everything was gone. Everything. Just my stuff in the middle of the room. You didn't even take my stuff. You left it. You left it like you didn't care. Like you just dropped me and forgot." Meredith cried.

"I-- I didn't have a choice, Mer. I had to leave." He told he quietly.

"You had to leave without saying goodbye? You had to walk away?" She said, shaking her head.

"Yes." He said firmly.

"Why?" Meredith said as she looked into his eyes.

"I can't-- I was forced. Physically. I had to leave. Mer, I would never leave you. Never." He said as he kissed her head.

"You left. You could have called. You could have left a note." She said as she pulled away from him.

"I feared for my life. For yours. I couldn't live if I thought that I was the reason you were harmed." He told her.

"Who? Why would anyone want to harm me? Or you?" She said, not believing a word of it.

"I can't say who. I won't say. But Mer, I thought about you every minute. I have thought about you every minute for the last three years." He said as he looked at her sad eyes.

"I went back. Finally I couldn't take it. I went to your house. I had to. I didn't care what happened to me. Alice answered. She said you were gone. And that was it. You were gone. I couldn't fix it. I figured you and Ian had left. Then I decided to look. I spent a year looking for you, and here you are. I thought you were with Ian. And-- You're not..." He said sadly.

"I don't believe you." She said frankly.

"Look at my teeth!" He said as he pointed to them. They were smashed out. I almost chocked to death on my own blood. I had to have them fixed. Three broken ribs. I was a mess." Nate told her as he rubbed her arm. She looked at him. He did look different.

"She ran her hand over his face. No! I called every hospital." She said as she pulled away.

"They dropped me two hours away. They said if I came back, I was dead." He told her. She looked into his eyes. She could tell that he was telling the truth. Her lip began to quiver. She collapsed as she sobbed.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I never would have left you. Never. You know that..." He said as he stoked her cheek. "I loved you too much. I love you too much." He told her.

"It was supposed to be you. This. You." She said as she looked around. "You."

"I have spent the last three years worrying. Wondering. I don't know how I made it." He said as he held her.

"I can't-- Derek, is-- He is the love of my life." She said a she pulled away and looked at her babies. "This is my life." She told him as she looked around.

"It was supposed to be mine..." He said as a tear dropped from his eye. "You were supposed to be mine..."

"No. Not now... It's too late." She said as she turned away.

"I will be here for a few more days." He said as he threw hotel address and phone number down on the table. "Mer..." He said, she turned and looked at him. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. It was so natural. Just as it once was. She pulled away and gasped.

"It's never too late." He said as he stood up and walked out. Meredith watched the door close, before collapsing on the sofa in tears.

**This isn't as bad as it sounds... **


	120. You Always Save Me From Myself

She cried. She suffered. She was in pain. There she laid. Quietly crying. Softly. She couldn't wake her children. She couldn't get them upset. She knew that babies could sense things. They were innocent. Completely innocent. They didn't do anything wrong and she didn't want them to feel one iota of pain. She didn't want them to know just how bad the world was until the last possible minute.

She had no idea what time it was. She didn't care what time it was. Her world was at a standstill. Everything she had believed. Everything she had known, was now upside down now. She wasn't sure how to feel. She wasn't sure what to do. She just knew that at this moment, she needed to just be. To just cry. To just lay.

"Mer..." Derek said as he walked into the house. She didn't hear him. She didn't hear anything.

Derek stood there in shock. She was curled up in a ball on the sofa. The fetal position. The position one gets in to find self contentment. The position you cling to in fear. She was motionless, except for her breathing. Irregular. A deep, gasping breath every so often. A piece of paper on the floor grabbed his attention. He picked it up and read. It was the address to a hotel. And a phone number. It was puzzling. Until it hit him. Nate.

"Mer-" Derek said as he knelt down beside the sofa and looked into her open eyes.

Her eyes were blank. He had never seen them like this. Blank. No expression. No one in there. It was like she was dead inside, and her body didn't get the memo. The turmoil that was going on was evident. He stroked her cheek, seeing the salty stains from her tears.

The silence was broken by the whimper of a baby. It was Devlin. He was the whiny one. His cry was long and drawn out. As if the world was ending. Derek leaned over and grabbed him up, holding him close. Meredith sat up and took Devlin as Derek handed him over. She held him against her and stared. The baby looked up to his mother with soft blue eyes, and for the first time, he didn't see hers.

Derek sat there next to her. He had no idea what to do. He could only imagine what was said. And even with his wild imagination, he was sure he didn't even scratch the surface. He stood to lose a lot. He knew. He knew the truth about what Ian had done. He could have told, but he didn't. He could have eased her pain, but he hadn't. And if she found that out, it was going to break her. He had to watch how he treaded. He could go either way. One wrong step, and he could fall off the edge.

So there he sat. In silence. Hours of silence. He should be comforting her. But why? He technically had no idea what was going on. So there he sat, his hand on hers, each with a baby in their arms. In silence. Dead silence. It was finally broken at the sound of a six year old's pounding feet and Jane's quiet reminder that the babies were sleeping.

"Daddy!" Anna said as she ran over and looked at Delilah in his arms.

"Hey baby." He said solemnly as he gave her a kiss.

"What's wrong with mommy?" Anna asked as she looked over at Meredith.

"Mommy isn't feeling good." Derek said as he looked at Anna's sad eyes.

"She doesn't have to go back to the hospital, does she?" Anna asked as she began to sob.

"No, no... She's just-- How would you like to help me make some dinner?" He asked as he laid Delilah down.

"Okay." She said as she followed him to the kitchen.

"Is Meredith okay?" Jane asked with concern. Derek looked at Anna.

"Anna, change out of your school clothes, okay?" He said as he looked down at her. He watched her walk slowly out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Meredith is going through some stuff right now." Derek explained softly.

"Oh no. It's not postpartum depression, is it?" She asked with worry.

"No. No... It's-- I think it's worse that that..." Derek said as his face dropped as he grabbed a pan out of the cupboard.

"Oh." Jane said as she looked over at the sofa. Derek glanced over, seeing Devlin begin to stir in her arms. He smiled as he walked away from Jane and to her.

"Dev..." Derek said as he grabbed him from her arms. He looked at her face. It was a look of shame. He could read her. It was a look of regret. Like she wanted to be happy. She wanted to be a good mom, but she hurt.

"It's okay, Mer." He said with a faint smile as he kissed her head. He watched her lay back down and stare. Derek walked into the kitchen with Jane.

"Can you make dinner?" He asked softly. "I know it's not your job--"

"Not a problem." She said with a smile and a nod.

"Thanks. I'm going to put the twins down." He said as he walked out. Derek walked upstairs and to the nursery. It was so close. Everything was so close to coming undone, and he didn't know what to do. He had no idea how to stop it. He laid Devlin down in the crib and stumbled into the rocking chair, his body wracked by sobs.

------------------

"Anna, honey, eat your breakfast." Derek said softly as he watched his daughter pour her milk and cereal off of the spoon.

"I'm not hungry." She said as she looked up at him.

"You need to eat. Your brain will be tried if you don't eat." He warned with a smile.

"My brain is awake." Anna said with a smile.

"Okay, what's four plus four?" Derek asked quickly.

"Eight." Anna said smugly.

"Okay, your brain is awake, but it won't stay that way. Eat up." He told her as he read the newspaper.

"Daddy?" Anna asked after a long silence.

"Yes?" He replied, not looking up.

"Is mommy going to be okay?" She said softly.

"Of course she is, baby." He lied.

The truth was, he didn't know. She hadn't gotten out of the bed he placed her in for two days. She went to the bathroom. That was the extent. Derek brought the babies to her. She loved them, he could see that. She held them close, but she wasn't Meredith. She was a figment of Meredith.

She ate. She only ate because Derek nearly forced it down her throat. She had to stay healthy for their children. She was their source of nutrition, and Derek had to make sure that they were getting the most. She cried. She cried and he couldn't stop her. He tried holding her. She didn't pull away, but she didn't give in. He tried talking. She didn't respond. It was like she had shut down. Like her heart had been torn out.

"What is wrong with her? Why is she sad?" Anna asked softly.

"I don't know, baby. I don't know..." He said as his eyes began to tear up. He held the paper in front of his face so she wouldn't see.

"I miss her." Anna said as she slurped her milk up. "Daddy?" Anna said as she put her bowl in the sink.

"Yes, Anna Banana?" Derek said softly.

"Mommy says not to hide your tears." She said as she climbed in his lap, and pushed the paper down, seeing the few tears rolling down his cheeks. "It will be okay, daddy..." She said as she pulled him close. "Cause mommy loves us." She said as she laid her head on his shoulder. "And we love her."

"Hey, Anna..." Jane said as she walked in the front door. "Are you ready to go to school?"

"Yep." Anna said as she jumped off of Derek's lap.

"Get your backpack and put your shoes on." Jane told her. Anna ran off to the living room.

"I really do appreciate this." Derek said with a broken smile. A broken smile for a broken man.

"I enjoy it..." She said softly. "Has there been any change?" She asked with a frown.

"No." He said as he stood up. "No change."

"I'm sorry." Jane said as she put his hand on her shoulder. She turned and walked away, taking Anna with her.

It was going to be another day. Another day in the lonely house. Derek slowly walked upstairs and looked in their bedroom. There she laid. Quiet. Soft. The room was dark. The curtains were pulled. Derek turned on his heel and walked to the nursery. He had the children. If nothing else, he had them.

Derek scooped up a sleeping Delilah. She was peaceful. She had been sleeping. And yet he had to hold her. She stirred as he sat down in the rocking chair and held her against his chest. He could feel her tiny heart beating. She opened her bright blue eyes and looked at him. The shape was the same as Meredith's. His wife. The love of his life. The woman who was slipping away from him. Saving her was important. But his children, they couldn't suffer. He wouldn't let them. He didn't care what he had to do.

------------------

It was three in the afternoon. Three. An hour before Anna was supposed to be home. Derek had sat all day and thought. He was at a loss. He had no idea how to help her. He had no idea how to make her feel better. Everything that he had always done, wasn't working. That was when he made the decision. He had to save his children. It was wearing on Anna. She pretended she was strong. She pretended that everything would be okay. But it wasn't. Everything was not going to be okay. And he couldn't watch her suffer. They were living in the dark. Breathing in poison. He didn't want to admit it, but even the twins seemed sad. And so the decision was made.

Derek marched into their bedroom with his suitcase. He threw it on the bed, careful not to hit her, but hard enough that she would notice. Her eyes opened. And they opened wide. Derek ignored her gaze as he walked over to his dresser and began carrying clothes to the bed. She watched as he folded shirts and pants. He stuck his boxers and socks in the divider.

"What are you doing?" She asked in a crackly voice. She hadn't used her voice in days.

"I'm going to need you to start pumping. Enough to get us through the night and tomorrow. I can come back and get more." He said as he pushed his clothes down.

"What?" She said in confusion as she watched.

"Breast milk. The twins need your milk." Derek said coldly.

"I know, but why? Why do you need me to pump?" She said as she watched him zip the suitcase.

"We're leaving." Derek said as he grabbed the handle and walked out of the room.

"What!" She said as she climbed out of bed. "Where are you going?" She cried as she followed him to Anna's room.

"Away. I can't-- The kids can't. We can't watch you like this. I won't subject them to this." He spat. "Move him in. You guys can start over. Or you can go, and we'll stay..." He said as he began putting clothes in Anna's suitcase.

"No! No!" She said as she ripped the clothes out of his hand. "I don't want that-- "

"I've tried everything. I tried talking. I tried holding you. I've loved you. I've done everything. You refuse to talk to me. I can only assume that's what you want. You regret us. He's back. He's back, and I won't stand in your way. I love you too much to watch you suffer. We'll go, and you call him." Derek said as he grabbed Anna's suitcase and walked down the stairs.

Meredith followed behind him in shock. She wasn't grasping the reality of the situation. She followed him to the garage and watched him to the luggage in his Land Rover. He turned on his heel and walked upstairs. Meredith followed him into the nursery. She watched as he sat their carriers on the floor.

"No... What are you doing?" She shouted as he put his hands in Devlin's crib.

"I am not leaving my children." He told her frankly.

"No! You can't have them. You can't take my babies." She screamed as she ran over and grabbed him.

"You're hurting them. I know you don't see it, but you are." Derek said as he looked up at her. "They know something is wrong." He watched her eyes tear up as he placed the babies in their carriers. She stood there in shock. Complete shock. Derek picked the carriers up and walked down the stairs. She followed him out, and watched his put the babies in the car.

"No! Derek, No!" She cried as she watched him.

"I'm sorry, Mer." He said as he walked around to the driver's side of the car.

"Oh God!" She cried out as she dropped to her knees. "Please...Oh God, don't do this." She cried as her body rocked back and forth. "Don't leave me..."

Derek sat in the car and watched. He hated seeing her like this. But seeing her in the bed. Seeing her in the bed everyday, laying. Not moving. Not responding. He couldn't do it anymore. It had gone too far. He knew she was sad. He knew she was upset. But he couldn't help her. She wouldn't let him.

"Please, Derek. Don't do this. I can't live like this. I can't do it anymore. I need your help. I can't do it alone. I need you. I'm so sorry. I need you... I need you..." She said as he body wracked with sobs.

She said it. She needed him. She finally admitted it. He looked at her. She was in distress. She was broken. She was begging. He looked in the back seat at the sleeping twins and climbed out of the car. He wrapped his arms around her. He sighed when he felt hers wrap around him.

"I need you... I need your help..." She sobbed as she struggled to breathe.

"It's okay baby, it's okay." He said as he rocked her back and forth. "Let it out..."

"I love you... I love you..." She cried into his chest. "Don't...ever...question...that..." She said as she tried to suck in air.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did." He said with a frown. He felt her jerk. "You need to breathe..." He said quickly. He looked at the package of paper lunch sacks on the shelf and grabbed one. "Breathe." He said as he handed one to her. She sucked air in and out. He looked into her pleading eyes.

"I love you..." She said as she pulled the bag away. "I don't know what was wrong. I'm so sorry. It scared me. He scared me. It made me think...lies. Everything has been lies. My chance, it was stolen. I got another, but he was what I had lost. It changed me. It was a lie. I was broken because of a lie. I love you Derek. You are the love of my life. I know that. I would have been with him. It was supposed to be him. But I have you. I'd rather have you. And you are...you're everything I could have ever wanted. You mean more to me than anything. It scared me. For him to come back. It sent me into a whirlwind. I don't know what happened. I just know that it's you. You're the one. Don't ever question that..." She said as she held him close.

"I'm sorry I did..." He said with a frown.

"I'm sad. I'm depressed. I feel sick. I need you. Please help me. Please make it all better." She said as she squeezed him.

"We will. Together we will." Derek told her softly. "We'll make it. We always do." Meredith heard the faint cries of Devlin. She looked up at him and smiled. She stood up slowly and walked to the car. Derek watched as she undid the car seat and pulled him close.

"Mommy's sorry..." She said as she kissed him on the head. "Mommy loves you so much."

"Let's go inside." Derek said as he grabbed Delilah and walked into the house, with his hand on the small of her back. He led her to the sofa and the both sat down. She leaned against him, Devlin in her arms.

"You will never know how much I love you, Derek." She said softly. "You always save me... You always save me from myself."

**So that was rough. That was bad. But they will be okay, they always are. And I didn't leave you with a cliff! You could show your appreciation in the form of reviews...**


	121. The Perfect Family

Meredith sighed as she felt Derek's warm arms around her. It felt right. It felt like it always had. Her open eyes looked at his closed ones. She felt so sick. So guilty. She had put so much on him. Not intentionally. She was in so much pain, she couldn't function. She couldn't take care of herself. Yesterday Derek made her realize. He made her realize what she was doing. And what she stood to lose.

She gently wiggled free from Derek's grip, careful not to wake him. She walked out of their room and into Anna's. She was sleeping soundly. It was Saturday. After the week they had, she wasn't going to wake her. She planted a soft hiss on her forehead and walked to the nursery.

She smiled when she say the twins curled up together. Double bedding. They were doing it now. It was Derek's idea. He said they needed companionship, and he seemed to be right. Now they were sleeping a lot better. She stroked their cheeks and smiled. She had come so close. Not to leaving. She would have never left. She came close to pushing Derek away. Over the edge.

"Eww. Mommy stinks." She muttered as she smelled herself. "Apparently that's what three days of laying in bed does to you..." She said as she turned and walked out.

She walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on, climbing it. It felt so good. To was off the sweat. The dirt. The tears. The guilt. To let it all go down the drain, washing out of her life. The hot water felt good on her cold body. She ran her hands down her stretched skin. They definitely took their toll on her. She closed her eyes as she left the water run down her face.

"Hey..." Derek said as he walked into the shower with her.

"Shit! You scared me..." She said as she opened her eyes. "I needed a shower. You could have told me that I was stinky." She laughed.

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings." He said with a smile.

"How could you stand it?" She asked as she tilted her head.

"I put Vicks in my nose." He chuckled as he plugged it.

"Seriously?" She said in shock. "Seriously?" She asked as she smacked his arm playfully.

"I'm kidding. I love you. I grinned and bared it, because I love you." He said as he leaned in and kissed her softly. She leaned back against the wall as his tongue slid into her mouth. She missed it. She missed his taste. She missed this feeling. Their tongues danced gracefully, before he pulled away.

"I love you." She said with a smile.

"I love you too." He agreed.

"And I won't grin and bear it. If you stink, you shower. Period." She said with a smile.

"Okay." He said with a chuckle. She caught him looking at her body.

"It's disgusting. I know." She said with a sigh. "It's stretched. I'm stretched like a deflated balloon."

"You are gorgeous..." He told her with a smile.

"Derek, seriously..." She said as she dropped her head and turned away.

"Breathtaking." He said as he pushed his body against hers and put his chin his her shoulder. She felt his hands rub her thighs, then her abdomen. He softly massaged her swollen breasts. She gasped felt his hard member rub against her left butt cheek. Meredith turned and faced him.

"Derek..." She said as she looked down. "Damn six weeks..." She muttered as she stared.

"It's okay..." He said with a smile.

She looked up into his eyes. Her hand trailed down to his shaft and grasped it. He gasped and tensed up as she began stroking him.

"Mer..." He moaned as he felt her thumb massaging it's tip. "God...Ohh..." He moaned as she quickened her pace and tightened her grip. "Shit..." He moaned as he began to pulsate. "Oh..." He moaned as he released. Meredith smiled when she watched him release and fall against the wall, needing support.

"Thank you." He moaned as he slowly opened his eyes.

"You would do the same for me." She said as she rinsed off and kissed him. "I'm going to feed the twins, and myself. I-- I have to go somewhere..." She said as she stepped out. He raised his eyebrows. "Can you watch the kids? It won't take long." She said as she wrapped a towel around her.

"Of course." He said with a nod.

She didn't tell him where she was going. His body tensed up. She didn't tell him. Should he be worried? He felt worried. He didn't want to lose her. He was hoping she wasn't making a mistake. Hoping that last night wasn't just to pacify him. He sighed as he rinsed his hair. He loved her. He trusted her. That was enough. He knew it was.

-----------------

Meredith dressed herself in her most comfortable clothes. Not her jeans. She wouldn't admit it, but the pouch was there. The dreaded pouch. It wasn't big, but it was there. They wouldn't fit. And to stick that excess skin her her jeans would be painful. Another thing to add to her to do list, get more jeans.

She slowly walked down the stairs. Her body still ached. Partly from giving birth, and partly because she had laid in bed without moving for days. She knew it was absurd, but she could swear she already had a ton of muscle atrophy from not moving. She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a banana. It was the first time that she had a taste for them since her pregnancy. She quickly ate the banana and took off, she'd have to eat a big lunch. She had things to do, and she had to get out of there.

Meredith drove down the road slowly. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to confront. She was an avoider. She would hide. Do anything to get away. But today she was changing. Not changing for good. Not forever. Just changing. She had to do something about this. It had to come to an end she was tired of the unknown. Today, her feelings would be known, once and for all.

She rode the quiet elevator up. No one was on there. She was glad. She didn't want to share looks with a stranger. She didn't want to pretend she was friendly. She didn't want to pretend that everything was okay. It wasn't. It was on it's way, but it wasn't there yet. She walked down the hallway and stopped. She didn't have to have the piece of paper. It was burned into her brain. Right in the front. A glowing flame. She raised her hand and knocked.

Nate opened the door with a smile. She came. She actually came. Second chances. Love. It was all right there. He looked at her stance. He read her demeanor. He couldn't. She was quiet. She was still.

"You came. I knew you would come..." He said with a smile. "I knew you would..."

"Nate." She said as she stood there.

"Come in." He said as he nodded.

"No." She told him. "Anything I need to say I can say from out here." She said as she stood.

"You're not- You're not coming..." He replied in disbelief as he stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not coming." She told him firmly.

"Mer..." He said as his face dropped.

"No." Meredith said as she stood there. "You can't do this. Don't even try." She told him quickly.

"You left..." She said quickly.

"I--" He started.

"It may not have been because you wanted to, but you did. I waited and I hoped. But you didn't come. I moved on. It took awhile. But I did. I am. Derek is the love of my life. I. Love. Him. I loved you. I do love you. You were wonderful. You made me see the world differently. You saved my life. You loved me unconditionally. Be proud of yourself, because you made me a better person." She said with a smile as she watched his eyes well up.

"Mer..." He pleaded softly.

"No... You- You leaving. You- What happened to you... It was the best thing that ever happened. I don't mean you getting hurt. I would never want that to happen. I'm sorry for the pain you went through because of me. I am sorry. But it happened. And it was the best thing that could have happened. It allowed me to move on. To actually start my life. To live. To make myself do things on my own. You saved me in more ways than you'll ever know. But it did something else. It made me find the love of my life. It allowed me to have three beautiful children. A family that loves and cares about me. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you came all this way when there was no hope. This is no hope. Not for me and you. So please, move on. Be happy. I am. I really am." She said with a faint smile as she looked at him. "Have a good life. Get married. Have kids. It is all it's cracked up to be... Goodbye, Nate." She said as she turned on her heel and walked away.

"Mer..." He said softly. She stopped and turned around.

"I knew..." He said quickly. "When I saw him. When you were in labor. The way he looked at you... LIke you were the only person in the room... In the world... You're right. I didn't have a chance..." He said with a sigh. "I did. I really did love you. And that's why I can do it... Go home. Be happy." He said as a tear slid down his face.

"Goodbye, Nate." She said as she stepped on the elevator.

She thought she would cry. She didn't. It was the love. The love that she had or her family was stronger than any love she had ever felt. Climbing in her car, driving home, she knew... That was the end. No questions would ever be raised. It was Derek. It was Anna. It was Delilah. It was Devlin. They were the loves of her life. They were all she needed.

------------------

"Hey." Meredith said as she lazily walked into the house, seeing Derek holding both the twins.

"Hey. Everything okay?" He asked with a smile as he walked over.

"Everything is wonderful." Meredith said with a warm smile as she walked up and kissed Derek on the cheek.

"Good." Derek said as he handed her Devlin.

"How's mommy's big man?" Meredith asked as she kissed Devlin softly on the cheek.

"He's good." Derek said with a smirk.

"You're mommy's bad boy." Meredith said with a laugh.

"Oh, yes..." Derek said with a smile. "I am..." He said as he nibbled on her ear.

"Where is Anna?" Meredith asked as she looked around the quiet house.

"In the barn..." Derek said as he looked out.

"The barn? Not by herself, I hope!" Meredith said as she walked over to the large window and looked out.

"Of course not. Jane's out there. I think they're going to ride." He said as he looked out.

"Oh." Meredith muttered. "Do you mind watching the twins? I'll go out there for awhile..."

"You're not ready." Derek said firmly. "It hasn't been that long. You need your rest."

"In case you forgot, I did sleep for the last three days." She said quickly.

"You weren't resting. You were stressed out and upset. Completely different." He said as he walked over. "You don't have to go out there. She knows you love her."

"I just- I haven't been around..." She said sadly.

"We'll all do something tonight. We'll make pizza for dinner. Anna loves that." Derek said with a smile.

"Okay." She said with a smile.

"Besides, I know you are still a little sore." He said as he tipped his head.

"And you know that how?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

"I know you." He said softly. "Why don't we watch a movie..."

"Okay." She said with a huff. She walked over to the sofa and sat down while he placed a dvd in the player.

"I love you." He said as he sat down next to her, Delilah in his arms. He smiled at the sight of his young son nursing.

"I went to the hotel." She said after that sat in silence for awhile.

"I know." He said as he looked over at her.

"How did you know?" Meredith asked as she looked into her eyes.

"Because you are you. And you had to say goodbye." He told her as he rubbed her shoulder.

"That's not why. I didn't go to say goodbye. I went to make sure he knew. I wanted him to know that you are it for me. Forever. I wanted him to know that was no chance." She explained. "Please don't ever give up on me again." She said with a sad sigh as she laid Devlin down.

"I won't." He told her as he pulled her close.

"You did the right thing. Leaving. That would have been the right thing to do." She said as he eyes started to tear up. "You're a good dad."

"But a bad husband." Derek said with a frown.

"No. A good husband. I'm just a bad wife." She said as she laid her head on his chest.

"No, you're a great wife." Derek said as he kissed her head. "Just so that I'm clear, you don't have any other husbands, ex-husbands or lovers that will be popping in anytime soon, right?" He said with a chuckle.

"No, Derek. I don't." She said with a chuckle as she looked up at him and kissed him softly. She felt him lean forward and pull her closer, his hands running through her hair. She parted her lips and his tongue slid in softly. Meredith threw her leg over his lap and straddled him as she kissed him deeper. She laid her head back as Derek began kissing her neck.

"God I want you..." She moaned as she felt his hot breath on her chest.

"Damn six weeks." He muttered.

"No shit." She said as she climbed off of him. "We have to stop before we can't." Meredith muttered.

"I will say one thing, November 16 is going to be one explosive day." Derek said with a smirk.

"November 16?" Meredith asked.

"Uh huh. Exactly six weeks." He said with a smirk.

"Oh, Derek..." She muttered as she shook her head and laid against him. "You are too much."

Derek looked down at his sleeping wife. She had fallen asleep shortly after he put the movie in. It felt good to see her relaxed. Truly relaxed. She hadn't looked really relaxed in a long time. The last two moths of the pregnancy she had been so uncomfortable, she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep. And now with the twins, she was waking up for middle of the night feedings. She stroked her head with his free hand. His other was completely numb, but he wasn't going to wake her up.

"Mmm." Meredith said as she stirred awake. "What time is it?" Meredith asked as she looked around.

"Time to start dinner." Derek said with a smile.

"How long did I sleep?" she asked.

"Oh, about three hours." He said as she he looked at his watch.

"Derek! Why did you let me sleep that long?" She asked as she sat up.

"You needed it." Derek said with a smile.

"Mommy!" Anna said loudly as she ran through the front door. "I rode Paige and Sandy!"

"Oh... Did you have fun?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Uh huh. Paige is big. Really big!" Anna said happily.

"Are you sure that you should be riding a horse?" Meredith asked with wide eyes.

"Jane helded on. I was safe." She said quickly. "I'm hungry." She said as she looked at them both.

"Hmm. I think we should do something about that." Derek said as he sat up. "Why don't we make pizza?"

"Pizza! Yay! Mommy, are you gonna help?" Anna asked with wide doe eyes.

"Yep." Meredith said as they all walked in the kitchen, Derek and Meredith grabbing the babies carriers, and placing them on the counter.

"What do we want on these pizzas, chef?" Derek asked Anna as she put her apron on. Derek stuck the chef's hat on her head.

"Sauce, sous chef." Anna said with a smile.

"Of course we need sauce!" Meredith said as she grabbed the jar of sauce that Derek had made.

"Dough." Anna said quickly.

"Hmm..." Derek said as he looked around. "We need to make that." He said as he grabbed the ingredients and began mixing.

"And?" Meredith asked.

"Cheese. Lots a cheese." Anna said with a giggle. "I will get that." She said as she opened the refrigerator. "Peanut butter?"

"Gross!" Meredith said as she scrunched her nose.

"A month ago, that's what you wanted." Derek said with a chuckle.

"A month ago, I was out of my mind." Meredith giggled.

"Pepperoni!" Anna said as she pulled it out and threw it on the counter.

"Yum." Meredith agreed.

"Onion?" Derek asked.

"Yuck! Onions are hot." Anna whined.

"No they're not..." Meredith disagreed. "How about..."

"Pineapple." Anna said with a smile.

"On half." Derek said quickly.

"Fine." Anna said with a sigh as she grabbed it out of the cupboard.

"Oh my god." Meredith said as she looked up.

"What?" Derek said with concern.

"Look." Meredith said with a smile.

They all looked at the twins. Both had their blue eyes open and big smiles on their faces. Devlin looked at Anna with her chef's hat on and scrunched his face. They scanned the three standing in front of them. They may be crazy. They may be who they were stuck with. But they were their family. And they were perfect.


	122. Adjustments

Meredith opened her eyes. Not that she had closed them very much through the night. They hurt. Her eyes hurt. Her head hurt. She looked over at Derek, who moaned. She winced as she listened to their loud cries. They had separated them. The twins were now sleeping in their own cribs again. It was a split decision. One side of the fence said it was a good thing for them to have the companionship. The other side said that it was bad, that they needed to learn self contentment. So they suffered. The whole house suffered.

"Fuck." Derek said as he covered his head with the pillow.

"No kidding." She said as she looked over at him. "This is bad."

"Bad? More like hell. No sex. No sleep. Hell." Derek said with a frown.

"This was a bad idea." She muttered as she covered her head.

"I'll go." Derek said with a frown.

"No. I will, I guess. Everyone says to let them go..." She moaned. They both looked up when they heard the door open.

"You have to make them stop." Anna said with a clenched jaw and her hands on her hips.

"Anna..." Derek said softly as he looked up at her.

"No. I have a test tomorrow. I have to sleep. My teacher said to make sure we got sleep. I ain't got no sleep." She whined with her lip stuck out.

"You haven't gotten any sleep." He corrected tiredly as he rubbed his face.

"No. And I'm tired daddy...so tired." She moaned with exaggeration as she walked over and collapsed on the bed.

"It's not any quieter in here." Derek said with a sigh.

"I'm going. I can't let them cry." Meredith said as she climbed out of her warm bed. She gasped as her feet hit the cold hardwood floor.

"Thank God!" Anna said loudly as she covered her head with her pillow.

"No kidding." Derek whispered into Anna's ear. They both put their heads down and closed her eyes.

"Guys..." Meredith moaned as she walked into the nursery. "You're not supposed to do this. Dev, you're my big man, and Lilah, you're my brave girl." Meredith said as she picked her up. Devlin quieted down and looked up at his mom.

"Lilah... Are you hungry?" She whispered as she kissed her on the head. She walked over and sat in the rocking chair. Devlin immediately started wailing at her absence.

"Shit... Er, shoot." Meredith said as she stood back up. "Hmm..." Meredith muttered as she walked to the crib and looked around. She grabbed their carriers and placed them in them. She picked them up and walked downstairs. She made a bottle and fed Devlin with her free hand while Delilah nursed.

"Come on..." She muttered as he spit the bottle out of his mouth. "Okay." She said as she switched them around. Devlin quickly began eating and Delilah happily took the bottle. "You're as bad as your dad..." Meredith said with a giggle as she looked at him nursing.

"All done?" Meredith asked as Delilah spit out the bottle and closed her eyes. "Dev..." She said as she stroked his head. He pulled away and started crying. "Oh no..." Meredith muttered as she stood up with him.

"Sissy and Daddy are tired. You have to be quiet..." She said as she patted him on the back and walked around. He looked around the house with wide eyes as she showed him the pictures on the wall.

"Are you suffering from insomnia?" She asked as she looked at his bright eyes. "You have to sleep..." She said as she rocked him gently. "Let's take your sister back to bed." She said as she placed him in the carrier. He immediately started crying. She quickly grabbed the other carrier and started up the stairs. Delilah opened her eyes and looked around.

"Oh no..." She moaned, anticipating the wail. She looked up at Meredith and then closed her eyes again. "You're lucky Dev, really lucky." She said as she placed her in the crib and then picked him up. "Mommy's tired. How about you go to sleep?" She said as she looked down at him. "Good boy." She said as he closed his eyes. She waited a few minutes before attempting to lay him down. The minute her hands were off of him he wailed.

The night was long. Meredith sat in the comfortable rocking chair with Devlin in her arms. As long as she was holding him, he was quiet. Of course. She sat there wondering if she was going to be holding him forever. If he would have to be in her lap when he started kindergarten. If she'd have to hold his hand when he got his diploma. She chuckled as she looked down at him, completely content. At least someone was sleeping.

-----------------

Derek opened his eyes, to see his sleeping daughter snuggled into his side. He glanced over seeing that Meredith was no where to be found. Anna still had an hour before she had to get up for school, so he slowly snuck away from her and made his way sown the hallway. He smiled as he looked into the nursery, seeing Meredith's head to the side, Devlin in her arms.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he looked down.

"Hmm..." She said as she slowly opened her eyes. "Oh my god! I fell asleep. I could have dropped him." She said in a panic.

"He's fine, Mer." Derek said as he bent down and kissed her then him. "You wouldn't have dropped him, believe me." He said with a smile.

"He wouldn't sleep. He only slept when I held him." She said with a moan.

"It sounds like we have a mama's boy on our hands." Derek said with a smirk.

"I'm beginning to wonder." She said as she looked down. He began to stir and then opened his eyes.

"Hey, there, little man." Derek said as he pulled him from Meredith's arms. His lip began to quiver as Derek held him close. "Don't cry..." He said as he rubbed his little back. "Daddy's going to change your stinky diaper." he said as he scrunched his nose and laid him on the changing table. "Ew... You stink!" He said as he wiped him clean.

"Do you need help?" Meredith asked as she watched.

"I think I can change my son's diaper." Derek said with a smirk.

"Okay..." She said as she kissed his cheek. "I could make breakfast..." She said as she looked at him. She watched his face turn sour. "No?"

"No." He said as he shook his head.

"That's not nice." She muttered as she walked over to Delilah. "How's my little Angel? Really?" She said as she talked to her daughter. "Would you like another?" She asked as she carried her over.

"An assembly line. Let's have six more." He said with a chuckle.

"Or not. After last night... Never again." She said with a frown.

"Did you sleep at all?" He asked as he handed her Devlin.

"Apparently. You woke me up this morning." She said with a frown. "It wasn't very much. If one was sleeping, the other was awake. Delilah is independent. Dev, you are such a little stinker. Just like you daddy. See, Lilah is like mommy...good. Daddy is bad." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Don't let her put lies into your head. Daddy is good...very good. In many ways." Derek said as he raised his eyebrows.

"And daddy has a very dirty, porny mind, that you don't need to know about!" Meredith said with a giggle.

"That wasn't dirty." Derek said with a smile. "Not all all."

"Uh huh." She said not believing him.

"Good morning." He said as he kissed her softly. "Good morning, Dev. Morning, Lilah." He said as he kissed them all.

"Morning Daddy." Meredith said with a smile.

"Dev, you really are a mama's boy." He said as he shook his head. "And daddy is going to make breakfast. What do you want?"

"Hmm, eggs. Eggs and bacon and potatoes and toast." Meredith said with a smile.

"Someone is hungry." Derek said with a smile.

"Yes, and she is feeding herself and two others." She told him.

"Good point." Derek said as they walked down the stairs with the baby's carriers. Derek sat Delilah down in the carrier and Meredith sat at the table, feeding Devlin.

"Here you go." Derek said as he handed her a big glass of orange juice.

"Thank you." She said with a smile. "Mmm, that smells good." She said as she took in a deep breath.

"Anna needs to get up." Derek said as he looked at the clock.

"I'll get her. Dev, you need to go in your carrier." She said as she placed him in it. He immediately began to wail.

"Just leave him, Mer." Derek said with a nod. She frowned and walked upstairs. Meredith smiled when she saw Anna curled up in a peaceful sleep.

"Anna... Anna banana... It's time to get up." Meredith said as she kissed her head.

"Too early." She moaned as she covered her head with her blanket.

"I know, baby." Meredith said as she pulled the covers off.

"I don't wanna." Anna whined. "This is too early." She said as she climbed out of the bed.

"Well, if you want to be a doctor...This is how it is everyday." Meredith said with a shrug. "Now go get dressed. Daddy made breakfast." Meredith said as she followed her down the hallway.

"Holy shit!" Meredith said as she stopped in front of the large mirror in the hallway.

"What?!" Derek said with concern.

"Have you seen me? I look horrible..." She whined as she looked.

"You look wonderful." Derek said with a smile.

"I haven't shaved in a week. My hair looks like there could be several wild animals living in it. I didn't brush my teeth this morning. And the bags under my eyes are huge..." She said with a frown as she walked in and saw all of the food.

"Gorgeous." Derek said frankly as he watched her.

"Good morning." Anna said as she walked in.

"Morning, Sweetie." Derek said as he sat her plate down.

"Thank you, daddy." She said with a smile. "Good morning, beasts." She said as she looked at the blue eyed twins.

"Anna!" Meredith said as she began giggling. Derek shook his head and chuckled.

"They are!" Anna said as she looked at them. "Keeping me awake..." She mumbled as she took a bite of her toast.

"Be nice." Derek said with a smirk. "I'm taking you to school this morning. Jane won't be here until later. And you-" He pointed to Meredith. "Stay away from the barn. Six weeks is enough as it is." He grumbled.

"Yes, dear." Meredith said with a smile.

"I have a test." Anna said. "Spelling."

"We know." Meredith laughed, having heard it a thousand times. "And we even studied yesterday. You'll do fine." Meredith said with a smile.

"Okay, banana. We need to go." Derek told her happily.

"Okay." She said as she put her empty plate in the sink.

"I'll be back." He said as he gave Meredith a kiss.

"Okay." She said softly.

"Bye, mommy." Anna said as she walked out.

"Bye, baby." Meredith said. She looked over at a whimpering Devlin. "You are spoiled." She said as she rolled her eyes and picked him up. "Shoot!" She said as she looked down at Anna's backpack. "Anna forgot her bag." Meredith said into the phone.

"Turning around." He muttered as he drove back to the house.

"Thank you, mommy!" Anna said as she ran up to the front door.

"Good luck on your test." She told her with a kiss.

"Thank you, mommy. Bye, beast." She said as she kissed Devlin.

"Did mommy have Devlin in her arms again?" Derek asked as she jumped in the car.

"Uh huh." Anna said with a smile.

"Spoiled brat." Derek said as he shook his head. "Okay, do you have everything?"

"Yep." She said as they drove down the driveway.

Meredith watched as Derek's Land Rover disappeared down the driveway. She went to close the door when she noticed a familiar car driving slowly down the driveway. She looked at the driver and passenger. She frowned.

"Shit..." She muttered as she looked up at Richard and Ellis, heading her way.

**Fluff...Because the dark cloud is coming...**


	123. Help Me

"Oh shoot, Dev...this is not good." She said as she watched them near the house. "Grandma is and acquired taste, you'll learn that. But I'll let you make your own decisions without bias." She told him sweetly.

Meredith stood at the door as Richard and Ellis pulled in front of the house. She was tired. She stunk and she hadn't done anything with herself in forever. And now the most judgmental person in the world was over. And this was going to be a good time, no doubt.

"Mother, Richard...what are you doing here?" She asked as they walked up.

"We came to see our grandchildren." Richard said as he gave her a soft hug.

"Don't worry, her claws are in." He whispered into her ear. "How are you little guy?" He asked as he tickled Devlin's cheek.

"What is that?" Ellis said as she pointed to the corner of the property.

"That... Oh, that's a barn." She muttered as she looked up.

"A barn! What do you need a barn for?" Ellis asked as she looked over.

"A horse and a pony." Meredith said with a shrug as she walked in the house.

"You have a horse and pony?" She asked as she followed Meredith into the kitchen.

"A pony. Jane has a horse." Meredith said as she laid Devlin down in the carrier, receiving an immediate wail. "You're okay..." She said as she rubbed his cheek.

"I don't see why you need a horse and pony." Ellis said as she sat on the stool.

"Ask Derek." Meredith said simply as she tried to calm Devlin down.

"You look great, Meredith." Richard said with a smile as he watched her.

"Thanks, even if I know you're lying through your teeth." Meredith said with a smirk.

"When was the last time you brushed your hair? Aren't you worried about people seeing you like this? I'm sure there will be tons of people stopping by." Ellis said as she stroked Delilah's cheek.

"There are rules. No one was supposed to come over until they are a month old." Meredith said curtly to her mother.

"What the hell kind of rule is that?" She said as she looked at her daughter.

"We don't want them getting sick. And they sleep most of the time." Meredith explained.

"Well, if they are sleeping all of the time, what the hell are you doing? You're obviously not cleaning the house or yourself." She said as she looked around.

"It's full time, taking care of them. Besides, I can't sleep while they are sleeping. What if something happens?" Meredith explained.

"Babies have slept for years without their mothers watching them." Ellis said as she rolled her eyes. "Where is that housekeeper of yours anyway?" Ellis asked as she looked around.

"Jane is not our housekeeper. She is Anna's nanny." Meredith said with a huff. "So tell me again... Why are you here? Because you're not even looking at my children." She said as she scooped a whimpering Devlin up.

"Can I?" Richard asked as he nodded at Delilah.

"Of course." Meredith said with a nod.

"You spoil him." Ellis said as she looked at Devlin. "He'll never be independent if you don't let him go."

"He's a baby, Ellis." Richard said as he held Delilah close.

"It's never too soon..." Ellis said as she stuck her hands out. Meredith begrudgingly handed her Devlin, who immediately started screaming at the top of his lungs. [i_My thought exactly, Dev...[/i_

"How are you little guy... Clam down, calm down... Grandma has you." Ellis said in a soft tone as she attempted to calm him down. "Here..." She finally said as she handed him back. "Look at those hands. He has surgeon's hands..."

"He's a baby!" Meredith said quickly.

"He's going to be a surgeon." Ellis told her.

"Or a musician. Or an artist. Or a factory worker. As long as he's happy, he can do whatever he wants. Can't you, little man?" She said as she kissed his soft face. "No pressure here..." She said as she glared at her mom.

"Would you like to hold Devlin?" She asked Richard.

"Of course." He said as he traded her. Delilah looked into her mom's eyes and almost smiled.

"She's beautiful. She looks just like you did when you were a baby." Ellis said as she stood up and stroked her head. "Look at that tiny nose."

"Why don't you at least go take a shower while we watch them?" Ellis asked as she looked at Meredith.

"Derek will be home soon." Meredith said as she planted kisses on Delilah's cheeks. "Speak of the Devil." Meredith said as she looked up at Derek.

"Richard, Ellis... How are you?" Derek asked as he walked into the kitchen. He and Meredith both exchanged the look.

"Wonderful." Richard said as he gave Devlin a loving look.

"We were just telling Meredith that she needed to go take a shower. She needs to take care of herself." Ellis said, making it sound nicer than she originally had.

"Mer, go ahead. We're fine here..." Derek said with a smile.

"Yeah?" She said, grateful to get away.

"Of course." he said as he kissed her softly.

"Okay..." She muttered as she looked at Devlin, who caught her eye and started to cry.

"He'll be fine. Won't you, Dev?" Derek said as Richard handed him to him. "Go."

"Fine..." She moaned as she slowly marched up the stairs, hearing his heart breaking.

-----------------

"Delilah..." Meredith pleaded as she bounced the baby gently. "It's okay... You're okay..." She said as she walked around with the colicky baby. Devlin listened to his sister cry and began to cry himself.

"Please stop. Please." Meredith asked her as she held her up and looked into her eyes. She looked at the tears that were pooling up and threatening their way out.

She tried everything. Rocking them. Holding them together. Letting them cry. Nothing stopped it. Delilah was colicky and Devlin was a mama's boy. He wanted all of the attention. She sat down and attempted to get Delilah to nurse with no avail. Devlin's cheeks turned red as he cried harder. Meredith carefully picked him up with her free arm and sat back down in the chair. She looked at them both as tears fell from her own eyes.

This was the way it had been. Derek was back to work. She had convinced him to go back to work. He didn't want to. He nearly begged her to let him stay home. But she knew he needed to get back to work. Back into his routine. And she had to be able to do this. For both of their sake's she needed to be able to take care of her own children.

She there she sat, tears running freely from her eyes. She didn't wail. She didn't make a sound. She didn't want to risk making them worse. She didn't want them to know that she was stressed out. Then they would feed off of her distress and things would be ten times worst. She moaned when she heard the phone ring.

"I'm sorry, guys." She said as she laid them both down and ran to the phone. "Hello?" She said tiredly into the phone.

"Hey... What's wrong?" Derek asked quickly as he listened to them cry in the background.

"Nothing they're fine. We're fine." She said desperately into the phone.

"I'm on my way home." He told her firmly.

"No, Der... We're fine." She moaned as she looked over at them.

"I'm sorry Mer. I wanted to come home last night. I was too tired. I don't think I could have driven." He told her with a sigh.

"It's fine, Der. We're fine." She told him with and irritated tone as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Just... Just do whatever you have to. Work, cut. Whatever."

"Meredith, if you need me, I will walk out of here right now." He said into the phone as he read the papers in front of him.

"The office needs you. Your patients need you. Just- Just come home when you can, okay? Later." She said with a sigh as she rubbed her face.

"You're sure?" He asked as he began signing the papers and throwing them to the side.

"I'm sure." She said with a fake smile that he couldn't even see.

"Okay, I love you." He told her.

"I love you too." She said softly as she hung up and ran back to the twins.

"You don't want to be here, do you?" Jack asked as he stopped at Derek's door.

"Well..." He said with a sigh. "I do. I really do. I want to do both." He said with a nod.

"But?" Jack said as he stepped in the office and sat in the chair in front of Derek's desk.

"Mer was crying. I didn't even have to hear her. I just know. And the twins were wailing in the background. I just don't want her to be upset." Derek said as he glanced up at Jack. Jack grabbed the photo of the twins and Anna off of his desk and looked at it.

"Go home." Jack said as he sat it back down. "I can handle this."

"No, Jack. I didn't come into this practice to put everything on you. You may be an asshole, but you don't deserve that." Derek said with a smirk.

"Well, I can speak for myself, and I may be and asshole, but you are a dumb Jackass." He spat back. "Go home."

"..."

"Listen, I want to do it. Besides, at the end of the year, we can compare hours, and I will have you beat to hell." Jack said with a smirk.

"Let me finish this up." Derek said with a moan. "But only if you're sure."

"I'm sure." Jack said with a nod as he stood up and walked out.

--------------

Meredith sat there, elbows on her knees, her head in her hands. It was too much. They wouldn't stop. She just wanted them to stop for a few minutes. She needed her head to quit pounding. Her ears were hurting. Her eyes were burning. And she was horny. Yes, she'd admit it, even being exhausted, her body was screaming for sex. She looked up wide-eyed as they both got quiet. She smiled and sighed as she saw their closed eyes. That is, until the doorbell rang. Then there was the wails. The loudest wails imaginable.

She jumped off the couch. She was going to kill them. Who ever it was, was sure to be dead. She was going to beat them to death with her ineffectual fists. They broke her silence. Her few seconds of pure joy. Of wonderful silence, ruined by...

"You son-of-a-bitch!" She said as she lunged at him with her fists.

"Whoa! Whoa! Mer, stop!" Drew shouted as he grabbed her wrists.

"You asshole! You woke them up!" She said as she started to bawl. "Fifteen seconds. Fifteen seconds there were asleep and you woke them up!" She said a she collapsed on his chest with tears falling from her eyes.

"Mer... It's okay, honey." He said as he rubbed her back.

"Okay? Ha! I haven't slept. They cry and cry. And whine. And poop. And pee. And suck my boob off then poop again." She said loudly as she walked back over to them. He followed her over to the sofa.

"Oh my God..." He said as he picked Delilah up and held her close. She looked at him with wide eyes and stopped crying. "She's beautiful..."

"Dev... You must be chopped liver." She said as she picked him up, he quickly quieted down and struggled to look around.

"I thought you said they wouldn't shut up." Drew said with a chuckle, as he sat on the sofa.

"They wouldn't..." She said with a sigh as she laid her head back. "Thank you. I don't know what you did, but thank you." She said as she grabbed a blanket and began nursing Devlin.

"You know, Mer... I thought you would be a hot mom. I guess I was wrong." He said with a chuckle.

"Screw you." She spat as she looked over.

"Gladly." He said with a smirk.

"You know what? At this point I don't care what I look like." She said with a shrug. "I haven't worn jeans in weeks."

"That's just wrong." Drew said with a smirk. "I think this creature wants to eat." He said as he looked over.

"Dev's almost done." She said with a smile.

"She looks like you. I mean she really looks like you." He said as he looked at Delilah.

"You can't tell yet. Although I have this sinking feeling that Devlin is going to have Derek's nose." She said as she pulled him from under the blanket and laid him on his shoulder.

"Oh no... Not good. Uncle Drew can fix that." He said as he winked at the baby.

"No he will not." Meredith said as she kissed his nose. "Derek's nose is perfect."

"Apparently love is blind." Drew said with a smirk.

"It is." She said as she handed him Devlin and grabbed Delilah. "So why are you here?"

"To see the rug-rats." Drew said with a shrug. "I have to see my cutest niece and nephew. I have to admit, they got their looks from you, not Der."

"You're lucky he's not here." Meredith told him.

"Why isn't he here. I expected him to retire." He said with a laugh.

"I made him go. He can't sit here all day." Meredith said with a frown.

"Apparently that backfired on you." Drew said with a laugh as he looked down at a sleeping Devlin.

"Apparently." She said with a shrug.

"So... Is it really that bad?" Drew asked.

"I wouldn't trade the crying and the spit up for the world." She said with a smirk.

"That's good, Mer." He said as he patted her shoulder. "Really good."

"What's going on here?" Derek said with a smirk as he looked at the two of them sitting on the sofa.

"I saved your wife." Drew said smartly.

"From what?" He asked as he looked at her.

"I'd say she was about two seconds from jumping out your bedroom window." Drew told him frankly.

"Mer..." Derek said as he have her a concerned look.

"I'm fine. I just-- They wouldn't stop crying." She said with a frown.

"Apparently I have the magic touch." Drew told him smartly.

"I told you I would come home." Derek said as he sat down next to her. He lifted the blanket and kissed his daughter's head. "Way too tempting."

"Oh god..." Drew said as he rolled his eyes.

"Not much longer..." Derek said with a smirk. Meredith rolled her eyes. "Have you eaten?"

"Oh yes, I made a gourmet meal." Meredith snapped.

"Okay, then... Dinner would be a good thing." Derek said as he stood up. "Drew, if you're going to stay here and mooch, at least get off your ass and help." Derek said loudly.

"Oh yes, I really need to mooch. I make more in one quarter than you do in the year." He said as he lad Devlin down and followed.

"Well, apparently I went in the wrong field." Derek said with a chuckle. "Although I'd rather have smart people than bigger boobs." Derek said as he grabbed the food out.

"Not me, my man. Not me." Drew said smartly.

"So how long are you staying?" Derek asked as he began cutting up chicken strips.

"Forever. I thought I'd just move in. You look like you need another kid..." Drew laughed.

"Well, you can stay in the barn." Derek said quickly.

"I'll stay as long as you need me." Drew told him. "So how is operation: Keep Mer safe going?"

"Everything has been fine. I think we're safe." Derek said happily.

Or not.

**The dark cloud is looming...**


	124. Releasing Frustrations

"Okay guys..." Meredith said as she put on Delilah and Devlin's Thing One and Thing Two onesies. "We can do this." She said happily as she looked around the nursery.

"Daddy is going to be so surprised." She said as she began backing their diaper bag with everything but the changing table. "And you guys have to be good. Especially you, Devlin. No crying." She told him as she kissed him on the forehead.

"And Delilah, you just act as sweet as you always do." She said as she kissed her softly on the forehead.

Meredith carried both babies to the car and strapped them in. This was the first time she had gone anywhere by herself with them. She was worried, but she would never tell Derek. If she told him, he would be home in a second, and she needed to be able to do it herself.

Meredith pulled into the parking lot of Seattle Grace. It was good to be back, even if it was just for a checkup and a visit. The air was crisp. She covered both of their carriers with blankets, and tucked blankets around them. They were ready. She was ready. And she couldn't wait.

The familiar sterile smell of the hospital was refreshing. It felt like home. She hated to admit that the hospital smelled more like home than her home. It was only because she spent so much time there. That was another major concern. How would she ever be able to juggle the work and baby schedule. It was daunting. Overwhelming. Not something she wanted to talk or think about.

"Oh my God!" A nurse said as Meredith walked onto the elevator. "Is that them?"

"It is." Meredith said with a nod.

"Can I see?" She asked as she looked down at the blanket-clad carriers.

"Sure." Meredith said begrudgingly. What was she supposed to say? She pulled back the blankets, revealing two sleeping faces.

"Oh, they're beautiful." She squealed as she looked down. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." Meredith said as she stepped off the elevator, on to Addison's floor.

"Babies!" Izzie shouted as she jogged down the hallway. She rushed right up to the carriers. "Hey there." She said with a smile and she rubbed their faces.

"Is that--" A nurse said as she walked up.

"Back off!" Izzie spat as she shot her a glare. "I'm seeing them..."

"Geez, Iz..." Meredith said softly.

"They're like vultures." She explained as she picked up Delilah. "They just want to see McDreamy's progeny."

"It's okay. Once they see them, the excitement will wear off." Meredith told her as she rubbed Delilah's head. "I have to meet with Addison." Meredith said as she picked up the carrier. Izzie placed Delilah in the carrier, and followed.

Meredith grabbed the carrier out of her hand and walked into the empty room. She slid off her jeans and put a gown on. She smiled as she looked up at the calendar on the wall. November 14th. Derek had been counting down the days. He didn't think she knew, but she did. And now, she was hoping she could surprise him.

"Mer..." Addison said as she walked in. "Devvie, and Lilah." She said softly as she looked down at them. "How is everything?"

"I was hoping you could tell me." Meredith said with a grin. "Actually Derek was hoping."

"Well, we'll see how everything looks. How have the twins been?" Addison asked as she looked over.

"Really good. A little colicky. Devlin is a mama's boy. I deny it in front of Derek, but it's true." Meredith said with a shrug.

"Are you still letting them sleep in the same bed?" Addison asked.

"Trying not to. It made them worse. They wouldn't sleep without each other." Meredith explained as she looked at the sleeping twins.

"That happens sometimes. I'm honestly not a fan of it. I will suggest it if one is in distress, but it can cause some problems." She explained. "Now lie back."

"Well, they are getting better. And I have Drew to help. And Jane." Meredith told her.

"Drew? Andrew? Helping?" She said with a giggle.

"He is a wonderful help." Meredith told her with a smile. "He loves Delilah. Everyone loves the little girl."

"Oh... They love Devlin too." Addison said with a smile. "It's because you always have him in your arms."

"That may be." Meredith agreed with a nod.

"So, is Derek getting impatient yet?" She asked with a chuckle.

"About the no sex? You bet. He's ridiculous." Meredith told her as she shook her head.

"He was never like that. You've turned him into a horny teenager." Addison said jokingly.

"What can I say?" She told her quickly.

"Well, everything looks good. I think you may be able to give him some relief tonight." She said with a smirk.

"Sex... We can have sex?" She asked.

"You can." Addison agreed.

"Thank God. I hate to admit it, but I think I was getting as anxious as Derek." Meredith said in shame.

"That explains a lot." Addison joked as she rolled her seat back. "I'm going to check the twins over while they're here."

"Sounds good..." Meredith said as she watched Addison pick them up and check them over.

"They look great. Definitely not lacking anything. Of course they need to come back for their regular checkup." She said as she looked over.

"Of course." Meredith agreed.

"Good..." Addison said with a smile. "So what are you up to today?"

"We are going to Mercy, to surprise Derek." Meredith said with a smile.

"Oh, that should be fun." Addison agreed. "That will make his day. Strike that... Tonight will make his day." She said with a wink as she walked to the door. Meredith gathered up the twins. They were going to see daddy.

-----------------

Meredith walked into the unfamiliar front lobby of Mercy-West. It didn't have the same feel as Seattle Grace. It wasn't inferior. Well, it was if you asked any intern at Seattle Grace. The rivalry was well known. Mercy's internship was a small one. It was easy, and they cases sucked. At least that's what they said. But it was really just another hospital on the other side of Seattle. She walked up to the front desk and was welcomed with a smile.

"Can you tell me where the cafeteria is?" Meredith asked. Rather than searching with two babies, she opted to ask.

"Yes, take that elevator to the basement. It's to your left." She said as she pointed.

"Thanks." She muttered as she walked away. She opened her phone and called Derek.

"Hey..." Derek said as he answered as he walked down the hallway.

"Hey, you. Did you eat lunch yet?" She asked with a smile.

"I was just getting ready to head back to the office." He said quickly. "Why?"

"Well, I'm in the cafeteria in Mercy-West... I thought I'd have lunch with you." She said as she sat down at an empty table.

"Hospital food? That is gross. I'll meet you down there, but we're not eating that shit." He said frankly.

"Okay. See you in a few..." She replied as she flipped her phone shut. She looked at her sleeping babies. They looked so peaceful. They didn't yet realize that the world could be unbelievably cruel.

"Oh! They're adorable." Two, what she assumed to be interns, said as they walked up.

"Thank you." Meredith said with a smile as she watched them closely.

"How old?" The one asked.

"Eight weeks." She said, not believing they were already that old.

"They are so cute. Look at those eyes." They said as they looked at an awake Delilah.

"Oh! There he is." The one muttered to the other as they looked over at Derek, who was talking to another doctor.

"Look at that ass..." She moaned. "And his hair...nice today..."

"What's his story?" Meredith asked with piqued attention.

"Besides the fact that he is incredibly hot?" The dark haired intern asked.

"He is... He's dreamy." Meredith muttered as she watched him cock his head and smile, looking in her direction.

"Oh my god! He's looking at us." The blonde squealed.

"This is a big deal, huh?" Meredith asked as she looked up at the two of them.

"Are you kidding? He's the hottest doctor here. And he is never here. So the days that he graces us with his presence are the best." She said frankly. "I can imagine my fingers running through that hair as he... You know what I mean?"

"Totally." The other muttered.

"So he doesn't work here?" Meredith asked as she looked at them both.

"He's in a private practice. Sad, really." The dark haired intern said.

"Why is that?" Meredith asked.

"It's his wife. I heard she is a super bitch." The blond spat.

"Really?" Meredith asked as she raised her eyebrows.

"Oh yeah. I heard she got pregnant and then refused to work. She made him wait on her hand and foot." She said with a shrug. "Totally backed him in a corner. She forced him to go into a private practice."

"That doesn't make any sense..." Meredith told them as she scrunched her nose. "Why would she do that?"

"He gets more time at home. To take care of the kids, I'm sure." The blond explained. "While she sits on her ass..."

"So this wife... What does she look like?" Meredith asked.

"Fat. Ugly. I heard-" She started.

"Fugly. Ugly doesn't begin to describe." The other chimed in. "Fugly is more like it..."

"Anyway. I heard that she-- Oh! Here he comes..." They said as they began to breathe rapidly.

"Hey you..." Derek said as he neared.

"Dr. Shepherd..." The intern said as he neared.

"Dr. Smith." Derek said with a nod as he walked straight to Meredith. She stood up and he pulled her into a long passionate kiss. They watched as she glanced over at the and ran her fingers through his hair. His hand travelled down his back.

"How are you?" He asked with a smile as he moved the hair out of her face.

"Tired. Probably from all the sitting on my fat ass eating pints of ice cream I've been doing." Meredith said with a smirk to the interns. They both stood there, mouth agape.

"What?" He said in shock.

"Nothing." Meredith said quickly as she looked over at them.

"Dr. Smith. Dr. Jackson. Meet my wife, Dr. Meredith Grey-Shepherd." He said with a smirk, picking up in the situation. He grabbed Devlin and gave him a soft kiss. "How is daddy's little man?"

"Dr. Grey-Shep- Uh... Nice to meet you. We have... Nice to meet you." They said as they rushed off.

"Interns." He said, shaking his head.

"Hey! It wasn't that long ago that I was an intern." Meredith told him loudly.

"You were never one of those..." He pointed out.

"True...so true." She said happily. "So...when are you going to be done for the day?"

"Well..." he said as he looked up. "Probably around eight, I still have to round at Pres and Grace today."

"Good." Meredith said with a smile. "Eight. Don't be late..." She said with a grin.

"Why? What's going on?" He asked.

"You'll see." Meredith said as they both grabbed carriers and headed off to lunch.

---------------------

"Devlin... You [i_have[/i _to go to bed. Please...go to sleep..." She moaned as she looked at the wide awake little boy.

"Problems?" Drew said as he walked by the room.

"Yes." Meredith said with a frown. "Delilah is down, Devlin refuses..." Meredith said sadly in desperation.

"And..." Drew said with a chuckle.

"And he [i_needs[/i _to go to sleep!" Meredith said with a frown. "He just has to..."

"Maybe he's not tired." Drew said with a shrug. "Or maybe he's hungry..."

"Or maybe he is into the most evil kind of sabotage." Meredith said as she sat down and began nursing him under the blanket.

"Sabotage? He's a baby!" He said with a smirk.

"Well...I call it like I see it." She said in a huff.

"So what is he sabotaging?" He asked as he stood there.

"Sex." She said frankly.

"Oh... Sorry I asked." He muttered as he looked off.

"I haven't had sex in two and a half months." She said, near tears.

"How that must be a new record for you!" He laughed.

"Shut the hell up. So anyway, I would suggest you stay in your room tonight." She suggested as she picked Devlin up and patted his back.

"My room? But you'll be in your room..." Drew said he looked at the smile beginning to form on her face.

"It won't start there...believe me." She said with a smirk.

"Ah! To much... Too much." He said in a huff.

"Yeah well, I'm sure you'd rather know what's coming to you." She said with a shrug.

"Hmm... So am I on baby duty?" He asked with a frown.

"No, I can do it..." She replied.

"I will. I can. I can do this for you guys. Besides, sexually frustrated Derek is an asshole." He laughed.

"Language!" She said softly.

"His first words will be money sighs, question marks, and stars..." She said with wide eyes.

"Shoot...It's seven." She said as she looked at the clock. "Can you call in the take out order that I have on the counter? And give them a big tip. They are coming all the way out here specially for me..."

"Fine..." He moaned as he walked out.

"Don't fetch angry." She said as she watched him walk out. "Okay... We're making a deal here. Look, you already get the boob. Delilah gets the bottle when it comes between the two of you. Only because you are picky. So, you get the boob. And I pick you up when you cry. And you look like your dad, which makes you irresistible. Anyway. You owe me. Yep Dev, you owe me. And I'm cashing in. You sleep. All night sleepy time. Mommy needs this... Oh god does she need this... Anyway. You sleep. And now you're smiling at me...you're not going to cooperate, are you?" She said as she shook her head. "I'm begging you here. Please?" She watched as he gently closed his eyes. "Seriously..." She said as she laid the quiet baby down. Maybe there really were miracles.

-----------------

Meredith took a hot shower. It felt great. Maybe it wasn't the shower. Maybe it was what was to come. And it was coming. She washed herself with his favorite lavender shampoo and conditioner. She felt so refreshed as she stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. She grabbed the tiny package off of the sink and pulled out it's contents. She laid it out and towel dried her hair, placing it up loosely. A few stray pieces laid softly on her shoulders.

She smothered her body with her edible body butter. Pulling on the tiny g-string, she couldn't help but feel a little down about the extra skin that was now along her middle. She would have to do something about it. No because of the looks, but for her heath too. She pulled on the soft pink lace chemise and looked in the mirror. Derek was going to be a happy man tonight. Very happy.

Meredith placed Derek's dinner on a plate. The steak was perfect. He didn't indulge in red meat often. But tonight he would. Tonight was a special night. Two days earlier than expected. She lit a few candles in the bedroom and in the kitchen. Then she waited. And waited. Then the door opened.

Derek walked into the dark house. It was never this dark. And since the twins were born, it was never this quiet. He saw the faint flicker of light in the dining room. He dropped his bag and slid off his shoes. He gasped when he saw the sight in front of him.

There she was. Sitting on the chair, her feet up on the kitchen table. He could see the light reflect off of her smooth legs. Her perfectly manicured toes, sparking. Her soft lips, plump and waiting for him. Her tendrils reflecting the candle light. He could see the faint outline of her plump breasts. And he could also feel his jeans tightening.

"Wow..." He managed to get out as he walked over.

"Time for dinner..." She said softly as she sat there.

"I- I-" He muttered as he walked over to her.

"Eat..." She said as she looked at the food.

"I am." He said as he walked over, sat he up on the table

"Derek...you're going to want to eat." She told him. "You'll need your energy."

"Sex on a full stomach. I don't think so." He said with a smirk.

"Take me for a ride...Derek." She moaned as she wrapped her legs around him.

He gently spread her legs apart as she laid back on the table. His lips trailed up her calf, to her thigh and rested on her hip bone. He gently grabbed her G-string with his teeth. He pulled it down and dropped it on the floor. He place his index finger inside her. He moaned as he felt her wetness. He stroked gently. He had waited. But she had waited longer. It was her turn first.

"God...Derek..." His fingers continued their purposeful work, creating a rush of hot fluids that washed over him. It was fast. She was ready. "Oh..." She moaned as her body shook. Her feet quivered. She leaned back as he pulled his fingers out.

"Just fuck me, Derek." She said in desperation, ready for him again.

"Gladly." He said as he pulled her off the table. She watched as he undressed hastily.

"Not here..." She moaned as she looked up. Not where her children eat breakfast.

She wanted it there. She wanted it now. She watched as he dropped his boxers. His huge cock looked up at her, ready to start it's masterful work. In a swift motion, he swept her up, her warms legs wrapping around her naked body. He quickly climbed the stairs, his cock pressed against her awaiting opening.

"Hurry..." She moaned as he quickened his pace.

They crashed onto the bed heavily. He looked into her eyes. This had been playing out in his head for awhile. Bit it wasn't this good. It didn't touch this. He needed her so badly. Everything. All of the time. The frustration. He needed her. He hovered over her body, his erect penis rubbing against her soft flesh. His mouth tasted her sweet skin. She ran her hands down his back and around to his cock.

"Oh..." He moaned as she grasped it.

With all her force, she rolled him over and and flipped herself around. Her mouth quickly surrounded his shaft. Derek moaned as he felt her pursed lips around him. Her tongue swirling. He opened his eyes to see her awaiting pussy in his face, begging him to taste it. It's glistening delicate flesh. He moaned as she began to suck. His tongue lunged forward, needing to taste her. She reacted on his penis as he rubbed her clit with his broad tongue. The more he pushed, the more she pushed. Each taken out the pleasure they were feeling from each other. He felt his length in her throat as his tip hit the back. He quickened his lapping until he felt her warm cum rush over his hot tongue, he himself exploding into her mouth, spraying her with his essence.

They both collapsed as their orgasms took over, causing their minds and bodies react. Meredith sat up, her ass on his chest as she took his cock in both of her hands and began stroking. She watched him grow. She quickly lowered her body onto him as she faced his feet. She rocked and pounded on his shaft, feeling him fill up her tight space.

"Oh god...Oh God!" She screamed.

"Shhh. Mer, shhh." He said. "Oh god...Geez...Mer, you're tight." He moaned.

"Fuck! Come on Derek!" She whined as she bounced. She she felt him begin to pulsate inside of her.

"Oh I'm coming..." He said loudly. "Oh god..." He moaned as he felt her heat around him.

"I'm...ohhh..." She moaned as she tightened up, releasing fluid. Her body began to tremble violently.

"Shit...I'm...Oh..." He moaned as he released his hot fluid into her body. He dropped his head as he continued to feel the aftermath of the pleasure that just surrounded him.

"Thank you..." She muttered as she laid there, her head between his feet, beads of sweat covering her body.

"No. Thank you." He said as he laid there in pure ecstasy. "Oh God...Thank you..."

**I think that was long overdue!**


	125. Baking?

Drew tossed in his bed once again. He had no idea how Anna ever slept through it. It was usually loud. But tonight, it was earth shattering. Thank god she was with Izzie. He covered his head with one pillow. Then two. Then three. Still the faint sounds of moaning, grunting and screaming each other's names rang in his ears. They were like some kind of machines. It'd stop for a few minutes and then they were right back in the game. If he had sleeping pills, he'd be taking him. No, he wouldn't. He wanted to make sure he could hear the twins. In other words, he was going to suffer.

"Oh God...Derek!" She shouted loudly. Then a crash. A definite crash. A picture. Maybe an antique vase. Either way, they kept on, ignoring the damage.

"Harder...harder!" Meredith shouted. That of course was followed by a banging headboard, confirming her requests were granted.

"Fuck..." He heard Derek shout as he hit his peak.

"I'm sorry, big guy." Drew said as he looked down at his own penis. "Shit..." He moaned as he tossed again.

Drew glanced over at the clock. It was six a.m. They had gone at it, all night. Finally at five a.m. they went silent. From sheer exhaustion, most likely. Combined, he had probably gotten a solid two hours sleep. He thanked god that he didn't have to work. He threw his legs over the bed and stood up. Doctors hours. He couldn't sleep anymore if he tried.

"Hey, guys." He said as he walked in and looked at the sleeping babies. He had given them a bottle in the middle of the night, and they had slept the rest of the night.

"I hope mommy and daddy were smart. What a surprise it would be to have more of you..." He said with a chuckle as he walked out of the room and down to the kitchen.

The food was still on the table. Candles burned to their socket. He quickly prepared the coffee and started throwing away the food and placing the plates in the sink. A smile played on his face as he looked down at the tiny pink G-string on the floor. He picked it up and spun it around his finger. Grabbing his coffee and the newspaper, he sat back in a chair and watched the sunrise.

"Morning..." Derek said as he stumbled into the kitchen in his sleep pants and a t-shirt. His hair was disheveled, his eyes were tired, but he looked happy.

"Morning..." Drew answered as he watched Derek sit down in front of him. "So it sounds like you had a good night. A long night. Thanks loads for that, man." He said as he rolled his eyes.

"A very good night." Derek said with a satisfied smile. "And sorry..."

"Yeah...marathon sex." Drew said as he sipped his coffee. "A good thing, I suppose..."

"It was long overdue." Derek stated frankly as he grabbed a section of the paper. Drew looked up as Meredith walked into the kitchen very gingerly with the twins.

"Morning." She said as she sat the carriers down on the table. Derek immediately cooed at his babies.

"Rough ride last night, cowgirl?" Drew said with a chuckle as he watched her walk over to the table. She rolled her eyes and sat down.

"I fed them a bottle at three." Drew told them as she grabbed Delilah and let her nurse.

"Thank you." Meredith said graciously.

"No problem. Apparently you needed the sex." He laughed as he looked at them both.

"And this... Very nice, Mer." He said as he spun her G-string. Her eyes got wide as she looked up. Derek quickly snatched it out of his hand.

"Isn't it?" Derek said with an evil grin. "Very nice..." He repeated as he looked over at her.

"So, I hope you guys were smart..." He mentioned as he leaned back in his seat.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked with confusion.

"I mean, I hope you made sure there will be no...McBabies. That's what you call them, right? In the near future..." Drew watched Meredith's face turn white.

"She's breast-feeding." Derek pointed out.

"That doesn't always..." Meredith trailed off as she stared into space.

Her stomach started to roll. Anna was tough. The twins, were tougher. But to be pregnant again... That was really not what she wanted to think about. She quickly pulled Delilah away and ran to the bathroom.

"Man..." Drew said as he shook his head.

"The bad thing is...my guys are good." Derek said with a smirk as he looked at his children.

"If there's a will there's a way." Drew chuckled.

"You know it." Derek agreed. He watched Meredith walk back into the kitchen, he skin pale and a big frown on her face. Derek and Drew both looked up at her as she sat down. First the corners of their mouths raised. Then a smile played on their lips. Then it went to full blown laughter.

"It's not funny, you sons of bitches." She spat as she scowled.

"Mer..." Derek said with a faint smiled as he looked in her eyes. Drew continued to laugh.

"No, Derek! No!" She said with a raised voice and then looked at the babies. She lifted Devlin to her breast and let him nurse. "It's not funny. It's not funny..." She started to cry. She looked down at Devlin. He looked up at her with a panicked face. "Not funny..." She continued. He pulled away and started to cry himself.

"Meredith. It's okay." Derek said as he walked over to her and rubbed her back.

"No. No it's not. I'm tired. I am so tired. I love them, I do. But they are sucking the life out of me right now. I wake up tired. I go to bed tired. And now, because I couldn't keep my freaking legs closed... I can't do it again. I can't." She cried as she held Devlin close. "Not now."

"I'm sure everything will be okay." Derek said as he kissed her head.

"I have this!" She said as she grabbed her loose skin. "And now...I might have more..." She scrunched her face and the tears continued.

"Maybe not..." Derek said optimistically. "You never know."

"You have super sperm, Derek. All you do is throw it across the room. You can impregnate a tree..." She wailed. Drew looked at him with confusion. He smiled happily and nodded his head yes.

"Meredith, if you remember correctly, you didn't have an easy time conceiving the twins." He pointed out with a smile.

"Oh no..." She said as she closed her eyes and dropped her head.

"Get the morning after pill." Drew said with a shrug as he looked up at them both. Meredith looked up and Derek glared.

"That's not even an option." He said firmly. No way. He wasn't going to kill his possible children. No way was he going to kill an innocent life.

"Why?" Drew asked as he glanced between them both.

"Because we are not killing my possible children. No way." He spat as he looked at the twins.

"It's the freaking morning after pill. Not a second trimester abortion. God, what if she was raped. What would you say then?" Drew asked.

"Don't even fucking go there! She wasn't raped. I can't believe you would even say that. That is entirely different..." Derek told him.

"It's still an innocent life." Drew said sarcastically. "Are you even going to ask Meredith what she wants?" Drew asked as he looked at Derek's cold eyes.

"We are not doing that." He reiterated as he walked away and grabbed more coffee. Drew gave Meredith a sympathetic smile and went back to the paper.

"What do you want, Meredith?" Drew asked as he looked at her.

"I--" She started before Derek walked up.

"Don't do that. Don't ask her. Don't put her on the spot." Derek spat as he sat down.

"No, you don't do that. You don't not ask her. It's her body." Drew argued in her defense. "Her mind. So you want her to lose her mind because you want her to be a fucking baby machine?"

"This is non of your fucking business." Derek said nastily.

"Well, I obviously have to be an advocate for your wife, since you won't listen to her." Drew said loudly as he glared at Derek.

"Who do you think you are?" Derek shouted. Meredith looked at them both and walked out with the twins.

"I am not subjecting you two to this." She said softly as she walked into the living room. She could hear them going on as he moved away.

"I am a guy who cares. I'm not a selfish asshole who thinks he can run his wife." Drew said with a shrug.

"Run my wife? I'd like to know where you are, because her, Meredith runs me." Derek said as he looked across the table.

"Well, she is already exhausted. You don't know what it would do to her." Drew said with a nod.

"And you do?" Derek asked quickly. "You're saying it's okay for her to kill my possible children?"

"No. I'm saying that you would rather have Meredith than another child. I'm saying that you aren't taking her into consideration." Drew said, quieting down. "I'm not saying I think it's right. I'm not saying it's what she wants. I am just saying that you need to take what she wants into consideration. You spoke for her. You didn't ask. You just answered."

"Well--" Derek snapped.

"No, Derek. You are my cousin. You're right. It is none of my business. I don't want to cause problems. I just..." He muttered softly.

"You were being caring..." Derek returned.

"Sorry, man." Drew said as he looked up.

"I shouldn't have snapped." Derek replied with a sigh. Drew nodded in her direction, and Derek agreed, getting up.

"I'm sorry, Mer." Derek said as he sat down next to her.

"It's okay." She said as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"What do you want?" He asked softly.

"I would never do it. Even if it would kill me to have another. I couldn't do it." She said with a smile. "I love you. I love our children. I couldn't..."

"I love you." She said as she kissed him. "Now it's just time to pray like hell!"

"No kidding..." Derek muttered as he kissed her head.

**I know it was short. But the next one is a big one. Not necessarily long, but intense. Some time will have passed, about six months. So you get this for today. And the contents of this chapter contain no opinions about anything. I was just trying to show how they felt... I hope no one takes offense.**


	126. Panic

"You look happy..." Derek said looking at the smile on Meredith's face.

He walked out of the shower and watched Meredith pull on her jeans. He couldn't help but smile. Her body was amazing. Better than it was before she had the twins. She had been working out, eating right. He had missed the regular Meredith. The non-pregnant Meredith. The original is always best. And he was glad to have her back. And he wouldn't lie, he loved the breasts. Breast-feeding was the way to go, he was sure of that.

"I am happy." She told him with a smile. "I get to stay home with my beautiful children today."

"So work isn't all it's cracked up to be?" He asked with a knowing smirk.

"When it keeps me away from Dev and Del, no." She said with a smile.

"Well, I'm just glad you made it though that first week. I think Jane was ready to kill you." Derek told her with a smirk.

"I worried about them! They are my babies." She said with a sigh as she looked in the mirror.

"I know, Mer." Derek said as he walked up behind her. He ran his hands over her flat stomach.

"Can you believe they're six months old already?" She said happily. "Today."

"You're right..." He said with a smirk as he glanced at the calendar. His hands travelled up her stomach and to her breasts.

"Seriously?" She asked with a giggle.

"Seriously." He said as he pulled the hem on her shirt.

"Derek..." She said as she watched his hands run over her soft flesh. She rolled her eyes and turned around.

"Fine..." She moaned as he pulled her shirt over her head. She pulled his towel and in one motion it was on the floor. She looked at his large hard member looking back at her. He hands travelled down to his perfect ass. His fingers played with her zipper as he pulled her jeans off.

"I think we need this..." She said as she leaned over and pulled a condom out of a box on her dresser.

"I think you're right." He said as his tongue ran across her breasts. She quickly ripped the package open and rolled it on.

"Shit..." He moaned at her touch. His hands wrapped around her waist as he sat her bare ass on the dresser. "You, my dear, are wet." He moaned as he ran his finger in her delicate slit.

"I am." She said with a smirk as she looked down. "And you will be late...

"I can do fast." He said as he trust into her. "Real fast..." He said as he pounded him and out of her tight heated core.

"But not too fast..." She moaned as she felt him pull in and out, grazing her clit.

"Of course not." He groaned as he pushed into her harder.

"Shit..." She moaned as she felt her body tingle. She clamped around him with a moan.

"Come for me..." He said softly as he kissed her neck. "Come for me..." He said as he licked her neck.

"Oh... Oh god...Der...oh..." She moaned as she released with a squeal. She felt her body clamp down and her toes curl. Derek kept pounding into her, as he rubbed her clit with his finger, sending her over the edge again.

"Oh! Oh..." She shouted as she climaxed again.

"Fuck..." He grunted as he pounded in one last time before releasing. He gently pulled out of her and peeled the condom off. "I think I want to stay home." He said breathlessly.

"I have been working one hundred hours a week. This is my day. Just me an the twins. Take your bum to work." She said as she smacked it hard. She watched a red hand print appear.

"Ouch..." He said with a wink. "Save that for later."

"There is always more for later." She said as she pulled her clothes on. "So don't be late..."

----------------

"How's mommy's little man? And you, how are you princess?" She asked as she kissed her babies on their head. "Today we're going to have so much fun today!"

"Mommy... What should I wear?" Anna asked as she walked into the nursery.

"Jeans and a t-shirt." She said as she looked over.

"Hey beasts..." Anna said as she gave them her finger. Delilah grabbed on tight.

"You have to stop calling them that. It's not very nice." Meredith warned with a frown.

"Sorry..." She said with a smile.

"Hurry up..." Meredith said as she finished changing diapers.

She pulled out their cute daddy's little angel onesies and dressed them. She couldn't believe how big they were. They were at the high end of the parameters for height and weight. And like any mother, she swore that that they were little geniuses.

"Are you excited about the zoo?" Meredith asked as she watched Anna jump into the car.

"Yep." She said with a nod. "I told daddy we would take lost of pictures. And I'm in charge."

"Okay!" Meredith returned. "But I get to take pictures of you too."

"Okay..." Anna agreed.

She buckled them up in their car seats and pulled down the driveway. She was taking them to the zoo. It was a sunny, warm day and she needed to get out in the fresh air. She pulled into the lot and opened up the back of her BMW X5 and grabbed their stroller out. They hadn't needed to use it yet. She picked them twins up and put them each in the stroller, followed by their over-stuffed diaper bag.

"Can I push?" Anna asked as she pt her hands on it.

"Not in the parking lot. Maybe when we get inside." Meredith told her quickly as they walked off to the entrance.

"I want to see the zebras." Anna said as they walked up to pay.

"We are going to see every animal in this place." Meredith said with a nod as she handed over the money and walked in. "Okay, you can push, but when it gets busier, it's my turn, okay?"

"Okay..." She said as she took hold and started to push.

"No sudden stops. No sharp turns and not fast!" Meredith warned.

"You're no fun, mommy." Anna said with a giggle.

"I know." Meredith said with a smirk as they headed to the aviary.

"I like birds. Can we get a bird? Can I get a bird for my birthday?" Anna asked happily.

"Well, considering your birthday was a few moths ago, you have a while to wait." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"For my eighth birthday?" She asked as they looked at the tropical birds.

"Maybe." Meredith said quickly.

"Good." She said simply as they walked through. "What's next?" She asked as she looked up at her mom.

"Primates." Meredith said as they walked back out in the warm sun.

"What are those?" Anna asked as she scrunched her nose.

"Monkeys and gorillas." Meredith told her as they walked.

"Oh yeah... I remember that from school." Anna remembered as they walked. "Can I get this?" She said as she held up a stuffed gorilla.

"We'll see." Meredith said as they kept walking.

"Well, if we already passed it." Anna whined as she looked back.

"Anna, don't whine." Meredith warned as the stood in front of the gorilla and her baby.

"Daddy would buy it for me!" She whined as she sat on the ground.

"I am not your father. And you have to get off the ground." She said firmly.

"I don't like gorillas anyway!" She said as she stood up and stomped as they walked away.

"Well, let's go to the safari." Meredith said as she pointed to the sign. "That's where the zebras will be."

"Yay..." Anna said happily as she ran to look out. "I want a zebra!"

"Good luck with that one." Meredith said as she picked up Delilah. "Look at those, Lilah." She said as she pointed. Delilah giggled and scrunched her nose.

"Okay. I need to feed the twins. Let's go sit in the shade." Meredith said as she walked over to the bench. "Then we will get something to eat."

"I want a hamburger," Anna said as she slumped down on the bench. "And ice cream."

"Okay." Meredith said with a smile. She looked down when her phone began to ring. "Hey." She said happily.

"How is the zoo?" Derek asked.

"Fun." Meredith told him quickly.

"The twins first time to the zoo and I didn't get to come..." He whined.

"You'll get to come when they actually remember it." She pointed out optimistically.

"When are you going to be home?" Derek asked.

"We aren't going to be her too long. The twins can't be out in the sun all day and you know who is being whiny." She said as she looked over at Anna who was climbing on a cement elephant.

"That's not good..." Derek said with a frown.

"She's learning to play us against each other." Meredith warned.

"Great." Derek said with a sigh. "Well, I was going to stop home for lunch. Are you going to be there?"

"I think we can be there." Meredith giggled.

"You buy the kids whatever they want." He told her.

"In your dreams, Shepherd." She muttered as she watched Anna.

"They're only kids once." Derek pointed out.

"But they are spoiled brats forever." Meredith told him frankly.

"You have a point. See you later." Derek said in agreement.

"Yep." She said as she flipped her phone shut. She looked up to see Anna talking to a man. "Anna!" She shouted. Anna looked over wide-eyed and ran over.

"How many times have I told you not to talk to strangers!" She warned as the little girl came over.

"But he was talking about the animals." She whined.

"I don't care! I don't care what he was talking about. You don't talk to strangers." She said as she looked up at the man who looked over at her. She took note of his brown hair and clothing. Dark jeans, and a read striped shirt.

"Let's go get something to eat..." She said as she put Devlin in the stroller and grabbed Anna's hand.

Meredith kept her eyes open for the rest of the trip. It scared her. To see a stranger talking to her daughter... That really terrified her. Anna got whiny because she didn't want Meredith to hold her hand, but she didn't care. She wasn't taking any chances.

"So, are you ready to go?" Meredith asked as she looked up at Anna.

"Yep. We saw every animal. We can go now." She said as she nodded her head.

"I'm pushing the stroller to the car." Meredith said as they neared the exit. "Now what did I tell you?"

"I know mommy!" Anna said loudly as she rolled her eyes.

"Anna, that was very scary today. I want to know that you understand." Meredith said as they neared the car.

"Fine. Don't talk to strangers. Don't take anything from a stranger. And if they try to grab you, scream." She said as she looked up at her mom.

"You can never be too careful..." Meredith muttered as she pulled Delilah out of the stroller and sat her in her car seat. She looked up and Meredith and started crying. "You're okay..." She said as she rubbed her head. Grabbing Devlin, she placed him in his seat. They both started crying.

"Anna, get in. Talk to your brother and sister." She said as she walked to the back on the car.

Meredith began to unload the tons of stuff that they had gotten. Devlin and Delilah got a panda and polar bear. Anna got a stuffed zebra. They had bags of cotton candy and popcorn. She had gotten the twins onesies and Anna a t-shirt. She shoved the bags in the back and threw the stroller in.

"They will stop once we get moving." Meredith said as she backed out and began driving. They quickly quieted down and closed their eyes.

"Thank you..." Anna muttered as they drove out of the parking lot. Meredith's phone began to vibrate.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Hello, Meredith. It's Jen. Kendra was wondering if Anna could come over for the day. We were thinking about heading down to the park to play soccer, and then to get some pizza." Jen said happily.

"Well, let me ask her. We're just leaving the zoo." She said as she covered the phone. "Anna, do you want to go play soccer with Kendra?"

"Yeah!" She said happily.

"She wants to. We'll be heading that way. I'll drop her off." Meredith told her.

"Sounds great. We'll see you in a few." Jen said as she hung up the phone. She drove in silence. She was tried. The twins were tired. It would be good for Anna to go play for awhile. She pulled up to their home.

"We'll bring her home." Jen said as she walked up to the car.

"That would be great!" Meredith returned.

"So... How are the twins?" She asked as she peeked in the window. Meredith rolled it down.

"The twins are great." She said with a smile.

"Wow. They've gotten big..." Jen said in shock.

"They have." Meredith said with a nod.

"Well, you look tired. We'll see you around six." Jen told her with a smile.

"Thanks." Meredith said happily. "See you later..." She said as she pulled out of the driveway.

Meredith was happy to pull into her own driveway. Her quite little spot in the world. She looked at all the green trees. The pond never looked cleaner, and the plants were flourishing. She pulled into the driveway and unpacked all of their new things. She threw then on the counter and grabbed both of the twins, who were sound asleep.

She sat them in their swings and pulled out some things for lunch. She looked up at the clock. She knew Derek would be there soon. She pulled out a packaged of chicken breast and began chopping it up for chicken salad. Grabbing some walnuts and grapes, she mixed them all together. She smiled at her perfectly content sleeping children. She jumped when she heard the door open.

"Damn-it, Derek! You scared me." She yelled to the door.

------------------

Derek pulled out his cellphone again. No answer. He had tried calling her three times. He wasn't sure whether he was supposed to get the lunch or if she was making it. He finally decided to just go home. Even if she hadn't made anything, there was surely something in the refrigerator.

As he pulled down their quiet driveway, he couldn't help but feel happy. He loved his land. He loved the perfect life he created. Not that long ago, he and Meredith were in limbo. He had been planning to leave Seattle. Then he started building a house, not even knowing if they would be together. But it all worked out. It was all perfect.

Derek pulled in front of the house. He still had rounds to do, so there was no reason for him to pull in the garage. The house was quiet. He was expecting them to be outside. He was expecting Anna to come running out of the house. He slowly opened the front door, shocked that it was open. Not wide, but definitely not latched.

"Mer?" He said as he glanced in the kitchen. She wasn't there. "Mer, where are you?" He said louder as he headed upstairs.

Their bedroom, empty. The nursery, empty. Anna's room, empty. All the guest rooms, empty. Bathrooms, empty. He ran downstairs and opened the garage door. Her car was there. Panic started to set in. He was worried. She said she'd be there. He stopped and tried to think rationally. He pulled out his phone. She was probably walking in the woods. He pushed send as he stood there. He heard the phone ring loudly from the kitchen. He scrunched his nose as he walked in.

"You know... It's not nice to screw with me. Not that way..." He said as he rounded the kitchen counter. "Oh my God! Mer!" He shouted as he looked down at her sprawled out on the floor. He put his hand to her throat. A faint pulse. "Mer!" He said as he rubbed her shoulder. "Oh my God! Anna! Delilah, Devlin!" He screamed. No answer.

**I know... I know! And the worse part is, no update on Wednesday. :( Reviews would be wonderful! Thanks for reading!**


	127. Coming Undone

Derek was in a panic. He never panicked. Not like this. At this moment, all rational thought was gone. He couldn't function. He had no idea what to do. He was frozen. He was brain dead. It seemed like hours. Hours of confusion. Hours of hell. But in reality it was seconds. Seconds and he had to make his move.

"911 emergency." The operator asnwered.

"2028 Evergreen Lane. I- I- My wife. My wife is unconscious and my children-- My children are missing." He said in a panic.

"Sir, have you looked for your children?" She asked frankly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He yelled as he bent down next to Meredith. "She... She has a bump. She's unconcious. I think it's a hematoma. Oh God...Mer." He said in a panic.

"Sir, you need to calm down." She said softly.

"Calm down? I'll calm down when I feel fucking calm!" He yelled into the phone.

"Help is on it's way..." She said before he sat the phone on the floor. He pulled out his flashlight and peeled her eye open. Her left pupil was bigger than the right. He looked up when he heard the front door open loudly. The emergency personelle walked in quickly.

"She has unequal pupil size and a knot on her head. I believe she has a subderal hematoma. She hasn't regained consciousness in the last twenty mintes" He said in a panic as the rushed up.

"An who are you?" A parametic said as he knelt down.

"Her husband... I'm a surgeon. Neurosurgeon..." He said quickly.

"Sir?" And officer said as he walked up.

"My- My- My children are missing and my wife is... Oh my God..." He said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"What happened. I need tou to say it calmly and cleary so we can get moving." The officer said nicely.

"I was planning on coming home for lunch. My wife took our seven year old daughter and our seven month old boy and girl to the zoo. She was supposed to be here. I called her and got no answer. When I came home, I searched and I found this." Derek said as he held her hand.

"Have you searched the house?" The officer asked.

"Of course I have." He spat. The officer nodded for them to search the residence.

"You're sure your wife didn't take the kids to a friend's or realatives?" The officer asked.

"I don't think so..." Derek said quickly. He looked on the countertop. He say the two plates of food. Nothing for Anna. None of Anna's things were there. "There are only two sandwiches. She would have made something for our daughter..." He said with a ray of hope.

"I suggest that you call her friends, perhaps your children are staying somewhere. We will continue to search." He explained.

"Wait!" Derek said as they began to wheel Meredith out. What to do? Search for the kids, or go with his wife? Kids? Wife?

"We will keep searching." The officer said as he nodded for Derek to go. "This is our job."

Derek opted to take his car, rather than ride along. He needed to call. He needed to talk to every last person that the twins had ever seen. He drove dangerously as he followed the ambulence. He didn't care that he was being wreckless. He could only think about his family right now.

"Jen?" Derek said in a panic as the fourth person he dialed answered.

"Derek?" She asked in confusion.

"Are the twins there? Is Anna with you?" He said quickly.

"Anna is, yes. But the twins are at home with Meredith. Are you okay? Is everything okay?" She asked quickly.

"Oh my God..." Derek said quickly. "The- The twins are missing. Meredith was attacked..."

"Oh my God!" Jen said in utter shock, for lack of better words. "Um... I ... Anna?" She finally said in exasperation.

"I'm on my way to the hospital. I- I don't know. She- We-- We're not sure when it happened. She may know something... I don't- Can you keep her for awhile. I have to go. We're here, I have to go..." Derek said as he jumped out of the car, and flipped his phone shut.

Everything was a blur. A complete blur. He melted into goo when something happened. As a surgeon, he was calm, cool, collected. But when it involved his wife. His children. He crumbled. There he stood, a pile of rubble as he watched them work on his wife. Then he snapped to action.

"Her left pupil is blown. We need to release the inter-crainial pressure." He said as he began shoving people out of the way. "Oh, God, Mer..." He moaned as he started working on her.

"What do we have here?" Justin Rayburn asked as he walked into the trauma area.

"Derek..." Richard said as he put his hand on his shoulder. "You can't be here right now." He said as he tugged him away.

"I have to help her. She needs a CT and-" Derek said quickly.

"Let's go..." Richard said as he pulled him away.

"No!" Derek said nastily.

"You cannot help her. You cannot work on her. You are family, and you are not on staff here." Richard said as they walked out.

"I want Jack Hudson here now. If I can't work on her- I want the best. I want Hudson." He said loudly. Justin dropped his head.

"We can do that." Richard said with a nod as he looked over at a nurse. "What happened?"

"I don't know..." He trailed off as he went into a daze. "I have no idea."

"You found her like this?" Richard asked.

"Yeah- She- The twins. The twins are gone." He said as he began to bawl. He didn't notice or care about the many sets of eyes watching the broken down man.

"Gone?" Richard said quickly, thinking he heard wrong. "As in kidnapped?" Derek nodded his head yes. "Oh my God..." Derek's eyes got wide as they rolled Meredith out.

"Where are you taking her?" Derek asked as he followed.

"Dr. Rayburn ordered a CT." They said as they wheeled her off.

"Derek, she's stable at the moment. I'll let you know what the results are." Justin said as he rushed off.

"Thank you, Justin." He said with a nod.

"Derek..." Richard said as he placed his hand on Derek's shoulder.

"I- I don't know what to do, Richard. I don't even know how to begin. My children our out there somewhere. Gone. My wife. My wife is unconscious and she's the only one that knows what happened. I don't know what to do. Do I search fro my kids, or sit with my wife. I- I don't know..." He said as he began to cry. He looked up as an officer headed towards them.

"Dr. Shepherd?" He said as he walked up.

"Yes. Did you find them?" He said as he rushed up.

"We're going to issue an Amber Alert for your children. We need pictures of all three." The officer said sadly.

"My daughter- She's at her friend's house. She's okay." Derek said with a small amount of relief. "We have pictures. We have a lot of pictures. They're at the house. And there are pictures from today. They went to the zoo. The zoo. They had fun... Who would have known that they would be gone?" Derek said in disbelief.

"We will need those. Now did anything happen at the zoo? Did anything out of the ordinary happen?" He asked.

"I don't know. Anna, Anna is the only one that would know. My wife is still unconscious." Derek said sadly.

"We need to talk to her." Tim, the officer said.

----------------

"Where is mommy?" Anna said as she looked around.

"Anna, did anything happen at the zoo today?" Derek asked as he knelt down in front of her.

"Yep. We saw the monkeys and gorillas and the zebras..." She went on.

"No Anna!" Derek said loudly. "Did anything bad or scary happen!" He watched as her face scrunched up and she started to cry. "What happened?" She continued to look at him. "Damn-it What happened?" He yelled. She began to cry even harder.

"Where's my mommy!" She screamed. Derek looked at her and started to cry. Anna's eyes got as she looked at her dad. "Daddy." She said as she threw her arms around him and cried.

"Anna, sweetheart..." The female officer said as she walked up. "My name is Sue..."

"Where is mommy!" Anna said again.

"Mommy got hurt, but she'll be okay. I need you to talk to this woman. Maybe it can help mommy." Derek explained.

"Anna, what happened today?" The officer asked.

"Mommy got scared. She told me not to talk to strangers. She was mad cause I talked to that man..." Anna said as she looked around.

"What man!" Derek said loudly.

"The man..." Anna whined.

"Anna!" He yelled. "What man!" He said again.

"I don't know..." She cried.

"Anna? Do you like to color?" The officer asked. She nodded her head yes. "Good. Do you think you could color a picture of that man?"

"Yeah..." Anna said with a nod.

"Good, come with me an we'll color." She said as she looked up at Derek with a faint smile.

"Okay..." Anna said after receiving an approving nod from Derek.

Derek chided himself for yelling at her. She was innocent. He was just so angry. So disgusted. So scared. He had no idea how to act at the moment. He was grasping at straws. Hoping he would blink and life will have changed. Hoping this was just a horrible dream. But it wasn't. And he wasn't waking up anytime soon.

------------------

"What's going on?" Derek said as he rushed up to Dr. Rayburn and Dr. Hudson.

"We've relieved the pressure. She is stable." Jack said as he looked up at Derek.

"Is she conscious?" Derek asked quickly.

"Not yet. She's in a room. You can see her now." Justin said as he looked at Derek. The lump in Derek's throat got larger and larger as he stood there. He couldn't talk. If he talked her would break. He would crumble. He couldn't do it right now. He nodded as he walked away.

_[iKeep holding on_

_When my brain's ticking like a bomb_

_Guess the black thoughts have come_

_Again to get me[/i_

Everything was quiet except for the faint beeping of the machines hooked up to her. He eyes were closed. She looked soft and peaceful. Things were a mess right now. He needed her to waked up. He needed her to tell him what happened. What was wrong. But at the same time, he didn't want her to. He wanted her to stay in the peaceful world she was in. Away from the pain. Away from the emptiness.

He sat there and stroked her hand. The police were searching. The pictures were all over the news. And Anna's picture that she drew was being compared to the video surveillance at the zoo. They found a muddy footprint in the kitchen and one in the great room. Meredith's pumped breast-milk was gone from the refrigerator. The police said that was a good sign. If they wanted to hurt them, they wouldn't have taken it. Such little comfort. The wheels were moving. Things were going. But who knew where. He looked up to see Addison in the door.

_[iSweet bitter words_

_Unlike nothing I have heard_

_Sing Along Mocking Bird_

_You don't affect me[/i_

"How is she?" She asked as she stood there.

"Stable." Derek said, looking back down at her.

"It will be okay, Derek." He said as she put her hand on his shoulder.

"How? How will it be okay? My children are missing, Addie. My kids. They are my kids. They mean more than anything in the world. They are innocent. Innocent. They don't deserve this. How the fuck did this happen?" He said as he laid his head on Meredith's stomach.

_[iThat's right_

_Deliver it to my heart_

_Please strike_

_Be deliberate[/i_

"Derek. It will be okay." She reiterated. "Because I have faith." She said as she rubbed his shoulder.

"I love her so much. So much." He said as he sobbed. "What if we never get them back? How will I look into her eyes and tell her that her babies are gone? I can't do that." He cried.

"I'm going to go check on Anna." Addison said as she kissed his head. Her heart was broken. Seeing him in that state, broke her heart.

_[iWait_

_I'm coming undone_

_Irate_

_I'm coming undone_

_Too late_

_I'm coming undone_

_One look so strong so delicate_

_Wait_

_I'm starting to suffocate_

_And soon I anticipate_

_I'm coming undone_

_One look so strong so delicate[/i_

He fell asleep on her stomach. How he fell asleep, under all the stress, he would never know. It was her. She calmed him down. Her steady breathing. The gentle rhythm of her in and exhaling. Some rest. Much needed rest.

Derek quickly awoke when he felt her stir. He sat upright when she opened her eyes. She looked over at him. It was like a wrecking ball flew into him. She didn't have to speak. Confusion. He could see it on her face. She was scared and confused.

"Mer?" Derek said as he looked at her. She furrowed her brow as she looked into his eyes. "Meredith." He said again.

"Ah... I see someone's awake." Justin said as he walked in. She looked over at him with a blank look on her face. He looked over at Derek, seeing the concern on his face. "Dr. Shepherd..." He said softly as he looked at her. She looked at him fearfully.

"There was an accident. You're in the hospital, Mer." Derek said.

_[iChoke choke again_

_I find my demons were my friends_

_Getting me in the end_

_They're out to get me_

_Since I was young_

_I've tasted sorrow on my tongue_

_And this sweet sugar gun_

_Does not protect me[/i_

He stroked her hand. She gently pulled her hand away. Derek looked at her, feeling the tears welling up. He quickly jumped up and left the room. He stood against the wall gasping for breath. How could this be? Why did this have to happen? He looked up when he saw the police walking up. They rushed past him and into her room.

"Dr. Shepherd?" They said loudly as the rushed in. "We need to know what happened today." They said as the rushed up to her bedside.

"She's not in any state to be talking to you." Justin said as he walked up to the bed.

"I don't care." The officer said. "She better get there soon..."

"My wife is confused at the moment. You need to come back later." Derek said as he walked in.

_[iThat's right_

_Trigger between my eyes_

_Please strike_

_Make it quick now[/i_

"Meredith?" Justin said as he walked to the side of her bed.

"Please leave." Derek said firmly. "Shouldn't you be concerned about my children?" He said angrily. He knew that they were worrying her. A scared, confused Meredith wasn't going to be any help.

"Your wife knows what happened to your children." They stated.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Derek snapped as he looked up. He was feeling as if they were claiming she had something to do with it.

_[iWait_

_I'm coming undone_

_Irate_

_I'm coming undone_

_Too late_

_I'm coming undone_

_One look so strong so delicate_

_Wait_

_I'm starting to suffocate_

_And soon I anticipate_

_I'm coming undone_

_One look so strong so delicate[/i_

"She was there." They said frankly.

"Meredith Shepherd?" Justin asked as he looked up at her. She furrowed her brow and rubbed her head. "Meredith Grey?" He asked again. Her eyes lit up as she looked at him. "Please leave. She can't handle this right now. I will let you know as soon as she is in a better state." Justin said as he led them out.

"Meredith Grey." Derek said with a faint smile as he walked to her bed.

"I'm going to be late for class!" She said loudly as she looked at the clock.

_[iI'm trying to hold it together_

_Head is lighter than a feather_

_Looks like I'm not getting better_

_Not getting better_

_Wait_

_I'm coming undone_

_Irate_

_I'm coming undone_

_Too late_

_I'm coming undone_

_One look so strong so delicate_

_Wait_

_I'm starting to suffocate_

_And soon I anticipate_

_I'm coming undone_

_One look so strong so delicate[/i_

**Yeah. That cloud has been coming for awhile... Just trust me!**


	128. Remembering

"Class?" Derek said with a chuckle.

"Yes. Class. As in English Literature." She said as she looked up at the clock. "Mr. Thompson is going to be pissed. It's the second time this week."

"Mr. Thompson is aware of your absence." Justin chipped in. "You have a good reason."

"Well, I feel fine. Except for this bump..." She said as she rubbed her head. "And who are you?" She asked as she looked up at Derek.

"I-" Derek said in shock. His wife had no idea who he was. The only link to what happened was broken, gone.

"He's my intern." Just said quickly.

"Your intern?" She laughed. "You're a little old to be an intern. Not that that's a bad thing. I mean that your old. Not that you're an old intern. But he's your attending and he's younger than you, so that must totally screw up your confidence," She told him with a giggle.

"I'm pretty confident. Besides, I'm not as old as I look..." He said with a smirk. "How old are you?"

"You have my chart." She said frankly. She rolled her eyes. "Seventeen. Almost done with school. I'm going to Vegas with my friends in a couple of weeks."

"That sounds like fun." Justin said quickly.

"Wait a second... Is this a joke? Did my mom do this? Forget I said that. My mom is an ice queen. They called me Mrs. Shepherd." She giggled.

"Wrong chart." Justin told her quickly.

"Dumb nurses." She muttered. She rubbed her head again.

"Does your head hurt, Mer?" Derek asked as he rubbed her head softly. She looked up at him and smiled softly. "A little." She muttered as she winced. "You smell good." She said as she breathed him in. "And your hair..."

"He's McDreamy..." Justin laughed.

"McDreamy?" Meredith laughed.

"Yep. That's what they call him around here." Justin said with a nod.

"You are... I can see it." Meredith agreed.

"Are you hitting on me?" Derek asked with a smile.

"Maybe." Meredith agreed.

"I think she needs something for the pain." Justin said as he pushed meds into her i.v. Derek nodded.

"I'm sleepy..." She giggled before she fell asleep. Derek gasped as he walked out into the hallway. The tears fell hard and fast as he leaned against the wall.

"Derek, she could wake up in ten minutes with her full memory back. I don't have to tell you that." Justin said frankly.

"That doesn't make it any easier." Derek said with a frown as he closed his eyes. He heard Justin's footsteps disappear. He opened his eyes and wiped the tears.

"Derek?" A familiar voice said as she walked up. Derek looked up. She was older, but it was her. Her light brown hair...

"Rebecca? Rebecca Thomas?" He said in shock.

"Hey!" She said as she walked up and gave him a hug. "You don't look so good." She said with a frown.

"Yeah..." He said with a sigh as he looked it. She grabbed the chart and walked in the room with him.

"Your wife..." She said as she looked at the bed.

"She is." Derek said as he walked over and stroked her cheek. "She was awake. Confused. Disoriented. Stuck in the past."

"The last place you want her to be..." She said as the walked out and looked at her scans.

"Exactly." He agreed.

"So you are a world famous neurosurgeon..." She said as she glanced up. "I read."

"And you are once of the best neurologists around." He pointed out.

"That may be." She agreed. "These look good. A little rest. A little time. I'm sure she will be fine, Der. I'll be around for a few days. I'll check back." She said as she hugged him softly and walked away. Addison passed her and her eyes got wide.

"Was that?" She asked.

"Yep." He agreed.

"So how did it feel?" She asked with a smile.

"What?" He asked as he stood there, looking at the scans.

"What! Before you met me, you chased after her like crazy... You pined." Addison giggled.

"I didn't pine." He muttered. "And now is not the time. I need to-" He sighed as he walked in to the room and grabbed her hand. "I love you, Mer." He whispered into her ear. "I'm so scared..." He told her as he sat down. He didn't know if he was coming, going or been there at this point.

--------------------

Derek walked into the conference room. The police had been good enough to set a command post there so that he could be in both places, taking a little time out for each. They issued an Amber Alert for the twins, and were fairly confident that they hadn't made it out of the city. But that was little comfort. There was just too many unknowns. The sickening feeling in his stomach grew until he couldn't take it. Never in his life had he vomited from stress, but now he had. Too many times.

"Dr. Shepherd." The officer said with a nod as he walked in.

"Any news?" Derek asked.

"We found the man from the zoo..." The officer said. Derek's face immediately lit up as he looked at him. "He is a known sex offender. Unfortunately, he had an iron-clad alibi. He was at his probation officer's for the remainder of the day. He was not supposed to be at the zoo, so to make light of this bad situation, your daughter may have saved more children from being victimized." Derek sighed a defeated sigh as he closed his eyes and pinched his nose.

"Now what?" Derek asked with a frown.

"We are going to go over the list you gave us. Hopefully we can get a lead..." He trailed off as he looked through the paperwork. "Go be with your wife, there is nothing you can do here..." He said sadly as Derek walked down the hall.

Anna was gone. Derek had sent her and Jane to Disneyworld. Jane and a bodyguard. Hopefully she was having a good time. She had been through too much. He couldn't put her through this too. It would break her down. As far as she knew, Meredith bumped her head, and the twins were with Addison. It was a lie. A horrible lie. But he couldn't break it to a small child. Now he was just praying he never would have to. But time was ticking. Things were rolling.

"Derek..." Dr. Rebecca Thomas said as she walked up from behind. "How is your wife?" Derek drew in a deep breath and shook his head.

"The same." He muttered as they walked. He looked into her empty room. She was sitting there with a frown on her face, flipping through channels.

"Hey... Intern!" She shouted when she saw him. He and Rebecca both walked in.

"Yes, Meredith?" He asked as he walked to the bed.

"I want strawberry ice cream." She pouted. "Not the cheap crap. The kind with the fruit. All natural."

"That could be done." He said with a smile.

"How come your never in scrubs?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Umm..." He said.

"And why hasn't my worthless boyfriend come to see me?" She asked in a huff. "No one has come... And when can I leave? I'm ready to leave."

"You're not ready yet." He said with a frown. "And I don't know... I don't know anything." He muttered.

"You should know. You're a doctor..." She said with a giggle. "You're pretty..." She said to Dr. Thomas as she scrunched her nose. "Is she your wife?" Derek and Becca started laughing.

"No..." Derek said as he shook his head.

"But you are married..." She said as she pointed to his finger.

"I am." Derek agreed with a frown.

"Do you have kids?" She asked.

"I do." He said as his eyes started to water. "I'll be right back." He said as he rushed out. He couldn't take it. The tears fell as he slid to the floor. He could hear her talking to Becca.

"How do you know him?" Meredith asked.

"I'm a Neurologist from Cedars-Sinai. Just here for a visit. We knew each other in college." She explained.

"That nice..." Meredith agreed. "I'm sure I look horrible." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "Can you hand me that mirror."

"Of course." Becca said as she handed her the mirror. She watched Meredith's face turn white as she looked into it. The mirror fell to the floor with a crash as she looked at her hands. Old. She had old hands. Not the hands of an seventeen year old. She grabbed her breasts. They hurt. They were swollen. She could see the faint mark where her wedding rings had been.

"I'm... What-- I'm--- Old! Old! Oh my..." She started to gasp in a panic. Derek rushed in quickly to see her in a breakdown. She started to look around the room as she struggled to breathe. She picked up an envelope by the table and opened it. Pictures of Derek, she and the twins. There was a picture Anna drew for her. She started to shake and cry out.

"Oh my God!" She screamed as she looked around at them. "I'm-- I'm crazy!" She screamed. They both looked at her with wide-eyes as she started to rock. "Who is this?" She yelled. "Where am I? Who am I?" She cried out.

"Calm down..." Derek said softly as he rubbed her back. She looked up at him and began to feel more relaxed as she rocked slower. Derek nodded as Justin walked in and sedated her. He held her until she fell asleep.

"I can't." Derek said as he held her. "I can't." He repeated as he started to cry.

----------------

Derek held her hand as she slept. She had a total breakdown. He had seen it before. He had witnessed his patients going through similar experiences. But to see it happening to someone you know. To feel it. It was the worst pain ever. To know that her memories were locked in her head. The memories of when they met. Their wedding. Her pregnancy. The day they got Anna. The day she gave birth. And more specifically, the day they her children were abducted. It was frustrating. And there was nothing he could do, but wait.

"How is she?" Jack asked as he walked in.

"Resting." Derek said with a faint smile.

"The sedation was the best thing we could do for her." Jack said with a nod.

"You know, it's a catch 22. If she stays like this, she's scared, and confused. But if she remembers... I don't want to tell her that our babies are gone." Derek said as he wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Derek." Jack said as he slapped him on the back. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

"My children are out there. They barely know us. Such a short time. They have no idea what is going on. They are out there." Derek said as he closed his eyes.

"I know it's hard, but you need to sleep. You are no good otherwise." Jack said with a faint smile as he walked out. Derek nodded as he gripped her hand, and let his head fall back, closing his eyes.

Meredith could feel the faint sting on her skull. She moaned as she rubbed her head slightly. She heard a faint beep beside her. She could feel a warm hand on hers. She slowly opened her eyes. She looked around the dark room, seeing the nurses station in the hallway. She grabbed her head again in confusion.

Meredith looked over at her sleeping husband. Derek's face looked worried. She had never seen him look so weathered. His eyes were swollen. His hair was disheveled. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Then it hit her.

She looked down at her flat abdomen. Her hand grazed it as she started to panic. She thought back.

_She sat the twins in their swings and pulled out some things for lunch. She looked up at the clock. She knew Derek would be there soon. She pulled out a packaged of cooked chicken breast and began chopping it up for chicken salad. Grabbing some walnuts and grapes, she mixed them all together. She smiled at her perfectly content sleeping children. She jumped when she heard the door open. _

_"Damn-it, Derek! You scared me." She yelled to the door. _

_She heard the sound of boots. It sounded heavy. Loud. Not like Derek. Derek always came in the garage or the front door. This person was coming from the back door. From the back yard._

_"Der... What are you doing?" She asked softly as she continued making their lunch. "Derek... Quit screwing around." Then she heard it. Boots and heels._

_She didn't have a chance to turn around before he covered her face. She couldn't breathe. She knew what was on the fabric he hand held to her nose. She had smelled him as he walked up. The cologne. She looked down at his watch. She knew. At that moment she knew. Her eyes darted to the side where she saw her. Her perfect brown hair. Perfect clothes._

_"Take the kids, sis." Marty said as he nodded to her. "Don't forget the milk. At least this worthless bitch is good for something." He said as he squeezed harder. "You know, you and I could have had fun. But no... You had to be a bitch. Well you know what they say..."_

_"What goes around, comes around, Meredith." Holly spat as she filled a bag. "My brother had been kind enough to help me in a little man-made karma..."_

_"You messed with the wrong people." He said quickly. She couldn't breathe. She needed to breathe. Just one breath. A little oxygen. She let go. His arms released her as she crashed into the marble countertop._

The sound was deafening. Anyone on the floor could hear her screams. The nurses all stood in place. Patients awoke from their deep sleep. Intern's stomachs dropped. Surgeons paused in motion. It was the sound of someone is horrible pain. It was a desperate cry. It was the sound of the end of the world. Derek sat upright as awoke. His eyes locked with hers and he knew. He knew, that she knew.


	129. Rescued

Derek watched as she screamed. He quickly jumped to his feet and wrapped his arms around her. Several nurses came in along with an office and Dr. Rayburn. She gasped for air as she started to panic. Derek felt her pull away as she began ripping the i.v. out of her arm. She threw her legs over the bed and started to take off.

"Mer!" Derek said as she swooped her up. She looked up at him and started swinging at him. "Meredith!" He yelled as she pulled her close.

"Mar-- Mar- Marty and Holly!" She screamed.

"What about Marty and Holly?" Derek asked as he looked into her red eyes.

"They have my babies! They took our babies." She cried out. "We have to stop them!"

"Ma'am... I'm detective Crisholm. What exactly do you remember?" He asked as he rushed over.

"Tell them, Mer." Derek said as she looked at her.

"I was making lunch. I thought Derek was home. He grabbed me from behind and covered my face. I knew his voice, his watch, his smell. And then I looked up. Holly grabbed the twins. Everything went black." She said as she sobbed. "I tried to hold my breathe... I tried..."

"Who are these people?" Detective Crisholm asked.

"Marty Tanner and Holly Davison." Derek looked down at his wife. "They're on that list I gave you..."

"You're sure, Dr. Shepherd?" He asked as he looked down at her. She nodded her head.

"They're siblings..." She muttered.

"What!" Derek said loudly.

"Brother and sister..." She said as she began to sob harder.

"Oh my God..." Derek said in utter shock.

"I'm going to..." The detective trailed off as he rushed off.

"Mer, I'm so sorry..." Derek said as he glared at the nurses to get out.

"Why? Why, Derek?" She moaned as her body quivered.

"I don't know, Mer. I have no idea." Derek said as he too began to cry.

"Where is Anna?" Meredith said in a panic as she jerked away.

"Disneyworld." He said quickly. "I sent her there with Jane and a bodyguard. She didn't need this. She doesn't know."

"Disneyworld... What is today?" She said as she looked up.

"They've been gone for two days." He said sadly. She quickly jumped off his lap and began dressing herself.

"Where are you going?" He asked as he watched her.

"We have to find them." She said frankly,

"Mer. You haven't been in the right year for the last two days. You can't go anywhere." He told her as he grabbed her hand.

"I'm not sitting around." She said as she shoved him and continued to get dressed. She looked around the room, making sure she hadn't forgotten anything before she rushed out.

"Dr. Grey!" Justin Rayburn yelled as he watched her rush down the hallway. "You can't leave."

"I am." She said as she continued on, with Derek on her heels.

"The police have a post here. In the conference room." He said as he grabbed her arm and rushed towards the room.

"Dr. Shepherd..." They said as they looked up.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked as looked around.

"We think we have a lead to where they might be..." He said as he looked over the papers.

"Where?" Derek asked loudly. The detective ignored him as he looked around. He didn't want Derek to get in the middle, to cause more trouble. "Where?"

They both stood there as the world flew around them. The thought of their children in someone else's arms made them sick. The thought of them crying with no one to hold them. No one to assure them that life was going to be okay. They didn't know what Marty and Holly wanted to do with the kids. But either way, they knew it wasn't good. Their attention was piqued when they heard someone speak over the radio.

"Suspects Tanner and Davison have been spotted by the dock." The voice said. "What would you like me to do?"

"Set up a team... I'm on my way." The detective responded.

"The dock?" Derek said in shock as he looked at Meredith.

"Stay here!" The detective said as he ran out.

"Fuck this!" Derek spat as he grabbed Meredith's hand ran towards the stairwell.

"Our babies." Meredith cried as they rushed down, two stairs at a time.

Derek jumped behind the wheel of his Land Rover. He didn't care about anything but his children at the moment. His hatred for Holly and Marty was immense. Unbearable. As he drove, he thought about all the ways that he could torture them. Meredith had a feeling about both of them. And he ignored it. He thought when he had warned Marty, that he was out of their lives. And at the party, he was sure that Marty was truly sorry. And Holly. He brought that one on himself. He was the one that fell in love with Meredith and dumped her as fast as he could. He was the reason that Holly did all this. And now they suffered. Everyone suffered.

"What if they're hurt." Meredith said as she began to cry. "What if they're dead..."

"Meredith, now is not the time to think about that!" Derek snapped as he sped along. "I'm sorry...I just..."

"I can't lose them..." She cried. "And what have they been feeding them?"

"You're breast milk. They emptied the refrigerator." Derek said reassuringly. "The police are convinced that they didn't want to hurt them."

What a joke. They didn't want to hurt them. If they didn't want to hurt them, they wouldn't have taken them away from their parents. From their loving family. If they didn't want to hurt them, they wouldn't keep them away. They wanted to hurt them. Maybe not intentionally. They really wanted to hurt their parents. The babies were just the tool in a very sick plan.

"What if I'm dried up?" She said as she looked down at her chest.

"You're not. I pumped." He said frankly.

"You pumped?" She said as she looked at him in shock.

"When you were asleep. I nearly risked my life. If seventeen year old Meredith Grey had woken up, I think she would have beat me to death with her ineffectual fists." He said with a faint chuckle, before remembering the seriousness on the situation.

"What?" Meredith said in confusion.

"You thought you were seventeen." Derek said quickly. "What a shock it was for you when you looked in the mirror."

"Oh my God..." She said in shock, thanking God she woke up. "Thank you, Derek."

"For what?" He asked as he looked over.

"Everything." She said as she grabbed his hand.

Derek sucked in a deep breathe when they pulled up to the docks. It could have been any dock in Seattle. But he knew when they saw the flashing of lights in the distance. He barely put the car in park as they both jumped out. Then they approached, two officers ran up and stopped them.

"You can't come up here." He said frankly.

"Bullshit... My children. Those assholes have my children!" Derek said as she continued to walk.

"Oh my God!" Meredith gasped as she looked up to see Marty and Holly, standing ext to a boat, each holding a baby. Marty had a gun in his hand.

"Holy shit..." Derek said as he caught what she saw.

"My babies!" Meredith cried as she struggled to move forward. The officer moved up and allowed them to come somewhat closer. They could hear a negotiator trying to talk to Marty.

"Place the babies on the ground and put your hands up." He said into the speaker.

"Fuck you!" Marty shouted as he looked towards the boat.

It seemed like forever. They stood there as time crawled past. They suffered as they watched two vile people stand there, holding their babies hostage. Two people that probably didn't know their names. People that didn't care about what happened to them or anyone else. Marty glanced at the boat again, contemplating what to do. Meredith watched as a team of offices pointed their guns at them.

"Don't shoot my babies!" She cried as she watched. "Oh my God, Derek." She said as she leaned against his chest.

Everyone looked at the desperation on Meredith's face. They looked at the determination on Marty's as he clutched Delilah tightly. Meredith could hear both of the babies wail loudly for their parents. Marty was getting irritated.

"Shut up, you little shit!" He yelled as her as he squeezed.

"Stop!" Meredith screamed.

"Fuck this!" He yelled quickly as he glanced at the boat, and at Holly. He held Delilah up over the water. They all gasped as he did the unthinkable. He swung her arms and threw her into the bay. An over-zealous rookie quickly fired his weapon. In the confusion, shots rang out loudly. Bullets flew freely.

Derek quickly ran out into the middle and down the dock, diving into the cold water. Meredith ran after him. Everything went quiet. All except for the screams from a desperate mother. She looked down at Marty, who had a solid shot between his eyes. Holly was covered in blood. She looked at the three holes that had pierced her, causing her to bleed out.

"Oh my God!" Meredith screamed as she looked at Devlin in Holly's arms, covered in blood.

Meredith quickly pulled her crying son out of Holly's dead arms. She held him close against her chest as he sobbed. As she looked down at him, his eyes locked with hers and he quickly quieted down. She looked at his blood soaked onesie and the dark blood running down his head. She gasped as she saw Derek come to the surface, holding Delilah. The rescue personale quickly helped him out of the water.

"She's okay. She's okay..." He said in disbelief as he held the crying baby in his arms. Meredith felt her cold skin on her hands. "We're okay... We're all okay." He said as he kissed Meredith's head.

"Derek... You're freezing!" She said as she touched him. The paramedics quickly rushed them to the ambulance. "I love you." She said as she looked up at him.

The ride to the hospital was quiet. The babies looked lovingly at their parents. As she looked down at them, she had never been so relieved in her life. To think, a year ago, she didn't want kids. She didn't want a family. And now she was blessed with the more perfect family, and she couldn't imagine it any other way.

"They are fine." Addison said as she finished checking the twins out. "A little dehydrated, but they look good." She said as she stroked Devlin's cheek.

"I can't believe you found her, Derek." Meredith said as she pulled Delilah close.

"She's my daughter. I can't explain it... I just knew where she was." He said as he kissed her head.

"Well, babies instinctively hold their breath underwater." Addison said quickly. They all sat there, looking at the perfectly content babies. "I told you it would be fine." Addison said as she looked into Derek's eyes. "I'll leave you two alone." She said as she walked out.

"You will never know how much I love you." Derek said as he looked over at her.

"I do. Believe me, I do." He said as she leaned in and kissed him.

As she looked into his blue eyes, she knew she could never have more love in her heart for anyone else. He was her heart and soul. He stuck with her as times got rough. When Ian showed up. When he found her book. When she wasn't sure that she wanted kids. When she got custody of Anna. Even when it seemed like they were close to the end, somehow they pulled back together. And now that she had her children back, and she had him, and Anna. She knew life was complete. But she also knew how close she had come to losing it all.

**So the babies were okay... You didn't really think I'd hurt them, did you?**


	130. The Perfect Ending

"Mom! Don't cry." Delilah said as she she looked into her mom's eyes.

"My babies are graduating from high school today. How can I not cry?" She said as the tears fell freely down her cheeks.

Meredith looked at her daughter with her soft blonde curls and dazzling blue eyes. She was dressed in her navy gown and holding her hat. Today her babies were graduating. They were leaving. They were moving on, leaving she and Derek behind.

"Is mom freaking out again?" Devlin said as he walked into Derek and Meredith's room.

"Of course she is!" Delilah said as she looked over at her brother.

"Mom..." Devlin said as he walked up to her.

Meredith felt his strong arms wrap around her as she closed her eyes. She felt like her world was ending. All of those years. Everything they have been through. Almost losing them. Devlin being a crazy dare-devil and Delilah thinking she can do anything he can do. She pulled away and looked into his blue-rimmed green eyes.

"I'm okay..." She said as she rubbed his dark curly hair.

"Yeah?" He asked as he looked up at her.

"I am." She said with a nod as she tugged at her black dress.

"You do realize we are going to get shit for having the hot mom, right?" Devlin asked with a chuckle.

"Don't say that word!" Meredith said as she smack him on the arm.

"Sorry..." He muttered.

"It's true, mom. I don't need that today." Delilah laughed.

"I just won't go..." She said as she dropped her head.

"We're kidding!" Delilah answered.

"Where's Anna Banana?" Devlin asked as he looked at his mom.

"She's on her way. You know Anna, she's always late..." Meredith muttered.

"Well, she has to find just the right thing to wear!" Delilah laughed.

"You have a point..." Meredith muttered as she looked at the floor.

"Well, we'll be downstairs with dad." Devlin said as he pulled his sister out of the room.

"What are you doing?" She asked as they walked down.

"Mom needs time. She is going nuts." Devlin said as they kept going.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Delilah asked with concern.

"Are you kidding? She has dad. And you know they will be going at it like crazy once we're gone." Devlin said with a chuckle.

"Seriously, I don't need that vision!" She said as she scrunched her nose like her mom.

"How's your mom?" Derek asked as he looked at his children.

"Freaking out." Devlin said with a shrug.

"Not good..." Derek muttered as he jogged up the stairs. He walked up to see her bawling on their bed. "Mer..." He said as he held her. "It will be okay."

"I know. I know. I will miss them. That's all..." She said with a frown as she looked up.

"I will too. They need to move one. They need to have their own lives. But it will be fun. You and I will have fun..." He said with a smile.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Oh yeah. I remember a time when we could have sex anywhere..." He said, thinking back.

"I remember that..." She said with a smirk.

"Well, soon it won't be a memory. You have me..." He said as he kissed her head. "You have your job. You will be fine." He said as he kissed her softly.

"And we still have that rotten pony." She said with a chuckle.

"Yes, we still have the rotten pony." He agreed as he laid his head against hers. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be." She said with a faint smile.

-------------------

"Delilah Shepherd." They called her name as she walked up and grabbed her diploma. Meredith began to cry when Delilah blew her a soft kiss. She watched as her daughter walked off the stage.

"Devlin Shepherd." He said as Devlin walked up. Meredith saw him wink between her tears. Derek squeezed her hand as they sat there.

"You're okay." He said as he kissed her temple.

"I know." She whispered.

"God, mom, you didn't cry this hard when I graduated!" Anna said in shock.

"I know. But I knew you'd be okay." Meredith said sadly. "Devlin is-"

"A mama's boy!" Drew, Anna, Jane and Derek said quickly. Meredith started to giggle.

"Well, that too... But I was going to say wild. He's wild." Meredith said.

"They will be fine." Anna said as she hugged her mom.

"They're off to Europe. You're going back to med school..." Meredith said with a sigh.

"And you have dad." Anna said with a hug.

"I do have your dad." Meredith agreed as she looked over at Derek. He kissed her gently. They sat there for the rest of the ceremony and then met Devlin and Delilah.

"We'll be okay, mom!" They both said as they hugged her softly.

"Okay..." She said with a nod. "Okay..." She heard their friends call them, she nodded for them to go.

"They will be fine. I'll be fine." Anna agreed. "And you were the best mom and dad I could have ever wished for." She said as she hugged them both. "And I miss you everyday!"

"We miss you too..." Derek said with a nod.

"And Sandy. I miss Sandy." She said with a giggle.

"I think Sandy misses you too." Derek said with a nod. "She still greets your mother with pinned back ears every morning."

"Some things never change..." Anna agreed.

"You're right about that." Derek said as he looked into his wife's eyes and kissed her.

----------------

"So now what?" Meredith said as they walked into their empty home.

"Well, I think I could thing of something to do..." He said as he attacked her neck, sucking and biting.

"Yeah?" She moaned as she looked at him.

They walked towards the stairs, not being able to keep their hands off of each other. Meredith peeled off her dress, letting fall on a stair. Derek unbuttoned his pants and let them fall mid-stride.

"Hurry..." She moaned as the ran to their bedroom, all of their clothes now in a long trail leading to their room. She shoved Derek onto their bed. He smiled as he kissed her. He massaged her breasts softly, rolling her nipple between his fingers. His tongue quickly began to suck.

"Oh..." She moaned. She leaned down and started to kiss his neck. He let her hair down and combed his fingers through it, something about her hair always turned him on. The smell, still that same perfectly soft, flowery scent. Her lips moved down his chest and stomach. She licked up and down teasing him with her tongue, finally meeting spot she was aiming for. She took his balls gently in her hand. He rested his hand gently on the back of her head.

"Fuck..." He moaned as her lips pursed his enormous cock. He felt her tongue trace his pulsating vein. She placed her mouth back on him and sucked hard.

"I'm...Oh God, Mer..." He moaned as his cock hit the back of her throat and he released in her mouth. She moved up and kissed his stomach until her lips crashed against his.

"I'm going to fuck you now..." She said with a smile on her face. He nodded happily. Meredith straddled him sliding him inside of her, while rocking slowly. His hands moved up her sides and he grabbed her tightly as he steadied her. He looked into her eyes and saw the same desire he had seen all those years ago. He began to thrust upward harder and harder. He felt her heated core wrap around him. Her moist folds, filling tightly. "Oh God..."

"Fuck, Mer... Oh God!" He shouted as he began to pulsate.

"I'm coming!" She let out a loud scream while her body shook. He released with a groan. She fell onto his chest as he cradled her in his arms, as they laid there tried to catch their breath.

"I will never get tired of that." Derek moaned as he kissed her head.

"We are pretty talented..." She said softly as she kissed him back.

-------------------

Meredith woke up in a tangled mess of sheets. She looked around, not seeing Derek anywhere. She was sure he was already downstairs eating his breakfast. She pulled herself out of bed, knowing that she had something to do. Something important.

She did it. The important something. She did it. And then she climbed in the shower. The hot shower that she had climbed in almost everyday for twenty years. Twenty years with the love of her life. Twenty years with the best, happiest family she had ever known. She climbed out and dressed in her favorite skirt and top. She had office today. Office with her husband. No surgeries. She loved surgery, but she really liked the personal feel of seeing her patients in the office. To meet them. To speak with them. That was truly satisfying.

She decided not to look as she walked down the stairs. As she looked out the large window, she way Sandy grazing in the field. A perfectly content, happy pony. Paige had died years ago, and was not replaced with a goat. They decided not to get another horse. Anna was the only one that was really into them, and now she was gone.

Meredith smiled as she looked at Derek at the kitchen table. There he was, sitting in his usual chair completely naked. He had always said that he couldn't wait for the day that he could eat breakfast naked. Of course, with all the kids, and their friends, it never happened. Their dreams of living completely nude had been put on hold for so long.

"What are you doing?" Meredith laughed as she looked over at him, spooning muesli in his mouth.

"Eating breakfast." He said with a grin.

"But the kids!" She said quickly. Reality soon caught up with her.

"Are in Europe..." Derek said quickly.

"Oh... Yeah." She said with a sigh.

"What do you have in your hand?" He asked as he looked over. His eyes quickly got wide. "Is that a--" He asked as he looked at the stick in her hand,

"Yeah. It is." She said in shock, herself.

"Did you- Are you--" He asked quickly.

"I haven't looked at it yet." She said in a daze. He life could be changing. She had a feeling. She had a feeling that she was. Nausea. Cravings. She had a feeling...

She quickly crossed the room to Derek. His body hadn't change much in all these years. He was still as good looking as ever. Not to mention he made sure he lived as healthy as he could, even with Meredith's teasing as she ate greasy pizza and burgers. She stopped next to him and held the stick out. They both peered down at it.

"Oh my God..." Meredith gasped as she looked at the stick, and then at him.

"Holy shit..." Derek said as he looked at the stick and then at her. "We're having a baby..."

**That is the end. You have no idea how hard it is for me to write endings! I hate letting go! But there it is, all 130 chapters. I still have Without a Moment's Notice, and I will be starting another soon. Thanks for being such great readers! And please, for the last time... Review!!**


	131. Epilogue

**Okay... Everyone was begging for this. So here it is!**

It was a rough ride for all involved. Life didn't start out so easy for Meredith. Being the daughter of Ellis Grey was full of pressure and high expectations at the very least. But Meredith survived. She persevered, even with the obstacles thrown in her path. She found the love of her life, the man of her dreams. And they suck together through everything. She became a world renowned along with her husband. Working in the practice they share together.

Derek was ready to move on. He was divorced. He had no ties to Seattle. He had no ties to anyone. That was until he met Meredith Grey. Maybe it was her smile. Or that giggle. But once he saw her, that was it. That was the end for him. No self control. No shame. He had to have her. Little did he know how perfect his life would be with her. Even with the ups and downs, it was worth every bump in the road.

Anna Livingston had no idea when she was a kid that she would lose her whole family. Her circumstances that seemed to snow ball after her mother died. She could have been lost. She could have ended up anywhere. But she didn't. She ended up with two are the most loving parents in the world. Although she may have been a test subject at first, it was well worth it. She ended up having the happiest childhood that anyone could have hoped for. And now she is Dr. Anna Shepherd-Clives, working in the cancer center at the Mayo Clinic. She married her college boyfriend and are expecting a daughter.

Delilah Shepherd was always a daddy's girl. The whole time she grew up, she knew she could wrap Derek around her finger, and she did. Her relationship with her brother wasn't one of hate or envy. They were close, very close. Meredith always told Derek it was the double bedding they did when they were babies, but Derek would argue that they did share a womb. Delilah lives with her boyfriend in Atlanta. She runs a graphic design company that does work for several large companies.

Devlin Shepherd, the mama's boy. He was wild. Trouble. He was always out having fun. Going to parties. Causing his parents to nearly pull their hair out every night. He was always trying to get his sister to join in, but she would always wimp out because she didn't want to disappoint her dad. Devlin is single, following in the steps of his man-whore uncles, Mark and Drew. He is a partner in a law firm in Seattle. He was never able to leave his mom behind.

Adam Jonathan Shepherd was born healthy at the hospital. The pregnancy was easy. Meredith said he was the easiest one. Derek insisted they should try for more, because one should never be alone. That didn't happen. Not after the first sleepless night. After that, they decided he would just have to have friends. AJ is currently in eighth grade. His older siblings tease him because he is getting the best of mom and dad. He gets all the time and the money.

Drew and Franceasca got married a two years after the twins were kidnapped. Drew began dating Frannie on Meredith's insistence. She told him it was time to settle down. He played along as a joke and ended up falling in love. He moved his practice to Seattle. Frannie gave birth to Andrea Frances two months before Meredith had AJ. Meredith and Fran became close friends, and are now convinced Andrea and AJ with have adorable children together.

Ian is still a bachelor. He never could find someone to fill Meredith's shoes. He still runs his father's company. He rarely spends time in the office. Most of his time is spent vacationing somewhere. More often than not, he can be found somewhere in Utah. An undisclosed location. He stops in every once and awhile to check on Meredith and Derek.

Nate never came back. He realized that Meredith loved Derek. More than anything, he wanted her to be happy. He now resides somewhere in Utah and is rarely seen.

Meredith and Derek are now semi-retired. Or as close to is as they can get. Jack Hudson retired a few years ago, leaving the center to Meredith and Derek. They get VIP patients coming in from around the world. The spend most of their time working on rare cases and sneaking into one another's offices. Anna comes to visit monthly. Delilah comes around at the holidays. And Devlin takes his mom to lunch several times a week. Both Meredith and Derek are happy and healthy, raising AJ. Meredith's fear of Derek dying and leaving her alone was eased when he convinced her they would die together. At the same time. In bed. And they probably will, at a very, very old age.


End file.
